Side Stories: Pizza Problems

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Speaker 2 There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left

Speaker 2 side stories

Speaker 2 that's when the cannibalism started

Speaker 2 side stories. Yes

Speaker 2 That's too bad. I'm already I am already dead.

Speaker 2 I'm already dead.

Speaker 2 I'm a dead man. What should I bring to Thanksgiving? Dead man walking.
Dead man walking. If you're going to bring a dead man.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say if you're going to Thanksgiving this year, a good thing to maybe bring for the whole family is those dental dams. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Teach your family how to use dental dams this Thanksgiving. You're right.
You're right. Because it's been so, I've never used one.
I've never seen one. You can use them in it practically for to-go

Speaker 2 for leftovers. I think that's a great, great piece of advice that I've got to use in it and jam it in your wife.
Dude, I think that that's a great, great idea. I think also

Speaker 2 it's a good idea, you know what is really great about dental dams? Is that it's really, a really good way to save yourself some calories for the Thanksgiving meal.

Speaker 2 So then you get the pleasure and the taste of eating it by putting it, you put the dental dam over your face, you mush the food into the hole where your mouth is, right?

Speaker 2 And you can chew it all around and you can get the juices sliding through around the dental dam in your mouth, but then you can just spit it out, and that's called a safer form of bulimia.

Speaker 2 Is that wrong? Is that wrong? Imagine being like about to eat out a woman, and you're like, excuse me, let me get my. Hold on one second.
Well, it's good to do.

Speaker 2 Technically, we can't be angry about it. You're supposed to put it over the vagina.
That is the most graphic picture, Rob, to start today with. Oh, man, that is wild.

Speaker 2 Wow, we are really happy things going on. I just postponed my dentist appointment.
Hey, you better get back to me. Dr.

Speaker 2 Dr. Reed.
Do you have any extra dental dance? I think my south mouth has a cavity. They know what's going on.
Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zabrowski.
Well, yeah. Sitting here with Ed Larson.

Speaker 2 He called out his actual dentist who does listen to the show.

Speaker 2 I had no idea what a dental dam was. I'm not even frowning against the use of dental dams.

Speaker 2 I think you should if you're if you've got if you got the fucking old school gangster bumps yeah you need them on the mouth or you got them on your south mouth Fucking wrap it up. Damn it up.

Speaker 2 Wrap it up.

Speaker 2 I heard if you just throw it like a frisbee, it just attaches. Sticks.
That's if you get her wet first. That's why four four play is extremely important yeah we do eight play

Speaker 2 that's that is an r kelly bit is it yeah 12 play is a song oh well i don't go that far that's right

Speaker 2 that's right

Speaker 2 he could have calmed some of that down i guess yeah yeah yeah definitely at least nine play oh i mean let's

Speaker 2 seven play

Speaker 2 if we could

Speaker 2 she's too randy uh well we're gonna be in uh brooklyn we are we are gonna be in brooklyn next week king's theater king's Theater on December 7th. Last podcast on the left.

Speaker 2 It's going to be so much fun. We still got, that place is gigantic.

Speaker 2 We still got like a million tickets to the year. We sold 2,000 tickets.
There were still so many tickets. So if you're there, come hang out.

Speaker 2 We're going to have a while. We're going to have a blast.
All of our friends are going to be there. We're going to be hanging out.
We're going to be a show of the year. We're going to have a blast.

Speaker 2 And then Philly's completely sold out, so you can't see it. Yeah.
So, yeah. But also, we're going to be here in L.A.
on the 20th. 21st of December.
Welcome. Come see Class Night Out.

Speaker 2 It's going to be a lot of fun. I got some good bookings.
I just booked Blair Sochi. It's very, very thick.
I think I accidentally also booked another person as well. We got a stack show.

Speaker 2 We really got. You're not to combine acts or something.
We're going to figure something out, but it's going to be a hell of a barn burner. Come on down.

Speaker 2 December 21st at the Masonic Lodge in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. And the last one, last one is January 11th.
We're going to be in Atlanta at the Cook Coloroxy.

Speaker 2 I can't wait for that show. I've never been to Atlanta other than to see Tom Petty and he's fucking dead.
Dude, we are going to go to Gun Joe. Gun Show?

Speaker 2 Gun Show is my favorite restaurant, almost one of my favorite restaurants in the country. Really? It's wonderful.
All right. There's a bunch of stuff we can go do.
I want to go to Gun Show.

Speaker 2 If you're hearing this, Kevin Gillespie, I know you listen sometimes. We need a Resi, though.
By the way, a lot of people hit me up and said, you're full of shit about the varsity.

Speaker 2 They are wrong themselves. They said that you're a fucking injured.
I've been coming to varsity. For a dozen years, I've been eating a lot.
Varsity is the fucking best.

Speaker 2 You're a fucking dum-dum. You are incorrect.
You're a shithead poo-poo-brain. Varsity is for drunk college kids.
And there's other things to do. But there's, I mean, I can take you to better places.

Speaker 2 I can take you to a better place. I bet I can get better.
If you can give me a better hot dog, we're not. I'm not a hot dog on the brain now.
Eat it now. Eat it before we go.
Dodger dogs are better.

Speaker 2 Just eat it.

Speaker 2 They changed. They changed the Dodger dog.
It doesn't matter, all right? I'm going to take you to better places. I promise you.
I'm going to take a better place. Better than a fucking hot dog.

Speaker 2 Speaking of places we've been to, we just came back from Home Bault County, and boy, are my dreams tired. Yeah, man.
Fucking saw the other side. But, dude, we want to give a big

Speaker 2 big old thank you

Speaker 2 widespread panic man we want to give a big thank you to ridgeline farms and huckleberry hill farms yeah open

Speaker 2 johnny casally dude what a bad motherfucker also uh mattole valley sun grown also badass with dylan over there we just just straight up we learned a lot we went and did a little but you know we didn't just smoke weed and do dumb stuff we did a full-on show with an amazing crowd maybe my favorite show we did all year.

Speaker 2 We sold 320 tickets in the middle of fucking nowhere. It was two restaurants.
We had a blast and a liquor store that is very scary. It looked like a level from Silent Hill 2.

Speaker 2 It's just like we're the only place in town with liquor. Good luck finding another place with liquor.
Humble. This is what it looks like.
It was seven in there. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It is still like literally, it is the group, the group of most friendly murderers I've ever met. Yeah.
And they were wonderful. Thank you guys so much.

Speaker 2 But we have learned a lot about the plight of the small farmer.

Speaker 2 If you go out there and you see Huckleberry Hill farms, when you're at your dispensary, you're lucky enough to get, we were very fortunate to get in there. I doubt anyone could just walk in.

Speaker 2 If you go into a dispensary and you see Ridgeline or Huckleberry Hill farms or Mattole Valley sungroves, you buy that shit. I'm on outdoor weed now.

Speaker 2 It's I didn't, I never thought that that was going to happen to me. I thought I was indoor forever with all the crazy.
It's much better outdoor. We were smoking it.
We never never smoked before shows.

Speaker 2 No. And we got, we had to like show the growers we were cool.
And so we're like, all right, you know, we'll hit it. And then, man, first of all, the farmer joints.

Speaker 2 They call them growers joints. Growers joints.
They are the size of quarters. They are as wide as a quarter.
It's amazing. It's the entire paper.
And I have no idea. And it stays perfect.

