CHEATERS Dissected - the Scandoval with my FAB in-house expert Love Coach Nicole Moore

So, before today's episode, I have to say that I've been having a really, really tough week.

My little dog Bellu passed away yesterday, March 8th.

And I'm a huge animal lover, and I consider my dogs my family member since I don't have any family left other than my stepdad down in Brazil.

So, I had a really hard time yesterday.

So, I have to say, first of all, I thought about canceling this episode for two reasons.

First, yes, because I don't feel that great.

I'm still recovering from Bellus passing.

But also, because we did record this episode in the beginning of the week, my guest, Nicole Moore, love coach and resident expert, was sweet enough.

We had some major audio issues.

Like the beginning of the podcast, we could not hear her.

So she was like, No, I'm totally fine with recording again.

And we both decided, Let's do it because this is such an important topic.

We're all joking a lot about it because it's a scandal,

it's like celebrities cheating on each other, blah blah blah.

But the truth is, talking about loyalty and fidelity and why people cheat is so so important.

And I know I get so many messages from you guys out there telling me stories of people that got cheated on, or you cheated.

Should I stay in the relationship?

Should I not?

So, hopefully, Nicole can bring some light to the situation.

It's one of those episodes, it's very me and it's very cat on the loose because it's not perfect by any means.

I recorded at home because, again, I am not feeling that great since yesterday.

I had such a horrific day.

My dog Phoenix is very rattled because, of course, he understands there is something going on, that Bellu is gone.

We did it at home, and you guys might hear Phoenix barking.

Then, all of a sudden, in the middle of the episode, my landscapers arrived.

I'm like, oh my god, what chaos.

I should definitely have gone to a quiet place or to a studio.

But I decided to keep going and rolling, to respect Nicole's time and how amazing she is and the fact that she was doing it for the second time, to bring the episode so we can actually talk about it.

And again, it's the essence of Cat on the Loose.

It's real life.

I know 99.9% of the podcasts out there are perfect.

Perfect audio, perfectly edited, perfect everything, which is amazing.

But that's not me.

That's not my work.

My work is like

sometimes real life is perfect and amazing and great, and sometimes it's total chaos.

Like it's the situation with this episode.

That being said,

we talked about Scandoval.

And if you guys don't know what it is, if you haven't been following it on social media and on TV, it's totally out there.

And we talk about cheaters and why people cheat.

And should you give a cheater a second chance or not?

So I hope you guys enjoy it.

And many kisses.

Be safe.

Hi, beautiful girlies and boys out there.

Today, we're going to talk about a very touchy subject.

I've been wanting to talk about it for a long time, and now, because of the scandal

all over the news, I think it's a very appropriate time to do that.

And I brought my fabulous expert that I love so much.

She's a love coach.

For those of you who don't know her, let me introduce her.

Her name is Nicole Moore.

Hi, Nicole.

Hi, I'm glad to be here.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate you coming to help us.

Let's dissect.

We're going to talk about cheating.

And even for people that don't watch TV a lot, which is my case, but I mean, it's all over social media.

It's all over the news.

And it's interesting because it's hitting a nerve on people.

The story of now everybody's talking about scandal.

So can you have me give a little background for the people out there listening and then we're going to talk about it?

On the scandal?

Yeah, on the scandal, and then we'll jump into the cheating situation.

Okay, basically on the show, Vincent Point Rules, a couple, Ariana and Tom, have been dating for many, many, many, many years.

Okay, there's another girl named Raquel who we all kind of fell in love with a little bit.

We felt bad for her because her whole storyline was, I'm so sweet, but I keep getting cheated on by my boyfriend, James.

So for years, we watched four sweet Raquel, sweet innocent Raquel, get cheated on.

And we were like, oh, I felt so bad for her.

She's so sweet.

Well, it turns out she's actually not not that sweet because she's been sleeping with her bestie ariana's boyfriend for the past six months or so and totally under the radar um and even in the same house so while ariana was sleeping in bed in her house that she shares with tom they bought a house together and i also saw this morning by the way that not only did they buy the house together but they use the house as collateral for Tom to open up his bar so Ariana he bargained for her home but she gave the collateral too to open up the bar.

So,

you know, people are up in arms because not only is this a guy cheating on a girl is not really big news, but it's that Raquel, who was best friends with Ariana, went and tried to take her man.

And so everybody is all up in arms about this.

Okay, so let's dissect it.

So there's this famous show, Vanderpump Rules.

For those of you who never watch, I watch bits and pieces over the years and I see a lot of it on social media because it's here in LA.

It's basically a group of friends, right?

They're friends and they hang out together for many years.

