Side Stories: Christmas Movie Stories

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Speaker 4 There's no place to escape to this.

Speaker 2 This is the last podcast on the left.

Speaker 2 Side stories?

Speaker 5 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 2 Side stories, yes.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 what a wonderful Christmas day.

Speaker 2 Dingle bells, dingle bells, dingle in my glass.

Speaker 2 I got a dick and it dingles and it pees out its front. Hey, dingle bells, dingle bells, I pee on my balls.
Why is he doing this perverted song? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I like how perverted it is. Why is he doing this

Speaker 2 song about urine? Yeah, well, last year I had shingle bells.

Speaker 2 Everybody. You did that.
You already did that joke at me. I do that joke constantly every holiday.
I'm like you need to.

Speaker 5 This is Christmas humor, Ed.

Speaker 2 It's a good one. You know what I know where it originated? It'll never be as good as where it originated.
One time on Christmas, I called my aunt Patty and she's like, I have shingles.

Speaker 2 And I was just like, Oh, you mean shingle bells? And then she got really mad and hung up the phone.

Speaker 5 I bet I'd also hang the phone.

Speaker 2 It's that proof that it was a great joke. You're right.
Because that's the audience that needed a receiver. Hell yeah.

Speaker 5 You got to rib the person that's got the shingles always.

Speaker 2 If she can't take a joke, how's she going to handle the rest of the shingles? All right.

Speaker 2 You really got to smile your way through it. Welcome to Side Stories, talking about smiling.
Side

Speaker 2 stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski.
I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How are you doing? And then I have a little

Speaker 2 bitch on a shelf. Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah, you better get him right on the snitch. And I'm here to tell everybody, Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Henry's touch my panties again.

Speaker 5 And it's always scary when the bitch on the shelf comes to snitch.

Speaker 2 That's right, Zabrowski. I don't touch the bitch on the shelf's panties.
I know it doesn't matter, but the bitch on the shelf says you do, and you don't get no fucking toys. Can't stop.

Speaker 2 The bitch on the shelf can't stop. The bitch on the shelf.
I'll hold my honesty on my own. I'll hold my true story.
Your blood pressure's high. Yeah,

Speaker 2 it is. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Long week. So

Speaker 2 our Halloween movie show, our horror movie show, people really liked it. People did enjoy it.

Speaker 2 So we figured as a Christmas gift to the audience, we would come back and talk about Christmas movies with Jackie. And

Speaker 2 me, I love a good Christmas movie. I am fine with them.
Yeah. I, now we're talking about Christmas movies.
I'm glad we are because it is Christmas Day. This is the last day in which, which I am happy.

Speaker 2 I believe I've received enough Christmas. I started celebrating Christmas with the rest of society as I was forced to on December 1st.
I have gone and seen several trees. I saw the big tree.

Speaker 2 I went to 30 Rock. I went down to fuck it.
I saw the, I went to two malls. I saw, we went to the gay men's choir, which was amazing and special.
You did. Yes.

Speaker 2 And so what's awesome is that the second we press stop on this recording, I get to be finally out of Christmas. Wow.

Speaker 2 But I am. But you're hosting Christmas.

Speaker 2 Christmas Eve. It's different.
Christmas Eve is nice. Yeah, it is nice.
Christmas Eve doesn't, Jesus ain't here yet. That's what's nice about Christmas Eve.

Speaker 5 Wait, does he show up on Christmas Day?

Speaker 2 Yeah, in the morning. That's when he flops out of her fucking big raggedy ass pussy.
I invited some people to your house on Christmas Eve. Oh, yeah, who's coming? Some people.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to be there, though. So if you can just entertain them and feed them, I'd appreciate it.
Maybe if you have that Uncle Ron guy, what's his name?

Speaker 2 The guy I've been watching on Instagram, Uncle Ron? Uncle Ron is Ron Perti. That's not who you're thinking of.
No, there's a guy that we've been watching that's highly inappropriate.

Speaker 2 Oh, and he's also called Uncle Ron? Yeah, he's called like Uncle Roy.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, he's very upsetting, Jackie. I'm going to find this.
Before we start talking about

Speaker 2 plugging this guy, your phone's over here. I think that he's, yeah, he's a fucking problem.

Speaker 2 No, he's definitely like my father's potential favorite comedian but he doesn't eat he's a good man no he's oh yeah no it's uncle yeah uncle ron oh it is uncle yeah it is uncle ron he says some really controversial stuff and he likes to piss his own pants

Speaker 2 he's my christmas aunt spirit animal is he a postman you know speaking of christmas i don't think he's having a job i used to have when i worked at the village poorhouse in the east village i remember we used to have like big uh christmas parties all the time and they'd be like that was where you would make a lot of money those times that time yeah but then i remember american airlines came in and they're like we're gonna have a big party in the back, and we charge the shit out of them.

Speaker 2 We jacked that shit up, like, give us your fucking money. That's what you get, man.
You know, give me that fucking stupid comfort seating. Yeah, fuck you, do you?

Speaker 2 But what happened was we jacked it up to an obscene amount of money.

Speaker 2 They agreed to pay it, but you know, remember how the postmen used to always get drunk at our one of them was stumbled in the back and pissed and shit his pants in the middle of the

Speaker 2 day. Stress as a postman.
I love this.

Speaker 5 We were just watching watching Scrooge, and I was thinking about this. Man, I am so sad that we missed out on big, drunk, corporate parties where everybody made horrible things.

Speaker 2 I've been to a bunch of them, but yeah, those days are over. But just understand

Speaker 2 the problem with those parties is that, like, let's say there's 60 people there. 20 people are having the best night of their life.

Speaker 2 20 of the people are just, it's fine, it's wherever they want to get the hell out of there. Yeah.
And 20 of the people experience a life-shattering trauma

Speaker 2 that ends their career and ends their lives.

Speaker 5 Holiday's all about a crap shoot.

Speaker 2 You never know what's going to come up.

Speaker 5 I want my ass on the copy machine.

Speaker 2 You can do that at home. Yeah, we'll get you a copy machine.

Speaker 5 Can you find me one, please? They still have them somewhere, right?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, or a scanner at least. Now, this is one of the questions I have that I had prepped for today, and this is a perfect way to go into it.

Speaker 2 I know we're eventually going to get to what we think are the worst Christmas movies ever. No, yeah, I have mine.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but before we get into that, since we were talking about Scrooge, I wanted to get your opinion because I know we all love Scrooge. I think Scrooge is probably top five.
One of my top 10 movies.

Speaker 2 Scrooge.

Speaker 2 Or you only can keep one.

Speaker 2 Muppet Christmas Carol. Because they're basically the same plot.
They are.

Speaker 2 So fuck all the other Scrooge movies and like, you know, can we just burn the books of Charles Dickens instead? Charles Cockins, please. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. According to Uncle Ron.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, I mean, what's, I mean, what is like to me, I feel like I used to love Scrooged more, but as time goes by, Muppet Christmas Carol is irreplaceable.

Speaker 2 Muppet Christmas Carol is objectively a better film than Scrooge. Better acted.

Speaker 2 Well, I just in terms of the cross, I'd say in terms of the accuracy to the material, the way the material is presented, how much fun I'm having when I'm watching it. I love singing the song.

Speaker 5 Looking at their little Muppet feet.

Speaker 2 I love Muppets, and I think that it is a better film, but I think that it's kind of the opposite for me. As I get older, Scrooged is evil.
But Scrooged, I learn more from. You think so?

Speaker 2 Like the ending monologue for Scrooge, which even though it's hard because Bill Murray was, I guess, famously a piece of shit on that set. On most sets, apparently.
Yeah, he was a. Unfortunately.

