Last Update on the Left - Episode 6 - OJ Simpson Revisited

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Speaker 1 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Last update on the left.

Speaker 1 Henry, are you okay? I don't know how did it start.

Speaker 1 What happened? I was so upset.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. He almost didn't make it in the room.
He was curled up in a fetal position right outside the studio. That was because I ate a piece of sushi that I saw on the street.

Speaker 1 And I ate it just because because I was curious.

Speaker 1 I just was so fat. I'm just so fat and fucking stupid.
You just fucking eat street fish. I just, I'm dumb.
I'm just fucking dumb. I'm glad you're saying it, not me.
And it seemed to me

Speaker 1 he lived his life

Speaker 1 like a candleland.

Speaker 1 What are we going to do without one?

Speaker 1 Welcome to Last Update on the left, ladies and gentlemen. We had to update the episode.
We had to update the update.

Speaker 1 We recorded this episode the week, not the week before, not a month before, the week that OJ died. It was like three days.
Three or four days before OJ died.

Speaker 1 And you'll hear in this episode, you hear us. He's making jokes about how he's going to die.
Yeah, about how

Speaker 1 we're going to have to record a new opening because he's probably going to die before it comes out. And man, I think he died before even the first update show came out.
Pretty certain. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty certain. But what we know now is OJ Simpson, football player, football legend, commercial legend, actor, comedian, husband.

Speaker 1 He has passed. And

Speaker 1 the juice is dust. Yes, the juice has been spilt.

Speaker 1 He is not good.

Speaker 1 He's not a nice guy. The juice is loose.
It's just leaking out of his butthole in the mortuary.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's why you got the little corkscrew thing they put up there.

Speaker 1 O.J. Simpson is dead.
I recently re-watched the People vs. O.J.
Simpson, the documentary series. This is incredible.
Did he win again?

Speaker 1 You guys got to go look. I was like rooting for it this time, man.
Like tiny hence, tiny hence, tiny hence.

Speaker 1 Go watch that too. Before you listen to even listen to this update, re-watch that whole documentary series, you really were reminded of how, quote-unquote, important a man he was and what.

Speaker 1 It's just mind-boggling. Natalie never watched it because she doesn't like sports documentaries.
And finally, because was just like, but it's not, though.

Speaker 1 And she watched all of it and she was like, OJ was bad.

Speaker 1 When I saw that Q Boy Gooding Jr. was playing OJ, I'm like, oh, is this the sequel to radio?

Speaker 1 Good work.

Speaker 1 Great work. No, I was wondering what was the documentary series.
OJ Made in America. Joe Madejan America was also very good.
Yeah, OJ Made in America is, I think, one of, if not the best,

Speaker 1 documentary series ever made.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. It's a sports documentary.
It's It's a true crime documentary. It's a sociological documentary.
It shows how OJ Simpson truly did change America completely.

Speaker 1 He was a murderous forest gump.

Speaker 1 And for that, we want to say thank you for the years of content. And OJ,

Speaker 1 I'll see you in heaven.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Sure. See you in heaven.

Speaker 1 I mean, heaven's not real. Yeah.
So it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 If there was, he's probably there because he did. Because then we talked a little bit about how he made all his sons sign the NDA to go say goodbye to him on his deathbed.

Speaker 1 And then because it's probably because he didn't want to get the last scoops at the very end.

Speaker 1 Because then I did research and I did find out that the estate can sue, which is partially the reason why he had an NDA on his deathbed was because he wanted to make sure that the kids didn't go and make money on his name after he died.

Speaker 1 Why not? Because he's a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Because he's O.J. Simpson.
And yeah, he might not have been as nice as he seemed. I don't think his name's worth as much as he thinks it is.

Speaker 1 I think that a lot of people would want to hear from the sons. I actually do.
I want to hear.

Speaker 1 I want to hear the story, but actually, after his death, I can't remember the last time there was a celebrity death in which that many articles were written and that much attention was paid to a man's legacy.

Speaker 1 Like, his death was massive. Very, very, very, very, and it felt like it was one of those things.
Like, I felt for a second after OJ died that it was like a bookend.

Speaker 1 Of like between like David Bowie's death and O.J. Simpson's death for like a day or two there, it felt like a little magical.

Speaker 1 Like, things kind of felt like, oh man, like maybe things can get back to normal. And then everything just got fucked up again.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't, that was a fantasy of mine that I was hoping would come true. There's a lot more bad people that have to die.

Speaker 1 We have like a whole, I can name 10 that immediately need to go. And once those go, then I think we'll see some of those things.
And there'll be new ones. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, but the new ones, but you know what I mean? But they'll be our generation. They'll be ours.
And we'll know how to handle them, which is by one-star reviews on iTunes.

Speaker 1 So here it is: our OJ Simpson update, pre-death O.J. Simpson update, which really makes it not much of an update at all.
No. Seem to me

Speaker 1 candle in the wind.

Speaker 1 Enjoy.

Speaker 3 Live from your grave.

Speaker 1 Dumber Crats. About time.
About time they found out.

Speaker 1 Republicans. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Have you ever heard that one before? That's mean. Republicans.
That's mean about

Speaker 1 like, like pubic hair? No, like poo. Like,

Speaker 1 Republicans. Republicans.
Dumcrats. Dumcrats.
That means

Speaker 1 you're dumb. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like Republicans. Republicans.
Republicans.

Speaker 1 Spines is better than Republicans. Fix spines.
Because the way I'm saying it sounds more like I'm making, saying poob instead of poo. Like it's some sort of penis boob.
A poo

Speaker 1 on fire already. Wow.
Guys.

Speaker 1 Wow. Are we keeping that in?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No, we can't keep it.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not. Is it too good? Yeah.
You know, sometimes an intro, if it's too good,

Speaker 1 people stop. They go back.
They listen to the intro again.

Speaker 1 And then they're laughing so much, they miss the beginning, and then they have to go back. Yeah.
So, like, I actually think it's important to cut the intro if it's too good. And, you know what?

Speaker 1 Because they won't listen to the rest of the episode. It's a risk we're going to have to take today.
Welcome to the last update on the left. What

Speaker 1 we spit hot fire.

Speaker 1 Spit hot fire.

Speaker 1 It's not.

Speaker 1 My name is Marcus Parks. Not tired at all.
This name is Henry Zabrowski. Also, not tired.
And I think that now that O.J. Simpson is sick, let him kill again.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This time himself. Come on.
Let him kill again. Why can't he he just kill one last time? And Ed Larson, what is your, what's your stance on O.J.
Simpson make-a-wish murder? Ooh, O.J.

Speaker 1 Make-A-Wish-Murder, I would say, I mean, Aaron Hernandez is gone because I'd be the perfect person from the kill. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So if he does murder on his deathbed and we allow him to murder, it can't be his choice.

