Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets w/ Jessica St. Clair & Doug Benson (HDTGM Matinee)

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Speaker 9 A stunning sci-fi spectacle that engages the viewer on every level, except for character, plot, and pacing.

Speaker 15 We saw Valerian, so you know what that means.

Speaker 19 Swanston Aga Grove, baby, in his belly, rock a rhyme stone vest while ripping Justin to Kelly. Or maybe see a burlesque show with that crow.
And take a boat with speech who hitting cruise control.

Speaker 19 J-Man, Big Paul, and the beautiful June. Gonna take you from the goof all the way to the room.
Random games of Street Fighter help to blow off steam. Just a sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green.

Speaker 19 Shock nadle to bird demic, how we stayin' alive. They call it in the badass and he's on the line.
Cranking 88 minutes cause they cool as ice. Cause the bad Jim Barney looking kind and nice.

Speaker 19 Paul and June getting literal. Jason is getting laid.
June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid. They judge a bunch of movies while they're making the grade.

Speaker 19 Here's a real question for you. How did this get made?

Speaker 19 Hello, people of Earth.

Speaker 19 Hey, hello, people of Los Angeles.

Speaker 19 We are here at the Ace Hotel Theater

Speaker 5 for the very special PCAST Blast.

Speaker 11 We watched the movie Valerian.

Speaker 7 Wow.

Speaker 25 It's like Fifth Element if it didn't make sense.

Speaker 11 And that movie barely made sense.

Speaker 16 So we'll get into all of that.

Speaker 11 But first, let me welcome my co-host.

Speaker 30 Please welcome Jason Manzukas.

Speaker 30 What's up, jerks?

Speaker 30 How we doing balcony?

Speaker 30 It's a big,

Speaker 11 big balcony up there.

Speaker 20 Big balcony.

Speaker 32 Who here's been here all day?

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Who here's been wearing a diaper?

Speaker 34 Who's living that hashtag diape life?

Speaker 25 And look, if you're listening right now,

Speaker 24 yes, they've been here all day.

Speaker 11 Since three, it's now eight. It's not that big of an accomplishment.

Speaker 37 Who's been here? It's like seeing the one hours of podcasting.

Speaker 40 It's like seeing two Lord of the Rings movies.

Speaker 11 You're fine.

Speaker 41 Which I'm sure none of these people have seen.

Speaker 42 JK, you're fucking nerds.

Speaker 9 Speaking of nerds, Jason,

Speaker 44 what? This movie, Valerian, were you familiar with it?

Speaker 21 Did you see it before?

Speaker 20 Yeah, I was familiar. I had never seen it until this.

Speaker 47 I was familiar with it in theory from watching the trailers and being like, well, I don't know what this is.

Speaker 48 And then I watched it and felt very much the same.

Speaker 32 It ended after, I think, about a four-hour run time.

Speaker 5 And I was confounded.

Speaker 10 I watched the movie and fully

Speaker 50 feelings.

Speaker 48 This is the one with Dane DeHan and

Speaker 31 Cara Delavine, right?

Speaker 51 Yes. Tulip fever?

Speaker 11 What? No, not that one.

Speaker 9 Tulip Fever.

Speaker 31 I don't know.

Speaker 42 They are also the leads of the movie Tulip Fever.

Speaker 5 First of all, did not know that that was a thing.

Speaker 31 Fuck you.

Speaker 14 Second of all.

Speaker 42 Their chemistry so electric,

Speaker 55 it has now been the basis of two different love stories.

Speaker 56 Both of which savagely unsuccessful.

Speaker 44 They are the bogey in Bacal of now.

Speaker 11 They are the millennial.

Speaker 11 They are the millennial Harry mitzale um jason what we have a big show a very big how big is this show huge because you guys you guys got to get your energy like 10 million times more amped

Speaker 11 thank you we have a very special guest host filling in for our normal co-host judian rafia we have a very special one she has been on the show uh in the past She has talked about films like Pluto Nash.

Speaker 11 She is the star of one of the most hilariously funny shows on TV. It's called Playing House.

Speaker 65 Please welcome Jessica St. Clair.

Speaker 13 Welcome, Jessica.

Speaker 37 Here we go.

Speaker 66 Thank you.

Speaker 9 This is very exciting.

Speaker 67 The audience is giving you going kisses.

Speaker 34 The audience is on their feet.

Speaker 54 They're rushing the stage.

Speaker 70 If you're listening to this at home, the audience is freaking out.

Speaker 71 They're tearing me limb from limb.

Speaker 39 They are rending their clothes clothes and losing their minds.

Speaker 15 They are very excited to see you. Womp it up is back.

Speaker 51 Woo!

Speaker 73 Womp it up is back, bitch.

Speaker 74 I feel so sick.

Speaker 73 I just finished this film in an abandoned parking lot

Speaker 73 because I put it off

Speaker 74 for so long.

Speaker 76 You were giving hand jobs this weekend.

Speaker 73 And I was also giving $5 hand jobs just to try to get it.

Speaker 5 Oh, I know your prices went up.

Speaker 44 And the clients were kind of into it because you were playing a movie at the same time.

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 59 There was a bunch of podcast nerds being like, wait, I can get a hand job and watch a sci-fi movie?

Speaker 77 My dreams are coming true.

Speaker 11 Coming true, indeed.

Speaker 33 Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 51 guys.

Speaker 39 Talking about that jizz in your pants.

Speaker 23 And people could argue this movie is a little masperatory.

Speaker 9 So,

Speaker 60 Jessica,

Speaker 11 I know that we've put you through the ringer with the future movies.

Speaker 63 This is not a dystopian future.

Speaker 73 No, now you haven't aired yet, right? But you've made me watch now Pluto Nash,

Speaker 73 which I found more enjoyable than this film, which says a lot. Although the costume design was very similar.

Speaker 29 To be fair, can you, this picture is what's on the big screen up here, right?

Speaker 5 That's a lot like the guys I jerked off earlier.

Speaker 41 You did over there say these were, these three characters made you the most turned on you've ever felt in cinema history.

Speaker 73 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 60 That's true. This is the magic mic.

Speaker 11 These three Stooges characters from the movie Valerian are, you know, they're sexy, they're fun, they're blurry.

Speaker 81 They're funny.

Speaker 73 They kind of reminded me of Oh Hello, didn't they? Did they have an oh hello vibe to anybody?

Speaker 81 They were like, oh,

Speaker 82 too much tuna.

Speaker 73 Anyway, yeah, I feel sick. I hated this movie.
And I hate you guys for making me watch so many fucking movies about the dystopic future. I would take so many trash cans on fire,

Speaker 73 so many iced teas with, you know, what was that shit-ass movie

Speaker 11 of the dolphin, who was uh, who was addicted to, or the internet or something.

Speaker 52 Oh, right.

Speaker 58 What was that?

Speaker 37 What is the name and title of that?

Speaker 83 Johnny Mimonic.

Speaker 35 That's coming.

Speaker 51 Thank you.

Speaker 73 Anyway, I would take a thousand of those movies for one of this base bullshit.

Speaker 60 Jessica, all I'll say is at least it's short, only two hours and 16 minutes.

Speaker 11 Brisk, a brisk

Speaker 11 movie.

Speaker 47 I watched every one of those credits

Speaker 5 with glee

Speaker 76 I was like these poor people worked so hard.

Speaker 73 I mean who was the who was the jelly wraggler who had to just like clean that jelly off of everybody because every lot of people are getting slimed in this movie the slime ratio is very high more so than on any Nickelodeon show ever

Speaker 21 We have a very special guest tonight.

Speaker 60 He is a how did this get made all-star

Speaker 11 you know him from his amazing comedy specials his own podcast, Doug Loves Movies, and from our episodes here of Twilight, Doug Benson!

Speaker 11 Woo!

Speaker 86 Welcome, Doug.

Speaker 86 Hey!

Speaker 88 Everybody?

Speaker 25 Doug, I believe the only one of us who saw the film in the theater.

Speaker 52 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 89 If not opening weekend, close to it, because I am a Luke Bisson completist.

Speaker 89 I'll see every crazy piece of shit movie he makes until one of us is dead.

Speaker 25 I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there was an element about this movie that I legitimately enjoyed.

Speaker 66 Was it the fifth element?

Speaker 62 But there is something about this movie on a visual level that is

Speaker 61 like...

Speaker 11 If I was in like an Indian restaurant and this was playing on a monitor and I didn't hear it or I wasn't invested in it, I'd be like, that looks cool.

Speaker 8 Like, that's how I feel.

Speaker 89 I'd be like, excuse me, could you turn the subtitles off?

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 47 You'd be like, I'd love more chicken tikka masala.

Speaker 51 And what is this movie?

Speaker 89 Can I have a side of Valerian with my tikka masala?

Speaker 11 Some sack paneer and some Dane Dehan.

Speaker 5 Is that his name? Dane De Han? Dane Dahan?

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 89 Karen Delavine is not in Tulip Fever.

Speaker 5 Isn't she?

Speaker 61 That other lady.

Speaker 87 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 89 That's Lisa Vikander.

Speaker 1 Oh, nuts.

Speaker 62 That's why I didn't know.

Speaker 72 Is she not in it as well?

Speaker 52 She is, right?

Speaker 5 Oh, okay.

Speaker 59 They're both. It doesn't matter.
But I was wrong.

Speaker 50 You're right.

Speaker 73 I don't blame any actor in this film for this movie. That's not their fault.
They're just doing, they're there. They showed up to work on time.

Speaker 51 They got into hair and makeup.

Speaker 5 How do you know that?

Speaker 1 Are you just setting on this movie? Yes.

Speaker 15 It's an interesting movie because I would argue that from out of the gate, it has all this potential.

