Beauty Queen & Powerhouse Entrepreneur Saving Lives

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Speaker 3 I am so excited for this spa day. Candles lit.

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Speaker 3 Learn more at treatmyhives.com. My guest today, Zara Jamilian, is the co-founder of the West Valley Detox Treatment Center's premier substance abuse and dual diagnosis rehabs in California.

Speaker 3 Zara and I met through mutual friends, and I was shocked at how similar our stories were, and we bonded right away. So, I wanted to have her on the show.

Speaker 3 She was also married to an alcoholic, she also got out of this horrible, complicated relationship and decided to start start her life over.

Speaker 3 Her work helping people beat addiction is absolutely incredible. Zara is insanely talented.
She has lived in several different countries. She speaks four languages.

Speaker 3 She was the 2019 Miss California Globe and Miss Armenian Globe. She is gorgeous, adorable, super intelligent, and incredibly inspiring.
I hope you guys enjoy my conversation with the beautiful Zara.

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Speaker 3 Sleeping Dove home. Zara, welcome to Kettle DeLoose.

Speaker 4 Hi, thank you.

Speaker 3 I'm so excited to have you here.

Speaker 4 So am I. I love your energy, Kiki.

Speaker 3 I love your energy. Let's tell people how we connected because that's kind of like a cool, a lot of tea that I want want to spill here today with you

Speaker 3 let's spill the tea we met um through me at this this group amazing through mutual friends right this members only group and i immediately i saw you and your other friend and i'm like oh my god i want to know who these chicks are because they're so gorgeous they're so fun i want to be friends with them

Speaker 3 we started talking and coincidentally you know my ex-boyfriend because unfortunately for me I included him in this group.

Speaker 4 Yes, that was a mistake.

Speaker 3 That was a mistake. But

Speaker 3 that's where I want to start. The day I met you, I was saying that that guy was my ex-boyfriend.
I can't believe I introduced him to this group because he's such a douche. He didn't deserve it.

Speaker 3 You said something very profound to me, and that really stuck in my head. And I'm like, wow, I really like her.
You were like, you know, this is one thing

Speaker 3 that you learned. You were like, I am never going to try to elevate men ever again.

Speaker 3 And that really stuck because that's exactly what I did.

Speaker 3 Like, you meet a dude, like in my ex-boyfriend's case, he wasn't happy, he didn't have any friends, and I'm like, oh, I'm going to fix his life. I'm going to introduce him to this group.

Speaker 3 I'm going to make everything better. And it was so profound that you said that.

Speaker 4 You know what? I feel like you're trying to do that to improve them and make them on your level. That way you match better, but they end up resenting you for that.
Right.

Speaker 4 You know, and then it doesn't work.

Speaker 3 It doesn't. I think making a project out of a guy is a bad idea.

Speaker 4 You know, maybe when we were younger, like when you're 18, and it's fun and exciting, but I think at this age when we're like established, successful women,

Speaker 4 who has time to train? Like we can have our own kids and raise our own children. Like we don't have time to raise somebody else's children.
Exactly.

Speaker 3 And I kept thinking about that, like the next guy I meet, like, I'm not saying, of course, nobody's perfect, but have your shit together, right?

Speaker 3 You should have your own friends, your own interests, your own social life, at least at the very beginning. I don't want to to get a guy that doesn't have, okay, he had money, great.

Speaker 3 But that's like

Speaker 3 important because we make our own money, right? But I think they have to have their own interests. I don't want to ever make that mistake again.
And I hope girls out there listening,

Speaker 3 the same thing. Like, we should not be dating someone that we have to fix their lives for them.

Speaker 4 They should have their own personality, their own interests. Like, I always, you know, when women say, I'm looking for my other half, like, I hate that expression.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. Same.

Speaker 4 I hate that. I am a whole.

Speaker 4 I am not looking for a half because i'm a whole it's gonna be too much so two holes together could be a very nice combination and we can like take time off from each other miss each other you know i don't like to be attached to the hip i like my independence still love that you know we can still love each other and spend quality time uh but he has to have his own life oh my god i love that you're saying that because i agree i i think I want to find some, I want to be in a relationship.

Speaker 3 I don't need to be in a relationship, but you just nailed it. I'm not looking for somebody to complete anything for me.

Speaker 4 I'm empty leaves.

Speaker 4 You don't need hopes.

Speaker 3 I hope girls are there listening. On that note, because you mentioned you are, and we're going to talk about your work and everything, because that's super important.

Speaker 3 That's another point that really connected us. But you're very successful, you're gorgeous.

Speaker 3 Guys, if you're listening to the audio episode, please go watch the video episode on Cat on the Lewis show on YouTube.

Speaker 3 But, and you have a very strong personality, you're world traveled, you speak a million languages, you have a lot going on.

Speaker 3 Do you think most men are intimidated when it comes to dating women like that? Or you think that's a myth?

Speaker 3 They are,

Speaker 4 but the ones I want aren't. So I want the super alpha males that I'm attracted to.
I'm turned on by that. That's what excites me.
So those, the ones I want, like me. And they love it.

Speaker 4 And when I look at you, I know you are better than me in something. That turns me on and I could be my soft feminine.
Like

Speaker 4 men can make me feel like that. It just takes one right guy.
Yeah, and I've felt like that before, you know, it's not like I've never met anybody like that.

Speaker 3 I completely agree. And the ones that are intimidated, and I always say that we don't want to date them anyways.

Speaker 4 Right, so it's fine. They're like out of our dating pool.
That's easier.