Speaker 2 No idea how they do it. No idea how they do it.
Just generations of having

Speaker 2 their fingers roll joints and grow weed. Yeah.
But this, like we talked to, like at Huckleberry Hill Farms. This is like a generational farm.
It was really amazing. We have no ties to them monetarily.

Speaker 2 We don't really, but they, like, talking about how, like, my father used to have to farm for weed with an AK-47 on his back. And now he's sitting there in the full merch.
So it is a wild.

Speaker 2 Like, it really has been a long, strange trip that those guys have been on because it is fucking, it just turned legal there. Yeah.
Essentially. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's hard for them because they used to make so much more money when it was illegal. Yes.
Yeah. And like everyone's wearing shirts that say keep weed illegal.
And I guess I didn't catch that at first.

Speaker 2 And at one point during our sale, I was like, man, I love that weed's legal now. People freak.
We got boots. We got real mad.
Yeah, people got boots. Digging out of a hole.
I was like, oh, shit.

Speaker 2 But it was great, though. Honestly,

Speaker 2 we learned a fuck ton, and it was just, what a fucking great trip. We can't wait to go back.
I know that Henry has gone completely weed crazy.

Speaker 2 They gave us a lot of weed. Every moment we've had in a very long time.
Yes, every moment that I'm sitting here at fucking work on Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 All I want to be. Usually when we prep for the show, it's casual and shitty's like, can we just fucking get in there? Can we? I'm just going to get this done.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get back to my blueberry caviar that is sitting in my home. I know.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 2 By the way, you didn't give me a blueberry caviar. You only gave me the black caviar, two jars of black caviar.
It's the same. I was supposed to.
No, one's blueberry caviar.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'll give you the other one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll switch.

Speaker 2 You want the black. It's good.
I'll give it to you. No, we'll switch.
You see, this is what happens. It's tearing our friendship apart.
No, no, I'm just, I was explaining this to Eddie.

Speaker 2 I think weed is the thing I'm the greediest over. Like, money, I don't care.
Other shit, I don't care. But, like, weed, I'm like, that's mine.

Speaker 2 But lamb, you get crazy around lamb.

Speaker 2 The meat? Yeah. Well, I like, I like lamb.
Yeah. But I share lamb.

Speaker 2 I share lamb. I share weed.
Yeah, but

Speaker 2 still, I'm like, smoke. I keep keep my weed.
I'm like, yes, yes, precious. Do you have any in your weed? I put some in my freezer to keep it good longer so I can smoke it next year.

Speaker 2 Actually, I didn't even think about that. I probably should.
Yeah. Does it work like that? I don't know.
It's what we used to do when I was growing or selling, so I imagine that's what you should do.

Speaker 2 They said at least don't let it get hot. Yeah.
Don't let it get hit anything. It just needs to be temperate.
Yeah. What's the winner? We're good.
Well, thank you, guys. Thank you, Hubble.

Speaker 2 Thank you to everybody who's here. Redway, the Matteo Community Center, what a cool place to see a show.
If you go on their website and you just find a show that looks cool, go there.

Speaker 2 The vacation, the Redwoods are unbelievable. It's an amazing town.
It should be a tourist destination. It should be.
It's just extremely difficult to get to. Yes.

Speaker 2 And so that is why it probably isn't yet. But also, don't, you know, like, let's roll in there because they don't got quite the infrastructure yet for the amount of tourists that should be there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But one day.
And maybe that's where people could put some money because that's what it needs. It needs a couple of pharmacies.
There could be a couple of fucking coffee shops.

Speaker 2 And if they build it, they will come. Yep.
Yep. Come and they will build it.
Come and I and I'll go there. Yeah.
Come and I'm coming. Come and it will be stuck to your legs.

Speaker 2 Come and I'm covered and come.

Speaker 2 Let's get into some stories.

Speaker 2 Do you think that's the plug they wanted? Yep.

Speaker 2 Come, you'll be covered and come. Nothing they like better.

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We got a couple updates. I do have a couple updates.

Speaker 2 Number one update was, I thought that did make me laugh quite a bit, was the, we talked about at the end of last week's episode about the naked doctor that has done a bunch of fucked up stuff to his employees.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, what this guy was named Dr.

Speaker 2 Dr. Define.

Speaker 2 He, before his nudity problems, he was instructed by an HOA, his HOA of where his home was, to remove a bush that was obstructing the stop sign.

Speaker 2 So, what he did was he removed the bush and then put in its place a giant rooster with two giant balls in front of it. And he said, Roosters have balls.

Speaker 2 No, you see, but it's a funny play upon the fact that he said, You see, what happens is when I shave my bush, you see my dick and balls. Oh, cockin' balls.
Fun guy. Yes, yes.
Yes, he's a fun guy.

Speaker 2 And so he did this. The entire town actually kind of likes it.
Yeah, well, I mean, how do you not? They kind of like, I think it's funny, but this was before.

Speaker 2 It's not anatomically correct. No.
No, no, it doesn't have it. It's like, it's a rooster that has two literal, like, basketball things in front of it.
Oh, okay. So it's not attached to it.

Speaker 2 He's doing it like it's funny. It's truly cheeky.
So now they want to get rid of it because he's a predator. Well, this was like last year.
This is just more of a, this is what this kind of guy is.

Speaker 2 Do we have to find a new home for this cock and balls? To be honest, I think that's the most innocent thing about him. Yeah, oh, for sure.
It's what he got. He's a, he's a.
He loves cock and balls.

Speaker 2 There's no question. He definitely loves his own.
He definitely loves his own. But apparently it really was a long-term abuse-like situation in that house, which is really, really funny.

Speaker 2 I'm glad they got him.

Speaker 2 And then what other updates? One less doctor in the street. Yeah, I'm fucking sick of these fucking doctors running around everywhere.

Speaker 2 What's the other big update? Well, the big, I mean, for me. Oh, yes, you have a huge update.
Cato the whale. Cato the killer whale has died in Spain at the Tenerife Zoo.
If you remember, Cato.

Speaker 2 Tenerife. Tenerife.

Speaker 2 You've been there? No, I just know what's been else. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Cato was, remember, he was featured in part two of the Horrors of SeaWorld series. He was the orca that killed trainer Alexis Martinez on Christmas Eve 2009 at Laurel Parquet.

Speaker 2 And yeah, it was a, it a, he bit him.

Speaker 2 He bit him. He rammed him against the concrete and stuff.
Cato had a very, had a 29-year-old

Speaker 2 rough life. Yeah, he was like, I didn't know that he was forced to sleep with his cousin.
Yes, they all are, kind of.

Speaker 2 But he said specifically it was like an incestuous thing that really shouldn't happen, that he was fucking his cousin for a while.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, you know, if you're not choosing to fuck your cousin, I think that's even worse. When you're in a cell with only your cousin.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I wouldn't automatically fuck my cousin just because i'm in a cell with her no i'm not saying you may be an animal though yeah i guess but you'd probably do it anyway so

Speaker 2 i don't think i would my cousins are all men yeah kato was born in sea world lived his entire life in uh captivity and uh spent uh it was sold overseas and in the wild we know a male can live up to 60 years old and kato had a very rough life and his uh necropsy was taken care of by 21 vets I believe.

Speaker 2 Jeez.