Speaker 2 Even though he's my comedy hero, one of my comedy heroes, and I'd faint if I met him, he's one of those people that he, you know, he technically took that entire set.

Speaker 2 hostage and he did whatever he wanted with it. But that ending speech that he gives is so heartfelt and so like it felt like Bill Murray talking to himself.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 It felt like a man, a hard man talking to himself

Speaker 2 in the only way he can, which is through character on camera and convincing himself that Christmas is good. And him and Karen Allen together is

Speaker 2 electric. But what about that? 15 years later and they're just starting out.
It's very creepy.

Speaker 5 It is very, I think it is

Speaker 2 watching it.

Speaker 5 It is a little bit creepy that it's all of a sudden it's like, he is against every fiber of your being. It's never going to work.
But I have a question for you guys.

Speaker 5 We talk about this on page seven every year.

Speaker 5 How do you feel about the fact that on Disney Plus, and also I believe the DVDs, they took out in Muppet Christmas Carol, they took out the love is gone, but you can watch it in the extended version, like the theatrical version on Disney Plus.

Speaker 5 But it's not the original thing that you click on. So they take out what I call is the full crumb of the movie.
They take out the love song because they're like, like, kids don't like it.

Speaker 5 It's working. It doesn't test well.

Speaker 2 Moment.

Speaker 5 But it's such an amazing song, and it's also very important to the story.

Speaker 2 Because it makes you understand what happened to Scrooge.

Speaker 5 So I dare say that I would choose Scrooge if we're talking about Muppet Christmas Carol without When Love is Gone. But with When Love is Gone, I feel that Muppet Christmas Carol is.

Speaker 2 It hurts me to say it, but it's a better song. It's a better movie.
When Love is Gone.

Speaker 2 The Scrooge is a girl. I would not see this.

Speaker 2 I know, also, Scrooge says Jeffrey Joseph. Yes, who's our budget, which is very important.
And I can text him each time or comment on Instagram that I just saw you in the film. And

Speaker 5 it never fails that I watch it legitimately every year, and it always makes me laugh.

Speaker 2 It really does. It's filled with jokes.
Richard Donner, who would have thought so good. But again, it's all Bill Murray.
And then the other, and the characters, it was the Carol Kane.

Speaker 2 It's just an incredibly cast show. It's just so good.
It's so well cast.

Speaker 2 Bobcat Goldwaite, which then you think think about Bobcat Goldwaite, how he made an entire superstar-level career with just having a funny voice. Yeah.
Yeah, dude. It's the dream.

Speaker 2 It just doesn't happen anymore, but he made it like a dream that you thought you could get. Do you remember he had an entire summer blockbuster film of him talking to a horse? Oh, hot the trot.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 John Candy played the horse. It was a huge movie.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 But his Bigfoot movie, actually, I don't think was that bad.

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't think it was.

Speaker 2 Willow Creek was good.

Speaker 5 It's not like, it is definitely one of those that's like, it's more in your brain than of what you're seeing. So it's not like I think a lot of people thought it was boring, but I thought it was fun.

Speaker 2 God Bless America is pretty crazy. I like God Bless America, but it's also kind of, it's interesting.
It also doesn't, I don't know if it also.

Speaker 2 It doesn't hold up as much, but also is like more poignant than ever at the same time. I love Bob Kit Goldwaite as a director.
Willow Creek, I thought, was kind of weak.

Speaker 2 Only just because Bigfoot, I don't find scary.

Speaker 5 I also, you're right, Bigfoot is not scary. I've been into it knowing nothing about it.
I think that's why I enjoyed it because I didn't know absolutely anything.

Speaker 5 So, you know, sometimes you got to throw one of those on.

Speaker 2 But Bob Good Goldweight is a very good director, but that's the kind of the

Speaker 2 rest of the cast. Father of the Year.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Father of the Year still holds up.

Speaker 5 I watched it a couple years ago.

Speaker 2 I was just like, man, Robert Williams is so funny in that movie. Yeah, it's very funny.
He's so funny.

Speaker 2 That's like, and I think that was like one of the last roles that he was all the way there for, too, I believe.

Speaker 2 That was the one where.

Speaker 5 Oh, wait, no, it's not Father of the Year. What's it called? World's Greatest Dad.

Speaker 2 World's Greatest Dad. Yes, that's what it was.
Yeah, Father of the Year is David Spade. Yeah, that's a very different movie.
It's a different one. Yeah,

Speaker 2 World's Greatest Dad is the one where he has to deal with his son. It's so interesting because Mike Spoon has also been in the movie called Man of the Year and Father's Day.
Yes.

Speaker 2 So you can see where we get confused.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you know. There's a lot of movies out there.

Speaker 2 But one thing we wanted to talk about today, I think most important, in this world of negativity, we wanted to talk about what we consider to be the worst. The worst of them.

Speaker 2 The worst Christmas movie. Because everybody talks about the best ones.
I and we will. Well, I personally

Speaker 2 understand I'm against, I have an unpopular opinion if I dislike all of the old maudlin Christmas movies. I don't know what you're talking about.
I hate Miracle on 34th Street.

Speaker 2 I don't like Meet Me in St. Louis.
I don't like

Speaker 2 a White Christmas. I don't like any of those.
You know what it is? They're good for the daytime, not nighttime. Yeah, how do I say

Speaker 2 they're all movies made by horrible, abusive drunks. And so was The Wizard of Oz.
Exactly. But it was good.
I mean, The Wizard of Oz is good. You know what it is?

Speaker 2 Is they inspire an emotional response in me that I don't like. It's a wonderful life, also.
Doesn't like, those are the type of things that it's like, that's not what I like from Christmas.

Speaker 2 I hate sad Christmas.

Speaker 5 You hate sad anything. I feel like anytime you feel precipitation on your face, you just go, I hope I'm sweating.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Jackie and I live in the sad world. I like that.
Well, Jackie likes to cry. I just like crying.

Speaker 2 But it's not for me. It's just not, I just don't like that.
It's not going to work out. And tears are the same solution as sweat.
You're crying. You're damn right.
Because it's just your body crying.

Speaker 5 You're damn right.

Speaker 2 But I think that the worst Christmas movie of all time, as far as I'm concerned, is Christmas with the Cranks. Wow.
And Christmas with the Cranks. The reason why I absolutely

Speaker 2 can't stand that movie is that it is unfortunately Tim Allen at the end of his powers. Jamie Lee Curtis.
He's got him back. He's got his powers.

Speaker 5 Jamie Lee Curtis is kind of fun in it. I don't think he deserves

Speaker 5 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. If you like these kind of shit Christmas movies, it is perfect for that.
I feel like... It's not though.

Speaker 2 Do you understand what the message of that movie is? The very center of that movie is? Don't you even try to be different. It's literally about don't try to be different.

Speaker 2 Do the same thing that you've always done. Do what we do.
Don't do what other people want you to do. That's what Christmas movies are.

Speaker 2 It's all about conforming and coming home to a family that you don't want to go to. And then you got to go and be a part of this ritual that you don't want to necessarily be in.

Speaker 2 And everybody's pressuring you and screaming at you about how you're ruining everything because you don't want to do it. And everybody's a fucking busybody in the movie.

Speaker 2 And I don't like the message of the movie. It makes me angry.
All right. All right.
Wow. All right.
Yes. That's the thing.
It's literally the message of the, it's not even just the movie.

Speaker 2 I'm not talking about the casting. Dan Aykroyd's in it.
I love him. There's a couple other funny little movies.
He's been in a lot of shitty movies. Oh, yeah.
He just needs money.

Speaker 2 And now that he's, you know, and he's got, he's cheating, so he's spending for two. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dan Aykroyd got divorced. Yes.
After like 40 years of marriage, man.

Speaker 2 Men are down.

Speaker 5 Man, something broke that Campbell's back.

