Side Stories: Body Parts for Sale

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There's no place to escape to.

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Yeah, this is a really big problem, Eddie.

I have no clue how.

I mean it.

When I look at you, I have no idea how you did this to your coffee.

I have no idea what happened to you in your coffee.

You've somehow, you're covered in your coffee.

You were clean when we started.

But now you're covered in coffee.

Lick my tits.

And you smell like our coffee man, Alex, our incredible intrepid man,

is in charge of our bean flow. Man, that man keeps me stacked in beans, dude.
He does. But have you ever been around him? Yeah.
Have you met him? Yeah. He's at the Chicago show.
He smells of delicious beans. It's a good thing to stink of, I guess.
He smells so delicious. Yeah.
He smells like a nice dark roast, but he's very white. Oh, lily white.
Yes, but he is just delicious smelling. Yeah.
As a man, I like the smell of coffee on a man's skin. He hits me up constantly to send me shirts and more beans.
I never turn down free coffee, especially his coffee because it's delicious. Don't ever do it.
He sent me recently a bag of mystery coffee and then wrote on it, might be horrible. He sends experiments to me too.
He sends me experiments. He's like, this is experiments, might be horrible.
It's awesome. I love to try it.
I always do it. Yeah, because sometimes it's great.
It's in my freezer now. I'm scared of it.
It's delicious. It's just coffee.
Yeah. It's not going to taste like liquid shit.
I mean, all of his coffee tastes delicious. none of his coffee tastes like shit you're right yeah that's why we sell it spring hill jack coffee exclusively through last podcast on the left that's why we do this that's why we join with them they have to buy it through our website no they can go to him and buy it right can directly but don't buy it from him buy it from us no we get a that we're working with.
Yeah, we get a cut. It's a whole thing, Eddie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a whole merch angle.
I love it. I love it.
Well. Reptilian in the morning.
I brought it with me when I left town to escape the fire. See, what's fun about evacuating is that no one tells you is that when you're in the beginnings of the evacuation, the packing portions, is that one of the truly Sophie's choice, I was, we were getting ready to go.
We were thinking about going. We didn't end up evacuating.
We did not end up evacuating. I only brought 100 DVDs.
Well, dude, I started going through my graphic tees. Natalie was like, let's go, let's pack bags, right? So she started going through, and I went upstairs, and I started folding and going through my t-shirts, and I have a pile of

meth syndicate, I got a pile of studio house,

I got a pile of Meshka, I got a pile

of my assorted other various

horror movie t-shirts of all

the years, I got my pile of, I have a

whole separate drawer of just offensive t-shirt

shirts I can't wear, like

out, right? And then I have all,

but then my gym t-shirts. But after the world is burned down I feel like you can start wearing those.
Yes. Yes.
Because then I feel like that would give people around me they have to respect me. Yeah.
Fear me. Exactly.
But I then. Those Mickey Mouse Taliban shirts.
Oh yes. It's one of my favorites.
But I go into the and I see all these piles of shirts and then i just imagine instead what if i just die here you know like what if instead i just burn alive with all of your shirts i couldn't i didn't know what to choose i started bringing them down to put them in the car obviously i'm packing the convertible natalie's like no we're not taking the convertible no you can't take the convertible

because of the roof it's super fragile yeah and it's right well i'm not built for this no i'm not built for the fire welcome to side stories how you doing i'm here going on i'm henry still alive lightly toasted lightly singed with ed larson you did evacuate yeah i brought my quince shirts and I brought my Raycons.

Absolutely.

I brought my Audible.com.

And I just want to say thank you. Thank you to StoryWorth for asking me if I wanted to contribute my L.A.
Fire story to my StoryWorth account. So I just want to say thank you so much for that.
I do genuinely want to thank the LAFD.

Yes.

I'm a New Yorker born and bred.

I lived there until I, you know, literally more bred than born.

Absolutely.

Because I'm fat.

You are carbs.

I cut you off.

I did it first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I roasted me first.

Yeah.

I just agreed with your weight gain.

Thank you.

But for so long, NYFD, they've held the moniker of America's superheroes because of 9-11, which I, you know, fine. That's NYFD.
Yes. But the LAFD.
They took the 9-11 from New York. And we brought it local to SoCal.
Yeah, that's right. And so I just want to say thank you to the people that are out there fighting these fires.
These guys are beautiful pussy-eating firemen. They're eating pussy.
They're sucking dick. They're taking dick.
When they run out of water, they're making these chicks squirt out of the fires to put out the fires. It's crazy.
Just the call for that. Did you see that on Craigslist looking for squirters? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lieutenant's looking for squirters? I love you. That was amazing.
I sent my wife, but she didn't. It's so hard to get her to go.
You got to get her to relax. With the fires, it's so hard to get them to relax.
Because they got one big guy. There's one fire department lieutenant.
He's just got one large index finger. And he just goes through.
He says, I don't like this. I have a wife.
And he just makes them squirt. They squirt all over the fires.
But when we were, the first fire that came out really close to our house was that one of the fires on the Sunset Ridge, they knocked it out in like fucking eight hours. They nailed it.
It was just, I can't say thank you enough to allow us to continue to be here to work. Yes.
Thank you, the LAFD. They have saved, they must have saved millions of lives over the last couple days.
And everything, they're just, it's crazy what they're doing. So we just want to say thank you.
And it's been obviously very scary in Los Angeles. But we have been using the power of laughter in our own homes.
That's right. And our wives are thankful, aren't they? They're so happy about what we did.
Which was nothing, really. You bought a bunch of gear.
I did. I bought...
Wait till you see my shit. Yeah.
Henry's ready for the next fire. He wasn't prepared for this one.
No, no, but now I am. I have bought a full-on...
I bought two gas masks. I bought a military-grade headlamp.
I bought a... Holy shit, dude Dude, I'm going to scare the fuck out of my neighbors.
I just cannot... Wait.
You know you could buy a full-on hazmat suit? You could just buy one. I went and looked.
I got into the world of safety material. You should start spraying their house in a hazmat suit.
Sorry, I'm just checking to see if you guys got loser disease.

But no, we got all this shit now, dog.

I'm a fucking...

You're ready.

Yeah, dude.

I got to get something.

I got a solar-powered lamp.

Yeah, I saw you said that.

And I was like, what am I?

I'm just going to leave this outside and wait for it to work?

Solar-powered.

It's annoying.

I definitely regretted my decision the moment I got home and it was dark out. And I'm like, oh, there's no sun for the solar lamp.
But normally, but if you leave it out during the day, it will charge. Yeah.
And then it charges during the day during aftertimes. So I'm just littering my yard now.
Yeah. But what's also just amazing is the power of just like, I just know that everywhere I go, I'm covered in retardant.
Yes. Oh my God.
So much retardant. The retardant that I even have in my home, because I bought some home retardant.
Oh, yeah. Luckily, I already have some home retardant.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she's going to leave soon. You like that, Rob? Not my wife.
I'm not talking about my wife. I'm just saying it's just nice that it's in the lexicon.
It's a different word. Totally different word.
Yeah, it's extremely. What do you think we're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm saying about the fact that there is a, it's just nice that it's in the news a lot. The word.
Retardant. It's just said.
Retardant. Yeah.
It's just said over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Every time, just a little...
We're traumatized, okay?

