GREAT SEX IS A GREAT THING!!!!! WITH SEX COACH AND RESEARCHER MELANIE CURTIN

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So, today's episode is about sex.

So, fair warning: for those of you who are not comfortable openly talking about the subject, this is the time to exit and listen to the other episodes.

It's not dirty, it's not disgusting, it's nothing wrong with it, it's such an important conversation, and it's mind-boggling to me.

And it makes me super sad when I think that this day and age, it's still considered such a taboo subject.

My guest, Melanie Curtin, is a sex and relationship coach for men.

How cool is that?

She's a sex researcher with a master's degree from Stanford University.

So I mean this woman really know her game.

She's incredible.

And she also has a really cool podcast called Dear Men.

I hope you guys enjoy it.

I try to pack as much information as I possibly could.

could

in one hour and I definitely want to bring her back so we can talk about more stuff and it's all about women and men everywhere, normalizing, talking about sex, having amazing, fulfilling sex lives.

And of course, we're talking about consenting adults.

So I really hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

And if you like my conversation with Melanie, please keep sending questions because I am definitely bringing her back in September because we did not have enough time to cover everything I wanted to cover.

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are new to Cat on the Loose, this is a quick welcome message and disclaimer: you are entering a 100% organic zone.

This is a never edited, never scripted podcast.

If you don't like dogs, this podcast is probably not for you because Phoenix is with me 99% of the time, especially like today.

He's been so sick lately.

Oh my goodness, it's heartbreaking.

I was hoping throughout the entire episode that he's just napping and he wasn't going to bark.

And I was very lucky because he didn't, but you know what?

Sometimes he does.

If you don't like noises from the real world, this podcast is also probably not for you because this is not a perfect canned studio podcast.

Many times we record in real places where we interact with our guests, restaurants, bars, social events, and their homes.

Today, I was doing my interview with Melanie via Zoom.

So, yeah, today's episode is a studio podcast, but that's not always the case.

We try to make everything 100% organic, 100% never scripted, and 100%

never ever edited.

So if you do like complete, honest, real,

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Welcome to Cat Kingdom.

You are entering a real life podcast.

Okay, so let me say hello to my fabulous guest, Melanie Curtin.

She's a sex and relationship coach for men.

She's a sex researcher.

I love that.

I cannot wait to ask her what a sex researcher does.

And she's also a podcast host.

Her podcast is really, really fun.

It's called Dear Man Podcast.

So men out there,

listen up because today we're going to talk a lot about you guys.

So let me say hi.

Hi, Melanie.

Thank you for doing Canada.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate you being here.

And like we said before we got started, it's fast and furious because, you know, we all want to talk about sex.

A lot of us are embarrassed talking about sex.

sex, so I have a million questions.

Are you ready to rock and roll?

Let's do this.

Okay, let's do this.

So, let's start with the most basic,

but it's something that it's mind-boggling to me.

Maybe, as an expert, you can help.

By the way, I want to mention because I think this is really, really important about your work.

You are a graduate of Stanford University, and that's huge.

So, congratulations!

And you are going to explain to us what a sex

researcher does.

But let's start with a very basic one.

Maybe you can help.

This day and age, why is it still such taboo to talk about sex?

Like it's something dirty and that we shouldn't talk about?

Do you know, can you help us, please?

That's a great question.

Well, I think that there's

kind of a weird dichotomy in our culture around, I think particularly for women, we're supposed to be sexual, but we're not supposed to be too sexual.

So there's some kind of range within which it's okay.

And then men, for example, are, quote, supposed to want to have sex all the time, but they're not really allowed to be their full selves emotionally.

So we have a strange culture that was based on Puritanism in the West, and I don't think we've ever really gotten over that.

So I think we have a kind of a weird split there.

And I think that particularly in my research, one of the things that I have found is that when it comes to being honest and talking to each other about sex, so not our friends or other people, but actually the person that we're sleeping with or the people we're sleeping with,

we have a lot of fear about what it's going to mean if we're actually honest.

We're afraid of being judged, but we're also afraid, and we'll get into this in my sex research, we're really, really afraid of telling someone they're doing it wrong.

So a lot of us, particularly women, we'd rather grin and bear it.

We'd rather bear with the pain because women's number one sex problem is actually pain, which we can get to as well.

We'd rather grin and bear it than tell a man, ow, actually, the way you're fingering me hurts.

Because we're so afraid of what he'll say or how he'll respond that we just choose to tolerate pain and then he doesn't know what's going on.

That is crazy, but even before, like, yeah, I want to talk about talking about sex with your partner.

But let's say, like, in public, you tell me your experience.

I'll tell you mine.

I, you know, my cultures are very open about sex.

I'm half Brazilian, half French.

Everybody talks about sex in Brazil.

Everybody, it's not a big deal.

I've lived in the United States my entire life, and here it's a huge issue.

I tell me if you disagree with me, please be frank.

I think America, she's shaking her head.

No,

I think Americans in general are very uptight to talk about sex.

So when I started my podcast, and by the way, I was married, God knows how, how, to a super conservative guy.

He was crazy conservative.

Like, I couldn't even bring up the subject of buying a vibrator that he would call me a whore.

So once I got rid of that marriage and I started the podcast venting about my experience in the world of dating, na-na-na-na, I was like, you know what?

I'm going to live my best life.

I'm going to speak up.

I want to have great sex.

But people judge the crap out of me.

Like they, you know, they listen listen to, even the dudes that want to date me, they think, oh, she's such a horse.

She fucks every guy she meets.

Then they listen to the X-rated episode, like, oh my God, she talks about Dild, da-da-da-da-da.

And of course, I'm going to continue doing it because I feel that's my job.

Do you get a little bit of the same response because of your area of work?

Or not?

And why do you think people have such an aggressive, negative reaction to women openly talking about sex?

I have gotten some of that response, and I think I have also been-that's one of my biggest fears.

And I think it's one of the biggest fears that comes up in my sex research around women are afraid of being judged, and we are afraid of being labeled slutty or a whore or things like that.

And that's one of the reasons that a lot of women are not as sexually expressed as they could be.

So, I would probably put myself in that same category: that the fear of being judged is something that does hold me back from my full range of expression.

So I think I

probably haven't been as expressed and brave as you, frankly.

Really?

Because that's one of my fears.

Yeah.

Really?

And we can talk about that.

It shows up in the research urge.

Yeah, I think it's amazing that you're opening up and saying that because I actually would, my before I talked to you, I would have thought, well, you know, she's a professional, she's a sex researcher.

I would think you're like the bravest person in the world, like that.

You wouldn't care.

Because I'm going to be honest, and I don't know why I'm like that.

I could not care less about being judged.

Seriously, I laugh and I don't want the men that judge me.

I don't want them in my life.

I tell all the dudes, even before the first date, like, this is what I do.

My podcast is super successful.

I feel I'm giving voice to women all over the world.

