THE YEAR OF DATING MYSELF WITH AUTHOR ABBY ROSMARIN

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My guest today, Abby Rosemarin, is a a super talented writer.

She has several fantastic best-selling books out there.

And her latest book, The Year of Dating Myself,

really resonated with me because I'm a huge advocate for men and women.

taking a break from the chaos of dating if things are not going great and literally focusing on yourself.

I have done it.

It has done wonders for me.

And Abby obviously took an entire year to dedicate to herself and the results are in this fantastic book.

I hope you guys enjoy my great conversation with the adorable and super talented Abby.

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Abby, welcome to Cat on the Loose.

Hey, thank you for having me.

Thank you for being here.

It's such a pleasure.

I was looking through your, because I'm a major bookworm.

I love books and I was reading through your fabulous books.

I'm like, I want to read them.

Oh, you have such a massive, impressive collection of books.

Congratulations, first and foremost.

Oh, thank you so much.

So I want to, of course, let's start.

Talking about the latest one.

I think it just came out a little while ago, right?

The year of dating myself.

That's right.

i love the title and before i ask you the 10 million questions i have about it uh we have something similar here on cat on the loose that we do which is called a man diet a man diet or woman diet whatever for that matter is kind of like the same idea of your book when you're burned out from either dating too much or going through a nasty breakup, whatever it is, you kind of take a break and focus on yourself.

Right.

So, and I always thought that was a great idea.

So, when I found out about your book, I'm like, oh my God, I want to talk to this chick.

So, guide me through the idea behind it.

Why did you decide to do it?

Why was this important to you?

Yes.

So, honestly,

now this was something that I would have to realize in retrospect, but I was a serial monogamous.

I would jump from relationship to relationship to relationship.

And I never gave myself any chance to be single.

And I found that, especially after my marriage ended, which, you know, I always like to say that me and my ex-husband are on amazing terms.

We, it was a very mutual decision that I will never consider a disaster relationship.

The ones that came after, though, oh, wow, it was disaster after disaster after disaster.

And it seemed like one was worse than the next.

And I never gave myself a chance to even just process the first one, let alone second, third, fourth.

And here I was in this fifth relationship in a row, fifth disaster in a row.

And this one was with a particular brand of bad.

I got out by the skin of my teeth.

And that was my rock bottom.

That was my moment where I had to go, all right,

clearly we have a pattern here.

And while I do not, you know, nobody deserves to be mistreated or cheated on or anything like that.

If I want to break this pattern, I can't just keep throwing my hands up and being like, oh my God, the universe just keeps giving me these jerks.

I have to sit back and go, okay,

what are the things that I might be doing that is contributing to this pattern?

Because the only way I'm going to get out of this pattern is if I break whatever it is that I'm doing in these patterns.

And

that's when I realized I never give myself a chance to be single.

I jump on the first chance, like, you know, basically like if a guy's vaguely promising to be my Prince Charming, oof, I'm there.

And,

you know, so here I am with this information and I'm thinking to myself, okay, so now I can see where I've been going with this and I can see my patterns, but like, what do I do with this?

Because I've done the thing where I swear off dating and, oh my God, I'm going to be single from here on out.

And then I would just repeat the cycle all over again.

So that's also a part of this pattern.

How am I going to break this part too, where I just do this dramatic swearing off?

And well, I tell you, it felt like the universe just conspired to make sure this year happened because this is New Year's Eve.

This is a couple months now after I had this realization.

New Year's Eve, I'm sitting passenger side of my friend's car.

We're driving back to our Airbnb and as one does, I'm checking my phone, I'm checking my email.

There is this promotional email from one of my absolute favorite bands.

I don't mention the band in the book, but I will mention it here that the band is Guster.

And

they are set to play in my town.

like in the coming year.

And I'm like, oh, sweet.

Let me go and get tickets.

And I'm already thinking about like the friends I can take with me.

I open up the, you know, I think it was basically just Ticketmaster.

and nope.

It, there's a one seat here, one seat there, but for the most part, it's sold out.

And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's a bust.

But before I click out, I have this moment of, yeah, but when was the last time you went to a concert by yourself?