Speaker 2 I tell you what. It's Dan Aykeroyd.
He got sick of turning it down.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that's what it was.

Speaker 2 Look at him. Look at him now.
This just happened.

Speaker 5 Look at how thick his neck is. It's what everybody takes.

Speaker 2 They're separating, so maybe they work it out. He still visit his wife.
They're legally married. Well, they're estranged, which is almost worse than divorce.

Speaker 2 He says he's going, he always goes to visit his wife, Donna's magnificent home.

Speaker 2 And he has purchased. Yeah, yeah.
He's saying, what are you going to do, man? You can't keep a fucking... You can't keep one of my boys now.
That's a Blues brother, man. I do love the Royds.

Speaker 2 That's my celebration right there, man. The freedom of Dan Ackerroyd.
He needs to be free, dude. We need to get him out there, man.

Speaker 2 Do you think it had anything to do with his obsession of the occult and aliens? And maybe it's a look into your future? Yeah. UFOs in love with the materials kills love.

Speaker 2 I've been saying this for years. They were married for 39 years.

Speaker 2 Man, no, but he got thirsty. He met some horny ass fucking, probably some lady with no bra on from Southern California or Sedona, Arizona.
They wanted to tell him all about crystals and stuff.

Speaker 2 And he's like, oh, you mean crystals I can buy? And she's like, no. And she shows her hard nipples.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 is that what happened i hope so for his sake hell yeah he's never gonna come on the show we're gonna talk with him i want to talk with him about this i love him i want to talk with him about how these

Speaker 2 how you still

Speaker 2 yeah how are you still out there fucking what's that game like

Speaker 2 they fucking glue popsicle sticks to their penis jackie what is

Speaker 5 your worst christmas film really depends on what we're talking about when it comes to worst and what the criteria is what are you talking about it took me a while what I was about to say.

Speaker 5 For my specific criteria, it is, I'm going to say, any Christmas movie that adds Christ into it.

Speaker 2 And that is a lot of them. That's the thing.
Christ shouldn't be in the season. You know, I.
We're past Christ. We're post-Christ.

Speaker 5 We're over it. Like, already born.
Like, we already did it. Like, who gives a shit? It is about buying presents and it's about...
eating a bunch of fish on Christmas Eve.

Speaker 5 So last year we did watch the movie Saving Christmas, which is the Kirk Cameron

Speaker 2 joint.

Speaker 2 Come on, of course.

Speaker 2 This might be the word. You might win this.

Speaker 5 It really is like, because you think, oh, it's going to be so bad that it's kind of fun to watch, but it's not.

Speaker 5 And there's also, I think, most movies that have a, oh, God, I can't think of the word right now. What is it called when everybody stops and starts singing and dancing in the middle of the street?

Speaker 2 It's a musical. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 There's a flash mob. Flash mobs.
Flash mobs. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I hate flash mobs. I hate so voluntary.
Flash mobs. You almost forgot they existed.
I hate it.

Speaker 2 I hate flash mobs. God, I hate flash mobs.

Speaker 5 I love a musical.

Speaker 5 I hate a fucking flash mob.

Speaker 2 Well, I just learned the term diegetic and non-diegetic.

Speaker 2 Which is like if movements happen within the world of a film or happen outside of the world of the film and that whether or not if you people there's like a conversation about musicals being diegetic or non-diegetic like are the songs in a musical natural to the environment of the musical like are they reality or are they separate from reality is it a moment of commentary upon the musical or is the musical within itself is it subtext or text

Speaker 2 yes yeah yeah yeah yeah and then um you know reflect this look diegetic versus non-genetic diegetic if you look at this it says oh we pop it if we can read it all right diegetic sounds that belong in the world of the film So diegetic sound is stuff like, you know, when they do the thing where you hear a song playing at the top of a movie and you see somebody driving and then they shut off the song and the car and the radio?

Speaker 2 That's called diegetic sound because

Speaker 2 that sound is within the world of the movie.

Speaker 2 Non-diegetic is stuff like narrative voiceovers, stuff that is outside of the screen sources.

Speaker 5 Okay, that's very interesting. Well, we all learned something today.
Yes. And I appreciate that.

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Speaker 5 Now, something that one movie I dare say that goes up against saving Christmas for me is a movie I've actually seen multiple times. And every time I watch it, I get more and more enraged.
Okay.

Speaker 5 And that is the movie Jack Frost. And that is starry.

Speaker 2 And I'm not talking about the horror movie.

Speaker 5 I'm talking about the Michael Keaton one. It's bad.

Speaker 2 And it is.

Speaker 2 It's on my list as well.

Speaker 5 I will stare at Kelly Preston, do almost anything just because I like the look of her. Rest in peace.
But Jack Frost.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you look at her corpse. Oh, yeah, man.
I'm looking at that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. And she's winking at me.
Winking at me. Oh, yeah.
John Javilta's son died. She

Speaker 5 years ago.

Speaker 2 She was like right after, like, very close to the son dying. She died of cancer, too.
Wow. 2020.
Really, really sad.

Speaker 2 R.I.P. R.I.C.
R.I.P. Very sad.

Speaker 5 In it.

Speaker 2 Dylan got a Scientology clean. Oh, it's like they pressed her in the ground.

Speaker 2 Ah, baby. Shingle bells.
Come on. It's been four years.
I can't wait for Jingle.

Speaker 2 It's okay now. Enough time is passed.

Speaker 5 I think what makes me the most angry is that Michael Keaton in the movie is in this like

Speaker 5 kind of like a blues traveler kind of band. And

Speaker 2 there's a good role for him, maybe.

Speaker 5 Sure, because

Speaker 5 I love Michael Keaton, and it's why I've seen this movie six or seven times.

Speaker 2 I've never seen it. Don't.
I'm not going. I did not.

Speaker 5 Watch the other Jack Frost,

Speaker 5 the horror movie, and at least then it's like

Speaker 2 he looks good with the guitar in his hands. That's for certain.

Speaker 2 Shannon Elizabeth's in that one, right? Yes. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 But this movie made me so upset.

Speaker 2 Shannon Elizabeth? She was just. She's still around.
Yeah, she's still doing stuff. You know what? She was in recently, the remake of Night of the Demons.

Speaker 2 She played Angela. Professional poker player.
Really? Whoa, no. That's cool.
That's hot. I mean, she just got so much.
I don't even like gambling. Yeah, that's highly fucking cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, I'll hang out with Alice.

Speaker 2 I'd sit there and blow on the chips.

Speaker 2 I'll blow on the dice.

Speaker 2 Cabia, get a little cocktail dress, huh? Come on, Shannon and Elizabeth. You got two first names.
Come on. You know, it says here, according to Jack Frost, did you know, Jackie?

Speaker 2 Three of Frank Zappa's four children are in it. Dweezel.
Which one? Dweezel, Ahmet, and Moonin. A moon unit.

Speaker 2 Man, whenever they did Celebrity Jeopardy, I would get so mad because they would never take it seriously. No, of course not.
It's a moon unit.

Speaker 2 What else is Moon Unit done? Oh, oh, he's just. Wow.
Just wrote a memoir. Earth to Moon.
Oh. Oh.

Speaker 2 He paid us a guess what?

Speaker 5 So as we were just looking up Jack Frost, I forgot also specifically about the Santa Claus 3, which stars, and this pains me to say.

Speaker 2 I watched it a couple years ago. A moon unit is a woman? Yeah, as like winter.

Speaker 5 As Jack Frost.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Moon Unit Zappa's a woman?

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to answer that question. I have no idea.
No, it's just a woman. This is an American actress, singer, and author.
I don't trust Google. Could be

Speaker 2 incorrect. That's a, that's

Speaker 2 great. Looks like a woman.
Yep. I'll call it a woman.
Nice little, she's got a little bandana on her.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I just slid down a Moon unit zap hole.