Speaker 31 Well, it's crazy, but I got I mean the first thing that we're watching is like literally 10 solid minutes of no subtitles and no English right right, it's just aliens who wash with pearls, they mine pearls, they have pets that ship pearls

Speaker 41 is that before or after we watch aliens shaking hands with people for service.

Speaker 51 Oh, yes, sorry, 13 minutes.

Speaker 89 There's the lost art of shaking hands monster.

Speaker 49 30 minutes.

Speaker 32 30 minutes. Door opens.

Speaker 52 Three people walk in.

Speaker 92 Shake hands. Nope.

Speaker 49 Door opens.

Speaker 94 Shake hands.

Speaker 75 Nope.

Speaker 56 So many actors. So famous.

Speaker 84 Shake hands.

Speaker 5 And then at the end of all of that, even still it goes, 400 years later. What?

Speaker 82 Why did you do this then?

Speaker 39 Why do this?

Speaker 42 This was the passage of time.

Speaker 5 You don't then also say, also, 400 more years.

Speaker 39 Imagine all those hands shaking.

Speaker 24 And by the way, there was something very odd about this movie.

Speaker 60 Like, just on the premise level, I mean, I'm hard-pressed to understand why you even needed to see the passage of time at all because they, I mean,

Speaker 63 so I guess the idea is there was a space station, then it kept on growing and growing and growing, and then Rucker Hauer, who's like top build in the movie, has one scene.

Speaker 9 As he should be.

Speaker 73 100%. He's the guy with the earring.

Speaker 92 Wow.

Speaker 98 He is the gut.

Speaker 93 Does not narrow it down.

Speaker 77 This is, by the way, this is a continuation of a conversation we started over there where Jessica goes, who was the man who's the club owner where Rihanna was?

Speaker 41 And I said, Ethan Hawk.

Speaker 78 And he went, that's Ethan Hawk?

Speaker 73 And then I said, he got his teeth fixed.

Speaker 5 I think those were fixed.

Speaker 73 Because in reality,

Speaker 70 those were fake teeth for this movie.

Speaker 73 Because you know who he looked like? Who's the singer? He's got real bleach blonde hair.

Speaker 73 Who? Sugar Ray? Margaret Grass.

Speaker 51 Margaret Grass, yeah.

Speaker 73 Yes, that's who I thought it was. And I actually thought to myself,

Speaker 73 he's not a terrible actor, but now that I know it's Ethan Hawk, he should be ashamed of himself.

Speaker 13 Oh, boy.

Speaker 89 When Ethan Hawk is the comic relief character in your movie, you're in trouble.

Speaker 9 Blame future organ?

Speaker 74 He's playing future organ.

Speaker 62 He's playing an organ, but it doesn't seem like organ is the music that is playing in the scene.

Speaker 26 Like, it seems like a full orchestra is happening, but he's like, boop, boop, boop, boop, baby,

Speaker 44 over on the side.

Speaker 31 I mean,

Speaker 101 there's so much here,

Speaker 21 and the good news is, if you ever get lost, characters will stop the movie dead to give you three to four minutes of exposition at a time.

Speaker 73 And flashback, and flashback.

Speaker 38 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 73 That's the thing, is you can be so dumb dumb about movies as I am. Doug, you know this.
I was on Doug Love's movie once, and I haven't been able to meet his gaze once.

Speaker 73 But you can be really dumb and still kind of understand what's happening in this movie.

Speaker 22 Oh, yeah, because they tell you at the last five minutes, they're like, oh, here's the entire plot of the movie.

Speaker 26 It's almost like

Speaker 11 you're explaining it to your parents.

Speaker 11 Okay, pause it.

Speaker 62 So remember those characters from before?

Speaker 14 So they're over here, and that guy is bad.

Speaker 36 Oh, Oh, he's bad. Yeah, he's the bad guy.

Speaker 38 But then even then if your parents are like, well, that would insinuate that the middle hour in 40 minutes was irrelevant.

Speaker 70 And it was.

Speaker 45 This movie resets itself every 15 minutes into a different place and movie, none of which is cumulatively important to the movie's journey at all.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 89 DVD could have like a late chapter that says, recap here.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 79 It's like, go ahead, start here.

Speaker 67 If you started the the movie really in the last 20 minutes, you could get everything that you needed.

Speaker 9 It would be a great episode of television.

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Speaker 26 Well, let me talk about.

Speaker 15 To me, I mean, we can get into the pearl-eating people, but

Speaker 11 the real issue that I have with this movie is it's like,

Speaker 11 I'm giving you the real benefit of the doubt going.

Speaker 21 It's like a James Bond in outer space kind of story,

Speaker 101 but there is nothing

Speaker 21 energetic between these two characters.

Speaker 62 They have so much witty repartee that is not said the way that you would say a witty repartee.

Speaker 37 It's the deadly.

Speaker 73 It's like when Harry met Sally, but they're just re it's like a staged reading and they just got the script.

Speaker 75 Oh right right yeah.

Speaker 73 Wait no no that was you. Go ahead.
So you what are you doing?

Speaker 5 So you're a princess was guiding you?

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 95 Okay, we got it. Moving on.
Okay.

Speaker 45 You guys, you guys, your chemistry is off the charts.

Speaker 89 Every scene in this movie was shot in one take or less.

Speaker 65 It's like we need to get this to the effects guys as quick as possible because they have a lot of work to do.

Speaker 100 The most important thing on this movie is effects.

Speaker 45 They are not interested in performance at all.

Speaker 25 But it's crazy because, like,

Speaker 29 the main actor, he

Speaker 21 should be roguish.

Speaker 42 His lines are written to.

Speaker 41 He's supposed to be like a Han Solo, charismatic, you know,

Speaker 41 charming space rogue.

Speaker 89 And he sounds like Keanu Reeves.

Speaker 84 Close your eyes.

Speaker 24 By the way, we did a lot of things.

Speaker 89 We'll get away from him to say he's not an FBI agent.

Speaker 11 We literally, April Halley, who puts all of our stuff together, the genius behind all of these great things and movie bitches, she put together this short comparison. Take a listen.

Speaker 104 Federal agent on duty. I am an FBI agent.

Speaker 26 It is exactly the same.

Speaker 84 I did not know you were going to do that when I said that.

Speaker 98 It's insane.

Speaker 94 And right from the get,

Speaker 11 I don't get these things when they want to show how couples are really into each other. I've never

Speaker 63 aggressively wrestled.

Speaker 62 That was their meat.

Speaker 11 We're wrestling.

Speaker 63 They're wrestling a drink.

Speaker 73 With a full drink in their hands.

Speaker 44 Which is a solid.

Speaker 9 It's solid. Whatever they're drinking.

Speaker 76 The frequency with which the glass with the drink has to drop out of frame because it couldn't be there still, because they would drop it or smash it or it it would spill or whatever just so they can then put it back in bring it back whoop they literally are doing UFC style fight moves with their legs like flipping each other over

Speaker 20 now this is so you're telling me yes and you're telling all of us you and June don't aggressively wrestle at home

Speaker 73 you guys don't it was when we first met we were wrestling all the time right and now it's falling off with the kids you don't wrestle as well we don't wrestle and she wasn't sure for a while yeah when a girl's not sure she'll wrestle with you yeah

Speaker 23 when I talk about my playlist, my playlist, which was an odd choice, it's not like playlist has a meaning currently.

Speaker 50 Yes.

Speaker 62 So to say your playlist, which is like, is that his yank bank of old exes?

Speaker 10 I think it's all the people that he's had sex with.

Speaker 62 Right, but why would you call that your playlist?

Speaker 22 Right.

Speaker 93 Because they just wrestle.

Speaker 4 His playmates.

Speaker 57 And they, and they oddly all, like, when he mentions his playlist, they all pop up on the wall like trading cards.

Speaker 47 And do you think, like, because he also has the ability, do you think if he, like, clicked on one of those things, you would then see it?

Speaker 76 Because

Speaker 41 he also has the ability to see, like, the computer can project the dream that he had to him outside of his head.

Speaker 50 Remember that?

Speaker 9 Like, so are we to assume these are files of like his, like, are these all sex tapes that he has?

Speaker 55 Like, what's the matter?

Speaker 73 The more we talk about it, it sounds like you guys are so hoping and wishing that that is a possibility either now or in the future.

Speaker 42 Here's what I want to know.

Speaker 46 Is it on the special features?

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 51 I mean, we got the special features.

Speaker 42 Maybe you can click on them and see some like super alien dirty nastiness.

Speaker 11 I did watch some special features because I did buy this on iTunes.

Speaker 14 I spent the $19

Speaker 15 on a more expensive iTunes purchase.

Speaker 35 Why did you buy?

Speaker 73 Oh, so you could do your four viewings. Yes.
You had to dip in, dip out.

Speaker 62 Well, yeah, I was like, I don't know where I'm going to be able to watch this.

Speaker 12 I watched half of it on an iPad.

Speaker 11 I watched half of it on the TV in my bedroom. I watched half it on TV.

Speaker 31 You get it.

Speaker 51 You've got 10 screens.

Speaker 73 You took a break. You wrestled June.
You went back to watching.

Speaker 43 We get it.

Speaker 5 I watched the old Apple Newton.

Speaker 49 Sure.

Speaker 73 I had a theory, which was that they had almost like a focus group of all of these movies, of which I've not seen all of them, but it's like, for those of you who like Star Wars, we've got like that little bar they go to where everyone's like, the ship looks like the Millennium Falcon.

Speaker 73 Right, and then there's if you liked Avatar. Yeah, I know that, I know that, which I thought they should have updated that.
That's so dumb.

Speaker 21 Yeah, like, like, what's your favorite character for Star Wars?

Speaker 73 What is this?

