#1 DATING COACH FOR MEN BLAINE ANDERSON

Here we go! New week, new episode of Cat on the Loose, Sex, Dating and Relationships, 100% organic, never edited. And for those of you who are new to Cat on the Loose, welcome to our fast-growing worldwide cat kingdom where we can speak freely about sex, dating and relationships with no judgment, no filters.
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We have audiences now in over 47 countries and growing. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you every single one of you guys for listening.
I love you and I really hope you guys enjoy this episode. My guest today, Blaine Anderson, is the number one dating coach for men.
So guys, I hope you're listening because this is really, really cool stuff. She has helped over 3,000 men build confidence, escape the friend zone and land awesome girlfriends.
Millions of guys each month tune in for her free advice on Instagram and her work has been featured in several publications such as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Psychology Today. Blaine is awesome.
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Blaine, thank you so much for being on Canada. I'm so excited.
Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Thanks for having me. I truly, truly love your work because usually we see dating coaches talking to women and try to teach women how to date.
So when I found out about you, I was really excited. I was like, okay, this chick is super intelligent.
She's gorgeous. And she's trying to tell men how to date us.
And I love your approach. So for my audience, people who don't know you, can you tell us really quickly how you got into that? How did you decide to do what you do? Yeah, so my name is Blaine.
You can find me on social at Dating by Blaine. So I had always been interested.
I love talking about relationships and dating and love. Like it's something I have always loved.
You know, even when I was younger, like on the playground, it's like, Oh, who likes who, you know, how it goes. And then, uh, after college, I moved to New York city and it was right.
I was in 2012. So it was right when dating apps were kind of getting going.
And so it was very new to everyone. People were very confused how to use them.
And I mean, they still are, you know, a decade later, but at that time, I would see my guy friends dating profiles and they would be awful. Like they just didn't do them justice.
I was like, I know you, I know you're a great guy, but this profile looks really bad. So let me fix it up.
And so I'd fix up my guy friends dating app profiles and then they'd get way better results because they had good pictures, engaging prompts and that sort of thing. And then they'd ask me other questions about their dating life.
So I was working in the travel industry when the pandemic hit. And so my business then essentially, you know, vanished overnight.
And so I thought, okay, like I loved giving a dating, giving dating advice. What if I put it together, all the things I've been telling all of these guys, and I put it together into one course so they can have access to all of it and you know without having to work with me one-on-one which requires a higher price point so that was really where my course was born from in 2020 I love that and it's still a big problem to a lot of guys right like the dating profile because we all complain about it like we look at the dating profile and a lot of dating coaches say that like maybe we will meet this guy in person but we swipe left because the dating profiles are so crappy why do you think so many guys have such problems figuring out the photos you know it's in part it's not their fault like i don't think you know we weren't born knowing what makes a good photo of us and how to authentically market ourselves in 150 characters like that is challenging it's not something that it is done in school and for men it's not something that like girls they already we already know how to take good pictures of ourselves we're on Instagram we're practicing our angles you know from the time we're young um for better or worse but for men that's just not part of it and so they just don't know how to i think they oftentimes their uh prompts also lack effort or specifics and also need improvement but the photos especially like if you don't have a good photo it doesn't matter how good the rest of your profile is you're not going to get matches and so part of my job is not only telling them how to get photos but then i also help them pick their photos because it's funny like sometimes like they'll be this is a good photo of me right and I'm like are we looking at the same photo no you know I agree like a woman's eye let's get this one out of the way how about all these dudes that put the photos with the fish and the end like what's I I i just immediately i'm like okay get out of my way i don't want to see dudes i don't care how nice you are i don't want to see pictures of you with your fish what's your why i'm curious from your opinion like what is the the turnoff about the fish it's so cheesy like i don't know it's like look at my fish like come on can you do a little bit or like the fish and the selfie at the gym yeah that one's bad they're like the two turn offs like oh look at me at the gym look at my feet like why don't you have anything better like to show no and that's i mean that's the problem a lot of these guys don't take pictures they literally don't have anything better it.
It's like, let's just, let me just find six pictures of myself. Not like, oh, let me find six photos that like accurately represent how I look and how I spend my time.
That's like not how they're thinking about it for the fish photo. What I tell guys, I'm like, listen, if you're an avid fisherman and you're fishing all the time and that's something like it's important to you, sure.
Include a fish photo. Cause that's actually a good thing for her to know.
But if you just like have a fish photo, especially because it has become like the joke of the internet, like the guy's like, look, I'm a provider, I can catch a fish, like skip it because you're just going to end up in like a meme, you know, on Instagram. Yeah, exactly.
I'm like any animal. I've seen the craziest shit.
I've seen a guy with a raccoon on top of his head. Like see the craziest shit i'm like no animals at least in my opinion i'm not an expert but like i think it should be it should be simple right for guys and girls yeah well so i definitely think you should have some simple photos that are just clearly showcasing what you look like but then you don't want just all headshots either you need to have some photos that show how you spend your time like your your hobbies your interests traveling like you want to paint a picture that's like oh this guy looks like i want to spend time with him in the photos that he's doing so it's like yeah don't put a photo someplace that she wouldn't want to go but if you have like a photo of your trip to Barcelona or you're like at a sports game

