Judge of the Darned

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne.

We're in chambers this week to clear the docket.

And with me is your neighborhood's Halloween judge, Judge John Hodgman.

That's a judge that loves to put up a lot of Halloween decorations and turn the garage into a haunted chamber, I guess.

You know, here in Brooklyn, New York, in Park Slope, where I live, there's someone who's got a 12-foot skeleton outside their house.

12-footer lawn skeleton.

It's about two full-size men.

It's like two full-size humans, one on top of the other, but it's all one skeleton.

I want there to be a 12-foot lawn-sized version of me out there.

I'm going to commission Spirit Halloween to make that for next year, the judging judge.

Here in Southern California, it really doesn't matter where you live.

On your block, there is a guy who works in special effects and has made his house far too terrifying for children.

Right, exactly.

Yeah.

Well, either someone who's too skilled in special effects or or too,

I'm not going to, I don't want to throw any spooky Halloween shade at our friend Dana Gould.

I was about to bring up Dana Gould.

If you want to listen to a great Halloween episode, listen to this one.

If you want to listen to a better Halloween episode, listen to the Dana Gould hour.

Hey, this is John Hodgman.

I'm the judging judge.

I should, you know, what I'm a judge of the damned.

Let's say that.

Oh, that's spooky day, spooky night.

Halloween is coming up.

And we have quite a few disputes concerning that very holiday.

I'm the judge of the darned.

I decide when you should throw away your socks.

All right.

Just get new socks.

We'll see you over there on the Dana Gould Hour.

This is the show, everyone.

Bye-bye.

We have so much spooky and Halloween-y docket action for you, and we are beginning with the subject of Halloween costumes.

Very, very typical subject for Halloween, costumery.

My son, Oscar, just said he wants to be a squid and a tuxedo.

The greatest.

Yeah.

That's the greatest.

There are people who are Halloween costume people who spend months preparing.

There are people who just, no matter what, they just have in their closet one hat with the top sproinged off, and they're going to be a hobo, come heck or high water.

And there are couples who disagree about those things.

So we have some disputes from couples who can't agree on themes for their couples' costumes.

Couples costumes, a very popular category of costumes.

You're going out with your loved one or partner and you go matchy-matchy.

Here's something from Stephen in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

My partner Marin and I would like to do a couples costume this year.

I suggested that we dress up as Wirt and Greg from Over the Garden Wall, since we love it so much.

She says we can't go as them because the characters are half siblings.

It would be weird to dress as siblings when we are romantically involved.

I don't want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable, but I don't think it will be as weird as she thinks.

Before we get into Wirt and Greg and Stephen and his partner, Jesse Thorne, have you ever gone out on Halloween night or to a party with Teresa dressed in matching costumes or complimentary costumes, couples' costumes?

I don't know if Teresa and I have ever gone out on Halloween

other than to take our children trick-or-treating.

It was our dating anniversary.

It was the first time we made out, I think.

Whoa.

Like properly made out.

I think we had kissed before, but.

In the

graveyard?

Yeah, pretty much.

Wowie.

That's incredible.

I think it was in my mom's apartment, but my mom wasn't there.

What was the last Halloween costume you ever wore then, Jesse?

With Teresa or not?

Oh, wow.

I would say I think about 10 or 12 years ago, I had a Pee-Wee Herman costume.

It was good.

The white shoes and the gray shirt and the whole nine yards.

That's incredible.

You would look great as a Pee-Wee Herman.

Although probably back then, you did not have a beard.

Yeah, I mean, with my beard, I would be more likely to play Pee-Wee Herman as seen in the Pee-Wee Herman story.

The James Brolin, P.W.

Herman.

Yeah, that's...

Oh, you should go as James Brolin as Pee-Wee Herman this year.

Although, since we're talking matchy costumes, I've got an idea for you.

If Oscar's going to be a squid and a tuxedo,

you should be a narwhal in an opera cape.

Sure.

I mean, I have a few.

I'd have to pick which one to wear.

And you must have a few narwhal tusks.

I mean, imitation.

Yeah.

Jennifer Marmor, you ever go matchy-matchy out for Halloween with Shane, your husband, who's a whole person in in his own right?

Yeah, you know, we've been together almost 10 years, and last year was the first year we ever had a matchy-matchy costume.

Yeah.

It was all Shane's idea.

He got our

dull.

Well, not just Shane.

It's just like the guy who usually is like, I've got an idea for both of us.

It wasn't that big of a deal.

I wasn't even planning on dressing up.

We were going to take our kid trick-or-treating for the first time.

And I was like, no one cares about me, you know?

But he got our our toddler, Ezra, a um, stay-puffed marshmallow man costume.

Right.

And we both happen to have like

yes, isn't that weird?

Uh, no, we both happen to have like jumpsuits, you know, and so he's like, We can be ghostbusters, and he can be the stay-puffed marshmallow man.

And um, my jumpsuit is pink, so I went as a lady ghostbuster, the scariest thing of all.

And

You mean like it's scary to incels?

Yes.

The scariest thing of all.

Because they were threatened by what if a Ghostbusters movie was super funny.

Yeah, I just went around ruining people's childhoods.

Yep.

Wow.

That's incredible.

So yeah, that was the first time we went matchy-matchy.

I feel like the last time before that, when we dressed up, you know, I was Wednesday Adams and he was Theodore Roosevelt.

It was very mismatched.

Mismatched is fine.

The only time that my wife, who's a whole human being, right, and I went out, it was before we had kids and we went out matching, matching.

And it was my idea, of course.

And I don't know what I was thinking.

She was a koala bear and I was a eucalyptus tree.

It's fun.

No, it was very hard to pull off.

No one understood it.

Well, I mean,

what if you had taken it one step further and she was a kookaburra and you were an old gum tree?

That would have been probably easier to pull off.

She had a koala mask, but there is no mask for a eucalyptus tree.

This was before we understood popularly that, and truly, that the koala population is racked with syphilis.

It wasn't a joke on that news story.

This was long before then.

I don't know what I was thinking.

It was terrible.

But anyway, back to Stephen and Marin.

Are you familiar with these characters, Wert and Greg?

Either of you?

I've never heard of them.

I deliberately.

Once again, I've never seen it.

I've never heard of the show, but.

I'm going to text you a picture of these nice half-brothers that should show up in both of your text threads in the group chat.

That's right.

We all we have a we have a friend group and a group chat.

Or buds.

Yeah.

And the one on the right with the red with the red, well, it looks like a dunce cap, but the red peaked wizard cap is Wort, W-I-R-T.

He's got kind of an opera cape on as well, or a gendarme's cape, maybe.

And he's the older brother, and he's a little worry wart.

You can see by the way, he's clasping his hands.

And the younger one grasping the frog with a tea kettle on his head is Greg.

He's the younger one, and he's the one who gets into trouble.

And the trouble they're in, apparently, is they get lost in some haunted woods for a while, and then I don't want to spoil anything.

But they have adventures.

And once again, this is a show created by someone named Patrick McHale,

who worked on Adventure Time, one of my very, very favorite programs.

