Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness

When life brings the blah, add more Yaba-dabba-doo with some tasty fruity pebbles.

Early morning meeting, blah.

Someone brought the pebbles, Yabba Dabba-doo.

Run errands, blah.

Head to the store for pebbles, Yabba Daba Doo.

Fruity Pebbles, less blah.

More Yaba Daba Doo.

Pick up Pebble cereal today.

Yaba Daba Doo and the Flintstones and all related characters and elements.

Copyright and trademark, Hanna-Barbera.

The thought of getting a degree can be straight up terrifying.

We get it.

But Southern New Hampshire University makes it easier than you'd think.

They have over 200 degrees you can earn online.

No set class times, so your social life stays alive and well.

And low online tuition that won't scare your bank account.

College doesn't have to be a horror story.

Visit SNHU.edu slash last podcast to get started.

That's snhu.edu slash last podcast.

There's no place to escape to.

This is the last podcast on the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

You sent me this list of the top 10 states that would be safe during an alien invasion.

Yes, which do you believe it?

No.

You don't believe it.

That's fun.

I like that.

You guys should do something with that.

He sent this to me.

He sent this to me, and he says the number one state is Virginia.

Virginia.

It's all based upon terrain, population density, how many first responders and engineers there are.

But I don't understand.

That's where Quantico is.

Quantico?

Or wouldn't they be available to fight them?

The baby cops.

They're baby feds.

Oh, yeah.

So I don't know if they're ready to take on the alien invasion yet.

They're expendable.

We're also not talking about...

Send them out there.

What I don't understand, we're not talking about all the liquid gas sitting under Virginia that's West Virginia it's all the same

you keep going west West Virginia is not on the list no I'll say that much because that just that place is just they they're considering that a write-off it says Virginia Alabama and then it says Massachusetts which I find even more improbable why you don't you think Massachusetts is very susceptible to getting attacked by aliens I don't think that they understand it the attack comes by aliens the way to go is the less population dense I think that's the flip I feel like everything here is the flip.

I feel like it should be Montana.

Don't you want to be?

People are going to help you defend yourself?

No, because the aliens are going to win.

If they're biological, I've been saying this and yelling this from the rooftops.

If they're biological and if they've arrived here in a ship, we are all, the entire amount of us, is entirely screwed.

Well, if it comes down to bar fights, Boston would be a great place to take them.

Ah, but that's if you get them drunk first.

And first

you have to ingratiate them with a bunch of semi-annoying boston women because that's what will wear them down yeah you got to get them in there wear them down talk to them about the bruins get up in their face talking about like all sorts of playoffs talk about like oh you know oh well give me a guy from the red socks big poppy big poppy what's he doing he's i don't know he got shot in the dominican republic this is what i'm saying

now the aliens are distracted we're talking about sports yeah that's how you get them but that's different that's boston's great for that then this is the second leg and then new york minnesota florida I mean, Florida sort of makes sense because they're going to survive no matter what.

Yeah, and I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps.

I mean, I know because they're transmedium.

What's that mean?

They go between water and mud and air, so it doesn't matter.

They don't get stuck at all.

I mean, I don't know.

I mean, stuck.

I mean,

the Everglades is very different.

They're transmedium.

It's just dirt.

It's just mud, Eddie.

They're coming from fucking.

They're coming from Palladium.

The Palladian star system.

Yeah, they're going to tap and they're going to rip through the swamps.

It's bigger than swamps.

Do they have mud?

All of Europa's a a swamp.

We don't know if they have mud.

They do absolutely palladiums?

Welcome to side stories.

You're sitting here with Henry Sabrowski and Ed Larson, the palladiums.

He's learning.

He's learning.

I think that's pretty good.

Wisconsin also very safe?

I see Wisconsin I buy.

Center of the United States of America.

Also hammered.

You know, again, I think that if you really, in my mind, I would change this all to the Dakotas because it's the least amount of humans there.

That is what they're going to be looking for if they're here to kill us all.

But you're looking for the people.

I'm incorrect.

I mean,

according to

a bunch of people.

GigaCalculator.com.

GigaCalculator.com.

GenGigaSuckMyDick.com.

Whoa.

Now we're past the intro.

So now I can say suck balls, fuck shit.

But

Heine,

suck testicles.

Thank you.

Poop.

What?

I'm just trying to keep us on the level here.

Thank you.

Alaska?

Oh, well, let me ask him.

Yeah, Alaska sounds fine.

It doesn't fucking matter.

All right, it's all just a dead end.

It's not going to happen.

If they arrive here, I just want to just, the only reason why I'm even referencing the list is that if they arrive here, if we can see them and they're talking to the president, we're fucked.

So just remember that.

Don't, you're not safe anywhere.

I mean, they're not talking to the president first.

I'm looking at like a general first.

Who knows?

Who knows?

I actually think that they're talking to them.

Probably.

Unfortunately, right now, they're talking to some lady and Tina in the back skirts of fucking Maryland right now.

That's who they're talking to.

And so we'll find out.

I'm just saying, don't be prepared.

Don't think your state is any safer from an alien invasion because it's not.

They're lying to you.

What about the picture here?

The aliens have pecs.

They are.

It is a

aliens.

They don't have creatine.

Yeah.

They've never once.

I don't know why they do this.

Every picture of aliens does show them have musculature.

If it is actually closer to what we've talked about with grays, they're childlike.

They're very thin they're so thin so in shape very they're little chamolaise little little thin little hips

alien i feel like alien sightings are on the rise oh very much there was one in naples recently there's many i mean my week this week i'm doing for those of you that don't know uh last night and it's going to be out on youtube this week we do our stream last stream on the left i do my ufo mandate it's a big week for new shapes did you see the um the stuff that was spotted off the cruise ship oh yes that was wild are you talking about the um the one that jetted into the water with no splash?

Yes, I am.

I thought you were talking about the girlfriend of the Faster Pussycat guy that she jumped off the cruise into the water.

No.

No, that's really very sad.

I actually got an extremely sad message about that from people that worked with Faster Pussycat and said that they legitimately,

she jumped off the cruise ship after they had a fight.

And then the rest of the band had to go and continue to play Faster Pussycat songs.

The show doesn't always have to go on.

The lead singer sequestered himself into his room for the rest of the weekend.

Well, the band, which is also, I want to honestly, big ups to the rest of the band.

Did they sing for him?

I guess.

Who sang?

I don't know.

I feel like they are, at that point, they know all the songs.

By the way,

first of all, I've never even heard of this band.

No, me neither.

I'm sure they're fine.

I think it's like a speed metal.

Do you know them, Rob?

Do you know who Fast or Pushing Guy is?

From the jewelry on the man, I can tell it's some form of old school big, it's like it's like rock.

It's a rock.

Yeah, fast rock.

Yeah.

So, you know,

don't go on a cruise.

Hey, you should go on a cruise.

Go to crimewaveatsea.com.

That is where

thank you, slash last.

That is where we will be doing live.

We have a couple other cruise stories today that we're going to cover, but you're going to come and see us.

Come push us off the edge of a boat.

Don't you worry?

Come on.

Come on.

Let's see what you got, you pussy.

Come on.

I dare you.

I dare you, fuckers.

No, I fucking dare you.

You can't get me, dude.

I gotta have have my floaties on all week.

I've been working on my back.

What are you doing to it?

Getting fucked in the ass.

Hell yeah.

That's so cool.

Yep.

No.

Congratulations, man.

I wish I was there.

Will show, I'll show you how you got videotapes.

Old school.

That's what I like.

Old school videotapes doesn't go directly to the internet.

First, it's got to go through your grandfather's casket.

I'm going to find your old cowboy friend.

Oh, yeah, that's where he is.

I wanted to do today a little bit of an update.

For those of you that obviously have listened to us over the years, you you know that we covered Chad Daybell and Lori Vallo to the very tops of her tits we covered that case so thoroughly and now Lori Vallo is on trial again

this time finally she is being prosecuted for the actual murder of her ex-husband dead ex-husband

Charles Vallow yes Charles Vallo and so This story She's already been convicted for the kids.

The kids, she's already been, she's gone away for.

She is in jail for life.

She's not getting out of jail.

Not no matter what.

Lori Vallo has decided in this trial, probably her most defensible trial, because everybody's dead that was involved.

Alex Cox, that shot Charles Vallow, is dead.

Tylie, her daughter, is dead.

That would have been a witness.

JJ, a witness, is dead.

They are all anybody that was attached to this that could be.

That's the car chick who helped steal the car.

Melanie Gibb?

Yeah.

Melanie Gibb is currently starting her own series of griftership on top of all of this.

Her husband's another Mormon dignitary.

Oh, very much.

So, Melanie Gibb needs to be in jail too.

We'll get there someday.

Maybe someday somebody will get her for something.

But she is an evil person.

She stole his car.

Oh, yes.

No, she's a bad person.

But Lori Vallo is representing herself.

And there is, I watched the first day of trial because why not?

And I, you know what I learned is that for a criminal trial, it's super useful to be a lawyer.

Yes.

It's like crazy useful to know how court works and how to be a lawyer if you're going to be a lawyer.

Because Lori Vallo's opening statements were about eight minutes long.

