Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left

Speaker 1 side stories

Speaker 4 that's when the cannibalism started

Speaker 1 side stories yes

Speaker 1 no actually i've quit i'm out i'm out of the comedy business yeah yep i'm out you're in the podcast business no what are you in

Speaker 1 mostly i'm in the getting women adjusted to this body business.

Speaker 1 My goal is for men across this entire country and women transitioning to men to provide a base disgust level that will allow people to sort of like, you know, you look upon me.

Speaker 1 You look upon this body. Yeah.
You, you look at my body. You say like, wow, how does that guy do anything? Yeah, like, right.
Tie your shoes. Don't know.
Yeah. Even open the door to your car.

Speaker 1 Have no idea. Put on a belt.
Don't wish I didn't have to. Yeah.
Right. And, but I want you to know my job is being here and existing.

Speaker 1 And much like people want to, and I'll say this across the board, I feel like a lot of groups are experiencing this right now.

Speaker 1 And this might actually be a little bit even a heavy way to start the show. Okay.
Which is, I understand that entire cultures are being erased. People don't want to talk about trans people.

Speaker 1 But you know what's really being erased is the fat. husband from sitcoms.
Yeah. And that's what I'm here to bring back.
Yeah, no, you're part of the trans fat community. But no, I am fat.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I am, I'm fat. I'm so, again, it's important to remember people like me, the other fat guy who lost the weight from the Mike and Molly, John Goodman.
He lost his lost weight. Oh, he had to.

Speaker 1 I think the government made it. That is the thing.
They all, you know, when John Goodman lost the weight, you know, you get mad, but then you realize they were going to die. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 I saw John Goodman walking around at Disney World once.

Speaker 1 It looked strange. But at the same time, I'm glad he's healthy.
Glad he's healthy. But this is the thing.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm bulking back up goodman's getting big again you i just don't think there's anything you could any of us can do about it yeah you know kevin james is getting hard yeah there's no reason for that is he's getting like his penis no never he can't he can't no no no i'm talking about

Speaker 1 no no no no i'm talking about just his body he's trying to look at him

Speaker 1 kevin james is getting all tight and hard oh it looks bad yes i don't like it i don't but at the same time i guess i am rooting for them but i just want to

Speaker 1 oh you like kevin james i'm fine with him i love the one bit. You like the Queens show.

Speaker 1 Well, I love King of Queens, and I also unironically like the one bit that he did in his old stand-up special.

Speaker 1 I've never seen any of that.

Speaker 1 He talks about how his main bit was that I just want to lose enough weight so that my tits stop jiggling when I brush my teeth. That is the best thing that he's ever said.
That is a good bit.

Speaker 1 But that's why, here, guys, I know a lot of you have been wondering, where's your representation? And I'm coming back with it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. My tits are always slopping around.

Speaker 1 My tits are so sloppy, some people just straight up call me Rue McClanahan.

Speaker 1 She's a great ditch. But if you, you, if you took Rue McClanahan and you threw her down a slip and slide, you don't mean to tell me she's not going to be all sloppy and gunky.

Speaker 1 She was actually, she had surprisingly tight small breasts. Welcome to Side Stories.
You're here with your host, Henry Zabrowski, and I'm sitting here with the Ed Larson Rue McClanahan fan.

Speaker 1 I love her.

Speaker 1 Actually, I've been watching Golden Girls lately, and it's all jokes. It's very funny.
It's a great show. It is a phenomenal show.
It's a fantastic show. It really is legitimately very funny.

Speaker 1 But this is where I want to bring up something very serious that you lost your dog. My dog's dead.
Now, I'm so sorry, but I wish that there was a way to do it.

Speaker 1 If we found, are there nudes of Rue McClanahan we can show? Eddie? I think there is. Wow, that's the closest we got, right? There are a couple Rue McClanahan nudes.

Speaker 1 If we could just show Eddie just one nude picture of Rue McClanahan so that he can have the emotional strength to get through this episode wow she looks great in that picture rob that that is that's that's kind of doing it for me yeah all right all right this is another now we'll just get that's a golden woman now all right i regret that we did this you know what if you really wanted to make me feel better you know sundae the black lab yeah if we could shave her And I could see her nude, because that's who Rambo really got into.

Speaker 1 He was all about Sunday. He would like, he would always make me go to her Instagram page and he'd be like, yo, Eddie, I got to lick my dickie when I look at Sunday, the Black Lab.

Speaker 1 You help Rambo masturbate? I helped Rambo masturbate all the time. And

Speaker 1 this is her. She's still around Sunday, Miss Sunday.
She was retired for a little bit, but she's still around. This is her in the bath.
Oh, Rambo would have loved this.

Speaker 1 Look at it just licking up that bath water. This is supposed to be a touching moment.
I was really hoping that we were going to cut to

Speaker 1 Sarah McLaughlin track.

Speaker 1 You could play Sarah. Oh, no.
No, we can't.

Speaker 1 We can't. No, it's all copyright told.
Our sadness has to be purchased, Eddie. But yes, I, yeah, no, Rambo died this week.
And I'm very sorry.

Speaker 1 We had to let him go. It was very sudden, and he's such a good boy, and I love him.
I'm wearing his handkerchief. You did a good job.

Speaker 1 I did. I did.
He's a good boy.

Speaker 1 He mixed it up. He had a great life.
He did. He mixed it up.
He had a lot of celebrity pool parties. He did.
Yes. You know,

Speaker 1 he hobnobbed to the best of his ability.

Speaker 1 I let him attack one skateboarder. Cool.
That's nice. Also, if you want to pay tribute to Rambo.
Attack a skateboarder. Well, I've just been barking at him.
Yeah. And it's.

Speaker 1 Do you be surprised how good it makes you feel? Oh, no, I'm not surprised. You know, like,

Speaker 1 I'm serious. Try it.
Like,

Speaker 1 it should be illegal. Yeah.
No,

Speaker 1 if I could, I'd make your fun times illegal, and I'd have the secret police going to arrest you. Yeah, one time he actually did chase down a skateboarder and knock them off of their skateboard.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Holy shit, Rambo's gonna attack this thing. I'm gonna, this kid, I'm gonna have to put him to sleep.
Um, but the thing, the kid, yeah, oh, yeah, the kid because he touched my dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, but the uh, but Rambo didn't bite, he just wanted him to stop skateboarding. See, that's it, that's all it is.

Speaker 1 It's all skateboarding, yeah, because I could tell he had a skateboarding accident when he was younger. He did, he did.
He his tail had like two like skateboard marks.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought he was trying to do the 1080. No,

Speaker 1 so it's hard on a it is hard on a lab mix yeah to do the 1080 they get so scared once they come down the ramp can i tell one rambo story before we have a normal show of course i remember we were at the it was uh the alec baldwin roast uh after party and uh

Speaker 1 pre-murder so yeah you guys don't hold it against rambo for being there of course not but you guys still though you guys had bulletproof vests on yes no we made sure we made sure and we're so we're at this after or it was the premiere party rather and And so it's like a pool party slash premiere party.

Speaker 1 And Ireland was there, Ireland Baldwin.

Speaker 1 And she was...

Speaker 1 We all know how she is.

Speaker 1 She's always got their fists up and ready to go. Yeah, because she's arming herself against her father.

Speaker 1 So I remember I heard like, you know, because I'm cooking and shit, you know, I'm, you know, manning the party. And then I just hear Rambo barking like crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I should probably check on this and see what it is. Yeah, see, make sure it's not attacking Rue McLanahan or something.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I see, like Ireland Baldwin like pinned up against the wall and Rambo just barking at her like really intently. I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 Ireland Baldwin. No.
And she's, you know, like, and she's like, oh, how he wished. Oh, what's a nice dog? Oh, so good.
Are you the big fat chef there? Oh, so nice to see you.

Speaker 1 I'm just one of my daddy's little piggies. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 You know, I said, I'm so sorry about Rambo. I'm so sorry.
And she said, oh, don't worry.

Speaker 1 She's like, I don't know why he's barking at me. I already gave him a cheeseburger.
Fed him an entire cheeseburger cheeseburger. Celebrities, they are not like a.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they just don't understand that you can't feed a dog an entire sandwich. Yeah, she gave him a whole cheeseburger.
So that was

Speaker 1 set him off because he's never ate an entire cheeseburger. No, no.
If anything, I gave him just the burger. Of course.
No bun, no cheese. You're not supposed to give a dog white flour.

Speaker 1 It was probably a bunch of onions and whatever in there. And condiments.
Yeah. If I made it, it was, I mean, amazing.
I'm sure.

Speaker 1 But filled with spices. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's how you rile up a dog. Absolutely.
But, you know, we just, we love Rambo. He was a good boy.
He really was. And you did such a great job.

Speaker 1 And he is, he's the only, the only place I believe there could be an afterlife for is animals. Yeah, you think that's true.
Because we don't deserve a second run. I don't think there is.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure he's just.

Speaker 1 He haven't gotten the dust in the mail yet. Wait till the hummingbird comes.
Yeah, I haven't gotten that yet. So maybe.
They mail that, huh? Yeah, they're going to mail it to me. Rambo's.

Speaker 1 And I remember the uh, the lady asked me if I wanted a paw print, and I remembered, I'm like, nah, I got because this last Christmas we did a paw print on a Christmas ornament, yeah, that's really cute, which is really nice.

Speaker 1 I'm like, nah, I don't want that, I got the alive one because they just take this dead foot and put it in you know, in clamps, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's not, it's not romantic.