Speaker 2 All in one go? Like they all took different parts of them. Well you have to cut them up because you can't just take a 6,600 pound whale and just toss them in the back of a truck.
What a fucking day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, imagine that. What just like you love this thing?

Speaker 2 Three years. Saw it to pieces.
Imagine if that's how we had to get rid of our own. Nothing would make me happier.

Speaker 2 Like if I just had to go, like when my father finally passes it, I have to go and it's just being like, well, unfortunately, here's

Speaker 2 Mr. Zabrowski Jr.,

Speaker 2 here's the government hacksaw that you will use to separate your father's limbs to get him in our new space saver economy caskets. Oh, well, shout out.
We love you, Cato. Have a good death.

Speaker 2 We see, it's hard for me.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to, like, Cato obviously killed. Cato's a murderer, but that was also Cato's life.

Speaker 2 It was a training exercise, and the SeaWorld trainers were shipped in to do it on Christmas Eve. And this poor Alexis Martinez died, one of their best swimmers.
I know. Orcas hate working on vacation.

Speaker 2 And so they flipped out.

Speaker 2 They flipped out, and I'd say, big ups to Kato. I hope you're up there feeding them whale blubber to the Icelandics that are in heaven.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't that be crazy? Would you get up to heaven as a whale, and you just immediately get hunted by all the Vikings there?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I think they have their own heaven. I'd like to think so.
Yeah. I talked about this morning with my therapist about how dogs have little consciousnesses.

Speaker 2 And I wonder, I don't even know if it necessarily even, I won't burden them with a soul. But I would say to them, they do have little minds.
They are different.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're definitely different. Yeah.
Yeah. But I don't think there's much going on in Tootsie's head these days.
No, Tootsie's. Tootsie is.

Speaker 2 She's barking and coughing for attention. She's a reminder of all of us.

Speaker 2 Tootsie reminds us of, like, you know, when they wheel out the 102-year-old, like, the last living World War II vet or the last living Korean War vet.

Speaker 2 And they wheel him out, and he's got like 90 medals on a little hat, and he's like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 2 And he's saying horrible stuff under his breath, all the different slurs that he learned back in the day, and he can't say anymore, but he thinks he's back then. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 In his mind, that's what Tootsie is like. Tootsie reminds us to feel guilt about being alive.
Tootsie almost got sprayed by Agent Orange. That's how old she is.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 17, man. Who are these old people you're showing us, Rob? These are Tootsie in human form.

Speaker 2 Yes, these are literally looking at a pilot looking tootsies god help me 117 man rambo's 91 122 year old woman gianne calmette with that big old cigarette and a glass of champagne in her hands god love her yeah that chick was fucking blowing people before world war two and that's amazing 122 years old wow wow she's dead though okay good yeah she's fucking thank god Oh, yeah, that's good.

Speaker 2 This is a while ago. Wow, no, it wasn't.
No, she's alive. Wow, July 2024.
Yeah, she's going, dude. She's a madame.
Madame Jion Carmille. We have like a half of.
Do we cut her open?

Speaker 2 Do we check her fucking rings? How do we even know how? You're just living in the redwoods.

Speaker 2 She died in 97. Oh, she died in 97.
Yeah. Oh.
Well, then who gives a shit? Yeah, who fucking cares?

Speaker 2 All right. So here's, I just want to talk about this briefly, but Lyle Menendez.
Oh, we'll talk about this slightly. Slightly, yes.
Because we have not talked about any of the stuff.

Speaker 2 I think it's so funny that we have not talked about any of the stuff for the Menendez brothers, especially now that the LA district attorney lost his election.

Speaker 2 He was the big champion to try to get the Menendez brothers out. Yeah, he's gone now, so we have no idea what's going to happen with them.
But it just shows that, like,

Speaker 2 even in jail,

Speaker 2 television makes you a bad person.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Lyle Menendez is breaking up with his year of his wife of 21 years

Speaker 2 yeah from jail from jail she has been his champion fighting for him while he's been in prison this for this entire time he's bald now he's fully bald he's jacked lile let's just say lyle looks really good i don't know how you get supplements in prison but he looks like he's getting them he looks younger now than when he went in she because she was fighting for him she was trying to get do all this kind of shit for him and how does he thank her he cheats on her with a younger woman.

Speaker 2 21-year-old. How did this even happen?

Speaker 2 Now he's divorcing her and he's going to marry the 21-year-old from prison. It's from prison.
Men are dogs.

Speaker 2 Here's how it shows that men are fucking dogs, dude. Lyle Menendez has a Facebook post that says, guys, this is not a cheating scandal.
Oh, it's not? Yeah, yeah. Why is he on Facebook?

Speaker 2 I think it's his girlfriend. Oh, yes, that is his guess.
It is from his wife. His wife.
His wife. Lyle and I have been separated for a while now, but remain best friends and family.

Speaker 2 You weren't divorced yet. That's a cheat.
That's technically cheating.

Speaker 2 I continue to run his Facebook page with input from him, and I'm forever committed to the enduring fight for Lyle and Eric's freedom. And it has been so evident for so many years.

Speaker 2 So maybe she likes it. No, cook it to the fucking curb, girl.
Like, this is ridiculous.

Speaker 2 You fucking just move on. It's her job now.
Yeah. She can try to get the new prison dick when it's all done.
And she ends it by saying, I will never stop fighting for them.

Speaker 2 Please continue to join us in this fight. It's not you anymore, lady.

Speaker 2 You're out.

Speaker 2 New chick's in. And it's the new chick just going to be the new.
I was like, is it clear? Millie Buxy is her name, the 21-year-old student.

Speaker 2 Do you think it's just because his wife's just a bummer and she's always just like, prisoners' rights,

Speaker 2 all day long? And then finally, it's this new chick who's like saying like fun, cool stuff about Riz. I mean, hopefully she was finally like, I need to fuck a human.
We've been together for so long.

Speaker 2 You don't think they didn't have an arrangement? They had to have had some kind of arrangement. Yeah, so I don't think it's about dick.

Speaker 2 Women are different. They are different.
In that way, same as well.

Speaker 2 Every human is different. Every human is different.
But on a, if you look at it, though, it's different. I guess so.

Speaker 2 I feel like because they got apparatuses that can fucking make them so much more satisfied than any human could ever do. You know what I mean? All they got to do is they get that asparases.

Speaker 2 Asparatuses?

Speaker 2 What? Asperastases? Astastesis. That's what Lyle has.
We're talking about prison sex. Prison sex.
But I think that he's honestly, he's looking happy. He's fucking the luckiest man in the world.

Speaker 2 He's holding his 21-year-old girlfriend. He's loving her.
He is loving her. I guess because then she can fight for the next 20 years.
Yeah. You know what I mean? So he can keep leveling up.

Speaker 2 Like, he can do the Leonard DiCaprio thing from jail. And my.
The two shows you can shoot your mother in the face with a shotgun. And still.
Two women

Speaker 2 will love you from prison. That's that's that is just like it is not, you can do anything.
Bars in hell.

Speaker 2 That's what they say. The bar is in hell.
You know,

Speaker 2 we talked about this on one of our update episodes, but I will say my opinion about the Menendez brothers case, and I will say this here, is that I have come around to the idea that their father was a

Speaker 2 serial abuser. Yeah, he was a serial abuser, and I do believe that they were abused at some point during their lives.
Yes.