And it came out, I would probably say almost a decade ago, 10-episode limited series.

I got some feelings about this as a Halloween costume.

What are your feelings first, Jesse?

I think it has the necessary distinctive elements to serve as a Halloween costume.

People won't think you just normally dress that way.

Well, people might think that I normally dress that way, but

it's true.

For most.

This dude with the cape does have a real Jesse Thorne vibe.

I could see myself in a crimson dunce cap.

But yeah,

I think

your main challenge here would be...

in what crowd you're rolling.

I think there are probably Halloween parties you could go to where people would be excited to see Greg and Wert.

And there might be some where

people look at you, get a little worried expression on their face, and then go get another drink.

I have to say, this is one of those situations where, I mean, I think this is a great looking couple of costumes.

I think I'd be really excited if anybody walked into my Halloween party wearing a tea kettle on their head.

That would be incredible.

But I would have no idea what was going on.

And I certainly wouldn't know Maren that they were half siblings.

This is another example.

And I don't think it's just because I'm old.

I do think it has a lot to do with the proliferation of media in this world

and fandoms.

But like, this is one of those things where it's like, oh, yeah, this is probably a lot of people's favorite thing.

And I've never heard about it until this moment.

And so I think you're probably safe.

I don't think, I mean, unless you're going to a real over-the-garden wall themed party, in which case everyone's going to be dressed like Wert and Greg probes.

They're not going to know that you're half siblings.

And I don't think that it's necessarily, I mean, you know, like, I don't think it's going to be necessarily an issue for anybody.

And even if they do know that these characters are half siblings, I don't, I can't imagine it would be an issue.

Ultimately, you should do what you feel comfortable with, Maren.

But I have to say,

I'm going to say that I do side with Stephen that I don't think this would be an issue.

But if you don't feel like it, you don't have to wear anything you don't want to wear on Halloween.

That's the point.

Here's a case from Miles in Berlin, Germany.

My partner Carnelian and I can't agree on a theme for our Halloween costumes this year.

Carnelian wants to be Stolus, the owl demon, also known as Daddy Hoothoot, from Hasbin Hotel.

I want to be a Phyrexian suture priest from Magic the Gathering.

In the past, we've drawn inspiration from media we both enjoy, and we both like Phyrexians.

I don't watch or enjoy Has-Bin Hotel.

Carnelian argues I should like Has-Ben Hotel because my tastes aren't usually this wrong.

They also feel it's only fair since they wanted to dress as Daddy Hoot Hoot last year.

Who's right?

Who's wrong?

Who?

Who?

says the owl or demon owl known as stolus.

Now, I've heard of Magic the Gathering, but may I ask Jesse or Jennifer, do either of you have any idea what Miles is talking about?

No.

No.

And in fact,

when I was getting this episode ready, I googled Daddy Hoothoot to make sure that wasn't their own nickname for this character and that it's a real.

It's a real character.

Yeah.

It's actually a real demon, too.

But I had to do some research on this.

And Stolus, aka Daddy Hootoot, is a cartoon character.

from a

YouTube cartoon created by Vivian Vivzipop Medrano.

Has Been Hotel is the original cartoon, but Daddy Hoot Hoot, aka Stolus, is actually part of the spin-off called Hell of a Boss.

And it's about, basically, it's about workplace conflict in hell.

And I'm going to tell you right now, Over the Garden Wall looks like a delightful, autumnal, spooky show for all ages at Halloween.

Hell of a Boss is not for all ages.

It's very funny.

It's very well done.

It's beautifully animated.

And it's got a lot of heart to to it.

It's not pointlessly crass, but it's got some

adult themes to it.

Stolis, a.k.a.

Daddy Hoothoot, is this very tall, regal owl.

I'll send you a picture of him.

Are you at all concerned that if someone went as

Daddy Hoothoot, they might be mistaken for Husk the Cat Demon?

That's a reasonable...

Is that something?

I don't know.

What's a thing anymore?

Now I have to Google another thing.

I was just telling you all about Stolus Daddy Hoothoot, the tall owl owl demon.

Husk the cat demon.

Okay, I'll look this up.

Yeah, it looks like Husk the Cat Demon from Hasbin Hotel from also from Hasbin Hotel.

No, I think the Daddy Hootoot stands really love Daddy Hootoot.

I think they would get it.

But the character of Stolis,

and indeed a number of characters in Hell of a Boss, is from an actual list of demons in a medieval text called the Ars Goetia.

I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly.

I look forward to your letters.

Medieval persons.

Yeah.

Emails from the 14th century.

I can't wait.

But Stolus is also known as Stolos, Stapis, and Solis.

The Ars Goetia

is a list of demons and how to conjure them.

And it was called a Grimoire,

which was a demonic book or a book of dark magic.

And it was believed that you could conjure this demon.

And Stolus was a great prince of hell commanding 26 legions of demons.

According to this Wikipedia entry, he teaches astronomy and is knowledgeable about herbs, plants, and precious stones.

And he is often depicted as a crowned owl with long legs.

Here's a picture from the actual Grimoire, Middle Ages Grimoire.

This is the OG stolus, who I'm really fond of.

Look at that little guy.

We'll put him up, definitely.

I love him.

I love him.

Yeah.

Now, this, this is a great demon.

No lies detected.

You can see both photos,

all of the photos of these characters, including this long-legged owl from this middle-aged book of dark magic on our Instagram page at JudgeJohn Hodgman, of course, and on the show page at maximumfun.org.

I mean, I love, I love this original Daddy Hoothoot, the OG Solace a lot, but not to take anything away from the beautiful design of Vivian Vivzi Pop Medrano, who has created something that people clearly love that I've never heard of.

Hell of a Boss and Hasben Hotel both have millions and millions and millions of views and real fandoms.

And I've watched some of the episodes of Hell of the Boss, and this is a real character.

Let me tell you what.

And a Phrixian

sutra priest, obviously, is a sutra priest from the plane of Phrixia and Magic the Gathering.

Let me send that along.

There you go.

Very spooky looking, wouldn't you say, Jennifer Marmor?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Very scary costume.

Now, first of all, obviously, Carnelian can go as whatever they want to go as.

I mean,

I don't see what you're trying to get at here, Miles.

That Carnelian should be a Phrixian just because you both like, excuse me, Phyrexians.

Don't send me letters, Phyrexians.

No,

you don't need to have matchy-matchy costumes.

The bloodstains on my letter are my tears.

Because they have blood tears.

They have blood tears.

In the picture.

If you look at this, it's very scary.

This like white Venetian mask with blood tears.

You know, look,

costumes don't have to match.

And I don't know why, I don't know why it's the case that Carnelian wanted to be Daddy Hootoo last year, but wasn't.

But whatever the reason is, now is the year.

Now is the year to conjure this demon and learn about herbs and astronomy.

I summon thee.

I'm going to be honest with you, John.

There is no chance that Carnelian doesn't already know

about herbs and astronomy.

I know, but I, but I,

as a lowly mortal, am hereby summoning to Berlin the demon known as Solis, the tall-legged owl, aka Daddy Hootoot.

