Victoria Garrick Browne on Body Peace, Color Analysis & Calling Tribal Council

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Remember when we didn't know the word Ozempic?

Peace with your body and food is what I want.

Not being in a certain dress size, not being, because if I'm in that dress size, I'm thinking about food 24-7, because guess what?

That's not my natural weight.

That's not my weight when I enjoy my life.

So I always come back to what do I really want?

And it's peace with my body and peace with food.

And that means living my life the way I'm doing it now.

Welcome to House of Mar, a Wave original sponsored by TJ Max.

We have a few house rules.

Girls are magic.

Reading is hot And so are you.

Make sure to subscribe to us on YouTube.

And also, if you can, this is like the last day you can vote for my Espes.

And make sure to click all the way through to the end.

I'd appreciate your vote as I'm campaigning.

So please, please, please, I would like to, I would like this Espy.

I am the middle sister, Alona Marr.

I am the eldest daughter, Olivia Maher.

And I am the baby, Adriana Maher.

I recently heard that our little baby here went on a date.

Oh.

The rumors are true the rumors are true first one in how long

why are you bringing that up you're famous for it it's been almost a year it's been almost

same same

official date but ilona it wasn't that bad actually

it was i was nervous kind of going into it because it's been so long but i was kind of there and i was like this is easy this is but it was also Like I was putting in a shift, keeping this conversation going.

Right, right.

Okay.

I was like, I'm asking all the questions.

like yes he is lobbying some back my way but like

why am i holding your hand through this he did ask you some stuff you're saying yeah kind of like the same one that i'd ask him back

so that is a step up but bar the bar isn't hell right right sometimes i don't ask intellectual questions very surface level like even if it's just favorite color or something it's never like what's your thoughts on this or blah blah blah What I was anticipating and I still didn't have an answer for until I got there is how I was going to answer.

So, what do you do?

Right.

Because that's a lot to unpack.

And so, I did answer truthfully, and I was like, I was at a non-profit, but now I have a podcast.

And I could tell he was not convinced until, like, the more because he, the more we talked, like little things would happen.

I was like, oh, like we were in like Bristol shooting, and like, our producer and a production, yada, yada.

And I could see that he was like, oh, this is legit.

It's not her in a basement.

He didn't look at you, look you up on socials?

Apparently not.

Oh, you you don't follow?

I should have left.

What did you guys do on this date?

Did you go to dinner or like do people do that anymore?

What was the vibe?

I was actually the cheapest date of his life.

We went to this like dive bar and it was happy hour when we got there.

So my gin and tonic was $5.

And then we got our next round free because like a alcohol distributor was there and she was like, would you like a Moscow mule?

So we had two drinks.

It only cost him five bucks.

Big spender.

And you're going to see him again?

Or what do you think?

Uh-oh.

No.

Okay.

It wasn't bad.

It was like fun.

You know, it was just, eh, there's no spark.

Also, it's been a week or two and no one has reached out.

Right.

So that's kind of

the writing.

Okay.

Okay.

That's fine.

But I can go in another one.

I'm inspired.

So are you inspired?

Do you want to, did this wet your feet enough that you want to dive all the way in?

I think so.

Maybe not all the time, but maybe more than once a year.

Okay, sex in the city over here.

Wow.

You are so Samantha.

She is.

Samantha.

You think she's Samantha?

I was like, I think I'm incredibly obvious.

You're, hold on, let me think.

I know.

What's the lawyer lady's name?

Miranda.

Miranda.

Miranda, Miranda.

Oh, and Charlotte.

I'm a Miranda.

Yeah.

Everyone should be

Miranda.

If a man is over 30 and single, there's something wrong with him.

It's Darwinian.

They're being weeded out from propagating the species.

Okay, what about us?

We're just choosing.

Uh, what is Alona?

Who is Alona?

Carrie.

Sanford, I got a whole afternoon planned with Australian Vogue.

I'm not just gonna drop everything to go downtown to see some cute guy.

He's straight.

I get my first.

No, I am annoying.

Like, Carrie, real talk.

Carrie.

I am real talk.

Carrie.

I am annoying as heck.

Olivia,

I don't think is a Samantha.

No.

So I guess Charlotte, dude.

Just trying to learn to compromise because sometimes I can be a little rigid.

Oh, no.

I think it's Charlotte, but you're also Miranda.

She's also Miranda, yeah.

I'm Miranda, but I think I can take the Charlotte just because I am quite type A.

And I am quite like, I like things to be a certain way.

That's so true.

So I think that that works for me.

And she's got great hair and great style.

So

I'll take it.

And maybe, Olivia, maybe you'll come into your Samantha era.

I think,

am I in Samantha rising?

Is that what's happening?

Nice poll.

Want to see it again?

You got to have a very far way to rise to get to where Samantha's at, but I think you could

micro-dose it.

Let's not fully go Samantha mode.

But one of my favorite Samantha lines is, I love you, but I love me more.

Oof.

Love that.

She's good.

Remember that forever and always.

Can I tell you guys something so corny?

As I've now like single again and I'm out at bars and stuff and you find yourself having that mental struggle of like, oh my gosh, do I look pretty enough?

Do I look, do I look good enough here?

Oh, does it look weird that I'm wearing this?

And you're like doing this weird thing in your brain.

Like, will people like me?

It's so corny, but you know that song that's like, someone will love me the way I am.

Yeah.

My brain literally does that and it makes me step back and be like, wait, yeah, I can wear whatever the hell I want, act however I want, talk as loud as I want, because whoever I'm supposed to be with is going to love me the way that I am.

It's corny, but I don't know why.

Literally, my brain's like, someone will love me.

Yeah.

So that's been helping me actually.

Like, it's weirdly like very therapeutic to just remind me that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And everyone else take that in as well.

Yeah.

Start singing singing under your breath in bars.

You'll be

branded

when no one's buying me a drink.

Someone will be.

Right, right, right.

No, I'm fine.

Someone will love me the way I am.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Dang, well, Idana, I hope you do go on some more dates.

It's honestly fun.

Like going on dates, you get better at it.

You get used to it.

I think it's smart what you did going to just get a drink because it's an easy way out.

You're not there for a long time.

So good on you, dude.

Thank you.

Crowd.

More to come.

It's only the middle of 2025 too you got

you know rest of the year to go yeah exactly and what my friend has recently said this is like

uh one less date before whoever i marry

i was like for sure wow that's good that is good and to everyone listening remember someone will love you the way that you are All right, well,

on that note,

let's get into it.

Coming up on today's episode of House of Mar, we are talking with our special guest, Victoria Garrick Brown, about perfectionism, color analysis, and running your own nonprofit like a boss.

We have the wonderful Victoria Garrick Brown joining us today.

Well, hello, Victoria.

Hi, guys.

You are a 2024 Forbes 30 Under 30 honoree, TEDx talk speaker, mental health advocate, podcast host of RealPod, former Division I athlete who has amassed 2 million followers across social media, where you're known for your unfiltered campaign, hashtag real post.

You've been featured on the Kelly Clarkson show and the Drew Verrymore Show.

Victoria is also the founder of the Hidden

Opponent, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting athletes' mental health.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Thank you.

I'm so happy to be here with all of you.

Isn't it always fun to hear all of your accolades just like

read out to you every time?

You just have to sit there like, yup.

I'm so resistant to it.

I don't know how you guys feel.

Like, it feels weird to just sit there and be like, like, embrace it.

