MARRIAGE LEASE - A NEW CONCEPT with AUTHOR FANY ROJAS

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Speaker 7 My guest today, Fannie Rojas, wrote a very interesting book called Marriage Lease a New Concept.

Speaker 7 It's actually a really great idea for a lot of couples out there to stay committed, to check on whether or not they're still on the same page when it comes to their relationship.

Speaker 7 And it's probably a great idea for a lot of people who are not ready to actually go through with a legal marriage.

Speaker 7 I hope you guys enjoy my really fun conversation, and I'll tell you guys all about how I met her, how we reconnected here in California.

Speaker 7 And the book is very fun, it's easy to read, it's short, and it's available on Amazon now. Very interesting marriage lease.

Speaker 8 I hope you guys like it.

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Speaker 8 Funny, welcome to Cat on the Loose. Thank you.
It's such a pleasure having you here.

Speaker 2 Thank you for inviting me.

Speaker 8 I know we're catching up. We haven't seen each other in years.
I know, I know. It's been a while.

Speaker 8 Yeah, so full disclosure: not only is she a fantastic writer, this is her first book, Marriage Liz, but we've been friends, Instagram friends, we met in Miami many years ago.

Speaker 8 So before we talk about the book, let's rehash how we met.

Speaker 2 Okay, you tell me if you remember.

Speaker 8 Because it's important to put the book into context, context

Speaker 2 of your life. Absolutely.

Speaker 8 So when was that? Was it before COVID or after?

Speaker 2 Oh, way before.

Speaker 8 Way before? Oh, yes, my God.

Speaker 8 Life goes by so fast.

Speaker 8 So it was maybe 2021 or 2020 that we met.

Speaker 8 I was living in South Beach. You're living in South Beach.
There is a fabulous restaurant in South Beach. And by the way, there's two of my clients.
Huge shout-out: Semila, Miami.

Speaker 2 Semila, Miami, one of my favorite places. We would walk there.
I think we would have dinner

Speaker 8 every week. I know Chef Fred, the owner, he's there every night.
They make fantastic French food. And I lived right around the corner.
And I started doing their social media accounts.

Speaker 8 I was there like almost every night.

Speaker 2 I remember.

Speaker 8 So I was there doing some videos and photos. I think I was with a friend of mine sitting at the bar and you walk in with your then then-boyfriend and now ex-boyfriend and his friend.

Speaker 8 You guys were the group of friends.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, we were, I think, group of six.

Speaker 8 Yeah, and I don't even remember why, but we started talking because one of his friends was single.

Speaker 2 Yes, well, you started talking to the group, and I thought

Speaker 2 this girl has got some nerve just to come in here and see.

Speaker 8 You were annoyed a little bit.

Speaker 2 I was like, Who is she? But no, I was not annoyed.

Speaker 8 I know, because I love that about because you're being very honest. I know, because my friend told me, Oh, she's not happy that you're talking to them because you are very possessed.

Speaker 2 No, I didn't notice that you were just like,

Speaker 2 I was just being nice. I know.
And now I know. But I think at the moment, I think I had this little wall in Miami can be a little, you know,

Speaker 2 that way. But no,

Speaker 2 I'm so glad we met. And then after that, we actually came hung out with us.
So we, you know, became friends.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but wait, we're not done with that night yet. Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm nervous.

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 8 I should have given you a drink before you.

Speaker 2 Well, at least the questions. I love that you're so organic.
I'm organic. I'm nervous of what's going to come out of this.

Speaker 8 At least, it's all good because obviously I adore you. But I remember that night.
So you were in this relationship, serious relationship, committed relationship with your boy.

Speaker 8 Let's call, what would you like to call him?

Speaker 2 Douche? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
Let's call him Jeff.

Speaker 8 Jeff. Okay.
Jeff Douche.

Speaker 2 Okay, no.

Speaker 8 Jeff,

Speaker 8 you guys were in a committed relationship. You were living together this dream life in his fabulous multi-gazillion dollar condo because he was a very successful guy.

Speaker 8 And you are a very beautiful woman. If you guys are listening to the episode, please make sure you go watch the videos on my social media and YouTube because she's very beautiful.

Speaker 8 So you were there with a group of friends, and one of your friends was single. But I really was just, it was part of my job of like walking around Semila and just saying hi to everyone.

Speaker 8 And you guys were having so much fun, I wanted to film and everything. But I remember my friend Dylan that was there with me.

Speaker 8 She was like, that girl is really pissed because it is now that's my first question to you it's not about you but tell me if you agree

Speaker 8 I think it's a huge part of Latin culture girls are very possessive and jealous of their men by nature

Speaker 2 I think so. I, yeah, I think I was a little annoyed.

Speaker 2 But it wasn't even about being jealous. I just thought that, okay, I wasn't sure if you were coming on to my boyfriend or his friend, so I wasn't sure.
And I was a little standoffish at first. Yes.

Speaker 2 And then I realized that you were homeless, you were friendly, you were sweet and that you were. I appreciate that.

Speaker 8 And so your boyfriend's friend,

Speaker 8 we were just saying off camera, he was such a weirdo.

Speaker 2 God bless his heart.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous about this conversation. I don't know.

Speaker 8 We're not naming names. I mean, it's not our fault if people go Google your life and find out who they are.

Speaker 8 He was a sweetheart, but you realized right away this was a total weirdo. And I noticed, of course, he was flirting with me and everything.
And I'm like,

Speaker 8 we can be friends, but that's it. Let's be friends.
So at the end of the night, I obviously had many glasses of wine back then. I used to drink way more.
And I gave him my number.