Speaker 2 But I do believe that it sets a bad precedent to make it legal for them to kill

Speaker 2 in retribution because I do believe that the mother was killed in cold blood. And that if you just wanted to kill the father, you could have done it.

Speaker 2 And I would have believed it if it happened five years before, that it was in direct fear for their lives.

Speaker 2 And so the fact that it wasn't, it's one of those where I still feel like it sets a bad precedent, but I am also for people being rehabilitated.

Speaker 2 I think that the point of jail should be to get you out of jail at some point. Well, this is they're in prison, not jail.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 But the uh yeah, no, it should be to, yes, if rea, if this whole rehabilitation thing is a thing at all,

Speaker 2 yeah, if it's a thing at all, they should be prime candidates for something like that. Almost ready to get out.
I mean, just look at his abs.

Speaker 2 If you just decided innocence by fucking getting cut and access to creatine, Lyle Menendez is

Speaker 2 more innocent than the fucking Pope. He is hot.

Speaker 2 He is looking, I i don't know how he got so how is he so cut in jail well that's what i do is dips and and sit-ups but i feel like but it's still eating isn't most of what i heard what people keep telling me why i look like fucking shit even though i'm in the gym four days a week is that i it's about what you eat and what you drink henry you are a pierogi of a person i'm really sorry to break it to you like this you're only gonna get so cut i don't want to cut i don't think it's i don't think it's like it's only gonna happen i'm just getting larger i'm working out four days a week, and I'm just my shirts, nothing's fitting, and I don't think I look necessarily good.

Speaker 2 I just think I'm getting wider. You're never gonna have abs.
No, I don't want abs. No, I will never have abs.
I know I'll never. That's not what I want.
You're not gonna get the cum gutters.

Speaker 2 I just want to be smaller. Slightly smaller and harder.
Yes, as you're like, should we have, what should our second meat be?

Speaker 2 Lamb or turkey. That's for Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 Thanksgiving. We have lamb and turkey.
We have two meats because there's a a carnivore. There's a carnivore surplus in our friend group.

Speaker 2 That is the truth.

Speaker 2 It's Thanksgiving. You're doing great, buddy.
Yeah, fuck you. You're doing great.
Why does Lil Menendez look so good? He always looked good. He didn't look good.
He always looked good. He was a child.

Speaker 2 Now he's fucking, look at him. He's jacked.
Yeah. But how does he get the proper protein? Know what you should do? Kill your parents.

Speaker 2 I've gotten close.

Speaker 2 I've gotten close.

Speaker 2 I see that wild one in his body work plan, and I wonder if I should get a lot of reading done. I'll find out a lot about the mystique of Islam.
I really would love prison.

Speaker 2 I gotta go.

Speaker 2 I do want to completely, I want to slightly talk about, we're going to do an entire episode dedicated to this. It was going to be this week, but we had a little bit of snafus with schedule.

Speaker 2 But because of that, it actually, the episode got much better. But I want to talk a little bit about the UAP conference that happened, I believe, two weeks ago.
Yeah, this, what happened exactly?

Speaker 2 This came out right when Investigation Alien popped up, and I started watching that. And then I couldn't even concentrate on whatever this huge development.

Speaker 2 Uh, there was a well, they talk about this as court cases, yes. Basically, it always has to sound way more complicated than it is, so that you won't understand.
So, this story came out.

Speaker 2 This was November 13th of this year, two weeks ago. They did the House Oversight Committee.
And your silence was deafening. Deafening.

Speaker 2 I know, because I wanted to save it,

Speaker 2 but now it's time. I'll go through it a little bit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They did

Speaker 2 a report.

Speaker 2 So originally in March, so March of this year, the Pentagon had issued a report saying that there's been no evidence of extraterrestrial spacecraft, right? So, and you trust them, right? Oh, always.

Speaker 2 Because they always tell us exactly what they think about themselves, and they're super, super like on the ball. Not since a spaceship hit them on September 11th, 2001 have they dealt with it.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. Now,

Speaker 2 this was led by, there was a man by name, Mr. Gold.
There was Lou Elizondo and Michael Schellenberger.

Speaker 2 Now, they reported, they brought forth this report, which was an independent study within the U.S.

Speaker 2 government, looking for what they are ostensibly saying is what they call a USAP, which is an unspecified special access program. Now, what this means is black ops stuff.

Speaker 2 So, this is money, congressional money, that is put in some giant budget and they can't find out exactly where this money is assigned.

Speaker 2 That's kind of what this, what they're trying to figure out is, are they misappropriating funds and are they not looping Congress in on what they're doing?

Speaker 2 That's why they had this oversight committee. And what happened was that it revealed, according to whistleblowers from within the government, that there used to be several programs.

Speaker 2 First, it was ARO, then it was AUSAP, if If you've listened to any one of us talk about these are the what they call the UAP investigation, essentially, bureaus.

Speaker 2 Their goal was to go through every single bit of recorded sightings, things that they have pulled from all these different sources from the Navy, from the Air Force, video,

Speaker 2 different,

Speaker 2 you know, readings from machines, like all this kind of stuff, right? Yeah. And their jobs were to sort of collate it and essentially figure out how we can

Speaker 2 make material and technology from this stuff.

Speaker 2 Like, okay, if they're aliens, how can we use their stuff for us? That's the main thing. That's why we're spending money on it.
Is it a national threat and can we do anything with it?

Speaker 2 And so what it revealed,

Speaker 2 the oversight committee, what it revealed was that there is a new group and it's called Immaculate Constellation, which sounds like a fucking anime, but it is the name of the new in-group within the in-group, which they called the Umbrella Group, where a bunch of smaller umbrella groups are underneath that one do you think this is them trying to put god into aliens well calling it immaculate constellation they they do winks at it because it's kind of the opposite they're trying to take the god out of it because a lot of our generals and our military a lot of them are evangelical a lot of them are christian and so they actually are the ones putting god into it because they're afraid of the phenomena they think it's demonic they think it's literally of then it would be coming from the the earth instead of the sky.

Speaker 2 Yes, they don't know. Oh, it is coming from the oceans.
Now we're learning this. So what Immaculate Constellation is saying is that they have something like multiple million of terabytes of 4K

Speaker 2 straight up, like the most clear footage you can see of UFOs, that we have telemetries, we have all this stuff, and it's hidden. We're not showing it anywhere.

Speaker 2 And that we also actively know that there are ships in the sky that are retroactively built by other programs within the United States government and China and Russia. Stuff like these triangles.

Speaker 2 So they're saying the stuff that we've been saying as theories for many years, it's real,

Speaker 2 but that these triangles are government made and they are made to ape. UAPs and that all the stories of UAPs, they bring up the jellyfish.
I know you don't believe in the jellyfish. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 I know, but they bring, it's in there. The jellyfish are in there.
It looks like the ship is falling apart. They brought up a series of cubes.

Speaker 2 It was a series of orbs that traveled in a four by four cube formation. That was very interesting.
The one where they said they found a giant circular UFO

Speaker 2 hidden inside of a cloud bank. Okay.
That was very interesting. Very nope.
Very nope.

Speaker 2 But what did we not get?

Speaker 2 Anything. A single picture or a piece of this this information.
This is why I hate this shit. Well, what they're saying is all these promises for my entire life.
Yes. Promises.