So I'm just like, I'm blocking it out.

You just have to say, you just have to say thank you.

Be like, yeah, okay.

It's like getting happy birthday sang at you.

You're like, yes, thank you so much, everyone.

All the attention's on me.

Totally.

Celebrate it.

You should revel in it.

Cause there's a lot here.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

Well, I know the three of you can really.

I have this thing, though, where like I struggle to just like let myself soak up things like that and be like, yeah, I've worked hard and I'm proud of myself.

It like it, it's always like, nope, can always do a little more.

So that's what I'm working on right now.

Good for you.

Do you ever get asked about imposter syndrome or do you deal with imposter syndrome yourself?

A hundred percent.

I feel like, but I know your iconic video, Alona, where you're like, don't have that, which honestly gives me so much hope for a future version of myself.

But I feel like I had major imposter syndrome.

Like, yeah, especially playing college sports.

But

now I think in my career, I definitely feel confident.

I definitely know like what it took to build where I'm at.

And I love to talk about like the business side and the background side.

So I feel like I had it more in sports because you were just being evaluated statistically.

There's another girl on the bench who wants your spot.

You're looking for coaches' validation.

That it gave my anxiety a lot of room to run.

Victoria, we like to start our show by touching some grass.

You know, we take life a little too seriously.

So we use this as a chance to remind ourselves, but also everyone to just touch some grass.

Let's be in touch with reality.

So today, we all, before we started recording, were commenting on Adriana's beautiful red jacket and how it looks so great with her coloring, which got us on the topic of color analysis.

Is it a scam?

What are your thoughts?

Okay.

Gosh, it would have depended when you asked me.

I would say now for sure, I've touched grass.

I've realized we can wear every color.

It wasn't a blood test.

I think that's the thing that got me is like, you can't be sure because I got my colors done and I felt super good about it, but I'm like a perfectionist brain.

So I was like, oh my God, I have to only wear these colors.

And then there was another person on the internet who was like, Victoria's coloring is wrong and she's actually this.

And then I started like short circuiting, like, oh my God, am I warm or am I cool?

And I realized I needed to touch grass and it wasn't that deep.

And if you like the color, wear the color.

In case you were wondering, the PJs are in fact in my palette.

Did you have like somebody like held up a thing on you?

How did you get it done?

I've never got it done.

Maybe I, maybe I should, but now I don't know if I will.

Is it a, did you say blood tests?

What are you saying?

Okay.

No, so I had someone hold up the colors and kind of eyeball it, but that's what they do.

If it was a blood test, I was saying where like, if you could draw someone's blood and be like, you're a true summer, I'd be like, 100%.

There's no shred of doubt.

It was very hard for me to think like, but I'm a true summer to you.

Like, you know, I was also very much in denial because I feel like I'm a gold girl.

Like, I like orange, yellow, gold.

And I was told that I'm a silver, cool tone.

That was tough for me.

Because you identify so much with the metal that it's like, don't take that away from me.

Yeah.

Do you guys have vibes on if you're cool or warm toned?

So what's the verdict?

I

am an autumn.

I always just say I'm pink.

Because I know you run.

Yeah, just pink.

So I guess is that warm?

Because I'm like, I don't really think I'm a warm.

I just run pink.

Like, that's my undertone.

I see Olivia's cool tone right now.

Right now?

Or just like always?

I actually don't know what I'm saying when I say that.

I don't know.

What does that mean, cool tone?

I like to edit my Instagram pictures a little warmer.

Was that give me an answer?

I don't know.

Warm at heart.

Warm at heart.

Well, it's because everyone likes a tan.

You know what I mean?

But does having a tan affect it?

Like, if you're paler paler than normal, what's your color analysis?

Like there's like the two types of fake tan, like the green or the purple.

And doesn't that fall into like the, the cool or the warm?

Yeah.

And that's how you should do your under, so there's levels to this.

There's totally levels.

I, I will say something that stuck with me is you'll probably never catch me in neon.

I've just, no matter what I was, I don't think neon was on any spectrum for me.

So you know what actually I think is more accurate?

Your contrast level.

Have you heard of like low, medium or high contrast?

That I think is very true.

Yeah.

That's like if you're pale, but you've got like darker features, like hair, eyebrows, that's a high contrast.

So just like literally, think if you put yourself in black and white, like, is it high or low?

Yeah.

And I've taken that because I'm like medium contrast.

So no matter what the color is, as long as I go with like, like this shade of gray, maybe, you know, I'm chilling.

That's what I tell myself.

You're good.

Now, no neon colors, but were growing up, what color was your childhood bedroom?

Were you not a bright green and bright pink girly?

Oh, it was that like for you?

100%

a fuchsia wallpaper with a fuchsia shack carpet.

And I had magazine cutouts all over one wall.

And I even had a chalk wall.

So we went really into it.

Alona had a magnet wall.

Alona had my mom painted like a magnetic paint under her.

So one of her walls, you could put magnets on it.

What is your sibling dynamic?

So do you have siblings, Victoria?

I'm the middle child between two boys.

Oh, bless you.

Wow.

How is how is that?

Give us an insight into what that's like.

I'm a middle child with two girls, and I feel like it, it's pretty nice.

It's nice to have been someone who had an older sibling so you could, like, you know, have them pave the way or be protective or like kind of, yeah, take care of you, but then also to be an older sibling to your youngest and get to kind of take out the, yeah, now I'm the boss kind of vibe.

So I really enjoyed being a middle child and the only girl.

Yeah, and I liked having an older brother for sure, especially because,

yeah, I feel like you just, you idolized your older sibling.

Do you feel that way, Alona, or no?

Well, how much older was your brother?

Three years older than me.

Olivia and I were very like similar in age and similar in grade.

So I don't know if it was idolized, but like whatever she was doing, I would.

I would be doing it as well.

So I feel like for her, I would have, but we were just kind of the

whatever she did, I did.

So she got missed out on that.

I think maybe Adrana idolizes her.

I think I idolize both of you.

But then I also had like a deep, sometimes disdain because oftentimes they were so successful and like all their sports and stuff that I was like, no, I have to do that.

Right, right.

But I, you know, I think as a younger sister, I'm jealous of what you guys wear and doing all that because you're like, that's so cool.

Victoria, do you think like those brothers, and I hear about brothers making, helping you become a great athlete.

Do you think they're one of the reasons that, or even just simplings in general, you became such a great athlete?

Was it because of them?

Like, did you wrestle?

Did they push you?

What happened there?

For sure.

I definitely would say I have thick skin because of my brothers.

My older brother played golf at UCLA and then professionally for about five years.

So definitely, I feel like I learned work ethic from him.

Like, I remember one time he woke me up on a weekend and was like, you're either getting better, you're getting worse.

Like, we're going to work out.

So, I definitely feel like seeing his dedication to golf, which he almost had like an obsession just because he loved the sport so much, definitely influenced me.

And then I remember like if he came to watch my club games, I'd get all nervous.

Like I got to play well because he's watching me.

Oh my gosh.

That's that.

We felt the same with my sisters at least was like Olivia and I always played the same sport.

And I guess for us, it was like always trying, not competition, but like.

You know, you see her being good.

You want to rise to that level as well.

And I wonder if like that,

maybe we do a study on athletes, whether or not they're best with they have siblings.

That's

that would be an interesting study.

I know you guys were talking about the only children with Kylie.