Speaker 3 I think every girl deserves a guy that whatever it is that you do, whether it's you make a lot of money or you're super powerful, you're super beautiful,

Speaker 3 you don't want to date a guy that feels like minimized by that.

Speaker 4 No, I don't want to diminish anybody's you know status Yeah, same.

Speaker 3 I love that coincidentally when we met we after when these are fabulous happy Are the Paul Lounge you mentioned to me you were also married to an alcoholic You know when I married him he wasn't one.

Speaker 4 Same became one. He was a very nice very civil normal man.

Speaker 4 I was super young I got married to somebody a little bit older like 10 years older than me was fine I think and I thought he was mature had his shit together, you know and then he wasn't wealthy.

Speaker 4 I didn't go for the money. I went for love.
And when he did become super successful, that's when the drugs came, the alcohol, the partying.

Speaker 3 So he wasn't just drinking, he was drinking and doing.

Speaker 4 You know, like the party drugs, yeah, and then the gambling and the hookers in Vegas, like the whole thing.

Speaker 3 So he was cheating on you. Yeah.
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 So it was like, yeah, because my husband, same, I didn't marry for, everybody thinks I married for money because he was very wealthy, but I made my own money. Okay.
I had my own shit going on.

Speaker 3 But the more money he made, the more he drank. Same thing.
But he didn't do drugs, but he did become an alcoholic.

Speaker 3 But I don't know if I don't think he cheated on me, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm like, if I found out that he did.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 in your story, because I want to talk about your business, because I think it's super important. You got out of the marriage.

Speaker 3 How long were you married? Six years. Six years.

Speaker 4 Less than me, luckily. Yeah, but you know, I saw it earlier on, like three years before that.
I was ready. I filed for a divorce.
He just wouldn't give give me the divorce.

Speaker 4 He was trying to convince me to stay. The promises of him changing and stopping and all that.
Like, you know, you're a woman and my dream as a girl was to get married and have a family.

Speaker 4 So I was just so disappointed and I wanted to make sure it works. I didn't want to be a quitter.
You know, I was trying to

Speaker 4 please the society, please the family, please my culture. You know, so many...
things I wanted to satisfy where like I was left kind of to decide unhappy.

Speaker 3 Oh my god, same.

Speaker 3 I think, at least for me, I don't know if the same happened to you when you're in a marriage, because my husband was wealthy and we had all this beautiful lifestyle, the homes, the trips, the planes, la la la.

Speaker 3 The few times that I would try to say something like to my mom or to a friend, like, you know, I'm not happy, this guy is crazy, people wouldn't believe me.

Speaker 3 They'd be like, oh, you have this princess life. What's wrong with you? Why are you going to get out of that?

Speaker 4 Yeah, because it looks so beautiful, optics

Speaker 4 from outside, but they don't know how your heart feels. Exactly.

Speaker 4 It's not about money. Money is great.
Yeah, it gives you comfort. It's a tool.
But if you are empty inside, no money can fix that.

Speaker 3 I know. And if the guys like drinking and partying and everything.
And that's what I'm saying. And abusive.

Speaker 4 That's when I had to...

Speaker 4 Like I never complained about the relationship. I never spoke about it to my family.

Speaker 4 But when things became like a little bit abusive and violent from his side, that's when I was scared for myself.

Speaker 4 And that's when I... I told my parents.
And, you know, they were wonderful. They were so much better than I could have ever expected.

Speaker 4 I thought they were gonna, you know, make me to work on it, to stay, and to because they are conservative, they're old-fashioned, you know, their parents.

Speaker 4 But they were, you know, my dad was like, you have one life. This is not practice.
This is your last life on this earth. And I want you to be happy.
I love that.

Speaker 4 I can't believe he said that. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 That's very good.

Speaker 4 I get response when I'm not.

Speaker 3 I know, and it's something that I never mentioned. I don't think I ever mentioned that before in public, but same, my husband was very abusive, very abusive.

Speaker 3 And actually my parents one time saw him kick me. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 We were walking on the street in Las Vegas and of course he was drunk and me and my mom, we were walking a few steps and he was behind with my stepdad.

Speaker 3 And I think he thought we were walking too fast or something. And he went like, hey, and he kicked me really hard on my leg.

Speaker 3 And my parents didn't say anything because at the time, obviously it was a mistake, right? They should have said, hey, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 But I think they were so intimidated, like, let's not rock the boat because, you know, they didn't know what to do.

Speaker 3 Years later, like when my mom was almost like, she was so much older, just before she passed away, she said, she apologized to me. Wow.

Speaker 3 Because she was like, I know, she was like, I should have said something, but I didn't know how to act. And you're married to this guy, and he's giving you all this.

Speaker 3 Yeah. But they, believe it or not, even they didn't want to rock the boat.

Speaker 4 You know, parents don't want to get involved. That's your relationship.
That's your marriage. In my culture, once you're married, that's your man.
He's the one who's supposed to take care of you.

Speaker 4 Yeah, same.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you get married and you're supposed to be aware of that.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah, but when it's your child and they see, like, I was not never home.
I had a nice house. I had the nice cars, but I was always at my parents, sitting on their couch, depressed.

Speaker 4 And my dad one day, he was like, why are you always here? Don't you have a home?

Speaker 4 Why don't you go to your man? And I said, my man is not home. I'm alone in a big house and I'm scared, you know.
It's just, oh, this conversation is ringing out. I know.

