FROM MISERY TO MONACO

31m
In my journey of rebuilding my life I discovered that learning to love my life, myself and my own experiences is key to everything else. I truly hope this episode inspires you to go after your dreams, support system or not, and always enjoy your own company!!
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Transcript

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So, I wanted to do this solo episode of Carondaloos.

I haven't done a solo episode in quite a while because I want to tell you guys all about my trip to Europe.

Why did I go, how I ended up there.

And if you are going through something really tough in your life right now, whether it's a horrible breakup, maybe financial hardship, or loss, maybe you lost someone, maybe you lost your job, whatever it is, I truly believe this episode found you for a reason because

I literally went from the depths of tragedy, loss, despair to living my dream life and finally

going back to Europe, which is something that I used to do every year and I love so much.

And this year I was able to accomplish this goal of mine, which was to take me back there.

So I hope you enjoy it.

I hope it inspires you to remember that no matter what it is that you're going through, you can definitely, definitely rebuild stronger, build the life of your dreams.

And the first step to doing it all is to believing,

believing in yourself, even when nobody does.

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So for those of you who don't know me and don't know Caroline DeLuz, a very quick

recap of what was going on in my life.

In 2018,

I found myself completely penniless, jobless, no support system whatsoever because I don't have a family.

My parents passed away a long time ago

and I didn't have any money in the bank.

I literally lost everything that I inherited after my husband's death because the courts didn't enforce the will.

How didn't the courts enforce the will?

Very long story for another episode, but believe it or not, it does happen.

The people that my husband trusted with his will, they basically decided, you know what?

Why are we going to let Catherine get everything?

They took over the company, they put their entire families on payroll, and they trashed everything.

The judge would not listen to me.

I would go to court with my attorney, and I would beg and plead, and ask her to read the freaking will and enforce it.

And by the time she actually did listen to me, two years into it, everything was gone.

But basically, it's a really long story, and it doesn't really matter today.

The part that really matters is that I found myself with nothing, nothing.

I didn't have a place to live.

I didn't have a job.

I didn't have money in the bank.

I didn't have anybody to support me.

So, my first thought was, and I actually did talk about this part in the podcast in the past.

My first thought was, wow, amazing.

I have so many friends and people that know me that used to come to my parties and events.

I'm going to go around town and ask for jobs.

And unfortunately, to my shock, everybody bought popcorn and sat on the front row to watch my demise.

Every single person turned their backs on me.

So I started rebuilding my life alone because I really didn't have a choice.

By the way, if you guys hear little noises here and there, my three doggies are napping on my feet because I'm doing this episode from home today.

And as you guys know, Canon de Los is 100% organic, never edited, never scripted.

So I'm just winging it with my dogs here.

So, anyways, I started rebuilding, and it was a very, very, very long road.

It was an uphill battle from 2018 to today because, of course, I found a million obstacles in my way.

I got so many no's and so many issues that I had to deal with.

And it was literally just one baby step at a time.

And I remember when I started rebuilding, of course, I always had flashbacks of my old life being married to a millionaire for 15 years.

And one of the things that we used to do was we used to go to Europe every single year because although I was born in Brazil, I don't like going back to Brazil at all.

I think it's an extremely violent country, and I don't like the corruption there.

And my mom died when I was in Brazil in 2017, and that traumatized me a lot because it was the toughest time of my life.

Anthony, my husband, was very sick.

I knew he was going to die, and I was mourning the death of my mom.

And I was going through hell and high water down there.

So I don't have the desire to go back there.

But Europe was always second home to me, especially France and Paris, because I have French heritage.

My father's family, my father was from France.

So we used to go there every year, and it was always my happy place.

No matter what was happening in my marriage, no matter whether or not Anthony was drinking, the minute I was there, I just felt so happy and fulfilled.

And as I was rebuilding my life,

I used to always say to myself, I'm going to take myself back to Europe.

I'm going to be able to make my way back there one day.

And that always was a big motivation for me to start making money again, to start rebuilding, and to be strong again.

And every single year that went by,

I always looked at my finances and how much money my company was making and everything, and it was never enough.

And finally, this year,

actually, last year, I filmed a movie called 40 Days, which is out in theaters now.

And the director, he's an award-winning director, fantastic person, fantastic human.

His name is Peter Takla.

He's originally from

Egypt.