So I wonder if we took the data further and evaluated,

I wouldn't be too surprised if they all had older siblings who were beating them up.

Did you find that your parents being the only girl treated you any differently?

Or was it kind of like, if your brothers do it, I'm going to do it?

I actually was thinking about this the other day because I think the whole nature-nurture conversation and debate is like so fascinating to me.

Like, would I be the same me if I grew up in a different family, you know?

And I feel like because maybe I had two boys around me, my dad never like made me think I couldn't do what they could do.

Like if they were driving a wave runner, I was.

If they were learning to tie a knot at a lake, I was tying the knot.

Like, so I think I got a lot of my

sense of self-esteem from being told, hey, if a guy can do it, I can do it too.

So, I feel grateful for that, that they weren't like, Oh no, you're the girl, so stay inside and don't get dirty today.

Like, I was out there playing kick the can and sardines with them.

That was similar to our dad as well.

Even though he all had girls, he was like, I'm not gonna treat them any differently than I would my sons.

And I think that really was refreshing that both our dads felt that way.

Like, yeah, okay, that's my daughter, but she's gonna be, you know, as strong, as powerful as can be.

Good job, dads.

Good job.

Your dad's an OG girl dad.

yeah truly big time big time girl dad one thing we wanted to talk about is like having arguments as a couple is normal and something that you kind of talk about on your social media channels is like i think people sometimes put out this idealist version of their relationship that we see like they show the best pictures they show the best tick tocks of them just being the most in love but actually behind the scenes that we don't see is the is actually it's not that what i've loved about your refreshing content is like being very real about that and i think kind of shows like how relationships are not always easy.

And I think that talking about that breaks the stereotype of like, oh, no, it's perfect.

I love him all the time.

He's literally the best.

Yeah, for sure.

You know, and I think

every couple is like getting in arguments.

That's the reality of it.

You're never like not going to have an off week or a fight.

And Max and I recently went on like a two night staycation because I felt like we haven't been spending enough like quality time together.

He's like, what do you mean?

Every night we're both home.

I'm like, but you're watching one show and I'm watching another.

So that does not count to me i'm like we need to be doing the same thing so i felt like i kind of like kidnapped him and was like we're gonna go on this vacation and then we got in like a really big argument like during the saturday which is like you know you go the night before this is your one big day and then you go home so obviously that was like so defeating because you're like i just want us to be like having so much fun right now i think also when you go on vacation with your partner there is this pressure of like okay this is just going to be perfect and yeah we got in an argument like it it, it,

it, it's so layered, but it was triggered by me really thinking this is all about us.

And he took a quick work call in the morning, which I'm like, okay, that's fine.

And then it's like minute five, minute 10.

I'm giving him the eyes of like, why are you taking a phone call?

And he's giving me the eyes of it's a 10 minute call.

Like you were on your phone, you know, whatever it is.

And that kind of started the dialogue.

And then it, you know, became this bigger thing about also not communicating.

Like for me to say to him, hey, today is really important to me.

I have a schedule in my mind of how it's going to go.

And you taking a call is not in my mental itinerary.

And then he's like, what do you mean?

We just had this beautiful breakfast together.

We were about to play pickleball.

Like, why can't I take this call?

So that was what triggered it to be super transparent.

And then, yeah, I wasn't going to post about it on social media because I actually thought he was going to be.

the one that didn't want me to share that.

And then when I sent him like the post I was planning to post, he was like, you could, you could say that we got in a fight.

And I was like, okay, because I always love when I can add add that real element because, like you said, like Alona aided, that is the truth.

And yeah, I think just being open about it.

And now I feel like we're so connected and we're so in flow because we like popped the bubble.

You need to pop the bubble when it comes.

What does that mean?

Or like, is that how you guys, you know, navigate a fight?

Or what does that look like for you?

I feel like we try to not let things fester.

So like if it's pinching you or if you were upset by something and then you just like brushed through it.

We actually have this analogy of like, you know, that messy chair in your room.

And it's like when you're in a relationship and you, someone annoys you, you can either like both do the laundry, fold it and put it back in the drawer, or you can throw it on the chair and be like, I'll deal with it another day or I'm annoyed.

So I think sometimes when you're just so busy with work and life, you just, the chair starts piling up.

And then before you know it, you have so many shirts, so many pants, so many socks.

And I feel like that's like what happened to us.

And we're human.

like Max is so sweet.

He's always like, we got to give ourselves grace, cut ourselves slack.

You know, you've been busy, I've been busy.

But,

you know, it was a good reset so that now actually the other day, coming out of the fight, one of our big revelations was he lets a lot brush over his shoulders.

And then when I go to him with something, that's when he like brings in all of his baggage too.

And I'm like, That's not fair.

I literally explained to him, I'm like, it's like we're in court and I've called the court to prove that there's paints paints on the wall and so if you bring up something else it's like your honor hearsay like we're here to prove paints on the wall so i gave him that analogy of like if i'm calling the meeting it's although i should be more open i'm stubborn i'm a tourist it's very hard for my ego not to tunnel vision on the argument that i've brought to the table.

So I've been encouraging him instead of like letting those things build up, like, I want you to tell me when I do something that annoys you.

And then we're both like laughing because he knows he doesn't do it.

He's scared.

And I'm like, but I need to be better at receiving.

So we love survivor.

So just to kind of lighten the mood, I was like, okay, I'm definitely going to need a warning when you're going to come to give me some criticism because my ego is working on the fact that I'm not a perfect wife.

So I was like, if you could just do something to let me know we're about to enter a space where I'm going to be criticized, I think it would help me be able to receive it.

And so he was like, okay, what if I say I'm going to call like tribal council?

And I was like, perfect.

Well, once again, a lively tribal.

Is there anything left unsaid?

So yesterday, he like called tribal council and I was like, okay.

And I like held my palms open because I'm like, I need to receive.

And he basically just, it was something about Fourth of July.

He's like, when I brought up this plan, you immediately shot it down and said, but what am I going to do?

And I want you to know, I'm thinking of you.

I'm not going to abandon you on a holiday weekend.

You know, and I was like, you're right.

My first remark wasn't fair to you.

So, I mean, that's like TMI, but I am TMI kind of gal.

So ask and you'll receive.

Right.

And there's definitely a vulnerable, vulnerableness, if that's the right word, about your content too.

Cause like,

I mean, you're sharing it so much.

Does it also help you in a way to share all that?

Because I know that it helps so many other people when they see it.

But I also found kind of even sharing my body positive stuff kind of helps me in a way, like putting it out there.

Definitely.

I think you feel the weight off your shoulder because you're living authentically and like living with your heart on your sleeve.

And I find that once I found how to be vulnerable and seek help and work on myself and then know what it's like to just live and be myself 100% of the time, you don't like ever want to go back.

You just want to be transparent.

My family, we're Greek, so we would call it like it is all the time.

So I'm not a like sweep it under the rug kind of girl.

So yeah, it definitely helps me, but I've, I've certainly learned how to create some of my own little boundaries where like I don't go to Instagram to say I had a negative body image day that day, or I don't say we had a fight the day we had the fight.

It's usually like two or three days later when I feel confident and like I'm good in my own life because as you know, you're going to get a bunch of comments.

Some not might not be supportive.

They might be critical.

And I don't want to be in a state where my wound is open when the world gives their opinion.

So I like to be like three steps ahead of the thing and then I share it.

I think that can be applied to so much.