Let my will be the whole of the law, and thus summoned to this mortal plane.

O Stolus, what if I actually summoned a demon?

I better watch it.

Stolus, I am summoning you to embody yourself in Carnelian this Halloween, but in Berlin, both of you should stay away from me because your costumes are too scary.

But absolutely, Carnelian, allow your body to become possessed by this demon for one wonderful night.

And Phyrexian suture priest, can you do anything about this scar on my forehead?

Because they said it would disappear, but I need it's not.

It's not.

Maybe I need a little, maybe I need a little Phyrexian cosmetic surgery.

Let's take a quick break to hear from this week's partners.

We'll be back with cases about trick-or-treating in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman.

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Let them know Jesse and John sent you.

Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

We're clearing Halloween disputes from the docket this week.

We've already talked about costumes.

Let's get into trick or treating.

Here is a case from Audra in Bloomfield, New Jersey.

Where I grew up, near St.

Louis, kids had to tell a joke.

in order to get candy on Halloween.

Kids consulted joke books and prepared prepared a repertoire of jokes to tell while trick-or-treating.

I was 26 when I learned no one else does this outside of St.

Louis and one part of Iowa.

My husband was born and raised in New Jersey.

When I suggested asking trick-or-treaters for jokes, he told me, absolutely not.

He thinks it's embarrassing.

Who's right?

Jokes for Halloween.

I had never heard of that.

I love that these regionalisms exist.

We have a sort of a regional tradition that has developed here in Park Slope, Brooklyn, surrounding trick-or-treating, which is that it doesn't happen anymore.

No.

I thought it was just that you look for Steve Buscemi.

That really should be it.

There should be a Halloween scavenger hunt in Park Slope.

It's like you take a photo of the 12-foot skeleton, take a photo of Steve Buscemi, take a photo of John Toturo.

What's Michael Shannon's costume this year?

He doesn't need one, believe me.

That Frankenstein's monster of a man.

Yeah, so no, but we put out a bowl of candy last year and no one came by.

For the first time in years and years, all the kids in our building have grown up.

And of course, basically, trick-or-treating in Brooklyn is not going house to house, but it's shop to shop on 7th Avenue or, you know, whatever your retail street is.

Did you ever have to tell a joke or do any unusual in the Bay Area?

No, other than watching out for roving packs of teens.

Right.

No, there's no particular concerns.

You ever get a razor blade in your it's it?

No, no razor blades in its-its, but no like

toilet papering trees or like egging houses.

It was really just nice people giving candy to children in cute costumes.

And non-transactionally.

No, there's child labor laws.

Can't make a child tell you a joke.

The whole point is trick or treat.

It's the child.

You have to live up to the child.

The child doesn't have to live up to you.

Either you give that ghoul a treat or

they're going to trick you.

They're going to trick you.

That's the whole point.

They're the demons, not you.

I don't know.

We did an online poll, which is always very scientific, to see if any of our listeners live in the St.

Louis area could confirm this or not.

This tradition of kids having to tell jokes.

And not just in St.

Louis, but also in parts of Iowa, which was strange.

And 48% answered, yes, they did have to tell jokes as kids.

And maybe even continue to need to tell jokes in order to get their Three Musketeers bar or whatever.

52% answered no, but that's a pretty high number for yes, I would say.

And we did receive a bunch of messages from folks attesting to this tradition.

Tony, Marion, and Julie all confirmed that they grew up with this practice in St.

Louis.

Kate says she moved to St.

Louis 10 years ago and was alarmed to hear her coworkers asking each other the day after Halloween, what was your kid's joke?

So I guess it still goes on in St.

Louis, but they no longer have a repertoire of jokes.

The kids each have one joke.

And indeed, Morgan, Caitlin, Hank, and Blake said that jokes in exchange for candy are also happening in Des Moines, Iowa.

Blake went on to say that trick-or-treating in Des Moines takes place on the night before Halloween, and it's called Beggar's Night.

And this was started in 1938 in order to curtail Halloween night-related violence.

Okay.

Some examples of classic Beggar's Night jokes from Blake's childhood 30 years ago include, here's a riddle for you, Jesse.

Who is the world's greatest dead detective?

Who is the world's greatest dead detective?

Child John?

Sherlock Bones.

It's pretty.

This isn't one of Blake's.

This is just one from the internet.

This is a good one, though.

Why did the headless horseman get a job?

Why did the headless horseman get a job?

Trying to get ahead in life.

You know how you can tell what's a good good trick-or-treating house in Bloomfield, New Jersey?

How?

They give you a whole submarine sandwich instead of the fun size.

They eat subs, right?

Bloomfield, New Jersey is subs, not hoagies.

It's near Newark.

If it's northern New Jersey, it's probably subs, yeah.

I don't know why is Bloomfield particularly associated with sandwiches.

I just feel like all anyone eats in that entire region of the world is

submarine sandwiches, and all they ever talk about is what they're called.

That's why New Jersey is Shangri-La.

Here's another one of this.

I really like this one a lot.

This is a good one from Blake.

This is from Blake.

What is a poop-eating dog's favorite candy?

I give up.

What is a poop-eating dog's favorite candy?

Reese's feces.

Yeah, all right.

Sure.

And dogs named Reese?

Yeah.

What's your poop-eating dog named Rhys's favorite candy?

Reese's speces.

Reese would be a great name for a dog, by the way.

Okay, anyway.

So I already sort of took my hand on this one.

I have an opinion, but let me ask you, Jesse, should Audra impose the joke-telling tradition of St.

Louis on Bloomfield, New Jersey, yes or no?

Well, regional traditions are not something that can be unilaterally imposed.

So I'm going to say no.

I think it would take years to condition these kids to start telling jokes at your house and your house alone.

It would be a real long learning.

I once remember you saying to me, Jesse Thorne, when we started this podcast, it will take five years for anyone to even remember this podcast exists.

And that wasn't just something you said to discourage me.

That was like research on radio shows.

Like radio show.

You had learned from public radio professionals that it takes five years for people to remember that a new show exists.

So, I mean, how long would it take to train a generation of Bloomfieldian children to tell you a joke in order to get a Reese's feces?

I don't know.

But

I don't think it's going to go.

I think you're going to get tricked if you don't give out those treats.

You should tell them a joke, Audra.

Tell them a joke.

There are a whole bunch of them on this website called Halloween Jokes.

When they show up, where do ghosts go on the holidays?

The Buhamas.

Oh,

brother.

How do you know vampires love baseball?

They turn into bats every night.

Doesn't make any sense.

Oh, and baseball bats.

Well, just like baseball lovers turn into baseball bats.

Yeah, that's why that joke works, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah, but no way, Audrey.

Your husband is correct.

Don't do it.

Here's something from Renee in San Diego, California.

I want to give out pencils and erasers on Halloween this year because kids love stationery.

Candy has gotten super expensive.

My partner Bradford doesn't want to be known as the house that doesn't give candy, especially because we're new to the neighborhood.

I think there's nothing wrong with giving cool stationery.