Yeah, I can't help it.

I'm laughing. I gotta laugh at something.

Something had to make me happy.

That's what made me laugh.

My little quiet little laugh.

Yeah, my blanket.

My retarded blanket.

I suck on the corner of it.

That's gonna affect

some of it. You don't get away.
It's got to stay dry. But otherwise, we're here.
I've read all the various conspiracy theories. All of them are incorrect.
Thank you, everyone, for making us look stupid. I appreciate that.
What do you mean? All the theories of why we caught on fire instead of just knowing that it's a disaster. The one thing I will say is, where are the witches on this? Yeah! Witches go after every other thing, right? They've been talking about how they can't hex Trump because he's got some warlock charm or something.
And I've seen that excuse. Where are the witches on the wind? I feel like anybody can speak.
But they like fire. Witches, I know that they get burnt at the stake.
They party at fire, and it's also, they reclaim the fire, which is take the fire back for themselves. You know what it stands for? What? Woman in total control of herself.
Oh, is that true? No. Oh.
My mom bought a calendar, though, for Natalie that she showed me. She was like, I just bought this calendar for Natalie.
And oh God, Henry Thomas.

As soon as I saw it, I knew.

I knew what it said.

And it's a picture of a woman with her shirt off.

And it says, which woman in total control of herself on the front of it.

But she still has to, you know, rely on a calendar.

Well, yeah.

You know, it's not in total control.

But it's her calendar.

Yeah, I know.

But still, like, days are going to happen.

Time's going to happen.

You're not in total control.

Yeah, but you're just talking about a woman in total separation from reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A whister. That's called a whister.
A woman in total separation from reality, I've met quite a bit of those. Like the lady that runs the Yoga Honey Bee store down the street that is funneling millions of dollars into a storefront for no reason.
Oh, you know what? Yeah, they would not like forest fires. Yes, you're correct, Rob.
No, they would not like them. But I'm saying witches could talk to wind.
I thought. What if we have a giant cauldron? For what? For the fire, for the witches.
No, Eddie. Eddie.
What? Ed Larson. What happened? I'm saying, I'm talking about the wind.
The witches need to talk to the wind and have the wind stand down. Why don't the witches talk to the wind? And why can't the witches make rain? I know that Marjorie, our favorite Marjorie Taylor Greene did ask that the people with the weather machine please send rain to Los Angeles.
I appreciate her. That's the first time I've ever agreed with her.
Yeah. Which is where are the weather machine people on this? Yeah.
Like just squirt at it. I thought, aren't you trying to fucking honestly, I thought that you guys in your cabal were trying to hide the powerful witch pedophiles in Los Angeles.
How are you going to do that if we burn our life? Yes. Alright, you have to stop

it. So someone's got to come.
Deep State

needs to stop this. Maybe all the brooms

burned up because they're so flammable and then

the witches weren't able to control the wind because all the

brooms were gone. No, the broom's their car.

You've seen the bumper stickers.

Yeah.

My other car is a broom.

These women are totally in control of themselves.

They could go on the bus and take their witch's bus. Public transportation witches? Witches most, probably.
Honestly, it's better for the environment. It is better for the environment.
I'm just saying, side stories, L-P-O-T-L, gmail.com. Where are you witches? Where are the witches on this? Let's handle some of these elements.
Because obviously, either besides the space Jews that are running the lasers or just the government themselves that are half reptilian. We don't know who's not turning on the weather machines properly or not setting them, not calibrating them.
So we need the witches to take over if you would. Thank you.
And we do want to say we want to extend our apologies to Atlanta because we had to postpone the shows. was because we literally could not get out of the city we did not know if our homes were going to burn to the ground and then it was snowing there anyway and it would have been a total disaster if we went, so we're coming back June 28th and 29th respectively both shows are rescheduled and we will be there with our shirts off it's going to be hot, gonna be extremely hot yeah but i love atlanta in the summertime it is spicy spicy my friend yeah i'm excited to go back so but we will be in dallas on the 22nd so make sure you come check that out please do please do and also uh we got another update it's a good update what's this update so this is an email i got this this is just sort of i think that this is going to end this saga about this nebraska oh Oh, yeah.
I need to know about this. So this is an email.
I got this. This is just sort of, I think that this is going to end this saga about this Nebraska.
Oh, yeah. I need to know about this.
So this is a story that we're covering. The highway furniture placer.
Yeah. So the last two episodes, we've been covering this story about this, apparently, this series of activity going on in Bennington, Nebraska, where an object is found on the road.
A car swerves to avoid the object, crashes, and then a mysterious person comes up to the car, offers aid that seems like they've been waiting and watching ever since. Now, there's several people that have said over and over again that they believe that they saw the same man do this multiple times over four different crashes, right? So that's kind of where it ended.
It was mystery. And then last week we covered how this same, whoever this guy is, has been calling and pretending to be one of the people inside of the crashes has been calling the local news in Bennington and saying, please stop covering this story in a super weird way.
Yes. Right? Very strange.
And this is the email I got. So, and I think...
We don't know who sent this. No idea.
You know, we don't know anything about this information. We don't know if this is true or not.
Absolutely not. But I'm sharing it anyway.
But with the warning of we have no idea. But it does seem to explain.
It makes it makes sense. It fits.
It tracks. So I'm from Bennington.
The population there is less than 2000 people. I knew someone would know something.
I messaged some of my friends, and here's the information I gathered. Almost everyone in Bennington knows who the guy is that is doing this.
I had six people send me his name. I'm not going to include his name because of the rest of this email, but he went to the local high school.
He's about 23, 24 years old. Apparently, he has a form of mental disability.
He wanders around Bennington largely unsupervised. Some of my friends said he was a nice guy, just kind of odd.
Others said he's kind of dangerous. Allegedly, he might wander into people's yards.
He's been known to go into people's homes. The doors are unlocked, apparently.
And he's also apparently threatened to kill a girl's boyfriend after the girl turned him down for a date. So now what they're saying is they believe that the police probably know who this person is and are treading lightly because technically they've committed no crimes.
Is it? It's a crime to put something in the middle of the road. We don't know if they did that.
We know that saw them doing it. No.
So we don't know if they are. So right now they they have not committed any crimes.
Right now, they're just being a weirdo at various spots.

And there's nothing illegal but being a weirdo.

What should they do to this guy to stop him from doing this?

Probably I would...

Yell at him, right?

I'd give him a yelling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They got to go.

But that's hometown.

That's real policing.

Yeah.

That's like when a cop can just go, we don't need to arrest the guy.

We don't need the stuff.

You just go over there.