Speaker 1 I don't know if we allow him to murder. I think what we do is we put him in a ring and he has the option to murder, but you know who? Like Marina Barankovich, like the thing we used to put the gun?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. John Cena.
Oh, John Cena would destroy him. Yeah.
He's got cancel. OG Simpson's dying.
Yeah. Yeah.
So yeah, he's not going to be able to kill John Cena. That's the thing.

Speaker 1 You don't want him to be able, like, you don't want it to be a guarantee. You want it to be a long shot.

Speaker 1 I thought it'd be like, grandpa's turned, and then you have to go get the, put the camera in his hands, being like, let grandpa do it. He does it best.
You know, like, I thought it'd be like that.

Speaker 1 That'd be nice. And then he'd hit, just, we'd choose a person.

Speaker 1 Oh, like a lottery, like Shirley Jackson's The Lottery. You just go to Cincinnati, and one person out of Cincinnati gets killed.
Oh, man, that's not doing in Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 I got family there. What is O.J.
Simpson? Cleveland. Indianapolis.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. My family lives in Indiana, not Indianapolis.
Yeah, Bobby gets dead. Everything's fine.

Speaker 1 Why can't O.J. Simpson kill Dick Cheney? Whoa, he could kill Dick Cheney.
Yeah, with a hammer blow to his fucking big hat and head. You know what? I'm open to it.
Hell yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 The juice is loose, and that's blood coming out of his butt from his prostate cancer. I'm glad he's dying.
We wanted to do an update on O.J. Simpson because we have not yet done.

Speaker 1 When did we do our O.J. Simpson series?

Speaker 1 I'm trying to. I remember talking about the dancing Edos.
Yeah, we talked about the dancing. I mean, we went through basically everything.

Speaker 1 It was just, this was when we were doing very broad overviews of stories. We did all the end, we did the entire O.J.

Speaker 1 Simpson saga, including, like, the MK Ultra stuff and juiced and Las Vegas, all in, like, one episode. Oh, we did all of it.
I think we did all of it in, like, one episode.

Speaker 1 Like, at least that's what my script says. But that's the thing.

Speaker 1 I don't know what we actually said. Yeah, it's true.
It was a long time ago, man. I feel like the episode has never ended because y'all just talk about him constantly.
We talk about him a lot.

Speaker 1 Well, because

Speaker 1 that was kind of like what brought him back into the cultural sphere.

Speaker 1 It was also like our first true crime story. Oh, yes.
We were really obsessed as kids because I know I always remember when it came on the news. Everybody did.

Speaker 1 It was a huge deal. It was a big part of our lives.
I remember when they showed the verdict at my elementary school, and there was a slight race riot

Speaker 1 that happened inside of it. Really? Yeah, inside of the elementary school? Yeah, kids freaked out because it was like...

Speaker 1 We saw it in my middle school and everyone was just talking about it. It was perfectly safe.

Speaker 1 Also, same with me. Yeah, we saw it in our middle school.
It was perfectly safe. I think kids at home were getting agitated

Speaker 1 by their parents about the nature of the case. Were you in Queens still? Yeah, I was in Queens.

Speaker 1 That's different. They were just getting violent for any reason in the 90s back there.
It was intense. It was intense.
But, you know, like he's innocent.

Speaker 1 So I actually don't even know why we're even, we even try to do any of this.

Speaker 1 We're still talking about it to this day. I mean, God, he's innocent.
I've tried to figure out who did it.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, we know that he tried to write the book. If I did it, it did not go well for him.

Speaker 1 He said that he probably,

Speaker 1 he said that if he did it, he would have done it different. He says, let's say I committed this crime.
This is in a February 98 issue of Esquire. Let's say I committed this crime.

Speaker 1 Even if I did this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever happened? They printed it.
Whatever happened to it?

Speaker 1 I have a copy of it. Oh, you do? Yeah, it's what happened is that Fred Goldman, Ron Goldman's father, you know, who won the civil studio.

Speaker 1 So just you remember, Nicole Brown Simpson, Ron Goldman, murdered by someone.

Speaker 1 Yes. By O.J.
Simpson. Yes.
Yeah, O.J. Simpson definitely killed those two people.
Do you think he's the funniest murderer of all time?

Speaker 1 I don't know. That's the thing.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of murderers that I haven't spent time with. He's the funniest celebrity murderer to have ever been caught.
Okay. Because I wouldn't say that Phil Specter is super funny.

Speaker 1 I guess Robert Blake didn't kill Robert Blake wasn't funny at all. Have you ever seen something funny about him? Have you ever seen his old he had a series that he did that was actually really fun?

Speaker 1 I believe it's called Tony Dancer.

Speaker 1 No, no. I mean, he was

Speaker 1 incredible in cold blood.

Speaker 1 And then also in what was that, the movie with

Speaker 1 Pullman, Lost Highway. Oh, yeah, Lost Highway.
Keep talking amongst yourselves.

Speaker 1 Look at this stuff over.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 When I heard OJ had the big casino, I thought he just had an autograph gig at the MGM.

Speaker 1 Cancer, you know, big casino. We know what it is.
Okay. What is it?

Speaker 1 I don't get it. The big casino.
What's the big casino? You never heard that as a term for cancer? I never have. Oh, yeah.
I got the big casino.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Never heard that. You never heard that? What's the big casino? Why would you say that?

Speaker 1 That's cancer.

Speaker 1 But why would you call it that?

Speaker 1 I didn't make it up. Why did you make that up?

Speaker 1 Was it something that you're saying? I can't hear you. You all never heard that.
I feel like I. Was that something your mom used to say?

Speaker 1 Probably. Because your mom, you know, was in, you know, she was a gambler.
She was a gambler, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never heard anyone call it the big casino.

Speaker 1 Because that, doesn't that, that implies to me, like, I hit the jackpot. Or you get all your money, everything taken from you.
Oh, wow. Whoa, yeah.
But then, but it's not like, but sometimes you win.

Speaker 1 With cancer, there's no like ending result in which you're better than you were before necessarily. You could get a new asshole.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a lot of times.

Speaker 1 Joe Dancer. That is the show that Robert Blake made.
He was in a show. It was technically kind of funny.
Yes. So far, barely talked about it.

Speaker 1 It's a Sopranos thing. Oh, that's funny.
It's a soprano. Okay,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the reason reason why we wanted to update it is because we got pulled back in.

Speaker 1 And so in my, I got married in St. Pete, Florida.

Speaker 1 I've told you. Have I told this story in the show?

Speaker 1 No, I don't think so. And by the way, it was also used in Ocean's 11 when Frank and Dino is like, give it to me straight, Doc, is at the big casino.
See? The big casino.

Speaker 1 So I guess it also starts with C. Yes.
Cancer, casino, it's close. Either way, I think my joke works now.
I had fun.

Speaker 1 I used to funner times.