And as I sat with that, I was like, well, the answer is never.

I've never been to a concert by myself.

And that kind of started that kind of snowball effect of, well, I've never really done anything by myself.

I've always had somebody with me and usually a partner, but you know, if my partner can't come with me, I guess I'll go with friends.

Like most women, by the way, right?

Most women are so afraid of doing anything by themselves.

Exactly.

And that really gave me this moment of like, okay, how am I going to break this cycle?

You know what?

I'm going to go to that concert.

I'm going to take myself out.

And that was the key word is as I'm, you know, checking out on Ticketmaster, I'm like, I'm going to take myself out.

And I just had this moment of, oh my God.

And all of a sudden I go from my confirmation page on Ticketmaster to my notes app.

And I am just charting out all these dates that I want to, you know, these events that I want to take myself out to, all these things that I wanted to do with a partner, but never did.

Like little things like I was in a long-term relationship with somebody who was motion sick, so we never went on Ferris wheels.

And I wanted to go on a Ferris wheel, like these kind of things.

And literally, as the year is winding down, as we're about to start this brand new year, literally in my notes app, I have written the year of dating myself.

And that is quite literally as the new year began.

It was like, here we go.

This year is my year of dating myself.

Oh my God.

You know, we have so much in common because as you're telling your story, I see my story in my head.

Same thing.

I was in a very abusive, horrible marriage for 14 years.

And once I got out of that marriage, I guess we are trained mentally that we think we need to be in another relationship, right?

So, same exactly what you just said.

I kept jumping from horrible men to horrible men to horrible men.

I didn't give myself a minute, like, well, why don't you just wait a minute, stay alone and enjoy yourself and learn how to love yourself?

It was a process for me.

So, as you're telling your story, I'm like, I am sure there are thousands and thousands of women out there that literally just jump from one man to another and another because somehow they think like either they're too afraid of being alone or, you know, life is going to be boring or miserable if they're alone, but it's such a wonderful journey of self-love and self-discovery if you're able to do it.

Yes, I completely agree.

And, you know, there is a lot to be said about that whole, like, you really need to learn to love yourself

because,

you know, there can be people like I don't fully agree to the idea that how could anybody love you if you don't love yourself?

Because like sometimes the way we learn to love ourselves is is through people loving us.

But also if we don't have that baseline, if we don't know how to love ourselves and love our own company, we're going to abandon ourselves for, oh my God, here's this person and maybe they will love me.

And you dismiss red flags and you compromise your values, you compromise your boundaries big time.

And it really was this like, I need to learn to love my company so much that it's not something that I'm hoping to abandon the second somebody even kind of sort of hints that they might want to have me in their life.

Oh my god, no, I agree with you 1 million percent.

I'm just going through this, like I said, I've done many men diets in the past like two months, three months, but then I ended up jumping on another horrible, toxic relationship that I knew the person wasn't ready for me.

And last year, I broke up a relationship, like you were telling your story in December.

And I had this epiphany, like, you know what?

I'm gonna take a really long break.

So this year, I'm doing the year one

so fortunate.

And I get a lot of messages, like guys saying, why are you single?

And I'm like, look, I'm taking my time and I've never been happier.

All my projects are thriving.

I learned how to enjoy my company so much.

And that's the next thing I want to talk to you about.

This year, back in May, it was the first time in my life I went on a trip completely alone by choice.

By choice.

I had to go to Can the film festival because I had a movie there.

But after Can, I was like, you know what?

I'm going to go for 10 days on a vacation alone.

I have many, many friends in Europe, but I didn't want to meet anybody.

I literally wanted to learn how to enjoy my company.

And I had the most fabulous time ever.

So

that's my question to you.

So when you started your year alone, tell me about your travels and what you did that was fun.

Was it hard for you to do stuff alone?

Oh, yeah.

So the things I was doing alone ran the gamut.

It could be everything from I'm going to go to the local ice skating rink and go skating by myself to full on, I'm going to go on a six hour road trip to Quebec City and have like a, you know, a good four or five, you know, travel day completely by myself and everything in between.

