MARRIAGE LEASE - A NEW CONCEPT with AUTHOR FANY ROJAS

My guest today, Fanny Rojas, wrote a very interesting book called Marriage Lease, A New Concept. It's actually a really great idea for a lot of couples out there to stay committed, to check on whether or not they're still on the same page when it comes to their relationship.
And it's probably a great idea for a lot of people who are not ready to actually go through with a legal marriage. I hope you guys enjoy my really fun conversation.
And I'll tell you guys all about how I met her, how we reconnected here in California. And the book is very fun.
It's easy to read. It's short and it's available on Amazon now.
Very interesting marriage. Liz, I hope you guys like it.
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Funny, welcome to Cut on the Loose. Thank you.
It's such a pleasure having you here. Thank you for inviting me.
I'm so excited. I know, we're catching up.

We haven't seen each other in years. I know, I know.
It's been a while. Yeah, so full disclosure, not only she's a fantastic writer, this is her first book, Marriage List, but we've been friends, Instagram friends.
We met in Miami many years ago. So before we talk about the book, let's rehash how we met.
Okay, you tell me if you remember. It's important to put the book into context.

Well, talk about the book let's let's rehash how we met okay you tell me if you remember because that it's important to put the book into context context of your life absolutely so when was that was was it before covid or after oh way before way before oh yes oh my god life goes by so fast so it was maybe 2021 or 2020 that we met um i was living in south beach you were living in south beach there is a fabulous restaurant in south beach and by the way there's two my clients huge shout out semilla miami miami one of my favorite places we would walk there i think we would have dinner every week i know chef fred the owner he's there every night. They make fantastic French food.

And I lived right around the corner.

And I started doing their social media accounts.

I remember.

I was there almost every night.

I remember.

So I was there doing some videos and photos.

I think I was with a friend of mine sitting at the bar.

And you walk in with your then boyfriend.

And his friend.

Now ex-boyfriend.

And his friend.

You guys were the group of friends.

Yes, yes. We were, I think, group of six.
And I don't even remember why, but we started talking. Because one of his friends was single.
Yes. Well, you started talking to the group, and I thought, I did.
This girl's got some nerve just to come in here. You were annoyed.
A little bit. I was like, who is she? But no, I was not annoyed.
I know, because I love that about you, because're being very honest. I know because my friend told me, oh, she's not happy that you're talking to them because you are very possessed.
No, I didn't notice that you were just like, I was just being nice. I know.
Now I know. But I think at the moment, I think I had this little wall and Miami can be a little, you know, that way.
But no, I'm so glad we met. And then after that, we actually came hanging out with us.
So we, you know, we came friends. Yeah, but wait, we're not done with that night yet.
Okay, okay. Ooh, I'm nervous.
So I should have given you a drink before you came. Well, at least the questions.
I love that you're so organic. I'm organic.
I'm nervous of what's going to come out of this. Lisa, it's all good because obviously I adore you, but I remember that night.
So you were in this relationship, serious relationship, committed relationship with your boyfriend. What would you like to call him? Douche? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Let's call him Jeff. Jeff.
Okay. Jeff.
Jeff, you guys were in a committed relationship. You were living together this dream life in his fabulous multi-gazillion dollar condo because he was a very successful guy.
And you are a very beautiful woman. If you guys are listening to the episode, please make sure you go watch the videos on my social media and YouTube because she's very beautiful.
So you were there with a group of friends and one of your friends was single. But I really was just, it was part of my job of like walking around Semila and just saying hi to everyone.
And you guys were having so much fun. I wanted to film and everything.
But I remember my friend Dylan that was there with me. She was like, that girl is really pissed because it is.
Now, that's my first question to you. It's not about you.
But tell me if you agree. I think it's a huge part of Latin culture.
Girls are very possessive and jealous of their men by nature. I think so.
Yeah, I think I was a little annoyed. But it wasn't even about being jealous.
I just thought that, okay, I wasn't sure if you were coming on to my boyfriend or his friend. So I wasn't sure.
And I was a little standoffish at first. Yes.
And then I realized that you were homeless. You were friendly.
You were sweet. I appreciate that.
And so your boyfriend's friend, we were just saying off camera, he was such a weirdo. God bless his heart.
Oh, my gosh. I'm so nervous about this conversation.
I don't know. We're not naming names.
I mean, it's not our fault if people go Google your life and find out who they are. He was a sweetheart, but you realize right away that he was a total weirdo.
And I noticed, of course, he was flirting with me and everything. And I'm like, we can be friends, but that's be friends so at the end of the night I obviously I had had many glasses of wine back then I used to drink way more and he I gave him my number and then the next day he called me and he was like oh my friends are gonna go out on a boat which was your boyfriend's boat right right and he said you want to come I said I don't know is she gonna be mad at me and throw me out you know it's so funny i didn't know that you knew that back then okay this this is the first time that comes out how come because we never talked about that yeah we never talked about that night we haven't caught up well because you were for obviously on the boat i wasn't gonna say anything right but i was afraid if i came that you were gonna be mad at me that i was there no no obviously I knew you were coming so he asked those yeah so and I and when did I go to your your apartment I don't even remember if it was before after the boat I thought it was that night after after yeah I think it was after but I have to say so we went out on the boat fabulous group of friends and you are very sweet and super chill about it so I think you were like warming up yes I think that's when I got to know you better.
Yeah, but in general, even back then, when you now looking back in hindsight, do you think you were extra possessive like of like being afraid that of other women flirting with your boyfriend or vice versa? God, looking back, I don't know. I think that I was just getting used to the culture of Miami.

