Episode 604: Newlywed Murders - Newlywed and Newly-Dead

There's no place to escape to.

This is the last hot ass.

On the left.

Rise up your glade.

That's when the cannibalism started.

Who's that?

Welcome back to Fun Noises with the Boys, ladies and gentlemen. Is that content? It's close enough.
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks.
I'm here with the chalkboard screeching Henry Zabrowski. It's fun.
It's sort of you can hear the download numbers go down. Yes.
It's fun in a way. The noise I always like to do is, remember the movie, the alien movie, The Arrival? Not the one with Amy Adams, but the one with Charlie Sheen.
Yes, the good one. And their knees go backwards.
Yeah, a better one. And then when all the aliens talk, they i was that's that's my noise that i like that's a wonderful noise and that's of course ed larson making that wonderful noise oh my god i had this horrible cough when that movie came out i remember like i had like an infection in my lungs and then i remember i started every time i'd cough i'd leave the i'd have to leave the room because i couldn't stop coughing.
And my father would always yell at me, like, stop coughing, you idiot.

And I'd be like, I can't control it, Dad.

And then I would leave and then I would start coughing so much that I would pass out.

And I remember when I started coughing during the movie The Arrival, I passed out.

And when I came to, I saw the movie poster The Arrival.

And it just burned in my memory because it seemed like something that's great to see when you wake up from almost dying.

That's a really great story.

What an amazing tale of father and son.

Well, while that is definitely a story of neglect, today we're going to be taking a bit of a different route.

Today we're getting into good old-fashioned true crime. Capital T, capital C, true fucking crime.
So what I hope, all right, yeah, this is a, it's a, kind of, we got a middle episode here. We're about to do a huge series, but we want you to do, before we get there, all right? You're imagined now.
Set yourself up to your true crime, like, your whole environment. Yeah.
You're in a hotel. You've had three or four glasses of white wine.
Yeah. You're an attractive, you know, middle-aged woman.
60-something. You've got a fluffy robe on, right? You've got a fluffy robe on.
You are moist. Think about this.
You know when you do that thing, ladies, One of my favorite things the ladies do Or anybody does

When you get freshly out of shower

And you get slicked up like a big eel

And then you're slippery and it's nice

And you're getting moisturized

Now you're ready to go

Get your vape going

Open up Reddit

It's time to ruin somebody's life

Let's go

It's a true crime day

Isn't it ladies

Come on

Let's do it

Thank you. Open up Reddit.
It's time to ruin somebody's life. Let's go.
It's a true crime day, isn't it, ladies?

Come on.

Let's do it.

Today, we're going to be doing a little thing that we call newlywed to newly dead.

A lot of people, they go down to the courthouse to get married, but they might as well stay there.

Because what they do afterwards is going to put them in the slammer. P-p-p-p-prison! Sorry.
Marriage may be blessed, but divorce is murder. I saw that one from Fatal Vowels.
Yeah, Fatal Vowels is good. I certainly don't till death death.
Do us fart. True crime.
That was a little bit more jazzy. It was pretty.
I mean, I like the jazziness of it, though. I like the jazzy.
Let's see what else we find when the next time when we bring it up for the next story. Oh, right.
Yeah. Because I do like jazzy true crime because it makes me feel like we're back in the Black Dahlia days.
Yeah. And it kind of felt like that.
But that kind of music makes me feel like I'm outside the police station. Yeah.
I always wanted to be a reenactor. Yeah.
A reenactor? Oh, yeah. Like if they ever need like a fat plumber or something to be like, I don't know.
They went to the left. And that's why I like Fatal Vows is because the people they use in their reenactment are just as unattractive as the people that the story is actually about.
Yeah. See, recently I've been reenacting World War II the bad guys in my own neighborhood, and a lot of people don't like it when you show up and say, I'm reenacting World War II on you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got your Nazi armband.
I just said the enemies. We never know.
We don't know which one. It was an Italian.
So our first newly-wed-to-newly-dead murder today is a tale of sleaze, vice, and fame. This is a story that, by its end, had unintentionally changed the entire landscape of American media.
And it all came to a head because of the actions of one man who competed in possibly the trashiest subgenre of reality TV, celeb reality dating. I love the term celeb reality.
Yeah. Because it's a separate reality.
It is. No, we're talking about your flavor of loves.
Yeah. What was the Bret Michaels one? House of Love? There was Poison of Life.
Rock of Love. Yeah, Rock of Love.
Rock, Rock of Love. With the bandanas.
And then you had the one with Brooklyn. It's because of all of his head surgeries that he had to wear the bandanas.
Is that true? Yeah, he had like brain problems. Oh, I thought you meant hair plugs.
No, no, no, no, no. He should be dead.
What? Yeah, but he's not. I guess I could be wrong on this, but I'm pretty sure Bret Michaels had a bunch of head surgeries.
What? Is Frankenstein a monster? Yeah, I think they went in there and fucked around and made it soup. I guess it was very difficult for him to find love.
Yeah, it was. Oh, Rob says true.
Yeah. So on August 15th, 2009, authorities found the body of an unidentified woman stuffed in a suitcase that had been tossed in a dumpster in Buena Park, California.
And you can get an amazing deal on a set of travel gear yourself and go to Away Luggage. Code LastBot90.
We actually don't think they do. They don't sponsor us, right? I've never heard of them.
They're great. I have them, actually.
I have no connection to them. I think we have a way.
Yeah. That's who they are.
That's who I use. Yeah, I like them.
Because they're a sponsor. Less podcast on the left.
Dr. Tyson.
You know what these people could have used? SimpliSafe. Very good.
Well, the cause of death was strangulation. But authorities on the scene soon noticed that the person who killed this woman

had also cut off all the joints on her fingers and had removed all her teeth

so as to make identification that much more difficult.

Oh, I thought it was to eat the fingers.

It has to.

Did you again not eat lunch before we started today?

I saw him eat rice cakes.

I had rice cakes.

All right, good.

Good, good, good.

But what the killer didn't count on was the woman's breast implants.

See, newer implants are sacks filled with saline or silicone,

actual manufactured products.

So each implant has a serial number that can be traced back to its recipient.

As such, the implants found in the body of this fingerless, toothless victim identified it as belonging to a 28-year-old model named Jasmine Fiore. This might sound really insensitive, okay? No.
Listen, but let's just say, do you think that having no teeth, no fingers and toes would keep someone from making love to your corpse if your corpse

otherwise was banging.

Well, we don't know that they took the toes.

I'm just saying that in terms of general.

Henry, your premise is flawed.

I'm just saying in general, do you think that'd turn off a necrophiliac?

No.

See, I was thinking about, can you resell the breasts? Actually, and that's why he's half Jewish. Well, Jasmine was primarily a bikini model, but had planned to quit the business prior to her death because she'd obtained a real estate license.
This change in career was right around the time that Jasmine first met a man named Ryan Jenkins at a Las Vegas casino.

