SITUATIONSHIPS AND GREAT SEX

Hi guys, happy Friday.

I cannot believe it, but this is episode 99 of Cat on the Lose.

So I brought a very special guest, and you're almost my co-host, are you not?

My bestie, Amanda.

Hi, Amanda.

Hi, Katie.

Thank you so much for doing this with me.

Of course, I'd love to do this.

I definitely needed your support and your insights because you have a lot more expertise in this subject than I do.

So let's get rolling, okay?

Because they have a lot of ground to cover.

Oh, yeah.

Amanda and I, we went to Miami last weekend for like a girls' trip and a little bit of work.

And during that trip, we talked a lot about dating, about boys, about what was going on.

You kind of convinced me to download my Tinder again.

I mean, keep your options open.

So I got to tell you guys out there, it's super cool because my Tinder experience was always horrible.

And then when we were in Miami, you were just scrolling and you ended up meeting two super nice Swedish guys, right?

Yeah, even if it's not love, you know, and a relationship, we got two

really nice friends, right?

Exactly.

So that's why I'm talking about this a little bit because many times women are like, oh, it has to be a date and a match.

Like in our case, this was a fabulous idea.

We were in Miami and it was a shit show because a client of mine was treating me like crap.

And your friends, thanks to you, saved the day.

I mean, it was funny because we just matched and I straight off the bat said, I'm not looking for hookmates.

Right.

I'm not looking for hookups.

But if you guys want to hang out, because they were on vacation because they were also from Sweden, just like me.

So it's easy to be like, hey, I don't want to have sex with you guys.

And I'm just here on vacation.

Come on, let's have a hook.

Yeah, let's just hang out.

But it's proof that not everybody out there on Tinder is like a complete SO and wants like quick sex because these guys were the ultimate gentlemen.

Yeah, I'm sure we're going to be friends with them for a very long time.

Definitely.

We invited them.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been talking to them.

They actually, one of them asked me if I would give them a solo letter.

Oh, that's awesome.

And I said, of course.

Did they ask you to check?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, I mean, they're super nice people.

And I was surprised because I had like the worst experiences.

I was like, oh no, I'm never going back to Tinder.

But thanks to you,

I changed my mind about it a little bit.

So, we had a great time in Miami with these guys.

And by the way, we didn't even flirt to them, right?

No, no, not.

We just, they win and

dined us, and then we went to the Seoul House, and we had a great time.

So, I think everybody out there should keep an open mind.

Definitely, not just if you want to find like a lifetime partner, but maybe like friends, exactly, friends, yeah.

These guys, they were like, you know, wealthy and they like to travel.

Yeah.

And I said to them, I was like, yeah, here's your new travel buddy.

Yeah.

Amazing.

I love that idea.

So now we're back in LA and I want to talk to something that I had sworn I wasn't going to talk about because I had sworn it was not going to happen to me.

But I am in kind of a situationship.

Not kind of.

You are in a situation, right?

100%, right?

And now that you came here and you talk, you are too, a little bit.

I mean,

we can talk about that later.

It's not a situation because it's no feelings involved, but it's still obviously something yeah so this is a big subject so let's start from the beginning what is a situationship a situationship is when you're going out with someone and you go on more than one date quote unquote or sex if you just have sex with a person does it count as a date i don't know because sometimes it's hard i think it's sometimes it's hard to tell because you know sometimes they take you out on something

proof of a date and then you end up having sex so then it's like was it a date?

Or was it just like, hey, let's meet up and then you had sex?

That can you ask your co-host when you do your podcast today?

I would like a guy to answer that.

Yeah.

Because in my case, so we'll start with me.

I knew this guy for many, many years.

Okay.

And I'm not going to say any details how I knew him because I want to protect his privacy.

And then we ended up, life brought us back together.

So when we met, he didn't really take me on a date, technically.

Oh, yeah.

We were just talking about work that are catching up because we knew each other for so many years.

And then we ended up coming to my place, drinking tons of wine, having a great time, and having sex.

Yeah, and that one night ended up being the whole weekend.

Yeah,

so yeah, I guess it is a situation, but I'm wondering, like, if we asked him, men kind of see, like, oh, it was just a sex hookup, it was nothing.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm not sure about that.

And then after this weekend,

I went and I saw him again.

Yeah.

And we had sex again.

Although he told me, that's another question, that he was having an online relationship with somebody from another country.

Yeah, that's that complicates shit, right?

That is definitely complicating.

But the thing is, so a lot of my girlfriends ask me about advice when it comes to guys, because I have probably the biggest commitment issues ever.

Yeah.

And usually guys have that too.

But I think you also, sorry, I don't mean to interrupt.

I'm just gonna do a parenthesis.

Maybe you have commitment issues, but you are so grounded and so smart about dating.

That's why I love asking you your opinion.

Yeah, I mean, sometimes I can be stupid.

Well, at least

I've never seen you being stupid, but that's okay.

No, you will.

You will sooner or later.

Yeah.

But I mean, when it comes to that, the fact that he even told you, I think it's interesting because I've also been, you know, kind of an asshole.

yeah

but does that make him an asshole no but because that's what i'm thinking about because if he just would you want to know

yeah he wouldn't told you i know that's the because to me this is the weird thing like i arrived i arrived at his place and the minute i got there he was like oh i need to tell you something i've been having this online dating situation with this woman for three months

And then the next day he regretted it because, of course, it was like a bucket of ice cold water in my head when he he told me.

And then the next day was like, Oh, I'm so sorry.

It was so stupid of me.

I shouldn't have said anything.

So, like, would you like to know?

I mean,

if there are any guys listening to this, I just have one advice.

Yeah.

Girls, ladies, women,

we want to be priority number one.

We want to be the number one.