I think girls are very aggressive.

So I, yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

I can't really think back that long ago.

So, yeah, we're talking four years ago.

So then I ended up moving back to Beverly Hills.

We lost contact a little bit for a minute. Although I follow you on social media, you follow me on social media.
And then let's fast forward. I honestly thought you guys would be married by now.
Because looking from the outside in, to me, you guys have had the perfect relationship. Beautiful couple on your side, because I always thought you looked a little douchey.
But like gorgeous couple, dream because he makes a lot of money right whatever he does i don't know yeah he has the boat the condo the car and the girl we had we had a good life i think that i think you know in his defense i think we had a lot of fun together yeah he was one of the few relationships that i had that i actually enjoy being with him and have fun we did a lot of fun stuff um so i was in love i for sure i definitely was in love with him and um and the breakup was hard for me but it was a decision wait wait wait wait so you were living together you thought your guys were gonna get married no because I didn't care about the marriage. I didn't want to get married then.
You wanted a commitment. And we both did.
We talked about neither one of us wanted to get married again. So we were on the same boat.
Yeah. The whole marriage thing.
Because you already been married. You have grown kids.
You're like in another page of your life. We wanted the same thing at that time.
Okay. Yeah.
So me, now we're going to talk about the breakup and getting to the book. Me following on social media, honestly, I thought, oh, these guys are going to live happily ever after.
What a dream couple, la la la. So when I saw that you published the book Marriage Lease, we started talking and I said, oh, so how are you guys doing? Like, no, we broke up broke up and I was really surprised and you broke up and that led you to write the book well not quite I mean I the the list that I don't know if the the part that I wrote a list for him to we're gonna get to that because I have a lot of questions so the book was not about the breakup the book really came about with another friend who also agreed with me that getting married again is not necessary, whatever.
And we said, he actually said to me, how about, it would be great to write a book. And he said, why don't you write it and whatever.
So kind of we worked together with the concept. So the breakup was really hard for me.
but I also knew that I wanted more and I wanted to be comfortable with somebody that I could trust. And that was the main thing.
So the main thing was that you thought he was flirting with other women. He just I just knew he wasn't loyal.
And I think he you know, some people want to be in a relationship and in committed I think he from the beginning pretty much I think told me that men are are never going to be faithful men meaning him because a lot of men are faithful yeah and a lot of men value their partners sure and I and I think that he from the beginning I should have listened and and but I't, you know, and I instead of instead, I had the mindset, Oh, no, not with me, he'll be in. And it wasn't the case.
It's the famous red flags that we avoid. And when we're in love with someone, the longer you wait, the more invested you are harder to get out.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I have to say something. When you told me you broke up with him, I had an extra layer of admiration towards you.
And I'll tell you why. Because I know how insanely difficult it is to break up with someone that we still love.
Yes. Most people don't have the guts, the courage.
They stay in their relationship forever and ever. It took me 14 years growing the courage to get out of an abusive marriage because I loved my husband so much.
I know how hard that is. But I kind of prepared myself.
I think I knew in my mind that I was going to break up and I was preparing myself mentally. And then after the breakup, I blocked him.
And I know that 21 days where you don't talk to the person, it's easier to kind of adapt. So I did a lot of that.
And a lot of I separated myself completely to the point of moving out of the country. But it's, well, it's regardless.
Yeah, obviously you did everything right. But it's still a really difficult step.
Of course it was. It was I had a hard time for a while.
And yeah, of course, it's over. Now you're happier, prettier, richer, more gorgeous.
Everything a million times better, of course it's over now you're happier prettier richer more gorgeous everything

