A CHEATER AMONG US AND GREAT HACKS TO DATING SMARTER - SOLO EPISODE
PART ONE - DON'T BE A CHEATER
PART TWO - GREAT EASY HACKS TO DATE SMARTER IN THE AGE OF DATING APPS
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Transcript
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Hi, guys.
Happy Tuesday.
Oh, my God.
Today was such a long day, and I had to switch things around.
So, for those of you that saw on my Instagram that I was going to interview
famous, crazy, successful movie producer Steve Longhey today, we moved that
to Thursday because of some scheduling conflict.
And I'm actually going to be with him here in West Hollywood at the Soul House on Thursday.
So hold off on that.
So today, I decided to do this little solo episode because there is so much going on that I want to talk to you guys about.
And you know what I say about solo episodes are kind of like masturbating, they're not as great as having a guest, like it's not as great as having sex, but they're very necessary, and it's kind of like a fun little mental masturbation for all of us.
So, I hope you guys enjoy it.
First of all, before I talk about anything else, I announced today on my Instagram that I am insanely, insanely humble,
proud, honored, happy
that now
this podcast, Cat on the Lose, that I've been doing for almost three years is a part of the Latinas podcasting network.
I am so thankful.
for them for including me, for liking my work, for believing in me.
And it means the world to me because i am very very proud of my heritage i was born in brazil My mom was Brazilian.
As much as I don't have a lot of contact with the country, especially ever since she passed away a few years ago, it's a huge part of me.
And I know that in the United States, regardless of how long we've been living here, when you have an accent, when you're an immigrant, when you come from somewhere else, or when you don't look like the stereotype that people think you should look like, you go, you suffer so much prejudice.
And it has happened to me in my life a million times.
And I know it happens to a million Latin girls out there, and not only Latin girls, but all kinds of immigrants.
So it's insanely important as an artist, as a podcaster, as a minority, as an immigrant, as a working woman, to bring a voice, a voice voice of my culture, to say to all of you girls out there, whether you're Latin or European or wherever you're from, it's completely fine to have an accent.
It's completely fine to not look like whatever people think that you should look like.
It's completely fine to be different and still feeling like you belong here and being proud of your heritage.
So thank you with all my heart, reader, Rita, Rita, founder.
Sorry, my brain is really fried by now i swear to god because it's 7 p.m and i've been working literally since 5 a.m non-stop but it's all good thank you with all my heart rita she's the founder of the latina podcasters network and thank you for believing in me this podcast has been like an uphill battle it's a project that i love love love with all my heart it does not pay my bills yet but i keep doing and doing and doing because when i see the audience growing and growing and growing and I get more and more and more messages from people all over the United States and all over the world, I'm like, wow, okay, I think we're hitting a nerve.
We do something fun.
We do something a little different, a little crazy, very organic.
And I appreciate that you guys like it.
And I always say, as a woman, I think the more we feel free to speak up about these topics.
sex, dating, relationships, what we want, what we don't want, what we like, what we don't like, the richer our lives are going to be.
Obviously, I think needless to say, but we keep saying it, this day and age, it should be completely normal for women to want to talk about sex as much as men.
decide how much sex and whoever they want to have sex with as much as men.
Unfortunately, still taboo.
Unfortunately, when a guy talks about something they did or talk to their friends, whatever, it's cool.
Girls, many times we're still called names.
So I keep trying really, really hard to just
normalize this conversation for once and for all.
Sex is or should be an important part of our lives.
And we have the same right as guys to want to talk about it.
So thank you for your messages.
Thank you for listening.
And if you enjoy it, please pass it on to your friends.
If you have a story you want to share, send me a message, DM me, call,
follow me on Instagram and come participate.
This is an open platform.
You don't have to be a celebrity to participate.
Just come and join me.
So, that's the first message today.
Cat on the lose on the Latinas Podcasting Network.
I am super, super, super excited.
Okay, now, before I talk about the topic of the day, I want to tell you guys about something that happened yesterday, and I am so heartbroken about it.
I am so sad.
I was trying to bring in an expert to help me and and ask some questions about it, but nobody was available last minute.
But I'm just going to tell you guys my two cents on it.
I'll tell you the story and then you guys can chime in and send messages and everything.
