APRIL DAVIS - FOUNDER OF LUMA LUXURY MATCHMAKING

Good morning, guys.

This is one more fun episode of Cat on the Lose, and I am so excited because I have here with me live through Zoom, April Davis.

April is a matchmaker, founder of Luma Luxury Matchmaking.

She has, I was actually asking her here live if she has a background in coaching, and she's going to explain to us a little better.

I've been flooded with questions for her.

I'm going to go say hi to her, and we're going gonna go jump right on it.

Hi, April.

Hey there, how are you doing today?

I'm great.

Thank you so much for doing this.

We are super excited to have you.

Thanks for having me.

So

tell us a little bit quickly about Luma and how the services work and how you got into this.

Great.

Well, Luma is a high-end luxury matchmaking service, and we work with busy professionals and executives, a lot of business owners, you know, people that are looking for a serious, committed relationship, but don't want to deal with the whole online dating aspect or they're not maybe not meeting the right kind of people out there organically, especially now during COVID.

It's hard to meet people organically.

And so they, just like a lot of things in life, they outsource it.

So they outsource the process of finding that person and they retain our services to find that individual.

And so we meet with our clients, we get to know them, understand who they are and who they're looking for in a match.

And then

we have our own database of individuals that we can select from.

We'll interview them and see who we think is a good match for who.

And then we set them up on a date.

We plan the date and everything, too.

So let's just

show up and have fun.

It sounds exciting, but let's say for a girl like me,

everybody knows from my podcast, I've been single for many years and I've been going through, you know, this craziness of trying apps and

different ways and nothing has worked really well.

So I'm sure a lot of girls out there like me are a little gun shy.

For people that are a little gun shy about trying matchmaking, can you just, like, the first steps, can you like explain to us

how do you make it easier or do you interview us online?

How does it work if you want to try it?

Well, I mean, one thing that you know, anything, anyone that comes to a matchmaker, matchmaker, they're looking for something serious.

They're not just looking for, you know, a bunch of dates, or at least to our service, there are services out there that cater to just setting people up on a bunch of dates.

But our clients actually want to find that one and want a serious, committed relationship, and they're invested in doing so.

And so, you know, you're not getting some of the riffraff of online and just hookups.

I mean, if that's what you're looking for, then that's a great place to find it.

But our clients, you know, are wanting a serious relationship.

So you take that

out of the equation.

Also, you don't have all the creeps and scammers and everything else that you will find online.

And because we meet with everyone, we see what they're really like.

And we know they're real humans, not just somebody, some Nigerian prince.

They're real individuals.

It's so great that you're saying that because, yeah,

going through these dating apps, you are absolutely right.

It's so time consuming.

it's so frustrating a lot of people put out their fake information fake profiles and even my male friends say don't even try it most people are there for the the wrong reasons so basically you're saying what you would do which is great you just filter

everybody right

exactly you know we're filtering people

finding real people and aligning people with matches that you know are

they you know complement them and they fit their same values and they're what clients are looking for it's not just another date or just not not how somebody portrays themselves online because I can see a profile of someone and they might look great but then when I meet them I can pick up on their weird you know and they might have

they might have some like weird inflections or just always moving and you can you can read people that's what the matchmakers on my team do They all have several years of experience and have a lot of intuition, and a lot of them have life coaching training that they're able to use and help our clients to not only, you know, navigate this whole dating world, but put their best foot forward and just figure it out because

relationships are complex.

Yes.

It's not just like

buying a car.

I know they are very complex, but yet I know there are a lot of people like me.

We don't want a player.

We don't want a bunch of different guys that just want a one-night stand.

And we're still hoping that there are some serious men and serious girls out there that want the same thing.

Now, one question that a lot of my girlfriends sent and asked me to ask you.

Do you think

in general, normally we should try to find someone with a similar personality or

the saying that opposites attract is true?

Well, I don't think it's so much personality.

I think it's values is what you need to focus on, finding somebody with the same values.

Because personality types, I mean, you can be an introvert and be with an extrovert, you know, or two extroverts can be together, or two introverts can be together.

There's no proven, like it has to be this way for it to be successful.