Speaker 2 Well, I think that what we're seeing here is

Speaker 2 the U.S. government does not necessarily want to say that we are spending billions of dollars trying to understand

Speaker 2 this stuff in the sky that is not necessarily a threat. We don't know what it's doing.
Then why can't we trace the money?

Speaker 2 Because they, it's also, it's, this is the issue is what they're,

Speaker 2 one of the,

Speaker 2 where's the money going? Who's benefiting? Yeah. And we don't really know.
This is the problem. Is that like, how expensive is it to collate all this data?

Speaker 2 Like we know that Immaculate Constellation has a type of AI that they use that sweeps the

Speaker 2 the archives of all of these intelligence groups and they pull the best of the best from all of these footages into one giant file. Like, they don't take it from them, but they copy it.

Speaker 2 So, they have like proprietary software that is doing this, and they are organizing this data.

Speaker 2 Like, that was what's really one of the interesting things about the breakdown from Immaculate Constellation was the breakdown of UFO types, what they've seen, what they've done over and over again.

Speaker 2 It's really interesting. Like, they go from triangles to boomerangs to orbs to jellyfish to what they call natural.
Tic Tacs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Tic Tacs are considered essentially orbs, but then they go to natural, which is no implants. It means they bounce.
But no, they go in.

Speaker 2 They naturals, which is like they look like weird, like amorphous shapes and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 But it's...

Speaker 2 It's interesting in the fact that these people might get shot in the head or arrested if they tell this information. That's why it's so hard.
They're up against a wall of red tape that says

Speaker 2 you are guilty of treason if this stuff gets out. And treason because it's considered to be the top, top, top secret technology that we have in our very last back pocket.
So, is that us then?

Speaker 2 Did we make this stuff? And that's why it's treason? We don't know.

Speaker 2 We don't know. That's basically what they're they are alluding to.

Speaker 2 So, somehow these objects know where our stuff is at all times.

Speaker 2 Because there's a possibility they're from the future. Who knows? The Tic Tac,

Speaker 2 the Tic Tac sighting from December 2017, when we saw that video of the Tic Tac, when that went out by the ships, those ships had been there for two weeks. All of a sudden, the Tic Tac arrives.

Speaker 2 They said the only way they can really describe

Speaker 2 David Fraver, who came upon the Tic Tac, the only way you could describe sort of the reaction that the Tic Tac had was that it was almost like it was surprised to see him there.

Speaker 2 It stopped at it in its tracks and then went opposite direction, came back, followed the plane at the exact same speed, then boinked, disappeared. And they're like, all right, what do we do now?

Speaker 2 They moved on to the next location of their, whatever they were working on because then they go to another like collection point. Tic Tac's there waiting for them already.

Speaker 2 It's very, we don't know what the hell it is, but it's interested in us and it might

Speaker 2 be either it seems like there's a physical part of it that is mimicking what we do and then some of it is is our stuff and we're making it look like UAPs.

Speaker 2 Now, did why doesn't we have like I don't know Snowden or Julian Assange or Anonymous fucking hack it and find this shit? Because it's I think it's largely physical.

Speaker 2 I think they keep it off of these databases and most of these databases aren't connected to the internet as you know it. They're connected into intra like LAN based like they don't go out.

Speaker 2 It's hard to get

Speaker 2 their own internet. I think that this information is extremely difficult to get.
And it's also think that it's absolutely covered in misinformation and disinformation for the last 50, 60 years.

Speaker 2 So I think a lot of it's also, you got really good stuff mixed in with a bunch of fake shit. So I think that that has also been a true

Speaker 2 one fake thing, it's all fake. It muddies the whole, it destroys a whole batch.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that's kind of, I think, how they do that, which is, and then think about every single time you, you know, I love you, you and Marcus.

Speaker 2 I show you guys the footage and everybody says it's fake, which I do understand. It looks silly.
But if you go on the internet, it's the same thing.

Speaker 2 Every single piece of, every, as soon as as they put it out, everybody destroys it on its own.

Speaker 2 So what they have figured out is that we can just have the internet and people debunk this stuff because they just don't want to

Speaker 2 believe it. So that's one way to maybe already destroy it.
And then, or putting out the things that are purposely false.

Speaker 2 The things that you don't see in this jellyfish video that Rob is now showing for you again, this famous video. It's a meatball covered in spaghetti.
Dude, it's fucking, this is real.

Speaker 2 This is real, this jellyfish. And then what you don't see is eventually this thing sliding into the water with no splash and then coming back up.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, that's the other, one of the other big revelations is just they are in the water. And we don't know why they are in the water.
We don't know what they do. We don't know what they come from.

Speaker 2 We don't know what their purpose are. We don't know if the U.S.
government is actively working with alien intelligences. Probably not.

Speaker 2 I think that if they can't work with Marco Rubio, I don't know if they can work with an alien necessarily.

Speaker 2 You know, like you can't work with other normal, stupid-ass fucking Congress assholes, then how the fuck are we going to work with aliens? Well, maybe Trump will just deport them.

Speaker 2 Eddie.

Speaker 2 Oh, Eddie. That's a funny Jimmy Kimmel joke.
He'd take you down the street. Take it down the fucking street.

Speaker 2 That's my little

Speaker 2 Kimmel. No, I mean, we all would.

Speaker 2 It's easy. It's easy.
Just cry.

Speaker 2 I like him.

Speaker 2 All right. So, what else is going on? Oh, we have any more updates? Those are all our updates.
I mean, it's not even an update. I feel like, oh, this first story is really fucked up.

Speaker 2 All right, let me do a little story. Australian news is an update.
Yeah, For us. Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Now, here's a good story. This one also came out last week, but I forgot to cover it.

Speaker 2 This lady

Speaker 2 has been called a power lesbian

Speaker 2 by some sources. I think that's inappropriate.

Speaker 2 I think it's inappropriate. Man, I used to love the Daily Mail.
I still do. It's where I used to get my trash, but they've gotten pretty evil lately.
It's pretty bad, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what's good about it. They've evil.
They've up their evil. Oh, sure.
Corey Burke

Speaker 2 is a young woman that murdered the living fuck out of her father, Timothy Burke67, with an ice axe.

Speaker 2 And And it seems that what happened was that she was pretty upset about the election. This is November 5th.
Wow. Police were dispatched to the area she lived at.
Fuckers. Yeah, be careful.

Speaker 2 Watch your power lesbian daughters. They're coming for you.
You think they're all pacifists and pussies?

Speaker 2 Some of them get angry.

Speaker 2 So she had apparently, she was trying to tell her father,

Speaker 2 her shut-in father, Timothy, who was 67, was barely movable, moved in with her.

Speaker 2 So he was dependent on her right so he was dependent on her and he moved in and all he did seemed to be he was i'm going to do a little bit of victim blaming here and say that he was unpleasant it sounds like it sounds like he was

Speaker 2 people are unpleasant of course there's no excuse to murder him obviously but he was a he was a trump voter and he was very proud of how well the election was going that evening for him and what seemed that she said that she was in a highly emotional state and then at the end when she wanted to go to bed early at 8 p.m.

Speaker 2 he says he wasn't going to shut the lights off. He was going to continue to watch the election.
She then proceeded to murder him hardcore. She flipped out.