Speaker 1 have funner times at casino than when I eventually will have cancer. Yeah.
I assume. Don't know that.
I don't know it. You're right.

Speaker 1 Because maybe by the time we're old enough, 45, we will have a new type of fun cancer. That's like four years, dude.
I know. Yeah.
That's why I was joking. That's a joke.
That was sarcastic.

Speaker 1 No, it is happening. We're getting rapidly old.
We all have cancer. Everyone has cancer inside them.
It's just a matter of it presents itself or not. Yeah.
What? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have cancer in your body right now. It's all there.
Yeah. We all have it.
I don't have it. Every human.
No. I beat it out of me.
Sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. I fucking, my thetans are gone.
Oh, good for you. All right.
I go, I destroyed my thetans on my own.

Speaker 1 I'm the self-actualized Neo that they've been asking for and know that's going to arrive to Scientology eventually, which is why they don't want me in there because I'm going to disrupt the entire fucking thing.

Speaker 1 But I was getting married.

Speaker 1 And I remember the day.

Speaker 1 It was a beautiful day. Do you remember the day? Yeah, in Tampa.
No. Oh, is it in August?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 It wasn't. Do you remember my anniversary? No.
How would I remember your anniversary? It's October, right? I know your anniversary. Well, it's easy.
It's the day before July 4th. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's an easy one. I made F-Wood fly on a holiday weekend and spend an exorbitant amount of money on plane tickets.
And yours is my mother's birthday, 11-9. Nice.

Speaker 1 I see, I would have guessed May for you. Yeah.
No, it's cold.

Speaker 1 11-9?

Speaker 1 not

Speaker 1 when we got married. When was it? 11.10.

Speaker 1 Armistice Day. You remember the day you got the flight.

Speaker 1 But I was out when I got married. We were in St.
Pete, Florida. And we were staying at this little hotel and it was so cute for our wedding night.

Speaker 1 And we were like, oh, this is going to meet funny and romantic nights. And I went on to the Instagram because I thought it'd be fun to go see.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, let's see what other atmospheres have been like here. What is, what's the life like here? What's the party life like here?

Speaker 1 And the first picture was a picture of a young blonde lady with O.J. Simpson in it.
And then

Speaker 1 I went to the bartender and I said, OJ Simpson, is he here a lot? And he's like, he's here about three or four times a week. And I was like, what?

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, he comes and he visits his son who lives out here. So he's here.
all the time.

Speaker 1 And I just can't even imagine what would have happened if my new wife and I, because I also know that I would have the truly,

Speaker 1 honestly, it's a millennial issue. It's an addiction to post-irony.
And so I think that physically, I would have to be restrained to not get a picture with him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, he would buy you a bottle of champagne

Speaker 1 for the newlyweds.

Speaker 1 And that was right.

Speaker 1 Make sure you talk through all your problems. You know what? If there's somebody who's got good advice,

Speaker 1 it told you. He's right.
How to avoid all of this. Don't let her be a waitress.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Let her go to a restaurant. Never let her go.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 right shortly after that, he joined Twitter. Yeah.
And it kind of brought it back. So O.J.
Simpson's on Twitter. He's talking about how abortion should be legal.
He has very liberal views.

Speaker 1 He's going full on. I want to say he said like,

Speaker 1 hello, Twitter world. I just want to say Ruth Bader Ginsburg was someone I really, really appreciated.
Like

Speaker 1 it's a weird thing. He was like talking about, he was talking about he was pro-vaccine.
Yeah. Because he was sure that he had got COVID in January of 2020.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was pro-vaccine and he started going to Buffalo Bills games again.

Speaker 1 And they applauded him. He did.
He was very good for them. Yeah.
For them. I just said that.

Speaker 1 But the thing is, after you've narrowly missed having the government prove that you've killed everyone, it's hard to then go and then you get to be everybody's hero. You get to go and they played.

Speaker 1 I want to say that they played the naked gun theme and he waved at the crowd in Buffalo and everyone cheered for him because that's how desperate Buffalo is for a win.

Speaker 1 And they miss those days when O.J. Simpson and they will do anything it takes to take it back.

Speaker 1 Again, I'm sorry, Courtney and Caitlin. I love you both.
But you guys like OJ Simpson more than you like Alive Women.

Speaker 1 That is just a fact about Buffalo. Do you think that they were, you know, more applauding the naked gun theme than OJ?

Speaker 1 I mean, I applaud the naked gun theme. I need to watch 30.
Like, I've watched one and two and a half recently and just goddamn had, like, I was down, like, I was in a low point. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we just watched both of those movies and like, and it like turned like my month around. When was the last time you saw Police Squad, the actual show?

Speaker 1 oh forever oh it's so good i got the dvds all right so now we have a full day perfect area it's so worth it too it's all jokes and oh jay simpson if he just could have found some of that laughter because i know when i'm sad or angry and i get mad at waiters you know

Speaker 1 talking to my wife

Speaker 1 i just kind of like i just sit and i try to think about absurd things i go like isn't it funny finger puppets yeah it's a weird huh but you'd you'd be mad if one followed her home. A finger puppet?

Speaker 1 No, a waiter. Well, yeah, because then you'd be following us home.
Yes, unless she was, you know, out with the ladies or something, you know.

Speaker 1 But then, yeah, but then again, are you just trying to offer more good service? Because I do love waiters.

Speaker 1 He was offering more good service. He was returning her glasses.
I just love restaurants so much. I can't imagine hurting anybody with inside of a restaurant.

Speaker 1 I believe everybody that's inside of a restaurant is pure. Man, I get so mad when I get a bad sandwich.

Speaker 1 Of course. Yeah, if if you make a bad sandwich, because they're so easy to make.
Well, actually, no. No.
You don't think they are? I think that a good bread is one of the most difficult issues.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about like the smearing of the mayonnaise. Oh, you're just talking a poor construction of the food.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get furious.
Yeah, yeah, because you have to be doing it.

Speaker 1 Even people with no hands who do it with their feet learn how to do it. Take your time.
Yeah, people. Make it nice.
Don't make it twice.

Speaker 1 Feet do it with their teeth.

Speaker 1 Just as good as anything. So if you're making a bad fucking sandwich and I'm paying you to fucking be there, then we need to think about where we're at with our country.
Wondering why China's winning.

Speaker 1 Yeah, see, this China's beating us in AI. This is how OJ felt when he saw that waiter follow his wife.

Speaker 1 So you're saying

Speaker 1 O.J. Simpson killed his wife and he killed that waiter.
Not just because Ron Goldman, the man.

Speaker 1 Ron Goldman. He went to kill these people not because he's a psychopath and a misogynist.
He killed them

Speaker 1 to fight China.

Speaker 1 Which actually is a huge deal if we think about it that way. Yeah.
And maybe now it's the reason why he's dying of cancer. You think it's polonium from the Chinese? I think it's General Sao's chicken.

