PATTI STANGER

In honor of Valentine's Day this week, I brought a super special guest to talk to us about dating, about relationships, about love, about how to find the perfect match. None other than the queen of all queens, the queen of all matchmakers, Patti Stanger.
I had Patti on the show a few years ago. She was so kind to come back.
I don't think there's anybody when it comes to matchmaking that knows as much and has as much experience as Patty. And I love her no-nonsense approach.
For you guys that have been living under a rock, I don't know who she is. Patty is an entrepreneur, reality television personality, founder and CEO of Millionaires Club International.
She's known for starring and producing in her own matchmaking series, first the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo, then Patti Stenger, Millionaire Matchmaker on The CW. She's known for her tough love and outspoken dating advice.
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Patty, welcome to Cat on the Loose.

Hi, how are you?

It's so good to have you back.

I know how busy you are, and I have to say I'm so grateful.

It's such an honor having you.

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Eastern. Thank you very much for inviting me.
So ever since the first time you're on the show, like I think it was a couple of years ago and we were so small and now we grew into this big worldwide community, I've been bombarded with questions for you. Oh, okay.
We'll bring it on. Yeah.
So my team, like we were looking like there's overhunt. So like, let's try to pack up as much as we possibly can here.
It's Valentine's week, the week of love. So I want to start with that because I know a lot of people this week, singles, they get really sad, really depressed.
Like what you suggest? Should the singles like just take a break from dating and stay home this week or go for it? And maybe there are other singles out there. It's really weird right now, post-COVID.
And the world has kind of gone upside down. Like in California, we're depressed right now because of the fires and it's our third last max exodus.
Everybody's leaving again. I'm like a girl that just ignore Valentine's Day.
I'm in an ignore phase. Like if you're going through hell, get your favorite foods, watch favorite movies, go with your girls.
Yeah. You can do a Galentine's Day.
You want to drink earlier than later because you don't want to hit the prefix at the restaurant. But, you know, it's like no big deal.
Men don't think about it. It's not their thing.
So they're not like looking at it like is their year in review like their New Year's Eve or something i know i see so many women getting depressed but i'm kind of like you like i'm like i get my girls yeah i get my girls like let's have pizza or dinner or something it'll be by saturday morning it's over it's not a big deal it's just you know it's a hallmark holiday really yeah i agree and it's not the end all to be all to your love life it's not it's not a report card yeah I agree. Do you think, I heard somebody say on social media, I forgot who it was, they're like, no, it's a great day for singles to be out because there are a lot of singles everywhere.
Well, if you see a guy out, normally he doesn't have a girlfriend unless, you know, she's in the army or something. Yeah.
But you would go earlier than later, like happy hour and then get out. Yeah.
Yeah. Good idea.
I've seen a lot of experts, and I say that quote because most people claim they're experts with dating relationships and they're not. But a lot of talk about that on social media lately that there has never been more singles than now.
Yes. The statistics.
Why do you think that is? Because women don't want to date down. So they found out that the men are economically behind the women.
There are more women in college. We may not get equal pay for equal dollar, but there's more of us than there are men, especially in the boomer category.
And women, they're fed up. They're like, I'm not taking care of you, paying for you, doing for you 50-50, plus taking care of the kids, and you don't lift a finger.
So they're like, rather than that, they've opted to either A, not get married and have children, or B, they can't find the mate. The biggest problem they see is people can't find one another.
That's like my number one gripe that I get. And it's true.
I was on the apps last night, and's not the app's fault. It's the quality of people on the apps.
The quality is really bad. I mean, it looks like they fell out of prison.
Yes. You know, and by age 50, you think they'd own a house and you would have a lifestyle, but they don't.
They don't just don't. And I looked all over the country.
I didn't look in California. I looked in Miami.
I looked in Boston. I looked in Chicago.
I looked in New York. It was pretty bad.
It's not a California problem, right? Yeah, because I get these messages. No, it's in everywhere.
I've been in France last summer. I looked.
I looked in Italy. And there's not a lot of quality men on these apps.
You've got a lot of great women. You think there's a lot of quality women, but the issue is like, so there's a lot more great women than men.
Women tend to pull themselves together resource-wise. They will get their hair and makeup done.
They'll make sure they have money in their bank account. They are paying their rent.
And they want to know that the trajectory of a man is not its potential. They've reached the trajectory.
Like, I'm in tech. I'm going to own my own tech firm one day.
I'm CEO of this one. Like, want to know there's an end game if they're going to meet with you and bear your children.
Now, if you're not, if you're older, like over 50, you definitely don't want to date down. You definitely don't want to waste time.
No, I agree. And I'm like that.
And I know a lot of my girlfriends are like that. And people ask me, why are you to sing? I'm really, really really picky and I do this non-negotiable list I don't know what you think about that I've done the same thing yeah for me like I literally write on a piece of paper I've made a lot of mistakes based on chemistry because you're either chemistry ruled which is sex yeah or money ruled sometimes you get both but 90% of the time it's one or the other I was always chemistry ruled got me in a of trouble.
And I couldn't help it. I would go out with a rich guy and he wasn't good looking or I wasn't attracted.
And I'd be like, I can't do this. I know you have to have chemistry.
I made my own money. So I didn't need to be on the sugar daddy list.
We don't want a guy to pay our bills. However, I always say that on the podcast and on social media, and I know it's very controversial, but you probably agree with me.
Even if we don't want the guy to support us and pay our bills. However, I always say that on the podcast and on social media, and I know it's very controversial, but you probably agree with me.
Even if we don't want the guy to support us and pay our bills, I think a guy should pay for dates, pay for dinner. I'm a raised Jewish girl.
Okay. So I'm not going 50-50.
Same. No way.
I've taken care of men. I've done it both.
It's been awful. I was younger.
I cannot imagine you doing that. I was younger.
That's horrible. I made mistakes.
Like I said, I made mistakes. And then I'm at the place in my life where, you know, bring it or get out of the way because I'm not taking care of you.
I agree. I'm not doing, and I also, you know, like the nurse with the purse thing.
I'm not doing that either. Like, you know, he's got to be in my in my age group you know fit and in shape and have the qualities that i'm looking for i totally otherwise i don't need this aggravation i'd rather stay home and watch television same i'd rather stay home with my dogs but i think more and more women are like that they're just getting so the younger women are sober now so they're not drinking and they're not partying and they're clear headed,