Like I remember growing up, if I would ever get mad at a friend or my sisters, like my mom would always tell us, like, don't do anything right now.

Like, sleep on it just because you're feeling so raw and that your reaction is going to change in a few days.

So it's,

I don't think of myself when I'm in that moment of like, that's my true self.

I'm like, this is me at like a heightened experience.

Like, I got to let myself simmer down.

And I think it's, and especially when others are going to comment on it, like tenfold.

Like, let yourself simmer down before you openly, like, willingly face all this like criticism or just

comments.

But But then it's so great how vocal you are about like that you give yourself that time, but does that doesn't mean like we're not fighting and everything, everything's perfect.

Like I swear, I've just been able to ground myself in what, what's actually important and now I can bring it to my audience.

So I think that they probably really both appreciate your realness, but then that you are also honest about like.

I've taken my time.

I know where my head's at, but people fight.

This is how it works.

That's just like love.

And you work together to make it better.

Yeah.

And Adriana, I think you bring up a great point about like the space, because I used to to think, you know, never go to bed angry meant like always solve it the day that it happens.

But sometimes you need time.

Like I remember one time Max and I were in an argument and I was like,

I'm just going to go get our groceries.

Like I was planning to.

And then when I come home, we'll finish because I was like, I need an hour to like.

cool off and breathe and put myself in his shoes.

So I think, you know, for people out there, yeah, whether it's your best friend, your parents, or a relationship, it's super powerful to sleep on it and take a day and then make sure you're coming at it like as your best self.

You know, I feel like sometimes I'll say, I'm not going to, I can't be the best version of myself right now.

So I need like an hour.

Thank you to TJ Maxx for sponsoring this episode of House of Marr.

They literally gave us mission to just be ourselves, which I think is what we are best at.

So I have to ask, what's something you've done lately that felt most you?

I would probably say walking a runway in a bikini and i think that doing it you know showing my confidence in things helps others olivia what recently has been making you feel true to you i'm beginning really into like solo dates i just took myself on a on a solo outing in new york city like my goal was look like dress up feel good go get a dirty martini actually was also just so nice to show up for myself that's so sweet dre baby is there anything that has been going on in your life that just screams adriana I think fully embracing a New York summer, making time to see my friends and doing things that get us out of our comfort zone and doing things we haven't done before.

I love watching you live that New York City dream.

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Gigi Max didn't just sponsored this episode and they handed us the mic.

So now let's get back into the episode.

Should we move into some tea time, everyone?

I think we should.

Welcome to tea time.

Let's get into it.

Victoria, you are, you founded Hidden Opponent, which is an amazing platform, amazing nonprofit for mental health, athletes' mental health, which you have graciously selected me to be on the board of.

Honored, honored.

But I also want to learn more about your journey as an athlete.

Because I mean, we're all athletes here.

You, you've played D1.

I've, I've played D1 and then on.

And I mean, the struggles that we go through, I think

I can still remember some basketball practices from high school that literally were a nightmare.

So I guess when did that start for you, this mental health and sports and knowing, like, I'm imagining you've played elite level, you know, travel ball or whatever that really tested you.

Definitely.

Real quick, I do want to say on the record, I was thinking about this this morning, Alona.

We're so grateful to have you on the board.

And I just was so blown away and will never forget that when we were having our call about it, you were like, and I really want to be involved.

Like, I don't want this to just be a title.

I don't want this to just be something like frilly.

I really want to make an impact.

And I thought that that was so badass because I do think there are athletes in prominent positions who can, you know, be doing something, but not really doing it.

And I think it speaks to like your character and how much you care about helping others and helping athletes.

So I just wanted to say that out there for all your fans to know they're supporting a real one.

And then to your question,

I actually had

a pretty great experience playing elite level volleyball in high school and I was very confident.

And it really wasn't until I got under that spotlight of division one.

And I think there was like the perfect melting pot because my freshman year, we were the number one team in the country, number one seed in the tournament.

And we had the national player of the year on our team.

And I was starting as a freshman.

So it was like, I went from being like on my club team, we're like, we're crushing it.

to now playing with someone who's the best college volleyball player literally standing next to me and like holy shit if i shank a pass if i miss my serve if i make a mistake i can't make a mistake you know that's what i told myself so i feel like I jumped into this place where the pressure was so, so high and I wasn't prepared.

I didn't have the tools.

I didn't even have the verbiage, performance anxiety.

I didn't ever think I'm someone who could become depressed.

The mental health conversation felt so like that's not going to happen to me

that as it snuck up on me and did become me and I struggle with performance anxiety and depression.

I was felt like I was just my world completely flipped upside down.

And that's what made me want to talk about my experience and kind of like pull up a megaphone and be like, there's an athlete mental health crisis.

And this was in 2017 because I was looking at my teammates looking at me, the girls I was playing against, like no one's talking about this.

So that's really how it started was feeling like I was completely caught off guard by my own struggles.

And then when I realized, hey, I'm not flawed.

I'm not a bad person.

I'm someone who's in an environment that's very intense, full of pressure, and I just didn't have the tools to adapt to that and to navigate it.

So once I started going to therapy and realized

that, hey, this is a reality of my environment and it's totally okay to seek help the same way we would go get our ankles taped.

Why not see a therapist so that you can help your mind?

That's really what gave me the courage to then like give my TEDx talk and start talking about it.

One thing that you also talk about, well, is like life after sport, which is something I haven't gone through yet.

Like I haven't had to define myself as not an athlete.

Like I'm still the rugby player and I'm so, I love being the rugby player.

Like I wanted to be Alona, the rugby player before it's content creator, influencer, whatever it is.

So I haven't even had to figure that out yet.

And I think that's something like I'll have to tune into, you know, after LA, even with you, like figuring out what your identity is and how that affected you.

Yeah, it was a journey.

I similarly didn't want to give up the title.

I felt like I, yeah, if I'm not this USC volleyball player, because a lot of my early business days really started because of that.

Like I was vlogging my day in the life.

I was speaking at schools and it was like USC volleyball player Victoria.

So the farther and farther I got removed from that, I had to realize like

I'm, I have to be more than this and I have to find other things that I can attach to or identify with and realize that, like, I'm whole still.

And it was definitely a journey, especially when I felt like I had an audience that came to me because of something.

And now I'm like getting married and I'm posting about my outfit.

And I'm like, I'm just in a different place in life.

And I don't have a story to tell you about my anxiety at practice today.

I don't go to practice anymore.

Yeah, I went like, am I going to be interesting to people?

Are they going to care about me anymore?

Like, I really struggled with those thoughts.

but I think at the end of the day, and I like to tell this to other student athletes or anyone who feels tied to something that's going to end eventually is like all of the attributes that make you good at that are you.

Like the fact that I worked well with others, I liked being a leader, I could push myself, I set a goal and I achieved it.

Like all of the things that made me a great volleyball player are still things I can do in business, as a podcaster, in whatever it is.

It's just not in the sport of volleyball.

So I think when we feel like, oh my God, who am I now?

It's not who are you?

It's just what are you going to do?

Because you still possess all of those traits.

I never really had that transition.

I stopped playing after high school and it wasn't, I was more forced to by the by our parents.

But I've been going through that recently.

I've just, I left my position at a nonprofit and I've been kind of like floundering of like,

how do I define myself?

Like that identity is gone.

And it's something like I've seen with other people.

Like I've had friends who have gotten like divorced and now the divorcees and they were so like

the titles that they had and like the identities that we give ourselves are so intertwined.

