May it Freeze the Quart

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I'm summertime, fun-time guest bailiff Monty Belmonte.

This week, may it freeze the court, Christina brings the case against Charlie.

Christina and Charlie love the gelato at a local shop in Edinburgh, Scotland.

When their favorite flavor is in stock, Christina wants to bring their freezer drawer to the shop and buy enough containers to fill it entirely.

Charlie, Hagen does not condone that behavior and is not a la mood to cart gelato in a freezer around Edenburr.

He wants to take Christina to Sunday school and dessert the gelato.

Who's a soft serve?

Who's lactose intolerant?

Who's 32 flavors?

And then one can can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman Banana splits the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

Ice cream man

upon my street.

I hear your truck outside.

Really neat

ice cream man

upon my block.

I love your chimes, sir.

They really rock.

Go for it, Monty.

Ice cream man.

Ring your bell.

Ding ding.

Play the music I've learned to love so well.

Ice cream man.

Ding ding.

Ring your chimes.

Ding ding.

In the afternoon.

So fine.

Summertime, fun time.

P.S.

Bale with Monty Bill Monty.

Swear them in.

Christina and Charlie, please rise and raise your right hands.

Do you swear to tell the truth?

The whole milk fat truth and nothing but the truth.

So help you, Ben and Jerry, or Fudgy the Whale, or whatever.

I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that the ice cream-named Supreme Court Justice Breyer has, for obvious reasons, recused himself?

I do.

I do.

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Christina and Charlie, you may be seated.

Can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom?

We'll start with you, Christina.

Is it an Andrews sisters classic called Ice Cream Man?

Your guess is that it's a song called Ice Cream Man, which is a terrific guess, as we were singing it.

By the Andrews Sisters.

In your case, you're guessing by the Andrews Sisters, by the

Andrews Sisters.

I wonder if people even know who the Andrews Sisters are.

Charlie, what's your guess?

I don't know.

I mean, it was, it was beautiful, but

is it

flattering will get you everywhere.

Is it a song called Ice Cream Man by someone that is not the Andrews Sisters?

He's got a lot of people.

Ice Cream Man by

how do you indicate not in mathematics, Tildy?

Like a little, yeah, not Andrew Sisters.

Anyone but the Andrews Sisters.

Yeah, I'll hedge my bet.

Yeah, exactly.

This is not roulette, of course.

So, in this sense, Charlie, Anne Answer was correct.

It is a song by Ice Cream Man by a non-Andrews sisters performer.

But in the spirit of our competition, I cannot award you a summary judgment in your favor.

The answer that I was looking for was Ice Cream Man by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers, a song that I came to love so well

many summers over and over and over again, listening to Monty Belmonte

and his children, Atticus, Enzo, and Pax,

guest hosting a very fun children's radio rock and roll show called Spare the Rock, normally hosted by Bill Childs and his kids, who are Ella and Liam.

Long-running Saturday morning children's rock and roll show originating there in the Pioneer Valley of Western Massachusetts.

Now, I believe Bill Childs is out there in Texas, right?

I never can keep track of him.

Is he in Texas?

Is he in Minnesota?

I think the station of note is in Texas now.

He's all over the place, but good for him.

In any case, Monty and Atticus and Enzo and Pax would occasionally guest host that show.

And Monty burned several compact discs of their guest hosting, which I then inserted into my compact disc player in my old car where they still live, Monty.

And those radio shows of you all, the three and then four of you hosting those fun songs, including Jonathan Richmond's Ice Cream Man, played back to back, I happen to remember, in your playlist with Tom Waits's Ice Cream Man.

Another great ice cream song.

Yeah, I've spared the weights and spoiled the child in this case.

It's just definitely, it's part of the

aural landscape, oural, A-U-R-A-L.

How do you say it in a Scottish accent, Charlie?

That'd be oral.

Oral.

Oral.

Landscape.

The oral landscape.

Of my summer over and over and over again.

We're recording now at the end of June.

We're going straight into the summer.

It's been hot.

It's been hot here

in much of North America.

I don't know how you've been faring there in Edinburgh, birthplace of Gelato.

What's it like out there in the summertime?

Charlie, Christine, answer the question.

It's been cold and wet so far.

And we've just had our first, maybe, and maybe our last day of summer.

There can only be one, I hear, when it comes to things.

Usually there is only one.

Yeah.

The Highlander.

One day,

Highlander style.

I got you there, Monty.

Very good.

Movie that I've never seen.

Don't yell at.

Oh, wow.

You know, we'll talk about summertime and summertime treats, including gelato, that famous Scottish dessert.

Starting now, I guess.

Let's talk about it.

Okay, to paraphrase the mythical morning, let's talk about that.

Who brings this case before me?

I do, Judge.

You are Christina, and you have a very light Scottish accent.

Oh, I'm American, so it'll be trace, if anything.

Yes, I knew that.

Where are you from?

Where are you from in America?

I grew up in the Midwest.

My parents are from the East Coast.

Oh, okay.

Where in the Midwest?

Ohio.

Why are you so cagey about it, by the way?

I think because I was wondering if you were wondering about my accent.

I think it's a bit of a hodgepodge.

How long have you lived in Scotland?

It'll be three years coming up soon.

Yeah.

And what brought you out there?

The love of your life?

No, no.

Found him here.

Just by accident.

Yeah.

I was at a point where I could leave.

I was done with working in Washington, D.C., and I could have an adventure.

So I did it.

Monty, now I know why she's being so cagey.

See how she

see, she's laughing.

She doesn't, you don't know what I'm thinking about, Christina.

True, and I won't ask.

It says here, Charlie is Scottish and met Christina at work.

Are you both international spies?

Charlie, You two?

Or just?

Okay, let's move on.

I clearly don't want to answer the question.

This is very exciting to me.

It says here, you learned about the names Hodgman and John put together, John Hodgman, through a podcast called I Potius.

That's absolutely correct.