The very man who would soon after be responsible for her untimely death. And that is his real name, but it does feel like a fake name you'd give to somebody in Las Vegas.
Ryan Jenkins. Ryan Jenkins.
well ryan jenkins was a reasonably successful canadian real estate developer who

just before meeting jasmine in Vegas, had just finished competing in a VH1 celebrity dating show called Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire. She really does.
Yeah, yeah, enough to make a show about it. Mm-hmm.
Starring a former Playboy model named Megan Hauserman, who'd previously been on Beauty and the Geek and the second season of Rock of Love,

Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire was a dating show based solely on the concept that Megan wanted to be the trophy wife of a wealthy man. I like the fact that, again, it's a woman who knows what she wants.
That's straight up and down. I will say to the potential suitor of someone like Megan, if she's made it through three different celebrity dating shows.
Made it through various rounds of it. Still not a millionaire.
Never once found love. She's never found love.
I don't know if it's up to you, buddy. If she can't love Bret Michaels, it wasn't called Megan Wants to Find Love.
It was called Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire. She had Brent Michaels.

Yeah, the whole point is that she doesn't want love.

She wants money.

I get it.

Yeah.

Well, as far as how they found contestants,

VH1 casting agents ran national radio ads

and hosted casting parties at nightclubs,

all in their search to find eligible men

with a minimum of $1 million in their bank accounts.

And, of course, this is not going to attract the best person you never know man sometimes you got sometimes an emotionally stunted multi-millionaire can only be married to a playmate that he meets on television because if not if he doesn't do, that man is going to run for president. And what is going to

happen is that he is going to subjugate

us for the rest of time.

This could have been an alternative story.

It really could have been. Well, Ryan Jenkins,

the murderer in this story, was discovered

in Las Vegas. He used

his so-called cocky charm to

win over casting producers, who

thought that Ryan, quote,

had one of the best personalities

on the planet.

A lot of people say that, my man.

A lot of people say I got crazy personality, dude.

So, you like lunch?

Yeah?

That's crazy, man.

I just had lunch.

Man, that's symbolism.

Where'd you go to college?

I went to college?

Yeah.

I mean, no, mostly I just fucking cheap up.

Fucking damn perfect college, dude.

You do have a great personality.

Yeah, I'm fucking...

That's what I said.

Yeah, yeah.

You did cheap up instead of going to college.

I really did.

I sold weed instead of going to college. Yeah really did.
I sold weed instead of going to college. You like grapes? Yeah.
I think that you and me, bro, gonna be friends. Sure.
You have a million dollars, right? Yeah. Cool.
What kind of car do you drive? Nothing ever since I got hit by the ambulance. That's how I made the money.

Oh, yes.

Well, Ryan was more or less marked as the charismatic heel character in Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire

and was quickly cast as a contestant.

Now, there's no standardized system for vetting people for reality TV.

So all the networks and production companies who make these shows have different systems

for checking the backgrounds of the people they choose. To check the contestants for Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire, VH1 hired a company that specialized in U.S.-based criminal searches.
But since Ryan was Canadian, that company subcontracted his background check to another company. See, just four years before applying for this show, Ryan had pled guilty to a serious physical assault against an ex-girlfriend in Alberta.
And while that definitely would have disqualified him, the company that had been subcontracted to check out Ryan's record in Canada missed it completely. And as a result, he was given the all clear.
Now, Ryan described himself in the show as a little bit of a Prince Charming and a little bit of a bad boy. And the titular Megan found him sweet despite the fact that he wore obviously fake Rolex watches and he only brought one pair of pants to a potential five-week shoot should he go all the way.
Well, I figured honestly, Megan, was that underwear is like the guard of your pants, right? in many ways. Why would I need more than one pair of pants if I have underwear between my shit and piss? I love you who have a Rolex, but also one pair of pants.
It's called a Bolex, and it can also fire little darts. I think a fake Rolex makes a lot more sense than a real Rolex.
It does. Yeah.
Because it's just, it's absolutely stupid how much a Rolex costs. Yes.
Well, as it turned out, Ryan Jenkins did charm Megan Hauserman more than any of the others. The two of them would talk for hours on the phone outside of the shoot.
Yeah, salads, huh? Yeah, I'll eat a salad before an entree. Yeah.
But there was somewhat of a problem with Ryan as far as the producers of the show were concerned. When they found out that Megan was planning to choose him as the winner, they told her that Ryan was coming off as extremely unlikable in the on-camera interviews.
Women are naturally offended by me. Honestly, I like it.
There's something about my general demeanor that makes people just come and at me. Super antagonistic.
Maybe it's because my dick is so big it's in my shoes. Maybe.
Sometimes when I talk, people get mad. Listen, I don't mean to sound like a misogynist.
I just think that women are toys to be broken with my massive hands. I went to the Lamborghini I have to give back in 20 minutes.
I do remember there was a guy on 90 Day Fiance once who did say on camera, you see, women's brains are naturally smaller than a man's brain. So they need coaching.
That was his job is that he life coached women because their brains were smaller than men's. How do you make their brains bigger? You don't.
You teach them how to work with their smaller brains. Oh, wow.
I say stretch their heads. Because that's the thing.
I mean, while a person might be able to use personal charm to win someone over one-on-one, the camera can often tell a different story when that person is just talking by themselves. As such, the producers felt that Ryan was coming off so badly in interviews that they were sure that the audience would revolt if Ryan was the winner.
But isn't that good television? Not if you hate the way it ends. There's a level of, like, hatred that, like, you know, you need a heel, but the heels there is the foil for somebody, you know, that more people like.
This was also, weirdly, a more shame-filled time period. So they sort of actually cared what they were presenting on the show.
And it's kind of like, obviously it was very exploitive, but now we'd go all the way. Now, nowadays we'd go all the way and have the villain win and have, because now that's what everybody likes.
Yeah. Well, the producer strongly suggested to Megan Hauserman that she review her options.
And as a result, she sent Ryan home in the second to last episode. Now, this upset Ryan greatly because Megan had told him privately that she was going to choose him.
But her plan was to call Ryan after the show wrapped three days later to smooth things over. Don't worry.
You didn't get the money. The whole world is embarrassed on national television.
But don't worry.

I'll call you.

I mean, honestly, what a way to keep it all going. She really wants to be a millionaire.
Oh, she does. Well, the thing is, I mean, she was all set to dump the winner and continue her relationship with Ryan Jenkins.
So she said. But Ryan didn't answer when Megan called after the shoot was over.
When he did call her back, he told her that he was so upset after leaving the show

that he met a woman in Vegas

and married her two days later.

Whoa.

That woman was the aforementioned

Jasmine Fiore.

I just like,

I've never been that upset.

I can't imagine that

that's the way to do this.

To be so upset

that you go to Vegas

and marry a person.

You!

I'm marrying you!

Let's go! Oh, no Elvis? Bring it Donovan! We're doing it the old way! Now, according to a friend of Jasmine's, the two of them bonded over having the same birthday. And after what I assume was an old-fashioned two-day Vegas bender...
No way! No! What? Wait a second.

May? May? 14? The conversation was so riveting that they got to each other's birthdays in the first conversation. Don't look at Delby.
Your favorite color is one, two, three. Orange! Well, that doesn't matter.
That doesn't matter. We could still be together.
Well, according to the friend of Jasmine's, they bonded over having the same birthday. And after what I assume was an old-fashioned two-day Vegas bender, they got married at the Little White Wedding Chapel on the Vegas Strip.
Racist. And soon after, they moved into a penthouse condo here in los angeles now it soon became clear to

jasmine and everyone in her life that ryan was not only a bad person but an arrogant prick to he would brag about how his rich father owned an airplane in canada one whole airplane not just the back, not just the wheels.