Speaker 1 No, I don't like that idea of you taking the corpse of my precious, it's not my dog anymore, no, it's me now, yeah, it's a corpse, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm glad that we

Speaker 1 where should I scatter his ashes,

Speaker 1 dude. Earwolf.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Just get booked.
This is his last reissue. He just wanted to be on fucking comedy bang bang.
None of you guys would answer his fucking emails.

Speaker 1 We're throwing the fucking, you're getting these dog ashes, Scott Ackerman. I just show up, and I'm like, who shows you guys?

Speaker 1 Our character's a bereaved man who never got his son booked.

Speaker 1 So, yeah. All right, P.
Rambo, you were the best, and I will replace you soon. Great.
Yes. And that's important to know.

Speaker 1 The truth is, is that I've said this to many people.

Speaker 1 And I definitely know that you have to have your feelings, and you will.

Speaker 1 You obviously process these, but I do believe that the best way to fix losing a dog is just

Speaker 1 get a new one. Well, I got to wait till Tootsie dies.
Yes. I think I got an appointment for her to die in a couple of weeks.
Cool. So I think that'll happen.
Oh, great, great, great, great, great.

Speaker 1 Blue Easter Colt's going to play or whatever. He's going to do a whole thing.
They're all going to come over, and a guy's going to be like, stop, you just see the refine

Speaker 1 that would be kind of cool yeah I immediately called my dog nanny and fired him that was just like you're

Speaker 1 sorry I'm laughing

Speaker 1 yeah you're out of a job and he's like all I'll all do spatula sit all up and sit No, I'm sorry, sir.

Speaker 1 They already have their sitters. Although the kitchenware is well taken care of.
They're in my drawers.

Speaker 1 How about I just sit? Your weed, your piles and piles of weed. I mean, technically, he does do that as well.
Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to roll joints for

Speaker 1 snooped up. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Except he's, you know,

Speaker 1 not Asian. Way less paid, too.
Yeah. Way underpaid.
So, yeah. So anyone knows a good executioner for Tootsie, you'll let me know.

Speaker 1 We're actually at side stories, L-P-O-T-L G, at gmail.com. We're going to do a random poll for that.

Speaker 1 So if you send in as many emails saying you want to be the one to execute Tootsie, we will randomly choose you just have to be within 100 miles of los angeles oh also just so people know we did kill rambo with an old vet

Speaker 1 you know we i made we used an old vet to kill yeah i i checked their id they were 62 that was it was across the border because in la you can never tell they can be 25 they can be 89 yeah yeah yeah so i i checked the id and it was an old vet that killed rambo so we know that it was done properly well thank you eddie good old problem thank you for being there for me.

Speaker 1 Kind of. I was.
You were there. It was fun.
You came by. I came by.
You came by. Yeah.
We were there for the first vigil. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's why I decided not to have a proper funeral for Rambo because he had one a year ago. We did the living funeral.
Yeah, which is a great thing to do. I like it so much better.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have one. Yeah.
That's made me decide. I'm going to have a

Speaker 1 live funeral first. What, 65?

Speaker 1 Man, 58. 58? I think 59 when you can cash out the 401k.
Is that the age? I I think so. You have a 401k? We all do.
We have a pension plan here. I don't.
Yeah, you do. No one's told me about it.
Oh.

Speaker 1 We'll see. I think I'm freelance.

Speaker 1 No, you're an employee. Yeah.
You're my employee. You're fired.
Great. You're hired.
But no. Back on staff.

Speaker 1 I don't agree.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do some news. Let's do some news.
We're here for some side stories. Now, the reason why we have chosen this story first is because it's the funniest headline of all of them.

Speaker 1 It's very weird.

Speaker 1 It is is very confusing it took me like three read-throughs to actually understand what happened i think that's because editorial writing is at its lowest it's ever been but it is this is a very funny headline so here we go the bagpiper of decatur dies in scuba accident missing son's body found in treehouse okay how do these come together we don't know this is where this is where the mystery is but it's pretty funny so this is in decatur georgia Georgia.

Speaker 1 This is on Georgia. I love Decatur.
I have wonderful friends that live in Decatur. I have my friend Ginny, who is wonderful, effervescent

Speaker 1 costume department. And we have Karen Freed.
People that live out there and

Speaker 1 join their lives, love Decatur. What are their actual addresses?

Speaker 1 449

Speaker 1 Marijuana

Speaker 1 Glane. Yeah, you do it there.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, this guy named Henry France.

Speaker 1 He's awesome. I mean, we don't know.

Speaker 1 He might have killed his son. We don't know.

Speaker 1 But I do like his existence. He's played the bagpipes for everybody.
He's played the bagpipes for George H.W., Prince Charles, Jimmy Carter, and the Dalai Lama. And they all said, stop.

Speaker 1 But no, they were so excited. He is a famous, he's the bagpiper of Decatur.
So he was kind of known as a guy that would be, he was a local kind of hero. He would do all of these events, big funerals.

Speaker 1 Lots of cop funerals, I imagine. Oh, very much so.
Lots of just straight-up pub-based funerals. Anything that you need a bagpipe for.
Lieutenant Rodriguez really would have appreciated the.

Speaker 1 Can we cut some of the Glockenspiel?

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe, I feel like maybe the tuba's a bit much.

Speaker 1 But I like to see a mariachi band show up to

Speaker 1 Sergeant O'Malley's. Watch that guy.
What a night. What a night that would be.
I honestly think that they'd love it.

Speaker 1 If the first five Guinnesses, by the end, they're all going to be like, ah, the Guantanamera. That's what I like.

Speaker 1 All right, there you get your get your knees moving.

Speaker 1 But all right, so these. Henry Doyle Colin France.
Yes, Henry France Jr. So he

Speaker 1 was

Speaker 1 a known quantity. So what he did was that he was in and out.
He did a bunch of different, you know, he was kind of known, but he was 74 years old and he was. super energetic.

Speaker 1 And he did the thing that I, we warned about on one of, I believe it was a stream talking about the concept of when you go on vacation and believe you can do a bunch of stuff that you can't do normally, but you

Speaker 1 because you're on vacation. So he went scuba diving.
He extended himself too far. He complained of severe exhaustion.
All of a sudden, he wasn't with the scuba diving crew anymore.

Speaker 1 He was on vacation and he died there. And so they went, they packaged up his body, they put it in a bagpipe, and they sent it back to Atlanta.
But that's one big bagpipe.

Speaker 1 He was a big old man-shaped France-sized

Speaker 1 bagpipe. Now, they said that

Speaker 1 they went.

Speaker 1 I don't really understand

Speaker 1 what led to the call, though.

Speaker 1 So now

Speaker 1 this is in Maui. They've now they've been the DeKalb County medical examiner said they're working on the confirmation of the guy.
They're pretty certain that it's him.

Speaker 1 They're currently like working on now this secondary investigation. So

Speaker 1 apparently, is that they, the later on the state, now these apparently are not connected, but we don't know. Yeah.
This is on Henry France's property. Indicator.
Indicator. Is that on March 16th?

Speaker 1 So he died on March 10th. He gets shipped back to Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Soaking wet. Soaking crazy.
Honestly, kind of irresponsible. Because he's not an iPhone.

Speaker 1 So they said apparently they went to his home to settle his affairs. His family did.
And then on March 16th, they called the police and they said that there was a skeleton in our backyard treehouse.

Speaker 1 Cut to

Speaker 1 them

Speaker 1 talking about that there was a missing young man. Now, they said that their son,

Speaker 1 who went by the name of Henry Doyle Cole in France,

Speaker 1 he was missing for four years, they said.

Speaker 1 So the police were like, what? What are you talking about? So he's here. This is his skeleton.
They're identifying his skeleton now, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But there was no missing persons report filed by the family. I had no idea that he was missing.

Speaker 1 The police had no idea that he was missing. The family kind of,

Speaker 1 we don't know this information yet. No one's really talking about how.
So they were like, oh yeah, our brother's been missing for four years. Yes.
And I guess he's been in here with the old pornomags.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just been up in the treehouse decomposing. Yeah, hanging out with the robins and the sparrows, and they're picking his fucking flesh off his mouth.
Now, how clean was the skeleton?

Speaker 1 I guess it's not in the article. It sounds like he's been dead for the entire four years.
Yeah. It sounds like he went up to the tree house and never came back.

Speaker 1 Now, it's one of those, when I throw a temper tantrum and I go to my treehouse, that's when Natalie comes out with the broom, pumps it on the sheet.

Speaker 1 Not times she'll knock on the wall because I go, well, you know, let me do my boxcar race. Yeah.
You know, let me go to the treehouse. I love that treehouse.
I love my treehouse.

Speaker 1 I got my rifles up there. I got my fucking, all my stuff's up there.
All my, my, all my favorite things,

Speaker 1 My fleshlight, all my stuff where I'm me, where I'm myself is in the treehouse. Free time.
That's, yeah, where Henry can be me. Free in the trees.

Speaker 1 I'm not being observed, except for, again, squirrels and my neighbors and the people in my scope. Now, we won't know what happened or his connection to it because the secret died with him.

Speaker 1 Well, we're going to find out now. You think so? Well, now.
Well, they're going to find out if he had like blunt force trauma, I guess.

Speaker 1 According to them, they're saying there's no sign. There's no obvious signs of injury or trauma.
So it sounds like he died naturally up there. And I don't know if he just died of a broken heart.