way clear headed than we were ever. Because we didn't know that alcohol and pot would give us brain damage, you know, as Dr.
Eamon says. But the women are sober.
They're making more money.

Like in Korea, it started where they went on strike. I forget what it's called, like the

four T's or something. You could look this up because they're doing it in America now

where they went on strike. They're like, we're making money.
The boys were in their

Thank you. I know.
And so it kind of traveled around the world, this momentum, because they're like, if we don't see quality, why would we get out of bed for it? I agree. And I always mention that, you know, I see some guys.
And I'm not down on men. Yeah, I know.
I'm telling men, like, if you want to stand out from the pack and get that 10 or that 8 girl, you need to fucking pay attention and actually ask her out, initiate. Yeah.
Whether you're going to slip into her DMs or go on a nap or see her at the grocery store, like at Whole Foods would be fantastic. But approach because you're going to stand out compared to all the men that don't ask her out.
I'm talking about beautiful women that don't get asked out. Yeah.
No, I think men are very shy in public. Most men.
I see like super successful men that don't approach. I think they're lazy.
You think they're lazy? They're lazy. There's not a shy.
I don't think shyness. Because you don't want a shy man.
You want a man with confidence. I don't.
You don't want a lazy guy. You want a guy who's got confidence and is an alpha.
Totally. No, I agree.
And the beta women are not going to become alpha for the man. They don't want it.
Yeah. And I see a lot of guys complain that going on dates is very expensive.
Like, I'm paying for dinner. I'm paying for this.
I'm paying for that. It drives me crazy when they do that because we spend even more, right? Like, they don't know how much it costs for us to look fabulous, right? It costs so much money to be like a high quality woman.
If you hear a guy on the first phone call start complaining about money, his career, run. Oh, I do.
Run. He is a cheapskate.
Yeah. He doesn't want response.
Bitch, he's never been married, didn't have kids. Like he's got nothing going on.
Yeah. Get out of there.
Get out of there. I agree.
I think guys should provide, like even if it's dates, right? There's no question about it. The reason the world works prior to this in the old school way is because women were meant to bear the children and the man was supposed to provide and protect.
Now men don't really want to provide and protect at all. Oh, my God.
So where are the are guys. There are guys it's just like one in ten you know like one in ten.
Maybe one in a hundred. Okay wait okay maybe in LA it's one in a hundred.
But you know the people in New York say the same thing like I can't find a guy in New York. No no everybody it's a good idea to switch cities every now and then because then you're the new fish in the new pond.
And it's like if you keep going to the same place over and over again, it's the definition of insanity. So you might want to like, for instance, I'm going for two weeks in March and I'm single right now.
Where are you going? To Miami. So I'll go down there and I'll date for a while.
And it's one of my happy places. And so I went to college down there and my friends are there.
And it's going to be a different experience than it is in California, which everyone's depressed because of the fires. And no one's getting out of the house.
And what I just saw online was, I mean, I looked at Hinge last night. It was pretty bad.
Yeah, everyone's not the same. And it's not Hinge's fault.
So let's talk about the dating apps for a second. The technology is fantastic.
You could drop a pin and go anywhere in anywhere in the world. It's not hinges full.
It's the quality of the people. So I want to ask your opinion about the dating apps.
I feel, and this is my perception, that a lot of men, even high-quality men, men in their 50s, their 60s, are becoming like teenagers again, players again because of the dating apps because they see so much quantity. But I mean.
they're like oh my god i think that you're looking for character so you wouldn't look at him anyway it's all about finding the man who dates within his age group and has good moral character otherwise why would you go on a date with some guy because sometimes you don't know in the beginning i mean you're going to become like a plastic surgery junkie at some point to keep up with the Joneses. No, he's not your guy.

Your guy is somebody who sees you, sees you, the inside of you as well as the outside of you.

Otherwise, forget it.

It's a waste of time.

And so do you think it is possible to find these great, high-quality guys that we are looking for on dating apps?

I think that you've got to keep playing with it.