That's the one, Monty, that I recorded with Elliot Kalen about the British television show.

from the 1970s, the mini-series about ancient Rome called I Claudius.

I love iClaudius.

I remember it as a child, and I love that you did that podcast.

Let's talk about ice cream.

Gelato.

What's the problem in Edinburgh with the gelato?

Well, there's not exactly a problem.

I had the best gelato I've ever had in my life

last summer at a local gelato shop and it was a special flavor.

So it's not on the regular flavor list.

It comes up every now and then.

The first time I had it was really life-changing.

And

so for months and months, I went back to the shop to see if it was back on the specials list, and it was not coming back on.

So, I wrote to owner, purveyor of said gelato shop, and asked for it to come back, please.

Um, and I wrote, I think, so imploringly that he brought it back the day after receiving the email.

Um, so I woke up to this email at like 7 a.m.

that my favorite flavor would be available that day.

Um, very exciting.

For national security reasons, I presume you cannot name the favorite flavor.

I'm happy to name the flavor.

I actually think it helps my cause if many people go buy it because maybe it'll be part of the regular menu eventually.

It's walnut strachatella.

Walnut strachatella.

May I say?

Sounds delicious.

It does.

Delicious doesn't cover it, frankly.

Well, you know,

I have a reputation that I've started because I talk about it, that I don't like sweets.

But but I do like ice cream, a particularly savory ice cream, like a pistachio.

And walnut strachatella, that sounds bene to me.

That's how you say, talk about gelato in Scotland, right?

Bene.

Moto Bene.

Moto Bene.

That sounds some Scottish walnut strachatellas for me.

All right.

So you wrote the purveyor, and we might as well buzz market the name of this shop.

What's it called?

Gelato.

Sure.

If you were named Joe and you opened a gelato shop,

I think it rights itself.

Not if you were named Joel, but then opened an auto shop.

Right.

That's a different local chase.

It's like our main channel.

That would be really funny if they were right next to each other.

Charlie, let me ask you a question.

Did you grow up in Scotland or are you from Ohio and just better at the accent?

No, I grew up in Scotland.

I grew up in the southwest of Scotland in a small town called Kirkubri.

Oh, wonderful.

And is gelato something that you grew up with?

Actually, yes.

There was an ice cream factory not far from where I grew up

called Creama Galloway.

Creama Galloway.

And did they make gelato or did they make ice cream?

Or did they make that kind of

UK ice cream that is made with lard?

Do you remember that?

Not that one.

Not that one.

Non-dairy ice cream.

So you haven't heard of that?

Maybe that was just a myth.

If anyone knows about this myth of there being lard in UK ice cream or British ice cream or whatever in the 70s or what have you, that's what I always heard, but I guess I was wrong.

But in any case, Charlie, is Jolato a well-known gelato shop in Edinburgh?

I think in Edinburgh, yeah.

He's got a couple shops.

Okay, so you emailed him saying, please bring back the walnut strachatella.

Next day, you receive an email back saying, what?

Saying,

I've made it for you this morning.

It will be on the menu in both our locations.

Enjoy.

Whoa.

I know.

And so then what happened?

And so then I

remember just popping up maybe out of bed as if it were Christmas morning and saying, like, so excited, and saying, we have to bring the whole freezer drawer with us so we can fit as much as possible and know that we can fit it in our drawer so we can have a drawer full of walnuts, rashatella.

Aha.

And this is where the dispute comes in, correct, Charlie?

That's right.

What did you not like about Christina's plan?

I

was.

So firstly, I was very pro obtaining as much of this ice cream as possible because it is absolutely delicious.

It is a life-changing flavor.

Taking the freezer drawer out of the freezer to the ice cream shop, I felt just slightly tips a little over the edge.

for me.

So I would rather acquire a lot of ice cream and bring it back.

And you you did send in a photo.

We have evidence of

your freezer, which, you know, humans who live in North America will not be surprised to learn that when they talk about a Scottish freezer drawer,

you're holding up a bottle of scotch for scale in this photo.

Yes, that's correct.

And it's a diminutive freezer compared to a lot of North American.

You don't freeze your Glenfittick, do you, Charlie?

No, no.

No, we don't.

Only when you're glad to see me?

Okay, fine.

Don't even know what that means.

So you wanted to take out the freezer drawer.

Okay, I see it here.

And all these photos are obviously available on the maximumfun.org, the show page for Judge John Hodgman, as well as our on Instagram at judgejohnhodgman.

We're looking here at the freezer drawer.

It's a little bit taller than a bottle of Glenn Fittick laid on its side.

And you want to bring this drawer to Joe Lotto.

to fill it up and they and and with containers of walnut strachatella to the exclusion presumably of anything else that you might want to freeze, and have a full drawer.

And the reason for bringing the full drawer is not to keep it frozen as you get it back to the house, but to make sure that you are maximizing all, getting as much gelato into that drawer as possible.

Is that right?

Okay.

Yeah, maximization and precision, because you'll see the drawer is like a bit,

it's not a perfect rectangle shape.

It kind of

swoops up.

at the back.

And so these star foam containers, the ice cream comes in, it's not clear how they'll precisely fit in the drawer.

So I thought we could figure out, do we need like two larges and a small, three larges and a small, and just figure out what would optimally fit in our freezer drawer.

And we only have to do it once because once we know, we know we can just repeat the pattern.

And is do you ever have anything else in your freezer?

Yes, yeah.

I think you can see in one of the pictures that it's quite a full freezer.

Monty Belmonte, you live out there in the Pioneer Valley.

That's North America.

It sure is.

You have a garage fridge?

We have a chest freezer because we get

a quarter of a cow every year and we freeze the cuts.

So instead of like going to the supermarket week after week and getting beef, we like,

we know the cow that's out in the pasture that meets its end and one quarter of that cow dies in our freezer every year.

And you could hear, I mean, Christina, obviously you're living in one of the greatest cities in the world.