And once it's kind of like ripped away from you, having to find your feet again.

Do you have any tips for people that are now navigating transitions like this?

Like what is your like number?

Like you said the other things that are great about you are what make you you, you know, your communication with other people.

Do you have any exercises that you would go through or that you might recommend to somebody getting divorced, somebody changing jobs, like that kind of thing?

Yeah, you know, I honestly think the last couple years, I've been exploring more, like what it means to have an identity and give myself a label and like put myself in a box and realize that I can actually be so many different things.

Like I'll find myself putting myself in a box of like, I could tell myself, hey, you're the founder of a nonprofit, like a charity.

Don't post this picture from a Cabo bachelorette.

But then I'm like, no, I'm paving a new way where like I can be the founder of a charity and pop off with my friends like in Cabo.

So I think I'm, you can be, you can do it all is something I would say to anyone feeling like I've got to box myself in.

And then for anyone navigating like change in life, I like to tell myself that this is teaching me something and it's preparing me for whatever's coming in the future and the version I need to be in those moments.

And so

I,

that's been something that's very, very much helped me.

And then

also I

love this book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.

This is getting very nerdy, but he talks a lot about ego and self.

And that's been super helpful for me is connecting more to like self and not so much the words.

that I tell myself in my head.

So I guess something I'd say is pick up that book.

And I actually did a, it's kind of dense.

So I did a read-along series with my best friend on RealPod called So Much to Say.

If the material gets way too high level, we us, we break it down.

Speaking of RealPod, Alona, you were on RealPod after Tokyo, right?

I was and I was unwell.

That was a really tough time for me mentally.

But yeah, I went on RealPod.

That was now four years ago, about.

I know, I know.

I should watch it again because

I don't remember a lot from that time.

I was really in a spooky place.

I should watch that and just see how I was feeling.

You know, I think it was a weird

going through sport.

As you've probably known,

when you don't like, you have a goal and it doesn't get there and you kind of feel like you fail miserably as athletes.

It's like, well, that's it.

I'm worthless.

You know, I didn't do what I wanted.

And

I think that's why I'm loving what the hidden opponent is doing.

Because also,

when I remember talking to you, I thought it was interesting because being on the board I I'm one of the the few who's like I'm no I'm still playing I'm still in it I'm still every day dealing with this mental health so I love that I can kind of bring that in as well

uh because I

think and something you probably think is mental health has never like figured it out all good I am completely fine I know how to do it we're cured I'm okay I cannot wait till we're all back together for summer in Vermont.

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It's so wild.

I mean, what made you want to start RealPod?

What made you want to talk to all these people?

Yeah.

Like us even.

It's funny.

i we should you should come back on when you feel like you're in a great state which could be now but and we can do like a little side by side because i felt for you during that interview but i commended you for like going on a podcast talking about where you were and like how cool that you have different versions of yourself documented and you don't just show up when things are going well like i think that shows strength and is more admirable than people who only like come outside when everything smells like roses but um i started real pod my podcast, because

I got so much out of pulling the curtain back and saying, hey, I'm not actually well and this is what I'm struggling with, that I wanted to invite people on to share what they are struggling with and going through.

It's my favorite type of conversation to have.

I feel so lucky that every time I sit down to interview someone, I'm like, yay, beautiful to talk about deep shit.

Like, that's my favorite.

So, yeah, that's really what inspired it.

I was kind of doing that on my Instagram.

And then I wanted to invite other people to have the conversation.

And all the time, I'll have people on and then be blown away at what they decide to share, what they're going through.

And I've even caught myself judging them upon interviewing them and then having my mind completely opened when you learn what they're going through.

I mean, I think it's so important to see everybody in every stage of whatever they're feeling and whatever they're doing.

And in that same time when Alona was feeling that way is when, you know, she was becoming very big on TikTok and talking about that struggle.

And Adriana and I were going, It's okay, you don't have to talk about that online, you don't have to be that, uh, let people in that close to you.

It's okay, you can be protective of your peace and your space.

And Alona was like, No, but like, this is actually what I'm feeling, like, this is actually what I'm going through, this is actually the struggle.

So, I'm gonna put it out there.

And we were like, Hey, fair, you know, and people want to see that too.

Like, nobody's nobody's perfect.

Being a content creator myself and putting myself out there like that, the

I get a lot, I get a lot of comments, I get a lot of trolling and hate, and you know, I I deal with it by talking to them, by, you know, having a support group around you to say like, no, that's not true.

No, don't believe that guy.

How are you kind of dealing with that as well?

Because I know that with putting yourself out there, you put yourself out there so vulnerably.

I keep using that freaking word.

But then that opens up to so much criticism and

hate at times, trolling, just meanness.

Yeah, it was very hard for me at certain times.

Like, if I posted something and I saw it got on the wrong side of TikTok,

I would get very anxious.

Like, I couldn't think about anything.

I remember one time I was walking into a movie, and a video was going viral in like the wrong way.

And I needed to leave the theater like 15 minutes in to delete the post because I was like, okay, that just like makes me feel better.

Like, the hate can't be coming, or whatever it was.

But now, I think I've been exposing myself to it more.

I'm a huge believer in exposure therapy.

Um,

And I now try to get this keyword, like this little cue of like, hmm, is that so?

And it's like, if someone's like, oh, she's so annoying, is that so?

And then someone's like, oh, I love her.

Is that so?

I'm like, just letting it all try to like flow past me and not take it so seriously.

Cause I really believe, you know, to believe the good reviews is to believe the bad.

So the more I allow the praise to affect me, obviously on the other side of that, the negativity is going to affect me with the same weight.

So I've tried to really narrow my compass down to just the people in my life who really know me.

I know that I can count 10 people who would have my back no matter what, who would never treat me differently if a video this or a post that.

So I think that that's been really helpful is now that I've been in this industry for so many years, redefining like who I allow to validate me and recognizing that it's okay to be misunderstood.

Some people aren't going to like me.

I wish everyone liked me, but I've had to let that go.

Are any of you guys people pleasers?

Because I definitely identify as one.

Raise your hand.

Say all hands are raised.

I will say that's something that I deal with often.

Even now, I have that trouble where I'm like, oh, I want people to like me.

One thing that my mom said to me once that really stuck with me was like, well, you don't like everybody.

And I was like, dang, that's deep, woman.

But I deal with that.

And I deal with that.

Like,

I want people to think that I'm funny.

I want people to think that I'm pretty.

I want, there's so many things.

And you get caught up.

And so it's so interesting to me.

I'll get a hundred thousand positive comments.

And then I get one moment who says something mean.

And I'm like, well, that's it.

Well, that guy hates me.

It's just that it's been, that's something I'm learning.

And I think I have to get better at it.

Something that might help, my therapist told me this, especially in in relation to comments, is know and accept that 20% of people will always be negative, criticize, and not like you, 20%.

So when you see those comments, just tell yourself, oh, it's in the 20% bucket because like chances are you're never going to really be seeing more than that.

You're probably seeing less, probably like 5%.

But that helps me too.

It's like, hey, we're starting at 80-20, no matter who you are.

You could literally be Mother Teresa and you have, can I say that?

But you could be, you could be any person, the most angelic person, just 20% haters.

So when they come up, just put them in there.

That's where they go.

And it's always going to be there.

I love that.

Do you feel like you've gotten better at it with age?

Have you felt like you really grown to know yourself?