Speaker 1 I think it's got coal and cancer. It's an American dish.

Speaker 1 General Sao, I believe, is a real guy. Might as well be.

Speaker 1 Spicy. But yeah, sweet.

Speaker 1 Like a general. Like a general.

Speaker 1 It's bad for you. The fried food about General Patton.
He's spicy, but he's sweet. But I just don't understand O.J.
Simpson. He actually was also still in very good health later on.

Speaker 1 That colon cancer still comes. You got to be careful with colon cancer.
I feel like that's what really this episode should be about. Yes, colon cancer.
How to avoid colon cancer. I got to get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm getting a colonoscopy done here soon, just because I got to, because you know the bleeding butt and all that. Oh, yeah.
Was yours bumped up early because you're blood, because you have the

Speaker 1 stigmata? Yeah, I just have to do the

Speaker 1 anus stigma. I just have to do it, you know, more often than men do, and earlier.
You do have an anus, anus stigmata is a really fun name for an album. Anus stigmata, yeah.

Speaker 1 Anus stigmata. Anus stigmatus.
Andus stigmato. I think you're all right.
You probably have semicolon cancer.

Speaker 1 That's in English. He's in English.
Punctuation. It's a punctuation.

Speaker 1 That's why I chuckle. You know what's good about that? That's a chuckle?

Speaker 1 It fills

Speaker 1 time.

Speaker 1 It fills seconds of time.

Speaker 1 It says here, the way you avoid colon cancer is don't have a butt.

Speaker 1 So be a cone head. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's right. They just got the dots.
Yeah, yeah, that's right. How did they defecate? I don't think they did.
They don't. You have to.
But they ate so much.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. You eat so much.
When you you eat, you must defecate. Any biological animal defecates.
Do you think it comes out of their mouth?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but when you missed an opportunity when you interviewed Dan Aykroyd. God fucked that.
I mean, he won't get back.

Speaker 1 We've been trying to hit him up. He won't get back.
We've been hitting OJ up for fucking weeks, and now he's about to fucking die. He might die.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's going to die. If he dies before this comes out, you know, we're sorry.
Yeah, well, we'll do an addendum.

Speaker 1 You'll have heard, if he dies before this comes out, you'll have heard us come out up top and say, like, hey, this was recorded before he died. Do you know what's crazy?

Speaker 1 So, my cousin graduated from USC. I went to the graduation, and right next to the graduation was like their trophy hall, and they had OJ Simpson's Heisman trophy in there.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 I thought that got stolen. No, they kept it.

Speaker 1 He got to keep his. He sold his back when you were still allowed to sell it.
And then someone else selled it. Now it's like in a private collection.
But

Speaker 1 they still had O.J. Simpsons, no matter what.
They're like still presenting it reggie bush on the other hand they removed it because he got caught taking money so yes

Speaker 1 decided that reggie bush stealing money was reggie bush had to give back his heisman and oj has not even though oj he wasn't stealing money he was taking money for oh to play football which is now they made legal which is now legal but reggie bush still doesn't have his heisman and oj got still gets to keep his what isn't that crazy so oj simps is fine yeah yeah you can all still be like well i guess he was at first i guess if again all right he is convicted for stealing sports member billions and and for kidnapping uh he's convict he was convicted for some bad shit yes not while he was playing see that's what they're saying and i also find that interesting is that as long as it's football concern yeah nobody seems to care about oj simpson as long as you put it because you notice his twitter all the stuff he was talking about yeah obviously he threw some pretty at this point we were talking about his quote-unquote liberal politics but it's way more like center liberal he's just acting like a quote-unquote normal guy and then also just talking about football like all you would do is talk about football and golf and golf you would just talk about with neutral subjects which is like also kind of sad well he was a sports commentator for many years he's very trained in talking about football.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he did it for a long time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And no one seems, as long as you're just talking about that, but the one thing he did know best, which was how to get away with murder, which I think a lot more people would be interested in.

Speaker 1 And how do I do what you did? He wrote a book about it. I know it.
And the thing is, they shut it down because people are afraid of the truth. I mean, it's very easy.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's just that he'd be one sentence long.

Speaker 1 Hire a lot of very expensive, manipulative lawyers who have no morals. Wow.
That's how you get off. That's incredible.
Yeah. Well, it's also a guy who had big hands and he didn't take his medication.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 and also it really helps if you have an entire racist police department that you can throw under the bus. That you're hanging out with a lot.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're always hanging out with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think that also helps. And also have a very incompetent forensics team.
That also helps. Wow, that does help.
Wow, it does take a village.

Speaker 1 You know, and they say, you know, and that's the thing. There's no self-made anybody.
Yeah. It's really about people help everywhere you go.
You don't know. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I don't know. Like, if I didn't get fat enough,

Speaker 1 I don't know if I would have booked work. So I feel like, in many ways, the Italian and Chinese restaurant community of New York City, in many ways, was my village.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you used to order so much Chinese food, they'd give you multiple sets of utensils. Yeah, like

Speaker 1 you knew it was like a good order. Yeah, I remember those days.
If they thought it was a family, that's how you know you were winning. Yeah.
Yeah, because that means that you fucking took it that.

Speaker 1 Or it's the worst is when they bring a box. Ah.

Speaker 1 When you see the box of food and you're like, oh, oh, no, oh, oh. That was what I was getting.
I was getting y'all fat and sassy. I was getting all fucking figures.

Speaker 1 Wow, a box. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you'd order enough to get a box.

Speaker 1 Shit, huh? Wow. Fuck yeah.
What did that entail? Lots of apps.

Speaker 1 I like to choose the apps. And then also I started to believe that as long as they were meat-based, that they were healthy, which is sort of real.
So I'd get my spare ribs.

Speaker 1 I'd get this sliced barbecue pork, which is I like both because I like the chunk off them. I like the chunk off the bone.
I also like eating in sliced form.

Speaker 1 And then I would just get a little bit of the noodles and I'd get them steamed. I would get steamed dumplings because I thought that was healthier because it's steamed.
It's cooked with steam.

Speaker 1 That's air. It doesn't get nitsons.
I make fried. It's air.
And then I would make, I get beef and broccoli because it had broccoli in it. Yeah.
Yeah. It's got to be healthy.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 And it doesn't matter that it's, you know, like soaked. And you know, rice comes from the earth too.
Yeah. That's all herbs.
Rice are herbs. Last I checked.
Yeah, yeah, so it's very good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. And then, but I'd be like,

Speaker 1 because also I'm like broke, but I'm also just drinking. Because then I'm just drinking 40s and eating Chinese food.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's the thing is that back then in New York, you could get that much Chinese food for like 60 bucks. Yeah, 25 bucks.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I really want to order some Chinese food tonight. I just want to do like New York style.
What was that place? King Wa's.