Speaker 1 Do you think that little Debbie decided to not go with him to the junior prom? I'm actually not quite certain how.

Speaker 1 He was 28. He was 28 when he went missing.
Suicide by starvation? That's super long, buddy. It is, but I mean, four years.
I mean, we'll find out. We don't know

Speaker 1 when he died. What if he was super, super big?

Speaker 1 And it took four years for him to starve. I don't think it took that long.
How long does it take you to starve if you're really, really big? I'm going to go ahead and say

Speaker 1 two weeks. But only if you have water.
No, but I think that, but I believe if you are like, if you're BMI, whatever, if that's like bullshit or not, but I do believe you...

Speaker 1 You do eat yourself a little bit. Yeah, I believe if you're a certain level of obese, you can actually live for a very long time.

Speaker 1 But you are unhealthy. Yeah.
And like, you know, your blood sugar could drop. Yeah.
And then you could

Speaker 1 die of that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. What do we got here? All right, it says here.
No, this is, this is on bigboy.com. This is on bigfatman.com.
Bigfatmanquestions dot org.

Speaker 1 If you simply stop feeding someone any food, they will die within 12 weeks. They're not going to be a drink of water.
Hmm.

Speaker 1 Now, because your body cannot get 100% what it needs from the stored fat, there are a lot of assorted proteins. Sure.

Speaker 1 But what about when they're really big? Your organs will start to fail

Speaker 1 at eight to 12 weeks. Yeah, sometime around.
I'm surprised you last that long, to be honest with you. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's just, wait, you just, you like, you can go solid two months. I mean, in full disclosure, is this answer is on Quora, right? So so this

Speaker 1 is very wrong. No, Eddie, no, only experts are allowed to answer on Quora.
Yeah, don't you understand? I want to go to WebMD. Yes, the really, the really reliable source.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, the truly reliable source. But this guy, I mean, like, we don't even know if he was involved in this.
We have no idea.

Speaker 1 We don't know if he, even if he knew that his son was in the tree house. Because I would, if I had a tree house and I'm in my 70s, I'm not going to the tree house.

Speaker 1 Isn't it kind of interesting that this man who played all of these various police funerals, he himself seemed to be avoided these same investigations?

Speaker 1 Man, I've been wondering if it's a man on the inside. The bagpiper of Decatur was protected by the thin line of blue.
Ooh, that is very possible. How about this?

Speaker 1 How about his son's like, if you don't stop playing those bagpipes, I ain't coming out of the treehouse. Well, if I ain't bagpiping, I ain't breathing.

Speaker 1 That's the only way i can breathe is bagpiping and he's trying to hold out

Speaker 1 and he bagpiped longer than he could stay alive without eating but also think about maybe he died by bagpipe and he was trying to say i'm gonna play the bagpipe as you come out of the treehouse and it's just

Speaker 1 and he's just up there just dying

Speaker 1 Two months, yeah. Humans die around two months, according to Wikipedia.
Again, it's huge. Wikipedia says two months.
Not just anybody can just change all the data in there.

Speaker 1 And there wasn't there one guy who like claimed he lived off of sunlight. Oh, everybody.
We've had, they're calling. There's the, I believe it's, there's free energy.
Dr. Plant.

Speaker 1 There's not Eritarians. It's something like that.
Sun eaters. There's the sun.

Speaker 1 They do a thing where they believe that they can just get everything they want from the sun, but they always end up, it turns out, secretly eating. Yes.
So this is a story we will find out.

Speaker 1 I don't think we will. I mean,

Speaker 1 I think this is it. Well, I think that they're going to dig in a little bit of how is a skeleton just sitting out and and you guys

Speaker 1 had to stink, right? Not necessarily. Like, if he died quickly, it depends on how, what season he died in.
If he died in winter.

Speaker 1 If he died in the winter, he probably, you probably might not have smelled anything. I'm surprised, like, bears didn't get to him.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's again, maybe it's hard for bears to get in the neighborhood because of it's, you know, they're all in East Atlanta at Mary's. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The bearhood. Yes.
The oil, probably bugs then.

Speaker 1 Maybe. He was eating by bugs.
Or I think that

Speaker 1 something fishy is happening and they are about to discover it. The fact that there was no missing persons report means something.

Speaker 1 That is why. Maybe he's like, I'm leaving and I ain't ever coming back.
And they thought he went to Florida, but he really just went to the treehouse. Maybe they're a little bit of being like,

Speaker 1 Henry III thinks he's gone. He's just sitting in the treehouse.
And they just don't even know that he's dead there. You know what I mean? Like, he's just up there in his treehouse, loving life.

Speaker 1 He must be super busy. No one's taking the cereal anymore.
He didn't answer my text,

Speaker 1 so I don't know. But we will find out.
They are saying that the pipe band, though, they are mourning the loss of the bagpiper of Decatur for now until we find out if he was a serial killer.

Speaker 1 Who's gonna play his funeral?

Speaker 1 Oh shit, it's gonna have to be that horrible, horrible Johnny symbols.

Speaker 1 I hate that guy.

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Speaker 1 All right, well, we have, um, speaking of uh police funerals, we're losing a cop in uh in North Bergen County, New Jersey. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, this story is one of those where, you know, if you took out all the people doing it and you took out the area where it was being done and you put it in the movie. This is all comedy.

Speaker 1 If this is a Will Farrell. This is hilarious.
If this is a Will Farrell vehicle. Yeah.
This is the funniest scene you've heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's real life. Yeah, and it was

Speaker 1 this.

Speaker 1 It was a, I believe he was a chief, a police chief. Chief of police.

Speaker 1 Now, New Jersey police chief is being accused, five of his officers, of turning the, I believe it is the North Bergen Police Department into a so-called animal house filled with pranks, defecating on the floors, spiking the office coffee pot with Adderall and Viagra, and then he jabbed an officer in the penis with a hypodermic needle.

Speaker 1 Now, I'm going to go ahead and say none of those are pranks. No.
Those are all like random assaults.

Speaker 1 He would go, he'd send sex toys and gay pride flags to cops, and then he would shift them the night shift if he doesn't like them to the people underneath him.

Speaker 1 Now, this is really seems to, it kind of apparently went out of control, Eddie. Yes, Chief Farley was a

Speaker 1 name.

Speaker 1 Chief Robert Farley. Now, there is a picture here that we're looking at that says Chief Farley's defecation, which was, there was shit shat onto a series of paper towels on a toilet so that people

Speaker 1 next to the the toilet so that when they walked in the dark, they would specifically step on it. You know, he

Speaker 1 and he wouldn't let them clean it up because he said he wanted the maid to do it. Yeah, or the cleaners to come and do it.
He wanted them to do it specifically.

Speaker 1 Now, they're saying here he has really been doing these so-called practical jokes for, I guess, for a couple of years now. And they're finally suing him.
It's taken a long time to sue this man.

Speaker 1 And it is just this picture. They have pictures of here, I guess, like in a funny little thing of him shaving his arm arm onto a bunch of paperwork of another fat officer, which is, again, funny.

Speaker 1 And it's not the other officer's fault. He's fat.
He lives in North Bergen, New Jersey. That's what you have to be.
Yes. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Actually, there's a scale at the front, at county line. There's a scale that you have to step upon in order to even be able to purchase a home in North Bergen.

Speaker 1 Now, these guys are, again, they think it's real funny. They do a thing where they shaved.

Speaker 1 That's sort of funny. He microwaved a bunch of hot sauce and then it turned like radioactive somehow.
Yeah. And then it stunk up the entire state.

Speaker 1 Everyone had to leave the police station because they thought it was actually sprayed by pepper spray. It would have turned.

Speaker 1 I think that if you did cook it in that way, it would turn into something like a pepper spray. He also put a ghost pepper on

Speaker 1 a hamburger that he fed to a one-year-old.

Speaker 1 Funny prank.

Speaker 1 What a funny guy.

Speaker 1 That's the chief of police. Also, like, one-year-olds,

Speaker 1 how are they supposed to eat hamburgers? They're just like not even in play.

Speaker 1 They're not in play for pranks. They don't understand pranks.

Speaker 1 You can't get one over on an infant. They can't speak.
So they, I do like this one. What he was, this one I don't understand.
And where a guy, he said, he called it a quote-unquote prank.

Speaker 1 He said he was being chased around the office by Farley. He cornered me in a filing area with no further room for retreat.
He then stuck a hypodermic needle through my jeans into the tip of my penis.

Speaker 1 Now, I don't know. I haven't seen that.
I know Impractical Jokers is getting a lot of heat recently for the stuff that they've pulled off off camera, but I've never seen anything like this.

Speaker 1 But, all right, you have to let somebody do that.

Speaker 1 You can't get chased.

Speaker 1 around and then a needle

Speaker 1 through your genes. Yeah, you can.
Jeans are thick. No, you can do it.

Speaker 1 He's jabbing at him with a hypothermic needle. It's through his dick.

Speaker 1 Yes. His penis is at the front of the bead.
I just bet this one,

Speaker 1 he was either being held down by other cops. That's possible.
Or

Speaker 1 he let him do it. I just think you don't understand how thick your gut is.
I don't think you could guide your penis.

Speaker 1 I don't think, like, with a

Speaker 1 hypodermic needle. Oh, I could stab your dick with a hypodermic needle.
If I let you. If I move it around, I think think you'd get my thigh or you'd get my something else.

Speaker 1 I feel like he accidentally got the penis. Yeah, he got the penis.
Yes. I'm not saying he was trying to aim for the penis.
Oh, he definitely was aiming for the penis.