Speaker 21 What's your favorite character for Star Wars?

Speaker 5 Hold on.

Speaker 89 What's like, if you had to pick one character from Star Wars.

Speaker 38 It's Star Wars.

Speaker 5 What's your favorite character?

Speaker 51 Short, short, short, short.

Speaker 49 Princess Leia.

Speaker 106 Okay, well, good job. Yeah.

Speaker 51 R.I.P.

Speaker 89 Yeah. She really knows her stuff.

Speaker 18 She really got into it.

Speaker 1 Here she is.

Speaker 5 Wait a second. Oh, God.

Speaker 73 I forgot Carrie Fisher was dead, and then I remember, and now I'm stone again.

Speaker 5 She's not dead.

Speaker 49 We have terrible news.

Speaker 18 Oh, God.

Speaker 18 Which is Leia's notebook.

Speaker 51 That's Debbie Reynolds's storyline.

Speaker 69 Great.

Speaker 35 Why are you ripping her Debbie Reynolds? My God.

Speaker 73 Here in the Ace Hotel. No, but and then you've got your avatar, right? That's all the tall people.
Yes.

Speaker 11 The Pearl people are the avatar people. people, right?

Speaker 73 And I would have seen a whole movie of those pearl people. I thought that was nice.
She wakes up in like an ear canal, and then like and then she's like stretching.

Speaker 73 I was like, this seems like a good life.

Speaker 51 I had mentioned that it was a pear canal.

Speaker 89 She's got a very sexy half-shirt on.

Speaker 24 The sexy half-shirt was odd.

Speaker 62 They didn't seem like creatures that needed to wear clothes.

Speaker 31 Here's the thing.

Speaker 44 And she was wearing a very blousy top.

Speaker 73 Yeah, everything's very gossamer.

Speaker 38 Those, those, that race of beings did not have nipples.

Speaker 73 That's interesting. I didn't even look at it.
Right.

Speaker 39 So, like, then,

Speaker 47 why wear shirts?

Speaker 76 Right? Like, what do we do?

Speaker 67 There was no reason for that to be weird.

Speaker 89 You only wear shirts to show off your nipples.

Speaker 95 Yeah, like, the only reason I wear shirts is why we wear shipping.

Speaker 49 I just want to cover my nips.

Speaker 41 Right.

Speaker 47 And same with you guys, because, good God, I don't want to see any of these gross nips.

Speaker 59 So thank God for shirts.

Speaker 51 But without nips.

Speaker 23 I have a lot of issues about this world while Beautiful is like, she wakes up, she goes to her sink to wash her face in pearls.

Speaker 73 That'd be a great like cosmetics commercial if I was just like, oh, get those pearls on me.

Speaker 44 But then she goes outside and then there's water.

Speaker 31 Yeah, but then they're getting pearls.

Speaker 44 But there is a world where there is water.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 84 So pearls are not water.

Speaker 52 Right.

Speaker 42 Even though they seem to turn into liquid, and they also have an energy, like a powerful energy more powerful than like an atom bomb or something like that.

Speaker 37 Right, that one could could blow up.

Speaker 12 Well, there is a moment in this movie that I was like, I know I could have fallen asleep at any given point.

Speaker 11 But when that one pearl blows up and everyone's in the space station, like when they're interrogating that one pearl person,

Speaker 11 a big explosion happens and then they don't ever reference it again, right? Am I right in that?

Speaker 75 That's right. I don't remember.

Speaker 81 Am I right in that?

Speaker 61 Doesn't she? When?

Speaker 21 When they're like interrogating the person in the space.

Speaker 38 Yeah, when they're interrogating the Pearl Man, but where is the pearl at that point?

Speaker 15 I think they take out a pearl at one point and then it's like,

Speaker 95 oh, really? Oh, maybe.

Speaker 103 That might be

Speaker 73 how they die is when they do that.

Speaker 98 It's a different pearl?

Speaker 63 It's not a pearl.

Speaker 61 That's how they die in an explosion.

Speaker 24 They die in an explosion.

Speaker 18 We normally mic up our audience.

Speaker 11 They die in an explosion.

Speaker 106 Oh, wow.

Speaker 43 So the pearl explosion.

Speaker 89 Did you guys know that John Goodman is one of the voices? Yes, and they just repurposed all of Sully's lines from Monster Z.

Speaker 60 I'm not going in for that.

Speaker 14 Just take old Roseanne ticks and Sully lines.

Speaker 11 Like how they did like Grandma of Darken and like Rogue One.

Speaker 25 I wrote that like this movie was so kind of based on a certain level that I was started to write that.

Speaker 11 My notes have devolved into things like this.

Speaker 4 Uniforms are stupid.

Speaker 37 Like, I was like,

Speaker 30 like, the idea of the uniform.

Speaker 42 It's 500 years in the future, and people are wearing dumb clothes from now.

Speaker 73 They look like Nazis, straight up, right? The bad guys?

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, those uniforms.

Speaker 73 Anytime you're going to be in an olive green, that's a bad choice.

Speaker 82 What is the chest piece that Clive Owen...

Speaker 51 Clive Owen cannot catch a break.

Speaker 38 this dude is a phenomenal actor

Speaker 51 he is in

Speaker 20 trash yeah except for croupier and the nick okay

Speaker 42 otherwise like I don't know what's up with him he him I felt so bad him putting on that giant hat every time and that weird golden like if somebody like glued a bunch of nuts and bolts onto a chest placard and he has to like clip it in and wear it around the rest of the movie.

Speaker 20 I was like, give up, dude.

Speaker 51 It's over.

Speaker 25 But what I liked about Clive Owen was he didn't know what side he fell on.

Speaker 24 Like when you first met him, you're like, could he be good or could he be bad? I'm joking.

Speaker 44 He was playing fully bad from moment one.

Speaker 14 There was no confusion.

Speaker 48 I love the moment where the camera comes around the second time and you realize it's him that ordered the attack on the planet.

Speaker 38 And you were like, no fucking dog.

Speaker 36 Because I haven't met any other antagonist yet.

Speaker 51 This is the reason why. There's no reason for reason.

Speaker 91 Like Jessica thought they were all bad guys from the beginning.

Speaker 51 Even

Speaker 51 immediately.

Speaker 38 And Valerian's with them in the beginning.

Speaker 89 Like they're all supposed to be good and then they're bad.

Speaker 97 I don't like a movie where they keep a character's back

Speaker 11 to camera and then he turns around, but they're not anybody that you know.

Speaker 24 Like when Valerian goes to meet his first person, I'm like, ooh-oh, who's it gonna be?

Speaker 11 Oh, I don't know this person.

Speaker 20 I also didn't understand ever.

Speaker 31 Kirby Hancock.

Speaker 76 I didn't really ever understand. Oh, that's right, yeah.

Speaker 42 Ever understand

Speaker 5 who

Speaker 48 Valerian

Speaker 9 and Cara Delavine?

Speaker 73 Did she have a name?

Speaker 51 What was oh, the name's Loreline. Loreline.

Speaker 89 And the graphic novel that it's based on, this is a classic example of Hollywood sexism or French sexism.

Speaker 51 The book it's based on is called Valerian and Loreline, and then the movie is called Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

Speaker 31 Like, fuck that girl.

Speaker 51 She's only half of the whole movie.

Speaker 20 People are either coming for the dude or the city of a thousand people.

Speaker 73 And she has to be in a bikini all the time at work, and when she's not, she has to wear that very uncomfortable metal bra.

Speaker 89 Yeah, she's not in the bikini enough of the time, if you ask me.

Speaker 101 Well, but I'm also like, because he treats her as if they are not equals.

Speaker 63 Like,

Speaker 73 she has to wait for the takeout guy, or, you know, or she has to, like, always be out in the in the lobby.

Speaker 51 Yeah, they, yeah, they also are.

Speaker 89 Wait for me in the lobby.

Speaker 51 Yeah, wait for me in in the lobby.

Speaker 79 Go outside and have a smoke.

Speaker 77 Get me some Reese's PCs and wait for me in the lobby.

Speaker 9 Wait for me in the lobby of the big market.

Speaker 21 I wrote down, I was like, there's so much sarcasm in this movie.

Speaker 14 I don't know what's real or not.

Speaker 21 And I don't know if they're good at their job or they're terrible at their job

Speaker 24 because nothing made sense.

Speaker 55 I don't know if they understand sarcasm.

Speaker 48 I also think, and I've, and whatever, I think these are both very talented people, and I have seen them be good in other things.

Speaker 55 It was like someone let two kids onto a movie set and they were like fuck it.

Speaker 20 Let's do the movie with them

Speaker 89 I Was like I couldn't say whatever you want kids couldn't crack it.

Speaker 73 I couldn't figure out Here's a big problem the stakes for them seem to be for most of the movie that they're trying to get to their vacation Yes, that they just gotta get to the beach.

Speaker 51 Well, you know, like I don't they don't

Speaker 9 accept his marriage proposal because this is clearly the love story of the century.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 11 By the way, there's nothing more sad than someone being, why won't you marry me?

Speaker 14 And the first, like, that's like this first thing is like, oh, all right, well, you're laying it all out on the line right from the get-go.

Speaker 48 Like, are they even a couple at the beginning of this movie?

Speaker 51 No, no, they're partners.

Speaker 5 They're just partners, right?

Speaker 79 But they're inseparable and they wrestle in their underwear on the beach.

Speaker 9 Like, honestly, they both have more chemistry with the robot that runs their ship.

Speaker 61 Alex.

Speaker 73 Alex.

Speaker 11 Oh my gosh. I want to talk about some of the tech because I believe that the movie, well first of all this performance was one of my favorites.

Speaker 11 Um the uh the the hold on here, I'm gonna just oh I love that

Speaker 73 I don't like when she almost gets her brain eaten.