Speaker 1 King Wa was good. And then so was the other.

Speaker 1 Ooh, my mouth. I'm so so hungry.

Speaker 1 It is definitely dinner time. Yeah, I must eat.
We need to move on.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 O.J. Simpson is still in the NFL Hall of Fame.
Yeah. He won't get confused.

Speaker 1 They did not remove him from there. Because I guess he didn't get convicted.
Yeah. No, and that's the whole thing's.
Well, he was convicted of the other ones. But

Speaker 1 everyone knows that was, you know, everyone was kind of on his side almost. Well, they would, one of the lawyers from the first trial called it the fifth quarter,

Speaker 1 where

Speaker 1 because they didn't get him on the murder charge, when they came in on this charge, like they gave him the maximum sentence for every single thing. Of course, he ended up getting out anyway.

Speaker 1 Of course, they did. Of course, they did.
Now, I sent you a quote. I don't know if you got it yet, Henry.
Yes.

Speaker 1 From O.J. Simpson's Hall of Fame acceptance speech.
Would you mind? It's pretty great. Yeah.
And it's pretty inspiring.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll never forget Jack McBride because he told told me he said oj in this world there are rules that we must all live by he said you've got to learn that if you're ever going to be successful in this world you're going to have to learn to accept the responsibilities for your actions

Speaker 1 and i don't know it didn't hit me right then but it started to grow on me as the years went on because i knew I was this guy's favorite and he turned me in and he would have turned me in anyway.

Speaker 1 And I guess this is when I began to realize what it really, really is second, that it really, really is secondary if you win or lose. It's how you play the game in life.

Speaker 1 And on the field, it really matters. So I'll always be grateful to Jack McBride.

Speaker 1 Responsibility. You know, it's about responsibility for his actions.
And that's why I've always been so happy he's still out there.

Speaker 1 Like, because you idea how hard it is to pick up clues this far after the murder. Yeah.
And he's out there. And now he's sick.
He's sick and he's running out of time.

Speaker 1 And honestly, yeah, sure, he might have ran his way through as many fake titted blonde women that he could have all throughout Florida and left each one sort of vaguely scared and disappointed.

Speaker 1 But he was researching, trying to figure out who would kill a woman, who would ever think to.

Speaker 1 And so what he would do is just he'd ask, he'd be like, hey, go, because I thought that was really responsible of him.

Speaker 1 Is that he would go on a date with a blonde woman and he'd ask why should i kill you

Speaker 1 and she'd always be like i'm trifling and cheating and i'm trying to

Speaker 1 i'm unreliable and i i fucking i think you're you've got a small dick and he'd be like well see i'm i'm better now like he would i think that's important for him yeah yeah absolutely Well, you mentioned earlier, is he the funniest murderer out there?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And he actually, the thing is about OJ Simpson is I think he can be directed to be funny.

Speaker 1 Because if you watch the old Naked Gun movies, really, his shining moment, he has one shining moment, and that's the boat scene. Yeah, when he gets shot.
Oh, it's great. Yeah, the boat scene.

Speaker 1 That's his Buster Keat. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 When he puts his shoulder in the wet paint. He's like, oh, man.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. I mean, it is

Speaker 1 an incredible scene. But when he

Speaker 1 was tasked to be funny all on his own, when OJ was given a blank check for his prank show, Juiced. Because they were like, oh, OJ's funny.
OJ, yeah, OJ's funny.

Speaker 1 Let's give OJ a blank check and like have him come up with all these ideas for pranks because 2005. Prank shows are very popular in 2005.
Especially the direct-to-DV DVD market.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, no, because that's too hot for television. Too hot for television because there was a music video involved that had a lot of tits.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They just put it in there, and it's just O.J. Simpson in the stereotypical pimp costume.
They rented a mansion somewhere in Florida. A couple of ladies come along.
Oh, yeah. It's a lot.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But juiced, have you ever seen juiced? Just the clips you've showed me. Yeah.
I've never actually watched the whole thing. It is unwatchable.

Speaker 1 I've sat down and watched it multiple times because we did an O.J. Simpson bit for a live show many, many years ago, back when we were doing like 300-seat rooms.
And I

Speaker 1 watched it because we were going to play, like that was going to be the climax of the bit, was like the show juiced.

Speaker 1 I could not find

Speaker 1 one funny clip

Speaker 1 in the entire, it's all just uncomfortable in a bad way. Yes.
Like it's everyone's uncomfortable. Everyone's like very...

Speaker 1 weirded out. He's making light of the murder.
And he's like, just,

Speaker 1 and he's not doing funny, like, he's at a drive-thru, and he's, like, taking sips of sodas before handing them to people and people are just like what are you doing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he tries to sell a white Bronco. Yeah, he pops up from behind it and he's just like see it's me.
It's a white Bronco. And it's like, that's all.
There's no material.

Speaker 1 There was actually a great expose written by the comedian that wrote. this process and they would talk about how OJ Simpson would arrive.
He was visibly intoxicated every time. Every single time.

Speaker 1 Obviously extremely difficult difficult to control I wouldn't just kind of obviously blow off shoot dates showed up with a bunch of sex workers he was a uh not in good shape yeah of course not not ready to be on camera he was doing he did white face in it correct yeah he dressed up like an old man like an old white man uh and just bothered people

Speaker 1 I mean that's funny but there was no jokes he was just bothering people and they just thought like why is this strange looking Yoda man bothering me Well, you know, got to make a living.

Speaker 1 You don't that way. I feel like there's so many.
I actually rather you

Speaker 1 be a Times Square Elmo.

Speaker 1 I think that there's other things to do besides help O.J. Simpson make a prank video.
Well, 2005 is an abysmal time for art. It was a hard time.
It was real. Yeah, it was real hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a hard time. 2005 was real.
Like, yeah, what were even like the movies of 2005? 2005, I was just so Jerry Maguire? I was just so high. No, 2000.
No, Jerry McGuire was like 96.

Speaker 1 That's right. Yeah, that's right.
That's right. I was just fat and drunk.

Speaker 1 2005, man. We were working together.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 2005. Yeah, that was

Speaker 1 senior or

Speaker 1 senior year in college.

Speaker 1 There wasn't a lot going on there. Yeah, what was on that?

Speaker 1 It was a Harry Potter movie.

Speaker 1 The third Star Wars prequel.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 The War of the Worlds remake. Oh, I remember that.
I remember getting stoned for that and sitting in the second row and thinking it was fucking real.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was fucking scary

Speaker 1 for the first like 20 minutes. Yeah.
The Peter Jackson King Kong. Oh, yeah, that was bad.
That was a bad year. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Speaker 1 All bad.

Speaker 1 Batman Begins.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 That's fine. That's good.
That's a good one. You know, OJ didn't make any of this better.

Speaker 1 OJ had an opportunity. We were looking to OJ to fix it.