Speaker 3 Because we have such similar stories. How did you get? Because I know so many women out there.

Speaker 3 You'll be shocked, Zara, because I do this show. We have audiences in 57, 58 countries.
I get messages every day from women like, how do I get out? How do I start over? How do I do this?

Speaker 3 What was it that gave you the strength to say, you know what, I deserve better. I'm out of here.

Speaker 4 You know, it's such a hard thing to advise another woman. It would be so wrong of me because I don't know their situations.

Speaker 4 I don't know their ability. I don't know their, I mean, I was very blessed.
I had the education. I was like, okay, if I don't live in this house, he wouldn't let me work when we're married.

Speaker 4 I was like, you know what? If I don't... If I get out, I will make money because I have degrees.
I know languages. I had skills.
You know, a lot of women don't have all of them.

Speaker 4 So I was like, okay, I will live in a small apartment. I will not have the luxuries, but I will be free and I will be happy.
So for me, that was way more valuable than the fancy things.

Speaker 4 A lot of women don't have that background, so I cannot advise them. I cannot say, like, hey, girl, get on the street.

Speaker 3 But in your case, you were kind of like me. You were not afraid.

Speaker 4 I know you could start over.

Speaker 3 I was the same. I was like, I can start over.

Speaker 4 I didn't care if I was going to be on the street. That's how bad it was.
And I was like, you know what? It's okay. I'll be on the street.

Speaker 4 But I will, if it's my money, I will know how I want to spend it. I will be like the head of my household.
Yeah. And I will make the decision.

Speaker 3 You're like, I'm going to have peace of mind and stop being abused.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 For me, peace of mind, like going to sleep at night in peace yeah it's priceless yeah it's like priceless i always say that you know it sounds so a lot of girls probably looking or listening right now are going to be like yeah it's easier said than done because it's really it's it's not easy i agree it's not easy like same in my case i literally had to start over from zero zero like i was penniless i'm not gonna say it's easy but the price of having a good night's sleep and knowing nobody's gonna kick you or call you names or wake you up in the middle of the night.

Speaker 3 It's, I mean, it's worth the

Speaker 4 right now, and I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit traumatized from that experience. I didn't want to date, I didn't want to meet men, I didn't like men, I didn't trust them.

Speaker 4 It took me time to heal.

Speaker 4 Actually, right after I got divorced, I met an amazing individual who changed my opinion about men, so it was very unexpected how things happened. But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Speaker 4 Always. So, of course, suicidal thoughts, of course.
Alcoholic ideations, yes. I've been, I was drinking a lot when I was getting divorced.
That process was very stressful.

Speaker 4 And one day I'm like, what am I doing? I'm not made for this couch. I have like bigger things, you know, in life I have to still accomplish.
I'm not going to do that to myself.

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Speaker 3 And so, hence, nowadays you own

Speaker 3 a bunch of clinics for recovering addicts. That's incredible work.
How did you get into that?

Speaker 3 Was it after you left the marriage?

Speaker 4 So, yeah, I got out of my marriage. I joined my family business.
I was in construction. I was running my family construction business, which was amazing in terms of financially.

Speaker 4 I was making good money. I was happy.
I was enjoying life, but it wasn't my passion. It was never my dream.

Speaker 4 When I became spokesperson for Women in Need Foundation for domestically abused women,

Speaker 4 I was helping raise money. The crown wasn't vain purposes.
I never wanted to be a pageant girl. So it just helped me be heard.
I would go to events, raise money.

Speaker 4 So Women in Need Foundation helped me a lot to where I am now. I met all these wonderful women who were in the same boat as me.

Speaker 4 Either they were using or their husbands were using and it was an abusive situation where

Speaker 4 it was just right place at the right time for me. I think God like put me in that situation for a reason.

Speaker 4 Then,

Speaker 4 so when I came back from China from Mrs. Globe pageant, I told my parents, I said, listen guys, I want to open my own rehab.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I said, I cannot work in the family business. It really doesn't interest me.
Money is not the end of all means.

Speaker 4 And they were so proud of me. They were so supportive.
My parents are just, I don't know.

Speaker 3 That means

Speaker 3 I know. And I have to say, I love stars like that because it definitely helps if you come from a supportive

Speaker 4 family. And my brother at the time had lost his friend to overdose.
So he said, Zara, let's partner up. We do it together.
Oh, wow. So I was very grateful.
Now we have three rehabs in Los Angeles.

Speaker 3 Unbelievable.

Speaker 3 And it's super tough work because you're dealing, you know, dealing with addiction. I think for us,

Speaker 3 and I many times people ask me, like, how was being married to an alcoholic?

Speaker 3 I think it's almost impossible to explain,

Speaker 3 right? Unless you've seen it or you lived it. It's such a nightmare.
And many times it's a disease that takes, it kills very slowly. And

Speaker 3 it's, oh my God, it's a disaster.

Speaker 4 It kills the person, but it also kills the family member.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God, 1 million percent.

Speaker 4 Even if it's your own blood, like not your husband, your child, or your brother, you have to basically disown them. They have to hit rock bottom for them to understand they need help.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and they have to want help. They need to.

Speaker 3 Like, you can, because in my case, I was there for 14 years because for the longest time, I kept repeating this phrase, like, he's going to stop drinking because he loves me.

Speaker 3 He is going to stop drinking because he cares about. But it doesn't work that way.
The person needs to decide that they want to to change, right?

Speaker 4 They only will do it if they love themselves. So you have to involve therapy, of course.
They have to find the root of the addiction, right? It doesn't just come to you because it's fun.