or you're on a camping trip and those are things that you like, like absolutely include those. Yeah, great.
I agree because I want to see the guy's lifestyle. Now, this is my question to you.
I live in California, Beverly Hills, and this is my opinion about guys around here. But in general, all my girlfriends kind of agree with me.

Do you think most guys are shy when it comes to approaching women in public here? Yes, you agree. Because here, like we will literally go to bars, events, whatever it is, like pick up spots, and they will look at us like from outside the bar and they'll like be staring all night.
And that's it. I know it's really sad.
So I actually, because of this, because this is something I'm literally hearing from my girlfriends. I conducted a survey of 13,000 women in the U S and the UK and asked like, do you want to be approached more? And I figured

the answer was yes, but the answer was actually 98%, which is crazy of women of single women. So they wish they were approached more often.
And then guys just, they don't know how to do it. They're too shy.
They're feeling secure. So I actually created a course called approach Academy that literally it is just teaching guys how to approach girls.
And why do you think that is, though? Do you think it's because the dating apps made it more like it made people unlearn social skills? Yeah, I think there's a few things. I think the pandemic was really rough.
People were isolated. They weren't literally allowed to talk to people within six feet for a while.
Like that just got everybody really out of practice and into bad habits. Then we have technology.
Everyone is really used to living behind their phones, being able to do everything from behind the phone. I'll talk to guys and they're like, oh, I met this girl in person.
Then I sent her an Instagram DM asking her out. And I like oh you know they want to rely on that screen that barrier because they are insecure and then there also has been bad press bad publicity like the me too movement was very important and something that needed to happen but it also has made some nice guys who aren't the problem more scared about putting themselves out there with women and taking risks because they don't want to be perceived as creepy or do something wrong.
Yeah, it's interesting. I said that because I have a really good guy friend and he's super successful, super handsome.
He wants to find a relationship. And he said that to me the other day.
He was like, you know, I sometimes I'm afraid of approaching a girl at a bar because usually they turn me down and they're like kind of like not rude but they're like you know standoffish or they're like I'll just go away and because of the this me too and all this situation I don't know if they're gonna feel like I'm harassing them or sometimes they have an attitude so he he that's what he tells me that a lot of