There's all different kinds of combinations.

But I think the real thing that actually matters the most,

making sure that your values are truly aligned because that's never going to change if somebody bugs up against your values you know when you first meet them and all the you know the hormones are changing and everything and you might think that oh you can ignore that red flag

but eventually it will bubble up again and it will be a real problem and probably end up being the demise of your relationship it's amazing that you said that because i actually never thought about that i usually think like of the person's personality like i said you know are they shy are they outgoing Are they driven?

Blah blah blah.

But you are so right.

Our values are something so important that we're very likely not gonna change.

Yeah, that's such a great point.

Your personality and how you come out or how outgoing you are will change in different circumstances.

So I've seen, myself, I'm actually an introvert, but I have to go out and I, you know, will be at social events, I'll be leading events, and you know, be talking to hundreds of people at events.

and then but it's it's really if it's about if you're introvert or extrovert is where you drive your energy and if that is something that you know you can you can see the positives in every type of personality yeah you know every type of person so it's just figuring out okay who are they at their core

Now, another question that I ask everybody and I want your opinion.

Why do you think there are a lot of many intelligent intelligent women successful that pretty much have their life in order?

I'm one of them.

And I have a group of girlfriends like that.

Some have been divorced like me, some have never been married, and they all make their own money, they're independent, they have their own place.

I mean, really, and they're still single, they still only go out with the wrong guys, and they don't find, they just can't seem to find someone that is right for them.

Do you do you have any answers as to why that happens?

Well, I think that it has to do in part that you're looking for the wrong things.

That it's, you know, Hollywood has led us to believe that there's some Mr.

Gray or

out there that is looking for.

There isn't?

You're telling me Mr.

Gray is not a wrong thing.

Oh, my God.

Great.

So every woman is looking for this executive, you know, this wealthy man that's, you know, tall dark and handsome, going going to, you know, sweep them off their feet.

And, you know, I'm exaggerating somewhat, but they think that this person, this perfect person exists.

But the reality is it doesn't.

And it's usually the packaging is what will make it hard for people to see that they're really, a really good person actually exists, but you're just, maybe he's not dressed the right way, or he doesn't have the swagger that you're looking for.

But the fact of the matter is, those guys that that do have that swagger, they do look a certain way, oftentimes they are the players.

And so it's hard to

find that exact right combination.

In fact, it doesn't exist.

There's no

such thing.

It is hard to find.

Well, and you live and you're in a really tough place.

You're in the worst place for dating actually.

Oh, oh, Miami, yeah.

A lot of our friends say that.

The guys here, for some reason, they don't seem to be serious.

I don't know.

Yeah, it's Playland.

it's you know you're it's a lot of you know Peter Pans that never want to grow up and you know Miami it's just it's a fun city it's where people go to party and they're not necessarily looking to settle down true

but you know

I know I've heard that before but I do have single man friends I'm gonna actually tell them about you they're they're gonna listen to the podcast they are also trying to find nice girls and they are just as frustrated here in Miami, believe it or not.

And they say the same thing: there are so many girls here that just want to party, they want to go out on boats, they want this, they want that.

So, it's, I guess, Miami is hard for both sides.

That being said,

if anybody's listening out there and April's the matchmaker, I am totally willing to relocate for the right.

Well, there's definitely a lot of good people that do want relationships.

It's just you have to be looking again, that's the value system, right that i was talking about finding people of similar values that want similar things and you know you may want the girl that looks a certain way yeah but she that's out on the party boat all weekend you know twerking and that's not that's not exactly the right kind of values that you want so

it is looking at a new place because yeah there's tons of people that are married and happily couple true i know so something happened to me yesterday that has happened before and it's my next question Again, one question that a lot of girls asked me to ask you.

I was going to go out with this guy that I knew here in Miami.

I didn't find him on a dating app.

I knew him through friends, some business contacts.

And like two weeks ago, he sent me a message.

Yeah, let's go out for wine and talk.

At least we'll be friends.

So the next day we were supposed to go out.

He never even called me.

He never sent me a message, nothing.

He just disappeared.

So yesterday I decided to send him a message, right?

