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Speaker 1 Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Speaker 3 I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne. We're in chambers this week, clearing the docket.

Speaker 7 With me, as always, he's the king of all justice, Judge John Hodgman.

Speaker 10 Jesse, did you go down to the big easy New Orleans? Yes or no?

Speaker 9 I went to the great city of New Orleans.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 10 Did you laissez-lais bonton roulette or what?

Speaker 12 Fouquet avac mois c'est wa

Speaker 10 c'est soi.

Speaker 5 May we

Speaker 10 did you have a good time there? I haven't been there in a long time.

Speaker 7 I had a fantastic time.

Speaker 13 It was my best friend Pete Fields' wedding from Slow Motion Cowboys, and

Speaker 9 they had, I think, a total of six bands plus a second line.

Speaker 9 So I think it was two bands the night before,

Speaker 9 two bands the day of, two bands that night

Speaker 7 plus a second line that day.

Speaker 10 Ooh, all that plus all you can drink. Migraine suffers paradise.

Speaker 5 Let's go.

Speaker 19 Here is a case from Neil in Milwaukee.

Speaker 20 My wife, Liz, and I have a dispute about the saying that starts, you get what you get and you blank.

Speaker 10 Uh-huh. I know this one.
I'm a parent.

Speaker 23 I say the next part is, you don't get upset.

Speaker 5 because it rhymes.

Speaker 12 My wife says the saying is, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

Speaker 9 She just claims that's how the saying goes. That makes no sense to me.

Speaker 6 Please explain to her she is wrong.

Speaker 10 Jesse, you ever say these words, you get what you get and you either don't get upset or don't throw a fit?

Speaker 23 Yeah, it's about radical acceptance, right?

Speaker 10 Oh, I don't know. I think it was just something you say to kids.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 Either way.

Speaker 24 That's what they call in AA the serenity prayer, right?

Speaker 10 God or whatever, grant me the courage to change what can be changed, the

Speaker 10 serenity, the grace to accept what can't be changed, and the wisdom to not throw a fit. It's hard not to throw a fit.
I almost threw a fit. I almost threw a fit when I was on an airplane.

Speaker 10 While you were in New Orleans, I was on an airplane with my family. And our son was seated behind us.
And there were two teenage girls sitting next to him.

Speaker 10 And a third teenage girl said, can I sit where you're sitting so I can sit with my friends? And our son, being a nice person, said, yes.

Speaker 10 I was in the middle of standing up to scream at them, but he already had left and went to go sit three rows behind in a middle seat. Oh, those teenage girls, they tricked him.

Speaker 10 But you get what you get. You don't throw a fit.
But what do you say when you say this phrase, Jesse?

Speaker 23 You don't get upset.

Speaker 10 You don't get upset. That's what I always said.

Speaker 5 It rhymes.

Speaker 10 It rhymes. You get what you get and you don't get upset.

Speaker 4 Liz is here like, you know, that children hate rhymes.

Speaker 10 That's right. When has a child learned anything through rhyming? Never.

Speaker 10 I was so upset and I almost threw a fit. But there's a difference.
There's a difference there, isn't there? Because being upset is different than throwing a fit.

Speaker 10 I was upset, but I did not throw a fit. Instead, I stared at the back of the neck of the dad of this teenage girl for two and a half hours, angrily.

Speaker 10 My anger was directed directly by my pineal gland to the back of his neck, just above his performance shirt

Speaker 10 in first class, where he was sitting. He had sent all of his children back into Economy Plus, where we were to go play mix and match with chairs while he sat in first class.
That's no class.

Speaker 10 That's a no-class dad.

Speaker 10 You know, you can ask people to switch seats. You can ask people to switch seats, but it's got to be, I'm sorry, Neil, we'll get back to you in Milwaukee in a second.
It's got to be an even trade.

Speaker 10 You can't trade a window seat for a middle seat.

Speaker 10 But on the other hand, our son is too nice of a person, and he didn't want to sit with those teenage girls being mad at him for the whole time. It was a mess.

Speaker 10 Only one person got what they wanted, and it wasn't me. And I got upset, but I did not throw a fit.
So there is a distinction there. There is a distinction there.

Speaker 10 Now, I consulted two experts on the internet about this.

Speaker 10 Chat GPT,

Speaker 10 where I'm going to all the time for all my content.

Speaker 25 The famous brain computer.

Speaker 10 That's right, the famous brain computer. And of course, Reddit, where I did find a discussion about this phrase from two years ago.

Speaker 10 And I was surprised that there was a discussion because I had never, ever, ever in my life heard,

Speaker 10 you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. But sure enough, there it was being discussed.
on this Reddit thread in the subreddit unpopular opinion.

Speaker 10 Some people were saying, oh, I've always heard don't throw a fit. And some people were saying, don't throw a fit is better.
It does not attempt to quash your child's feelings.

Speaker 10 You are allowed to be upset. You just can't throw a fit, which I think is a reasonable distinction, but I had not occurred to me

Speaker 10 before I checked Reddit, which is very strange to actually find something reasonable on Reddit. Now, the Redditors then went on.
to suggest that all children should divorce their parents immediately.

Speaker 10 Strange advice. So I thought that that was actually a reasonable distinction, but at the same time, it does not rhyme or does it, Jesse?

Speaker 5 Oh, wow.

Speaker 10 Because one Redditor pointed out.

Speaker 19 I'm getting ready for a take that might really upset me.

Speaker 10 Two years ago, some person named Butterscotch Magic really opened my eyes and my ears by pointing out, quote,

Speaker 10 I'm from the South. So here, get what you get.
does rhyme with don't throw a fit.

Speaker 10 In other words, if you're from a place in which you say in your natural speaking voice, get instead of get, then fit does rhyme. Bananas, but true, I think.

Speaker 10 Now, I don't know, Neil, whether Liz is from the South or another place where you might say get instead of get,

Speaker 10 but I would bet that's true. I'd bet some money that it's true.
But if I lose the bit and she's from Milwaukee or some other place where get rhymes with upset, then she's wrong.

Speaker 10 If she grew up saying it and it does rhyme, then I guess it's a wash. And I'm going to have to deal with that.
I'm going to have to not get upset and I'm going to have to not throw a fit.

Speaker 7 I have to tell you, I never use this phrase with my children.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 25 It wasn't ever used with me when I was a kid, but I'm certainly aware of it.

Speaker 11 I never used it with my children because I was always uncomfortable with the idea that I would dictate to them how they felt about things.

Speaker 10 Sure, fair.

Speaker 12 And don't throw a fit.

Speaker 19 I'm more comfortable with it.

Speaker 24 More comfortable with it, but it does not rhyme.

Speaker 10 If this is a real regionalism that is justified by the way that Liz speaks, then it's absolutely acceptable as far as I'm concerned. I love regionalisms.