Yeah.

We never want to be second choice.

I love that you said that.

Never, ever, ever.

So,

would I want to know

i mean it depends because if he would told you know just like you said an ice bucket just fell on you because then you feel kind of like second choice and that's where he he went wrong but on the other hand he's being honest exactly which is also really impressive in this situation very impressed that's where i get confused why he's being honest about it yeah so then i i i figure okay now we are in this that's how i started feeling we are we are in a situationship because we're not dating, dating, and we are not dating.

And after the second weekend, that was a third weekend.

We spent the entire

other weekend together.

I'm not going to say which weekend it was because they're going to, people go snoop on my

so and then again, it was great, really, really, really great.

But the same thing, he doesn't take me on formal dates.

No, and then he acted really weird in Miami.

Uh, true.

I mean, what happened?

Yeah, he stopped talking.

Yeah, he was just being very distant.

But then he said he was busy.

And that can be true.

That can honestly be true.

But, you know, it's like on and off situation that is

consuming so much.

And then we, when we were, remember, we were talking to my one of my best friends in Miami.

I'm not going to say his name because he's the cute guy on my podcast.

Remember, I asked him, I said, should I just...

not confront, but should I just have an open conversation with this guy?

Because it's been a month now.

It started like the end of January.

So, I'm thinking, should I just put all the cards on the table and say, Look, should we date, or let's just not date?

Because I don't like being in limbo in the so-called situationship.

And my friend was like, Are you crazy?

It's too soon.

Yeah, don't rush.

What is your opinion?

I

kind of agree on that.

My dog is leaking.

I'm sorry, Amanda.

He is like so needy for attention.

It's pretty liking feeling, so that's fine.

No, so what I'm thinking about when it comes to

the time limit, it all depends kind of where you are.

Because I don't like when people are, you know,

asking the guys, what do you want?

What, like, what do you, where do you see us being?

What do you want out of this?

Or, you know, when girls are doing that, I think we should turn the tables around and be more like, what do I want?

I know.

I want a relationship and I want it to go quick.

Okay, then I'm going to be upfront with it.

And if he can't handle that, maybe he doesn't want the same thing.

Absolutely.

You might scare a few people away, but you will only scare away the wrong ones.

And also the weak ones.

Yeah.

Because the strong ones don't get scared.

I completely agree with you.

And it's interesting that you said that because that's my thinking.

My birthday is coming up.

And I don't know how you feel about your birthday, but to me, my birthday is always kind of like a division of waters.

I always want to start a new cycle, I don't like any pending issues.

You know, this is a big, exciting one.

I had the crappy one that I told you that my boyfriend was cheating on me last time.

So now I'm wondering: should I really tell this guy?

I'm not asking, but he knows I want a relationship.

Yeah.

And there's this whole thing when you're in a situation, are you supposed to keep going on dates with other people or be respectful to this one person and don't cheat, quote unquote, on that person?

Yeah.

What is the etiquette on situationships so i think for like personally i think you should just like have honestly always have like five guys around because your life is gonna get easier because then you can just you know then you don't get hung up on someone because the problem with situationships i think is that it's so

not a relationship but not nothing exactly and that makes you you know think about him a lot and and worry a lot or think you know you get like that.

And if you have, if you go out on other

dates,

at least you can, you know, keep your mind occupied by other people.

Yeah, and you don't have sex with people.

But do you tell the situationship person that you're dating other people or just keep it quiet on the dye?

I wouldn't.

Yeah.

What I would do.

I mean, I wouldn't lie.

Yeah, but just keep it quiet.

I actually think most men in situationships, they are very likely dating other people.

They're not like sitting at home watching TV.

Well, I think women, we are much more like, oh, I'm not going to hurt these feelings.

I don't think, I think most men don't care when you are in the relation, the situationship stage, right?

Oh, yeah.

They're still like fishing around.

And that's one thing that bothers me, I got to tell you.

When somebody's with me,

like this case, and they're still looking around for other people, they make me feel like a choice on the menu.

You know, like, I'm not sure that that's what I want.

Let me see what else is out there.

And it really kind of annoys me because I don't want to be like a choice on somebody's menu.

No.

You know, I want to be like an option.

Okay, that's the one I want.

I really like that.

I really like that to use that as a menu.

Yeah.

Because it's, it's true.

It's so true.

Because that's how I feel.

Yeah.

Like, if I know that this person is like, oh, I'm still going to zoom.

I really like her.

I really like Amanda, but I'm still going to zoom around Tinder and I'm going to zoom around here.

I'm going to see like, oh, you like her, but you think maybe there's something better out there.

You know, that's kind of hurtful to me in a a way.

It almost makes me want to say, guess what?

Just go with the other people.

And then when you regret losing me, that's your problem.

Yeah.

I mean, that's how it is in like, you know, the best of both, in all situations.

But if I'm going to try to defend the guys, I mean, this can be girls too, but the guys, I think LA.

is really hard when it comes to dating because I've heard some extreme, you know, like the girls just ditching them ghosting them really because it's so easy nowadays and especially in this bigger city but yeah I still agree with you the tinder and bumble thing I had I had this conversation with a girlfriend of mine and she was

she was saying like oh I'm with him they've been dating on and off forever and she still saw the

notifications from bumblebee even if it was just like commercial yeah it doesn't matter if he has the apps yeah

no yeah it means that yeah they like you but they're still looking all over the place and it makes me feel like honestly to me it's super important in life like whether it's men relationship like even friendships yeah i think you need to really really appreciate the people in your life definitely i don't like taking anybody for granted i have been taken for granted so many times so i think as much as a situationship is not a real relationship if the guy is still fishing around it makes me feel like he's taking me for granted oh yeah if that makes sense so what do we do we just wait and keep going and see what develops or we do the same thing keep dating a bunch of people i mean i think it depends a little bit about who you are and who he is so there are different approaches definitely you can just like continue and i guess that would be considering dating yeah in one way not a relationship but dating yeah

um that you kind of get to know each other get to know each other more and then it kind of grows into something.

