Side Stories: Sandwich Stories

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ABC Wednesday, Shifting Gears is back.

He has arisen.

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

What what?

With a star-studded premiere, including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis, and

hey buddy!

A big home improvement reunion.

Welcome.

Oh, boy.

That guy's a tool.

Shifting Gears, Season Premiere Wednesday, 8-7 Central on ABC, and stream on Hulu.

There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

We're cooking, guys.

Yeah, we are.

Weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, smoke that weed.

Bring me weed.

Bring me weed.

Honestly, bring me weed.

We went to great shows this weekend.

Oh, yeah.

Truly so much fucking fun this weekend.

KC.

We had fun in Kansas City.

We had a blast in St.

Paul.

First thing we want to say at the very top of the show is that Eddie and I, we were so funny in Kansas City, Eddie.

And one of the funny things that we said in Kansas City was we were like, man, this town,

Kansas City used to be for real.

Kansas City used to be a place that you'd get shot in the head.

And now you guys got that Taylor Swift money.

You guys are getting so much.

So nice.

Nothing bad ever happens in Kansas City.

And I just want to say I'm sorry to everybody that was in our crowd.

If you were a member of the six people that had their cars smashed into during the middle of the show, I just want to say...

I'm just over literally telling you how safe your town is.

I just want to say I'm sorry.

We can offer nothing to you.

Because I guess that's just life.

That's the life I guess we've all chose.

You chose it by living in Kansas City.

But what I can give you is a very hearty thoughts and prayers.

Thoughts and prayers.

And thank you for your attendance of the show.

And the next time, I swear, they all come.

Yeah.

Everybody who got their car broken into, next time we're in Kansas City, each one of you gets a free air freshener.

Air freshener?

Yep.

Well, who knows?

That could be why they broke into the car in the first place.

Hey, people are desperate to be fresh.

My name's Henry Sprayowski.

This is Side Stories.

We're sitting here with Ed Larson.

Hi,

how are you, everybody?

Welcome down to Kansas City, where car windows get broken into everything.

Your voice.

It's rough.

Yeah, God.

All right, we have.

I was getting my balls lowered.

Yes, you should.

Let's just get through some announcements because obviously you guys know nothing of consequence happened this weekend.

Nothing.

Nothing.

It's so just

fun to relax, watching television on the news and having the president tell you to your face that he hates you.

It's just kind of nice.

It's refreshing.

I never get talked to directly.

It was easier to take when there's like big fireworks behind it.

Shoot it.

That's how I'm going to handle it.

It was a lot cooler then.

Absolutely.

And I just hope that those shirts that his wife were selling don't sell out

all over his warm body.

Yeah.

All right, let's continue.

So we have here on October 24th, we want to make this announcement at the Mattiel Community Center in Humboldt.

We are officially announcing.

Yes.

If you're coming to the show, we are doing a Halloween costume contest.

It's the week before Halloween.

I want to see what you fuckers got.

You live out in the woods.

You got nothing but time.

I want to see what you make out of these costumes.

We're going to have fun.

I'm going to almost, I don't want to do the thing.

We're going to make costumes mandatory.

No, no, you can dress like a human being and show up.

Sort of, sort of.

But the goal is to.

Please tell me you're your uncle or something.

We're going to have a lot of fun.

Billy Wayne Davis, he's already got his costume planned.

I can't wait for my costume.

We've been tooling with it.

And I just want to just say, if you're going to come out to the Home Bolt Show, know that it's going to get a little spooky.

It's going to get wild.

I can't wait for that.

That's the Matteel Community Center, Friday, October 24th.

Enjoy your life.

Come and visit us there.

Yeah, buddy.

It's going to be good.

All right.

Let's sorry, as we begin,

let's start with some serious news.

Okay.

Because we have a little bit of serious news to cover.

I got a really fantastic series of responses about updates.

These are updates.

Updates.

Updates.

Updates.

I like that.

New stinger time.

Can we get a stinger?

Can we get a

Epstein stinger at this point?

Yes.

I don't know if anybody saw the very top.

This morning, did you see that someone had snuck a 12-foot bronze statue in front of the Washington Monument of Trump holding hands giddily with Jeffrey Epstein?

It's Friendship Month.

It is amazing that it was dropped in the middle of the night.

No one knows where they made this thing, how they were able to put it out without.

Well, it was a combination of foam, resin, wood, and wire.

Oh, interesting.

And what I find interesting as well is that I thought that he had the National Guard positioned in Washington, D.C., just ready to go at a moment's notice, ready to get at any bit of crime possible.

And then somehow...

artists managed to create a beautiful artistic tribute to the hypocrisy of our current administration.

And just like, they just went out without a hitch.

Well, I believe that it's, it's, they said it's going to stay up until Saturday, so I think they actually rented the space.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, God, God.

I just, that's just so.

I think they filled out the paperwork and it gets to stay there for a little while.

They really got good for them.

It is amazing.

And I just, it is so, it's just so worth it.

But let's go, let's, let's, let's take it back.

One thing I wanted to mention just real quick.

I know we didn't want to get too deep in the weeds.

This Jimmy Kimmel's coming back less than a week later.

But in that same breath, I just saw this.

Disney Plus raising the rates.

They're making it more expensive today.

They chose today to tell us that they're going to, they just lost.

That they're just in a fucking.

It's in Grifter season.

It doesn't matter.

It just doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

And everyone's just so relieved that they could finally see their stupid Disney again.

This is just like, I just, I'm so upset.

I'm just getting so upset.

As a registered Disney adult, I'm keeping it canceled.

Wow.

Keeping it canceled.

I'm keeping it canceled.

Yeah, I just.

I'm at least going to go

at least a year without it.

I'm going to go a year without it.

If they keep on it good and ready, stay nice.

I'll stick around.

Listen, any single time that you have an unnatural need for Disney, I'll describe to you a story about a 12-year-old Indian girl that gets purchased by a 30-year-old white man that then kind of scans her away from her family and makes vicious love to her over and over and over again.

And that's a movie that's called Pocahontas.

So you just got to remember that, right?

So anytime you've got, I'll always break those down for you.

I appreciate that.

Anytime you want.

So let's...

cover a little bit of what we covered last week.

I got great responses from, I just asked for a general call of scientists scientists to go through the Epstein 50th birthday book and explain to me what some of these weird, cryptic, science-based inside jokes that were put in this book, what do they mean?

What's happening?

And I got some very interesting responses.

So I would like for everyone, if you are at home, I would like to go to your, if your bookmark where you have the Jeffrey Epstein birthday book saved.

That is where we're going to hold, where you're going to go over to the coffee table, type in Jeffrey Epstein 50th birthday book.

Okay, you're going to look at that PDF.

Open it up.

Yep, it's the one with the tits in it.

All right, so here we go.

We're going to talk a little bit.

I'm going to walk you through.

This first one comes from an electrical engineer.

It is kind of interesting how the Jeffrey Epstein book has become a PDF file.

It's almost like it always was.

No, it's really, really great.

This is really great.

All right, so there are four main sections that deal with math science in the birthday book.

All right.

Pages 124 to 125, 181, 182 to 187, and 189 to 192.

So please open your pages to 124 to 125.

These pages are equating Epstein to great minds for discovering the beautiful number 15.

It references perfect numbers and other math stuff, but it's essentially a made-up equation to say that 15 is the best age.