Speaker 6 You get what you get, said that guy, Boba Fett.

Speaker 10 There we go.

Speaker 10 Well, he's a good dad, too.

Speaker 10 No, not Boba. Boba Fett ended up.
Boba Fett never had a child. Boba Fett was an abandoned child.

Speaker 11 You get what you get.

Speaker 28 Choose an outfit for the Met,

Speaker 22 Gala.

Speaker 11 You get what you get if you fish, use a net.

Speaker 10 I wish Boba Fett was Dindajarin in The Mandalorian because he is a pretty good parental figure to that little Grogu.

Speaker 11 You get what you get.

Speaker 5 Hey, I love that Corvette.

Speaker 10 Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 5 That's a good one, right?

Speaker 24 That's where you just, that's a redirection one.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's a mood change. It's like, oh.

Speaker 10 When the kid goes, oh, I'm so excited. Where? And you go, oh, it just passed through the window.
And they run to the window. And now you're into a whole different season of this day with my child.

Speaker 10 But anyway, yeah, I think that even though it doesn't rhyme, I think you don't throw a fit. I've learned something today.

Speaker 10 I wish I had known it on that airplane.

Speaker 7 No rhyme can protect you from teens.

Speaker 3 Here's a case from Kate in the Azores.

Speaker 18 I hate raincoats.

Speaker 17 They make me claustrophobic.

Speaker 14 I also hate walking with things in my hands, like umbrellas.

Speaker 19 So if I'm in the rain, I just deal with it.

Speaker 9 But my husband, Sean, says it, quote, makes him look terrible, unquote.

Speaker 10 Hang on, I just realized this. Kate gets what she gets, and Kate just gets all wet.

Speaker 10 Continue to read.

Speaker 5 But my husband, Sean, says it, quote, makes him look terrible, end quote, for him to use an umbrella when I won't.

Speaker 5 He always carries two umbrellas and insists I should use one.

Speaker 4 Please rule that I can do what I want in the rain.

Speaker 10 The Azores, Jesse.

Speaker 10 Are you familiar with the Azores?

Speaker 17 It's a group of islands.

Speaker 10 It's an archipelago, I believe, of nine volcanic islands in the near middle of the Atlantic. It's real remote.

Speaker 10 It is self-administered, though traditionally, and I think technically still the territory of Portugal.

Speaker 10 does have, it is an autonomous government now.

Speaker 10 And I happen to know Kate a little bit because Kate is a Judge John Hunchman listener, and she and her two dogs have appeared on Get Your Pets. Oh, you go get your pets, and no one is upset.

Speaker 10 That's another thing that happens.

Speaker 6 You go get your pets, and we go to the vets.

Speaker 10 Precisely.

Speaker 10 She's on Get Your Pets from time to time, broadcasting from the Azores with the

Speaker 10 God or whatever damn mint double gig internet they got out there on those islands, because I think they probably sit in the middle of a giant fiber optic underwater trunk cable connecting one continent to the other.

Speaker 10 And she helps me out when I build Cities in SimCity 2013 on my Joy of Zoning occasional Twitch stream. It's been fun getting to know Kate and getting to learn a little about the Azores.

Speaker 10 She and her husband moved there for his job a little while ago. Now, Jesse, Kate lives on Tercera Island, one of the nine islands of the Azores.
It's one of the larger islands of the archipelago.

Speaker 19 Wait, hold on.

Speaker 11 You get what you get.

Speaker 5 Baseball head, Mr.

Speaker 15 Matt.

Speaker 10 There you go. How did we not already get to Mr.
Met at this point?

Speaker 6 We had to get through Mrs. Met, if you know what I mean.

Speaker 10 But Tercera Island is 153 square miles. And Portugal, the country, is almost 36,000 square miles.

Speaker 10 Now, Jesse, if you had to guess, what percentage of Portugal's, of all of Portugal's dairy products are sourced from Terceira Island in the Azores in the middle of the Atlantic?

Speaker 18 I would guess maybe 3%.

Speaker 10 40%.

Speaker 5 Wow.

Speaker 10 There's a lot of milk being carted off that island.

Speaker 10 And it's beautiful there. And it's rainy.
And it's rainy. They call it the Hawaii of the Atlantic.
And it's beautiful. And temperatures above 86 degrees Fahrenheit are unknown.

Speaker 10 It is normally between 65 and 76 degrees all the live-long day, all the year round.

Speaker 17 Why don't they call it the San Francisco of the Atlantic?

Speaker 10 They should rebrand it the San Francisco of the Atlantic. And, you know, maybe when we go there on tour, we can get that settled.

Speaker 10 But in the meantime, it is a rainy place, so it rains on Kate quite a bit. And the question is, should she be forced to carry an umbrella?

Speaker 10 because her her husband sean feels self-conscious it makes him look terrible to walk with an umbrella when his wife is getting all drenched what do you think umbrellas are pretty culturally specific how do you mean well in seattle no one will use an umbrella because it rains so much right they just wear shorts and i don't know a cowboy hat or something Shorts and a cowboy hat.

Speaker 10 That's correct.

Speaker 18 In London, everybody uses an umbrella.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's different depending on on where you are.

Speaker 20 I don't think I've ever been in a tropical place where it's raining, where there's a lot of people carrying umbrellas.

Speaker 10 The question at hand, though, is

Speaker 10 what is the cultural norm within the microclimate of Kate's marriage?

Speaker 10 Because Sean wants to use an umbrella, but he feels that if he walks down the street with his wife getting rained on and he's sauntering down the Azorean Boulevard, keeping dry under a nice umbrella or whatever, but he's going to look like a jackass.

Speaker 14 I mean, he does.

Speaker 5 He will.

Speaker 5 That's true.

Speaker 24 I don't know if that's the paramount issue here.

Speaker 10 Right. I mean, Kate should be able to do what she wants in the rain, don't you think?

Speaker 7 I think so.

Speaker 24 She might consider whether it makes him look like a monster, because it does.

Speaker 18 But

Speaker 29 I think that

Speaker 19 the only true monstrosity here is a man walking around with two umbrellas all the time.

Speaker 10 Hoping against hope that he can force one into her hands.

Speaker 5 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 10 I'm looking at the Wikipedia page for the Azores, and it does not say anything about the Azores being the judgiest people of the Portuguese diaspora. In fact, I bet they don't care at all.

Speaker 10 I don't think they care.

Speaker 10 It's not like, Kate, you and your husband are putting down roots in this community where you're going to have to live there for a long time, and your husband's going to get a rep

Speaker 10 for being the selfish man with two umbrellas who doesn't share even one.

Speaker 10 They're not going to care because you're going to be gone because I know that Kate and her husband have to leave this beef and dairy paradise soon because he's being reposted.