Or you're going to be that person who says, You know what?

I want a relationship, so if you don't want that, you're wasting my time.

Goodbye.

Yeah, but that's hard too, because then you are risking to lose everything.

Because I'm just going to say this out straight.

I know a little bit controversial, controversial.

Please say it.

It's hard to be alone, completely alone, because

validation is nice.

To have someone to just text, to have someone that you receive a text from,

it can be the small things.

It doesn't have to be like the love and the marriage and the, you know, that's great.

I totally agree with you, but let's face it, we always have somebody like options.

Yeah.

We were talking about it.

Like, if we just want to go out to dinner, date, wine,

there's always guys around.

Oh, yeah.

I think it's probably easier for us than for more.

I think it's harder for men to find women as great as us

because we are.

We're like high quality.

We're super intelligent.

We're hardworking.

We're beautiful.

We're great company.

I think it's harder for them to find us than for us to find like people, guys to just take us places if that's what we want, right?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, so that's a tough one.

I don't know.

I'm like super, super divided on the situationship situation because my question that I would have for anybody is how long do you allow for it to go on you know to me like I said a month is it too soon is it too much do you keep going and I actually talked to this person yesterday because we were making plans and I said I said it's my birthday you know yeah and I want to know like I don't want to know the day off I want to know do you want to be a little bit of a part of my life yeah and be with me a little bit that day or should I just say okay this person doesn't care at all I should make my own plan with my friends.

You know?

So

then obviously you start putting that person as a little bit of a part of your life.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, the thing with situationships, I think, that is

different from, you know, when you're only having sex with someone or you're just, you know, because situationship,

it's really there because it's some kind of feelings involved.

Yeah.

Because it never, no one would be like with a guy that you don't really care about.

True.

You wouldn't call that a situationship.

You would say, ah, yeah.

And I see

that.

Yeah, I have sex with him.

Or I don't care about him.

So, I mean, the situationship, that's what makes it so hard.

The question that we don't know is if the other person feels the same way.

Because, like I said, I would like, if your co-hosts of your podcast were here, I would say, how do guys feel about it?

Because many times.

We think it's a situationship, but the guys think, no, she's just some girl I bang when I see her.

Do you ask?

I mean, it feels like such a i mean you probably could but

i don't know how good of an answer you would that's a really tough one isn't it oh my god

but i would say okay time-wise

never

and this is even a long time but i'm gonna put it out there anyway

three months is always my limit yeah for

you know, like everyone.

Or anything.

But that's like, you know what?

We're not moving forward.

it's out.

Yeah.

And I know it sounds much, but like, oh my god, three months.

But let's say

super fast.

It really does.

Because let's say you see each other once a week.

Yeah, exactly.

That's like, you know, four weeks, eight weeks, 12 weeks.

That's it.

And then you're only seeing each other 12 times.

So it's like, it depends also, obviously, how intense it is.

So true.

It depends.

Like if you live in the same city and you see each other like a bunch of times, which is not my case.

No.

So I think in the, yeah, like I said, in the course of a month, we had three

weekends.

yeah.

Yeah, but very intense ones, yeah, very intense in the sense that we were together the whole weekend, and it felt comfortable at least to me, it felt super comfortable because I know this person for so many years.

So I was like, oh, you know, this is very familiar, but let's be honest.

And you girls, you guys out there, if anybody's in a situation, should send a message because I would love to know.

Oh, you do.

But this is like such a freaking tough one.

But I feel in my case, I know 100% sure that he doesn't know the hell he wants right now.

Yeah, no, I know he's looking, talking to other girls, he was doing this online dating crap, so I'm feeling like I'm not going to invest my heart 100% because I don't want to get burned, you know.

So, in this case, I think it probably most people tell me that it's completely okay if I go on other dates, yeah.

And I've been declining dates date after date after date after date because this guy, yeah, and I don't think it's fair,

and I mean

it's it's not but it's like you I think when it comes to situationships and

it's hard but it's also I'm also of the belief that if men want something they just take it you know so that's why it's so

but I guess that can be too general too well you are right if men want something that if they're afraid of losing you

they are gonna come and and and do something.

So that's something.

Yeah, but that's something I always try to

keep

or like not in my relationships but when i date people i always want them to be a little bit on their toes yeah they shouldn't know that they can have me i agree and you know we talked about before we started recording

not to be too available yeah because

I want them to wonder just a little bit.

Because then they think, like I said again, they take it for granted.

Oh, yeah.

If you're always there, always there, always there.

Why would they change the situationship while they're fishing out there for somebody else?

Oh, yeah, she's always sitting on the couch waiting for me.

But I don't think we are like that.

I mean, we I kind of move on with my life.

Oh, yeah.

It doesn't matter because I've been burned so many times before.

Now it's like, no matter how much I like this person, if they don't want to be with me, I kind of just move on and do my own thing, you know.

Let's talk about you.

I think you are having a little bit of a situationship right now.

Maybe.

I mean,

a little different than mine.

It's a one because you guys just met yes but that's called a situationship as well right i suppose so i mean

it turn it turns into it yeah because

it's something about this guy that just attracts me to him he's not my type i'm not gonna marry him you know what i mean it's like it's very very fresh and new but I just want to have sex with him.

And how many, but how many times did you go out with him?

Three?

Three, but I also met him

before, so it wasn't like, oh, three times.

And he took you on dates?

It wasn't really dates.

It was really just sex?

No.

Yeah, can you explain?