It's not unreasonable that you would pick up

a little bit of a lilt of an accent as you're living there every day.

But when you gasp, that was a pure Ohio gasp.

That was just like, obviously, Edinburgh is not giving you something.

When you hear about a chest freezer,

that's like a little taste of home, right?

I mean, think about all the ice cream that could fit.

Think about all the ice cream you could fit.

But I wouldn't be able to bring it with me to Joel Otto.

I would, you know, no, sure.

No, but you could potentially, Christina, if you wanted, take a measurements and work this out in paper.

Yeah, I think the curve of the drawer is really what's stumping me.

It's been a while since I've done calculus and I, I don't know, it's just, it's too many different shapes fitting together.

So I thought, why don't we just bring the drawer?

It's not heavy.

Not, we don't live far from the ice cream shop.

So we can.

So you're not, yeah, because I would, you're, you're obviously one of of those field agents.

You're not doing math like the analysts all the time.

Got it.

Right.

It's all automated now, Judge.

Okay, I got it.

Is your objection to this, Charlie,

the spectacle of bringing in a freezer drawer into Joe Lotto?

Are you afraid that you'll be embarrassed?

No, I just don't think it's...

I just don't think we need to bring the drawer to acquire as much ice cream as is reasonable to fit in our reasonably small freezer.

But don't you want to know what your maximum storage capacity is?

I mean, as a point of interest, yes.

As a practical point of acquiring ice cream,

I don't think it's entirely necessary.

So your position is not so much the spectacle of bringing a freezer drawer into Gelato's shop is embarrassing.

It's more like we've got enough ice cream.

Why are we hoarding all the walnuts, Rachatella?

Is it true that you still have ice cream in the fridge?

Excuse me, gelato?

Yes, that's true.

I think

there's probably a natural balance where we're not,

we might have eaten more or at a faster rate than we have so far if we knew we had a full drawer of it.

But we're probably meeting it out slower

because it's in limited supply in the freezer.

Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman.

The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course.

Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at maximumfun.org, and they are all your favorites.

If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic.

Just go to maximumfund.org slash join.

The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by Made In.

Let me ask you a question.

Did you know that most of the dishes served at Tom Clicchio's craft restaurant are made in, made in pots and pans?

It's true.

The braised short ribs, made in, made in.

The Rohan Duck Riders of Rohan, made in, made in.

That heritage pork chop that you love so much, you got it.

It was made in, made in.

But made in isn't just for professional chefs.

It's for home cooks, too.

And even some of your favorite celebratory dishes can be amplified with made-in cookware.

It's the stuff that professional chefs use, but because it is sold directly to you, it's a lot more affordable than some of the other high-end brands.

We're both big fans of the carbon steel.

I have a little carbon steel skillet.

that my mother-in-law loves to use because cast iron is too heavy for her, but she wants that non-stick.

And I know that she can, you know, she can heat that thing up hot if she wants to use it hot.

She can use it to braise if she wants to use it to braise.

It's an immensely useful piece of kitchen toolery.

And it will last a long time.

And whether it's

griddles or pots and pans or knives or glassware or tableware.

I mean, you know, Jesse, I'm sad to be leaving Maine soon, but I am very, very happy to be getting back to my beloved made-in entree bowls.

All of it is incredibly solid, beautiful, functional, and as you point out, a lot more affordable because they sell it directly to you.

If you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes on menus all around the world have in common.

They're made-in,

made-in.

For full details, visit madeincookwear.com.

That's M-A-D-E-I-N Cookware.com.

Let them know Jesse and John sent you.

What do you have in the freezer that's not gelato at this point?

Yeah, a lot of frozen veggies, frozen fruit.

I think

cake icing, sure.

I think I'm probably the worst abuser of the freezer space.

So I feel like I can be, like, accommodate the ice cream.

So I have a habit of if we have leftovers and they're freezable, I'll just throw them in the freezer.

So I feel like we'll use it to the max that it's available.

But right now, it just holds kind of those stock items that you want um on hand plus cake icing

you have two drawers how many drawers do you want to fill with walnut scroccatella well so we we have three it might be hard to see in that picture we have one big bottom drawer i don't want to fill the big bottom drawer let me get out my jeweler's loop so i can see the fullness of your freezer

i'm sorry i'm making fun of your freezer it's fine it's a perfectly wonderful freezer yeah we do okay you've got three you've got a top drawer, which is pretty.

It's like ice cubes and flat boards.

That's where you freeze your seven ice cubes per week.

It's about the thickness of an ice cube.

Yeah.

And then you have a medium drawer.

Yeah.

And then you have a deep drawer.

Yes.

So which one of these drawers,

which one are you going to devote to Walnut Strachatella?

Middle, which I think is like a reasonable,

yeah, kind of Goldilocks solution, you know?

This is a romantic relationship between the two of you?

It is.

Is it a marriage type relationship or no?

It will be next April.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

I'd like to go to Edinburgh.

Well, in April, it's probably very wet and cold, isn't it?

It's going to be touch and go, yeah.

Okay, never mind.

I'm not talking about it.

But we will be serving Walnut Strachatella there.

Is that actually something that's been arranged?

Have you talked to Joe about the Walnut Stratch and your wedding?

We've, yeah, we floated the idea.

And then any venue we talked to, we had to be able to bring in outside ice cream.

So we've actually settled with a venue who will let us bring outside ice cream to the venue.

So we just need to talk to Joe and see if he can make it happen for next April.

Excuse yourself.

Outside Gelato.

Right.

Outside Gelato, please.

Yes.

Thank you.

Gosh.

How far away is Joel Lato from your home?

There's two locations.

The closer one's about a 20-minute walk, would you say?

20, 25 minutes.

Yeah.

And you could take a bus to make it 15.

Those, these containers are insulated, obviously, so you're getting it home.

Yeah,

it doesn't get as hot in Edinburgh either, so it's not it's never like a scorcher getting it, right?