I'm not gonna stop.

So I don't even care to have people that judge me in my life.

And when I get messages from girls telling me that I'm giving them the strength to talk about sex, it makes me even stronger.

But I'm actually surprised that you're saying that even as like a professional, you are afraid of being judged.

Yeah, and it does have real world ramifications, right?

Where what conferences you're invited to, where you're a quote, allowed to speak.

There are real-world ramifications to essentially, you know, misogyny and sex sexism and all of the unconscious bias that we all hold around all of this, because I think a lot of people think that it's always conscious and it's not.

I'll just give you one really quick quote from the research, which is:

so there are four main reasons that women are afraid to speak up and tell the truth in sex, and we can go through those four.

The fourth one is actually fear of being judged, which is exactly what we're talking about.

And one of the women said, I have always had an easier time talking about and doing new things with a fling rather than my partner, because I don't care what my fling thinks, but I don't want my partner to think I'm a trashy whore.

Right.

We don't want my partner to think I'm a trash whore.

I know.

That's, we are definitely, I definitely want to get to that.

But before, because I want to start from the top, do you have any idea why

in our society, and I know I have listeners all over the world, but I want to ask because we live in the United States, in the United States,

men are still so judgy, you know, because you would think we should be one of the most developed, open-minded societies in the world, right?

With all access we have to education, to technology.

And I still think it's such a macho society that they put girls in these categories, right?

The girl I'm going to marry, the girl that dresses this, the girl that dresses lady.

Do you have any idea why guys are like that?

Well, like I said, I think that, you know, this country, for example, we think of it as really old.

It's not that old, and it was founded in large part on Puritan values.

And it takes a really long time for societies and cultures to change.

I think we've seen a big shift in the last, let's say, 20 years, but it takes longer than that generationally for people to actually break down old beliefs that are really embedded that came from our parents and our grandparents and all that.

So I think social change just tends to take

in my work because I work primarily with men who have sex with women.

Yes, there are a lot of men who judge women in this way.

And there are also a lot of men who want more expression from their woman.

They want to encourage women to be their full selves.

They want to be be forward, you know, they want to be responsible men.

And for them, a lot of them are afraid of going too far.

They're afraid of

being that guy.

They're afraid of being called a pervert.

They're afraid of being creepy.

They're afraid of making a woman uncomfortable.

So a lot of the men that I work with are the good guys.

They're the guys that want to be doing it right.

And because they're so afraid of coming across as the guy you're talking about, they're holding back.

So you've got a lot of nice guys

who aren't coming towards women, who aren't putting themselves out there because they don't want to be that.

So part of what I do is help empower those men as to how to do it respectfully and with their whole self, right?

With, I call it their cock energy and their heart energy so that they're coming with their power and with their love.

I think a lot of, I think we can't categorize all men in any way because I work with a lot of guys that want to do it right and they're, they're afraid of doing it wrong.

So they're holding back.

So then the ones that you're hearing from, right?

The loud ones, let's say, are the ones that you're talking about, but they're not necessarily all the men.

There's a lot of men out there that want to do it right and want to do it well and treat women well and be be their full selves but they don't always feel empowered to do so where do we find these men please

where are they

can you guide us can you help us please

yeah they're they're out there they're all over the place they're not as loud they're not as uh necessarily aggressive um but they're there you know they're there i work with them all the time and this is one of their biggest fears is coming across as creepy or making a woman uncomfortable.

Wow, so they are not going to be the ones who are speaking up, or speaking out, or you know, being an asshole because they're not an asshole.

But yes, they are, they are there, they exist.

Okay, well, I hope you help us find maybe you need to start a side side business, like you coach your guys, and then you put them on, like a dating poll service,

and then you think of us because

I talk about that on the podcast all the time.

And I don't know if you agree, we I feel and most of my guests and and my girlfriends feel that this culture of dating apps created a whole new generation of mature adult men in their 40s, 50s, 60s who are behaving like teenagers, college kids again because of so much quantity of women.

They just want to like have sex, have sex, even the ones that say, like, I wanna be in a relationship, they meet the girl that they really like, but they can't resist the temptation.

Like, oh my god look at all these girls want me i'm gonna feed my ego like my ex-boyfriend said uh and i think it's a big problem do you agree

um i mean in my experience a lot of the men that i work with get very few matches on dating apps really i think that's that there are different populations of men and i think i have a feeling that a lot of those guys they were already man children before they got on the apps so maybe it exposed it but i don't think that the dating apps were the prompt for it.

It just sort of revealed it.

But I would say, yeah, one of the big problems that a lot of my guys have is they're not getting as many matches.

Men get up to 100 times fewer matches.

Really?

Wow, that's interesting.

I did not know that.

So, in other words, words, let's not lose hope, right?

The good ones are out there.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Now, Melanie, let me ask a question.

A couple of years ago, just when I was starting the podcast, I was able to get a group of women i don't even know how i did that but it was so cool i got 10 women together in one room all 10 of them super successful very beautiful very intelligent women so like very high value and all of them single i think there was one married one yeah to talk about sex openly and they were so cute they were super open if you guys didn't listen to this episode you can go there and look 10 women talk about sex we did a video episode and the first question I asked them was, How many of you here are happy with your sex lives, happy and satisfied with your sex lives?

Not one of them raised their hand, and we all started laughing.

Even the married one, she was like, I don't want to be on camera.

Not one of them said, Yes, I'm happy.

Obviously, it's a big problem.

I know because I talk to my girlfriends, especially most of us that don't want to just have like one-night stands, we're looking for the right guy.

Do you find the same results when you're doing sex research?

And do you have any tips or ideas?

How do we change this game?

How can we be more sexually fulfilled if we are single?

So yes, I do find the same thing in my research.

Yes.

And I think that the part of the problem is that men

who have sex with women don't really have a lot of places to learn about sex.

So a lot of men are learning learning about it from porn.

And you know, as well as I do, that porn is entertainment, not education.

And it's not a very good education if you are a man who has sex with actual women, with actual female bodies.

So, for example, the number one sex problem that women talk about is pain.

And I'm not just talking about intercourse.

I'm talking about men being really rough with their hands or their mouths.

So, like too much pressure, too hard.

What is one of the

being a poker, Basically, jackrabbit sex with the finger was one of the quotes from the research.

Jack me like they are stabbing me.

Being too fast or rough, driving in too soon.

It hurts when you aren't ready and things aren't wet enough.

So, I think there's a lot of misunderstanding that men have about how female bodies work.

And then, like I said, women are really afraid to speak up.

So, one of the themes in the research was there's this major divide.

I call it the divide between men and women.

So, one of the questions I asked was, What do you wish you could have told a previous partner about the sex with no sugar coating?

So be totally honest.

What do you wish you could have said?

And a lot of the men said, I need her to tell me what she likes, what she needs.

Tell me what feels good and what doesn't.