And they work at this restaurant that actually really exists here in like a few blocks from my house in West Hollywood called Sur, correct?

The owner of Sur is Lisa Vanderpomp.

And so this group of friends they've been hanging out for years.

So this one couple that we're talking about, Tom Sandoval, hence the Scandoval,

and he has a living girlfriend, like you said, Ariana.

They, it's not like they've been dating for a minute, they were basically married, maybe not married on paper, but they've been living together for many, many, many years, over six years.

And now, like you said, we find out the details.

They bought a house together.

She's being insanely supportive.

Now you add it to the pile of shit.

Like, she put this house as collateral for his business.

So basically, this girl is like 100 million percent on board with this dude.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And now we find out, okay, Raquel is this girl that was also a waitress at Sur,

she was dating the DJ at Sur, right, called James Kennedy.

So rewinding the story a little bit, apparently James Kennedy broke her heart first, right?

So they break up.

Yeah.

Because he was cheating on her.

So now we find out this Raquel girl was having a relationship, so it wasn't like a one-night stand, she was literally having a full-blown affair with Tom Sandoval behind Ariana's back for many, many months.

Yeah, and even to the fact that they have matching necklaces.

So, they apparently, uh, Raquel and Tom have matching lightning bolt necklaces to signify their love.

And also, the weird thing is, is that Tom Sandoval went dressed as Raquel for Halloween.

Who goes dressed as their mistress for Halloween?

Like, that's just

so odd.

So, it's almost like, I don't know, but it's almost like they wanted everybody to find out by this behavior and, like you said, matching necklace.

So, they were doing all this shit behind everybody's back for many, many, many months while he's still living with girlfriend Ariana.

I mean, this is wrong on so many levels.

I don't even know, like, my brain is like on fire now.

I don't even know where to start.

But let's start,

since you're the expert, let's talk about the cheating part.

Because if I'm in a relationship, for me, loyalty is on top of my list.

Like, I want to know that the person I sleep with has my back in front of me and behind me.

So, to me, that's the number one thing that is like a serious, serious, serious deal breaker is the loyalty.

So, let's forget Raquel for a minute.

The biggest problem is like, how in the freaking world could Tom do this to this girl that he's supposedly in love, that he's been living with in the same room for so many months?

Is there an explanation?

Like, how can somebody do that to someone else?

He doesn't really love her.

I think he thinks he loves her or whatever his version of love is.

Like, even in his apology, it's like, I love her more than the camera saw, he said, or something like that.

It's like, no, like, you love, he loves himself.

That's the problem.

Dom Sandoval, whether he's diagnosed as a narcissist or not he's he's bottom line he's in it for himself you know even to take the house and and uh use it as collateral damage so basically taking ariana's share and endangering that you know like he's in it for himself so he may feel like he loves her but you don't do that to somebody you love because you you you care about them you you have a conversation with them you say hey i'm not happy or hey i I'm having feelings for Raquel.

You don't go behind their back and not only behind their back, but flaunt it.

Like to dress as your mistress for Halloween is psycho.

Like there's something psycho going on there for sure.

I agree.

It's really creepy.

And you, you just mentioned something that to me is the most important thing in a relationship.

Like you said, of course, everybody's entitled to change their mind.

We are all humans.

We all make mistakes.

But this is a huge difference between even having like an affair, one-night stand.

But whatever happened, he should have been man enough to look at ariana's face right the same eyes you you look at someone's face just say let's buy a house together i love you yeah let's get a collette around the house so i can build a business you should have the balls to look at the person in the eyes and say yeah i'm having feelings for feelings for this other girl and you know i just gotta go and explore that so he's a freaking coward Yeah, it's just at the end of the day, yeah, he's a coward.

And it's not just like Tariana.

Like, there's inter people are dissecting the interviews now so like people are interviewing him about what's happening and you can now you watch back and you can see he's lying he's lying to so many people right all the people who did interviews and that because they they kind of created a fake storyline where raquel kissed tom uh schwartz who is tom and our best friends and they created this fake storyline where raquel kissed tom schwartz but it was all a cover and now if you look at the interviews they're asking tom sandoval about oh raquel kissed Tom Schwartz.

And you can see his face is so uncomfortable.

And he's just lying and lying.

They're like, Tom, how's your relationship with Ariana?

And he's like, it's so great.

We really support each other.

So just lying upon lying upon lying.

So, you know, that's the issue for me with cheating.

When it's long-term cheating, it's that somebody's also a long-term liar.

And if somebody's so comfortable lying to the media, to all your friends, just if they're that comfortable lying, like that to me is almost the bigger issue.

I agree.

No, it's some kind of pathology, right?

Because, like you said, it's, I think I never ever lied.