a million times better of course and he's probably always gonna look back and say like i took her for

granted and i lost her i don't know i i know i don't know and it doesn't matter but yeah yeah

no to you it doesn't matter but that's usually what happens with someone that they you know and

a lot it happens to a lot of guys but women too too, like we say, I want to have the perfect relationship. And then when they find it, they cannot appreciate it enough.
Yeah, that's for sure. And they think, oh, there is some better fish in the sea, and then they go fish.
And then when they lose that perfect situation, they're never going to have that level of a fabulous relationship again. And then they look back inside and they they regret it you know yeah maybe i don't know it is not my concern right now but i agree with you and i also think that i've done that in my life where i've been in a great relationship and i thought well what else is out there and then you don't value that person so we all do it subconsciously or you know so it's i think it's just a learning curve for sure but i do think once you break up with someone you still love and you know that that person is not good for you hopefully we've all done that instead of staying in an unhappy relationship I was just telling about the situation ship that I broke up with someone that I was really in love with for almost two years but I know he's so toxic for me I think it's very empowering thank you and I think it is I think it is like you said as the days go by you start feeling stronger of course and I also feel like everything happens for a reason I think my time with him taught me different things you know and one of them is to value myself because if the person is with you doesn't treat you with respect walk away there's nothing else nothing else yeah and I think that was the main thing respect I didn't feel respected and and now I feel like okay I will look at the science from the beginning yeah exactly that's what I was saying to you that happened to me just from doing the podcast yeah I got tangled up with so many bad guys after bad guys like that were still disrespecting me cheating I mean then finally one I'm like, what the hell? You know, learn from your mistake.
Now we know our value. We know what we want and what you're never going to accept again.
Totally. So maybe after all of that, you felt empowered and encouraged.
Like, you know what? I am going to be a writer. I'm going to go for this.
Yes, yes. And the book just was very organic, too, with my friend my friend Michael by the way he's I hope he'll be listening to this um you know when he said we should um he said I would write the book but I don't have time he said why don't you do it and I'll fund it and you know so that was very sweet of him that he trusted me and the first part of the book where I talk about love is a verb is what he said he says Fanny love is something that you have to it's an action you can't just say oh I'm in love or whatever you got to work at it and sometimes it's a decision as well like we think oh you're just magically going to be in love no you say okay this person in front of me I'm going to look at this person say is this good enough and then you build that love and the trust and that because it took I didn't fall in love right away with him it took me a while and then all of a sudden I'm like oh my god I really love this guy but in in a way was because I didn't know what was going on behind the scenes so I fell in love with the potential yeah if I think you fell in love with the idea with you had in your mind of him like you do so many times we idealize that person we want that person to be everything we want it's so disappointing when they're not exactly and and so now i feel like uh i've learned a lot so so the book so yeah let's talk about the book marriage lease right so the idea is that after you've been married been there done that you know you think that um getting married again your chances of divorce are much greater first of.
So you're going in knowing that it might end up in divorce.

So why do it?

You're right.

Why do it?

But in a way, I think that this gives you the yearly lease, basically.

And I was talking to somebody recently, and they said, well, we do this weekly.

We sit down and we make sure that we don't build up situations.

In a nutshell, for people that haven't read the book yet, can you like explain the concept?

Like what would be a marriage lease?

Okay, marriage lease would be a contract that you do it with your partner outside of the legal and outside of the church.

So basically you have a committed relationship where you can sit down and say, okay, I want a committed relationship, but what can we do?

What will it take to make this work?

And you write down a lease, like a car lease.

For example, you get a car lease.

Which, by the way, you show on the last page of the book,

it's right here, a sample, marriage lease agreement.

Right, right.

And I wanted to do another one where it would be funnier,

but that will come later.