guys nowadays they're they're almost afraid because girls are being even if you're not interested in the guy they're like almost being rude i don't know if rude is the word but like yeah yeah so i think because i hear this from guys all the time too it's like i'm worried about being sorry i'm about to sneeze bless you i'm worried about like i'm coming off as creepy or harassing her it's like listen harassment means you're not taking no for an answer yeah so if she says she's not interested if she's giving if she's being bitchy to you she's giving you signals of even like not encouraging conversation closed off body language walk away and if you do, you're not going to be perceived as creepy or harassing. Here's the thing.
Bars can actually be trickier places to meet women than I think people assume they are. It's like, oh, I'm going to go out on the weekend and go to this bar and pick somebody up.
It's like, well, what do you actually have in common with this person who's just at a bar? The only thing you have in common is you're both physically at the location it doesn't tell you you share values it doesn't tell you you have common interests it makes it way harder to spark up a conversation because there's nothing inherently there to just like go off of and talk about so rather than trying to approach women in drinking situations i really recommend guys develop hobbies and activities that they do that they enjoy They're doing these things for themselves, not just to meet women, but also where women spend time and then just get to know women. Because like you've already said, single women want to meet awesome single guys.
Yeah. But they don't want to be hit on when they're out with their girlfriends necessarily.
And they don't want to be approached by someone who doesn't know anything about them but if you're at your favorite smoothie bar and that's like your neighborhood spot because you're like really into health food or you're at yoga class or you're at your pottery class or you're at your book club literally anything and there is a guy who shares that interest and just talks to you like a human being to get to know you and understand if you have things in common, women aren't going to be mad about that. They might not be interested in you romantically, but that's just part of the game.
That's just dating. Not everybody's going to be interested in you.
You have to develop a thick skin. I completely agree with everything that you're saying, but most guys will not come and say anything.
And it's insanely frustrating. I wish every guy in the world took this course that you're talking about and I'm gonna tell my guy friends about it because yeah like you said like the local health store the gym everything that we do and we and you know the guy is looking and you're looking and and then okay they walk away and there is still stigma right if the girl approaches, we don't approach first.
Well, even like go back, going back to evolutionary biology, like take this back like a couple hundred thousand years or look at any other species. The man is the pursuer.
And like, you know, I can get into like why that is, but it's literally biology that it is more natural for the man to pursue the woman. It has to do with women taking on more risk in a romantic relationship.
Eggs are a scarce resource. Sperm is not.
It is ingrained in us. So to think like guys say all the time in my comment section on Instagram, like, well, why would a girl just approach me? It's like she can and girls do sometimes approach.
I approached guys when I was single, but it's not the norm norm so you can either complain about how women don't approach you or you can learn how to approach yourself and get a hot girlfriend like the choice is yours i agree i think well men are hunters right it's it's nature it's it's the game for me if i approach a guy it's because i want to have him as a friend like i i cannot imagine approaching a guy like oh yeah I want to date this guy because I want to be pursued like most women right yeah I don't know if I guess most girls are like me a year and a half ago I did an experiment with a friend of mine I want to ask your opinion about it I know it was extreme but it worked so to ask what you think. And if there, maybe there is something that we can come up with for girls to do, to help guys, that is not that extreme.
My friend is a public figure. She works on TV, so she's zero shy.
And she said the same thing. Guys are so shy in public approaching girls.
Therefore therefore if we go out holding like a very weird unusual object it will break the ice and they will come and talk to us so it was like just before holiday season on beverly hills rodeo drive you know like there was hundreds of people the street. We went like to the busiest bar in town called Wally's and she decided and we're dressed like super sexy, super beautiful.
And she was holding a plunger. Of course, it was extreme.
Yeah, we did like a video episode on my podcast. Oh my God, it got like hundreds of thousands of views.
And and sure enough like the minute we walked inside

wallace with the plunger i'm not kidding you all the dudes at the bar like turned and stared at us and started talking to us like what are you girls doing and we started asking them do you guys think we're too crazy and they're like no this is so much fun what are you girls doing and it broke the ice and they bought us drinks and before you knew everybody was laughing and one of the guys bought me a drink and invite me on a date that same night so it worked for us like i ended up love that i ended up dating him for like over a year so i swear to god so her experiment and i did an episode that's called two girls and a plunger obviously very few girls i got hundreds of messages like i'm not gonna walk around my hometown with a plunger this is crazy but maybe i guess the point of the story is maybe as women like my question to you is we could do something to help break the ice to have them approach us yes so i think i first of all i love that and obviously like you said that's a more extreme version yeah what i tell in my course and what i tell my clients to look out for is just look out for eye contact so as a woman make eye contact with guys smile at them like give them that little extra help because they are shy and they are insecure so if you want to be approached make sure your body language is open make sure you're looking around making sure making eye contact smiling then i love the idea of bringing out a prop something to talk about something to connect over that could be your dog it could just be like a volleyball because you play volleyball it could be wearing a t-shirt that says something like funny on it anything that's going to allow like for conversation i think is great yeah i love those ideas the dog i think is a great idea every time i go out with my dogs more men approach me than if i'm alone i love that because you're giving them like the tea the tf like it's hard you know if there's nothing to type there's

