WE MET AT ACME HOST LINDSEY METSELAAR - EAST COAST X WEST COAST DATING

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Hi, guys.

Happy Tuesday.

This is a super exciting episode of Cat on the Loose because I have here someone that I admire so much from another podcast that I love and I'm sure you guys have heard about it.

We met at Acme.

Let me introduce my guest.

Hi Lindsay.

Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Thank you for doing this.

Good morning.

Good morning.

So let's get going because when I told my audience that I was going to have you, I got dozens of questions for you.

A lot of people have opinions regarding dating on the West Coast, dating on the East Coast.

I'm going to ask you my questions.

Let's see if we have similarities or if it is true that it's so, so different.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

So I'm in LA.

You're in New York.

I think...

The biggest difficulty here is that everybody says that they're an actor, obviously.

Like 99.9% of the times you meet guys, if they're waiters or whatever, TV producers, movie producers.

That's the number one complaint of single women here in LA is that everybody wants to be in the entertainment industry.

So of course it's very hard to find quality people.

What do girls in New York say that is the number one hurdle in terms of meeting nice people?

It's so interesting because it's like the same thing with everyone being in the entertainment industry in LA, but in New York, it's like everyone's in finance.

And it's funny because a lot of these finance guys can be similar to the entertainment guys in that they, you know, are the most popular and most desired in

that city, right?

And so they feel like they can just get any girl because like girls are looking for someone in finance whereas maybe girls in LA are looking for some famous guy and they definitely use it to their advantage.

And so I feel like the guys can sometimes have the upper hand in terms of not taking girls seriously and

they're more interested in focusing on their career and like finding a woman later on.

Same here.

Now,

I mean, I've been to New York a few times just visiting, but I don't know a lot about the New York culture.

So a lot of us LA girls, the image we have is really like from watching sex and the city.

Like these single girls all over town try to find guys, and there are a lot more girls and a lot less guys.

And that the dating scene is like, oh my God.

Like, I remember an episode when Charlotte was like talking about finding her guy.

She was like, where is he already?

Oh, my God.

So, the image we have is that it's like impossible being single in New York and finding someone who is serious about a real relationship.

Is that the case?

It's hard.

It's definitely hard.

But I think

when you have worked on yourself and you are someone who you would want to date, it's much easier to date because you're going in with that confidence.

And, you know,

I think

men are just looking for someone who really likes their life regardless of the man being in it or not.

And like, that's such a turn on.

So I think there's always going to be a way to date successfully.

It's really more about like working on your inner self.

And I'm sure it's the same in our life.

Yeah, totally.

no i totally agree as a matter of fact today i read a blog for a local magazine in hollywood and the blog today was about how to meet people other than on dating apps because that's like a question that i get all the time now that covet is pretty much behind us and i was coming up with a bunch of ideas how girls can actually go out and and meet people in real life because i find it you know i'm single after being married for 14 years i don't know if you know that that's how the podcast got started because I find it crazy difficult meeting people on dating apps, at least here in LA.

Like I said, there's a lot of actors, quote-unquote, wannabes, transients, tourists.

So it's like chaos.

I don't know if it's the same in New York, or do we in general,

is it, do you think the quality of men in dating apps is a little better out there?

I do think the quality is a little bit better in New York, and I want to hear about your experience in LA.

I think that, you know, there are more serious men and like probably less narcissists in New York than there are in LA

because

most men move here for their careers and,

you know, to be successful

for like themselves as opposed to like for fame and stuff like that.

And I feel like those are two different men a lot of the time.

But I'm curious what your experience has been, you know, being newly single.

Like, where do you tell people to meet?

Yeah, so

my husband, I was married for 14 years, to an alcoholic, by the way.

We'll talk about it a little bit before I let you go because I know your journey about being sober, which I think is amazing.

But so I've been on the dating scene for two and a half years.

And with COVID and everything, you know, I started trying to meet people through dating apps, and I find it like chaotic because, you know, people lie, catfish, la la la la.

Now, here in LA,

what I find is people, a lot of chambers of commerce and networking groups are finally organizing quality events

that actually you can go and meet people, even if you're not gonna date them, but maybe for your business, maybe to make new friends.

So, slowly, this is what I've been telling you.

My listeners want to ask: try to figure out: like, if you live in LA, West Hollywood, Malibu, wherever it is, try to find your local chamber of commerce or your local business networking group because there you actually find quality people who are a little more serious in terms of having a relationship.

