Catwoman w/ Jamie Denbo (HDTGM Matinee)

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There are so many reasons for me to be me out,

but I keep on being per

back in.

We saw Catwoman, so you know what that means.

Now it's time for

how to discriminate.

Gonna have a good time.

Celebrate some failure, not just being a hater.

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Let's war in the mediocrity of some war art.

Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made, the show where we try to make sense of the movies that make no sense.

I am joined, as always, by Jason Manzukis.

How are you, Jason?

I'm good, Paul.

What is happening?

Not much.

And June Diane Rayfield, how are you, June?

Paul, I'm good.

Hurry up.

As always,

I'm a delicate flower.

As always, we have a very special guest.

This person is hilarious.

You may have recently just seen her on Happy Endings.

Very talented writer, comedian, actress.

Please welcome Jamie Denbo.

Hello.

Hello.

Are you doing this whole thing in character?

Not character.

Maybe my whole world outside this is character.

Uh-oh.

Oh, man.

And your podcast,

the Rona Mbev podcast, where can people find that?

They can find it on the iTunes.

It's hilarious.

Catwoman.

Oh, my God.

Guys.

Oh, brother.

Wow.

How have we not done this movie yet?

It's amazing.

I knew we were in trouble just from the beginning with like the faux Enya music over like the Ken Burns documentary on the show.

That was the longest opening credit sequence I've ever seen.

I knew we were in trouble when the director had one name.

Gitoff.

Well, I just feel

it's the whole from the very beginning, we had a very thin premise.

Like a thinness that went through the whole thing.

Which is meaning, which means nothing because

this is a character who has a very rich history.

Or should.

Like Catwoman.

It's not like an artificial character.

Like, this is a comical character who's been around forever.

They decided not to do anything DC with it.

They're like, we're not going to adhere to anything that you know about it.

Yeah, but except to say that there have been many cat women, so we can get away with this because this is just one cat woman story.

One of the stories of the many cat women.

And so basically.

I'm sorry to jump ahead.

I'm so sorry.

Was Frances Conroy a cat woman?

We're just an expert on cat women.

We should get to it.

You mean Ophelia Powers?

Okay, sure.

Her name is Ophelia Powers.

Do you feel them?

Ophelia Powers.

I don't know.

But we'll get into that.

We have a lot to talk about with the names, too.

So basically, this movie starts off with Hallie Berry being, you know, that typical nerdy girl who just bumps into everybody.

Like the walk.

It was all about her walk as patients.

Just always, apparently all nerds or loser women who are lonely, but gorgeous,

hold their wrists, hold their sleeves in their wrists.

Like they're trying to put on a coat and not get their sleeves.

There's a lot of body work in this movie in general.

A lot of

physicality.

When she's patient and nerdy, you're right.

It's all stiff arms, high shoulders, and then when she's cats, it's like Miss J from America's Next Top Model came in and was like, girl, this is how you need to do this.

Also, as a nerdy girl, she's always, always bumping into people.

Oh, I'm sorry, sorry.

Basically, did did you guys think she's basically?

Not to draw comparisons again, but it's like she and Sandra Bullock in All About Steve.

It's the same kind of like mannered, this is how I'm going to be gorgeous.

Unattractive nerd girl.

Glorious women having no idea how to act

not gorgeous.

Yes, exactly.

No idea.

It's like she I honestly felt she was constantly trapped in a pose of like when a little girl goes meh.

Like I felt like I just that was the sound that came out of her body.

Well, I also want to this is what before we get into the the meat of the movie This is another movie the thing that drives me crazy.

It happened in the Smurfs, which we saw.

Don't point to me when you say Smurfs.

You pointed right at me.

Oh, the Smurfs, Jason, which you do.

You do not out me as a Smurf right now, bro.

Don't do this to me, bro.

Which is the fact that...

a cosmetic company is like

everyone is waiting for this new cosmetic and they have a building in New York City and everyone works.

It's all over the news.

Yes, it's the only thing going on and yet they never show the world expecting it.

So it's this presumption that the world is expecting it.

And all the shots are like the long shots of the building and the face and the announcement.

And when's the longest?

The only people who seem to want this product are people who already work at the company.

And who are you?

Who are using it?

Who are jamming it on their faces like it's like a bag comes shot?

A moment for Alex Borstein, who I have to say is maybe, and I feel badly saying this, but the most unlikable friend, funny friend character I've ever seen.

How do you mean?

What are you talking about?

I do want to say we can speak freely about all these people because in a very classy way, and we'll play this a little bit later.

Let's keep it classy today, you guys.

Let's keep it classy.

Heliberry did accept her Raz and brought Alex Bornstein with her, and they all kind of were like, yeah.

We know.

I'm obsessed with the character of Sally.

I feel like we could spend this whole time just to simply talk about Sally.

When she's just making calls from the hospital, just like, girl, what are you doing right now?

She's in a hospital.

And

she's in the nurse's death.

And wearing pigtails, which I think was one of the most upsetting things to me.