Yeah, why don't you just keep the ice cream out on your on your windowsill?

Honestly, someday it feels like we could.

Uh,

don't you have some concern, Christina, about um, leaving some walnut scratch behind for others?

Um, no, I think that if the demand outpaces the supply,

then that is good for my ideal scenario, which is walnut stratch on the menu as often as possible.

Walnut stratch forever.

Yeah.

Have you talked to Joe about why walnut stratch is a sometime treat and not an everyday food?

Yeah, we have.

I think this is when he started looking at us like we were a little loopy.

Looking at us or looking at one of you.

So Joe, being a purveyor of fine gelato, sources all the ingredients carefully for the product.

And he said that he can't get a consistent enough supply of quality walnuts.

Do you think that when you get married, maybe you'll take a honeymoon to a walnut farm in Italy and get as many walnuts as you can for Joe of gelato?

That's the plan.

That's the plan.

So you are facing a kind of perpetual scarcity of walnut strachatella.

There is no chance that Joe is ever going to make this a regular because he can't get the nuts.

Joe simply doesn't have the nuts for it.

I think that, you know, if he becomes powerful enough, he could exert some influence over his supply chain.

So he could maybe improve the supply of quality walnuts coming in.

You're saying that Joe of Joe Lotto owes it to you to corner the market on Italian ice cream quality walnuts.

I'm saying if we get, you know, we started talking about if I clear them out of walnut stretch every time they have on the menu.

And I'm saying, yeah, if we keep demand up, that might

put Joe in a position to get a better

quality supply of walnuts coffee.

I'm looking at jolato.co.uk right now.

Yeah.

Is Jolatto this young-looking fellow with the glasses?

Yeah.

He's a nice looking guy.

He's a lovely guy.

He's really nice.

And we should say his wife, who's a whole human being in her own right, also, I think, owns and runs the business with him.

So

you want Walnut Strachatella all the time.

Yeah.

You want to create a stockpile.

Yeah.

Hoarding mentality.

Yeah.

All right.

Does that feel healthy to you, Charlie?

Yeah,

I am all for having access to Walnut Strachatella.

at all times.

I just think there are other ways to do it than dedicating an entire freezer drawer.

What would be a more efficient way?

Well, I think we could just monitor our levels of walnut strachatella.

And then once we get below a certain level, we like one of us is on high alert.

You know the war is over.

Not for walnut strachatella.

I mean,

this is a real cultural clash between Ohio and Scotland.

Like, I should have everything I want in my chest freezer in my third refrigerator outside.

Why wouldn't I?

Yeah.

And, and Scotland's over here going, like, we don't deserve anything.

You don't want too much of a good thing.

So

I think that's a reasonable thought.

I mean, don't you think, Christina, there's a possibility you could get sick of this ice cream?

I'm going to call it ice cream from time to time.

Don't get mad at me, everybody.

I'm sure I don't host a whole podcast here.

I can't keep all the, all the words straight all the time.

No, it's okay.

I've done the same.

while we're recording.

I know what you're saying.

And I think for most foods, yes.

But this is the best ice cream or gelato I've ever tasted.

And it's probably one of the best flavors of food I've ever tasted.

I think I was, when I originally wrote to Joe, I tried to think of some meals I've had that are better.

And I think I had like two or three I could name.

But like this was,

I, I screamed aloud when I had it.

It was, it's so good.

I just don't think I'm going to get sick of it.

When did you first have it?

How long ago was this?

Was that a year ago?

It must have been about a year.

It was in the stockbridge shop yeah and then we but uh yeah i did i did shout across the little park to ask if

the couple the couple across from us who were also eating ice cream to see if they had were also having walnut strachatella because i wanted to like talk to someone else who was experiencing this and they weren't they weren't having the same flavors charlie charlie when when your fiancé yelled across a park to strangers

asking are you also eating this

Did you rethink your decision to marry an American at that time?

Absolutely not.

That cemented the decision.

I see.

All right.

Christina, you appreciate that what you're doing here by buzz marketing not only Joe Lotta, but this particular flavor is that you're making it even more challenging for you to corner the world's supply on this stuff.

I mean, all of our seven listeners in Edinburgh are now going to rush to get this stuff off of Joe.

I think, you know, anything that helps the overall demand signal for Joe is good.

Joe runs a, you know, a local business.

So if he sells out of Walnut Stratch because of this episode, then that's good for his overall business, keeps him, you know, doing well.

And then if he keeps selling out of it, then surely he'll, again, he'll find a way.

I'll pose this question to all three of you, Monty, Charlie, and Christina.

Have you ever had a food that you loved so much much and you ate so much of it that you got sick of it?

Yes.

Monty?

That was yes with a purpose.

Let's hear about it.

When I was a kid, I had a terrible diet, and my parents were not helpful in steering me in the correct direction.

So every morning, I would have one of those little oatmeal pies with cream in the middle of it, but I would also frequently bring them for lunch.

So I was having like two oatmeal pies a day.

And then finally, I just hit this breaking point.

And I was like, I can't put another one of these oatmeal pies in my mouth ever again.

And I don't think I have.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying.

It's not haggis, Monty, but there was a time when I did too much scrapple, too much Pennsylvania scrapple.

Yeah.

What about you, Charlie?

Do you have any foods that you've eaten too much of and you got sick of them?

Yeah, I think I go through cycles with porridge.

Of course you do.

Do you like any other flavors of ice cream that Joe makes or no?

I like other flavors, but it's hard to enjoy it as much knowing that walnut and strachatella exists.

But yeah, he makes really excellent flavors across the board.

This is, to me, it's just his standout.

When you go to the freezer and you open that medium-middle drawer

and you see it, picture it in your mind's eye.

Charlie, close your eyes.

And you open it up and like.

frosty air comes out and you pull open the drawer and it's just full,

even within that weird curve at the back of the drawer.

Every inch of it is full of containers with walnut strachatella in there.

What are you feeling, Charlie, when you see this in your mind's eye?