Speaker 1 Yes, but then he accidentally got the penis. Yeah, I think the chances of him getting a wiggling man's penis with a hyperdermic needle through jeans.

Speaker 1 Side stores L-P-O-T-L-A-G-Mail.com. How would you get a moving man with a hypodermic needle in the penis? In the penis.
Through the gene. In the penis.
What's your foolproof way of doing it?

Speaker 1 I think think with the jeans would help snap the needle off without it ever touching your penis. No, you'd be probably snap it off.
Wow. Oh, yeah.
No, it's not through the zipper. You are.

Speaker 1 My penis hides behind my zipper. I think it's because, Eddie, I'm going to mean this in the nicest way possible.

Speaker 1 I think that you and I have what you'd call

Speaker 1 we're growers.

Speaker 1 And I think that some people

Speaker 1 have

Speaker 1 more.

Speaker 1 I think some men.

Speaker 1 I think some men have more than this. And I think that the penis then

Speaker 1 can cover more hitable area.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the other thing that the people are saying about the whole situation is that they don't think the cops who are making the reports, they think they're just doing it because he cut their overtime.

Speaker 1 Well, it's that's

Speaker 1 probably the final straw.

Speaker 1 I think that it's all fun and games until you realize that he's also fucking with us.

Speaker 1 So I think that's the problem is that they're all like, they are suing him because he is just kind of, they're talking to you about about him with the schedules but it did sound like yes they were all laughing along when you're chief of the police one of his pranks is just a bunch of broken glass on someone's desk yeah he threw a plaque at them and he was just like laugh laugh you pigs like my intro but this you know what it is eddie is that the the problem truly is that He's chief of police.

Speaker 1 And I bet you do have to laugh along while you are trying to act as if everything's normal. And then it finally gets to a point where maybe now we can maybe stop this.
But

Speaker 1 it does seem that he did turn it into his own playground. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, it was, he's definitely a monster and it needs to be gone. But again, if he was one of my favorite movies.
Super troopers.

Speaker 1 So I do understand that cop-based shenanigans are funny to me, but only when they don't have real guns. Yes.
That's it. This guy, I mean, who knows what his kill count is?

Speaker 1 I mean, God knows what he then does in his regular life. Yeah.
But cops play pranks. It's what they do.
But pranks

Speaker 1 should also be funny if you can help it.

Speaker 1 Well, I think

Speaker 1 goodbye. Goodbye.

Speaker 1 He's not going to be working.

Speaker 1 I think he's going to be fired. No, I don't think he can get any job after this.
No. Not even like a Toys R Us.
Unless, again, Joe Gatto is gone. Soon-to-be Murr is gone.

Speaker 1 I'm seeing a spot in practical jokers for this guy.

Speaker 1 I'm seeing a spot. Well, there's another prank in the news that I'm interested in.
I don't know if it's a prank, maybe it's not.

Speaker 1 But the article says, it's a lot of pee. It's a lot of pee.
Yeah, a man has no idea who is putting gallons of urine in his recycling bin. We don't.
Or why? You see, we don't have a choice, guys.

Speaker 1 Amount of emails that were sent about this story ranged in the several dozen. Now, this is our burden.
People a lot of times ask, like, side stories.

Speaker 1 Is it just about people living quantities of things in places that they aren't normally?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, it's a big part of it.
These are side stories. It is a side story.
It has become such a large part of our show, and I don't know why, because it just keeps happening.

Speaker 1 Now, this story is then sort of interesting because you're talking about like, this is six gallon jugs of hot piss.

Speaker 1 i'm counting eight that yes he put it in his recycling vent now it went to get picked up by the recycling guy and the guy stopped it because he said that this is a biohazard yeah peepee can't go in the garbage machine yeah or

Speaker 1 recycling machine i do not know that pee-pee can't go in the in any of these machines you could put peepee in the garbage but also

Speaker 1 can you yeah sure why not

Speaker 1 So you mean to tell me if he just put this in the other

Speaker 1 I think the problem is that it's in recycling.

Speaker 1 No, I think the problem is that it's a biohazard they don't like you putting peepee in the garbage i think everybody well there's like lots of things but it doesn't mean i ain't doing it how do you say this i think that if you're throwing out gallons of piss and you have that wherewithal to save them in big giant gallon jugs i'd say dump them in a sewer or

Speaker 1 they want you to hide it eddie they want they're like lie to me that's what they're saying they're like don't just like yeah piss all over the garbage like you're gonna piss all over the garbage.

Speaker 1 That's something else that gets different. I can't see it.
I don't think that you should. I think you should give more respect to a sanitation workers because of how hard they work.

Speaker 1 And you shouldn't be pissing all over these things. But I feel that this is,

Speaker 1 this is not how you do this. What I don't truly understand is

Speaker 1 why save it. P goes into the ground so easily.
Not for this. It sops into the street.
It sops into the grass. This guy wants to see the piss and he likes having it.

Speaker 1 Since Rambo's been gone, I've been peeing outside in solidarity. Just for him.
Just for him. So, you know, also, so Tootsie knows that there's pee outside and she should go to the bathroom.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, but these, this guy, I'm not putting in jugs and saving it. No, you shouldn't do it straight to the grass.
If you were putting in jugs and saving it, I would call the mental hospital.

Speaker 1 I'd call, I'd call, I'd get you baker active. Exactly.
That's what I'm talking about. Why save it? I don't know.

Speaker 1 All right, in a non-medical setting, according to Google AI, if a jug of urine doesn't contain visible blood, it could be safely disposed of by pouring the urine into a toilet or sink.

Speaker 1 Just say toilet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't say sink. Yeah, why? Give people the idea.
What do you mean if it doesn't contain visible blood, then it's fine?

Speaker 1 What does that even mean? You can put that in a toilet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 if you have a jug of bloody urine, though.

Speaker 1 I dig you got a lot more problems than storage. Do you think a bloody jug of urine, is it orange or does it have like red like mixed in, like floating around?

Speaker 1 I kind of see the red mixed and floating around, kind of like, you know, those old ice cream cups. Yes, those are delicious.
I used to miss that. I miss those.
I love them. You remember?

Speaker 1 You know exactly what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah, with the little cherry syrup on the side. Yeah.
Or strawberries here. Strawberry.
Yeah. Yeah.
Very terrible.

Speaker 1 That's the blood. That's the blood.
That's the bladder blood. Now, do you think this is one person or do you think there's a team of people? Because this is a lot of pee.
I believe that it.

Speaker 1 might be ah it seems like it's a lot of pee for one person that has saved it over a long period of time okay now i pee like you know i take blood thinners and i piss like a motherfucking racehorse all night.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. I piss and piss and piss and piss.
I'm sometimes shocked at the volume of piss that comes out of me. I got a lot of pee-pee, too.
And so I think that maybe go back.

Speaker 1 What's funny is that the guy also goes, he was caught on ring cam. Oh, the guy who did it.
They've set up now several camping cams to try to catch him. This is a whole thing.

Speaker 1 Plus, who's done this more than once? Yes. I think that the guy, it's happened now so many times that he had to start pulling his bins in, right? Because he was sick of them going in there.

Speaker 1 And the guy just started dumping them in his neighbor's bins. And then he decided to say, Oh, I'm going to reposition the bins so they are more able to be caught on camera.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then when he did that, the guy moved the bins again because he decided that I he knew he was being caught on camera. He showed up masked in a hoodie, dropping off the piss.

Speaker 1 Now, I think that this is a revenge scheme. I think that this man is pissed off somebody.
Could obviously.

Speaker 1 Could this man be the culprit himself?

Speaker 1 Do you think the call is coming? Do you think the piss is coming from inside the house? Yes. I don't know.
I don't think, I don't know if it actually, I mean, take it back. Not yes.
I don't know. I

Speaker 1 don't know. I think that this is somebody that knows this person.
Yeah. This is some form of revenge.
This is a revenge for something that this person has done, and we don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's a piss-based crime. I don't know if it's a fart or poop-based crime.
Yeah. I didn't know whether or not it's because he had sex with his wife or he had sex with his daughter.

Speaker 1 But, and the only thing I will say is that this pee vengeance, we need to think about this.

Speaker 1 Because,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I even say eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Piss for a piss makes everything absolutely covered in piss.

Speaker 1 And that's not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is. But right.
Depending on what you like. The PP, Pasadena PP man, whatever happened to him, they catch him.

Speaker 1 Is that happening again? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He just kind of got caught. Again, too much heat.
Too much heat. Too much heat.
This could be a copycat piss bandit.

Speaker 1 Well, well i just i honestly i'm gonna put this more so unfortunately i'm gonna i'm gonna put this in parallel thinking i don't think that this is a carlos mancia thing i think that this is somebody that i think everybody's just thinking about piss do you know that when i was on probation my probation officer um told me that i had the hottest piss of anyone on probation That's flirting.

Speaker 1 It was. It does seem kind of flirty.
That's flirty. I told him.
Hot piss. Yeah.
Long dick.

Speaker 1 And you're like, no, sir. Actually, you know, maybe I'm wrong.
And it turns out it should be the opposite because then it's the less time the piss can cool in the dick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The shorter your penis, the hotter your piss. Oh, yeah.
So maybe I was

Speaker 1 my urine so hot. Didn't know.
Yeah. Sorry, next time out, I'll bring it in at 185.

