TOP MATCHMAKER FOR HIGH VALUE PEOPLE NELLY SUDRI

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My guest today, Nelly Sudri, is the number one dating coach and matchmaker for high value singles. She is so specific and so niche when it comes to her work that she actually trademarked the word high value.
I love talking to Nelly. She is insanely intelligent.
She really knows her game. She's Columbia educated.
It was a really, really fun conversation. And she actually explains to me really well what she considers a high value person.
You may not really think what you might consider high value. I hope you guys enjoy this really fun informationed episode with Nelly.
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This is going to be a very interesting conversation because I love my guest. She's very high value.
And we're going to talk about what that means. Nelly Sudri, number one dating coach and matchmaker for high value singles.
Hi, Nelly. Hi, wow, what an intro.
Thank you so much. Welcome back to Cat on the Loose because we had you before.

But I want to up the ante on this conversation because after I had you last season, I got literally dozens and dozens of questions and comments. And now your work is even bigger.
Your Instagram gets so many messages because your videos are so real. So we're going to talk about all of that.
So for people, let's rewind a little bit. For my audience that is new and for people that don't know you, can you explain a little bit what you do and what does it mean to be a high value person? Absolutely.
Thanks for having me back. It's always a pleasure.
It's our pleasure. Yeah.
So what I do, I own a matchmaking business and I also am a dating coach. I have been featured in Forbes and Business Insider and Yahoo Finance and lots of publications.
And I have amassed over a million followers between Instagram and TikTok combined. I have gotten a degree from Columbia, certificate from Harvard Business School, because I know, you know, in this field, a lot of people always question your credibility.
And so my degrees in mediation and conflict resolution and negotiation, which I think is really important in this field, because if you think about relationships, it's what about when you think about them, it's what do you bring to the table yeah and that within itself is negotiation you know I hate to make it and sum it up to like something transactional but it's a lot of like what are you going to do for me and what am I going to do for you and are we going to be able to like you know come to an agreement where both of us are mutually satisfied um and then I have you know course as well for women called manifesting Mr. Right which thousands of women have taken wow it's I have, you know, course as well for women called Manifesting Mr.
Right,

which thousands of women have taken. Wow.
I think I need to take that. But OK, let's pause there.
So like you were saying, you have credentials, you know your game because there are a lot of matchmakers, quote unquote, out there. A lot of people saying, oh, my God, I'm i'm gonna match but very few people can back that up by credentials like you do you know what you're talking about credentials and testimonials credentials and testimonials you're and and i am a huge fan of your work i love your videos i think you're very very real you you're doing.
Now, you specialize in high value men and women. You trademarked the word high value.
Yeah. So can you explain to my audience what does that mean? Because a lot of people don't, maybe they're like, what is she talking about? What does it mean? Maybe they think it's related to money, but it doesn't necessarily mean something related to having money? So the definition is different for men than it is for women.
Oh, really? Yes. So high value, and we think about it in the context of dating, is referring to the most valuable slash eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in the dating marketplace.
It doesn't mean that someone is a more valuable person per se.

But when we think about dating, you know, it's competitive.

You're in a pool of singles.

And so the people who are high value are the ones that honestly, there's the most demand for.

Kind of like if you were in an employment marketplace, you'd have some candidates that