And I swear to God, I never had an affair in my entire life.

And we talked a little bit about that

in previous episodes.

Although I was married for 14 years and it was a very difficult and happy marriage.

I was verbally abused.

Our sex life was horrible, horrible.

I never, ever, ever cheated because of what you just said.

Loyalty and not lying.

And it takes a a ton of energy to lie because you got to memorize the lies.

Like if you're saying, if we're saying the truth, it's in our brain, right?

But if you got to memorize, you've got to really put a lot of energy into all this bullshit.

And like you said, they were doing it for a very long period of time.

Yeah, yeah.

So that's the thing.

I don't know.

Like, I don't know if some people are just more honest than others, but I think some people like you, I'm like that too, value loyalty, value honesty.

It's just an integrity thing.

Like, you don't want to be out of integrity with yourself.

Like, I wouldn't want bad karma.

I wouldn't want to feel bad within myself.

Like, I can't imagine these people that lie to their partner for months or years.

Like, how do you look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you're doing this?

So, that's also a problem, right?

Because they have to deny everything.

You know, like, they're out of touch.

Like, they're out of touch with themselves.

So, of course, they're going to mess up the whole thing.

And, of course, in this case, and in the case of most cheaters, I think there is the added component of the disgust that I feel because you're sleeping with two people?

Like, I cannot imagine.

Like, there was some report.

I don't know if it's true that they were actually having sex in their house while Ariana was out of town or something.

I'm thinking because it has happened to me.

And I think I told you the story.

The first boyfriend I had after Anthony died, he was my long-term boyfriend.

And over a year into it, I found out literally on Valentine's Day, he spent the whole day with his ex-girlfriend.

And at night, he took his clothes off and he jumped in bed with me.

So, he had sex with her the whole night, and he had sex at night with me.

And it disgusted me when I found out.

I wanted to vomit.

I went to the doctor because I felt violated.

I really felt like almost raped.

Yeah, and I'm sure Ariana must be having the same feeling now.

Like, we deserve to have the choice to know, like, if our bodies are being respected, or if you're fucking somebody else a few hours before, you're fucking it to be very blunt.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

The same thing happened to me, by the way, where my ex did the same thing.

In the morning, he slept with her, then at night he slept with me.

And I felt the same way, you know.

And this is the thing that's also another layer of this: is that, listen, when, like, since Raquel was besties with Ariana and she's sleeping with Tom, I just think about how Ariana probably was confiding in Raquel about the relationship, right?

So it's not like Raquel didn't know what was going on.

Like, a lot of women who sleep with married men or people who are taken, the dude will bash the wife.

Oh, the wife, she's she's crazy she's crazy or he'll he'll he'll say lots of bad stuff about the girlfriend or the wife and then the girl who's doing the cheating it's almost like she feels a little bit better because it's like oh the wife is so bad but in this case right like Ariana, Raquel knows Ariana.

She knows she's not a bad person.

So it's, to me, it's almost even worse, you know, because she can't fall back on like, oh, I'm, you know, there's this person that I'm not hurting.

I think a lot of people when they're cheating or when they're with somebody who's taken, they don't think about the wife that much they don't think about the girlfriend right they're just in their own world they're just like i want this love but for raquel to literally know that that's her best friend and she's proving it to her that to me is just crazy like how do you do something so horrible to your

friend like now i'm putting friends on quotes because i didn't know that part you're telling me so they were close friends like that they would hang out and talk to each other yeah that that to me,

yeah, I cannot understand a friend doing that to another friend, especially.

Raquel is young.

She's pretty.

She seems insanely mature to me.

Like when I watch her talk, I feel like it's a 15-year-old talk, not like a 20-something-year-old.

I think she has some kind of a maturity issue in her head, but she's beautiful and she's on TV.

And we're sure that there are tons and tons of guys that would totally date her in a second, right?

Why, nicole why is there an explanation why you would go after your friend's live-in boyfriend can you justify that no no okay so raquel tried to justify in her in her in her statement she said oh i have love addiction or or whatever but honestly i just think that whatever raquel's need for attention must be like she just probably felt like she needed that so much and so listen some people are like that right whatever they need matters most they don't care if they hurt people or they'll say I'm so sorry but like some people they consider others right it's like if I do this what's the

right yeah some people don't give a shit they're just like I want this I want the attention

I actually think that probably Raquel has somehow convinced herself that like he loves me more like maybe she was getting a thrill out of it in a way like oh he actually really loves me more than he loves her and look and I'm so special I think she just wanted to feel special and listen she was cheated on publicly

in the world.

So I'm not saying that doesn't have an impact, like everybody seeing her get cheated on.