Like, do you think you could have handled this at 24, what you're handling now?

No, I definitely think that it's come with age and wisdom and therapy and working on myself.

I'm 28.

So I think that that's for sure been a factor.

And also there's this Zoe Seldana.

I think it's a TikTok sound.

And she's like, I love who I am.

I love my struggles.

I love the way I've overcome my obstacles.

It's like all about recognizing the shitty things you've been through and how you've handled them and like who you've become because of it.

And I think I've had a lot of reflection recently of things in my life that at the time were like so devastating or so difficult or so hard.

Like USC, like if I, I'm sure at the time I was like, I just don't want any performance anxiety.

I don't want to be depressed.

I don't want to have an eating disorder.

I just want everything to be perfect.

If it was perfect, I literally wouldn't be here on this podcast with you.

Like, this would not be my career.

The hidden opponent wouldn't exist.

Like, I think we have to, yeah, take that perspective of like, it's tough now, but it's going to allow you to be primed in a much better way for that similar obstacle in the future.

I love that.

I think people have too many regrets that

if you regret all these things, you wouldn't be who you are.

You wouldn't have gotten there.

There are some valid regrets, but

like, I think it's part of life in the human experience.

Do you guys have any regrets that come to mind?

Because like, I could maybe think, oh, I wish I didn't say this one thing, but genuinely, I would not rewind the clock on anything because I feel grateful to love exactly this moment.

I have one where like, it's actually was such a learning moment for me.

I was really young and I went to the Netherlands with our mom.

And I was young.

I was like first grade or something like that.

And

we were out and about doing things, seeing family, going all over the place.

And one day I decided to like just watch TV, like Dutch cartoons or something on the TV.

And my mom left to go get dinner with two.

They asked if I wanted to come.

And they said, and I was like, no, I just want to watch cartoons.

I was so young, but I literally remember like coming to in that moment, like snapping into existence and being like, why would I say no?

They're gone now.

I'm missing out on that time.

Like that regret, I remember crying about it coming back, being like, I'm so sorry I didn't come to dinner with you.

Like whatever.

My mom was like, what are you talking about?

Like we do dinner every night.

Like it doesn't matter.

But to me, it was such a forming moment where I've lived, like I lived in regret as a child of like, why would you not just do it?

That to this day, I'm like, I'm going to go do that.

I'm not going to sit around and be on my phone again for two seconds or for however long.

I'm going to go.

Like, what does 80-year-old Olivia want to look back and see that I did?

I'm going to go do it.

I'm going to, I'm here now.

I'll hang out with the people.

I'm going to, oh man, I want like this person wants to hang out and get coffee.

I'd really rather sit at home and like,

I'm not doing that.

I'm going to go.

Like, that is a regret that's made me who I am because as a child, I was like, no, don't miss out on life as it's happening because you want to watch a cartoon that you can watch it anytime.

Within reason, of course, you need time for yourself as well, but that's been a big regret of mine.

Damn, live.

No, shit.

That's, that's kind of cool.

What a young, what a young, I love thinking back on their younger selves, what they've done to get to where we are now.

And I mean, with you, Victoria, what your younger self has done has gotten you to the head and and opponent, which was backed by Kobe Bryant.

And I mean, the work that you've been doing, you've had campus captains throughout universities all over.

You are changing the game for mental health.

You have a collab with Adidas.

Yeah.

I'm welcome if anybody sees.

For a 28, what does it take to be running a, to be a CEO?

Are you CEO, right?

I'm the founder.

Lovely.

You're the founder.

I was the CEO for a few years.

And then with a lot in the pipeline, I was like, we're going to need someone else to do this.

Well, how amazing.

I mean, what has it taken?

I,

the, the way that you've grown, I don't can't imagine how much you've put into the hidden opponent.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It definitely has not just been me.

It's been a team of people.

And I know you know Leanne and now Suzanne.

So it's been amazing to have everybody be all hands on deck.

But yeah, honestly, it.

It's taken time and obviously slowly moving the needle every single day.

I love this like move the needle, move the needle.

And I think back if you would have told me when I first founded it, you know, what do I want to happen?

I would have been like, oh, I want these things, but I want them like in five months or this year.

And I think it's year five for us at the hidden opponent.

And this feels like the beginning in a, in a, in a fun way, like this feels like the start of a new exciting chapter for the nonprofit.

So, you know, I think for anyone out there who's passionate about building or something, knowing that it's going to take time and it might be five years down the line, you feel like you get your first break or your first it makes sense or you can now hire a ceo to be a part of it or you can assemble a board you could build something that alona marr decides she believes in right like that doesn't happen overnight that happens over years so i think yeah i'm just i'm grateful for um

i'm so grateful for the the path and the way that I was like, I have no idea what this is going to be, how to do this formally, but we're just going to Google how to found a nonprofit, how to start a non-profit and we're going to file um and figure it out as we go i think nowadays people complicate things they try to be perfect about it like what's the title what's the name how's it going to work let's do all it's like just be a good person follow your heart google the thing start it figure it out like be once again be a good human and and i think you'll attract it's like build it and they will come and i think that's really what it's been about for me and i'm grateful because as we talked about in the beginning um did we talk about this i feel like I now am at a different place in my life.

We did.

So I'm no longer currently a student athlete, but I'm so grateful that the hidden opponent exists.

And today's student athletes and college kids can be the people talking about it.

They can be the leaders.

They can use the platform of THO.

Because I think I would be, my heart would hurt if I was.

not able to really do work in that space anymore because I'm not like directly in it.

So I've loved that it's kept me involved, even though a past, a past version of me, her struggles are like living on through now other people and professional athletes like yourself who are really spearheading this conversation.

I love that you mentioned like doing it anyway, because we talk a lot about do it scared.

You know, it's going to get done.

You don't know the steps, but you'll figure it out.

You're going to move the needle.

It's going to happen any which way.

But you do talk a lot about perfectionism and like.

uh how you deal with that which i love because i think anybody who makes content or is trying to make anything in the world that stops you so so so quickly and so the fact that you've still been able to build this despite that, I think, is so admirable.

And one of my favorite quotes on perfectionism, which has helped me with my content, is perfectionism is the satin line coffin to creativity.

Like, you'll have the perfect coffin, but your creativity is dead in there because you didn't do anything with it.

You didn't just post it.

You didn't just take the risk and start something and do it.

So, I think what you've been able to build despite is just so incredible.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

I didn't even realize how like bad my perfectionism was until literally recently in like a therapy session.

I was like, wait, I don't have that.

And she was like, yes, you do.

But I've tried to catch myself.

Like, you know, if I'm getting way too into details, I have an amazing brand director.

I work with Jenna.

And she told me once, respectfully, she's like, you and I could do this.

We could write the same sentence.

It's not going to be.

word for word verbatim, but the sentence is going to communicate the same thing.

And like, basically, she's saying, it's going to be done differently if you don't do it.

And you can't do everything.

And you have to like, you know, if you're, especially if you're growing a business, you have to delegate, do, delegate, delete.

And delegation has been hard for me as a perfectionist.

But then once you master it, you're like, oh my God, this is amazing.

How do I delegate like my life every day?

Like, I don't, someone else do it and let me know if it was a good day.

I just wanted to slide in that, Alona, when you were on RealPod all those years ago, despite your mental state, you said out loud, what I want to do is be, or is, you know, be with Sports Illustrated swimsuit.