Wonder what that means.

Page 181.

Wow, who signed it?

We'll get to that.

That's the next email.

Page 181 appears to be an inside joke about E equals M C squared, but appears to be making reference to page 118 in the second stanza of the poem, By Birds and By Bucks,

Cs and M's are his keys.

My guess, B, M, and C was a way of saying Epsene something like, my money is all from B, B's, C's, and M's.

What does that mean?

Don't know.

Cryptic.

Okay.

Something that's just one of those, right?

Don't know.

Before Christ?

Christ just can't be.

He can't be.

I don't think Christ is here.

Christ is here.

He isn't here any longer?

Not in this PDF.

Page 182 to 187 are all about evolution.

numbered sets and game theory, but it's mainly a way to jack off Epstein as some form of more evolved human.

First bit is just mathematical formula of evolution.

Second bit is just saying that you can make infinite combinations of countable things and that through working together, but punishing those who portray you and occasionally forgiving them is how we continue to, quote, win evolution.

Frightening.

Pages 182 to 192.

is just string theory nonsense.

I say nonsense because it got a lot of funding and made all these grand promises of creating new technology from it, but it's an untestable concept that has no real-world applications and it's just a money pit.

So all the science in the book appears to me as a way of jerking Epstein off, right?

So that was the one thing that I thought was very, very interesting.

There's a lot of other stuff with he says that there's like

there was one email that he said it got it was a lot of scientists jerking off at him

ostensibly showing them how smart they are writing things that only other people who are in deep within their very niche world of science which mostly involves transhumanism, people becoming immortal, people wanting to jump evolution, like the very fringe big money scientists that essentially they attract money from billionaires that want to live forever.

And so does someone at least put here who the people were that signed them?

So one was 79, 179, and 80.

That was signed by Murray Gelman.

Gelman is a Nobel Prize winning physicist famously developing the theory of quantum chromodynamics, which just describes quarks as

elementary particles that are the fundamental constituents of protons and neutrons.

Great.

No one by the name of Murray should be fucking someone under the age of 80.

I mean, Murray is specifically a guy that should be covered in soup.

I only want to talk to a guy named Murray if I'm asking.

That's Murray.

Oh, that's Murray.

And he's a funny, funny little guy.

He's making a yelling face.

I don't know why he's doing that, but Murray should be eating Matzo Ball soup in a diner somewhere, not at Jeffrey Epstein's birthday party.

He said the doodle on page 179 with the red, green, and blue blobs represent quarks and his theory.

And then he just a bunch of questions, open questions in science.

That's what all this is, is open questions in science.

Okay.

So he put onto this.

Now, was Epstein like a science nerd?

No.

Science nerd stuff.

I guess you could maybe say that.

He was trying to purchase fringe science.

Okay.

So you could say he was a science nerd or whatever you call these various between physics and

chemistry and biology, all these different places you'd be talking.

Because you also know that in his New Mexico ranch, I believe it was in New Mexico, the Jeffrey Epstein's New Mexico ranch.

I just, so he was trying to buy immortality.

Yes.

And then he committed suicide?

So

he has this place called Zorro Ranch in Stanley, New Mexico, where he had an entire,

he had his own gynecological office and research center inside of his home

so that he didn't have to leave.

So we can get his, he can, he can go and put people in the stirrups right in his home.

Oh, that's nice.

So convenient.

It's nice.

So he was really a lot of fertility experts, stuff like that.

So he was, yeah, he was a nerd.

So Steve Coslin, if you go to page 181 of the birthday book,

Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

You can see here that was signed by Steve Coslin.

This is a, he wrote a sketch with equations.

This is the guy that did the E equals MC squared stuff that says straight up that 15 is the best number.

Okay.

And then Lee Smolin, pages 189 to 190.

Do you know who that class guy is?

Just a scientist man.

Okay.

Another big scientist man.

Lee Smolin, these diagrams look to be related to Lee Smolin's research in quantum gravity, where if you zoom into space-time to extremely small distances, the fabric is no longer smooth, but discretized.

Discretized.

I don't know what that means.

I think the cones are light cones.

Largely, it's all horseshed.

Okay.

Basically, everyone's saying the same thing.

It's just ways for it is esoteric scientific principles to show your buddy that you are super smart.

And then Jeffrey Epstein gets super hard looking at a 15-year-old and you like that because you're a scientist getting money from him.

Okay.

There you go.

Yep.

So

that's the

all you scientists.

Now

that you've done that, go back to work.

Get back to the work.

Get back to work.

Get out there.

You got to do something else.

Okay.

Gotta do something else.

No, it's very frightening.

So I just want to make sure that no matter what we do here at Last Podcast and the Left, we make sure that Jeffrey Epstein's story continues to go.

Every single time there is an update, I am going to talk about it here on Side Stories.

Yes, and I don't care if you even get sick of it.

That's why we need a

stinger.

We do need a stinger.

We need it, and we need an update stinger.

So, honestly, side stories lpotl at gmail.com.

If you want to send us an Epstein stinger, nothing would make me happier.

Yes, you know, that would be amazing.

If we could get some

good old-fashioned, just some 15-year-old vocals on there, that'd be awesome.

So, Youngblood, Youngblood.

We actually performed at the same venue that he performed at in 2020 today, this weekend in Kansas City.

And

why even comment?

I even said this right before the show where it's like, I'm sick of being everyone yelling at me.

So why am I commenting on things that are just going to make people yell at me?

I tell you one thing, he's no DeForvid.

No, he is no DeForvid.

He is no DeForvid.

They finally canceled his tour.

Those of you that don't know, DeForvid, otherwise known as David, it is David spelt with.

No Torvid.

His name's fucking David.

It's the dumbest name I've ever heard for somebody ever.

The fact that he's got a four in there, I just think he's so stupid and so not talented.

And it's just the dumbest.

His song is horrible.

The song he made all the money is fucking horrible, guys.

But he was found, his Tesla that was in his name, that was found outside of his home that was towed.

The rotting body of his, what seems to be maybe his 15-year-old girlfriend was inside of it.

So all of this is still alleged.

It's all still coming out, but we know that they had matching tattoos.

He had mentioned her by name in songs.

His crew had mentioned her by name.

Like, it seems that it was all together.

What was her name again?

Celeste.

Celeste Rivas.

And she, we'll see what happens.

This is obviously, it's all still alleged, but they've had a full-on corpse in their hands attached to his car for pretty much a week, and he got to do like three shows.

Yeah.

And she's been missing since 2024.

Yeah.

And it's September.

Oh, yeah.

You remember

when Celeste Rivas' body was found.

That's really one of the saddest things that Earth, Wind, and Fire has ever reminded me of.

If you bought the tickets months ago, are you still going to the show if he's in town?

Before Vid?

Yeah, if you have your ticket, you bought it months ago.

You're disgusting.

But if he's in town, if he's coming to town, are you still going to be?

Well, the show's canceled.

The only thing that's going to be.

No, but I mean before.

You know what I'm saying?

Before Vid, please.

Before Vid.

Yes.

You know what I would say?

Honestly, what's hard?

Is that as a ghoul, is that

if you can get one of those pieces of merch

before he's canceled fully, like once he is not performing anymore, you might be able to sell that.

That's murderability.

That's murderabilia.

So if you got

there's anybody at those shows.

Oh, there's a bunch of people.

