Side Stories: Casey Anthony, Legal Advocate

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It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain.
So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us.
It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas.
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This is the last podcast left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes it's crazy eddie i didn't even actually didn't even know that they made made this car anymore. I did not know.
I thought that they had discontinued this. The Hugo? No, no.
Have you seen the Kia abortion? Oh, yeah. It is crazy.
The Kia abortion was, it's brave, obviously brave. It has a, it's actually what's great is that it's amazing, especially now that these gasoline prices are going to shoot through the roof because tariffs is it actually works on fetus meat.
And you put it through the top of like a blender type thing at the very back on it. Like like in Back to the Future, they had the thing where Doc Brown put in all the trash.
Exactly. Except for you put your hoo-ha over it.
Yeah. If you if you've got a boardie that's ready to slide out, that's been unmoored and unanchored.
Yeah. And it's just crazy because even just, like, first of all, I did not know that Casey Anthony was such a gearhead.
Oh, she loves it. Because she had it.
Like, the fact that she's even driving around with one, I didn't even know that that was street legal anymore. Yeah.
She must know Jay Leno. Well, she works with Kia.
She's their new spokesperson. Oh, that actually makes so much sense because on the roads...
Yeah, because she Kia her child. She Kia'd, yes, and got away with keying, which is one of the worst things you can do.
Was it a Kia that she had? No. No, it was some other car.
I'm making a joke. I actually can't even really tell right now.
I just know that on the road, you can come at me on this. SidestoriesLPOTL at gmail.com.
There's only one driver worse than a Tesla driver, and that is a Kia driver. Whoa.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to come at you because I used to have a Kia Sophia. Yeah, well, that's different.
You wanted to be Italian. Oh, yeah, she drove a Pontiac Sunfire.
Thanks for the memories. I got you, Eddie.
They're Korean. Welcome to Side Stories.
We flipped the car, by the way, so that's not the best example. No.
But I wasn't driving. Someone else was driving.
Thank you. And then they flipped the car, and we were stuck on our side.
And I remember they just flipped my car because they wanted to look at the CDs as I was changing the CDs. And I remember they flipped the car, and then we're sitting on our side, and they're hanging because they had their seatbelt on, and they're hanging, and then they're like, I've got to take my belt off.
I'm like, if you take that belt off, you're going to crush me. They're like, I've got to take my belt off.
He's like, if you take your belt off, I'm going to kill you. I'm already very mad at you.
And then I talked some people into pushing our car back right side up. My name's Henry Soprowski.
I'm sitting here with the awful storyteller, Ed Larson. I feel like that would be a better story if you didn't make me rush through it.
It's just because I was in the middle of the most practiced, hardest part of my job. Which is what? Saying the name of this fucking show.
Side stories? Yes. It's the hardest part of hosting.
I mean, it's easy for you to remember because you're so involved with the SS. Not anymore.
Not according to youries eddie we've got a lot of stuff so much messaging in on these these wench these beer wench dresses that you're obsessed with dwindle trockton house and then some nice options thank you so much for people who sent in the the german beer hall dresses for my wife his wife he's been sexualizing in a kind of antique way. Here's the thing.
I mean, these, like, I don't want Julie to look like a Hummel. No, no, no.
You want to look like a Hummel, you can fuck. A Cummel.
These, I would say these, how do I say, the breasts don't heave as much as I'd like them to. I'm expecting, I want more, just like, I want her breasts to heave so much, they're at her ears.
Well, I think the way you do that is, truly, is you can handle that yourself, buddy. You just cut a hole in that.
You just cut the window into the top of that thing that you want, right? And that's when you present the dress, but you don't give her the option, necessarily, to choose what neckline she wants. I want a push-up bra that works so well.
Her tits are like a hat. Oh, great.
Oh, that's easy. Honestly, that's just ribbons.
That's just ribbons. You just tie it behind her head.
I think what I was actually looking for is ribbons. Oh, yes, I think so.
So if you could send in some breast ribbons. He's looking for breast ropes for my wife.
So if you could find anything that really would help with that, I'd appreciate that. The dwindled dresses are very nice.
I might actually just buy her one. I just couldn't see a world where I could give her this and she doesn't look at me and possibly hit me.
No, she'll be upset with you, especially when you tell her your brutalist fantasies, where you want to be a dying Jewish man and she's a friendly Bavarian woman that has either found you after you've escaped from the concentration camps but I just feel like you're just so, and I mean this I'm taken to the woods. I mean this the nicest way, Eddie.
I live in the woods. I need a new forest wife.
When you look in the mirror and you see yourself, it's gonna be hard, especially like, are you gonna draw little numbers on your arm? No, I never got caught. That's the thing.
I'm living in the woods. Oh, you're saying you were always a...
I will die before you take me, baby. That's what he needs.
Also, I've got a lot of people sending in stuff about Stalag fiction. The Stalag fiction.

I don't know how you quite pronounce it.

Yeah, no, that's not.

But this is exactly what you're looking for.

No, this isn't what I'm looking for.

It's pornographic Nazi exploitation books.

I read it.

But these women are Nazis.

Exactly.

I, like a German woman.

What do you think the Bavarians were?

Who just happens to live in Nazi Germany.

Guess what happens.

Who doesn't believe in their views. And if you're actively fighting it, you're one of them.
What do you mean? That's what the dwindle women are. Even though, yeah, they might be apolitical because they have their ghost nipples.
They hate it. No, they don't.
They're high nether guys. There's no way they'd be allowed into the dwindles if they hated it.
Oh, come on. Everyone gets a drindle if you're blonde or red-headed enough.

No, the Bavarians were even more hateful

than the city-based bar winches.

The pretzel people? Did you see Eddie

putting his face on this little Jewish

on the prisoner of this

Stalag magazine? These women are dressed like Nazis!

They have their tits out. They look great.

And they actually aren't dressed like Nazis. They're dressed like

something else. She has a Nazi armband!

Oh, I thought that was just a fun ex. Maybe that's my problem politically recently.
You don't understand the sight of a swastika? No, honestly, I do understand it. I know it's supposed to be a target for bullets.
Yes. It's amazing.
The swastika and the Germans, they never turned the swastika into a pretzel. You know, again, missed opportunity there was only a couple years where that would have really popped that's why they really needed capitalism oh i remember ilsa she would she wolf of the ss we almost saw this film what is this it's it's one of your favorite movies out of you i think yeah you would love you would love it wow you just never stop jerking off to it whoa it's It's got dogs and Nazi women.
You'd be surprised. I got some old documentaries I could show you as well.
Some of them are pretty rough. Exactly.
Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way. Now let's talk about...
Do we just lose a bunch of subscribers? Yeah, of course. Every time.
Every time we speak. Every day.
And if you want to see Eddie in a dwindle dress, he's going to be in one when we do our live show. Well, you've got to dress like a little German boy.
I will. You see all these outfits? I saw this on the dwindle site.
They're actually selling leather boy swim trunks. I know.
Leather swim trunks, Henry. It's so a boy drowns on vacation.
That's the idea. It attracts sharks.
They're all very thick. All of these are very thick.
Look at that for our show. Ooh, man.
Well, we got to hurry up and buy this because we're going to be in Huntsville on March 16th at the LBC Center or the VBC Center, the Von Braun Center. Yeah, you're going to love it.
And we all love Werner Von Braun, our favorite American. Oh, my God.
Is it named after him? Yes. Oh, I never put it together until this moment.
Yes. It is named after.
We're playing at a place named after a Nazi. We made him American.
All right. So we have to all know that's a fact.
We've made him American. This whole stuff with Julie is a joke.
This is serious. I actually think that you'd be surprised.
This is upsetting me now. Natalie says this to me all the time.
She tells me all this time about jokes. She's like, oh, you joke.
You say it's just a joke. But I also heard you at one point say, Henry, all jokes are true.
And I said, parts of jokes are true, and thoughts behind jokes can be true, but this is just history, Eddie. Werner von Braun started this theater so that he could do his favorite play.
I want to say he did The Wizard of Oz several times because it reminded him of his old boss. Yes.
Because that was... Rianna Togans heroes.
Adolf Hitler's, one of his favorite movies was The Wizard of Oz. There better be a sandwich shop in there called Hogan's Heroes.
Oh my God, please. That would be amazing.
Oh God, Satan schnitzels. I'd eat nothing.
That's a great tag. That's a great tag for that.
All right, so we did our plug. We discussed Eddie's lingering fascination sexually with Nazis.

I can't believe we're...

I know we were going...

This is blowing my mind.

It's his theater.

Yeah, buddy.

Where do you think he got Annie got your gun?

Annie got your gun.