Speaker 11 There was something this is my this is my favorite performance um this guy here play it

Speaker 61 for today, okay?

Speaker 104 Now, whose first time is this at Big Market? Okay, that's been lovely. Wonderful, wonderful.
Now let me remind remind you that Big Market is in another dimension.

Speaker 104 You won't be able to see it without your helmet or touch it without your gloves.

Speaker 104 Please watch the letters at the top and verify that the U for human is poor green, okay?

Speaker 104 So, everybody, please get together right behind your guy whose name is Tessie!

Speaker 90 Come on, let's go!

Speaker 18 And

Speaker 87 Tessie is on

Speaker 94 through the gates. Watch this right to camera.

Speaker 18 wonderful okay he goes

Speaker 17 system activated

Speaker 63 one thing there we go this is my favorite little

Speaker 90 activate your system

Speaker 33 welcome

Speaker 73 why did Jason get this job were you up for this part

Speaker 73 there were two parts you could have gotten that one and the and the jellyfish hunter I was I was up for both of these parts you know

Speaker 85 I I just you know I missed it by, I guess, you know, it just came down to me and him, and he had all of the wardrobe already.

Speaker 68 Yeah, you didn't have enough beads in your beard.

Speaker 41 He was like one of those guys that came in character, you know?

Speaker 73 He just came with like a double bag full of old towels and then wrapped them around him.

Speaker 49 He was undeniable.

Speaker 40 Have you guys been to the

Speaker 11 whole Universal Park, the Valerian Universal Park, where you're like, it's just a big empty piece of sand?

Speaker 24 So here's my issue with the big market.

Speaker 25 So the premise is it's in another dimension.

Speaker 11 Cool idea.

Speaker 15 You got to put on glasses and then you can explore.

Speaker 40 But basically, even though it's in another dimension, you're still in this dimension walking around.

Speaker 60 So it's almost like VR that you're experiencing something, but you're existing in a space.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 11 when all this shit happens where they're like robbing John Goodman from Monsters Inc.,

Speaker 94 like he's being chased, but at any given point, couldn't he just take off the glasses?

Speaker 51 Well, yeah.

Speaker 41 yeah, no, because his hand is stuck in the thing.

Speaker 11 Oh, so his hand would always be in that dimension. Yeah.

Speaker 105 That's why he can't just jump right out.

Speaker 77 Oh, because he's stuck.

Speaker 7 Right?

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 59 Because otherwise, that's all he would have had to do is go like, whoop, and he could take his arm out and he could then.

Speaker 89 He needs Loreline to go at it with a pliers or something that who knows where she pulled that out of.

Speaker 93 Yeah.

Speaker 106 And just connect to it.

Speaker 89 And fix it so it comes off. And she's real calm when she's doing it.
He's panicked.

Speaker 79 Oh, so far.

Speaker 78 That repartee is

Speaker 5 flawless it's like old school Joel Silver writing lethal weapon style I wrote down I was like it's like Amy Sherman Palladino level banter I wrote down I wrote real slow

Speaker 48 real slow you know like that crackling

Speaker 76 patter of a screwball comedy slowed real down like it's like like it's a like it's been like it's taken a bunch of syrup in Houston

Speaker 11 I wrote down I wrote it's like sorkin dialogue as written by like Michael Bay.

Speaker 60 Like it's like, it's like there's an energy to it that should be there, but there's no there there either.

Speaker 65 It's like, you know, it's, it's a, it's, it's conf there,

Speaker 28 every time they opened their mouths, I was like, I don't, and it kept me.

Speaker 89 And it all feels like it's made to be enjoyed in any language.

Speaker 52 Well, you know, we've been like, I wonder if there are people that it really would have, like,

Speaker 41 one of my things always when I see stuff that doesn't connect with me, but then I'm like, because,

Speaker 9 and I don't think we've said this exactly, but there's a lot of very cool, fun, sci-fi ideas at play in this.

Speaker 41 A lot of the segments are really interesting, really great kind of ideas and execution, but it's just kind of so flat. And I keep being like, who would I have liked to see in this movie?

Speaker 70 Like, it would it have changed if, and, and again, I want to go on record, I like both of these actors, but if Sam Rockwell was in this movie, would this movie be so much better like someone who sam rockwell francis mcdorman let's see valerian great

Speaker 103 valerian in the city with three billboards three billboards outside of a thousand planets

Speaker 98 no but i i but i i almost think like visually jean-luc basson is amazing it's like it's like you just want somebody to come in there and be like let's um rewrite this a little bit let's kind of put a little flavor to this because it's like

Speaker 22 it is, I think as far as like a special effects, a movie that's so special effects heavy, it is one of the most beautiful movies that doesn't feel like, I don't know, what's CGI?

Speaker 24 It feels great.

Speaker 11 It looks very bright and vibrant. But it's the same way I kind of feel about James Cameron movies sometimes too.
I'm like,

Speaker 15 I wish there were like Avatar.

Speaker 108 I wish there was like multiple.

Speaker 76 Well, that goes back to also what Sinclair was saying about like stakes.

Speaker 29 I was never really nervous or afraid for anybody.

Speaker 15 It never really hooked me.

Speaker 41 I never, I wasn't invested in their their love story. I wasn't invested in their mission.

Speaker 59 There was nothing

Speaker 59 I launched on to.

Speaker 41 So I just kind of end up being like, and it's very vignetti.

Speaker 48 Each piece is its own little piece.

Speaker 109 And so some worked, some didn't.

Speaker 60 And it's all, they don't, I mean, they really don't go on their mission.

Speaker 11 They don't ever go on a mission.

Speaker 98 They go on one thing that leads them to the next thing.

Speaker 11 So they don't even, they're just like along for the ride.

Speaker 69 Like, they didn't

Speaker 89 take turn there. They take turns saving each other.

Speaker 61 Yeah, that's.

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 31 There's a lot of like, I felt like there was that one scene where Carr de Levine's like, go through that wall, and it was just an excuse to run through all the worlds that they had mentioned, but they had no discernible plot for any of it.

Speaker 51 I was like, well, it would be cool if he just runs through all of them, right?

Speaker 11 Wouldn't that be like, at least if he did it.

Speaker 73 But to be honest, that was my favorite part of the movie.

Speaker 51 Really?

Speaker 73 That suit was the only thing I thought would be cool to have.

Speaker 5 He's walking through.

Speaker 73 Yeah, that he could be like, oh, I'm swimming now. Now I'm running really fast.
Now I can go through walls, you know? I was like, okay, that's something interesting.

Speaker 73 I'll tell you what I don't need is a skyjet. What is it called?

Speaker 2 What'd you say to him?

Speaker 3 Something about hand drops in a parking lot.

Speaker 11 But through it all, no matter how far the worlds get, you still get some BGs with staying alive when you're walking through the cool 43.

Speaker 83 The red light district.

Speaker 49 The red light district.

Speaker 11 Well, here, we'll just be out here.

Speaker 89 He has to turn down a lot of action.

Speaker 73 People want to have sex with aliens. That's what this is telling us.

Speaker 13 It's the truth.

Speaker 13 Hi, Sugar.

Speaker 89 They shot this at the rap party.

Speaker 18 Hey, do you want to fly?

Speaker 18 I'm allergic to feathers.

Speaker 51 That?

Speaker 51 Wait, Paul, we just paused one thing.

Speaker 51 How about that?

Speaker 20 Hey, baby, do you want to fly?

Speaker 70 I'm allergic to feathers.

Speaker 70 That's...

Speaker 51 This is supposed to be crackling dialogue.

Speaker 5 I'm allergic to February.

Speaker 89 He really, he's just trying to let her down gently.

Speaker 89 He's got a real legit reason not to fuck her.

Speaker 69 He doesn't want to put it in the field.

Speaker 51 I don't want to sneeze in your face while we're.

Speaker 102 I'd love to fuck you, but it's, you know, you and down pillows.

Speaker 5 I can't do it.

Speaker 11 Now, if you were made out of my pillow material that, you know, contours.

Speaker 9 Bring me one of those.

Speaker 1 Bring me one of those

Speaker 1 typerpedic whores.

Speaker 15 Which essentially Rihanna is.

Speaker 24 Rihanna is a morphable pillow.

Speaker 31 By the way, I make Rihanna MVP of this movie.

Speaker 93 Best scene in the movie.

Speaker 24 Yes.

Speaker 16 She is a little blue creature, which, but I'm all in on Rihanna.

Speaker 15 Like, I thought it like...

Speaker 37 Bubble.

Speaker 37 Bubble.

Speaker 73 I'm sad that Bubble died so soon. I feel like

Speaker 51 spoilers, Jessica.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 24 She dies so anticlimactic.

Speaker 44 Like, they kill everybody.

Speaker 15 Like, where's Bubbles?

Speaker 13 And she's like, I'm here.

Speaker 42 I love that.

Speaker 100 She raises one finger almost like over here.

Speaker 51 One tentacle.

Speaker 108 But she is dying.

Speaker 10 I'm the best performer. He's like, you were a great performer.
You were one of the best actresses I've ever seen.

Speaker 11 Like, that was like

Speaker 11 his final send-off to Bubbles.

Speaker 98 Of course you're a great actress if you can be anything.

Speaker 51 Well, by the way, she's doing whatever she wants to.

Speaker 91 But she needs to practice.

Speaker 16 Yeah, he comes with this plan to like, they're going to be that crazy, like, weirdo creature.

Speaker 45 They jump in, and like, two minutes before, a massive Matrix-style fight scene, they can't even walk straight.

Speaker 31 They're like,

Speaker 94 and then, like, literally a minute later, he's running and jumping and chopping people's heads off.

Speaker 30 She's good.