She's always so horny.

Oh, so horny.

She's in control.

She's like, she's trapped in Alex's dog's bozine's body.

It's so awkward and weird and uncomfortable.

And I think she's a little racist.

Oh, yeah.

Every time she talks to Hallie Berry, she's like putting on.

She calls her chocolate a lot, right?

Yeah,

this brown sugar, brown sugar.

And then she's like, oh, did you see your man yet?

She's like, fuck him.

She's like, she's so randy.

Very invested.

Very invested.

Way too invested.

This is a best friend who bought her a leather cat suit, which good thing she did,

for dating emergencies.

Sally didn't buy that for her.

She and the gay friend.

Oh, that was a joint gift.

I didn't realize that.

It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It said for dating emergency.

It was a gay friend who came over the side and just goes,

every time something, all of his lines got cut.

So basically.

Because people were like, we can't have a gay guy in this movie.

You guys know that, right?

You're going to have to cut him almost completely.

Well, the gay guy who says when he sees Benjamin Bratt, he goes, ooh, look at this man sandwich.

That's the the same guy.

Yes, we did get one last one.

Which does not mean anything.

That would mean two men.

I know, I did get confused by that.

What is a man?

Well, one solo man is not a man's sandwich.

No, I think he was just saying, like,

I'm hungry for that guy.

Well, now I understand it, now that we're talking about it.

But it was a moment where I was like, a sandwich is because there's several people.

Yeah, that's what I would say.

Like, if you were like, oh, I would like a man's sandwich, I would think, oh, that's a couple of dudes.

Yeah, yeah, like the Voltagio brothers from Tom.

That's a man's man sandwich.

Correct.

Good call.

Have I revealed too much?

Not at all.

Not enough?

Nope, not enough.

So Hallie Berry, who's dressed like Raggedy Ann in the beginning of this movie,

needs to get an ad.

She's

an artist for an ad company who's given up her art.

She's like, I wanted to be an artist.

She sold out.

She lives in a multi-million dollar loft.

Yes.

Oh, yeah, that loft is amazing.

I actually was glad about that choice because I did think, all right, well, she has sold out, so we have to see where she would have spent her money.

Because it felt like when they started on close-up or something in her loft, I was like, are you going going to pull away and it's going to be like a dinky little, like,

at least, okay, she paid for something, right?

So, I like that logic.

She's really good.

I always feel good.

And I do have a couple other things that I genuinely loved about it.

Really?

Oh, me too.

I did too.

And then I loved her and Sharon Stone.

Oh, my gosh.

Amazing.

Amazing.

She was amazing.

Amazing.

For all the right reasons.

Yes, absolutely.

I have to say, the first outfit Halli Berry's wearing as patients is the craziest ass thing I've ever seen.

It's a free shopping bag.

It's very echo-friendly.

It is just, they just put layers and layers of clothes on her.

There's no rhyme or reason to that outfit.

The front is in the back, is in the front.

It is the cheese.

She is an artist.

She's a smock.

She is an artist.

She's in a smock.

But by the way, she's also, is that her smock?

No, no, no, I'm saying that.

I'm genuinely asking.

I thought maybe that was a smock.

I think they might have been trying to start a fashion trend of smocks.

Okay.

And she wore that outfit two days in a row.

So did Alex Borstein.

She was in the red thing.

I noticed that too.

I was like, that's got to be.

You know what?

That was an editing.

I bet it's an edit problem.

I bet they were like, you know what?

Let's split this in half.

We'll put this over here, this over here.

But they're wearing all the same clothes.

Nobody will notice.

This movie's horrible.

Well, also, here's

too focused on how bad the movie is to notice this.

Well,

we are not even into the first 10 minutes yet.

I could talk forever about the first 10 minutes.

I mean, it's amazing.

So basically, her boss, who is so arch,

he makes arch people look like nothing.

Like, I mean, he's so crazy.

Every line he delivers, every line Sharon Stone is a lot, is the cap, it's the yippeeca motherfucker's line.

So every line is game over.

How would you know?

You're a cat person.

Like, it's just all feels like every line.

There's no dialogue of like, hey, how you doing?

Like, none, none at all.

It's all to the top.

And so they're releasing this product, which is going to be more important than soap.

Yep.

That's what they say in the movie.

And so Halle Berry has some of the things that you're going to do.

Which is like a beauty cream.

Yes.

It's like an anti-aging, anti-wrinkle cream.

Which has some pretty crazy properties, which we'll get into.

Basically,

Sally's just like lathering it on her face.

She's like, I can't get enough of this stuff.

Yes, although in the very first scene, she lathers it on her face and then says immediately, I can't get enough of this stuff, and then says, oh, I've been having terrible headaches.

I just

the next line.

The meanwhile, Hallie Barry's like, you know that stuff's experimental.

You shouldn't even have that.

Well, every single line also feels like a studio note.

Like, they took every studio note.

Oh, yeah.

It feels like that came along.

