APRIL DAVIS - FOUNDER OF LUMA LUXURY MATCHMAKING -

So, Cat on the Loose is live, it's not edited, and we had a tiny, tiny, tiny problem here, but I'm back with April.

Hi, April.

So, we were talking about ghosting, and we decided that it's inappropriate behavior, it's a lack of manners.

So, guys and girls, don't do it, right, April.

I mean, be nice enough and talk to the person if you want to be with, don't want to be with them anymore, right?

Well, it shows lack of integrity, lack of social skills, lack of anything.

Lack, lack, lack, lack.

And we don't.

Who are you?

You're a hollow of a person if you can't treat other people well, if you don't have just basic communication skills.

I agree.

Okay, people number three.

When I told people that I was going to interview a matchmaker, I got a gazillion of the same messages.

Oh my God, I would love to work with a matchmaker, but I feel super intimidated.

It sounds complicated.

You know, it's luxury.

Is it for me?

So what would you you say to the people there who want to work with you, who actually want to work with the match maybe they feel intimidated?

Well, I promise I don't bite.

And so is everybody on my team.

All they have to do to get started is literally just go to our website and fill up the profile form.

And they can be part of our database.

There's no charge to do that.

And they just have to upload their photos.

And then one of the awesome matchmakers on my team would interview them.

Like a match for one of my clients.

And it's just talking to one of your girlfriends.

And while you're doing it, you're just telling about yourself.

Like, what do you like to do for fun?

What are you looking for in a match?

You know, who are you?

And just, it's super simple and easy.

But like one of my friends, she, I think she went into your site or something, she said, oh my God, but I feel even that chunk, I feel intimidated.

Like, I have to fill out this questionnaire.

And it's almost like a job interview.

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if I say the right thing?

Like, what do you say for a person like that?

You know, we read between the lines.

As matchmakers, it's more about our conversation and engagement with the person.

Then, yeah, there's going to be some things that are true that we have to conform to when we're matching people.

Like, do you have kids?

Do you want kids?

You know, value systems and things like that.

Those are fair, like, yes, you need to match somebody accordingly.

But some

your energy and your personality.

And so when I get a vibe from somebody, that that's a lot of times how I will match someone, it's just based on my interaction with them, yeah, and the whole time.

Like it was

super fun, yeah.

And I saw, I actually saw the other day one thing on your site, you had like a video of this couple that was matched by you, and the guy said something that really struck a chord with me.

He said, Well, you know, yes, there's a cost for certain people, but it's you're trying to pick a life partner, you're trying to pick a serious relationship.

It's one of the most important decisions in your life.

So maybe, and then you said something on a TV interview that I also loved.

You're like, well, maybe with these online apps, we might think we can just, oh, I'm going to order someone like on Amazon.

Obviously, it's an exaggeration.

It's a joke.

But yeah, maybe it's a little more complicated than that.

And that's a really good reason to actually use a professional like you.

At least that's what I think.

Well, and if you think about who are using our services, you know, it's for us, we cater to it's more high-end market where our clients are busy professionals, natives, a lot of business owners, and they're looking for a serious committed relationship.

And that's why they're using service.

They're not going to put their profile online.

They're not going to deal with swiping and messaging all day long.

You know, they want to find the right person.

And it's a service just like anything.

Like you outsource your

or maybe your dry cleaning or anything else.

You outsource the search to find that the person that's the right fit for you.

And you actually, you said that in general, only 5% of people that date online actually end up in relationships.

Yeah, I think it's, or is it

5% of relationships start online?

Yeah, something like that.

But we, and

everybody that I talk to, they say the same thing, that this online dating apps, it's more like most entertainers.

Yes, it's entertaining.

It's another form of Facebook where, oh, I want to go on there so I can see how many people have liked my profile or liked or want to match with me and stuff and see

shot of

dwarfins that make you feel good because you know, people like you and you have attention.

That's all it is.

It's just attention, it's entertainment.

Yeah.

Yeah, let's be honest about it.