Because honestly, at least here, most people are not serious.

You know, they like they will tell women, oh, do you want to be in the movie industry?

Do you want to get apart?

You know, this baba bubo shit, just to get you to go out with them.

So it's really, really tough.

You got to like weed out through a lot of crap to actually find someone of quality.

I know it's hard.

Yeah, another one that

I would think that it's a good idea in New York as well.

Go to happy hours in good places like high-quality steakhouses where men hang out after work.

Or like in financial district

where, you know, in close proximity to a lot of the big offices or corporate places.

Yeah, so that's another suggestion that I am giving girls: like, maybe figure out the nicer restaurants.

A lot of men, they go straight from work into these places, and maybe you meet somebody who's a little more serious about, you know, meeting someone.

Another idea that actually a friend of mine gave me that I had never thought about is going to like places where men shop, but not the obvious ones, maybe like a cigar shop, right?

Uh, even if you don't want to buy a cigar, but like maybe you hang out and you say, Hi, can you help me?

I want to buy a gift or something, you know, like high-quality grocery stores.

Of course, your podcast is We Met Acme, um, but here we have some nice grocery stores.

And if you go like on a Saturday morning or Sunday, you see a lot of hot guys shopping by themselves.

Maybe it's a

bagel places in New York, maybe Erwan, Bagel Place, yeah, there you go.

That's the one that just just opened here.

And it became like a major hangout place, like overnight.

That's a great one.

Where did you meet your husband?

We met, so it's really funny.

He went to high school with one of my best friends from college.

And so we knew each other's name.

We had met each other briefly.

And then we ran into each other on New Year's Eve in Miami.

Really?

Which is always a good place.

I always say, if you're single, go to Miami on New Year's.

Really?

It's such a fun fun place there's so many singles there's so many fun events and we ran into each other we were on the dance floor at the same time and he was like oh do you remember me i'm stephen and um wow

so it was totally meant to be

i think so i think so

because i was living in miami for a few years because my husband's company was was out of miami and honestly i thought the dating scene there was a shit show i mean it's tough it was really

yeah, it's crazy.

It's like Vegas.

The reason why

Miami or that Miami worked for us was because we were there at a time when it was like being invaded by a lot of New Yorkers.

And it wasn't just like the people who live in Miami.

It's like a mix of New York, Miami.

And again, I think you guys were very lucky because usually New Year's Eve, most

people are already with a date or a couple or something, you know, it's and or the single ones are like totally in the party mood drinking a lot having fun so definitely like you guys were supposed to hook up and and and and be with each other yeah

how is the New Year's Eve scene in New York

it's okay I think it's really hard in New York because you like have to pay upwards of $200 for these crazy ticketed events

and then they end up being like disastrous whereas at least in Miami everything's like outside and more room to you know have fun and so I think it can be it's like going out on any kind of holiday New Year's Eve Halloween Thanksgiving you end up paying all this money and it's usually not that fun it's super disappointing yeah so so what do you suggest for like all the single girls out there listening to us yeah you said miami but if they're not in miami if they're in la or new york do you have any suggestions yeah i think doing, I mean, you had a great suggestion, which was like going to events in person.

I think doing things that you really love where like-minded people could do that too.

Like, let's say you want to run a marathon, you join a group of people training together, or maybe you really like golf and you start taking lessons.

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At a club and maybe you meet other people or you love to do buried boot camp and so you maybe you see someone at your workout class that you really like.

Happy hours, great idea.

Going to mixers and events, like we throw mixers and events all the time in the city.

But if you live in another place, I think just doing things that follow what you're passionate about.

Like if there's someone coming to town who's giving a speech or a comedian that you like going to that comedy show and then looking around and seeing who else is here and who can I connect with.

Totally.

And that's actually one of the things that I also put on my list, comedy shows, like boxing, gyms, play that like go out and try something new.

Now, a question that I get a lot from my listeners, I don't know if you get from yours, a lot of girls are intimidated, like especially after COVID, we forgot about our social skills.

A lot of girls are intimidated, like, you know, I go out, okay, I go to this place, I'm not going to start a conversation with anyone.

I don't feel good about it.

Is the guy going to think like I'm too slutty, too forward, starting to talk to him before he talks to me?

Do you have any suggestions?

Do people say that to you at all?

Like that it's hard for girls to get it going?

It's really hard.