Speaker 11 She's real good, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 41 That segment where Lorelei, Lorelene rather, is trapped in with those beasts that are like

Speaker 37 the fat ass beasts.

Speaker 50 and it's just the fashion show nope nope nope i was like now what are they up to here nope no

Speaker 55 why did this get through

Speaker 73 like what's what's what are we doing here because she doesn't even there's like eight beats where she doesn't the the the creature doesn't change its reaction at all

Speaker 74 and then spits on her

Speaker 91 and then it finally just blows snot in her face.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 24 She gets snot.

Speaker 16 People get slimed.

Speaker 11 Like, again, in this movie, there's a lot of slime.

Speaker 28 There's jizz guns.

Speaker 63 There are...

Speaker 14 And then that little...

Speaker 44 That scene with the baby.

Speaker 24 Like, when he, like, when Valeria runs into a toy. Weird, dozeless baby.

Speaker 11 Yeah, and he's, like, playing with a kid, but there's, like, also snot on that kid's face, and then the mom comes in. A lot of fucking slime.

Speaker 21 This movie was originally supposed to be in French.

Speaker 80 What?

Speaker 25 Yes, Jean-Luc Besson decided to get a wider audience.

Speaker 46 His name is Jean-Luc Passassass.

Speaker 32 His name is Luc Besson.

Speaker 51 Oh, sorry.

Speaker 57 Jean-Luc Picard

Speaker 11 and Jean-Luc Besson.

Speaker 83 Sorry, Luc Besson.

Speaker 28 I'm so excited that maybe Jean-Luc Picard might come back for the Quentin Tarantina Star Trek.

Speaker 11 It's been on my mind.

Speaker 11 Oh, my God. Sorry, Luc Besson.
Luc Pesson.

Speaker 44 But yeah,

Speaker 11 he thought it would be great to put it in English because it would would be a broader film.

Speaker 80 But it did not work.

Speaker 15 The budget of this movie was $210 million.

Speaker 51 The

Speaker 92 opening weekend was 17.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 89 Well, it probably did better internationally, though.

Speaker 11 Yes. Now, this is the thing.

Speaker 15 The worldwide growth of this movie was $225 million.

Speaker 11 So it made

Speaker 26 just kind of broke even.

Speaker 51 And by the way,

Speaker 25 Jean-Luc Jean-Luc Passon

Speaker 26 also took no money for this movie.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 11 Because he wanted to make this vision, so he did not.

Speaker 73 Maybe, is there something French about this movie we're not getting?

Speaker 73 I recently saw some movie that was like an Italian comedy. It was like the most depressing thing I'd ever seen, but I'm like, maybe if I'm Italian, I'd be like, ha ha ha.

Speaker 73 So like, maybe there's something.

Speaker 105 That's your impression of you as an Italian person?

Speaker 46 That's how you laugh when you're Italian?

Speaker 73 Cappuccino.

Speaker 1 But like, maybe you're a lawyer. you're a little bit more.

Speaker 41 And then you just say Cappuccino?

Speaker 78 You ended up as an Italian lady.

Speaker 95 Ha ha ha.

Speaker 77 Cappuccino. Cappino.

Speaker 102 Cappuccino. Really phenomenal acting.

Speaker 11 By the way, just to put a button on this, when the movie did come out, even though it made $225 million,

Speaker 11 the company that made the film, their stock dropped by 40%,

Speaker 44 and the CEO immediately stepped at it.

Speaker 73 And killed himself.

Speaker 31 Oh.

Speaker 73 Oh, that's a shame.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, Doug, it's surprising.

Speaker 20 Doug, are you okay?

Speaker 95 Doug?

Speaker 73 Doug, have you gotten into another dimension?

Speaker 20 His arm's in the box.

Speaker 37 Get his arm out of that box.

Speaker 73 This movie's going to make me sick tonight. I feel it.
I feel that it's gotten into my veins.

Speaker 47 Did you feel like as you were watching it, you understood what was happening?

Speaker 73 Yes, and that was unfortunate. I was really hoping to have like kind of a blackout experience.
Like I've had with some of these films. Sure.

Speaker 73 But I could follow it enough that it really made me so much sense.

Speaker 29 You said they are traumatic experiences.

Speaker 81 Exactly.

Speaker 73 This one just makes me feel like vaguely nauseous.

Speaker 5 And Italian?

Speaker 73 Yeah, and Italian.

Speaker 73 There's a real taunton feeling too when she slices him out of that way.

Speaker 81 A taunton?

Speaker 38 What a specific reference for that.

Speaker 42 I feel like you just learned what a taunton is.

Speaker 73 That's what she slices open.

Speaker 81 I have like a very vivid memory of Game 5 in the movie theater.

Speaker 73 Who slices? Somebody slices open.

Speaker 11 That's when she slices open, Right? When Princess Leah does it or no?

Speaker 81 No, no, no.

Speaker 73 Doesn't Luke

Speaker 73 slices it open, makes a home in it?

Speaker 51 Yeah,

Speaker 89 Han Solo, but yeah.

Speaker 73 It was Han Solo who did that.

Speaker 5 So he puts Luke inside it.

Speaker 61 Oh, by the way, you're very close.

Speaker 33 Did you just call him Hans?

Speaker 58 Is his name really Hans Lo Olo?

Speaker 102 Oh, I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

Speaker 9 John Luke Solo.

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Speaker 22 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 11 Well, I feel like we should talk to our audience because they're here and I'm sure they have a lot to say because we got to talk about Bob the Pirate. We got to talk about the jellyfish head.

Speaker 12 We got to talk.

Speaker 24 There's a lot to get into it here.

Speaker 63 So let's go out into our crowd right now and let's see what they have to say.

Speaker 11 I'm going to come down here. Okay, who has something?

Speaker 29 Really think about it. Is your question? Good.

Speaker 13 All right.

Speaker 11 I want, you know, there are over 200 alien races in this film. So I'd like you to say your name and come up with an alien race name that could be in this movie in your question.

Speaker 106 My name is Brian.

Speaker 110 The Googles.

Speaker 11 Great. Love it.
That was great. And if you said it with more confidence, it would have been better.
Okay.

Speaker 39 Remember, guys, be confident.

Speaker 89 And have your questions on paper, please.

Speaker 9 Have your glasses ready.

Speaker 110 I want to know your opinions or thoughts on the Lorelines and Valerians' indifference to their teammates.

Speaker 110 Remember at the beginning they're getting off the desert planet and like 10 people die and then they escape leaving them behind and then Loreline just says, shoot, he ruined my dress.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 73 That was pretty cold-blooded of them, right?

Speaker 29 Yeah, they have no regard for human life.

Speaker 35 No.

Speaker 73 But were those guys supposed to be dicks? Those guys on the buttons?

Speaker 99 Well, they were wearing silly hats.

Speaker 108 That's true.

Speaker 95 At one point she does go, nice hat.

Speaker 51 Yeah, nice hat.

Speaker 89 And that hat never seems to have any reason at all.

Speaker 91 No, nope, couldn't figure out. Like, it doesn't do anything.

Speaker 83 All right, here we go, sir. You're nice.

Speaker 89 It's like a Jolly Rancher on his head, a green jolly rancher.

Speaker 51 That would be amazing.

Speaker 31 Mike?

Speaker 4 Alien name?

Speaker 89 Alien name charismoids.

Speaker 31 Great. That was a good one.

Speaker 89 Clive Owen wipes out all life on this planet, covers up all record of it, and Loreline says she knows how the mule converter works because she learned about it in school.

Speaker 75 Oh, wow. Wow.

Speaker 81 You really are.

Speaker 73 We're peeling back the layers now.

Speaker 21 Well, are mule converters only on that planet?

Speaker 5 Yes. Yes.
Yes. So how did she learn about that?

Speaker 51 Well, maybe they were more...

Speaker 52 Maybe they weren't going to be able to do that

Speaker 46 progressive school?

Speaker 75 No, we found a loophole.

Speaker 11 She went to a Waldorf school, so they were very alternative stuff.

Speaker 51 Valeria runs through a lot of holes in the plot.

Speaker 45 That doesn't make sense. It's the only thing in the movie that doesn't.

Speaker 73 I know, and I'm surprised that it crossed that T.

Speaker 3 You really

Speaker 89 found that flaw.

Speaker 73 I really would have liked to see more of that little creature. I liked him.
Yeah.

Speaker 47 I liked watching him, like, his face struggle as he pooped out whatever he ate.

Speaker 88 Yeah, which by the way,

Speaker 88 he eats the pearl willingly and then looks surprised when he starts shitting out all that stuff. It really is.

Speaker 70 Like, the animal seems to be in distress.

Speaker 71 Yes.

Speaker 20 It is cruel to do what they're doing.

Speaker 41 And then the animal seems to then have like violent diabetes.

Speaker 89 Sarah McLaughlin could watch those scenes.

Speaker 60 In another world, these are porgs.

Speaker 24 Like, I mean, imagine if, and if we go see Last Jedi, all the porgs do is just shit out like lightsaber crystals.

Speaker 5 I would be

Speaker 56 just like, just shitting out kyber crystals.

Speaker 11 All right, these people are from the balcony. They've come down with their questions.

Speaker 11 Your name, your alien race.

Speaker 89 That's some ambition.

Speaker 2 My name's Christina. My alien race is what is consentiazoid?

Speaker 52 Nice.

Speaker 111 And

Speaker 2 so at the very end, Valerian's like, I'm a soldier. I play by the rules when they're debating giving back the converter.
But when in the entire movie has he actually played by the rules?

Speaker 46 Yeah, he, and when, he never really seemed much to me to be a soldier.

Speaker 20 Like, he seems to be like a...