You know what I mean?

Where do you think he got...

Yeah, yeah.

Where do you think he got these?

He's a showman.

He always was. But we have to talk about another one of our favorite villains.
She's back. Oh, God.
My texts have not stopped ringing. I mean it.
The messaging. I'm getting all day long.
Emails. DMs.
My mom reached out. Really? Did you see Casey Anthony's on TikTok? Everyone, why? My mom, my mom even, she was just like, that horrible woman.
But his skin looks so nice. And I was just like, no, I know, mom.
Great. Also, why are you on the computer? I don't want her on the computer.
But Casey Anthony, in case you live under a true crime rock, you now know that Casey Anthony has started a TikTok and even worse than a TikTok, she has started a sub stack. Now, Casey Anthony has decided to come out swinging at the top of this.
I can't fucking believe this bitch. Casey Anthony, let's just start.
Can we play it? Let's scrub through some of the video. You see her.
She's very nervous up top because obviously she's so not used to public speaking. Yeah.
With a giant. Today is Saturday, March 1st, 2025.
This is my first of probably many recordings on a series that I'm starting. I am a legal advocate.
I am a researcher. I've been in the legal field since 2011.
And in this capacity, I feel that it's necessary if I'm going to continue to operate appropriately as a legal advocate that I start to advocate for myself. Yes, definitely.
And also advocate for my daughter. For those of you who don't know, my name is Casey Anthony.
My daughter is Kaylee Anthony. My parents are George and Cindy Anthony.
This is not about them. This is not in response to anything that they have said or done.
That's not to say that I'm not going to respond at some point to some of the things that they have said and done. The whole point of this is for me to begin to reintroduce myself.
I'm doing this both personally for me, but in a professional capacity.

Moving forward, the majority of what you will see will be me speaking in a professional capacity.

My goal is to continue to help give a voice to people, to give people tools and resources that they can utilize so they actually know where they can turn to.

Now, Casey Anthony is she's putting herself forward as this, I think what they call a legal advocate or victim's advocate. This is a term you hear a lot.
And it is a, it's a fraught term. It's also, it's hard, right? Because it's for people that largely don't have the resources to hire a lawyer or have been fucked up by the system for various reasons.
Either they, you know, they've been enrolled through the CPS system, they've been enrolled through various things and they need help. So these legal advocates are people that sort of come out and some of them are on one side of the spectrum where they have a lot of experience in training, education.
A lot of them used to be lawyers or people that want to be in law enforcement. And they are looking to do pro bono work to help people.
And I'm going to say that's one side of the spectrum. Yes.
And on the other side of the spectrum. Good.
Yes. It's fine.
It's utterly fine. Some people need help.
You do need help. It is hard when you don't have.
It's definitely difficult if you don't have the money. You can't hire a lawyer.
You have a public defender. If you're lucky or you're getting sued and you don't have money to hire a lawyer.
Yes. But then on the other side of all of this, you have Casey Anthony.
So now Casey Anthony is the exact worst problem that something like legal advocacy has because it's Casey Anthony. Yeah.
And the second you're standing next to Casey Anthony, you are involved in Casey Anthony's life, her baggage, every single thing attached to her. She is a human anchor and a child murderer.
Now, devil's advocate. Oh, so you're going to, so this is you.
I'm just asking questions. You're fighting for Casey.
I'm not fighting for, I'm asking questions. If someone was accused of murdering their child, would Casey Anthony not be a really good legal advocate for them? Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah, yes. Absolutely.
If you want that involvement. You know what I mean? If you want that involvement, sure, it could be.
you're also what seems to be accused of murdering your child and there seems to be heaps and heaps of evidence against you. But then you happen to also like sucking your lawyer's penis.
I think that Casey would do a really that she'd be perfect for you, because I do think that the most of Casey Anthony's legal information does come from her former lawyer's balls. And it seems to she believes that it has kind of spread through her brain.
Now, I just important to know that the worst part about something like this is because of the words victim advocacy. Yes.
People need help right now more than ever. We got, you know, this divide's coming harder than you could possibly imagine.

We are going to have more people having less and more people having more than ever before. Yes.
And when desperation hits, that's when crime goes up. Of course.
It's very natural. And it's also very difficult.
But another thing that then gets pushed onto those that don't have that much money is that when you are looking for somebody to help you, you feel, I think, a lot. You look at the term victim advocate and you're like, this is somebody who cares.
This is somebody that wants to help no matter what it is that they think. They want to put aside their own lives and they want to altruistically help me.

But I have to stress, I just got to let you get through your heads just a little bit, is that those people, it's why the grift is so hard in that world. It is and it does it a lot.
And you see it in this world and then you also see, well, basically people in legal trouble that don't deserve it or our victims are very easily taken advantage of. Easily manipulated.
If you're in a desperate set of circumstances, you're looking for any help that you can get. So sometimes you're going to take whoever shows up.
But the thing is, is that, again, why it's all this shit gets kicked to us is that you have to vet these motherfuckers so thickly. You really do.
You need to when you're getting something, just remember the statement, there's no such thing as a free lunch. You're going to have to pay for it in one way or another.
So you just have to figure out what it is you're willing to pay. You look into these people.
You read about, you call people that they've worked with. You need to dig into the lives of the advocates that are working for you.
Because if you don't, you just have to know who these people are. Yeah, a good way to do that, I always find, is literally Google their name with the word scandal next to it.
Or just like that. Or, I mean, do the legwork.
Call a guy's former boss. Yeah.
Do it. Be like, who's this person? Send an email.
Because especially if you need help, that help also has to be good. Because also the worst part is that when you desperately need help, you need big money help.
You don't need the shitty guy, the person who just rolls up from the fucking pet co that you met while you were getting your cat groomed Who said that she's got a lot of ideas about to help you with your tenant advocacy. Because they don't know.
Go to a real place. And especially, don't go to Casey Anthony.
No, certainly don't go to Casey Anthony. And by the way, while you've been talking, it's beautifully said, by the way.
I will say, I've been trying to find out how to hire Casey Anthony, just out of curiosity. Yeah, how do we get her? How do we get her? Yeah, because my back hurts.
There is no way. Can we get her? I've been Googling.
I've been searching. I'm on like page five of Google.
I don't know how to hire her. I do believe that if you're in the Fort Lauderdale area and you have a cyber truck.
I think that if you waive a $100 bill while driving a Cybertruck around Fort Lauderdale, she will just show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so you can actually be surprised. I feel like she'll just materialize being like, ah, there's money and attention here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shots on us.
If you say that, she'll eventually show up like a genie. Oh, yeah.
Especially Zanny bars. Who's got Zanny bars? She's going to love that shit.
Just remember that Casey Anthony, if she actually gave a fucking shit, we wouldn't know she was doing this until she was doing it already. Just know that.
Her sticking her dumb ass face into social media to get herself back into the fucking news cycle. This is all this is doing.
And yeah, we're doing it exactly what she wants, which is we are talking about her. Not exactly what she wants.
We're telling her to go fuck herself. People are definitely going to like this.
Well, because the problem is that there are unfortunately very dumb and innocent people that don't understand that this is a very bad person. And that what this person is going to do is hollow you out and leave you empty.
It's hard to remember that this like, you know, 2008 is almost 20 years ago. Oh, I know.
I was, there's a lot of, there's a lot of people who are younger that just look like a, someone, this is someone who triumphed over a bad thing and don't really realize how evil she actually is. Yeah, dude.
And I know we're supposed to keep saying allegedly and all this kind of shit, but fuck that shit. I'm sick of this garbage, especially with Casey Anthony, because I don't care.
Because you know what? Even if, yeah, all right, you go through all of this shit. Let's just say in some kind of snowball's hell and chance that she is innocent.

You mean to tell me she wants more of this? Yeah.

She wants more? She wants

more scandal? She wants more

attention? She wants to drag this up

more? She wants to name her dead daughter

again on a fucking social media?

And say she's standing up for her like she's still alive?