Speaker 10 Guess where they're moving from the Azores, Jesse?

Speaker 20 Where is that?

Speaker 10 Salt Lake City.

Speaker 15 It's a big difference.

Speaker 10 That's a big diff.

Speaker 4 I bet people carry umbrellas in Salt Lake City.

Speaker 10 I bet people have a wonderful time in Salt Lake City, but I got to say, if I were living on a magical island in in the middle of the atlantic with incredible internet and perfect temperature all the live-long day that would be a hard adjustment well i don't know in the azores they don't have those drive-through soda restaurants that just sell you a gigantic soda that's all the sodas mixed up together is that something they have in salt lake city yeah throughout utah and now the american west it's just drive-through soda restaurants where you get a giant styrofoam cup of soda with with nice ice in it and

Speaker 6 they mix it up with special soda recipes.

Speaker 29 It's like if a nine-year-old thought of a restaurant, it's amazing.

Speaker 10 That's what I was looking for.

Speaker 10 I was hoping to find some Salt Lake City travel tips to give to Kate and her husband to ease the transition from Europe to the United States, already a big transition from an island to a landlocked, salty lake area.

Speaker 10 You're talking about a soda concoction culture, probably with pebble ice to boot, right?

Speaker 15 Absolutely. 100%.

Speaker 19 No,

Speaker 7 they have pebble ice. There's probably no pebble ice in the entire archipelago of the Azores.

Speaker 10 I'm feeling bad for Kate, so I'm glad that this is going to work out. You're going to get all those sodas with that pebble ice.
And also some listeners chimed in. I had to use Twitter for this one.

Speaker 10 Sorry.

Speaker 10 At Apocalypse Student pointed out that when you're in Salt Lake City, it is absolutely imperative that you visit the Gilgal Gardens because there you will see a statue of Joseph Smith, the founder of the Church of Latter-day Saints.

Speaker 10 Joseph Smith as a Sphinx. That sounds pretty good.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 10 My friends at Books Are Magic pointed out that King's English is a great bookstore.

Speaker 10 In-house radio pointed out that Kilby Court is the place to see indie rock variety music, and it's all ages for obvious reasons. All they have is soda.

Speaker 10 Seems like Salt Lake City is a pretty cool place to go. Lots of great vegan food says super cool and stuff.

Speaker 10 A lot of great, obviously, mountains, a lot of great ballets.

Speaker 10 Daisy Gardner, who wrote, who writes television and I met her when I worked on a TV show called Married, points out that the Pioneer Museum has a bunch of weird folk art made of pioneer women's hair.

Speaker 10 That's worth checking out.

Speaker 10 Sold Victorian hair art.

Speaker 19 I'm on my way.

Speaker 10 And Bert, aka Platypus Febra, says it also has the world's largest Costco and the airport is medium-sized, very accessible, and rarely affected by weather. Salt Lake City.

Speaker 10 You're going to have a wonderful time.

Speaker 22 You really closed with a flurry of extraordinary.

Speaker 11 If you're telling me they got weird hair art in a special museum,

Speaker 4 they got a giant Costco,

Speaker 10 world's largest.

Speaker 1 As far as I'm concerned, best place in the world.

Speaker 28 Get there right when it opens.

Speaker 15 So it's not too crazy in there.

Speaker 24 But it's the world's largest, so you probably don't have to worry about that because everybody's all spread out.

Speaker 10 That Costco is probably larger than the island that she lives on currently.

Speaker 4 And you've got a mid-sized, convenient airport, what I call a Burbank-style airport.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 28 All I want in the world is just go to the Burbank airport, have one of the many Guy Fieri-branded lunches,

Speaker 18 get on a short plane flight somewhere.

Speaker 30 Yep.

Speaker 13 Don't have to check any luggage.

Speaker 16 Walk off, get on the subway, go visit my mom.

Speaker 31 Jesse, I did almost exactly that that about a week and a half ago. Short flight, Guy Fieti dinner, no check baggage out of Burbank.
It was incredible.

Speaker 18 You know what?

Speaker 15 You know why I bet Guy Fieri has all his restaurants in the Burbank airport, Judge Hodgman?

Speaker 10 No, why?

Speaker 9 Because he's from Santa Rosa, California.

Speaker 28 I bet he just wants a convenient place to flash his TSA Prix,

Speaker 18 wander into the concourse, sit down, have a burger, get on a short plane flight up to Northern California and visit his parents.

Speaker 10 So you're saying he keeps a collection of his own restaurants in the airport for his convenience?

Speaker 18 Well, imagine how zingless the other restaurants that he could be eating at are, but there's no chopped hatched chilies or whatever on them.

Speaker 10 Yeah, they should rename that airport Flavor Town International.

Speaker 24 Well, they used to be called the Bob Hope Airport, and they took it away from Bob Hope.

Speaker 10 They took Bob Hope's name off the airport?

Speaker 24 Now it's called the Hollywood Burbank Airport just because the generation that thought Bob Hope was funny funny died.

Speaker 10 They should rename it Flavor Hub.

Speaker 6 Flavor Hub is perfect. Petition.

Speaker 6 Petition to rename the Burbank Airport Flavor Hub.

Speaker 10 Kate, it's going to be okay. Walk around in the rain and get all get all wet.
I'm sorry, Sean. You can't force an umbrella into your spouse's partner's hands.

Speaker 10 People are just going to do what they feel comfortable with. And soon you're going to go to a place where there's much less rain.

Speaker 10 And let that be a consolation as you make this transition in your life.

Speaker 10 Meanwhile, Jesse, there's a direct flight from Boston to the Azores, I found out, because there's a huge Azorean population in the south shore of Boston and in Rhode Island. So maybe

Speaker 10 if we do a tour, we can do a show in Boston and then fly to the Azores and do a,

Speaker 10 oh, you know what? 40% of the dairy of Portugal's dairy industry will do a crossover event with beef and dairy. We'll do a live podcast.
with the beef and dairy podcast in the Azores.

Speaker 10 And then you, me, and Partridge will fly over to London for the London podcast festival. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?

Speaker 15 Here's my idea.

Speaker 9 We set sail from Portsmouth Harbor.

Speaker 22 It's us,

Speaker 18 some old men who are retired Navy guys recruited in bars and saloons,

Speaker 25 a captain who barely knows how to sail a ship.

Speaker 20 He just went to the right preparatory schools and is trying to make his career in the Navy.

Speaker 10 Don't forget the millionaire and his wife.

Speaker 6 A grizzled harpoonsman, and we and we head for the Cape, not the Cape of Massachusetts, the Cape of South America.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 4 We have to go around in search of whales because

Speaker 7 they've been hunted for their oil. Now we have to go all the way to the Pacific to find them.