Just go, hey! Whoa! Hey! I know what you're fucking doing. That's how you handle it.
Yeah, absolutely. Or being like, wait, listen, Quincy.
I'm calling him Quincy. Quincy.
Hey, Quincy. All right, you got to stop being looky-loo because if not.
No more ice cream. No more.
It's illegal for you to have ice cream. And we'll tell all the ice cream shops around town.
No more ice cream for you. Cut you off.
I'm going to tell the gas station guy you can't have ice cream. I'm also, you know what else? I'm going to take away your rolly hot dogs.
Shit serious. Yeah.
Okay, Quincy? All right, so what I need you to do is first of all, put some clothes on. Please! All right? You're going to be cold.
It's winter. It's cold as hell, all right? It is Nebraska.
And the second thing I'm going to need you to do is

you bring that smile over here because God, I love you, Quincy.

Give me some tongue.

I love this scenario.

Bennington, Nebraska.

Where you can tongue kiss your local different man

because it's polite to do. He's just a different kind of man.
And then we have a... So we don't know.
Again, that could be completely false. But it's fun.
And that's really all we're here for, isn't it? Yeah. So now Green Beret.
I asked last time about the Green Berets. What's the difference between Green Berets and seals? Long story short, I got a great email that was someone who was a Beret sister.
So I can believe it was someone who's a sister to a Green Beret. Okay.
Related to a Green Beret. That's close enough.
And basically have said that Green Beret training is SEAL training, but intelligence. So I thought this was really a SEAL train, a SEAL friend, a Navy seal, described the differences between the Green Beret and the seals in this way.
A seal's going to sneak in your village at night, break down your door, do what they need to, then disappear into the night to return to base and shower. The Green Berets move into your village, learn the language and customs, become a member of the community, then break your door down and do what they have to do before disappearing into the night and move to another village.
Rinse and repeat. So they are the, they're intense.
They're a more intelligence-driven version of the seals. Technically, it seems that the berets are, they are sort of above the seals, but I did not know that.
It's very interesting. That's very interesting.
I like green berets more now. Oh, I do too, because they have to do more research.
I thought it was a seal guy, but, you know, that's just brute force. Yeah, obviously.
And obviously, you know, also, anybody that can snag Heidi Klum gets a couple points in my book. Amen.
Amen. Missed that seal.
Missed him so much. Salute.
What happened to him? Who, a seal? Yeah. I think he was on tour last year.
Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he's doing great.

He's still doing his thing.

Kiss from a Rose is a big hit.

I love that song.

People love that shit.

He's handsome.

I think he's handsome.

Mm-hmm.

What, do you want to get to regular news?

Oh, is there a drone update?

No.

No one knows, right?

It's over.

We reached out to Nap to talk drones.

He says, I'm no expert, but we are going to follow up with him.

We are going to be talking about it. Because we're like, oh, with because we're like oh you're not yeah the why are we not calling you oh yeah and so we are going to talk with him about drones but we don't know no we don't know jack shit nothing happened no one knows about the drones even though the top ufo guys don't know shit about the drone i'm still getting uh uh footage yeah people still seeing them but it's just not at the level that it was it It hit a peak.
It's a flap. No one cares anymore.
They call it a flap for a reason. They were flying drones over the fires, and they couldn't fucking fly the planes to dump the water because people were flying drones, taking video footage of the fires.
Yeah, people are stupid. But also, Los Angeles is a town of creatives.
Yes, that's it. So as soon as you give us something to take pictures of, we're going to take a lot of pictures of it.
Oh my God. How many furious fire screenplays were written this weekend? Oh, there's so many.
Just like the guy being like, how many fire, how many things about like a story about the fire killing his ugly wife and then he gets to go be with a 20 year old like professional diver and professional diver. And then he's like, that's one story.

My big thing is I'm waiting for the movie about the drag racing that was happening Tuesday and Wednesday when the storm was happening.

Because all the cops were gone.

Everybody was gone.

The city was on fire.

And people were just drag racing up and down the 101.

That did sound fun.

That did sound insane.

But it does.

It did.

Because it was the first time I heard Natalie. She's like, I can't believe they're drag racing.
I was like, they're the freest guys I know. To be honest, if I wasn't locked down, I'd be right with them, man, with the flag.
Yeah, at least they're drag racing away from the fire. Yeah, dude.
I'd be wearing my little crop top. Like, what's her name? What was the girlfriend in Fast and the Furious? Michelle.
Michelle Rodriguez. That's me.
She had a bad attitude. She was.
She was a little bit sour-faced, but that's what made her sexy. Yes, oh, no, no.
Very attractive. I liked her because of her bad attitude.
We all did. Yeah, that's why people liked her.
She was the furious. She was.
She was the furious. Yeah.
She really was. Right from your grave.
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Rules and restrictions may apply. All right, let's do this first story about body parts.
Oh, this is probably my favorite story of the week. All right, so this is from the Wichita Eagle.
Wesley Medical Center, you're on notice. A Wichita man stole human body parts and fetal corpses.
Fetal corpses. Fetal corpses.
When he worked at the Wesley Medical Center, and then he sold them to somebody he met online. He was sentenced Thursday to 18 months in prison.
Now, what's really shocking about this story, I think. To me, both of us landed on the same thing.
Same thing. There's so many things.
So this guy, he pleaded guilty to June. This is the guy, Angelo Pereira.
Yeah. He did it.
He sold fetal corpses and a partial foot, a human heart, slices of liver, brain, kidneys, a spleen, a foot, intestine pieces, a testicle. Is there sides? A jar of toes.
Wow, cute. Skin and fat, dried toes, and miscellaneous other organs.
So he sold it to this other guy, right? All of that. He sold this to this guy, a guy by the name of Insanian.
His name is literally Insanian. What is his first name? I don't have it right now.
I'm sorry. Andrew Insanian.
Right? That is this guy. That is the guy who bought it all.
Yeah. And so we looked at old stuff.
We were like, that's fucking crazy. Because obviously this is something that would make Marcus drool.
Yeah, I know. I'm surprised he's not a suspect.
He's talked about getting human remains before. I don't know how I got him.
But this is one of those where you go and like They bought whole fetuses You're talking two wing, two leg Dark and white meat This is real buying whole fetuses Right? Guess what the bill was I mean I know the answer Guess what the bill was If I were to guess Tell me what you think Like an actual guess for that list that I just gave Alright we got partial foot, two dead babies A human heart, slices of liver, brain, kidneys The whole thing, you got the whole Tasting menu I would guess $250,000 Wow That's what I would guess Yeah right $ that. Dude.
That's nothing! Jack, that's so cheap! Shit. This guy, he got caught because he sold to the first better.
Yeah, dude, he got lowballed. Yeah, man.
And he did it over PayPal. No, you're worth.
He did it over PayPal and Facebook Market. And then he sent it through the postals.
He sent it through the mail. I wonder if he insured the packages.
I can't believe that a fetus, just one fetus alone, 20 grand. I thought, but you know what? Honestly, I just think that they're a lot easier to get than we think it is.
Yeah. I mean, apparently.
Because he squeezed them out. Like, he got them from the medical center.
He stole them, right, from the, whatever, the waste area. He stole them from wherever they were keeping them to study them.
Also, I will say to the N. Sani and the guy who bought them, how do you know what you're getting? I think that's why he was able to pay so little.
Wow. But what do you do? You taste it? What do you do? You lick it? You smell it? How do you become a fetus? What do you buy it? What do you do with a dead fetus besides play football with it? Like what else do you do? Is it just to keep your papers down on your desk? You put it in a jar and it's a conversation piece.
You see that? Yeah. Dead fetus.
Yeah, it goes on the... You be the lady on the date.
You don't put it on the coffee table, but the side table or a shelf. I couldn't help but notice your eyes were wandering to my dead fetus.