I have friends who have really met great guys. I've been engaged with the dating app.
So you've you got to keep playing with it. I have friends who have really met great guys.
I've been engaged with dating apps. So you just got to keep playing with it.
Yeah. So it's not a favorite that you recommend.
No, I mean, I'm on Bumble and Hinge. Raya threw me off because I said that Ben Affleck was on it on television.
I think it was on one of the talk shows. I think Raya's the most players.
I got kicked off um match i just left match was horrible yeah i think match has the worst quality oh god matches bad bumble has a great interface the problem is we pick on bumble the women so it might attract some feminine men who want to get picked yeah and i just feel like the job markets on these these apps are bad like in other

words these guys aren't it's not like LinkedIn and he's a CEO like they're just so low rent it's like

I don't want to it's nothing I'm not faulting the apps I'm faulting the I blush put me on and it's

way too young for me I'm way too old it's like half the my age it's like but they've got these

young guys coming at me and I'm like my assistant met someone on blush that she liked but she's 30

There's not a lot of apps. There's a lot more.
I'm going to give you one more thing. For app makers who are going to AI, there's a lot of room to make an app.
You know, I'd love to make my own app. There's a lot of room because there's so.
You should make your high quality app. It's the same people over and over again yeah yeah and i think they let anybody in there like you said to me it's like finding a diamond in the sand hopefully they don't let kanye west in there oh my god they might they might him and bianca suri swinging with swastikas on oh i want to murder him it's such chaos right did you see the post? I cannot believe that NFL and and I'm sorry, I love the NFL.
They made my show a hit. Why would the NFL and Fox allow that? Did somebody not screen it? I don't know.
And then Shopify just dropped him. And then we have a situation where the guy who owned American Apparel is the one who makes the stuff and he's Jewish.
So we're all like in shock right now. He's like just, it's all about money.
They had a pop-up for The Gap this week, and they stopped it. Yeah, as long as people keep giving him a platform to speak up.
It's horrible. Yeah, it's horrible.
But that's an example of character. Kim is cringing in the corner right now because Chris's best friend, Shelley, is Jewish.
I'm sure they have a million Jewish friends. But you want to look at the character of the person.
Stop looking at just how much money does he make. Is he good looking? What kind of person is he? Was he with his exes, his ex-wife, his children, his mother, the waitress? What's he like? No, I totally agree.
Does he have a temper? How does he resolve conflict? Like, number one question I ask on a first date is how do you resolve conflict? That's a really deep one. It's a very telling question.
That's all right. If the guy's like, well, I first react by screaming.
Well, he's not going to die. But, you know, usually on first dates, second dates, everybody's like on their best behavior.
These guys will say anything. Like, right? They lie.
They bullshit. It happens over and over.
I keep saying, like, just be real. Be yourself.
But in the first dates, they will try to, like, show you that they're the nicest guy in the world. So it's really hard to see past that.
Right. Exactly.
It's really tough. So other than the dating apps, what are your suggestions? Well, I'm a matchmaker.
No, I know. I want to talk about matchmaking.
Matchmakers i agree they're worth every penny they can be quite expensive 50 to 150 grand but they are worth but that's okay so hold on let's because that's that was gonna be my next question you're gonna have to pay so to work with you it's between 50 no mine i'm like 85 to 250 because i'm the leader of course you're you're the queen. And the industry has changed.
It's mostly women. Women are the ones who are paying now.
This is what I want people to listen to because we got questions about that all over the world. A lot of people and friends of mine as well, they try matchmakers.
And if you guys go to YouTube to see my hands, my sign, the video, quote unquote, because there are so many girls out there that know nothing about matching. I fell for one last year.
I didn't pay, but I'll tell you. Who was it? I'll tell you the freaking story.
You're going to die of a heart attack. Who is it? No, I'll tell you.
I'll tell you. But she, because this girl's like, I'm a matchmaker.
I'm going to match you. And then they end up falling.
Like, this person matched me. I'll tell you really quickly.
This person matched me with a dude. Turns out he didn't have a job.
He was a big con artist. He started stalking me on social media, writing crap about me, and almost physically attacked me on the street.
I don't have that problem. Exactly.
Well, the reason is it's not. Where's Wood? I need Wood.
But listen, when I told her about it, she was like, it's not my fault. I'm never going to match her.
Don't contact me again. She was mad at me because I mentioned to her that the guy was a psycho.
So it happens to a lot of people out there. Okay, now tell me who it is and edit it out.
I will. No, edit it out.
You're going to edit it out. Cat on the Loose is not edited.
It's 100% organic. It's the number one organic podcast in the world.
Everybody edits. The whole world edits.
I don't. But listen, so a lot of people go to these cheaper matchmakers and they get horrible results.
And then they call, oh, I'm never going to use a matchmaker. And I say, hence, go to the top.
Go to someone who has the top of their game as yourself so what would you say to someone out there that well you have to get certified we have the matchmakers institute new york which is my ex-assistant which is like going to how it works and harvard harvard had a baby and i teach there so does my business partner bonnie winston and um you got to make sure like i've been in business for over 35 years. I'm third generation.
I ran great expectations. I mean, I have a history.
Oh my God. You know, like I don't have any problems.
Like you don't see me in the news getting sued or whatever. No, and you would never match someone with some crappy asshole that you didn't veto before.
No, no, because we only get really wealthy, high-end, super successful CEOs and entrepreneurs and people like that. We don't get people like that.
And it's one of the most important decisions of your life. That's what I tell.
I mean, I can't take 150 grand from a woman and not screen the guy like that's crazy. I would be sued.
No, we don't do that. So go to the best.
And can you explain the process? So let's say somebody says, because I have a lot of really wealthy guy friends that we don't want to get married. We do men and women and we do gay and So let's say somebody says, because I have a lot of really wealthy guy friends that want to get married.
We do men and women. Men and women.
And we do gay and straight. So let's say somebody says, okay, I want to work with Patty.
I want her to find me a husband, a wife, whatever. Can you explain the process? Well, I mean, we would come in and we would set up a Zoom or local, depending on where they lived.
And then we would see if it's a fit on both sides. What they're looking for versus what we have and what we can do to go outside our database.
We have the largest database in the business. There's nobody bigger than me globally.
I'm global. So the database is like— I'm not just the United States.
The database is people that might be a match to your clients. Yes, that are the non-millionaires.
And how do you get on your data? Because maybe a lot of people cannot afford to be your client. How can they be on your database? They can just go to the website at millionairesclub123.com.
Anybody can apply? Anybody can apply. You're not likely to get a date more than the clients get the date.
Of course. And I only take about 30 clients a year.
I'm very strict on that. That's a lot.
And then if I can't find it for you or I don't feel we're a good fit, I will outsource you to one of my affiliate matchmakers who I work with. So, okay.
But you, do you, obviously you don't approve everybody that wants to be on your database. No, database is like anybody can go in there, but once I go for screening process, if you don't, you know, if you do pull a stunt on something, now you're kicked out.
Can you give us an idea how you screen someone? Cause I'm sure i cannot screen give you my information because it's proprietary and my and who's my competitors are gonna try to learn i do a little background thing that i do myself that i check to see if so you i have ways of knowing a person's so all your clients are millionaires like multi-millionaires they're very picky and billionaires a lot of billionaires so they picky. Yeah.
You see Forbes 400 list. I've got a lot of.
Wow. So obviously the people.
And I've got a lot of A-list celebrities that you would know, too. So I think that you should be as much as you possibly want to find in a partner yourself.
Do you agree? To agree. But I mean, when a man is the alpha to a woman's beta, you know, it's a different energy.
Like, it's all about energy, really. It's all about chemistry, compatibility, communication, you know, consistency.
Consistency is really key. Like, you could deal.
I had one CEO I was dating, and he was so inconsistent. I was just like, I have no patience.
He's like, no woman has ever told me that that they wouldn't wait for me because of work. And I went, well, this woman is.
You're not what I'm looking for. I'd rather have somebody who makes less money and we have consistency.
And he wanted me to wait for him. And I was like, no, I don't really like him.
I want a huge way for him to be ready for the day. Yeah, so that when his work eased up.
And it wasn't like we started off and then his work happened.