were more qualified and had more credentials than other people. And those candidates would be more valuable to certain companies.
In dating, if you're a woman and you're high value, you're going to be more desirable to the most eligible group of bachelors. And if you're a man and you're high value, you're going to be most eligible to women.
So that's what it means. And you know, it is different for men and women because men and women date off of different criteria women tend to prioritize and studies show this socio-economic status and prestige as a driver in terms of mate selection men tend to prioritize things like is she nurturing is she attractive you know appearance femininity as things that are more important to them now everyone of course is different but for the most part the studies show that these are the drivers they're still somewhat primal and because those are the drivers that is part of what dictates what the definition for high value is between men and women okay So a high value man would be a guy that is successful, has money, has a good financial situation.
So yes, I actually sum it up in terms of four criteria. Okay.
So criteria number one is definitely monetary success. Because yes, success might mean something different to everybody, but we live in the real world.
Things are quantifiable. So I believe it's $100,000 a year, minimum, consistently earned over the course of at least three to five years.
Okay. So you specific so there is no no confusion well this is the first pillar okay for so I'm being specific because when you ask women what you know typically what makes a man desirable a lot of women because they rank socioeconomic status and prestige want a man who is high earning and six figures is the minimum.
The second criteria is someone who's well-groomed. Doesn't mean that they have to be Brad Pitt with a six pack, but you can't be a schlump.
You can't look sloppy. Someone who takes care of their appearance.
Correct. And I think even if you look in the corporate world, I come from a corporate background before I started matchmaking.
The people who get promoted, the men who really are high up in the ranks, they're well put together. They're well groomed.
Yeah. Sometimes they might have a few extra pounds, dad bods in, whatever.
But for the most part, you need to look, you know, well groomed because that's how you make your way up in society. And that's how you're also going to be able to move and groove with other high value men, which brings me to the third pillar.
You have a network of high value men that you roll with because, you know, as the saying goes, your network is your net worth. But also you need to be verifiable and signed off by other high value men.
So and you can't get to the top by yourself. You need other people to help you get there a lot of the time.
So you have a network. And network can mean you've got people on LinkedIn endorsing you.
Network can mean you have a circle. It's somewhat vague, but people who understand this will understand that a network plays into the definition.
And then the fourth pillar is someone who is verifiable, you know, because there are a lot of people who are making over 100 grand a year and well-groomed and they, you know, maybe have a network, but they're doing shady business. And the reason that's a really important thing to mention is because women are hardwired to seek out men who are going to provide them with safety and security, provide and protect, right? You can't feel safe a lot of the times when you're around someone who's jeopardizing that by engaging in shady business.
Right, totally. So verifiable.
So I need to be able to look you up on LinkedIn or see you on a publication. Yeah, some kind of trace.
You need to check out. And I have a lot of friends here in LA.
They say they're very wealthy. And they say, oh, I don't want to do social media.
I don't have a website, blah, blah, blah, which is fine. But somehow, somewhere, you should be able to prove who you are.
Right. If you're not doing anything wrong, any illicit activities like you're saying, you should be able to prove who you are.
Yeah. I mean, listen, you don't have to be a public figure per se, but you just you need to be verifiable.
You can't be engaging in shady business. I totally agree.
Now for women, what consists of a high value woman? Because I know a lot of women and I want to talk about the beauty part of it in a minute, because I know, especially here in L.A., and you tell me if you agree with me, a lot of girls are beautiful and they're like, oh, I'm pretty. I'm high value.
That's it. I should be dating a millionaire.
But it's not that simple. It's not just about being pretty, correct? Yeah, definitely not.
And I also see a lot of women on the other end of the spectrum who will say, oh, but I'm successful. I make over 100 grand a year.
So I'm a high value woman. And I would actually beg to differ.
I think with women, because, you know, if you think about, like I said, those drivers that play into mate selection, men don't date women for their wealth, especially high value men, because they don't have to. They don't have their money.
They're dating women for other reasons. So a woman's earning or earning potential is not what constitutes her as a high value woman.
And I don't say that to knock the successful ladies out there. You know, I'm a business owner.
I'm an educated woman. I understand the reasons why that gives us a sense of sometimes self-actualization.
But that doesn't make you high value in the context of dating because that's not what actually makes you attractive to men as a barrier to entry. Because I know there are going to be people who see this and say, oh, well, actually, I like a woman who's independent and makes money.
Cool. But that's probably not what's getting you to ask her out, right? Which brings me to the first thing, femininity.
Femininity is something that is a broad you know, feminine in your appearance, feminine in your manners, feminine energy. Someone who's feminine, that's attractive to men, especially because, you know, men like to be around women who make them feel like men.
So if a man wants to feel masculine, what's the what's the polar opposite of that? Femininity. Second is someone who's disciplined, because if you're disciplined, that's going to play into all aspects of your life, right? If you're disciplined about what you put in your body, about your workout regimen, about how you live your life, that's important, especially to high value men.
Because you need to add value and you need to be able to get on board with his life. And if a man is high value, he's probably disciplined.
He's probably got very likely. Yeah.
So you need to have a level of discipline in your life as well. You need to be able to take care of yourself in that way.
I'm going to mention fitness. You know, you don't have to be a bodybuilder.
You don't even have to really be like going to the gym all the time. If you are.
I think that goes for men and women, right in general like you said they take care of themselves they take care of their appearance period but there's a difference between being well groomed and being fit right so like i said with men actually they don't need to be fit to be high value you don't think so no i don't really no because you know i think they to be well groomed, but I don't think they need to be fit.

Do I think that helps their marketplace value?

For sure.

For sure.

But but I don't think that makes them high value because if it you know, for example, there are lots of men who are ripped.

I wouldn't consider them high value because they're simply not successful.

There are also a lot of guys who are really successful. Look at, you know, the presidents, right? Do the presidents have six packs? No, but I don't care if you're a Democrat or if you're Republican, by the way, but none of these guys have six packs.
And I don't think I would consider them high value either. Oh, I would totally consider them high value.
You would? Oh my God, I would not. Well, I would consider them high trash.
As a matter of fact, any politician in my book, I'd be like, no, I would never consider dating a politician. So.
Well, that's you, but I would say the majority, but I would say the majority of, you know, if you're a head of state, you're high value for sure. Um, you know, even if like, I don't want to get into politics really on this podcast, but yeah, I would totally beg to differ on that point.
But regardless, for women, you know, your fitness plays into your discipline. If you are taking care of yourself, that shows a man, okay, she's going to maintain herself after children, hypothetically, if they have children, or she's going to, you know, be a status symbol to me because your appearance, your beauty ladies is currency in the dating marketplace.
And I know that this is kind of like against the counter culture. A lot of, there's a lot of conversation and dialogue right now about looks are not everything.
I didn't say they were everything. No, I know you say that I, and when you post these videos on your, on your social media, I know you get a lot of backlash, but you're you're telling