Speaker 4 People don't start becoming alcoholics because life is so great. No.
So you have to... go to the bottom of things and fix it from inside.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and no matter how much they love you, they're not going to change for you.

Speaker 3 No, in my case, obviously, for people that don't know, I don't even know if you know, it was a very tragic ending because he ended up dying.

Speaker 3 Like towards the end of his life, he was like, I don't want help. I want to die.
It got so bad, and he drank, drank, drank, and he ended up dying. So to stop.
So, yeah. And same with you.

Speaker 3 Like, you go, I went through such a traumatic experience

Speaker 3 that I was drinking wine every night. Yes.

Speaker 3 Because I was so stressed. I'm like, give me a glass of wine.

Speaker 4 To survive that, you have to become one like that.

Speaker 3 You have to understand that. It's incredible how our stories are like so similar.
And then one day, same thing. I don't know what happened.
I had an epiphany.

Speaker 3 I'm like, oh my god, you're going to end up like that. You are going to end up being a drunk loser, broke on a couch.

Speaker 3 And so that's what made me stop before it got out of hand for me.

Speaker 3 Luckily. But a lot of people keep drinking thinking they have control over it until the day they don't have control anymore and they need professional help, right?

Speaker 4 And no matter how strong you are, how strong you have willpower, and we cannot brag like big people, CEOs, you know, like athletes, they become addicts too so it's something like it's more powerful than we are drugs and alcohol is waste and nobody is strong to survive that so we cannot brag and say I'm so cool like no so somebody out there listening and I have friends that deal with it of course a lot of people deal with addiction and heavy drinkers that don't think they're having

Speaker 3 heavy drinkers but We see it. We know, right? We know the process.
We know, okay, this person is drinking too much.

Speaker 3 How, do you have a first step that you recommend? Because a lot of people are embarrassed or ashamed when it comes to getting help. Like, it's not like they're going to call the clinic and say, Look,

Speaker 3 a lot of people are embarrassed of that. Do you have any suggestions if somebody out there listening feels they might be needing help?

Speaker 4 It's called functional alcoholics, yes. I know a lot of people who are very important, they have their jobs, but unless the job finds out, they are not fired.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but do you imagine if you go to a doctor and your doctor might be drinking?

Speaker 3 Oh, How crazy is that? I know.

Speaker 4 And I've treated somebody like that who has a problem.

Speaker 3 That was a doctor. That's pretty.

Speaker 4 Yes, he was an alcoholic. And the wife called.
He came and he got the help. But I'm just saying for you, no, people call for themselves.

Speaker 4 I love that. And I do admissions too till this day.
I love being on the phone and talking to because that's when it's... the most vulnerable moment in their life.

Speaker 4 I enjoy that and I feel like I'm being useful and helpful. So when they call in, they say, yeah, I'm calling for myself.

Speaker 4 And I tell them always, okay, we're 90% there. That's already a success story when you know you need help.
So that's so easy for us. You know, it just makes our job easier.

Speaker 3 So I guess the first step always has to be the person needs to realize that they need help and reach out. Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes. And I can give the number for you, you know, if you want to give it out for people.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, we're going to put your link here. Like if you guys are listening to the audio episode, it's 24-7.
It's 24-7. So somebody out there drinking, like, oh, oh my God, I need help.

Speaker 3 Somebody's going to answer the phone and guide them, right?

Speaker 4 Somebody will answer. We might not take you in right there on that spot, but we usually do.
We're open 24-7.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so for people that don't understand, what is a functional alcoholic? A functional alcoholic is somebody that drinks a lot or heavily, but

Speaker 3 many times they think people don't notice. Yes.
And they're going by life, like you said, working, socializing, but the red flags are there because they always going for a drink.

Speaker 4 They are. And always, like, it's a red flag, and then they are rude.
It does show. People can see that, even though, as nice as you try to be.

Speaker 4 And also, I mean, besides all that, it ruins their health. Then later they start having, you know, liver problems

Speaker 4 and all kinds of different other problems. That when they come to us, we have a medical doctor who deals with a lot of other issues that come with it.

Speaker 3 Somebody that drinks heavily and they might be listening and say, I don't have a problem. I just like a drink, you know, after a busy day.
Like, for example, this ex-boyfriend that you met,

Speaker 3 I told you the story. Like, last year, I took him to one of the, it was a Christmas, took him to one of the events.
The same place we went to dinner.

Speaker 3 And by the time we got to dinner, he was so hammered, so hammered, he didn't remember where we were. And I had to carry him to the Uber and carry him home.

Speaker 3 I think he's beginning to be a functioning alcoholic, in my opinion. But a lot of people listening, they're like that, I just drink because it's the weekend.
I just drink because of the problem.

Speaker 4 For how many?

Speaker 3 Exactly. When does it become a problem? When do you think somebody needs to stop and say, okay, this is a problem?

Speaker 4 So anytime you say you need a drink, that's already a problem. You need to be functioning without drinking.
Like, you should be okay. And even if you're stressed, it's okay.

Speaker 4 Like, life is not supposed to be only like fun times. And it's like, I have a friend who says,

Speaker 4 life is not a fruitcake. It's not a fruitcake.
Life should not be easy. It should be obstacles and difficulties.
That's how we grow.

Speaker 4 So if you need a drink to overcome an obstacle, then you definitely have a problem.

Speaker 3 Especially if you say almost every day, right? Like, I need a drink. Yes.
Oh, I had a tough day. I need a drink.