And here you're here.

Manifesting, Victoria and I are manifesting.

You're trying to get something done.

Go on RealPod and say it out loud.

Or this one.

Honestly, I had a friend say her New Year's resolution was to get engaged.

She's engaged now.

So the manifesting on the show.

It works.

Whoa.

Come on.

Come on and tell me who your dream man is.

Everyone gets 15 seconds to say something.

Wait, the Sports Illustrated, how was that?

The photos were iconic.

I was like gagged looking at them.

You're so like it radiates like the sexiness is off the charts thank you i loved it i felt hot as heck uh i think it's like

i you know people ask how was it being in a bikini again i just think it's so cool to be able to showcase my body in that sort of way and i think people really love it and you do it on your channel as well like just showing you know

I think that's something about us is like my content is for,

you know, muscular girls, bigger girls.

Your content is for like mid-sized girls.

Like, I love that we can be creators for people, you know.

So, I was seeing an Instagram recently of like, follow those people who look like you, who, who,

you know, you see yourself in.

I think that just can be really helpful.

So, I love that girls can see my SI, see my bikini photos if they have the same build as me and be like, okay, look at her.

Like, look at her being herself, feeling confident in it.

So, I just think it's so cool to see the many different body types on social media.

And I think we need that.

I do, and I do suggest to the girls out there, follow the people who you see yourself in, follow those who aren't putting out the most perfect image.

Um, because it definitely, it definitely helps.

I literally followed someone the other day, and then I thought, is following this person going to make me think I need to buy new clothes every single week?

And I was like, unfollow because I saw this video and I was like, oh my God, I love her style, I love her haul.

And then I was like, wait, but I don't, I don't think this is actually going to make me feel good in my current life.

It's going to make me think I need the new next thing.

So, yeah, curate that algorithm for you.

If it doesn't make you feel good, block.

How have you actually been doing with, I mean, we talk about a lot, but like your own body image with being online and with the,

I don't know if it's an epidemic, but like, you know, the, this, this thinness epidemic and changing your body and seeing all this.

How are you combating that?

Or, you know, how, how do you deal with it?

It's hard.

It's so hard.

I saw another day.

It's like, we lost another one.

Like there was a girl who I like loved that she had her body and it made me feel good.

And I looked to her and I can't make assumptions, but

it's not the same.

And so

that's hard.

That's hard.

And honestly, at first, I was very triggered because I think my whole life.

That's what I wanted.

I want a magic pill that will make me lose 20 pounds.

And I feel like that's basically what came out with these GLP ones.

And so when it first came out, I was like, yeah, part of me was triggered.

Like, oh, this thing exists that I would have taken if I was 18.

But now I'm, you know, I don't remember.

It was like a year or two ago when this all came out.

Remember when we didn't know the word Ozempic?

Like, can we go back to those times?

Please, they were historic.

So at first I was triggered and then I was able to be like,

I empathize with people who don't feel good in their body and they need to, whatever any woman needs to do to feel good in her skin and enjoy her life.

I want her to do that.

I think I'm just really big on transparency.

I think, you know, I've never liked when a celebrity gets plastic surgery and then I see a poor 14-year-old girl in a gym doing a hundred butt crunches.

And I'm like, sweetie, you're not going to get the butt by doing those.

Like, it's the butt's not real.

But then the influencer, the celebrity is not being transparent, that it's a BBL, right?

So I think for me, like, as long as we can be authentic and transparent, that's what matters.

But

now I think, I think it's just more important than ever to be posting like body positive videos and showing how you look from different angles and your size of your clothes, because I think we need that energy to remind people, sometimes even myself, that like we don't all have to be super stick, stick thin.

And that's something that I do is like I post constantly body positivity because it's never gonna.

end like this battle will never end and for every time they see a video of me being positive and it's not even like body positivity it's like, I like to say body appreciation because, shoot, you know, you and I both, like everyone on this call, we don't love our bodies all the time, but like, can we learn to appreciate it?

But like, I, I post a body, I post a video about that.

And then, you know, two down is something that completely is the opposite of that.

So it just feels like it's a constant battle.

So I commend you for continuously putting that out there.

And I, I mean, I, I also, though, I understand how tough it is because

I see these women who do change themselves.

And I'm like,

dang, I, but it's hard.

I don't know how to explain it.

It's so hard.

We've been programmed since we were literally born and we could consume media to believe that we all need to be smaller.

Like literally, there's no end in sight.

Just be smaller, be skinnier, wear

a smaller number clothing.

So it's really doing a lot of unlearning to realize that like every body is going to have a set point weight that's different and not the same.

And all types of bodies are beautiful.

And it's really like overexposing and over-indexing in the other direction.

Because, yeah, you could spend a week on like the wrong side of TikTok and Instagram, and that can really get in your head.

But I've really set up a lot of boundaries with myself.

I don't weigh myself, I don't count my calories, I don't comment on my friends' bodies, I don't expect people to comment on mine.

I, you know, I, like you said, I follow accounts that make me feel good about myself and I just try to take my time and reset and remember that peace with my body and food is my priority.

Being at peace with your body and food

is what I want, not being in a certain dress size, not being, because if I'm in that dress size, I'm thinking about food 24-7, because guess what?

That's not my natural weight.

That's not my weight when I enjoy my life.

So I always come back to what do I really want?

And it's peace with my body and peace with food.

And that means living my life the way I'm doing it now.

I think it's such a journey as a lot of us talking about like you're always learning.

Your body is always changing.

The older you get, you're constantly meeting new versions of yourself as you keep changing and your body changes.

For me, I don't weigh myself either.

But I say accidentally stepped on a scale.

I was weighing like luggage and it was the kind of like the luggage was too big to just put on the scale.

So I was like, I got to get on that thing and then subtract my weight.

from that.

I was like, let's do it.

I was like, let's go, girl.

Get on there.

And I got on there and I was like,

like I saw the weight and I was like, wait a second.

And like, of course, your initial reaction is like panic, like freak out.

Society says that's not right.

But then again, I'm 5'11.

There's a lot of women here.

I gotta be that weight to like walk around essentially, you know?

And so at first that number was really in my head.

And then I was looking in the mirror.

I was like, okay, if that's the number, but why do I look so good though?

You know, but that's taken a lot of learning.

And

it's weird enough.

I think social media has helped me because it take a while.

It took a while, but I do post my body in bathing suits and I do more of that exposure therapy where at first I'd be like, oh, I don't like the way this arm looks here.

I wish I wasn't posing like that.

But it's like, hey, that's what I look like, though.

That's what I look like.

And I'm going to put it out there.

And that feels kind of rebellious in today's day and age.

And maybe it's going to help somebody else feel better about themselves too.

But I hear you.

And I think like confidence is honestly the sexiest, most physically attractive thing about a person is like when you're just confident in who you are.

And, you know, I have friends in the modeling industry who will say the most beautiful beautiful women on paper, right, to society standards are the ones on set who are like feeling the most insecure or still feeling like they're not perfect in some way.

I've had, I had, I don't know if you guys know Emily Di Donato, but she's a gorgeous supermodel.

She was the Aqua de Joya girl when we were growing up.

And I had her on my podcast and she was talking about how she was not feeling herself.

So not in a great place, being told by people she wasn't good enough for jobs.

And meanwhile, I remember walking through an airport thinking, that's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.

And if I could look like that girl, I'd have no problems.

And then here I am years later interviewing that girl and she's saying, that was the worst I'd ever felt.