If there's anybody at this show that bought their shirt that wants to get rid of it, send it to P.O.

Box470 North Hollywood, California, 91603.

Because we've also become the other main channel talking about DeForvet.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

At this point, I'm almost becoming a fan.

I tried.

I listened to a bunch of it.

Couldn't do it.

He's not talented.

And he, but.

He might be talented.

Well, yes.

Maybe he just says it right now.

He's a very, I think he might be talented.

And maybe he was for me.

I think he was distracted by having sex with a child.

Yes, and then distracted by, you know, her murder.

That's the thing.

It's super distracting.

It's so hard.

You can't plan that stuff, except if you do it.

Then you did plan it.

Oh, another one last thing I wanted to say is, you know, the Aaron Hernandez episode

episodes have come out at this point.

The last one's coming out for everyone on Friday.

And I just want to say, I've been thinking about it really hard, and I feel like I didn't, like, there are good aspects to football.

We talked about this literally.

We're sitting in the airport.

Yeah.

We were talking about this because it's true.

Like, I was just like really mad.

You were allowed, you had an emotional response to your own material.

And I think at the very end, you were joking.

You were like, oh, yeah.

The thing is, though, is that

people like football and people choose to play football.

It brings people together.

It brings families together.

You know, like people who don't like their families, like still get together and watch football with them.

I think that's like a beautiful thing.

Yeah.

You know, it brings a lot of money to the bar industry.

Chicken wings.

I'm a big fan of chicken wings.

Super big into chicken wings.

I love sliders.

Y'all know me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And without football and sliders and shit, like, I don't know.

But I guess the key here is that truly,

we forget, which it's a big tenet for me.

You choose.

If you want to play football, it is, you're taking this risk.

Well, a lot of people look at it as an escape out of poverty.

Yes.

And so I think that's like a big part of it.

It's like, yeah, you do make the choice, but you also don't have many choices.

And they do have a new helmet that you can get.

Like, apparently, what is it called?

It's called like the goggler or something.

Like, there's like a funny name that they have for it where they have a new concussion like ready helmet, but a lot of the guys are having problems wearing it because they think it looks goofy.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's that is yeah, the guardian caps.

That's what this is.

Yeah, like they think it looks goofy and nobody wants to do it because I mean, it does look goofy, but at the same time.

Do you want to act goofy or do you want to look goofy?

Yeah, right?

Do you want to be so goofy you're killing your fucking family because you're still a demons?

I'm not a football player and could beat up most humans.

If someone made I defy astronauts look goofy, but if they don't have the helmet on, they're going to fucking just disappear into into space.

I would like you big fuckers in the NFL to defy.

Okay, come on, guys.

Let's think about this.

I know we're all celebrating toxic masculinity.

I love it too.

I like it.

I'm actually on the other side of Eddie some of the times because I actually believe in sort of the Roman style.

I get it.

I get that there's like a group catharsis.

Like, I get it.

But it's like, be the bigger, literally the bigger dude.

Put the dumb fucking stupid cap on your helmet.

I know it looks stupid.

And the second somebody makes fun of you for it, you beat the living shit out of them.

Yeah.

And then you have everybody else do the same.

So then guess what?

Who will never, what they'll never do ever again.

No one will ever make fun of a football player with the stupid goofy hat on them for the rest of their lives, right?

That's your job.

If you can make it not goofy, that's the key.

Someone do a sex tape.

In the helmet with the hat on, getting blown by the hottest woman.

What are these NFL players?

That'll actually probably do really well.

These NFL players, it's in your hands.

And that's what you can do.

You got to market it yourself.

Make it cool.

Bengals' great Rudy Johnson committed suicide at 45 years old, and he wants his brain to be looked at for CTE.

He should have worn a goopy-ass cap.

Yeah, that happened today.

Yeah, that's sad.

So

maybe I don't dig it back.

See, you just don't.

Maybe that's.

I just think that

you're literally allowed to express both of these things.

Yeah, I think so.

I think so.

You loved it for too long.

I really did.

It was a huge part of my life for 40 years.

Yeah, and I think that it's not even, I think the playing is one thing versus the watching.

That for the rest of us, weirdly, I do think football does serve a purpose.

I mean, you love police cam videos.

If you get hurt in that, I love them.

My new algorithm has been awesome, too, because I've been getting the ones where something switched.

And because like for a

I was like getting a little too because I get sad when it's always like entitled woman, blah, blah, blah, entitled man.

I was like, no, no, no, no.

But now mine's finally switching to where I want it to be, which is theme parks.

Oh my God, people getting tossed out of Disney is my favorite shit.

Oh, I mean, that's cool.

That's a lot of fun.

That's my favorite shit.

Just seeing like an unhinged woman with her titty coming out of her weird sports bra, screaming about how she's going to punch Mickey in the face.

It's just, God, it's just brings a

peace to me.

So I understand.

We all like problematic things sometimes.

And I just think it's okay to, I think that we should have more allowances.

I think it is okay, but you should know exactly

why, what you're doing and what it comes from.

I was like, the other thing I was thinking about this weekend after I was canceling my Disney, Disney Plus and Hulu, was, do I stand for too much?

Do I like what?

Like, like, it must be like, like, like, I'm running out of things to watch.

Like,

I can't drink certain bottles of water.

I can't fucking, you know, like, I'm not buying Amazon packages anymore.

You're just saddled with a conscious.

You're saddled with these feelings.

And I do.

I do.

I watch you, and I understand.

You're very good.

And I think that some of these economic boycotts work, and I think some of them are very performative.

I don't think they're...

For me, it's not economic.

For me, it's more...

Principles.

It's principles.

Yeah, I just don't want to be a part of it.

I don't think I'm making a difference.

I know I'm not making a difference.

We know that the Disney thing did make a difference when it came to the Jimmy Kimmel deal.

We know that it's all about the money.

No one gives a fucking shit about anybody.

It's all about the money.

So

they lost.

They hit the number that they needed to hit to bring Jimmy Kimmel back to ignore the FCC, which also I find interesting is that it shows they could have ignored them the whole fucking time.

Absolutely.

No, they're historic cowards.

Very much so.

Yeah.

But also, I get they, but they let themselves let us tell them what to do.

Yeah.

And that's an important lesson to learn.

And now, at three more dollars a month, you can get ad-free

for $18.99 a month now.

Oh, my God.

Remember, it started at $6.99 during COVID?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's already up to $18.99.

They know, they just get you used to it.

They get you a hook with all their dumb shit.

garbage.

It really is like a fucking crack dealer.

Yeah, buddy.

And that's why they ramped up all the Star Wars and they ramped up all the superhero stuff because that's what people get addicted to.

And they're attached to it by their emotions from their childhood.

And then they're just tapping that button again and again.

Like, you know what they talk about with rats?

Yeah.

About how, like, when they have the food button or the sex button, they have the button that makes them come.

Yeah.

And they have the one that makes them eat.

About how a lot of them will starve to death just coming to death.

Yes.

That's what they do to us.

You dirty rat.

It's Mickey all the way down.

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All right, we got some good news.

News, you can use

Copenhagen airports shut down by UFOs.

Whoa, dude, this was UFOs?

So they are, it's technically drones.

So let me send you this information.

So they're not,

they are identified.

They are unidentified drones.

Okay.

But they do look

wildly similar to what we had here in New Jersey in the States.

Okay.

Now, this was over Denmark.