And we'll talk a little bit again on the next episode.
I have
a client, had
up until yesterday, a client here in LA.
who is a very talented singer.
Basically, I was doing his social media, his marketing, putting him on the map slowly.
He is a very talented guy and a young guy.
He's 32, 33, I think.
He is married to a very,
very dear friend of mine.
I'm not going to give details about what she does because I need to protect her identity because I didn't even talk to her about that.
I was going to talk about the situation here on the podcast.
But it's something so heartbreaking that I have to share.
Anyways, she's so beautiful.
She's so talented.
And they're married.
I'm going to call this guy Dick because he was the biggest dick I've seen in forever.
And I am going to call her Linda, okay?
Whatever, because she's Linda.
Linda in Spanish and Portuguese means so beautiful.
She's Linda.
So anyways, Linda and Dick are married.
They have a little baby, an adorable little girl.
She's almost two years old.
They live in a beautiful home here in LA.
She's from another country and they're basically building this life together.
And this guy is doing the singing career.
The past few months, he met some lady, some douchebag, crazy bitch from hell,
whatever, singing somewhere.
And they started working together on certain songs, on planning on doing this, on doing that, on doing that.
As an outsider, just working with him, I thought it was a little weird because this woman is always around, around, around around around and it started literally affecting their marriage like this woman would be calling him all hours of day and night uh crazy behavior one night he didn't answer the phone she showed up at their house uh asking about him and it was really bothering my friend linda so my friend linda confronts her husband dick and she's like hey what the is going on that this woman is always around and all these months like the whole summer up until now this guy's like oh no we just work together she's such a talented piano player and we're going to sing together.
We're going to do a duet.
We're going to do this.
We're going to do that.
So we were believing, okay, it's just like a work relationship.
Maybe this girl is like a little obsessed with him, but never in a million years we thought, okay, he's cheating on his wife.
I met this crazy bitch.
a few times and I thought she was completely unhinged.
You know when a woman is just unhinged, doesn't know how to behave.
And one night I was with a group of friends at the Soho house back in October, the first week of October.
And I invited Dick because he's my client.
I'm like, hey, come on over, let's network, let's meet a bunch of people.
So he tells me, oh, can I bring this woman?
And at the time, I thought they were working together.
So I was like, yeah, sure.
And my friend Linda was home with the baby.
So he brings this woman and She doesn't even know how to behave in public.
She's like asking inappropriate questions, acting drunk or stoned, bothering my friends.
Then she gets sick.
So everybody's looking at her.
Who the hell is this creature?
Because she's so bizarre.
But I swear to God, I didn't really think much of it.
So all of these weeks pass by and Dick keeps insisting to his wife, my friend Linda, that no, we're just working together.
We're just working together.
Now, that being said, they were spending way too much time together.
Like every day, all the time.
I started looking at his Instagram posts and it was pictures of them together, pictures of her.
And I'm thinking, this is really inappropriate, but what the hell am I going to do?
So, yesterday, they were booked to sing at a cafe in Hollywood.
We knew that for many, many, many weeks.
So, my friend Linda had planned to go, and I planned to go, and his whole family was planning to go.
So, we're getting ready to leave to watch his performance at this cafe, watch the performance with this woman at this cafe.
And my friend Linda calls me.
I was like out the door last night.
And she's like, cat, don't go.
And I'm like, why?
What happened?
And she's like, well, I'm here at home with Dick's family.
His mom is here.
His grandfather is here.
Everybody's here.
And I got his computer to show whatever, somebody something.
And you're not going to believe that.
There are videos and videos and videos, photos and photos and photos that they were having an affair.
All of these months, they have been going on dates, they have been kissing, they have been strolling around,
they have been doing all this together.
I don't know how these photos ended up in his computer.
Apparently, the girl downloaded her cloud or something in his computer.
Obviously,
it was done on purpose to make my friend Linda find out.
It's impossible to describe how devastated she is because, of course, they're married and they have a little baby.
And
I wanted to vomit.
I was so sad.
I was so heartbroken.
I was like, what the fuck
was this guy all of these months being really this deceitful and such a liar?
Like, seriously, he was bringing this woman into his home.
to rehearse, to do this, to do that, going out and lying.
Oh, I have this performance.