Speaker 4 So for me, and my family, my parents don't even drink, they're amazing. But like my brother and I, you know, we're younger, we like to socialize, we go out a lot.

Speaker 4 So for us, if we are having a stressful day, that's our rule.

Speaker 4 If we are going through hard times at work or with family we don't touch alcohol I love at all yeah at all we only drink to celebrate that's a very good rule yeah so we like right now after this we can go celebrate

Speaker 4 you know what I mean I am like I'm not in recovery myself

Speaker 4 and it's tough for me to be in this industry because most people I work with or work for me are in recovery so I have to be respectful of them. I don't, of course, I don't drink around them.

Speaker 4 So it's hard because, you know, like socializing and all these events.

Speaker 3 The peer pressure too, right? Like, that's another thing.

Speaker 3 Like, because everywhere people go, if we, let's say you go to a happy hour to a party or something and you say, no, thanks, I don't feel like drinking.

Speaker 3 Usually everybody's like, come on, have one drink. Like the pressure.

Speaker 4 It's annoying.

Speaker 3 It's annoying. You have to be like really certain of what works for you.

Speaker 4 And usually, whenever I say, oh, I'm not drinking, for example, sometimes I don't drink because I'm just cleansing, detoxing, whatever, for health reasons.

Speaker 4 Right away, first question I get asked, oh, are you pregnant? First question. Second question, oh, are you in recovery yourself? Like, no, I don't have to fit any type of like a little, you know, box.

Speaker 3 I know. Usually, the question I get is, like, oh, are you sober? Like, yes.
I'm like, no, I have my occasional wine, my occasional glass of champagne.

Speaker 3 Like you said, if I'm celebrating, if it's a really special occasion, like when you and I went to happy hour, I'm like, oh my God, I want to have a glass of champagne with you because it's such a special to meet such a wonderful woman and a new girlfriend.

Speaker 3 But I do like you. I don't go home and say, I had such a stressful day at work.

Speaker 4 I'm going to drink. Oh, that's a problem.

Speaker 3 That's a problem.

Speaker 3 For me, I had to literally do like a health check like three years ago, and I stopped doing that before I got out of control.

Speaker 3 And that's another thing that I share with people, and I'm not embarrassed of it because I think it's such important information. My mom was an alcoholic.

Speaker 3 She was a functioning alcoholic. She was a chef.

Speaker 3 She thought nobody noticed that she drank.

Speaker 3 But we know, everybody noticed. Everybody knew she was alcoholic.

Speaker 4 And it hurts your family so much. Yes.

Speaker 3 And she ended up killing herself.

Speaker 4 I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so that was very, yeah, one year before my husband. I know, very traumatic.

Speaker 4 But you saw that growing up.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I grew up around

Speaker 3 major alcoholic behavior, like to the point that I didn't even know it was alcohol abuse.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, because you thought that was normal. Yeah, I ended up getting married to an alcoholic.
Because you you didn't know.

Speaker 3 Because I didn't know.

Speaker 4 I thought, oh, everybody drinks. Everybody drinks.
Some cultures do drink more than others.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but like every day, every day, like you said, if you're doing everything around alcohol, you should not need the alcohol to be happy.

Speaker 4 You can enjoy a good time. Right?

Speaker 3 You should be able to have a good time without

Speaker 3 for sure.

Speaker 4 Sometimes I'm so happy, like I'm always energized and I'm happy. Like, guys, like, okay, we've all been through stuff.
We all had hard times, good times, whatever. Yes.

Speaker 4 But it's life, you know, and I'm always very positive. Yeah.
And I always think there is a better day. Tomorrow is another day.

Speaker 4 So I don't want to, you know, end my life today because, yes, things might be really bad. I'm going through difficult times right now, not going to lie.

Speaker 4 But you know what? I'm like thinking tomorrow might be better. And some people when they see it, they're like, Zara, you're so happy always.
What are you on? I'm like, nothing. Yeah.
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 I think it's like you said, you know, life is ups and downs and challenges. We only put the good parts on social media.
Nobody sees like the battles we're going through.

Speaker 3 Like, obviously, I share a lot on my podcast, but in general, unless we talk about it.

Speaker 4 But you have a podcast that's different.

Speaker 3 Right, but everybody thinks it's all like flowers. But it's not.

Speaker 3 I think the question is like, make sure you find other ways to blow up steam

Speaker 3 that alcohol doesn't become like this everyday need, right? Because then it gets out of control. It's much harder to take care of it.

Speaker 4 Literally,

Speaker 4 my life too, I post all the fun stuff, all the tricks and the restaurants. So people think that's all I do.
Yes, I do eat every day. We live in front of the house and we go to nice events.

Speaker 3 They think, oh, this girl's like the most perfect.

Speaker 3 They don't see how much we want.

Speaker 4 I'm not going to put it like when I'm crying. Nobody has the energy.
Like when I'm anxiety, like I get crazy anxiety

Speaker 4 because of stress. I'm not going to post that.
Who wants to see that?

Speaker 3 And it's so cool, because your work is very low-key, and you're very low-key about it. And obviously, it's very stressful.

Speaker 3 It's not easy work. Like you're not, you know,

Speaker 3 selling shoes, champagne.

Speaker 4 And I care about, I don't care how many clients in the past five years we have had.