I think that the

bottom line is that if somebody is out and about they want to be spoken to otherwise they wouldn't leave their house you know and so you have to think that like this person wants to engage in conversation with you and if they don't they'll make it really clear but everyone just wants to connect yeah human connection is so important especially after COVID so I wouldn't worry it's not like unless you're coming off really strong like hey I really want to take you home you know you're just having a conversation with someone like it's all good people want to engage that is so true.

Now, is it true?

Because again, that's the image that I have from being in New York the few times that I was there.

I think I feel very intimidated when I'm in New York.

Like, people are not as friendly.

Like, when I go to a bar here in LA or even walking on the street or a grocery store, people are very like, hi, how you doing?

La la la.

In New York, I don't know if it's myth or not.

Like, when you walk past each other on the street, you don't even say hi, you don't even smile.

And I like when i go to a bar or something i feel they're like very not appetite but really like hey i don't know you you know it's not the same vibe they're a little more formal

is that true or it's just my my feeling i hear what you're saying i think that the thing with new york is like we're always trying to go somewhere and get somewhere and do something and and go go go whereas la is better at stopping and taking a breath and taking a pause so i think the best way to get a new yorker's attention is to like say something that catches them on bars Like, I think we love people who are just like kind of confident in their base in New York because that's really what's going to get our attention.

Oh, okay.

So, like, what?

Can you give me an idea?

Like, if I go to a bar and I see a guy that looks hot or looks good,

how would I approach him that he doesn't think like who's this crazy person talking to me?

I think you can approach him by being like, Do you come to this bar a lot?

Like, what is your like, what's your go-to drink, or what are you drinking tonight?

Or,

you know, what, or

another really good idea that I always tell people is because New York especially is such a good place to people watch,

you can go up to this person and like point to a couple and be like, do you think it's their first date?

Like, do you think they're married?

Yeah, that's a good one.

And then let's ask them and see who's right.

That's a good one.

No.

Make it a game.

Yeah, I like that.

But another myth, I don't know if it's myth or or not, you tell us that most New Yorkers don't like LA people.

They think, like, you know, we're all like the Ditsy, blondes, beach people, like I said, actors, artists, and New Yorkers are so much more serious.

Like I said, a lot of them work in finance.

Do you think they would already be prejudiced from the start about California girls?

I mean, I don't think so.

I think that's definitely more of a stigma than a reality.

I think there's a really good balance of someone from New York and someone from LA, and maybe they like the idea of someone who's going to slow them down and let them like appreciate, you know, smell the flowers.

And so I think,

and if you're worried about it, then use that as an icebreaker to banter.

Be like, so I'm from LA.

Do you hate that?

You know?

That's a good idea.

Just ask straight up.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay, how do you feel?

Uh, when you come, I saw that you were just here in

LA.

I think you attended a wedding or something.

Yes.

Of a friend.

When you come here, do you feel that people are very welcoming towards you or they ask you weird questions or the vibe is different or do you feel at home when you're here?

It depends on who I'm with, but I would say for the most part, I feel like LA is a lonely place when I visit.

I find LA to be a little bit isolating.

Like, I'm not around people unless I make a plan to go out of my way to be near people.

Because it's so spread out, because you're not walking on the street and running into people all the time.

It can feel a little isolating.

At least that's my experience of it, but I'm sure that if I lived there, I would feel different about it.

But that is true.

That is true.

I think it's a a very difficult place to meet real people.

Yeah, you got to go out of your way to see your friends.

Like I said, it makes the dating scene harder because of the distances.

1 million percent.

So you think in New York, because like we're talking about, you're in Manhattan, right?

Yeah.

So do you think it's easier to meet people out and about because Manhattan is like you said people walk around.

It's so much smaller.

Do you think that helps?

I do think it helps.

I think that the ability to be in close proximity with so many people makes it easier to do multiple things in a day, multiple things in a night.

When you're in LA, you make that one plan for the day or that one plan for the night, and you kind of stick to like that restaurant or that bar because you're not going to get in your car, especially when you're drinking, and keep driving to different places.

But in New York, you can be at a bar and be like, This isn't that fun.

Let me text my friend.

They're at a bar 10 blocks away, and you just walk over over there.

And so your night has more opportunity.

So true.

So, oh, my dog is barking.

Give me one second, Linds.

Okay, we're back.

I forgot what I was asking you.