See that over there?

Yes.

That's my dead fetus, Quincy.

Yeah.

Would you like to make another?

Would you?

Because there's nothing I like better than contributing to the collection of a genius.

That's so nice.

Right?

The best part about a fetus is that it's only in you for a little bit.

Do you mind if I take my pussy out?

If you would, honestly, I'd prefer to do it outside of you. I'm so horny looking at that fetus.
Yes, I know you are, as am I. Ah, my delectable little petal.
Ah, my delicious fruit basket. Oh, I love you.
I'm so attracted to you. Kiss my fetus.
Kiss Kinsey. Why is your car just a four-tempo? Because I am there.
I'm always on the move. I'm the most brave man there is.
I can't be found. I cannot be allowed to be pinned down, my dear.
Kiss my fetus. You know what else drove me crazy about this whole thing? Is he's going to get 18 months in prison, and then when he gets out, they're like, and 50 hours community service.
And you better be what? That's almost a full week of work. And you listen, if you even think about selling another pile of fetuses, it's all going to happen all over again, buddy.
Alright? So you be careful. Alright? You have to wait until you do this literally three times before I do a significant sentence to you, buddy.
So you get this next one, yes. You get one more, but then the next one.
It's just like, what is that 50 hours? 2,000 hours! That's significant time! Do you think it's at a daycare center so we can see what happens to a fetus if it blossoms? Mmm. Do you think it'll be when he takes it? Because a fetus is not...
I barely even think a fetus is a baby. It's not.
I don't think someone's a person until they're like 16. Yeah.
Oh, my God. I say 24.
I don't think they count. 16 is garbage.
Yeah, it's bad. It's a bad year.

27 to me is like a real number.

That's when I can really...

That's a good number we can even start considering you.

It's because you haven't killed yourself by drugs then.

You haven't found drugs cool enough to die by 27.

That means by 28 you might be over it.

Yeah.

No, exactly.

I mean, that's what happened to me.

Yep.

By the time I was 28, I was done doing drugs.

Well, except for mushrooms and acid.

Weed and acid and bollies sometimes.

No, I don't like the molly.

But you would if you got a hold of it. When I was 28, I did.
So this is one story. Nothing learned anything from that.
No, but this guy did steal fetuses and body parts. What does the guy who bought it get? He's also in trouble.
But did he get any time? They didn't say that he got... They didn't tell us his actual sentence, but he's going to get in trouble.
It sounds like he also threw the other guy under the bus. Does he get in trouble in Wichita or Pennsylvania, where he's from? Or is it now a federal case once across the state lines? Side stories.
L-P-O-T-L. At gmail.com.
No idea. It might be bigger.
It might be connected to like a trafficking whole thing. I mean, there's obviously a website that they went to.
They arrested some other guy who also had body parts. Yes, this is the same guy.
And they think he may be connected to it. Holy shit.
These guys are all connected. This came from stories we covered like years ago.
Well, there was the guy from Harvard who stole human remains. But that's a fancy guy.
These are low-level guys. This is a guy that we covered also on side stories.
This is not the first time. We've covered these in Arizona.
We've covered these in Harvard. We've covered these in Pennsylvania.
These are stories that this is really not, strangely enough, not that uncommon if you are gonna buy body parts on the internet you're talking to a cia agent not here actually i think that you'd be surprised because a lot of it's pretty either innocuous or mixed within other taxidermies and a lot of that stuff no one's doing that writing. Most people are not buying human bodies unless you are actively trying to buy an organ, which is something that people do, right? Like people can go, you can buy an organ to put inside of you.
Yeah, well, that's, I mean, you know, that should be allowed, I guess. They found five gallon buckets of human remains in this guy's house.
This is the guy with the two, he's got one side of his face tattooed and one of his eyeballs are blocked out. Jeremy Paulie, he did two years of community service, of probation.
God, he'd be such a scary volunteer. Oh my god.
That's a scary volunteer. I'm here to fold your goodwill clothes.
Yes, anybody who shows up looking like a githyanki from Baldur's Gate 3 is very frightening. Your Baldur's Gate 3 references are getting out of hand.
I'm just fucking... People don't know what the fuck it is.
They do, though. No, they don't.
The people don't. There are some people, sure, but I have no idea what you're talking about.
You're referencing something. I have no clue what you're talking about.
I get into hyperfixations, and it's the only thing that I can talk about certain things because the rest of my time is spent working, researching for the work. Aliens is okay.
You can reference Aliens whenever you want. It falls under the shit.
We have a lot of Baldur's Gate people. I have a lot of Baldur's Gate people.
What is this? Is this all the characters in Baldur's Gate? Yes. Get this off the screen.
I won't do this. I don't want this.
This has nothing to do with anything. But it is very good.
I'm glad you have a hobby. Keep it there.
I need to have one. Yes.
Keep it there. I need to do something and it's not body cam footage.
You want to talk about your gear? I like the gear. Yes.
You know, but anything, you know, but Baldur's Gate. But my whole life, I can't, you can't make a hobby out of fire gear.
I don't want to hear, do you hear me talk about my fruit game that I play on my phone? That's different. That's boring.
I play my fruit game. It's not boring.
I kissed. I got 80,000 points the other day.
I kissed a girl in my game. You kissed a girl in your game.
I kissed a girl in my game. Big watermelon.
You got to play it. It's a great game.
It's on my phone, and I connect the watermelons, and then all the other fruit disappears, and I can start all over. It's like Tetris, but it's all fruit.
See? It's stupid. No one cares about your games.
See, for me, though, I think... People are going to love that.
People like Falters. They're going to like hearing that.
They do like all of us. They like every bit of us.
All right, here's a go. This is another one that I have a question about.
All right. Pataskala.
We're in good old-fashioned Ohio. Did you...
Oh, I just watched the Jerry Springer documentary on Netflix. Did you watch this? No.
Was it good? It's interesting. I was busy watching Natalia Grace, which is stupid.
Yeah, now we're in a, that's Jump the Shark. I'm done.
I'm done. Yeah, and so, but they call, they think called the Springer Triangle is what they called, which was from Ohio to Kentucky to Atlanta, which is where they got all of their guests.
They joked about this thing, but it's like they get all of their guests, but they called the Springer Trials in Tennessee, Ohio. It's very funny.
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. It's very interesting.
Also, the documentary really shows. I actually thought that Jerry Springer came up with the whole thing.
He didn't. No.
Where was it filmed? In Chicago. Oh, it was filmed in Chicago.
Yeah, but it's interesting. Well, back to this.
So, Pataskala, this woman in Ohio. This woman was mauled and killed by her neighbor's pigs on Christmas Day.
On Christmas. Now, Rebecca Vestergaard, 75, of Pataskala, she got attacked by two pigs that were roaming near her house.
Now, when they came to her house, there was a welfare check. They were find her.
They were the neighboring pigs. They weren't roaming as much as they were like, they were next door pigs.
But this is what I just don't particularly understand is that when they arrived, the police first thought that she had been partially eaten by the pigs. Now, we've heard this before, obviously with Robert Pickton, and we've heard this before, people have disposed of bodies using pigs because pigs will just eat anything that's in