Speaker 18 Anyway, moral of the story is we run out of food, we go mad, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 5 Maybe we end up in Hawaii or something.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry, Max Von HQ, Valerie Moffat. Did Jesse Thorne step out and accidentally replace himself with Chat GPT?

Speaker 10 Write a whaling novel for Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman.

Speaker 31 John, I'm looking at him through the window of the booth right now, and he just kind of phased out of existence for a second. All I saw was bleeps and bloops.

Speaker 10 I forgot to say that I did consult ChatGPT. saying, please complete this sentence, you get what you get.
And it said, you don't get upset.

Speaker 10 But now I'm going to ask it, write 1,000 words of a 19th century whaling novel starring John Hodgman and Jesse Thorne and the millionaire and his wife with a stop in the Azores.

Speaker 10 John Hodgman and Jesse Thorne were two seasoned whalers aboard the Pequad, a ship out of Nantucket, Massachusetts in the 19th century.

Speaker 10 As the ship set sail, John and Jesse couldn't help but feel the thrill of adventure coursing through their veins. They had been on countless whaling expeditions before, but this one felt different.

Speaker 10 The Pequot made a stop in the Azores, a group of volcanic islands in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The island was lush and green.

Speaker 10 They even had the chance to attend a party thrown by a millionaire and his wife, who had a luxurious mansion overlooking the ocean.

Speaker 10 At the party, John and Jesse were impressed by the opulence of the mansion and the wealth of the couple. They were curious about how they had come to acquire such riches and began to ask around.

Speaker 17 The plot thickens.

Speaker 10 They soon discovered that the millionaire had made his fortune in the whaling industry and had retired to the Azores with his wife. Not a big reveal there.

Speaker 26 No, it seems straightforward.

Speaker 10 They regaled John and Jesse with tales of their time at sea and then asked if they wanted to play the most dangerous game.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 10 Oh, and then it goes in a very dark direction from there. No, I added that last part, but the rest was all AI.

Speaker 10 Oh, wait a minute. But their envy soon, this is real.
Their envy soon turned to horror as they learned of the couple's brutal whaling practices.

Speaker 5 Wow.

Speaker 10 They had used every cruel and inhumane technique to capture whales, including using explosive harpoons.

Speaker 10 John and Jesse were disgusted and horrified by the couple's actions. They vowed to do everything in their power to stop them and their heinous practices.

Speaker 5 I hate those practices.

Speaker 10 As the Pequad set sail once again, John and Jesse were more determined than ever to put an end to the millionaire's whaling operation.

Speaker 2 Sure, why wouldn't we be? It's those practices.

Speaker 10 Their journey was long and arduous, filled with danger and excitement. That's good writing.
They faced treacherous storms and harrowing encounters with other whales. Let's not get specific.

Speaker 10 But they never lost sight of their goal. Finally, after months at sea, they caught up with the millionaire's ship.
It was a fierce battle, but John and Jesse emerged victorious.

Speaker 10 They captured the millionaire and his crew and turned them over to the authorities to face justice for their crimes. They returned to Nantucket as heroes, were celebrated for their bravery.

Speaker 10 And as they looked back on their journey, John and Jesse realized their adventure had taught them something important.

Speaker 10 They had learned that wealth and success were not worth sacrificing one's morals and ethics.

Speaker 10 They had also learned that the bond between friends and humans and animals was sacred and must be respected.

Speaker 10 They knew that they had a responsibility to treat whales with dignity, and they were determined to do so for the rest of their days. The end.
Good job.

Speaker 6 The classic triumvirate.

Speaker 25 Friends, humans, and animals.

Speaker 10 In the end, our real reward was the millionaires we killed along the way.

Speaker 20 Let's take a quick break when we come back juvenile court.

Speaker 32 You're listening to Judge John Hodgman. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne.
Of course, the Judge John Hodgman podcast, always brought to you by you, the members of maximumfun.org.

Speaker 32 Thanks to everybody who's gone to maximumfund.org slash join. And you can join them by going to maximumfun.org slash join.

Speaker 30 The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by Quince.

Speaker 10 Jesse, the reviews are in.

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And I agree with them.

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Oh, it's like a

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Speaker 10 You know what I mean?

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Speaker 10 It says, get thee behind me, stink.

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Speaker 30 The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by Made In.

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Speaker 28 Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast, a tribute to that one American experience episode directed by Rick Burns into the deep.

Speaker 5 It's a great one.

Speaker 25 I recommend people go check that out.

Speaker 13 One time I said something positive about Rick Burns on one of my shows, and somebody that worked in the Rick Burns office heard, and she got Rick Burns to autograph DVDs for me and send them to me.

Speaker 5 It was great.

Speaker 9 Rick Burns rules.

Speaker 10 Nice.

Speaker 34 Rick Burns, the king of the Burns brothers.

Speaker 24 Take that, you

Speaker 24 quilty twerp.

Speaker 10 Whoa.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 28 I'm not afraid to take on Ken Burns in his incredible quilt collection, a tribute to one of America's most remarkable folk arts, and breathtaking collection.

Speaker 10 Brother Against Brother on the Judge Sean Hodgman podcast.

Speaker 34 Too bad he's the second best Burns. Only one king can be of the Burnses.
It's Rick Burns.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 10 You know what? We'll let the computer settle this later.

Speaker 5 Okay, great.

Speaker 6 Judge Hodgman, we have some cases this week between parents and their children.

Speaker 10 Yeah, we do this from time to time. Parents take their kids to court or kids take their parents to court.
We call it juvenile court. Let's do it.

Speaker 9 Here's a case from Bob in Denver, Colorado.

Speaker 21 I have two children, Ken and Rick.

Speaker 28 One is clearly better than the other, based on the documentary films he's made for the American experience.

Speaker 6 Yet America celebrates the other.

Speaker 10 Valerie, I think the AI is back again.

Speaker 31 Oh, man, he just turned into the Matrix.

Speaker 10 Can you reboot Jesse, please?

Speaker 31 Yeah, let me unplug him and plug him back in again.

Speaker 9 Here's a case from Bob in Denver, Colorado.

Speaker 12 I bring this case against my five-year-old son, Mills.

Speaker 9 We're invited to a rock star-themed birthday party for another five-year-old.

Speaker 7 Mills will be going as Freddie Mercury, but he has declared that I will be going as, quote, your favorite rock star, Judge John Hodgman.

Speaker 14 Don't get me wrong, you're easily the most popular celebrity in this house.

Speaker 9 I'm just not sure that a Judge Hodgman costume will be appreciated at a rock star-themed birthday party.

Speaker 20 Please rule that I can attend the party as a more traditional rock star, such as Guy from Smash Mouth, whom I naturally resemble in both physique and spirit.