Speaker 1 Because imagine if he went through all of this, killed his wife, killed her boyfriend, killed, like, you know, like, stole all this stuff, came back after all this.

Speaker 1 But what if he had made his full-on Greta Turnberg move? If he had went to save the world, would you feel bad? Like, if he went to do something that would, like, save a boatload of people.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, you're talking like Randy Quaid at the end of Independence Day? Yes.

Speaker 1 Or if you, like let's say this might be comical but someone left the bomb on a cruise boat okay he got the bomb he found the bomb jumped off the boat with the bomb or threw the bomb off like lived threw the bomb off that and saved everyone would you forgive him i mean you don't have to forgive him you can just be happy he saved those people but would you be like all right oj you can be in the naked gun remake no because he's got cancer now well yet now no one will insure him yeah that's the main issue.

Speaker 1 But you think if he saved like 300 people, outsaved and lived. I thought you were saved.
I said he meant that

Speaker 1 he sacrificed himself. No, and then he could go on, and then we could bring him back, too.
Would that un-cancel him?

Speaker 1 If he saves like 400, 500 people in one go, will he be, can he go get his hair played with by Jimmy Fallon? It's interesting.

Speaker 1 Like, once you become like a notorious, horrible person, nobody even wants you to do anything good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember when the KKK tried to adopt a highway and everyone's like, no, you can't do the highway. We won't even let you clean the highway.
Why they were doing it.

Speaker 1 Because they wanted to paint the road white. Yeah.
And they wanted them to

Speaker 1 put up messages. O.J.
Simpson, if he wants to maybe get right, if he had wanted to get right with God,

Speaker 1 he might could do something cool. Like, they'll tell everybody, don't, you know, I watched Matrix Resurrections.
It's bad.

Speaker 1 He could have saved us all from that. Like, if you could have just done something to protect us all.
About 2005 was like, it was the year in music of second best album. Oh.

Speaker 1 Like, Demon Days by Gorillas, The Woods, Cedar Kinney. It's like all second best albums.
It's a hard year. Yeah.
Gimme fiction, Spoon. Yeah.
I like Spoon. But no, but that's Spoon's second best album.

Speaker 1 Hyper Magic Mountain by Lightning Bolt. It's like their third best album.
We're just going to get, this is where we're going to get the letters. Yeah.
It's not the rest of it.

Speaker 1 It's this little portion. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just, yeah, that was the year that Million Dollar Baby won Best Picture. Oh, the one about the ladyboxer who bit off her tongue to die.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Didn't she have a big face? Yeah, and all her parents and her parents, her family came to see her in the hospital and they all went to Disney World. Yeah.
Yeah, was that that movie?

Speaker 1 That was that movie, yeah. Yeah.
But Morgan Freeman won, so that's good. Yeah, that's good.
And like the Aviator won a bunch of awards. The Aviator was fine.
Avriator was fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Best original score, Finding Neverland. i liked finding neverland we owe a lot of people this movie yeah

Speaker 1 the fiction movie the fiction movie yes not the other one no finding neverland

Speaker 1 whenever i hear leaving neverland i'm always like i feel bad for finding neverland

Speaker 1 no one cares anymore about finding that scene that's what happened yeah no one knows about

Speaker 1 wow and then it's johnny depp who was doing a michael jackson impersonation and charlie and the chocolate factory weird wow that's weird dude all this is so much more interconnected than the oj simpson material

Speaker 1 that we had. This is actually deeper and deeper.
The Goldman family has never been paid. No, the Goldman family, you know, they never got paid.
They got $100 and something thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they got paid. Now with interest, it's up to like 60 or 70 million, maybe more.

Speaker 1 They were, obviously, they're always like...

Speaker 1 pulled back every single time he farts they talk to the goldmans and they were never allowed to be released from this at all yeah uh oj simpson will be dead soon very soon uh that at least we know And that when he dies, then this will finally be over.

Speaker 1 And it's weird because I actually kind of feel like almost a sadness

Speaker 1 in a way. Well, it'll be because O.J.
Simpson was very

Speaker 1 much to our childhoods. Yeah.
It's like it's such a big part of the 90s. I kind of felt the same way when Charles Manson died.
Yeah, that something

Speaker 1 that an innocence had

Speaker 1 taken from this world.

Speaker 1 When Manson died,

Speaker 1 something pure.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Some gene-sequence.
sequoi. She's gone in this world.
It's just weird to have a thing that feels like such a big part of your brain. An institution.
It's gone. Yeah, an institution.

Speaker 1 It's gone. I could see why, you know, boomers are like, I don't know how to use the printer anymore.
Because so much stuff has changed.

Speaker 1 My mother, who prints out every...

Speaker 1 Everything. She prints out everything.
AppQuests.

Speaker 1 All of it. She prints out everything.
And then she overloads the print queue and breaks the printer.

Speaker 1 I've gone through three printers and then I have fixed three different printers. And I've went and I've talked to that woman over the fucking phone about these fucking printers.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I bought you a brand new iPad. That's what this is for.
You can look at it on your iPad. You don't need to print it out.
And she's just like, I don't trust the iPad. It gets viruses.

Speaker 1 And I was like, that's your action. So do you.
Yeah. That's you.

Speaker 1 You are getting the viruses.

Speaker 1 bet.

Speaker 1 I've never heard of anyone getting a virus on an iPod.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've ever heard it either. She doesn't.
She's afraid of it. She's like, I click on it and I go to things I don't mean to.

Speaker 1 I think she just doesn't know how to use it. Yeah.
She's probably slapping it with her whole hand. It's the easiest of ice.
Hoddlers use it. They train dogs to use it.
I bet OJ uses one.

Speaker 1 Oh, he does now. He signs all his documents, all his autographs.

Speaker 1 I looked up how much an OJ autograph is. They're all over the place.

Speaker 1 They're either like really expensive or like $2.

Speaker 1 How much is like, what would be the expensive one? Is it on like a nut? His rookie card? Well, that's

Speaker 1 a rookie card. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, if you just get OJ to sign a hat,

Speaker 1 that's not going to be that expensive. Yeah, but they got a lot of jerseys with his stats on it and stuff like that.
Wow. Let's go for a good amount of money.
Actually, you can get a jersey. O.J.

Speaker 1 Simpson autographed Buffalo Bills. Only $160.
That's it. On Amazon.
Well, he does a lot of autograph events now in Vegas.

Speaker 1 Dude, should we each get one?

Speaker 1 No, no. I do not need that in my house.
First of all, I'm a Dolphins fan. More importantly than

Speaker 1 Ty Murder fan, I'm a Dolphins fan. Do you?

Speaker 1 You don't think it would be fun to walk down the street in them together like a squad? Oh, yeah. We're Simpson Boys.
That'll go over well. Yeah, here in Los Angeles, where the murder happened.