not anything that's like standing out or unique like it's on him to now come up with this like i mean i don't think he needs a creative thing to say i think it's like fine to just be direct but lots of guys feel like they need that so then they're struggling like oh what can i say to her you know i love that now this is a question that tons and tons of girls send me and and I don't know the answer. Maybe you do since you're the expert.
Is there a surefire way to identify a man who is ready for a relationship? Because all of them say, I'm ready, I'm ready, right? When they want to date you. From a guy who is always going to be a player.
Because nowadays with dating apps, a lot of them, literally, they will lie, right? for a relationship i'm ready for a relationship but they're not do you know any tricks so there's no changing somebody like or convincing somebody from what they already are so really your goal is just to determine like are they telling the truth do and that the easiest way to do that is do their actions match their words. He says he wants a relationship, but is he going out with his boys like every Friday and Saturday night until three in the morning? He's not ready.
Actions speak louder than words. So pay attention to what he does rather than what he says.
Do you think, so let's say this guy that is going out with his friends every night and it's hot and cold, hot and cold hot and cold do you think it's possible to change that guy to a relationship ready guy eventually or that guy will never change so it's not possible for the woman to change him he has to change himself he has to decide that he is ready for that relationship and ready to be like the man that, you know, is like fitting of being a husband or a good partner. I think trying to force somebody to change is like a surefire way to waste your time and, you know, not get what you want.
I think you're more, I say this, I think this goes both ways. If someone is like hot and cold with you, pulling and holding tighter, is it just going to push them away? Or actually, if you walk away and you truly move on, that is going to give you the best possible shot of them being like, oh shit, like I'm actually really interested in this and I want to make it work.
So walking away and actually moving on is really what's going to give you the best bet. It doesn't mean it's going to work.
Like don't do that as a strategy to get them back, but it is what gives you the best shot at it. Yeah, I know.
I completely agree. And I see so many women making this mistake, right? They go after guys, go after guys.
Now you, you are an expert when it comes to dating for men. Do you see that pattern a lot? Like even with your clients, do they make this comment? Like, because I think this is a typical behavior.
And I'm not going to say every woman does it, but it's a typical behavior that a lot of women do. They insist and insist and insist and they go after the guy and they go after the guy, even if the guy, like you said, they, they, they show signs that they're not into the relationship and they show signs that they're not ready to commit and they're pressuring and pressuring and pressuring.
And like you said, the more you pressure, the more the guy like wants to pull away. Do you see that? Cause all my guy friends mentioned that, like the more the girl insists, like the more they're going to pull away.
Yeah. So I think that's just human nature, both directions.
You want, you don't want someone who needs you. You want someone who wants you and who has their own life and is happy on their own.
So if it feels like either person needs the other person for validation or to feel complete, like that is a turnoff. But what I will say is my clients aren't the player types.
Like, you know, I've worked with literally thousands of guys and they don't tend to be, I'm making generalizations, but they don't tend to be the avoidance. They aren't the ones who are not wanting girls.
Like they're actually, they're more of the anxious attached. They are the ones who want want the relationship but because they don't always set boundaries and um have the they don't always market themselves well they end up being either the guys who always end up in the friend zone or always like you're really nice but i just don't feel the romantic connection so i'm literally teaching them how to create romantic connections authentically market themselves have boundaries it's like people's like people are like, oh, girls like bad boys.
And it's like, maybe, but like part of that is like, because there are bad boy traits that are inherently attractive. They stand up for themselves.
They do what they want. They have boundaries.
They respect themselves. They put themselves first.
Going back to evolutionary biology, like put yourself in caveman days so you want the caveman who's like oh I'll do anything for you like what do you want me to do or do you want the caveman who's like I'm going to get the food like I'm like taking control here like you want the one who's like gonna show some leadership yes so putting that into modern day terms like guys do need to you know have know, have a backbone, stand up for themselves, have standards.

But I really want my advice for women is to give the nice guy a shot.

It's really easy because we have social media and we have dating apps.

Oh, I have a queue.

Every girl has a queue of 50 guys that she could go out with.

So it's really easy to go on one date with a guy and be like, I didn't really feel the spark.