the truth. And I say that in different words, I always talk about it on the podcast and on my social media, that the world sees us from the outside in period, like it doesn't matter if you have a great heart, if you're honest, if you're loyal, if you're adorable, the first thing they see is how you look like.
Yes. So if you're in the dating market, like I love that you say marketplace, like we're a commodity, but it's the truth.
If you're in the dating marketplace, if you're putting yourself out there, that's the first thing people are going to look at is the outside. Well, and I don't want to objectify anyone, but we're always selling ourselves.
For sure. So, you know, commodity is one word, but we're always selling ourselves and we want to get, we want to, you know, we want to use our bargaining power and get the best possible mate.
If you look like shit, you should expect shitty results. You cannot look like shit and go out and try to get a date and think, oh my I am going to hook up with a high value guy or or a successful guy or a guy that takes great care of himself that's like insane I always say you don't attract what you want in life you attract what you are yeah so if you want someone who is bringing a lot to the table someone who takes care of themselves successful, someone who, you know, is confident and you yourself do not embody those traits.
It's going to be challenging. You're going to, you know, and this is where a lot of people run into issues.
And this is why I've seen so many, you know, positive testimonials in my business is if you don't know what your blind spots are and you don't know where your kind of, you know, weaker areas are in terms of dating, it's really hard to strategize and get what you want. You can't get what you want doing the same thing you've always done if it's not currently working for you.
So you have to sometimes change it up. But back to the high value women, you know, I mentioned femininity, I mentioned discipline, fitness, but I also want to mention things like agreeableness, cooperativeness.
You know, these are skills that a lot of modern day feminists look down on when they hear it. They say, oh, that's from the olden days.
And that's, you know, that's so 1950s. Well, guess what? Men are still picking those women over the feminists.
So you can look amazing. You can have a feminine appearance and feminine manners.
But if you don't have the ability to also let someone lead you, then it's going to be challenging to find a high value man because these men got to where they are by probably leading certain areas of their life. Now, everyone's different.
Dating is nuanced. Some women are a little bit more leadership, bossy kind of vibe.
Some women are not. Some men like that.
Some men don't. I'm not trying to put people in a box.
But broadly speaking, in my matchmaking business and in the real world, this is, you know, these are the types of characteristics that men say they like. I agree.
And this is what they choose. I totally agree.
And I know this is a little controversial. And like you said, couples are different.
But I think in general, men want to be men in a relationship. Men like to be around women who make them feel like men.
I completely agree. They want to take the lead.
I always say that men are hunters. Like so when it comes to texting, planning dates, going after you,

they still want to feel that they are in charge in in many ways. And many times women are like,

oh, I'll do this. I'll do that.
I'll do that. Like you're you're taking away their the nature

of the game. And I totally understand why a lot of women operate from that standpoint, because

to a lot of the women I've coached, you know, letting a man do things for you sometimes might

Thank you. game.
And I totally understand why a lot of women operate from that standpoint, because to a lot of the women I've coached, you know, letting a man do things for you sometimes might feel like you're obligated to do something for him, right? Like if I've heard women say, oh, if he, if, if he pays for a first date or if he's paying for things, then I'm going to be obligated to give up the goods. And what I say to women is you also have to stand firm in your value.

You have to know what you're bringing to the table.

And just because you're letting someone do something for you doesn't mean that you're obligated to do anything in return that night or whatever.

You have to take things at your own pace and do things that make you feel comfortable.

And I think a lot of women, that's the challenge

because there's a lot of men also who will put that pressure on women. So I understand why ladies, certain ladies think that way.
And I also think we live in a society where, you know, and there are so many reasons, modern feminism, the destruction of the family nucleus, how a lot of people are raised now, right? Culture where women feel because they've been told and kind of indoctrinated into thinking that they have to be hyper independent, boss babes, you know, they have to be wear all of these hats and they have to take care of themselves and, you know, never depend on a man that it's really difficult as they get to, especially older in life, as they get to

certain stages where they are more marriage minded, it's difficult to unlearn a lot of those things. Totally.
So they'll go on a date and that's really, that's their, that's their instinct is, I'm just going to put down my credit card. And it's not about money, by the way, it's just the principle.
It's one example. Or I'm not going to let him call me a car.
I'm not going to let him pick the place. Right.
They go into that kind of mindset. And that's why my course has helped so many people not to totally plug it, but it really has.
And it's all about learning how to let a man lead you so that you can be the girl and you can be the woman. I love that.
Because guess what? Here's what I say to women. It's more fun.
It's one less hat that you have to wear and i totally agree and i think it makes dating more fun and i think most guys most guys yes they're exception most guys that's how they like it now there's so many more questions i want to ask you so let's hurry um you i know i agree you said most successful wealthy men they don't care if their partner is wealthy because they don't need it