But okay, so let's say me, a girl from LA, I go to New York for the weekend.

Can you give a few suggestions?

Like, where would we go?

How do we like place the nice single guys hangout?

Maybe the dating scene there is a little bit easier than LA.

I don't know, just to change the pace?

I think if you're in New York for the night, I would definitely start at dinner.

Like, dinner is where everything begins.

Try to have a late dinner because it is a little bit later in New York.

Like what?

Like what time?

Like 9 if you can.

Oh, really?

Okay.

I can't personally.

But if you are going out and have a 9 p.m.

dinner,

finish around like 11.

You can go to a bar and then

around like 11:30.

Wow.

But that's only during the weekend or during the weekdays, the same thing.

People go out late?

During the weekend.

I just like Thursday to Saturday.

I think during the week,

it's more about like,

you know, go to a comedy show, go to a longer dinner with just your friends.

And,

you know, on the weekends, I think if you want to go out, then like you can go to a place like, you know,

an acne kind of place, a lounge,

a bar,

and like somewhere where you can dance, and that's really fun about New York.

Do you think that I know the podcast is we met at Acme, do you think actually it is a good place to potentially meet dates?

Yeah, I do.

I really do.

I think anywhere that you

know that quality people go.

Yeah.

is a great place to meet guys.

You can make anything a date.

You can make anything a dating app.

And that's like what's so cool about today.

Instagram can be a dating app.

So true.

I personally, maybe because I had so many bad experiences on dating apps, I decided like, oh, it's not for me.

So now I'm trying to do it more organically.

Like I'm going to be out there in the real world.

But I agree with you.

Here in LA, if you go to the nice grocery stores, like Bristol Farms, like Erwon, like, I don't know, Gals's there's a few.

Yeah, usually there are nice men there hanging out.

I have met a guy there like

a year ago.

He he gave me like a big bag of orange juice that he produces.

He's the the owner of the brand.

And he he wrote down the his c cellphone on a piece of paper and everything.

And of course the klutz that I am, I toss the bag and toss his phone number.

And then I wanted to call him and thank him for the orange juice and say hi and I I can't find him again.

Oh no, I have to go back to the grocery store.

I know I did a few times, but I am so distracted, I forget names, I forget, I'm like, oh my god, and obviously, he thinks I'm really rude because I never thanked him for the bag of orange that they gave me.

Oh my god, before I let you go, the girls there,

do they say that there is one dating app that they prefer

as opposed to others, or everybody hates all dating apps?

I would say Hinge.

Hinge is the one that's used most seriously.

Yeah.

What about for LA?

Do you think?

Men say they love bumble because they say, oh, bumble, the girls make the first move.

So, in general, of course, everybody says that Tinder is a crapshoot.

Although I know two people that got married through Tinder, I've never had good experiences on Tinder, so I don't use it at all.

And I never was able to meet anybody on Hinge, but I think you have to pay, right, to get a

better quality.

You don't have to pay, but if you get if you want better matches, yeah.

But here, usually in general, people say bumble.

The guys love bumble here in LA.

And I think you meet like a better quality of people.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to come to New York to check out the dating scene there.

We'll have to go out.

Yeah, and I'm going to see if what the New Yorkers think about LA girls, because honestly, our image is that they don't like people from LA, New York.

I think that'll change.

You think so?

Okay,

we shall see.

And I want to say congratulations.

Yeah, before also, before I let you go, because we're running out of time, I know you're four years sober.

You were four years sober on Halloween.

And most of my listeners know my story.

I was married to an alcoholic, Linz,

for 14 years, and he died.

from alcohol abuse.

I was not able to save him.

So yeah, and every time, and I always talk about it because I know how hard it is for people to get sober.

I know it's such a tough journey.

So when I heard about your story, not only I admire your work so much, but I admire your journey.

So congratulations.

Thank you so much.

I'm sorry that you went through that.

It's really tough, but I am a huge advocate for people like

grabbing the problem

by the balls before it gets worse and talking about it because I know there is very little talk, and a lot of people out there desperately need help.

Yeah, it's true.

It's true.

Thank you for doing this.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you so, so so much for having me.

I appreciate it.

And if you come back to LA, please let me know.

I definitely will.

Thank you.

This was a great cat on the loser with Lindsay Matts from We Met at Acme.

And I'll see you guys very soon.

So if you guys are in the LA area, I will most definitely invite Lindsay and her husband next time they come into town.

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