What am I doing wrong?

Show me how to do it right or how you like it.

And then what do you think the women were saying?

They were saying basically everything that are my needs.

how I wanted to be touched or how to touch, be more specific about what I want and more important, what I don't.

And I call this the divide So men don't know what's going on and they're sort of afraid to ask or they're assuming everything's fine.

They're assuming that she's enjoying herself and women are over here actually in pain like it divide hurts or something isn't working and they're terrified to tell the man.

They're terrified to tell him what's actually going on.

And if you ask people, did you say something?

If so, why?

If not, why not?

A lot of what they talk about is, I was afraid to hurt his feelings.

Okay, but let me ask you a question.

All right, let's say you are making out to the guy that you've been dating, and it's the first time, like you said, you're making out and you start kissing.

And let's say the kiss goes good, and then he puts his hand on you, like you said, and he starts fingering you, and it's hurting.

Like you said, a lot of girls complain.

It's kind of a mood killer, right?

If she's like, oh, you know, honey, you're hurting me.

Many times, the guy's like, he backs away, right?

So, how do, like, for the girls out there listening, if they are in this situation, how do you you know in the middle of the passion and the heat how would you even bring that up without killing the mood this is exactly what i'm talking about this is exactly what i'm talking about women have four fears the first is if i say something he'll attack me so this is my fear if i say oh that's actually kind of that's a little hard because you go lighter i'm afraid the men will say oh you don't like the way i do it well fuck you then you stupid cunt exactly because a lot of them they will pull away They will feel like, you know, you're hurting their ego.

Yeah.

Yes.

Fear number two is he won't say anything, but he'll withdraw.

Right.

He'll go away.

He won't be present.

He won't want to see me anymore.

He'll just leave the situation.

And we can go into the other fears, but those are the main ones we're talking about in this conversation.

So one of the things I talk about, and I teach a course for men on sex called Please Her in Bed, a course for men designed by women, because one of the things I teach is how men can can make it safe for women to speak up.

So rather than putting all of the onus on women to speak up in that moment, I teach men how to say beforehand, hey, I really want this to feel good for you.

I always want to know if something feels good or something doesn't feel good.

I'm here.

I want to know.

And for men to know that it's not a one-time thing.

You got to say that a few times.

You want to create a culture where it's safe for her to speak up.

Because I'm looking at the research and I'm telling you that women are repeatedly saying, it is so hard for me to say something that I don't.

Right.

70% plus of women say, how hard is it for you to talk to a partner about something that's not working?

They say seven, eight, nine, or ten.

It's basically impossible.

I can't, I can't do it.

So rather than putting all the responsibility on women, I advocate for and teach men how to kind of coax women out, how to evoke the truth, how to create a safe culture to get their truth.

Because you're right.

A lot of the time, we don't want to kill the mood.

We want the guy to like us.

Right, right.

We want you to win.

We want you to be having a good time and us to be having a good time.

So most of the time, if something's hurting, which I can tell you from the research, it's actually pretty likely, that's pretty likely, based on what you've learned about sex, it's likely that you're fingering too hard.

I mean, I'm looking at the research.

It's first of all, you know, stop.

everything you're doing just use way less pressure that would be my number one tip for men less pressure more foreplay less pressure more foreplay i love that idea.

Yes.

And I hope that men out there are actually listening because I feel men have this big barrier in front of them about like getting pointers, like you said, about sex and what they should do.

And, you know, major praise to the guys that actually are willing to go to you and learn.

Because I have a lot of male best friends.

And, you know, they're very much like they think they're doing everything right.

And a lot of many times they measure their sexuality based on the size of their dick, right?

Oh, look, I have such a big dick, I am so good, right?

And you know, how many girls they fuck, let's be very clear here, and then they think, oh, I know what I'm doing, but yeah, many times it has nothing to do with the size, but I love what you said.

Make sure you tell the girl, like, you know, do you like the way I kiss you?

Do you like the way I touch you?

Some girls like it rough, some girls like it not so rough.

I love, love, love that approach.

However,

let's say a girl is with a guy that did not listen to this, that has not been coached by you.

Do you have a little idea how a girl could say something without hurting his feelings if she's not feeling comfortable with the way things are going on?

Or it's just really hard.

Yeah, so first of all,

there is no way to predict how he will respond.

Right.

So it's very, very brave to do this as a woman.

And I think I just want to stress that and really make it clear, particularly for the men listening.

It's an extremely brave thing to do because women have tried in the past, many women, and it has not gone well.

So if she is proactively sharing something with you, it's important that you listen deeply because it takes something for her to do that.

So something I have tried in the past is, oh, I would love a little less pressure because then I feel more.

Sometimes my clip gets numbed out when there's too much pressure.

That's something I have tried.

But I want to make it clear that that wasn't the truth.

The truth was, ow, that hurts.

So that's what I want to make it clear for men.

If you're getting any feedback at all, you really want to be listening to that because it's likely even stronger than what she's saying because she's trying not to hurt your feelings.

So that's thing number one.

And sometimes you can say after the fact, right?

I like to teach my people I work with the sex debrief, which is like after you have a sexual encounter, like what did you like about that?

Was there anything you wanted more of?

What did you like about that?

Was there anything you wanted more of?

If you're in that kind of space, you can say, yeah, actually, like, I really like like less pressure, like a like really light touch on my clitoris or on my bulva.

It's really, really hot.

Can I show you what that feels like or how I do it?

And then kind of teach, teach a little bit.

And again, it's really risky and hard for women to do that.

It's really risky and hard.

So I just want all the men to be really understand and be patient and empathetic because I have rarely done that in my life.

And, like you said, I'm a pretty sexually empowered woman, but I am scared of giving feedback.

I am afraid that he is going to take it as an insult.

And I'm looking at the research, and there are a lot of men who do.

It's not an unfounded fear.

There's a real fear there.

So, I think sometimes, you know, as a woman, being expressive, you can say, ooh, I would love it lighter.

Like, yeah, ooh, even lighter.

Could you do it even lighter than that?

Even less?

Oh my God, yes, that's.

And then there's the issue that we were talking about in the beginning.

For me, I think, let's say, if I start dating a guy, I go on one date, two days, two days.

I like to have the sex conversation before we have sex.

And I know it's a huge taboo because we go back to that thing, God, the guy is going to think you're a whore.

And this is what I tell girls, at least for me.

If I go on a date, two dates, three dates, I want to, of course, eventually I want to know if we have sexual chemistry.

So I speak up.

I say, you know, I think talking about sex is super important.

And if the guy labels me hard or promiscuous, whatever he wants to label me, I already know he's not the guy for me because I think the right partner for you should be comfortable talking about it.

So I give this idea to girls as much as I'm a zero expert, by the way.

But I'm like, if you're dating someone that you like, talk about it even like as far play,

right?