Speaker 31 like a you know like a play a

Speaker 73 a a play by his own rules kind of guy like at least luke right he wants to figure out who his dad is, right?

Speaker 77 Go on.

Speaker 77 But he, like, he's like... Are you talking about Jean-Luke?

Speaker 73 Yeah, Jean-Luke. But there's like a dark force.
He's like, we got to defeat this.

Speaker 5 There's a dark force?

Speaker 6 Yeah, right?

Speaker 73 What is the dark...

Speaker 73 Who are they fighting?

Speaker 1 Who's who fighting? This guy.

Speaker 74 They're fighting

Speaker 95 the body charger.

Speaker 89 Yeah, they're fighting Clive Owen. He turns out to be the bad guy.

Speaker 15 But who is Valerie's dad?

Speaker 62 Is that what you're asking?

Speaker 99 Also, here's what I want to know, too.

Speaker 1 Like, when they are doing the mission where the school bus people are bringing them to the big market, who are the school bus people?

Speaker 55 Like, who are they are rebels, but in service of what fighters?

Speaker 73 Exactly. I thought we were, at that point, these are like the good guys that are trying to overthrow some bad guys, but no, that's not true.
And these guys got eaten by a dog, so who cares? Yeah.

Speaker 73 The space Space Dog.

Speaker 62 Space Dog.

Speaker 73 What about Space Dog Slow Fall?

Speaker 5 Earth.

Speaker 100 I love that.

Speaker 24 I'm going back to my theory about why.

Speaker 18 Space Dog.

Speaker 17 Earth.

Speaker 84 Why couldn't he take off?

Speaker 89 Sarah McLachlan hates this movie.

Speaker 11 Her ads on Alpha Planet are amazing.

Speaker 21 I'm going back to why his hand was in that box.

Speaker 22 If he took off the glasses, though,

Speaker 25 I mean, couldn't they just, they would would shoot the box and the box, but he wouldn't get shot, right?

Speaker 20 Yes, he would.

Speaker 89 The glasses, just the glasses don't just so you can see where he's going. Oh, okay.

Speaker 24 So there is

Speaker 63 like so someone could kick you with the glasses on.

Speaker 100 Remember what he's like saying, she's not wearing glasses and he is, and he's saying, hurry up, hurry up, because he can see.

Speaker 73 Space dog, space dog.

Speaker 24 Right, but she wouldn't get hurt.

Speaker 47 She would not.

Speaker 73 But he would die? Correct. If you have your hand in that box,

Speaker 65 but it was just a hand in the box.

Speaker 73 Wouldn't adjust your hand eye?

Speaker 74 No, because

Speaker 24 isn't he still

Speaker 42 I believe is still in the big market dimension.

Speaker 25 No, but if you take off the glasses.

Speaker 59 No, the glasses aren't.

Speaker 85 The glasses just like...

Speaker 106 Oh, boy.

Speaker 95 Oh!

Speaker 1 You can't explain this?

Speaker 67 No, I get what you're saying.

Speaker 10 Because once they walk past that little thing, that entrance gate.

Speaker 73 We need a nerd to explain this, Paul.

Speaker 71 You are not fit for this.

Speaker 81 All right, sorry.

Speaker 11 I'm learning.

Speaker 63 All right, sir.

Speaker 11 Yes. Your name, your alien race, and your question.

Speaker 107 My name is Tim. I would say based on the number of women in his playlist, maybe a race called the Venereals.

Speaker 51 Oh!

Speaker 112 And then here's my question.

Speaker 107 So Rihanna is a specialized and arguably a one-of-a-kind exotic dancer.

Speaker 112 Jolly the Pimp is a pimp, but also the club promoter, musical

Speaker 112 accompaniment, and possibly the owner and proprietor of this club.

Speaker 107 Bubble performs her act for exactly one person who doesn't pay.

Speaker 112 How is this business profitable?

Speaker 73 Dude, maybe that's why the economy is.

Speaker 27 No more SAT questions, Tim.

Speaker 70 We're not doing math for you.

Speaker 88 If this movie leaves a train station at

Speaker 35 2 o'clock.

Speaker 61 Okay.

Speaker 74 The rent on the club is 74,000 cubits per month.

Speaker 73 I need scratch paper.

Speaker 96 How many dances?

Speaker 89 Sir. At least one organ was getting touched in there.

Speaker 51 Hey!

Speaker 61 All right, sir.

Speaker 11 Your name, your alien race, and your question.

Speaker 107 Hi, my name's Steve. My alien race would be something like snoozel or something weird.

Speaker 82 You gotta sell it, Steve.

Speaker 82 Sell it.

Speaker 7 Just go, Steve, snoozle.

Speaker 107 Okay, hi, I'm Steve. I'm a snooze.

Speaker 24 You don't have to be it.

Speaker 73 We're not. How do I live it? How do you say hi-in snoozle?

Speaker 20 You don't have to be it. You have to live it.

Speaker 92 Hashtag living that snoozle life.

Speaker 76 Snooze it up, y'all.

Speaker 107 Alright, so like you said, there's over 200 aliens in this movie. And apparently the director, John Luc Besson,

Speaker 15 he wrote.

Speaker 107 He wrote a 600-page book detailing each one of these aliens.

Speaker 61 What? Yes, according to IMDb.

Speaker 113 And he made each one of the actors read this book so they could alter their acting when interacting with a specific alien.

Speaker 75 And he did this for free.

Speaker 67 Did that pay off?

Speaker 27 Do you think it helped?

Speaker 50 Wait, Jesse, you

Speaker 95 pay off how much?

Speaker 102 How much money do I have to pay?

Speaker 95 Is this another math question?

Speaker 51 No, no, no.

Speaker 107 Was it worth writing that book and making these actors read it?

Speaker 1 What do you think, Steve Snoozel?

Speaker 39 I think you know the answer, dum-dum.

Speaker 34 We're doing it on the podcast.

Speaker 54 Sit down.

Speaker 18 Jesus Jesus Christ!

Speaker 34 Don't ask questions you think we all know the answers to, guys.

Speaker 11 Sir, your name, I want you to forcibly say you're alien race, and then your question.

Speaker 11 Tim and Swamp Wailikin. Love it.
Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 112 Did they, after they attacked the space you in, did they make any effort to save any of the other people's lives that got like...

Speaker 30 I thought that too, yeah.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 75 They're cold-blooded motherfuckers.

Speaker 20 Yeah, are we to assume everybody else is just still in those jelly cocoons?

Speaker 73 And do those jellies, you die in that thing or you just stay asleep? No,

Speaker 20 it just puts you to sleep.

Speaker 73 I'd love to get a nice nap in a jelly cocoon.

Speaker 76 I just like, just like the idea that your husband comes home and you've covered yourself in jelly and are just like trying to sleep on the bed.

Speaker 29 And he's like, fuck yeah, my dreams have come true.

Speaker 29 By the way, because he's covered in peanut butter?

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 73 then we wrestle a bunch.

Speaker 59 You guys wrestle on a bread bed?

Speaker 71 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 81 By the way,

Speaker 11 he puts in a like a breathing device that that was one thing, but then the breathing device opens and then like a little robot spider comes out.

Speaker 75 Nope. I love that.

Speaker 81 I don't like that.

Speaker 38 See, that's the stuff I liked in the movie.

Speaker 24 I agree. I love this stuff.

Speaker 50 There's cool stuff at play that I was like, oh, too bad.

Speaker 76 This movie, I was like, too bad there's cool components I like elements of this I just fifth elements I just wish that that stuck's joke that's just I was ah boy this was a bummer

Speaker 111 your name your alien race and your question I'm Sophia the the jizzitars I got real stuck on the jizz gun the jizzitars I got stuck on the jizz gun the jizzit

Speaker 18 like a guitar they would have like no like an avatar that's a jizz you're stuck shooting jizz out of guns I don't know anything no do we do you said it and then we take it.

Speaker 111 Yeah, okay. I'm just, I'm honestly curious, how long in the movie did it take you to realize the plot? Because for me, it was an hour and 40 minutes.

Speaker 111 Like, I like stopped it before I put

Speaker 51 it together

Speaker 75 of the plot. What the through line.

Speaker 89 And then there was still 40 minutes left.

Speaker 50 When the movie ended, I was like, oh, well, okay, thank God.

Speaker 42 And then I looked, 20 more minutes.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 103 So, so how long?

Speaker 5 How long?

Speaker 42 I was shocked.

Speaker 73 Did they talk about the ending? What are you doing?

Speaker 89 That last scene's amazing. They're just standing around talking and then they kiss Pan out from the spaceship at the end.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 73 But so those K-trons kill everybody. Yes.
And then where do the earwax people go?

Speaker 75 Where do the pearl people go?

Speaker 64 Why does nobody's gun but Valerians work against the K-trons?

Speaker 41 The army guys are like, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt and the K-trons are like nothing affects us.

Speaker 51 And he's just like boom boom boom boom boom and each one explodes every time.

Speaker 98 Well, it's in the 600-page novel.

Speaker 61 Oh, okay.

Speaker 89 Yeah, so yeah, yeah Welcome Paul Shearer back to the stage everybody

Speaker 61 Thank you guys.

Speaker 22 It's real great.

Speaker 89 I like the scene where

Speaker 88 Valerian is hanging on by a fishing pole that an alien is dangling him and his solution is to shoot the alien in the face who will then let go of that pole and then he will fall to his death.

Speaker 88 Instead, they just cut to the next thing that happens.

Speaker 23 Yeah, this movie has the harshest cuts of all time.

Speaker 57 It literally goes from an alien princess dying in like the collapse of her world to a hard cut of like that funny, like on the beach sex scene.

Speaker 60 It's like, oh,

Speaker 62 like, I don't know how to feel.