That's why it's a situation, Jim.

There you go.

See, we get tangled up in this.

Yeah, so I guess

it's mostly focused around sex, which is okay because I like the way he makes me feel adored.

And I love that.

I I love that.

Yes, because, you know, he's like

very like, oh, scare all the other guys away when we're in a room.

Really?

I love that.

I like that shoot.

Major.

Alpha man, right?

Yes.

I love alpha males.

Yeah.

And I think it's kind of my first time having a real alpha male by my side.

So I'm so turned on.

But the thing is, because I usually always am the alpha female.

female.

Because you have a super strong personality.

I can't imagine you with a guy that like would be like type B and you could like tell the guy what to do.

That's usually what happens.

Really?

That is usually what happens.

That's probably why you don't like them so much.

I know, because it's...

I honestly want a guy to just tell me to shut up and do what he says.

Exactly.

And it sounds horrible.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because no one does.

Listen, it doesn't sound horrible.

It's completely fine.

I mean, true, right?

I like my whole day in my personal life, I'm in control.

I'm working, working, working.

When it's my personal life, I want a guy with a super strong personality.

Yeah.

Yes.

I love it.

You know, it's the same.

I had this other guy.

This was a while back, but he was like, we were dating, but I kind of lost interest.

But I just like kept him there because

I wanted to go back up.

But then I cut it loose, you know, but but he was like, so how's your week look like?

You know, and I'm like, blah, blah, blah.

And he's like, do you have time to see me?

I can come to you.

I'm so flexible.

I'm so available.

And I'm like,

I was so turned off by it.

That's because that's so girly.

It is.

And I'm just like, tell me a time.

Yeah.

And tell me to figure it out.

Yeah.

And I'll do that.

I like when guys say, okay, 8 p.m.

Saturday, this place this yeah i'll pick you up i love when a man says that to me hey 7 40 i'll pick you up babe and you're going here and there and there that totally turns me on yeah when they take command of the situation definitely in dating and in bed yes

yes in bed too definitely so but you met this guy and you went on three dates and you said the sex is great yeah so why is this a situationship and not like they you don't want to date him or he doesn't want to date you or did he say he wants to date you

he hasn't talked we haven't talked about dating, dating.

So just to clarify these dates that we've been out to, we haven't really been out on dates.

We mostly have been

going out,

you know, to places that he knows, like to bars.

But you know, we haven't like sat down and going out to a place.

Okay, that is actually the date.

But it doesn't feel like a date.

It feels like we're just showing up to parties and then he shows me around for all all his friends and then tell them to back off me and then we leave.

I love it.

And so you said sex is really good with him.

Yeah.

But the thing is, in my experience, but that's the thing.

I haven't been with an alpha male.

So I'm not really sure about the rules.

And I like that because I'm so good with rules otherwise.

I know that the guys that are super serious with you probably won't sleep with you on the first date.

They will probably not love bomb you from the beginning.

True.

they will be like very

respectful and not be like, they would never say, like, oh, I want to fuck you hard, you know?

Like, they would never say that in the beginning.

It would be like, after a couple, you know,

so I mean, if I play by those rules, this guy is definitely not serious.

But

he's also a party guy.

So I'm kind of...

In my mind, I've just been painting him, painting him as a

player, a party guy, a whatever guy, not ready to get it because you don't want to get hurt, because I don't want to get hurt.

But that's that also means that I treat him like that.

So I kind of know what I have, you know, to play with.

And then we'll see where it goes.

I think, like, again, I just keep asking questions because I'm no expert by any means.

When you are in this situation, especially with the type A guy, for some reason, it's always the guys that take the step in deciding if the situationship is going to turn into a relationship, right?

I think I don't know why because I don't think it's fair, but in general, men feel like, oh, it's my decision.

And if she pressures me, I'm just going to walk away because men don't like to be pressured.

So it's like they take the step and say, Okay, yeah, whatever.

I don't know what they say because this never happened to me.

I mean, but I guess they would say, Oh, yeah, let's date.

Let's give this a go or something, right?

In the meantime, we're just hanging.

Yeah,

I mean, that's that's the hard part sometimes

it feels like situationships has an easy tendency to just

you know not becoming anything because i want those strong men that just like you're my woman now yeah that's it yeah um and be really clear of what they want yeah but my swedishness you know in sweden

We don't really define things the way Americans does.

So we don't say like, oh, we're dating or we're seeing each other.

Well, do you say boyfriend, girlfriend?

We do, but the thing is,

we don't specifically need to talk about it.

So my last relationship, like I told you about, like the best relationship I've had in my entire life, bless his soul.

But he, you know, it started out with sex.

It started out with this passion.

Like we could barely speak to each other.

Was he Swedish?

Yeah.

Okay.

And this was back in Sweden.

And, you know, we just like this passion for each other.

We just want to

really and then we did and then we started more and more and it was just like it was it became an everyday thing

and then

you know we like after sex or before sex we had some food and we talked and we watched movies you know it kind of evolved into that and then boom three months later when someone asked like yeah are you together and you know we both like yeah we are because it i it evolves naturally yeah yeah in my cultures it's the same yeah because it's like yeah but what that in-between period is called it doesn't really have a name yeah it does well i know but

here it didn't either this phenomenon just appeared like a little while ago i don't know why and it's so irritating but it's like everyone here wants to say like are you dating yeah yeah are you exclusive yeah it's like i just learned this a while ago i know me neither because to me when i start dating someone yeah i'm like okay i like i only date because i like this person so in my mind i'm like okay i'm gonna focus on this person and see what happens with this person so if somebody asked me are you dating him whether it's casual or not even if it's casual i say yes i'm dating him yeah like when i was visiting this guy the second weekend we were together in his city two dudes at the bar approached me i think i showed believe it or not and they both invited me out And I said to both of them, no, thank you so much.