Is that good or bad?

I don't know.

I don't quite know.

I think they're good if they're good, but these were bad.

And she said the same thing over and over and over again.

She's smiling a lot.

She's like doing her flirty things.

She's no, no, not yet.

She was asking for more during jury selection, she specifically was asking for more male jurors because she was better with them.

She was.

She likes men more than women.

And she was doing, she does like a little flirty thing.

She does about eight minutes in which she says the evidence will show about 150 times.

She is a

horrible to listen to, terrible woman getting torn apart by the prosecutor.

And then you watch the prosecutor nail her to a fucking cross for 45 minutes.

The prosecutor comes out just dripping with the full, total, just utter just contempt for Lori Vallo, which I'm so happy to see.

If the prosecutor loses, they should be fired.

The only issue is that this is the hardest trial of all of them.

It is the most circumstantial evidence of all of them.

We have,

you have to really believe one side of the story versus the other side of the story.

But thankfully, on the prosecution side, they have the body cam footage of Charles Vallo talking about all of the, like, you know, he's scared of her.

He's scared of her.

She's trying to kill me.

yes and then you have lori vallo's body cam footage where she's acting all super funny and laughy about everything then you have the the tidal footage where you have her repeating puppet fashion the same story that lori valo said yeah and so i think that's what's gonna hang her up but you never know sometimes juries are weird juries are really weird they could just

in arizona right this is in arizona which is also not a super great place to have to go on vacation because she's in prison in idaho so she gets to like go down to to Arizona and do this.

She has been, she's on vacation right now in Arizona, technically.

But she says she really misses the Idaho jail.

She said the Idaho jail, she was having a lot more fun.

She has like a girl group there that she hangs out with.

I think what do they sing?

I think it's SWV.

Yes.

And I think that they are, which are great.

You know, we love that song.

Get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.

You know, see, that's what they're doing while they're scissoring each other.

It's kind of nice.

But she.

Fingernails.

Oh, God.

You got to be careful with those.

I've seen real lesbians, and they don't normally have those big talents.

If I was in prison for life, no matter what,

I'd represent myself.

Well, yeah, she has nothing but a lot of people.

It's entertaining, at least.

But to you, I will say the immortal words: the person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client.

Yeah.

Because you should know.

And then you find.

Why doesn't matter?

You know, it's funny because I think in the end, you'd be surprised what matters once you're already in jail.

Yeah.

Because then if you're like,

does she have to go serve in Arizona?

If she lives through her three consecutive life sentences in Idaho.

Okay.

So if she lives through those three, if she lives about 375 more years

in Idaho, she can go live and serve that time.

Well, according to her beliefs, she will.

Oh, well, we're waiting.

We're waiting, Lori.

Nothing.

Honestly, it will take this for me to believe in you.

You will have to physically disappear in the middle of court and God himself or herself,

Alanis Morissette.

I think if it's Alanis Morrisette, or it's just a bunch of goo,

God's a bunch of goo.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

If God, if God exists, it's just like, yeah, oh, it's just goo.

Yeah, it's just shit and slime.

Or it's Alanis Morissette, and she's got a really good opportunity here to arrive at trial pretending to be God.

I bet you we pop a wire on her talking to Lori Vallo.

That'd be ironic.

This is all, wouldn't you think?

Now, can I ask you another question about this?

So, her and Chad Daybell, both convicted for murdering the kids.

Yes.

Why is Chad Daybell get the death penalty and she didn't?

Because of the, I believe the,

because she's, because he's a man?

I don't know, honestly.

I forget why.

I believe it's actually do it or something.

You have to choose.

It's like there's a thing that you do at the top of trial where you decide that this is going, where you might, that death sentence will be on the fucking doctor.

Are they tried together or separately?

Separately.

Oh, so maybe that's.

He received the death penalty for the murders of his first wife and his second wife's two children, Lori Vallo.

It was due to the judges ruling the state's late disclosure of evidence precluded the death penalty in her case.

So it was a technical fuck-up.

Oh.

Which is the reason why.

And he also has a third kill.

Yes, but now she might have a third kill.

Yeah.

And And this is, but again, it's Alex Cox.

Alex hit it.

But we do know that there is a chain of evidence that shows they had premeditated it, and Alex Cox was there ahead of time preparing for it.

The other two knew Charles Vallo and Adam Cox.

He was execution style on the ground.

He got double-tapped.

Yeah.

Yes.

You'd have to be, again, you'd have to be very stupid or malicious to probably not agree with the evidence, but that's not discounting a jury of your peers.

Because if Lori Vallo is one of your peers, then that means categorically, statistically, someone on there might be a homicidal maniac in waiting.

And it's, but again, it's just important to remember that Lori Vallo is not a lawyer.

She is a homicidal maniac, and it's showing in her defense style.

And maybe that's just her style.

How much of this are you going to watch?

All of it.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I love it.

Where do you get the time?

It's all night.

You don't sleep, huh?

I watch it in the shitter.

You watch it in the shitter?

Yeah, live on YouTube, but my knees in my shitter.

You shit on your knees?

No, I mean, no, the phone's on my knees.

My ass is shitting on the toilet.

I'm looking at it on my knees like television.

But that's what it is.

Look, it's live right now.

We can watch it right now.

There's 10K people watching nothing.

Dude, it's just the stream.

I'm going to do this.

Should we live stream this once?

We should do this once where we can have me go through it.

Yeah, it's fun to do it.

People like it.

I love court.

I didn't know.

It's weird.

I love court.

I got out of jury duty this week.

I didn't even have to do anything.

I just called and they're like, you're good.

Yeah, they just hear the sound of your voice.

And they're like, I don't even get to talk.

No, thanks, sir.

Yeah,

I shouldn't be there.

They don't want me talking about it on the show.

At the same time, though, if you're there, it's really great.

It's good advertising amongst the jury pool.

Yeah.

Oh, because then you could get all of them listening.

Last podcast and all.

Oh, man, dude, when I was in Tallahassee recently for the show, I was like, I was doing every time I saw someone, I like gave them a joint.

And I was just like, listen to Last Podcast and the laugh.

Fuck yeah.

Fucking talking.

That's old-fashioned fucking grassroots marketing.

It works.

All right, let's get into some other stories.

Now, I know that we have, is that the only update that we had?

Oh, no, we

have

the man

who can live without food.

We asked last time, how long can a fat fuck live on just his body?

And apparently a while.

It can.

Angus Barberi.

He's a Scottish man.

He fasted for 382 days.

Over a year.

Yep, going from 456 pounds to a slight 180 pounds.

I believe that's just Stick Stone.

That's just Sick Stone.

And he did a great job and he looks fantastic.

He lived off of water, tea, coffee, vitamins, and yeast extract, which I think is code for the fine, fine pussy of the ladies in the hills of Scotland.

Yeek!

Yeah, well, you know what you're going to do.

Speaking of horror stories, do you ever feel like there's something spooky going on with your Wi-Fi?

Then it's time to check out T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

With their fast speeds and effortless setup, T-Mobile Home Internet takes the mystery out of getting online.

Just plug it in and you're connected in 15 minutes or less.

And you get all that and more at a great price guaranteed for five years.

So you don't have to worry about any jump scares on your bill.

Get T-Mobile Home Internet and get online with a simple setup, their fast speeds, and a five-year price guarantee.

Visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability.

Guarantees monthly prices of fixed wireless 5G internet data, exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

Service delivered via 5G network, speeds vary due to factor affecting cellular networks.

Guarantee exclusions and details at t-mobile.com slash home internet.

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

And I will not be destroyed by these children that keep purchasing my businesses.

Yes, I have lost horsepicks.com.

And yes, currently I am in some form of tete-a-tete with Putin's daughter who purchased umupaintings.com.

So now I'm a man alone who's decided I'm out of the sales business.

Yeah, I'm starting a new website.

It's called Henry Zaprowski'sfeet.com.

And that's because I'm sick of Wikipedia going out there and slandering my good name on my feet.

All right, my feet are good, and this is all I have.

So you need it, support me and Squarespace.

Squarespace makes it all possible.

It makes the podcast possible.

Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid.

Squarespace domains make it easier to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price.

No hidden fees or add-ons required.

Head to squarespace.com/slash left for a free trial when you're ready to launch.

Use offer code LEFT to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

The summer's winding down.

You can hear the wails of anguish of every parent around this country as they have to finally and thankfully give their children back to the government.

And whether your kids are just soaking up those last few weeks, I say tell them to get a job.

Already asking when school starts because of how frightening home is.

This is the perfect time to ease back into learning with IXL.

Yep.

Start school early on the computer.

They love it.

IXL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning through fun, engaging, and personalized content.

Yeah, it's certainly not Baldur's Gate 3.

Get them IXL.

That'll thrill them.

I'll start a party on it.

Tell them, oh, you thought we were going to the lake?

No, we're going to be on the computer.

We're going to learn on the computer.

IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 U.S.

school districts, so you can't escape it.

It's the perfect tool to keep learning going without making it feel like school.

It's definitely not school.

That's for certain.

Definitely not school with your father.

How frightening is that?

My experience with iXL has been really eye-opening.