Speaker 8 And then the next day, he called me. And he was like, Oh, my friends are going to go out on a boat, which was your boyfriend's boat.
Right, right. And he said, You want to come? I said, I don't know.

Speaker 8 Is she going to be mad at me and throw me?

Speaker 2 You know, it's so funny. I didn't know that you knew that back then.
Okay, this is the first time that comes out.

Speaker 8 How come? Because we never talked about that. Yeah, we never talked about that night.
We haven't caught up. Well, because you were obviously on the boat, I wasn't going to say anything.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 8 But I was afraid if I came that you were going to be mad at me that I was there.

Speaker 2 No, no, obviously I knew you were coming. So he asked.
I was not.

Speaker 8 Yeah. So, and I, and when did I go to your apartment? I don't even remember if it was before or after the boat.
Oh, it was that night after, after.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it was after.

Speaker 8 But I have to say, so we went out on the boat, fabulous group of friends, and you were very sweet and super chill about it so i think you were like warming up

Speaker 8 yes i think that's when i got to know you better a little bit more yeah but but in general even back then when you now looking back in hindsight

Speaker 8 do you think you were extra possessive like of like being afraid that of of other women flirting with your boyfriend or vice versa

Speaker 2 god looking back i don't know i think that i was

Speaker 2 just getting used to the culture of miami i think girls are very aggressive so So I

Speaker 2 um yeah, maybe. I I don't know.
I can't really think back that long ago.

Speaker 8 But so yeah, we're talking four years ago.

Speaker 8 So then I ended up moving back to Beverly Hills. We lost contact a little bit for a minute.
Although I follow you on social media, you follow me on social media. And then let's fast forward.

Speaker 8 I honestly thought you guys would be married by now. Because looking from the outside in, to me, you guys have had the perfect relationship.

Speaker 8 Beautiful couple on your side, because I always thought you looked a little douchey.

Speaker 8 But like gorgeous couple living the dream because he makes a lot of money, right? Whatever he does. I don't know.
Yeah. He has the boat, the condo, the car, and the girl.

Speaker 2 We had a good life. I think that I think, you know,

Speaker 2 in his defense, I think we had a lot of fun together. He was one of the few relationships that I had that I actually enjoy being with him and have fun.
We did a lot of fun stuff.

Speaker 2 So I was in love, I for sure. I definitely was in love with him.
And

Speaker 2 the breakup was hard for me, but it was the same thing. Wait,

Speaker 2 wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 8 So, you were living together. You thought your guys were gonna get married.

Speaker 2 No, no, because I didn't. You didn't care about the marriage.

Speaker 8 I didn't want to get married then. You wanted a commitment.

Speaker 2 Yes. And we both did.
We talked about neither one of us wanted to get married again. So, we were on the same boat.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The whole marriage thing.

Speaker 8 Because you've already been married, you have grown kids. You're like in another page of your life.

Speaker 2 Totally,

Speaker 2 we wanted the same thing at that time.

Speaker 8 Okay, yeah. So, me, now we're going to talk about the breakup and getting to the book.

Speaker 8 Me, following on social media every day, honestly, I thought, oh, these guys are going to live happily ever after. What a dream couple, la la la.

Speaker 8 So, when I saw that you published the book, Marriage Lease, we started talking, and you, and I said, Oh, so how are you guys doing? You're like, No, we broke up, right, right.

Speaker 8 And I was really surprised. And you broke up, and that led you to write the book.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 not quite. I mean, the list that I, I don't know if the part that I wrote a list for him to write.
We're going to get to that because I have a lot of questions for you.

Speaker 2 So the book was not about the breakup. The book really came about with another friend who also agreed with me that getting married again is not necessary, whatever.
And

Speaker 2 we said, he actually said to me, How about it would be great to write a book? And he said, why don't you write it? And whatever. So

Speaker 2 we worked together with the concept.

Speaker 2 So the breakup was really

Speaker 2 hard for me but i also knew that i wanted more and i wanted to be comfortable with somebody that i could trust and that was the main thing that i didn't so the main thing was that you thought he was flirting with other women

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 he just i just knew he wasn't loyal and and i think he um you know some people

Speaker 2 want to be in a relationship and committed. I think he, from the beginning, pretty much,

Speaker 2 I think, think, told me that men are never going to be faithful.

Speaker 8 Men, meaning him, because a lot of men are faithful.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 8 and a lot of men value their partners.

Speaker 2 Sure. And I think that he, from the beginning, I should have listened, but I didn't.
And instead, I had the mindset, oh, no, not with me. He'll be.
And it wasn't the case.

Speaker 8 It's the famous red flags that we avoid when we're in love with someone.

Speaker 2 And the longer you wait, the more invested you are. So it's harder to get out.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 So I have to say say something.

Speaker 8 When you told me you broke up with him, I had an extra layer of admiration towards you and I'll tell you why because I know how insanely difficult it is to break up with someone that we still love.

Speaker 8 Yes. Most people don't have the guts, the courage.
They stay in their relationship forever and ever.

Speaker 8 It took me 14 years growing the courage to get out of an abusive marriage because I loved my husband so much.

Speaker 8 I know how hard that is.

Speaker 2 But I kind of prepared myself. I think I knew in my mind that I was going to break up, and I was preparing myself mentally.
And then after the breakup, I blocked him. And

Speaker 2 I know that 21 days where you don't talk to the person, it's easier to kind of adapt. So I did a lot of that.
And a lot of,

Speaker 2 I separated myself completely to the point of moving out of the country.

Speaker 8 But it's, well,

Speaker 8 regardless, yeah, obviously you did everything right, but it's still a really difficult step.

Speaker 2 Of course it was.