It was like he started off and then his work happened.

It was like he started off a workaholic.

So it was turned me off.

Because I work really hard too, but I know priorities.

I know how to prioritize my time with my mate.

Anyway, this person was very famous in the news.

He was very nasty.

I got fixed up through another matchmaker obviously because we all work together

everybody wants to so you all know each other i mean i think they all aspire to be you and i told the matchmaker what he did wrong and the matchmaker's like but he's ceo of x and this matchmaker was a male and i said who cares he treats women like shit yeah i'm next i agree that's not acceptable and then once in a while i get a phone call from him and i just delete it Last time I blocked him.

So how you treat someone is so much more important than his resume. Like his resume is one thing, but if he treats women like crap or women treating men like crap, same thing.
Oh, yeah. I agree.
Or gay people. It doesn't matter.
How you treat someone is really important. I completely agree.
For example, I know one thing that women do a lot is like they're crazy late for a date because they think it's cool. That's Latin, very Latin-y.
The Latin community does that in Florida a lot. Russian ladies do that.
You have to trick them. And believe me, I'm Latin and I never make people wait for me.
I'm like earlier on time. Same.
My parents trained me that way. Same.
It's rude. It's rude.
I agree. I'm always, I'm right there.
I'm very respectful of people's time. I had a best friend from Columbia when I lived in Miami, and I used to trick her every single time to come on time because we'd be waiting at the restaurant for her, and we couldn't get the table.
And I said, I can't do this anymore with you. And it's so disrespectful, right? And she'd be like, but I took care of my, she's like, but I took care of my hair and my makeup.
I'm like, who cares? I know. Who cares? Come in jeans and put eyeliner and lip gloss.
Let's go. I agree.
But some women think, oh, the more the guy waits. And I'm like, this is such a bullshit game.
No, no. Men don't like that.
Men don't like that. I get complaints on that.
If a woman is late, she gets probation, then she's thrown out of the club on the second time. I love that because I'm like you.
I'm insanely punctual. I'm insanely respectful.
My clients wouldn't go for that. But what I mean is like, I think if you want somebody that is really fit, you should be fit yourself.
If you want somebody that, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I mean, you should have certain characteristics. Like attracts like to a degree, but there are plenty of women that don't hit the gym that the man does.

He's Mr. Bodybuilder.

And she like, you know, goes and gets a massage or maybe has an hour of Pilates.

Like, don't put yourself so strongly.

Like you have to get, you know, if you're rich, then you can only get rich.

That's dumb.

Yeah, that doesn't work like that.

Men like women who really don't make very much money.

They're actually the ones that get the most play.

I agree.