Like he was like, he was too shy. Like, and guys are shy.
They're reserved. Sometimes they're, they feel they're introverted.
So if someone seems like a nice person, like I really, really encourage you give it another shot. This goes for men and women.
Let that chemistry build. First dates are awkward, especially if you meet on a dating app, expecting fireworks isn't realistic.
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Have fun. I like, yeah, it makes sense.
I think what you're saying is very, it's a very different approach because you are right. And let's talk about dating apps for a second.
My opinion is that obviously the good side, the side about dating apps is that they give us a huge amount of opportunity. They let us meet people that otherwise we would never cross paths with for sure.
However, my experience is that a lot of people are literally just like endlessly swiping they're ordering each other I always joke on the podcast like like DoorDash yes no yes no yes no yes no even like mature successful men in their 40s in their 50s in their 60s they can't resist the urge I talked about it on past podcasts. I had a boyfriend that I thought, oh, wow, okay, that's it, because he looked me in the eyes.
He convinced me he was ready for relationship, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Months down the line, I found out he was still on Bumble because he told me, oh, it feeds my ego, looking at all these women I know, I wish people could see your face right now.
That's the face I made. Like I wanted to puke.
He was like, oh, I don't want to go out to these women, but all these options, it feeds my ego knowing that these women want to go out to me. Like what an immature a-hole.
Yeah. That is not a mature person.
Yeah, like in your 50s, like, okay, go douche, bye. But so I see that a lot.
And I think it's a problem that a lot of girls see. Like these dudes tell you they are ready for a relationship.
And then when you put the perfect girl in front of them, they're like, oh, wait a minute. But maybe there's something better out there.
Yeah. And I think that's a problem with social media and dating apps.
It's like the dopamine hit. Yeah.
It's the same as social media is like getting the like or getting the view or getting like the DM. Like you're like, oh, it like gives you a little dopamine rush.
Like dating apps are designed to do that. It's like a little high little high so you really have to like and again i don't think you can like if that's how he feels like that's in his that's a problem that he needs to like work through in his psyche in his head like with therapy because he's chasing validation and ego and like you know you don't want to be involved with somebody like that but um I do think because these apps are designed to do that, you have to be, you have to have self-discipline, I think for men and women with how you use them and when you get off them and take breaks.
Don't rely on that as your ego boost, like pick up a hobby and get good at something. No, I totally agree with you.
I think if you're looking for that for validation, like you said, maybe you need therapy, maybe you need to work on other issues, you're not ready for a relationship. Now, let's talk about high value men for a second.
The other day, and I have a lot of friends here in Beverly Hills who are high value because they're very successful, very wealthy, they have the whole thing going on. They're handsome.
They're good looking. They have it all.
And they want a relationship. And one of them is a really good friend of mine.
So like two months ago, he was like, I'm ready for a relationship, blah, blah, blah. I want to get married.
I don't have kids, you know, the whole stuff. And he's very particular, right? Because the more, I guess, I don't know, tell me if you agree with me, the more you accomplish in life, the pickier you get when it comes to choosing a partner, right? If you're high value, you want a high value partner.
So he had all these boxes that he wanted to cover when he came to finding a partner.

So I was like, OK, I think I have the perfect girl for you because she's just like you.

He was like, yes.

So they met.

And yeah, you know, it was like, boom, the perfect connection.

They clicked on every box.

Sparks flew.

They went on all these incredible dates.

He texted me like, oh, my God, I think I just met my wife i can't believe it we click intellectually physics after a bunch of days they spent christmas together new years together all of a sudden after all of that he disappeared he literally he literally ghosted her and we and of course she was so shocked she was so hurt i was so embarrassed i was like i can't believe he literally ghosted her. And we, and of course she was so shocked.
She was so hurt. I was so embarrassed.
I was like, I can't believe he did that to her. And we were cracking our brains.
We were like, what the F? What the fuck? Yeah. So my question, I'm guessing, I was like, I think sometimes these guys, they dream like this, I want this woman, this perfect woman.
And when you put this woman in front of them, sometimes they can't handle it because this woman is like so intelligent or as intelligent as they are or as accomplished as they are or everything that they dreamed. And they're like, whoa, it's too much.
I'm not ready to handle it. Yeah.
Do you see that ever with these high value dudes? Because it's not the first time I see that happening. Yeah, yeah.
Well, I think that just comes down to like a lot of people just don't have the capacity to have healthy relationships. You know, I don't know if you're familiar with attachment styles but like an avoidant attached person is somebody who once things get really good the closer you get and like oh you know this is getting to the next level they freak out often and then break it off or run away or do something to sabotage their own relationship obviously i can't speak to like this one guy but it's like maybe deep down he doesn't feel worthy of her you know and he doesn't feel or like he is deserving or that he can keep up whatever it may be but i think you see that i i see that with you know of course in both directions i'm lucky where at least the guys I work with, they really are ready