It has really been amazing to watch through the windows of other families and watching those kids really get ahead on IXL.

And just seeing through, yeah, like a lot of times my breath clouds up the glass, but when I wipe through it and I can see the tears of joy of the parents finally getting their child through elementary school and to the military, it's one of the best parts of my day.

Make an impact on your child's learning.

Get IXL now.

And last podcast and the left listeners can get an exclusive 20% off of IXL memberships when they sign up today at IXL.com slash last.

Visit ixl.com slash last to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

Oh, and then we got police overtime's a problem.

Well, no, that was a whole thing.

People were like, about the New Jersey cop who was pranking everybody.

And everyone was like, yeah, of course they got mad when the overtime was getting ganked because

I already knew this, though.

They were all like, people were like, they were getting furious because all of a cop's pension is based upon the overtime payments in the last couple years and the payments that you make in the last couple of years of your time and then they take that amount of money and then they protract that onto your pension so that's why my dad right before you retired was working like 120 hours it's always good to overwork the oldest I mean you know they're always the at least my dad was at a desk job yeah you know so at least there was that he just did that accident investigation so we didn't have to go chase after turkey or anything no no no my dad was mostly just using that guns to sort of like open up doors.

Yeah, stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We know.

You know.

There's another court case, if you want to stay in the world of court.

Well, this lady.

It might be none of our show business, but it is our show business, Mr.

Larson, because this lady, you know, we've covered her maybe in fits and spurts, maybe not entirely, you know, but this lady is.

The people teacher, can you pull up the people article real quick, Rob?

She is a, you know what I'm going to call her?

She's a pip.

Yeah.

She's a pip.

She's a real character.

Now, this is a lady by the name of, and you know her, you love her, Taylor Shabusiness.

She murdered her.

Yes, she is so evil looking now.

She's like, look at this.

This is a moments before she attacks

this guy.

And it's just like him and like her, like...

blatantly like about to attack this man this day and then him just like he looks so defeated you guys

watch the video it's the opposite he's such a this motherfucker is a real g we're gonna get into all this All right.

So, so Taylor Shabusiness murdered Shad Therion, 24 years old.

This is in 2022.

This came after a night of them smoking methamphetamine.

And I guess, which I did not know, you could do is melt down and inject the sleeping aid trazodone, which I think just gives you good middle ground.

Yeah, it gives you back to zero.

It just gives you back to zero.

So everybody was fine.

And so in this murder, they were, they said that they had already experimented with autoerotic asphyxiation.

She decided to do it with chains and she was having a really good time with it to the point where she saw blood come out of his mouth and she had killed him with her bare hands.

Then she fillated his dead corpse.

Then she desecrated his dead corpse by playing with his butthole, stuffing stuff up his butthole.

Then she chopped off his head.

With a butter knife.

Oh, yeah.

Or no, with a bread knife.

She's a real determined lady.

Taylor Shibus is a career wanting to be murderer.

She is someone that grew up.

You know, remember those little commercials for Marcus?

She's wrong.

She's she's made incorrectly.

But you know how, like, they said no one grows up wanting to be a junkie.

Yeah.

She did.

Like, this is a lady that saw the commercial and was like, yeah, I love.

I want.

Yeah, fried egg.

Yes.

That's me.

I'm the fried egg.

And so Taylor Shabizinus is such a devious looking woman.

Now, this is, so she's been put in jail for life.

She's 27?

Yeah, buddy.

Oh, she's.

She looks 48.

She's an intense lady.

She's had a lot of life, Eddie.

She's lived a lot.

She's 27.

She's lived a lot of life.

Oh, my goodness.

Her Shabusiness was living and Shabusiness was good.

And Taylor, Shabusiness, now in jail is more dangerous than ever.

She's out of Shabusiness now.

Well, no, oh, buddy.

She put herself right back into Shabusiness because she was.

She got the first lawyer.

Now, the first lawyer, she attacked a lawyer, her first defense lawyer, during a hearing that then involved in her having, she had to put a bag over her face.

She sat there.

So she's already attacked one lawyer.

This is during her sentencing for the first crime.

Yeah.

So now she's in jail for

life with no parole.

Then in jail, she gets into an altercation with a prisoner.

She gets cut.

A nurse has to go and deal with Taylor Bischbits.

She's got to take a staple out of her face.

She's got to do something to her, right?

Was it a staple?

Yeah, she had a staple.

Well, from the wound.

The scar.

Yeah, because they closed up the scar from the prison attack.

And then she had a staple in her face that the nurse had to remove.

And then she attacked the nurse.

So the nurse comes in she attacks the nurse they then call in the prison guard prison guard comes in she attacks the prison guard with a pan a bed pan and full-on fight full takes several dudes to pin her down to the ground she's fucking now she's in trouble again she doesn't care how could she be in trouble she's in prison for life that's just what we're talking about with lori they just add to it they just add to the end of it add to what they just fucking put you back into the system because the goal is they they have to get you for each crime and they got to to give you opportunities it's how it works so now she is going to be put on trial for assault right so now she's on assault for in jail her most recent hearing to figure out all of this disappearances she attacks her lawyer again now this different lawyer different lawyer

new lawyer brand new lawyer now this is a person by the name of Curtis Jolka.

Curtis Julka is one of these guys.

He looks like,

you know, when your lawyer also sort of looks like a criminal?

Like, he looks like John Fetterman.

He looks like a guy you would take it.

Yes, he looks like a guy, you know, like, so he kind of looks like a guy, like, how do you put it?

Even her lawyer looks like a shaved orangutan in a suit.

He looks like a sad potato man.

But see, I kind of like this.

Look, he looks to me like the guy, funny enough.

How do I say it?

He's like the Joker's lawyer.

Like, he looks like Arkham Asylum's like home defendant.

Yeah, a disgraced cop who can't be a a cop anymore, so he becomes a lawyer.

But sometimes these guys, you know, we here at Last Plot, Gust, and Left are not anti-defense attorney.

I think defense attorneys are extremely important.

I'm very pro-defense attorney.

And this guy is technically who I'm calling.

If I ever have a problem, I am calling this man because of this reaction.

So they are sitting in the beginning of the sentencing.

Tailorship business is brought in.

She's got a bit of a mischievous glint in her eye.

Now, it seems to be maybe everybody knows that there's something going on.

We don't know whether or not she has made threats to this lawyer ahead of time, but it seems that she really likes the attention.

So, in this video, she sat down.

So, let's play it now.

He, for sure, looks like he's waiting to be attacked.

Well, he, I don't think he knows because you'll see the reaction.

I mean, he knows she attacked her last lawyer.

So, she clocks him, right?

You see, here she looks into the camera.

Boom!

So, as she gets up, she barely touched him.

Well, only because the motherfucker behind him look at this fucking offensive lineman push that dude there the security officer behind her needs to get offensive lineman of the year exactly

that dude is huge and he is like he's in a three-point stance like right behind her because as she gets up to get him she fucking shoulders in her tits i mean

yeah

boom gets her down he's probably keyed in the entire trial waiting for this exact moment look at this reaction eddie curtis juka now he does this.

Curtis Julka turns to the fucking prosecutor and just does the why me worry.

What are you going to do?

Yeah, what are you going to do?

What do you do these moments?

She's crazy.

You don't want to sit over there, do you?

Yo, like, this guy is such a hardcore motherfucker.

He barely flinched.

He definitely looks like someone who's taken a beating or two.

He looks like, I think he's given a beating or two.

Well, I think so.

It doesn't mean if he's given them that he hasn't taken them.

But look at this.

This is a, I just, I'm proud of this lawyer.

And, but that lady, you, but the key about tailorship business is that she clocks the camera before she attacks him.

She wants this attention.

Well, yeah, because she's trying to get off for being crazy.

But the thing is, is that it constantly backfires on her because then they do, they have done several competency runs on her.

Yeah.

They did it during the OG trial because they're all like, you know, she's saying when she confessed, her confessions are chilling too.

Cause it was all like, she thought it was hot.

She thought the whole thing was awesome.

She got sexually excited by the, by the entire fucking arrangement.

So she is, I think, you know what?

A lot of us talk about living our best lives.

Yeah.

And she actually is.

Well, she's what she's always wanted.

Yeah.

This is what she's always wanted.

Yeah.

But she pleaded not guilty by insanity.

Yeah, because she lost it.

But yeah, so I think she's just keeping it up at this point.

You know, you'd say that.

I think that it's the glint in her eye shows me that she has an idea that it's very entertaining to to her.

She's a definitely very

villainous person.

Yes.

She's an evil person.

No.

She needs to be in jail.

The world's better without her on the street.

She has to be in jail.

I want most prisoners out of jail, not her.

Well, because a lot of people, you understand the insanity plea largely is

almost, it's almost impossible unless you truly are, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, a babbling crazy person.

You have to be Richard Chase.

That is as far as it goes.

And then, guess what?

Did you get it?

I believe he would.

No, but I believe they found him guilty, but he still went into a home for the mentally, like the criminally insane.

Same thing with that.

I watched JCS, one of my favorite true crime channels is back.

He did a thing where a guy that was at a house flipper reality show fucking brutally murdered his wife who didn't want to be on the show anymore.