Yeah, fuck that bitch. Also, like, look,

her sub stack. Oh, good.
You can go give her $100 a year for her sub stack. It's all about money.
It's always about money. 10 bucks a month for her horrible opinion.
Everything's a money grab. And this is the worst thing right now is that we're seeing everybody's doing everything for the sake of a money grab, which I do understand.
There's no help coming, and it feels very, very scary, so everybody feels like they gotta get in on the grift but you got to understand the grift universe will eventually end. I don't know, man.
I mean, it's one way or another, buddy. If you are a victim, I think it's very important.
We've already said it. Know that people are coming for you because the fact that you're already a victim makes you an easy target.
And when both of my parents my parents died i had people calling me non-stop trying to get money out of me telling me my parents owed them money and shit people from fucking egypt telling me that my mom was a cunt you know like it was crazy you know how many shit happens and now the grift i see all the time is because we're lonelier than ever oh yeah a lot of people don't go out they out. They don't associate social media.
It keeps us connected, but we don't go to each other's houses. We don't see each other anymore, so people are actually very lonely.
And so the grift I keep getting on my phone, and luckily I'm smart enough to realize it's a grift, but people just start, hey, how you doing? Oh, yeah. You want to get sushi tomorrow from a number you don't know? Yes.
And every time,'s someone preying on other people's loneliness just to get you to respond. And then you like it starts off all easy because I practice responding because I'm curious.
You know, I'm like, oh, no, I'm fine. You know, you know, who is this? Oh, you don't remember me? How did you not save my number and stuff like that? Yeah.
They start blaming you for doing something wrong. And then the next thing you know, you're sending them fucking money.
Yep. And it's the same thing with they do it to old people by sending them the weird phishing emails and they're doing it to us now.
You think you're past it. We all do.
We all think we're smart enough. We all think that we're savvy enough that we know enough about how business sausage gets made and how the media goes.
But you would be fucking surprised. I watch so, you know, I watch my, my, obviously my reams and reams of body cam footage.
One thing that also shows up all the time is at a foreclosure. There's always somebody that's there that's getting foreclosed and it's sad, right? I don't like watching those necessarily, but I watch it for the quote-unquote tenant advocates that just kind of show up.
All of a sudden, it's just some person that is trying to jam their way in between all of these various things, thinking, and then you start to, like, the more and more you listen to them talk, you realize, like, oh, the woman that was the former tenant promised this person money. Like, this woman's fighting And then you realize like, oh, no, no, no.
She's doing this as some other long con into this person's life. And again, I'm not saying that they're all illegitimate.
No, there's they're probably mostly legitimate. Mostly.
But but the thing is, is that that being said, you have to fight for your fucking self.

Yeah.

You have to fight for yourself.

You have to know who the hell it is you're talking to when you decide to put your name next to somebody else.

Especially in any of these matters when it comes to, you know, child custody or like all of this shit.

Immigration.

You need to fucking very much so trust who these people are.

Yeah, man.

So just you got to do your homework.

I remember when speaking of this to get last you

know not to get too crazy on it but speaking of immigration and people taking advantage of

disparate people when i was working down at the border we wanted to interview a coyote you know

and like just be like well let's talk to these fucking people now these are that you're talking

about the the people that bring people across the border,

not the dogs.

Not the dogs.

I would, I mean, I just want to hang.

I don't want to interview.

Coyotes is a hang and then we're going to kill some road runners.

Yeah, dude, I want to fucking do shots with the coyote.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the coyote who brings people across the border illegally, we wanted to find one.

And the way we actually found one to interview was a immigration lawyer in Brownsville, Texas,

I'm not going to be a good one. cross the border illegally um we wanted to find one and the way we actually found one to interview was a immigration lawyer in brownsville texas knew the coyote the coyote was his brother yeah and so he would sit there and he'd get people who get caught coming over the border and then he and they would get sent back and then he would give them right back to his brother the coyote it was a horrible little circle that they had going and they were fucking evil as hell and straight gangsters oh yeah and everybody's making money off of making money and it's very difficult because again who are we aiming towards extremely vulnerable people yes people that are easy to roll and so if you are vulnerable recognize it and know that people are fucking coming for you.
Because anybody can be one of these things. You could go, I looked at all this up.
Obviously Joel helped me research. There are like programs that you could do to be a quote unquote legal advocate, but mostly there's like things that you could just fill out and you get a certificate.
Yeah. And then you're just like, yeah, I'm a minister.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I could I Same thing.
You can just clickily click. It's as strong as being a priest.
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And that brings us to our next bit of news.

Oh.

El Papu.

Papu.

El Papu is indeed the El Papu.

Yes.

Pope Francis still almost dead as of this recording. We don't know what's happening tomorrow.
I'd say, curse aside stories, probably going to be dead by the time you hear this. Fingers crossed.
Yes, but he's still alive. He suffered two new acute respiratory crises yesterday on Monday.
What was so cute about him? Do they have little mice in there? They're all hanging out. Yes, copious amounts of mucus were pulled out of his lungs during two bronchoscopies.
Wow. I don't know how to say that.
Bronchoscopies, bronchoscopies. This is my question.
Yeah. Alright.
You're with the Pope. He's going, bring me a boy, bring me a boy.
And you're like, you're in the hospital. We can't kneel, Papua.
And they pull the mucus out of the Pope. Now, every other fluid out of the Pope is magical.
Yes. You know, like you want to get kissed by the Pope.
You want to get licked by the Pope. You want to be washed by the Pope.
You want to get tongued by the Pope. Would not his mucus be holy? Are we? Of course it is, first of all.
But are we sure

it's mucus? Could be cum.

He could have swallowed cum and it could have

went into his lungs. He could have sucked so much

dick that there's cum in his lungs.

You're right. You're right, and I actually

didn't even answer this question myself. I should

have. Yeah, sometimes when you suck

a lot of dick, you can drown in

cum, and that might be what's

happening to Pope Francis right now. Wow.
I hope for his sake because you know in the end he died doing what he loved yeah and you know and if the cum is holy then he should be able to breathe through it because it's holy that's holy sure that's funny yes i know what you're saying but but again if the cum is holy yeah I feel like he should have been healed. He should have

been younger. I thought that the more dick he

sucked, the younger he'd get. Because

right now, he is looking

sadly a bit like

Colin Farrell from The Penguin.

He's got some

penguin vibes going on.

He's got a fucking marshmallow head right now.

He's not looking good. And if anybody,

I'm not going to spoil the ending of Conclave. He is the Tootsie of Popes.
He is Pope Tootsie. If anybody's seen Enclave, I'm not going to.
Conclave. What did I say? Spoiler alert.
You said Enclave. You forgot to see before the.
What's an Enclave? I think it's because people hang out. Yeah, or like when rocks fall on a car.
Cool. Yeah.
I like that better. Conclave, if you haven't seen it, I won't spoil the ending for you, but these bishops have the very, they have the funniest thing they could do possibly in their hands.
Oh my God. It is, we have a shot here to really shake things up.
And that's why I'm putting forward my bed for new Pope, Pope Shakira. Pope Shakira.
Whenever, whenever, whenever we will be together, I believe and to be there. And I will be you, my dear.
Whenever, whenever. She's in trouble, right? She needs the money.
I'll bail her out. What does she need? She got in trouble with money somehow.
What does she need help with? We need to help Shakira. I think, yeah, she's not bankrupt, but like tax evasion or something.
See, I like that. Gerard wrote in Shakira bankrupt into Google.
First thing it says, no, Shakira's not bankrupt. Tax fraud in Spain.
That's her problem. Oh, I can help you, Shakira.
Yeah, we can do whatever you need here on Science Story, Shakira.

Oh, sex fraud in Spain.

I thought that they all fucking just...

How can you even do that in Spain?

How much shellfish do you need?

Yeah, I mean, exactly.

How much pulpo are you supposed to give back a year?

I can't believe they actually catch people doing crimes with all the naps they take.

Seriously?

In all the tiny plates?

Yeah. Like, I feel like there's like, who's got in this economy they're not having serving full dishes of food yeah shakira was indicted for tax fraud she shouldn't be going to jail shakira can't go to jail she's gonna be totally fine she's shakira oh she said that she was a resident of the bahamas of course her and jeffrey epstein in 2023 oh that's wow she did she got a deal she's fine Yeah, she's fine.
Oh, then she's fine. No, Shakira's going to.
Oh, that's... Wow, she did it.
She got a deal. She's fine.

Yeah, she's fine. Oh, then she's fine.

No, Shakira's gonna be fine.

She's too, I mean, she's too Shakira.

Pope, Shakira. Think about it.
Shakira. Pope, Shakira.