I am

wondering where everything else that was in that drawer has gone,

but honestly, delight at the same time.

Delight, delight, and

a little bit of hunger.

Christina, how do you feel when you see?

I feel like at ease, like relaxed, and I also feel joyful.

I think I was thinking while I was visualizing this, that if the drawer is full, then I know when we have people over for dinner, we can offer them walnut stretch because we have plenty to share.

Because right now, with the supply not secure, if you have people over, you won't waste any stretch on them.

I did share some this winter with a friend who came over, and Charlie was out, so it was just the two of us.

And then after he came home, I had to tell him that I shared some walnut stretch with my friend.

I felt so guilty about it because it was like our limited supply.

And what was Charlie's response?

I think he was very

understanding.

I don't think he was upset, but

you know, when I say I want to evangelize about it, like I want to share it with people, I want other people to taste it.

Well, it's the way I feel about Maine.

And as I mentioned in my book, Vacation Land, available wherever books are stolen,

it's like the most wonderful thing that I want to share with everyone and also hide from everyone.

So the stakes of this case are this.

Right now, Joe has walnut strachatella, probably more than you can store.

In theory, when he makes it, it's more than we can store, yeah.

Okay, so you don't have a delivery date in mind.

There's no specific.

No, this, this, one of his shops is really near my office,

near our house.

So we just swing by every now and then to check on its availability.

Sure.

So, you want to have that freezer drawer, you want to finish up the strategy you have now, so that freezer drawer will be empty and ready to go for the moment that resupply is possible.

Yeah.

And if I were to rule in your favor, you would take that freezer drawer over and you would buy as many containers as can fit into that drawer.

Yes.

And, Charlie, what would you have me rule if I were to rule in your favor?

If you were to rule in my favor, I would have us

put in place a rotor

system

whereby one of us is responsible for monitoring the level.

We have two boxes of ice cream in the freezer at all times.

And one of us is responsible for monitoring how much is in the second box, how much is left.

And then once that box gets below one box is full.

One box is full.

And then it's like when you buy toothpaste.

You never buy one.

You buy two.

I disagree.

Strongly.

But I mean, I'm rethinking my life now that you mention it.

That's just not how I've done it.

But okay.

Okay, so the system, one of us would keep an eye on the level of one at Stratch that's left in that second box.

And once that box is finished, it's that person's responsibility to continue visiting Gelato and buy the backup box.

And who's going to be the stretch monitor?

We alternate.

Why?

Why not you just do it?

Because this is your scheme.

Because we both get to enjoy the ice cream.

If it were part of your vows in April next,

that one of you were to promise to the other, I will always make sure there is at least one full box of strachatella walnut strach in the freezer.

Christina, would that be enough for you?

It just doesn't have the same whimsy as

bringing the choice.

Here we go.

Here we go.

It feels like a chore.

And I think this should be like abundance and enjoyment.

What's the whimsy?

What's the whimsy part?

Explain that to me.

I mean, I think part of the enjoyment is just how

I am

sort of taken aback by how absurd my reaction to this ice cream is.

Like, it's just over the top, but so I'm just leaning into that, I suppose.

If it feels like a chore, it's not going to feel like a fun,

exciting treat that we get to have it feels fun to you to fill that drawer up yes

you know christina the most efficient walnut stratch storage solution is to take that drawer and have them put the walnut stratch directly into the drawer

yeah

yeah like you would want to wash it out make sure it's nice and clean first

Then get that stratch into the drawer and then put it in a cooler

and then have a taxi wait and get home as quickly as possible.

Perhaps.

Yeah, perhaps.

Why aren't you pushing for this weirdest option?

I really just don't want to alienate Joe.

I feel like I'm on the edge of alienating him with how much I love this ice cream.

So I like really, I need to maintain a good relationship with Joe.

How would it be alienating to him to buy as much as you can get?

I guess, keep in mind, Joe is also a Scottish man.

So equally reserved as Charlie.

And one time we showed up and the walnut stretch was on the menu.

He was there scooping behind the counter.

And I sort of introduced myself as the person who wrote him that email.

And I think he was like a little taken aback by my enthusiasm.

Don't you think then,

how much difference do you think it will be in terms of alienating him with your American enthusiasm?

How much difference is there practically speaking going to be between showing up with the drawer and saying fill it up versus showing up in the drawer and saying i need to see exactly how many of your containers can fit into this drawer.

I mean, it seems about the same

on the whimsy scale.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's, I think that's, that's fair.

I've also thought about, I'm not a huge fan of styrofoam.

It's not a good shape and not, not a good material to use.

So

I thought about, you know, maybe asking Joe if we can bring a better container.

I'm just not sure how he would charge us for the

product if it's not in one of his pre-measured containers.

And having a simple conversation about that with him feels unwhimsical to you?

It just feels like that might, no, plenty whimsical, but so much whimsy that it might make him feel kind of worried about me as a customer.

Right.

You're not, it would be both whimsy and walnut stretch overload, perhaps.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

You know, Christina, the ultimate whimsy,

I mean, this is really what I should be ruling, of course.

It's for you to show up at Jolotta with a box of tiny little jam jars and have them fill them each up with walnut stratch

and then fill up your drawer with little jars.

You'll have your little drawer of frozen jars.

Sounds like a great solution, doesn't it?

I think so.

I think I could just buy a bunch of ice cream and do the filling into little jars at home so as to not, you know, be off-putting.

That's a fun arts and crafts thing for you to do.

Charlie,

if I were to order in your favor, you would have me impose this rotation system, this strachatella rationing.

And also it says here for Christina to have to tell this story at the wedding where they will be serving gelato.

That's right.

Why do you think Christina won't want to talk about the story?

Like, how is this a punishment for her?

Yeah, no, I just want to give Christina the opportunity to evangelize further before we eat the ice cream on our wedding day.

All right.

I think I've heard everything I need to in order to make my decision.