A lot of people on these dating apps, they just want like quick sex, right?

Oh, they're, yeah, they're

worse.

So they're just for, yeah, it's a commodity.

It's a, it's an easy way to just

so it's not a place for you guys to try to find a relationship, you know, for us

to meet you.

It's more of a place to find an STD, yeah, honestly, yeah.

So, okay, you already said, so if they they are intimidated, she doesn't bite.

She said that she's super cool.

So, the process is they go on your website, we fill out a questionnaire,

and then somebody calls you

or well, well, actually, after they fill out the initial form, they'll be prompted to schedule a meeting

or him, whoever it is that fills out the form, will call them at that meeting time and

service and just kind of learn a little bit more about them.

And it seems like they are somebody that we need to meet with so we can set up with one of our clients or they want to be a client, then they'll continue on to meet with one of the matchmakers.

Or

they've been entered into our database, then we can always consider them as a match.

So if, say, in a couple weeks from now, I'm looking for a client or looking for a match to one of my clients, I'll come across her profile and then reach out to her.

Somebody on my team, we have, I have a, I have seven different matchmakers on my team that consider, can consider her as a match.

And they are all highly trained like you, right?

And some are even higher.

Younger than me.

Hard to believe, but yeah, well, I think I'm going to do that.

I think I'm going to give it a try.

Now, another, it's not really well it's a question a lot of girls send the same message April I'm exhausted I've been dating dating dating I meet all the wrong guys

do you actually really believe that

everyone has a match out there or some people should just give up on dating well I would say what's the common denominator there in that in that issue if they're going out on a lot of dates and every you know if they're saying like everything's wrong like all these people, there's something wrong with all these people,

I would say that you're the common denominator and that, you know, you're maybe you're choosing the wrong types of people and you need to figure out, okay, maybe I need to change either my fate so I can attract the kind of people that I want to attract or choose a different kind of person to pursue or go after.

And I think really what what's happened is that these apps have made us so superficial because we can just sit there and scroll through

somebody is in there somebody in their picture and we're not really seeing what matters and what's a true indication of longevity in a relationship and that's somebody's values that's their personality that's the chemistry and so unfortunately you know that's what we're left with is that this superficiality that doesn't actually turn into a relationship and so what I would challenge women or these people that are messaging you is to consider choosing someone based on their values, giving people a chance that you wouldn't normally consider and just trying to figure out what kind of person they are inside and not just gets hung up on the physicality.

Because I think that's oftentimes what we're so judgmental with and it's because we have so many options.

When you go into Home Depot or somewhere to pick out a pink color, you know,

start narrowing down your options.

You're like, I want grays, but there's a million different grays.

And so it's

the challenge is like, how do you choose just one?

And I think that if you could just go into these apps more blindly, then it would be and just focus more on the person's character and values, then you would have a better chance.

And then also, get off the Tinder, if you want a real relationship, Tinder is not worth it.

Oh, no, I agree.

I mean, Tinder is not good.

So even in my case, after like all the bad relationships, ta-da-da, guys that disappear, guys that mistreat me, yeah, the the common denominator is me.

So, you think I need to take a look at myself or any girl out there and figure out what am I doing wrong that I'm attracting all these wrong men, right?

Well, okay, so instead of, like, for example, when you describe to me this guy that you had taken, like, he's Italian, well dressed,

I would say, what about his character?

You know, is he someone that's very considerate, very, he's a stand-up guy, he takes care of his mom?

You know, like those kinds, those are more the more important character traits that I would focus on.

Yeah, person to something that is, you know, because you can fix how he dresses, you can fix his hairstyle, you can change those kinds of things.

You can change personality and core values.

I agree, you cannot change somebody's ethics, somebody's behavior.

Yeah, I agree.

Somebody's character.

That's a little tougher.

Another idea for finding people

meet somebody there.

Or

there's still

ways to do it.

And, or if you're, I don't know, I always am chatting up people and talking to random people.

And I think it's just, it's really, it's my, I think it's my personality because I'm not afraid of like, I'll just chat up anybody and say hi to anybody.