Oh, you know, hi, what the hell happened?

You could at least be nice and tell me you changed your mind.

And he recorded me a message, April, telling me that he looked at my social media, he looked at my work, and he was like, Oh, your life is so glamorous, and you do this podcast, and you do this, and you do that.

And I'm honestly intimidated.

My lifestyle is so much more low-key, and I'm sure you make so much money, blah, blah.

And I was like, Whoa, okay, talk about judging the book by the cover.

Basically, he decided by looking at my work, my pictures, everything I do, that he was totally intimidated by me and he wasn't even going to give us a chance.

And obviously, my personal life is not my work.

So, do you think?

Because with the social media and everything, a lot of girls have this problem.

I work with social media.

Social media is my work.

When I do a photo shoot, it's a job.

It's not the Catherine, the private Catherine.

Do you think a lot of men's are intimidated when when they see the girls' work right away?

Well, I think there's kind of

different things going on there that could be somewhat public persona.

Maybe he's a private person and doesn't necessarily want to be out there in the public.

Because I've had clients that have dated reality TV stars in the past and

or they would consider dating a reality TV star, but they don't want to be part of that, you know, because they don't want to

out there.

And so, I just, you know, I've seen that.

I can, I think, I mean, I think you actually dodged the bullet there.

Like, if he's that intimidated right off the bat, then

I like that point of view, dodge the bullet.

I didn't think it that way.

Yeah, at first, I was thinking, wow, I don't think it's fair.

Do you think it's fair to judge someone by looking at their Instagram and thinking, oh, I know everything about the person?

Well, of course, yeah, we all know that it's, you know, it's very much catered for Instagram and it's just spec you know of their life you have no idea who the person is and you don't know anything about them at all based on that

some i mean i think that somebody that is that maybe that narrow-minded or you know intimidated it's not he just doesn't have the

security in himself confidence in himself to be able to handle being with someone like you.

I like that.

Yeah, even if he is a private person, he can still be curious to get to know you.

The right kind of guy for any woman like yourself that is very, you know, out there doing things and doing well,

you need someone that has them, you know, again, we're going back to values, but encompasses the value of security, the security himself.

Yes.

I'm not just confidence.

Confidence is, you know, something that, you know, people might be confident in some, the way they dress, the way they love a car, because they have a car.

But true security means that you take that stuff away and they know who they are in the core in their core and they're okay with it.

They're okay if they don't have the fanciest car.

They're okay with

whatever it is that's going on.

So I think that's what too.

And it's unfortunate that you can't look at somebody's profile and see, you know,

it's not that easy to filter it out.

You literally have to interview people.

I know.

So a lot of my girlfriends, their work is not as public as mine, but they're super, super successful.

successful.

And they

several times think that men are intimidated by their success.

Maybe they make more money or they have a better job.

Do you think that's your case with a lot of your clients or not?

Well, I think, I mean, that does exist, definitely.

I also think there are plenty of guys out there that would be proud of their woman.

Yes.

successful and they would be a big cheerleader for her.

But again, I'm thinking that those women might be looking for the wrong things and just not able to identify that

trait in the guy.

And, you know, or maybe they

may meet a guy that has that encompasses that trait, but they don't like something else about him.

And so they disregard him.

And so there are plenty of guys out there.

I think what it comes down to is you have to, we do this thing with all of our clients where we have them go through their values and they kind of rate their values against each other and they come up with their top five values.

And

you can see you know if somebody does that then they'll see like okay i value somebody that has wisdom or humility or honesty and those kinds of things and that's what you really should be looking for in a partner yeah

okay what's his hair like you know i know his car and what is he you know because i feel like we're in such a superficial society and oh my god i know

yeah i mean attraction is important but you can you can take somebody shopping you can help them to get their hair done.

So it just depends.

Yeah, you can change the looks, but you're so right.

You cannot change their values, their ethics.

You're absolutely right.

That is an incredible, interesting point of view that at least I had never thought about because I never talked to a matchmaker before.

I've heard about the services, but honestly, I was like so intimidated about trying.

And now, after talking to you for a little bit, I'm like, okay, that sounds good.

It's better than Tinder.