I have this, I have that.
And doing all of these things with this woman.
And while my friend is working at home with the baby,
I have no words.
Of course, I didn't go to his performance.
I sent him a message that our work relationship was completely over, and of course, any possibility of a friendship was completely over.
And I blocked them, and I am 1 million percent behind my friend, of course.
Of course, his family was super, super sad, devastated.
He has a nine-year-old, amazing grandfather that was actually giving him a ton of money, by the way, supporting his career, his singing career.
Everybody's devastated because we all thought, well, this guy has character.
He's a nice guy.
Just two weeks ago, we all went to an event.
And after the event, we went to a bar, a super nice bar here in Beverly Hills at the Peninsula Hotel.
And we were like this huge group of friends all talking.
And this asshole is sitting there next to my friend Linda, looking at everybody, saying, Oh, look how gorgeous my wife is.
Doesn't she look great?
Oh my God, she lost so much weight after the baby, la la la, praising her.
And all of this time, he knows he's having an affair behind her back and lying to everyone.
So it's really disappointing when you think you know somebody and you think you know their character.
And I cannot imagine what my friend is feeling right now.
Of course, she said it's over.
She's going to file for a divorce.
She doesn't know if she's going to stay here or just take the baby and go back to her country to be with her family.
It's disappointing on so many levels.
I like to work with people that I trust.
I think to me, trust and loyalty are on the very, very top of my list in any kind of relationship I have, not just a romantic relationship, But, like, when I pick my clients, I hope it's the same way that they pick me.
It's because they look at me and say, you know what?
I like her character.
I like her ethic.
I can trust her.
So, when I was working with him for so many months, I thought, this guy is so nice.
You know,
he's a family guy.
He's hardworking.
I'm going to do everything in my power to help take his career to the next level.
So, I was crazy, crazy sad yesterday.
Now, of course, the question we're all asking is, why the fuck
would somebody do that?
This woman that he's having an affair with is much, much older than him.
Like he's 32, 33, and she's like 48 or 49.
I don't know.
We have no idea where she comes from.
We don't know where she makes her money, if she inherited or anything, but she doesn't really have a full-time job.
And of course, this is the sad part on her end.
She was doing everything in her power to destroy their marriage, Calling him at all hours, texting, bothering them, trying to make the wife jealous, etc., etc.
So, shame on her.
I think she does a disservice to every woman on this planet.
I think this is absolutely disgusting.
As a woman, I cannot imagine doing that to another woman.
For the love of God, you crazy bitch.
There are so many available men in this world.
So many.
Why in the world would you go after a guy that has a family, that is married, that has a little baby?
Seriously, you are.
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Disgusting to me.
And like,
I hope this woman doesn't even believe in karma because if she does, she's so fucked.
Now, worse is him, of course,
because
women are gonna
flirt with married men all the time.
Women, even like when you're not married, like many times, and I know a lot of you girls have had this situation, like you're dating someone, and girls look at your boyfriend, like, I don't have that guy.
It's up to the man
to push it away.
You know, it's up to the man to respect whoever they are with.
So, of course, this guy is just a disgusting asshole for doing this to my friend.
I mean, everybody's entitled to change their mind.
Yes, I changed my mind after being married for 14 years, I got divorced,
but I think change your mind first.
You know, be a man, look at the person in the eyes, and tell them.
But having an affair all this time behind her back, and it's just heartbreaking when I think that she was with a baby and she worked so hard, you know, and she's building this life.
This guy is just oh my god, I have no words to say that right now.
And today, the whole day,
I was talking to my friends, all of us, then all the couple, everybody's saying, like, why would a man do that?
Why would a man do that?
I don't know.
Why do men cheat?
I wish I had an answer.
I don't know if there's any expert out there that has an answer.
This weekend, I was watching a few old episodes of Sex in the City that I love.
And in one episode, somebody cheated on somebody, and Samantha was like, Yeah, men cheat because they can.
And I was like, well,
yeah, men cheat because they can, but women can cheat too.
But the question is: why would you put your entire life in the trash because of somebody that you barely know?
You know, it's just, I really don't know.
I will try to bring relationship experts in future episodes to answer our questions about cheating.
But this is
my opinion.
I don't want this karma for myself.