I just think that something in her felt like she needed this dude's love and she was willing to do anything to get it, even hurting her best friend.

I think, do you think, I was thinking, because I'm not an expert or a psychologist, but because she got hurt by her ex-boyfriend, James,

do you think maybe it's a way of like transponding the pain?

Like, oh, I'm gonna hurt another another woman.

I don't care.

It's not like they justify their head, like, oh, it's not my problem.

That's the guy I want and he likes me.

She's like kind of repeating the behavior and transforming her pain into somebody else's pain.

Absolutely.

And listen, like this show takes place in LA.

Like there is a lot of cheating in LA.

I mean, if you just talk to people in LA, sometimes, especially in the show biz, there can be this assumption that it just happens.

Well, this is just what it happens, you know?

so maybe after it happened to her maybe she was innocent maybe she was or what her act was I'm so innocent and then she got hurt and then she didn't deal with the hurt and so it comes out against somebody else well it's interesting that you said that like it's la

uh I personally think

I always defend LA of course because I love it I grew up here I think there are good and bad people everywhere In the movie, industry, yes, the movie, the TV magnifies fame and what we do and everything.

And I do agree goes up to some people's heads.

And I do think this sandoval guy is a narcissist and crazy, and he loves fame, and he loves himself more than he loves anybody else.

If you watch him on TV, I always thought he was a little too crazy.

He looks at himself in the mirror a little too much.

But yes, I know it makes it worse.

There is a lot of cheating around LA, but I don't think it's an LA problem.

I think it's an ethics problem.

But let me ask you a question.

Last night, Lisa Vanderpump was talking to Andy Cohen on the Bravo show.

I don't know if you watched it, and at one point, she said, Well, you know, they didn't murder anybody, everybody cheats, so many people lie and cheat, so many people do it.

Give them a break, give them space to heal.

And it made me sad when I heard that because our people are getting numb towards being liars

because she was simplifying it.

Like, well, you know, everybody does it.

If we bring that down to Lisa Vrandepal's relationship, if she's saying everybody cheats, then you better believe that that's happened in her relationship, you know, because nobody who's like, she wouldn't say that unless it happened in her relationship.

But anyways, it's not about Lisa Vandenpalm.

I think people do get, I think some people, I think, listen, some, everybody, it's hard to believe if bad things, some people, bad things happen to them, if they get cheated on, it's hard to believe that everything's going to be different, right?

So I think a lot of people are going through that in relationships where it's like, my ex left me, my ex cheated on me, my ex lied to me and you can kind of start to believe that it's everybody right and it's not everybody right

you do have to look for i think there are some people um in this world they do have ethics they do have loyalty it's just their character and that's not everyone in this world i agree and i

yeah and i honestly like i don't want to be in a world that we start thinking that this is okay that it's like oh you know it's okay everybody i don't think somebody doing something wrong to us, like, even if you got cheated on, it doesn't justify you going and doing the same thing to somebody else.

I don't want to believe that, you know, like we, I don't want us to be desensitized, that all of these behaviors are okay.

And I couldn't believe she said that on TV.

Like, she's totally like, oh, give them a break, give them space.

Like, what do you mean?

I personally think if it was my restaurant, if I were the owner of the restaurant, or whatever, if I'm making, I don't care how much money I'm making on the show, but if I'm the boss, I would fire them because my ethics always are going to go in front of money.

Obviously, they're not going to get fired because this is ratings gold.

I know they're filming the whole shit and

they want everybody to see it.

But I think they're sending a horrible message out there.

No matter what you do,

we're going to pay you more because of course now the lawyers are going to renegotiate their call.

They're going to make more money.

They're going to become more famous.

And they're going to show this crap on TV.

What is your opinion?

Do you think they should show all this stuff?

Hey, guys, make sure you enter the room dick first.

Blue Chew isn't just a tablet.

It's a cheat code for your crotch.

Stronger, harder, longer-lasting, like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and major gym membership.

Blue Chew is the original brand offering twoable tablets for much better sex.

And ladies, if you're listening, tell your guys about it because who doesn't want a partner who can perform better in bed and last longer?

I think that's every woman's dream, right?

Guys, this isn't just about performance, this is about legacy or third legacy.

Give her group chat something to talk about.

You know, when you lay it low, they're talking about how it gets up.

Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little blue chew.

Discover your options now at bluechew.com and take your sex life to the next level.

And we've got a special deal for our listeners.

As always, get your first month of Blue Chew free.

Just use promo code CATKAT at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping.

That's it.

Join Blue Chew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time.

Head to bluechew.com now for details and safety info.

And big thanks to Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.

Running a business comes with a lot of what-ifs.

That's why you need Shopify.