Speaker 2 I had a hard time for a while. And now, of course, it's over.

Speaker 8 Now you're happier, prettier, richer, more gorgeous.

Speaker 8 Everything a million times better, of course. Yeah, exactly.
And he is probably always going to look back and say, like, I took her for granted and I lost her. I don't know.

Speaker 8 I know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. And it doesn't matter.
But yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, no, to you, it doesn't matter, but that's usually what happens with someone that they, you know, and a lot of, it happens to a lot of guys, but women too, like we say, I want to have the perfect relationship.

Speaker 8 And And then, when they find it,

Speaker 8 they cannot appreciate it enough. Yeah, and they think, oh, there is some better fish in the sea.
And then they go fish.

Speaker 8 And then when they lose that perfect situation, they're never going to have that level of a fabulous relationship again. And then they look back and inside and they regret it, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
It is not my concern right now. But I agree with you.
And I also think that I've done that in my life, where I've been in a great relationship.

Speaker 2 And I thought, well, what else is out there? And then you don't value that person. So we all do it subconsciously.

Speaker 2 so it's, I think it's just a learning curve.

Speaker 8 For sure. But I do think once you break up with someone you still love and you know that that person is not good for you, hopefully we've all done that instead of staying in an unhappy relationship.

Speaker 8 I was just telling about the situationship that I broke up with someone that I was really in love with for almost two years, but I know he's so toxic for me. I think it's very empowering.

Speaker 2 Thank you. And I think it is.
I think it is.

Speaker 8 And like you said, as the days go by, you start feeling stronger. Of course.

Speaker 2 And I also feel like everything happens for a reason I think my time with him taught me different things you know and one of them is to value myself because if the person that's with you doesn't treat you with respect walk away there's nothing else nothing else yeah and I think that was the main thing respect I didn't feel respected and

Speaker 2 and now I feel like okay I will look at the signs from the beginning.

Speaker 8 Yeah, exactly. That's what I was saying to you.

Speaker 8 That happened to me just from doing the podcast. I got tangled up with so many bad guys after bad guys that were still disrespecting me cheating on me

Speaker 8 then finally one day i'm like what the hell you know learn from your mistake now we know our value we know what we want and what you're never gonna accept again totally so maybe after all of that you felt empowered and encouraged like you know what i am going to be a writer i'm going to go for this yes yes and and the book just was very organic too with my friend michael by the way he's i hope we he'll be listening to this um you know when he said we we should

Speaker 2 he said I would write the book but I don't have time he's like why don't you do it and I'll fund it and you know so that was very sweet of him that he trusted me and the first part of the book where I talk about love is a verb is what he said he says Fanny love is something that you have to it's an action you can't just say oh I'm in love or whatever you got to work at it and sometimes it's a decision as well like we think oh you're just magically gonna be in love no you say okay this person in front of me I'm gonna look at this person say is this good enough and then you build that love and the trust

Speaker 2 Because it took, I didn't fall in love right away with him. It took me a while.
And then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh my God, I really love this guy. But in a way, it was...

Speaker 2 Because I didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. So I fell in love with the potential.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I think you fell in love with the idea when you had in your mind of him, like we do so many times. We idealize that person.
We want that person to be everything we want.

Speaker 8 It's so disappointing when they're not.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And so now I feel like I've learned a lot.
So the book.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's talk about the book marriage lease right so the idea is that after you've been married been there done that you know you think that getting married again your chances of divorce are much greater first of all so you're going in knowing that it might end up in divorce so why do it

Speaker 2 you're right why do it but um In a way, I think that this gives you the yearly lease, basically.

Speaker 2 And I was talking to somebody recently, they said, well, we do this weekly.

Speaker 8 We sit down and we make sure that we don't build up situations in a nutshell for people that haven't read the book yet. Can you like explain the concept? Like, what would be a marriage lease?

Speaker 2 Okay, marriage lease would be a contract that you do it with your partner outside of the legal and outside of the church.

Speaker 2 So, basically, you have a committed relationship where you can sit down and say, Okay,

Speaker 2 I want to commit a relationship, but what can we do?

Speaker 2 What will it take to make this work?

Speaker 2 And you write down a lease, like a car lease.

Speaker 2 Okay, for example, you you know you get a car lease which by the way you show like on the last page of the book it's right here a sample marriage lease agreement right right so that's just and i wanted to do another ones where it would be funnier but you know that that will come later um but yeah why not

Speaker 2 this gives you that that what's the word um

Speaker 2 the empowerment of of saying okay um what can i do to keep this lease you know like you for example if you lease a car you want to make sure that the car is kept kept in good condition or you don't get, you know, you have to pay extra.

Speaker 2 So it's like a little push to say, okay, I want to

Speaker 2 keep this relationship going and make it better every year. Instead of a lot of people get married and then they're like, oh, I'm married.
I don't have to do anything. So we forget to water the plant.

Speaker 8 And a few months ago, I interviewed one of the top divorce attorneys in the country. She's a celebrity divorce attorney.
Her Her name is Christina Royce. She's fantastic.

Speaker 8 By the way, a really good episode. Anybody that's thinking about getting married.

Speaker 8 Because, and she's happily married, but she's very matter-of-fact about it. And she said, marriage is a business contract.

Speaker 8 And I completely agree, right? It has so many consequences, especially financial, legal consequences. But when people are in love, and I see, I have so many younger friends, it's hilarious.

Speaker 8 Like they meet a guy and they're already like trying wedding dresses.

Speaker 2 Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 8 But that they don't think about the

Speaker 8 important part about it. It's a document.
You know, you're tied up legally to that person for many reasons. Well, the thing is,

Speaker 2 for example, I think that I agree with people that get married and want to have kids and build a life, so go for it. You know, I'm not saying marriage is a bad thing or the legal part.