Speaker 2 Whoa, don't tell your wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's hickable.

Speaker 2 It just wrecked my brain.

Speaker 5 But I also do like, I am the kind of person, though, that really enjoys like a Hallmark. I like a shitty Christmas movie.

Speaker 2 Well, you love Christmas. I like a bad Christmas movie as well.
I'll watch a bad Christmas movie. The Lindsay Lohan movie that came out last year where she gets amnesia, that was a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 The one that came out this year, not good.

Speaker 5 And it also was starring Mr.

Speaker 2 Fitz from Pretty Little Eyes.

Speaker 5 What is the name of this?

Speaker 2 It's called Falling for Christmas.

Speaker 5 That was last year's. This year's is Our Little Secret.

Speaker 2 And Our Little Secretary.

Speaker 2 But it was fun. I enjoyed it.
It was fun.

Speaker 5 If you like shitty Christmas movies. Yes.
But

Speaker 5 save your time with Our Little Secret.

Speaker 2 I do like how everyone's rooting for Lindsay Lohan, though.

Speaker 5 She looks great. She looks great.
She's killing it.

Speaker 2 It seems like she's got her act together. I'm all about it.
She, like,

Speaker 2 doesn't she, with some guy that's sort of like a human trafficker out of Greece, right? Doesn't she own like a root for her? Like a thing that she needs. I want her, right?

Speaker 2 Is she with Andy Tate? Is that what's happening? I don't know.

Speaker 2 She's just like out there. I believe that she's with some gangster.
And then he's rooting for her.

Speaker 2 I am definitely rooting for her. You know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 5 She abandoned the Mikonos Beach Club.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she was in the Mikonos Beach Club. Oh, yeah, she abandoned them.
They needed her.

Speaker 2 What's the Mikonos Beach Club? She had a reality television show where she was ostensibly whitewashing her life, living in Greece. Now she's got a Mikonos Beach Club.

Speaker 5 And she had like an accent for a while that was interesting.

Speaker 2 I think that that's just getting, I feel like more people truly. need to ease up on gaining an accent while on vacation.
Yeah. Because you're just trying to ingratiate yourself with the locals.

Speaker 2 Lindsay Lohan, yeah, she's obviously not from Mikonos, but at the same time, winning Mikonos.

Speaker 5 You gotta assimilate.

Speaker 5 Now, Eddie, I know you also dislike shitty Christmas movies, but did you happen to check out the Dr. Seuss the Grinch musical live?

Speaker 2 No, I would never. It was

Speaker 5 wonderful. I dare say it might be

Speaker 2 just because it's like a Broadway.

Speaker 2 It was on live television. Oh.

Speaker 5 But it's a special.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I forgot about this, Sackie.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 5 And I actually would love it if you check, because I think it's on Hulu. You can still watch Hulk.

Speaker 2 Are you playing the Grinch? Is that Tom's one? No, it's, oh, God, what's his fucking name from Glee? Horrible.

Speaker 2 Matthew Morrison.

Speaker 2 The lead, the uncharismatic lead teacher man from Glee.

Speaker 5 He tries to make the Grinch like horny.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 5 it's very, very uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 The Grinch is specifically not horny.

Speaker 5 This is the thing, but he does all of this like dancing movement like he's trying to be seductive.

Speaker 2 Yeah, why is he being sexy? Oh, and I don't like the person, a person is the dog.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and that's which you.

Speaker 2 Well, you have to have a person as a dog. A dog can't sing.
I would like to. I'd rather have a dog on stage.
Of course, on the other hand. And then it bark through.

Speaker 2 I mean, one of my favorite Christmas carols is the dogs barking jingle bells.

Speaker 2 I was like, when the bitch on the shelf, yeah, man, goes caroling.

Speaker 2 No, yeah. When you want me, you go go caroling is like all right everybody jingle bells but but

Speaker 2 we're gonna have

Speaker 2 growl it out

Speaker 2 all right so my can i watch it this i'm just gonna say something here i'm watching this musical playing

Speaker 2 This is why musicals are dead and over. It's because of this moment of Grinch dancing with this dog on live television that they put a lot of money in.
A lot of money. A lot of money.

Speaker 2 Went into making this a thing because this was live when it was done. Do you think they beat him when this was over? I hope they did.
Have we heard of Matthew Morrison ever since?

Speaker 2 No, he looks like a moron. This is the worst shit.
I have this is the worst fucking garbage. Look at this.
What is he even doing?

Speaker 2 What is this? He's just kind of trotting that way. He's being sexy.
He's doing the same moves as Madonna from Like a Virgin.

Speaker 5 Just close your legs. You're the Grinch.

Speaker 2 I don't want to see your Grinch taint. Yeah.
My Grinch.

Speaker 2 He has no genitals.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 it's just all of it. He's really just, I'm going to say not good in it.
Thank you. But it is kind of fun because it's not that long.

Speaker 5 So if you're looking for something to have on in the background to just like zone in on every couple of minutes, being like, what the fuck is happening?

Speaker 2 Throw it on. Yeah.
What's your worst? Christmas movie, Eddie, because you have a hard time. You are, of all the people I know, and people who watch as many films as you do,

Speaker 2 you have

Speaker 2 a truly accepting nature. Well, I'm always just impressed that they finished making a movie.
That's what I talk about with Naley.

Speaker 2 Whenever we watch something that's extremely bad, the thing that we always remind ourselves, like as we're watching stuff, it's like, you know, they made a movie. Yeah.
What are we doing? Right.

Speaker 2 What are we doing right now? We're sitting watching something that they went and put the time and effort in to make. And yes, it was wasted time, wasted effort, wasted money, but they did it.

Speaker 5 They have a project at the end.

Speaker 2 They got it done. So I was drawn, I was drawn between two, and one of them is a series of films that I can't stand.
But before we get into that, I'm going to say Spirited fucking sucks. Spirited is

Speaker 2 if, like, the only way to really describe it is that it's so corporate. It's so utterly

Speaker 2 homesoul. And I love Sunita, and I wanted the best movie.
Love Sunita, loved Sunita.

Speaker 2 I was so happy to see her. But, like, that movie fucking blows.
Yeah, you know what it is, is that it's the problem. I've noticed this.
Like, I was talking about this with my mom recently:

Speaker 2 there's no, we,

Speaker 2 they're having a hard time creating, like, another Christmas classic film. Well, the thing is, they used to come out, like, once every three years.
They did. A Christmas movie when we were younger.

Speaker 2 Now, there's like 10 a year, and

Speaker 2 we're supposed to like all of them, and the story never changes. I'm fucking sick of it.
Spirited was dog shit. It was forced.
It was rushed, it seemed like. It was like slop.

Speaker 2 The set design was sloppy it was the whole thing i'm i haven't seen an apple movie i like by the way also can we can i say this because we just saw we saw the the la gay men's choir it was fantastic and they sang their first it was candy focused this christmas yes right the first half was from willy wonka the charlie in the chocolate factory they they sang those songs and those songs are so fun and they're so emotional and emotive and evocative right like and then the second half half, they decided to sing three songs from the two songs.

Speaker 2 It felt like nine songs. It did.

Speaker 2 What is with modern musicals? If you get a chance to see the gay men's chorus of Los Angeles, you should.

Speaker 2 It's unbelievable. They're amazing.
They do like three big shows a year. It's wonderful.
But I like was so surprised at like

Speaker 2 we are better at ever than we should be better at ever than anything and everything. But it's so funny when they're like, we can't write a good musical anymore.