there. But that's different.
Yes. These are pigs attacking.
Yes. These are pigs going, and these aren't wild pigs.
These are domesticated pigs. Farm pigs.
Yeah. And so they, they found her, they first, they thought that she'd been eaten, but then they looked at her and they're like, no, it looked like they just kind of chewed her up and beat the fuck out of her and killed but my question is, is that

why, what would make

a random ass pig attack somebody? Because wild boars and wild pigs, apparently they killed more people a year than sharks. That makes sense.
I believe that. Wild pigs are extremely dangerous, but just farm-raised pigs, I don't know what would cause them to go crazy like that.
Well, we don't know how these pigs were kept. You know, there's lots of unanswered questions in this article.
But do pigs get angry and then go take revenge against the world? Is there a fucking John Oink? Is he going out there to go fucking systematically bring his revenge against the neighborhood? They're big, man. A pig can get like 400 pounds.
I'm not doubting a pig's

ability. I'm doubting its motive.

I'm doubting its train of

thought. Well, it's Christmas.
Maybe they

got angry about a ham. Or maybe

they're... This is ham time.
How

crazy would it be to be

Jewish pig? Oh my god.

Think about that. Just

your anachronism life. Everywhere

you go. People are so...
Yeah. They kick

you out of the synagogue. Yeah, you can't even...

You can't go to the deli. They kick you out

in the Think about that. Just your anachronism life.
Everywhere you go. People are so, yeah.

They kick you out of the synagogue.

Yeah, you can't even, you can't have, you can't go to the deli.

They kick you out of the fucking Ani Bat Misfa, you're poisoning them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You think that the, you don't think that there's not Jewish pigs on Christmas Day?

They don't feel left out?

I think that maybe, just maybe, something's got to be done about this?

Yeah. Because what have we learned from Animal Farm?

Yeah, they say Christmas.

Some pigs are more, some animals are more equal than others.

Yeah.

So maybe these, to be honest, these extremely subjugated Jewish pigs are, they're screaming for help.

Well, people say it was Christmas, but it was also the first day of Hanukkah.

Wow, there's no excuse. Yeah.
There's no excuse at all for those Jewish pigs that have done this to this woman. Yeah.
And I think that that's disgusting. Yeah.
And I'm upset. But I don't think that the Jewish people themselves should be blamed.
I think we should look at the pigs. And I think that we should really just blame these specific pigs.
And the guy who owned the pigs, obviously he wasn't able to keep them locked up. But he's not training them to kill.
No, he's not, but he's reckless, obviously. What's reckless about it? It killed his neighbor! It's pigs! Yes! But why did he think these are pigs? If they were Rottweilers, he'd be in trouble.
Correct. Because Rottweilers sometimes kill old women because they hate old women.
They really do. They hate them.
I talked to some Rottweilers. They say some really nasty shit about old ladies.
Crazy shit, man. Crazy.
But I think pigs ain't got no quarrel with man because they don't know. They aren't conscious of it necessarily.
Pigs are smarter than Rottweilers. Pigs are smarter than toddlers.
But then why don't pigs regularly rise up and kill the farmers that are killing them? It makes no sense, Eddie. It'd be cool if they did.
Yeah, sure. And we probably, to be honest, I'd respect them a lot more and we'd eat less.
It's a long game, dude. The Pink Rivers, dude, they're fucking killing us slowly.
So you mean to tell me they're just like saying like, we'll do this old-fashioned way. I'm just gonna shit until you're sick.
Oh, I can't go ahead and eat me, buddy, but you're gonna be you're gonna be angry yourself on your deathbed 40 years from now. No, I mean, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
This is what I'm saying. Because the cops don't know what to do with it.
They're literally, this literally this is an issue literally the cops know what to do with the dog they know what to do with an angry animal they don't know what to do with pigs that killed somebody randomly I mean obviously you have to put them down and then her family should get to eat them the neighborhood I mean it depends on how big the pigs are I mean that's the only thing if it was done by tiny pigs that'd be ridiculous I mean sure if it was te big the pigs are. I mean, that's the only thing is that it's not like...
If it was done by tiny pigs, that'd be ridiculous. I mean, sure.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If it was teacup pigs, what do we... I mean, this lady had it coming.
Because I kind of think we're in the area... You know when they said, like...
You know how they said how, like... It was like something in 2024.
Something like toddlers killed, like, 150 people. Yes.
With guns or something like that. Some crazy statistic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some crazy statistic.

So it's like the pigs, the thing is when the toddler kills somebody, it's super fucking sad.

You can't really do anything about it. You can't eat them.

Toddlers don't get jail.

It doesn't do anything from jail because technically they're supposed to be in one.

It's got a playpen.

Yeah.

But pigs.

They're in charge.

When a pig does a crime, it's the most delicious punishment of all internal affairs yes and the internal affairs has to understand is that they have to get the internal affairs actually make sure the temperature has to be 165 for it to be okay to eat yes I just wonder what was happening here yeah feral swine we were talking about the feral swine. That's all these, it's a feral swine attack.
But this isn't feral swine. These are domesticated pigs.
Friendly pigs. They associate people with food sometimes, so it could cause...
But only if they've eaten people before. Or if they're just really hungry.
They didn't eat this woman, they bit this woman. Yeah, they killed.
They just fucking. And she bled to death.

They assassinated this woman.

There was an incorrect report that they did eat part of her, but they did not.

So that doesn't explain at all why they kill him for the thrill of it.

What are they?

They just do natural born killers?

I don't think they're killing for the thrill of it.

She probably was yelling at the pigs.

She saw him running around on Christmas.

She's like, get the fuck out of here, pigs. Blaming the fucking woman! I'm not blaming her.
I'm just saying how it probably happened. You're saying that the woman asked for it.
I did not say that she asked for it. Yes, you did.
You think she yelled at the pigs? She said, yes, she could have yelled at the pigs and then caused the pigs stress, and then the pigs killed her. I'm not saying it's her fault.
If I saw some loose pigs

I'd yell at them. Would you not yell at two

pigs running up in your yard?

I'd silently

stab them to death.