but let's switch the game because I have a friend in New York she's super gorgeous in her 30s and she's very very wealthy and just the other day I was talking to her on the phone she was like oh my god I can't find a partner because she wants a partner that is at least as successful as she is and I think you did a video about that the other day on your Insta. It's really hard for successful women.
It's a lot harder for successful women to find a partner. Do you agree? And I'm going to add another question into this mix.
Do you think a lot of men or most men are intimidated when it comes to dating super successful women because like in my can't my my friend's case she doesn't want to date a guy that like you know i'm not gonna say a bum but like that doesn't make a substantial amount of money or they cannot follow up you know follow the the lifestyle that she has you know what mean? Like she spends the summers in Europe. She has an apartment on the Upper East Side.
So she's like, I want to date a guy that can at least keep up. And it's super, super tough because this dating pool is very tiny.
Do you think that that's tougher for wealthy girls like her to find the right mate? So that is a loaded question. Yes, I know.
Yeah. So like addressing the first bit of it, there's something called hypergamy, meaning women like to date up in status.
They typically seek out partners who or I should say they desire and they seek out partners who are their superior financially and intellectually as well. So women are hardwired to be that way.
I don't blame your friend for having those feelings. I work with a lot of very successful women and, you know, it's definitely the sentiment.
You know, there's a difference between being wealthy and being successful. I want to just make that point because someone can inherit a lot of money and then someone can also make a lot of money on their own.
And I think sometimes the individuals who inherit their dating drivers might be different than the women who make it themselves. Like I have some clients who are CEOs and who are, you know, they've sold their businesses for millions of dollars.
and their dating criteria I always find is a little bit different than the women who are just

you know pulling in alimony from an ex-husband, so to speak. But yeah, I mean, lifestyle compatibility is real.
And that goes for all, I would say, people across all income levels. Like if you like to go to concerts and you just want to kick it and like hang out, you know, in the backyard, you're probably going to want someone who enjoys those things.
If you like to ski and snowboard and, you know, you're adventurous, you're going to want someone who does those things. If you want to kind of, you know, lead a more fancy life going south of France and going to St.
Moritz and, you know, Stade, you're going to want someone who probably fits into your life like a puzzle piece in that way, too. So that's lifestyle compatibility.
That's different than hypergamy. But yeah, most women, they do want to date up.
And I think going back to what I was mentioning before with where new age feminism has kind of brought a lot of women, women are more educated than men, statistically speaking, and they're making more money than they ever have before.

And so what usually happens, what I've observed is, you know, as a woman, you're spending all this time building your career. You hit your, you know, peak where maybe you feel like, okay, I finally earned my stripes.
I'm making money. I can support myself.
And I feel more self-actualized with that. And you look around, you're ready to get married and you're older than you were 10 years ago, you're competing with younger women,

and now your dating pool is smaller because the men that you're attracted to are earning the same amount of money as you are more. And so all the men earning less, you're not even really looking at.
But the men who are earning more, they're probably dating women who are younger than you. And maybe we'll add this.
I'm not, you know, everyone's different, but maybe those girls are prettier. Maybe they're more malleable.
Maybe they're more feminine. Maybe they're less tainted by life.
Maybe they haven't had to leverage their masculine energy in their career. It's really difficult.
Well, you hire a matchmaker. No, you all.
Hands the matchmakers. Well, you know, there are lots of things I think you can do.
But yeah, it's challenging. I do think that successful, intelligent women have it hard right now because, again, the people that they're going to be attracted to, it's a smaller dating pool.
but you know you've got to figure out your competitive edge you've got to lean into your feminine energy you have to learn how to essentially unlearn a lot of the things that society has drilled into you. And the biggest thing I see with women who are super successful or more I would consider like alpha is the lack, the unwillingness to compromise and the lack of malleability.
That's where they lose. you can't treat your dating life like your job where you're just you know penciling people in and I can't like you got to be easygoing you got to be you know somewhat accommodating and that's what I said about the high value women you know in terms of the definition being cooperative being agreeable it's something that I think a lot of these women struggle with, their whole life, they've had to kind of work to become that way to get ahead.
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which is controversial,

some people say yes,

some of my guests say yes and some of my guests say no.

Do you think most men are intimidated

by women who are super successful

and make a lot of money,

have kick-ass careers,

like a lot of guys don't want to date

that kind of girl?

Or do you think that's baloney?