I think they're more intimidated by women like us, right, that work a lot. They're super successful.
I think that's harder. They don't like successful women.
And this is a big problem. They're intimidated by women's success, but they're falling behind economically.
They don't have hustle. Now, you have to understand, scientifically, women use both sides of the brain, but they were never engineered to be the breadwinner.
And eventually, when they get to menopause, they crash into an autoimmune disease because they've overstressed their adrenals, which they weren't supposed to do because this whole, you can have it all. Oh, fry it up in a pan was this commercial back in the day when I was a kid.
You know, I'm every woman, fry it up in a pan. I can be rich.
I can be successful. I can make it from my kitchen table and I can have four kids like Alec Baldwin's wife.
And I, you know, and I can basically take care of my man at the same time and mother him and he's never going to leave me. And no, that's not really true.
but so if somebody's your client and they're paying so how many dates you you try to match you get unlimited dating until they find the right person no no no you get unlimited dating for the period of the membership that you buy okay and maybe a freeze period depends what membership we have very different memberships. But what's normally the rate of matches that...
They get unlimited. Unlimited.
No, but like I meant the percentage of people that you actually... Usually it's by the third person you meet is the one you end up with.
Oh, really? Statistically. Yeah.
Any reason for that? No, it's just the way it's always been that way. But most people do find their match.
Yeah, unless they've changed. Sometimes people change their style and then they just keep going through it or they don't listen and they pick wrong um other times you know they've been cheated on they've had issues like that but 99 if they do we have a system if they do the system they find love okay i never have a problem with that amazing that's least of my problem.
The one complaint I get is you gave me too many choices of people and I don't know what to do. And can you help me narrow it down? They like more than one person? No, no, no.
I've given them too many choices in the course of their membership and they can't decide which ones they like because they like them all. Yeah.
Let's take a really quick break and talk about very easy, quick fix for a problem that a lot of us have, super tired eyes. If you're crazy busy like me, some days there is no amount of makeup in the world that can hide your tired eyes.
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What do you think about the sex? It's very controversial, right? I think... Meet sex before monogamy? Yes, that's what I want to ask.
It's not controversial. It's true.
But you think you shouldn't have sex after a few dates? No. Sex before monogamy.
He gives you monogamy in the first date. You can, but you're at risk.
The more time you spend with him without sex, the more his testosterone raises. This is science.
Vasopressin kicks in. Vasopressin is him doing things for you, doing things together, solving problems.
That's how a man falls in love. When a man falls in love through vasopressin, oxytocin kicks in, and that's when he falls in love.
He can't fall in love with oxytocin. We have sex.
Oxytocin kicks in. We fall in love.
He does not fall in love through sex. He falls in love through doing for you.
So let's say you meet someone, you go on one date, two dates, three dates. You just keep going on dates until he says, I want to date you exclusively.
He basically will hit on you at some point. And you'll say, I am so sexually attracted.
And by the way, this is all in my book, Become Your Own Matchmaker. You can get it on Amazon.
I'm super sexually attracted, but I'm just not the type of girl that sleeps around stop do not fill in the blanks do not mother him do not give him a question let that awkward pause happen and he'll be like you know um well i really like you he's gonna say and you're gonna say well i don't feel safe you know unless i have exclusivity and he's probably going to say. And you're going to say, well, I don't feel safe, you know, unless I have exclusivity.
And he's probably going to go, A, I thought we were exclusive because he assumed it. Or B, wait, I got to try the car before I buy it.
If he says I try to try the car before I buy it, he's not your guy. But 90% of the time he'll say, I think we should try this exclusivity.
And then you say, what does exclusivity mean to you? And he's, and he'll explain, but exclusivity means we're only dating each other and we're only having sex with each other. Okay.
Doesn't mean you're getting married. And at nine months, then you'll negotiate marriage.
The man will know in six months, probably by six months, if you're the one. So, but that's science, by the by the way this is all science how many dates normally someone should go out with a guy like you're acting like you're acting like it's one size fits all for every man you date every man is different the man that's really going to love you is going to take your time and let you feel safe eventually you'll jump them you'll go i want it now okay they're not going to pressure you i think it's a bad sign if they're because most guys pressure women you know if the man pressures you he's not your guy because he won't protect you after you get exclusive or when you're married he's not interested in your protection he's only interested in his own self-pleasure yeah and you don't want that you want a that's interested in your pleasure.
There are plenty of men who don't give a shit that a woman has an orgasm and could care less if he got her one. Yeah, that's not good at all either.
And that's another thing. So you want to be with a man who puts you on the pedestal first.
You want princess treatment. Princess treatment is I demand princess treatment without even saying anything.
It's just an energetic thing, which is saying I deserve the best. You're going to wait if it takes a month or three months to have sex.
And you'll know when it's right. You'll know when it's right.
Yeah, I think it's a horrible idea to feel pressured, right? It's not when you get drunk and you fall down. It's usually when you're sober, and it's usually when he's telling you how much he cares for you.

Yeah.

Go.

Now, a lot of people ask, they see your your fabulous tv shows now they're playing the netflix on netflix yeah you've done so many and i get this question a lot i'm sure people ask you all the time is the petty that we see on tv because you're like tough love you're the same petty in real life look i, it's a character I pay. You play a little bit for TV.
I have a work persona and then when I hit my house I like to relax. I like to be in my sanctuary and I'm very feminine and very zen.
I learned over the years how to switch from alpha to beta when I go through that door. I only like alpha men.
men the minute a man like i've had boyfriends where they start off alpha and then about six months in they want to switch to beta and make you alpha and i'm like i'm at the door i'm always that i'm oh and if they don't get it i'm at the door i am total beta when i'm in a relationship i'm exactly the same i think because we are so much in charge when we are working right we're charged i'm like always telling but in my personal relationship yeah i want the guy to take charge for sure but so how is it working with you not on tv but like being your client everything is the same kind of yeah i don't scream you have the rules you're more chill no i'm very't yell at the clients. I wouldn't have clients, but that's okay.
No, I am. Look, we had 42 minutes to tell a story and get that thing moving.
And it was like, go, go, go, go, go. That's how it is at Bravo.
But in my real core business, I have plenty of time to work with them. And I work with them one-on-one.
They have my personal cell phone number. They can call me anytime they want.
I pick up. Look, if I'm sleeping at 2 in the morning, the first thing I get up in the morning, I'll call them.
Customer service is very important at the Millionaire's Club. My partner, Bonnie, and I, we are on it.
Most agencies, you do not deal with the owners. And we're very sweet, very compassionate.
I have a gay client right now that I want to—he's breaking my heart because he's not listening to me and he keeps making mistakes and I'm like eventually you'll get it but he calls me a lot and we counsel him a lot and I don't complain about it that's that's what you paid me for yeah yeah you're you're also like some sort of therapist yeah well I don't want to say I'm a doctor because that's yeah you correct. Yeah, you're not a doctor.
But I do a lot of healing modalities.