But, yeah, why not? This gives you that that was the word. The empowerment of of saying, OK, what can I do to keep this lease? You know, like, for example, if you lease a car, you want to make sure that the car is kept in good condition or you don't get you know, you have to you know.
So it's like a little push to say, OK, I want to keep this relationship going and make it better every year instead of a lot of people get married and then they're like, oh, I'm married. I don't have to do anything, you know.
So we forget to water the plant. Yeah.
It's just like, you know. And a few months ago, I interviewed one of the top divorce attorneys in the country.
She's a celebrity divorce attorney. Her name is Christina Royce.
She's fantastic. By the way, a really good episode.
Anybody that's thinking about getting married because, and she's happily married, but she's very matter of fact about it. And she said, marriage is a business contract.
And I completely agree it has so many consequences especially financial legal consequences but when people are in love and I see I have so many younger friends it's hilarious like they meet a guy and they're already like trying wedding dress exactly exactly but that they don't think about the the the important part about it it's a document you know you're tied up legally to that person for many reasons well the thing is um for example i i think that i i agree with people that get married and want to have kids and build a life so go for it you know i'm not saying marriage is a bad thing or or you know the legal part but after you've been there done that you don't want to have kids um what the only thing you take out of here is the the having to go through an attorney to get you know paid ton of money so if you go in saying look this is this is what I have this is what you have what can we do to work this together it Yeah. So you explain in the book, like, everything in detail.
Like, of course, you talk a lot about the, you know, divorce rates and all that stuff and how to keep the sparks alive. And then you talk a little bit about how you would manage finances.
So, like, if somebody decides, okay, I'm going to do a marriage lease, meaning it's temporary, You basically can put everything in there, everything that's important to you. Exactly.
Exactly. Like if I'm super rich and you're not, I can put there like, you know, if we decide to terminate this relationship, this agreement, you're not going to take any of my stuff, you're not going to ask me for money.
And somebody would say this is like a prenup. And it is, but it's not because you're still not going through the legal through court so it's just between two people yeah so someone out there listening could say well if it's just between two people it's not enforceable what good is it why am i gonna go through the trouble right but it is enforceable if you make it enforceable you know how do you make it you you know you trust the person and at the end of the of the day, you go with.
OK, so here's another thing. Aside from the financial part, let's say that.
And I do talk about my friends who her boyfriend got really heavy and she's like, no, no, no, I can't do this. Have you like gain weight? A lot of weight.
So they have something there on the marriage lease about weight? That's a very sensitive.

I know somebody said that to me. How can you say that? Sean is laughing here.
Like, I would be really offended if my boyfriend told me, you cannot be over 117 pounds. But these are things that we think about, but we don't say them.
Okay, so that's the difference. Like, for example, you...
But would you? Okay, so let's say that I meet my person and this person is heavy. I'm fine with it.
You know, whatever. Right.
But you meet someone who's, let's say, fit and is always at the gym. And then all of a sudden we get married and he decides, I don't want to work out.
You let themselves go. Exactly.
So it's more about letting themselves go. It's not even about appearance.
It's about saying, look, I don't care enough about how you see me, whatever. So at that point, so it is a little intense.
But how do you bring it up? Like, let's say you're sitting down. I would.
Your boyfriend say, okay, I'll do the marriage lease because I love you. Let's try it out.
How do you approach it? Because some subjects, money, looks, certain things are very delicate, right? Well, the weight part, I would approach it as a health issue, health issue number one and number two let's say this person has some health issues they can't work out that i would not leave my person because you're already invested and you love the person so it's not it's not being that insensitive no you're very i think you're actually very delicate the way you bring it up i know because i do think that these are things that we think about but yet we're so afraid to talk about yes and this is why the affairs let's say you married somebody and then your wife

looks amazing and then 10 years later she puts on a lot of weight

which by the way parenthesis is one of the top five

complaints about most men is that they marry this gorgeous woman

i'm not saying most women don't kill me because i know i get

amelia mess but most women they get married and they let themselves go

Thank you. is that they marry this gorgeous woman.
I'm not saying most women, don't kill me, because I know I get a million men, but most women, they get married and they let themselves go. They're like, oh, I already got him, whatever.
And guys don't like that. They complain about that.
And that's how the affairs start. Yes.
So I think having a lease, you're putting everything out there. You're putting a little pressure.
Pressure and also honesty, you know, and saying, look, if this happens, I might want to review, renew the lease or not renew it. And maybe we need to talk about this.
And so when I was this last time I was in Costa Rica, I met this friend, Hera. She's amazing.
And I was telling her about my book. And she said, this is what I used to do.
Her husband died two years ago. And she said we used to every year.
Some people do it more often. But she said every year that we sit down at their anniversary and write down their list of things they want to change, the things that are good.
And I thought, whoa, that's what I do too. And she said that's what kept their marriage so vibrant for so long.
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maybe more accountable.