I personally, I'll tell you my opinion

and my personal experience

I'm going to go ahead and my personal experience. I think most guys are intimidated.
They say they're not. Like in the beginning, if they meet a woman that is making a lot of money, they're like, oh, it's so cool.
I think it's so great. I am so supportive, am so supportive blah blah blah and as the weeks and the months go by they start feeling like oh maybe this is too much for me and I've had this experience before with people I dated that in the beginning they're like oh I love what you do and this is so and then when they see like the attention and everything that you know they start feeling like smaller and smaller and smaller and threatened and intimidated and a lot of my successful girlfriends have the same experience and I think it's baloney that they tell in the beginning that no I want to have a girlfriend that is successful I want to have a girlfriend that is out there I want to have a girlfriend entrepreneur I personally think and I guys, don't get offended.
I'm saying

most men, I know there are exceptions, but I think most guys cannot take the heat of dating a kick-ass, strong, successful woman. Do you agree with me or not? Well, if we're talking about the majority of men population-wise, I think the average annual income in America is is like under fifty thousand dollars a year um so when we talk about most men are we really are we talking about all of america's population i don't know if you're talking about all america's population or are we just kind of like loosely saying men in general yeah we're saying loosely men in general i think we're saying like the man that we would date i guess well the Well, the man that I would date is different, you know, but yeah, I mean, I think it is intimidating if a woman is, I think, throwing it in their face.
I think it's intimidating if a woman, again, is letting that be her identity in the relationship. And I also think, yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I don't I struggle with the word intimidating. I think sometimes it might make a man feel like he has nothing to offer.
And so I think rather than intimidating, perhaps emasculated, perhaps unneeded. And actually, interestingly, there was a study, statistically speaking, women who out earn their husbands are 50% more likely to get a divorce.
Divorce rates already start around 45, 50%. So add on another 50%.
And men who earn less than their wives, husbands who earn less than their wives, are 300% more likely to cheat. And what I've seen and observed with my coaching is women who do date men who are significantly earning less than them, typically they feel like they get to call the shots because they're making more money.
And so that creates a lot of resentment in the relationship. And that, you know, financial issues is one of the leading causes of divorce.
You know, whenever you see people file for divorce for like unresolved reasons, usually finances play a part in that. But even if it's not money, like you can be dating like, let's say, a multimillionaire, even multimillionaire guys.

I've had friends and I've dated like my ex-boyfriend was super, super wealthy.

And in the beginning, he was like, oh, I love it that you do the podcast and you do this and you do that and you do that. And slowly, I noticed that every time I would try to have a conversation with him, whenever it had something to do with business, certain business subjects that I knew a little more than he did, it bothered him.
But that's why I said emasculated. Yeah, but you know, guys feel like they get annoyed, quote unquote, or irritated.
And I'm not saying all guys, but many guys, because I have girlfriends that have the same problem their boyfriends they think like they dream that they want this girl that is super intelligent with college degrees gorgeous beauty the whole package and then once they have it like maybe they want the dumb bimbo instead of this girl because this girl is like too much for them. Yeah.
You know, I think every, yeah, it's tough. Everyone, everyone's so different, but what I will say is like, generally speaking, yeah, I think men want to be around women, like I said before, who make them feel like men and men feel most masculine when they're able to lead, when they're able to provide, when they're able to feel like they're of service.
And so if a woman is trying to kind of flex her business skills and outsmart him, it might make him feel like, is she emasculating me? And that's, by the way, not to knock women for being intelligent. I don't think you should dim your light.
I don't think you should make yourself smaller to make someone else feel bigger. I think the solution is date someone whose ambition exceeds yours.
Date someone whose intellect exceeds yours. And yeah, going back, does that make it harder? It sure does.
Because that shrinks the dating pool. You know, I always say the biggest minority is the intellectual minority.
But yeah, of course, it's more challenging. And I also think date someone who is supportive of everything that you do, doesn't feel intimidated by anything that you do and and lets you speak your mind yeah well here's I think you know this is one of the issues that a lot of women I've seen run into is the ultra supportive guys might be more beta and a lot of women might start to again it goes back the resentment.
They might start to feel like, oh, he's just my cheerleader. The gender roles are reversed.
So absolutely find someone who's supportive, but also find someone you respect and look up to. Oh my God.
Yeah. This dating game is exhausting.
You don't have to tell me twice. hence the man diet let's talk about the man diet for a second i want to introduce me to this i want to ask you yeah the man diet somebody just did a post about it like a few days ago i'm like yeah i'm not gonna say i invented the man diet but i think i did but anyhow trademark that yeah i'm gonna try what is the man diet or the girl diet for guys if you want to participate dating can be daunting it can be exhausting it can be time consuming it can be energy consuming and it can be frustrating especially if you get your heart broken I've got my heart broken so many times like I lost count nowadays my skin is like so thick as an alligator making glowing, basically, it means if you're feeling burned out and exhausted, I highly recommend that you take a nice long break.
It can be a month to three months. And you completely, completely focus on yourself.
Pick a project like I'm going to focus on my business. I'm going to focus on the gym.
I'm going to take a trip. So it's like dry January, but for men.
Yes, exactly. Like, I don't know if you, in your case or whatever, I'm going to focus.
I'm trying really hard. You introduced me to the man diet.
I'm trying really hard to like do it. But unfortunately or fortunately, they just find you.
They just find you. But because I, this is what I want your opinion.
You start you said i'm gonna do it in january i am your friend and i think it's been doing like now it's the end of january it did insanely well for your business your business is thriving you're kicking ass on your videos some of your videos are going viral on instagram you guys gotta check out her instagram page it's fantastic or my tiktok or the tiktok yeah and you look beautiful you've been kicking ass at the gym you're preparing for a marathon i mean this girl is like super we don't have to say all these things see when you say them then they then but no but you are like and you're glowing you're doing amazing and so this is what the mandate is when you start focusing on yourself all your personal projects thrive and all of a sudden sometimes yeah people start gravitating towards you and this is why I think many times it is a great idea instead because I believe in organic I always love meeting people organically so do you think it is a good idea sometimes if people are like just so because sometimes I feel people push push push push and they don't see results and they get so frustrated well I really appreciate you introducing me to the concept I can't say I've been on no dates in January so it was kind of like a man diet with cheat days. I am a professional cheat day person.
But yeah, I mean, I think what's been nice is at least, you know, whether you want to go cold turkey completely or kind of like do something like I've done. It's just making a conscious effort to not prioritize that because you're prioritizing yourself.
And the reason is when you put yourself first and you are able to lean into things that you've wanted to work on, self-love, self-care, inner healing, getting closer to the goals that you want to achieve or achieving them, then you're actually able to become the best version of you that's going to attract in someone who is your counterpart. And that's, I think, the really beautiful thing.
And that's the underbelly of it, which is taking time and focus away from, I need to meet someone and I need to find a boyfriend, find a husband, taking time and focus away from that and reshifting it onto yourself is actually what's ironically probably going to get you there so I've enjoyed it I mean I've been trying but I do have a date Thursday well but Thursday is February so if you're doing it isn't it yeah you're probably right yeah I think so I think I think you're right it is you believe this month's been the longest month? I love it. I love it.
But this is what I suggest when my listeners send this message. Oh, my God, but dating can be so exhausting.
I'm tired. I'm tired.
I'm like, then stop. Take a break.
Focus on yourself because sometimes we forget that it's not a freaking competition. I think where women in particular struggle with this is we always have this kind of looming biological clock over us.
And it's really difficult. I know for a lot of my clients, a lot of my friends to put a pause on their dating life because they feel like if I stop dating, then I'm losing time.
And the way I like to kind of think about it is if you're spending time dating the wrong people, it's only going to take you longer to meet the right one. Whereas sometimes if you reallot that time to becoming, again, the best version of yourself, I feel like I sound like a broken record, but you truly prioritize elevating your life, then it's actually going to be a lot easier to invite the right energy in.
And then it's actually going to be quicker for you to meet and manifest that person. So I don't want people to think, oh, well, I'm losing time that, you know, I could be spending dating.
If you're not in the right headspace to date, is it even is it even worth it? No, I use I always use this cheesy phrase, but I think it's what you just said. If you are dating the wrong person and a lot of people settle, which breaks my heart, I think it's a horrible idea.
Staying in bad relationships. I've done it before, of course, or settling with the wrong guy or dating the wrong person.
The right person is trying to find you as much as you're trying to find them. I really believe in that.
So if you're spending time with the wrong person, you're just wasting your time and the right person is out there, you know, trying to find you. So you're much better off spending time alone and taking