Speaker 2 But after you've been there, done that, you don't want to have kids,

Speaker 2 the only thing you take out of here is the having to go through an attorney to get paid a ton of money. So if you go in saying, look,

Speaker 2 this is what I have, this is what you have, what can we do to work this together? It makes it easier, you know?

Speaker 8 Yeah, so you explain in the book everything in detail.

Speaker 8 Of course, you talk a lot about the divorce rates and all that stuff and how to keep the sparks alive. And then you talk a little bit about how you would manage finances.
So

Speaker 8 if somebody decides, okay, I'm I'm going to do a marriage lease, meaning it's temporary, you basically can put everything in there, everything that's important to you.

Speaker 2 Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 8 Like, if I'm super rich and you're not, I can put there, like, you know, if we decide to terminate this relationship, this agreement, you're not going to take any of my stuff.

Speaker 8 You're not going to ask me for anything.

Speaker 2 And somebody would say this is like a prenup. And it is, but it's not, because you're still not going through the legal.

Speaker 8 Through court. So it's just between two people.

Speaker 2 So someone out there listening could say, well, if it's just between two people it's not enforceable what good is it why am i going to go through the trouble right but it is enforceable if you make it enforceable you know how do you make it enforceable you you know you trust the person and at the end of the day you go with okay so here's another thing aside from the financial part um let's say that and i do talk about my friends who uh her boyfriend got really heavy and she's like no no no i i can't do this or heavy like gaining weight

Speaker 8 so it's kind of they have something there on the marriage list about weight?

Speaker 2 That's a very sensitive.

Speaker 2 I know somebody said that's right. How can you say that? Sean is laughing here, my son.

Speaker 8 Like, I would be really offended if my boyfriend told me, you cannot be over 117 pounds.

Speaker 2 But these are things that we think about, but we don't say them. Okay, so that's the difference.
Like, for example, you.

Speaker 8 But would you?

Speaker 2 Okay, so let's say that I meet my person and this person is heavy. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine with it. You know, whatever.

Speaker 2 But you meet someone who's, let's say, fit and it's always at the gym, and then all of a sudden we get married and he decides I don't want to go. They let themselves go.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 So it's more about letting themselves go. It's not about even about appearance.
It's about saying, look, I don't care enough about how you see me, whatever. So at that point,

Speaker 2 so it isn't a little bit of a terrible thing.

Speaker 8 But how do you bring it up? Like, let's say you're sitting down, like

Speaker 8 your boyfriend says, okay, I'll do the marriage lease because I love you. Let's try it out.
How do you approach it? Because some subjects, money, looks, certain things are very delicate.

Speaker 2 Well, the weight part, I would approach it as a health issue, number one. And number two, let's say this person has some health issues that can't work out.

Speaker 2 That I would not leave my person because you're already invested and you love the person. So

Speaker 2 it's not being that insensitive.

Speaker 8 No, you're very sensitive. I thought you're actually very delicate the way you bring it up.

Speaker 2 I know, because I do think that these are things that we think about, but yet we're so afraid to talk about

Speaker 2 it. And this is why the affairs, let's say you married somebody and then your wife looks amazing amazing and then 10 years later she puts on a lot of weight.

Speaker 8 Which by the way, parenthesis is one of the top five complaints about most men is that they marry this gorgeous woman.

Speaker 8 I'm not saying most women, don't kill me, because I know I get a million mess, but most women, they get married and they let themselves go. They're like, oh, I already got him, whatever.

Speaker 8 And guys don't like that. They complain about it.

Speaker 2 And that's how the affairs start. And that's how, you know, so I think having a lease, you're putting everything out there.

Speaker 2 You're putting a little little pressure pressure and also honesty, you know, and saying look if this happens I might want to review the renew the lease or not renew it and maybe we need to talk about this and so when I was this last time I was in Costa Rica I met this friend

Speaker 2 Hara. She's amazing and

Speaker 2 I was telling her about my book and she said this is what I used to do. Her husband died two years ago.

Speaker 2 And she said we used to every year, some people do it more often, but she said every year they would sit down at their anniversary and write down their list of things they want to change, the things that are good.

Speaker 2 And I thought, Whoa, that's what I like that I do too. And she said that's what kept our marriage so vibrant for so long.

Speaker 2 And I was happy to hear that because she read the book and she thought we was right on on what they do.

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Speaker 8 I kind of like the idea because I think it would make people maybe more accountable.

Speaker 8 Because, like, if we love someone, even if you're not married, like you live together, like it was your case with your boyfriend, or you're even dating someone, like past the beginning of the honeymoon, six months, one year into it, people have a tendency of, you know, letting go a little bit, even like sex, right in the beginning it's like oh I don't have a lot of it and then they get lazy exactly and other and like you said looks that so I think maybe this is a great idea for accountability that's it that's the word I was looking for earlier accountability that's it and and we forget to do that and another thing that I've noticed um is when you get married you say till death do us apart well that's a long time that's a long time because back then people didn't live as long as we do now so it's it's a long time to and you I'm not saying you couldn't but if you have something like this, you can definitely change with the times versus you can do whatever,

Speaker 2 whatever, and I'll still be married to you. No, it's unfair.
And then, okay, so another thing that just came to my,

Speaker 2 I was watching this movie, and

Speaker 2 the guy was getting married for the second time, and the daughter was very upset. And so he's at the wedding, and he says, till death to us apart.
And I'm thinking, he did that with the mom, too. So

Speaker 2 how true is that? We say things that we don't mean because you don't know. You don't know what could happen.