My cousin, he only

owns the wheels. My cousin, he only owns the wheels to an airplane, and it's just not fun.
It's horseshit having to share a plane, all the different parts, having them getting together, and then finding a captain. But I think he's saving up for axles and everything will be good soon.
Well, he would also constantly center every conversation on himself and how much money he and his family had, but he was also physically abusive and incredibly jealous. Always a hitch.
Always. Well, yeah.
Always. With this wonderful man.
One time, he punched Jasmine in public at a party with enough force to knock her into a pool, all because she'd been chatting with an ex-boyfriend. For this offense, he'd been charged with misdemeanor domestic violence, and he had a court date scheduled that December as a result.
Jasmine, meanwhile, told friends she was in over her head and didn't know how to escape the marriage, especially because Ryan, the Canadian, was counting on it for a green card. He wasn't going to let go.
Jasmine did, however, soon catch him having sex with another woman in their living room. Sorry! Her birthday was also May 14th.
It's a bit of a fetish of mine. So she planned to file for an annulment.
But before that could happen, VH1 came calling once again.

And in June of 2009, two months before the murder, Ryan left to shoot the third season of a show called I Love Money in Mexico.

Yeah, you remember I Love Money?

No!

No, of course not.

It was on VH1.

I don't watch reality television.

You didn't watch VH1?

Me and Ed didn't have cable in 2009.

Are you fucking crazy? I didn't have cable in 1999. I guess 2009.
Yeah, I was already living in New York. I remember hearing I love money.
You were probably in hotel rooms watching it. Yeah, maybe.
That was before I was really working. No, 2009, you were poor.
You did not have cable either. I was broke.
Yeah. I think it went until 2010.
Oh, okay. I just remember something.
Yeah, sure. I just remember all those VH1 shows.
I like VH1. I liked VH1 when they played Rod Stewart.
Yeah, we all did. Top of video.
That was incredible. That was a television show.
Of course. And then late night video, you used to do the sexy videos.
Oh, yeah. Oh, like Wicked Game? Yeah.
And the Joan Jett song, Do You Want to Touch Me There? Oh. She's a lesbian, apparently.
Joan Jett? Yeah. You can barely tell.
I didn't know. I was shocked.
Now, the concept behind I Love Money involved contestants from all the VH1 celebrity dating shows like Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and For the Love of Ray J, competing in a series of physical and mental challenges for a $250,000 grand prize. But as far as how the shoot went, producers said that Ryan would constantly call Jasmine from Mexico so she could tell him where she was the night before and who she was with.
His jealousy was so ever-present that it actually became a seasoned storyline. But as one producer later put it, quote, it was funny until it wasn't funny at all.
Such a reality show producer thing to fucking say. Oh, yeah, the jealousy, like when he was calling his wife, his girlfriend, his wife, every single night asking where the fuck she was and who the fuck she was with.
It was real good for like five episodes then it got boring yeah then we realized

oh he's an uncontrollable murderer yeah now once the season was done shooting ryan returned to la and convinced jasmine that he had changed he wrote terrible poems and short stories in her honor saying that he had a huge spiritual awakening that would turn everything around your boobs are like clouds. Your hair

is like clouds.

Your eyes

are like clouds. Your hair

is like clouds.

Your eyes are like

two green

brown clouds.

Your ears

are there

so you can hear

this poem and your

feet, by God, I'd

cut them off to keep you next to me is that bad ender well he of course hadn't turned anything around and it only took another month or two before ryan backsled into not just abuse but murder see on august 13th 2009 r Ryan and Jasmine... Actually, can you take that back?

Oh, yeah.

It was only a month or two

before Ryan backslid into not abuse,

but murder.

Thank you.

We'll be right back

after this message from Quince.

Die from your blade.

See, on August 13th, 2009,

Ryan and Jasmine went to San Diego to attend a poker tournament at the Hilton. Once Ryan and Jasmine sat down to play, they began making everyone at their table uncomfortable with their behavior.
Jasmine because she kept making snarky comments and jokes at Ryan's expense, and Ryan because he was getting extraordinarily angry at Jasmine's remarks. Once the game was over, Ryan and Jasmine joined their group for drinks at the Ivy Hotel, but Jasmine spent most of her time on the phone in the bathroom.
The people they were hanging out with said that Jasmine kept sniffling, but when they asked her if she was okay, she just winked, which they took as evidence that cocaine was present on the night in question. These guys were really, there was a lot of partying was happening.
Oh, yeah. It's a ton of partying.

That was kind of their thing.

Yeah, obviously.

They party, obviously, yes.

They got married after a two-day bender in Vegas.

Yeah, partying was definitely their thing.

Do you feel like they ever sat sober one time, like having a rotisserie chicken or like hang

out and then just be like, you know, babe, there's something about this that's like,

doesn't feel right.

Yeah.

I hate just sitting peacefully on the couch with you watching television. I kind

of wish that we were somewhere doing cocaine

and fucking screaming.

Like you think of sober

people as just people who eat rotisserie

chicken.

I see people sit down.

Let's sit at the dining room table.

Yeah. It's a normal thing

for a couple of people who live in a condo in Los Angeles to do. Swing by Gelson's, get a rotisserie chicken, and stare.
We're just gonna sit here and we should kind of talk about maybe our future if we're gonna date. And he's like, oh, wait a second, all of this is, uh, horrible.
I'm gonna go puke up this chicken. Let's go to Las Vegas.
Well, it was San Diego. Now, every time Jasmine came back from the bathroom, Ryan would demand, screaming, to know who she was talking to on the phone.
She said it was her mother, but neither Ryan nor the people present believed her. The last time Jasmine was seen alive by anyone but Ryan was at 2.30 a.m.
when security cameras caught her and Ryan standing at the valet booth. Two hours later, Ryan returned to their hotel by himself, and by 9 a.m., Ryan had checked out.
From what police could put together, Ryan severely beat Jasmine in the car and possibly strangled her to death after their fight escalated. He then returned to the hotel and brought her body into their first floor hotel room through the patio doors that opened to the parking lot where there were no security cameras.
Once in the hotel room, Ryan emptied out the suitcase and stuffed Jasmine's body inside. This we do know because for some reason, Ryan took three trips to their car that morning through an area where there were cameras carrying armfuls of clothes.
Yeah, I think that that was going to be a long tournament. It's a lot of clothes.
Yeah, armfuls. Maybe sometimes you overpack, you want some options.
Of course. I recently did that, you know, take a couple extra things.
That's what I do. You never know what you're going to feel like wearing the day of.
Natalie told me that. It's okay to overpack.
Yeah, it's okay. Totally okay to overpack.
I will say, if you're going to kill somebody and you leave their body in the car, you don't need to bring them into a public place.

Yeah. You've already killed them.
It could just be in the car. Yeah.
Very good advice. Well, after loading the suitcase containing Jasmine's body into her white BMW, Ryan drove 100 miles to the city of Corona, just southeast of L.A.
Once there, he drove off-road to a secluded location

and removed the fingertips and teeth from Jasmine's corpse in the backseat of her car,

although we don't really know how he removed the fingertips and the teeth.