Because if we love someone, even if you're not married like you live together like it was your case with your boyfriend or you're even dating someone like past that that beginning of the honeymoon right six months one year into it people have a tendency of you know letting go a little bit even like sex right in the beginning it's like oh have a lot of it and then they get lazy exactly and other and like you said looks that so I think maybe this is a great idea for accountability that's it that's the word I was looking for earlier accountability that's it and and we forget to do that and another thing that I've noticed is when you get married you say till this do us apart well that's a long time that's a long time because back then people didn't live as long as we do now so it's it's a long time to and you I'm not saying you couldn't but if you have something like this you can definitely change with the times versus you can do whatever it whatever and I'll still be married to you no it's unfair and then okay so another thing i agree i like that yeah i was watching this movie and and the the guy was getting married for the second time and the daughter was very upset and so he said the wedding and he says till death do us apart and i'm thinking he did that with the mom too so how how true is that we say things that we don't mean because you don't't know. You don't know what could happen.
So ideally, it's always amazing if you meet someone that you love so much. And obviously, there are a lot of people out there.
And you know, you're going to be together forever. That's I think that's our first choice.
That's the goal. But like you said, many times, that's not life because people change.
They evolve. Circumstances change.
Yeah, I have examples. And I'm actually proud of myself in that sense.
The few, very few relationships and boyfriends that I had ever since Anthony died, we realized that we were not a good match for many reasons. And we remained friends.
Like I have a very friendly, very nice relationship with everybody I dated. And I think that's important.

And maybe like you said, if you put it on paper, right, and you go read it a year later, and you realize you're in such different pages, then you're like, you know what, let's repurpose our relationship. Maybe we're better as friends.
Totally. That's the goal.
I love that. That's the idea.
So let's talk about the sex part for a minute, because this is so important. It's important to me and probably to you as well.

I was in almost sexless marriage for 14 years because my husband was very conservative.

He drank a lot.

The more money he made, the more he drank.

Anyway, total chaos.

Once I got out of it and now rebuilding my life, it's a very important part of a relationship for me.

I don't want to be in that situation again. When I'm in a relationship, I want to have a lot of sex.
And I tell all the guys. I don't think you're going to get a lot of complaints about that.
No, but listen, every guy in the beginning when they're dating, especially when they want to get to the bed, like, oh, I love it. I like it every night.
Even my ex-boyfriend. Or girls.
Or girls. Like my ex-boyfriend.
Oh, same. I want to have a lot.
But then they start getting lazy about it. Then it's like once a week, twice a week, every other week.
How would you approach that on a marriage lease? The same thing. You add that into.
And I think that's a very important factor. And you should put that on your list and and say listen I'm if you're very sexual you say sex is very important to me let's compromise it might not be for the other person but maybe get to a point where you both are happy where you don't feel forced and where he or she you know where they don't feel like they have to uh do something they don't want to do but if you're not sexual then those are things you want to know.
Yeah. Because it's not going to change.
It's going to get worse. It's going to get worse.
So so if you put that in there, you can and maybe a year later, you can say, OK, well, this is not working the way we thought it was. What happened to the sex? So, you know, you can easily talk about those things because you're already going with this idea.
it could happen let's so how soon in a relationship should you be doing this let's say you're dating someone for six months right and you guys really really really like each other then you bring it up oh by the way i would love to try this out so once you're writing it down could it happen maybe right like the very first time once you writing it, you realize that you guys are not on the same page? Of course. And I think that's a good way to see.
Yeah, for sure. Because you write, the things are important to you.
And these are things that don't come out unless you have something silly like this, too. Like, let's look at this book.
Let's do this, whatever. And then you can see that, you know, maybe you're you're not so compatible and so when do you do it i think that if you're with somebody for six months uh exclusively i think six months is probably the the time where you know okay where is this going because sometimes we waste our time i mean when you're in your 20s and 30s maybe it's like whatever but you know like you said to me earlier you're dating consciously yes you want a partner so are you gonna date a million guys no so you you know what you want so you go into a relationship with someone that also wants a relationship and so I think within six months you say okay where is this going do you want a relationship to blast or whatever and then you you I would say it's a good idea to do it before you even think about moving like if you're thinking about moving in together yes okay let's do and I think six months is kind of like the movement at this point yeah I agree maybe maybe not obviously there's variations but I agree with you I don't want to waste a year two years of my life usually for guys believe it or not it's like between three and four months yeah a lot of

guys will date you for like three and then they're like okay i want guys a month you never know oh yeah i think a month is a little much of like a love bombing like if if the guy's already treating you like i want you here i want to do this i want to do that no no like you are ready in a committed relationship. To me, that's a pink flag.

So pink, yeah.

I think six months is a good number.

Because you need more.

Like I don't think you can know someone in a month.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

That's really, really soon.

Really soon.

But you do know the person when you spend a lot of time with them.

Of course.

And that's part of you living with somebody before you go.

Whether you want to get married or not.

Some people want to get married.

Yeah.

And I did say that.