Speaker 1 You ever do that thing when you go to Starbucks, you see a coffee, and they go like extra hot? Yeah, how do you do that? They're just, I don't know. They're horrible.
People who do that are maniacs.

Speaker 1 Do you know that if you microwave a coffee cup from Starbucks, you're putting microplastics into it because the coffee cups are actually lined in plastic. Oh, of course.

Speaker 1 That's why I do it. Yeah.
Oh, okay, good. They do it just to get closer to my laptop.
Now, that is the, yes, that was one pee-pee-based story.

Speaker 1 We have one poo-poo-based story because they come together. And so, unfortunately, so we're just going to leave that at that.
That mystery, it's not going to get fucking solved.

Speaker 1 Also, very surprised that garbage men look inside the can before they take. You never got a ticket? No.

Speaker 1 When my old apartment, again, this is in Portland, which makes sense. I believe the other one was, you know, the other one was in Pasadena, P-Towns.
Both after P.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Both towns start.
With the letter P. Oh, yeah.
Looking coming. Watch out, Pittsburgh.
And Poughkeepsie. Watch out, Punxatani.
Oh, my God. They're coming.
Piss is coming to you, Palermo.

Speaker 1 We got to be careful.

Speaker 1 But no,

Speaker 1 it's not going to get caught. So you guys,

Speaker 1 so many of you. get so angry when we go into the poo-poo-pee pee territory sometimes.
But again, this is our burden.

Speaker 1 We don't have a choice. This is what we are paid to report.
This is the news.

Speaker 1 If you don't understand how important it is for us to say, because if you don't get this information from us, you're going to get it from somebody who's going to get it wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think it's important for you to get it from us. Yeah.
And like, what? You want us to talk about the government? No.

Speaker 1 You don't really want us to talk about the government. No, we talk about piss and poop here.
No, but sometimes we do talk about the government, but largely. But only when they commit crimes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bad crimes. Big crimes.
Better crimes. Interesting crimes.
Interesting crimes. Boring, important crimes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, this story is really just about a man's ability.

Speaker 1 And what I call this is this is the first human squid

Speaker 1 I've heard of. A man by the name of DePak.

Speaker 1 He's a 27-year-old phone thief from Delhi, India.

Speaker 1 Apparently, now, this is now the, I want to say he's bringing it back to old Delhi with this activity.

Speaker 1 According to Delhi police spokesperson, DePak, he evaded arrest multiple times by doing what he can only do, I guess it's his superpower. He can shit his pants on command.

Speaker 1 Now, he said that not only could he shit his pants on his command, but the poo-poo is so offensive and so effective that the police have abandoned their arrest efforts several times and have just let him go.

Speaker 1 And so he's done this several times. He's able to shit himself

Speaker 1 on a moment's notice. Yes.
And that is incredible.

Speaker 1 Very, very impressive.

Speaker 1 Much as we all do, much as the octopus camouflages itself from hunters, much as the chameleon camouflages itself from hunters and much and then this is a squid this is a squid activity he's squidding himself yeah and and then and then he just gets to be scot-free but not his pants his pants They are covered in smeared old dookie.

Speaker 1 He was doing this for a while, and then the cops who arrested him came prepared with masks and gloves. They were like, all right, we're getting this fucker today.

Speaker 1 We know, all right, we're getting covered in shit. This is what we're doing.
Now, I want to know in that place. Now, Eddie was bringing this up.

Speaker 1 Maybe this is a good place to talk about just sort of the nature of this.

Speaker 1 Where in my mind,

Speaker 1 just being in

Speaker 1 India in general,

Speaker 1 right? I've seen these videos, right? I watch all the street food videos. So they're part of things that get sent to me.

Speaker 1 My thing is that if you can control the flow of diarrhea in India, you might as well be magneto. It's very impressive.

Speaker 1 Because the flooding river of diarrhea that must has there been a solid poo-poo in India. It's possible.
Ever.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe the guy who, you know, only ate sunlight.
Yes. He'd probably do some pellets.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I just want to know: is this inappropriate to joke about? Because we want to know. It's like, yes, when we eat Indian food in America, it affects my belly.
Well, it's all butter and hot sauce. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm tomato telly. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's right.

Speaker 1 It doesn't stick in me well. No.
It fucking, man,

Speaker 1 blasts out of me. Yeah, it tastes very much.
It's like I didn't eat it. It's very delicious.
It's like I just bought Indian food and threw it in the toilet bowl. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So my question is: is that, do we all have this reaction? Well, I do find that when I pay a little more and I go to a nicer spot, the shits are better.

Speaker 1 Buddy, you remember we went to, we had that nice dinner with marcus and we went to a fancy indian place it was very fancy and it was a fan i've never been because i like a mom-and-pop indian place way more than i like a fancy indian place and when we went in there yeah

Speaker 1 dude i might as well have ate at fucking old you know jab

Speaker 1 like you know chutney spot i've blew out my fucking asshole marcus loves indian food he loves indian food for the man who's got the thinnest pipes of all of us well he does have a bloody ass sometimes i know but that's because he's british

Speaker 1 It's all the British blood. British people love Indian food.
I know, but you don't think it blows out their assholes.

Speaker 1 Do you remember how good the Indian food was outside of Snowtown in that gas station? Dude, that was exceptional. Wasn't that good? That blew our minds.
That was really nuts. That was really crazy.

Speaker 1 But I've had very good food. But maybe that's inappropriate, but I don't know.
Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com. Does it affect us all like this? Is it gmail.com or gmail.com? Gmail.com.

Speaker 1 If you could, because again, I just wonder if, is emodium the only thing they need? If we pumped emodium into the water, would that change things?

Speaker 1 Give it a shot. I don't know.
But I guess some people get diarrhea from anything. I'm always so surprised how small an emodium is and how much work it can do.
The key is, that's why, you know,

Speaker 1 my best way to take it. Nasally.
Oh, nasally. Yeah, you gotta spot it.
Are you railing?

Speaker 1 You gotta snort that chat. Yeah.
You gotta snort that, especially when you're on the pump of a modium. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. You want to bump?

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Speaker 1 Now, this next story I want to cover real quick because this is one of my favorite stories in the type of stories that we cover, which is a story that makes you think and understand that your most paranoid, horrible, scared thoughts could be real.

Speaker 1 Okay. It's one of my favorite things because it's important to remember sometimes horror enters your life and it's kind of fun in a way if you're detached enough with Zoloft and Weed.

Speaker 1 Now, this is a

Speaker 1 great, that's where you got to get to.

Speaker 1 Now, this is

Speaker 1 a great story. A babysitter checks under a child's bed for a monster, and what she finds is one.
Now, this is they all say, Here, I love all of these, all the openings of the articles about the story.

Speaker 1 They're like, Monsters under your pen aren't real, you know.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, yeah, we know, we fucking know, but it wasn't a monster, it was just a man, yeah, it was just a man looking to rape and murder.

Speaker 1 Now, this is a guy, this is on Monday, 10:30 p.m., 27 years old, just as old as our Indian pooper.

Speaker 1 How many months is that?

Speaker 1 Nobody knows how many months are Indian pooper. Yeah, what's it old? What was it?

Speaker 1 November 27th, baby.

Speaker 1 Yep, another member of the 27 club.

Speaker 1 And how many months is 27 years?

Speaker 1 324.

Speaker 1 That's 324 months. So, yeah, Martin Valobos Jr.

Speaker 1 He was found underneath a child's bed inside of Kansas. Now, this is in Topeka, Kansas, known for another favorite bedroom time snooper, Mr.
Dennis Rader.

Speaker 1 This is a guy that likes to get it. This could be a copycat.

Speaker 1 Well, it started off as one. Now, this is one of those things.
As a babysitter, this is a good prompt for an email. This is an actual good prompt for an email.
Side stories, L-P-O-T-L, at gmail.com.

Speaker 1 Do you have a scary story as a babysitter with kids? Because kids on the whole are just kind of frightening. Now, the idea of you're a babysitter, you don't give a fucking shit.

Speaker 1 You're probably stealing whiskey, you know what I mean? Ordering pornos on the DV there. I don't know what to do.
Having boys come over and rail you on the couch.

Speaker 1 And their other guys are watching you, and the basketball coaches there are watching them rail you. And everybody's putting money on you.
Smoking in the kitchen. All that stuff.

Speaker 1 I know how babysitters are. I've seen all the movies.
I've seen the documentaries. Fucking breaking the garbage disposal.
That's all you do. Right.

Speaker 1 And so you're there enjoying your babysitter time. And then the little kid comes downstairs and says, there's a monster under my bed.

Speaker 1 And your job is to be the bravest person in the house, even though you're 20 years old. And you have to go up there and you check under the bed.
And normally it's nothing.

Speaker 1 But then you find some, this fucking guy there, right? Which shows that the kids were correct. Yes.
Which is, again, also horrible because it's going to, this kid's going to be destroyed.

Speaker 1 But he ran away and he didn't do anything. No, but.
It seems that his relationship to the children, we don't know yet. We do believe that he was having some issue at the house.

Speaker 1 He said, according to him, according to Martin Villay Lobos Jr., he used to live at the house, but a protection from abuse order was issued against him, which said that he was not supposed to be on the property.

Speaker 1 And so he was obviously had some problem with somebody else in the house. We don't really know what his relation was to everybody else.
So he was there to do something fucked up.

Speaker 1 And then when he was discovered. You don't think he just missed the house?