for the relationship. And a lot of them have done a lot of the self work, have done the therapy, have done the readings, and they're ready to find their partner.
So I don't know if your girlfriends are looking for guys, tell her to check out my followers. Oh, totally.
Yeah, I'm gonna hook you up. I'm in line too

yeah

oh my god

yeah no because

I don't know if it's a beverly hills problem and we can ask you that question too because that's like a huge debate on cat on the loose so a lot of my guests come here and they like oh it's geography dating in la is so harder than dating everywhere else and i don't know if dating has anything to do with geography do you think it's it's an issue i think it does i think there's some truths to that i think in la la attracts people who are in often oftentimes like trying to climb the entertainment ladder sometimes have more not always again these are generalizations but more superficial tendencies because of you know the industries that are there modeling acting a lot of emphasis put on superficial things a lot of people you know trying to get to the next level and i think that i don't know at least my friends and what i've seen complain about like lots of peter pans like guys who say like what you described say they want to grow up say they're ready for the real thing but then choose to go out and like hang out with younger models or whatever um all the time so I do think um geography plays into dating and like I mean just case in point if you live in a small town you have a lot less options you also have a lot less temptation um although I guess like Instagram is changing that with globalizing the dating market but I don't think that I's, I think that's a fair statement. Yeah, I don't know because I lived in Miami and I thought Miami was a total shit show.
And I have friends in New York that complain like that. I have single girlfriends in New York who are desperate.
Like they want a partner, they want to get married. And they're like, oh my God, it's so tough dating in new york so i have girlfriends in carl so i'm like i honestly don't know if like moving changes the dating game and i think if somebody wants to cheat on you and if somebody wants to be dishonest they're gonna do it anywhere so i'm not really sure like it has i don't think the per like the location of like if if a guy's going to cheat, he's going to do it in LA or, you know, like, like, any other random town like he could be in.
But I think certain places attract certain types of people. And I get guys asking me all the time, like, hey, I live in a small town or I live here.
Like, should I there's not that many women should I move? And it's like, if dating or finding a partner is something that's important to you, like, I don't think it's crazy at all to consider moving or putting yourself around people who are more like-minded to give yourself a better shot. Yeah, no, I agree.
If you meet someone and it's the love of your life, I agree. You should consider moving for love, right? I mean, I've done it before.
I don't know if i will do it again but the dating pool here in beverly hills is very tiny very very very very tiny now this is a tough one do you think most men are intimidated by successful women women women with strong personalities, women who have successful jobs? I wouldn't say most men, but certainly some men, you know, everyone has their preferences. And it's like, I tell guys, they're like, oh, she doesn't, girls don't like me because I'm shorter than her.
And it's like, well, yeah, some girls don't.

And that's her preference.

So, like, focus on the women who do like you for who you are and your height. And I think that goes for not all men are going to have the confidence to be comfortable around strong women.
So avoid those type of men. don't don't change yourself because there are going to be men out there who are going to