I am going to take a bus 50 minutes to

my chambers, and I'll consider my verdict while enjoying a strachatella float.

I'll be back in a moment with my verdict.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Christina, I do have another follow-up question on on the whimsy.

Is the whimsy the sheer taking of a drawer for a walk?

Yeah, I think that's included for sure.

It's not the sheer, that's not the sheer element of it.

I think it's probably showing up to the Joelatto counter.

Holding a drawer and then walking away with a drawer.

filled with walnut strachatella.

Yeah.

Charlie, Christina mentioned that when she had her first taste of the walnut strachatella, that she screamed across a quad.

Did you scream as well?

I don't recall, I don't recall screaming, but I did join in the

sharing of

our feelings to the strangers in the park.

So you could say, I scream.

You scream.

We all scream for gelato.

Yeah.

That's accurate.

Yeah.

Well, we'll see what the judge has to say about this when we come back in just a moment.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no.

No, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper.

And on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Hey, while we're taking a break from the case, Monty Belmonte, for those of our listeners who are just enjoying meeting you for the first time, tell them a little bit about who you are and where they can find you.

I'm on Every Day on the public radio station of note for Western Massachusetts, NEPM, New England Public Media, formerly WFCR 5 College Radio for the folks who may have gone to school out here in Western Mass or vacationed here over the summer many times.

And the show is called The Fabulous 413, which is the area code of this area.

And my co-host, Khaleese Smith, and I travel all the highways and byways of the four counties of Western Mass, uncovering stories.

I like to say it's like Mr.

Rogers Neighborhood for Grownups, where we're introducing you to your neighbors.

There's fewer puppets,

but they are our puppets once in a while as well.

That's my chief complaint.

But I only write five-star reviews.

I only write five-star reviews for the Fabulous 413, wherever I get my podcast, because it's a wonderful show.

Appreciate that.

And Monty is our summertime fun time guest bailiff.

And I hope that we'll get to talk about more summertime stuff.

In the meantime, Monty, I need not remind you that when this summer is over, I know it seems impossible,

when this summer is over and

we move into early November, I and Jesse Thorne and Jennifer Marmor will all be joining you, Monty, at the Shea Theater in Turner's Falls, Massachusetts, right there in the fabulous 413.

The triumphant return of the Judge John Hodgman Show, live show to Turner's Falls, November 8th.

I really hope that Perry von Vicius can come around.

Oh, yes.

He might be wrestling in Japan,

but who knows?

And all of our friends from Western Massachusetts, please show up.

We're going to have a good time

at the Shea Theater in Turner's Falls.

And is that our only stop on the tour?

Mainon, as they say,

gelato, Edinburgh.

We start out.

We're going to be all over the place come this fall.

New York City, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Ann Arbor, Michigan, Madison, Wisconsin, St.

Paul, Minnesota, Burlington, Vermont, Portland, Maine.

Turners Falls, Massachusetts, and culminating in a great big show.

Very exciting to me in my hometown of Brookline, Massachusetts.

Just imagine Brooklyn and without the extra N at the Coolidge Corner Theater, where I used to sell tickets and rip tickets and sell concessions at the movie theater when I was

19 years old.

It's going to be a real great, grand homecoming on November 10th.

And all of these shows are going to be terrific.

It will have been a full year since we've been on the road before.

And so I hope that you all go over and get your tickets at the events page at maximumfund.org.

That's maximumfund.org/slash events.

It's the Judge John Hodgman Road Court,

and we can't wait to go out there and see you because it's better when you are there.

By the way, if you have disputes for any of these locations, and I say them again, New York City, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., Pittsburgh, Ann Arbor, Madison, St.

Paul, Burlington, Portland, Turner's Falls, and Brookline.

If you live in one of these places and you have a dispute that you might want us to consider to be adjudicated on stage, boy, it would be great if you submitted it now at maximumfund.org slash JJ Ho.

Just tell us that you want your case to be considered for the live show.

Tell us this is for the live show or something, and then I'll understand what's happening when I get your email in my email box, which is where they all go to, maximumfund.org slash JJ H O.

And one more reminder, go over to newenglandpublicmedia.org, NEPM.org.

Check out the Fabulous 413 there or wherever podcasts can be heard.

Monte Belmonte, you're a delight.

Let's get get back to the case.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict.

Well, obviously, I did not take a bus 50 minutes to my chambers.

A, I'm in my chambers, and B,

I have the great pleasure of living in a walking city like Edinburgh.

And it is a great pleasure because so long as there is not societal collapse,

I don't need to store months of food in

my freezer or my refrigerator or in my garage freezer or my garage refrigerator because I don't have a garage.

Well, there is a garage across the street, but I think the guys there would be it's a public garage.

I think they'd be very confused if I plugged in a chest freezer over there and started filling it with venison or whatever.

I'm sure the people in Brooklyn have done weirder things.

And while I am someone who does sort of take pleasure in a well-stocked pantry

and enjoying the gracious feeling that Christina articulated by saying, If someone comes over, I have champagne in the cupboard.

If someone comes over, I can feed them some of my favorite food, the walnut strachatella, but not very much.

They get one spoonful, that's enough.

Tiny jar.

I also take great pleasure in not wasting space or food and only having, you know, enough.

I'm lucky enough to be able to have enough and maybe a little bit more for a guest.

And I enjoy more than almost anything else in the world walking to the supermarket to reprovision.

And I don't mind little jars so long as they are not wastefully expensive because I enjoy the I enjoy living in a world in which

my

garage fridge and basement freezer chest are across the street at a store.

And I get to go outside and do a thing and then come back.

So, my inclination would be for you to resist the

completely natural and I dare say Ohioan

impulse to hoard what you love the most.

I'm not going to touch upon the economic ripple effect, or dare I say, fudge ripple effect.

Oh, Monty.

Yes.

Monty, you got me.

You've gotten into my soul.