Speaker 8 Ideally, it's always amazing if you meet someone that you love so much. And obviously, there are a lot of people out there, and you know you're going to be together forever.

Speaker 8 I think that's our first choice. That's the goal.
But, like you said, many times that's not life because people change, they evolve, circumstances change.

Speaker 8 I have examples, and I'm actually proud of myself in that sense. The few, very few relationships and boyfriends that I had ever since Anthony died,

Speaker 8 we realized that we were not a good match for many reasons, and we remained friends. Like, I have a very friendly, very nice relationship with everybody I dated.

Speaker 8 And I think that's important. And maybe, like you said, if you put it on paper and you go read it a year later and you realize you're in such different pages, then you're like, you know what?

Speaker 8 Let's repurpose our relationship. Totally.
Maybe we're better as friends. Totally.

Speaker 2 That's the goal. I love that.
That's the idea.

Speaker 8 So let's talk about the sex part for a minute because this is so important. It's important to me and probably to you as well.
Yes. I was in almost as almost sexless marriage for 14 years

Speaker 8 because my husband was very conservative. He drank a lot.
The more money he made, the more he drank. Anyway, total chaos.

Speaker 8 Once I got out of it and now I'm rebuilding my life, it's a very important part of a relationship for me.

Speaker 8 I don't want to be in that situation again. When I'm in a relationship, I want to have a lot of sex.

Speaker 8 And I tell all the guys.

Speaker 8 I don't think you're gonna get a lot of complaints about no but listen every guy in the beginning when they're dating especially when they want to get to the bed like oh i love it i like it every night la la la la la

Speaker 8 even my ex-boyfriend

Speaker 8 or girls have like my ex-boyfriend oh i same i i want to have a lot but then they start getting lazy about it then it's like once a week twice a week every other way

Speaker 2 how do would you approach that on a marriage lease with the same thing you add that into and i think that's a very important uh uh factor.

Speaker 2 And you should put that on your list and say, listen, if you're very sexual, you say sex is very important to me. Let's compromise.

Speaker 2 It might not be for the other person, but maybe get to a point where you both are happy, where you don't feel forced and where he or she...

Speaker 2 you know, where they don't feel like they have to do something they don't want to do. But if you're not sexual, then those are things you want to know.

Speaker 2 Because it's not going to change 10 years from now.

Speaker 8 It's going to get worse.

Speaker 2 It's going to get worse.

Speaker 2 So if you put that in there,

Speaker 2 and maybe a year later you can say, okay, well, this is not working the way we thought it was. What happened to the sex? So, you know, you can easily talk about those things because you're already...

Speaker 2 going with this idea.

Speaker 8 So it could happen.

Speaker 8 So how soon in a relationship should you be doing this? Let's say you're dating someone for six months. Right.
And you guys really, really, really like each other. Then you bring it up.

Speaker 8 Oh, by the way, I would love to try this out. So once you're writing it down,

Speaker 8 could it happen? Maybe, right? Like the very first time, once you start writing it, you realize that you guys are not on the same page.

Speaker 2 Of course. And I think that's a good way to see.
Yeah, for sure. Because you write the things are important to you.

Speaker 2 And these are things that don't come out unless you have something silly like this too, too. Like, let's look at this book.
Let's do this, whatever.

Speaker 2 And then you can see that, you know, maybe you're not so compatible. And so when do you do it?

Speaker 2 I think that if you're with somebody for six months exclusively, I think six months is probably the time where you know, okay, where is this going? Because sometimes we waste our time.

Speaker 2 I mean, when you're in your 20s and 30s, maybe it's like, whatever. But, you know, like you said to me earlier, you're dating consciously.
Yes. You want a partner.

Speaker 2 So are you going to date a million guys? No. So you know what you want.
So you go into a relationship with someone that also wants a relationship. And so I think within six months you say, okay,

Speaker 2 where's this going? Do you want a relationship to blast or whatever? And then you you.

Speaker 8 I would say it's a good idea to do it before you even think about moving, like if you're thinking about moving in together,

Speaker 2 yes, okay. Let's do that, I think six months is kind of like the move in together.
Oh, yeah, well, yeah, I agree. Maybe not, maybe not.

Speaker 8 Obviously, there's variations, but I agree with you. I don't want to waste a year, two years of my life.
Usually, for guys, believe it or not, it's like between three and four months.

Speaker 8 A lot of guys will date you for like three months, and then they're like, Okay, I want to. I'm going to give you guys a month.
You never know.

Speaker 8 I think a month is a little much of a like a love bombing like if if the guy is already treating you like i want you here i want to do this i want to do that no no no like you're already in a committed relationship

Speaker 2 to me that's a pink flag so pink yeah i i well i think i i think six months is is a good number and because you need you need more like i don't think you can know someone in a month oh no no no no that's really really soon really soon but you do know the person when you're spending a lot of time with them of course and that's part of you living with somebody before you go for

Speaker 2 whether you want to get married or not.

Speaker 2 Some people want to get married. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I did.

Speaker 8 Some people have that dream. Yes, I agree.
But in your case, just like a personal question, I love the idea, by the way, because you and I have been married, same.

Speaker 8 It's not a priority to me to get married on paper.

Speaker 8 But if you met someone that it's really important to them and you were in love and he did the marriage lease, but then another year later he's like, but it's really, really important to me to get married.

Speaker 8 Would you do it?

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, yeah.
So I'm not completely against that. Same.
Yeah, I would do it.

Speaker 8 I would change my mind if I met.