Ryan then drove 30 miles west to Buena Park,

where he dumped the suitcase containing the body into a dumpster

before he returned to their Los Angeles penthouse condo at about 5 p.m. Changing the name forever to No Buena Park.
Mui Mall Park. Yes, Mui Mall Park.
Two days later, Jasmine's body was discovered by a Corona local while they were dumpster diving for recyclables. By coincidence, that was the same day that Ryan walked into a Los Angeles police station and said that his wife had left to get her nails done, but had never returned.
He already had like a half alibi. He could have just said, we got into a fight in San Diego and she took off.
That's one of the things that you'll see again and again. The alibis are never good because the alibis that are good, we don't hear about them because they're not news stories.
This guy literally was just... The problem is that, let's just say this guy had a hard time sort of like not following his impulses.
And so I think that's his main issue is that he's very impulsive. Long-term thinking is not his strong suit.
Well, Ryan still had a pretty good idea that his goose was cooked because before he'd reported her missing, he'd spent the previous 36 hours packing all of his shit into his car. Once he was ready, he left Los Angeles for Vegas.
Here you go, here's one pair of pants. I've got 50 tank tops.
Here's my bronzer. Here's my hockey stick.
That's everything I've ever had. My real Rolex wink to myself.
Don't even lie to yourself, Ryan. Why are we still talking to ourselves like this? Well, in Las Vegas, Ryan picked up his speedboat, and then he turned north towards the American-Canadian border.
I'm doing it the old-fashioned way,

the way our ancestors did.

I'm taking Canada by water.

I gotta go get my boat that I keep in the middle of the desert.

It makes no fucking sense.

I gotta go buy water.

It's the only legal way.

You wash yourselves on the shores of Vancouver.

Driving around the Fountain of the Bellagio? Now, before Ryan had left Los Angeles, he'd abandoned Jasmine's white BMW, effectively the murder scene, in West Hollywood. And the car was quickly noticed by authorities because the back seat was covered in blood.
The wheels were covered in mud, and the brush was stuck in the undercarriage from Ryan's little off-road adventure,

and while Ryan had attempted to wipe away some of the blood, it seemed like he gave up fairly quickly because it was very obvious that something horrible had happened in this car.

This is, like, fucking crazy harder than I thought it was going to be, So maybe I could tell him, oh, all right, yeah.

Yeah, I had a super rare hamburger the other day.

I just said to the guy, I was like, whoa, this is a lot of blood, man.

Why are you giving this to me in this paper bag, man?

So this is all kind of a corporate issue.

We're going to have to deal with checkers.

I'm just going to dispose of this car in the most populated part of los angeles yeah exactly exactly right a perfectly anonymous spot no one's looking for this here the cops immediately issued an arrest warrant for ryan Ryan Jenkins. But when they finally contacted him the day after he left L.A., he told them he was in Utah and was on his way to Canada to resolve some immigration issues, despite the fact that his wife had just been murdered.
Yeah, I had a big old appointment. I gotta go talk to the head of Moose.
Yeah, thanks for answering for me. Oh, Jerry.
Jerry, the head of moose. I gotta go talk to Jerry.
I know him. He's a good friend of mine, so we'll come back there.
We'll wrap up that murdered wife thing once I'm back in nine to 12 days. But the police were a hair too late to catch Ryan before he crossed the border.
When they found his BMW and boat trailer abandoned at a marina in Blaine, Washington, the engine on his car was still warm. I smell hairspray.
That way. See, as soon as Ryan had reached the water, he unloaded his speedboat into the ocean and took off towards a small peninsula attached to Canada called Port Roberts.
Once he got there, he abandoned the boat and walked across the Canadian border by foot. I'm coming to Canada! I'm coming back! And there's nothing you can do to stop me! He could have just taken the boat to Canada! He could have driven a car, and so he's just walking.
I mean, I'm like, I know exactly how to get to Canada. Go north.
And just walk in a street line. Well, I mean, he did definitely go there with the purpose of going into Canada.
I think he just thought that, I think he thought he was a lot more important than he really was. My thing is, I gotta stay anonymous.
Everybody's coming for Yeah. They all saw me on television.
I'm a known quantity. All right.
I'm a superstar. Yeah.
I mean, he probably did think that he's somewhat of a, I mean, he is a F list celebrity at this point. Marcus G I don't know if he's that high.
Yeah. Even at that.
Yeah. Cause at this get into it later where exactly his season of Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire was when all this happened.

But the place where he went, Point Roberts, it's really interesting.

It is still attached to Canada, but it's below the American border.

So even though it's part of Canada, it's still America.

I guess we'll just suck that up or something?

Yeah, we already have sucked it up.

It's ours.

Now, we don't know if Ryan thought

that going back to Canada

was going to save him from the murder charge.

Because before the RCMP could track him down,

Ryan took himself out of the equation.

See, upon entering Canada,

Ryan rented a fucking PT Cruiser of all cars. All right, Ryan, look around.
Which one of these do you want to die in? Alright, do I want to take the charger? No, they're upcharging me on that. It's crazy what they want to do.
It's like $600 a day for that. Do I want to do it in a Tesla? No.
Not electric. Yes.
The PT Cruiser. The ultimate suicide destination automobile.
That's because the roof is so high. It's perfect for loose.
After that, he drove two hours to the small British Columbian town of Hope where he checked into a place called the Thunderbird Motel. That's ironic.
Nothing I like better than killing myself in a PT Cruiser in the town of Hope. Well, three days later, his lifeless body was found hanging from his own belt in the closet of his dingy motel room.
So maybe he could see the PT cruiser from the closet. Well, it was nice enough that he killed himself in Canada, not America.
That is nice. You give them the stat.
Yeah, did it at home. But once the murder of Jasmine Fiore and Ryan's subsequent suicide hit the news,

VH1 was faced with

what to do with Ryan Jenkins, the

reality star. See, according

to one of Ryan's fellow contestants on

I Love Money, that was a Bucky from

Flavor of Love, apparently. Oh, yeah.

Ryan actually won

the competition that season. Yeah, he

crushed it. He fucking

yelled it. He was screaming at her all night.
Oh, yeah, all night. They're all like, this guy's hilarious.
That's the only thing they thought. Well, he won all the challenges.
That's what it was. It was like a physical and mental challenge thing, so he just won the fucking challenges because he's a single-minded dickhead.
That's me. Yeah.
Couldn't win the challenge of life, though. No, I purposely lost it.
I chose to lose it. To make matters worse, Ryan's original introduction into reality TV, Megan Wants to Be a Millionaire, was three episodes into its season when Ryan killed his wife and himself.
With no other choice, VH1 canceled Megan immediately, and season three of I Love Money never aired at all. And the president of VH1, he took those tapes as the tears came down his face and he put it down in the sacred VH1 vault next to Rod Stewart's tiny pants.
Next to, what was the other guy? Van Morrison? Oh yeah. Tiny shoes.
Next to all that and just cried a tear knowing that the single best season of television will never be seen. Where else are you going to see all the Paula Cole videos and the Natalie Imbruglias? We will not see Sarah McLachlan crying.
Speaking of VH1, they looked fucking awful. Because they let a domestic abuser and future wife murderer onto a dating show.
A show he almost won. He was super castable.
That should be the fucking comeback. He won.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if he didn't almost win, we'd be wrong.
Ah, VH1? Yeah. We casted him correctly.
Yeah. They told Megan not to pick him.
Yes, oh wow, so the hands are clean, everything's fine. Well, eventually, the mistake was traced back to an error made by a Canadian court clerk.
Although I couldn't find out what that error actually was. But even if it was technically the fault of a third company, the production house that made Ryan's shows had to pay Viacom $12 million for the lost revenue due to the cancellations.
Jeez, Lou. $12 million, yeah.
As a result, the celebrity dating show effectively died out and never returned, all because of the actions carried out by Ryan Jenkins. So VH1 became the millionaire.
So in the end, VH1, they set him up, they gave him a bunch of money, they put him all together, they did all this stuff, and then they made money on top of it. Yep.
That's America. It really is.
That's America fucking giving it to Canada. Yeah, America does give it to Canada, I guess.
That's really sad. Yeah.
Wait, what are you going to do? What's Megan doing?