Maybe you tell them, like, the way you like things in bed, or how long you haven't had sex, or whatever, because I think it might like warm up the mood, but you get to know each other a little more.

I think it's a good idea to have this conversation before you get to bed.

Do you agree, or is it too much?

Absolutely.

I think it's great.

And I always encourage my men to have that conversation again, like to lead.

So we sort of have this model in our culture of passive and aggressive.

So we have a lot of passive men who don't don't go for things that they want or are scared or you know I work with a lot of those guys, the passive ones.

And then we have aggressive, which we've pretty much covered in this episode a lot of aggressive.

What I teach my men to do is to lead and leading is not being dominating and it's not being aggressive.

It's exactly what you're saying.

So say you're on a date and you get to the end of the date and he says, hey, this is a little edgy for me to talk about, but I would love to talk about sex with you.

You know, I'm i'm attracted to you i'm thinking maybe we'll go there and even if we don't i think it's an interesting discussion so i'm just curious you know what what are some of your turn-ons and what are some of the things that don't work for you Yeah, I love that.

But listen, I know you said you like the man to lead, but how about if the girl initiates it?

Like, how about if it's a girl that says, look, me too.

Because I tell guys, I'll tell you, Melanie, I was in a really shitty marriage for 14 years.

We

almost didn't have sex.

Yeah, 14 years.

And I swear on my mother, so I never cheated on him ever.

For 14 years, I almost didn't have sex, barely had sex, had shitty sex.

After that, I'm like, you know what?

I am only going to be in a relationship with fantastic sex, period.

So it's on the top of my priorities.

So I don't have a problem initiating that conversation.

And I even, I say, I want somebody high energy.

I want somebody that likes a lot of sex.

I don't want to be in a relationship again, like once or twice a week.

I don't want to be with the lazy dude that has sex at night and doesn't want to have sex in the morning.

I want a guy that wants almost as much as me.

And if it scares them away, better go away.

But I think it's okay for, or you think I'm coming on like too strong.

You think you should wait for the guy.

I think it's great.

I think either person can initiate the conversation.

I think the reason I'm such a strong advocate for men to lead it is that if that is part of what establishes a safe culture in the relationship, we talk about sex in this relationship.

I am a man who is open to talking about sex in this relationship.

I want to know how you truly feel.

It's a way of saying I am a safe person for you to tell things to.

That's why I sort of provoke that because I'm looking at the research and I'm telling you that it shows that it's a lot harder for women to speak up about what's not working than for men to do so.

So I think either way, I think it's wonderful for women to lead.

And I know a lot of men that really do want to

understand and know and guide and be a leader in the relationship.

They just never learned how.

And that's what I'm passionate about teaching is how the fuck do you have that conversation?

How do you talk about desires?

How do you talk about sexual fantasies?

How do you talk about all this stuff without making it weird or making her uncomfortable?

Which is what so many of my men are afraid of.

They don't want to make her uncomfortable.

They don't want to make her feel objectified.

Yeah, but I honestly, I think that women, like you and me, our work, a big part of our work, is to normalize for once and for all.

Women opening their mouth and talking about sex, period, right?

Like the right partner is not going to judge you.

I think this is what I keep pounding with the podcast.

Like, even if it's, I don't care if it's a date, if it's a marriage, we are going to take a two-minute break, but when we come back, I want to talk about how do you ask for what you want in bed if you're married if you have a boyfriend girlfriend if you're in a long-term relationship maybe you have some pointers to give us but at the end of there's so much more we got to cover but at the end of the day i think we are trying to give voice to women to speak up and not be embarrassed right

She's shaking

how to elicit that for them too, how to how we can both work together on it.

I love it.

Okay, this is a really fun episode.

Very important conversation talking about sex with this gorgeous, gorgeous, super intelligent, talented lady, Melanie Curtin.

I hope you guys go to my Instagram, all my social media channels to see her beautiful face.

And we'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

We're going to pay some bills.

And I know that a lot of you guys know already, especially those of you who do follow Carol on the Luz, a lot of you that follow my work on social media, on Instagram.

A few months ago, I started a sex toy brand called Praziris, which means pleasures in Portuguese, Prazeris sex toys, because I feel like a big part of my work is to normalize this conversation, to give voice to millions and millions of women and men all over the world, and to normalize the use of sex toys, whether you are single or in a relationship.

Prazeris are the sexiest sex toys ever.

We like to say that they're weapons of mass pleasure for happy, healthy, fulfilling sex lives.

A lot of them are miniature, adorable toys, great for summer vacations, very discreet, very playful, very hot, very flirtatious.

So, I hope you guys check them out.

Get your toys, have fun.

If you're in a relationship, if you're a guy out there listening, get the toys.

I promise your girl is going to love them.

A lot of them are amazing, amazing, amazing for foreplay.

On the internet, www.prazzeris toys, p-r-a-z-e-r-e-s toys.com and on Instagram, they keep.

I even talk about that with Melanie today.

They keep blocking and blocking and blocking our account, which is super frustrating because there is nothing X-rated there, just beautiful photos, beautiful pictures, and encouraging people to, you know, get their sex toys, talk about sex, talk about pleasure.

We put some educational blogs, it's amazing, and it's super frustrating to me the hypocrisy of social media channels.

You can buy medication to lose weight, you can buy medication to sleep, you can buy antidepressants, you can buy pot, you can buy alcohol, you can buy anything you want, and then all of a sudden, when you talk about buying a toy that will help you have pleasure in bed, have orgasms, all great, great, amazing, natural antidepressants.

They're like, oh, oops, your content is blocked.

So we get super frustrated, but we keep pushing forward.

But you definitely find us on Instagram.

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So go check it out, get your toys, toys and i hope you are having a wonderful summer field with great oh

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Okay, we are back with gorgeous, gorgeous.

I love women that are beautiful and crazy intelligent.

That's like totally my vibe.

Melanie Curtin, sex and relationship coach for men.

So I hope you guys, you know, put down your walls, you know, and listen to her because she knows she's talking about she's she's a sex researcher.

How cool is that?

And she's also a

podcast host, Dear Man, Dear Man, Dear Man Podcast.

So listen up because this is all about having better sex.

And this is one thing that drives me crazy, Melanie, before I go to the next question.

And you tell me if you agree with me.

We were talking about how it's taboo to talk about sex, right?

Like, I'll give you an example: social media.

If I put like an X-rated sex episode on Instagram, if I use the word sex, they block the account, They say they're flagged.

And listen to this.

You scroll to Instagram, you can buy prescription medication on Instagram.

Now there is all kinds of copy of Ozempic, you know, Ozempic, the Ozempic craze.

They don't sell Ozempic, but you literally see ads like, oh, lose weight with this medication.

So you can buy medication.

to lose weight, you can buy medication for depression, you can buy alcohol, you can buy pot, anything you want.

And when sex is one of the healthiest, most natural chemicals on the planet, right?

It does good for our body, for our brain.