Yeah, me too, me too.

Now, I asked the same question to Nora Wendell, who is the relationship expert that I interviewed this week.

So, and some girls asked me to ask you the same question.

A lot of women, you're one of them, I'm one of them.

A lot of the girls out there, we work, we have a somewhat public job.

We work with social media, we work with Instagram, we do videos, and we have strong personalities.

We want to be successful.

A lot of men, to this day and age, they have this macho type personality and they are old-fashioned, da-da-da-da-da.

And then all of a sudden, they can't handle it.

Should we change what we do?

Should we change some of our content, some of our behavior to accommodate them?

Or should we stick to our guns and say, no, this is what I do, this is my work.

And whoever is going to like us is going to like us exactly the way we are including our work.

Well, I think it's twofold.

One, when

we are at work, we have that work persona.

And it's a lot of masculine energy.

You know, it's worth like very, you know, especially when you're the weird or the boss and stuff.

That's masculine type energy and so when you get home or when you're with your guy you have to let that go to the wayside and allow him to be the man and allow your femininity to shine through because if he wanted masculine energy he'd be gay quite frankly so it's important to relax like leave work at work and then just be your feminine self when you're at home

I think and then on the other side of things, we drawn, or at least least we think we're drawn to these guys that are masculine, are machinery, right?

They're not necessarily, but it's not necessarily true masculinity, because if it was, they would be confident in themselves.

They wouldn't be intimidated by a strong.

And so on the outside, they may look really masculine.

Maybe they

have big muscles or maybe they you know carry themselves.

They're very strong.

But when you challenge them, you can really see how strong they are.

If there's somebody that can admit, like, hey, she's smarter, she's makes more money, she's did a different, you know, that's a con, that's a truly confident guy.

But if you somebody that needs to bother and prove that he's bigger and better, and you know, can like be flashy and everything, that's that's not true confidence, that's just somebody that's trying to put up with the side.

So, again, it's looking for the inner core character traits and values and not getting hung up on this facade of comments.

Makes sense.

Makes a lot of sense.

Next question.

One date, two dates, three dates.

How long usually a couple decides, oh my God, let's make this work.

We really like each other.

Is there like an average time pattern or not?

I wouldn't say that there is a number, but more about the quality of time and the depth of the relationship, the connection.

Because just going on a date,

you might enjoy that time and it might be an amazing experience on that date, but are you conversing in between the dates?

Is he making you a priority?

Are you seeing regularly?

You know, the communication I think is key and how connected you are.

And then you know you're in a relationship.

Because you could go on a date, you could go on dates with somebody for 20 times, but if he never texts you, you never talk to him in between those dates, then it's questionable about the depth of the relationship.

But if it's somebody that maybe you've only gone on, you know, four or five dates, but you're texting every day and you're in constant communication, I've telsten you that there's a lot more to get there.

But you know, one thing I've been preaching to women is if you want a relationship, you need to really focus on the relationship and not just the sex.

You gotta hold off on having sexy loss.

And I really am an advocate of just waiting to have sex.

At least

I think you should wait two months, but you can wait a lot.

Two months might be a lot.

Yeah, no, but I kind of agree with you on that one.

Because, like you said, if you have sex on the first date, the second date, it's just lust.

It's just the guy wants to have sex.

But if I remember, you said that on last year's episode.

I never forgot you said if he's really interested in you,

he is going to wait because he wants to get to know you, right?

Right.

And he's going to respect you, and you're going going to have a deeper relationship and bond.

And then, different, I mean, I would assume a lot of people have, you know, read about how the difference is between men and women after having sex.

And so it's really important to make sure that you've established that relationship, that he's not going anywhere afterwards.

Yeah.

And that more to it than just the sex early on.

Yep, I agree.

So now a lot of my guy friends say, oh my God, she's so pretty.

I want to date her.

She's married, right, April?

Yes, I'm married.

She's happily married.

So no dating her, but she can match you guys, right?

Well, yeah, that's the key, right?