And he invited me to be in this movie because we did another project together.

And not only am I an actor in this movie, but I'm one of the producers.

I was working behind the scenes.

And I was talking to Peter as we were rapping, shooting.

And Peter said to me, I'm going to go to Canon next year.

We gotta try to sell this movie for international distribution.

And I said to him, you know what?

I will be there with you.

I promise you, I will be there with you.

And I started working harder than I ever did.

Day, night, weekends, holidays, holiday season, no matter what happened in my life, I was working overtime because I made this promise to Peter and to myself that I was going to be able to go to the Cannes Film Festival.

And sure enough, this year, March came along and I started making plans to go to Cannes.

And then I was, as I was making plans to go to Cannes, I was like, you know what?

I'm already going to be in Europe.

I'm going to go and spend two days in Monaco for F1.

And then I'm going to take myself to Paris.

Before I come home, and I'm going to spend two days in Paris.

So I planned this amazing trip for myself.

And I went and I did it.

And this is the important part that I want to share with you guys.

In Cannes, I was there for work, right?

We were having meeting after meeting after meeting all day long.

Really fun, super exhausting.

I went to some amazing events at night, read carpet, got invited to the mission premiere night, which was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

And I have a big group of friends all over Europe, and we created this WhatsApp chat and we were connecting there.

It was amazing.

I was around a lot of people.

But once I left Can, I said, you know what?

I want to be completely alone.

I do not want to meet with anyone.

I want to give myself this freedom for the first time in my life to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

No schedule, no drunk husband causing chaos, telling me what to do, going crazy unhinged on me.

I'm going to be 1 million percent at peace with myself.

And let me tell you guys, if if you haven't seen the videos, go to my Instagram, Kat Zamodo, because I did so many spectacular videos of Monaco.

It was the most special experience of my life.

My one

day, my two days in Monaco, I remember walking around and thinking, This is by far one of the happiest days of my life.

I woke up early, which is something I love to do.

I walked around all over town for hours and hours and hours.

I stopped in my favorite places.

I had a cup of coffee and croissants.

Then I stopped at a champagne bar and then I walked some more.

And I took myself to lunch in one of my favorite restaurants in the world.

And I had a glass of champagne.

I ordered this fabulous plate of pasta with fresh seafood.

And as I'm doing all of these things, I was thinking to myself, it's an experience that every woman in the world should do.

I don't care if you're married, if you're in love, whatever is going on with your life, because we have this tendency, we get so dependent on our partners.

We feel like we cannot do anything alone.

And I hear from women saying that to me all the time.

When I told one of my closest friends that I was going to go there, she was like, Oh, but you're going to eat alone?

You're going to walk around alone?

I'm like, Yes, I really, really want to have that experience, the freedom, the mental

state of knowing that I can actually do, that I don't need anyone, that if I want to be with someone, it's because I want to.

But I want to love my company.

I want to be in love with myself.

I want to be proud of myself that I can pay for my meals, my champagne, everything that I want to do.

And this friend said to me, wow, you're so brave.

You're so courageous.

Which, if you guys think about it, is ridiculous because I'm I'm not going to war, I wasn't going to do anything dangerous by myself.

There's nothing brave about it, but that's how scared most women are of simply doing something by themselves.

And I'm telling you, if you are capable of doing something completely alone, making your own money, knowing the kind of trip you can afford, going by yourself, doing everything by yourself, you are going to feel so so insanely insanely empowered that once you're done with the trip it's going to give you even more energy to accomplish anything else that you want to accomplish in your future before the trip i already knew what I am made of what I am capable of I already knew okay I'm capable of this much I'm capable of rebuilding my life without anyone's help from scratch by myself.

I know I'm capable of supporting myself and my dogs and helping a lot of people that need my help and that work for me.

I know I'm capable of living the life of my dreams in the place that I love, that is good for me.

I know I'm capable of giving myself the lifestyle that I think I deserve.

Now I know I'm capable of coming on the trip that I want, staying the place that I want, visiting the place that was important to me to visit without anyone's help and being happy by myself.

This is key if you want to build any happy relationship.

And I see so many women falling the trap that I fell in the past.

We think that we are only going to be validated if we have a partner.

We think that we can only do certain things if we have a partner.

We are so afraid of being out there in the world alone.

And that's really, really sad because you are not.