And it was,

I did not realize how much of a growth edge this was for me until it was time to do it.

I remember one of the very first things I did was this, it was like a dueling pianos event.

And, you know, here I am, I'm just sitting down.

It's a packed house, you know, so there's people all around me.

And I'm feeling a little almost uncomfortable enjoying the music.

And it took a moment for me to realize this is one of the first times that I have to have this experience.

just with myself.

I was so used to filtering my experience through my partner.

And I would look over, like, you know, look over at my partner.

And if he's having a good time, oh, now I'm having a great time, almost like validate my experience.

And if he's not having a good time,

I'm abandoning the experience.

Yep.

Now I got to take care of him.

And that was always, you know, my eyes would not be on whatever it was that we were doing together.

My eyes were basically on the partner.

And then it made me realize, like, I don't know how to enjoy something just like for me.

And that was a huge growth area.

And even these little things like going to a restaurant by myself and like like not feeling like I had to apologize for like taking up a whole table by myself.

Like

it was tough to not just do that, oh, I'm sorry, just one.

Like I don't need to apologize to the host to bring one person to the table.

No, I mean, I don't know, and maybe you know, I always wondered, because for me, it was never a problem doing stuff by myself, even when I was married, but I know it's very tough.

So like this time when I was in Europe, right?

I think in Europe, it might be a little more common just because I see women everywhere doing stuff alone.

So, like you said, when I would go to a restaurant, I'm so happy sitting there.

Like you said, I'm not feeling guilty if I order pasta and three glasses of champagne and dessert.

I remember literally walking around Monaco, like with this huge ice cream in my hand.

And I was just so happy because I'm like, there is no dude here to judge me if I'm eating too much.

I was literally doing it.

It's very liberating.

But I think for most women, it's very intimidating, right?

Why do you think that is?

You know, I think it really has a lot to do, especially, you know, you mentioned like European culture versus like the U.S.

And I definitely feel like the U.S., we drive home that fairy tale.

We drive home the princess must need her prince.

And if a woman is single, uh-oh, you know, she's she's the crazy spinster with her cats.

And, you know, there's this feeling of like we're only as good as the relationship we're in, basically.

And to just be ourselves and to own that space and not just be, I'm valid because look at the man I have, you know, that, again, we're driven to value having the prince.

And if we're doing something by ourselves, God, what's wrong with you, honey, that you got to do something by yourself?

And I feel like that creates this self-consciousness of like, oh, God, what is wrong with me if I want to do something by myself?

Yeah.

And, but I, I'm not saying I'm against relationships, by the way.

I mean, I love being in a relationship.

I want to find the right person for me, but I do think if more women out there were able to do what you and I did, like literally spend time with yourself, it is one of the most empowering experiences you can have as a woman.

If you start loving your company and walking anywhere, like I personally really don't care what people think about me if I go to a place that I want to go by myself,

I could not care less.

But I think it empowered me because as I'm sitting there doing all these things alone and tell me your journey, I kept remembering, why did I put up with this dude or that dude and that behavior?

Or like you said, why would I date a guy if you love roller coasters, the guy doesn't love roller coasters.

If I love traveling, somebody doesn't love travel.

It's very empowering when you start realizing that you can be happy by yourself.

It really is.

And I was having very similar experiences where here I am, I'm going out, I'm doing all of these awesome things and having that moment of um there's this uh meme that has been circulating for a few years now that you know men think they're competing with other men for women no you're competing with the peace that she feels when she's alone and i would keep thinking about that like the amount of of peace i feel getting to do what i want to do and and on my you know own terms and again i very much am not anti-relationships in fact i am in a relationship right now as we see

and you know honestly, I'm going to say that if it weren't for the fact that I devoted a year to loving my own company, I don't think that I would have even met this person

because, you know, there were a few attempts to date prior to meeting my current boyfriend.

And those would go belly up.

And but one of the reasons why I would not waste my time is as I'm noticing, I'm like,

you know, I don't think they're really into me.

I don't think he's, he's invested.