Of the artificial raising of demand upon the walnut, the walnut supply that goes into the stracatella that might,

you know, you seem to believe that if you show more demand, that supply might magically

occur.

But then again, there is the ripple effect of us talking about in the podcast and everyone rushing out to Joel Lotto and getting that stuff before you.

And the walnuts are a finite resource.

Or

they're not infinite in any case.

I'm not sure what effect the hoarding would have

upon the actual availability of walnut strach for you or others in the future.

But I do worry a little bit about what the

effect it will have emotionally on having all this walnut strachatella.

Because with that abundance, right, comes initial joy, but as it gets whittled down, to my mind, it would be increasingly anxious.

And we don't know when the next time you'll be able to get some, right?

So, one argument might be: well, when he has it next, I'll enjoy it.

And when he doesn't, I'll look forward to the next time he has it next.

I might say, I might suggest, and I can see Charlie is nodding there.

This may be a particularly Scottish point of view.

Just denial of pleasure.

I don't know.

I think that it might be a somewhat more

emotionally sustainable place to be, where when the good things are there, you enjoy them fully.

When they're not available, you look forward to when you can, as opposed to ultimately what I feel is

an anxious impulse, which is to get as much as I can and hide it away just for me.

You say that you're going to feel more comfortable sharing it with your friends, but not not if you're down to your last mini jar of it.

Then you're going to be like Gollum in a cave,

you know,

looking at it and calling it your precious.

I mean, I do see a lot of arguments for why you wouldn't go through with this.

And there's another cultural issue, too, which you have already identified

in your relationship, but also, you know, in your ambivalence about how Joe's going to take it when you show up at his place of business with a freezer drawer.

You know,

there is, I think, and

it's evidenced in the evidence

you gave me, which is the photograph of your fridge, that, you know, city living in Scotland is not country living in Ohio.

And I don't even care if you live in a city in Ohio.

It's still the country compared to,

you know, compared compared to density.

I'm about to move,

you know, I'm about to spend some time in a, in a wonderful place that I like to hoard to myself and feel anxious about when the supply is dwindling.

It's called Maine.

That is a place where I do have a fridge in the garage and we do stock it up because it is a car ride, you know, half an hour car ride to get to the supermarket.

And it's really exhausting.

You know what I mean?

It's, I mean, it's just, you know, to think about keep, you know, keeping people fed all the time.

You're lucky to live in a city where you don't have to think about that.

Whereas long as civilization exists, and I get it,

it may not exist for much longer.

I have a feeling that you two are

the only thing keeping us, the world,

some of whatever your secret missions are.

You're standing between societal collapse and

non-societal collapse.

But in any case, every bit of

your world

and your city and the size of your fridge suggests it's not built for Ohio-style stocking up.

And that may be why Charlie is a little bit uncomfortable with this idea.

I don't know.

All of that said, this is just, you know, this is just my observation, right?

This isn't my judgment.

I don't know if you're going to go through a pleasure-panic cycle once you have a drawer full of strachatella.

Maybe it won't work out that way.

And maybe this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

You've got to line into Joe.

Joe seems to be basically on board with supplying you what you need of your horrible drug.

Joe cannot make any promises about when he's going to resupply the walnut strach because the walnuts are somewhere else.

So

I'm going to say

that you should fill up the drawer and see, and

let us know how it goes.

Monitor your feelings about it.

Decide whether you're happier that way.

Over time, keep a Walnut Stratch journal.

You know, you don't have to be a man to journal.

A men's journal magazine would have you believe that it's only men who are journaling.

But in fact,

women also journal.

And I think that it will be a worthwhile experiment

to restock as full as you can.

And then, while you enjoy, each time you enjoy the walnut stretch, write down how you feel about how you feel about the supply going down.

And then evaluate, which way is happier?

Which way is happier?

Because that's the thing.

Life is hard.

And there is no sin.

If you find something that gives you joy, there is no sin

in making that last as long as possible.

And I think that you should give it a try and really see that if this is

more, if it's more sustainable joy feeling the anxiety of your horde dwindling, or more sustainable joy enjoying it when it exists and knowing that it'll be there down the road because you haven't fully alienated Joe with all of your weird antics.

But here's what I'm going to say.

Don't take your drawer for a walk.

You can figure this out without bringing the drawer into the shop.

Sorry about the whimsy.

I think that you and Charlie should get together and do some math and figure out what the dimensions of the drawer are.

You already have

containers or get a container from Joe, right?

An empty container from Joe.

Tell him what your plan.

First of all, tell him what your plan is.

I know that you're, I know, I know that you live a life of total secrecy to protect your loved ones, but go into Joe and say, look, when you get this walnut strachatella in, I want to buy as much as I can to fill up this drawer.

Here's a picture of it.

Can I borrow or can take measurements of your containers to figure out how many I can fit in there?

And then can I buy those in advance?

I think that's the way to do it.

And then, as I say, keep your stracutello log.

There's got to be an ice cream log

pun in there, right, Monte?

There's got to be.

There's got to be.

But all I can think about is poop, so let's forget about it.

Jalago.

I love it.

Oh,

perfect.

Wow, Charlie, and you thought you were going to win this case.

Jalaga wins it once and for all.

But I do insist, not only do you have to tell the story about this at the wedding, Christina, but I do insist that you work it into your vows, that you will keep each other stocked with walnuts, rotciatella, and all the things that make you happy in the world to the best of your ability

till death you part God or whatever.

This is the sound of a gavel.

I think I know what would help right now.

What?

Frozen chocolate gelato!

Judge John Hodgman rules, that is all.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Christina, Charlie, it seems like a banana split decision and that you have both won.

You get a drawer full of walnut strachatella.

Both of you win with that.

The only little loss for you, Christina, is you don't get to take the drawer for a walk.

How are you both feeling about the judge's decision?

I think you put it nicely.

I think there's no way of losing this.

We end up with a freezer full of ice cream and we see how it goes.

And maybe down the line, we put a more efficient system in place.