I think you would meet better

quality people, right?

Right.

For relationships, people that want relationships.

Yeah, yeah.

It's fine if you if you don't, if you just want to date, as long as you own it and you're honest with people, I think that's the key.

I know, I couldn't agree with you more.

Now, do you have any suggestions as to how some people get past

traumas from past relationships?

There are a lot of people that dated so many times, you know, it didn't work out or somebody broke up with them.

If somebody comes to you and says, well, I don't know if I can trust again, what would you say?

Well, a therapist is a great place to start, you know, talking to a therapist.

But no, I think anything that you want to do,

if you want to learn how to knit, if you want to do, you know, if you want to do anything, you should become a student of that.

So if you want to gain confidence or if you want to be able to trust again, if you want to get over your past relationships, you know, become a student of that and study how can i go about that or what do i have to do and and live it so it could be reading books it could be watching videos or some great you know things on youtube and just studying it the more you learn about it the more you'll understand it and you'll be peeling back the layers and then it becomes really clear and it's hard to be just stuck in that place when you fully

So we all have sensitivities and they're always going to pop up in your relationships that you're in.

I have sensitivities from when I was like 18 years old, from a relationship back then.

And now it's almost 20 years later and I'm still

popping up.

But because I recognize it and I can think through it, then it's not.

I don't act on it because I know what's going on and I understand it fully.

So I think that's the key is just education and then of course.

It makes a lot of sense now

then you realize it's yours it's your issue not the person that you're exactly and i think just because somebody did something to us in the past it's not fair to say that the next person will do the same thing right of course yeah

okay super easy question but very very important

sex on the first date it's okay

or never

No, I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend it at all because when you're first and of course there's always the exception everyone's like oh yeah there's so and so they they hooked up on their first date and okay that's an exception and that's why it's an exception so when you are in those beginning stages of a relationship it's all lust you're just you're you think you're in love with this person because

but it's it's only lust and it takes time to truly fall in love with someone so if what you want is a real relationship then definitely need to hold off on having sex because it's, it means two different things for men versus women.

And for women, it will just,

it's never good if you want, if you end up getting attached to the guy.

And if I mean, unless that's what you want, again, it's just a, you know, a little nightstand.

That's all you're going to get if you are.

Yeah.

And having sex on the face.

Excellent advice.

I like it.

I agree with you.

It's never a good idea.

Amazing how time went by.

We are 20 minutes into this and my phone is getting flooded and flooded with questions

like two months if you want to if you want a real relationship hold off two months

wow

of course every relationship depends on like how much you see the people yeah but i think if you wait for two months you really have made a true connection and built relationship and so it's not just that lusting phase anymore wow two months is a long time but i guess anyone can try that and if the guy really likes you he'll wait

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

So I think it really depends on where you're at and how

much you're talking, how close you are, how much you're seeing to each other.

Amazing.

April, thank you so much.

Now, one last question before I let you go.

And obviously, I'm going to invite April back if she's willing to do a second interview, because as I'm talking to her, the questions are like popping here on my WhatsApp and my Instagram.

Like, I've already got like 27 questions in 20 minutes.

So, more than one question a minute.

last but not least if anybody can match me you can match anybody in the world so if you want to go for it and try you're welcome to

okay

sounds well all you have to do to get started then is go to our website at lumasearch.com and luma stands for luxury matchmaking lumasearch.com and fill out the form and that way we can either talk to you about becoming a client yourself or at least considering considering you as a match to some of our clients.

Yeah, sounds fantastic, girls.

Luma, what is your website?

LumaSearch.com.

Lumasearch.com and her Insta, it's LumaSearch also, right?

Luma.

Yeah, we have that one, or you can look for April Davis Matchmaker.

April Davis Matchmaker on Insta.

I will definitely give it a try.

And I'm pretty sure a lot of my friends will follow because we are so tired and sick, like you said in the beginning of this

people that lie through Tinder and this cheap app.

So maybe it's time to step up the game and deal with something super high-end, like April, if we're ready for a great relationship.

Thank you so much, April.

You're amazing.

You're the best.

Thanks for having me.

This was a lot of fun.