This was over the Copenhagen airport.

Now, if you can see here, there is an object that swept.

over the airport, shutting down traffic.

It is a gigantic drone that has, you see how it's got edges all around the side of it?

Like it's a giant weird triangle.

Yeah.

It's a giant triangle in the sky, or looks like a giant triangle in the sky.

Several police officers, they said that they saw it shoot a,

what could only be described as a spotlight down onto the ground.

Now, what makes this extremely...

Did it suck anything up?

It didn't, no, no.

But what makes this extremely interesting is that this is a part of the world where the airspace is extremely watched.

Yeah.

This is a highly observed part of the world.

Well, we saw they were just in restricted airspace over Yemen.

But so that was like one thing and that bounced in and out, right?

That was like a thing that flew past and they shot a missile at it.

It bounced off and it kept going.

No one's asking anything, right?

This story is interesting because

apparently, according to their services, because what's nice about Europe right now is that Europe, it's like fucked.

They're like way freer than we are right now, and they can say really anything they want and they can actually maybe investigate some stuff.

So the cops are saying in this to the police being like,

no one knows what this is.

And why that's significant is because they have been watching Russian drones come over the border into NATO territory.

And they've been kind of like, they've almost become like weather reports in Denmark.

Interesting.

Where they send out messages on the news saying there might be drone activity, blah, blah, blah.

Like they give warnings almost that there's there's going to be drones in the sky.

They're doing these various things.

And none of those alarms went off.

They said they're not Russian, that they're not,

they have no identification markers.

They didn't know what they are.

They're taking their time.

Yes.

Every time.

But the thing was, it was green, right?

Which is not necessarily standard.

They said it was green lights coming out of it.

It does have like, this is the same interesting stuff.

It's cruising.

It's fairly solid.

It has blinking lights on it that looks like it might be a human-made aircraft.

We don't know what its origin is.

It was kind of searching for things around the airport.

And a part of it is to understand that

they shut down the airport.

Yeah.

They did know what it was.

Same thing would happen in New Jersey.

In Boston.

There is no way

that they're going to just let something zip around during one of the most sensitive points in like this is like a we're talking about world war like area right that we're in right now we're in like that at that temperature going on right now in the world

seems fine to me

i know i know it's just this thing where you're like why this this seems like did someone follow it like do we know where it went no they said it went it just went And then they didn't see it anymore.

Interesting.

It just circled around the airport and then then zipped right back out.

And it went so fast like no one could follow it?

No, they just watched it go.

Well, because for a while there was miscommunication about what like what it was.

At first everyone just, because the people are used to seeing drone activity, they said that it was weird because normally there would be like an announcement that there might be drone activity.

And then it was just, and then it's just shutting down the airport and everybody's panicking and nobody knows.

This is like a big ass drone.

That's a big ass drone.

Yeah, that's not just like a normal like little thing you throw up there.

Like no, like when you see a drone show and it's a bunch of drones, like this is one big fucker.

Yeah, it is not.

It's almost the size of a plane.

It's specifically not a hobby drone.

This came out from the press conference this morning.

Copenhagen Airport first observed.

So it's either like SPY or

UAP.

Fucking knows.

Copenhagen Airport first observed the drones around 8.30 p.m.

Monday evening.

The drones came from different directions and were observed in different positions.

According to Copenhagen police,

there must be a capable actor behind it, meaning an actor with the capacity will and tools to show themselves in this way so far Copenhagen airport has been affected by 100 cancellations and expects further delays during the day according to the police they chose not to shoot down the drone as quote the airport is an unfortunate place for something to fall from the sky the police have activated the armed forces as a cooperation partner the police would not disclose where their ships have been observed in connection with the case, but it was suggested that ships are a part of the investigation.

So right now, we have no idea what's going on.

All right.

Same hobbyists that obviously terrorized New Jersey,

same hobbyist that obviously terrorized Boston, and obviously, the same hobbyist

that was floating objects over Alaska, and the same hobbyists that were floating objects over Michigan that we actively shot at.

And the same hobbyists that sent something over our protected airspace in Yemen, and which we also shot at and couldn't identify.

And we're all acting like it's normal.

You know, I really hope I see a movie about this soon.

UFO.movie.

It's funny you should ask.

Got a UFO.movie and give me money to do the best movie about UFOs you've ever seen since Fire in the Sky.

I swear it's not just me making love to Jenna Hayes.

I've seen people already saying that.

It's not an excuse to make love to Jenna Hayes.

She's not in the business anymore.

We will not be doing full penetration.

It is just a small part of the film.

She's playing a character in the film.

So just come, give me money.

Ufo.movie.

You're paying for your ticket ahead of time.

And I've said this before time if we can get to a thousand backers i'm going to do a watch along of some of my ufo dvds uh that well that's like one of the first little prizes oh hell yeah yeah so yeah please give me just a small amount of money and if not just kickstarter when's the kickstarter over in like 24 days oh really so we really got to cook this baby oh yeah it's all it's awful procedure yeah yeah the whole thing's difficult i really want to be in this movie so please yeah or put him in he's no choice yeah i'll probably i'll end up working for free and also i'm about to announce a partnership with i'm going to specifically say, I am going to say Contacting the Desert is also coming to help do this as well.

So, we have a lot of people coming.

Like, again, this is going to be fucking for real.

Oh, man.

I can't wait for my next Contacts of the Desert.

Yeah, you guys

for your episodes.

Yeah.

Here's a really fun one.

I mean, it's bad that it happened, but man, sometimes the news just makes me chuckle.

Yep.

All right.

So, Cafeteria las postas.

Yes, yes, yes.

So a man went to get a sandwich at a restaurant at a cafe in Spain.

To Spain.

Spain.

Okay.

He wanted a sandwich.

He said, can I get some mayonnaise?

The sandwich, right?

Can I get a packet of mayonnaise?

He wanted a packet of mayonnaise.

With the sandwich.

And I'm going to say straight up, first of all, packet of mayonnaise is sadly, it is the saddest way.

to distribute mayonnaise.

Oh, for sure.

You know, like, that's like him even asking for a packet of mayonnaise.

Yeah.

I like when someone puts it on a spoon and just like flicks it.

Yeah.

That's how I like to get my mayonnaise.

But yeah, so he went, he asked for a packet of mayonnaise.

They said, we don't have mayonnaise.

And so he went next door to a gas station.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And did he get mayonnaise?

No, no.

He went and he got a bunch of gasoline.

And then he went back to the restaurant.

And he asked for mayonnaise again.

No, we burned it down.

Burned down the gas station.

Wow.

Should have had mayonnaise.

Wow.

Well, he burned down the cafe.

He burned down the cafe.

Yes.

Okay, so now this is...

Well, but helmets.

Oh, my God.

Look at the explosion of flame.

Holy fucking shit, dude.

Yeah, well, it's gas, man.

Gas goes up fast.

That's the whole thing.

Wow.

It goes up very fast.

Over mayonnaise?

Over mayonnaise.

All right, this is.

I, as a missed, I understand.

Obviously, what this man did is wrong, but I do understand getting very angry over sandwiches.

Let's just put it this way.

Okay.

Let's just put it this way.

Our audience gets it, right?

Our audience gets it.

I'm not saying do this.

I'm saying carry mayonnaise.

It's a sandwich shop.

All right, let's just break it down first.

Hot second here.

It's a sandwich shop.