They'll help you create a convenient, unified command center for whatever your business throws at you, whether you sell online, in-store, or both.

You can sell the way you want, attract the customers you need, and keep them coming back.

Turn those what-ifs into why-nots with Shopify.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com/slash special offer.

That's shopify.com/slash special offer.

You don't technically need this car.

You say that out loud to yourself.

You say, I have no space.

You say, eh, I'm just looking.

Then you click.

Then you zoom in on photo number 87 and whisper, oh no.

Then you text a friend, the one who always enables you.

You say to yourself, this is the last one, knowing it is not.

You don't need this car.

But maybe, just maybe, this car needs you.

Bring a trailer.

It's never just a car.

If you used Babel, you would.

Babel's conversation-based techniques teaches you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world.

With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, Babel is like having a private tutor in your pocket.

Start speaking with Babel today.

Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription right now at Babel.com slash Spotify.

Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash Spotify.

Rules and restrictions may apply.

I think they're going to do it no matter what, right?

You say that there's no counterbalance.

Listen, everybody cares about this, right?

Like, everybody, like, is so activated by the drama, you know?

So it's just the problems is that there's no other examples, right?

It's not highlighted.

There's couples in Hollywood that are together forever and there's no cheating.

There's couples everywhere.

There's people who are integrity all across the globe.

It's just, yeah, reality TV highlights

the worse you do, the worse of a person you are, the more famous you're going to be.

Raquel's Instagram followers have gone up since this started.

Like, why would somebody follow her?

That's what I understand.

Like, why why are you following her?

Me neither.

I know.

I know that you know, I think you know this, but that's how that's how it is.

So, I think the issue is that, and I think that people, I think people believed in Tom and Ariana.

That's the thing.

People thought that they were a solid couple.

So, when we have a couple like this, where it's like, it's like if Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively broke up, everybody would be like, What are you talking about?

You know, it's like there's these couples where people,

they're a good example.

They're solid.

I want to be like that.

When that kind of couple has an issue like this It does kind of make people feel like

It's hard to get

you know so we need more examples of I agree for me like I said I don't even care about Raquel because I think it's that famous phrase I don't know if you agree hurt people hurt people Yeah, absolutely.

I think that's her.

She was hurt.

She doesn't give a fuck.

She has no ethics, obviously.

I don't care how many apologies she puts on her Instagram.

She's an unethical, uh disloyal person and i really believe in karma and i think life is gonna take care of her she's gonna suffer a lot this girl she needs to i agree she needs to back up and you know go to therapy

think about her actions so i don't even want to talk too much about her because i don't think she deserves it but like you said the loyalty should be between the people in the relationship because there is always going to be women that are going to try to have an affair with your guy and vice versa i think the loyalty should be to each other, that you really got to look at each other's eyes and tell each other everything that's going on, even if it's something bad, even if it's bad news, like, you know, I fucked up, I had a one-night stand, I had an affair, I'm attracted to another person.

Do you agree?

Absolutely.

I mean, then why are people, listen, if you're choosing to get into a monogamous partnership, if that's what you're choosing, then you have to choose that, right?

And there's benefits to that kind of partnership, right?

The benefits are that closeness, that having that best friend by your side and all of that.

There is a downside to some people, it's a downside, to some, it isn't.

The one thing is that can't sleep with other people, like that's kind of the agreement, right?

Like you're going to get all of these good things and you're going to have all of this good, but you're letting go of sleeping with other people, right?

And so if you make that agreement, you should honor that agreement.

And if you feel like you're getting to a point where you can't honor it, you should at least give your partner the chance to hear it from you.

Communicate, share your feelings, let them know what's going on, you know, like that's respect like letting them know ahead of time is respect if not you are a coward i agree if there is no respect there is nothing else and i think i talked to you a little bit about my situation in the past and i got so many messages about it but and i want your opinion because i know my opinion is a little controversial when it comes to cheating i'm not saying cheating is okay by any means Like you said, if you are in a monogamous relationship, it's because both of you want to be in a monogamous relationship.

Fantastic.

Appreciate what you have.

But when I met Anthony, my husband, he was going through a really nasty divorce, and we met.

I was very young.

He was much older than me, but he actually told me in the first few months of our relationship.

He said, I don't know if I'm ready.

I like you a lot, but I don't know.

The only thing I can promise you is, I'm never going to lie to you.

And sure enough, whenever he messed up, like one time he went on a trip and he had sex with someone else, the minute he came home, he told me.

He said, Look, I was in Portugal.

I got introduced to a girl.

We ended up, it sucked.

I was thinking about you the whole time, but at least he told me and I knew where I stood.

And I actually told, hey, go.