I'm more of a healer, I would say.

Yeah, I love that.

And you kind of like tell them what needs to be done, right?

Well, I do, but they have.

Like, I don't know if it's rules, but you've been doing this for so long that you kind of know what the person should do if you want to be successful in dating.

Yeah, I have to give them guidance, but they don't always listen. It takes like, sometimes it takes three strikes for them to get it.
It's like an addict. You know, they got to get help.
And sometimes I recommend to therapists if they're very trauma-driven, which a lot of people are trauma-driven as we know it now. And, you know, you get a lot of narcissists because this is what's like out in the business world yeah and they're very selfish no one's ever said no to them so yeah so true so what's next for you um well i'm working on my real business we just opened an office in soho and we're about to build miami i'm very excited about that i'm going to miami in two weeks.
And we have an office in Soho. We merged with Bonnie Winston Matchmaking.
So we are the leader in the industry. We have the largest database.
I'm writing a book on manifestation. Love that.
And I'm up for some stuff that I can't really talk about because I'd have to kill you. It's too sick.
Oh, my God. Please don't kill me yet.
It's such an honor having you. I know a lot of people out there are saying, I want to be on her database.
I'm sure you said you have the largest database. Go to Millionaire's Club.
There's an S in it. Millionaire's Club.
What are the chances that if we are in your database, I'm going to put myself there, by the way. I've got millions of people in there.
I don't know. I volunteer.
I can't. Like when when a matchmaker does a search you never know who's going to come up.
There is no problem so if you have a client in LA let's say Kat is there you're going to go through thousands and thousands of girls it's kind of like winning the lottery right? Kind of. Kind of like but it's worth trying.
I mean it's so much better to be a client so much better. Yeah if you have money right if you have money to spend.
But no i say to people like okay we had this client recently and he wanted to spend 35 grand in an investment fund and i said what if i told you with one of my i have other matchmakers not me what if i told you i could get you that deal with a junior matchmaker for three months and you'd find love or you just have money yeah and he was like hemming talking to his investment banker his lawyer he was a little tree and he came back and he bought because he said i'm so lonely in florida and he and now he's in love oh i got it to him in the first month now he's madly in love he's on the west coast of florida happy as a pig and shit um three months with a junior matchmaker on my staff, and he's happy as forever. So there are different layers.
It's not just that. Well, with me and Bonnie, most people want me.
Of course. But I have a whole staff.
You're the queen, but you trained. What I say is, like I said in the beginning, don't fall for it.
Ask the track record. Look who you are working with before you complain.

Well, there's a lot of lawsuits with other matchmaking companies, and they don't look at it, and they don't care.

And most of them are new in the business.

They have no idea what the hell they're doing.

Even the old ones don't work with the people direct.

I do.

We don't take on that many.

We take about 30 on a year.

I always say, like, the cheap ends up being expensive, and finding the right partner is probably the most important decision you're ever going to make in your life because I think it affects everything else.