I was in in a very tough marriage for a very long time.
My husband was an alcoholic.
The more money he made, the more he drank.
He was abusive.
He was verbally abusive.
Sometimes he was physically abusive.
It was very rocky.
And I stayed, stayed, stayed, stayed for a long time, thinking that I could change him, thinking that things could get better.
Until one day I mastered the courage to leave.
But I tell you one thing.
And of course, our sex life got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.
I never once cheated on him
because I think it's the lowest form of disrespect you can have towards someone.
I think men up, doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, and leave the relationship.
Basically, that's my opinion.
I have zero respect for people that cheat and even less respect for these bitches that think it's completely okay to go after married men.
What the fuck are you thinking?
And by the way, if he's cheating on his wife with you, when he gets tired of you, he's gonna do the same thing to you.
So,
I mean, like I said, I hope this bitch doesn't believe in karma.
So, this was like super sad.
And I think that's the end of the story for now.
I don't know what my friend is going to do, but she's gorgeous.
She's young.
She's super talented.
She comes from an amazing family.
And I know she's going to recover from this.
But basically,
guys, don't fucking cheat, you know, if you have to have an affair, leave first.
And it's funny that I got a message the other day before this happened, I got a message on my Instagram from someone
mentioning to me, like criticizing me because they said, oh, you're such a whore.
uh because you you said something in one of the past episodes of the podcast that you were dating a guy that was separated separated but wasn't legally divorced.
And it's the same thing as cheating.
Lil.
The guy went on and on and on and on on me.
So I'm going to address this right now.
I think it's 1 million percent different.
The guy I was dating was completely separated from his wife for like a year.
He told his wife he was leaving.
He left.
He bought himself another house.
He has a whole new residence, a whole new life.
And one year after that, I met him and we dated.
I did not meet him while he was married.
He wasn't cheating on his wife.
It's a completely, completely different reason.
Like signing the divorce, like if you're married on paper, many times it can take a long time to get the divorce finalized on paper.
Sometimes it's because of assets, sometimes it's because of kids, sometimes because of circumstances.
That's completely different.
Dating someone who is 1 million percent separated and started their life over, which I think anybody in the world has the right to do
from this situation that happened with my friend.
Her husband is still with her in her house, lying to her face.
Oh, I'm going to go rehearse, I'm going to go do this, I'm going to do that.
And he's having an affair with another woman.
That's like completely different.
So, I think this guy that criticized me is crazy.
I would never in a million years go out with a married guy because I don't want to do that to any woman on this planet.
And I would never have a respect for a man.
If he was still married, living with his wife and he wanted to go out with me, I would be like.
Fuck off because I will never respect you.
And for me to go out with someone, I need to respect them and admire them.
So I would never, ever, ever put myself in a situation.
And I believe in energy.
I definitely believe in karma.
I cannot imagine
on purpose knowing that I'm hurting another woman, taking her man from her, or interfering the relationship like that.
So that's really not my bag.
So this guy that sent me a message on Instagram, if you're listening, this is my two cents.
My relationship was with a guy that was 1 million percent separated from his wife.
Okay.
Very, very, very different.
Don't cheat.
Man up.
If you fall in love with somebody else, if you decide you need to go out to do something else, don't hurt people like that.
It's just absolutely disgusting and so insanely, insanely off.
Oh
my God.
Okay.
Now, before I talk about today's topic, which is
how to date martyrs in the age of so many dating apps, I wrote a super cool blog today for the Heart of Hollywood magazine, which is a magazine I love so much.
I write a blog there every Tuesday.
So, I'm going to talk about very, very, very simple hacks on how we can date smarter with so many
options out there.
I'm going to take a two-minute break and I'll be right there.
This is a solo cat on the loose for you guys.
Now, a part of the Latinas podcast network.
Love you.
Be right back.
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Those of you that have been following my podcast adventure from the very beginning, it's amazing how fast time flies.
Um, I want to say thanks
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And we always joke, why a sports brand?
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Okay, here we go let's move on to better things i am trying really hard to forget this cheating ass soul and i am thinking about my friend and i am sending a lot of positive energy her way when we are in the middle of the the turmoil of being cheated on it's very hard to say you're going to recover you're going to get over it somebody much better is going to find you nobody wants to hear that and it does happen it has happened to me i think it has happened to a lot of people but when you are in the middle of it I think it's very, very painful and very hard for the person to believe that they're actually going to recover and find somebody much, much better for them.