Old me would have just kind of destroyed herself and taken things on the chin and just, you know, oh please stay with me whatever it takes but the the version of me that was post-year of dating myself was like okay well if he isn't excited about the fact that i'm inviting him into my life that's cool you know no biggie you know he doesn't owe me nothing but he can go on his way now and i'm going to go back to my life and yes you know it wasn't i needed to have that time to realize wait this is fucking amazing that i can do these things on my own and now it really is like no these men are competing against the peace I feel when I'm alone.

Oh my God, I love that.

That is very, very powerful.

And I, I, at least with me, tell me if you felt the same way.

The so far, right?

I don't know if I'm going to do the whole year.

So far, it's been what, six months, seven months.

But as these months go by, I know better what I want and what I don't want.

Kind of like, you know, I look back in my head and I think about the guys I dated and I understand better, like, why did I put up with this or you know this is not something I want in my next partner as the months go by I kind of get more focused on what is good for me like you said you know why do I allow certain things in my life if it's not good for me I know I'm not gonna allow that anymore exactly and I think there's a lot to be said and I knew this was definitely the case for me and I get the feeling that probably for you as well where I, my sense of self would wrap around the guy.

His interests, cool, those are my interests now.

He doesn't like certain things that I like.

Well, it's okay.

I'll never bring those up in front of him.

And I molded myself to the dude, basically, which also would mean that when things would bottom out, I would feel extra lost.

Like, well, who am I?

I've been pretending I'm a gym rat because he's a gym rat.

Or I've been pretending I'm into craft gears because he's into craft gears.

And I don't even like beer.

We've all done that, right?

This crazy shit, like you make believe you'll really like something at the beginning because you want to please the person.

Exactly.

But once you start giving yourself that time to actually just be with yourself and see what you like and what you don't like and

what you value, and it really does give you this moment of like, I can stand in who I am.

And instead of how do I have to form fit to keep the guy, it's who is going to match like, here's the shape that my values, interests, hobbies, and so on makes.

Where is there a complimentary shape?

And if the guy is not that complimentary shape, I don't want it.

Yeah, I love that.

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You took a year of dating yourself.

Did you know at the beginning of the year, you said, okay, this is going to be the entire year for myself?

Were you like determined to do an entire year?

I was.

And I really do think the fact that it was literally New Year's Eve when that came, because I don't know if I would have had that same stamina, if you will,

because I do know, like fittingly enough, it was around the six or seven month mark that I was like,

it was almost because I already had mapped out this entire year, because I would even put down month to month of like, I want to do this in September and I want to do this in October.

If it weren't for the fact that I had already made the structure in place, I don't know if I would have seen it through because there was something to be said about like, well, it was fun and novel and now the novelty is starting to wear off.

But this is where it, for me at least, and again, if people are doing their own solo journeys, it can be whatever timeline they need.

But I know for me, I needed that full year, especially when the novelty wore off.

Because so many of those relationships that were so icky were the ones where it's all great when it's novel.

And as as soon as the novelty wore off for him,

that's when things got icky for me.

And that's when I'm not being treated all that great.

And I'm like, I'm not about to abandon myself when the novelty wears off the way those men did.

I need to prove I'm worth investing in.

So we're seeing this through to the end.

I love that.

So, what did you okay?

You went to concerts, you traveled.

Did you do anything else bigger?

Like you go out of the country?

Is there like one moment that was like extra special for you?

I I think for me,

so there was a, yeah, it really was this wide variety of things.

I was also like taking classes, like a fencing class.

I've never done fencing before, I was doing an axe throwing adventure, these kind of things.

But for me, the biggest thing really was when I drove up to Quebec City and I decided that was going to be my New Year's Eve, cap it off, like, you know, leave the U.S., go into Canada.

Because actually, the very first time, and this was the first time I had ever traveled solo, solo, I was still in that abusive relationship.

And I just instinctively was like, nope, spend Labor Day weekend in Quebec City.

And I did that as a trip all by myself.

And it was a complete bust.

I was, I was a sad girl the entire time.

I'm just here in my Airbnb, kind of just like crying and eating snacks.

I did, you know, but I think even then, even in the midst of that really rough relationship, and admittedly, about three weeks after Labor Day, I would break up with him.