Thank you. of time with of course and that's part of you living with somebody before you go yeah you know whether you want to get married or not you know some people want to get married yeah and and i did say that i have that dream yes i agree but in your case just like a personal question i love the idea by the way i because we you and i have been married same it's not a priority to me to get to get married on paper but if you met someone that it's really important to them and you were in love and he did the marriage lease but then another year later he's like but I it's really really important to me to get married would you do it yes oh yeah so I'm not I'm not completely against saying I would I would do it and I would change my mind if I met the right partner and it was so so important to him I would be flexible and I think it's usually the other way around I think mostly women are the ones yeah we are like we don't care no I don't care but I think men are happy not being married necessarily but it depends on the man some men yes very true very true but um, yeah, I guess.
That's very interesting because things are changing. But this is what I think, and I always tell girls that.
Tell me if you agree. Because I have some friends here in L.A.
They haven't been married before, okay. But they're a little desperate.
Like that's all they say. I want to get married.
I want to get married. I want to get married.
They even scare guys away because like guys away because like the first second date they already tell the dude they put everything on the table and then they start dating the guy and they put all this pressure like hey dude you better propose soon if you know what you're doing i actually have one friend that it's even the more extreme she's been dating the guy for a few months since february they are already moving in together and she's already trying on wedding dresses. He hasn't even proposed yet.
Oh, no. And they're going to go on vacation.
I'm not even going to say where. And she was like, well, he better propose when we go to you.
I'm like, dude, you're putting so much pressure on this guy. Even if he's madly.
I think men don't like that. No, no, no.
I don't think so. Do you agree? And we don't like that either.
Nobody likes pressure. But I think men, even if they love you, they want to be the men.
Like they want to get to that point. Yes.
And I think that's when I did my list with my ex, I think that after the fact I've noticed that there was pressure on my part. I was getting married by a certain day.
I'm thinking, who are you? Guys don't like that. I didn't like that.
And this is why I think we attract such great quality partners because we are not pressuring them. We have our own things going on.
And once you release that pressure, I think they feel more comfortable coming and being near you and deciding what they want. I think pressure is a really bad idea.
And I think I did that. So, okay, let's talk.
That's the part that I'm really excited to talk about. Oh, no.
Okay, lady. So you did a list.
Okay, let's talk about your list. Oh, boy.
It's on page 43. If you guys want to get the book and follow.
It's a really fun book, by the way, because it's very short. I like short books because I'm so busy.
I love to read, but I don't have time to read those 400-page books like I used to anymore. Now it has to be fast and furious.
Exactly. And so I love it.
So on page 43, you talk a little bit about your story. And it was after, yeah, you had moved out and you guys were thinking about getting back together, right? I moved out and then we actually did get back together.
We did get back together three months later. So I gave him.
He begged, begged. No, no, no.
He had three months to go have fun, which he did, I'm sure. He probably went crazy.
You know, Miami is an easy place to get crazy with girls and everything. Listen, any place, by the way, this geography excuse, I agree, Miami is chaotic.

It's a hellhole.

But if a guy wants to go crazy,

quote unquote,

believe me,

if he's in Nebraska,

he's going to fuck

the secretary at lunchtime,

the girl that works at Burger King.

Pardon my French.

I love how direct you are.

Because if guys want to be in trouble

or have fun,

it's not geography that's going to keep it.