If I'm at a mayonnaise and I run a sandwich shop, first thing I'm going to do in the store, I'm sending a runner mayonnaise to go get mayonnaise.

Because what are two things that must be on a sandwich either way, mayonnaise or mustard?

Yes.

If you are a person, and I mean this with all sincerity,

if you're a person that doesn't eat condiments on your sandwich, you're a pervert.

Yeah, that's fucking weird.

You're a problem.

You're a problem.

You're like, you're, I know I'm going to get a lot of feedback on this, but please do.

Sure.

Absolutely.

I lift the water and then you hold it in your mouth and you take a bite of the sandwich.

I live for this.

Yeah.

What do you do?

Get yourself like nervous so your mouth gets all filled with liquid and then you bite in the sandwich?

Ketchup on a roast beef sandwich.

Ew.

Yeah.

You just made me almost throw up.

Yeah, man.

But this is the thing.

That's why, so, yeah, and in many ways, this is what you one would call a Spanish overreaction.

But I think that what it comes down to, you're a freedom fighter,

you're in Spain, one of the big places that said no to fucking the dictatorship, right?

Big old place filled with freedoms, right?

And you go to get that sandwich, and all you want is mayonnaise to liquefy that sandwich enough for you to eat it.

And then you find out that this place doesn't have mayonnaise, and then you begin to sort of put all the steps together of being like, oh, only perverts and predators don't use mayonnaise and mustard on their sandwiches.

Then you start thinking, oh my God, is this the real Comet Pizza?

Yes.

Am I need to shut down this human trafficking cafe because this, they're selling me a signal?

So I'm going to go straight to get, I guess, like, because I don't know what gasoline is like in Spain.

Is it coming like Cabernet?

No, he probably just got like one of those little red Jagobeggies.

Oh, yeah, Jagobaggies.

Yeah.

Oh, it's like a big ZigClock bag.

And then, so maybe he thought he was doing something right.

But he didn't burn the whole place down.

I was wrong.

He only caused about anywhere between $8,000 and $11,000 in damage.

And here's the good news: Hellman says they're paying for it.

And they're never going to run out of mayonnaise again.

Isn't that nice?

Hellman's fucking knocking it out of the park.

But I also realized Hellmans is almost slightly shading them by saying them, you'll never run out of mayonnaise again.

You know what I mean?

Like, almost being like, it's almost a sort of, like, I'm putting words in Hellman's mouth, but it seems that they're sort of even acknowledging their mistake in this.

Yes,

here's the direct quote from Hellman's.

Cafe

Las Postas.

We're sorry we weren't there.

Can you actually read it in the proper mayonnaise voice?

We're sorry we weren't there.

And from now on, you could count on us.

Let us take care of the repairs and make sure your sandwiches never run out of mayonnaise again.

You see, feel like that's passive aggressive.

Yeah, well, I mean, they're also paying for the bill.

Yeah, I mean, I get it.

Now, they're making the whole thing kind of funny, they are, which is nice, and I appreciate that.

I like when businesses make things a little funny, especially when they're mayonnaise-based crimes.

I mean, that's what I like.

I think a mayonnaise-based, I think a mayonnaise company is one of the most pure things that can exist.

I'll tell you what, though, if I'm watching someone make my sandwich and they're just like doing a bad job, and I just like, let me get in there.

Let me do it.

Get the fuck out of my way.

Let me go back.

I will pay an extra $5 if I can make the sandwich.

Because, like, my thing is the idea of a sandwich not having mayonnaise or mustard on it to me is like such a fucking unbelievable like who are you?

Well read this.

This is actually what the restaurant posted here

this afternoon we suffered an attack where a quote-unquote customer who was passing by our cafeteria asked us a couple of mayonnaise envelopes for his little ride.

Are they called envelopes?

When we told him we didn't have any, he approached the petrol station to buy a bottle of petrol enter the premises and set us on fire.

Fortunately, none of us out of our clients, including young children and elderly, have suffered major damage.

Only material things that are replaceable.

Today, we escaped, but a real disaster could have happened.

All right.

Well.

Well, yeah, obviously it's serious, right?

Yes, it's very...

Yes, of course.

I know that what he did was.

He wasn't even a customer, though.

He

was walking by the place

and stopped in to ask if they had changed that.

No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't.

It's a sandwich.

So he wanted free mayonnaise.

I would have offered a peso.

When it comes down to it, it really comes.

It's the fact that they didn't have it.

I mean, this is crazy.

I mean, if it's he,

oh, so is they put customer?

Customer.

Yeah, they're being, they're being, they're being passive.

If he bought a sandwich,

it's a little harder for me to be on their side.

If he bought a sandwich, because I get, oh, dude, listen to me.

Don't tell me.

Oh, no.

Listen to what just fucking happened.

I mean, we talked about in KC when the last time we like truly one of the biggest problems I've ever seen when we got that food delivery of the barbecue.

And for some reason, the barbecue place didn't put barbecue sauce in.

What the fuck did you do?

They didn't put anybody.

We ordered $150 of barbecue for me and Henry.

And then put any of it.

We ordered a bunch of barbecue.

And then he gave us one, like, even like little saucer.

I was saying, is it barbecue?

No ramekins.

Barbecue and barbecue sauce.

I was using baked beans as barbecue sauce.

Sauce, barbecue sauce is what also makes the barbecue.

It was delicious.

It was good.

It was delicious barbecue.

But he needs barbecue sauce.

No, no, not barbecue.

I don't even gotta buy the sauce extra.

It's barbecue.

Or if you tell me or tell me it's extra and I'll pay for it.

Yes.

Tell me it's extra.

Don't tell me not going to include it.

If you buy $150 worth of barbecue.

A little mesquite.

A little bit of barbecue.

A little sauce.

Little mesquite.

Little spicy.

A little sweet one.

A little sauce.

That's it.

Also, I went to what was supposed to be the best sandwich shop in Kansas City.

Bay Boy Sandwiches.

Closed.

Sunday.

Yeah, dude, I know.

I tried to get away from the game.

You went to Joe's?

Closed.

Sunday.

What the fuck?

I don't know.

Are you doing there?

God shouldn't be in Kansas City.

God should be busy somewhere else.

God should be in Ukraine.

So I've got, all right, so here's my sandwich story.

Like, tell me what you think about this.

All right.

I'm never going back to this place again.

It's called.

It's next to my house.

Oh, I heard you.

No, wait, wait, actually, scratch that.

I don't want people to know where I live.

I'm never going back to this place.

Yes.

Ever again.

Say the name, we'll beep it out.

Beep it up.

Okay.

And I'm never going back there.

Do you know why?

I went in.

They have a deli counter.

It's a bowl of egg salad.

I know you like your egg salad.

Yeah, all right.

I say, one egg salad sandwich, please.

Okay.

He said,

We don't sell egg salad sandwiches.

I said, You sell sandwiches, right?

He's like, Yeah.

I was like, Well, there's egg salad right there.

He's like, Yeah, you could buy a pint.

I was like, Huh?

He's like, You could buy a pint of egg salad and we could sell you some toast.

And then you could make your own egg salad salad.

Oh, I'm ooh.

I just got angry.

I literally got angry.

Imagine that.

I was just like, What?

I was like,

Julie, like, Julie saw, like, Julie turned to look at me.

She was like, oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

They said the wrong thing.