And you see this guy, it's like the same thing where he tried to do the insanity plea by faking being crazy and then got thrown into a mental asylum for five years continuing to try to beat the competency rap and they still said at the end of the five years they're like yeah he's sane so then he had to be in a house of criminally insane then he had to be tried then he went to jail then he had to go to fucking maximum security prison for murder in the first degree yeah i don't know i mean like if you're running a tv show for so long you know he didn't run he was just he wasn't even he was just the guest builder of the day he was on one episode oh

well i thought he was the host But Taylor's your business.

I just got to say, leave us alone.

What do you mean?

I'm just saying, if you ever get out, I'm sorry.

And leave us alone.

She's getting out.

But if there's a woman that I believe could tunnel her way out of jail, it's Taylor's Your Business.

You think so?

I think we need to have a close-ass eye on Taylor's Your Business.

I think they do have a close-ass eye.

They better.

I'm really not worried about her getting out.

No, but she wants to get out.

Yes.

I don't think she's very athletic.

look at what he just did she got nailed she got leveled immediately he literally caused a guy twice her weight yeah man he fucked her ass up

she had she dealt with she overpowered the prison guard and the jail like this is it this lady's not fucking around i mean i'm not trying to fight her you know she is not fucking around yeah and there's just something she's got a glint in her eye she's got a little flirty little lifter

a little thing in there i don't know what it is about her

all right she scares me.

I'm just going to get away from me.

All right.

Don't fucking look at me like that.

She's got makeup on.

She looks a little bit younger.

Actually, she kind of looks older when she's got makeup on.

So we got a couple of women that have really caused some trouble this week.

You go, girls.

Yeah, who are you?

Shack a cone.

Yeah, we got a cat.

Shack a shacka, shacka, shacka, shacka cone.

Shaka, shaka, shaka hoo, shaka con.

We have our Kentucky teacher, or we have our Ohio polygamist.

Oh, we have to do our Ohio polygamist.

You know, Ohio makes some difference.

Yeah.

Don't they?

You know, you have your beautiful wife from Ohio.

Oh, yeah.

There's lots of decent people in Ohio.

But I view your beautiful wife as an escapee from Ohio.

Oh, very much so.

And she was, I view your wife as errant Ohio DNA.

You know what I've realized being in Ohio for so long is that

the news there, they're lucky Florida exists.

Well, they're the new Florida.

It is crazy there all the time.

And I feel like people don't give Ohio enough credit for how fucking constantly crazy it is it really is but you know what's nice about this story is that it's another example of you sometimes you'd be surprised at the sexual placilities of some of the grosser people you've ever seen and because these guys yeah some of them fuck and suck more than you have ever fucked or sucked in your whole life and they make it work for themselves in their gross little worlds and honestly i'm almost jealous yeah now we got um we got a lady and her five boyfriends.

Oh, wow.

Boyfriends is a term for that.

I kind of view her as a human.

You know those dollars.

You know those sandwiches?

She was at the snacky cake snowballs?

Yeah, snowballs.

She's like a human version of a snowball getting fucked by a bunch of rats.

Okay.

All right.

I would say gas station sandwich, but yeah.

Bartina Jones.

I will say

yummy.

These guys,

they are disgusting.

They're terrifying.

This is my favorite group

of Miss Grants.

Lots of like different versions versions of Jesus on meth.

But I will say all these guys

pretty good hair.

You know what?

I don't disagree.

I think that's good.

They got surprisingly good hair.

They could use some biotin.

Now, six people.

Aaron Bradshaw could use some biotin.

But the rest of these guys, I mean, it's luxurious.

Now, God gives and he takes away.

And can I tell you one thing?

If you, why their hair is so nice?

Because he took away some chromosomes?

Well, because I'm sure they don't bathe.

And at first, it gets bad, but then it starts to reap the oils and like start getting good if you go a really long time without shampooing.

And I think that's what happened with these fellas.

Never find this out.

Now, there are six people in Ohio who are accused of kidnapping a man and torturing him for seven days, including beating him with a metal bat and depriving him of food and water, and even worse, booking him into a red room end.

Oh,

yeah.

Red roof.

I'm sorry.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

You know what I mean?

Oh, wow.

Yeah, definitely a horrible place for you and your plus-size entourage to torture a man.

Yes.

Now, if this would never happen in a Mario.

Not once.

I've never seen this at a Kimpton.

Yes.

No.

Not once.

Never.

Now, the group,

they tortured this man.

Now, the man has gone unnamed.

I think he's closer to a boy.

Now, the lady.

He's in his 20s.

He's in his 20s.

Now, Martina Esceda, 28 years fun, is the leader of this group of young ruffians that are all thirsty for that Poonani.

they come with uh aaron bradshaw i want to say the head security officer with his uh the other boyfriend is his son austin bradshaw it's his son oh yeah okay

i don't know why i was thinking nephew no he taught daddy taught son how to fuck his girlfriend chance johnston 27 david tessna and martina eskada's actual husband michael eskada 28.

now these five men out the five men and this one lovely lady they formed a little bit of one might call call a fuck patch.

Now, the thing is, I look at them, I don't really understand quite the sexual energy that goes on in there, but at the same time, as much as all of this

literally makes my skin crawl and makes me nauseous to the very corner of me imagining it.

They all look straight up evil.

These guys want to fuck more than anybody's ever fucked, and this woman is providing it.

So whatever it is, maybe we're missing out.

Yeah.

So this guy, so apparently there was a fight.

David Cessna is the scariest looking one for sure.

Yes, yes, yes.

He's definitely killed before.

No,

there was apparently a dog fight in their property.

So they have been sharing a property together and there was a dog fight.

And Martina and the unnamed kidnapper.

I don't think it was a professional dog fight.

Like, I don't think it was.

Are there any?

I feel like even at their very best, I don't think money was being thrown down.

I think two dogs got in an argument.

The two dogs got into an actual fight.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think, but I don't, I don't think these people are dog fighters.

No, I don't think they have to pass them.

They're not, they don't have the organizational skills

to run a dog gambling ring.

Yes, but I don't think that's what was happening here.

No, and so the unnamed kidnappe tried to break up the fight with the dogs and got involved with Martina, who then she apparently like he says it's a he said she said thing where he said, Oh, we got into this fight and I heard her.

Martina tells her fucking gang of fucking skinny rat fucks that this guy broke my arm, which it wasn't broken.

And then they proceeded to kidnap him and torture him for the next week.

So they took him into a room, they beat him with metal baseball bats, they stood him up, they made him do all this kind of shit.

He said he only stopped.

They stumped on him a bunch.

They stomped on him a bunch.

He slept for 10 hours over seven days.

Yes.

They fed him once a day.

And

it seems, and they made him stand.

Yes.

For long periods of time.

Which must have been so hard being inside of that comfortable, wonderful red roof inn, just looking at that wonderful

bed and incredible

the mat that you sleep on and then

the weird stool that's there for the child that you've trafficked.

And it's such a wonderful place.

I mean, I've beat a man next to death for a week and no one noticed anything.

That is like, if you want to check out from life, Red Roof Inn, no one's checking in on you there.

If you're looking to group torture a man after your professional dog fights, come on down to Red Roof in Toledo, Maumi.

Wow, 3.5 stars.

Not bad, actually.

Yeah, actually,

that's not bad.

Can we read some of these Yelp reviews of this?

It's 2.2 on Yelp.

2.2 on Yelp.

Something that could be cooked at Rob.

Something that could be cooked.

I want to read some of these two stars.

Yelp was actually what the

man was doing.

Yeah, the room is filthy.

The front desk is used to it.

I'm not sure how a dirty room gets overlooked, but I wasn't offered another one or an apology.

I'm pretty sure this is a hotel that people live in versus one that rents out to people traveling.

Suspicious drug activity, people sleeping in their cars, and the staff being okay with renting out something like this is not okay.

Sure.

Not smoking, no smoking is a joke.

Cigarette butts on the floor in a room.

It smelled like smoke in the hallways.

Yeah.

Toilet 12 inches off the floor.

You don't like that at any.

That's definitely low.

Oh, refrigerator made noise all night and the noise was like help me help me help me here

escape

mayday mayday

get me to a little quinta but here though what's that four star set this guy really liked it when we take road trips we don't usually plan our overnight stays if we need to stop for the night we find a hotel wherever we happen to be this is usually a straightforward process but on this particular night okay to be precise it was one in the morning and Maumee, Ohio, just outside of Haulio.

This is a four-paragraph.

I mean, he liked it.

Positive

rating for this place right underneath.

I was robbed at knife point by a lady who pretty much lived there.

Found this out after meeting her on the bus route.

And I'm not from here, I must add.

That was probably her.

Why did he do the Ed Grimley?

Oh, yeah.

Well, so go check out the Red Roof Inn and

Maumee, Ohio, and tell him last podcast in the Left Sun chat.

Yeah, I think they use the AC units as urinals.

I mean, partially it's just'cause it's the only thing that keeps the piss piss cold enough to travel.

And at least with the bed bugs, you're not sleeping alone.