Speaker 2 It feels like it feels like that type of thing where you are you know i wasn't into hamilton i'm not into lynn manuel blah blah blah i'm not into that guy i'm not into like this this that style of musical either it's just weird to go see a musical that has no i was like there's three songs here where you i couldn't tell you what the chorus was yeah like not to be anything i can't tell i'm like and i'm feeling like an old man being here being like am i wrong that this song has no chorus or bridge it has nothing i'm not walking away humming it i have no idea what's going on like at the end of the fucking, the original Willy Wonka movie, you know every song, even though you've only heard it once in the movie.

Speaker 2 You're walking out singing the songs. Oh, man.
Pure Imagination is a gorgeous song. Wonderful song.
Gorgeous fucking song. And it's like Wicked.
Wicked's that for me, though.

Speaker 2 But you like Wicked, dude. Did you see Wicked? You liked it.
I enjoyed it very much.

Speaker 2 No one told us it was a part one.

Speaker 5 Yes, that is. It's very upsetting.
It's very, very upsetting. It's the new technology.

Speaker 5 It's between that and also the amount of movies that pretend like they're not a musical and then you go and see it and they're amazing.

Speaker 2 i just saw amelia perez and that happened to me i didn't know i saw the preview it wasn't i didn't know it was a musical and i went and it was awful don't i left and i went and saw kids don't lie during the trailer i feel like it's like don't bury the lead bro like people want to know what they're gonna go see

Speaker 2 yeah i i couldn't handle it no because no one would go because people hate musicals because they can't write good musicals anymore they don't know what they're doing with them i don't know why just hire pop singers to write the songs this legitimate win all the oscars this year apparently and i just like

Speaker 2 it i can't hate it more.

Speaker 2 I couldn't get through 30 minutes. This thing's a fucking

Speaker 2 theater.

Speaker 2 I was in a theater of eight people, and six of them were laughing about how bad it was.

Speaker 2 Why don't they hire?

Speaker 2 Like, even though I dislike them, I'm actually really confused as to why, like, why isn't Ed Sheeran, who is one of my least favorite artists in the world, but he could write a catchy ass song.

Speaker 2 Why is he not writing all of the songs for music? He just doomed us. I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 But unfortunately, as much as I hate all of his his songs,

Speaker 2 they're getting right in my head.

Speaker 2 I know half of his songs for some reason because I've heard them on the radio. That guy Grobin.
What's he doing? Josh Groban. He's just a singer, though.
He's not a writer. Yeah, he's a new tech shit.

Speaker 2 Matthew Morrison, also, who's only in two other things since The Grinch. Oh,

Speaker 2 yes.

Speaker 2 So this is what I wanted to say: is the thing about Christmas movies, and I don't hold these as Christmas movies because obviously there's a lot more going on, but I feel like they're jammed down my throat every Christmas.

Speaker 2 And I never like them. I can't like them.
I've tried several times.

Speaker 4 Fuck these Harry Potter movies.

Speaker 2 Oh, of course.

Speaker 2 I just can't.

Speaker 2 I am just sick of it. It's like, this is not a Christmas movie.
It's not. They bring it up for a little while in the middle of the movie, and then everyone's calling them Christmas movies just because

Speaker 5 they're jammed down my throat

Speaker 2 every Christmas is Harry Potter, and I fucking, he's a piece of shit. He offed himself.

Speaker 2 He fucking, he just.

Speaker 2 You just ruined the end of Harry Potter?

Speaker 2 No, No,

Speaker 2 that is just one of those things that they, that's all marketing. I'm dismarketing.
They also push Lord of the Rings, which I'm kind of down for because I like something that takes like an entire day.

Speaker 2 Oh, but it's not a Christmas movie. Yeah, it's not.
But they say, you know what it is? It's a time off from work movie.

Speaker 2 And I feel like that, I wonder if there are like, because that, to me, that's different. And I feel like those are, you settle in, right? Like, I love a time off from work movie.

Speaker 2 Those are the, that's when I sit and watch Napoleon. That's when I sit and watch something long and, and difficult.

Speaker 5 But also, the Harry Potter movies dropped during, like, they were all released during Christmas time. So, I feel like a lot of people created traditions around watching

Speaker 5 and then re-watching them before the next one would drop. Like, I think that that is why it's more like a tradition that people created for themselves.

Speaker 2 Also, you know what happened to me with Harry Potter when the first movie came out? I'm working at a restaurant called Garfield's. It's basically Fridays.
It was in the Tallahassee Mall.

Speaker 2 I remember Garfields. And Harry Potter, the first Harry Potter movie, came out in the mall.
The movie theater was across the hall from Garfield's in the mall on Black Friday.

Speaker 2 And it was one of the worst days of my whole fucking life. Oh, yeah.
And then we had like a two-hour wait. And so people started getting the idea to order Tago's.
Garfield's closed. Thank God.

Speaker 2 They were awful.

Speaker 2 But yeah, but people got the idea to start ordering to-go food. And so like the tickets just started coming in.

Speaker 2 And then people were just eating to-go food in the middle of the fucking mall and throwing it on the ground and shit

Speaker 2 and it was a fucking disaster so i i think that's where my hatred for harry potter comes from but uh it's yeah because of the trauma of that day but i oh yeah i understand that so but i do like a butter beer Sure.

Speaker 2 I like butter beer with bourbon in it. Oh, well, yeah.
Well, you got to have to buy the bourbon separate. And then when the bartender's not looking, you pour it in there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they're not allowed to serve you

Speaker 2 a spiked butter beer. But it's much better that way.
Much better that way. Much better that way.
I actually, I'm kind of, I'm neutral on the, the Harry Potter thing just because I do know that,

Speaker 2 I don't know, I just fucking, I don't even think about him. I don't think about him during Christmas time.
Now, I'm trying to re-herald within my own life gremlins. Gremlins.

Speaker 2 Because for a long time, I left Gremlins alone. It might be the best ones.

Speaker 2 So good. I left it just because I kind of feel like as a child, I overwatched it.
I watched it so many times. And so I hadn't seen it probably in a couple, like literally a decade or so.

Speaker 2 And then I sat and watched it probably like two or three weeks ago. That I really think that it's, it might be one of my favorite Christmas movies.

Speaker 2 And I know that it's like very stereotypical of me, but also, I mean, it's unbelievable.

Speaker 2 The movie itself is fantastic.

Speaker 2 The characters are amazing.

Speaker 5 Well, that's the thing. And how do you feel about movies that are technically Christmas movies?

Speaker 5 Because that's why when I was talking about like the criteria earlier, that like I've started peppering in Edward Scissorhands in my yearly watch.

Speaker 2 It's on my list right now.

Speaker 5 Because it's such a good movie.

Speaker 2 But then is it still like, I feel like some some people are like it's not christmassy enough to be a christmas movie oh you're still gonna watch harry potter then fucking everywhere scissor hands is way more christmasy right it's about snow this is the thing and it's got like what's this okay good it's on the list batman returns also lethal weapon fucking awesome i love

Speaker 2 lethal weapon uh but the uh here the one of them that i always go to that i just want to give a shout out to and i love and i feel like the world shunned this movie and no one talks about it ever trapped in paradise god i love this movie.

Speaker 2 I haven't thought of Trapped in Paradise

Speaker 2 so long.

Speaker 2 I showed it to Jeff last year and I love Trapped in Paradise. It's so funny.
I got a Harvey Dikleptomaniac. I love

Speaker 2 John Kevin. So

Speaker 2 Kellen is good. It's such a good thing.
Can I ask though, upon re-watch, because you re-watch it closer than I watch it, do they not steal the dynamic of the Home Alone thieves?

Speaker 2 Because you notice, too,

Speaker 2 we're not getting hurt. Yeah, because we just repeat up on.

Speaker 2 We just re-watched Home Alone and Home Alone 2, and it is kind of funny because Home Alone, you forget why, you know, it's obviously a classic film.