All right.
So
today on my blog at the Heart of Hollywood Magazine, by the way, you guys should check it out.
It's super, super cool.
packed with fun information about the Hollywood lifestyle, Hollywood events, Hollywood networking.
You can see digitally or you can buy a copy, which is super, super pretty.
Heartofhollywoodmagazine.com.
Anyways, I wrote a blog.
After doing this podcast for almost three years, 130 episodes and counting, I learned some hacks from talking to experts, to so many people, and I apply them to my life.
And I think they make the dating life just easier and a little less painful.
So today on my blog, I decided to share a few.
How to date smarter in the age of dating apps.
If you are like most single people nowadays, you have used one or two or even more dating apps.
Try to find the right match.
I have used, I think, all of them out there.
Not only try to find the right match, but I want to be able to talk to you girls about it and give my opinion.
The problem is with so many people available, we've talked about it in past episodes, the fast food culture of dating people.
Yes, no, yes, no, ordering people people like pizza.
It can be very time consuming.
It can be very frustrating using dating apps.
So, I think I learned some simple but effective solutions on how we can date smart and not waste too much time with the wrong people, or just not waste too much time, period.
I think a lot of you guys are like me and you're crazy busy.
You have a lot going on in your lives and
you just want to date, but you don't want to feel like you're wasting a lot of time.
I certainly don't have time to waste.
And honestly, I am not the most patient person in the world when it comes to dating.
I'm not a serial dater.
And I think it's a lot of work, you know, planning the date and going there, la la la la la la la la.
So I think these hacks are really, really on point.
So here it goes, okay.
And I highly recommend you guys try it out.
Number one read like okay so you're looking at a dating app whichever it is that you choose but read the profiles carefully don't just look at the pictures most
people are attracted to the photos and ignore what the person is writing but you can tell a lot based on what someone writes for example okay now both bumbo and tinder allow anyone to specifically pick what you're interested in like what you're looking for.
They ask like, you want something casual?
Do you want a relationship?
And they even give you this option like, not sure.
Like, oh, I don't know what I want.
So let's say, like me, I'm looking for a relationship at this point in my life.
I want a relationship.
So if you read someone's profile and the guy says, not sure,
believe them.
swipe left.
Make sure someone is looking for the same thing as you, because of course it's going going to highly increase the chances of a good match.
Don't think like, oh my God, this guy is so cute.
If he meets me, maybe I'm going to make him change his mind.
You're not.
You're just going to waste your time and very, very possibly get your heart broken.
So pay attention on these details.
Number two,
ask all the basic questions without hesitation.
Some people put a lot of information on their profile, but most people don't.
So let's say if you match someone and they didn't include their job, their marital status, place where they live, like basic, basic important information in their profile.
It's completely fine to ask.
I don't know why, but a lot of my girlfriends are like, oh, I'm not going to ask this.
I'm not going to,
why not?
If they don't give you a clear and direct answer to your questions, very likely they're hiding something.
Some of my friends and I, I for sure go even further and I ask for their name if they don't give it to me right away.
I ask if they have social media or LinkedIn page, website, name of the business where they work.
It may sound like a lot of questions, but we have the right to know upfront who we are talking to.
And that goes for guys, Charlie, not just saying for girls.
If you're a guy and you look at the girl, she's so pretty, la la la la.
Guys complain a lot, oh, I've been catfished.
She was not what she said, she is.
Ask the basic questions.
It will save everyone a ton of time, a ton of headaches and heartbreaks.
Name, job, where you live, basic, simple information.
If they don't want to give it to you, major red flag.
Don't even bother meeting them.
Number three,
okay, so you pick the person, you think they look good, they gave you the basic information about themselves, great.
But before you agree to meet in person, request a phone call if they don't do that first, or even better, a video chat.
I used to go on a bunch of dates after seeing their photo, talking to them on the phone, but many times the way a person looks, moves, talks can be very different from their profile.
Like you get there and you're like, oh, really?
My time is precious, as most of you guys, I'm sure.