So these dudes that are douche

because they're in Miami,

They're going to... French because if guys want to be in trouble or have fun it's not geography that's gonna keep it so these dudes that are douche because they're in Miami they're gonna be a douche anywhere that's true that's I promise you so we got back together um after three months of and I already moved out so we were dating living separate places and then but prior to getting back together I came up with the list and in case he wanted you back no no no no we this is after I decided to get him back so it wasn't okay so you decided so we got back together we talked and then I said you made a list called boundaries and rules yes basically I said these are the things that I need from you in order for this relationship okay let's read the list because we have to talk about it.
Some of it, yeah, it's a little much. A little much, exactly.
If somebody gave me this list, and you know, I love you. Of course.
But I'm telling you, if somebody gave me this list, I would be like, here. Exactly.
I'm feeling like a pressure. Because I like giving this thing, but we are the same.
I like being loyal and giving these things voluntarily. Right.
But's read the list okay all right it's very short share location that's okay first of all okay that's kind of like remember when i wrote this list i thought yeah you're not i know you're not in the same my no headspace anymore no i'm not but i also i didn't think he was going to take this serious i didn't think he was going to agree to this yeah so you were making it super tough yeah super tough okay so share location call to check in when you're traveling no hookups I mean that should go without saying we prioritize our kids first than us you will not get random girls phone number same that's just like basic respect right do not stare at other women in front of me. Again, basic respect.
I mean, come on. We all like looking at beautiful people.
Of course. I love looking at beautiful men, beautiful girls.
But staring is a whole other level. But I agree.
If you're sitting at a table with someone like, come on, have some respect. Like, you're going back to the basic respects.
We discuss all the guys' trips before you plan. By the way, this dude was was not 30 this dude is like almost 70 now he's in his 60s no he's he's not i mean boys trip i mean come on he's he's a peter pan he's a yes he had definitely had that he he did a lot of guy strip the way like you talk guy strips is like okay if you're in college 25 28 29 you know it's so funny.
30, but like a 60 something year old dude that's already like, you know, come on. OK, but OK.
This one really bothers me and I'll tell you why. OK, we will share passwords to our phones.
No, it bothers me, too. I don't want to do that.
I don't. And I'll tell you why.
It's not not because i'm very and i'm an open book as you can see everybody knows my entire life is out there and if my boyfriend wants to see my phone i'm like my ex-boyfriend he still has the codes of my phone to this day in case there's an emergency with me my dogs i'll be like sure go ahead and look but to me if somebody tells me i'll give me or it makes me feel like you don't trust me and that's the problem I have I want to be trusted because I'm proud of being loyal right but remember all of this is after I have a reason why so nothing is you're feeling insecure that too but I had my reason yeah exactly but so this is what I'm gonna say if you get to the point that you are asking someone i want to see your phone i want to know your password i want you to share location all the time a lot it's already you shouldn't already not go back it's like the famous broken glass totally and and yes it's not done yet we have a few more the all the stuff you say is like should go without you should not have to ask for it like this one anniversaries are important well no shit that was the end of actually that was the end of our relationship it was our anniversary was coming up and he had a guy's trip plan and so that that's why he remember the date he did and he planned to strip right on that day he's a narcissist douche well anyway anyway, so that's why I put that in there because I thought, you know, it was...

I know you agree with me.

You're just being polite and you don't want to say

because he's going to listen to the episode.

I don't know that he's going to listen to it.

Oh, yeah, he will.

Trust me.

Oh, I feel bad.

Person, you are.

So go get some therapy

before you hurt some other woman out there.

Yes, really.

Okay, let's go on with the list.

Be selective with friendships, keeping them age appropriate. Like, same, right? Age appropriate.
If you're not age appropriate... Well, most of the guys' friends in Miami are probably in their late 20s, early 30s.
So I thought that was kind of inappropriate. Peter Pan.
Maybe makes him feel younger. Yeah.
Because he's not. Yeah.
He's in his 60s. Well, not yet.
He's way older than you. No, he's not in his 60s.
But anyway. And you, by the way, that's one thing.
I'm not joking. Even if you guys had married, I would tell you that.
You're so bad. Sean is cracking up.
No, I'm just honest. When I met you guys and I realized that you guys were a couple, back then, I'm sorry, but I was really surprised because you looked a million years younger than him.
Like, seriously, even back then. I know you were in love, but you looked like 20 years younger than him.
Wow. OK, well, I don't know.
I kind of everybody said that, too, by the way, even his friends, like when we're on the boat, because you have a killer body.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

Let's go on with the list.

You guys can go on her Instagram, but I'm saying the truth.

I'm not like buttering up.

I'm just saying like it is.

If he was super handsome, I would say, but it was shocking, strikingly like the difference between you guys.

But I mean, you shouldn't have to tell a boyfriend that an anniversary is important.

I know.

I know.

And this is why. And yeah, you shouldn't tell a boyfriend to be age appropriate.
Right? He's not your kid. No, I know.
And that's how I kind of. I would never.
If I had even if I had to say that to a guy, I wouldn't even say it. I know.
And it was kind of like. Oh, yeah.
This one. That's the pressure.
But you would never do that again no i want to get married before september 20 22nd pre-nup no problem run off to vegas so you put the marriage thing on the line yeah i did i thought that was like the ultimate like are you committed to me it was all of it was so i i know how uh obnoxious that list was but but you changed. I did.
No, but the thing is, he, like I said in there, he agreed to it. And I was kind of happy because I thought, oh, my God, he really loves me.
He's willing to do these things. I think he really loved you.
But then I realized that you can't force someone to be the person that doesn't come natural. Exactly.
I don't want to share my password. I don't want to do that.'t want to do that, but I want to trust the person so much.
And I did, I trusted him so much for so long until I got to see things. It's heartbreaking, right? Oh, it's heartbreaking because she loved at that point, you already love the person.
And you know, I know we're invested, but this is what I was going to say. First of all, you're very brave for putting the list out there because I hope every girl and guy read the list.
And if you are doing that to your significant other, ask yourself, why do you really want to be with someone that you got to like share location? If they love you, they're happy to look like, oh, here I am. This is what I'm doing.
I miss you. I think these are things that we all deserve organically.
Exactly.