The guy that came to pick me up, I'm dating him.

I'm not saying we're exclusive, quote-unquote, and he's my boy, but being respectful to him, I said, No, I'm dating that guy.

Oh my god, I'm gonna take a two-minute break.

Time goes by so fast with this girl.

This subject can take five hours.

We can talk about it.

We'll be right back.

Cat on the loose, episode 99.

This episode of Cat on the Loose is kindly sponsored by another podcast that I love so much, Ira on Sports by Ira Kaufman.

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And thank you so much for believing in cat on the loose and supporting my episode i can't believe this is 99 i'll see you guys for the 100th episode really soon

okay welcome back guys when you're having fun talking to your girlfriend time goes by so fast and we're debating i feel this subject

is chaos because you can talk about it for five hours and nobody that's why it's called a situation because nobody knows what the hell is going on the biggest question is and if anybody out there can answer, when do you define it?

Or can we even open our mouths to define it?

Or is it, I think we both agree that it's usually the man that defines it.

Usually the man comes to us and says, yeah, we're dating, or these words that Americans love, we're exclusive, or they just cut us loose.

And some people say, hey, if you let the guy be in this situation, some men will linger forever and ever and ever.

Yeah.

And they'll never take a step.

I mean, I think why, in my case, it's usually the men that

decides the situationship is actually because something we just talked about, and that's the alpha approach.

Yeah.

Because I can definitely be the alpha,

you know, female and say, I want a relationship, bam.

And that means that I'm

the strong force in it.

Yeah.

But in that case, he's...

not the guy for me because I don't like that.

And probably with an alpha guy, he's going to run away.

He's going to be like, hey, don't push me.

me.

I know that I know the guy that I'm dating

when you look at him because he's so sweet and adorable when he's working and stuff.

I didn't know that he was such an alpha man in his personal life, he takes control, he's a bull in bed.

And I told him that I made probably those mistakes, the best sex I ever had in my life.

I never had had multiple orgasms before.

And this guy made me go to the moon and back.

And I think that's probably one of the things that attracts me to him so much because he's 1 million percent alpha in bed, yeah.

And he's the kind of guy that will, like you said, your guy does to you, like, oh, you know, just shut up and do this, just come here, just stop it.

Just and I love it because I like taking direction from my man.

But that's the thing, I think, because I have this theory, and that is that if you're very strong,

like you are, you know, like both of us are very strong in our personal life,

we can take care of ourselves, yeah.

So at the end of the day, when we're meeting a guy, yeah, he can fucking do that for us.

I know.

I don't want to plan where we're going to go.

You pick the restaurant, you make the reservation, you come and pick me up, you, you know, you are taking control.

But, but I mean, so that's, I think that's why the men that we are after is the ones defining when it's time.

When it's time, exactly.

And my guy, I know, and he actually told me, I'm 100% sure everything is in his space.

Yeah.

No matter what it is, if it's work, dating, going out, he doesn't like anybody saying, come on, let's go.

Come on, come on.

He's like, I'll come when I want.

You know, I'll make a decision when I want to make a decision.

So I know if I push him against the wall, he's going to just cut me loose.

Yeah.

So I'm kind of putting up with this situationship, you know, for as long as I am.

But I honestly don't know if I can put up with it for three months.

No.

Maybe, you know.

I mean,

it's a risk they take too, because look, while you're in this situationship, if you're dating somebody else, you never know.

Maybe somebody else more complete and even more Taipei and even more ready to be in an exclusive relationship can come along.

Oh, yeah.

And then it's their loss, right?

Oh, yeah.

Are you still like going out with other people while you're dating this guy?

Yeah.

So you're like keeping your options open.

Yeah.

I mean, that's usually what I do, but

I think the thing I like about this guy is that even we don't we haven't said that we're dating we haven't said that whatever yeah he still tells me

to tell guys to fuck off

you know what I mean and yeah I like that because that means

some way I mean he never so this is the thing with men too because I've been there

men that have commitment issues which i also have so this is why i know know.

I do too.

I have major.

I can imagine that.

Because of everything I've been through, you know.

Yeah.

And I mean, when it comes to men and commitment issues, but even me.

So my friend called me the other day and she was like, yeah.

So she wanted to ask him, what are we?

And, you know, are you seeing anyone else?

And I just gave her what he was going to answer her.

I said, well, when, because they've been seeing each other for Yeah, three months maybe.

Wow.

Yeah, or more.

i don't know they're very intense

and i said this is what he's going to say he's not going to give you a cut answer he's not going to be like yes we're exclusive he's going to say

but baby

when would i have time to meet other people he gives you a question he doesn't give you an answer that doesn't mean that he hasn't and that he won't be in the you know in the future but he says when would i have time to meet anyone else we're spending so much time together and then when you ask him

what is this?

What's this thing with us?

He will say,

I just know that I love spending time with you.

I like being with you.

I love being with you.

I think if you have to ask,

it's bad.

I don't know.

I feel like if I have to ask what I am in a person's life or what is going on, it's usually a bad sign, like that they don't know what they want.

And I think that's maybe one step.

Because in a situationship, that's the good part by the way about being in a situation.

It's giving you both time to get to know each other.

Yeah, because you know how a lot of people meet, and we a lot of my girlfriends do that.

They meet a guy and they're like, Oh, I love him.

He's the man of my life.

Yeah, they want to go from zero to like dating super serious, and they're already playing the freaking wedding and the babes, and men hate that.

Yeah, but the good thing, this is the part that I like about it.

It's still a little mysterious.

I kind of miss him when I'm not with him.

As much as I'm not his girlfriend, girlfriend, like when we get excited, like when we're making plans, if he's coming over, da da da, you know, sex is fantastic.