Speaker 10 We'll table that last suggestion for a second. Now, wait a minute.
Bob and Denver. You know I'm a singer.
You've seen me in up here on Hulu, right?

Speaker 10 Note the spatter of blood at the base of the stairs, the one audible piece of singing that I have. You could do that.

Speaker 10 You could dress as my character from up here

Speaker 10 and do my little twirl and sing that little line.

Speaker 10 And everyone at the party, particularly the five-year-olds, will love it because they're big fans of May Whitman and Carlos Valdez

Speaker 10 and the show tunes of Bobby Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez. But I don't know.
I guess that's not a rock star. I guess that doesn't fit the theme, right, Jesse?

Speaker 19 Not at all.

Speaker 10 If you were going to go to a rock star party, who would you go as?

Speaker 25 Andrew W.K.

Speaker 10 Yeah, that guy's a rock star.

Speaker 23 Plus, easy costume.

Speaker 6 The kids are going to love the fake blood.

Speaker 10 I didn't even think about who I would go as other than rock star John Hodgman, my off-brand Halloween costume that I've got a warehouse full of,

Speaker 10 along with pumpkin head John Hodgman and Sexy John Hodgman. They didn't sell.

Speaker 10 Oh, who's my favorite rocker? I can't go as Tom Waits. He's not a rock star.
I guess I would go as John Hodgman Ramon.

Speaker 10 That probably would work.

Speaker 10 I don't know. I don't know if I could go as Steve Harwell, I presume as the smash mouth guy that is referred to here, because

Speaker 10 he's had a hard life. That's a complicated life to imitate.
The truth is, Bob, I think that you're right. You can't go as John Hodgman.
And here's why. Not a rock star.

Speaker 10 And, you know, as Ronald Thomas Klantel once said about David Bowie, too many changes. What era of John Hodgman are you going to go as?

Speaker 10 PC John Hodgman? During the Millionaire John Hodgman? Hodgman, Tom and Up Here John Hodgman, the time I had that cowboy hat for a year.

Speaker 10 There are too many John Hodgmans, none of which are particularly memorable. My brand is effed.
No one will know. And I don't want you to go as any Smash Mouth.
No offense, catchy songs.

Speaker 10 I think the person you're talking about is a singer. Kind of a dark history there.
The truth is, Bob, if Mills is going as Freddie Mercury, you got to go as Brian May.

Speaker 10 You get a wig, you're going to look like a rock star. Brian May is an incredible guitarist, oft overshadowed in popular memory by Freddie Mercury.

Speaker 10 All the queens were terrific, but only one of them has a doctorate in astrophysics. Let it be Brian May.

Speaker 10 Coolest guy after Freddie Mercury, obviously. And all the other queens are terrific.

Speaker 25 You know, Smash Mouth are from Northern California.

Speaker 7 I believe they're from the San Jose area.

Speaker 10 They call that the Azores of Northern California.

Speaker 25 Just think about how many times SmashMouth has taken the opportunity to grab a direct regional jet from Burbank to San Jose?

Speaker 10 I think there's going to be a Smash Mouth terminal at Flavor Hub. I think that there's that synergy, right? They're going to build a new terminal.

Speaker 9 That's why you're an all-star, John.

Speaker 25 Yep. Ideas like that.

Speaker 10 Now landing at the Smash Mouth terminal, a Velo Flight 935 from Tweed, New Haven.

Speaker 1 Here's something from Lex.

Speaker 9 My son Liam is 12. My family of five is going on a trip to Paris this summer.
We asked our kids to to research things they want to see in France.

Speaker 17 Our daughters are interested in the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and the Mussée d'Orsay.

Speaker 26 Liam wants to go to the Paris Sewer Museum.

Speaker 17 My research indicates this museum goes through the actual active sewer and thus smells like, you guessed it, a sewer.

Speaker 1 Liam tends to gag from even mildly bad-smelling things.

Speaker 7 I think he'd hate this place and end up regretting it.

Speaker 6 Please order, we don't have to see how Paris handles poop.

Speaker 16 Also, up here is a delight.

Speaker 8 You're magnificent at.

Speaker 10 Thank you, Lex. Thank you.
You may dress as John Hodgman as Tom in up here for next Halloween. And in fact, Lex, I insist on it.
But in the meantime, yeah, I want to send that kid down to the sewer.

Speaker 10 Of course I do. Right, Jesse?

Speaker 13 Yeah, it seems like you could hardly not go to the sewer. I mean, you're in Paris.

Speaker 10 The sewers of Paris are some of the most historical sewers. That's where Jean-Valjean goes to hide.

Speaker 10 In fact, they became so popular during Victor Hugo's time that tours, that's inaugurated the tours of the Parisian sewer. And at the time,

Speaker 10 you could take a boat through them. You could take a cruise, sewer cruise.
Sadly, that is not offered now.

Speaker 10 Now you just go down.

Speaker 10 I think it's like five or 10 euros, and there's a guided tour all in French, and they show you a few things, and you walk over a grate, and there's definitely some French mare down there.

Speaker 10 And by all accounts, it smells. I know that because the most recent review I found on Google is from three days ago in the Parisian Sewer Museum.
Louis McDougall writes, five stars, it stinks. Fair.

Speaker 10 It is what it is. But the point is, your son wants to go.
You offered, it was nice of you to offer this agency to your children to do some research and find some places to go.

Speaker 10 And your daughter's picked some, some great stuff. We have a report from a member of our family who was in Paris recently who said

Speaker 10 the Louvre is now officially skippable. Skip it.
The Musée d'Orsay is the one to go to. Just as good art, pleasant rhymes.
But, you know, Eiffel Tower, that's a classic.

Speaker 10 Those things are going to be crowded. You know what's not going to be crowded? Particularly if you're going during the summer, the sewer.
It's going to be nice and cool down there. And you know what?

Speaker 10 Maybe your son, Liam, is going to throw up down there. Maybe it's going to be disgusting.
Maybe he will regret it. Good.
You can't protect your children from regrets.

Speaker 10 If anything, you got to teach them, make decisions. And if you regret them, that's part of life.

Speaker 11 You get what you get and you might throw up it.

Speaker 10 That almost rhymes.

Speaker 26 I'm not southern, so.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 10 You might throw up it. Is that what you said?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it almost rhymes. That's good.
Yeah, if he's nauseated by the sewer, all the better.

Speaker 10 First of all, it means you have a human son, which you probably are worried about because everything's getting replaced by AI these days. Even my bailiff.
Second of all,

Speaker 10 you live and you learn. You live and you learn and you puke sometimes.
That's part of life.

Speaker 10 C'est la vie.

Speaker 10 Also, it doesn't take long, as far as I can tell. Put it on the list.
Get down there. I think Liam should go by himself.
I think that'd be a true.