I'd silently.

To be honest, honestly, truly,

I'd leave the house. If there were two pigs ran up

into your yard? Yeah. We'd just shut the door.

Yeah. If they're in the yard.
She was trying to leave.

That was the problem. Eddie, she went to the pigs.
She had no reason. You just closed the door? Yeah.
Where you just shut the door. Yeah.
She was trying to leave. That was the problem.
Eddie, she went to the pigs. She had no reason.
You just closed the door. Yeah.
No, you definitely closed it. I mean, I would probably want to play with them.
I like pigs so much. I'd want to kiss them.
Yeah, I'd sniff them and bring up the scale. I always wanted to slap a pig in the tush.
I know it's not right, but I always just wanted to give it a little... Hey, you're not punishing it.
You're flirting with it. Yeah.
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The pigs could have helped with this other situation we got here. Which one? This happened in mobile.
And it was only on Reddit. This isn't an actual story.
No, this is not an actual story. So this was sent in to us.
And I love our listeners. We are really trying to, I want to say thank you to the several people that sent us the stories about the piles of whole peeled bananas.
Appreciate you. Various other piles.
Listen, we're trying to move away from pile-based news only just because we were just so we've done it. I was flabbergasted now that I know how regular it is.
It's not even interesting to me anymore. It's past, but we also haven't been asked about Soupgate.
It seems also past that it's calmed down. It's calmed down, but I think there is still random soup being dropped occasionally.
But we need to find, we'll circle back on that. But our boy Drew is doing good.
He's volunteering at the animal shelter these days. That's great.
Yeah. That's really, really great.
Yeah, he's doing a great job. He's a great human being.
That's really very, very sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, but this is something else. People sent this to us, and we will cover this, but I'm going to debunk this.
You're debunking this. There's a couple things I don't like about this story.
Yes. So this comes from Mobile, Alabama.
Someone wrote, please tell me this isn't what I think it is. Just got back home from work and found the surprise on my door handle.
I don't know what it looks like, and I can't make an educated guess on what it is. Can someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on? Do I need to call the police? And then what the picture shows is a pile of what you could probably, what seems to be, semen.
A bunch of cum. Now, this is an extremely generous pile of semen.
Yes. If it is indeed.
Yeah, no. So this woman...
A week and a half backed up.

So this woman says, oh, what is

this? And the entire, obviously,

then the Reddit community turns

into an entire long

thing about

how to kill the person that's done

this. Yes, no, that has become...

I was like, alright, what are we reading here?

Why was this given to me as a story?