And if he wants to give out candy, too, he should pay for it himself.

To me, it seems that there's a difference between being known as the house that doesn't give out candy

and the house that doesn't give out candy, but instead hands out pencil sharpeners.

Cool pencil sharpeners, though, John.

Right.

Like really cool ones like James Dean would use or Miles Davis.

Gum erasers.

I mean, if you were the house that gave out rubber cement,

I'd be over there in a minute in my eucalyptus tree costume.

There'd be a big bag full of big pillowcase full of rubber cement for sure.

That'd be cool.

You can turn that into little bouncy balls.

The thing that struck me is, though, is that Rene is absolutely right.

Candy's expensive.

I didn't think about this because

I don't eat candy.

You know, every now and then I'll have a Zagnut bar because that's delicious.

It's just toasted coconut and peanut butter.

Savory, not too sweet.

I don't have a sweet tooth.

I have an alcohol molar.

Everyone knows this.

But it's true.

Candy prices are higher this year, and it depends on the company.

Hershey candies are on average 14% more expensive than they were last year.

Nestle is up by almost 10%.

Mars, who makes the M's and the M's, which is a pretty good couple's costume,

is up the least by about 7%, according to news stories that I read.

Candy is more expensive, but I took a look, and it's true that if you were to get on a popular online retailer a 100-pack of Blue Summit Supplies pink erasers in bulk, you're going to spend 23 bucks.

For 50 Reese's milk chocolate peanut butter cups in the pumpkin shape for Halloween, that is, you're going to spend the same amount for 50.

So it's true that Reese's cups, which are the best Halloween candy, right now cost twice as much as Pink Erasers.

And you'd spend the same amount just for an 18

box of Zagnuts, which really made me sad.

I really was hoping that Zagnut would be really cheap, so I could suggest that that's the one to go with.

18 box of Zagnuts costs 31 bucks right now.

I don't want to sound like Dr.

Oz here, but what's going on?

Plus, for all your Halloween crudité, you need your salsa and your asparagus.

Political joke.

Don't laugh at it, Jesse.

You're not allowed to.

You have no political opinions whatsoever.

And pencils, by the way, also cheap compared to candy.

You could get 150 pencils for $13.

You probably get some monogrammed pencils or some custom printed pencils for not much more than that.

I don't know.

Pencils that say happy Halloween on them.

And they're already orange, right?

So there you go.

So, what you're saying really does make sense renee and we did we did follow up with renee and she's a former educator which is incredible and she really believes children of all ages were thrilled to receive pencils and stationary products from her in the classroom and our friends that teach agree that kids do in fact love stationary that all probably feels true to me if you are getting nice pens and paper or cool erasers from your favorite teacher in your classroom, I'm sure you'd be thrilled.

But think of the child who reaches into your Halloween bowl and just comes out with their hand pierced by 15 pencils, sharp pencils.

I don't care if they say happy Halloween on them.

Those children want candy.

That's what they're out there for.

This is a game of expectations, Rene.

Pencils are great.

Yes, I know.

Compared to homework, but compared to peanut butter cups?

Even if you put some, you know, some high-end pencils in there.

What are we talking, black wings?

Yeah, like a a Palomino Blackwings or the Palomino Blackwing in Pearl.

I mean, very, there are probably some kids in the neighborhood who would truly appreciate those pencils, especially if they're dressed up as David Reese for Halloween.

The ones that read Kotkey.

Yeah.

You have those kids who will enjoy them.

You should put some out.

But yes, I mean,

I have to say,

I'm going to rule in your favor that you should do this, Renee, because it's your Halloween.

And you need to run this experiment and see what happens.

And please let me know if I'm wrong.

If the children of San Diego go nuts, I mean, the fact is that for the kind of cool stationery you're talking about, I think it's going to be more than just a box of,

you know, 23 bucks for a box of, you know, very generic pink erasers.

You're probably going to be going expensive anyway, but I'll let you run the experiment.

And in the meantime, you know, Bradford, go and spend your own money and get some candy.

Put out one bowl of candy, one bowl of cool erasers, and

do a little research.

See what happens.

See what the kids love.

They can take both, one or the other.

In Park Slope, it's like, ah, gee, miss.

This sure is a cool black wing pencil.

Both my parents designed typefaces for a living.

Yeah.

Yeah, probably.

That's why I know that.

Park Slope.

I don't know that there's so many typeface designers around here as you you think.

I bet Steve Buscemi's designed typefaces.

I need to find Steve.

I've never figured out where he lives, and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable because I enjoy him so much, but I would love to trick-or-treat at his house this year.

You're just going to have to settle for trick-or-treating at Brooke Gladstone's house.

Never settling.

She's given out tote bags.

Let's take a quick break when we come back.

A dispute about scaring children.

Plus, we'll catch up with our spirit Halloween expert, Aiden, about this year's hottest taunts.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper and on Let's Learn Everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Judge Hodgman, we're taking a break from the case.

What's going on with you?

So Obviously, you can check out Dick Town on Hulu.

And if you've already checked it out and haven't recommended it to a friend, please do so.

We love that show and we're really glad to have made it, David Reese and I.

But in the meantime, I just just wanted to follow up quickly.

I had mentioned in an earlier episode when we were talking about all the things that were inspired by or an homage to the Shakespeare play Hamlet, that a listener on Twitter had pointed out that the movie Strange Brew, the 1980s comedy movie by

featuring the characters Bob and Doug McKenzie, played by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas, Strange Brew, is based directly on Hamlet in a very funny way.

The brewery is called Elsinore, the uncle is called Claude.

It was a very direct note.

I was very glad, but I couldn't remember who it was on Twitter who had told me.

So I asked, who is it?

And Kevin, listener Kevin, wrote in to point out that he had reminded me on Twitter.

But I also, which thank you, by the way, Kevin.

Kevin deserves respect for that.

And thank you, Kevin, for your letters about your prank

holiday cards, which are very funny, by the way.

The thing, Kevin, about your prank holiday cards is everyone in the family is in on it.

Meanwhile, I also had a letter from a different listener who had pointed this out on the subreddit, the maximum fund subreddit, this connection between Hamlet and the movie Strange Brew.

And I just wanted to read this letter to you because I think this is important.

This is from Randall Cooper, and you'll understand why I'm saying both his first and last name.

I heard your request for the person who reminded you that Strange Brew is based on Hamlet.

I don't know if it was me on Reddit or someone else on Twitter.

It was.

But I did make the comment here on the subreddit.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't bother taking credit, but I'm running for Congress.

Amazing.

In a long shot raced in the 6th district of Tennessee, 538 handicaps it is an R plus 40 district.

So I can use every bit of signal boost I can get, even if it's a reminder to your listeners, to get out and vote for decent folks everywhere without specifically telling them to vote for me.

I'm going to just tell them to vote for you.

VoterandallCooper.com.

Early voting in Tennessee started on October 19th, and Nashville got chopped up into three districts specifically to try to help Republicans win the House.

Essentially, they made a new district in Nashville to make it three to get an extra potentially probably Republican House member.