Speaker 2 the right partner and it was so so important to him i would be flexible and i think it's usually the other way around i think mostly women are the ones that yeah we are but we are like we don't care no i know i don't care but i think men are happy not being married necessarily but it depends on the men no true some men

Speaker 2 yes very true very true but

Speaker 8 it depends, yeah, yeah, I guess

Speaker 8 that's very interesting because things are changing, and you know, but this is what I think, and I always tell girls that tell me if you agree.

Speaker 8 Because I have some friends here in LA, they haven't been married before, okay, but they're a little desperate. Like, that's all they say.

Speaker 8 I want to get married, I want to get married, I want to get married. They even scare guys away because, like, the first, second date, they already tell the dude, they put everything on the table,

Speaker 8 and then they start dating the guy, and they put all this pressure, like, hey, dude, you better propose soon if you know what you're doing.

Speaker 8 I actually have one friend that it's even more extreme. She's been dating the guy for a few months since February.
They are already moving in together, and she's already trying on wedding dresses.

Speaker 8 He hasn't even proposed yet. Oh, no.
And they're going to go on vacation. I'm not even going to say where.
And she was like, well, he better propose when we go to.

Speaker 8 I'm like, dude, you're putting so much pressure on this guy, even if he's madly. I think men don't like that.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. I don't, I don't think so.
Do you agree? And we don't like that either. Nobody likes pressure.

Speaker 8 But I think men,

Speaker 8 even if they love you, they want to be the men. Like, they want to get to that point.

Speaker 2 Yes. And I think that's when I did my list with my ex, I think that after the fact I've noticed that there was pressure on my part.
Was that let's get married by a single day?

Speaker 2 I'm thinking guys don't like that.

Speaker 2 I didn't like that.

Speaker 8 And this is why I think we attract such great quality partners because we are not pressuring them. We have our own things going on.

Speaker 8 And once you release that pressure, I think they feel more comfortable coming and being near you and deciding what they want. I think pressure is a really bad idea.

Speaker 2 But I think I did that.

Speaker 8 So, okay, let's talk. That's the part that I'm really excited to talk about.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 8 Okay, lady. So, you did a list.
Okay, let's talk about your list. Oh, boy.
It's on page 43. If you guys want to get the book and follow.
It's a really fun book, by the way, because it's very short.

Speaker 8 I like short books because I'm so busy. I love to read, but I don't have time to read those 400-page books like I used to anymore.
Now it has to be fast and furious. Exactly.
And so I love it.

Speaker 8 So on page 43, you talk a little bit about your story. And

Speaker 8 it was after, yeah, you had moved out and you guys were thinking about getting back together, right?

Speaker 2 I moved out and then we actually did get back together. We did get back together three months later.
So I give him this.

Speaker 2 He begged. Begged.

Speaker 8 No, no, no he had three months to go have fun which he did i'm sure he probably went crazy you know miami's an easy place to get crazy with girls and everything he's on any place by the way and this this geography excuse i agree my eye is chaotic it's a hellhole but if a guy wants to go crazy quote unquote believe me if he's in nebraska

Speaker 8 he's gonna the secretary at lunchtime the girl that works at burger king pardon my friend i love her direct year because if guys want to be in trouble or have fun, it's not geography that's going to keep it.

Speaker 8 So these dudes that are douche because they're in Miami, they're going to be a douche anywhere. That's true.
That's true. I promise you.

Speaker 2 So we got back together after three months of, and I already moved out, so we were dating, living separate places. And then, but prior to getting back together, I came up with the list.

Speaker 8 In case he wanted you back?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. This is after I decided to get him back.
So it wasn't. Okay, so you decided back.
So we got back together, we talked, and then I said.

Speaker 8 You made a list called Boundaries and Rules.

Speaker 2 Yes, basically. I said, these are the things that I need from you in order for this relationship to happen.

Speaker 8 Okay. Let's read the list because we have to talk about it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 8 Some of it, yeah, it's a little much. A little much, exactly.
If somebody gave me this list, and you know I love you. Of course.
But I'm telling you, if somebody gave me this list, I would be like...

Speaker 8 Here.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 Pressure.

Speaker 8 Because I like giving this thing. But we are the same.
I like being loyal and giving these these things voluntarily. But okay, let's read the list, okay? All right.
It's very short. Share location.

Speaker 2 Okay, first of all, okay, that's kind of like. I was like, remember when I wrote this list, I thought you were saying that.
Yeah,

Speaker 8 you're not in the same

Speaker 8 headspace anymore.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not, but I also didn't think he was going to take this seriously. I didn't think he was going to agree to this.

Speaker 8 Yeah, so you were making it super tough.

Speaker 2 Yeah, super tough.

Speaker 8 Okay, so share location. Call to check in when you're traveling.
No hookups. I mean, that should should go without saying.
We prioritize our kids first, then us.

Speaker 8 You will not get a random girl's phone number. Same.
That's just like basic respect.

Speaker 2 I know, I know.

Speaker 8 Do not stare at other women in front of me. Again, basic respect.
I mean, come on.

Speaker 8 We all like looking at beautiful people.

Speaker 8 I love looking at beautiful men. Beautiful girls.

Speaker 8 But I agree. If you're sitting on a table, someone like, come on, have some respect.
Like, you're going back to the basics respects.

Speaker 8 We discuss all the guys' trips before you plan. By the way, this dude is not 30.
This dude is like almost 70 now.

Speaker 2 You're so tried. He's in his 60s.
No, he's not.

Speaker 8 I mean, boy's trip. I mean, come on.

Speaker 8 He's a Peter Pan.

Speaker 2 Yes, he had definitely had that.

Speaker 2 He did a lot of guys' trips.