Pope, Pope, Shakira. She's having a hard time

selling tickets, and if she goes

out there, man, that first man,

the first Pope with a

GD badonkadonk. Because I was thinking about this with lori ballo the outfits aren't great for that well what do you mean the pope outfits you can't see ass through that no well pope francisco whatever his name is squeaky clean uh fucking imagine a short skirt pope oh god that makes me hard like just thinking about it would be so much fun because you know but the pope uh nice pope should had uh hypocrite pope nice i thought francis is the only nice pope that's what i mean hypocrite pope hypocrite what he did was he technically revolutionized the papal outfit because he he technically toned it down he famously made it less opulent after pope benedict the former openly Nazi pope, who I actually even like even more because of the refreshing honesty.
Because he at least was just openly evil. Like the Pope Benedict, he was doing all the pomp and circumstance.
He did all the big hats. He did all the ornate clothing.
The Pope hypocrite, he kind of pulled it back a little bit. But now I think if Pope Shakira gets in there, nothing I'd like better.
Think about that. I would love it if the next Pope wasn't pure evil.
Fuck that. No, only pure evil.
More evil. You think so? Yes.
Makes it easier to hate the Catholic Church. Dude, the goal is- We don't need them winning anything.
No, dude, I want them to step on the- You immediately talked me into it. Yeah, I want them to step on the gas pump towards their own destruction.
And the more chaos from the top, the more likely it's to shake apart. Steve Bannon be a great Pope.
Pope Bannon? Yeah, Pope flooding the zone. Yeah.
Biden! He's a Catholic. I don't know.
He's available. He's old as hell.
I can't have him kneel all the time.

Oh, he can't.

He's the one person that doesn't have to kneel.

Think about how long that fucking mass is going to be with him shuffling.

Hey, hey, hey, let me be clear.

Hey, listen here, Jack.

I know my buddy.

I have a friend named Jesus Christ.

He's working at a Mexican restaurant.

Hey, come here, Jack. Here, listen here, friend.
Listen here, Papa Pooh. I'm going to tell you something I know.
I do one, two, three, four. Angela Merkel said the biggest set of ding-dongs I've seen outside of my, oh, sweet, sweet wife.
Set of ding-dongs? I don't know. I don't know.
He's not fucking right. Is that two dicks? He fuck him.
Fuck Biden. Fuck his fucking ass.
I mean, honestly. No, seriously.
Fuck all of them. Yes.
I just, every single fucking one of them. Even the ones I like, I hate.
I hate everyone. Yeah.
I'm trying to think if there's a single leader I could remotely stand. I like Bernie.
Fuck him, too. I mean, yes, and he would second that.
I know. He would tell you that.
That's what makes him good. Oh, he's going to go meet.
Oh, yeah, Biden met with the Pope. Maybe that's what happened.
Oh, he's so close. Yeah, he's touching him.
He smelled him. Whoa, he sucked the last life out of him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Biden thought.
That's how Biden made it through. Whoa, Biden went up to him.
He sucked the Pope's energy the Pope's energy. Let me be clear.
Let me be clear, Pope hypocrite. A thinner.
I'm going to give you the thinner decision. Whoa, he's sucking on his little baby hairs.
Yeah, the Pope's looking into his eyes. They're touching foreheads in this picture.
And the Pope's looking into his eyes like, please don't kill me. This is how I hang out with Carmen.
Well, hopefully the Pope will die soon. Because then we can all go, oh man, I just wish that we could vote from home.
Yeah, well, we don't get a vote. No, we don't.
Watch Conclave. I'm fascinated with the, because I'm a former Catholic turned Satanist, I am fascinated with the machinations of the Vatican.
I can't believe, as someone who hates Catholicism with every ounce of their body, I can't believe how much I liked Conclave. You know what it is? I watch things that take place within the Catholic universe just because I know how jealous this makes Mormons.
Like, Mormons wish they had this level of importance and pomp and circumstance yeah you can't be a pope with a backpack they just these mormons are fucking slow and so right now if catholics want to take the lead i would say i was thinking about this with lori vallow so lori vallow thinks she's a goddess which i find interesting because she's got absolutely no butt. And if you look at every single...
It's coming from a non-butthavver. This is what I'm saying.
I'm not a fertility god. But if you look at any version of any form of painting of a so-called goddess throughout pretty much all of humankind...
They got that tush. Yes, which I find interesting.
So if Catholicism wants to take the ring right now, tush forward. Yeah.
If we could have a tush forward papacy, I feel like maybe some, because what brings everyone together? A big, awesome butt. High knees bring everyone together.
Everybody likes it. And I feel like it's good for everybody.
Breasts do a good job, too, but I feel like the heines really bring it together. I'm a breast man myself, and I still think that for the Pope, he needs to have a big ass.
Yeah, and then people who like to look at men, they also love a male heine. That's what I'm saying.
So heine's good for everybody. Everybody.
Some people go to baseball games just for the heines. That's what I do.
Yeah. Absolutely.
People in the stands. Yeah, people in the stands.
That's not the only mysterious almost death. It's sad because, God, we'll get him.
Get off your Pope box for one second. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just love watching him die, and they don't happen enough.
It really is only going to be the fourth Pope we've seen die. When did Pope John first die? He died before Pope John Paul II.
So this is going to be our third Pope. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.
In our lifetime, this is only going to be our third Pope. And like our ninth president.
Yeah. Yeah, it's Pope.
But the last one was, yeah, I think it was John Paul II. Pope John Paul II.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's it.

I mean, Pope John Paul II, he was 1978 before we were born.

Man, I'd love to see the corpses of each one of these old men.

It's not hard to see.

I'm just looking at a pantheon of old men faces.

They're all the worst.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kill each one.

They're all Popes and Popes and Leos.

Let's get a big butt in the Vatican.

Yeah.

Now, sadly, someone's big butt is never going to go to the Vatican. That is the beloved movie star, now unfortunately past, Gene Heckman.
Gene fucking Heckman, dude. No one ever thought.
I love Gene Heckman. We all do.
And I don't think any human being ever thought, if you were going to put money in this, this is why we need to tie in with one of our, they're not a, what is it? A gaming app, right? Wink wink. What they're called now? Yes, yes.
They're online gaming that you could put money towards and make money back from, right Rob? Yes, yes. That's the legal way to say it, right? Legally.
Legally. Now, no, if we could have set up a pool on one of these gaming apps, we would have made so much fucking money.
Did we say Gene Hackman was going to die? No. But just not that Gene Hackman's not only going to die, but then you said all the parlays.
Mysterious. Wife dies too.
Yeah. Dog dies.
One of three dogs die. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's like $165,000 to one payout. It is a really...
I've never seen anything like this. We should set more of these up.
We should do this, where we should do a real death pool and set a super, super specific death and see if it pops up. It's like craps when you try to go to Snake Eyes.
You did this this year, but he wasn't on the list. No, of course not.
Well, because with Gene Hackman, we just thought he wasn't going to die. Well, I assumed he was going to pass, but I didn't think it would be with this much news attached to it.
Well, I think it makes sense. He's been in so many fucking mystery movies and thrillers and like, it's only fitting that he has a very mysterious death.
those of you that don't know i'm certain that everybody does so gene hackman when we we grew up with gene hackman he was legitimately an absolutely massive movie star no one's yeah no one was bigger he was in almost every movie and he was always a fucking badass well and it's funny because i think that as an as when you're watching him when you're younger You didn't really kind of understand just how fucking badass. Well, and it's funny because I think that as an, as, when you're watching him when you were younger, you didn't really kind of understand just how fucking good he, now as an adult, looking back, I find it interesting that people talked about Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, all these other actors, but like, Gene Hackman, the way he fucking holds that shit down.
He's got more Oscars than Pacino. I just re-watched The French Connection.
Holy shit. He's frightening in The French Connection.
Dude. And just look at this killer's row.
Superman, he was Lex Luthor. Yeah.
He's the only good Lex Luthor, probably. I would say he was great.
Oh, ants. Yeah, great ants.
Everybody's favorite bug-based movie made by a pedophile. You ever see Reds? So good.
A Bridge Too Far. Unbelievable film.
Oh, yeah. Twilight's a good movie.
They're all good. Extreme Measures is a good fucking movie.
Mississippi Burning. His performance in The Birdcage is also absolutely fantastic.
Great. And Get Shorty.
He's hilarious at Get Shorty. And guess how he died in the most mysterious way possible.
We don't even know how he died. Now, this is truly...
We kind of thought, like, normally like normally the side stories curse hits and it sucks but this was one of the first time we were like you know good like this allows some information to play out but we've gotten a little bit but almost none yeah we now know that gene hackman was he was found dead uh in his home in santa fe new me. He was very connected to his whole community.

He was found dead with him and his wife

Betsy Arakawa, 65

years old, 30 years younger,

95 years young, Gene Hackman.