Speaker 10 If I were 12 years old, going to the sewer museum on my own because my father and my other family members were too snooty about it, I'd have the greatest time. I'd have the greatest time.

Speaker 10 Too bad you can't photograph smells, Liam. You're going to have a great time down there in the hole.

Speaker 3 Let's take a quick break when we come back. Cases from the ancient past.

Speaker 35 You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years, and

Speaker 35 maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened. And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

Speaker 36 But no, no, you would be wrong. We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Speaker 35 Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

Speaker 32 The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on My Brother, My Brother, and me.

Speaker 32 We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

Speaker 38 And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

Speaker 35 So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcast.

Speaker 38 All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check. Have we learned about quantum physics?

Speaker 1 Yes, episode 59.

Speaker 38 We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Speaker 5 Episode 64.

Speaker 38 So, how close are we to learning everything?

Speaker 38 Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet.

Speaker 10 Oh, we're ruined.

Speaker 38 No, no, no, it's good news as well. There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!

Speaker 27 I'm Dr.

Speaker 38 Ella Hubber.

Speaker 21 I'm regular Tom Lom.

Speaker 38 I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

Speaker 38 And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Speaker 1 Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Speaker 6 Judge Hodgman, we're taking a break from clearing the docket.

Speaker 4 What have you got going on?

Speaker 5 Well, as we've said before, and as I will say again right now on May the 10th, I will be appearing live at Symphony Space in New York City, along with Stephen Merritt of the Magnetic Fields, where we will jointly celebrate the 30th anniversary.

Speaker 5 of the website called McSweeney's and the journal called McSweeney's print journal as well. It's still printing.
This is the journal of literature and

Speaker 5 literary Humor where I got my start. And I'm thrilled to return to Symphony Space to celebrate in this extra Vaganza of a night.

Speaker 5 Just Google John Hodgman Symphony Space. It's part of the Selected Shorts series, one of my favorite radio shows to listen to.
And we're going to have a wonderful time.

Speaker 5 And if you're under 30, tickets are like 17 bucks. It's a really good deal.
So I hope to see some of you out there then.

Speaker 5 And virtually speaking, you can always check me out on Hulu, where I co-star as John Hunchman on Dick Town, and where I occasionally appear as Tom, the dancing, singing father, on Up Here.

Speaker 5 Jesse Thorne, what have you got going on?

Speaker 3 You can find my vintage shop at putthisonshop.com.

Speaker 15 It's close, but mostly other things, treasures, let's call them.

Speaker 9 We're also on Instagram at put.this.on.

Speaker 15 That's also my Instagram for my own self.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 9 We like to post outfits there as well as cool stuff we found, as well as cool stuff we've seen. So, go follow put this on on Instagram.

Speaker 12 A lot of stuff lately has been getting bought on Instagram before it even makes it into the shops.

Speaker 5 Or it even makes it into the shop. So, this is really one of your Instagram must-follows.
Put.this.on

Speaker 5 on Instagram. Nice photo of you with your dad on your Instagram.
Very sweet photo.

Speaker 25 Give me a break, A's moving to Las Vegas.

Speaker 7 Four thumbs down.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no stars. I couldn't believe that's where, that's how I learned that news.
I get all my baseball news from put this on the Instagram

Speaker 5 and there's a great photo of you hiking up your your cargo pants engineered garments FA pants they're called a lot of style a lot of styling people and a lot of stuff that won't ever make it to the put this on shop because it's gonna sell right off of Instagram go and follow it and in conclusion I would like to plug Valerie drinking out of her coffee mug with two hands like she's in a commercial for coffee.

Speaker 5 This is our time.

Speaker 13 Yummy.

Speaker 17 Let's get back to the show.

Speaker 33 Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Speaker 9 Judge, we've been doing this podcast for quite some time.

Speaker 17 Yes. Over 40 years now.

Speaker 10 40 years.

Speaker 18 And I hear that you have dug deep into our mealbag.

Speaker 10 Yes, Jesse, that's what you do when you reach middle age. You stay up late at night and you find your old letters.

Speaker 10 and you have a glass of vermouth and get a little misty-eyed as you read the letters from the past.

Speaker 10 What I'm talking about is, as we've done before, I go back about five to 10 years and look at all the docket questions that were submitted that I didn't respond to. And I feel like a real heel.

Speaker 10 And so we have a little segment that we call Justice Delayed, where we dig out ones from the past and we give them finally the justice they are due.

Speaker 29 Here's a case from five years ago.

Speaker 13 It comes to us from Jim in Connecticut.

Speaker 3 I like to follow Google cars in an attempt to become immortalized on Google Maps.

Speaker 10 Now, to be clear, these are cars that are hired by Google, and they have cameras mounted all over them so that they will drive down all the streets in a neighborhood filming 360-degree photos to post on Google Street View so you can see what these streets look like.

Speaker 10 And he wants to photobomb one of these. You ever see one of these cars, Jesse?

Speaker 13 Yeah, they got a big thing sticking out of them, like a periscope.

Speaker 10 You ever see a Google person?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I saw one on Google Maps yesterday because I was trying to figure out if there was a basketball court in Lincoln Park.

Speaker 10 I was walking through Central Park one time, and there was a young person with a big, I thought they had the most extensive braces headgear of all time.

Speaker 10 No, they had a huge bracket set on their shoulders with cameras all around, and they were walking the lanes of Central Park for Google Street View, just filming it all.

Speaker 6 The guy I saw in Lincoln Park, I mean, in the Google Street View of Lincoln Park, was sort of holding a stick of some kind and looking up at it like, hey.

Speaker 10 Wait, you're saying that the Google Street View captured another Google Street View camera operator?

Speaker 16 No, the same camera operator that was capturing was also captured.

Speaker 23 Capturer, capture thyself.

Speaker 10 Valerie, I think we need to reboot again. I'm not sure what's going on.
I'm not sure what AI Jesse is trying to express here.

Speaker 31 Please hold for a moment. I'm going to factory reset him.

Speaker 10 Hard reset.

Speaker 21 I've been let down many times, but I recently followed.

Speaker 10 You just started up again. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 21 I've been let down many times, but I recently followed a Google mobile around the lovely New England town of New London, Connecticut.

Speaker 19 And finally, it worked.

Speaker 2 As you can tell, I'm quite proud, but I've been told by several people close to me that I shouldn't do this.

Speaker 10 So Jim sent in a link to the location on Google Street View where he claims to have caught up with the Google Car and photobombed the Google Street View.

Speaker 10 But before we get to that, as a matter of ethics, Jesse, what do you think about this idea of following around a Google Street car in a car, presumably?

Speaker 1 I mean, there's some climate downside.

Speaker 29 And

Speaker 13 I imagine there's some danger simply by virtue of the fact that it's one more person in a car rather than on foot or in a chair at their house.