You can tell us more about that because you're the expert.

And it shocks me that social media is such a bunch of freaking hypocrites because we are not talking about committing a crime.

Obviously, we're talking about consenting adults.

And I'm like, dude, you should be letting us do our work a lot more openly.

And not like people are like stuffing them freaking brains with antidepressant.

I have so many friends.

They take medication to sleep.

They take medication to wake up.

They do that.

I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

If you should be having more sex orgasms using sex toys, we're going to talk about the sex toys, you would be so much healthier.

And they keep blocking our work, which is actually natural and healthy.

Do you agree?

I could not agree more.

I actually write for one of the biggest sex toys and sex toy companies in Canada.

And I went on Upwork to try to get someone to help me with that.

And I had a description of what I do.

And

they took my job posting down.

They blocked me.

They took away my ability to use the site at all.

I had to kind of go through their form.

And their form was basically,

tell us why you violated our rules of conduct and we'll let you back on the site.

There you go.

This is indicative of

where we are still in our culture.

And I understand that a lot of these platforms are trying to protect us from,

you know, explicit sexual content, but you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater, right?

There are people that are in the space of healthy sexuality.

If you silence us, then we're never going to get to a healthier sexual culture, which is really what I'm passionate about.

Yeah, let's get to the healthier sexual culture, because I actually started out and I'm passionate about

healing from sexual abuse.

So I actually started out with survivors of sexual abuse and that was what I did for many years, working with that population.

And then I switched to what I'm doing now because I realized we have to establish a safe, healthy sexual culture if we want to protect people.

We can't just do it from this side, it's going to take everything and all of us doing it together.

So, I'm passionate about it.

I couldn't agree with you more.

Same, it drives me crazy.

Yeah, and you know, you know, I write about it, I send them letters.

I started a sex toy brand a few months ago, it's called Prazeres.

Prazeres means pleasures in Portuguese, And it's all about like sexy sex toys because my dream is to normalize women using sex toys, talking about sex toys with their partners, which is something that most couples want to do and are embarrassed of doing.

I want to ask you about that.

But also alone, because if you're single, like I'm single, I don't like one-night stand.

I don't judge people that like it, but it's not my bag.

So why should I not have an orgasm?

Why should I not use a vibrator and then you put an ad there with the vibrator if you see they block my account block my account block my account like really a vibrator is bad an antidepressant and weight loss crap and all these chemicals is good are you guys kidding me a vibrator that on the contrary not only doesn't hurt but it helps your mental health it relieves my stress I have like 12-15 hour days work I go to bed at night the nights that I use my vibrator, that I have orgasms, I feel a million times more relaxed than the nights I don't.

There's actually also really interesting research that I had on

a sex tech expert from the UK.

And there's a lot of research on pelvic floor issues for women and a lot of internal healing can take place with vibration.

So those the pelvic floor and the pelvic floor tissues, it's really, really good for them to get worked out.

So it's physically healthy as well as emotionally healthy.

I totally support you.

I could not support this more.

And I will sign anything, I will get on board with all those petitions to help you find

loosen up.

We should start one, yeah, we should start one too.

I know, we should start passing one around because, yeah,

and when I they keep showing on my feed all this medication, and I'm like, you got this is a country so fucking over-medicated.

I'm sure they have so many lobbyists in this sea.

Maybe we need to send some sex and sex toy lobbyists

to DC because we are promoting the wrong shit.

Yes, yes, I agree.

And I think a lot of that comes down to loneliness.

That's something that I see in my research all the time, particularly for men.

There's really interesting social science on when boys, right, when boys and girls are growing up, you can see the language change in how they talk about friends and friendship.

So, right around 11, 10 to 12 for boys, 10, 11, 12, before then, they'll talk about, I love my best friend, you know, he's my best friend.

And I'm talking about boys, boys' friendships with other boys.

And then 10, 11, 12, all of their language shifts and they become a lot more isolated.

And the deep homophobia that we still have embedded in our culture means that there's this isolating effect that happens for boys and they lose a lot of their friendships over time.

And then that is exacerbated, you know, mid-20s to mid-30s.

A lot of people get married.

The folks that don't get married are even more isolated.

So, the deep, deep loneliness on the part of men, I think, is part of why they have so many issues because they don't have that deep emotional connection with other men.

They don't feel that sense of brotherhood.

They don't have that sense of, I'm not alone in the world.

So, they're trying to figure everything out on their own.

They're not, quote, allowed to have a whole range of feelings, right?

If you're put in the man box in this culture, you could basically be mad, but that's it.

You can't be sad, you can't be joyful, you can't have, if you're expressive as a boy and a young man, you're made fun of.

Yeah.

You're called nate.

Totally.

And that's very true.

And I see it show up in my men all the time.

So then they're really lonely.

And then that's, that's the place where they're coming from.

One of the words that came up in my research a lot on the men's side was, I'm hungry.

I need more.

I'm starving.

I'm thirsty.

You know, that word thirsty they would use as a joker like, oh, he's so thirsty.

But a lot of men are.

They are craving connection and they're not always skilled at getting it.

And so so one of the things we work on a lot that I work, you know, I do in-depth coaching with men.

I help them actually transform from the inside out.

Their sex and dating lives and relationship lives transform.

And I work with men that are married and I work with men that are single.

But one of the things that we work on a lot is their connection to other men, just having deeper connections and feeling met so that they don't have so much shame or isolation around things like erectile dysfunction, for example.

So when you looked at sex problems for men, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are huge on the list and I can't tell you the number of men that I've worked with where they're like yeah I don't really date because what's the point

I know that once I get into bed I'm not gonna be able to please her I'm not gonna show up the way that I want to sexually so they they're not even going after women and these a lot of these are the good guys that we were talking about so yeah I help men get confidence get connected you know

be feel like they're standing on solid ground so that they're coming to women from a place of strength instead of of feeling not good enough because i think for a lot of women their biggest fear is being too much and for a lot of men their biggest fear is i'm not enough oh wow that's that's amazing very very interesting work now so going back to using sex toys when i interviewed those 10 ladies the episode i also asked them about that how many of you use sex toys and how many of you would you would like to use sex toys with your partners and that's like

everybody said yes everybody I never got one girl that said, I'm even the ones that are embarrassed to introduce it in bed, they all want.

And a lot of the guys

want

to introduce sex toys to spice up the relationship, but they are super embarrassed talking about it.

Do you have any pointers?

Like, how do you bring this into the relationship?

How do you talk about it?

Any ideas at all?

Yes, definitely.

Yeah, I think this is, especially for couples that are already sort of established, I think it's really great to have a sex talk that's outside the bedroom.

So over brunch or like, hey, I've got something kind of sexy I want to talk to you about.

Like, can we have brunch this weekend or can we have dinner on Friday?

And sort of setting up a time that's outside the bedroom.