Randall Cooper is a guy in Tennessee who didn't see anyone representing his values running for Congress in the 6th district.

The current incumbent Republican House member in the 6th district is an election denier.

And so Randall Cooper just ran.

And I really admire that, Randall, and I appreciate that.

Whatever your values are, if you don't see them represented in congress um

it's a hard thing to do but it's an important thing to do to consider running for office and if not supporting people who do share your values you can check out randall cooper if you like at voterandallcooper.com i'm not telling you to vote for him or not but i really do admire anyone who gets out there and tries to make a change.

So thank you for that.

And we got midterms coming up, everybody.

So make sure that your values are represented in the midterms by volunteering.

There's still time to do phone banking and text banking at mobilize.us.

And obviously, by voting and making a plan to vote, and telling your friends and family who share your values to make plans to vote as well.

Don't let them skip it.

It's important.

Jesse Thorne, what's going on in your world?

Well, this is the spooky episode of Judge John Hodgman, and it is running concurrently with a spooky episode of my NPR interview program, Bullseye with Jesse Thorne.

That features, John, are you ready for this?

Okay, I'm ready.

It features the celebrated drag queen Monet X Change

from Drag Race, legendary drag queen with an incredible story about the craziest day in their entire career.

We have an expletive on the show, but we bleep it.

And two long interviews, one with Ana Fabrega, who is one of the co-creators and stars of...

I think maybe my favorite show on television, Los Espookies.

Los Espookies.

Which is, if you have not not seen it, it's on HBO and HBO Max and is probably my favorite show on TV right now.

Like, it's so funny and so original, but most of all, so funny and very, very espooky.

It's not actually very spooky at all.

It's very friendly.

It's weird, but it's not very spooky.

And an interview with one of the best-selling authors in American history, Jovial Bob Stein.

Jovial Bob Stein, a.k.a.

R.

L.

Stein?

Primarily Ka

R.

L.

Stein, the creator of Goosebumps,

who is just as delightful and sweet and charming and fascinating as you would expect the creator of Goosebumps, who also wrote a number of joke books and edited a humor magazine under the name Jovial Bob Stein would be.

He was as he was as jovial as it's said on the package.

Tell you what.

Guy reads his own email, reads his own fan mail.

He's a good dude.

R.L.

Stein.

Can't wait to hear those interviews.

I'll tell you this.

When I finished the interview, I said to R.L.

Stein,

Bob,

my daughter is a huge goosebumps fan, and

she's too scared to come to the computer and say hello to you.

And

he said, well, where is she?

And I said, oh, she's just downstairs.

I was in my house.

She's just downstairs.

And he said, Well, go get her then.

And I went and I said, hey, Grace, R.L.

Stein wants to talk to you.

And she said, really?

And I said, yeah, upstairs on the Zoom.

She says, okay.

And she went up and talked to R.L.

Stein.

He was so sweet.

Had like a real little conversation with her and it made her month.

Sweet guy, R.L.

Stein.

Bullseye on NPR and wherever you get your pods.

Shall we get back to the docket?

Let's do it.

Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

It's almost Halloween.

A dispute has been brought to this court that makes makes us wonder, what are the best practices for scaring trick-or-treaters?

It comes from Amy in Portland, Oregon.

My husband Ian loves to wear costumes and surprise trick-or-treaters.

Some parents laugh and come back year after year, but we've also had tiny children burst into tears and leave screaming.

I've asked him to tone it down for young children.

He says he can't tell if there are small children in a group of trick-or-treaters because he has low visibility in his costumes and hiding places.

Please order him to be less scary.

Yeah, so Amy, to illustrate this, send us a photo of Ian dressed as Frank the rabbit from the movie Donnie Darko, a movie I've never seen because I've seen pictures of this rabbit and it's scary.

And Ian dressed as Frank is in this photo sitting in the garage waiting for brave trick-or-treaters to get candy from him.

Can you see this photo?

Scroll down.

It's a horrible photo.

I mean,

it's horrible in every sense of the word.

It is horrifying.

It's filled with horror.

And it's also like,

it's not a good photo, but it's appropriately poorly taken to make it even more scary.

It's like a found footage horror movie, if there was such a thing as a found footage horror still.

Yeah.

This guy's dressed as the scariest rabbit in the world in the middle of truly one of the creepiest garages in Portland, I'm sure.

Sitting with a, with a, with a bowl of candy in his lap.

You have to go up to this dude to get the candy?

Now, admittedly, Amy writes that that bowl is full of full-size candy bars, which is pretty hot.

That's a reward for whoever approaches him.

She also says that, quote, sometimes he would remain still and other times he would jump unexpectedly, but that she dressed as a sparkle dancer from the movie Donnie Darko as well and handed out what they called consolation candy for anyone too afraid to approach Ian.

He's deep in the garage.

Yes, that's right.

It's a deep garage and he's deep in it.

So you have to go all the way into the garage and who knows the door might slam close behind you.

I know

that I don't believe in gaga gaga ghosts.

You're no Mike Mitchell.

No.

I don't believe that I will be possessed by the devil anymore as I used to when I was a child.

And I've told the the story before, but when I was a child, I accidentally found the paperback copy of my parents' copy of The Exorcist, and they had some photos from the movie in it, and I knew what it was about.

And I guess I had read the Mad Magazine parody of it.

And I was so upset by the idea that the devil could take over your body no matter how good you were, because I was very invested in being a good boy.

And I didn't like the idea that the devil, the ultimate bad boy, could just take over this good boy.

And I knew that it would happen at night in bed and one of the first signs would be the bed would start shaking.

And I got so scared that my bed did start shaking because my heart was pounding.

And I don't believe in gigga-giga ghosts because that's just too optimistic for me to imagine.

Because, you know, you believe in a Bigfoot.

That's one thing.

There are unfound creatures out there, sure.

But if it's a ghost,

That would be proof that there is probably something after life.

And that just feels a little optimistic to me these days.

I don't want to, I don't want to get my hopes up.

I know that things aren't real, but the most terrified I've ever been was when I went with my family to

Universal Studios in California around Halloween time, and they had their nights of terror or whatever it was.

And you just walk into a building and walk through a pathway.

full of people like Ian dressed in horrifying costumes in scary settings and they kind of lunge at you, but they're never going to touch you.

They're never going to touch you.

You had your Frankensteins, this is Universal, right?

So you had your Frankensteins, you had your mummies, you had all of your classic creatures of the Black Lagoon, etc.

Was it the Tom Cruise mummy?

Yeah, it was the Tom Cruise mummy.

It was all the mummies.

They're going to take, believe me, Universal is going to take advantage of every mummy they got.

It was all the mummies.

Tom Cruise, Brendan Fraser, Steve Martin,

Lon Chaning Jr.,

whatever the case.

Why not?

And there were some Chuckies in there as well.

I know that these are people in costumes.

And I've never been more viscerally terrified in my life.

I mean, I don't think I've ever been as scared other than it was the feeling of standing above a cliff, even with a railing there, you feel like.

or like the top floor of an observatory in a tall, tall skyscraper.