Happily.

Every single line.

Is everyone going to understand this?

We should put in another line to explain it.

All right.

I hope one of those studio notes were.

Hey, we don't understand how she gets her powers.

Can you have a cat make out with her dead body?

Like, how can we get the transference?

Can we actually have the cat lip to lip with a Hallie Bear?

That is one of my favorite scenes.

Like Sleeping Beauty, kiss her back to life.

The cat blows out this breath.

Well, the whole reason why she dies is because she needs to get an ad done by midnight, and so no messengers can deliver it to the headquarters.

Which is also the factory.

Which is why that's the other thing.

Why couldn't she?

Why do they need to bring it to the factory?

I don't know.

Which she wasn't even there for.

It's also kind of on an island.

Yeah, the factory is on an island.

And it's also like a basement lab is the only place she can wander into.

Yes.

She's like, I got to drop off these designs.

I might as well go to a basement, a secret basement lab.

And there are clearly security guards all the way around because they come chasing after her.

They don't stop her.

And she sneaks in through the back way.

So and she uncovers the plot that means that where they say the skin cream eats away your flesh and this is a bad skin cream.

Like, well, fuck it.

We need to release it.

By the way, it's one of the best scenes because there's a scientist there who's, I guess, testing this cream.

Yeah.

Who says, like, look, you guys, I can take a lot of things.

He's like, I've lived with the headaches it causes.

I've lived with the addiction.

I've lived with the side effects, the nausea.

He's like, I cannot live with this.

Who is this guy that he can live with any of that?

But he can't live with their face being the disfiguration.

I also, again, like the stakes of just releasing a beauty cream.

Like, to what?

In what world is this that important?

It's like...

I've never seen Clinique take over the news.

You know what?

I actually thought it was really offensive because I felt like they were taking his female

superhero and then making her have to deal with something that was like

girl related.

She couldn't actually do anything.

Because Catwoman is in the comics, and I know they're not adhering to any comic thing, like, is a villain.

You know, she's a thief.

She steals stuff.

She's like a bad guy.

She's a cat burglar.

She's a cat burglar.

Exactly.

And to make her be like a good guy who's

rescuing women from a beauty product is absolutely so demeaning.

See, I didn't know that about Catwoman because I was thinking that the whole time, like, is she good or bad?

Yeah.

Because she does keep it.

Well, I knew she was bad.

She was like, she gives it back, but then she does keep that necklace.

But that's why they had to make, that was the only way to fill out, flesh flesh this out, I guess, in some way.

Because honestly, like.

It takes like 20 minutes to get to the bad guys.

Oh, yeah.

This movie is nine hours long.

It's very long.

It's very long for an 88-minute movie or whatever.

It's like 103 minutes, but it feels like a lifetime.

It is crazy.

But I think that's interesting when talking about the whole feminist nature of it.

The rest of the podcast should be a feminist appraisal of the movie Catwoman.

Yay, June, party time.

I'm up for it.

But

is that I didn't know watching, I'm like, so who is this for?

And who do they think it's for?

The whole movie.

I'm like, so who, who is the audience that they think they're getting it?

They think they obviously want to get superhero people.

Yeah, like fanboys.

Right, fanboys and then fangirls up to

an age when that doesn't necessarily stay

for the some women that it stays for, but let's be general, speak in generals.

And then is it for

women?

Because it's also like, or they think it's for women,

right?

But they think

it's power.

The love story with Benjamin.

But that's what was really offensive, though, about the movie to me, too, because it's like they did more, they spent more time sexualizing her

in these super low.

When she first becomes the cat woman and she gets in the costume, they have about a minute and a half-long tracking shot that just kind of spins around her body, and you're just looking at this costume.

She looks amazing.

Amazing.

She looks amazing.

Amazing, but her, like, the button.

What are her powers?

I don't.

Her powers are the power of a cat, and then also the powers of crazy things.

So she can sneak out of a prison by contorting her body because cats have very flexible bodies.

She can land on her feet all the time.

I see that happen a lot.

And then when you first see your powers, like she has

heightened senses, but do cats have like crazy senses like that where they see birds really closely or like dogs?

How about they're gross cats for one second?

I did think it was both funny and appalling when she was eating the fucking tuna fish.

Oh, that was disgusting.

I wrote that.

I wrote that.

I was like, what the fuck is this?

Is the hottest woman in the world to be eating tuna fish?

She's not sexy.

Every time she's eating, and she's also eating sushi with bench in her bread, it's like she's a bad person.

I like that scene.

You control herself.

She's like,

again, a lot of work.

There is a lot of acting coach working here.

And Halle Berry does talk in her Razzie speech about working with her acting coach on this part,

which is true.

I loved all the cat physicalization.

What?

I loved it, you guys.

I loved it.

I'm sorry.

You know what?

I loved all of the physical stuff.

I loved her licking that milk.

And then her lipstick being perfect.

That to me was a good superhero moment.

I love it.