I can see Natalie doing the same thing going, don't, don't, please, please make the sandwich.

Just make me make the sandwich.

Okay, what if I show you one of my tits?

If I show you one of my tits, will you make my husband a new sandwich?

It's that easy.

I know it's easy.

And then she starts biting them.

I know it's easy enough for you to make the sandwich.

sandwich.

They're like, no, we don't sell that.

We sell toast and we sell egg salad, but we don't sell egg sandwich sandwiches.

You know, okay, okay.

I just, I do understand.

All right.

I'm going to roll it back.

I do understand up to

be there again.

I'm going to add some.

I'm going to try to be a devil's advocate here and try to add a devil's eggs.

I will be the devil's eggs.

Okay.

I will do that.

Okay.

In which I could say that sometimes in more regulated places, this is my only way I could possibly defend this.

It's not corporate.

It's the only location.

I know.

which makes me

angry.

But I'm trying to be reasonable.

I'm trying to come around.

If there was a problem with measuring the amount of egg salad that could go into the sandwich, I know that everybody's got like, like, if you have a

lot of money, you got to make sure you don't give a drop extra.

Technically, egg salad is okay.

Eggs are a contentious food right now, but egg salad

still not it's not filet mignon.

Yeah, right.

So I feel that because egg salad,

it's, it's, it's either a sandwich or something, but it's like, okay, let me just put it this way in my head.

Let me wrap this back in my head.

All right.

So a tuna melt, you're going to get a tuna melt.

I imagine they're like, okay, we make X amount of tuna.

Each tuna melt is two scoops, right?

Like that's how you make.

They usually use like ice cream scoopers

to make sure you're using the right amount.

For some reason, these guys have never once done that with egg salad.

Yeah.

And I can't even imagine that this is what I'm saying.

This is the only way I can defend it is that they've never done it with egg salad.

They can't even imagine how to begin to measure the egg salad onto the sandwich, even though technically you just do the same amount that you just did for the fucking tuna sandwich that you just made.

It's the same thing.

They're right next to each other.

It's two different bowls.

Same stuff.

All the same ingredients, two different salads.

I'm just saying that you're sitting there.

You could sell sandwiches.

You sell salad.

You sell

and tuna salad sandwiches.

Because that's the other thing, too.

They make tuna melts.

Yes, they do.

So if you make...

I've gotten one from them before.

And if you make a tuna melt and then you have egg salad and you have all the stuff for a tuna melt, guess what you also have?

Stuff for an egg salad sandwich.

Egg salad sandwich, actually, less.

Because I really just need bread and egg salad.

I don't even need the lettuce.

I don't even need the salad.

Well, that's one of those controversial things about an egg salad sandwich.

I feel like that everybody kind of goes back and forth.

Well, the mayonnaise is in there.

The condiment's already in there.

That's it.

It's salad.

But I also don't treat it like a salad.

Like, do I ever just sit with a bowl of egg salad?

Yes.

Oh, yeah, but does everybody salad?

But if everybody else does it, I don't think anybody else eats the way I eat it.

I eat it with a spoon.

Yeah.

I make my own.

And And we already watched carbs.

Yes.

And also

none of it.

And then I also do my deconstructed egg salad where I eat the, I have a hard-boiled egg and I dip it into the mayonnaise and I dip it into the mustard and I eat it like that and I make the egg salad in my mouth.

Wow.

I can't wait to come out to a bunch of sparklers at your funeral.

They're going to be actually happy at mine.

They're going to be actually happy at mine.

But yeah, I am

one of the great whites.

One of the big ones.

I gotta say, truly, though, I can't believe how upset I just was.

Yeah, no, that, but it's completely insane, right?

Well, that is, then I'm big, we're becoming, that's when you were in a Larry David-like scenario.

But yeah, no, but I went, I mean, I turned into a Karen.

Of course.

Yeah.

Because it's,

it's like food red tape.

Yeah.

So I can do anything on the market.

I know this man was wrong.

Yes, the man who said my own.

I understand the rage

is all I'm saying.

Did you do it?

Did you buy the toast and the egg salad?

No, I'm never going back.

I walked out screaming.

I was like, I'm never coming back.

You won't make a sandwich for me.

I'm never coming back here.

I live down the street.

Ed is correct.

Ed is correct.

You've literally lost $1,000 this year.

You literally lost it.

That's what you did.

Yep.

That's what you did.

I'm with you.

I stand on your side.

And I'm about to get a bottle of petrol.

I didn't know we could do that.

I wanted to just buy a fucking 20-ounce of petrol and just shoot it it down there, man.

That sounds amazing.

Let's go get them.

I've never set fire to anything with you.

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ABC Wednesday, Shifting Gears is back.

It has a risen.

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

What what?

With a star-studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis, and

hey buddy!

A big home improvement reunion.

Welcome.

Oh boy.

That guy's a tool.

Shifting Gears, Season premiere Wednesday, 8-7 Central on ABC.

And stream on Hulu.

All right, so what do we got here?

What do we have any other stories left?

Oh, Oklahoma tiger handler fatally mauled during show.

Ryan Easley with ties to Joe Exotic

likely died instantly at Growler Pines.

He also said Joe Exotic was saying a whole thing.

People have been making too much hay on me.

People have been having too much fun with me.

They need to stop saying I'm joking.

Yeah.

It's really funny.

Like, he's really been, he's upset about this one.

Oh, yeah.

After he ratted his own husband out to get him deported.

It's a private zoo

next to the Texas border.

A tiger he'd raised since it was a cub turned on him, delivering fatal bites to his neck and shoulder.

Tigers don't know.

Dogs don't know.

They are animals.

They don't know.

They only know their instincts.

Yes, the attack happened in front of Easley's wife and daughter.

While the wife was managing to move the tiger to another enclosure after the incident, Easley was pronounced dead at the scene, likely died instantly, they say.

Well, honestly, that's a relief.

Yeah, they said it was a love bite in the wrong spot.

Oh, no.

That's not, that's the problem.

You shouldn't be experiencing love bites from giant jungle cats.

Leave them alone.

They should be in the zoo.

They should be in a real zoo.

Yeah.

These guys are honestly, you know, again, it just shows where it's humans.

We spent so long in the jungles avoiding these animals.

Yeah.

We spent so long running and trying to outthink them and outwit these predators to so far that we created church, right?

Yeah.

Like, that's how far we went.

And then it's just weird when guys are just like, nah, hang out with it.

Yeah, I want it in my backyard.

I don't need to be an expert.

Yeah.

Easley and his wife opened Growler Pines in Hugo in 2021.

They were offering, they usually had a lot of retired circus tigers because they come from circus backgrounds and they planned to settle in a city known for its circus heritage.

All of this is bad news.

All of this is dumb and bad.

You got to go to your AZA.

If you're going to a zoo, first of all, fuck every roadside zoo right in its tush.

Of course.

And go to, make, just take two seconds.

Two seconds and Google if it's AZA approved.

I'm so sick of this shit.

It's very easy to do.

Otherwise, you're committing a crime too, in my opinion.

Yay.

You know, it's one one of those where I don't even like legit zoos.

So I'm always scared.

I feel bad for the animals.

Yeah.

Well, if you are, I like zoos, but I hate these zoos.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah.

So please, just a little, the tiniest bit of research.

And or if not, you might get a couple of love bites in the wrong place yourself.