She's still around.

Right now, she's been doing, she actually made a little bit of a life doing.

She did Nancy Grace a couple of times.

She did a bunch of true crime shows.

Much better than doing Natalia Grace.

Yeah.

I love her.

I love that little lady.

But she actually, she was nominated. She won the Fox Reality Television Awards award in the year 2008 for favorite awkward moment from Rock of Love 2 oh what was the awkward moment it doesn't say I'm just looking at her Wikipedia but Mary Carey who is another who is a believe a porn no she was just a Playboy model and they were all they all got it at once.
I think that they kissed or something. They did something together, the three of them.
Brandi Cunningham was also involved. I did watch Beauty and the Geek, but I don't remember her from it.
I mean, I watched it sporadically. Yeah.
I think in a hotel room. It was kind of felt sad.
It was very sad, yeah. It's one of those that sounds like a fun idea, but then when you do it, it's really sad.
And it probably inspired a lot of evil geeks. You know what I mean? To want to even score.
Yeah. Fly from your blade.
Well, now we have another tale coming up and so let's get back in the mood, Rob. Sometimes a woman, a man, or a woman and a woman, or a man and a man fall in love.
And they decide to get the government involved. But the next thing you know, everybody's dead.
Newly wed to newly dead. Season two.
Right now. Season two.
This time, it's the wife. Yay! It's time for a bride to kill.
Now, it is exceedingly rare for a wife to kill a husband soon enough after the wedding for it to be considered a newlywed murder. Despite everything.
Yeah. But for our other story today, we were able to find a little tale that took place in 2013 where the wife was the perpetrator.

That year in Montana,

a newlywed wife killed her

husband just eight days

after their wedding.

The wife and murderer here was a 22

year old woman named Jordan Graham

who had first noticed her future

husband and victim, Cody Johnson,

at a Taco Bell following a church

service one Sunday evening. Yum.
Christ. And the fucking Crunchwrap Supreme.
That would probably be, I mean, hopefully you got a Mexi-Melt. Do you know they're back? Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, that's good. I'm having a good time.
No pico for me. But this is the thing, I do find it interesting that she decided to, like, this is another example of young murder.
Yes. Young.
And just 22 years old. Sad.
Jordan and Cody officially met soon after at a Halloween party and began dating. But Jordan and Cody were one of those couples that just didn't really seem to make sense.
Where Cody was a magnetic, talkative person, Jordan, the woman who eventually murdered him, was shy and standoffish. But from what Cody told friends, he'd always wanted to marry, quote, a good church girl.
And it was said that this description matched Jordan Graham perfectly. In my experience, good church girl usually means quiet and obedient.
The goal is someone that is going to do a lot of free home labor, that will carry a child, and that will generally be silent. Yes.
But no matter what the attraction was, Cody proposed in December of 2012, and Jordan said yes. Oh! Now...
Oh! It ends in murder. It ends in murder, my father.
I just always love an engagement. No matter how it ends.
Now, Jordan told friends during the engagement that she was the happiest she'd been in a long time. In fact, she even flew to California just before the wedding to compose a sort of wedding song with a company called Our Story, Our Song, who specializes in original compositions for weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries.
We gotta make one of these. Yeah.
I've been thinking about this in terms of like, you know. What do you want your song to be? The 666th episode.
We should do... 666.
I feel like there's something... We should start a kind of a production company where we help non-talented people to make music videos like Rebecca Black.
They usually do those types of things. We would do all of it, but it'd be great for like, we do

the other side, funerals.

Divorces. This is great.

All the worst things happen. Yeah, we're there to make it

better. We're making it better.
We'll help you make

content for your husband's

funeral. A one and a two and a one, two,

three. Jimmy's dead.
Jimmy's

dead. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy's never gonna

be alive.

Any great first take? Let's try it again. Jimmy's never going to be alive.
Any great first take?

Let's try it again.

Jimmy is alive.

Before this next take, let's think about Dawn.

What would Dawn think?

Well, from what Cody's friends later said, his and Jordan's relationship was a one-sided affair,

with Cody giving everything and Jordan contributing nothing.

Cody's friends actually took bets on when not if the

couple would divorce and they did so in front of jordan you know in a way sometimes humor it does help alleviate some tension doesn't it it does it does help alleviate some tension definitely but all of your friends and this is a tip if all of your friends are really publicly joking about when you are going to break up with your significant other.

It's bad news.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They know something that you don't. And you're not listening to the things that they are telling you that they know.
And it's creating an environment. It's when something bad might happen.
We can get serious about it or we can all just joke while we're hammered. That's what I do.
But even though his friends told him to his face that the marriage was a mistake, Cody still tied the knot with Jordan in Montana's Woodland Park on June 29th, 2013. I'm getting married next to a tree.
I don't fucking give a shit. I do what I want to do just like the wolf.
Jordan, however, had doubts about the marriage immediately and texted this to her maid of honor the day after the wedding totally just had a meltdown i'm completely second guessing everything i don't know if all of this was the right thing to do so much happened last night just don't know continuing she wrote that she hadn't stopped crying since she got married i'm talking never every minute every, every second. My eyes are wet.
And my mouth is making half noises. And my babies are going up and down with breaths.
I'm not happy. She said she should be happy, but she isn't.
I should be. Shouldn't I? Look at me.
I should be the happiest girl in the whole world. Instead, the angriest lady in the whole neighborhood.

And then she said she didn't feel like herself.

No, I don't.

I feel different.

Jordan's friend told her to talk to Cody about all this, but Jordan refused.

No.

Saying she didn't want to.

I didn't want to.

It has nothing to do with this.

Yes, it's about our marriage.

It has nothing to do with how I feel.

Well, she said she didn't want to hurt Cody because he seemed so happy. Yeah, he seems to be fine with it.
Not me, though. And she never hurt him, right? Not, yeah.
But I'm thinking about it. Now, eight days after the wedding, Cody's stepfather asked the couple if they'd like to go kayaking after church.
Yep.

Absolutely.

Let's go.

What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah, I guess that is nice.

Yeah, it's Montana.

Yeah, you go kayaking after church in Montana.

Yeah, it's sunny.

It's a day of rest.

If someone came to me in Los Angeles and said, do you want to go kayaking?

It feels like it's because we're evacuating.

We have to leave because there's an emergency.

Especially if they say after church.

Yeah.

To me, there's no church in Los Angeles.

Well, Cody declined because Jordan had told him that she had a quote unquote surprise plan. Yeah.
As it turned out, though, the surprise was her airing out all her doubts about their new marriage. Okay.
Cody, I'm so glad that you joined me for this meeting. First of all, surprise.
Totally unhappy. Just wanted to say, I hate you.
I hate your dick. I hate your attitude.
I hate your clothes. I hate your vibe.
I hate you. Well, a predictable argument ensued, so the couple drove to Glacier National Park to talk things out in the presumably calmer environs of nature.
I need to be next to a pine cone.