Speaker 24 They just are, ah, fuck it.

Speaker 11 We don't need to bridge it.

Speaker 41 And the whole thing is when she dies, she like

Speaker 52 projects her soul into Valerian?

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 73 It seems kind of random.

Speaker 5 What the what?

Speaker 58 That's so dumb.

Speaker 60 There literally is a six-minute explanation of the entire plot

Speaker 22 with the last 10 minutes of the movie.

Speaker 52 It's like, all right, stop.

Speaker 61 We'll explain it.

Speaker 44 So this end will have some meaning to you.

Speaker 75 And when he gets in Rihanna's body, he just really lets loose with his feelings for Loreline.

Speaker 11 He's like, Yeah, I really like her. She doesn't like me, but I don't know if I can commit to her.

Speaker 63 I think that's my issue.

Speaker 25 Like, he has a full therapy session that was all done in ADR.

Speaker 5 Why, why also, why also

Speaker 46 is it important for him to delete his playlist?

Speaker 59 Like, why does that matter?

Speaker 60 I think there must be sex videos, right?

Speaker 73 Right, because she says I should be the only woman.

Speaker 81 Yes, right, right.

Speaker 73 I get it, but what I'm saying is, like, why is that such a demonstrable show of, like, uh i only care about you like he's done all this stuff like that's right it's like saying you would need to go and get rid of kill all of your exes to be with them like white which i don't think is crazy like wipe his

Speaker 73 wait what i don't think that's crazy to have someone i don't want them i don't want them to be living in this realm so like that they can't contact you that's that's a movie right there you know yeah if you want to commit to me

Speaker 47 kill all your exes yeah so there's no no way you can get back together with anybody.

Speaker 53 Exactly.

Speaker 79 It's called Scott Pilgrim vs.

Speaker 51 the World.

Speaker 16 Oh, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion.

Speaker 25 It is now time for second opinions.

Speaker 83 Valerian in the sky.

Speaker 9 What girl would fuck this guy?

Speaker 112 He's full of smirks.

Speaker 89 He's just a jerk.

Speaker 5 Second opinions.

Speaker 51 His gadgets do everything.

Speaker 100 Break through walls of interdimensional malls.

Speaker 51 second opinions yeah second opinions

Speaker 16 all right these are five star reviews called from amazon.com they are great

Speaker 23 42% of the reviews are five stars

Speaker 11 there are 536 total reviews for the movie let's get right into it this is from

Speaker 11 James Rasmussen.

Speaker 11 And the title of the review is, Miss Delavine is quite the flower.

Speaker 52 Not all. Yeah.

Speaker 24 Now I will say this, in all my time in reading these, this is the first review that included a picture

Speaker 14 of Carr Delavine.

Speaker 11 Alright, so this is how it goes. And it's not as creepy as all of that implies, but it goes, a lovely film.

Speaker 15 This Dahan kid is cool.

Speaker 11 I dig his voice. The movie is imaginative.

Speaker 60 It reminds me of a 70s blaxploitation drom-com,

Speaker 24 which I don't think.

Speaker 18 It reminds me of none of those things. Yeah.

Speaker 62 Nothing about that.

Speaker 68 Great characters and casting visually.

Speaker 11 It's stunning. It's grandiose.

Speaker 37 Great story.

Speaker 11 Aliens are super cool and believable.

Speaker 13 All right.

Speaker 11 The Space Ranger tech suit that Valerian wears is really cool.

Speaker 67 I agree.

Speaker 62 There's a great sequence to showcase it that would appeal to all the gamers.

Speaker 21 And I was really impressed with this flick.

Speaker 11 And Cara Delevine is one.

Speaker 11 Fine woman.

Speaker 114 Five stars.

Speaker 11 This is,

Speaker 11 let's see here.

Speaker 98 Okay, this is from Phoenix. Phoenix Angel.

Speaker 11 I love the movie. I've always, or for as long as I can remember, believed in the possibility of us not being alone.

Speaker 11 That there's life among us and beyond the stars.

Speaker 89 Oh, so this is a documentary.

Speaker 50 Yes.

Speaker 15 This movie, I believe, is Possibility of Tomorrow.

Speaker 63 Masked as fiction to help expose what could be.

Speaker 9 Five stars.

Speaker 89 Conspiracy theory.

Speaker 25 And the title is Phenomenal Movie.

Speaker 6 Must See See for Open Minds.

Speaker 62 If you're a Gaia.com person,

Speaker 11 you will like this. I don't know what Gaia is.
It's not a yoga website. A yoga website.

Speaker 91 So that review is like...

Speaker 74 You like yoga, you like

Speaker 51 this movie.

Speaker 49 Can you imagine so many pissed-off yoga people being like, why are we watching this?

Speaker 20 This fucking sucks.

Speaker 60 Mark Chavez came in and really

Speaker 26 took the haters to task.

Speaker 24 Don't believe the negative reviews.

Speaker 11 They're from people who still have a Luke Skywalker or Captain Kirk figurine in their office.

Speaker 11 Or, better yet, wear pajamas and underwear with Darth Vader on their crotch.

Speaker 37 Trust me, this movie's great.

Speaker 9 Five stars.

Speaker 50 I love that those people have those toys in their office.

Speaker 62 On their crotch, Darth Vader on their crotch.

Speaker 73 At least it's breathable.

Speaker 51 And

Speaker 51 Happy Back on Duck!

Speaker 43 Shot by Happy Back on the back! This is Musac!

Speaker 34 Brought to you by Mac Weldon, breathable Darth Vader underwear!

Speaker 65 For all you Valerian haters out there, push the front, it makes the sound.

Speaker 25 This is one of my favorite

Speaker 11 reviews I've read in a while because it's very, it goes deep. This is by Wallace Guy.

Speaker 15 says big reward for forgiving the flaws and going deeper

Speaker 51 this is one of my

Speaker 89 piece of shit

Speaker 60 This is one of my favorite movies of all time

Speaker 15 I watched it for the first time a few days ago and I have already seen it thrice

Speaker 73 Not enough going on in Wallace's life

Speaker 15 To trash Valerian is like expecting a poem to adhere to the structure of a proper essay.

Speaker 24 Introduction, content, conclusion, proper grammar, proper spelling, logical flow.

Speaker 11 A poem might have none of those but be a great poem. A poem requires little more than active engagement from your heart and bypasses the aspects of your mind.

Speaker 63 That's Valerian.

Speaker 44 There are two aspects of Valerian that stand out for me, creativity and metaphors.

Speaker 11 I love the world that was created, and I see layer upon layer of really insightful metaphors and allegories. Whether or not those layers are there, or I'm just making stuff up, doesn't matter.

Speaker 11 But here's an example. The movie centers around an animal, a mu converter, which replicates whatever it eats.

Speaker 11 It's ambiguous exactly how it does this, but what I saw was an animal that poops out whatever it eats.

Speaker 11 I found the contrast between the high value nature of what it was eating and the excrement nature of the replication absolutely hysterical.

Speaker 51 The metaphor of we poop what we eat being made cinematically explicit is profound.

Speaker 58 If you read Jump this guy takes some amazing shits every day.

Speaker 25 You know what?

Speaker 102 Thank God somebody is willing to put on film that which we know to be true.

Speaker 50 We poop what we eat.

Speaker 102 Finally, a filmmaker brave enough to document it on film.

Speaker 5 Watch it on the toilet and wake up.

Speaker 62 Because if you like the movie but are having trouble,

Speaker 11 I suggest that this movie is a good candidate for some herbal assistance.

Speaker 44 It might free you from the prison of mores.

Speaker 62 Five stars

Speaker 106 for Valerian.

Speaker 51 Wow.

Speaker 11 A really in-depth review.

Speaker 11 So just to give you a little bit of background, then we'll go to our final thoughts here. The movie got a 49% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Speaker 37 49?

Speaker 51 49%.

Speaker 5 I would like to reiterate, the house got 17.

Speaker 29 Oh, which reminds me, just very quick, if everybody can be quiet.

Speaker 59 Alexa, please buy the house on Blu-ray DVD.

Speaker 78 Yes!

Speaker 95 Thank you.

Speaker 11 The top three movies of the last year, because this movie came out this year, are Rogue One, Beauty and the Beast, and Wonder Woman.

Speaker 98 And this movie came in

Speaker 11 66th of all the movies that came out in the last year and it was beaten by Fast and Furious and

Speaker 11 Return of Xander Cage and it beat nothing that we talked about on the show.

Speaker 11 Final thoughts everybody would you recommend this movie in the sense of why we do the show to to watch something that's interesting goods bad whatever you want to say about it would you recommend this movie Jason

Speaker 41 you know here's what I'll say

Speaker 46 If it's on TV,

Speaker 39 watch it until you're like, well, I don't care for this anymore.

Speaker 38 and then and then watch something else I wouldn't say like we exist in a world right now where you would have to buy it watch it if you're enjoying it yeah but I wouldn't watch like I wouldn't say rush out and buy it but if it was on like

Speaker 102 the USA network came on sure yeah yeah well no Saturday afternoon commercials then there'd be commercials that would be like seven hours long okay but like if it's on HBO or something or on an airplane sure watch it like there is some really cool like sci-fi stuff you know like, there's elements of this that are so interesting and so well executed that I think it's worth watching on a visual level, but it is so not satisfying as a cumulative watch that I feel like check in and out on it, and who cares?

Speaker 24 Is kind of my like, clean your house and keep it on in the background.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 36 I agree.

Speaker 98 I think that the movie is

Speaker 94 like it I can't go on enough to say how great it looks for a movie that is.

Speaker 24 You can tell it's completely CGI.