We'll see how it goes.

Thank you so much, both of you, for being on the show.

I only wish we could hear a little more of your Scottish accent there, Charlie.

It's beautiful.

Thank you very much.

Another case in the books.

Before we dispense some swift justice, we want to thank Redditor Numbnuts for naming this week's episode, May It Freeze the Court.

Join the conversation over at Maximum Fun subreddit over at maximumfun.reddit.com.

Now, Monty, I have to say,

that's actually a combo of two titles.

Numbnuts submitted If It Freezes the Court, which is good.

But I also liked Think underscore Leg6864 Order in the Quart,

which is an imperial measure, obviously, not metric, so I don't know what they use in Scotland.

And so we combined them much like a much like a Harold's Ice Cream Mix-in.

Right, home of the original mixin.

Yeah, into May It Please the Court, but

I need to acknowledge both numb nuts and think underscore leg6864, and indeed all of the wonderful people over there at the Maximum Fund subreddit who suggest names and titles and puns for our show.

It's all over there at maximumfund.reddit.com, which is a nice place to meet other listeners and Maximum Fund members.

It's a good place to hang out.

And it's where we always ask for the title suggestions.

So keep an eye out there as well.

You want to talk about our evidence for the show?

Evidence and photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account at instagram.com slash judgejohnhodgman.

We're also on TikTok and YouTube at judgejohnhodgman pod.

Follow and subscribe to see our episodes and video-only content.

And by the way, Monty,

people, just to remind, people want to listen to more Monty Belmonte, and guess what?

You do?

All you need to go is to go over to NEPM.org, New EnglandPublicmedia.org, or listen onto the radio every, every weekday afternoon.

Monday through Friday.

The fabulous 413 is the name of the show.

Monty Belmonte is the name of the co-host.

Your co-host's name is Khaleese Smith.

Khaleese Smith.

I've been on the show, and it's a delight.

And you can listen to it also at npm, nepm.org, New England Public Radio, which is a great, great station.

Or wherever podcasts are available, as they say.

Hey, speaking of podcasts, I want to thank Travel Girl82 over on Apple Podcasts, who wrote us a very nice review.

And on the topic of joy, no less, joy bringing and a great source for memorable mantras is the headline.

This podcast brings me joy.

I didn't realize how much it informed my parenting until I overheard my five-year-old tell their friend that they, quote, needed to be mindful of the work they leave for others.

Wow,

making a real difference in the world.

The same child has also lately grown fond of shouting to the sky, oh, why do people like what they like?

That's a good question.

Thank you to the J squad.

That's Jennifer Marmur, me, John Hodgman, sometimes Joel Mann up there in Maine, and sometimes Gene Gray, and sometimes our wonderful friend, Jaunty Monty Belmonte.

Jaunty Beljanti.

Jaunty Monty Belmonty.

If you're listening to us on Apple Podcasts, why don't you give us a rating and a review over there?

It really does help new listeners find the show.

Or just tell your friends about your favorite episode.

Tell them how our settled law has affected your personal life or your children screaming at the sky.

I know I say people people like what they like all the time, and it's all because of you, Judge John.

Why do they like what they like, though?

Judge John Hodgman was created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman.

This episode was engineered by John Vick at Finiflex Sound Studio in Edinburgh.

Our social media manager is Natty Lopez.

The podcast is edited by A.J.

McKeon.

Our video editor is Daniel Speer, and our producer is the wonderful Jennifer Marmer.

Now let's get to Swift Justice, where we answer your small disputes with a quick judgment.

Janice 1172 on the maximum fun subreddit says, when my dad uses the butter at our home, he scrapes the knife lengthwise across the top.

Our tray measures tablespoons along the bottom.

I would like him to make vertical cuts to preserve the size consistency of each pad.

What say you, Judge John Hodgman?

I

don't understand this question at all.

I'm sorry to say.

Do you want to scrape the top of of the butter like this along the horizon or vertically along the horizon?

This is why we have a YouTube channel because now that you have did a visual demonstration, I get it.

So do you scrape the knife along the top of the stick of butter?

Right.

Or, right, the tray, the butter tray that they have, the butter dish has tablespoons measures on it.

Well, obviously, if you're measuring tablespoons out for a recipe, you use the tray.

And obviously, when you scrape across the top, you are committing a great crime because that's messing up the shape of the butter.

For those of you who would later, for those in the house who would later want to use the tablespoon measure, I understand why you want to scrape across the top of the butter.

It's usually a little bit softer.

It's usually easier to butter toast with, you know, to scrape that off like that.

But the truth of the matter is, particularly if you have a European

or Scottish style butter that has a high, it's cultured and has a high butter fat content, which is what you should have.

Butter is joy.

You can leave it out on the counter and keep it soft.

Just put it in the fridge at night, but you don't have to keep it in the fridge all the time.

It doesn't have to be hard.

You know what?

Life has to be hard, but butter doesn't.

Monty, it's been so great to have you here today.

It's so wonderful to anticipate summer as it approaches and seeps into and under my sweaty robes right now.

It's really summertime.

And in honor of Summer Angelato, let's hear more about cool stuff.

Cooling is someone in in your neighborhood helping themselves to your aloe plant to cool off their sunburns and you want them to stop foraging?

Are you an icy fan in a home full of slurpy devotees?

Does your loved one wear a neck fan everywhere and you're embarrassed to be seen with them?

Monty, do you have a, remember how the Sharper Image used to sell a pith helmet that had a fan built into it?

Yes, I do remember that, actually.

I love the Sharper Image stuff.

I never wanted that particular item, but yeah.

Well, see, that's our dispute because I did.

Send us all of your cult cases to maximumfund.org slash JJHO.

And of course, we want to hear all about all of your disputes on any subject.

No case is too small.

So please remember to submit your cases at maximumfund.org/slash JJHO.

Monty, I'll talk to you soon.

And everyone else, we'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artists-owned shows.

Supported directly by you.