We didn't even talk about the fact that when she, when, after she gets transformed to Catwoman, she goes from this, you know, this,

you know, girl who's like, oh, I'm Patience Phillips to Rihanna.

Like, that's it.

Her next look is full-on Rihanna.

Rihanna and her dress, the hair is exactly the same.

I actually thought, I think Rihanna is stealing from Catwoman.

Well, she has to be because it's dated.

It's the same thing, yeah.

But what's crazy is when you also, when you suggested that when Catwoman came up, my immediate thought was like, oh, that's from the 90s, that film.

It is only from 2005.

Why does it feel like I didn't know this?

I thought this was like 1997.

No.

No.

Why is this?

I don't know.

This movie is recent.

She won the Academy Award and then did this movie.

This was the next movie.

Wait, so she, okay, but she won Monster

Monster's Ball like in 2004.

2004?

And then used the clout to get this done.

See,

what's a bummer about this is like I actually think it could have been a really cool amazing amazing concept.

Yes, I think it could have been amazing.

Well if they actually adhered to what Catwoman is, I mean,

I think Colliberry could have done it.

I think it's interesting that Girl with the Dragon tattoo is so in the zeitgeist right now because I think that if that came out first, then this would be kind of an amazing concept.

Because I think I do.

I think that there is something very similar.

I don't know why.

I haven't formed the words that connect any of these thoughts.

How about good and bad?

And also that leathery kind of like misfit thing.

Like, that should be our fucking cow.

Well, there is, but there is, like, that's an era.

This movie and Electra are the two movies in which they make so, such draft.

It is truly missteps of like

comic movies completely misunderstanding how to represent women in movies and market towards their audience that way.

You know, like Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or even like

Columbiana, like all of these like female-centric action movies or movies that have like an intensity to them are much more like they're richer stories.

Like, I think because these are comic books, people are like, well, it's just for fanboys.

Put her in a sexy outfit, have her jump around the roof.

Yeah, she's not safe.

There's no crime.

You don't get the sense of the movie.

No, there's like the end of the movie, like she's going to continue to be Catwoman, but

there's no crime to it.

Like, what is she going to do?

She's going to fight what?

I feel like she and Sharon Stone.

Sharon Stone, who is so fucking good in this movie.

This is like her comeback movie or wanting to be a comeback movie.

She should have been.

She's great.

She's awesome.

She does exactly what she was supposed to do.

She is fucking gorgeous.

She's a wonderful villain.

She is not, oddly, not overacting, I don't think.

I feel like she is just a little bit more.

She's one of the only people who understands the movie she's doing.

Exactly.

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Okay, so Halle Berry has these powers, and Benjamin Bratt, which we should just back up for a second and talk about Benjamin Bratt.

Benjamin Bratt finds Halle Berry while he's on his way to work one morning.

Halle Berry is out on a ledge trying to save a cat, but he thinks that she's a cat.

Before she's turned into cats.

He thinks that she's a suicide jumper, and then they kind of get this flirtation, and now.

And by the way, he keeps on apologizing for thinking that.

It's like, don't be sorry about this.

She was on a ledge of a building, like, looking like she was a jumper.

Anyway, so they get.

There's this whole weird line of her being, like, offended that that was.

It's like you were hanging out of a building.

But then he's like, oh, I'm late for work, and goes straight to work.

Yeah, like, you almost died.

You almost died.

And by the way, when she drops her wallet and they clearly moved the door slamming up so that there would be enough time for him to find the wallet on the floor.

Did you notice that?

Like why couldn't you just yell her name?

You could give her a wallet right now.

Just down

you could run down those stairs.

You ran right up the stairs.

You're top.

So you did it.

You could literally, all he had to do is this, hey, your wallet.

That's as much by the way.

That's as much effort as it would have taken.

Hey, your wallet.

By the way, the other thing I think that is important to note is he finds her wallet and then shows up at her work because as we all know, our wallets have our work address in in it.

Just like when she finds him at the school, he's giving a talk in by being like, I called the police station.

I thought he might be here.

And also,

he's in a random school giving a lecture, but it seems that part of him is

that he's always at the school, but yet it seems like it's the first time that he's there.

And apparently, strangers can just walk into classrooms in this school and smile awkwardly at the guy talking and then challenge him to a one-on-one basketball.

But also, why have we not talked about the one-on-one basketball game yet and what is happening what is also happening with him in that school he's like hey kids don't grow up to be bad who wants to play some basketball wait wait that's the lecture it's a half a half cop lecture half basketball thing no it's a half cop lecture hey kids don't be bad half the kids being like show us your gun oh yeah we want to see your gun show you're buddy actually i have to say i like the choice of him being at that school because i felt what it did was i really did because i felt what it did you like this move like i did not like it i thought I liked it.

And I liked it because it was also like, we're not going to show him like solving a crime and being heroic because it's going to take away from our gal.

So we're going to actually put him in this like feminine environment where he's like nurturing.

So this one-on-one basketball game.

Oh,

holy shit.