But there was this understanding, even back then, it's like the only way out is to do, to do this solo and to do things by myself.

And so remembering that, I was like, I am going to Quebec City by myself again.

And, you know,

to me, that felt just so beautiful and so symbolic.

So I'm going back to this city that was my first solo trip ever.

And it was kind of a bust because all I was was sad about my boyfriend.

But this time around, I got to be there and be empowered and go and try out all these cool restaurants because I didn't go to a single restaurant while I was there.

I think the closest I did is I got some poutine at a like a, almost like a carryout takeout place.

That was the closest I did.

And to just return to Quebec City and go to those restaurants and see the sights and be there as my new empowered self.

Like that felt so incredible.

Oh my God, I love that because I just had a similar one.

I said Monaco because I, well, I was in Kent, so it was nearby.

But when I was married, we used to go to Monaco every year, right?

But my husband was an alcoholic.

So the memories I had of being in one of the most beautiful places in the world, he was passed out on the couch of this five-star hotel.

And I'm literally, like you said, so sad walking around town by myself or sitting on in the bedroom waiting for him to wake up.

Never did anything, never visited the city, never went to any restaurant.

So this year, I was like, you know what?

I'm so close.

I'm going to go there.

And I had the same experience as you.

I was so happy.

And I was going to all my favorite restaurants.

I was drinking champagne around town, doing videos, having the time of my life.

And I actually did one video about that.

Like I transformed all these horrible memories I had with a man here into these wonderful memories for me.

And that made me feel very empowered, you know, A, because I went there on my own dime.

I think that's really important, right?

And B, because like you said, we should be able to make happy memories whether you're in a relationship or not.

Yes, I always come back to something my friend would say is laugh in the places that you had cried.

And that was one of those big things that I would think about when I was in Quebec City.

And basically, it sounds like it was similar for you in Morocco, where it's here's this place where basically I had cried.

And now I get to laugh.

I get to return back there and have joy and smile.

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Yes, you rewrite your story, right?

But one question that I get a lot from women all over the world when they see my videos, because I talk a lot about, you know, you have to learn how to be alone and happy, self-loved.

And they're like, oh, but you know, what if I feel lonely?

Don't you ever feel lonely?

I'm so afraid.

I actually have girlfriends.

They tell me, I'm so afraid of being alone.

They are afraid.

To me,

this is my response.

I'm like, well, I make myself so busy.

I love everything that I do so much.

My work, my projects, my lifestyle.

I don't have time to feel lonely.

I am very fulfilled.

I don't want, I don't need a man.

It's more like I want a partner, but I don't feel like I need a man to be happy.

What is, what is your vibe about it?

Like, did you feel lonely in your journey?

How do you deal with that?

You know, and this is an area where I'm happy to own up where there was loneliness.

And it is perfectly okay that, you know, even in these like super empowering moments to be like, you know what?

I miss having my hand held.

I miss forehead kisses.

and I kind of have that ache.

If anything,

that is when it's the most important to be like, and I'm going to, I'm not about to fire up the old Tinder.

I'm going to stay single and I'm going to kind of sit with this, because then you learn like, okay, yeah, it does suck.

but I can survive this.

I didn't do, you know, to quote the hangover, but did you die?

And to know that even though like, yes, you can, you can want love and you can miss romantic love and even ache for it, but it's okay to be alone.

You're going to survive being alone.

And again, to.

that there's an empowerment in knowing that.

Like, I don't have to be with somebody because I'm afraid of being alone that, oh, well, this person stresses me out and he doesn't treat me right.

And I think he's cheating on me.

But you know what?

It's better than being alone.

When you learn that being alone is kind of awesome, which, you know, the other thing I did was just like what you did where, you know, keeping myself busy.

And it's like, would I even have time for a man?

He, he better make it worth it.

And, which is empowering in and of itself.

Yes.

But, but knowing that even if that, that loneliness whacks you upside the head, you know what?

You now know on a felt lived sense, you're going to survive it.

And then it's going to make it a lot easier to not put up with the jackass.

Oh my God.

I love that.