Speaker 2 John Kennedy, I forget, is the sneaker, like the best part of the whole movie, weirdly. But then, like, Home Alone 2, I probably watching it.

Speaker 2 I remember loving it as a kid, and then re-watching it as an adult just recently. I was like, oh, the first 45 minutes of the movie is the exact same as Home Alone 1, except it goes to New York.

Speaker 2 And the last... 45 minutes as well.

Speaker 5 I was trying to look up the length.

Speaker 2 Yes, it does the fighting, but it's like the same, though. Yeah.
It's the same protection. It's just the same pranks.

Speaker 2 Trapped in Paradise.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Trapped in Paradise, I will say it is an hour and 51 minutes and it does feel it.

Speaker 5 That's the thing is that it needed and that it will be it's forever like the letdown is that it's longer than you remember. Yeah.
So it's one of those, but it's it's the mid-90s.

Speaker 5 You know what how I feel like it always added like way more trying to have like real moments and

Speaker 2 we didn't need it.

Speaker 5 We didn't need it. I literally just want to watch Nick Cage, Dana Carvey, and John Lovitz be them.
That's all want

Speaker 2 to be so fucking funny great so I oh wait what is that woman's name because she's an amazing character out there you know what you're saying is so hilarious too because I was just looking this up for some reason I wanted to see Dumb and Dumber was almost two hours long and there was no reason for even though dumb and dumber is fantastic it's just the things that are bad and and uh dumb and dumber are all the genuine moment well actually i'm wrong about dumb and dumber because i do love the i'm sick of being a fucking nobody like like when he does that like weird emotional monologue and that movie done well.

Speaker 2 That thing was like, you remember that? Like he does that weird out of nowhere where he's just like hyper emotional and real in the apartment before they go on the road trip.

Speaker 5 But that's the thing. And I feel like Dumb and Dumber is in that same place with Trapped in Paradise in the same place as like a My Blue Heaven.

Speaker 2 Dumb and Dumber is like a classic.

Speaker 5 No, it's a classic. But I'm saying, we watched it because it was on TV all the time.
Like I feel like I watched the first hour of Dumb and Dumber a hundred million times.

Speaker 2 We would just catch 20 minutes of of a movie back in the day because it was just randomly on TV.

Speaker 2 You'd like you, you know, you see, like, the middle of a movie three million times just because that's what happened.

Speaker 2 I always found it so sad that Dana Carvey never really got his movie star ascension, that he never really got the project that took off of the like, really took off.

Speaker 2 Like, he just had, like, you know, besides Wayne's World,

Speaker 2 man, he really did. It's but it's Wayne's World.
He's

Speaker 5 yeah, and Master of Disguise, you forgot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, turtle, turtle, turtle. Come on, bitches.
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Speaker 2 Speaking of Trapped in Paradise,

Speaker 2 the RAF is very similar. You guys, when's the last time y'all seen the RAF? I haven't seen the RAF at all.
In a long time. Yeah, it's very, it's around the same time period.

Speaker 2 Dennis Leary, she takes, it's very, it's got a lot of similar themes, like someone kidnaps a family kind of on Christmas.

Speaker 2 Bad guys learning to be good, like through the love of Christmas.

Speaker 2 The world really was captivated by Dennis Leary for a period of time.

Speaker 2 And then he just kind of went, he was on that rescue me show for like fucking 10 years. I had no idea how long that show was on.
Dude, they had like a compound in New York.

Speaker 2 I auditioned for that show once and they had like a full floor of a giant.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was wild.

Speaker 5 You know what always makes me think of you, Eddie, at Christmas time? That's the movie Mixed Nuts.

Speaker 2 One of my favorites.

Speaker 5 Always makes me think of you.

Speaker 2 Suicide Hotline Christmas movie in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 I think Madeline Kahn's last movie, I believe.

Speaker 5 And I just remember watching this just drunk in the middle of the day when we used to live together and you're just like, McNutts again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you guys re-watched McNutts a lot. I bought it.
I love it. I know.
You love that movie. That's one of those movies that like.

Speaker 2 13% on Rotten Tomatoes. Rotten tomatoes.
Go, fuck. 13.
Go. I love you with all my heart, Ebby.
But if you rewatch it. I watch it every year almost.
All right. Well, I'm glad you like it.

Speaker 2 When's the last time you seen it? The last time I remember seeing a chunk of it, I was just like, oh, wow. Some of this doesn't age well.
It's upsetting. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's about a suicide hot. I think I suicide.
Yeah, I know. It's very upsetting.
But also, I mean, Julia Haggerty. I love Julia Haggerty.

Speaker 2 She's the female lead in that movie. She's from Airplane.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. She's wonderful.
But yeah, she's a great.

Speaker 2 It's perfect. It's one of Adam Sandler's first movies.
Wow. Wow.
That's actually very interesting.

Speaker 5 Juliette Lewis. Yeah.
Rita Will Edwards.

Speaker 2 Julian Mason plays a trans person trying to deal with Christmas. It's one of the first movies to deal with this subject.
I do think it's interesting. I think it's interesting.

Speaker 2 I think the subject matter is very interesting. I think it was during a weird period in Steve Martin's career.
It was. Yeah.
He was making choices, you know.

Speaker 2 Which I appreciated about him because he always made

Speaker 2 a bunch of weird choices back in the day before he started making all the movies with the... What was that thing where he had like the 19 kids?

Speaker 2 Cheaper by the dozen. Cheaper by the dozen.
Where he kind of fucking gave up a little bit.

Speaker 2 You know what I just re-watched?

Speaker 2 I know this is kind of a hard write, but it's pretty fucking great. Have you ever seen Rare Exports? It's on my list.
Yeah, Rare Exports. I never actually saw it.

Speaker 5 A lot of hang and dong.

Speaker 2 You will.

Speaker 2 You will really like Rare Exports. You know, I met the director when they were promoting the movie.
He came into Poorhouse, Village Poorhouse.

Speaker 2 He came in and he's like, do you mind if we put the post-up? And I was like, go for it, bud. You know what I mean? Yeah,

Speaker 2 because it was playing at the movie theater across the the street.

Speaker 5 It is fun.

Speaker 2 It is a wonderful movie.

Speaker 2 89%? Yeah. It's one of the better horror Christmas horror movies.
I think. It has 76 more percent than Mixed Nuts.
Is that what we're trying to talk about there?

Speaker 2 I would say fucking bullshit. I would say it is that much more of a better film.
No way.

Speaker 2 I will die on this hill because it is hard for me to get up the hill. I assure you.

Speaker 2 I'm already here. Just let me die.

Speaker 2 It was just on

Speaker 2 The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. He just did a whole section on rare exports.
It's fucking great.

Speaker 2 I'll check that out. It's truly, truly a.
I might watch it tonight, actually. It's probably top five horror, Christmas horrors that Black Christmas, The Ocean.
I mean, well, now

Speaker 2 Terrifier 3 is taking the reins. Terrifier 3 is taking the reins.
Thank you, Terrifier 3. I want to say thank you again for taking up the cause of adding to the Christmas horror movie lexicon.

Speaker 2 That is what you, we need this. Yeah.
We needed you. Yep.
And also, I just saw you floating past Die Hard.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Die Hard 2.
My, our mother, our beloved mother, she was like, oh, the best movie I've seen this year. You've got to see it.
Red one.

Speaker 2 You got to see it. She really wanted us to see it.
And so we wanted to do it. We rented it and we put it on and literally.
You rented it? It's a Netflix movie.

Speaker 2 I don't know what we, I don't know what it was on. I just clicked on it.
I just wanted it. Did you pay for a Netflix movie?