care of yourself, self-love, projects that matter to you, taking care of your body, like you said, wellness, take care of your business, personal interests, you know. So when you do find the right partner for you, you're going to be completely ready.
Totally. And I also think a lot of people struggle with feelings of unworthiness, insecurities.
You have to love yourself to a point where you are okay with or without someone. And that's when you're really going to be able to magnetize and manifest in the love that you're seeking.
Because even if the right person, a lot of people, yourself, if the right person walked into my life today, would I really be ready to receive them? Would I be able to let them love me? Would I be able to let them into my life? If the answer is no, you got to get to work. And think about the qualities that the kind of person you would want in a partner and ask yourself too, am am I embodying those qualities am I showing up as that version of me the beautiful thing about life and the human experience is we can always reinvent ourselves we can always decide to take a new course a new path and I think a lot of people feel sometimes stuck in their dating lives.
You get to decide what kind of life you want. But it starts with you and becoming the version of you that's going to attract in the abundance you're looking for and the love that you're looking for.
Oh, yeah. One million percent.
I did a video the other day on my Insta and I got so many messages about it. I was saying that I see so many people and I have a few girlfriends that they keep saying to me that they're miserable being single and it breaks my heart.
I literally have a girlfriend. She says that almost every day, like, oh, I hate being single.
I hate being single. I can't wait to be in a relationship.
I can't wait to be married. I can't wait to be married.
I think that is heartbreaking to me because I truly believe if you're not happy in your own life, if you're not happy being single, you're not going to be happy in a relationship.

You should not expect someone to bring all your happiness.

Of course not.

To make you happy.

That's a huge mistake.

You need to be happy on your own.

Right?

Do you agree?

A hundred percent.