Hey, and that's the only thing you can ask for when you're traveling on the road, especially when you're already getting done pork, the five semi-hard penises that have been in your trailer park for the last two years.

You've probably known each one of those penises through the five since they were five years old.

And now they're all, you're letting them all fuck you.

But they're calling it a cult.

They're saying Martina Jones is the leader, which I love.

Okay.

I mean, it makes sense.

Cult leaders make everyone fuck them.

They have Manson vibes, kind of.

Oh, for sure.

It's like a whole bunch of Charles Manson.

Don't do that to them.

Don't do that to Charles Manson.

Charles Manson kind of had style.

You know, even Charles Manson was a pop icon.

Yeah.

These guys.

And the ladies were cute.

Yeah.

Ish.

Yeah.

According to Tarantino.

Sure.

But Time and Tarantino also, they were.

An older version of me thought so.

You thought that the...

That they were cute.

But now as an adult, I don't find them as cute as I did.

You said an older version of you, so that's the youngest version, the younger version.

Okay,

I was like, so you're going to think they're cats.

Eventually, I will turn around.

Yeah, so that's one story.

What else?

All right, so let's go.

Let's go to another story.

Yeah, you know, we'll go to the other, we'll go to our other lady.

This is a lady-heavy episode.

It is, thank God.

You know what I mean?

I know Events History Month just ended, but you know, we're here anyway.

It doesn't end for us ever.

Never.

All right so this uh teacher from kentucky sexually abused a boy and then solicited him to kill her husband now we just really even bring it's not that complicated of a story no there's really not much going on elena barden it didn't work it wasn't successful no she tried to get him to go and she had sucked his penis a couple times and sent him a bunch of naughty pictures tried to get this child to kill her husband now

that we now know we know this is all real this is a thing that's across the united States of America.

We've seen this countless times just this year.

I'll never really understand it.

Obviously, this is one of those women too, like you can tell immediately, she thinks she's way hotter than she is.

Oh, yeah, no, she's trying to look sexy in her mugshot.

Yes, and there's something about this that I just don't understand.

I'll never understand this type of pedophilia.

But the one thing, one of the biggest things I don't understand is maybe I'm wrong.

And if you're second,

if you're raping a child, let me just go just do this.

All right, all right.

This is hypotheticals.

Yes.

Yeah, we're just curious and exploring.

So

you're a teacher and you're doing this, right?

And you're in the middle of the middle.

You're old Kentucky.

Yes, and your ultimate goal is to have your husband murdered.

Right.

I feel like

the kids that would be subjected to this style of grooming might not be the great one to be assassins.

No.

I feel like if you're going to suck dick to get your husband

21.

I think that if you are, and this is just advice, that if you're looking to get your husband murdered, that you shouldn't rely on a child because they are super flaky.

Yes.

And then I think that they're not ready to commit.

I think that if you wanted someone to murder your husband, you have to shoot for a

man just out of prison.

Man just about to be let out of prison.

Now, that's a super good one.

If you're a semi-hot lady and you can gussy yourself up into a bunch of pictures, you can convince an ex-con that is about to get out of jail to murder your husband for you, and they're more likely to do it.

Eric Goodwin.

Yes.

But the thing is, she didn't got no money.

She's a teacher in Kentucky.

It's not about money.

Ben, it's not about money.

You think the ex-con would just do it?

By that point, you got to get somebody who's at such a thirst point for...

titties that they'll do anything to see them.

They'll literally will do anything.

And that's somebody who's just being released from jail.

And why wouldn't she get divorced?

Because it's fucking against God.

Yeah, we don't know anything about the husband.

You know,

the husband could be a horrible person.

He's just a guy.

No one's going to be a kid.

Unless you're absolutely beating the fuck out of somebody or you're putting somebody's life in danger.

You don't deserve to get killed.

You should just get divorced.

It is easier to get divorced.

I know that it's not.

I'm not saying kill the husband.

No.

I'm just, you know, I'm just trying to find a motive here.

I do.

The motive is because husbands are bad sometimes at it.

Yeah.

Husbands are boring and they're not as fun and cool as a 14-year-old in your class.

15.

Ends counting.

Ed's got the calendar out.

Besides stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com, who are you grooming to kill your husband?

Who do you choose?

I feel like you're actually also better off with a dog.

A dire wolf, maybe.

I love my feet.

I love them so much.

They're They're really good.

Just like Brian Wilson said, you got to take care of your feet.

And I know what you're thinking.

I didn't know he said that.

And that's because it wasn't a popular song.

But he did say it.

But that's not what we're here to talk about today.

We're not here to talk about Brian Wilson and all of his great music.

We're here to talk to you about bombas.

Because they...

Take care of your feet.

They gave me a couple, you know, not to tell anyone too much about what happens here when you're reading ads, but they gave me some bombas.

And I never put them on my feet before they gave me some.

And after they gave them to me, boy, oh boy, my feet love bombas.

And bombas seems like they love my feet.

And I don't know about you people at home, but my feet sweat.

You know, I'm big, and I'm walking around, and my shoes are tight, and, you know, because of the, you know, because of the multiple problems I have with my body.

And you know what bombas did?

They say they don't care about your problems.

We're going to make you feel good no matter what.

And they help me, not just, you know, when I'm walking around town,

they help me if I,

whenever I'm playing my many matches of tennis, golfing on the greens of Burbank, or hiking through the mountains of Big Bear.

Bombas, they're right on my putties.

And I know what you're saying.

Ed, what are putties?

Putties are feet.

And my putties are covered in bombas.

And yours should be too.

Head over to bombas.com and use the code LPOTL for 20% off your first purchase.

That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com, code L-P-O-T-L.

A checkout.

That's bombas.com and use code L-P-O-T-L.

Be good to them feet.

They're the only ones you get.

When was the last time money stressed you out?

Made you feel guilty?

Jealous?

Money can make us feel a lot of things.

But what if it made you feel hopeful?

Get more out of your money and start building a better future with acorns.

Normally, I would tell you to get all of your money out of a bank, buy gold, and bury it in a field, because that's the only way money's going to matter when the grids go down.

But Acorns is the financial wellness app that helps you invest for your future.

Save for tomorrow and spend smarter today.

Acorns makes it easy to start doing more with your money.

Lot like me, where I want to put my money in a big pile and burn it so I can smell the smoke and get high high on George Washington's blood.

You don't need to be a finance whiz to understand Acorns.

Acorns puts your money into an expert-built portfolio to make sure you're investing wisely, not wildly,

and it's an easy-to-use app.

Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with $5 bonus investment.

Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns.

Head to acorns.com slash left or download the Acorns app to get started.

Paid non-client endorsement.

Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns.

Tier 2 compensation provided.

Investing involves risk.

Acorns Advisors LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor.

New important disclosures at acorns.com slash left.

Hey, Eddie, what?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bills.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know.

It's like, halala.

Oh, so hot.

Hot.

While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably,

I would say you got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises.

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

Crack you.

But otherwise.

But otherwise,

you're good to go.

And that's why you got to make the switch to Mint Mobile.

Mmm, so fresh.

Yep.

With Mint, you can get the coverage and speed you're used to, but for way less money.

And for limited time, Mint Mobile is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for $15 a month.

So while your friends are sweating over data coverages and surprising charges, you'll be chilling.

Literally and financially.

And this year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank.

Get this new customer offer and your three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash LPOTL.

That's mintmobile.com slash LPOTL.

Upfront payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 a month.

Limited time, new customer offer for first three months only.

Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes unlimited plan.

Taxes and fees extra.

See Mint Mobile for details.

Now we know we talked about this a little bit bit of a story, just you know science.

They have apparently reconstructed the formerly extinct dire wolf.

Yes.

Which, according to some people, if you look at the actual breakdown of how they did it, it's very similar to Jurassic Park, where they used the old DNA that they found mixed with dog DNA to make a new dog.

And that's why some scientists are saying it's not a dire wolf.

It just looks like a dire wolf and might act like a dire wolf.

It's a dire wolf.

It's part dire wolf.

They just created a cooler dog.

But they're saying that because it's white.

That's what makes it a dire wolf.

But that can also be, it seems like it could be controlled by some form of CRISPR style work that they do on dogs.

And so we're seeing this, but everyone.

He's saying it's the company that made the woolly mouse.

Yes.

But there's a lot of people that are saying, much like how when we were talking about this right before the show, Eddie brought it up, which is like, maybe we should do some other animals first.

Yeah.

But the white rhino is almost extinct.

There's only two male or two female or something.

I think the only reason why they're doing it.

Get a white rhino.

Let's keep that thing going.

I feel like that they think, because the problem with scientists is what, you know what I learned?

You know who taught me this, sadly?

Jeffrey Epstein, which is that scientists are.

I always kind of thought in my head, scientists and all this stuff.

Explain yourself.

They're all like

incorruptible.

Like, they're not in it for anything, you know, which is fine, right?

How were your Jeffrey Epstein meetings?

Man, short,

which I'm upset about.

But like, Jeffrey Epstein taught me that scientists can be purchased.

And that what you can do, sometimes what you also, sadly, more on the real side of this, is that sometimes a scientist has to put together a literal, like flashy package for you to want to give grants and research things to them, which is why they do stuff like, look, see, everybody, we made the dire wolf.