Speaker 4 i i know them all by face and by name and i i'm involved in their recovery process and i care about them very dearly so when i hear like success stories of course it makes my day but sometimes then not everybody is successful they have relapses they come back

Speaker 3 so it's not easy you know they're like my children i call them my children oh my god yeah and i i really admire that because like i said i've been through you know like you know addicts and i made a decision for me that i never want to go through that again because it almost killed me yeah in the process.

Speaker 4 And it just ruins you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like even dating, if I see a guy that's like, you know, on their dating profile picture, like with a drink, like it's a big part of their lives,

Speaker 3 I don't want to date somebody like that. So I think it was a blessing in this guy's that my relationship with this dude didn't work out.
Oh my God. Because he's a heavy drinker.

Speaker 3 I just don't want to deal with it again because it's so painful. I want somebody that has more like a, you know, healthy, light, like my lifestyle, very, very healthy.

Speaker 4 Like I'm really into wellness I'm into biohacking my healthy needs to drink every day biohacking is beautiful it's such a new trend and I think it's cool and yeah listen at the end of the day life is short we have one chance and you shouldn't waste your time with somebody that's so different from you totally and the whole time you're gonna be basically like working on fixing things and yeah no and I think for you it would be the same like I think if you meet a guy and you notice that he's really heavy into drinking or maybe doing drugs again, that would not be the guy for for you.

Speaker 4 No, no, I met my friends introduced me to someone really great a few years ago during COVID. Wonderful guy, good looking, successful, smart, like everything.
Like, check, check, be like, perfect age.

Speaker 4 Check, check, check, check, check. You know, like, single, never been married, no baggage, whatever.
And then he came to a party and he wasn't drinking at all.

Speaker 4 So I was like, interesting, why is he not drinking? So I told him straight up. I said, listen, so do you have drinking problems? He goes, like, I'm very forward.

Speaker 4 I said, it's weird that you like didn't touch anything and but you're not in recovery from what I've heard he goes yeah I said or you don't want to show your true colors he said I'm being careful it's the first time I want to make an impression I'm well that's very loud and clear it's somebody I don't want to go out with who has to be like so so he gets so out of hand he doesn't know he was afraid

Speaker 4 he drinks so much he doesn't know when to stop oh my god so

Speaker 3 I'm like well thank God I realized that right away but it's good I like that you're like upfront about the questions because I'm the same I think this is a very important piece of information to find out

Speaker 3 from the get-go. Like, are you sober or do you drink or do you have a drinking problem? Or do you do, for example, I don't want to date somebody that does drugs because I don't do drugs.

Speaker 3 I've dated a guy that I was madly in love with him, but he was freaking doing cocaine at bars.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I can't do that.

Speaker 3 At 1 a.m., 2 a.m. I'm like, dude, I wake up at 5 a.m.

Speaker 4 I know. I'm not alive.
I need to be out to go to the gym. I have a business.

Speaker 3 I have dogs. Yeah, anxiety.
I want to do my thing. I don't want to date someone.

Speaker 3 I don't want to coke hats. To me, that was a deal breaker, you know.
But it's important to ask these questions from the get-go.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and like, don't get me wrong, I like to go out. I do not mind staying up late, like a little bit on the weekend, because I enjoy life, but I'm not going to touch drugs to give me that energy.

Speaker 4 So when I'm done, I go home and sleep. I don't want my man to be still out partying.

Speaker 3 Same. But that's the thing that we were saying.

Speaker 3 We love going out and having a good time. We do happy hours.
We do dinner. We go to events.
We travel.

Speaker 4 But we are responsible adults i feel like we have control of our life or a control might be a tough word but awareness like we know what's happening and we're mature enough to kind of uh plan our days accordingly so we don't flake on i'm never late

Speaker 3 oh my god that's another thing that i loved about you i'm not kidding you every time and i'm not even talking about work guys okay talk about socializing

Speaker 3 every single time i have a new girlfriend or i meet a girlfriend or even my old girlfriends they are always late. Always late.
And it drives me crazy out of my mind because I'm never late.

Speaker 3 I'm super respectful of people's times.

Speaker 3 So when I met you and your other friend, I'm not going to say her name because I don't know if we can.

Speaker 3 You guys were always on time. You show up.
I'm like, wow.

Speaker 3 They're my kind of girls. They're always on time.
I never met another woman in LA like this.

Speaker 4 No, I mean, yes, like you said, it's so disrespectful. I don't want to be stood up and wait.

Speaker 4 I had to actually stop being a friend with somebody once because she did that to me a few, like two times I was okay with. She was like, 10, 20 minutes.
It's traffic. It's L.A., it happens.

Speaker 4 But also, you do live in L.A. You know there is drive.

Speaker 4 So go earlier, you know? And then

Speaker 4 at this time, I was, you know, like, I had my job, I had my family here. I was busy.
And I lived so far, I had to drive towards her for an hour.

Speaker 4 When she lived around the corner, she was, she made me wait like 30, 40 minutes. So by the time she came,

Speaker 4 if I have one hour lunch, I was going gonna be late to something else so I just left and I never came back good for her off because I'm like we cannot be friends I know I did that too I think my rule of thumb is like okay if you're late 15 minutes okay to wait okay I'll wait I gotta know a little bit

Speaker 3 yeah one time two time but if you're constantly doing that to me like you said you know I have a busy life I think you're and and time is our most precious asset right like if you're always late like yeah we're not a match in any way shape, or form.

Speaker 4 It doesn't have to be a man. Like, no, yeah, we're talking about girls.
We're not friends because we don't have the same values.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're talking about girlfriends, like just respecting each other. And I think that's so important because so many women out there, they think it's cute to be late.