Speaker 1 Hmm. I think that if you missed the house, didn't you want to sit in the living room? It's true.
Don't you really need to be underneath a child's bed sleeping? No.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was the shoes sticking out from the bottom of the bed. I think that's what's hardest than she thought at first.
Maybe the bed had fallen and it crushed a witch.

Speaker 1 But no, no, no, it's a man here to kill us all. Like, he's just here to fucking suck.
Yeah. And fuck and suck.
Yeah. No, he definitely looks dangerous and scary.
Yep.

Speaker 1 He looks tired. He's got the bags under the eyes, which look like, you know, I'm about to commit a crime eyes.
You know, I'd say, you know, he's got, he does have,

Speaker 1 I'm about to commit a crime, Ice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, but they charged him with aggravated kidnapping, aggravated burglary, aggravated battery, child endangerment, felony obstruction of the law enforcement operations.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty upset with it, yeah. Violation of

Speaker 1 protection from abuse order. He's being held on $500,000 bond.
You know, and he deserves it. And we're going to, I guess,

Speaker 1 we will probably not come back to the story because it seems to be pretty

Speaker 1 cut and dry. You just don't do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no, no don't do that if you want to see your kids you do it the way the court wants you to do it with the judge there yeah all right there was an altercation and then one of the children was knocked over by villobos when they when he fled the scene so he didn't like i guess he was about to do something horrible yes but he didn't get to do it yes thank god

Speaker 1 i mean for us it's Kind of sad because it's less story for us to cover, but for the kid, it's great. Yeah, for the kid, it's great.
And we, you know what? We covered it anyway. You know what?

Speaker 1 That's what's nice that we got

Speaker 1 us we didn't have to wait for someone to die the child didn't need to get caught up into confetti for us to make a bunch of great sick jokes about this yeah so we still we still covered it and that shows growth on our part but also next time if we're going to do something like that knock them out so that we have more to talk about well I have a story that I really want to make sure we get to today.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And this is like, it falls right in our wheelhouse. This, I don't know if you read the whole article or not, but it really fucking this whole thing blows my mind.

Speaker 1 I kind of knew that this was happening, but I didn't realize it was happening quite like this.

Speaker 1 I got this from the Washington Post, which I know is behind a paywall. And if you ever wanted to read a Washington Post article, go to archive.ph and then slap the link of the article in there.

Speaker 1 And you can read whatever you want. You don't have to pay for the Washington Post because fuck Jeff Bezos and the Washington Post.

Speaker 1 But this article was great.

Speaker 1 It's about

Speaker 1 an orca gang. Yeah, this is like another behavioral thing.
Yes. Right.
But this is different than because the boat thing with the yachts, that's cool.

Speaker 1 You know, like, but that's like a fun thing that orcas are just doing to like occupy their time. This is like a straight-up murderous gang.

Speaker 1 And an orca gang is hunting great white sharks off the coast of South Africa. See, this is like, for me, unfortunately, this is like rooting for the the Zizians.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Where, like, I can't, I like great white sharks. I love great white sharks.

Speaker 1 I, you know, the idea that they're ganging up on the great white sharks just to eat their livers and then discard them makes me really sad. I'm not, I agree.

Speaker 1 It is very sad, but I don't, I find it fascinating more than I'm rooting for anybody. Sure, I get it.
You know, all right. So the orcas, um, it's a pair of orcas, males.

Speaker 1 Their names are port and starboard because their fins bend in opposite directions. That's cute.

Speaker 1 The great whites,

Speaker 1 they have been apex predators in the waters outside of Cape Town for what must be hundreds of years. Yes.
Are now being hunted en masse by these two orcas.

Speaker 1 Seven gill sharks and great white corpses have been mysteriously washing to shore over the past decade with almost surgical cuts on their bellies and their livers removed.

Speaker 1 Well, the livers, when they eat, a lot of animals, including us, humans as well, like what what they talk about when you do, when you're hunting in the wild, I learn all this from Malone. Yes.

Speaker 1 The only thing I know this from, is that the liver is extremely nutritious. Yes.
It's nutritious dense.

Speaker 1 And that when you, normally, when you are in the wild and you kill a wild animal, that is the first thing that you eat. Yes.

Speaker 1 Because it goes bad and it's in it. And you get so much from it.
It's powerful.

Speaker 1 And that's why we love liverwear sandwiches. I love liverwear sandwiches.
Anything that turns food into a paste, I like. See, I think you're more like these orcas than than you think.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying that I'm not. I'm just saying I'm denying the part of me I find problematic.

Speaker 1 At first, they thought it was gonna be humans because humans use shark liver as bait when they're going shark fishing. And that's sad, which is very sad.

Speaker 1 It was extremely unusual for orcas to hunt, to hunt this close to shore.

Speaker 1 They usually hunt in deeper water, but they're thinking that the reason they're doing this, not only because they develop a taste for great white shark liver, but because the overfishing in South Africa

Speaker 1 has like taken less fish in the deeper water and has pushed them closer to shore. Jesus Christ.
Now,

Speaker 1 when the two they attack, they usually do it together. They rake the sides of the predators.

Speaker 1 And if you remember from the SeaWorld episode, raking is when they scratch their teeth across the side of them. Yes.
They'll find like scrape. It looks like a rake.

Speaker 1 You got to scratch with a rake, you know, and it scratches the side and they bite their fins and then ram their bellies and slice open their slice open their stomachs, removing the liver and discarding the rest of the corpse.

Speaker 1 They don't eat anything else. They just eat the livers.
Now, I know what you're saying. That's not that big.

Speaker 1 It's just a liver. You know, it's huge.

Speaker 1 It's one-third the size of a great white shark. Yes, they know that it's in there and they like it.
And it's the thing that is literally giving them a great deal of nutrients.

Speaker 1 And I bet it's the thing that's causing them to thrive, too. So they like it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This has been witnessed by humans several times now.

Speaker 1 Port and Starboard had had even shown the livers that they have retrieved from Great Whites to humans on boats, almost like they're showing off or bragging about their kills. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 I find it interesting because they really do, because you know what it is? These animals, they're so...

Speaker 1 networked. They're community animals.
So they actually even look, I bet you, we are just like part of the, if they're not actively hunting us to eat us, it's like we're part of the crowd.

Speaker 1 No, they like us. Yes.
Especially in the wild. They think we're fun.
They think we're their boys and shit. And, you know, I would like to be.
You would.

Speaker 1 But marine biologist Allison Towner said they can handle a great white shark and shuck it like a muscle. Just tear it open and slide out the liver and discard the rest.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Well, we'll see how this continues. Like, I feel like this is going to be one of those things where at some point it will be like,

Speaker 1 we'd have to probably do something to stop it if they keep killing. There's no way to stop it unless you kill these whales.
And I don't think they're going to do that. Let's electrocute the ocean.

Speaker 1 The whole ocean. Yes.
So this happens so often that the great whites have not even been in these waters as much as they have been before. And it's a sure sign of overpopulation on Seal Island.

Speaker 1 You know Seal Island? Oh, yeah. Yeah, right off the case of it's it's it got its name because it's covered in seals.

Speaker 1 And uh, but Seal Island has become overpopulated because all the great whites have left. Um, and now the shark, now, uh, now they don't know what to do with all these extra seals.

Speaker 1 Kill, I guess we electrocute the oceans. Or is there a more or less? We electrocute the oceans.
What we need is throw other things that seals can eat in there and then things that eat the seals.

Speaker 1 So what we need to do is anacondas mixed with anacondas. Chihuahuas.

Speaker 1 Anaconda chihuahuas. No, you're not.
That's just a normal seal. No, I'm saying chihuahuas in the water for the seals.

Speaker 1 You get buckets of chihuahuas to drop them into the water to chum up for the seals. And then we get the anacondas to eat the seals.
Then we get men to hunt the anacondas.

Speaker 1 This is a bad idea.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen air jaws?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, so the air jaws takes place in the same area.
Yes, I remember air jaws.

Speaker 1 This is the one part of the world where great white sharks regularly breach because they're attacking the seals from underneath. It's one of the coolest documentaries that we've ever seen.

Speaker 1 I remember that. Well, this is becoming a thing of the past because this is where they do it.

Speaker 1 They breach occasionally in other parts of the world, but this is the part of the world where they breach all the time.

Speaker 1 So we are not going to see great white shark breaches anymore because they're being chased out of this area by this orca gang.

Speaker 1 So we need to bring machine guns down there and we need to kill the orcas and have the great whites go. God damn it.
I feel like that. I know that sounds really simple, but it is.

Speaker 1 And it's that easy, right? Like, and I don't think it's going to have that big of an effect

Speaker 1 if we just rake the ocean with automatic weapon fire. there are people who would probably be on your side because

Speaker 1 great white shark tourism is a major industry in False Bay, which is next to Cape Town. And they are not showing up anymore.
And so now the Great White Shark Tourism industry is starting to hot up.

Speaker 1 That's when it really,

Speaker 1 that's what these orcas don't understand.

Speaker 1 Once you start fucking with these guys' bottom line, then it's going to start because they're going to figure out how to make orca burgers and orca fries and orca stew.

Speaker 1 It's going to, you better be careful, orcas. It's too much mercury.
You can't eat orcas at all. Oh, no, you get sick.
And then if a child eats it, they'll get like big heads and stuff. It's real bad.

Speaker 1 In 2016, they found. It's not funny.

Speaker 1 There's a reason for me to. In 2016, when this is all starting, they found 27 gill corpses, seven gill shark.