The more I said, go for it, do your thing, La Nana, he kept coming back to me.

And then one day he said, you know what, you're the woman I like, you're the one I love.

Thank you for being so patient.

I personally think men are a lot like kids.

The more you tell tell them, hey, yes, be honest, go do your thing, the more, the less they're gonna do it.

But I prefer a guy that tells me, yeah, I prefer a guy that tells me to my face if he messes up than the guy that does it on my back.

Yeah, absolutely.

And listen, it's, I think it's great that you told you, you know, because then you could have said, if you're okay with it, you're okay with it.

If you're not, you can at least choose something different, right?

And like, listen, like, I don't think Ariana wants to have kids or anything like that.

She's 37.

But like, the worst thing is is if you're, it's behind somebody's back.

You're, it's not the relationship that they want.

Like if you, if you want that relationship, right, where if they mess up, they tell you they're honest, that's the relationship you want, you stay in it.

But if it's not, if you don't want that relationship where they're doing stuff behind your back, you don't find out for a year, two years, three years, four years.

You could be wasting somebody's time, right?

Time they have to go do other things.

So it's just not, it's not respectful.

Like let people know who you are.

You're supposed to be honest in a relationship and say, this is who I am.

Do you want this or not?

Right.

And I think that's the issue with like Tom.

He presented one thing and then he acted separately.

And now his mask has fallen off and he's showing who he is.

Yes.

And I think they caught on camera like when Ariana found out finally, he kind of gaslighted her.

Like he went and put the blame on her.

Like, oh, I didn't tell you because of you to protect you, like your mental health or something.

How fucked up is that?

He's a fucking liar, right?

That's bullshit.

Like, her mental health is gonna be worse, um, worse now, you know.

Like, so, yeah, that's um, that's classic gaslighting, and it just shows you, listen, like, I want to hear from Ariana at some point because this, this relationship could not have been that good on the inside.

Like, she probably was missing out on so much, right?

Like, being with that kind of person.

If he's gaslighting her about why he cheated, he probably wasn't that good of a partner at the end of the day, you know?

So, she can do so much better.

I think the whole universe agrees.

Now,

is there when somebody cheats, yeah, it's very painful.

Some people forgive cheaters.

I get messages from girls every week.

Ever since the scandal broke, I've been getting a lot of messages too.

Like, oh, my boyfriend did the same, but then he told me he loved me.

Do you think it's possible to fix such chaos?

Should a cheater deserve, like, let's say if Tom went back to, oh, I love you, Ariana.

It was a mistake.

Let's fix it.

Is it fixable?

Can a cheater be fixed or is this situation fixable?

I don't think if they're, okay, if they're a serial cheater and they're a serial liar, no.

To me, that's very different.

Tom, so if we go back in history, Tom was with another girl, Kristen.

He cheated on her.

Tom and Ariana got together because Tom kissed

Tom kissed Ariana while he was still with Kristen.

So he cheated on Kristen.

I mean, it was just a kiss, but he he still, he did that with Ariana.

He's been a cheater, right?

And so that, and he's also been like a narcissistic personality this whole time, you know?

So, so if somebody to me has been cheating and lying for a long time and for with the same person and you have to make up so much stuff just to keep that going, that's to me very different than if somebody messes up one time, they're at a party, they're at a bathroom at or whatever.

Like, I'm not saying it's not painful if that happens, but to me, me, that's totally different.

Somebody does it one time and they apologize and they get how much it hurts you and they don't try and make you feel like it's like sometimes cheaters will be like, don't feel bad about the hurting and they don't feel bad about the cheating and they try and make you not feel bad, right?

If they're doing that, if they're like, don't feel bad and they don't even give you space to feel your emotions, that's like a really bad, bad thing.

Like when my ex cheated on me, he told me it was my fault.

And he made me feel horrible.

It's like, I cheated because you're crap.

Like, there's something wrong with you.

If they do that,

that's a big, big red flag.

If somebody's like honest and real and really apologetic, then believe them.

But I always say to people who, if the ex is coming back and he's saying, I love you, don't believe it.

Like, don't don't believe it.

Watch.

and see go back to the beginning right like you have to clean slate don't give them all the love and all the benefit of the doubt that you've built up over the years they've now lost all of that okay you have to go back to zero.

They cheated, all the positive that was built up is now gone.

So now you have to evaluate them for that space as if almost you haven't met them before.

Do you like how they are now?

Do you like how they're showing up now?

Because a lot of people are like, oh, I love him and we have the history.

And they give the benefit of the doubt.

You can't do that anymore.

They've lost that privilege, right?

You have to look and say, do I really believe them over time?

And some people change.

Like, people absolutely do change.