So maybe we should look at the situationship not so much like it's something negative all the time, but maybe it's a good experiment to see that you even want to be with that person, right?

I think that, yeah, and it's like dating without saying your date, yeah, it is.

It's like you live your life, he lives his life, yeah, and then you have something together.

Yes.

And because one thing that I find when people say we're dating or whatever it is, it puts this weird pressure on it, too.

It's like

a lot of guys that I meet that aren't not

strong men, they're usually

too flexible, too available.

They just put everything, you know, like they sit still and they're like,

oh, when do you want to hang out next?

Yeah.

When do you want to do, you know?

While

why I like this

new guy is because he keeps me on my toes.

And I keep him on his toes.

And I think that is so important to keep something going on.

Yeah.

And in a way, now you have this, because you just met him.

You had, what, three dates, right?

So in a way, you have this image of him.

Oh, he's this party guy that because he takes me to all this place.

But maybe not.

You never know, like during your situationship, like the next few weeks, weekends, I'm not saying that's the case, but it could be that he's like a fabulous guy, and no woman caught his attention as much as you did before.

And maybe he's falling for you.

It could happen, right?

Or you could figure out, yeah, this guy is such a douchebag, he's such a party animal, it was just great sex.

Yeah, yeah.

So, that's the good thing: like, not make a commitment for like complete dating in the beginning.

Yeah, and I mean,

when it comes to getting hurt, I'm not super afraid of getting hurt by someone.

It's because I don't take it personally I see it more

you know because I mean we all are obviously afraid to being hurt yeah but if you think about it you can't really be hurt yes you can feel used if they like just use you for sex

but if you just like try to see everything like that from a positive light it's like well

he was so attracted to you He loved the way you looked or he loved to spend time with you, even if he didn't, you know, because it's not personal that someone doesn't want to marry you.

Yeah, look, I think, yes, yeah, many times, of course, it's not an issue, something we did wrong.

No, obviously, I know I don't want to be hurt again, it's awful, you know, it bruises our ego.

But nowadays, I'm kind of like you, I see it more like if somebody doesn't want to be with me, yeah, maybe I do like a pity party for like half a day or a few, but then I'm like, you know what?

If you don't want to be with me, I don't want to be with you.

No, I know how fabulous and gorgeous and nice I am.

And I know how many lines of men are on my phone try to go out with me.

So I kind of like switch the energy towards me.

And I know it is hard, but I tell girls to try that out there because it's an exercise I learned through the years, making so many mistakes.

And it really works.

It really works.

Like, you shouldn't beg and please.

Going after someone that doesn't want to be with you, it's such an awful, it's an awful waste of time.

Oh, yeah, it really is.

And that's why, and I know, like, in all of these, like, self-help books for dating or YouTubes or whatever, everyone says confidence, confidence, confidence.

But it's so true.

It is.

Because it's like if you put the light towards yourself, you'd be like,

I am, you know, like, I'm a movie.

This is a movie.

And I'm the, you know, I'm the fucking star in this movie.

And shouldn't I, if I'm a lead role, I deserve a lead role.

You know, so it's like, you're not a background actress.

You're the lead role in your own movie.

Yeah, that's so true.

Such a radical analogy,

but no, but it's so true, and many times we forget that.

Like, before I talked to you, when we went to Miami, I was feeling, remember, like, oh my god, does he like me?

Does he not like me?

What should I do?

Should I just cut this off?

And then I thought, you know what?

I'm just gonna leave it life as it is.

Yeah, it works for me right now because it's not interfering with my work.

I keep moving on.

If I decide to go out with the dates, with other people.

And yeah, we started talking about Tinder.

So I downloaded my Tinder and then we talked on the plane.

And I said, I'm going to make my profile super tough and tell them exactly what I want.

You know, I want a relationship.

I want a major gentleman.

I want like a guy that has his shit together, success.

If it's not you, I don't even want to.

And I got inundated.

Men were not intimidated by that.

They're like, oh, it's me.

It's me.

It's me.

Oh, my gentleman.

I haven't decided that I want to go on another date yet.

Because honestly, I like this guy that I'm in a situation.

If I could pick,

yeah, I love our sex, I love our chemistry, I love our vibe, I love our energy, a million things, like you know, the boxes that you feel like.

But it was good for my ego, yeah, because I was like, damn, there are a lot of guys trying to go out with me.

And when I was visiting him in his city, I'm not going to say where it is because everybody's going to snoop.

The two dudes at the bar, two friends, they were texting me behind each other's back.

Yeah.

Like, I want to take you on.

I'll take you on.

And I said, no, remember that guy?

And that turned me on a lot too.

I was at the bar with his girlfriends and he came pick me up.

And then when he saw these guys were talking to me, he knew one of the guys and he got really pissed.

Like, da, da, da.

And he said, yeah, no, they're talking to my woman.

And I like

that.

I like it.

It turned me on a lot.

I love that.

That he said that he was like, he didn't want any bullshit.

He's like, ah, the guy's a bullshit.

Yeah, I love that.

When they say like

to other guys to y'all and then they say that you are yeah this woman i love oh yeah right

like i want to like take me home me yes that's exactly how i feel but if they're like too you know uh no too nice and i i know i like a man that takes and i love protective men like that yes yes territorial like a lion

yes That's what this guy's doing to you.

Yes, that's exactly what he's doing.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, but he's

really, yes.

I remember we were sitting at a bar or a club or whatever.

Yeah.

And we were sitting next to each other.

And I just like looked out to the crowd.

He just took my face, pointed it back to him.

And he's like, and he said, focus on your man.

And I'm like, oh, and then when I was like, oh my goodness, I want to have sex now.

So it's, yeah, he really turns me on.