And then one of my, one of the ways that I sort of teach these kinds of conversations is to lead with vulnerability, to lead with vulnerability, to say,

Okay, I'm pretty nervous to have this conversation.

Or I've never talked about this with you before, or I've never talked about this with anyone and this is actually really fucking scary for me and I want to be closer to you I want to feel closer to you I want like leading with what is your emotional experience and then what is your intention because your intention really is I want to be closer to you.

I want to have fun.

I want to feel connected.

I want to explore our edges.

And that includes insexuality.

Like I want to explore sexual edges.

So this is really edgy for me to talk about, but I would love to introduce some toys into our sex life.

How do you feel about that?

And then slow down and allow the partner to tell you the truth.

They might be nervous.

They might be scared.

They might have feelings.

And I think a lot of times when we're in a heightened state and we're already scared, we're expecting to be judged.

So we take their facial expressions or, you know, we're sort of expecting a negative response.

So slow down, keep breathing, listen to the response.

Sometimes it's not going to be as enthusiastic as you want right away, but just know there's a lot here for a lot of people.

There's a lot of shame, there's a lot of emotion, and throwing it out there, one in three girls and one in six boys is a survivor of sexual abuse before the age of 18.

So it's very likely that either you or your partner or someone you've been with is a survivor of sexual trauma.

They might never have told you that.

There are so many signs of that that you might not be aware of.

So you don't always know what's going to happen in those conversations.

So just keep breathing, keep listening keep sharing but that's how i sort of teach my people to i like that idea yeah present it as like uh be vulnerable be honest about it and a lot of people send me this question oh but what if he says no i don't want to do it or what if she says no are you a pervert like if they get like a negative answer from their partner i think even if they say no then you then maybe you can come up with something that both of you feel comfortable with doing as opposed to you feeling like completely shut down, right?

Like if they say, no, I don't want to use a vibrator in bed, then maybe you could ask, okay, do you want to try something else that you're interested in trying,

right?

Yeah, and you can also take a little bit of time and slow down and just hear a little bit more.

Like, oh, can you tell me more about why that makes you uncomfortable?

Like, what is it about that?

Because

if you just shut it down, if they just say, no, I don't want to do that, I'm not open.

There's a reason for that.

Something happened, or they have some judgments about themselves, or some way they were raised, or it's okay to slow down and spend a little bit of time and say, can you tell me more?

I would never do something that you didn't want to do.

I'm not asking because I want to bully you into doing it.

That's not why I'm asking.

I just want to know you.

I want to know you more.

I want to know who you are and all of you.

All of you, right?

Your hopes, your fears, your hesitations.

I want to know you because I want to be closer to you.

So again, slowing it down getting more information really asking and being in depth and i'm just going to say it too is if you're an established couple and you need help with this get a sex coach get a sex uh therapist you know get some get some help in there because a lot of times a third party isn't invested in the same way and they're able to hold space in a different way.

And especially if someone has sexual trauma, sometimes having someone else that's experienced can help with that.

So I would just say, I think that there's a lot of value to getting some help.

And I think a lot of relationships might have made it if they'd gotten help sooner.

Oh my God, I couldn't agree with you more because people are so embarrassed.

Like they, I always say, talk about sex.

I am begging you.

Figure it out before you become roommates.

Because a lot of marriages and relationships, you end up roommates because you're living together and you're not fucking.

To me, that's a roommate.

And I think most people don't want to have roommates.

And that's probably, that's usually why most men cheat, right?

Especially men.

they go have sex with somebody else because they stop having sex with their partner.

And I love that you said that it's not embarrassing to ask for help.

Sit down if you love the person you are with and you want to continue having a great sexual life with them.

And that was a big problem in my marriage.

My husband wouldn't even hear the word therapy, like he was like, It was a waste of money.

I'm more intelligent than they are.

Fuck you, fuck everybody.

So I couldn't even bring it up, you know.

but I'm hoping that most people out there, you love your partner enough, they're like, yes, let's sit down with the therapist and figure out how we spice it up because it's all about keep it going, right?

Figuring something out.

I'm really happy that you brought up seek help if nothing else is working.

Yeah, and I worked, I work with couples.

I work primarily with men, single or in relationships, but I also do some work with couples.

And one thing I've noticed is I like to work with couples who are, they want to go from good to great, right?

So there isn't, it's not, they're not in distress.

I don't work with couples in distress.

I can, but I usually work with couples that are going from good to great.

And I'll give you a quick example: is

I was working with this couple, we were talking about sex, and she they often have sex on weekends, um, usually in the mornings.

They go to sleep early and wake up early, they're that kind of you know, go-getter couple, and they could work out together and stuff.

And we had this whole discussion about initiating.

So, one of men's biggest problems in the research is: I feel like I'm always the one initiating.

If I don't initiate, we won't have sex.

And this was sort of true in their relationship.

And she said, it's revealed during the session.

She's like, well, sometimes I'll wake up and her sex drive is actually higher than his.

And she'll say, I'll wake up and you'll yawn.

And so I'll think you're not, you know, available for sex.

And he's like, no, no, no, I am.

I am.

And so

we've come a really long way.

And she's gotten a lot more bold, you know, to your point in talking about it with the three of us and feeling safe.

And she's like, I'm scared you're going to reject me.

I'm scared I'm going to initiate sex and you're going to reject me.

And he's like, have I ever rejected you?

And I said, you don't have to be rejected to be afraid of being rejected.

We're all afraid of being rejected all the time.

So now she's gotten a lot more bold.

She's initiated during the day and it's really exciting.

So I think there's the sex therapists that I know that I'm friends with, they're like, it's never too soon.

And there are a lot of sex works out there now, like me.

There are people that are aspirational versus there's something wrong.

It's not that there's something wrong, it's just like you said, like going from good to great, or like let's start talking about this early, let's like really get to know each other here.

Because if we're going to go the distance, and I've been working with this couple since before they got engaged, right?

So now they're married and they know each other much better because of our work together than if they hadn't been having these talks at all.

And I find that really inspiring.

Another example is I did my talk on my sex research at this place, and one of the guys said, Oh, yeah, I went home and sort of had some of these talks, like, hey, I'd love to talk about sex and just hear anything that, you know, feedback that you have.

Like, I want to know.

And she said, Oh, well, remember last night when

I got really quiet, and then you switched.

I think he was going down on her or something like that.

And he said, Yeah, I thought what I was doing wasn't working.

And she said, No, I get really quiet before I come.

So if you had just kept going, I would have gotten there.

And he was like, That's fucking good to know.

But it's like communication For me, for me, I don't like having sex in silence.

Like, I like when the person talk, talk about it.

Tell me what's going on.

And I noticed from talking to my girlfriends that a lot of people are very quiet in bed.

And I don't know how you can interact with someone.

You need to grow like a little courage.

And I remember, like, I'm not dating anybody now, but last year I was dating someone and we had an amazing sex life.