But some people don't.

Yeah.

I agree.

I think, well, for me, in my case, yeah.

So Anthony, my husband was in the beginning,

he cheated a few times.

But once he looked me in the eyes and said, okay, I want to be with you and I want to be in a committed relationship with you.

For the rest of our relationship, for the rest of the 14 years, I knew 1 million percent this man was like madly crazy, despite the bad things, but he was so loyal to me, so loyal to me.

and i think that's the most important thing i don't know if you can fix broken loyalty i think like you said yeah maybe people change a few things no no no but if you lie so much and if i know somebody's not loyal to me what's gonna make you become loyal tomorrow right if you didn't have my back all of these months how do i know oh now all of a sudden you will in the future Yeah, you won't.

You won't.

You know, so, yeah, I mean, listen, how they were showing it.

Yeah, you're exactly right.

Like, it's not like people magically change their personality over time.

And even like, you know, like both with this Tom and Raquel and they're like, they're apologizing.

I'm going to go to therapy.

It's like, it takes time.

Like, like.

It's like

a lot of time.

It's funny when these people get caught doing something wrong on TV.

They're like, oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm going to go to therapy.

Like you said.

And they think like it's magically going to make them like into a better person.

It takes time.

Trust me.

I've been helping people heal for 11 years in the area of loving relationships and and it takes time you know what i mean and and people can really change like i have i have seen it in my clients where they'll be one way and they'll change but they're also really dedicated they're also like you know what i mean they they they want the change so also if somebody's changing just because they got caught and they're not changing because it's what they want to do it's kind of like if you try and force someone into rehab like yeah if they're not ready it doesn't matter they can say oh i'm done I went to rehab they're just gonna drink again I agree I completely agree I think you have to do it for you you have to to decide that you want to be a better person I think Raquel is still gonna suffer a lot in the hands of cheaters I think Tom is definitely gonna cheat on the next girl that he's with I hope to god Ariana never considers

getting him back but I agree with you there's something so much better for her out there and this is what I say to girls in the same situation out there and tell me if you agree or not as painful as it is to break up and start over and we've all been there it's horrible you need time to heal the right person for you is trying to find you the person that is going to respect you and love you and actually appreciate what you have so don't give the the lying cheating dishonest person another chance let the right person find you

absolutely i agree and and you can and the thing is is like sometimes when you're in that relationship and you're not realizing how bad it is, you know, when you break free, you start to get yourself back again.

You start to get your sexiness back again.

You start to flirt.

You start to feel like, oh, maybe the problem wasn't me.

I'm sure that Tom was making Ariana feel like she's the problem, right?

I'm sure that was happening on some level.

So, you know, like, I think when you first break up, you think the world is over, right?

And you think, oh, it's all, it's all my fault.

But eventually you realize it was them, it wasn't you.

And then you can have fun, you know, like you can flirt, you can, you can have an adventure and you can absolutely find something.

I mean, I've I've literally worked with people who've had the worst of the worst possible traumas you could think of in their relationships.

And they find somebody and then they're like, oh my God.

I can't even believe I thought that that relationship was all that was possible because they have something that's, you know, so much better.

So it takes time.

But one day, Ariana and anybody else who's listening who's been cheated on like this, you'll laugh and you'll be like, Why was I so upset about that?

Because you'll be in a better situation.

Yeah, I think us, especially women in general, when somebody breaks our heart, we start thinking about what did we do wrong?

Oh my god, should I have been prettier?

Should I have been thinner?

Should I have been better in bed?

Should I have done this wrong?

Should I have done that?

I hear that all that.

I've done it.

All my girlfriends do it.

Instead of thinking, well, maybe it's his problem.

Maybe he has issues.

Maybe he doesn't appreciate what we have a tendency to blame ourselves and I'm guilty of it I think it took me a long time to look at myself in the mirror and say you know what maybe it's not my fault I am freaking great and fabulous I'm a good partner I am loyal I started doing this exercise of like self-love you need to remember all your qualities right you need to remember why you are a great high quality partner and stop blaming yourself so much and and putting yourself out there in the dating game again even if you're not ready to date someone for me it always works like if i go back to the dating apps or if i know all the messages i get from guys just knowing that there's so many men out there that want to date me kind of helps me heal from heartbreak Absolutely.

Listen, everybody likes to have that little bit of attention and love when you're single, of course, right?

Yeah.

When you're

there are so many people out there.

And when you're in a long-term relationship, especially women can get so hyper-focused.

Like, you don't think about, like, especially if you're loyal, you literally don't think about other men, other women, whoever you're with.

So that's the fun part about being single is that you can, you can talk to whoever you want to, and you can attract what you want.