appreciate and admire you for your strength and your drive and your confidence it's just about finding the right one no matter who you're seeking you're way better off just being your authentic self and putting that out there to weed out the people it's not going to work with than trying to change who you are because then you end up having to fake it and that doesn't work for long and it definitely doesn't lead to happiness yeah oh my god i love that because but but a lot of guys they tell girls in the beginning that they are comfortable they're like oh i love what you do i respect your work i'm proud of you but then as the relationship progresses they admit you know, maybe they're intimidated because she makes a lot of money or because whatever. So this is a tough one that I think a lot of successful girls face when it comes to dating.
Yeah, yeah, perhaps there's like, and again, that's just like looking at his actions rather than his words, especially early on, like you can say one thing, but does he try and hold you back? Or does he, you know, like guilt trip you if you're like picking work over him? Like there are usually signs. Yeah.
Do you, what, do you have like a number one complaint? Like when you're talking to your clients, your new clients, when it comes to the world of dating and dating apps and meeting girls, do you have like a top complaint that guys say to you about something that girls do in general when it comes to dating? I think with my clients, the thing that the guys would say the most or most common is like, I wish girls would like give me more of a shot because these are the guys that are hearing like oh you're I just really see you as a friend or you know you're really nice but I don't see you as a romantic partner and they say to me like I just wish like we could go on one more date because like I was nervous you know like I wish like we could be like give it another shot like I would have gone for the kiss and it's like you can't ask for that because then you come off as like needy like all you can do is take that like feedback and learn for it and next time but that's like really where my guys struggle is like knowing how to create chemistry and make it feel like sexy and romantic because romantic because that's ultimately like women want that what do you think about kiss on the first date i'm pro if the vibe is right yeah You know, but again, the vibe has to be right. I tell my guys all the time.
It's like the first time you touch her shouldn't be when you go for the kiss. You need to lay the groundwork, touch her knee while you're talking, help her with her jacket so you can touch her shoulders, like escort her to the table, touch her hands while you're talking like that all leads up to make the kiss not feel random uh yeah i i

personally it's just my personal opinion i don't like kissing on a first date i don't know why because i like developing a mental connection with the guy and it has been a deal breaker for me in the past because i've i've been on super nice first dates and then at the end of the date Like the guy kind of came like