He was really good.

But the first times I had sex with him, maybe because of his culture, I don't know, he was always quiet, super quiet.

The whole time, he would not say one word.

And then he would come.

And the only thing that would change was his breathing a little bit.

So I knew he was coming.

But then slowly,

I was talking and making noise.

And I asked, I said, Am I too loud?

And he was like, no, I love it.

Then I said, well, I would like that you say something true, you know, and then it got spicier and spicier and spicier.

So I think, like your client, if they're doing something you like, even if your tendency is to be silent, if you tell your partner that you're enjoying it, they're gonna keep going and they're gonna know you better.

And I think oral communication really spiced things up.

I don't know if you agree.

Yes.

Yes, and that's why I'm such a big fan of the sex debrief, too.

Is afterwards saying, oh, I'd love to talk about like, what did you like and was there

more of?

What did you like and what did you enjoy?

And was there anything you wanted more of?

I think that's a safe way of talking about.

I like that idea.

Yes.

Talk about it afterwards.

Yes.

Yes.

Having the sex debrief, pillow talk sex debrief.

I had a guest on my podcast, a couple, and they do something called a sex journal for couples.

So you each have a sex journal on the side of your bed and after you have a sexual encounter, you journal about it and then you can you can switch, you can read each other's journals.

Oh, that's an awesome idea.

Yeah.

But some people don't feel as safe vocalizing, but writing something down can help.

But I do think that, and was there anything you're wanting more of if i was a man who had sex with women i would ask that every time because let me tell you that when it comes to fingering and going down and even intercourse really

you know i think a lot of men really want a manual like what works what doesn't work like tell me the rules but women's bodies change significantly over time and we are dear friends

over the course of a month so the way that you touched my nipples last week might be painful this week because of my cycle so we're always changing.

It's always relevant.

You know, if you're a man and you want her to actually be experiencing pleasure, you want to be skillful at this part.

And one of the things I teach in my course is asking winning questions.

And what I mean by that is you don't want to ask her, is that good?

You want to ask her, like, how's that pressure?

You don't want to ask her yes or no questions.

You want to ask her questions that are going to get you something back that are going to help guide you because women's daughters are complicated.

You know, I have this quote from the research about a woman who identifies as bisexual, and she says, quote, yeah, women are harder to fuck than men.

The signals are more subtle.

You know, you got to pay attention to the noises and the breathing more.

It's different.

And I think that there's a lot of value to,

yeah, just having queer friends, people that have sex with bugs, different things.

For sure, yeah.

It can validate, like, yeah, it's different.

It is different.

It's more complicated.

It's more subtle.

And the cues are different.

But you do want to be skillful at understanding if you want her to actually have pleasure and most of the men that i know they do they want her to have we only want those guys that care about because that's let me ask you try to squeeze in these two more questions yes yeah so even if you are not in a relationship like if you're having sex with the person for the first time somebody you're dating anna the number one complaint I would say on my end, and you tell me if your research matches or not, maybe the number one or two complaint that from the messages I get, not enough foreplay.

Like a lot of guys rush into it, especially they say, like, when I'm not in a relationship, maybe it's casual sex or you're just dating for a little bit.

They're like, oh, I just want to fuck her.

And so the girls complain a lot about it.

Like, most women love foreplay, right?

We love kissing a lot.

We love hands all over our body.

To me, the number one thing is like the hands all over me.

I'm such a hands person.

The kiss and the touch.

If that's not all good, I don't care how big your dick is.

I don't want it.

I'm not gonna feel anything and a lot of guys rush it they get hard they're horny that that's it any tips for the guys to be a little more into foreplay and how can is there any way that a woman can mention that during the the hot and heavy makeout session without ruining it

yeah so first of all you're right that's a hundred percent what I see in the research and I remember so in my research I asked about the men who were best in in bed.

What did the men who were best in bed do?

And then what did the men who were not do?

And one of the things that a lot of women talked about was the build-up, anticipation, the tease, the buildup, and not even just during the sexual encounter, but the texts during the day, the attention on her, you know, wanting to feel special.

So I think when we talk about foreplay, yes, it's the physicality in the room, but it's also what happens before then too.

And that was something that surprised me from the research.

So I think, yes i think a statistic that helps with this is it takes about seven minutes for a man to come to full physiological arousal all the blood flow everything all systems go right full physiological

systems go i love that it takes women not twice as long not three times as long but four to five times as long really not me

it's women well no but so this is 25 to 40 minutes really

for a woman's body to come to full physiological arousal meaning lots of like lubrication, like body fully ready, like all the blood flow everywhere.

It takes a female body objectively much, much longer than it takes a male body.

So I think for men, I think two things are going on.

One, I think they're excited, they're thirsty, they often just have this craving, right?

Like, oh my god, it's happening, like, I need it now.

But I also think that they've learned from porn, and that's what's shown in porn.

But if you want a real female body to be turned on, you got to wait.

You got to wait.

You got to wait.

You got to just wait a little longer.

You don't have to escalate.

You don't have to do something new.

Like you said, you can just keep making out.

You can just keep, you know, stroking her hair.

You can keep touching her over her clothes.

You don't have to do something crazy, insane, creative.

You don't have to keep escalating.

You literally just have to wait longer.

You just have to do more of it.

So that's the biggest tip I would give to Ned: it just takes

patient.

But let's say he's not being patient and you really like this guy and you need a little more time is there anything you can say without ruining the mood

oh i would love to slow things down a little i want to savor this well some guys like you know even lose their erection like they they believe it or not i have girlfriends that told me that i have lay women that write to me and say that like oh my god i asked my barf and she's low down he's like

like they totally lose it.

Yeah, that's definitely an issue.

I see that in my research and in the work with men all the time.

And it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

Erections come and go.

I think that's another thing that we see in porn that makes men feel like they have to perform in a certain way.

And it's not true.

And most, you know, sexual encounters, you're going to be hard.

You're going to be soft.

You're going to be hard.

You're going to be soft.

That's okay.

It doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

And it doesn't mean there's something wrong.

And it doesn't mean she's not still getting aroused.

Like I said, right?

If you're you're extending that foreplay, she's gonna want that, you know, and you can get your erection back.

It's not the end of the world, but that's I think one of the biggest things that we talk about in

my sex work with men is their relationship to their erection.

Like, let's talk about it.

Oh, my God.

We need to do one whole episode just about that.

Because we, I'm gonna have to have you back.

Because

women send so many messages, they feel guilty if the guy loses the erection or if he doesn't get it up.

And then the guy feels guilty, embarrassed.

There is guilt.

It's such chaos.

We need to do an entire episode only about erection because I know it's such a big deal.

And we are almost running out of time.

But I wanna, before I let you go,

anybody out there listening, because like I said, my

goal is to normalize women, talk about and having better, happy sex lives.