Speaker 8 The way, like, you talk guys trips is like, okay, if you're in college, 25, 28, 29,

Speaker 2 it's so funny.

Speaker 8 30, but like a 60-something-year-old dude that's already like, you know, come on.

Speaker 2 Okay, but the body

Speaker 2 is true.

Speaker 8 This one really bothers me, and I'll tell you why. Okay, we will share passwords to our phones.

Speaker 2 No, it bothers me too. I don't want to do that.
I don't.

Speaker 8 And I'll tell you why. It's not because I'm very, I'm an open book.
As you can see, everybody knows my entire life is out there.

Speaker 8 And if my boyfriend wants to see my phone, I'm like, my ex-boyfriend, he still has the codes of my phone.

Speaker 8 To this day, in case there's an emergency with me, my dogs, I'll be like, sure, go ahead and look. But to me, if somebody tells me, oh, give me your, it makes me feel like you don't trust me.

Speaker 8 And that's the problem I have. I want to be trusted because I'm proud of being loyal.

Speaker 2 Right, but remember, all of this is after I have a reason why. So nothing is.

Speaker 8 You are feeling insecure.

Speaker 2 That too, but I had my reasons. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 8 But so this is what I'm going to say. If you get to the point that you are asking someone, I want to see your phone.
I want to know your password. I want you to share location all the time.

Speaker 8 It's already, You should already not go back. It's like the famous broken glass.

Speaker 2 Totally. And yes.

Speaker 8 It's not done yet. We have a few more.

Speaker 8 All the stuff you say should go without. You should not have to ask for it.
Like this one. Anniversaries are important.
Well, no shit.

Speaker 2 Actually, that was the end of our relationship.

Speaker 2 Our anniversary was coming up, and he had a guy's trip planned.

Speaker 2 And so that's why. Did he remember the date? He did, and he planned to strip right on that day.

Speaker 8 He's a narcissist douche.

Speaker 2 Well, anyway, so that's that's why I put that in there because I thought, you know, it was.

Speaker 8 I know you agree with me. You're just being polite.
I don't want to say it because he's going to listen to the episode. I don't know that he's going to listen to the episode.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, he will. Trust me.
Oh, I feel bad.

Speaker 8 Person, you are. So go get some therapy before you hurt some other woman out there.
Yes, really.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's go on with the list.

Speaker 8 Be selective with friendships, keeping them age-appropriate. Like, same, right? Age-appropriate.
If you're not age-appropriate.

Speaker 2 Well, most of the guy's friends in Miami are probably in their late 20s, early 30s. So I thought that was kind of an awesome.

Speaker 8 Peter Pan maybe makes him feel younger.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and get you a little bit of a...

Speaker 8 Because he's not.

Speaker 7 He's in his 60s.

Speaker 2 Well, not way older than you. No, he's young.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 8 and you, by the way, that's one thing, I'm not joking. Even if you guys had married, I would tell you that.

Speaker 2 You're so very.

Speaker 8 No, I'm just honest.

Speaker 8 When I met you guys and I realized that you guys were a couple, back then,

Speaker 8 I'm sorry, but I was really surprised because you looked a million years younger than him. Like,

Speaker 8 seriously, even back then, I know you were in love, but you looked like 20 years younger than him.

Speaker 2 Wow, okay. Well, I don't know.

Speaker 8 I kind of like that. Everybody said that too, by the way.
Even his friends, like when we were on the boat, because you have a killer body.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh. Okay.
Just going with the list.

Speaker 8 No, you guys can go on her Instagram. But I'm saying the truth.
I'm not like buttering up. I'm just saying like it is.
If he was super handsome, I would say.

Speaker 8 But it was shocking, strikingly, like the difference between you guys.

Speaker 8 But I mean, you shouldn't have to tell a boyfriend that an anniversary is important.

Speaker 2 I know. I know.
And this is why.

Speaker 8 And yeah, you shouldn't tell a boyfriend to be age-appropriate. Right? He's not your kid.

Speaker 2 No, I know. And that's how kind of a bad thing.
I would never,

Speaker 8 if I had, even if I had to say that to a guy, I wouldn't even say it.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was kind of like...

Speaker 2 Ooh, yeah.

Speaker 8 This one.

Speaker 8 That's the pressure but you would never do that again no I want to get married before September 2022 pre-nup no problem run off to Vegas so you put the marriage thing on the line yeah I did I thought that was like the ultimate like you can say to me it was all of it was so I know how

Speaker 2 obnoxious that list was

Speaker 2 but but you changed but I did no but the thing is he he like I said in there he agreed to it and I was kind of happy because I thought oh my god he really loves loves me.

Speaker 2 He's willing to do these things. I think he really loved you.
But then I realized that you can't force someone to be the person that doesn't come natural.

Speaker 2 I don't want to share my password. I don't want to do that, but I want to trust the person so much.

Speaker 2 And I did. I trusted him so much for so long until I got to see things.
It's heartbreaking, right? It was heartbreaking because you loved, at that point, you already loved the person.

Speaker 8 I know, we're invested. But this is what I was going to say.
First of all, you're very brave for putting the list out there because I hope every girl and guy read the list.

Speaker 8 And if you are doing that to your significant

Speaker 2 other,

Speaker 8 ask yourself why. Do you really want to be with someone that you got to like share a location? If they love you, they're happy to do like, oh, here I am.
This is what I'm doing. I miss you.

Speaker 8 I think these are things that we all deserve organically.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 8 Exactly. Voluntarily.

Speaker 2 I would never, if I have any of that on the new person, I would not.

Speaker 8 Yeah, like all these things. Like, I want my guy to like you too, like plan an anniversary.

Speaker 8 This is shit you say to your kids. I know.