Like, being single, the benefit is like you can focus on what you want and you can call it in.

So

it's not that bad if you're using it in the right way to like manifest what you want and bring it in.

I completely agree.

And I hope I'm sure like Ariana must be hurting a lot.

Thank God she has a fabulous support system behind her.

I think it's adorable how the other girls on the show are like posting photos and everything saying that they're 100% behind her.

I don't know if the report is true that Sheena, one of the girls, punched Raquel in the face.

Did you see that part that Raquel got a restraining art?

I don't know if it's true.

I know that, but then I saw something else that was saying it might be fake, so who knows?

Because, like, I don't know, but listen, I mean, I'm not i'm not glorifying uh violence at all but i can understand why she would be upset why sheena would be upset with raquel right because they're also really good friends um if she hit her she probably could have done something else other than hit her but like you know it's it's it's because to find out your friend has been lying to you even if you're not the one cheated on is it's it's shocking nobody likes to Nobody likes to figure out that the people who they love are just not who they think they were at all.

yeah no so true we hope that our inner circle of friends are people that we can trust that not like you're gonna go to the bathroom and they're like flirting with your man i think that's disgusting but again i would hope like if i'm dating someone my guy and i go to the bathroom and one of my girlfriends try to flirt with him i would want my guy to tell me

Yeah, absolutely.

That's the kind of partner we want, right?

The lawyer.

Because women are always going to do it, unfortunately.

But I want my men to say, Hey, you know, I gotta tell you this: this your girlfriend is not your friend, right?

That's what we want in a man, 100% loyalty.

Yep, yeah,

uh, Nicole, thank you so much.

I have to say, we did reach out to Ariana's team, of course.

I know the entire country is trying to interview her.

We're trying to bring her on the show, and I did tell her if she needs guidance, help, support, that we are going to hook her up with you because I love your insights.

You have a ton of experience.

So if you guys out there are listening, Ariana's team, if you're listening and you want to have a coaching session with Nicole, please, please send us a message and we'll hook her up.

Yeah, let's do it.

Thank you so much.

And if anybody out there is listening and going through a breakup, it's also on a serious note, it's important to say that it's totally okay to get help, right, Nicole?

Because it's very hard to go through it.

Absolutely.

And it's hard, like we talked about, it's hard to go through and not blame yourself, you know, and like so many people get stuck.

That's what I hate.

I hate when somebody gets hurt and they get stuck and then they feel like they can't find love.

And it's like, you're letting that other person keep you in that position.

Even if it's been, you know, five years, some people are still like, my ex did this, so I can't find love.

It's like we all get hurt, but I don't like people to stay in the hurt.

I like them to use the hurt to heal and then find something even better, you know?

So get help, get support.

I mean, I have a million, I have a whole podcast how to heal from from breakup with an ex who was abusive narcissistic or crazy so listen to that podcast if you want some if you want some help and and just like do things that are going to make you feel good about yourself and bring your confidence back yeah i love by the way i was listening to that episode yesterday because i felt i needed it and it's a fabulous episode i will put the link on my social media and if you guys want to listen to her videos her work i i think you're super insightful on instagram it's nicole more love and you're also the TV host of a super cool show called Reality of Love Show.

Yeah, we talk about, that's what we do.

We talk about love.

Love, love, love, love.

And their love lives.

At the end of the day, never give up on finding love, correct?

There are good people out there.

I completely agree.

Even in LA.

Even in LA.

Even though La Surbanic says that it is, it's true.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much, Nicole.

I appreciate it so much.

You're amazing.

Thank you, guys.

And be nice, be honest, be loyal.

Don't cheat.

Tell your partners to their faces, whatever you have to tell them.

Sorry, Phoenix is going crazy barking.

We are healing from losing my little dog, Bellu, but I really wanted to get this episode done.

Thank you.

You're amazing.

You're the best.

And I'll talk to you guys very soon.

Love you.

If you guys are into health, wellness, eating clean, living well, aging well, as much as I am, check out this website, North American Herb and Spice.

It's very unique in the wellness industry because it is an entirely woman-owned business founded by Judy Gray.

She has a master's of science and nutrition, and I love because she believes in sustainable practices.

She founded North American

Herb and Spice to provide everyone with unprecedented access to truly natural wild plant remedies.

They source all the ingredients from remote mountains of the Mediterranean, valleys of the Amazon forest.

They make sure they use the finest fruits, herbs, and spices in the world to formulate their products.

Everything is hand-picked, gluten-free, all natural.

And the end result is the purest, most powerful extracts made from the best pesticide-free, chemical-free, and solvent-free ingredients.

Check it out: North Americanherbandspice.com.

Amazing.