Speaker 1 They found 20 of them, and they were like, oh, okay. They assume there's a lot more because shark corpses usually don't wash the shore.

Speaker 1 They usually sink, especially when they got a big hole in their belly. Yeah.
In 2017, they found their their first great white body that was missing a liver about 35 miles from False Bay.

Speaker 1 And then four more were found in the coming months. So they can only assume that the bottom of the ocean there is just littered with fucking great white corpses.

Speaker 1 Man, those fucking starfish and shit are eating good. Yes.
Oh, absolutely. That's who's eating good.
They're loving them on the ground.

Speaker 1 That's going to be the huge... That's going to be the fun.
They start coming on shore and they're fucking the size of goddamn buildings. And then we learn.

Speaker 1 Well, hopefully they'll start about the size of probably a golden retriever or something. And then that will be the other animal that we'll eat.

Speaker 1 We'll figure out how to have starfish burgers and starfish roast and starfish soup and starfish nuggets. And chocolate starfish.
That's my favorite.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been eating ass and you think, hey, where's my salt and pepper?

Speaker 1 But yeah, so

Speaker 1 we got some true murder and orcas. We really did.
Sorry, I stole a bit from, that was me becoming Earthquake. for a second.

Speaker 1 Guys,

Speaker 1 I don't even know if everybody knows Earthquake. I love Earthquake.
He's honestly one of the only reason to stay on Twitter

Speaker 1 is to read Earthquake.

Speaker 1 There's literally no reason to stay on Twitter.

Speaker 1 Honestly, if you want to do good by Earthquake, rent his comedy special. It's really good.
Yes, it's fantastic. Yeah.
Ugh, grilled starfish. Ugh.

Speaker 1 That looks rough. I'd eat it.
Rob's showing pictures of grilled starfish. What does it say that it tastes like?

Speaker 1 It says they find it off-putting. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm not ready i'm not ready i think it needs to be braised i don't think this is a fresh catch grill i think that this needs to be i'm i'm saying right now side stories also chefs out there has anybody eaten starfish side stories lpot lg mail.com am i wrong in saying i believe the best way to eat it is in nugget form for sure fritter form fried yeah yeah definitely because you got to get all the barnacles and stuff off whatever the the spikes you got to get those off i have no idea what's in a what's inedible in it i think you cut out its teeth you cut out its like does it have tits

Speaker 1 I don't think they have tits. Can you milk a starfish? Let us know.
Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-G-mail.com. But I'll milk my fucking show, my fucking starfish.
I'm milk my fucking shit.

Speaker 1 The last thing I will say is 70% of all sharks are under threat from overfishing.

Speaker 1 Climate change has altered the swimming routes of many fish, and underwater nets to protect swimmers on beaches have also claimed the lives of many sharks. Yes.
So now the orcas are finishing the job.

Speaker 1 Hey, so this is, we're going to see how this all leads. Definitely not to total total calamity.

Speaker 1 There's no way. Also, I was being satirical about shooting the orcas.

Speaker 1 No, I know that, but unfortunately, people don't.

Speaker 1 And I was going to say it, I realized I was having a good time talking about how fun it would be and imagining shooting the ocean and zapping the ocean and doing all that kind of stuff because that's fun for me.

Speaker 1 Yes. But you just never know.
You know, Jacques Cousteau used to bomb the ocean. Yes.
He would throw dynamite into the ocean and kill large amounts of fish. And

Speaker 1 that was before we knew that was bad. I know it seems weird to say that we didn't know that was bad.
He was just like, I try to make a one-day fuel experience. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The magic in the mystery of the water is go down. And the best part is you are down in the bottom of the water and you see the little crab.
You see the angular fish.

Speaker 1 And the first thought you have is, what if I could make them explode?

Speaker 1 Thank God I brought my dynamite.

Speaker 1 You think he ever fucked Rue McClanahan? You think Jacques Gusteau? Maybe. If she was anywhere near that fucking sub.

Speaker 1 He definitely shot that harpoon into that screaming gulch.

Speaker 1 Honestly, Rue McClanahan's lovely, and that is one picture of her tit. Great one.

Speaker 1 We don't know if that's her tit. That is just one picture of her.
That is a black and white tit on its own. We do not know if that's her.
Hold on, wait a second.

Speaker 1 I believe that's actually the corpse of Marilyn Monroe. Well, let us move on.

Speaker 1 We have some listener emails. All right.
Now, someone says here, I just wanted to talk about last week saran rap. Okay.
And Dom's accidentally killing people in breathplay.

Speaker 1 Now, what I liked was this, this was an immediate response that I was like, exactly. This is exactly what I wanted to hear, which is...

Speaker 1 At first, remember we were talking about like maybe she didn't know what to do. She panicked.
He died.

Speaker 1 it's how it's clearly an accident it was an accident but why is she then going through all of this like what's the crime essentially about this no straight up there is just straight there is like literally within character a way to do this in which according to one former dom i worked in a dungeon with a collection of mostly other pro doms

Speaker 1 Some pro subs, you know, people and there was many people who had the fantasy being wrapped up in saran wrap, right? It's very, very common. Plastic wrap, please.

Speaker 1 We don't get sued by the saran company. No, they honestly, they love it because it actually boosts sales.
So, um, they kind of like people get interested.

Speaker 1 And so, they said here, like, we said we had to use these industrial warehouse saran wrap devices to wrap guys all the time. This is what they wanted at least a couple of times a week.

Speaker 1 Someone would come in wanting to be wrapped in saran wrap. See, first of all, because it's super common, yes.

Speaker 1 Second of all, the lady, this poor girl, is too dumb to function as a pro-dom according to this dom i feel like a natural selection just took her out because yeah they all want stupid shit that can't actually happen in reality yeah and it's your job as the professional and as the dominant to make boundaries and say no you dumbass i'm not gonna kill you don't be an idiot i need to walk you out of here alive and guess what you've done then not only have you Saved your life, saved this person's life, but you've also made them re-horny by yelling at them.

Speaker 1 Repeat customers are best.

Speaker 1 You want to milk them. You don't want to just, you know, you don't want to want them done here.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 So, according to this dom, okay, so I'm not going to literally cover your mouth and nose until you can't breathe.

Speaker 1 Now, I would cover the bottom half of your face and then just the top half of your face. So, they felt very tight and compressed.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I think most of them just didn't get enough hugs as children, and they want to be swaddled, but in a dangerous way. This is also according to this.
This is coming from a professional now.

Speaker 1 The lady who did this, that was brand new.

Speaker 1 She had never done BDSM before. But it's also important why conversations about this type of play need to be slightly more normalized.

Speaker 1 It has to be, because it's so common, we have to kind of break out of this idea that it's a fringe world. It's actually really not.

Speaker 1 It's huge. So there needs to be in those worlds more open conversation about how you do these things.

Speaker 1 Because I do think that's what she's saying, is that every guy who arrives, and I mean, I'm sorry, I mean, he's using man as the fucking base here but let's just face the facts and they come in there and they're rock hard penis as they're making the decisions they are not gonna be super rational like they are need you gotta the problem is that erection yeah you gotta eliminate the erection I also by getting him to come his pants by doing other things I think freshman year of college mandatory sex ed.

Speaker 1 Now, I know we get sex ed in like seventh grade or whatever, but I'm saying once you get to college and you're over 18, there should be a sex level teaching you how to fuck, how to do BDSM, and how to do all these things.

Speaker 1 That way, we don't get situations like this. Can I ask, though, who teaches this?

Speaker 1 Is it like, is it just some guy show up? Like, you know, like

Speaker 1 I think he and Khalifa teach it. Husband and wife combo.
Well, like, now we're in the Monty Python. That's the meaning of life.
Well, we, that's what the sketch is. Remember the meaning of life?

Speaker 1 No, I never saw it. With John Clay's fucking a weird one.
It's actually, it's really strange because he's like,

Speaker 1 you ever notice those old tiny sketch things, especially British, when they get like,

Speaker 1 it's almost, it's not that it's, it's not sexy at all, but nudity for me, like, takes the sex out of it. Yeah.
It takes the comedy out of it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 We're like, as soon as there's like a narrated woman when the boobs, when the boobs came by, that's different. That's very funny.

Speaker 1 That's different, but that also didn't really register as funny to me as a little, as a, as a boy. Oh, it registered funny to me.
See, I was just like,

Speaker 1 that was like the first, but I remember feeling that. That was like the first pair of boobs I ever saw was in the movie Repossess.

Speaker 1 Have you noticed that boobs in horror and comedy has been totally replaced by dicks? Well, because it's a pendulum swing. Literally.
No punishment. I know, I know.
It's a pendulum swing.

Speaker 1 I feel like, again, we need equal amounts.

Speaker 1 Every time there's dits, there should be a dick. Every time there's a dick, there should be dits.
Amen.

Speaker 1 I think that strip clubs should have both male and female strips. I'm totally fine with that.
Let's pardon. Because then everybody can take a break.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're not into this next one, you go take a break. Yeah, go hit the salad bar.
Salad bars then need to make a hardcore comeback in a big way, but elevated. Yeah.
Elevated. We need stays.

Speaker 1 Booby Tuesdays. Booby Tuesdays.
Ooh, that's amazing. Eddie, write it down.

Speaker 1 Say it in the microphone. I got to write nothing out.
Well, someone's going to take it.

Speaker 1 That was really it. That was all that really is to say is that technically the dom is in charge and they need to do it.

Speaker 1 And the reason I said husband and wife team is I actually had, and when I went to Catholic school in fourth grade, there was a husband and wife team that came in and gave us sex ed talks.