Speaker 11 Like, they were never in any real location, and it just looks great

Speaker 63 I just wish there was a different actors and plot

Speaker 11 but yeah Jessica what do you think I mean

Speaker 73 does this movie make me as sick as the other movies you've made me watch I guess not

Speaker 73 I think if you're a fan of aliens, if you want to like, if you're like the kind of guy or girl, whoever wrote that thinks maybe there's other worlds out there, you want to see a variety of aliens.

Speaker 73 If you you have dreams of having sex with an alien, I feel like this would be a good watch. You know, give you some ideas for your playlist, for your alien playlist.

Speaker 5 If you like

Speaker 108 jelly.

Speaker 102 I'm not trying to have sex with an alien.

Speaker 73 Maybe if you have like a fetish for getting covered in jelly or

Speaker 73 slime, this would be something that would be good for you.

Speaker 73 Otherwise, I think it's a pass.

Speaker 89 Do you like perfect eyebrows?

Speaker 82 Yeah, sure. Hers are pretty amazing.

Speaker 73 Oh, yes, good-looking people. I would have liked a different bang on him, on that actor.
I don't like a boyish bang.

Speaker 73 A boyish bangs on somebody I don't like.

Speaker 61 But again, you can see him in the chair.

Speaker 51 Give me bangs.

Speaker 73 Yeah, give me bangs.

Speaker 73 Anyway, so yeah.

Speaker 24 The good news for all of you is that

Speaker 11 John Luc Besson has said that he is going to finance another movie.

Speaker 54 Really? Why doesn't it say Valerian will return at the end?

Speaker 11 It was supposed to be one of the trilogy, and I think it's doubling down on it.

Speaker 75 It was going to be a lot of actors.

Speaker 73 There's no way they're going to.

Speaker 42 Can I ask an audience question very quickly, just by applause?

Speaker 55 Is this like a beloved property, this comic book, to people?

Speaker 15 The comic book started in 1967 in France

Speaker 60 and ended in 2010.

Speaker 28 So it's been a very long-running, successful French

Speaker 25 comic that is known for being

Speaker 28 smart and funny and

Speaker 60 on every level, like what sci-fi should be. It comments on society.

Speaker 11 It's like very highly regarded.

Speaker 76 Sure, so just like this movie.

Speaker 50 Yes.

Speaker 11 Doug, would you recommend this movie? You saw it in the theater.

Speaker 89 Yeah, now that it's not in theaters anymore, I agree with everybody here that it's a great coffee table movie.

Speaker 89 That it, you know, it looks great

Speaker 31 all the way through.

Speaker 50 The visuals are really good.

Speaker 89 But, you know, the monsters also feel a lot like we've seen them before, a lot of them.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I like, what was your favorite monster?

Speaker 83 Rihanna.

Speaker 89 Yeah, Rihanna's, like, her scene, like, seek out her scene. Maybe it's available on YouTube to

Speaker 89 by itself.

Speaker 53 The scene where she performs.

Speaker 89 Because she keeps changing outfits, different sexy outfits, and it's pretty entertaining.

Speaker 11 I was all in for that just because, like, again, I think that she had some life to her as a performer.

Speaker 60 It was like, and even Ethan Hawk or Mark McGrath, whoever it is,

Speaker 60 like, I loved when the energy just came in.

Speaker 14 Like, that's right.

Speaker 26 It's just like, oh, yeah, right.

Speaker 14 That's how these things work, these movies.

Speaker 89 Yeah, and I love how he gets murdered right in front of Bubble, and she's like, I don't want him to be mean to me anymore. And he's like, he's not going to.

Speaker 30 I think you're going to be all right now.

Speaker 88 He's fucking laying there dead.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 50 They really kill people with reckless abandon.

Speaker 98 So I guess this movie is a solid, maybe,

Speaker 57 to watch across the board.

Speaker 89 I give it a thousand stars.

Speaker 24 Let's just go and talk. Doug,

Speaker 11 what do you have that you want to, you have obviously your amazing podcast, Doug Love's Movies.

Speaker 89 Douglas Movies is still going strong after 11 years.

Speaker 49 Wow.

Speaker 106 Wow.

Speaker 24 And it's really fun to see a live show.

Speaker 11 The show is out and about a bunch.

Speaker 89 It's always live all across the country, and they've got some shows coming up in L.A. too.
And

Speaker 89 Jessica is going to be back on soon.

Speaker 83 I'm available.

Speaker 89 And Jason and Paul and June are always welcome.

Speaker 51 Love it.

Speaker 89 Tim could come on and sing a song.

Speaker 61 Tim is the best. Tim could come on.

Speaker 51 Yeah, that was amazing.

Speaker 76 Be careful. Tim will show up.

Speaker 11 He lives here in L.A.

Speaker 3 I'm into it. I would love that.

Speaker 89 Just come up and sing a song.

Speaker 11 Tim,

Speaker 11 the gauntlet has been thrown.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 55 Let's see

Speaker 45 how many podcasts Tim can sing poorly on.

Speaker 102 Oh, I'm not being mean to Tim, everybody.

Speaker 89 You're being nice to music.

Speaker 27 Everybody's so sensitive.

Speaker 73 Don't be such a snooze.

Speaker 91 But

Speaker 89 Douglowsmovies.com for all the future dates.

Speaker 11 Perfect.

Speaker 11 Jessica.

Speaker 73 Well, we've got a new womp it up

Speaker 73 coming every week, hot and fresh, much like a DiGiorno pizza that's not delivered to your door.

Speaker 73 I don't know when this is airing, but Jason's is the next one. Gutterballs comes back

Speaker 73 for his own episode. We really get into it.

Speaker 47 Don't you worry.

Speaker 105 And just to give you, you know, to toot your horn here,

Speaker 60 and the end year of the best shows on TV, Playing House I've seen, has been written up in so many great publications.

Speaker 65 The New York Times, everything.

Speaker 112 Very exciting.

Speaker 73 Thank you so much. Yes, and please go watch

Speaker 73 season three.

Speaker 73 All the seasons are on iTunes and Amazon.

Speaker 11 And you can go, Alexa, Alexa, by playing house.

Speaker 49 That's right. Yeah.
That's right.

Speaker 11 Jason, what do you want to talk about?

Speaker 109 I am on the TV show Big Mouth on Netflix.

Speaker 92 The best.

Speaker 109 It is an animated, puberty-based comedy that is very dirty.

Speaker 21 It's super dirty.

Speaker 53 Yeah, if you're wondering if I get a pillow pregnant after I have sex with it, I do.

Speaker 59 If you're also wondering if that pillow has the voice of Kristen Bell, it does.

Speaker 38 And I would also like to plug something that I am not even remotely involved in, but it is the marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

Speaker 64 It is on Amazon, and it is

Speaker 59 fantastic.

Speaker 76 So if you haven't watched it yet, go watch that.

Speaker 11 Very excited for that.

Speaker 24 I will plug the disaster artist,

Speaker 15 which we...

Speaker 15 Jason, June, and I all have the ability to be in. And

Speaker 15 I think it's really, really good.

Speaker 11 We did a special episode about it here, but if you see it, make sure you stay until the very end of the credits, not just the beginning and credits, like until the credits are over because there's a scene that you don't want to miss out on.

Speaker 11 I messed up.

Speaker 89 I didn't wait for it.

Speaker 24 It's really good.

Speaker 89 I didn't think there'd be a fucking

Speaker 89 CU scene at the end.

Speaker 31 I know.

Speaker 105 I was shocked that Loki was there.

Speaker 37 Loki comes to Tommy and goes, You gave birth to Rey.

Speaker 44 You have to save her.

Speaker 22 She's the last Jedi.

Speaker 15 So definitely.

Speaker 58 You gotta fuck this porg.

Speaker 11 And the porg will shit out Kyber Crystals.

Speaker 20 Ooh, actually, I want to plug one more thing. Yeah.

Speaker 109 Paul and I did another episode of the Chris Gethard Show.

Speaker 111 It's...

Speaker 37 Honest to God, I don't even know where to tell people to go watch it.

Speaker 28 I think you can find it on the True TV app, or you can find it, you can buy it on Apple.

Speaker 25 But you can find it. Just find the episode.

Speaker 55 It's Chris Gethardt's talk show.

Speaker 64 Paul and I just did an episode. We did an episode last year called Another Man's Trash.

Speaker 64 I don't know what this one is called, but here's the sets.

Speaker 22 Show us your pets, actually.

Speaker 76 It is what it's called.

Speaker 102 Chris Gethard leaves the show within the first 10 seconds and gives Paul and I one full hour of live television to control.

Speaker 24 And we had no prep time.

Speaker 11 We had no rehearsal.

Speaker 37 We did not know what was happening until he walked off.

Speaker 24 And they revealed it to us live.

Speaker 11 We were live on television.

Speaker 77 And if you think we didn't fucking destroy that show,

Speaker 41 check it out if you can. It really is.

Speaker 11 You can definitely watch the five-minute clip reel of it, which is on YouTube right now, but it's really good. Chris gathered from the jazz singer episode.

Speaker 8 Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Los Angeles.

Speaker 61 Thank you for watching, Blaren.

Speaker 66 We'll see you next time.

Speaker 8 Bye-bye.

Speaker 39 PCAST!

Speaker 39 Get it!

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Speaker 33 I need you, girl.

Speaker 116 Now's the time to start your next adventure behind the wheel of an exciting new Toyota hybrid.

Speaker 114 With the largest lineup of hybrid, plug-in, hybrid, and electrified vehicles to choose from, Toyota has the one for you.

Speaker 116 Every new Toyota hybrid comes with Toyota Care, two-year complementary scheduled maintenance, an exclusive hybrid battery warranty, and Toyota's legendary quality and reliability.

Speaker 116 Visit your local Toyota dealer today, Toyota. Let's go places.
See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details.