Nothing like that.

This, I felt, was like someone could go rogue and

worst case scenario touch my neck which would be bad enough

and i can't use the excuses like my kids were there so i was afraid on their behalf i was running the kids were far behind me i'm like no i can't i can't be in here anymore i didn't like it ian you're too scary Too scary, dude.

That's so scary.

This is so, so scary.

I'm scared looking at this.

I can't imagine.

It's thrilling.

Don't get me wrong, Ian.

It's absolutely thrilling.

But it's really, really scary.

So what do I do about this?

I don't want to stifle this guy's house of horrors.

I mean, some people love being scared.

The people come back year after year

who want to get freaked out by this guy.

What's the solution?

Do I shut the garage door on this guy forever or what, Jesse Thorne?

What do you think?

I think the idea that he sometimes jumps out and sometimes sits still is a telling detail

because

both of those are equally terrifying.

And to pretend there is a distinction there.

I'm looking at a still photograph and I'm imagining that being a real thing in the real world that was sitting perfectly still.

That's terrifying enough.

And I think the idea that there are consolation candies for kids who can't go through with it, it's just cruel.

The only children who deserve this kind of treatment are trick-or-treating 15 and 16-year-olds.

Oh, yeah.

Look, I think that the idea of consolation candy is a good one, but Amy and Ian, I think you have it backwards.

I don't think that you offer a nice treat as consolation.

You lead with the nice treat.

I think there should be a nice person at the front door who is Amy,

who gives all kids some delicious candy.

And then Amy, you can size them up.

If they seem like the right age, the right level of daring, a little bit of these thrill seekers, you can send those kids around the corner or to the garage.

You can say, you know, if you want a full-size candy bar, you can go in the garage and get one there.

But I'm going to warn you, it's scary.

Dare you do it?

And then it's up to the kids whether or not they do it or not.

It's their fault if they get too scared.

And you're not sending any little kids in there either.

That's the way I can't be there, Amy.

I wish I could.

I wish I could be a 12-foot judge of the damned in your front yard, but you have to be the judge instead.

Now, Judge Hodgman,

speaking of scary Halloween stuff,

we have a friend of Judge John Hodgman joining us.

Oh, I know this is true.

Aiden, the co-founder of the Spirit Halloween fan wiki.

Regular Judge John Hodgman listeners will remember we found out about this fan wiki when we were made aware of a spirit Halloween store product called the Harvester of Souls.

Yeah.

A truly terrifying Halloween decoration.

What we call an animatronic, like a moving skeletal statue barobed and terrifying and holding a small animatronic child and sucking the soul out of its mouth.

Isn't that right, Aiden?

Is that the Harvester of Souls?

Yes, that is correct.

And then we discovered that you co-administer this

fan wiki for all spirit Halloween products.

And here's, I'm looking at the Harvester of Souls webpage now that you put together.

And where, are we still on the, are we still on it?

You should be.

I hope so.

Yeah, there we are.

Number one.

Number one in the trivia section.

The Harvester of Souls, along with this article, is featured in the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

We last spoke to you about a year ago, appropriately, Halloween time.

Yep.

If you want to, everyone wants to go back and listen to that.

That's episode 540, Spooky Day, Spooky Night.

But let's not talk about the past.

Let's talk about the present.

How are you, Aiden?

How's your Halloween season going?

I'm doing all right.

I'm way into the Halloween season, as I'm sure you all know.

It's very much so a process, an all-involving process.

So I'm very deep into it now, but no, I'm doing well.

You are wearing a shirt that seems to have a lot of pumpkins on it.

That is is true, yes.

You have a very David S.

Pumpkins vibe going on right now.

And you are in what looks like a terrifying basement

with an unfinished ceiling and

a single bulb in a socket above you.

The sort of basement that you might find a Donnie Darko in.

Yeah.

Yes.

But you have some Halloween-y lights going on and so forth.

And oh, there's a coffin behind you opening and closing with the words RIP on it, just to paint a word picture for our listeners.

Yes, that's right.

I am currently in this year's haunted house that I run.

I am right in the middle of it.

I thought this would be a good place to record.

When you say you run this haunted house, is this a new venture or do you just make your own house haunted?

I just, what I usually do is I run a charity event through my basement.

So people will give food to our local food cupboard as admission.

So I've been doing this for many years now.

It's kind of an annual thing here, but it goes through my basement, and that's where I am right now.

Now, I understand there's been a big change in your life.

You are working for Spirit Halloween?

Is that true?

I am, yes.

Wow.

This is a special exception to our buzz marketing rules.

It's only out of our respect and regard for you, Aiden, that we would make this exception.

Well, thank you.

Halloween dreams come true.

What are you doing

for Spirit Halloween these days?

So I am kind of the spirit specialist specialist for my local store and local spirit districts.

So if there's a problem with an animatronic or a problem with a display, I am in there fixing them.

I was doing it mere hours ago.

I have normal shifts, but I'm also on call all the time if anything needs to be fixed.

You're like the geek squad for the Harvesters of Souls?

Pretty much, yeah.

Okay.

How many spirit districts are there in the spirit world?

There are hundreds, hundreds and hundreds.

Hundreds of districts.

There are the way it works is there are a couple stores owned by a zone manager, a district manager.

So I am on call for my specific couple stores in my area.

How did this come about?

Did you just apply or did they hear about you on a certain podcast and call you and say

we need a ghost fixer?

Well, I have been going to my local spirit stores for so long that I'm kind of known around the area, but

I do have some friends over at corporate who put in a good word for me, of course, but it was really just animatronics break a lot and they just need someone who knows how to fix them.

So when your harvester of souls is grinding gears, who you going to call?

Ghost Fixer.

I was going to guess that Aiden got this job by working at Kmart.

And then when Kmart went out of business, he just waited until it became a Spirit Halloween store.

Yeah, I just stayed in the store and waited until they came in.

I do love the aspect of Spirit Halloween because a lot of them are pop-up shops for the season, right?

Correct.

And

I do love how one aspect of the Spirit Halloween retail experience is

that spooky old abandoned storefront suddenly has a new owner.

Yeah.

Right, right.

And they've kind of embraced that now.

If you look at their social media, they're saying, yeah, we go into old abandoned spaces and we love it.

They're taking advantage of it.

All right.

So this is what everyone wants to know.

What are are the hottest haunts?

What are the biggest new animatronics?

What's the hot ticket in this in the scare department?

Got it.

All right.

Well, if you're looking for something that's going to be like a jump scare, something that's actually going to jump out at you, I would probably go with this new animatronic this year called Lil Skelly Bones,

which is actually.

Wait a minute.

Is it?

I'm trying to search this up.

Is it skelly bones or little skelly bones?

Oh, it is little.

Lil skelly bones.

Okay.

Okay, I got you.

Oh, wow, yeah.

So there are two of them.

There is one from 2015 on a swing, and then there is the one from this year, which is crouched down on the ground.

Yeah, that's what I'm looking at.

Yeah.

So the crouch down one, it pops up incredibly fast and picks its head up.

And it is terrifying.