You know, and also there was a problem at an animal shelter this weekend.

Dude, this is a fucking...

I'm having a hard time slightly parsing this stick out, but it's pretty interesting.

So this was a U.S.

animal shelter.

The FBI,

apparently, they've been doing this thing where they rent out their cremation urn.

Which I can't believe that's real.

That's very, I had no idea.

I guess it like sort of makes sense in a way.

Like, you have this facility, you're the FBI, get your own crematorium.

I had no idea why it works.

I don't know why it's like this.

If someone can answer me, side source lpotl at gmail.com.

But the FBI

could build one.

I think, I don't know.

I don't know how it works.

So, apparently, they use this animal crematorium to burn two pounds of seized methamphetamine.

Yeah.

And then something went wrong in the burn basket that sent all the meth smoke into where all the animals and all the workers were at the shelter.

And 15 people,

14 staff members were

all got hit.

It was like 75 cats and dogs were hit with a cloud of meth smoke.

So basically, these

workers and these animals are high on meth.

And the workers have to be like, okay, I'm high on meth.

I'm all fucked up.

I have to save these animals.

And these animals are also high on meth.

Imagine the fucking chaos.

Actually, you know what was really interesting is it was chaos at first.

It was chaos at first.

Everybody's all gacked out, never had that before.

But then between the workers and the animals, they cleaned and painted that whole beginning in front of the structure.

It was amazing.

They did the lawn work.

They built a catapult that was crazy the dogs built a catapult the cats built a dogapult and they were just having fun shooting each other back and forth the fuck and there was one guy just literally doing a skip it for hours he kept saying skip it skip it he didn't have a skip it the person who runs the

facility says they didn't even know they were doing it

He said, I can firmly and confidently say, as the executive director, I did not know that they were disposing of extremely dangerous narcotics on site.

If anybody could answer me, I would love to know how the hell this works out.

I want to know, like, do they rent it?

Do they just use, like, is it because they don't, I mean, how does the FBI not have their drug, their own?

Well, I'll put it this way.

I know that every FBI has like a state bureau.

Right.

So the FBI will have something like, it's like, was this Billings, Montana?

Yeah.

Like, they'll have like a We know there's no space in Montana.

We know that

There's nowhere.

There's no space to do the summer session.

The crush of people of Montana is crazy.

There is almost no available real estate.

Less than a person a mile in Montana.

But it feels like maybe a local group used it.

Maybe that's what it is.

I don't know.

Oh my God.

It's just like, can you fuck up any more, FBI?

No.

Good God.

Well, it really seems when it all comes together, when you have a YouTuber running a police,

i'd say would you call it an entire national police investigative universe uh it seems there might be some uh issues in there so when you have that google-y-eyed moron running this shit you'd be surprised when more of these things don't start happening oh my god so we'll see we'll lay away patel god that was someone said that that was a really good one that was a really really good one all right so i think we're about ready to do some letters all right listener letters oh do we have this new stinger rob we do actually we do uh this one is from Tony in the band Royal Dog.

Yeah, fuck yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You listen, little p-wider.

Listen, and emails.

Yeah, that's awesome.

That's pretty cool.

That's good and simple.

Yeah, I like that one.

A really good one.

Royal Dow.

Roll Dog.

Roll Dow.

First of all, a lot of people said the Dodos were not as dumb.

Whatever.

Well, they know.

We don't know.

We don't know.

But this mostly was just because they weren't.

They're the same scientists that signed the Epstein birthday book.

Get you fucking.

Tell me I say dodos enough.

But they saying, apparently, that dodos were just, they had no natural predators where they were.

And when we showed up, they just didn't know what we were.

And that's why we ate all of them.

Yeah.

But again,

Dodo, read a book.

Look at them.

It is a shame that we killed all of them.

I'm just trying to make a joke about how I wanted to eat one.

But also know for a fact that that company that's doing the the thing with the Mastodon and the saber-toothed tiger, it's all a fucking grift.

It's all scam.

No one's one's doing it.

Yeah, they're not going to be able to do it.

No, they're just.

It's not that they won't be able to do it.

It's just that they're not doing it.

They're just taking your money.

I wish they had a bunch of, like, if they did like an old pig.

Do you know?

They did an old pig and then they call the place like Jurassic Pork.

That's cute.

Yes.

See, that's fine.

That's cute.

But I would say, honestly, I would actually want a more ancient human ancestor.

Like

one of those

old monkey versions.

So if they, like, what if they made like

a Neanderthal?

yeah Neanderthal could we eat it yeah

if you kill it yeah they can't throw anything that's what's interesting about Neanderthals yeah they couldn't throw they can't throw nope they didn't have over the shoulder motion oh it was one of the things that we had over them oh and also our ability to um take notes literally like that we would fight the Neanderthals and then the Neanderthals would originally beat a lot of the original Homo sapien tribes we'd lose to them quite a bit.

But what Neanderthal's couldn't do that we could do is that we figured out how to change tax.

So we would, they would only ever fight one way or do things one way, and then we'd show up one way, and if it didn't work, we'd show up and do it in another way.

We'd attack them in a different way.

They're like the South.

Sort of.

The South is, yes.

Yes.

You would say they might be a bit of a throwback.

Yeah.

Yeah, wow.

Handsome guy.

All right, I won't eat him.

All right, spooky shit.

Oh, couple things.

Right before we even begin, beginning in the middle of the segment while we're doing this, next week begins 31 for 31.

Oh, yeah.

So we're going to announce our 31 for 31 next week.

It's going to come out on October 1st, our list of episodes, so our list of movies that we're going to watch.

And then we'll do like a big thing in the middle of that.

We're also going to be doing Listener Pasta again this year.

Okay, cool.

But we just haven't set that up yet.

But know that that is when we're going to.

Know that because of the very long form subject last podcast and the left is going to be doing, we are not going to be on last podcast going to be getting getting all that spooky for spooky season, but the spooky is coming over here.

Society Stories is going to be handling as much of the spooky as we can.

That's a good idea.

Yeah.

So we seem to that seems to happen to us a lot.

We're like, we did Andrew Cananon during October.

But you know, Andrew, that's right.

We did do Andrew Canan.

Was that last year?

Two years ago.

Wow.

I love that.

Honestly, I love that series though.

Yeah, it was a great series, but that's spooky.

All right, here we go.

Back in early 2017, me and my wife had decided to move back into our hometown in West Michigan after some time in the Navy.

We moved into one of the oldest homes in town, which was made in the late 1800s.

I remember when we first bought it, making funny comments that the Michigan basement had to be a meth lab, or had to have satanic cults just to fuck with my wife and friends.

We found out, though, when we bought it, there was only two families had owned it prior to us.

After about a year after my daughter was born, and shortly after after my cousin had moved in with us, my wife had previously been in a paranormal investigation group in Rochester, New York.

Her, me, and my cousin were attuned to anything weird, but also skeptical.

It wasn't until around 2019 when weird shit started to truly happen.

I'd noticed birthday balloons had moved into different rooms, over arches in the ceiling, overnight when no fans were on.

While me and my cousin were talking in my daughter's room, the fan just randomly turned off.

We used to have each other looking at each other with kind of spooked faces.

while eating dinner with my wife and daughter my wife watched the remote on the couch arm just slowly slide off and i all i saw was her eyes widen as she said the remote was moved up the couch it didn't slide days after that i was taking a shit with the door open and the pam spray on the stove after a meal had been thrown off from my view i finished and went to my wife and cousin in the living room asking if the pam had been in the spot where that could happen and they said it was probably one of the cats knocking it off.

