Side Stories: Heist Stories

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There's no place to escape to.

This is the last podcast.

On the left,

science stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Welcome

to side

stories.

Eddie, don't make them cry.

Welcome

to stories on the side.

Eddie, how do you plan to spend our episode today making mildly disappointing content?

Oh, yes.

I got to tell you, side stories, I just realized we're the side piece to LPOTL.

Yeah, dude, we're the mistress.

Yeah, dude, we're the fucking guma, dude.

Yeah.

They don't kiss us on the mouth.

Yeah, no.

We kiss our children with.

If we buy each other gifts, we got to make sure we use it on the other credit cards.

Yes, I get it.

That's what I do.

I do.

I already do that.

But I just love venturing into a new day, a new episode where I'm going to say one thing that's going to make somebody call me a lip dart, and then I'm going to say something that's going to make somebody.

It'll be the same exact thing.

Yes.

And I can't wait for it to be raised across the coals no matter what I do.

Welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Zabrowski.

I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

How you doing, everyone?

Say what you want about me.

You know, I'm an open book.

Attack him.

Attack me.

I like it, to be honest with you.

Honestly, attack him.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll give you some ammunition.

um i uh been to jail a couple times yeah please um yeah i um i once uh he's white i'm white as hell i'm actually i'm so white he's crazy white and y'all know i'm not yeah yeah and honestly i feel like there should be a little bit more of discussion of this about how if you criticize me in many ways it's a hate crime yeah because the polish what i'm learning which blew in my mind

They fucking went through a lot.

Yeah,

they've had their share.

You know,

so I think you guys should think about that before you come at me, okay?

Because I'm the one that's keeping Baba Yaga safe.

Amen to that, brother.

All right, we got some updates.

We got some

pierogi brothers.

We got some movies here.

All right, guys, we'll just talk really quickly.

How's your 31 for 31 going?

I haven't stopped.

You haven't stopped?

It really is a lot.

I feel like I've watched so many movies, but I'm still behind.

That's how it is.

Well, I pre-loaded.

Can we do 21 for 31 next time?

It's 31 days.

Can we add like a couple?

I need more thrillers.

If we're going to do this again, I need more thrillers and more comedies, or I really can't do this again.

Next year I'm taking it harder.

I don't, then I'm out.

We got to go deeper in the paint.

Also, your stuff where you're like, oh, fuck, I'm hazing you with kill lists is what you said to me.

That's a great movie, right?

I really like it.

Good.

I really like the movie.

Great.

And the scene is really brutal.

Spoiler alert.

Yeah.

The scene, the scene where they're torturing the guy is very brutal.

But afterwards, I watched Anthropoid, which is a Nazi movie about the assassination of Reinyard.

Hey, Heyrich.

Heyrich.

It was about his assassination.

And there was a scene that was like a mirror scene from that scene in Kill List.

And I got to say, it was far more brutal than Anthropoid.

Really?

Yes.

Like, I was like, ah, I watched them like back to back.

And I was like, whoa.

I should watch Anthropoid.

You really should see Anthropoid.

It's on my list.

Anthropoid's really fucking good.

uh well honestly we should just both talk about a movie we can praise equally which is demon knight tales from the crypt demon yes we love tales from the crypto it's a wonderful movie and if you don't like it go fuck yourself i've seen it probably a hundred times did you know i didn't realize until this most recent uh viewing is the the guy in the beginning who's obsessed with dealia like the the slow dude dude yeah that's the voice of roger rabbit charles fleischer i had no idea it was fat fleischer

i didn't know he was fat back in the day i thought he's always a skinny little worm No.

I see him walking around the valley a lot.

He's very old now.

He's really into Jones on 3rd.

Oh, dude.

I see him at Jones on 3rd like almost every time I go there.

There was a Michaels that he used to go to all the time.

And I used to see him at all the time.

And we used to follow him around the store at Michaels and be like, that's Roger Abbott.

Can you do the voice still, you think?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I just think they got rid of him because his comedy never evolved past his like racial humor.

No, no, no, no.

I've seen him do stand-up once.

You're like, oh man, you're going to keep doing that voice, huh?

Yeah.

It's old school, you know, and it's for flappers.

It has to stay inside of flappers.

One time I saw him, there was that old hobby shop that used to be on Ventura Place, you know, right next to where Jones on 3rd is.

That's his block.

He's like, he like stumbles around there all the time.

And I saw, there was that hobby shop that used to be there, and I saw him come out of there once.

I was like, hey, Mr.

Fleischer, how you doing?

I always say hi to him, even though he'll never remember me.

No, because he's a weird, like, shambling, ghost-like man.

He doesn't like to be recognized for some reason.

Yeah, yeah, so because I was like, I was like, Oh, Mr.

Fleischer, how you doing?

Good to see you.

He has like this weird thing that he came out of the hobby shop with, and he's like, I just invented a new shape.

You're like, What?

He's like, Yeah, it's a hundred-sided sphere.

Or, like, it's like you've heard of an octagon, it's uh, it's like a centagon or something like that.