And there's also, there was two different

sides of the stories. There was one side of the story

that said that the local restaurant that

he used to go to all the time said

that Gene Hackman, that he was starting to

his health was failing

and his wife was taking even more and more

total control of his day-to-day they were right they were becoming recluses that's what they were saying they were slowly pulling away as you do when you're 95 but the wife 65 and they've specifically been very public for a very long time they've been active members of that community for a long time. And his kids, Gene Hackman's surviving kids, they also said, we actually, last time we talked to our father, he was in really good shape.
We talked to him. But interestingly enough, the kids had not talked to him for several months, which they said also was majorly out of character.
Yeah. We now know that he was found dead.
He was found, I believe, in his bathroom. We don't know exactly what it is.
His mudroom. And his wife was found, right? So they were found.
He was found, was, believe, in the home's mudroom. He had fallen suddenly.
He was found wearing sweatpants, long-sleeved T-shirt, and slippers. Mudroom is a good name for the bathroom, though, because you're just making mud in there, baby.
Not me. Sometimes I'm making rabbit pellets if I'm on my diet.
Now, Arakawa was found in a bathroom near the front door of the house. The door to the bathroom was open.
Arakawa was on the ground wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. An opened orange prescription bottle and scattered pills were seen on a countertop near Arakawa.
All right, a space heater was also seen near Arakawa's head. Now, this is the first thing.
Now we also know that Gene... Was it on? No.
Now we also know that Gene Hackman was dead for at least nine days. At least.
Because that's when the pacemaker stopped. Yes.
Still no public information about the toxicology reports on the wife, except for both. It was ruled that carbon monoxide was not what killed them.
Which is what it looked like. Very much so.
That is what it looked like. And then you wonder, was it made to look like that? Certain pathologists saying that they don't think that companion suicide was, they don't know if it was mutual suicide.
They would be next to each other. We don't know.
Why would they be separated? Maybe one was more willing than the other. And then maybe you've taken the pills and it's already too late.
It seems like to me, if I could armchair detective here. You have to.
It looks like Hackman died and she killed herself. That's what they're saying, but again, we don't quite know.
Why was the dog in the closet? One of the weirdest factors of this whole thing.

One of their three dogs was found dead in a closet of the bathroom where Arakawa's body was discovered.

It was in a kennel in the closet.

It was in a kennel in the closet.

So we don't know what the hell it was.

The other two dogs were found alive.

Assuming it starved to death?

Again, we're not quite certain.

Has not been publicly released yet. Do you autopsy a dog? Well, if you're fun.
You know what I mean? If you got a free Wednesday. You know, like sometimes I'll just go do one.
They ask me to go in there and I always go look for it. I'm always around you.
I'm always getting in there. But you see, they found the door to Hackman and Arakawa's home unsecured and open.
Yeah, if it's open in a gated community, you're telling me there isn't security driving by these houses every goddamn day at some point? I don't know if you're that closely paying attention, but it's also Gene Hackman. He was a known quantity in the room.
He really was. Two cell phones were collected.
They are getting access to it. And then I love the end of this.
It says, what movies was Gene Hackman in? And she's like, well, fuck you, CBS. Yeah.
How do you not know? You're CBS, okay? He's fucking Gene Hackman. Welcome to Mooseport, you piece of shit.
That's all you get. Get over it.
Have you heard of the conversation? This is a, God, his house was beautiful. Of course it was beautiful.
It's at Santa Fe. It's Gene Hackman.
It deserves a beautiful house. He put in the full...
I know what? I always loved Gene Hackman because he didn't get famous until his 40s. No, and he was a real actor.
A marine. He used to beat the fuck out of people.
Scary as hell. Difficult man.
Morgan Freeman said that he was the only actor he was ever physically afraid of. But they're also great friends.
Yes, because he's one of those where if you busted his balls, he liked you a lot. You know, he liked men who stood their ground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was one of those guys.
If you were tough, if he loved you, he loved you. And if he hated you, he fucking hated you.
But also, old school, which I also like, old school, hardcore Democrat. Yeah.
Like, was it like they talked about, I was reading all about his These fucking pussies are stealing our money yeah i love that he did when he played popeye doyle the police officer in the french connection he had to say a bunch of racial slurs and apparently he had to be talked into it very hardcore by william friedkin and he said that he used to william friedkin's an asshole too but he's also a great director. And he used to torture Gene Hackman to get him angry.
And if you watch that movie, that movie is wild, dude. That movie is...
French Connections. You know they use real bullets in the ending.
Yes. In the shootout in the end.
It's brutal. That is a...
And Gene Hackman is just so fucking good. It's just one of those where you forget what actors used to be like.
Yeah. Like, and you watch them sometimes, and you just like...
Because nowadays, I feel like a lot of times, I'll watch some actors, and you can kind of... I don't know if anybody feels like this, where you're watching a movie, and you feel like you see the script.
Yeah. Like, I'm watching someone, I'm just seeing lines of dialogue on a page, and when I'm watching Gene Hackman, I forget that he's an actor.

It's crazy because you think about Unforgiven.

He's so terrifying and intimidating in that movie.

And he's like in his mid to late 60s.

That shit's crazy.

That's the movie Morgan Freeman said

that he was desperately afraid of him on.

And then also he was exceptional as Lex Luthor.

Oh, yeah.

As a comedic role.

He just was one of those old school guys that could do it all. I guess he left us just like he always did in the films wanting more.
So now we'll find out. We are going to find out obviously this is going to be a story that rolls out over the next couple weeks longer and longer.
I personally believe that why they are holding back some information on the wife is because they know something that we don't know and i think that that's well we will find it's an investigation we're not we we shouldn't know anything yet we just don't yeah we don't know very little yeah no as we should man but fucking nuts also the pacemaker thing i think armchair medical examiner here. He has to be.

Why don't we

put Wi-Fi in these things so we know when they stop?

Everything

else is Wi-Fi. You know, sprinklers

have Wi-Fi. I don't fucking know.

But the thing is, if he's

wearing an Apple Watch... Do I really need

to have another app? Do I need to have

an app connected to my fucking

heart? It sounds like you're going to need

a pacemaker. I already do.

I do need one.

No, I don't know.

They can hook up to your Bluetooth.

This is what I'm saying. I don't need...

My dishwasher has an app.

I know, but this seems more important

than your dishwasher. I don't want any more apps.

I'm done. I'm out.

I think, but I'm saying if you did get

one more app for your pacemaker,

you might want it. No, actually, unfortunately,

Marcus already talked me into one. He was

working on one. He said, have you tried this new

app? It's been helping him emotionally

regulate. And I was like, what is it? And he's

like, have you heard of this thing called Grindr?

And I have just

been so

busy with these therapists I keep

meeting. Yeah, you gotta talk to these guys.

Do these guys work with BetterHelp? Because some of these guys are rough around the edges. Yeah, Grindr was great for me, but I like a female therapist, and so there were so few on there.
You ever go on Snapper? Oh, no, I haven't been on Snapper. Yeah, it's for lesbians.
Oh, okay. Snapper's great.
Snapper's one of my favorite.

It's called...

Oh, it's real.

Yeah.

No, I actually did not know that that was real.

No, no, I did not know.

No, Snapper is what I was making up because I was going to say you could sign up for Cunt

of the Day.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, really?

Forward thinking on Snapper.

They're not a sponsor.

Not a sponsor. They're not a sponsor, but if you want to get Snapped Go ahead and get that app Absolutely Snapper Barely even know her Perfect Okay so Shout out David Johansson we love you Also you know what I want to say about David Johansson's death? Nobody had the balls to call him Buster Poindexter.
That's how I knew him. That's how you knew him? I didn't even know the New York Dolls existed until I met Marcus Parks.
The only person I knew was Buster Poindexter, and that was my David Bowie. But he wasn't listed as that in Scrooge.
No, he never was. He should have been.
I thought he was Buster Poindexter. And I don't know why people, why we've all decided to forget about Buster Poindexter.
Now that he's dead and he's in hell, you know what he's saying. Hot, hot, hot.
I don't think he's in hell. No, he's probably in Dirt.
There's nothing. Yeah, there's fucking dirt.
It's constant silence. But, you know, great guy.
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Excludes restaurants. Um, all right.
Pope's dead. Jane Hackman's dead.
Casey Anthony's a bitch. Yeah, let's cover it real quick.
Chicago has this fucking, I just wanted to quickly touch upon what I think might be one, I looked this up, one of the youngest serial killers ever. Yeah.
This is a, they are now applying six homicides to this young man. Antonio Reyes.
Yes, Antonio Reyes. Now, this was in Chicago.
He's been in jail for five years now, and he tried to kill his cellmate when he was in jail. Yeah, this guy is I'm going to say irate.
He came out there. They think there's five new charges that have just been brought against him.
He was already in custody, and they are describing the murderers as serial murderers. Not that Angelo, not that Reyes.
He just pulled that up. No, not the soccer player.
Not the famous soccer player. No, no, no.
And yeah, he did try to kill his roommate. I'm going to call him roommate alright fine you're right his roommate with roommates like these you need cellmates shanks for the memories but but he so he's killed five other people he killed six people total but the thing is that's driving me crazy about this is these all seem like passion not passion but like in the heat of the moment kills i am going to say that now that i'm really diving into this he's a spree killer more than anything else than a serial killer take close from march 2nd of 2020 to november 9th of 2020 yes he shot people he shot one group of people trying to kill someone specifically.
He was trying to kill a 16-year-old boy and then killed three other kids that were in the car with him. No, he didn't kill the kids.
The kids, he's getting caught for, he killed the 31-year-old father. And then the kids that were in the car were, he's getting attempted murder for those.
Okay, he just got them. He's tagged them.
Yeah, they're not, they all lived. But he's still like, a lot of this seems to be, I am going to say now that I'm looking at this, a lot of this might be gang activity and some kind of other type of personal piece.
But he didn't rob these people. I don't think it could be past that.
You know what I mean? A lot of times it's not about direct attacks. The cops think it's random.
That's why it took so long to find the motherfucker. See, that'll be very, very interesting.