Speaker 2 She choked him to death with the ice axe by throwing him down on the ground, choked him with the ice axe, and then fucking hacked at him a bunch of times. And he's fucking dead.

Speaker 2 So she came at him hardcore. Wow.
Oh, yeah. And she said that she was upset.
She first tried to say, I tripped. Oh, I tripped.
And I killed him with an axe. Oh, I remember.

Speaker 2 You remember when the Menendez brothers tripped? Yeah. You remember? Man, what a loud trip.
Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there were lacerations two inches deep on his rib cage and signs of asphyxiation.

Speaker 2 He also had several round bruises on the back of his head, as well as several curved puncture wounds. Sounds like that's what happened.
I mean, you've got to be careful.

Speaker 2 It was a small, it was like more of a hatchet. It was an ice pickaxe.
Yeah, it's what you used to like clear up ice on your car and shit like that, I believe.

Speaker 2 Or for hiking, maybe. Maybe.
Either way,

Speaker 2 either way, she used it, and you know, she seems nice, but not anymore. This is why, I mean, Thanksgiving is coming up.
Yeah. And the politics are going to be more polarizing than ever this year.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So that's why I'm telling you.
Go get some

Speaker 2 white. Was it white-thorn rose? Oh, yeah.
White.

Speaker 2 Blueberry Hill. You need that fucking blueberry caviar.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the black caviar is not bad either. You just need to chill to ever

Speaker 2 leave the fuck out. Right before Thanksgiving.
Every time. Just do it right at the table, too.
Fuck be like.

Speaker 2 As soon as they start talking about Trump, just literally pull out a bowl for like just a bong right at the Thanksgiving table. Or

Speaker 2 you can just buy an ice axe at the fucking hardware store. One or the other.
And then put them next to each other. You don't need a permit.
Yeah. You don't need a fucking handler's license.

Speaker 2 You don't need to conceal anything. You can just buy that at the store.
Yes. And you can just equalize your family right there and then.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, don't necessarily bring it to kill, but show them that you will. And she will die in prison.
Oh, yes. Yeah, she's going to just prison forever.

Speaker 2 I am going to say, looking at her haircut, she's not going to do well in there. Or great.

Speaker 2 I mean, whoa.

Speaker 2 What's that one? That's her. Is that why she was called a power lesbian? It's because of this picture of her.
She looks smoking in this one. Yeah.
Well, she looks smoking.

Speaker 2 I mean, she's an attractive person, you know. You know, she'll do well.
And no, she will, I mean, God. Who knows? You know, but

Speaker 2 good days, bad days. Good days, bad days.
Anywhere. There's good days, bad days everywhere you go.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, but she is fucked. Oh, yeah, she's fucked.
Don't fuck. Don't murder anybody.
Just wait four years. They just die.
So just know.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah, you're right, Eddie. Don't murder people.
Just know that the hate that drives the people you dislike the most is killing them slowly. Yes.

Speaker 2 And that that man at 67 was not, maybe he wasn't that pleasant, but you could see about how he was driven to go back. He had to crawl back to his daughter's house to go live there.

Speaker 2 And that's the ultimate revenge: getting the control back. And then you traumatize him back.

Speaker 2 That's what you got to do. Take control of the narrative.
Make it scary for him. Her wife.
I mean, make it scary for the people that are fucking hardcore coming at you. Wow.

Speaker 2 Her wife is an editor at Condé Nast Transgender News website, them.

Speaker 2 Fancy. Yes.
Very fancy. Wow.
She then chillishing stated that she knew that it needed to happen today and knew that there was something important about Election Day.

Speaker 2 She explained that she had just been reborn on her 33rd birthday last month. Oh, she might have been having some other mental issues.
I'm just deep mental.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, you don't really just kill somebody over an election.

Speaker 2 The alleged killer went on to say that she, quote, wanted to help people change their attachment to their parents, but felt hyper-focused and disorganized when it came to her own attachments to her father.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That is the most like McSweeney's way of explaining why you fucking murdered your father with an axe. That's pretty good.
Yeah. That's pretty good.
You know, I was working on my attachment style.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say that more often. There's another irrational murder in the news.

Speaker 2 A woman in Virginia, upset over a botched pizza order, got her husband to allegedly stab and disembowel a worker who was arguing with her about it. This is important.
All right.

Speaker 2 This is this is important, guys. All right.
So

Speaker 2 obviously this is a senseless murder and it's absolutely horrible. But you know what this really is about? It's about a husband anticipating the needs of his wife.

Speaker 2 And the fact that a husband, a lot of times, is tasked to do.

Speaker 2 You might even consider sometimes, and I'm not saying this about my beautiful wife or your beautiful wife at all. Sometimes a husband is tasked to do something he doesn't want to do.

Speaker 2 And he's told to do it, right? And And he's told, and he's told in a way to do it that you know that stuff's on the line. Yeah.
Right. To do it.
And then you be, and you don't want to do it.

Speaker 2 You don't want to drive across town. No.
You don't want to do the thing that they're asking you to do.

Speaker 2 But it's like, but I'm going to say right now, as a husband, it's important sometimes you got to do those things, right, every once in a while because it's important to show because that's how you get them back.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right.
They get them to do it back. Like if you've got in our paw on a marriage or in our marriage policies that we try to say yes to each other.

Speaker 2 We try to make sure we accommodate for each other. We try to help each other.
See, I give a lot of, I don't know. You see, that helps.

Speaker 2 She batches you in, right?

Speaker 2 And so, Catherine Harper, the lady, she told her husband to handle the situation. And her husband.
Right? Because I don't know how badly this pizza was, pizza was botched, right?

Speaker 2 M-O-D Pizza, if you've ever been there. Man, they used to have an outdoor open mic at the Mod Pizza next to the old studio.
It used to ruin my recordings. Yes, I'm getting angry at these fuckers.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, dude. It's bad pizza.
Yeah, but this 47-year-old Corey Harper

Speaker 2 took his wife's Catherine Harper's

Speaker 2 horror situation words to heart when he stabbed a 24-year-old employee

Speaker 2 several times in the back and the front and then slit their belly open to reveal their intestines. Now, again.

Speaker 2 As a man, horrible, horrible crime. As a husband, that's going above and beyond.

Speaker 2 And that is the kind of commitment, wrong way to do it, but that's the kind of commitment we as husbands need to show our significant others. Yes, and

Speaker 2 how high. Oh, handle the problem.
I want to see his fucking guts. Oh, Bernadette

Speaker 2 won't take over your shift for the weekend so we could go see Wicked like you want to before it's spoiled by your dumbass friends. Guess what? I'm going to go put her in a car all weekend.

Speaker 2 I'm going to fucking lock her up in a garage all weekend, man. That's a husband taking care of shit for his wife.
This is the M-O-D, the pizza, Mod Pizza. Wow, here he comes rolling in.

Speaker 2 He's not happy. Oh, okay.
Wow. Just moments before.
Moments before.

Speaker 2 He's got the white LM FAO sunglasses. No, that's an employee.
Am I flipping this back and forth? Yeah, the guys on the other side of the counter. Wow, he, wow, he's got like a little vest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, he looks normal. Yeah, he looks normal.
He has like a vest on, like a sweated vest. No, he's well-dressed.
Yeah, why is he so well-dressed?