To kiss me

And maybe a little too pushy. And I just felt pressured.
And I don't know, just for me, I can feel like a little too rushed, but that's just my personal opinion. Yeah.
Well, and I think that goes back to like, he needs to read the room, like stand close, talk, close look into your eyes like are you take a step backward okay don't go for the kiss yeah or i'm also you know i don't think there's anything wrong with like asking like i had a great time with you can i give you a kiss for the road and then that gives you the opportunity i'm actually not a first date kisser like let's save it for another time yeah or whatever and then it's like okay okay, no problem. You know? Um, if so, if you're unsure of the mood, like guys, I always hear like, oh, it like totally ruins the mood.
And it's like, it's better to ask them to like go for something physically that you're not sure she wants. You did a video that I really liked and you talk about, uh, first dates.
So I want to talk a little bit about that because I think it's so important to so many girls. So I have a massive male audience.
So I hope you guys are listening. And you mentioned like how a guy should plan the first date.
And I completely agree. I think that's crucial.
Like to me, it's a huge turn off if I agree to go on a date with a guy. And he's like, oh, what do do where do you want to go can you I'm like oh so can you talk about like what you said to guys on your video about that yeah so you want to like it even goes back to what I was saying before like you want to be the leader you want to show you have opinions you want to show that you like know how to do this so it's like make a suggestion say like okay i like and sell it a little too it's like i know the best italian spot downtown they have the best rigatoni i've ever had let's go there on thursday at seven whatever you know or like i know this great rooftop bar with frose how about friday you know at three or whatever it is and then she says yes you want to give her the time you want to give her the place you want to sell it a little just be assertive and lead that's like really just what she wants to see yeah and um in my book has nothing to do with money but i think pay just pay right to me that's not like a an argument like just pay the bill i feel the same way you know and guys are sometimes like well it's not fair you know feminism and and what if she asked me on the date it's like okay listen i'm not here talking about what's fair and like the semantics of it it's just like i'm telling you what to do to have the best outcomes you want to have better outcomes with on your dates you want women to want a second date pay for the date she wants to know you're able to you know what do you think about coffee dates so here's the thing like if you met this person online and this is a stranger i'm all about a really lightweight first date this is just a vibe check and it should go both directions we just want to see if we vibe and get along why did should either person want to down for a multi-hour uh dinner with somebody that they don't know if they have a connection with yet the problem with coffee i'm not against coffee dates but the problem with uh beginners i think on coffee dates is it's hard to set a romantic tone so i don't have a problem so you if you do a coffee date you want to make sure like what's special about the spot how is it going to stand out is it you know like is it your favorite coffee spot because that's like an amazing view of the ocean and like the best croissants in la or like they play really good music like that's cool but starbucks like i know that's so lame like you're not going to stand out she can get starbucks like any day of the week so i don't like when girls like i don't want want coffee, like you need to like, spend more because I think that's like, also silly.
It's like, are you looking for a partner? Are you looking for like a sugar daddy, you know, and if you're looking for a sugar daddy, then that's fine. I don't actually have a problem with that either.
But then just be upfront about it. So I think it's kind of like, it just is very dependent.
Yeah, no, I love that you said that I It's not my favorite thing in the world. But yeah, if you are going to pick a coffee shop, pick something cute, right? Something adorable, neighborhood special.
Yeah, at least put some thought into it. One thing that means a lot to me, and tell me your opinion, regarding any date, I really like when the guy offers to come to my neighborhood.
Yeah. Like especially in L.A., but a lot of cities.
Right. The distances are really long.
I don't like when the guy is like, oh, let's meet halfway or come to the some dudes actually have the balls to tell me, oh, can you come to me? Come to the beach. I'm like, no, I'm the girl.
I work super hard. I'm insanely busy.
I think it's so classy if the guy's like, oh, I'll make a reservation near you. I think that's like major gentleman.
He wins a lot of points. Do you agree? Yeah, I totally agree.
I tell all my clients that you want to make it easy for her to say yes. So what's going to make it easy for her to say yes? Sell the date a little.
Pick someplace close to her. This isn't forever.
You know, it's not like you are always going to have to do that, but for the first date, absolutely. Yeah.
Before I let you go, I have to ask you the famous sex question. Do you think that makes a difference? It's a big debate, right? You're dating someone, you meet them, you really like them.
Do you really think it matters for the guy in terms of developing a relationship? Like if you withhold sex, if you have sex on the second date, the third date, the fourth date? So listen, there are happily married couples who had sex on the first date and there are happily married couples who waited until they were married to have sex. And then there's everything between the most important thing is that you do what you are comfortable with i think where it gets tricky and i think this actually goes for both men and women is when you have sex before there's an emotional connection it's really easy to then be like oh like it wasn't that good or like this awkward thing happened or like i kind of i kind of regret that and like then not proceed whereas if you or like from a guy's perspective like their mind even is just like oh like okay like kind of like been there done that whereas if you form both directions if you form the romantic connect or the excuse me the intellectual the emotional connection first i just think it gives you a better shot at a long-term relationship if that's what you want and again again, I don't care if you want to have sex for fun on a first date or not on a date, then like by all means.
But I think if you are seeking a romantic long-term partner, you just increase the odds by waiting until there's like some sort of emotional connection established. I love that answer and I could not agree with you more.
Now for the guys out there listening that agree with you, oh my God, I get so nervous on the first date. Any tips for not getting so nervous on the first date so they can actually enjoy it a little more? Yeah, I think it's like one practice, you know, don't wait, don't only talk to women on dates, like become the type of person who talks to a lot of people, talks to girls in line, talk.
And it doesn't mean you're hitting on them. It doesn't mean you're asking them out, but you're just practicing developing conversations because it will help you remember like, this is just another person.
And that goes for men and women. This is literally just another human being.
And instead of going, okay, how can I make them like me? Think about let's change, flip the script here. How do I determine if this person is a good fit for me? You know? And I think that can be really helpful looking for that instead of worrying about whether or not they like you.
Because if they don't, if they like you or not really isn't your business like that, well, you know, it'll either lead to another date or it won't. So try and focus on whether you like them.
Um, and if you need more help, in touch with me. Because I have a whole course on how to be better on dates.
I love that we can all use all the help we can get. Blaine, you are awesome.
Thank you so much. Tell everybody again, how do they get in touch with you? Yeah, you can find me across all social media at datingbyblaine or datingbyblaine.com.
Yeah, guys, go follow her because her videos are adorable. She's gorgeous and her advice is right on point.
I love your work. Thank you so much.
It was such an honor to have you and hopefully we'll find Mr. Right.
Never give up on love, right? Yeah, I'm rooting for everyone out there. Yeah, Blaine, thank you so much.
It was such a pleasure having you. Thank you, guys.
See you very soon. Bye- very soon bye bye last but not least before i let you go those of you that know cat on the loose know that one of my favorite places to shop for casual cozy everyday wear is girly a la mode building a worldwide community for body positivity self-love and inclusionag everybody is beautiful.
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