Now, of course, I have to ask you this question.

Do you think I am matchable or I'm like a lost cause?

Of course you're.

Yes, I think you are definitely matchable for sure.

Of course you are.

I think

you're in a very challenging area.

It's Miami.

And again, I think you're going to find somebody that has a lot of character and depth, like you do.

I think you're

really a unique and awesome person.

You're not just,

there's a lot of superficiality around you, and I think that it's going to be,

you just have to find the right character.

We'll find a way.

Now, she mentioned something, and I agree.

I live in Miami, and miami is for sure one of the very very worst areas because of all these tourists all this honestly a ton i'm not saying all of you girls but there are a lot of girls here that are escorts they seriously especially now high season and there are a lot of millionaires they just want to party ta-da da so it's not the ideal dating scene for sure so if you live in miami call april because you're not going to find anything nice like walking out on the street

The people from Miami are gonna kill me, but I mean, we want to tell how we feel, you know.

If you guys don't agree,

I will interview next week, by the way, some super successful couples that do live in Miami because I want to pick their brain about relationships.

But in general, April is right, it's not the nicest area in the United States to date.

Well, I think there's it's kind of like Vegas, you know, yeah, oh, yeah, that's a good point.

It's the work I've seen,

you know, you have a great career, you created a great company, but there are a lot of people that don't, they're just hustlers, like, yeah, big one gig to another.

Yeah, and I think it's the challenge for you is you have this one side of you that maybe likes to go out, you're really, you're like a beautiful woman, and you like to get down,

but then there's this other side of you that has a lot of depth, and I think that's really what you need to focus on: is you're probably not going to find a guy for you at the clubs, the right

no, yeah, I don't even do that.

I mean, even before the pandemia, i i i'm so over the the club scene the bar scene i'm more like a girl i wake up super early i like i love working i work like crazy i work out i'm totally so far away from this club scene that i don't even know what's out there anymore

i think the best guys are the ones that like they're they're not flashy they're more quiet they have

you know they're they would be reading a book rather than out at a club no i agree That's my kind of guy.

Like, I like reading books, dinners, vacations.

You know, it's funny.

I live in Miami and I think many times because of my work, like my social media and the videos and everything, a ton of people.

I even asked you last year about one guy that I was going to date and he said, oh no, but your life is so fleshy.

They think I'm having this party time every night all the time.

And it's so far from reality.

And I think I need to find a person that understands work is work, and my personal life is like my personal life.

And there is completely two different things that I do.

Unfortunately, like this person that I was dating last year, and I thought he was like, Oh my god, this is the man of my life.

I think he didn't really understand that many women like me have complete two completely different,

not personality, but different lives-the work life and the private life.

Yeah,

okay,

yeah.

So, yeah i could see you meeting somebody at

um so like you're you're back you're into marketing and like into podcasts and different things like that so if there were was a networking group or like a talk or something like that on um maybe it's data or anything pertaining to those areas um i think guys like that that would be at those kinds of events could be potentials you know make some sense

for yeah for business let's get to work april

you have a lot of of work to do.

Anyways, how do people reach you?

Like all these girls, you said they can fill out a questionnaire, but if anybody has more questions to you and your team, how do they reach you guys?

Well, they can just go.

Our website is Luma, L-U-M-A.

It stands for luxury matchmaking.

So Lumasearch.com.

Fill out the profile form on there.

And there's one or two.

So they can call and reach us that way.

But I think that's a good start.

Or, of course, on Instagram

all the social media.

Fantastic.

I want to mention her Instagram, guys, because she has amazing daily new content on both of her accounts, which is something so so difficult.

Most people don't do it.

So, if you follow Luma, Luma, what is the Insta?

Luma search, right?

Luma search.

I'm going to put it here.

An April Davis matchmaker.

She does videos, tips, ideas, gazillions of things, inspiration from all the couples.

So, follow her, follow Luma.

Thank you so much, April.

This was amazing.

I hope you come back for a third episode.

Well, thank you for having me.

It was amazing.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Yay!

Thanks.