I remember seeing this in the theater.

It's the giggling that she's doing, too, throughout.

It's all shots of her upper body.

So

they never move.

Nope.

They almost never move.

Well, it's a 101 basketball game where they never shoot the ball all they do is dribble yeah and then the only time that there's any movement is when she does it or she does a lot of walks on the walls and stuff she does a standing jumper that then somehow she falls on top of him that's the action of it

and at one point there's just a close-up of her there's just a close-up a very tight close-up of her ass giggling yes there is there's and there's also there's like shots of her upper body like moving her arms like she's dribbling like a muppet like showing them eye contact and then lower body shots of her like dribbling the ball through her legs like a Harlem Globetrotter, which I'm 100% certain was a man.

Yeah.

Sure.

There is no

upper body to lower body shots, the lower body shots are man.

She is a man.

I guarantee a man did these things.

Man, I think fucking CGI.

There's so many parts in this movie where her body is completely CGI.

Like when she's running around the city.

Oh, that's okay.

Yeah, everything is CGI.

I will say this.

To me,

the really genuinely standout good scene in this movie from another movie

was, yes, I did, was the Ferris wheel scene, which was great.

Oh, that's right from Beverly Hills Cup 3.

All right, well, that's why it was good to see it.

I know, which is not a good sign of being good.

But no, that said that.

Because it did everything it should do.

I agree.

It made him on par as an equal, someone who is otherwise

together.

She saved the kid, which I thought was a good, frankly, I thought it was awesome to see her.

That's such a superhero move.

I loved this.

You're like almost trekking off right now.

It was a music video, too.

The whole movie is a music video.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, the music, this is the fun.

They lost, though, and I couldn't believe it, is this just watching her.

There was no, like, oh, I'm watching this woman who was patient figure out all of her superhero powers.

Like, that's the fun of the movie.

It seems to be a blue of this.

And her superhero powers, I think she's talking about somebody else.

And she's giggling with this basketball stuff.

It's like, don't giggle, like, really?

Like,

what is happening?

But to me, it's like, Superman, Batman, you understand a base of their powers.

Here,

she can run and jump from building.

Right.

But besides that, it was very iffy.

It was like,

she's hungry like a cat, but she's not a cat.

But sometimes she's possessed by the cat.

She hisses like a human.

Sometimes she sleeps like a human.

Sometimes she sleeps on a pillow.

Yeah, it's like weird.

I loved when she

was.

We didn't talk about the moment in the movie when she's confused about being a cat, that she Googles cat.

No, she Googles

cats, period, women.

That's what she Googles.

How about the conversation of the cops going, what should we call her?

Cat chick?

Cat broad?

Cat broad.

Cat broad.

What jerks.

She's wearing open-toed sandals throughout all of her adventures as catwoman.

And somebody has created diamond talons for her.

Yeah, because those didn't come in that.

That didn't come in the box.

It's like gloves with diamonds on the fingers?

What are you talking about?

So she is confused.

She doesn't want to take on the catwoman persona just yet.

So she goes to Frances Conroy, ophelia powers oh my god who is really upset with the men in the world who lives in the up house oh she's like i remember that too i read that right

She lives in the up house, this little house in the middle of a city of skyscrapers.

A tiny Victorian house like in the midst of like Wall Street, like skyscrapers.

And she's in this up house, and this woman is upset with the men in this world because she was denied tenure.

That was academia.

Academia.

Academia man's world.

Yeah.

Oh,

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Paul, you pointed this out, but Midnight, the cat that's by your side, the whole movie, is like the most uninspired, uninteresting.

Casting was terrible for that cat.

I don't know who cast that cat before.

Sometimes they just CGI the cat when they see the cat's not even doing anything.

The cat just standing, like looking at the camera, it's all CGI.

There's 45 minutes.

This is a superhero movie.

There's 45 minutes before the first fight sequence.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

Which takes place

with lots of Alex Borstein just kind of EJ.

Girl, did you meet for coffee with that guy yet?

I'm like, you are Alex Borstein.

You are not a black woman.

Oh, my God.

Oh, okay.

Jimmy Smiths catches on at one point that

Callie Berry and Catwoman might be the same person because they both wrote sorry.

Yeah, whoa.

She wrote sorry because she missed the date with Benjamin Bratt slash Jimmy Smith on a coffee cup.

That scene is amazing.

And then she also wrote sorry on the bag of diamonds that she stole she returns it to the diamond place and they're like does this match does this handwriting match I'm not a handwriting expert I could say this is clearly written by the same exact

he brings it to a handwriting expert yes who says it does it match exactly no it's close in this first one you see the space between the s and the o suggests loneliness yes they're exactly the same and what and he goes it suggests loneliness but this other one is an adventurous woman but the other one's an introvert but this one wants to get revenge.

And he goes, man, if you put these two women into a room, you'd have one hell of a party.

Yeah, what the fuck does that mean?

What does that mean?

Do your fucking job.