You are capable of doing anything you can if you decide you can, which is what happened in my case.

Now I know that once I bring in a partner into my life, it's exclusively because I want to have that partner in my life.

And never ever again because I need to have a partner in my life.

And that is insanely empowering.

And it's so important

for everyone, but especially for women, because so many women think they're nothing without a partner.

And it's such BS.

We need to feel we can do anything in this world that we want to do alone

in order

to feel fulfilled in a relationship.

And in order to not feel, oh my God, I am nothing without this relationship.

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And another thing that I learned that I realized, and it has a lot to do with what was happening in my marriage, like I told you guys, we used to go to Europe every year.

And of course, we used to stay in the best hotels money could buy.

So I remember

twice, two or three times, we went to Monaco.

And Monaco is one of the most spectaculous hotels in the world, which is called Hotel de Paris.

It's right across from the Casino de Monte Carlo.

And of course, we stay there.

But I was miserable.

I was miserable.

I was miserable.

I was miserable.

And this time when I was in Monaco, I didn't, of course, I couldn't afford the Hotel de Paris anymore.

So I stayed in a really adorable hotel, but a lot more affordable.

That fits my budget.

Good location, everything, but nothing luxurious, nothing crazy.

And I remember walking.

I went to the Hotel de Paris for a drink.

I went to the Casino de Monte Carlo.

I played roulette.

I met other people.

I mean, I had a blast.

But I remember standing there in front of the Hotel de Paris and thinking, I was here with my husband in one of the most spectacular suites in one of the most spectacular hotels in the world.

And I was so sad and I felt so alone because he was drinking, because he was super moody,

because he would get hammered during lunch and go back to the room and fall asleep all day and then wake up at night in the worst possible mood and sit in front of the TV and order some whatever room service food and go to sleep until he started drinking again the next day the next morning and i was just alone i was sitting there looking out the balcony thinking wow i cannot believe i'm in monaco and i am so alone with this husband that drinks and complains and gets unhinged on me because he was so bipolar one minute he was happy and then he was drinking and then he was furious and i felt so sad

because I felt I should be enjoying this place and it's so magical, it's so fantastic, and I can't believe I can get to enjoy it with my husband because he's just not capable of it.

And this time, all those memories came back floating in my head because I was there alone.

And as much as I didn't have all the luxury, I was so happy, so happy because I got to walk around and enjoy everything and literally sit at all my favorite restaurants at the Café de Paris and here and there and there and enjoy and soak up the moment without anybody exploding on me, without anybody wasting that amazing opportunity of really, really enjoying one of the most beautiful places in the world.

And this is the lesson that I took from it.

There is no point in going anywhere, even if it's the most expensive places in the world, if you are with the wrong company, if you are with someone who will not enjoy life.

And on the same token, if you are alone

but happy, even if you are not in the best hotels in the world, you're going to be happy and you're going to have an amazing time.

And of course, if you are with the amazing company, even if you're not in the best hotels in the world, so obviously the company that you are with matters so much more than all that luxury that we had.

But very, very unfortunately, he was never, ever able to enjoy it.

And then after Monaco, before I came home, I went to Paris.

And same story.

We used to stay at the Plaza Tené, which is one of the most spectacular hotels in the world.

It's one of my favorite hotels in the world.

For you guys that don't know the hotel, if you love Sex in the City, when Carrie moved to Paris with the Russian guy, that's where they were staying, that hotel.

That scene when he kind of slaps her and she runs, and Mr.

Big finds her, all that was filmed at the Plaza Tené.

It's a dreamy, spectacular hotel.

And we used to stay there.

And now, this time, of course, it wasn't wasn't in my budget yet to stay at the Plaza Tené again.

I stayed at a much smaller, cuter hotel nearby.

But same feeling.

I was happy.

I was walking, losing myself around the streets of Paris.

I stopped at my favorite restaurant, which is one of the most spectacular restaurants in the world, La Vignue.

And I was sitting there as I'm sipping my champagne and eating my filet with Bernese sauce.

I'm thinking, you know what?

Nobody's rushing me.

Nobody's going crazy on me.

I remember I was always so tense, so tense having lunch with my husband because he would literally drink a bottle of wine in like under half an hour and order the second one.

And I was like, oh my God, okay, he's going to be so hammered when we get out of here.

Let me eat fast.

Is he going to embarrass me?