So nowadays, if I like someone, I ask for a video chat.
That's just me.
I used to do just the phone call,
but I decided that's not enough because so many times after the phone call, I go there and the minute I get there, I'm like, oh my God, this guy is really different from his photos.
Or like I said, many, sometimes it's not even.
the the way they look maybe the way they move or the way i don't know something they smile you know, it throws me off.
In general, men also think this is a great idea, the video chats, so they can see what we look like in pictures and decide if there's an initial connection that will make a first dating person worth it and justify it.
Guys complain all the time that women many times don't look like their picture.
So, a video chat, honestly, I highly, highly recommend for both parties.
It saves a ton of time.
Four, this is a new one for me, but I totally agree with it now.
Plan short first dates.
I used to love dinner first dates because I'm a romantic.
I want to be wine and dined and go to a romantic place and see how he dresses.
La la la la la.
But then I realize.
If I get to the restaurant and I don't like the person for whatever reason, I'm still stuck there for at least or probably two hours.
And it has happened enough times with me that I decided I'm going to change my strategy.
So nowadays, if they don't suggest it, I suggest a coffee date, which I did months ago, was the first coffee date in my life,
or happy hour, which most men love.
That way
we can meet the person.
and decide, okay, I want to get to know them.
Or you know what?
You can politely leave after 15, 20 minutes.
You can say, Oh, I'm so sorry.
If it's a coffee date, you can say, I'm so sorry.
I got to go back to work.
I have a meeting, something else.
Or if it's happy, or oh, I just had a drink and I got to go have dinner with my parents, with my friends, la la.
So, it's a great, great idea.
Short dates, don't be stuck on a long first date.
Now, five, I keep repeating this one over and over and over again, but I swear to God, this is super, super important.
And I just had this conversation with a a friend of mine the other day because she lied, she lies about her age all the time.
Number five, don't lie at all on your dating profile, girls and guys.
I am a firm believer that anything that starts with a lie cannot go far.
Period.
The number one complaint from men is that women use too many filters on their photos or really old photos from when they were really, really younger, much younger.
The number one complaint from men, from women about men is that they lie about their height,
their financial status, and their true intentions.
This is what I say to everyone: put your real, real capital letters, self out there and tell people what you're really looking for.
The right person will appreciate you.
Be very happy that you're being honest and upfront.
No matter what,
please be truthful about your age.
If you're dating and if you're out there looking for someone, it means that you're alive and that you're well.
And that is amazing enough.
The right person
will admire you and like you for you.
There is no point in lying.
Eventually, you're going to have to tell the truth.
And that's even worse.
If I found out, if I dated someone, and two, three, four, five, 10 days into it, I found out there was some big lie like that about their age or or
something else big about their life to me would be a big deal break don't start anything with a lie be
yourself
show your
best smile
your best characteristics and
Again, the right person for you will like you.
None of us is perfect.
If somebody tells you they're perfect, they are the biggest liar on the planet.
But the right person for you will like you.
Your flaws, your great characteristics, will put up with your shitty days, will put up with your bad days, and will admire you and enjoy you on your happy days.
I did this post on the blog to finalize it.
This is the relationship goal I think all of us want.
Someone who brings out your inner child, never stops flirting, planning amazing dates with you, loves great sex, the intimacy you build together, and cares even more about you on
bad days.
So
these are the hacks for today.
I hope you guys enjoy this quickie solo episode.
And Thursday, I come back with a very special Canon DeLuz.
I am going to interview Steve Longie.
He's a crazy, crazy talented Hollywood producer.
He's been in this industry forever.
So if you guys have any questions that you ever wanted to know about working in Hollywood, being cast in Hollywood, gossip in Hollywood, how is life in Hollywood, here is your chance.
Send me via DM on Insta, Katzamuro.
Send me via WhatsApp.
My WhatsApp is public, 305-3320338.
Send me an email.
Come participate.
I'll see you guys very soon.
I love you.
Stay safe.
I think anything is fair in dating, sex, and relationships, as long as it's reciprocal, as long as it's honest, as long as it's a fair game.
Cheating, lying, bullshitting, I don't think anybody deserves that.
So, let's treat others the way we want to be treated.
I love you guys so much, and I'll see you very soon.