And I didn't know why, but all through this podcast, I know.

I don't know why.

I know what's going on.

We like the same kind kind of like super strong personality masculine because like you said if people that know us and you guys can go to my instagram to see amanda i put her picture there i'm gonna do it again today but uh a lot of my friends are asking about you by the way

yeah but i think it's interesting because we both have a strong personality we like walk in the room we're not wallpaper yeah and i think it takes us a guy that is not intimidated by that at all because if the guy is like this much intimidated i think it turns us off.

I mean, that's the funny part.

I had a boyfriend, or we were dating, and he was like, Yeah, if anyone like hits on you, of course I would want to know that.

I'm like,

what?

Like, wait, not to be that one, but like, have you seen me?

Like, do you have you ever seen how I look?

Obviously, guys, can I come up

with it?

Seriously.

And the same goes for you.

You know, it's like, and it goes for a lot of women.

Like, go out as a woman, woman.

Yeah.

It's just like, bam, bam, bam, bam.

So many fucking offers.

Yes.

And, like, if you think, you know, and that's why I don't get why some guys become lazy.

Because it's like, dude, so many dudes out there.

Even if there's a line.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even if you don't, like I said, in my case, I haven't felt like going out with anybody else.

But knowing that there is all these men there, maybe they like feel the male energy around us, it turns me on.

I like belonging to one man.

Yeah.

I like feeling like, oh, sorry, I can't go out with you because I'm dating someone, because I have somebody who's fucking me.

It really turns me on, like belonging to a guy.

But I think a lot of men there, they kind of notice that, that we are unavailable.

And then there's more guys after us.

Yeah, because that, I don't know what it is, but it's like.

But I also have, I think that's also a little bit when it comes to my commitment issues.

I really want to be proud over my partner oh so if i can't be 100 oh my god i know because usually it's so easy especially for us girls to like settle yeah i would not settle for like i agree with you know like oh he's ugly but he's nice yeah it's like or he can be both i know you know oh he's sweet sex sucks but he's so he treats me so well

i know i have friends like that And I'm like, no, I agree with you.

I don't want to settle.

I want the whole package.

Yes.

All the boxes, the whole shebang.

And I always tell, I've told people on my podcast many times, sex for me is super important.

I know you're like me because in your culture, in our cultures, it's not taboo like it is to most Americans.

I want a partner that loves sex as much as I do.

I want to have a hot sex life all the time.

Yes.

And the thing is, I think sometimes when it comes to relationships, so many people think that you need all the aspects of a man.

It's like, oh, he can't talk about his feelings.

Well, does he really have to?

Do you have to sit there and braid each other's hair, or can you just like

you know what I mean?

Like, if you need to talk about your feelings, find a great friend, like Kat, yeah, and then you two can talk about talk to your girlfriends, not to a man, and then you can go home to your man, yeah, and you don't talk about feelings, and he's still masculine, and you're still feminine, and you have a great, you know, don't spill the whole beans.

I think he doesn't have to be your best friend, exactly, you know,

no, he should be your parent, He should be, you know, your guardian.

He doesn't have to be that bad.

That's so true.

And actually, I think it doesn't matter, even if it's a situationship or a relationship, keep some fucking mystery.

Yes.

Like, even if you live together, like, go out for a few hours, do your shit, go out with your girlfriend, you know, look hot.

Yes.

I see some women, like, they get married or even they have a boyfriend, like, they start looking like shit, being without makeup.

Like, look hot all the fucking time.

Put the effort, put the effort, you know keep the guy on his toes spice it up a lot we talk about a lot about that like some women think oh if he wants to watch porn he's cheating on me no

bringing porn into the bedroom makes shit like super hot right it turns me on a lot and porn has nothing to do with it no i know

you'll be shocked amanda like you guys should talk about it on your podcast one day yeah it's such taboo in this country so many women are are like, oh my god, I call my boyfriend watching porn.

Oh, can you believe he wanted to watch porn in bed?

Like it has nothing to do if he likes that girl more than you.

It's just a freaking fantasy.

And it spices it up.

And for those people, I just have one question.

Can't you feel the difference between sex and like, I guess it would be called like love making?

Because that is two different things.

Well, there is those situations.

You know, there are those situations where you're just like, well, I just love this person so much.

So I just want to be so close and just feel and it's intimate.

And that's one thing, definitely.

You can have that great.

But there are also those moments where you're just like, oh, I'm so horny.

Yeah.

I just fucked.

Yeah, I just want to get it out there.

And porn is just one tool that,

you know, it's completely fine.

And believe it or not, would he say like, oh, she's being, she cheats on me because she has a dildo.

Yeah, that's, that's another taboo.

Like, I never, I tell you, I love my vibrators, love, love, love my vibrators because I hardly ever have casual sex yeah so I had asked on my podcast in the past like women and men yeah how do you feel as a couple to bring vibrators in bed yeah and a lot of guys like oh I'm gonna be so offended because what does she mean my dick is not

this guy that I'm in a situationship with sure enough one night we were in bed he's like bring your vibrator I want to watch and I was like really yes oh and I was so turned on and he was exhausted So he wanted to please me.

And he thought he couldn't have sex.

But the minute he saw me using my vibrator, he got super turned on.

He had a major heart on.

And we had phenomenal sex.

And I liked him even more for being so open-minded about it.

I mean, that is actually something.

I mean, even if it's not,

have you ever tried the satisfier?

No.

It's like a...

I heard of it, the little one, right?

It's like this size.

It's not like something you put in.

Oh, yeah.

I have not tried that.

It's amazing,

it's amazing, and that is something everyone should just bring into the bedroom.

Okay, satisfying if you want to sponsor our podcast, yes, call in.

I'm gonna send them a message.