And I don't know if I need to try myself.

In order for me to be centered,

then I have to hear a turbo.

I must be amongst the dirt and the mulch.

Nothing's like when you get in an argument somewhere,

and you're like, you know what, let's go to the middle of nowhere.

Yeah.

Hey, you and me.

Hey, let me go check if the SUV's juiced up. I want to make sure we can make it to the middle of the forest.
Well, they arrived in the park just as the sun was going down. Then they parked Cody's car at the bottom of a hiking trail called the Loop on Going to the Sun Road.
Might as well be called, Hey Cody, Get Murdered Here Road. You know, keep going.
Keep driving. No, we're not hidden enough.
I mean, romantic enough. So just keep jiving, keep jiving.
Good, it's getting dark. Now, even though the sun was already below the horizon, Jordan and Cody got out of their car and embarked on the trail, where the argument only got more heated.
You don't love me enough to argue with me in the dark in the middle of the wet. I dare you to argue with me by this long.
I dare you. Well, eventually, they left the trail and edged their way along the bottom of a rock wall, all while the argument continued.
So they're walking on top of a wall? Yeah, they're sidling up along a rock wall while they're just like, Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Do you have any of that weird sound that you use for hands to grip under the tiny little hard edges of the mountain? But as Jordan later testified, the two of them finally reached the edge of a ravine. They're way off the hiking trail now.
There, Cody grabbed Jordan's arm, which prompted her, as she said, to yell at him because she didn't know if he was going to push or pull her. Let it go! Yeah.
And in a flash, Jordan grabbed Cody's hand and brushed it away. Get off me! Then, as Cody stood above a 200-foot drop, Jordan lost control completely and pushed him in the back with both hands.
Whoops! Oh! No! Falling face first, Cody plummeted and hit a rocky outcropping, which crushed his right eye socket and created a seven inch skull fracture. I think I can fix it! When he hit the bottom, a number of his ribs fractured.
And in an injury that would be right at home on a fucking schmaltzy TV drama like Grey's Anatomy, his heart literally tore open. Whoa.
His heart actually broke. Poor Cody.
Poor Cody. Yeah, he just seemed like a normal guy.
Cody, all right? Cody? You good? Cody? Okay. I'm going to go back.
Game of Thrones is on. Okay? It was Sunday after all.
Yeah. Well, let me know.
She left Cody to die. All right, Cody.
Yell two times if you're alive. All right, I'll take the...
I'll just take the sign and say, I'll just move on. I'm going to go hit my Tito.
Well, she went back to their car and drove home. But as she left the park, she texted her friend and told her that she was freaking out and didn't know what to do.
Although she stayed vague as to what had just happened. It was so fucking crazy.
Cody said to me, he said to me that a little boy with a feathered hat came into his house the other night, right? And he took him to a land of little pedophile children. There was a whole pedophile island that he went to with these little pirate boys.
And they went, and he came back, and he said all he had to do was be positive, and he'd fly. And I said, oh, yeah, I guess you're positive for being a dickhead.
So he jumped off the claff or whatever. Well, Jordan did seem to compartmentalize the murder quite well almost immediately.
At the same time, she was frantically texting her friend about not knowing what to do. She was also calmly texting a member of her church about rescheduling an upcoming couponing event.
I'm not letting that fucking bitch Beverly get that four for five ragu sauce deal ahead of me. Canceling it.
My husband's going to be dead. Oh, totally.
That's right. Absolutely.
Actually, and next week, Sophie's husband's going to be dead. Can we do two weeks from now? Now, once Jordan got home, she immediately saw the need to create a story that very night.
So she called her brother at 11.15 p.m. and told him that she and Cody had just gotten into a big fight.
It's crazy. I disappeared.
I went into a totally white area

where I was downloaded with a bunch of information

of how to use guns and kung fu.

And he was right in front of me. And we went back and forth.

And this guy, you believe, he flew in the air.

It was crazy.

He landed on the edge of a bench.

And he just hovered there.

And I just, I was so scared.

I was like, you're scouring

me, Cody.

Get off that tree branch, Cody. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, sis.
Well, a brother came over to her house, and Jordan told him that Cody had gotten a text message from a friend inviting him to join a group of guys in a dark car with out-of-state plates so they could go riding around for a while. You know, Cody.
Yeah. You know how to stop.
It's called stranger carpool. You've never done that? Yeah, when a bunch of guys show up to the house and they all got out of state plates.
Because I'm always looking at people's license plates when they show up to my house. I don't know if they're all in state or not.
For just such an occasion, actually. You're not from him.
Well, that, she said, was the last she'd seen him. But when Cody didn't show up for work the next day, his absence was keenly felt because Cody was the type to show up on time every day without question.
Jordan, meanwhile, waited until 4.30 p.m. to send a message to one of Cody's work friends to ask him, Hey, did Cody come in today? Did you happen to say, cut it out? Friends said no.
So Jordan repeated the story she told her brother. But this time, she added some color.
This is what these people do. This is why they always get in trouble.
Yeah. Is that every time they tell the story, they think of a couple more details to add in.
They think more details is going to make their story more believable. Guess what? It's not.
I'm sorry, Marques. It's called world building.
And this is all about building more. Well, Cody's hobby was fixing up race cars.
So Jordan said that he had left with some mysterious car buddies to go to Washington State. The Vroom Vroom Boys.
Have you ever heard of the term? They call them Zoom mates. And what they are, they do pretty passive homosexual activity inside of race cars and I feel like what is passive you slay there naked together just pet the penis that sounds somewhat active if you're passive and you're with an active you're not gay you're passive and you're with an active and the active has done all the machinogner, and you're just getting the blugginer.
And that's what the vroom boys do. The zoo mates.
But the thing is that she started telling different stories to a bunch of different people. She told others that she'd followed the car Cody left in to the small town of Hungry Horse before she lost track of it.
And the conflicting stories made Cody's work friend think that maybe Jordan had something to do with her husband's disappearance. No, I'm a private eye.
And I often follow cars, so now I know how to do it properly. Wasn't Hungry Horse in Twin Peaks? Above a Hungry Horse.
It does, yes. I do believe that it was from two people.
Actually, I think that's where Bob was. Yes.
Yeah, that's where Bob- He was in Hungry Horse? Yeah, he was living above at a convenience- No, it was the one-armed man. He lived above the convenience store in Hungry Horse, Montana.
Whoa, that's crazy. It's connected.
Yeah. You got the shirt on.
Yeah, I got in. It's in there.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's where Leo Johnson was arrested.
Whoa. And held in jail overnight.
No shit. Season two.
You're not in that episode yet. Oh yeah.
Leo locked inside a hungry horse. That's what it was.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well right now Leo's a vegetable. Yeah.
Yes. That's going to get real weird.
You're going to like it? Cool. Yeah.
Well, the conflicting stories that Jordan told to all these different people, that made Cody's work friend think that maybe Jordan had something to do with her husband's disappearance. She wouldn't fucking fooling anybody.
Bye! That's a great story. So, the friend decided to do a little detective work of his own.
He drove to Cody and Jordan's home where he found the back door unlocked. He let himself inside and tried to find some evidence of what had happened to Cody.
But since Jordan had murdered him in the park, he found nothing and left before Jordan returned. Useless.
Can you fucking imagine? I wondered whether or not to leave that in there because of that. I've been reading this great book right now about storytelling and like always be escalating.
And that did not escalate the story in any way whatsoever. It was a meaningless meander.
Went to the house. Door was open.
Snooped around. Saw nothing.
Everything's fine. I went home to sleep.
No mystery. But it's would you, can you imagine looking into a missing co-worker? Yeah.
Of course. I mean they were friends.
They were work friends and good friends at the same time. But I mean like back in the day when we were working in like offices and shit like can you imagine looking for somebody? Yeah.
I think there would be some people I'd look for, but most people I'd just be like, oh, we got to hire somebody to replace this person. Yeah, if Steve's Marjorie died, I need a new Marjorie.
Jordan, meanwhile, had predictably taken to Twitter to post about her missing husband, and she was spending her time driving around with her friends to look for him. Her friends, however...
Oh my god, tell me that! Nuts guy. Her friends, however, noticed that Jordan didn't seem all that worried.
And she spent her time in the car giggling and texting instead of looking. Sucking on a Jamba Juice.
He's in a better place now. And I don't mean he's dead.
It's probably like New Orleans. Have you been a hungry horse? It's nice.
It's nice. Well, that's about the time that the cops asked Jordan to come in for an interview.
I'd love to do an interview. Now, for some reason, Jordan changed her story entirely from the one she'd been telling friends and family for days.
Instead of the car buddy story. Zoo mates.
Fru-fru boys. She told the cops that Cody had left while she was out running an errand.
The cops, who were very polite to Jordan throughout, told her that they felt she wasn't being totally honest with them. What? What? You'd say that to tits? How fucking dare you'd say that to tits?