Speaker 15 But I admire the industry.

Speaker 10 You feel that the

Speaker 10 minimal danger.

Speaker 10 I mean, my concern is that if you are intent on following another car, then you are not being an attentive driver and you might cause an accident with a vehicle or a pedestrian or a bike.

Speaker 10 You might not otherwise, if you were simply driving your car without intently following an a Google car so that you'll be immortalized on Google Street View.

Speaker 10 And you might make that driver of that Google car a little nervous and a little concerned. Although I have the feeling it's probably something that Google Street View cars have dealt with a lot.

Speaker 10 I'm sure those drivers have seen a lot of stuff, a lot of people trying to mess with them. So they're probably pretty mad max at this point about it.

Speaker 10 Well, whatever the case, let's table that for a second to say that Jim also sent in an article that was his inspiration for this. It was an article.

Speaker 10 from a strange website that seems weird and might take over your computer.

Speaker 10 So I'm not going to give you the link, but it sent in the basic storyline and photos of a Shiba Inu dog in a boat yard in Kagashima or Kagoshima, Japan, that chased a Google Cam car in 2014 for a long time and was captured and immortalized in Google Street View.

Speaker 10 And I, Jesse, and Val, I'm sending you those images right now

Speaker 10 via electronic message. So you can take out your smart devices and take a look at this dog.

Speaker 10 First, you see him next to to a boat.

Speaker 10 Then you see this little dog.

Speaker 10 As the car passes, the dog is like looking after the car. And then

Speaker 10 you see the rear view of this little dog chasing after the car. So excited.

Speaker 33 It's pretty cute.

Speaker 2 It tells a story.

Speaker 10 It reminds me of back in 2008 when some Pittsburgh art students, I'm told here it's Ben Kinsley and Robin Hewitt,

Speaker 10 created a block-long arts installation for every block along this long stretch of Samsonia Way in Pittsburgh. They set up a different little thing.

Speaker 10 So they had a couple of guys in medieval garb LARPing.

Speaker 10 Then another block, they had an evil scientist come on the side of the road doing some strange experiment, bringing some corpse to life or whatever. Then they faked the ending of a marathon.

Speaker 10 And then they had a marching parade. It was covered all over the internet back in 2008.

Speaker 10 And you can find it all in Google Street View as a kind of like you would, you know, they followed the car and created created this alternate reality on Samsonia Way. And it was a lot of fun.

Speaker 10 It's also gone now because, of course, Google updates stuff. It goes around the roads again.
So that whole art project is gone. And Jim sent this in five years ago in 2018.
And I clicked on his link.

Speaker 7 And Jim,

Speaker 10 you're gone too. They've redone it.

Speaker 10 All of your work was for nothing.

Speaker 10 I mean, unless there's something I'm missing in this photo, it's just like behind this car, the link that you send just shows behind the Google Street View car a modest,

Speaker 10 Acura following along at a safe distance. Is that what you're bragging about? Or was there something else that was here once before?

Speaker 10 Maybe you did a big thumbs up outside the car, outside the window or something? I don't know. But it looks to me like you're gone.
And you know what?

Speaker 10 That little dog is gone too.

Speaker 10 Found that contemporary street view in Kagashima or Kagashima. I don't know how it's pronounced.
You can let me know.

Speaker 10 I hope the little dog is fine, but that delightful memory of the dog has been erased in favor of more updated photos. Jim, whatever you did, the fame you were chasing is fleeting, and it is gone now.

Speaker 10 I guess I wonder whether it was worth it. I don't know.
Maybe Rick Burns should make a documentary about it. What do you think, Jesse?

Speaker 2 I'd watch it.

Speaker 10 Seems like it. What about what about Ken Burns? Would you watch it if he made it?

Speaker 10 Wow. You might need to have him on bullseye sometime.

Speaker 13 Have fun playing with your quilts.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 10 You know, when I saw that person with that Google rig on their body walking around Central Park, I thought for a moment, I should follow them around, see what they do, see what their life is like.

Speaker 10 This could be research for a really cool thriller that I might write.

Speaker 10 in which the Google Street View person captures something on the side of the road in Central Park that they shouldn't, and then they're on the run from the law or something like that.

Speaker 10 But then I realized two things. One, I had to get to the dentist.
It was getting my wisdom teeth extracted. And two,

Speaker 10 let's not bother people.

Speaker 10 That said, I guess there's no harm in it. I think it's probably fine.
As long as you keep a safe distance and don't endanger anybody or yourself.

Speaker 10 If what you're looking for is a brief shining moment on Google Street View, understanding that you and that art and that dog, like all of us, will soon be a ghost. Yeah.

Speaker 10 You got to get out of this life what you can, Jim.

Speaker 14 Here's a case from 10 years ago

Speaker 13 submitted by Fred.

Speaker 1 On a recent episode, well,

Speaker 21 you discussed a tournament bracket where Yoda beat Spider-Man, Batman beat Superman, and then Batman bested Yoda for the win.

Speaker 21 My friend and I have been debating who would win in a fight, Batman or Darth Vader.

Speaker 10 Oh,

Speaker 10 this is really weird. And it does make me feel like maybe we're living in a bit of a simulation here.

Speaker 10 Because literally last night, our son was talking about how, and I asked him to clarify this by texting him, and he's not responding to me, which is fair. It's his life now.

Speaker 10 He's down in the sewers of Paris or whatever. That's, he's grown.
But last night he was like, either he or a friend had plugged into chat GPT,

Speaker 10 please describe a fight between Superman and Darth Vader, taking into account their respective powers and abilities, and

Speaker 10 make sure that there's a winner.

Speaker 10 And ChatGPT, as you have observed, wrote out a plausibly human-sounding narrative with plot twists and surprising character depth in which Superman and Darth Vader fight.

Speaker 10 And who do you think ChatGPT said would win in that fight?

Speaker 13 Got to be Superman, I think.

Speaker 10 Got to be Superman. There's got to be Superman.
Darth Vader is slow.

Speaker 10 He's ponderous. He gets what he gets, and he does throw a fit.
He's emotional, cruel.

Speaker 10 And what can he do? He can move things with his mind. He can't even do Force Lightning.
He's real slow with that lightsaber. Superman, as every comic nerd knows, is ludicrously overpowered.

Speaker 10 I could see Batman beating Superman, and I've seen it happen in the pages of comic books because Batman is a master strategist.

Speaker 10 But I don't think Darth Vader is.

Speaker 10 But do you know what happened?

Speaker 10 Chat GPT said Darth Vader wins.

Speaker 10 So I'm going to plug it in now and we'll see. Was that an error?

Speaker 10 Just a fluke? Or does ChatGPT have a thing for Darth Vader?