That's like a Game of Thrones.

You guys got Game of Thrones?

We made Game of Thrones, dog.

You guys give money to the Game of Thrones, dog, people?

Because it's this thing of like, because they're desperate for money, because we are, as a country, sliding away from research and original research and going more towards winning some fake, the

technically

economical war with other countries to build AI first, which is in the end more of a moral slash future, what does the future hold for humankind issue, which is no one wants to talk about yet.

Yeah, well, here's this company, Colossal, also cloned four red wolves, which are critically endangered.

So I think that's cool.

That's cool.

That's fine.

I mean, I think it's all fucking weird.

But also, I think I get it.

I get it up to a point.

Yeah.

But the thing is, it's just like they're getting all these people to really, look at who's in the investors here.

Tom Brady, Tiger Woods, Paris Hilton, and Peter Jackson.

Yeah, it's all just because this is how you get celebrities to be involved.

Yeah.

Because

it is cool.

But if, I know you were saying bring back the dodo.

The dodo would be great because we can eat it.

But I still think that we just do the same thing that we did the last one.

It's going to turn into, it's just going to end up at fucking Howland Rays.

Well, that's why.

We're going to have hot dodo.

that's all we're gonna have we're gonna have national hot dodo i'd be awesome right i'll take it i'll eat it yeah but the dire wolf is a look at the dire wolf that's a day honey that gave a

dire wolf and so everyone's just like yeah wow yeah oh wow that's amazing because because again i just don't think dodos have the same yeah cachet well yeah make a dragon yeah but you know we'll make a dragon track

never existed yeah they did you're creating a dragon that's

were basically the old versions of dragons is why we wrote stories about dragons is because some people saw these the evidence of these things under the ground.

You think that people saw like a pterodactyl's bones and they were like, that's a dragon.

That's possible.

Also, I think that there's plesiosaurs that were around for much longer than we thought.

I think that there are giants.

I think the giant monster, right?

Yes.

Or is it the ghost of a plesiosaurus?

They're saying there's one in Michigan now.

They're saying a lot of fucking shit.

I haven't heard that.

People think they're still around.

No, I know.

I actually feel like that stuff is very, very interesting in terms of the idea of there being...

Because you ever heard of a thiocene?

It's a type of dog that was an extinct dog yeah that has been recently spotted again it's like thiocene yeah thylacene okay it was an extinct dog that tasmanian was a tasmanian uh tiger that's exactly what it is a tasmanian tiger is what it's called and they've now been a couple of them popped up again oh really they've said they've been on a watch see that's like the cryptid stuff that i find fascinating yeah is the stuff like well there's so little people around there they could legitimately still be hiding we don't know and so i think that they're you know that's the kind of statement see that movie with willem defoe where he's like this hunter trying to kill the last one no it's awesome yeah what's it called oh what the is it called but yeah no it's he's trying to kill he's he's evil hunter and he's trying to kill the last tasmanian oh it's called the hunter that's that's hilarious it's a great movie

you should really watch it so it's about like a poacher yeah no he's like the he heard of a tasmanian tiger and then so he's like out trying to kill it and then sam neal's trying to stop he's hired by a biotech company to kill it.

Oh, I guess it's so they can bring it back and they can reproduce it, right?

That's the idea that we'll go and we'll, we're doing the same plot.

Yeah.

We're just in the fucking plot.

I think, you know, it's because it's weird because I'm going back and forth.

Obviously, dire wolves had their chance.

They're gone.

Yeah.

But also, new dog.

I think it's cool.

I think it's,

you know, a new dog.

I mean, I think a new dog just died.

I love a new dog.

Anything that

expands life

is an interesting way to go right now.

I think that we are seeing a big die-off of a bunch of different types of animals.

I think that we are going to very often in the future engineer what we need.

And I think that that's this is the beginning of what this is.

Eventually, we're going to engineer what needs healthy.

I think it's good.

We don't know.

Well, we have, that's the one thing that it's like to me, I know everybody's immediately like, I don't want to eat bugs.

I'm afraid of eating bugs in the future, but at least bugs originated on this planet.

There's a little part of me that's hesitant to eat the fake biomeat because we don't know what it's going to do to us forever.

What about a golden doodle?

What?

Would you eat one?

I don't want to eat dog.

No, neither do I.

I don't want to eat dog, but I've also.

But the guy who created, who invented the golden doodle.

He's wrong.

He's renounced it.

He's wrong.

He said that he's wrong.

Well, I was obsessed with the little tiny, You know, I love my fucked up little dogs.

Yeah.

Luffy, the paralyzed dog from Dubai, it was my favorite little thing.

Oh, yeah.

It was bred into paralyzation for its little tiny face.

It was overbred to be cute.

To become bred.

And then.

And its legs were malformed because it was made to look so stupid.

But that's why I love Luffy so much.

I am going to, I don't care.

I know Luffy's been adopted, but I'm going to Dubai.

I'm going to steal Luffy Luffy from the phone.

Oh, this is the new taken.

Exactly.

It's going to be you.

Love Luffy.

Luffy deserves to be with me.

I want Luffy.

No, he doesn't.

It's in Dubai.

It's built on slave labor.

I'll tell you what, man.

Crippled dogs, it's a lot of maintenance.

Handicap dogs, please.

Oh, you're right.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that.

You fucking cruel fuck.

He gets sued by the ADLA or whatever it's called.

Speaking of getting sued.

Now

we got this thing.

All right.

Well, let's talk about this one last story before we get to letters because we're going on a cruise, Eddie.

Okay, yeah.

And we want to bring this up because

we're all going to be on this cruise together.

I cannot stress enough, crimewave at sea.com slash last.

If you come out, if you will have one vacation a year, we're going to make this a very memorable trip.

Yeah.

We just had a meeting with the guys that were going through a couple of.

We didn't realize how little they had us doing, and we demanded we do more.

We're doing a bunch of different activities on this stupid boat.

We're going to have so much fun.

This is going to be, but the reason why I'm going to tell this story is that I feel like one thing before we go, I want to train us all to have some grace for each other on this boat.

Okay?

Because we're going to be there.

We're going to be drunk.

We're going to get...

I lost my grace.

Some form of dysentery.

What?

Over the edge?

No, my mom's old roommate, Grace.

She died.

Well, you know, loser.

You know exactly where she is.

She's in the cemetery.

Now, this is a.

There is a.

we have to be very careful with each other on this cruise.

Yes.

All right.

So let's don't step under any toes.

Ooh, good leadway.

Good lead.

CEO accused of choking a man and threatening to kill him on a cruise ship over barefoot dancing.

That's right.

CEOs have been getting a bad rap, and this isn't helping.

So some drunk, happy man was dancing around barefoot inside.

I will say this was not outside.

This was

in a nightclub on the cruise ship.

So, so, and he was, he got close.

The guy got close.

And the guy's name was Kenneth DiGiorgio.

Yes.

The CEO.

The man.

First American Financial Corp.

Yes.

They were on the Resilient Lady.

His wife, Nicole.

Virgin Voice.

His wife, Nicole, was not a resilient lady.

No.

Oh, that was the name of the ship.

The boat.

Yeah, that's the name of the boat.

The resilient light lady.

Oh, God.

That sounds awful.

Oh, yeah.

like a it sounds like a woman you don't want to meet at the return desk of a target yes it sounds like shabbousness yeah

she is a resilient lady

so the this guy was dancing barefoot inside of the bar and he got near his wife the on the rocks bar now let me say this to eddie it's been a really long time since i've been on a cruise and so part of this is wouldn't you say on a cruise well like it's probably it's more gross for you to not have your shoes your shoes on inside of it.

Because that's also me.

I get skeeved out about not having shoes and socks on.

But my question is, is that, is it that out of character within a cruise ship?

No.

You're going, it's island life.

Right?

You know.

Isn't the entire boat island life?

Also, by the way, the bar, it's called On the Rocks.

I don't want to be thinking about hitting rocks when I'm on a boat.

You know, this is like,

it's a bad name for a bar.

Shipwrecks.

Yeah.

Going out to lost at sea.

But yeah, so over here, you're going to have there.

We're all going to rape each other,

daiquiri.

So, this guy, unnamed victim here, dancing around, no shoes on.

Nicole, the wife, goes up to him and says,

Look, we're all grown-ups here.

Can you put your shoes on?

The victim then started cursing at her and giving her the middle finger.

And then her husband, which is honestly a completely reasonable response.

Because his feet was getting close to his wife.

I could see why he was getting angry.

I hate feet too.

But also, but I will say, never try to stop a man who is dancing with no shoes on because you're gonna get the double bird.

It is not

a matter of time.

No man intoxicated dancing with no shoes on is gonna be like, oh, I'm sorry.

You might even get the quadruple bird if he knows how to flick you off with his feet.

You see the two middle toes stuck up.

That would make me throw up, by the way.

So the victim said that

DiGiorgio used a lot of force and it felt like his throat was going to be ripped out.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Yeah, so this guy's very strong.

DiGiorgio, while he was choking him, said, I'm going to fucking kill you.

Whoa, I wonder.