Well, it's also like, you put a really anti-social woman in the room with a crazy, like, a crazy...

Holy shit.

Is it the same guy that studies the scar on his cheek?

Oh, yeah.

And it's like, perfect, 99.9% perfect match.

That is bonkers.

And he's studying that scar at midnight because Benjamin Bratt at midnight, or they've just had sex, Caliberry and Benjamin Bratt, and then he likes to

Jimmy Smiths.

And he goes to, like, he sees something.

He goes to the lab.

And it's clearly like two or three in the morning because they just fucked and they had dinner and it was a late night.

I love that cat sex.

Yeah.

And cat sex.

And he brings it.

The lab is fully functioning.

Oh, yes.

Like way in the early morning.

That's when they got the 99%.

We have not talked about when she is going to fully embrace becoming Cat Woman.

She cuts her own hair with two scissors, like with scissors in her hair.

It's basically Edward setting her hands.

She's like, scissors, scissors, scissors, scissors, scissors, scissors.

I was like, how could you, no, you can't use two sets of scissors to cut your own hair?

Why would you even put this in?

Cats can do that.

You can cut her hair.

Cats can cut her hands.

Do that.

Fuck you.

I don't know what it was.

I'm damn.

I wrote down one thing here, but

I think Benjamin Bratt said something, and I don't, please tell me if you remember this.

He goes, would your wife, would you be upset if your wife did blank, blank, blank?

And the guy goes, I would if she was carrying a pizza.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh,

would you rescue, would your wife rescue a cat on a ledge?

Oh, right.

If the cat was carrying a pizza.

I guess because his wife's fucking fat.

She's a fat pizza lover.

This movie is so, yeah, that line just stuck out to me.

It's being terrible.

Terrible.

So she is.

I mean,

the whole basic premise of the movie is that the skin cream is killing people.

Halle Berry wants to find a better way to do that.

If you stop, if you stop, right?

Yes, they got the other, right?

I didn't realize that.

But if you continue.

If you continue, you become Marble.

You become

Marble.

You become Sharon Stone, who is Marble.

Yes, she's so

impervious.

Which leads me to her demise.

Yes.

Why does she die?

Agreed.

She shouldn't die at all.

Yeah.

She should just fall to the ground.

She should fall to the ground and be like, and shake it off, because why would that hurt?

You guys maybe started changing before she died.

Yeah, why?

Because she was scratched.

I get it.

Well, to maybe you scratch marble, I didn't know.

She had diamond nails.

Yes.

Oh, she's got diamonds.

Sky's diamond.

Diamonds.

I love that we're really trying to track this.

I love that we're really trying to figure out this.

By the way, during the fight scene between Halle Berry and Sharon Stone, Sharon Stone does not throw a punch back.

She just gets the shit.

By the way, where are they having this fight?

They're having a fight in the poster warehouse.

It's just like

on the top floor of this building where they just keep all the older.

You know why women are going to be into this movie?

Because it's in like beauty like fashion

and then there's gonna be a new model who's younger every woman has that problem everyone hey do you guys think when she becomes cat woman she should have like super like powers no not really but she should now be able to fight like a ninja okay yeah she can do she can do that there's also a scene and again we've talked about the woman aspect of this film but the there's a scene where like Lone, that Tom Lone, who is Benjamin Bratt's character,

Sally has a lot to say about that.

I think you mean Louis Guzman.

Oh, yes, yes, you're right.

Louis Guzman.

It confronts Sharon Stone.

He knows the evil plan, and he's caught her in it.

We'll play a clip.

Because I finally trusted a friend.

Yeah, well, your friend just got you killed.

Don't be stupid, Laura.

You don't want to kill a cop.

I'm a woman, Lama.

I'm used to doing all kinds of things I don't want to do.

Give my regards to my husband.

Like, they would throw in these lines like that.

She is gorgeous.

Sharon Stone is gorgeous and powerful.

And her husband treats her like garbage

because she's over 40.

And looks, and yeah, she looks 10 billion times better than the 25-year-old.

She's beautiful than the other.

Her, the model who's replaced her.

But she's young model.

He hasn't said anything important to me since he said, I do.

I do.

It's all of the pronouncements about the new campaign and retiring, the face of, like, as though that would be covered in anything.

Oh, I must, I do, you know, I have to say, the press conference when they finally have it after her husband dies, there's like three photographers there.

Like, there's nothing, and it's not in like a press room.

No, it's in their boardroom, it's basically in the circular room from Doctor Strangelove.

Yes, it's like in an evil lair.

They're like, well, have a couple pieces of the media come to the evil lair.

There's an alternate ending on the DVD.

The original ending, which

it's pretty great.

So the movie ends with the catwoman writing a letter to Ophelia Powers

and Tom Loan and saying, thank you so much for your help.

And the cat woman Isai Morales.

Oh, yes, Isai Morales.

And so Danny Trejo gets the letter and it basically says, hey, look, I'm a cat woman now.

I need to be independent.

See you around.