Voluntarily.

I would never, if I have any of that on the new person, I would not.

Yeah, like all these things.

Like I want my guy to, like you too, like plan an anniversary.

This is shit you say to your kids.

I know.

Where are you, right? So this is a really good checklist for everyone everyone because the I would ask myself am I getting all of these things and if you're not there is a problem and if you are asking all of these things there is a bigger problem but it's very brave so basically go on Fanny's list and don't yeah exactly yeah page 43 of the book the marriage list so you guys got back together obviously he didn't do it well no I gotta say it one of the things he

did say says Fanny I did everything on the list and but but he he did him

actually I just felt like I was forcing him to do it because it wasn't I can't

force him so but everything happens for a reason right because you left him and

you're so much happier you know I moved to Costa Rica I got to kind of

Thank you. force it.
Yeah, I can't force him. But everything happens for a reason, right? Because you left him and you're so much happier now.
Yeah, you know, I moved to Costa Rica. I got to kind of self-discover.
I went there and I got time alone to be on my own and realized that looking back, I obviously learned a lot from that relationship. And now I know what not to do.
Exactly. We learn from our mistakes and I think taking these breaks is so good I call them the man diet and I do those a lot I heard that that I take a lot after like I I get out of a relationship I really I focus on myself I focus all that energy on me my projects my work and it's really good yes I'm proud of doing that because I'm not in a hurry I don't want to have sex with random strangers and during those months when I take a break everything flourishes for me and I feel like I'm an even better partner for the right person for me absolutely like it's happening to you now yes absolutely you're a very brave girl thank you so are you I think that every time that something bad happens, something better is on the other side.
We learn from our mistakes. We learn from our pain.
I think if your life is so easy, you just don't even have the need to grow. You just go with the flow and all is good.
Exactly. So I don't know.
I think for the first time maybe in my life that I'm so comfortable with me, with what I want. Yeah, it's good.
You look amazing, I have to say. I think if I would have stayed in that relationship, I wouldn't be where I am today.
So for that, I'm grateful that he didn't. I think when we are going through the pain and a breakup, it's very hard to see it because we are in pain.
And that's why most people stay because they don't want to get out of it but once you do that and you're strong enough yes you realize why it was like me when I left that marriage oh even my mom my mom was alive she was like you're crazy he's a multi-millionaire you have this letter but I knew it was something that I needed to do and now you saw my life you saw I work like crazy I don't have the same luxury or anything, but I've never been happier because we are creating and building up. And like I said, I said, it's so empowering.
Yes. To be on your own.
And I think it makes you a much better partner. Oh, absolutely.
That's the thing. I think to find it.
OK, going back to that, I think when I met him, I was not the right partner either. So I'm not going to put all the blame on him I think that I was living in Miami I was going out a lot I was drinking a lot so I attracted someone that was at that same level of vibration or whatever so I feel like it that's what happened and then I was changing but he wasn't changing and that's when you evolved yeah that's the disconnect and now i'm like okay i think that um i'm in a good place to attract better yes and be with somebody that that deserves me and that i deserve them i love that and now you are a fabulous writer because i know you're already working on the site i'm gonna bring you back for the second one guys the book marriage leaves a newase, A New Concept by Fanny Rojas.
I love saying that name. And it's on Amazon.
It's also in Spanish. Oh, I love that.
También en español. There you go.
I love it. Go grab it because, like I said, it's such a fun read and try it out with your partner because it keeps you accountable.
And she's going to sign two copies, right? Yes. And I'm going to give them away.
So the first two people that listen to the podcast send me a message. WhatsApp, 1305-332-0338.
If you want to shoot me a message on Instagram, you guys know the Instagram. It's realcatonthelosercatzamuto.
We are all over the place. The first two people that send a message say, I want to sign book by Fanny.
You're going to get your free copy, FedEx, anywhere in the world. I will send it.
We have audiences in 55 countries. So anywhere in the world, the first two people that are listening, hit me up.
You get the free book signed by Fanny. And you look gorgeous.
It's so fun. And now we're going to go have a great lunch and gossip more.
I'm so excited. And please come back to Canada Luz with the next book.
Absolutely. Because I predict you're going to be a best-selling book writer for now on.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Congratulations.
Thank you, love. It was so nice having you.
Girls, be safe out there. Guys, be safe out there.
Don't be douches. Thank you.
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