Speaker 2 It looks like he just was recently his birthday and his clothes were bought for him by his wife. No, he looks nice.
These are definitely Macy's bought. Why is he so fancy dressed?

Speaker 2 This is a nice place. It's not fancy.
No, just a vest and a shirt and glasses. For a guy who disembowels a pizza maker? Yeah, no, he's very well dressed.
He's definitely not happy about it.

Speaker 2 But it said the victim. What's wrong with the pizza? That's what I want to know.
How batched was the if it like, this is the thing.

Speaker 2 How botched was the pizza did it just say your wife's a cunt and pepperoni on it yeah you're like what's the botched about it i think that the guy lived by the way wow whoa this is a big old fight dude oh yeah i wasn't this is a big fight no it's turning what in the living fuck how could this possibly be about pizza she told him to go handle the situation handle the situation

Speaker 2 And then it's all, then the rest of the fight happens off camera here. Well, yeah, because he's getting stabbed a bunch.
Yeah, the guy's backing up because the guy's got a knife. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, and this is him leaving after the guy's fucking shots. Just leaving, man.
Wow, just leaving, huh? Wow, no reaction. Oh, he had a knife in his back pocket.
He also brandished a gun, too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow, he had both. Holy ass.
Yeah. Wow, really quite armed for the pizza store.
Yeah, and you left. I mean,

Speaker 2 tensions run high with pizza.

Speaker 2 But you mean, the moments before Natalie gets her pizza is when I'm most afraid. You know what I mean? That hanger that comes.

Speaker 2 But anger before pizza is one of the most powerful, just fucking scary emotions. As of now, the victim is still alive.

Speaker 2 Great. Yeah, which is great.
My parents almost got divorced over a botched pizza order. How?

Speaker 2 I remember it was after we saw Mrs. Doubtfire.
Sure. And my dad was...
And he was thinking about divorce. Yeah, I was like, well, actually, we're dressing like a woman.

Speaker 2 I might have gotten some stuff out of his system or something would have been helpful for him. And my dad wanted sausage, and my mom wanted mushroom.

Speaker 2 And I remember we had my buddy Corey with us, we were driving. Corey was gonna sleep over that night, and my dad got the sausage, even though my mom wanted the mushroom.

Speaker 2 And then she was like, Jerry, you fucking piece of shit. I won't fuck you.
You suck, you don't care about us. You care about me.
It's almost like she's in the room.

Speaker 2 Yeah, then my dad took the pizza and he threw it on the ground. Whoa.
And then he said, Fuck this. And he started to and he started to walk home.
And then my mom yelled at him all the way.

Speaker 2 And then we sped off. And then an hour later, he showed up home after she made him walk all the way home.
And then they didn't get divorced that day. They got divorced when he did other bad stuff.

Speaker 2 But he was really stressed out. Yeah, but you can just get two pizzas.
Just get two pizzas. Just get two pizzas.
Have peace in your home.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you can't get mushroom on one side and sausage on the other because we all know the sausage comes over and the flavor goes over. It's just too much.
It mixed in the box. You need two pizzas.

Speaker 2 Get a small mushroom or something. It's pizza.
Yeah. Like it's not that bad.
It's not the most expensive. This is in fucking

Speaker 2 caviar. I think this is why I like both.
My two favorite pizzas are sausage and mushroom. So I think this is just like a defense mechanism on why my two favorite pizzas.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I like both the pizzas, mom and dad. Please stay together.
God, so sad. Wow.
That's really sad. And they didn't.
No. No.
They saw you like it. They saw you down.

Speaker 2 They're like, I got to get away from this little bastard they got divorced on my 20th birthday oh nice that's actually nice and that's fun then that means it wasn't your fault no no i was long if it's yeah if it's unfortunately and i'm sorry if you're under 10 listening to this if you get divorced then if your parents are going bye-bye it's your fault you did it you provided the stress that made them break up and they're going to say that it's not your fault but it is all right but you're not listening to this and you better not be if you're under 10 and you're listening to this it's bad and you're making your parents miserable and

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 if you can take, there's a little plastic thing in your mom's purse. And if you can grab that and go to lastpodcastonaleft.com, go to the first number.

Speaker 2 The first numbers you're looking for is like go 3712. You're looking for.
That's an American Express. Get the silver one.
Yeah, get the silver one. Always goes through.

Speaker 2 So if you could just do that, just make sure you go for the big one ever, the most important looking card. You just read those.
And

Speaker 2 if you're in the UK, it works as well. We have a UK merch store.
Yeah, it really does work. But make sure you choose the UK merch store and not the U.S.
merch store. Because it won't go to you.

Speaker 2 We're finally becoming soupy sales.

Speaker 2 This is how we do grassroots. This is grassroots merch

Speaker 2 at

Speaker 2 them. And I was ever somewhere.
Listener emails. Oh, right.
I have a listener email. I got a little bit of pushback because we were slightly callous about that VR thing with the Korean mother.

Speaker 2 I still don't feel anything. People were upset.
But I do think it's funny. I do think I get why you're upset, but also I don't know what to tell you.
We talk about all kinds of horrible shit.

Speaker 2 We did six hours of Joseph Fritzel material. No one complained.
No. So that's fine.

Speaker 2 Mostly we get it. Yes.

Speaker 2 We react to madness.

Speaker 2 Sheer insanity. Well, it's high emotion.

Speaker 2 So I feel like watching someone react like that, like I understand that this woman is traumatized and it's traumatizing to see, but there is something about this idea of having a VR, like meeting a loved one in a VR thing is an uncanny valley style that I just don't, of existence

Speaker 2 that I just don't, I can't wrap my head around. That doesn't, that would not make me feel better, what that person went through.

Speaker 2 But I got a great feedback about other VR abominations because it is, I have friends. My buddy Chris Brown, who did all the puppets for Your Pretty Face is going to hell.
He's a genius.

Speaker 2 I'm so worried for you. My friend.
No, yeah, my friend, Chris Brown. Him,

Speaker 2 Jeff Roberts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 My buddies, my friends. Sean Combs.
You know my guys. My buddies.
The guys I'm always with. The guys I go hang out with.
Orthal James. You know I love Ornthal.
They and Ornthal go way back.

Speaker 2 But Chris Brown, he lives in the VR. When he's not working, he's in his VR world.
And I know that there's a lot of VR stuff that is, we're way outside right now.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, we don't know how deep VR has gotten. So here we go.

Speaker 2 See, we talked about horrible sex fantasy creations, but it's already there.

Speaker 2 You see, the popular metaverse platform, platform VR chat is not only a quote-unquote place with its own fascinating culture and history, it is also a breeding ground for every single crazy fetish and kink you can think of.

Speaker 2 And fetishes that were previously unimaginable before the VR era. You see there's a practice called ERP, which stands for erotic roleplay.

Speaker 2 ERP has a large set of standardized software, hardware 3D models, and hardware to make the experience as close to sex in the physical realm as possible. It's full demolition, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so they got dick sucker machines. They have all that stuff now.
They can tug on you, right?

Speaker 2 ERP enables people to have sexual experiences in a safe environment. It also enables literally any kind of sexual experience you can imagine.

Speaker 2 The only real limiting factor for what kind of fetish creations is the amount of time an artist would like to spend in janky software making their creations.