Now, meanwhile, I guess she's just going to live in the city and just, but not date him.

I don't know.

So that's how the movie ends.

She's like, I'm a catwoman now.

I do my own thing.

She walks off.

Ambiguous leading room for franchise payments.

paintings.

Exactly.

The way the alternate ending goes is it cuts to her, the whole movie ends, Sharon Stone dies, the press conference, cuts to her outside with Alex Bornstein painting a mural of a cat on a building, and there's kids helping her.

A giant cat mural.

You know what I'm realizing, Paul?

What?

They must have been outside that school that they were at before.

Right, the basketball school.

Oh, yeah, I didn't realize that would perfect.

So they're painting a giant cat mural.

It's coming together.

It's coming together for me.

And then Benjamin Bratt comes up and goes, Hey, Jacino, we solved the case.

Everyone said that they were guilty and it's all done.

And then she goes, Why don't you come down?

We'll talk.

And then they come down and talk.

The camera does this insane thing where it's spinning around them.

There's no action.

It's just a dialogue scene.

The camera's spinning almost to the point of like nausea.

And it's like, she's like, can you live with somebody who's a cat woman?

He's like, well, I could do whatever.

You know, I'm cool with that.

And he's like, she says, because I'm pretty complicated.

Yeah, he goes, well, I like a complicated woman.

And that's.

And Nancy Myers Myers was like, hey, that's a good idea.

And then that's the end.

The end is that they go off.

And then the camera pans up.

Yeah, just go up into the sky.

They're going to be together forever.

And the cat mural is going to be finished painting.

Not only that, but after that, you realize this wasn't like they didn't.

And Alex Bornston behind them going, hubba, hubba, hubba.

You nailed your nails.

She's up on the scalveting, not doing anything, just like commenting, like, oh, that's painting is bad.

Isn't she with the hot doctor?

Meanwhile, Alex Bornston.

In the alternate ending, she not in the ending.

In the one that's in the movie.

Oh, okay, all right.

That's delicious and the strawberry, too.

Oh, yeah.

What?

Now, Alex Bornson, you're led to believe that she's getting sick from the cream, but she clearly stops using the cream and her face doesn't melt off.

And she's totally fine with the fact that she's been in a hospital for four days.

She's in the hospital.

She's undergoing major tests.

She's in the hospital more concerned with getting laid than the fact that she's

getting Halley Berry.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Why does Halle Berry,

I can't deal with the scenes in this movie where she, when she's cat woman, she just runway walks everywhere she's.

Because it's as different as you can possibly get from a little kid.

I mean,

she just is making it so labored to walk wherever she's.

Guys, can I say that?

Well, because I think she's walking like a cat in a very central way.

I loved her physicality.

I just want to ask you guys: this is a little bit of a trivia question.

How many writers wrote this movie?

11.

Okay.

How many you you want to say?

I looked it up so I shouldn't guess.

Okay.

Oh, God.

I'm going to say like eight.

28 writers were involved

in the arbitration.

They nailed it.

Okay, but they finally were awarded to three writers and two story credits.

But 28 writers were involved in this script at one point.

Wow.

Anyone notable?

The ones that wrote it were John D.

Brancato, Michael Ferris, John Rogers, Teresa Riebeck, Broncado, and Ferris.

So So those are the...

Wow.

Wow.

As you can tell, we did not love this movie, but now it is time for a second opinion.

These are called from Amazon.com.

These are five-star reviews of Catwoman.

So here you go.

This is from Huntsville.

If you like Cats or Halle Berry, you're going to like this movie.

Jay Harris, right?

Not both.

No.

If you like either or, that's enough.

If you just like Cats and hate Halliburry, you're still going to like this movie.

Exactly.

But if you, yeah, either or.

And if you like both, holy shit, you're in.

Your day just got made.

Here is another version of that quote.

As I love both cats and ancient Egypt, this was my dream movie.

What?

So you like the two very short montages?

The opening montage had some papyrus in it.

That's it.

This is the other one I really like.

I have no idea why some people say this is bad, because it isn't.

It's actually really good.

Definitely good.

I'm a guy.

I'm so desperate.

And then this gets a little bit more

serious.

It goes, I also like the way this movie treated the duality of what a woman can be if she chooses and her right to choose.

Virgin Vam.

I have recommended this film to all I know who are like me, a pagan.

Oh, that's amazing.

And finally, the last one.

There's so many here that were amazing.

On one hand, I'm happy because of the bad publicity that I get the DVD of this movie sooner.

But on the other hand, I'm saddened because they probably won't get the sequel.

So this guy liked the bad publicity because he wanted to get a DVD sank.

Can I ask, what is the lore of Catwoman?

Like, how in the Common Ages actually there's become Catwoman?

Oh, I see.

All right.

But usually, I mean, she's a Batman villain, basically.

But then Batman is constantly kind of like having a relationship with her.

She's very compelling.

Like, she's very, she's like a, she started out as like a cat burglar, blah, blah, blah, blah.