Speaker 1 Did she suck his dick and stuff? No, but they let us curse. I remember.
That's just that you get some of the horniness out. I think so.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think they need you to do that.

Speaker 1 But I remember enjoying them. I thought they were great.
Oh, so this is also the difference between.

Speaker 1 So this is the difference between manslaughter. This is also in pertaining to the same story.
Okay, great.

Speaker 1 It's figuring out.

Speaker 1 Careful.

Speaker 1 I'm fine. Now,

Speaker 1 this is one of those where you have to find out. There's certain words, right?

Speaker 1 Purposefully intended for the act to occur, knowingly, practically certain that the act would occur, recklessly, was aware or should be aware of the risk that the act would incur.

Speaker 1 Negligently, was unaware of the risk that the act could incur. So first-degree murder, purposefully kill.
They have premeditation, but technically there's a looser standard here.

Speaker 1 It can just be straight up. I got into a verbal

Speaker 1 altercation.

Speaker 1 I went, got my gun, came back, shot you.

Speaker 1 That can be, that's as base as first-degree murder can be. Okay.
Right. Second-degree murder.
Knowingly kill, no premeditation.

Speaker 1 Verbal altercation, have gun on you. Okay.
Kill someone in the middle of verbal altercation. Second degree murder.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 1 Then there's also second-degree murder, but with reckless, with extreme indifference to to human life. Okay.
Like throwing a brick off an overpass onto a car. Okay.
And somebody dies as a result. Yes.

Speaker 1 That is what you'd call reckless indifference. Yeah.
Right? That's second-degree murder. It's not an accident.
No, not at all.

Speaker 1 You're purposely doing something that you know that's wrong. Manslaughter, which is a reckless act that causes another death.

Speaker 1 Shooting a gun into a ceiling and accidentally killing the upstairs neighbor. And then there's negligent homicide.
That seems the same to me, to be honest with you.

Speaker 1 Well, this is what we're saying, is is that like negligent homicide. Shooting a brick over an overpass and then shooting a gun in the air equally is reckless, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 But this is where you'd get into the, but it's about how you travel. And it's all these things that you would put together in court, right?

Speaker 1 Second-degree murder, I imagine it goes over because they got the cinder blocks to go to the overpass. They chose the overpass to go to.
They set up a time to go to it.

Speaker 1 They knew that they were going to do this to cause chaos. You can be in a passionate moment.

Speaker 1 You can reasonably argue that you were in a passionate moment and you fired a gun in your own home that then accidentally killed somebody, which then could have become manslaughter.

Speaker 1 So, you know what I mean? It's all about all the circumstances that lead to everything.

Speaker 1 Or if you're watching like a show in an old-timey saloon and the chick showing her garter and you're like, and you just can't sell him on the roof. Absolutely.
Natural trouble. Yes.

Speaker 1 That's why I don't watch saloon films anymore. That's why I can't Annie get her gun is not allowed in our home.
Yeah. And I tell Julie, stay off the roof.
Please. I'm playing with my gun right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's her.

Speaker 1 Hey, this is my time.

Speaker 1 And so, in the case of the OnlyFans model, she could be easily charged with either manslaughter as a reasonable person would know that wrapping another head in saran wrap could lead to death, but disregarded the risk.

Speaker 1 However, there is a case that wrapping another's head in saran wrap could be extreme indifference for human life.

Speaker 1 However, the bar for extreme indifference is both quite high, and both the intent and act needed to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. The fact that the guy is asking for the

Speaker 1 action to be done

Speaker 1 also affects her reaction. It's such, it's very much an accident.
I also, yeah, it's very much an accident led, you know, by because of her ignorance.

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to say stupidity, but it's ignorance. No, it's,

Speaker 1 I would, you know what, Eddie, I would combo. I'd say combo of the both.
Because in the end,

Speaker 1 just because he's horny doesn't mean he's immortal. So just remember that.
Live every day knowing that. That's one of the most important lessons I've ever learned.

Speaker 1 I live, I know every day, no matter how horny I am, I can't do something that almost kills me that will make me shoot. Because you know why?

Speaker 1 I laugh thinking about people that need to be joked while masturbating. Because me, honestly, I masturbate normally in about 30 minutes and 30 seconds.
I was going to say, no, 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 And I'm done. It is in and out.
It's crazy for them. It doesn't even matter.
I just get me out of there. And then I laugh myself to sleep.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Knowing that I didn't have to dance on the razor's edge of death in order to have a nice time.

Speaker 1 A little chuckle slumber. That's me.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Well, we're hitting the road.
We are. That's right.
Last podcast on the Left Proppers coming to Detroit on April 18th. We're going to be at the Masonic.
Please come check that out.

Speaker 1 That's going to be a blast. I'm not fucking around.
If you're in Detroit, y'all know it's one of the best venues in this fucking country. Come out, see us do the show.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a special goth night. There's going to be a lot of good-looking people there.
And you know what? It's Good Friday. Gross.
Isn't that great? More like great, almost like gross Friday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's because all the Italians that killed Jesus.
You know, they named it from next year. They were all talking to each other.

Speaker 1 And they're like, hey, remember that time when we killed that fucking loudmouth? That was a good-ass Friday.

Speaker 1 That was the funnest day of my life. Oh, yes.
I love watching him scream and wriggle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do it again. Am I good? Handed him like a painting.
We did.

Speaker 1 Invasive species tour with side stories is coming back to Florida. I just had a very successful run.
It was wonderful. North Florida ain't ever going to be the same.

Speaker 1 But I'm coming to

Speaker 1 on May 6th. I'm going to be in Naples at the Off the Hook Comedy Club.
And then May 7th and 8th, I'm going to be with Henry doing side story shows.

Speaker 1 On the 7th, we're going to be in Fort Lauderdale at the Dania Improv. And then on May 8th, we're going to be in Orlando at the Funny Bone.
The first show sold out.

Speaker 1 You got to get tickets to the late show now only. We're going to have fun.
And then right after that, the next day, I'm flying all the way to Key West.

Speaker 1 And from May 9th through the 11th, I'm gonna be at Key West Comedy with Lisa Correo and Kevin Skiney. And that's gonna be a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 Lisa Carrero is wonderful. She's unbelievable.
She's a great comedian, too. Yeah, it's gonna be a blast.
So come check out those shows. We got some surprises for that.

Speaker 1 But also, Henry and I are gonna be doing a side stories live at Dad's Garage in Atlanta. That's gonna be on June 29th.
The 7 o'clock show sold out, but the 9:30 show still has tickets.

Speaker 1 So make sure you go and get your ass yeah we're gonna have a we're gonna have so much fun and we're gonna be around the entire time come to contact me desert 2025 may 29th june 2nd you're gonna we are gonna be there all weekend we're gonna be doing a big show we haven't figured out quite what we're doing there but we're gonna be doing something big there we're gonna be doing a couple shows yeah so just come come over the weekend you're gonna watch hang out learn it's a fun weekend it's like i it's it's crazy you if i go it's the only time i'm like willing to like learn like i'm in school again it's very funny but also you know what I'm gonna say to our people that come out?

Speaker 1 We gotta hit that pool, yo. Yes, when we come out there, we gotta turn this shit into a fucking party.
Yeah, you big boys, I'm talking to you. I want to see them titties.
We need to get out there, yo.

Speaker 1 We got to go to these pools. We got to show these nerds how it's done.
We're the right nerds for this festival. We need to take it back.
And you know where else I want to see these man boobs at?

Speaker 1 Where? Crime wave at the sea. Oh, we will.
That's for certain. That may be November 3rd through the 7th, flying sailing out of Fort Lauderdale on Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.
That's the Crime Wave.

Speaker 1 Go check that. Yeah, it's CrimeWaveNC.com.
Buy the tickets.

Speaker 1 That's another one that's going to be, again, it's going to be fucking hilarious. It's going to be crazy.
I have no idea what we're going to do.

Speaker 1 And I guarantee we're going to have at least two true crime stories come out of this

Speaker 1 weekend. Yeah, it's going to be, we're going to be on the boat.
And we're there. Did you see that story about what's his name?

Speaker 1 That was like the band leader, the little legged D that jumped off the cruise ship. No.
His wife. I forgot what it was in.
Save it for the show. He's in like rat or something.
I forgot what it was.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, yeah. He was doing this like tour.
He was literally doing what we were going to do on a cruise ship. He's doing like a show.

Speaker 1 And then his wife that he brought jumped off the stern the first night. And then I guess he just kept playing.
I mean, you know, show must go on. Yep.

Speaker 1 Kimberler Birch. Faster Pussycat.
That was right. Oh, wow.
Faster Pussycat. Okay.
You ever see this band? No, I never even heard of them before. Well, one guy's wife's dead.

Speaker 1 Oh, off a Royal Caribbean cruise. I bet it's the same boat.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 1 Oh. No, no.
Hey, no. She's refreshing looking.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Guys, thank you.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised she didn't float. No, well, she might have for a while.

Speaker 1 No, guys, thank you for enjoying side stories because you better have. Hail Satan.
Hail Rambo. Yes, Hail Rambo.

Speaker 1 You skateboarding fucker.

Speaker 1 Go to a park.

Speaker 1 Go to a park, you delinquent.

Speaker 7 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 1 I'm Gabe Leidman.

Speaker 8 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years.
And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 6 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 8 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 7 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 1 My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 7 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 1 I need you, girl.

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