Thank you. on a year.
I always say like the cheap ends up being expensive and finding the right partner is probably the most important decision you're ever going to make in your life because I think it affects everything. Yeah, I mean, we get like we have really young cute guns or trust fund kids in their 20s and their mother will buy them 100 grand membership.
Yeah. And they're gorgeous and stunning.
And the mother wants to marry by Tuesday. And I've had wedding planners go in there and help them oh Oh yeah.
I've had like anniversary planners. Like I've had party planners.
I've had a lot of stuff that we outsource in the business. And, um, I had this trust fund came two weeks ago and he was like, my mom bought this, but I don't want it.
I said, okay, I'll just let it sit. And he calls me at two days later.
My girlfriend broke up with me. My mom't want me to marry her that's why she bought it I said will you give me a chance he's like no I don't believe in this blah blah blah three weeks later another phone call four weeks later finally six months later he calls me he goes all right I'm ready to use it I've been beaten up in LA badly good-looking kid I said I have this perfect girl for you she lives in Calasas.
You live in Wendland Hills. It's going to be a shidduch, like a match in Yiddish.
And they're dating. And it was like the mother called me going, I'm planning the wedding.
You're invited. Oh my God.
You know your game. So it's like, and the guy's like, how does that work? And I said, well, I read vibration.
I read energy. Like you see, like like on the millionaire matchmaker in the hot seat and i just knew what you needed yeah you've been doing this a long time i mean he gave me the he gave me like you know like natalie portman when she was young as his dream girl and i just matched it you knew exactly i matched that girl like to the t like jewish the whole thing i was like this is the girl yeah yeah i've had that where the called me.
I had a billionaire once call me up and on his way back from Australia fishing trip and said, I want all these models because I used to put the pictures on the website. I don't do that anymore.
And I said, okay, I'll give you Mandy Schmandy and Sandy. But I have a girl that's a teacher, you know, that lives in Venice.
I think you should go on one date. No, no, no.
he's at the Beverly Hills Hotel in a bungalow and in the back he had this big bungalow and he's like I said I'll make a deal with you I never let a girl go to a bungalow you will she'll go to you'll have coffee or tea and she'll be out in an hour and then I'll give you the models calls me right from the bungalow an hour after said cancel all my my dates. She's the one.
He's married to her to this day. Oh, my God.
And had three kids already and had another three kids with her. He's one of the biggest guys in the furniture business.
Well, that's the thing. A lot of these guys think, like, I have the one, the one, the one.
I mean, he wasn't a gorgeous guy. She was adorable.
She was a Reese Witherspoon type. And she was a teacher.
And she wanted kids. He already had three older teenagers.
He was like, I'm not doing that. Yeah.
Happiest. And they get a card from them every year.
Thank you so much. So for me, and I know a lot of my girlfriend, a lot of people out there listening, I'm definitely, unfortunately, I cannot afford it yet, but it's on my bucket list.
I'm going to make a lot of money so I can afford. In the meantime, I'm going to put my name there.
You date. You haven't met anyone just from the podcast, like a guy slipping into your DMs or anything? All the time.
But I'm kind of like super picky, like I said. You know, I know exactly what I want.
So you know they're losers. I'm dating with intention.
So they're like losers. Yes.
I'm like, I don't want to make the same mistake again. I'm really happy with my life.
I love it. Men are a problem.
Yeah. So I'm like, men are work.
I ask my non-negotiable questions. And if you don't fit that, I'm like, dude, next.
Because you already know what's going to happen. Yeah.
But when we were younger, we didn't know. So like the young girls.
We fall for a lot of shit. I mean, also like a lot of young girls like to experience a lot of different types.
Now I know what my type is. I know what I want.
And it's not, I'm not wasting time. I'm patiently waiting.
I'm not desperate. I'm not in a hurry.
I know I'm going to find the right one. You know, like, it was really interesting.
I took a year and a half off since my last relationship and I met him on Tinder. And I made a lot of, and I made a lot of mistakes with him.
And I needed to understand why my trauma was so triggered because my dad was an alcoholic. And my mother normalized the crazy in my house.
Like, I didn't realize how she normalized it. So I didn't go to traditional therapy.
I did this thing called spiritual response therapy. It changed my life.
The clarity that comes from doing this therapy. I went to a healer who's part of SRT.
That's the way they do it. They use pendulums and charts and they do it while you're sleeping.
And I wouldn't believe this thing would work because talk therapy was it was never helped me. And it's like, it's OK, you can wait.
Like, where's the rush? Where's the fire? Like most people are like, you go to dinner and your friends are like, what's wrong with you you how come you're dating i have friends that have dropped me because i'm not interesting enough because i won't you know like they'll say like oh you're not dating anyone what's wrong with you like i think and i thought anybody that said that is because they're jealous of you i was like i'm taking a break i've not because they lived vicariously through me and i was i have nothing to talk about anymore. anymore.
Because I'm just like zen. I'm total zen.
Exactly. Same.
I'm at this point in my life. I'm like, you know, I'm so chill about it.
I don't want any bullshit. I don't want any games.
It's like if you don't come through that door ready-made, I'm not dating potential. But it's kind of fun to wait and know what we want, right? It's so good.
And the thing is, I have other guys. It's a good place.
One of my ex-boyfriends asked me to marry him recently. And I have another ex-boyfriend that popped up from Miami.
It's like, I think because Venus is going retrograde, I've got all these exes coming back. Even my ex from a year and a half ago contacted me and we started talking.
So I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I need new.
New. Where's the new new so like planting the seeds yeah i'm writing a book on manifestation which is which is different than all the books out there it does have science i am a big friend you should have dr stewart on your show have you had her on no oh my god she's my favorite definitely she is the queen of manifestation oh my god i'm so i'm all about She wrote the book called The Source.
And it's based on science. I will definitely invite her.
And she's British Indian. She's fantastic.
I follow her like religion. And she's just one of the best.
Like Marissa Peer, also a hypnotherapist, one of my best friends. She's like one of the Mindvalley people.

But she told me that the brain only knows what's familiar.

So if you keep telling the brain, you know, you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not this enough.

Because we live in L.A. where everybody's not enough.

And we get that.

It's like you go to dinner with someone who's so insecure.

And you go home and you're like, you want to take a shower because you feel so gross.

And you're like, I don't understand what just happened.

That person was siphoning off your energy as an empath.