One thing I also have to say, and maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is just my personal or female point of view, I feel like Michelle Pfeiffer's actual suit is so much sexier than like the

SNM and the big tits, like the fucking like pushed up, like Halleck Barry, you know, those aren't all, that's not all her.

It's just, and like the sexed up part of it, like I prefer the American horror story like giant body condom.

No, totally.

I'm down with that.

I don't know.

I thought she looked good at it.

I know, she looked amazing.

She looked better than she was like covered in glitter makeup.

and she was looking at it.

She was very shiny.

She looked like she was just walking a runway.

It's like you were watching a Rihanna concert where Rihanna's fancy cuts.

It didn't look functional.

It didn't look funny.

Also,

her mask is the worst mask in the history of superhero masks.

Also, cats have fur.

I'm just going to say that cats have to be a cursor.

Every time she jumped.

If she was wearing this, every time she jumped anywhere, her tits would pop out.

They would fall out, of course.

Yeah.

Which I watched astutely.

That's the one that I think did not happen.

That did not happen.

As always, we go to you, the audience, to play a part in the show.

Last week, we asked you to go on to eardrop and record your favorite bad pun.

That would be like you would pretend to your Catwoman, maybe you and a friend would get together and do one of the puns from the movie.

Like, you know, it's a perfect crime.

So here are some of our favorites puns from Catwoman.

Once I've had my claws in you, you'll need to pee with a cat theater.

So good.

So good, guys.

You're amazing.

Any final thoughts?

Any final thoughts that we didn't cover?

Anything that people want to talk about?

I think that this movie is definitely worth the rental.

Oh, it is.

Without a doubt, it's on iTunes.

It's on iTunes.

And it's on YouTube.

I got to say, it's outrageous, but

it's not a bad movie.

Yes, it is.

It's a bad movie.

No, it's not viewing.

It's not a bad viewing movie.

Oh, no, no, it's true.

It is a fun, bad movie to watch.

It's campy and silly, and you know what?

It is almost if it were just that much campier and sillier, it would have been awesome.

Yes, it misses the mark because it takes itself a little bit too seriously.

So, like I said earlier, you think this movie, directed by Pete Doff, who was just a visual effects guy, which makes sense.

That's why that makes a ton of sense.

He did three movies.

This was one of them.

So, it's like, and he was all, but he's listed crazy credits for visual effects.

I can only say that I think the final word of this movie is best spoken by Halle Berry and her Razzie speech, which we have have called together the best parts of She Goes to Town and she was going down with this worst actress award.

She showed up with her Oscar in one hand and a Razzie in the other, but she takes down everyone.

Take a listen to that.

I've got so many people to thank because

you don't win a Razzie without a lot of help from a lot of people.

So

please indulge me and just let me, you know, go through this.

First of all, I want to thank Warner Brothers.

Thank you for putting me in a piece of shit, god-awful movie.

You know, it was just what my career needed, you know.

I was at the top, and then Catwoman just plummeted me to the bottom.

I want to thank my manager, Vincent Sorincione.

Vince, here he is.

Here's my manager.

Vincent Sorincion.

I want to say, no, no, listen, this guy loves me.

He loves me so much.

He loves me so much that he tells me that I'm the greatest actress there ever was.

He loves me so much that he convinces me to do projects even when he knows they're shit.

But that's how much he loves me.

That's how much he really loves me.

And my only advice to you, Vinny, is next time I do a movie, if I get a chance to do another movie,

maybe you should read the script before you read the

screen.

Just counting the zeros behind the one really isn't enough.

You've really got to read the script.

Thank you.

I love you, man.

Love you.

I want to thank my agents and my lawyers.

who obviously don't give a shit.

They're not here tonight, but love you guys.

Love you.

I want to thank the writers, all 20 of them.

Thank you for thinking this was a good idea.

Obviously, it wasn't, but I appreciate the thought.

You thought it was.

You tried.

Hey, thank you.

I want to thank the cast.

You know, it's really important in order to give a really bad performance like I did, you need a lot of bad actors around you.

So I want to thank all of them.

I also want to thank our director, Petoff.

You know, that one-named French guy.

Thank you very much.

It was a joy to come to work every day and work with him, really.

I mean, I didn't know what the hell he was saying, but

I'm sure it showed in my performance.

But it was truly a joy and a pleasure.

And I also want to thank my acting coach, Ivana Chubic.

She just wrote a book called The Power of the Actor.

You all should rush out and get it.

Could change your life, too.

All right, thank you guys so much for listening.

I don't know if you heard what's going on in the next room.

I hope you didn't.

As always, you can follow Jamie.

You're on Twitter at Jamie Dunbo.

And Jason, you're on Twitter.

I'm not on Twitter.

June, you're at.

At Miss June Ban.

I am at Paul Shearer.

Remember to rate and review us on iTunes if you like the show.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye.

Oh, Gecko, I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

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Sign what?

The app?

Sure.

Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.

Could you sign it again?

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