Speaker 2 I legitimately just wanted my mom to to be engaged with something it does have talking there I put it on and as we're sitting and watching it Natalie leans over to me and she's like

Speaker 2 is this what prison is like

Speaker 2 is to be forced to do this is this like watching television

Speaker 5 common room in a jail at least in this prison you get a juiced up jk simmons you know i don't want to watch the movie but at least you know jk Simmons has got abs and he's taken all kinds of human growth hormones.

Speaker 2 Can I say this about J.K. Simmons? Dude, calm the fuck down, man.
You don't need to be this ripped. It's bad for you at this age.
It's extremely bad. You're going to die much earlier.
He's old in Oz.

Speaker 2 You're going to die much earlier because of this.

Speaker 2 He's definitely juiced. That's not maddie, dude.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That is not.
Look at his arms. That is not fucking natural.
You need to watch yourself, buddy.

Speaker 2 It's not about, you got got to be careful. Your heart's going to fucking explode.
But it was like, what happened?

Speaker 2 What happened to Christmas action movies? I thought that was really funny. At the top of Scrooge, you forget, like, we try to watch it.
We ended up, we were like, oh, we got to make dinner.

Speaker 2 And we shut off Red One very quickly, like 25 minutes in. And then I was like, I sit and think, I was like, oh, Red One is literally what.
the beginning of Scrooge just making fun of. Yes.

Speaker 5 Yes. Exactly.

Speaker 2 It's making fun of it. And now we're watching.

Speaker 2 Now it's real and it's bad. It's extremely bad.
But then you think about Die Hard, which is a great example of this awesome, you know, like now it's obviously kind of me-y.

Speaker 2 Everyone's talking about it all the time in terms of like being incredible film. It's just a great movie.
It just happens to take place at Christmas, which is, you want, I just want more of it.

Speaker 2 I want more of that. I think what was nice about Die Hard, about the Christmas thing, is that it's not a Christmas film, but the Christmas part of it adds this emotional weight.
Of course. Yes.

Speaker 2 You know, that makes it so fucking that much more, that's much heavier for him.

Speaker 2 Speaking of emotional weight, um when was it has been getting bigger i'm glad it is an intervention yeah i got some i got a a corset for him when was the last time you watched the movie prancer i have been i would say like a decade ago I haven't watched it

Speaker 5 when I was a kid, but I remember specifically being traumatized by this movie.

Speaker 2 I saw it in the theater. Don't they just shoot a ladies prize reindeer in the head or whatever?

Speaker 5 Something, but I didn't know if I should go back and watch it.

Speaker 5 Apparently, it's Magical

Speaker 5 very sad.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's lots of sad stuff. Does Prancer get like molested or something? No, eaten.

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 we had reindeer recently. Delicious.
It's so good. I'm sure.
That might be the best meat.

Speaker 5 I'm sure. I love an L.

Speaker 2 I ate the reindeer, and it pranced out of me into shit.

Speaker 5 I bet, man. Oh, he sometimes goes down greasy, comes out greasier.
But apparently, Clorice Leachman is in Prancer, and I love Clorice Leachman.

Speaker 2 I mean, she's, you know, people take work. You know, I know.
Prancer is work.

Speaker 5 I know Sam Elliott's in it, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I remember loving Prancer when I was a kid, crying, and then seeing it again like 10 years ago, and it was just like, this is dog shit. Oh, yeah.
He does get sold to a butcher.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he gets sold to a whole butcher.

Speaker 5 That's why it's so traumatizing.

Speaker 2 The living fuck.

Speaker 2 Killed and sold to a butcher.

Speaker 2 Like, that's

Speaker 2 like that's the thing. Or does that make this my favorite Christmas man? You know what I mean? The living fuck of the

Speaker 2 pagodas in it. Understated masterpiece.
It's a magical reindeer.

Speaker 2 How the living fuck is it held by the rules of magic?

Speaker 5 Yeah, chop it up and eat it and chop it up and eat it for Christmas.

Speaker 2 Honestly, it would have been cute if they fucking chopped it up, made it into a bust of sausages, and then they ate it and they all started floating and

Speaker 2 that would be cute. And then Santa comes and rigs up those fucking cannibals up to a fucking sled, and he makes the people pull the fucker sled.
Well, yeah, dude. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 Fucking reindeers are free for the fucking winter. Can I rapid fire some movies at you to close out the show? I love this.

Speaker 2 All right, Santa's Slay. You ever seen it with Goldberg, where he plays Santa and he just goes around killing people?

Speaker 2 SLAW? No, I've never seen Goldberg. No.
Yeah, yeah. Goldberg's really bad, but

Speaker 2 he just kills the fuck out of people. Yeah, no.
Wait, actually, can you put that at the top of of this, Rob?

Speaker 2 There's a disclaimer on the top of this video about Santa's Slay that just I wanted to read here real quick that just said the term

Speaker 2 habit of the it's like what is it?

Speaker 2 Oh, hi, I'm Scott, and I'm glad you like the Goldberg videos I upload to the legend as I've received recently diagnosed with cancer, which is why I may have the YouTube channel as a tribute to Goldberg to help cheer me up.

Speaker 2 I put most of my time uploading videos and replying to all you great, amazing supporters. If you could spare any donations, it would be very much appreciated.
Thank you. And if not, no worries.

Speaker 2 I hope you you enjoy the channel. I will continue to upload videos daily on the road to recovery.
Thanks, Scott. If you could spare any donations, it would be much appreciated.

Speaker 2 And how many years ago is this? Two years ago.

Speaker 2 All right, well, let's find out if he's alive. No, I don't want to get, I don't want to give it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't want to spoil it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know what this guy does. Oh, he's still got the, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Me and my father have been diagnosed. I don't know.

Speaker 5 No discrimination. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 What? Just keep putting up those Goldberg videos, buddy. You never know what's going to come.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's great.
All right.

Speaker 2 Krampus. Yes.
But I mean,

Speaker 2 it's not that great. It's not as good.

Speaker 5 It should be better. But I like the practical puppets.
I like that a lot of it outside of the gingerbread men, I like that it's practical, and that does keep me coming back to it.

Speaker 2 I also like the, I like seeing it in theaters. I remember when we saw it in theaters, it was awesome.
I enjoyed it. Yeah.
Hot Frosty. Did you see it yet, Jack? I did.

Speaker 5 Was it good?

Speaker 5 Well, it was, it really depends on how you feel about the whole idea of like a baby child adult and if you want to fuck that. And I get like that really,

Speaker 5 it's like

Speaker 2 kind of.

Speaker 5 Exactly, but it is a snowman turned into a human being. It's a snowman turned into a human being that Lacey Shaber tries to fuck and because she just lost her husband and she's a widow.

Speaker 2 And it's like the hot guy from Schitz Creek. From Schitt's Creek.
We should show this. We should watch this as a group.
This is a brand new movie.

Speaker 5 I even darely, I dare say.

Speaker 2 You called him the hot guy from Schitt's Creek.

Speaker 5 He's just got. He's one of the hot guy.

Speaker 2 He's not a veterinarian.

Speaker 5 He's a veterinarian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he's just got shredded. He's got way more shredded recently.
Yes.

Speaker 2 He wasn't like that on Schitt's Creek. He's very shredded.

Speaker 5 If you're supposed to be Hot Frosty, I think you're supposed to look like that, unfortunately, for some people.

Speaker 5 But it is, it's how you depend on, like, I also really enjoyed Poor Things, but I know a lot of people were like, baby lady, you fuck a baby lady.

Speaker 2 It was a great movie. Yeah, it's very incorrect.

Speaker 5 So that's why I enjoy Hot Frosty, but I understand that some people were very upset about it.

Speaker 2 Whoa. Because he's a frosty.
Because he's a snowy Because he's an idiot. He's a baby man.
No, he's a fucking snowman.