I had to fix one earlier today, and it scared me while I was working on it.

Oh, no.

So

it is pretty horrifying.

It's small, but it is child height.

So if you want to get the kids, it is.

It's small but powerful.

Look at this.

It is small but powerful.

Oh, it pecks a punch.

Yeah.

And yeah, it looks like it's like doing a little peekaboo.

It's a little crouched skeleton, and then every now and then it goes,

does it make a noise?

It does.

It speaks and it says

really scary things.

I can't remember the phrases right now, but...

Maybe something like, Aiden, you cannot fix me.

Yeah, pretty much.

They whisper to me in my dreams.

Yeah, so he's definitely on the

jump scare side.

But if you're looking for something that's more, you know, creep factor.

Yeah, creepy, moody.

Yeah, something like that.

I would say what my personal, and this is my personal favorite for the year overall,

is this thing called Lord Raven.

I'm so excited that you went to Lord Raven because I was just scrolling down.

I'm like, oh, I need to talk to him about Lord Raven.

Lord Raven is, in fact, sitting in the room next to me.

I am a big fan.

He's my favorite of the year.

And he's just, he's got this really cool animation, and he's just really kind of gothic and creepy overall.

He has a bird face that looks a little bit like a plague mask.

Yes.

With red, glowing eyes and long,

long, dangling,

ragged black cloth cloth arms, and in a sort of hooded ball gown with

diaphanous, feathery fabric bits at the bottom.

So I'm going to look at the video of Lord Raven in action.

Hang on.

Yeah, and he's got this really cool head animation where he does like a head bobble that comes out towards you.

It's pretty neat.

That's really scary.

Did you guys see that video?

Pretty distressing.

I like that they shot the video in Aiden's basement.

He says things.

He says things like, I am unfixable, Aiden.

They're all talking.

They're all taunting me.

They're all taunting you.

It's incredible.

Hey, you got any 12-foot lawn skeletons over there?

I do not.

I, you know, I hate to go to Home Depot, but they do have some great stuff.

Yeah.

That's where you get the 12-foot lawn skeleton.

That's where you get your 12-foot stuff.

I do have the 12-foot witch this year.

I did get her, but I did not get any of the skeletons now.

Why don't they have any 12-footers at Spirit?

You know, that's actually something I asked some of my friends over who work in the business, and

it is because the variety of stores that they set up in, some of them are not tall enough.

So

they just can't be sure that they're going to be able to set one up.

Got it.

I understand.

What's the tallest lawn skeleton you got?

The tallest thing I own is,

I think it, yeah, it is the 12-foot witch.

The tallest thing on the market is from Home Depot, and it's a 15-foot phantom.

Okay.

Well, let's keep it in the Spirit Halloween family.

Yes.

Spirit Halloween is not just a store, it is also now a major motion picture.

Is this correct?

This is true.

Tell me about Spirit Halloween movie.

Well,

I actually have a personal connection to this film um okay you're a big fan of spirit halloween yeah that's my personal connection um no this this movie um it's basically a movie about kids who stay overnight in a spirit halloween store it's night of the museum but in a spirit halloween store on halloween essentially yes right um and the animatronics come to life it's a whole big thing and There is one animatronic in the film called Nightcrawler.

And he was one that came out in 2020 and they used him for the film and i believe i'm okay to say this now my night crawler is the one that's used in the film wow your proprietary night crawler the one that i bought in 2020 is being was used in this film let me just say to adam savage our our friend and listener is very famous uh uh special effects and model maker film buff uh internet and television personality and prop replicator you can go eat some reese's feces adam savage because aiden's got the actual thing.

He doesn't, you know, you replicate a night crawler.

You got the one that was used in Spirit Halloween, the movie.

Aiden's night crawler is meant Rachel Lee Cook.

This is true.

This is true.

Oh, yeah.

Rachel Lee Cook is in this movie.

Christopher Lloyd is in this movie.

It's quite the cast.

Yep.

And have you seen it?

You know what?

I actually have not.

It just came onto the on-demand streaming services yesterday.

And I've been very busy at work and with my my own haunt.

I have not been able to see it, but I was planning on watching it tonight.

I mean, look, we've all got

our own haunts, so we can't see everything.

So, you're going to see it tonight?

Are you getting together with some friends?

I was hoping to do a little viewing party with some of my friends.

Or is it just going to be you and your animatronics?

It might be that too.

We'll see what happens.

I can't promise anything.

We

set up Nightcrawler and Mr.

Dark and Teddy Kins.

Now, Teddy Kins is one that was made for the film.

He's not a real product, but everything else there is real products.

Oh, Teddy Kins?

Okay, so I watched the trailer for this.

I presume Teddy Kins is the scary giant walking teddy bear?

That is correct, yes.

I got you.

Okay.

What's your favorite scary movie?

Do you like to watch scary movies during the Halloween season, Aiden?

My claim to fame among my friends is that I've never seen a horror movie.

Wow, really?

I know.

I am completely in the dark when it comes to horror movies, and I think I don't watch horror movies now because I think it's funny that I've never seen one.

You've never seen like the movie Halloween, for example?

Nope.

You ever see the movie Spirited Away?

Not a horror movie, but I have not.

It's got Spirit in the title, and I know that you like that.

Well, you should definitely see Spirited Away.

Let me say something to you

about this thing about not seeing horror movies because you kind of don't want to break the streak.

It's part of your brand now.

Right.

Guy's got a million Spirit of Halloween creepy animatronics in his basement, but

he won't see the movie Halloween.

I get it.

It's fun.

When I was in fourth grade, for whatever reason, I started growing my hair long, and this wasn't done at that time.

And I kept having my long hair, and it got longer and longer throughout high school and into college.

By the time I went to college, I hated it.

And I did the worst thing possible.

I put it up in a bun because

I didn't have the...

Here,

we've been talking about some Halloween jokes.

You know why the skeleton was afraid?

Why?

Didn't have the guts.

Didn't have the the guts.

I didn't have the guts to break the brand and cut my hair, become a new person.

I'm not saying that you have to watch a Halloween movie.

You do whatever you want with your life.

But I'm just saying if you,

you know,

don't let committing to a bit interfere with your growth as a human being.

There are good scary movies out there.

No, it's true.

I've wanted to watch scary movies, but it's either I don't have the time or I'm committing to the bit.

Wait a minute.

Now you're in an existential crisis because if you watch Spirit Halloween the movie, that's a scary movie.

Yeah, it's true.

I mean,

it's not the scariest movie, I'm sure.

I mean, it's probably for all ages-ish, you know?

Scariest movie is Hocus Pocus 2.

That is definitely a scary movie.

So maybe tonight's the night.

It might be.

You never know.

I will have to fill everyone in.

We'll see what happens.

I look forward to your review.

I mean, were you there when they were shooting it?

I was not, no.

How did they get your night crawler?

Well, that's a funny story.

One of my friends who is actually a listener of this podcast and who

works at Spirit Corporate, her name is Gina.

Hi, Gina.

She's the one who actually told me about this podcast first.

And

she is, you know, higher up at Spirit.