Do you guys want to send us some free size?

Yes,

yes, send them, send them, we're gonna give them out.

No, but there's they're amazing.

You can buy it on Amazon, but anyway, I'm gonna give it a shot.

Yeah, maybe he can give me one for my birthday.

Yes, yeah, I know what you're getting.

No, it's amazing, and it's but and I mean, my friend, I haven't done it yet, but I don't have with whom, with anybody,

like bringing the vibration, no, yeah, no, I haven't brought it in yet, but yeah, it was my first time too, really, yeah.

With this guy, he was the first guy ever, and you've been married for a long time.

Oh, but my husband, I know, but my husband was, oh, you have no idea.

He was

so oh, so conservative.

Do you do missionary style?

Yeah, pretty much.

I'd like a, yeah, oh my god, no,

That's why I'm telling you.

At my age now, in my 40s, I'm really proud to say because I think I look fabulous for my age.

Nobody believes it.

Yeah.

Like JLo is my idol.

But, anyways, I'm learning.

Like, I'm freaking 20.

Yeah.

I'm learning all this shit.

I had multiple against for the first time.

He was the first guy that said, bring the freaking vibrator in bed.

I'm like, experiment.

For a treat.

I know.

I mean, I think the next thing we should try

is like

a really young dude.

I never had a young dude that's right.

You're trying now and you're trying.

I'm completely like prejudiced because I think young guys like first of all I'm like what am I gonna say to this guy?

I'm not attracted to younger guys.

I know I was the same until I tried one.

Oh my goodness.

Yes.

Okay, situationship, watch out.

I don't like guys with a hot body.

I don't know.

I kind of like men, you know.

I get it.

I get it.

They can do like 20, 20.

You're not going to believe that.

Last year, I was invited to be on a reality show about women in their 40s that were going to date 20-something.

Really?

Yeah, Netflix series.

You should have said yes.

I haven't said no.

They did the casting because the producer loved me.

Yeah.

And I'm there.

They cast me.

But then COVID hit.

Oh, and they put on hold.

They put on hold.

But I'm on the, like, I don't know if I'm not dating anybody or something.

When they start filming.

even if you date someone, say that it's just for fun.

It's scheduled.

No, because it's a reality show.

Like, you literally have to go on these dates and stuff.

When we were going to start shooting last year,

I was open.

I was like, I never dated a younger guy.

I'll show you the

thing if you.

And then they put it, it's on hold.

But if they call me and they, who knows, you know,

I know, but oh well, I'm open-minded to everything.

Yes.

I mean, and that's the thing.

I think that's the thing with situationships.

That when you're in a situationship,

see it as a possibility to get to know the person better, but don't put your life on hold.

Love it.

Don't start planning your wedding.

Yeah.

And just live your life.

I think you can go out on dates.

You would probably don't want to do it.

I agree.

But I think it's good to like, whatever.

You don't have anything better to do.

Because they're doing the same.

Yeah.

Let's be honest.

they're not sitting at home, like watching Netflix, eating popcorn while you know you're waiting for them.

Yeah, so I agree with you, but I think that's really good conclusions.

We came to, yeah, it's a good starting point, don't rush it, but yeah, don't put your entire life on hold, like hoping and praying.

Oh, please, please.

And guess what?

I know this is the toughest step.

And I learned trial and error.

If the guy that you're in a situationship with gives you the cold shoulder or doesn't know what you want, and or decides you know you're not the one for him.

Seriously, I know it's hard, the bruises are eagle, but like I said, do a pity party for 30 seconds, wear your best heels, your sexiest fucking dress, call a girlfriend, and go out there, make yourself feel better again.

I don't want to be with people that don't want to be with me.

No,

this was so awesome.

I came so high.

Thank you so much, Amanda.

And I want to know your update when you're hot.

What did he tell you to say in bed?

I'm yours.

Yeah, it was

interesting.

I love that.

Oh,

yeah, it's the best sex I've had in a while.

You know, I like that he said in a while.

That's what I should say.

I shouldn't say the best sex ever.

I should say the best sex in a while.

Yeah, I need to put him down a little bit.

Yeah,

I never told my guy that's the best sex I ever had, but I did tell him I had multiple orgasms and I was really freaking out about it because it was such an out-of-body experience.

And of course, it made him feel like the last Coca-Cola zero of the desert with ice, a slice of lime under an umbrella.

But I was like, Okay, you deserve it.

Before I let you go, I'm gonna ask you one thing.

He does that to me that nobody ever did before, and I love that too.

He kind of lightly chokes me a little, like he puts his big hands on my around my neck.

I love that.

You love that too.

Yes,

I love that shit.

You should, you should always be like a little bit afraid of your life.

He's more gentle than that, but nobody ever did that to me.

Also, really.

And so he's very gentle.

And I'm almost going to be like, yeah, go for it.

Yes.

But I love it.

It turns me almost.

Me too.

When guys do that, yes.

Is your guy doing that?

No.

Not yet.

I don't think he's done it yet.

I think he's on his way there.

Yeah, so guys, don't be afraid to be alpha male in bed and out of bed.

That's what we like.

Yes.

That was fabulous.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Thank you so much for doing this.

Her podcast is insanely cool.

So please go listen to it.

It's three people on a couch.

She's the gorgeous girl with two of her friends, Brian and Steve.

They're amazing.

They're so much fun.

And they did one episode with me.

Please go check it out.

Check it out.

I want to do an interview, all three of you

online.

And I'm coming back.

I'm going to try to do episode 100 100 on my birthday.

How fun would that be?

That would be amazing.

And God knows who's going to be around us, who we're going to be with, the situationships or new people.

You guys enjoy your weekend, and I'll come back soon.

Cat on the Loose Friday.

Bye.