And you're like, Thank you, sir.

Thank you for inventing the new shape.

Do the voice.

That's right, he's in Back to the Future 2.

Yes.

Wow.

He's made some good ones.

He was.

He really,

he had a nice career.

But he really, God, hopefully wherever he is, he's thinking happy thoughts.

I don't think that's true because I do talk to him when I, and he's, he is.

He's very miserable.

He's quite grumpy.

He's quite, quite grumpy.

All right, we got a great update.

Now, this is...

This is Scheudenfruit as it's on the whole.

Like, this is literally one of those where I feel bad even showing this because this is such a terrible moment in a man's life.

But this story continues to be unfortunately kind of funny.

It's Aaron Goodwin from Ghost Adventures.

Yes.

We know that he, his wife was plotting a very long extended murder issue that she was going to kill him.

Right.

She was trying to kill him.

I don't, I mean, obviously she's very bad at it.

She got caught.

It didn't happen.

She was trying to contact a man inside who has killed people.

He's in there for, he murdered a couple other people.

His wife was beginning this like long, weird emotional affair with the Grant Omato, who is a smeagle-looking,

just gross as fuck little man that became obsessed with some Bulgarian OnlyFans model.

And he siphoned his entire family's net worth into giving money to this model that couldn't care less.

And when he was finally cut off for the final, final, final, final time, and he told the Bulgarian model,

I don't think we could be together anymore.

And she went, oh, no.

And then he flipped out.

He killed his whole fucking family, right?

His wonderful brother,

his father.

Like, because he tried to make it, oh, my father was hard on me.

No, it's just that you

completely shit the bet as a human being.

Yeah, he killed his mother, father, and brother.

I think he used all their money.

He owed it.

He took their entire net worth and gave it to this.

That's the real crime.

That's the real crime.

Tell me about it.

because also i don't mind helping the bulgarians one woman at a time yeah yeah i get it they need help send soup yeah bogolgia bogolgia i like that that's a good uh that's a korean meat right that's bogolgi bogolgi yes that's what i'm thinking about so now his wife victoria well i guess they're divorced now right uh yeah i'll go ahead and call it divorced i'd say i'd like to think uh so she is not she did not just have have one emotional affair.

She had several emotional affairs with several people in jail for murder.

And I guess it was to sort of, she said it was like a fantasy, and Grant Amato was going to go send dudes out after Aaron Goodwin.

But all we know, we know for a fact that Aaron, that Grant Amato can't get anything done.

So he's not actually going to do it.

She chose the wrong one.

He's bad at it.

He's bad at the killing people thing.

Yeah.

Except his family.

Yeah.

And now, emotional affairs.

Would you be more upset if you found out about an emotional affair or a physical affair?

Say either one.

Either one?

I'm going to say either one.

What's more upset?

What do you mean more upset?

Yeah, would you be more mad?

I think I'd be more mad about the physical affair.

Do you know what?

That's how men work.

Emotional affairs.

That's how men work.

I think in some cis het men in that way, I do believe that where an emotional affair I can handle.

Yeah.

Like I can handle you.

I do think in a way I figure we can figure out because obviously that's a me thing.

There's something that you're not getting from me or there's something in the relationship you're talking about.

Yeah, maybe we could talk about this.

I can change.

You know,

I could start.

I don't know.

What?

Talk about sewing.

God knows.

Yeah.

But it's don't touch her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah.

As long as you be a cuck all you want, bro.

Go and be my wife's emotional wet blanket as much as you want.

That's fine.

That's fine.

But the second you touch her.

What do they get out of that?

Would they get a guy who's going to listen to all their problems?

This is because we talk to our wives.

I talk about it.

I'm more talking.

I'm more talking about the other guy.

Like, what's he get out of it?

He's waiting for us to die.

Yes, he is waiting for us to either die, he's waiting for something bad to happen to one of us, or he's waiting for her to give him the opportunity to arrange our murder.

I couldn't imagine having an emotional affair.

I can barely talk to my therapist.

I will be vulnerable and say it was in a previous relationship,

and I now think about it all the time about how I should have just been having a physical affair.

Guys, skip the emotional part.

That's what I say.

But don't worry, you're going to make someone's going to probably call you.

Someone's going to kill you.

But it gets back to this.

Aaron Goodwin, this poor man, I actually feel a lot for him.

Ghost Adventures

is under siege.

He does seem nice.

He's a nice man.

I've met him.

He's a very sweet man.

I'm friends with Jay on Ghost Adventures.

I feel bad making fun of them, but it's just like, it's too silly.

It's just, well, it's just...

As far as murder for plotpires go.

It's just way too close to home.

That's why we're talking about it.

It just feels like I know these guys, and it's also, it's inherently silly, such as this, unfortunately, which is they revealed, and I'm saying good on Ghost Adventures, because this is smart of them.

They revealed in their episode, they left it in, the scene of Aaron Goodwin getting the call that the police were at his home while they're ghost hunting.