And that is, that's not good. And then you call it first degree murder.
I feel like that's like a problem because I don't know if they are necessarily first degree murders. Yeah.
I mean, unless it is, if they are, I believe if he walks out and purposely goes to shoot people in general, that's enough to be considered first degree.

Normally it's if you did not basically, if you did not leave the house that day thinking you were going to kill somebody, it can be anything but first degree. Like if it happens on accident, if it happens during a fight.
I think he just had a gun on him and got an argument on road rage or some shit. It sounds like though, if they're saying it's first they think that maybe, well, yeah, one victim was killed when he went to the gas station to buy a pop.
Another victim was sitting in a parked car with a friend on Palm Sunday afternoon. Another victim's only crime was taking his family to buy a new puppy.
That's the guy who was killed in front of his kids. They were on their way to buy a new puppy.
Did they get the puppy? I hope they fucking better have it. Honestly, I'd say you should.
I'm sure there's a puppy. You're going to have to get three puppies.
I'm sure the one thing they fucking have is a puppy. Well, now it's a dog and it's probably neglected.
Yep. That's very sad.
Very, very sad. But it's just like, it sounds like he did just kind of randomly decide to shoot people.
And it's the south side of Chicago and unfortunately there's a shit ton of murders there, especially in 2020. Oh yes.
And this is during covet that he's doing all this and like the beginning of covet and so it's a harder for people to get caught and it takes this long to find i wonder if we're going to find more people like this spree killers during covet that we weren't able to catch because everyone's busy with fucking riots in the street and shit like that and just like fucking the hot people dying in the hospitals. It has been five years though.
So I actually don't know at this point how much that I just think that this is just crazy because it really is so deeply disconnected. Yeah.
And so that is so hard. It just, and you're right.
It is extremely hard to prosecute these crimes. Yeah.
It's very, very hard, but they got the guy, the gun lined up with bullets from multiple victims and it is his gun, so it seems like we can go ahead. I mean, he's going to stand trial, of course, and then we'll let you But yeah, no, it is this fella here is in a heap of trouble for killing a bunch of people.
And he's, as he should be. I think he's more of a serious, because I think a lot of times when the younger people in you you know, like South Side of Chicago and places like that, it's usually gang activity.
And this doesn't seem like it is. Or it's somebody that is taking advantage of the rampant gang activity in order to go and get some sick intention off of himself shooting at people and then imagining it could all be swept under the rug as gang activity.
Yeah, Which seems like what happened here. Yep.
But yeah, fucking nuts. Yeah.
It is. This is great.
It's a crazy story. It will be developing.
And then we have another story that is also developing. Here in Los Angeles, there is a gnome.
Oh, yes. You know, I'm not going to say in what area of town this is.
But it is in the San Fernando Valley. The gnome was caught, I believe.
It did appear upon my Nextdoor. One of my favorite apps in the world.
I'm a Citizen boy. Citizen is getting less reliable.
Yes, there is straight lies on Citizen. And what's nice about Next Door is that you really, really get to find out who thinks that every black person is a criminal.
Because Next Door... Oh yes, it does.
It does. Next Door is a special place filled with the hermits of various neighborhoods of Los Angeles and God, I love them.
And this man went on a posting spree saying that he believed he had evidence of a gnome harassing him outside of his home. Yeah.
And as you can see right here, clear as day, this person posted what could only be a picture of a gnome in a ring camera because nobody would wear such a tall pointy hat. And have a weird little butt like this.
Unlike unless it's me. But my hat was in the shop.
It is a onesie. And I could not I was in there when this picture was taken because it actually has the time stamps on it.
It is definitely a little person. It is a gnome, Eddie.
Yeah. It is absolutely and utterly a gnome.
And I don't think that you understand how important this is, how it seems that the gnome has been caught. The gnome is caught? So the same person...
What did the gnome do? Why are we catching it? Why are we just letting it be a gnome? It was dinging and dashing. Dinging and dashing? Dinging and dashing.
Oh, dinging and dashing? Yes, one of the worst crimes you can do in any suburb of San Fernando Valley. Hitting a doorbell and leaving? Yes.
That should be allowed. One of the scariest crimes a gnome can do.
But now it seems that he has escalated according to this article posted by the same poster. Not two days later.
As you can see. My God.
Finally it's been caught. On the 27th, a naked man assaulted a 63-year-old woman outside her home.
Do we know it's the same? How do we know it's the same gnome? It's posted by the same man, Eddie. Yeah, but there's no way to know that this is the gnome.
This man declares that it must be the gnome. The man who attacked the woman

though was not dressed like a gnome.

No. Naked.

Naked as the new dawn.

I think that this person

has a lot of crime next to their house.

No, no. I think that this guy, he does like

to post videos of the helicopters.

I have been following this man. I don't want to even

name him because then you'll find out where he lives.

I've been following him. I actually

specifically follow his account.

Because of his, because then you'll find out where he lives. I've been following him.
I actually specifically follow his account because of his posting. This is also the man that posted the mysterious picture of the apple that said that people were harassing him in our neighborhood.
Oh. And this man is scared.
He's calling it on himself at this point. At this point, I want to harass him.
I think that

I do too, Eddie.

I do too, but yes, he is connecting

these two crimes. Okay.

And I don't know if it is indeed

real,

but he does firmly believe

in the gnome. How do we get Terry the gnome

to give this guy a call? I think that Terry

the gnome, you'd

know if it was Terry the gnome because he'd be naked. He would have been the naked one.
Fucking a mailbox. Just like Terry the Gnome is supposed to be.
Stealing lemons, even though you got a sign that says, leave my lemons alone. It's a scurvy.
That's what he had to Terry the Gnome. He's just like, I like edging my scurvy.
Love Terry. Oh, man.
Does Terry ever get with old ladies? You know, the hardest part about, let's say, a mature, full-sized human is that a lot of times, you know me, I'm Terry. I give my all.
If I'm fucking, I'm fucking from the tip of my gnome feet to the very top of my gnome hat.

Right?

I throw it all in.

I am like a bucking liquid metal cobra up against any woman's pubic muscle.

Right?

I go right up against that bone.

Does it matter how big they are?

No.

No.

But if I'm not, if they're a little bit more mature, I slide all the way in.

Yeah. And then what?

I got to dig my way out like that guy in the whale.

You mean Pinocchio?

Yeah, the guy in that video you guys showed you.

I got to find the light.

You know what I mean?

Like a plant.

So that's why normally I stick to Shih Tzus.

That's because the anal sucks. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but Theo, do you know this gnome? That's why I stick to shih tzus. That's because the anal sucks.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but Theo, do you know this guy?

Do you know this guy?

Is he part of the gnome community?

He's a part of the gnome illegal alien.

I'm going to call gnome ice on him.

That's what he needs.

No, this is not.

This is according to the man that posted this.

This is not my picture, but was an image sent to me by one of my neighbors on this app who lives in the community. It was captured on their wing camera.
If you have any information on who this is, please contact me. I am building up a case to take to the LAPD.
He is talking about being dinged and dashed by a gnome. And that he's building this case against this gnome.
And it is just like a picture of maybe a child running through the street with a gnome hat and a body suit. It could be it could be Eddie.
It really could be. Or this is the loneliest man in the world.
Oh my god. And he is desperate for our outreach outreach.
Yeah. Well, we should definitely reach out and at least come over and ring the doorbell.
I want to go. God, I want to just go.
We got to get a hat. I'll find his address.
Yeah, we got to get this guy. I'll find out exactly where he lives.
You can find this guy. That's the whole point of Nextdoor is you can find the people that post these ridiculous things.
You should be putting your straight up. Just also, this is a little lesson for everybody.
People keep commenting on them, wondering what crime they're committing. In case of what to LAPD? You're all like, yeah, everybody, all the people are commenting as if it's real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of comments.
A lot of comments. He takes the time to respond to all of them.
Oh, very much so. I love it.
Chris W says, looks like he thinks he's a teletoppy from the back. Be very careful.