And she called me one day and said, I can't tell you why, but can I have your night crawler?

And so she sent me a shipping label and I mailed it out to their wherever they were shooting and

I never saw it again.

You didn't get it back?

They burned it afterwards?

Actually, literally, yes, they burned it.

What are you talking about?

They burned it.

In the trailer, I believe you can see it set on fire, I think.

Or is it in the extended trailer?

I can't remember.

I don't remember exactly what a night crawler is.

Can you describe it to me so that I can make sure I don't miss it?

It is an on-all-fours demon with an extended mouth.

It's an on-all-fours demon with an extended mouth, of course.

It has the extended mouth.

That's a nice feature.

Yeah, it is.

So they destroy.

I'm just going to believe that they didn't actually destroy it, and it's actually on display at a planet Hollywood in Hong Kong somewhere or something.

Look, I actually brought that nightcrawler on vacation with me one year.

So I have an emotional attachment to that nightcrawler.

So, you know, I'd love to believe that it's safe somewhere.

Where did you and Crawley go on vacay?

We went to Alexandria, Virginia one year, and I thought it would be be funny to set it up in our VRBO, and I did exactly that.

So, Gina took your nightcrawler.

Did she tell you that she was going to destroy it for the movie?

There was never any talks of destroying it.

I just hope that they had multiple, and mine wasn't the one that got destroyed, but I really don't know.

Well, you even if that's, I mean, I'm sure that they did have a backup night crawler.

I've worked on some professional sets, they usually have two or three night crawlers just in case, right?

Yeah, you know, but even if they didn't destroy yours, you haven't gotten yours back yet.

I never got mine back.

They did send me a new one, though.

Oh, okay.

So you got a new nightcrawler.

I got a new nightcrawler, yes.

Where did they shoot this one?

This movie?

I believe it was in Georgia.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Tax breaks.

And where are you again?

I am in the Philadelphia area.

Right.

Look, when they do, and they're going to do it, they're going to spirit of Halloween 2, the next one.

We got to go on a said visit.

You, me and Jesse and Jennifer, okay?

All right.

Tell Gina.

Gina, I know you're listening.

You should have flown Aiden in for the filming of the first one.

You should have let him see his nightcrawler be destroyed with his own eyes.

This is true.

But you can make up for it next year with a set visit for all of us.

We'll go to Atlanta.

We'll have a good old time.

We'll see Chuck Bryant.

And, you know, I want to be on set with Christopher Lloyd.

All right, I've got some quick questions for you before we let you go.

When you were growing up, did you go trick-or-treating?

I did, yes.

Was it a requirement that you tell a joke in order to get candy?

That was never a requirement, no.

You've never heard of that in your life, right?

I have not.

All right.

If you went to retreating and someone said, you got to tell me a joke first, what would you do?

I'd probably try and think of a quick joke just to get some candy out of the deal, but

I'm not really sure.

Waste of energy.

Just move on.

Just say no, thank you.

I don't work for you.

I'm the demon, not you.

I'm the trickster, not you.

If you went to a house,

these pertain to some of our cases this week.

If you went to a house and they weren't giving out candy, they were giving out

erasers and pencils.

How would you feel?

Betrayed.

Yeah, I think that's right.

Betrayed.

It's a social contract, everybody.

Renee, don't, you'll find out.

You'll find out what happens.

Last question, Aiden.

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

Ooh.

I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that.

He had no body to go with.

I should have known the answer to that.

You can, if they ask you for it, if they make you tell a joke, hey, if you have a joke, if you tell me a joke before we go, I'll send you a Zagnut bar.

I'll send you a box of 18, actually.

Like Zagnut?

I've never had Zagnut.

You've never had Zagnut?

Nope.

I'm going to send you Zagnuts.

You don't have to tell a joke on Halloween.

I'm going to send you a box of 18 Zagnuts.

Really?

Oh, well, thank you.

Are you allergic to coconut?

I am not.

Are you allergic to peanut butter?

Nope.

Because that's all it is, toasted coconut and peanut butter in bar form.

Zagnut.

Interesting.

Do me a favor.

If I can get this to you before Halloween, Keep one for yourself.

Give out the Zagnut bars and tell me how kids react to it.

I can do that.

I appreciate that.

Aiden, it's really nice to talk to you every year.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's nice to talk to you guys as well.

Have a very happy Halloween.

And please let us know what you think of the movie.

Spirit Halloween, the movie.

We're not getting paid to keep talking about this.

It's just so astonishing.

I know.

I was quite shocked when I first heard about it.

Yeah,

it's on streaming, and I presume it's also playing in abandoned movie theaters across the country.

That would be very on-brand.

And we'll have you back next month to talk about your experiences at the Thanksgiving store.

Well, thank you.

Aiden, before we go, are you public on any social medias, the most terrifying medias in the world?

Where can people find you if they want to find you?

So I have an Instagram that I'm pretty active on.

It's just A-I-D-A-N, the letter K, and then 2004.

It's just, you know, name, last, initial, birth year.

And I'm pretty active on there.

I do lots of updates for my haunt and all sorts of stuff like that.

I'll be posting videos and everything like that.

And then I do have a YouTube channel as well, which is my full name, Aiden K-K-A-Y-E.

And that's where I post all the teasers and stuff for the haunt itself.

Fantastic.

And the haunt is raising money for your local food cupboard.

If you're not donating everybody to your local food pantry or food cupboard or

similar charity, you should do so, especially these days with the holidays coming on.

It's getting cold out there and it's getting expensive out there.

So thank you very much for your service, Aiden.

Thank you.

I will say good evening to you.

The docket is clear.

That's it for another episode of Judge John Hodgman.

Our producer is Jennifer Marmer.

Our editor is Valerie Moffat.

Follow us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Hodgman.

We're on Instagram at judgejohnhodgman.

Make sure to hashtag your judgejohodgman tweets, hashtag j-j-h-o, and check out the Maximum Fund subreddit.

That's at maximumfund.reddit.com.

Hey, we're still looking for board game disputes.

They're piling in, but we still have not had any disputes regarding Parchezi, which is a little bit of a disappointment to me.

Also, no clue disputes.

I'm really surprised there haven't been any clue disputes.

Did you ever have a fight with someone over a game of clue gone wrong?

Also, would love to hear any disputes or any memories you might have of the Mad Magazine board game, one of my favorite board games when I was a kid.

The goal was to lose all your money.

There was also a $3 million bill.

Of course, for you to hear all of your disputes, how do people send them in, Jesse?

Maximumfund.org slash JJ Ho.

That's maximumfund.org slash JJHO.

There's a form there.

You type it in.

No dispute too big or too small.

You know what the scariest Halloween costume in my neighborhood growing up was?

No.

It's a teenager who says he's dressed as Jerry Rice, the San Francisco 49ers.

Yeah.

But then also, all his teenage buddies are also dressed as Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers.

Uh-huh.

And it's actually just because they're all Norteños.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Howl.

Howl, who?

Howl, you know, unless you open the door.

I like that one.

Happy Halloween, everyone.

We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

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