No, 1 million percent.

And the way I feel is like, I rather be alone and even if I feel lonely than with the wrong person again.

And if you can go through that, you're going to wait for the right partner for you.

You're not going to like, because you and I made this, and I know a lot of women make this mistake.

We just keep like going, jumping from one bad relationship to another and another and another.

But if you're not afraid of being alone and you love your company, then you're going to pause and say, wait a minute, I'm going to wait for the right partner for me.

Exactly.

And again, like I'm always very keen to say, like, and I'm saying this as somebody who is in a phenomenal relationship, knock on wood, this, this, you know, this feels like my person.

And I hope this continues on, you know, basically for as long as the fates give me this person in my life.

And the only reason I feel like I had that space to bring him into my life was because I was in a place where I wasn't going to waste my time with the jackasses.

And I can think of like three

specific dating situations off the top of my head that I old me would have dragged out because I was afraid of being alone.

But instead, it was like, you know what?

This ain't it.

I wish you the best.

Vaya condios i'm gonna go do my own thing i love

yeah same no the same same same same i got so tired of dating the wrong dudes for the wrong reason i'm like okay stop pause you know rewire but let's peel the tea so how did you guys meet like how long after your year of dating yourself did you meet the person you're with now

you know the person i met uh so it's oh my goodness let me do the math real quick uh about two years after the year of dating myself,

so it wasn't like right away.

Oh, no, no, no.

And in some ways, it really worked out that, you know, admittedly, my personal life was just

chaos for so many ways right after the year of dating myself.

And I didn't get a chance to even like try out dating, even if I wanted to, which kind of was like a good thing because I think a part of me was champing it a bit a little bit and getting a little impatient.

And that kind of helped slow it down a bit.

But then, and I first, and this really is one of those moments of wow maybe it really is when you least expect it because at first i was like nope no dating apps i'm going to do it the old-fashioned way my friends would introduce me to people

and that does have a different vibe which it does seem that when they do go belly up it it hits different than well i went on a date with this dude from tinders and what else and it didn't work out um

and i remember that last one where i really was just you know again what i was like hey wish you the best valley cundios i'm gonna go do my own thing i i for a couple of months i just had this moment of just like you know what i'm feeling kind of sad i think i'm feeling sad because there's i'm giving myself scarcity mindset and maybe you know what i heard hinge is is okay and you know i'm gonna go on it not to find anybody i just need the reminder that i'm a baddie with options and that was my whole headspace when i went and made um

my hinge app and or my hinge profile.

And I kid you not.

And again, my, it was actually super empowering because if a guy didn't pass the the vibe check out, if the interaction felt off out.

And to have that feeling of like, I don't have to give the good guy a chance.

I can filter things out.

And again, I'm thinking, the reason I have hinge is just to remind myself I'm a baddie with options.

And, you know, and I kid you not, after maybe two or three weeks, I was already in this place of just kind of like, okay, I've learned I'm a baddie with options.

I'm out of scarcity mindset.

I might just kind of ease back from this because I do have a really busy life.

And that is when I matched with my current boyfriend.

And when I tell you from the jump, like the energy was different.

We are sending like not only those super, super long texts with each other, but we're doing like puns and dad jokes at each other.

He's the first person I have ever met that keeps me on my toes with my dad jokes.

Usually, I'm the one with the dad jokes, and everybody else is like, oh my God, haha, funny.

He would deliver it back.

And I'm like, oh boy, challenge accepted.

And, you know that first date I kid you not

the best first date of my life

that's so awesome I love a good dating app love story because I know so many people get discouraged like I'm never gonna do this again it's so tough la la la but there are really nice people out there on dating apps trying to find a nice relationship so you got to give it a whirl

Exactly.

And if anything, again, being secure in yourself is the, is number one.

Like

when we're feeling that loneliness, that is the last,

the last thing we should be doing is firing up the dating apps.

Totally.

Because there are these gems under a lot of garbage.

Holy crap, there's a lot of garbage.

You're going to have to sift through that garbage.

And the only way, again, the whole reason I was on hinge was I'm a baddie with options.