So that was, that really can't be too

misinterpreted.

He was then ordered, confined to his room, which shows his privilege because there are jails on these ships.

Well,

I do think that they are, from what I've heard from people, it's layers of approach.

Yeah.

So you can be,

you can be put into your jail because you're going to be seeing police officers when you get off the boat.

Well, yeah, as soon as they got to Puerto Rico, because Puerto Rico is technically America, the cops took them.

Yes.

So that does happen.

And so apparently what it is, is it's levels.

You can be sequestered to your room.

That's level one.

And then I believe if you then try to leave your room, you will go to the brig.

Because I think they try to give you the shot.

Because I think that once you're in the brig on the boat, that's a bunch of paperwork that a bunch of people don't want to do.

Yeah, they don't want to do that.

Because if you're already going to get scooped by the cops anyway, and you'll stay in your room.

I hate to go back to something we were talking about earlier, but I can't help but notice that the boat is called the Resilient Lady, but it's owned by Virgin.

Yep.

That's a resilient woman.

That is a contradicting statement.

See, you say this, but I say it's the resilient woman that could possibly, possibly resist the efforts of many, many, many men.

It takes a resilient lady to not get fucked in every hole.

Last I heard.

The legal team representing DiGiorgio,

he's been CEO of this company since February 2022, said he looks forward to being absolved of any wrongdoing.

Yes.

But he did choke this person in front of everybody.

He's going to go, he's going to get some kind of time or he'll get time served.

There'll be something there.

It's just, we have to kind of let you remember that we're all on this boat together it was in international waters it was and so we'll see but i don't think anybody can be choked anywhere no

but it is i think if you're gonna choke someone it's better to do it out there

than

to do it on land you're completely correct and that way you are not wrong but no i i i think that this man we have to allow each other this space and if you're on there there's no point in being uptight on a cruise you're already on a cruise because guess what and i'm i'm let's just be frank.

That's not even that fancy of a cruise.

No.

If this was a super fancy cruise, it'd also be different.

Well, that's what also I think kind of what we got going on here is these CEOs, they're used to really fancy, nice things, and then they go on a normal cruise and then they're around normal people

who dance around without our shoes on.

Yeah, get all hammered and drunk and get all fucked up.

We're like fun people.

You know what?

As much as I'm like, oh, you know, come see what it's like, you know what?

Stay away.

Dude, yeah, fucking go.

Go to St.

Bart.

I don't fucking need your ass on this boat, man.

Go to your fancy shit, dude.

This is our only vacation.

This is my trash life.

This isn't for you.

You've decided to come into my trash life.

This is not your world, no, buddy.

Yeah, we're not at the fucking, you know, Ritz-Carlton, your friend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stay the fuck up.

First of all, the bar is called On the Rocks.

What do you want?

Get the fuck out.

It's just he's got no shoes on.

You're lucky he's got pants on.

Yeah, DiGiorgio's.

Yeah, did you see his dick and balls?

Then don't worry about it.

Yeah.

They say that he was protecting his wife who felt harassed and threatened and intimidated and then she said she was in no way in trouble

yeah uh so she was fine yeah he never touched her he was just mad he didn't have shoes on which is his problem i mean it is absolutely his problem you're on a bar on a cruise you're gonna see feet you can see feet and i i'm with you i think it's i think it's gross too sir yeah but there's nothing we can do about it.

I'll tell you one dude who's not getting a foot job.

Who?

The CEO.

No.

Unless it buys it.

Foot jobs just have to be.

Do you know what?

A foot job?

I've never had one.

It's horrible.

I think that the goal would be, honestly, if you, you better, that's a whole special skill set.

Oh, yeah.

A foot job from somebody who doesn't know what they're doing.

I think it just needs patience.

I think that if you don't know what's going on and you're trying to do a foot job, it's so easy to hurt somebody.

It's so hurt.

The dicken balls are so fragile.

And, you know, it's rough down there.

We don't know what you got your, if you have have had any of these your feet done or whatever i don't know yeah nothing to make me come but the top half yeah the bottom half does it make you come the vagina's in there no so is so is that the middle of a woman

would you call that the middle bottom half below the waist but would i but i like parts of the top half as well i'm just saying you can like her mind and her soul yeah you can like

the top half of a woman yeah

do you think corns help with the foot chop

i mean depends depends on if you liked it ribbed for his pleasure.

We'll have to ask Jonathan Davis.

Yeah, I'm certain he'll know.

That's stupid.

Let's do some listener letters.

You think he fucks a bagpipe?

We know he's had sex with his father.

Yo, we do know that.

No, let's talk about this.

We have a couple of good we asked last week.

Oh, yeah, these are some babysitter terrifying stories.

And we were onslaughted.

Yes, some of these are great.

I love a terrifying story from a babysitter.

And so here we go.

Let's see what we got here.

I was 14.

I had a new family that had just moved into our quiet little neighborhood.

They didn't stay long, seven, maybe eight months, but they'd left an impression I'll never forget.

Two daughters, Mia seven, Sarah three.

And for the sake of privacy, those names will do.

At first glance, it was just another job.

Sorry, a little much.

It is.

The kind where the parents hand you the emergency contacts wave and head out the door.

But me and Sarah's mom lingered.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, You call me if anything happens.

Her voice wasn't stern.

It was nervous.

Take it again.

That was a little stern.

Call me

if anything happens.

Much better.

Uneasy.

I talked it up to the first time jitters about a news setter.

I was just a teenager, after all.

So the first hour or so was perfectly normal.

The girls played with dolls and blocks.

I exhaled.

Easy money.

Then came dinner.

Pizza.

I was slicing up Sarah's plate when Mia's demeanor snapped like a rubber band.

She demanded, screamed that I cut hers too.

I gently told her I'd be just a second.

That's when she started jamming whole slices into her mouth.

Eyes locked at mine.

She forced herself to choke.

I dropped the knife, ran over, dug the pizza out of her throat.

Sorry for laughing.

Her expression never changed.

It's very funny.

Insane children make me sick.

It's very, very funny.

Yeah, it's very.

Once Sarah was ready for bed, I told Mia I'd be back to play.

I was upstairs for maybe five minutes when I heard it.

The kind of scream that drills into your spine.

I bolted downstairs, heart pounding, only to find Mia standing in the middle of the room, smiling, still.

I asked what happened.

She stared at me and whispered, I want you to play with me.

No.

Her eyes were wrong.

Like someone had flipped a switch behind them and the real girl had disappeared.

I told her I'd be back in a minute.

She ran ahead of me faster than I expected and climbed into her sister's bed.

Before I could intervene, she shoved Sarah onto the floor.

The toddler wailed, and I rushed to scoop her up.

In the chaos, Mia snatched my phone from my pocket and locked herself in the bathroom.

A moment later, I heard the toilet flush.

I was still banging on the door when she flung it open and sprinted barefoot out the front door.

It was still light out, thank God, but she ran like something was chasing her through the yard, into the street.

I tore after her, caught her mid-sprint, wrapped my arms around her like a human cage while she kicked and bit, wild-eyed and thrashing.

No warning, no trigger, just something inside her unleashed.

Back inside, I told her to go to her room.

I checked the bathroom.

My phone was soaked at the bottom of the toilet.

Then came the worst moment of the night.

It gets worse.

I didn't hear her footsteps, just her presence behind me.

I turned, and there she stood.

Oh, yes, yes.

I turned, there she stood, big brown eyes, glassy and sweet, like none of it had happened.

Are you mad at me?

She asked.

I didn't answer.

I just told her to go back to her room and stayed close to Sarah.

Fifteen minutes later, the parents came home.

I told them everything.

Mom pulled me outside, shutting the door softly behind her.

She looked exhausted, haunted.

She's been having some trouble.

She said, do you think that we should get help?

I never stepped foot in that house again.

They moved away not long after.

Some kids throw tantrums, some break rules, but every now and then you meet one who looks at you with calm eyes and chaos behind them.

I like this was a good letter because they had a nice

conclusion statement, like a Jerry Springer.

No, I loved it.

And also, kids are frightening.

I don't want kids at all.

No, no, I want to be nowhere near them.

Yeah, stay away.

Yep.

I mean, like, you you know, if the parents are around, I'll hang out with them.

I actively dislike them.

Yeah.

I actively hate your children.

I talk about that this week on Brighter's side, actually.

We're another one.

And because it's a side stories, I'm not going to let today pass without a single mention of shit.

We talked a little Dookie earlier.

It's fine, but it's just how life goes.

Yeah.

And it's called a part of life, much like death is.

That will come for all of you.

At a red roof inn that complain.

I'm so glad that this story has found a relevant home in the world.

I work at a call center for a trash and recycling company.

But two years ago, I was asked to call and suspend services for this one household.

The woman was shitting in her trash can.

Her outdoor trash can.

Like, we all know what dog poop looks like.

This is clearly not from a dog.

The first time she did it, she hit it like a jam filling in a

jam filling in a layer cake.

Bag shit, bag shit.

Bag, bag.

The driver had photos of the aftermath smeared on the inside, so we called and we asked her to make sure everything was bagged.

Next week, he showed up for service and opened the lid to find raw, unbagged logs sitting on top of the bags of trash.