Speaker 1 We're the Simpson Boys. Well, you know, he's a good old college boy from this town.
There you come near me, Malay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're kind of guys

Speaker 1 get off on Christ.

Speaker 1 But the interesting, one of the things I did learn about the Goldman family is that they can't get the money because they're not allowed to get any money from his pension, from his NFL pension.

Speaker 1 And that's kind of what he's living off of right now. How does he get the money from the NFL pension? But then he can't.
Well, because it's his pension. You can't be sued for your pension, apparently.

Speaker 1 Is that real? Wow. Yeah, so he, yeah, so he's getting unions huh.
Yeah, they work. Wow.

Speaker 1 O.J. Simpson union man.
Yeah, so he paid in $7 million to his pension. And so he, and if you wait longer to ask for it, he waited till he was 65.
He was literally, he made like

Speaker 1 $600,000 when he was in prison. Why? Because he was getting

Speaker 1 65 and he was getting his pension. It was just being put away for him the whole time.
Oh, shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so like, and then he has a really high pension because he waited so long and he paid so far into it. Yes.
He paid $7 million into it. He has a beautiful home.
Yeah, I'm sure he does. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He gets like $20,000 a month, they said, which is very high for people. Most players only get like $1,000 or $1,300 or something like that.
Wow. And so he gets a lot of money for his pension.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm glad he's doing good.

Speaker 1 You know, like, it's so funny to think when I saw that 75-year-old woman who delivered my Instacart the other day. And I just like, you know, obviously

Speaker 1 I tossed her a quarter and I told her to be careful out there. Don't breathe on it.

Speaker 1 But I don't want. It's like, O.J.
Simpson's like just doing great. His teeth look great.

Speaker 1 You know, you look at him, he's got a big, you know, like, he's got new veneers in. Yeah, but I think he's going to die soon.
Very soon. He hasn't tweeted since February 11th.

Speaker 1 No, he's going to be diagnosed on the 9th. Or he was diagnosed in February.
Yeah. His chemo started in February.
So, yeah, he's...

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. His last tweet was a picture of him, a video of him going away, and the caption is, hospice? Yeah, Twitter world.
I didn't even believe it myself.

Speaker 1 well he changed it to X World by the way so he decided

Speaker 1 that for some reason makes me hate him worse than ever

Speaker 1 he went with the branding he changed

Speaker 1 with the branding

Speaker 1 is so obnoxious I don't know why about that that is obnoxious to me like it drives me fucking crazy yeah wow well

Speaker 1 You know, he'll be dead soon. Oh, absolutely.
Thank the Lord.

Speaker 1 But also,

Speaker 1 what's the big next one that we're afraid of? When we lose him, what are we going to do next? The next big criminal? Yeah. Cosby.

Speaker 1 By the way, probably both have CTE because Cosby played high school, college football for Temple. He was an all-American.

Speaker 1 Or who dies first? Oh, I died. OJ is dying before Temple.
That's how fast OJ is. He's going to die faster than Joe Cosby.
I bet Cosby lives to be 100. Yeah.
What, just on pure evil? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I bet so. I bet so.
We're too nice. What do you mean? We We should have killed him?

Speaker 1 I mean, if we, I know, I'm saying in general, we're going to die younger because we're not as evil as the guys that live longer. Yeah, we get to have a good time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the thing, is we live better lives. They're shorter lives, but they're better lives.

Speaker 1 Do you think Bill Cosby's upset?

Speaker 1 I don't think he feels anything. I don't think he feels anything.

Speaker 1 You know why I think people, like shitty people, live longer? They don't worry as much as we do. Oh, they feel nothing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The worry. It's the stress.
That's what gets us. Yeah, it's the weight of all the emotions and the, and the, the tension that you feel and how that affects your body.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where it's like, if you don't have those feelings and you're just like,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Like. Yeah.
You live forever. Wow.
Huh. Because it's also how you'd be really successful in athletics or comedy as well.
It's just to not feel anything? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think it's better that way. I think it's better.
It's possible.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, there was a lot of stuff that I didn't do at Just for Laughs. I feel like I could have done.

Speaker 1 But now that Just for Laughs is over, you'll never have that chance. No, so they also never invited us back after they made us perform in that conference room in like 2013.
Yeah, like 2 p.m., right?

Speaker 1 We crushed it. 2017, 2018.
2017. Yeah, 2017.
We crushed it. Yeah, 2 p.m.
in a conference room. Yeah, we crushed it to those, you know, 20 people.
But no one wanted to suck our dicks.

Speaker 1 There was no big guy there. There was no Mr.
X. No.
That wasn't coming sucking our dicks. That should have happened.
No, I got really sick. Yeah, we were sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got really, really sick that trip. I spent most of the time in the hotel room.
We were really hungover.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I think that's, I would be, yeah, I smoked cigarettes because I used to have a thing where I would smoke cigarettes when I left the country. Oh, but it just got you real sick?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it just got me real. I got so sick.
I was like sick for a day and a night

Speaker 1 because I like smoked like three cigarettes. It was awesome.
Yeah. And that was the last time I, I think.
No, the last time I smoked cigarettes was in England. How was OJ set at the festival?

Speaker 1 Hilarious.

Speaker 1 That was actually when I was kind of mad is that my agent didn't come and she was at his show.

Speaker 1 I was just like, I didn't know he had a full 25 minutes and then he looks around the crowd. He's like, here's the killer.
No,

Speaker 1 here's the killer. Like, honestly, it was a really funny bit.

Speaker 1 But you can't do that for an hour. How do you guys feel about the theory that his son did it? Don't think that that happened.
Don't think that happened. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that he was trying to cover for his son, that his son was the one that was obsessed with Nicole. No,

Speaker 1 and that he, yeah. No, no, he didn't.
Because his son, like, left the country the day after, right? Yeah, I think it's because he was embarrassed because his father killed his mother. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kind of gets you out of town. Yeah, I think so.
I think that would make you want to go on a vacation. No, I think it was his son from his first marriage.
His first marriage still.

Speaker 1 Father's implicated in a murder. I'm going to go to Europe.
I'm going to leave. Yeah, but then he was definitely there on the day of the Bronco chase, though.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Because he was at the house on the day of the Bronco chase. Yeah, but OJ did it.
I found a weird thing that Sharon Stone just said. What's that?

Speaker 1 She said, like a month ago, she said that on the day of the Bronco chase, the LAPD came and like squirreled her away in a safe house because they were afraid that O.J. Simpson was coming to get her.

Speaker 1 Come get her? What? Why?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Because she was a hot blonde? I guess.
I could, wow. Think about it.
Who collect all the hot blondes? There was some

Speaker 1 hot somewhere. It was like, this is a great idea.
Because then what we do is we get to comfort every one of these big-titted blondes in Los Angeles. We get to comfort each other.