Because then you end up in codependent relationships. And the thing is, if that person leaves you, they're leaving with all your happiness.
They're leaving with all your self of sense or your sense of self-worth. So it's really important to have, I think, a feeling of wholeness within you.
And I also think the best and healthiest relationships are ones where you can thrive as an individual in your own identity and the partner that you're with can have their own individual identity and you come together and you're great. But you can also be, again, your own people as opposed to being this, you know, you want the feeling of oneness.
Yeah, but you want to still we're all still individuals. We come to this planet alone.
We leave this planet alone. Yeah.
So, so you know maintaining that feeling within oh my god yes and there's nothing sexier than having your own interests your own life i don't think any guy is going to enjoy being around a girl that does absolutely nothing all day sits by the pool right oh i know plenty of guys who want a girl like that you do well maybe for the weekend depends on the dude maybe for the weekend if a man if that's all he wants to do not not for long term yeah i mean listen um i think the most i think interesting people like to be around interesting people and if you want most people want someone who's i think dynamic and the like I said, the best way to attract the type of person you want is to become that. Yeah, totally.
I think the perfect example right now that everybody's talking about is Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. I really think they're riding the success wave together.
They're both so insanely successful on their own. And I think they met it was explosive because everything is working everything is working so when they get together they're not embarrassed to show in the world and i know it sounds cheesy but like when you saw the she was like jumping on the field to kiss him and say i love you she's going to the games he's going to the and he's doing the little heart and they're like i don't give a fuck if the entire world wants to see it and this is the perfect example she had everything the success the career no no no and he's going to the Super Bowl and I think that's the synergy of a couple that has it all on their own and then when they come together it just really matches.
Yeah and I would say what's interesting and stands out to me about their relationship is he was the one pursuing her. And I think a lot of women, especially modern women, feel like they have to chase a man, convince a man and pursue him.
And, you know, that's not the case. You know, shine bright on your own and then let people pursue you.
Let, you know, men come to you. And the ones who are really serious will make it happen.
Yes, totally agree. Nelly, you're fabulous.
I love your videos. Can you please tell my audience how they find you on your beautiful social media platforms? Of course.
My handle is ask.nelly. You can also join my free database or apply to become my client on nellisudry.com or enroll in my Manifesting Mr.
Right course at ask-nelli.co. Thanks for having me, Kat.
Thank you so much. And you guys that are listening, if you want to see the video episode so you can see her beautiful face and her beautiful smile, video episodes are now available on youtube and like always on spotify only video episodes are available on spotify only and you guys know the audio episodes are available on all platforms where you enjoy your podcast nally thank you so much it's always such a pleasure having you you're amazing and i'm on your database are you in my database i think so i.
I think I pitched you to, I pitched her to a matchmaking client the other day. I've had really bad experiences with other matchmakers in the past.
I honestly think there are a lot of people out there that don't know what they're doing, but you really know your game. And I think you're fantastic.
So I appreciate it. Coming from you means even more.
Thank you so much. It was fantastic.
You're always welcome to come back and guys never give up on love someone once said to me you don't have to find love love will find you but I do think I thought that was so cute but I also think you know if you want something in life and you man you know you want to manifest it invite it in yeah so Yeah. So love, you're very invited.
You're always invited. So please find us fast.
Thank you. You're amazing.
That was a great car. I'll see you guys very soon.
And before I let you guys go, I'm going to vent a little bit here because this is something that absolutely drives me crazy. And my inner circle knows.
My entire work, no matter what I do, is all about empowering women. I am such a girl's girl.
I believe in women supporting women. I really, really believe that there is space for everybody.
There is room for everyone and together we are stronger. If I help you, you help me.
We build things together. We empower each other.
There is really room for everyone to do their work. So anyways, sometimes I invite people to come to the podcast, of course, and sometimes people approach me to be on the podcast.
One of my past guests, recent guests, I invited her because I found her online and I really liked her work. So anyways, she came, we did the interview.
I thought it was very nice. And after I published the interview, she sent me a message through Instagram telling me that she really liked me and she really respected my work, but she wasn't going to share the interview with her audience or publish the link of her interview or anything whatsoever for her audience because she didn't think it was fit for her audience.
She didn't think my work was appropriate for her audience. And if she had to be honest with me because she really liked me, she really liked doing the interview with me, blah, blah, blah.
And if I was bothered by what she was saying, that I could totally delete the interview from my podcast and she was really sorry, but because she really liked me, she decided she needed to be honest and her work was very niche, blah, blah, blah. And if she shared the interview with her audience, she felt it was going to degrade her engagement, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I could totally delete her interview if I didn't like what she was saying. And I read and I read again and I was like, no, please, that's fine.
Thank you for your honesty. Everybody has the right to do whatever they want.
And this is why I'm sharing this with you guys, because I was thinking and thinking. Many times I think about something for a few days to digest.