This is the original poster. Chris,

is this a joke? Look at my other

posts. It's a man in a gnome

costume.

God, I love Next Door.

You're so upset. I love it.

God. Do you feel safe in your neighborhood?

Yeah, I'm the most dangerous person.

I saw the same thing in Fresno four years ago, according to Tony Starks.

Hi, Tony.

This is interesting.

Please explain.

Is this a joke?

That was his response.

LOL.

No, this is not a joke.

Please see my other posts.

This is a real issue in our community.

I just ran the video.

God, I love this guy. Maybe he's out there.
So, just check on your local gnomes, see if they're okay. Pussy? Oh, okay, good.
Let's move on. Now, we have...
Do we have anything else we want to cover before I get to some letters? Well, there is the guy who blew up the people's house that he went to the wedding of. I mean, it's just kind of funny because it really is just that story.

It's like, because I was looking into it,

there's no connection between,

like, he went, a couple got married.

I think you can assume

he was in love with the bride.

It seemed like that.

A guy left in the middle of the ceremony

with jugs and jugs of gasoline,

filled the house with gasoline,

and then blew up the house

with himself inside of it.

Yeah, yeah, I think he died on accident, though.

I don't think it was a suicide.

Yeah, I think he died on accident though. I don't think it was a suicide.
Yeah, I feel like it was maybe his first time blowing something up. Yeah, it was his first, yeah, and so it didn't work out.
But yeah, Tom Davis and Eleni Vredos were getting married when their residence exploded, killing Anthony Avelio Puebla inside as well. Yes.
The wedding guest who disappeared halfway through the festivities and snuck out to the happy couple's Illinois home and blew it up. Right in the middle of the wedding.
Hey, man, I mean, that's how you know they're out of the house. Yeah, no.
This is not a murder. This is definitely just very upset with the people getting married, even though he was invited.
See, that's the thing. So things were good enough to invite him, or they felt weird about it.
Maybe they thought he was so out of pocket, we got to invite him. Yeah.
Yeah, no, but he blew up these people's house. Also in Chicago, busy week for Chicago.
But yeah, GoFundMe is set up for the couple who lost their house and six cats.

Oh, that's sad.

The cats make me sad.

The cats are sad.

He blew up all the cats.

There's no reason for that.

You know, there's just so many other ways to get revenge.

Oh, wow.

The GoFundMe already raised $62,000.

You know what's a really good way to get revenge, fellas? If you got problems like that, you got to seduce one of the bridesmaids. You think so? Oh, yeah.
I say go for the groom's mom. Oh, fuck.
If you fuck the groom's mother. Because she's definitely, especially if she's a widow or something.
Has anybody ever had that side story? So P-O-T-L at gmail.com. Has anybody had their mom get fucked by somebody at a wedding? somebody at a wedding at their own wedding yeah yeah let us know i feel like that's a good story to pass around nothing would make me happier yeah i've never heard anything like that i mean i would i mean i've seen documentaries i've seen videos yeah and not at the wedding at the hotel room later on after the wedding or at the wedding i don't think you know if it happens at the wedding maybe you keep that a secret honestly how crazy fun would that be yeah think about this like i know that you're

like the mashed potato bar can i ask you laid out honestly how would you feel if your good friend

mr pastrami uh-huh if he went like you love mr pastrami well i think we need to pick someone else

because we we've been friends with my family since six years old.

But that's how he set the bond.

Okay, so.

It's a little too close.

We need someone like Travis.

Travis Irvine.

Travis Irvine, I feel like, is a good one.

And he's probably most likely, I think of anybody on the staff or anybody I've ever known, he's the one most likely to have sex with an older elderly woman at a wedding yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a member of a family he he's not a prostitute sex for like i don't know donuts donuts yeah dinner he's a professional producer and an editor so he does very well yeah he doesn't need your money no no but he wants your sex but travis Irvine, I think, like, how would you feel, like, if your mom was still alive and you love your mother and your mom got tipsy at the wedding and Travis hooked up with her? I mean, as long as he's nice to her. You'd be fine with it.
I think so, actually, oddly enough. I mean, as long as, like, he's not leading her on and she doesn't fall in love and he breaks her heart, that would piss me off.
Why does that make me—I feel like it's weird of, like, the idea that if they attempted to date, that's so much worse than just banging it out. I say—as long as mom's on the board for banging it out, I think that's fine.
But, you know, you can't, like, bang her out and then she get too attached. Oh, yeah, because then you're seeing him at Thanksgiving and seeing him at Christmas.
But I'm down to seeing him at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but then that's a whole other thing. You have to be a good person and a good father to me.
That's the thing, is that that was, like, like, I was saying it about Marcus's mom in a way, you know, like, about how she's so friendly and she's so sweet, and it's like, it's like it just gets to a point where it's like you know like it would be kind of fun to be like marcus's dad you know it'd be kind of fun to get in there and just show up i mean like as your father i feel like like and i just like to just see the reaction yeah you know just because it's fun to do you know but i think if somebody has a single mom my mom rob my mom's Almost single mom? My mom is almost single. Almost single, but no, my dad's still alive.
Technically, she refuses to flirt. She has many options.
But this is a good idea, though. Travis is obviously the best.
I love Travis, and we do pay Travis, but someone, they need more money. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
So someone a little more well-off. I need...
Kumail Nanjiani. Oh, yeah.
Kumail. We love Emily.
Emily, you're wonderful. Sure.
Emily Gordon is wonderful. Whatever, Emily.
Get out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kumail. Yeah.
Please. I have your email address.
I'm going to do it this way. I'm going to reveal to the world your phone number and email address Unless I'm holding your personal information hostage You look great So attractive And I mean this right now Someone needs to send this to him If you don't have sex with my mom Please Kumail And join my family You have years I'd say at least a couple years.
Yes. Until we're ready for you.
I'm going to dox you. Yeah.
So I need you to be with my mother. I think that if you don't sleep with Henry's mother, we are going to release your personal information.
Unfortunately. Unfortunately.
And I don't want it to be like this.'re Forcing me to do this Your lack Of responsibility You should not have gotten so in shape You are forcing me You are forcing my hand And Henry's mother Eternal That was a movie he was in The Eternals. The Eternals.
I got through about a solid 15 minutes of it, and I was happy that he is doing well. I'm extremely happy that...
It's not bad. It sucks, Rob.
It fucking sucks. And if a good mom I love it

He will finish watching the movie

I promise you

I promise you

I will Kamal you're my friend

He finishes

And guess what

I'll even do you one better

I'll throw a letterboxd review for Stuber on there as well

If you could do that

Please

Cause my mom won't know what hit her

I'm sorry. stuber on there as well.
If you could do that. Please.
Because my mom won't know what hit her. Thank you, everybody.
Thank you guys for helping you with this. God, look at his arms.
He's doing great. He's very well.
I technically should just text him. We should get him in here.
I'd love to, of course. He's doing the rounds.
Probably not anymore. Oh, whatever.
Oh, whatever. He should be so lucky to fuck my mother.
Alright? She's good at making food. Fucking cut some of this fucking...
You're too good looking. Alright? We'll make a clip and tag him and see what he says.
Yeah, let's see what he does. No, let's go back.
Let's get some letters. Sadly, right before I saw this, I saw a headline that says, 10-year-old boy crushed to death by 340-pound foster mom after she sat at him for misbehaving.
But we're just going to move on. Yeah.
Now, let's go to... That happens every day.
It does. I mean, Wendy just knows to get out of the way.
She really does. What's wrong? It's just laughing about that.
No, a lot of things. It's a lot of things.
Wendy not getting crushed by you. I blame the boy.
You know what I mean? That's what I just did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, I got a couple of great listener emails about Mormonism. I was saying before I was going to save it.
I wasn't going to save it, but I might actually save it. Just because I did find out within the confines of marriage, blowjobs are okay.
They're just not that technically prevalent. Okay.
But they do, they say you can do whatever you want within a Mormon marriage. Okay.
You also can't, like, you can legally get divorced, but your spirit's forever bound.

So you just get to see your ex-husband. So it doesn't even matter?

No, when you die.

That's worse.

Oh, yeah, of course.

It's all much worse.

If you die,

your soul is already bonded to your husband,

and then you end up on the planet

that he inherits and becomes god of.

Oh, God.