Speaker 4 It's not.

Speaker 3 It's not cute. It's rude.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and back in the day, you know, like when the men were courting women, I think they were saying up to 10-15 minutes. A woman can be late.
Yeah. It's okay.

Speaker 4 But I, so I don't want to date a guy that's a loser, that has nothing to do with his time, that's just chilling, and he's going to wait for me.

Speaker 4 No, I'm gonna be with a guy who is a successful man who time is money.

Speaker 4 So he's gonna sit there and I'm not gonna be late to my date either.

Speaker 3 But you know, to this day and age, there's still a bunch of girls here that are all the time here in LA. They're like, oh, make him wait.

Speaker 3 They think they're like gonna value them more, but that's such BS.

Speaker 4 You're not better than him. I agree.
It's not so disrespectful.

Speaker 3 Just be on time. Be respectful.
I think it's classy.

Speaker 4 It is. I think men appreciate that also.

Speaker 3 And women appreciate that and girlfriends appreciate that. And I love that about you.
That's why we really hit it off because we are on the same page.

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Speaker 3 Let's talk a little bit about the dating scene in LA. So now you're single and you're gorgeous self, super successful.
I know the kind of guy you want is like very high value, very powerful man.

Speaker 3 Do you feel dating in LA is harder because it's LA in terms of because you travel a lot?

Speaker 4 I mean, I feel like these days it's hard everywhere. And, you know, it's not LA.
Actually, LA, there's a lot of amazing people.

Speaker 4 It's just that I feel with social media and women being so readily available and so desperate, I feel like men don't make the effort like they used to because when they like you and things go off a little, they don't make the effort to make it work because they're, oh, well, let me open the catalog, Instagram, and then they find another picture of another beautiful woman, another successful.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying, I'm not talking about the easy girls, the only fan girls. No, there is amazing, successful...
business-minded, beautiful women also online who are also desperate and ready, you know?

Speaker 3 Look, I completely agree with you that I don't think it's an LA problem because I get that question a lot.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because the New York girls, they're like, New York is harder, Miami's harder. I think there are good people and bad people everywhere you go.

Speaker 4 Even I feel like the small towns, the villages, it's hard because they have access to everything now, too. So I feel like it's hard everywhere.

Speaker 4 And there is a more beautiful girl, there is a younger girl, there is a cooler girl around the corner. So people don't value like old-fashioned values that we did back then.

Speaker 4 Also, like family is not a priority anymore.

Speaker 3 But look, I think the guy that is swiping and swiping and swiping and swiping,

Speaker 3 they're the player.

Speaker 3 Or they're having a midlife crisis, like these 50-year-old dudes, 60-year-old dudes that they're trying to find the 25-year-olds, like massive midlife crisis. We don't want those men anyway.

Speaker 4 They want quality. Not quality, they want quantity.

Speaker 3 They're like players. Yeah.
And we're not interested in the players.

Speaker 3 I think it's like finding the diamond in the sand, like the guy that is ready, serious, for a mature relationship, that wants to find one quality woman, and that's it.

Speaker 4 And I think they do exist. People are like, oh, everything out there is trash.
I don't think so. I'm not trash.
I'm here. I'm a quality woman.
So I feel like my match is out there too.

Speaker 4 So I'm going to just take time.

Speaker 4 I love your attitude for sure.

Speaker 3 I think it's the energy you put out there. If you decide you're only going to meet crap, that's probably what you're going to attract.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. And I've been meeting like really good people.

Speaker 4 The only issue is sometimes like they're a little too young for me, a little too old. And age again, like, yes, you can be very happy with somebody

Speaker 4 10 years younger than you.

Speaker 4 You can, and it can work. Yeah.
But I don't know.

Speaker 3 I don't know if I, I mean, I feel flattered when like a younger guy flirts with me. Like this morning, a 22-year-old, he sent me a message on Instagram.
You're so beautiful.

Speaker 3 Will you date a 22-year-old?

Speaker 4 I'm like, I'm very flattered, but no.

Speaker 4 Well, maybe that's too much, but like up to 10 years, if he's mature,

Speaker 4 if he's mature,

Speaker 4 you know. I said no to a guy once because of age, and now that we're old, like I kind of regret it.
And I'm like, why did I? And because I was thinking it wouldn't work in the long run.

Speaker 3 Case by case, right?

Speaker 4 Right. I married an older guy and it didn't work.
So

Speaker 4 am I to say age?

Speaker 3 I married a much older guy and it didn't work.

Speaker 4 It doesn't matter. I feel like our person is out there.
Yeah. It's just going to take us time.
But also, I think maybe I should make a little more effort.

Speaker 4 I have been so busy and i've been enjoying being single and i'm not gonna lie

Speaker 3 but you know in a way it's good because i think we are in this phase like we're really focused you know self-projects our business our growth i think when you focus more on yourself you start attracting better i think so because you're not sending like that air of that because we're not desperate for a man like Like you said, I'm very happy being single.

Speaker 3 I enjoy my freedom. I'm so peaceful right now.
But I feel like a different quality of men gets attracted to our vibe.

Speaker 4 You know, it's like I'm always happy, but I'm thinking in the long run, like later on when we're older, I don't want to be an old lady alone. So I would like to have a husband to grow up with.

Speaker 4 And also, I went to a really nice, fancy event the other day, like a black tie event, where it was most of the people were with couples.

Speaker 4 And I didn't bring, I could have brought a date, but I didn't want to bring somebody that's not important, that I'm not like.