And then I thought I didn't say anything to her and I'm not going to say anything to her and I'm definitely not going to name names. You guys can go there and listen to my past episodes to figure out who it is.
But regardless, why in the world would you even come to a podcast, promote your work, invite my viewers, my listeners, invite my viewers from Instagram to come check you out if you think my work is not appropriate for your audience? I mean, how do you say hypocrite in this lady's language? I think that is so bougie, that is so ridiculous. And honestly, it broke my heart a little bit because I get sick to my stomach when I see girls behaving like that.
That is so pathetic. Honestly, if you're promoting your work My my platform is infinitely bigger than this latest platform, but that's not even the point.
If her episode on my podcast gets, let's say, 150,000 downloads, 160,000 downloads, her name is all over my social media, whatever it is, I am so happy to promote any woman's work, anybody, because like I said, I think we are all learning together. We are all in this together.
I am so proud of the fact that I'm building a worldwide community where we can speak about sex, about dating, about relationships. I keep repeating over and over again that I'm not an expert by any means.
I was married for a long time. I was abused for a long time.
I went through a nasty divorce. I've been rebuilding my life for the past few years after going through a nasty divorce, after losing my husband.
I've been through heartbreak, through heartache, through so many horrible relationships. I've been through hell and high water.
And it's been such a fun, difficult, exciting journey for me to do this podcast with all of you guys and learn with the process. So when I bring people to interview and we learn from them and we talk together, it's such an honor to do this.
So when one of these experts comes and then like two minutes later, oh, by the way, I know I came and I know I talked to you, but I don't feel your work is appropriate to share. I'm like, then why the hell did you come? You know, and I just don't appreciate women that do that.
I like girls that support girls. I like women that support women.
I don't condone women like that. If she feels threatened by my work, if she feels like that we compete in any way, that's ridiculous.
Obviously, I am not going to delete her episode. Her episode is there for anyone who wants to listen.
Her name is there for anyone who is interested in her work. Many times my guests obviously end up making a lot of money thanks to my episodes because some listeners do go, do check them out, do use their services.
And like I said, great. It's a free society.
People should expose their goods and services and we decide if we want to buy them or not. But at the end of the day, I am all about women supporting women because I really, really believe that together we are stronger.
So this is my little vent for the day. This never happened to me before.
I have had weird guests in the past and kind of like disappointing guests, a little bit unsupportive guests, but a guest that came and talked and pitched her work and everything and then said, oops, I'm not going to share anything because I don't think your podcast is for my audience. That was a first.
But moving on, and hopefully I'll be bringing even more fun, interesting, exciting interviews. And thanks all of you guys that listen.
Thanks all of you guys that participate. All of you guys that send your opinions.
Please remember, we have 24-7 open lines of communications because Cat on the Lose is for you. We are learning how to date better, have better relationships, better sex, all of us together.
1305-332-2-0338 via WhatsApp if you want to chime in and contact the cat on the loose if you guys want to talk via email. Much, much love and I'll see you guys next week.
Not only I'm a huge supporter of women supporting women, but I have so many amazing guy friends in my industry. So I want to give two big shout outs to people that also do podcasts and radio stations.
It's such a tough business. So big, big shout outs to other podcasts that I love very, very, very much.
And I always say there is room for everybody. I think we need to stop looking at each other as competition, competition, competition, and more looking at each other as co-workers, looking at each other as collaborators, because like I said, if we're authentic, we should all do our thing and there is space for everybody.
So if you guys love sports, I highly recommend check out Aira on Sports, one of the top sports podcasts in the nation by Aira Kaufman. Aira is a walking encyclopedia of sports.
He follows sports no matter what it is, football, volleyball, tennis, golf, you name it, he's there up and down the country, everywhere. Amazing guest interviews.
He drops new episodes every Mondays. He is incredible.
He's in all the games. He always has exclusive photos, exclusive videos on Instagram, on Twitter, Aira on Sports.
I highly recommend you guys check it out. I love it.
And if you're a huge fan of country music, I love it. Check out Kick-Ass Country Radio.
You can listen everywhere you go. You can get all the links through their Instagram, Kick-Ass Country Music, so you can get your country vibe on the go.
Big shout out to them. They're my friends out of Texas and I love them.
Kick ass many, many kisses for you guys. Last but not least, after Super Bowl weekend in Las Vegas, I got so many questions asking about Las Vegas.
How is it there? So many celebrities moving there. How is the real estate going there? How is it life there? Blah, blah, blah.
So I'm going to direct you guys to one of the top Las Vegas experts, Rob Wilner sells Vegas. Rob was born and raised in a real estate family in Las Vegas.
He has decades of experience buying, selling, renting real estate in Las Vegas. He's part of the global real estate family and development.
He's part of the real brokerage. He's a luxury VIP service expert.
And he's top, top, top, super nice guy, knows everything about Las Vegas. So if you guys are interested in investing in Las Vegas, finding out anything about the world of real estate in Las Vegas,

what's going on in Las Vegas, reach out to Rob. He is your man when it comes to Las Vegas.
You can find him on Instagram, Rob Wilner Sells Vegas. If you want to find him on the internet, www.narteywillner.com.
He is super, super nice. Send him a message, DM him,

and he will guide you every step of the way and answer all your questions when it comes to Vegas, baby.

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