I sifted through a lot of garbage.

And it is actually very empowering to be like, you know what?

I don't have to give this person a chance.

I don't like how he just talked with me.

And instead of, oh, let me just, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.

Nope, we're out of here.

Don't settle.

Exactly.

And the only, I think really the only way that you can keep that headspace is if you are secure in yourself and, and, and okay with being alone, because it's like, yeah, when I'm basically clicking unmatched on this guy, that does mean that I'm not going to go on a date with him.

And maybe I'll be alone for a little bit longer.

But that's a good thing because that dude just did not pass the vibe check with me.

I love that.

And how long are you guys dating now so we've been together for about a couple of months now which i know sounds like no no listen

i know a lot of people it's like when you know you know right i get this star is i know couples that are married that have been together for and they're like you know when i knew i knew like i knew this person was my person so i mean yeah you're still in the honeymoon phase but this could be your perfect person you know sounds good exactly and you know it really is you know and again time will tell and i i will let the universe do what the universe is going to do.

But it really is when you, you know, you know, and there's, and here's the big thing that

I, again, I don't think I would have been able to truly appreciate this without having that chance to see what my nervous system feels like when I'm alone.

And I have that peace when I'm alone.

I have that peace when I'm with him.

And to me, that has been more than the butterflies and the things in common and the attraction and the chemistry and even the dad jokes is the fact that when I'm around him, I have that same kind of peace.

And I'm like, okay, that, that to me lets me know that this, this might be my person.

I think that's very key, what you just said, because love is peaceful, right?

And a good relationship brings you that peaceful, nice vibe.

It doesn't bring stress and chaos into your life, right?

So if you need that vibe, very likely you're on the right track.

Before I let you go, so let's say someone out there is listening to us, they're like, you know, I'm going to give this a whirl.

I want to do the year of dating me, maybe six six months of a man diet, something similar.

Any pointers, any suggestions so it doesn't feel overwhelming?

Because for you, you, you and I, we were able to do it, but I know for a lot of women, it sounds very scary and very overwhelming.

Do you have any ideas or baby steps how someone can ease themselves into this process?

Yeah, 100%.

And it always depends on what works for people and what doesn't.

I know for me, being able to list things out and kind of like plan things out where, you know, whether it is like you know what i'm gonna do my my six months my man diet i'm gonna do maybe three months maybe i'm just planning it out month by month but i'm just gonna take a moment sit down and really and even if we don't go on these dates kind of write out like what are some things that i would like to do if i could wave this magic wand and be the person who could be super confident and do these things walk into the room own it and then do whatever event that i want to do what are those things and again we don't even have to do them it's just writing them out might get that ball rolling and honestly I'm a big believer, and this was a huge element of the year of dating myself as well.

That,

you know, it's okay if it's a, you know, a group date, if you will, and that I mean, you reinvest in your platonic community.

It's like, what if I'm doing three months of essentially making sure that I used to go out to brunch with my romantic partner?

I'm going out to brunch with my besties now.

And, you know, letting that be the platform to also learn, like, okay, I can, I can thrive in my platonic community without a man.

Now I can thrive solo too without a man

and it can even be these little small things like i mentioned i i went to my local ice skating rink and just did that solo and a lot of people just go ice skating by themselves yeah um they you it doesn't have to be like i have to go out to a restaurant and buy myself flowers and go to a concert what if i'm like you know what a nice stroll down the beach but it's a solo stroll down the beach Baby Steps.

I love that.

Thank you so much.

Congratulations.

I love the book.

And now last night, I started reading another one of your books that is adorable, The Ballerina's Guide to Boxing.

Congratulations.

Go read it, guys.

I highly recommend it.

It's an easy, super fun read.

It's on Amazon.

The link is here on this audio episode.

And I wish you the very best and much love to you and your beautiful partner.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

And likewise, I wish the best for you too.

Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

It was such an honor having you, Abby.

And girls, go out there.

Self-love first and foremost, right, Abby?

Self-love first.

Again, I'm saying this as somebody in the honeymoon phase.

Self-love first.

There you go.

I'll see you guys very soon.

Thank you.

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