No paper towels either.

We concluded from the evidence provided that the only way she could have done this was to shit directly into her four-foot-tall trash can

and then rolled it out onto the road like it was normal.

Then we had to have a conversation with a stranger about it.

So to answer your question, no, piss cannot be recycled.

And yes, drivers drivers do check the trash cans.

That's crazy because I watched the driver picked up my trash today and the hook grabbed my can and it just went in the back of the, no one got out and looked at my can.

I think they have cameras and I do think that it depends on what comes sloshing out of it.

I think they're watching it go in.

I'm good with my trash.

I'll tell you that much.

You are the most anal trash preparer

of all of us.

I do put shit, but only in the green bin.

What do you mean, like your own personal shit?

No, my dogs.

You don't put it in the regular trash?

No.

Well, I got bags.

They're in bags.

I put it straight.

I don't even use the bags because the bags don't always biodegrade.

What do you mean you in your mouth?

No, I have a pooper scooper.

They make shovels for shit, Henry.

But what about, yeah, I have that in my backyard, but when you're, you'll be asking you around and walking them.

They're in the backyard.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have a shit scooper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I take the shit straight from the scooper, and then I put it in the green bin.

This has been great.

I think this has been some of our best radio ever.

And if you have a problem with it, you can live yourself away.

You can go take yourself and live some other place because you're fucking wrong.

All right.

And you can love the fact that we made some form of entertainment and did update you on many important things, didn't we?

That's right.

And then you can laugh knowing that we

are the people for the job.

That's right.

And no one else can do what we do in the way that we do it.

I don't think that's...

You think so?

We're the only ones hosting any form of, like, I've really seen very little of comedians talking.

Yeah, they hate that.

Yeah, there's very little of that in the podcast fair.

Yeah.

So it's nice that we're doing it.

Yeah, we're the only guys in the game, right?

Probably the only liberal guys in the game.

Well, I mean, we're...

You know, I don't even know what I am.

You have a nice opinion, I think.

Well, I just, you know,

I hate everything.

I hate all of it.

There you go.

That's what I love.

And if you hate everything and you live in the Fort Lauderdale area, come see Henry and I.

Do side stories live on May 7th at the Fort Lauderdale Dania Improv.

They keep changing the name of this fucking place.

They really do.

But Fort Lauderdale Improv, Dania Improv, Fort Lauderdale in general.

We're going to be there on May 7th.

And then the following night, May 8th, we're going to be up at the Orlando Funny Bone.

The late show is the only one left.

The early show sold out, so get your tickets to the late show.

We're doing two in a row, baby.

It's going to be a lot of fun.

Cannot wait.

We are going to have a blast.

And then we're also going to Atlanta.

We will be there after our live show at the coca-cola roxy on the on on june 29th 29th and we will also same thing

sold out late show still available dad's garage side stories and that is gonna be not all pretty much all of our shows are pretty um pretty improv like we've got bullet points and stuff yeah we're gonna have some other kind of slightly prepared material this is different we are going to dad's garage is full nuts we're just gonna experiment and we can't wait to do it in front of you.

It's going to be free thought.

And then, of course, just in a couple weeks, in two weeks, we're going to be in Detroit for last podcast on the left at the Masonic.

That's going to be on April 18th.

Make sure you come check that show out.

There's still a couple tickets left, so grab them while they got nuts.

Also, I'm hitting the road.

I'm coming

sandwiching those Fort Lauderdale and Orlando dates on May 6th.

I'm going to be in Naples.

That's a Tuesday at the Off the Hook Comedy Club.

Come hang out with me there.

I'm going to have Kevin Skeeney and Lisa Correa with me.

It's going to be a lot of fun.

And then May 9th through the 11th, Comedy Key West, baby.

I'm going there, and that's going to be a fucking blast.

That is going to be a lot of fun.

That's where you're going to drink yourself to death, and it'll be fun.

I will.

Well, I won't because I don't like drinking before the show.

And so I've got to.

But you'll right after.

I know, but Key West is such a day-drinking town.

I have no idea what you're going to do all day, not drinking inside of Key West.

Well, you know who I'm going to visit?

Robert.

Yeah.

Does he know?

I don't know.

I haven't, I mean, this is like me announcing it, I guess.

We're going to have to, you're going to have to.

Should I bring him a gift, right?

Yes.

Yes.

I should bring Robert like a little last podcast t-shirt or something, right?

Yes, he needs, yes, we need to bring him a gift.

Yeah, yeah.

So

I'll talk to Ken.

Do we have any children's clothes available for merch?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could go down to buy the orphanage.

Yeah.

Have you ever been over by the abortion clinic?

They actually, if you go through the dumps or the abortion clinic, a lot of that stuff.

You shouldn't have to buy clothes for abortions.

No, no.

It's like i mean some people get hats people do it ahead of time people get really excited

yeah get in a toddler yeah we'll get in the toddler tea yeah i i really should bring robert the doll a t-shirt that's be que that'd be queat what are we gonna say

sweat it's cat yeah it's cute sweat and cats cat robert i can't wait to meet you buddy i love you i don't disrespect you in any way i'm bringing you a gift and we love your hat yes and keep listening to the podcast yes please robert if you would

Maybe a good put hat.

You know who actually I realize, you know what the polygamy family reminds me of?

The five people who comment on our Spotify account for some reason.

The weirdest comment strand.

It's like, why do they do?

They could have done anything.

Spotify literally could have added.

anything.

Why is the Spotify comments so much more evil than any other evil?

It's so funny.

It's because they shouldn't have comments.

There's no reason for comments.

Nobody's mad.

They're paying for Spotify.

Everybody's mad.

All they do is make them pay for another thing.

It's every time you do something, he's just going to make you pay for something else because they fucking hate you.

But just remember that.

Just like, Jesus Christ.

Oh, fuck it.

Oh, we need some other, we need some pro gremlins on there.

Go to patreon.com/slash slash podcastandheleft.com.

Don't you just want to give straight to the creators?

That's how you do that.

And at LP on the left, you can see all of our various socials.

Man, we are really, unfortunately, working on them.

And you can really look at them.

They're quite a bit of work.

So if you want to look at at these fucking socials, that'd be fucking great, honestly.

And you're going to want to go to Contact in the Desert.

We will be there all weekend.

Go to their website.

We are there from May 29th to June 2nd.

Buy a ticket.

We have a big comedy night plan that we are going to officially announce in the next couple of weeks.

That Saturday night, that'll be great.

Sounds like you just announced it.

Well,

LancePodcastinLive.com is where you get to go all of our live shows.

And we're going to see you there, aren't you?

We're going to see you out there because if not, you're a fucking loser.

Honestly, Bo, Contact in the Desert.

It's going to be a ball.

It's coming up.

It's two months out.

If you can make the trip, like, honestly, it's we're you are just in this space, not just with us, but with some of the greatest UFO people in the world and some of the worst.

That's the best.

And it's like, and it's truly like, I mean, like, seeing Nick Pope at the bar at 2 a.m.

Just the best.

Like, there's something

about it.

I can't really describe how funny it is to see George Norrie walk out of an elevator with his parfait that he got from the hotel gift shop like it is just so funny i don't know why i can't remember his name fire in the sky we saw travis walton travis walton just playing guitar next to a fire yeah dude

it's like it is nuts it is so

very funny and then like celebrities show up because they need to see this they're not even a part of the thing fred nurse was just there last night lp was just there dude like i got to hang out with lp for a little bit that guy's a fucking great he's very cool yes he's very cool yeah i go hopefully you run into him again he was fucking hilarious actually we should reach out to him he'd be great on the show He's on the show.

Yeah.

Elfie is a genius, too, obviously.

I fucking love him, and I love Ron the Jewels.

I'm going to see Run the Jewels soon.

When?

They're opening for Wu-Tang.

No shit.

When?

It's in June.

Where?

Here, in town.

Where?

I don't know where.

You don't remember.

It's in Los Angeles.

I don't know.

Wherever the tickets are.

We're just talking about our plans now.

All right, we got to prepare for this next thing.

All right, you fuckers.

Hail, Sweet Saint.

Hail, whoever has to deal with tailorship business.

God.

Her business is between her and God.

What's poppin' listeners?

I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.

Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.

Want to know about the fake heirs?

We got them.

What about a career con man?

We've got them too.

Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.

I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

If you're sleeping hot and sweaty, it's impossible to get a good night's rest.

And if your solutions are blasting the AC high all summer and doing constant pillow flips, you've got to check out Coop Sleep Goods.

Coop combines advanced cooling technology and personalized comfort to create pillows that help hot sleepers stay sweat-free all summer.

The fabrics are breathable and cool to the touch, so you feel an instant chill the moment you lay down.

Designed for 50% more breathability, the innovative fill helps you sleep cooler and more comfortably.

They also have tensile sheets that are naturally cooling, lightweight, and feel buttery, soft on your skin.

If it's not your coolest sleep ever, return it with no questions asked during their 100-night sleep better guarantee.

And right now, you can get 20% off your first order.

Visit coopsleepgoods.com cool summer to redeem your offer.

That's copsleepgoods.com/slash cool summer.