And so that's why every single time I've received,

I've received so many emails

as we're covering Chad Daybale and Lori Vallow

about, like, you're painting

Mormonism in broad strokes and

blah blah blah, but I'm gonna have you know

even you normal Mormons

are weird. See, that's the thing.
These Mormons,

man, if they were Catholic, they could be like

the Pope and have their lungs filled

with cum. Cum!

Guys!

Catholicism's got all the fucking shit too,

dude. They got all the fucking same garbage

that you guys have, and it's a thousand years

older, and people don't think you're a weird

Thank you. Nice.
All right? And Catholicism's got all the fucking shit too, dude. They got all the fucking same garbage that you guys have.
And it's a thousand years older. And people don't think you're a weird pervert when you tell them you got fuck and then you're in it.
All right? Unless you're in charge of it. It seems like there's different.
Everybody's like a different type of Mormon too. There's many stripes of Mormon.
And they're different. Each ward.
Wards are different. Households are different, everybody plays fast and loose kind of with the rules, but technically, if you call yourself a capital M Mormon, no matter what you personally believe, you're on the same bus as the rest of them.
Just remember that. So you can't, as much as you want to be like, we're better than the others, no yay.
No, no. I mean, all religion is silly.
They're all wrong. Even atheists, I

can't stand. Hate everything.

As an atheist, I don't like atheists.

Yes, hate all of it. They're so annoying.

Everybody can go, fuck

themselves! Yep. I'm just

in a mood today. Yeah, you are.

All right,

let's get these.

This actually, I like when I'm accidentally right.

Of course. Yeah.

How are you accidentally right? About twisting the

Thank you. Let's get these.
This actually, I like what I'm accidentally right. Of course.
Yeah. How are you accidentally right? About twisting the radio dials.
I've been an ICU nurse in Florida for almost a decade, so I've seen some shit. But Henry discussing how to revive a woman by twisting the nips is actually not totally out there.
Whoa! Some patients like to fake seizures to receive medication for funsies. This can terrify new nurses witnessing these seizures as the patients usually go full-fledged movie dramatic with them.
How long can you fake a seizure for? It's got to be tiring. How long are you willing to go to get your Ativan? You know what I mean? Like, they just flop around, man.
They want it, right? Now, after some years of experience with this, you start to learn tricks to be sure they're having a genuine seizure. Most commonly, we lift their arm over their face and let go.
If you're with it, you won't let your arm smack yourself in the face. We can tickle your eyelashes and see if you grimace or pull back.
Okay. Really anything that takes effort that you can't control during a real seizure.
So they poke them in the eye to see if they fucking react? Come on! You actually do that to a guy with your mouth. Oh, I guess he is really having a seizure.
Ow! Ow! I guess they won't remember. No.
I've witnessed on more than one occasion some old school nurses who are clearly tired of the bullshit due to the good old radio dial twist, though. There's nothing quite like watching someone faking a seizure absolutely lose their mind after an old woman just straight up yanks the hell out of their nipple.
Well, it's not exactly moral or ethically the right option. I will say it works.
And I'll say when it comes to fucking emergency medicine, a W is a W.'s what it says. According to again, this is Google AI.
So we don't know if this is real or not. It says a nurse is not allowed to twist your nipples under any circumstances.
Hey, my health insurance is going to do whatever the fuck it is I want it to do. Alright, and so yeah, if I'm coming out of here with a $150 $150,000 fucking bill, you better play with myipples.
And you better make me cum, too. You don't have to make them cum.
It takes too long. At least they don't feel like I'm in church.
Amen. Comey, comey, comey, comey, comey, comey.
I got a letter this week in this. Whoa.
Old dogs. A, B, C, D.
I said A letter. E.
I know Ed's struggle. It's all too real.
We're biased as a family and have a wonderful dog come into our lives that just won't pass away. Just will not die.
It's like the Pope. We were friends with a family who had four border collies and sadly had to move across the country and decided to drive.
It was fine for three of the youngest dogs, but at the stage of Skye, who was 16 at the time, coming to the end of their life, the family was unsure what to do. We offered to take in Skye as part of our family, because hell, she can't have that much left of a mortal coil, could she? Well, she was brought over the family, gave us a bag of dog food, and said, donate the rest when Skye passed.
Five years later, she's still with us. Whoa, that dog could buy a beer.
Skye is the best dog a guy would want. She's loyal, beautiful, and kind.
There is a point where we had to poke her every other day to make sure she's still with us. She was a soul in a waking undead corpse miss her every day but don't miss the zombie breath oh that's my favorite i love that hail sky that's beautiful i love old dogs i don't think i ever want to have a puppy i think i don't want to ever have a puppy natalie and i have talked about this and what we want to do honestly switch back and forth.
The next dog we get is going to be a puppy. Yeah.
And the one after that will be an older rescue. I'd like to rent a puppy.
Why? Just so you could play with it for a little bit and then give it back. It's fostering.
Yeah, you could foster it. That's a great idea.
Yeah, you just don't pay. And then I can call it and then it sounds like I'm doing something good If anybody lets you rent A dog Don't do that I would rather pay them for the dog and rent it Than me have to like really care about it So you wanted to treat it like a prostitute Like it's a sex worker A puppy So it's a transactional relationship between you and the puppy.

Because you remember every day, love, you don't pay the puppy to show up, you pay the puppy to leave. All right? And you're going to live your life knowing, yeah, I could get puppies if I wanted to, but if I pay them, honestly, it's just a little bit easier for me.
and me and my pup-titude,

we laugh ourselves to sleep each night because I know in the morning,

shit'll be gone yeah that's right yep and just you'll be sitting there getting watched by the ghost of norbert man norbert's a fucking ghost dude and they just keep bringing up his fucking corpse well of course he's a star he's dead we talked about Gene Hackman today. He's dead.
Yeah. I'm going to go.
You watched his movie. I did.
Norbert doesn't have a movie. If you put all of the fucking Instagram reels together, I bet it's an hour and a half.
But I would enjoy if Norbert did play a racist police officer. I do think that that would be incredible.

So, check us out at Patreon.com.

Patreon.com.

You can pay to watch us yell.

It's easy to do. All it takes

is money. Also, Side

Stories is available on video

on YouTube about two or three

days after we release, so go make

sure you watch that if you want to see us

yell at each other and swallow each other's spit. That's our job.
Huntsville, I'm coming for you, NASA! Oh my gosh, Von Braun Center, the new wonderful American hero. We've been talking about it.
I feel like such a fucking idiot. Nope.
We are ready to celebrate. He is the hero of Alabama.
Yes. It's the Nazi scientist Werner von Braun.
We made him American. We're going to his center.
And we are performing there for the ghost of Werner. And we're going to be there on March 16th.
That's a Sunday we're going to be there. And I mean, you're going to want to come out for this because I have no idea what we're going to do.
We are going to have so much fun and we're probably going to have enough people that we could hang out and shit afterwards. So come out to see Huntsville.
We're going to have a fucking blast. And you can get those tickets on lastpodcastontheleft.com Also, more side story shows are coming down the pipe.
We're going to announce a couple more eventually, but we have two in Florida in May. Make sure you come out to those.
We got Dania Beach on May 7th in Orlando, Florida on May 8th. I can't wait.
That Dania Beach show is going to be amazing. It's going to be fun.
All my school friends are coming there. That's like where I went to high school.
It's going to be such a funny time. It's going to be hilarious.
People are going to be making fun of me from the fucking audience because they all know me personally. Make sure you come and check that out.
It's going to be amazing. And then, of course, we're going to be a contact at the desert this year from May 29th to June 2nd.
Not sure what day you're performing, but go for the whole time. You'll have a fucking amazing time.
We're definitely at least doing it. We're doing two days of stuff.
Yeah. So we will be there throughout the entire weekend.
So please just come check it out and we will have more specific information over the next month. And, of course, the wonderful Crime Wave.
Oh, CrimeWave at C.com. We're all going to be stuck on a boat together.
Thank you. Come and watch us all be stuck on a boat together.
We're going to have a lot of laughter. Oh, my gosh.
And I imagine some dead white women. Oh, at least.
Which is what we, honestly, we all traffic on.

They told me that there's a morgue

on the boat. We are going to go.
They're going to let me

do a show there. They said I could do an autopsy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hope

one of you die. If one of you die

on the boat, Henry and I get to

cut you. If you're a Patreon subscriber.

Yes, yes. So if you go to patreon.com

slash last podcast on the left,

you too can have your

organs played with by

Henry Zabrowski.

I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.
Want to know about the fake errors? We got them. What about a career con man? We've got them too.

Guys that will whine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.

I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.