And so she talks about that, how to protect yourself, how to build the cone of self-esteem in your brain so that you wouldn't, nobody lower than your frequency come in. So if your frequency is really high, you don't want to date someone at a lower frequency because they're going to pull you down.
As my grandmother would say, healthy cannot date unhealthy unless they want to become unhealthy. Oh my God.
One million percent. That's my grandmother's line.
I love that. And it's so important to look at the frequency of who you're talking to, not just in love, but in work and friendship, even family members.
If the frequency is not right, you don't want to go to Thanksgiving. I'll give you an example.
Jesse Waters, who's, you know, the, I won't call him a name. You can look him up on Fox.
Well, he was a big Republican, probably in the wrong way because there's good Republicans and there's bad Republicans. There's good Democrats and there's bad Democrats.
I'm not a Republican. I'm an independent.
Same. But anyway, his mom didn't want him at Thanksgiving this year.
And he didn't understand why. It's his mother.
Well, he was doing horrible things. And the mother's like, I can't have you lower my frequency.
I love that. I thought that was amazing.
Like, oh, my God, that was freaking amazing. But that is so important.
that is so important like we don't do that like i moved a thousand miles away from my father because he was an alcoholic and he was driving my mom was an alcoholic right and it it freed me yeah so like think about that in love why are you dating someone just to get sex get a vibrator oh my god one million percent thank god you're saying that because you have to protect your energy your space the minute that guy gets inside of you he will siphon off your energy same thing with a woman same thing with gay people or trans it doesn't make a difference anybody that gets inside of you or you get inside them it's energy you are if their energy is not clean yeah and above board and they haven't scrubbed it good or done the work on themselves. Yeah.
You're inside them. It's energy.
It's energy. If their energy is not clean and above board and they haven't scrubbed it good or done the work on themselves, you're going to feel like crap after a while.
One million percent. And, of course, they'll do the snafu-y and they'll pull away.
No. Thank God you're saying all these things because I hope people listen from you.
You need to get Dr. Tara on.
I tell my friends that. Like Mel Robbins talks about it.
I will. Mel Robbins' book, like her book recently, Let Them, is great.
Like all these people are teaching you to be the queen, not the princess, the queen. When the queen is looking for a mate, everybody comes to royal court and she decides.
Like that's what you want. You want to have quarters and say, eh, your energy is high if your vibration is high if you know what you deserve i think you started like you start attracting okay the line before we end is the only you only get the love you think you deserve love it the only get the love you think take download that download that on your computer because if you don't think you deserve it, what are you going to get? I hope you made everybody feel better about Valentine's Day.

And I'd rather you stay home and watch funny movies and laugh and sing and eat pizza than go out and feel bad about yourself that you don't have a mate.

It's only one day.

It doesn't mean shit.

Thank you.

I love you.

I mean, I love the story of St.

Do you know the story of St. Valentine?

Yes.

You know that story?

I don't know if I know that story.

I think you told me that story before.

I'll leave with the story.

St. Valentine.
Do you know the story of St. Valentine? Yes.
You know that story? I don't know if I know that story. Okay, I'll leave with the story.
St. Valentine was a priest during the Crusades, and nobody was allowed to get married because the king needed all the men for his, you know, his crusade.
And when he was doing the Crusades and the wars, the men would jump ship, go AWOL back to their families. So he said, no marriage.
Well, St. Valentine, being a priest, thought that was wrong.
So he married people in secret and got caught. And they threw him in jail.
And he was about to be killed. And the warden's daughter was blind.
And she came down to give him the food. And he touched her eyes.
And she had miraculous seeing. And the warden was trying to stop the whole thing, but he couldn't.
And right before he died, he fell in love with the warden's daughter. He wrote her a note, and it said, Valentine, at the end.
Love you dearly, blah, blah, blah. That's why we write letters.
It's Valentine's Day. He dies, and the church made him a saint.
Wow. St.
Valentine's Day. That's the nicest story.
No one's ever made a movie on that. Is that wild? That would be a great movie.
Time to make a fabulous movie. You should pitch it.
Yeah. Calling Steven Spielberg.
You should pitch it. Thank you, my love.
Or Martin Scorsese. I love you.
You're so inspiring. Thank you.
It's such an honor having you here. Thank you very much for having me.
But I hope with like girls, boys, anybody who doesn't have love, my mama says, all you need is one and done, and you never know when it's going to show up.

And don't settle.

Yeah, don't settle. Don't settle for the wrong one.

Better to be alone than to have a project that never ends, that drains the crap out of you.

Yeah, and by the way, you look fabulous.

Oh, thank you.

You looked beautiful when I saw you last time, three years ago, but you look even more beautiful.

You look fabulous.

Very skinny.

Don't lose more weight.

No, I'm not.

I went on GLP terazipide. I think that's how you say it.
But you look fantastic. Because of cholesterol.
It lowers your cholesterol. And you don't have to go on statins and I feel fabulous taking it.
You look fabulous. I'm at the lowest dose, like maintenance.
Amazing. Yeah, but I could eat.
I had pasta last night. What I like about it is you get to eat whatever you want and you don't have to worry about it.
And I'm gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, and I don't drink.

Same.

I don't do drugs or drinks.

I'm like clean.

I'm an Air One girl.

For anybody in California, you know what I'm talking about.

Did you get your Air One snack in the car?

What?

Did you get your Air One gift bag in the car?

That was an Air One gift bag?

Yeah.

With the peri in it?

I left you like, I brought you this little.

It's like chocolate biscotti.

I bought you this little Air One organic biscotti because it's like one of my favorite treats. I am an Air One girl since the day to open in Venice.
And I just eat clean and I cook clean. Thank you so much, Myla.
It was such an honor having you guys. Self-love first.
Go to MillionairesClub123.com. Yes, MillionairesClub123.com.
I'm going to put a link here.

I'm going to put the links on this episode. If you're listening to the audio episode, make sure you go to Kat on the Loose show on YouTube so you can see her gorgeous face and be inspired to find love.
Thank you. It was such an honor.
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