Is he going to go crazy on me?

Is he going to start yelling at me?

I was.

always always so tense and this time i was at peace i was at peace with myself i was at peace with my world and most importantly, I was so proud of myself that I was paying for everything out of my own pocket.

And it's really sad that this day and age, so many women, single women, all they're looking for is for a partner to pay their bills.

I have single male friends that complain about that every single day to me.

They meet a girl, really nice girl, and she's like, I want somebody to support me.

Just yesterday, one of my friends is saying this girl came up the most bs excuse in the world she likes him they're dating they have great sex great chemistry and then she sent him a message like oh you know i want to keep my options open because i want a man to support me so i can be my feminine energy i want to be supported so i don't have to do anything and you're not going to do that for me like are you kidding me

and my friend is not broke by any means he lives in beverly hills makes a really good salary but apparently he's not rich enough for her and women that do that let me tell you ladies you are selling yourself short because the most empowering most incredible feeling in the world is the feeling of making our own money and I remember when I'm I obviously my husband liked me because I was different from all the other women he was dating because everybody wanted to marry a millionaire and be supported by him and I actually said to him I make my own money I love making money I love working and this is what made me stand stand out.

And this is the reason why he dated me and married me.

But then, unfortunately, he became so possessive and so controlling, he didn't want me to work.

He didn't want me to be out there.

He didn't want me to do anything.

So, a lot of people on the outside, they thought, oh, this blonde bimbo, she's married to this millionaire because she wants to be a Barbie.

She doesn't want to work.

But my fight with him was always the opposite.

I wanted to work.

I wanted to pursue my passions.

And it was always a huge problem in our marriage because he didn't let me do anything.

He would always cut me off.

He would always

use horrible phrases like, oh, I make more in a day than you ever make in a year.

Why do you think you need to work?

This is so stupid.

He would totally like cut me off.

And I wanted to work and I love what I do.

So now that I paid for this entire trip by myself, As much as it wasn't as luxurious as I want to have in the future, because I think that's what I deserve.

And I'm working really hard to get to that point again.

I felt empowered because I felt, you know what, I get to do this.

I can eat at this restaurant, I can do this.

By the way, my favorite restaurant in Paris is definitely one of the most high-end.

It's a major celebrity hangout.

The food is spectacular.

It's a scene.

You see so many beautiful people there.

It's called Loving You.

It's always, always in the news because celebrities always go there every time they're in Paris, but it is pretty spectacular.

But it made me feel empowered.

So when I go back home, it reminded me of all my goals and it reminded me why I work so freaking hard, so much harder than most people I know.

Because a nine-to-five won't cut it.

If you want to be an insanely successful entrepreneur, if you want to have one of the top podcasts in the world, if you want to do all of these things that I do, you need to give yourself your all.

And this is what I decided to do this year.

So, I'm like laser focused, and that's all I'm doing, which is okay as well.

So, so far, this has been the year of me, me, me, me, me.

I haven't dated anyone.

Of course, I talk to men all the time, I talk to people here and there and there.

Do I want to be in a relationship?

Absolutely, but I am so focused on giving myself the life of my dreams, the life that I think I deserve, that it's totally okay to take my time with dating.

So, if you're going through something really, really tough right now, whatever it is,

put yourself first.

Put yourself first because this was a a big game changer to me.

The day that I decided to put myself first is the day that my life started changing for me and taking a turn for the better.

And then everything else will fall into place.

Finding the right partner will fall into place.

Everything else that comes, if you have your own money, if you have your own independence, if you respect yourself, if you take care of your body, mind, soul, everything else gets easier after that.

We are booking some incredible guests coming up.

I've been flooded with requests from people to be on the show.

So we're trying to book as fast as we can.

If you are one person that wants to be on the show, hang in there.

Thank you guys for listening.

Remember, I know it sounds crazy, but self-love and self-care are, I think, the most important lesson that we will all learn.

And if you have the opportunity, go on a trip solo.

It's the best gift you will ever give yourself because if you do that, you will feel empowered to do anything else.

Be safe.

I'm coming back next week with an incredible guest, a very powerful, self-made woman, multi-millionaire.

She's on Netflix.

She's a kick-ass entrepreneur.

I adore her.

I get really inspired by her.

I hope you guys don't miss it.

And I'll see you all very soon.

Be safe out there.

Love you.

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