That's my new name, by the way. Even so, Jordan was let go after only 30 minutes of questioning.
Now, at this point, Jordan started to panic, so she decided to help along the story a little. The morning after she talked to the cops, she returned to the police station, claiming that she'd received a mysterious email from carmantony607 at gmail.com.
I can't even believe he had the goal to put what kind of man he was in it. It read, quotes, This is what Tony said.
My name is Tony. There's no bother looking for Cody anymore.
He's gone. Sorry, past.
On Twitter, I thought I would email you. This is from Tony.
He had come with some buddies and met up with me on Sunday night, Columbia Falls. He was saying he needed to be with his buddies for a bit and take them for a jaw ride.
Tony sings in an email to me. I'm Jordan.
He's a car man. He's a car man.
The 607th. You wouldn't believe.
Three of the guys came back saying that they had gone for a ride in the woods somewhere and Cody got out of the car, went for a little hike and they were positive he fell and he's dead,

Jordan. What?

I don't know who the guys were. You don't say.

But they took off

to call off the missing persons report.

Cody's gone for sure.

This is from Tony.

Wow. I didn't say

for a second there. I was super nervous But good work Again, clever and Aaron Here you go, please Here you go, Mr.
Police Now, obviously this email was written and sent by Jordan herself Fuck you, Nero But the cops probably figured Jordan's not going anywhere And sooner or later She, she was going to lead them to Cody's body herself. And that, of course, is exactly what she did.
The same day that she and her mother went to the police station to report the email, she led a group of friends out towards Glacier National Park. Because the park, she said, was where Cody liked to take friends visiting from out of town.
If the car buddies came, then that's where he's going to take them because they're so beautiful. They, according to some of the research I did...
Why did you suddenly turn into your mother? So weird. It's a word.
It's a word. According to some of the research I did, Zoom mates, they work in packs.
And they like to go outside. And that's just something from the research I've done about zoom mates well the group stopped at the same loop where jordan and cody had parked a few days earlier and almost immediately jordan started walking towards the area where she'd pushed her her new husband off a cliff because she was pretty much ready to kind of put a button on this whole thing and move on do you even imagine what it'd be like if he was thrown from this cliff? Jordan's brother, however, told her that it was too dangerous to go down there, and he stopped her from going any further.
They then left, but returned the next day to the same spot to hand out a missing persons flyer to park goers. If you see this corpse, please let us know.
Have you seen this flat, man? But Jordan just couldn't stay away from the area where she killed her husband.

And when her family asked her why she was so interested in that area in particular,

she said, quote,

I just have a feeling.

And sure enough, after she finally reached the spot and looked into the ravine,

Oh my God!

she told the people with her that she thought she might have spotted something. Something.
Looks like somebody spilt something like a guy. After others looked as well, Cody Johnson's body was finally recovered and fished out of the water 200 feet below.
Jordan, however, calmly walked away and got into her car with her bridesmaid who drove them both out of the park. Jordan began rambling and said now that they had found Cody's body, she could finally call the detective working the case and quote, Get him out of my business.
Yep. Jordan's calm demeanor also disturbed the park ranger who had her fill out a witness statement that day.
Furthermore, when he asked her how she knew where to find Cody's body, especially since it was so far off the trail, she said that it was a place that Cody had wanted to see before he died.

The bottom of a creek bed.

Honestly, he really wanted to see the creek bed literally directly in the seconds before he died.

I might say it was the last thing he wanted to say.

Yeah, I'd say I'm the heck out of the air. Up class.
View of them. I mean, I'm going to leave.
I got to go. Honestly, I got to go drink some water so I can crack.
This is where my husband's body is. I'm going to go now.
Yeah, a place he wanted to see before he died. It was the park next to his house.
Then it took people all the time. Meanwhile, that same morning, one of the detectives on Cody's case was walking his dog when he just happened to find himself in front of Cody in Jordan's home.
Working off a hunch, he opened the garbage can Jordan had just left on the street for collection. Inside, he found love letters, stuffed animals, and part of Jordan's wedding dress.
She's housecleaning real fast. Just understand.
To part her own wedding dress? She did. But this is, remember, this is what cops look at.
And it's what private detective looks at, too. This is exactly what you do.
The first thing, you don't understand how much evidence you put in a garbage can. So the cop dragged the garbage can back to his house, dumped out everything in his garage, took photos, stuffed it all back in the can, and dragged it back to Jordan's.
And this was before the cop even knew that Cody's body had been found. See, Jordan effectively throwing away anything having to do with her and Cody's relationship.
That's not necessarily evidence for murder, but it definitely showed that Jordan was already trying to put

the marriage behind her while her

husband was supposedly just missing.

If your husband was

randomly dead, you would

save everything. Well, no, that's the thing.

At this point, he's not even

officially dead. At this point,

she's still saying he went out.

Oh, yeah, the email, I suppose.

I forgot the

email told her that he was dead.

I forgot. Probably a well I forgot about the email.
I forgot the email

told her that he was dead.

I forgot. Tony, a well-trusted

imaginary friend of mine, told me

what was happening.

She's so uncreative.

It's Tony.

Carman Tony. He was the carman.

There's already so

many carman Tonys.

607. Alright, how many carmen Townies.
6-0-7.

Alright, how many Carmen are there?

One.

Two?

Three.

I'm going to say 606.

I wonder if her own email was the recovery email for Carman Townies.

Jarden, Jarden, Jarden, Jarden at gmail.com.

That's for me.

Now, when Cody's memorial in Potluck was held a few days later, some of Cody's... It's true.
Okay, it's Montana. The memorial and potluck.
You have a potluck at the memorial. Some of Cody's friends noticed that his widow, who should have been devastated after losing her husband a little over a week after getting married, she was laughing, socializing, spending a lot of time on her phone.