And then I'm going through the Reddit comments, and it's just like, you need a gun. What kind of gun? You get a handgun.
You can just get a handgun in one day. Well, maybe you should just get a shotgun that doesn't work.
That way you could just pump it. And it's like, why would you get a shotgun that doesn't work? Because then you can't kill the person.
And so everyone's just talking about how to just murder this person. Meanwhile, I'm looking at this,...
I don't think it's cum. I've seen piles of cum, okay? Yeah.
I've seen piles of cum. Saw one this morning.
Had to, because they made it. And I will say, what I know about cum is that, yes, it does indeed sit in a pile for a while.
Yeah. But, magically, I'm going to say magically, it goes away.
It does. And often when it does, it slides and it dries into sort of like what I would call a film.
Or I would call a picture of a family that never was. This is either fresh and made by the person who took the picture.
This is so fresh. If that is real cum, that cum.
That person's still there. That should be hot to the touch if that is real cum.
I'm looking at this, to be honest, I think it's some form of epoxy. I think that what it could actually be is something even more nefarious.
Have you heard about this? What? That people can do. I've heard that this is also a way to get, it's stuff like how to get a, like I might be entirely fucking this up, where you put stuff in like sticky material, like if you break off your key inside of a- It looks like a hot glue gun.
It looks like hot glue gun material. And I've seen people pour hot glue material, like if you break off your key in a lock, I've seen people pour hot glue gun material into it and then pull out the key after it hardens.
So this looks like hardened glue versus cum. And so and that's my expert analysis.
Yes. Also, I will say they keep calling him the cum bandit.
He's not a bandit. He's not.
He's not a bandit. He left cum.
If anything, he's the cum, like, gifter. Yeah, the cum bandit is somebody who sucks your dick in the night.
Steals your cum. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, a guy who sucks your dick in the night and takes that cum out of you, and he goes, I'm full, I'm done, thank you. Ta-da! TTFN! Ta-ta for now! And then he jumps out the window, that's a cum bandit.
Right? And you go to that thank you sir But to somebody like this This is I would say The cum lever The depositor The mailman M-A-L-E Well I guess that's double That's redundant So I think that this man So't know. And a lot of people, and I would really say if you want to know if it's come, taste it.
Yeah. No, exactly.
We don't know that it's come. We actually, we don't know that it's come.
And also, I don't think murder is the proper punishment for someone coming on your door. No.
I would be very upset if someone came on my front door. You know, to be honest, truly, you know anything that's inappropriate, true punishment? What? Blast him with a fire extinguisher.
Ooh, that is a good punishment. It's non-lethal.
Yeah. It'll ruin your day.
You can knock him out. It's hard to come.
Mm-hmm. Very hard to come when you're getting blasted with a fire extinguisher.
Unless then you use the material that's left. Yeah, you see how it's hard to rub? Rob is zooming in.
Enhance. Enhance on the cum.
Rob, you used to be a plumber. I'm sure you had to deal with your fair share of cum.
I've never seen anything like this. See, that's not cum.
It's not cum. This is not cum.
All the extra little drips. I don't know.
I'm just looking up. All right.
I'm just going to look up piles of cum. I'm doing it on my computer.
Google piles of cum. No, I'm doing it on my computer.
Thank you. Doing it on my computer.
Thank you for taking this sacrifice. Piles of cum.
Come on. Just show it to me, please.
Do you have to turn the safe search off? It just says piles of cum. I think you have to write piles of semen, by the way.
I think that's easy. What do we? Why do I have to act like a fucking adult? Rob's doing it anyway.
No. There's not a lot.
It's hard to show. Yeah, yeah.
Show me a pile. What is going on here? I have Googled pile of semen.
Where is it? Google. I know a picture of one exists.
Pile is in the right word. It's more of a puddle.
Semen on the ground. Puddle of semen.
There you go. Puddle of cum.
It's my favorite band. Puddles of semen.
Oh, wow. That really does.
All right, let's change it. There we go.
That really changes it. This looks like what we're looking for.
That really, really changes it. The pixels are too low on this.
Is this on Shutterfly? It is. Shutterstock.
Oh, Shutterstock. That doesn't look like it.
That's not cum. That's not cum.
That's not cum. All right, Rob, we can stop looking at cum, I guess.
The problem is it's all the undersides of dips and balls. If you want to see cum, you obviously got to move to Alabama.
Why is there no puddles of semen pictures? Yeah. Why is there none? Yeah, people don't fucking get off on that.
What's going on? That should be available to us. SidestoriesLPOTL on gmail.com.
Are you requesting cum pictures? Do not send your cum pictures to Sidestories. I honestly don't.
Don't because if it was just me reading, it'd be different. People look at that.
Yeah, if it was just me reading. Do not send pictures of Henry.
I just don't understand. I'm really upset in a way.
DM it to Henry's Instagram. No, please.
Dr. Fantasy.
That's where you send your cum pictures. Yes.
I just can't believe how many search terms I just did and not a single one came up. Yeah.
Don't Google that. Google AI is breaking in the internet.
Don't Google it. Yeah, nothing happens.
Don't Google it because you will hurt your computer. Don't Google it because you don't get the right response.
You know what I'm angry about this? Back in the day, if I wanted to see a picture of piles of cum, like honestly there'd be like three dudes I could just call. Yeah.
And it's so crazy to just think that I could go on. This is a fucking terabytes of information.
Yes. They've passed on.
Yes. But terabytes of information are available at my fingertips and I can't see a single picture of cum.
Man. Wow.
What a sad world. Just video.
Well, you know where you can see a pile of cum? At a laundromat. At a laundromat.
At Waukesha. Greatest segue of your career so far, Eddie.
I just want to, yeah, let's just do this story real quick. Because this story is just, like, you know, I'm horny, but this is another level.
This is the horniest woman I've ever seen. And this guy is just, you know, I love so few times the someone just smiling in their mugshot.
He really just doesn't understand. He's just like, I got caught.
Sorry! So Waukesha man and woman reportedly had sex in the lobby of a county jail who had they not reportedly, they were on video but still reportedly had sex in the lobby of a county jail last May have been charged after they allegedly repeated the conduct at a Waukesha laundromat on Christmas Eve. Yes.
So now first of all. It's already bad enough you gotta do laundry on Christmas Eve.
And what I love about this, you know what, though? I actually kind of find it relaxing. As a Satanist, I'm not super religious, but I love Christmas Eve.
It's a celebratory night. Save it for the morning.
You can do it on the 26th, too. So what I love is just the difference.
So it's Desmond Cleveland, 29 years old, who's charged Monday in Waukesha County, circuit court with a count of disorderly conduct with a penalty enhancer for repeat criminality right but then his paramour the lovely Karen Hill 67 of Waukesha has been charged with disorderly conduct as well now apparently what they said was they were at the two counts of bail jumping thank you I'm sorry you're right Eddie and I also think it's hilarious that it was flash laundrom On East Broadway in Waukesha, they reported to police December 24th that night. That's also sad, too.
It was Christmas Eve night. Yeah.
They said that they could see Cleveland and Hill lying under a blanket on the floor of the laundromat. They were engaging in movements that seemed akin to sexual intercourse.
And they said somebody entered the laundromat, who's even sadder than them, because at least they were getting laid. They entered the laundromat, they saw the people, they just saw bare ankles.
Bare ankles. I think I'd still do my laundry.
Oh, yeah. It's Christmas.
If I'm doing my laundry on Christmas Eve, a lot of shit's also kind of gone wrong in a way. So it's just like, whatever it is.
If people are fucking at the laundromat, I don't think I care enough to report it. Oh, I would just, well, because we're from New York.
Yeah. So I'm just eyes forward.
At least they're like fucking in a place that's filled with soap. Well, the problem was the guy, the guy, the owner of the laundromat comes in.
He has has to stop Other customers are coming in And he has to stop it all They all say But what I loved was Desmond Cleveland's excuse Which is Hey Sex happens That's right And so sex happens Not only is sex happens It happened in the lobby Of a fucking county jail Which is true To me that's, that's the bigger story. This is crazy, dude.
Why are we talking about a laundromat when they got caught fucking in the lobby of a jail? He just said things were getting flirtatious. He said in the laundromat things were super flirtatious.
They weren't fully full-penetrated yet. And apparently, he went to go pick up his girlfriend, Karen Hill.
Emphasis on the girl there, 67 years young. See, they went there and they went and picked her up from the jail because she was kicked out of her group home.
And they said as they were waiting for when they were going to go to public transportation after being kicked out of the group home. Now, fucking on a bus, I'm less accepting of that.
Yeah, me too. But just the idea of, like, you could get horny, lubed up enough, naked, under a blanket, at the county jail, waiting for the bus, is one of the just wildest.
I've never seen that kind of passion before in my life. Yeah.
That's passion. I've never felt it.
No. No.
What's that like to feel that? Just like look at a jail and be like, we should fuck right here. Just the idea of like, all right.
You want me to be like, okay. I'm just surprised these people have cars.
No, I don't. Oh, no, they don't have cars.
No, no cars here, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, these people are free. They were fucking under jackets at the jail.
That's nice. But now they're going to end up in jail.
Yeah. Back inside, because they were fucking at the jail.
These people are just... And that smile on his face.
He's loving it. You know what's interesting to me? She's looking at 21 months.
Yeah. And then he's looking at

what, two years? Oh, yeah.

Both

more than the guy selling

body parts. Yep.

That is crazy to me. I just watched

the fucking... What is going on

with these punishments of people?

Dude, I just watched the thing. This is public

fucking. Who cares? There was a woman

blew through A. She had a DUI.
Like, it's kind of crazy how the law works. It's really fucking crazy because there's just certain things that they get you more on.
And public decency rules are like, they're made from old timey ideas, right? Like all this stuff is made from old timey ideas. This guy sold fetuses.
Couldn't care less. We just don't have the proper laws for it, really.
Yeah, that's true. That's really what it is.
It's just more like, it's such a... Thanks, Biden.
It's a unique crime. He said, let me be clear, I need them fetuses.
I need them fetuses. I knew a man named Fetus.
I knew a man named Fetus. He was spelled with a P-H.
One of my funny guys. Come on, let's be clear jack no he that's my only thing i can do i but yeah i yeah but i blame biden just cross the board i blame biden but i just don't think we have these rules i think the crimes are unique in that fact yeah and that it's difficult to then also because it's it's it's just hard to pin down yeah so So these people are going to spend more time in jail

than the guy selling body parts.

Sad state of affairs.

I will say one was a job creator

and the other one was just,

I mean, just too romantic.

I say if you want to have sex in a laundromat,

move to Italy.

Amen.

That's where that fucking behavior is allowed.

Amsterdam, Netherlands,

you can have sex with a fucking tortoise in the Netherlands.

All right?

You can do anything you want in Europe.

All right?

So before you come over here, bring your gross-ass European ideals, you get on a fucking ferry,

and you go back to the fucking fatherland, all right, if you want to fucking public.

This is not what you do in America.

We kill people here.

Yeah.