As my cat said that one cat jumped up from the bay window meowing at me as the second was still sleeping in the window.

We all just looked at each other without explanation.

We always joked that the house looked haunted since we bought it, but now it started feeling like it.

So after all this, I looked into who we had bought the house from and who had previously owned it, since it only had two previous owners.

We found out that the previous owner had recently passed away months before, right around when weird shit started happening.

Mid-2020, we moved to a different house in the same town.

My extremely conservative stepsister and her husband bought our house.

So even if weird shit is happening, I'm sure they'll never admit it.

That's the truth.

That's the problem.

That is the problem.

All right, well, that was my letter.

Yeah.

Is your house haunted yet?

How's your ghost, by the way?

Jason.

I still have it.

You know what's funny is that the other day,

One thing in the letter that Jason wrote, first of all, oh, big announcement.

I'll do this too.

Beyond the Veil commentary is going to be coming out for Christmas.

Nice.

Just so you know, we're going to be doing a whole thing.

We're filming it now.

It's going to be coming up for Christmas.

So it's all, you're going to get it all out.

And one of the things that happened during Beyond the Veil was that I received a ghost in a box.

And Jason, who was the ghost, said in a letter, like basically describing who he was.

He stealed the ghost.

He still the ghost.

Basically saying that he would, he was interested in heavy metal, horror movies, booze, and drugs in his life.

Weed.

And so you weed.

And so what I did was I gave him a a shot of bourbon.

I gave him a big old joint in his little thing.

I legitimately put a little piece of horror merch inside from one of the stickers I have.

Oh, it's like something from a reanimator.

We should get him some fentanyl.

He loves fentanyl.

He missed.

He's so sad.

Probably how he got there.

He's so sad to miss it.

Car crash.

Oh.

And he said that,

but what was interesting is that they said there would be two ways that he would mess with me.

One was with moving objects, and one was with fire.

Okay.

And

this did happen.

Get a tiny fire?

No.

I was grilling.

And

I find this interesting.

This is probably the closest to a little loving meme, but who knows anymore?

So I barely talk about this stuff because everybody always boozed me.

But I think this is one of those things that was interesting.

But

so I went in and I was

cooking in the middle of the day and I went to Jason and I acknowledged Jason.

Like I'll do that as I'm walking through the house.

I go, hey, bud.

Like I acknowledge him.

And I was grilling

and I came back to the grill and it opened up and I was like, what's going on?

Like the temperature had really dropped on the grill and I didn't notice.

The grill

dials, I had preheated it.

I turned it all up to preheat it and I turned it all on.

And then I came out and all of the grill dials were shut off.

Whoa.

That was really weird.

And that was like one of those things that was like, that happened to me recently.

It sent a little chill up my spine, but I was telling Natalie if she did it?

Yeah.

No, she was sitting outside.

Oh, really?

Dude, that was really fucked up.

Natalie was outside having a glass of wine, and I literally walked past her.

And then I was like, did you fuck with the grill?

I didn't tell her, but I asked her, I was like, did you fuck with the grill?

Did you change anything grill?

She was like, no, I'm not going to.

No, I don't think that.

How stoned were you?

Not that, not enough.

Food was on the grill.

Yeah, no, it's true.

Yeah,

if anything, you turn it up.

Yeah.

Or, like, I meter it, right?

Like, if I'm doing chicken, I'll take it down.

You know, like, that's like, you know, especially if I'm doing steak, you start as hot as you can get it, and then I take it down.

Yeah.

Just sort of let it cool a little bit, let a little kind of, just go to the chill steak.

Thank you, fuck it.

Oh, my God.

God, yeah.

Technically, I had burgers the other day that I sort of ruined.

I made them too much, but it was fine.

What are you going to do?

On October 12th, I'm coming to Madison, Wisconsin without Henry, without Marcus.

I am coming to comedy on state with Logan Metz of the Promise of the Real.

Get your tickets at eddytunes.com.

I can't wait.

I'm doing my full hour of comedy.

Logan's going to be on stage with me.

He's got a new album he's making.

There's some fucking bad.

He's got like a whole like Randy Newman, Leon Russell thing going on right now.

It's fucking real good.

That's great.

I saw it out here and like, I can't, like, I'm literally doing this show so I can hear the music again because the album doesn't exist.

It's so fucking good.

That's all.

Come check it out.

And then also, November 16th, I'm going to be in San Diego, Mike Drop Comedy.

I'm doing an hour there, but I'm bringing Amber Nelson.

I'm bringing Ashley Brooke Roberts and the wonderful Julie Rosing.

We're all going to be performing together at Mic Drop Comedy.

Both of these shows are on Sundays.

So please skip football and come see me perform in Madison, Wisconsin, San Diego.

We have more dates coming.

Henry and I got a Las Vegas date coming.

We do.

Side Stories Vegas is coming, man.

By next week, it'll be released and you'll know what it is.

Can't wait.

And I can't wait for all this.

Stay tuned at anytunes.com.

Love everyday, known for a fact.

We're going to Vegas, and I can't fucking wait.

I'm going to goddamn Vegas, right?

I'm going down to Vegas.

I'm going to love being in Vegas.

I'm going to drink a bunch of fuck.

I'm going to drink a lot.

I'm going to drink a lot.

I'm going to yell a lot.

I'm going to eat a lot.

All right.

And you can watch me yell and eat.

And we can all laugh if you join us watching us live in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Since City, baby.

Woo!

Yep, and go to patreon.com/slash slash by guess the left to watch all the stuff.

Bye, give us money.

Um, if you could.

And go to at LP on the left for all of our social media, all the horseshit.

Go to ufo.movie to give my money.

Give me money directly.

Yes.

That'd be nice.

Go follow us on TikTok and let the IDF know who your favorite comedians are.

If you could, truly, that would be a big boost for us.

Also, again, if anybody could hit up the Riyadh

Comedy Festival Booker.

Oh, yeah.

And we had a great interview with Harold Schechter and Eric Powell.

About Dr.

Worthless, the guy that put the content.

They wrote a book about the comic book.

Yeah, they wrote a comic book.

Thank you.

And I read it.

I'm reading now.

He's reading now.

You believe that?

But it's about the guy that censored comic books in the 50s, but he also

had a relationship with Ed Gein.

It's a great book.

Dr.

Wortham, it's a really good book.

Also, like, it's very,

it shows how someone can have an amazing legacy and then just ruin it doing something fucking stupid.

But he was also, he was an interesting guy.

No, I personally.

It's weird because I like liked him.

And then at the very end, you see him just snap and become a lunatic.

That's what happens.

And so, what are you going to do?

Either way, check out the book.

Check out the interview.

It's available on YouTube.

And y'all be good to yourselves.

You just live long enough to see yourself become a villain.

Just be careful.

That's why.

Got to go early.

When life brings the blah, add more Yaba-dabba-doo with some tasty, fruity pebbles.

Early morning meeting, blah.

Someone brought the pebbles, Yabba Dabba-doo.

Run errands?

Blah.

Head to the store for Pebbles, Yabba Daba Doo.

Fruity Pebbles, less blah.

More Yaba Daba Doo.

Pick up Pebble cereal today.

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