Speaker 2 Where are you?

Speaker 8 Right. So this is a really good checklist list for everyone

Speaker 8 because I would ask myself, Am I getting all of these things? And if you're not, there is a problem. And if you are asking all of these things, there is a bigger problem.
But it's very brave of you.

Speaker 2 So basically go on Fanny's list and don't ask.

Speaker 8 Exactly. Page 43 of the book, the marriage list.
So you guys got back together. Obviously, he didn't do it.

Speaker 2 Well, no, I got to say, one of the things he did say, he says, Fanny, I did everything on the list.

Speaker 2 But he didn't, actually.

Speaker 2 I just felt like I was forcing him to do it.

Speaker 2 It wasn't. You can't force him.
Yeah, I can't force him.

Speaker 8 But everything happens for a reason, right? Because you left him and you're so much happier.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I moved to Costa Rica. I got to

Speaker 2 kind of self-discover. I went there and I got time alone to be on my own and realized that looking back, I obviously learned a lot from that relationship and now I know what not to do.
Exactly.

Speaker 8 We learn from our mistakes.

Speaker 8 And I think taking these breaks is so good. I call them the man diet and I do those all.

Speaker 2 I heard that episode.

Speaker 8 I take a lot after I get out of a relationship, I really focus on myself. I focus all that energy on me, my projects, my work, and it's really good.

Speaker 8 I'm proud of doing doing that because I'm not in a hurry. I don't want to have sex with random strangers and during those months when I take a break,

Speaker 8 everything flourishes for me and I feel like I'm an even better partner for the right person for me. Absolutely.
Like it's happening to you now.

Speaker 2 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 8 You're a very brave girl. Thank you.

Speaker 2 So are you.

Speaker 2 I think that

Speaker 2 Every time that something bad happens, something better is on the other side. We learn from our mistakes.
We learn from our pain.

Speaker 2 I think if your life is so easy, you just don't even have the need to grow. You just go with the flow and all is good.

Speaker 8 Exactly.

Speaker 2 So I don't know. I think I'm for the first time maybe in my life that I'm so comfortable with me, with what I want.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's beautiful.

Speaker 8 You're looking amazing.

Speaker 2 I think if I would have stayed in that relationship, I wouldn't be where I am today. So for that, I'm grateful that he didn't.

Speaker 8 I think when we are going through the pain and a breakup, it's very hard to see it because we are in pain.

Speaker 8 And that's why most people stay because they don't want to get out of it. But once you do that and you're strong enough,

Speaker 8 you realize why. It was like me when I left that marriage.
Oh, even my mom, my mom was alive and she was like, You're crazy, he's a multi-millionaire, you have this letter.

Speaker 8 But I knew it was something that I needed to do.

Speaker 8 And now you saw my life, you saw I work like crazy, I don't have the same luxury or anything, but I've never been happier because we are creating and building up.

Speaker 8 And like I say, I said it's so empowering

Speaker 2 to be on your own and I think it makes you a much better partner oh absolutely that's the thing I think to find it okay going back to that I think when I met him I was not the right partner either so I'm not gonna put all the blame on him I think that I was living in Miami I was going out a lot I was drinking a lot so I attracted someone that was at that same level of vibration or whatever.

Speaker 2 So I feel like that's what happened. And then I was changing, but he wasn't changing.
And that's when the disconnect.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the disconnect. And now I'm like, okay, I think that I'm in a good place to attract better and

Speaker 2 be with somebody that

Speaker 2 deserves me and that I deserve them.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 8 And now you are a fabulous writer because I know you're already working on the site. I'm going to bring you back for the second one.
Guys, the book, Marriage Leads, a New Concept by Fanny Rojas.

Speaker 8 I love saying that name. And it's on Amazon.

Speaker 2 It's also in Spanish. I have it.
Oh, I love that.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 8 I love it. Go grab it because, like I said, it's such a fun read and try it out with your partner because it keeps you accountable.
And she's going to sign two copies, right? Yeah.

Speaker 8 And I'm going to give them away. So the first two people that listen to the podcast send me a message, WhatsApp, 1305-332-0338.

Speaker 8 If you want to shoot me a message on Instagram, you guys know the Instagram. It's RealCat on the Loser, Katzamuto.
We are all over the place.

Speaker 8 The first two people that send a message, say, I want the signed book book by Fannie, you're going to get your free copy FedEx anywhere in the world. I will send it.

Speaker 8 We have audiences in 55 countries, so anywhere in the world. The first two people that are listening, hit me up, you get the free book signed by Fannie.
And you look gorgeous. It's so fun.

Speaker 8 And now we're going to go have a great lunch and gossip more.

Speaker 8 And please come back to Canada Luz with the next book because I predict you're going to be a best-selling book writer from the book. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Congratulations.

Speaker 8 Thank you, Lizzie. It was so nice having you.
Girls, be safe out there. Guys, be safe out there.
Don't be doucheous.

Speaker 8 Thank you. See you guys very soon.

Speaker 7 I truly believe one of the most important things we learn as we're getting older is how important it is to put ourselves first and really invest time in taking care of our bodies, mind, soul, and of course, our health, which is our most precious asset.

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Speaker 10 Even though severe cases can be rare, respiratory syncytial virus, or RSV, is still the leading cause of hospitalization in babies under one.

Speaker 10 RSV often begins like a cold or the flu, but can quickly spread to your baby's lungs. Ask your doctor about preventative antibodies for your baby this season and visit protectagainstrsv.com.

Speaker 10 The information presented is for general educational purposes only.

Speaker 4 Please ask your healthcare provider about any questions regarding your health or your baby's health.