We kill people right. We kill people.
We don't fuck them. Let's get to some letters.
Well, before we go, I just wanted to mention that if you're in Missouri and you see a buck going around with a collar and the word pet written on the side of it. Now, you're talking about the animal, right? Not the man that has to make love to a woman in a cuck video.
Yeah, yeah. No, no, not that.
But yeah, apparently, real quick, a man discovered a deer while he was out hunting and he had the word pet painted on the side of it and it had a collar on. And people are um people they say that that's not good um they're it's a wild animal and it cannot be a pet so please do not make your deer's pet uh it's just not gonna work that this guy was trying to save one this deer's life he tried yes but the thing is that it doesn't work like that no remember when we had the thing with the super friendly robot that was going to make it across America and make friends and shit and then it went to Philly and got fucking beat to death? Yes.
It made it across Canada and then down and then made it as far as Philly and got beat to death. That's what would happen.
Yeah. Yeah.
You can't just say you can't just tell people it's nice because people will fuck with it. Yeah.
So don't do that. If you want to see the picture, it is kind of funny.
Yes. Alright, here we go.
You little people who I love. It's a listener email.
It's a listener email. I'm Timmy Chimley.
Hello, I'm. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. Do you think he talks like that forever, like Austin Butler? Hi, Mama.
Oh, Timothy Chalamet? You think Timothy Chalamet was going to do it? Oh, he got real into the Dylan thing. I got to say, surprisingly good.
Yeah, people like it. It was, as someone who loves Dylan, that movie was surprisingly good.
Does he talk like that? He's going, hey's doing it. The whole movie, yeah.
And you don't put Dylan talk like that. He's doing it.
It's a movie he's shaving pubic hair. He's doing it.
I think that, yeah, he does look good in that. He does look good in that.
All right, here we go. My mom just found an article from 1875 about my great, great, great grandfather, M.F.
Branstetter. He died in Thirndale, a small rural town in Northern California, where actually the wildfires are just outside of right now, which is interesting.
Oh, interesting. The murderer, John Henley, went to San Quentin for life.
This article was published about it, and if it wasn't the craziest description ever, I might be seriously disturbed by it. Hope you enjoy it.
Now, this is an article about her great-great-great-grandfather's death. Okay.
A cutting of fray occurred in this usually quiet town today that makes the blood run cold to think of it, let alone anyone uttering it, and sprung from the same source that so many men have suffered death from, and many a family been disgraced, and poverty brought to the door. game of cards.
It occurred in the saloon, and the participants were M.F. Bransetter and John Henley.
They were playing a game of cards with a whiskey when a slight misunderstanding took place, followed by words, and then bows, and closing with Henley drawing a knife, and literally cutting Bransetter to pieces. Bransetter received one cut on his left arm, extending from the shoulder to the hand, laying bare the bone the entire length, the flesh gaping open four inches in some places.
He received another cut across the stomach, the bowels being cut in a number of places, and a third cut in his back, and as yet it has not been ascertained how deep all the extent. The doctors are all in attendance upon the man now, but is expected that he will die.
The cut in his arm is the worst-looking cut imaginable, his arm being nearly split in two. The whole thing is a terrible affair, and has caused great excitement here.
That is wild. A cut from the shoulder to the hand.
Yeah, dude. It's fucking really steady.
How do you even get the guy to stand still long enough before you do that? It's a razor. That is a sharp-ass knife.
Also, you never know. It seems exaggerated, right? It does.
But hey, I'm not going to fucking call shite upon the past. Yeah.

What do I know?

Well, I'm sorry your great-great-great-great-grandfather died like that.

I am happy that he did.

Because I got the letter.

So thank you.

My dad is a now retired fire captain, formerly firefighter, paramedic for L.A. County Fire.

Yeah, buddy.

Topical.

Yep.

Well, he's told me innumerable crazy stories from his time working as a firefighter from having a Molotov cocktail thrown at the fire engine windshield and being shot at during the L.A. riots to delivering babies in strange places, including for a migrant worker in a field who had to work up until she literally gave birth.
My favorite story is probably Dildo Guy. Okay.
When my dad was still a firefighter, he arrived at the station one morning, parked, and started to head to the door when something strange cut his eye in the truck bed next to his.

It was dozens of dildos.

Okay.

He was taken aback for obvious reasons.

He just stared and he blinked a couple times and he shook his head like it was a cartoon.

He headed inside and asked the guy whose truck it was what the deal was.

He responded that he was in Studio City the day before.

He saw someone throwing out all these dildos after a porn shoot and he thought it was a big waste. He fished them out of the dumpster.
His plan, he said, was to wash them and resell them on eBay for a nice profit. Needless to say, the rest of the guys in duty mercilessly roasted him while the guy got more and more defensive.
As far as I know, he went through with his plan. That guy has been known as the dildo guy in certain circles ever since.
Never buy it used. Always buy it in the box.
Yes. Buy it within the box.
It's worth it. You should go from one box to the next.
Really? Really? And I want to say live every day knowing you never know what's going to happen anyway, right? We have no clue what's going to happen to us one day to the next. So it doesn't really matter what happens.
Just know you're going to live it for the best and you're going to laugh. Knowing for the fact everybody's panicking around you, but you got to know you got to take care of your family, your friends and your city.
And you love your city and you love your family as much as you can. You take care of it and your community, you folks, by giving to something like the California Community Foundation, which I did give a bunch of money to.
You did? I did. I'm still trying to figure out where to put money.
I like this one. You also, one of the things they did say to do is give straight to the LAFD.
Yeah. They do have a lot, they do need a bunch of shit.
Alright, I'll do that today. I also will say to discount some of the disinformation out there, there was not a massive budget cut, all that stuff is horseshit.
All bunch of lies. I'm so crazy.
We did not run out of water. We did not run out of water.
You are literally hearing utter horseshit from people that just for some reason dislike California, mostly because it's cool. It's nice.
It's very nice here. Yeah, so people don't like it.
It's a beautiful place and sometimes disaster happens and disaster happens where you are too. So, welcome to 2025.
Choose which natural disaster you enjoy. Yep.
You're next! Whoever you are. Pretty much.
But, hey, we're staying strong and we fucking love our LA community and we, you know, whatever y'all need, y'all let us know. We're up out in here, dude.
We're gonna be doing some form of benefit too, which we have not planned. We are in the midst of beginnings of the plans.
Yeah, we'll figure that out. And whatever it is, we'll let you know what it is, when it is, so you can help and contribute and watch and laugh along.
Yeah, fuckers. Otherwise, I love all of you, except for people I don't love.
Yep. The people I hate, I hate you.
I still hate you. But everybody else I loved before, I actually love them more.

Yes.

That is a good way to look at it.

Yeah, isn't that nice?

Go fuck yourself.

Never forgive.

Never forgive.

Hell Satan.

Hell the L-A-F-T.

Go to Patreon.com.

It's us, the last podcast.

I'd love to get all our fucking shit.

Yeah.

LP on the left.

For all the socials.

I have no idea what socials are going to be left soon.

Go to Instagram, TikTok, where you can.

And then go to the last podcast. I'd love to come bys are going to be left soon.
Go to Instagram, TikTok where you can. And then go to the last podcast and let them come by.

Tickets for a live show. It is good.

Amen, guys. We'll see you next week.

Bye!