Speaker 2 Some people spend huge amounts of money and time on models, worlds, and gadgets. These practices are frowned upon by the general community.
But it does not stop private groups from hosting

Speaker 2 their own ERP platforms. These groups are tightly organized with their own security and age verification systems.

Speaker 2 Their activities range from standard casual sex and to sex battle royale games, to wilder events where people crank it to experiences of alien penile probe insertions while drowning inside of a tube, or six-titted spider giantesses vore, where participants are swallowed and become the baby she is pregnant with.

Speaker 2 Every time people call me weird, I'm not doing anything. We're not weird.
No, we're not weird. We are surprisingly milk toast.
Yeah. We are surprisingly normal.
Yeah. Just a little brash.

Speaker 2 We just say, come. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ass. Fucking tits and shit.
That's what we say. But otherwise, I'm just

Speaker 2 all out there irping off. Oh, yeah, man.
They're allowed to. But wow, Thanksgiving is now here.
Yes. So I hope that you live every day knowing that

Speaker 2 carbs don't count on turkey day.

Speaker 2 And you're going to love the fact that you get to eat as much as you want for a little while.

Speaker 2 You know, no one could judge you unless, of course, you're Canadian or European, and that's dear, that's wrong. You're wrong.

Speaker 2 And I laugh at you, Europe and Canada, that you can't have it because our Thanksgiving is probably, I'd say, the top American holiday. Oh, yeah.
I'd say that it's a top American holiday. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that you're you're chumps and you don't get it. And I'm glad that we get it.
And God is going to be able to do it. But it is definitely

Speaker 2 stooped at murder, though. Exactly.
Yeah. It is definitely like, you know, there is some guilt.

Speaker 2 Fuck it, though. I mean, I'm eating turkey.
Every time I put it, I feel guilty until I pull that turkey out of the oven. All I know is I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for the turkey giving us life.

Speaker 2 I'm thankful for the yams committing suicide so I can eat them. Are you going to use my gravy hack?

Speaker 2 What? Is that an axe or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I take the turkey, voted for Trump. No,

Speaker 2 my gravy hack for people out there.

Speaker 2 So you don't cook a turkey the same way I do. When I cook a turkey, it's in a bunch of juices.
What do you mean, though, I don't do that?

Speaker 2 You put yours on like a little pedestal and like there isn't as much juice.

Speaker 2 But I screw, I based it. You based it, but mine's like in a fucking bunch of fucking liquid.
Yeah, but I do like it. I like it perched on the thing so they can get the property.
Your turkey's bad.

Speaker 2 It's delicious. I love eating your turkey.
I'm just saying if you make it like I do and there's a bunch of veggies, you still get

Speaker 2 juice.

Speaker 2 There's not nearly as much. But it's like mine's another course.
It's carrots and celery. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.
Yeah, you could do it on the same.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I'm just saying if you take that juice with the carrots and the celery and you put that in like a blender or a robot. Yeah, because that's how you get it going.
It is a gravy hack.

Speaker 2 No, yes, very much so. To not have to do the thing where you got to whip it up real fast.
That is a hack that I've done in the past.

Speaker 2 People really enjoy it. But I do kind of like it.
I'm making hard stuffing your mom's way this year. Oh, you are? Yeah, I'm going to make it her way where it's up your fucking ass.
Hey, come on.

Speaker 2 You put meat in there, and then you put the turkey juice in it all day long. That's what I'm going to do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very good.
It's a bakable. Yeah, you put a little food.

Speaker 2 So you can even do like sausage if you want. I'm going to make sure you get divorced.
When I'm putting sausage in there, I'm making pork messes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You're not coming for dessert.
You're only coming till dessert. Yeah, well, I mean, there will be food left over.
I imagine. Remember when I did the Polish turkey and I stuffed it with kilbasa?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was fucking awesome. That was good.
Hell yeah. Um, shout out.
It was my mom's birthday yesterday. Happy birthday,

Speaker 2 Mama Kathy. She would have been 74 years old.
If you want to honor my mom, you can go watch our movie, How America Killed My Mother, directed by Travis Irvine.

Speaker 2 It's a great holiday watch if you want to cry. You can go to howamericakillmymother.com.
The URL was still available.

Speaker 2 Also, don't forget, we are touring. We are hitting the road.

Speaker 2 We're going to be in New York next week. Philly is sold out.
Go ahead and stand outside in the cold. Yeah, you fuckers.
Yeah, you missed it. Yeah, but we'll probably come back to Philly soon.

Speaker 2 Oh, very much so. And then also, we're going to be doing in January Atlanta.
There might be a side story show.

Speaker 2 It feels like, so I want you to all know,

Speaker 2 it's not fully set in stone, but I believe it is happening. Yeah.
Dad's garage. We're going to be doing side stories.

Speaker 2 You're going to want to get your tickets for that immediately. because it's going to be fully improvised.
And we're not even going to be coming with stories.

Speaker 2 We're going to be taking suggestions from the audience itself. Is that what you want to do? Yeah.
Fully improvised. All right.
So we're doing no work. None.
That's what he's declaring.

Speaker 2 No, we're doing improvised shows. I mean, the show in Humboldt was pretty improvised.
But we had topics. Yes, we did have a list of things we wanted to hit.

Speaker 2 But it's not we're not going to even do that. Wow.
They are going to tell us what to talk about. Okay, that's called improv.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 And then there is in February, we're we're going to be in Dallas.

Speaker 2 March, we're going to be in Nashville at the Ryman, baby. Dude, cannot wait.
And cannot wait to be back. April, Detroit on the 18th, and on the

Speaker 2 Toronto in May. And then we're going to add some more dates, I believe.
Oh, very much so. Yeah, but we haven't done it yet.
But keep your eye on lastpodcastoneleft.com and check all that out.

Speaker 2 Join our Patreon if you want to watch us talk to each other. Yeah, patreon.com slash lastpodcast on the left.
Also, Side Stories comes out the video version two days afterwards on YouTube.

Speaker 2 So if if you want to like hold out and watch us do this stupid shit you can do that as well yes of course yeah and then all the great stuff uh that we do on lpn tv uh it gets released on the youtube so go follow last podcast on the left on youtube check out hoopa googoo game hgx2 is going to be on december 12th that's going to be a lot of fun we got a full i got a whole i got santa claus is going to be there it's going to be great i got some christmas music coming the wonderful scene ghaznavi is going to be there it's going to be great we're going to have a great time it's going to be amazing.

Speaker 2 What's going on? The Good Pud Thanksgiving special just came out. It's on YouTube.
Go check it out. I think it's our best episode.
It really.

Speaker 2 I watched the three-second clip and I was just like with no sound and I was just cackling. Yeah, I think it's literally our best episode.
Yeah, so go check that out. It's amazing.
We love you guys.

Speaker 2 Thank you for listening to Side Stories. Yes, you fuckers.
Hail, Satan. And hail Kato.
Have fun on Thanksgiving. Don't be a fucking does not bring up the millennial genocide.

Speaker 2 Smoke weed instead of drinking. Talking to your family.
Fuck it. Smoke that weed.
I can't stress this enough.

Speaker 2 They matter less when you're high. They do.

Speaker 4 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Gabe Leidman. I'm Max Silvestri.
And we've been friends for 20 years. And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.
It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 2 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 4 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 2 My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 4 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 I Need You Girls.

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