Speaker 1 Like, I want you to be, come here, be careful. OJ's out there.
You're going to have to come to my apartment where I keep my mistress.

Speaker 1 Because every cop has one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They do. They do.
They love them.

Speaker 1 It's great. It's very bad.
Honestly, I'm just glad my father didn't have a second family because he wasn't organized for one. No, no, no, no, certainly not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I remember when I worked at the poorhouse and we had all those cops there all the time. And

Speaker 1 they would have their own private parties in the back and stuff. And they had the most disgusting private parties of anyone we allowed to have private parties, including the New York Giants.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Didn't you have the Yankees there too? No, the Yankees partially owned the place. A couple of them did.
They all were investors because they liked to come and then they drank for free.

Speaker 1 They probably drank as much as they invested, I imagine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I remember what I remember hanging out with Chaba Chamberlain until six in the morning and then watching him blow the game the next day in the eighth.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, oh, that was partially my fault. I did.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 shaped history.

Speaker 1 Okay, man.

Speaker 1 That means you made it, dude.

Speaker 1 That means you fucking made it, man. Yeah, man.
But you know who's not going to make it? O.J. Simpson.
Yeah, he's to be dead fucking soon. And you know what'll be nice?

Speaker 1 We'll get to visit his grave. That's what I'm really looking forward to.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I'm like,

Speaker 1 does the knees dance? Yeah, you're like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 What else can you say about O.J. Simpson? I think he's going to make a shitty angel.

Speaker 1 I guess he'll be buried in Florida, right? They won't bring him back here. No, he lives in Vegas.
Yeah, I think he'd be buried in Vegas. I thought he lived in Florida.
For a little while, he did.

Speaker 1 He's currently in Vegas. His son lived in Florida.
Oh. Yes.
So now he's in Vegas. He's with him and Casey Anthony hanging out in Florida.

Speaker 1 Well, for a while, that's how he got away from Goldman for so long because he declared bankruptcy, and then Florida was kind of fucked over the Goldman family.

Speaker 1 See, Florida is a great place for con people to live because they don't really care.

Speaker 1 The government doesn't particularly care about those types of rules and the police don't. So it's actually awesome.
If you're going to commit financial crimes, Florida is really where you want to be.

Speaker 1 Or if you just want to be a general piece of shit, like Florida's A-okay. I love it.
I still love it. I think it's got a heart that needs help.
Florida's one of my favorite places on earth.

Speaker 1 I don't think I'll ever live there again, but I wear it on my sleeve. Oh, of course.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's great.

Speaker 1 I'm sure you go to the police.

Speaker 1 They have to locate him. He has to keep his address available at all times.
Oh, no. Texas is full of absolutely horrible, horrible people and horrible places and terrible things happen there.

Speaker 1 But I'm always going to be from Texas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just going to be the way it is.

Speaker 1 Am I ever going to fucking live there again? Absolutely lutely not. No.
No way in hell.

Speaker 1 Do you have a good time when you go back? Sometimes, maybe?

Speaker 1 Every once in a while. Yeah, I'm sure it's fine.
When I go back to New York City to be on Saturday Night Live as a new up-and-coming comedian,

Speaker 1 the whole city is going to miss.

Speaker 1 Welcome me back. Yeah.
They can't wait to have me back. An up-and-coming 40-year-old community.
Once I'm on there, no, I'm hoping 45, 50.

Speaker 1 Once I really mature, I could get on that show and everybody could see what I got. Yeah.
I want to go back. You're going to get on as musical guest watch, Jane.

Speaker 1 It's just my fart machine.

Speaker 1 Whoa, cool. Because I think when I'm in my 70s, maybe it'll be cool to have a fart machine.
Then the new alphas will like that. The new Zoomers for them.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe we should bring in a fart machine next episode. See if that spices things up a little bit.

Speaker 1 Very Leslie Nielsen of us. Yeah.
Very Leslie Nielsen of us. What did he say about OJ?

Speaker 1 He said that he wished that OJ on set was wonderful and he was a great, he was

Speaker 1 a delight to be around. Great.
And that it all looks very troubling. I saw an interview when he was promoting Spy Hard.

Speaker 1 And the guy had the balls to ask him about OJ, which I really commend that interviewer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He saw that Leslie Nielsen about OJ Simpson's murder rap while they're in press for Spyheart is incredible.

Speaker 1 And then he's just like, yeah,

Speaker 1 he said that he wished OJ would tell him what happened. Ah, that's actually the best possible.

Speaker 1 You know, honestly, I just wish he'd fill me in. Yeah.
Because it all sounds like quite the ruckus.

Speaker 1 And I just wish Ornthal would call me and he just won't.

Speaker 1 The surprising thing that I found today, I never looked at the dates. Ed mentioned it.
Naked Gun 33 and a third, March 1994. The murders, June.
Oh, bad rollout. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it didn't do well. No, no.
No. I mean, it catapulted out of Nicole Smith to start them.
Yeah, it did. Yes, it did.
It did very good for her. I remember when it looked like she had the wiener.

Speaker 1 And now it is actually more of a transphobic moment. And that's what we're going to sit and really look at next time.
I think that's what we're doing.

Speaker 1 We're going to look at how comedy needs to be updated, doesn't it? Remember when they panned up and they were showing her legs and then she had like two sets of knees? That was always a good one.

Speaker 1 That was a very, very good bit. Yeah,

Speaker 1 she's distracting the price waterhouse guys, doing the big

Speaker 1 with her tits. And, you know, that was really fun.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How's she doing?

Speaker 1 We'll do that update next week, Eddie.

Speaker 1 I hate to tell you,

Speaker 1 it's not a funny ending.

Speaker 1 Patreon.com/slash Raspodcat on the left. If you want to see video, full videos and all kinds of other fun stuff, follow us on Instagram, TikTok at LPontheleft.
Check us out on Twitch at LPNTV.

Speaker 1 That's twitch.tv slash LPNTV. And go to lastpodcastontheleft.com for all of our live shows this year in North America, Europe, and Australia.

Speaker 1 Also, I love, there's a quote that Anna Nicole Smith said that I still that it's said, and it really keeps haunting me, where she said, she's like, you know how they have those bumper stickers that say shit happens and then you die?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 shit happens and then you live.

Speaker 1 Yes, wow, she was millionaire. Yeah,

Speaker 1 she's

Speaker 1 digressed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, well, hey, you know, we'll see how she's doing next week.

Speaker 1 Play your shake, everyone.

Speaker 1 Hey, Leslie Nielsen. Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, he's innocent.
Always, always.

Speaker 1 I'm drinking vine and eating chicken.

Speaker 1 This man just needs an enema for his worst films.

Speaker 1 Thank you for enjoying the last update on the left.

Speaker 1 You can find other shows that you'll enjoy from the last podcast network on lastpodcastontheleft.com. See you there.

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