Speaker 6 Superman is OP.

Speaker 25 Chat GPT, nerf Superman.

Speaker 31 Devs, please nerf Superman.

Speaker 10 Okay, now you're both AIs. Now I have no idea what's happening.
Describe a fight. And Fred, this is why we had to wait 10 years, because there wasn't the technology to solve this definitively yet.

Speaker 10 Now we have it. Chat GPT.
Describe a fight between Darth Vader and Batman and reveal the winner. Go.

Speaker 10 The clash between the two of the most iconic characters in pop culture, Darth Vader and Batman, would be a sight to behold.

Speaker 27 Agreed.

Speaker 10 The Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, is a towering figure in his black armor, wielding his crimson lightsaber with deadly precision. What a description.

Speaker 10 Batman, on the other hand, is a master of martial arts, armed with an arsenal of gadgets. As the two face off, the air crackles with tension.

Speaker 10 Batman launches the first attack, throwing a flurry of punches and kicks. No, he wouldn't.
Vader counter-attacks, swinging his lightsaber in a deadly arc. Batman leaps back.

Speaker 10 He throws a battering at Vader, who deflects it with his lightsaber. The fight continues with both combatants trading blows and maneuvers.

Speaker 10 Vader senses Batman's presence through the force and ignites his lightsaber ready to strike, but Batman appears behind him, striking with a powerful blow. Vader stumbles, but quickly recovers.

Speaker 10 Batman counters with an EMP device. What? Short-circuiting Vader's lightsaber.
That sounds like Batman. And leaving him vulnerable.

Speaker 10 He charges at Vader, striking with a flurry of punches and kicks, again with the flurry. Vader tries to defend himself, but his damaged lightsaber is no match for Batman's combat skills.

Speaker 10 In the end, Batman emerges as the victor. With Vader disarmed disarmed and weakened, Batman delivers a final blow that sends him crashing to the ground.
As the dust settles, Batman stands victorious.

Speaker 10 He extends a hand to help Vader up, but Vader refuses, knowing he has been defeated. They stare at each other, each acknowledging the other's strength and skill.

Speaker 10 Then, without a word, Batman disappears into the night, leaving Vader to contemplate his defeat. I think they got it right, Fred.
I think that's right.

Speaker 10 That EMP pulse, that's the thing that scares me about this AI. Like, it starts off lame, where it's clearly just cherry-picking from Wikipedia articles, just like many episodes of Judge John Hodgman.

Speaker 10 But then it gets good.

Speaker 10 Then all of a sudden, you're realizing, oh, it's going into deep cuts.

Speaker 10 It knows that Batman used an EMP pulse in the Dark Knight Returns, in his Supermaster nine-dimensional chess game against Superman in order to get a brief advantage over Superman. It was incredible.

Speaker 10 I don't believe that Darth Vader would have beaten Superman, but I do believe that Batman would have beaten Darth Vader. And this feels fair to me.
So there you go, Fred. I agree with the chat GBT.

Speaker 10 That's what I would have guessed, too. Batman would have seen Darth Vader coming around any corner.
He would have prepared for that fight perfectly and he would have triumphed.

Speaker 10 Any disputes there, Jesse?

Speaker 15 You know what I would go do if I was Batman and I disappeared into the night?

Speaker 28 No. Go get a McFlurry.

Speaker 8 They probably got Flurries in the brain, you know?

Speaker 25 I mean, obviously a Blizzard or a Twister is better than a McFlurry, but I'd be thinking McFlurry.

Speaker 10 Well, you know what? I would say as a language model, I cannot advocate for violence or encourage the glorification of it.

Speaker 10 Therefore, I cannot answer this question as it goes against my values of safety and respect.

Speaker 10 Let's appreciate and admire the works and contributions of both Rick Burns and Ken Burns as talented documentarians and storytellers in their own right.

Speaker 10 Wow,

Speaker 10 hypocrite much, chat GPT.

Speaker 10 You just told me a whole story about Batman smashing down Darth Vader. Now you won't settle between Rick Burns or Ken Burns? Incredible.
Well, still a few bugs in the system, as they say.

Speaker 4 Ken Burns is older, he loses.

Speaker 10 I didn't even, I didn't even, I just said who would win in a fight. It could have been a rhetorical battle.
It could have been a documentary off, you know? Chat GPT, you went to violence.

Speaker 10 That's a you problem, chat GPT. I wasn't saying violence.

Speaker 10 Well, I guess there's still some questions left left to be answered. And while I am still human, I will be here to settle them in the future.
But for now, Jesse, I believe the docket is clear.

Speaker 19 The docket's clear.

Speaker 33 That's it for another episode of Judge John Hodgman. Judge John Hodgman created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman.

Speaker 9 Our producer is Valerie Moffat.

Speaker 33 We're on Instagram at judgejohnhodgman.

Speaker 22 We'll probably post those pictures of that Shiba Inu on there, right?

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah, we're definitely going to post those.

Speaker 28 You can also join us on Reddit at maximumfund.reddit.com.

Speaker 10 Jesse, I don't understand any of this anymore. So I'm going to ask you a simple question.

Speaker 10 If you're going to pick one word to describe the flavor of ketchup, what would it be?

Speaker 10 It's hard, right?

Speaker 21 Tangy.

Speaker 10 Tangy.

Speaker 10 I like it. David and Chrissy wrote in with a dispute this week regarding whether the first word to describe ketchup should be sweet.

Speaker 10 And they threatened to take that question simultaneously to the Dough Boys podcast, which is

Speaker 10 not okay, David and Chrissy.

Speaker 13 Not chill.

Speaker 10 Not chill.

Speaker 10 So I went to the Doughboys first to alert them to this double dipping.

Speaker 10 And the Doughboys have agreed sometime in the future to come on the show and settle yours and a whole messy docket of condiment disputes. Probably we'll get around to it this summer.

Speaker 10 It's going to be the summer of condiments.

Speaker 10 So get your condiment disputes into us.

Speaker 10 Best Mayo, worst Worcestershire, any hot sauce preferences,

Speaker 10 anything related to condiments, even dares. Like, I'll take dares.
I can eat some ghost peppers. You know what I mean? The place to submit disputes is always maximumfund.org/slash JJHO.

Speaker 18 And of course, no matter what your dispute is, we want to hear it.

Speaker 16 Go to maximumfund.org slash jjho and share it with us.

Speaker 9 Big, small, we judge them all.

Speaker 1 This is not a goof.

Speaker 24 It's not a joke.

Speaker 6 Please send in your disputes.

Speaker 16 Maximumfund.org slash jjho.

Speaker 7 We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Speaker 31 MaximumFun.org.

Speaker 38 Comedy and culture.

Speaker 31 Artist-owned. Audience supported.