Speaker 3 Exactly, but you didn't bring because you didn't want to.

Speaker 4 I didn't want to bring somebody just to say, I have a date.

Speaker 4 But it did feel weird. I was kind of like the only person by myself.

Speaker 3 But Lisa, it feels weird because of this expectation that society puts in your head: like, oh, women shouldn't do stuff alone. Because if you think about it, you should feel very empowered.

Speaker 4 Oh, I always do stuff alone. Yeah, it's fine.

Speaker 3 Exactly. Same.

Speaker 3 But when I do stuff alone, I actually love it. I feel very empowered.
I can do whatever the hell I want. If I want a date, yeah, I will bring you.

Speaker 3 And if I don't want a date, I'd rather go alone. Yes, you know.

Speaker 4 If you're not that person that I want to be seen with, that I've never seen that. Exactly.

Speaker 4 There is no reason for me to introduce you to nice things.

Speaker 3 Like the mistake I made with this dude, right? I introduced him

Speaker 4 to our group of friends. And now he's there.

Speaker 3 And now he's there. And now I think, like, why am I going to keep bringing dudes into because our circle is so exclusive and fabulous and

Speaker 3 private and special? I'd rather go alone.

Speaker 4 Even so, that circle that we are in it. Yeah.
Like, there is a couple guys who liked me and they approached me. But you know what? I thought to myself, I don't want to date anybody from that circle.

Speaker 3 Because it doesn't work.

Speaker 4 I don't want to ruin.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I agree. You know, I don't want to bring.

Speaker 3 I think it's your phone. No, it was my phone.
Sorry, guys, I forgot to put it there.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't want to bring somebody, date somebody there because if it doesn't work out, it's going to create weird awkwardness in my whole like.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's your circle.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I want to enjoy being there.

Speaker 3 I agree. Yeah, especially now that's growing through.

Speaker 3 Same. I love that.
But it was a good lesson for me because, like you said to me, if we meet a man,

Speaker 3 don't try to fix their life. Like you said, elevate them.
They should have their own shit going on.

Speaker 3 And then the more the relationship progresses, you decide, like, okay, this person is worthy of meeting my friends or going to an event with me.

Speaker 3 But you can't just open all doors for, you know, because then they start taking advantage of it.

Speaker 4 He is doing now. There you go.
Well, hopefully, girls will hear this and learn from your bad experience if they're wise.

Speaker 3 I think everything that we go through is a lesson, right? So we don't make the same mistakes again and we all learn together.

Speaker 3 And I definitely learned from you because the way you said it, the way you framed it. It seems so natural.
Yeah, and I'm like, you know what? She's very wise and she's very right. Thank you.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a privilege, like you said, the event you went to, it's a privilege to go to such a high-end event with you. I agree.

Speaker 3 You know, but next time, instead of thinking, feeling bad or intimidated, whatever it is, you feel like, you know, I'm empowered because I can do what I want. It was great.

Speaker 4 And I go to it every year. For the past like 10 years, my friend has been.
there. You know, I've been going there.
And I have been divorced already for 12 years. So I've been single.

Speaker 4 But, you know, if you're not special, you're not the one. I'm not taking it.
Same.

Speaker 3 The same.

Speaker 3 I'm very proud of you. It was such an honor meeting you.
You're super brilliant, intelligent. Congratulations on your work.
Thank you. And I'm putting the link here of your

Speaker 3 website, guys.

Speaker 3 Now, on a serious note, because we may crack a lot of jokes, but obviously addiction is such a serious and important subject and I'm happy that it united us I'm proud of both of us because we got out of it but if you out there

Speaker 4 are in need of help or if you know anyone who might need help please reach out because like Zara said they answer the phone we do you know and you're so always call back and if we don't I even like give my cell phone and I talk to them they text me twenty four seven it's just something we're available everybody who works for our company loves what they do it's our calling we don't do it for the money right Of course, it's a business.

Speaker 4 Of course, it's a business. But compared to what I was making in construction, this is like nothing.

Speaker 3 No, and plus, like you said, you have to love it because it's really tough work. But please get help because alcohol addiction obviously kills.
It killed my

Speaker 3 almost. One day I'll tell the whole story, right?

Speaker 3 But get help while you can.

Speaker 4 I agree. And coming here, I was kind of anxious because I was scared.

Speaker 4 It's a sensitive subject.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 4 Thank you. I just didn't want to open wounds that were there because I've healed.
Yeah. And it's a sensitive subject for me.
Talk about abuse in my own life. We have a shame culture where I come from.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 I try to make it light and easy going.

Speaker 3 But listen, I have to say, I'm very proud of you for speaking about it because I know how painful it is. Because to this day, same, the wounds are there.

Speaker 3 It hurts talking about it because all these memories come in our head.

Speaker 3 But if you speaking up and sharing the story might be helping one one person out there, one woman to get out of an abusive relationship or one person that's going through abuse to seek help,

Speaker 4 you know, and we are doing our job. I love it.

Speaker 3 And I'm very honored and very proud to have you here. Thank you so much.
And now we're going to go do our responsible happy hour

Speaker 3 of one drink and oblige.

Speaker 4 Happy serving.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Such an honor. Guys, be safe out there.
And if you need help.

Speaker 4 And don't drink and drive.

Speaker 3 Don't drink and drive. Don't drink and drive for sure, but we'll get it.

Speaker 3 Thank you, my love. It was a super honor.
Be safe. Love you guys.
Be back soon.