Speaker 2 If he was a fucking

Speaker 2 human, then listen, if he had Down syndrome, it'd be different.

Speaker 5 That was my biggest issue with him.

Speaker 2 Think about this. If he frosted, because how offensive would that have been? If a snowman turned into a Down syndrome adult, how mad would everybody be then? And then she tries to fuck him.

Speaker 2 Everybody be super angry. Oh, don't be fun is a movie that's just like a fleshlight that comes to life.
This is like, fiddle me. Fiddle me up.

Speaker 2 It still looks like a.

Speaker 5 Please ask me a question about myself my wants my needs it should remain a fleshlight then as someone that is a self-described monster fucker i was upset because i didn't realize that the snowman turned into a human being i thought she was going to fuck a snowman and that's what i wanted to watch they're not ready jackie i want to watch it all right eastern promises very good that's an eastern promises it takes place it takes place during christmas

Speaker 2 yeah i mean a naked fight on christmas is what i should watch this on Christmas Day.

Speaker 2 No, Easter Promises has a bunch of Christmas in it. I better re-watch this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking love Easter Promises.
I remember the naked fight. That's all I remember.

Speaker 2 I mean, the whole movie's great. It starts off with a brutal murder.
And I love Nigo Morton's. All right, we're moving.
Family Stone. I know you love it, Jackie.
Might be my favorite.

Speaker 2 Is this something? I don't know. Fucking no.
That's why I like it. I know.
I'm just not into sad. I don't like sad.
I don't like to feel sad. I'm already sad.

Speaker 2 All right, people go both ways on this movie. Love actually.

Speaker 5 You You know, I think

Speaker 5 I hate it more than anything else. I think I have decided that I finally, officially, truly, very much hate Love Actually.
I just found out Kiara Knightley, 17 in the movie.

Speaker 5 In real life, in real life, she's 17.

Speaker 2 I did not.

Speaker 5 She did not want to do the cue card scene.

Speaker 5 She thought that it was very uncomfortable, and she's a 17-year-old, and so apparently they had to shoot it multiple times because she was so visibly upset while she was doing it, she couldn't act her way through it.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, though, sometimes, I mean, I guess that's what happens. But she was a child?

Speaker 5 17, and she's supposed to be, like, married in it, and everything. It's just all

Speaker 2 old days. And then, of course, everybody.
I love with the shopping gal. I like to watch Liam Neeson cry.

Speaker 5 Of course, and also Emma Thompson cry. I love to watch anybody be sad on Christmas.

Speaker 2 I want to go to his house and make him cry. I'm sure he's crying on Christmas.

Speaker 5 I'm sure he's.

Speaker 2 No, now he's back with banging now. He's got a new banging knife, Pamela Anderson.
Yeah, dude. No makeup, Pam Anderson.
You're banging Liam Neeson? Yeah, dude. He is riding that fucking shit.

Speaker 2 She's all that damn guy.

Speaker 2 Because they're making the gun remake together. Oh, my God.
Madly in love with Pamela Anderson.

Speaker 2 Yes. God, that's a happy ending.
Oh, I love that. And that just shows you.
Isn't that great?

Speaker 2 Isn't that the best connection? Yes, it is. And it just shows you that anything's possible as long as you're almost seven feet tall, rich, famous new visitors.

Speaker 5 Got a great bro.

Speaker 2 That's all you need to do is be Irish. That's all.
Handsome.

Speaker 2 Rich. Holdovers, wonderful film.
Really enjoyed it. I like that.
Really enjoyed it. Holdovers is really good.
And I got to say,

Speaker 2 we forgot one perfect Christmas film I feel like it's a good one to close out with. It's a little film called How to Ruin the Holidays.
And apparently, How to Ruin the Holidays is

Speaker 2 to watch the film. is the best way to ruin the holidays.
He's roasting my work. Oh, I know.

Speaker 5 I haven't. I love you, Henry, but I haven't also watched it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You both are ignorant of my work. You haven't watched it.
I went. I went to the theater.
You just saw it. Yeah, I went.
I booed. It was great.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 But I did feel that

Speaker 2 it was a pretty good film. It was.

Speaker 5 You're like Robert De Niro and Cape Fear.

Speaker 2 Like, that's like.

Speaker 2 That's my fear.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Well, that was the last movie I was in. There we go.
Hope you guys go go rent that, huh? You just go rent How to Ruin the Holidays? Hopefully. Because that'll help.

Speaker 2 That'll really help the dividends. Not for me.
I don't make any money off of it, but it would.

Speaker 5 Colin Mockery needs it.

Speaker 2 Come on, guys. I don't think he makes money off.
But

Speaker 2 I liked seeing him in a big role. He's great, too.
And also, he's extremely nice. He's a great guy.

Speaker 5 You're the bad boy neighbor. You're the M.
Emmett Walsh of Christmas with the Cranks.

Speaker 2 I am. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm the mean fuck.
Yep. I'm the mean neighbor.
That's why they hired me.

Speaker 2 Sometimes just being yourself.

Speaker 5 It goes a long way. It really does.

Speaker 2 And then did you have to shoot like across the like in a different like house because you had COVID? No, I had, I found out I had COVID on set.

Speaker 2 This was many years, this is 2021, the first time I had had COVID. And I did not know that I was sick.
I took a rapid test and a the long, the big test, remember? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I tested, I tested positive negative on the rapid test. I shot a day, but then I started not feeling very good.

Speaker 2 And then it wasn't until the next day that it turned out I tested positive for COVID. But I didn't give it to anybody else.

Speaker 5 Man, I did it.

Speaker 2 Because I was wearing those dog comes. I didn't give it to a lot of people.

Speaker 5 When I did the L-word, I didn't realize I had COVID and I just wasn't feeling good, but wasn't testing positive. And they tested me twice on set, and I wasn't testing positive.

Speaker 5 And then it turns out I found out later on, gave a bunch of people.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm sorry. At least you gave them something for Christmas.
Yeah, come on.

Speaker 2 Come out. Thank you so much.
Merry Christmas. Happy holidays.
Happy

Speaker 2 holidays.

Speaker 2 Enjoy. We love you guys.
Thank you for listening to this show. I hope you're having a great time.
And when you're at home with your family, remember, you don't have to be nice all the time.

Speaker 2 You really don't. And honestly, sometimes those fuckers kind of got to go do their own thing.

Speaker 2 And you let them go do their own thing. But, you know, you're not responsible for everybody's activities during the holiday.
Yes. Amen.
And it's going to be over soon.

Speaker 2 Take some personal time and forget. Remember, to take a walk, smokes a week.
Yep. Take a drink in the garage.

Speaker 2 Load your guns. Clean your guns.
Go and clean your guns.

Speaker 2 And if you're looking for any last-minute christmas gifts and you live in the atlanta area last podcast on the left is going to be doing a show with the coca-cola roxy on january 11th so please

Speaker 2 come and check that out we got shows in dallas um toronto uh detroit and nashville next year booked we're going to book some more soon but more importantly

Speaker 2 watch good put my

Speaker 2 favorite show on the network

Speaker 2 it really was yeah i like our new show so good it's unbelievable spend time watching good put Really freak out the squares with this show. It's a wonderful thing.
Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 Good work, Eddie. Happy holidays.

Speaker 2 Happy holidays, huh? Love y'all. Don't let the new year hit you in the ass, huh? Yeah, man.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 jerk off. Yep.

Speaker 2 Take mommy out of the room. Sure.
Do you need Patreon? Plus, buy us a lot.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 I'll say.

Speaker 2 Jerk off.

Speaker 2 Don't forget.

Speaker 8 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Gabe Leidman.

Speaker 9 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years.
And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 10 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 9 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 8 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 10 My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 8 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 I need you,

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