So really, like, it's, it's so, it's to love yourself now, to accept yourself and realize that you're, you're worthy of love now.

You're worthy of enjoying your life now.

Eat the food you want to eat.

Move your body because it deserves to be moved, not because you hate it.

You know, all of that stuff is so important to rewire.

It is an ongoing battle and we will keep fighting a good fight here sold everybody so strong soldiers everyone join hands no okay

okay everyone welcome to our book nook we're big book people too as well victoria and can we already kind of talked about it but this book that you've read eckhart tolls a new earth do you have from it like

one transformative idea from it that really just stuck with you or give us a little bit more about it because we are bookies, we want to know.

A hundred percent, I do.

This is like my dream question.

Also, super fun fact, but my best friend Aubrey and I were just on Oprah Winfrey's

YouTube show.

She interviewed us with Eckart about our book club podcast, So Much to Say.

So, that was really cool for us to talk to Oprah and Eckhart IRL.

Well, it was remote, but it felt like as real as it's going to get.

But here's one of my favorite quotes from his book that I love so much.

It says, life will give you whatever experienced is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.

How do you know this is the experience you need?

Because this is the experience you're having at this moment.

Did that make sense?

I think I need to read it a few times, but I got the general shift.

It's basically, basically, life's going to give you what you need.

And how do you know this is what you need?

Because it's what life gave you.

And it's like, okay, then I gotta, I gotta embrace this.

Also, he has another one I love that says, life will never leave you alone I love that one because it's like you could achieve this get an A on your test get into your dream school win a medal and then life will life itself a week later you know so it's accepting that life's always gonna life and it's about how we weather the storm all right frick kind of like now is the first one like everything happens for a reason kind of thing

or am I wrong on that I don't really hot take I'm not a huge believer in everything happens for a reason because I think that's like it

Adriana yes I feel you well because I think people like to pick and choose when they use that saying that like sometimes like bad things happen and there's no reason for it yeah I feel like that's but like I do understand of like again the experiences that they shape you into who you become but I don't like that it's just too overarching I think too big of a statement you get something out of everything in life a hundred percent but to say it all happens for a reason means there's a predetermined plan and that we don't like have free will.

If I'm going to get really deep about it, so I don't, I don't know.

I never stuck with me.

I feel like people say that when you don't get like the job, they're like, well, everything happens for a reason.

And it's like,

yeah, I don't think someone's up there making you not get the job because of the next thing personally.

But whatever gives people hope and like in their life, I think is important.

And however you can stay positive is important.

But yeah, I think you get something out of everything.

But

sorry, what was the question?

No, no, no.

That was perfect.

That was perfect.

That was perfect.

Then do you not like the expression, everything happens in your favor?

Because I think about both of those lines as like a, when I look back, it's like, oh, that sucked.

But hey, now I, it's what we were talking about earlier.

Now I am who I am because I went through all that stuff.

So like, was there a reason?

But I do hear you on the like, no free will question mark.

But I think perception is so powerful.

And to tell yourself, everything's working out for me.

This is going to lead me to a better end game.

This is going to bring me to the place I need to be.

Like, I love that stuff.

I think that's, that's a person's choice.

Is the glass half full or is it half empty?

And I think life is better when you think it's half full.

It's a beautiful way to end that.

I don't usually read um books that you learn something from, but I might take a whack at this, but it would, it'll take me some time.

It's literally my favorite thing to geek out about.

So, call me if you guys start reading it and are like, What the fuck am I reading?

And then, on a fiction note, I am in my third book of the Akatar series.

And I'm there.

We go.

I was just about to ask, Are we a reader?

Yeah,

That's amazing.

What are you thinking so far?

I'm loving it.

It definitely, like, I think the first book I like absolutely devoured.

And then I went right into the second book because I like needed to know what was going to happen next.

And then the third book has been good, but I think I'm like picking it up a few times a week.

I'm like, I definitely want to finish it, but I'm, it's getting very complicated.

There's like 40 characters.

There's a war.

Sorry, spoiler, but there's a lot going on.

I felt the same way about that one too.

I thought the second one was really good.

And then the third one is more like, I mean, battle strategy at this point.

Yeah.

It slows down on the third.

I love seeing the TikToks, though, about like the lead male characters.

There's a hilarious one.

It's so funny, but like, yeah, definitely a Rye Sand stand over here.

A thousand percent.

One of our like producers was starting to read Akatar, and I kind of let it slip that one character is not who she ends up with or whatnot.

She was like, what?

I was like, Oh my gosh.

Oh, so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

That's the biggest spoiler.

I wish shook at that.

What's so tough is because I want to Google like the drawings of like, what do they think they look like?

And I love the TikToks of this is like the summer court and the dawn court, but it's so hard not to stumble across a spoiler.

Ask us if you ever want like fan art.

We will find it and it'll be in our algorithms and we'll send it to you.

Okay, perfect.

Olivia has subscribed to many a Patreon.

I'm a supporter of the arts.

I always have been.

But, you know, specifically like fan art Patreons, you know.

Has there been a scene in Akatar or just like the vibe, I guess, about any parts that have really stuck out to you?

Like, why have you been enjoying it so far?

Honestly, well, I love a love story, but honestly, I think people hate on the first book.

They're like, wait for the second book, the second book.

I'm like.

Under the mountain at the end of the first book is some of the greatest literature these eyes have ever read.

Like, I literally was like on the edge because you know, you know, it's got to work out, but you're like, how?

This doesn't make sense.

And then there's so much left unsaid.

So I think that was definitely one of my most riveting chapters for sure was the end of the first book.

And after this, you'll have to read Throat of Glass.

Okay.

So down.

I did all of the housemaid series too.

The housemaid, the housemaid's watching, the housemaid.

I forget the third one, but there's a movie coming out with Sidney Sweeney and that hot guy and Amanda Seafrey.

And it's about the first housema book.

So highly recommend reading it.

You'll read it in a day if you're a reader.

It's so good.

And then you'll be prepped for a while.

Is it a thriller?

Yeah, sure.

I would say that.

It's not like hauntingly scary, but yeah,

it's got twists.

Good to know.

It's got some twists.

Real last thing on Akatar and Under the Mountain.

Did you solve the riddle?

Before it was discovered?

Of course not.

Of course not.

I'm literally.

Me neither, girl.

My brain, like if you present me a riddle or a math problem, it's like, it doesn't compute.

Like my brain feels like mush.

Yep.

A lot of people were like, it's so obvious.

I was like, oh, my bad.

I'm really honest.

I skipped over it.

Whenever there's a riddle or like song lyrics or anything in a book, I can't stand it for some reason.

I glazed over it, kept reading.

And at the end, I was like, oh, maybe I could have figured it out.

I just did not try.

I think I stopped for a hot sec, like think, think, think.

And then I was like, okay, keep reading.

I'll figure it out eventually.

If not, it'll be revealed to me in the end.

Thanks so much, Victoria, for coming over.

Thanks for having me.

I had a blast.

We had a great time.

I mean, I feel like I am more,

I feel better about myself even talking to you.

Something about your energy.

Keep doing the great work you're doing.

We will chat so much more now that we're working together on the hidden opponent.

But again, appreciate you.

Thank you guys.

You're the best.

I loved being at House of Mar.

Well, thanks so much for coming coming over to House of Mar, everyone listening and watching, Wave Original sponsored by TJ Maxx.

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