I'm coming.

I want the water now.

Hey, how you doing, Ethel?

It's good to see you.

Meatballs are on fire.

You know, I thought there'd be more car men here.

None of that car men showed up.

This is so disappointing.

I gotta talk to car men Johnny.

He's the other one.

He's my other friend.

Does he know Carman Freddy?

Do you know Carman Freddy?

Do you know Carman Johnny?

Pretty soon, the FBI got involved.

And once that happened, it was fucking over for Jordan.

They not only traced the mysterious email from Tony as having been sent from Jordan's parents' house that morning,

they also came up with security footage. Are on, are you saying that her mother is the car man? Wait a second, my mom is implicated in this? Oh my gosh, I can't believe, mom! Mom, don't tell me you guys are doing mine.
They also came up with security footage from the night Cody died,

which showed Jordan and Cody entering Glacier National Park together.

Jordan was brought in for questioning again,

and after retelling the car buddy story,

she was shown a photographic still of her and Cody entering the park.

Yeah.

All she could do at that point was cry.

Yeah, cry.

And she was arrested on the spot for first degree murder. Bring it back around.
Now during her trial, the defense argued that Jordan had a childlike personality that had become overwhelmed at the prospect of marriage. I'm just a little baby.
I'm a little baby girl. I have to kill.
I have to kill again. I thought you were doing a Michael Jackson.
I'm just a little boy. I'm just a little boy.
It's close. The murder, they said, was a tragic accident, and she'd only lied because she didn't think anyone would believe her side of the story.
She'd pushed him, yes, but she hadn't meant to kill him. The prosecution, however, was able to argue intent.
And that is very important for first degree murder. Oh yeah! They said that the area where Jordan pushed Cody off the cliff was well off the beaten path.
And they actually had to climb over a retaining wall to get over there. And I'm really trying to, I'll never blame Cody for this, but guys, don't do this.
Do not do this. You go to the most people.
Go outside. You go where there are witnesses and humans.
You don't cross to a deeper terrain when you are in mid-fight, ever. Go to a poker tournament in San Diego.
Do it there.

But Cody's friends also testified that Cody would never go off trail

on a hike, which meant that Jordan had

probably convinced him to go there.

If that was true, then it could be argued

that Jordan may have planned to push

Cody off a cliff all along

just so she could get out of her marriage

without having to go through a divorce.

I blame

what Looney Tunes did to me

and told me

Thank you. just so she could get out of her marriage without having to go through a divorce.
I blame what Looney Tunes did to me and told me that the Wile E. Coyote was somebody to look up to.
But in the end, just as the defense rested its case, it seems like either Jordan or her lawyers recognized that they were fighting a lost cause. In a turn that shocked everyone, Jordan very suddenly pled guilty to second-degree murder.
She was sentenced to 30 years in prison, but will probably serve far less, which means she might be released this decade. If so, Jordan will be in her mid to late 30s upon reentering society.
And if she does end up marrying again, let's hope that this time she's ready. That's not even that bad of a punishment.
It's really not. Yeah, 30 years in prison.
Well, she pled guilty, second degree murder. You probably get out after 15, 18 tops.
Yeah, 18 tops. Yeah, she's getting out on parole.
Absolutely. And I think that this is the time for us to really talk about second chances.
If you just look at her, she's cute. You know, I'm looking at Jordan Graham right now, and I just think that, honestly, there's some lucky man out there that's going to make an honest woman out of her.
And I can't wait. Just make sure she's honest about being ready.
That means you really need to be ready. You really need to be ready when you're going to a marriage.
The key to ask her when you're going to ask her to marry you is to be like, are you ready? Ask her twice. Yeah.
And if she says yes twice, then she's got to be legally ready. Legally ready.
Yeah. Sign a prenup.
If she kills you, then, you know, she won't get all the money. That's a great idea.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's a great idea. Specifically if she kills you.
Yeah. Wow.
We learned a lot today. We learned much.
We learned to be afraid of your wife and husband, which is what I love about all true crime. My favorite, all the shows, it's like, you know, like, there's the world's scariest neighbor.
There's the other thing. I love that show.
I mean, Fatal Vows is by far my favorite true crime show. I love Fatal Vows.
I love Fatal Vows. Because me and Carolina watch it at home, and the game we play is trying to guess, like, who's going to be the murderer? Is it going to be the husband, or is it going to be the wife? it's actually fair it's kind of they keep it pretty even they do they do a really good job of yeah making you guess yes i'm really proud of them and i love you know we all we're true crime people i'm ensconced in true crime 24 7 but next week we are starting i'm gonna say one of the I am so excited for this series.
I'm very excited for this series.

We have got a lot of shit coming up.

I just want to say thank you guys for being here.

Thank you for your strength and honor in talking about the LA fires

that we are currently in the middle of, which is the reason why

we had to push our big series for a week.

But, it's good to be back.

We're safe. We're stronger.

The winds have died down. We're stronger than the storm.

We're going to be alright. Yeah, we're going to be

okay. But thank you very much for

all of your well wishes. And thank you for all the shit

the safe. We're stronger.
The winds have died down. We're stronger than the storm.
We're going to be alright. Yeah, we're going to be okay.
But thank you very much for

all of your well wishes. And thank you for all the shit

that you sent. In fact, the episode that we're

going to do, the series we're going to start next week actually came

from a listener who sent us the

book that we're going to use as our main

source. So I'm going to make sure to thank that listener

personally next week.

How exciting. Yeah, very exciting

for that person. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left if you want to see how excited I am right now.
Do it! Go and help me on the left for all our socials. I don't know what TikTok is going to be.
We have no idea, but it'll be on Instagram, so go on there. I think it's going to, from what it looks like, it's going to shut down on my birthday.
Wow! Congrats! What a phenomenal birthday present. I will say it's great for marketing, which we've just found out.
Yes. But, you know, there will be others.
Yeah, there'll be others. It will be replaced almost immediately.
It will be. Also, go to LPN TV.
Check out all of our streams at twitch.tv slash LPN TV. If you want to see them live, you can also check out our YouTube channel to see everything after the fact.
And if you want to come see us on tour, you can go to lastpodcastontheleft.com and click shows. That's where you can see our dates for Detroit, Atlanta.
Coming up, we reschedule Atlanta. We did.
That's for June. We're also going to come to Toronto and Nashville over the next few months.
I can't wait. I miss Nashville.
But the next one's going to be Dallas on February 22nd. Can't wait for that fucking show.
I've never spent time in Dallas other than the airport where I fall asleep off. You know what's incredible? It's great for that.
Dallas is cooler now than it was when I was a kid. Really? Yeah.
I love Deep Ellum. Yeah, I don't know how it happened.
Well, it was bound to happen. And also, food's great.
I can't wait. I can't fucking wait.
The food's good in Dallas. Oh, yeah.
I would have never expected that. Of course, buddy.
Barbecue, man. Barbecue.
And Mexican food. All of it.
Tax Max. Oh, yeah.
Cheese. Call me crazy, but I kind of like Dallas better than Austin now.
Whoa. Call me crazy.
Call me crazy, buddy. You're crazy.
You're crazy.

All right.

Hail, sweet Satan.

And we'll see you guys next week.

Uh-oh.

Hail Geensi, then.

Hail the Zoom mates.

The Zoom mates.

The Zoom mates.

Hail Zoom.

Hail Zoom.

They banded together.