And I keep saying that, even if you are single, and I use myself as an example, I'm single, I haven't been in a relationship for many months, I broke up this little situation I was in months ago, and I am happy with my sex life because, guess what?

I have sex with myself.

Not as often as I should, but I should.

But use your freaking sex toys, have your orgasms.

What is your message, women out there, men out there, that we have listeners all over the world.

If you're sitting there listening and if you're frustrated, we want to encourage you to not be shy about it.

What do you tell people like as a first step to being a little more sexually fulfilled?

Ooh, that's a great question.

I think one of the things that I

usually talk about is find the sex mentors that you like.

So I think, I think you're already winning.

You're listening to Kat, right?

You're here.

And to Melanie.

there's sort of a transmission of people that are sexually empowered and get around those people listen to those people um sometimes i'll say uh you know i i work with a lot of men and i'm very encouraging i love men i love working with men and so sometimes you know they'll hear my voice in their head just go for it you know if it doesn't work out with her we got your back yeah

and so i think there's a lot of value in finding your sex mentors and saying like what would cat do cat wouldn't give a fuck

i don't know if they want to, they should listen to me, but what I would do, because obviously I'm still single.

Well, but you know what I mean.

Like, will she pick up this guy and not care?

You know, and if he judges her, if he judges me, then I'll let him go.

Right.

I do think that's a good one.

Be single until you find a partner that is 1 million percent supportive and on your corner and has the same sexual energy, right?

If you want a lot of sex, your partner should want a lot of sex.

If you're more like a laid-back person like oh once a week is good for me then that's fine but I think you need to find a partner who is exactly on the same energy level as you are

yeah there's some compromise needed there because that's actually the one reason people go to sex therapists it's called desire discrepancy oh no I don't want to end up there when you ask people when you ask people if it's often like he'll be like, well, if it was after her, we would never have sex.

And then they ask him, like, well, what's your ideal?

And he's like, I don't know.

every day.

And then they ask the woman, and like, you know, well, what's your opinion?

And she's like, if it was up to him, we'd have sex every day, three times a day.

And they're like, okay, well, how much sex would you want to be having?

And she's like, I don't know, like one or two times a week.

So they're only off by like a few times.

Yeah.

Perception is huge.

So I think I just wanted to throw that out there because that is a major reason.

But you know, I have, I agree, but, and I'm going to throw something out there too.

Most men, and I don't know if that happens happens to you, like to me, in the beginning of the relationship, of course, they want to get you in bed.

So, every guy I meet, they always tell me, oh, I like to have so much sex, I have so much energy, la la la la la.

And then

turns out it's not really true, they get lazy or they just want to have sex at night, and they don't want to have sex in the morning, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I personally don't like people that get lazy because I'm like, come come on, let's not be late in any area of your, by the way, not just sex.

I have crazy energy to work, go out, work out,

I want a part of the same, but believe it or not, a lot of guys say that to girls in the beginning because they're like, they will say anything they want to get these girls in bed.

And then nowadays, women have a lot of sexual drive, right?

A lot more than in the past.

Then they complain that the guys are like getting lazy in bed.

Yeah, I think sometimes it's also stress.

Like a lot of the men that I work with, they stress, they're stressed about money, they're not getting enough sleep.

There's like lifestyle things that are going on with them, and their libido does go down when that's a factor.

So I know for a lot of my guys, it's fear and stress and anxiety and lack of sleep.

Not that they don't desire her, but it's exactly what you said.

It's about energy levels, not so much desire levels.

So I mean, I'm sure there are men that are lazy, and a lot of my guys, I feel protective of their hearts.

I'm like, they're not lazy, they're trying, they're just just really tired.

Okay, try harder, make more money, work come on,

the pressure is on,

Melanie.

You're amazing.

I most definitely want to invite you back because I'm sorry, guys, I could not cover all your math.

Every time I say I'm gonna do a sex episode, we get so many questions.

So, I will most definitely invite you back because I do want to talk about sexual dysfunction, erectile dysfunction, orgasms.

I got so many questions about orgasms.

I'm sorry.

We try to cover as much as we can.

You are absolutely incredible.

If you guys want to find your work, if they want to find you, it's on your website, right?

Can you help me out?

It's

melodycurton.com, right?

Yes, and my streaming course is called pleasherinbed.com.

And that will also bring you to my website.

That might be easier to remember.

Pleasherinbed.com is my streaming course for men who have sex with women.

and I made a little code for 20% off.

So, if you use the code CATZAM,

I'm gonna, I'm going to post that on my social media for you guys.

Man, if you're out there listening, take the course.

She's incredible.

She's a master's, a Stanford master's degree.

I mean, hello, you deserve all the praise in the world, and you're gorgeous, and you're talented.

I love it.

I really hope you come back because, listen, having sex is a very important part of healthy, fulfilling adult lives.

And we are going to start a petition

for this freaky guy.

We're like going like this with our hands because Instagram, Meta, whatever the hell you people are, you need to let us talk about healthy sex lives, less medication and more orgasms, right?

I'm going to start a campaign today.

Yes.

All of us are safer and more fulfilled when we're having these conversations.

Yes.

I'm going to send you a gift bag of Prazeris toys because I want you to see them.

I want you to try them out.

And if you love them, then we can send more to your clients because I'm all about people using sex toys with their partners and with each other.

Thank you.

You are absolutely incredible.

It was such an honor.

Thank you, Kevin.

Guys, go out there, have safe, amazing sex.

Have your orgasms.

Follow her work.

And hopefully, she'll be back with us very soon.

And before I let you guys go, have amazing sex out there alone with Prazeris Toys or with your partners or whoever it is that you want.

I want to tell you guys about this new partnership that I am so excited about.

I am so so proud to be doing a very special collab with this company called WALL-I.

They are cultural taste makers.

They created this movement called Good Vibes Movement, and it's basically to make people feel good.

I mean, even all of us, we have our bad days, right?

You can be like the most powerful kick-ass entrepreneur in the world.

Every now and again, we don't feel like ourselves,

we feel a little down, we don't feel motivated, we want to hide under the blankets.

And I love that they created these messages.

It's basically billboards that they put all over towns, all over the United States, with some powerful kick-ass messages.

So, for example, mine, my quote, which is like my favorite quote in the world that I never forget, is

feed the solutions, do not feed the problems.

So, they did this huge billboard in downtown LA with this quote.

And now I posted on Instagram for you guys to check it out.

So, if you're having like a bad day, if you're feeling a little down, follow them on Insta because every single day there's like a super, super adorable, inspirational message.

And it's basically for uplifting people.

And the goal is really that simple: to invigorate and elevate communities, both in the physical and digital world.

If you want to join them, send them a message on Instagram.

It's Wally, W-A-L-L-Y,

and you can put your quote out there and encourage people that might be feeling a little down and need a pep talk.

I hope you guys enjoy it.

Wally, thank you so much for this collab.

I'm really happy, really honored to be working with you guys.