So, this is to me, I want only reason why I want to play the scene is because

they're trying.

I love my guys, they're trying to stay in character.

Yeah.

But this is when real life hits the ghost road.

Hold on with this ad.

Yeah, it's all right.

Yeah, I hate seeing these ads with these babies in them.

Lots of mochi diabetes.

Is this for what is this mochi thing?

I don't know, but they're like talking.

Mochi is like a new thing to help you with your diabetes.

But isn't mochi a dessert?

It's a dessert.

It's a wrong thing to do.

Yeah, then why do they keep saying mochi is going to help you lose weight?

It doesn't.

It's confusing.

It's confusing.

It's definitely confusing.

It feels like a almost, I'm going to put this out there.

This is really, this is shots fired.

We don't work with mochi.

It sounds like a Nazi thing to do where you say things the opposite.

It's like, this is called cake.

Yeah, I'm on the bossy chocolate cake.

I'm on the bossy cream pie dessert diet.

Yeah, yeah.

Is that what this is?

And then it's going to come into a big cake box.

It's going to be a syringe, and you're going to stab me with it.

Oh, it's frozen.

Oh, delicious.

All right, let's read it.

So, this is Aaron Goodwin.

They are in a haunted home.

Is it?

It looks like a building.

There's something on the hill.

It's a haunted environment.

They're in a haunted environment from this episode of Ghost Adventures, and he gets the call.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks to TMZ.

He's got a fucking Kevlar vest on, like he's going to war.

Oh, God, dude.

I feel like something's happening.

Suddenly, Aaron gets a notification on his phone, and we can sense something is wrong.

Dude.

He's just staring at his phone.

It's nothing like seeing another man's worst moment.

What?

Dude.

Dude.

I can't even think of it.

I'm not staying in here by myself.

So he's still staying in character.

I love the idea.

So he's got to run out and and get that call.

But then you'll see Jay turning the camera and being like, the ghost activity is absolutely crazy right now.

But obviously Aaron's dealing with something.

Like, you're, because he's like, he does this thing, so then he goes outside to take the call.

Aaron

was getting a phone call or something.

He said the police are at his house.

And he said he had to go outside.

At this point, we will not be showing any further footage.

But it is at this moment that Aaron receives a call from the police that his wife has been arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit murder by hiring a hitman to have Aaron killed.

Zach, you sick fuck.

Why are you doing this to your buddy?

You're literally turning it.

You've turned the worst moment of his life into the fucking kata kata.

They're like, listen, we filmed it.

We got it.

We're using it.

Yeah.

It works.

Oh, yeah.

Look at us.

And I feel like Aaron obviously must be using this.

We know that this is deeply painful.

Oh, my God.

And this is horrible.

But you could see them all trying to stay in character where Jay's like, well, I'm not staying here by myself.

You know, like,

oh, well, but what about the

ghosts?

There's a lot of ghosts in here, right?

Do you think the ghosts mind if I have the rest of my sandwich?

Yeah,

it's there's something extremely compelling about,

unfortunately, and this is just, again, shade and fruit.

This is from the side.

It's just the idea of seeing someone have their worst moment in their life on camera.

And not just that while you're dressed up like you're going to war to find ghosts.

He is.

He is.

He always wears that.

That's his thing.

That's his thing.

He wears like a tactical vest.

Why you need a tactical vest to get 100 ghosts?

It has batteries in it.

It has batteries

and gaffing tape, of course.

But, you know, our hearts go out to Aaron.

I really do.

I feel for him.

No one deserves this.

Nobody deserves it.

Zach's a bad friend.

Okay.

Aaron, just know that.

Zach's a bad friend.

That is not what a friend does.

But also, as a viewer,

as a producer, what would you, if Julie, if I found out Julie was going to, and on the show?

Let that beautiful bean footage roll.

That's what I say, man.

What is the point?

What's the point of all that pain if we can't monetize it?

I hope his divorce was free i don't think you get a free divorce if your wife tries to kill you side stories

side stories lpotl at gmail.com i'd love to know i think they charge double

personally i think they just they decided well somebody didn't like you

all right we got a lot of horrible stories today let's start them

well the the louv is seems like the biggest actual story that's the biggest story of the week it's the best story of the week anybody that tries to tell tell me that there's like a victim here can suck my dick, except for the fact that I know that they are historical properties and they should be in a museum, but also this is rad as fucking.

I mean, a museum heist, I'm always going to be like, give it a shot.

I mean, you know,

you know what I will say, and it's true.

This is true.

The Louvre got lazy.

They did.

I mean, it happened during business hours.

They got lazy laws.

It was broad daylight.

They fucking put a ladder up to the side of the Louvre and came in through the roof window.

So the way it works.

It's like every time in a burglary movie, they come in through the roof window, museums need to get rid of windows on the roof.

They're beautiful.

But they're beautiful until you get natural light in there.

So what has happened is that I guess the Louvre has been talking about staffing storages for a while.

They've been having some weird issues with security.

And so this is like, they played against the French sentiments really easily.

So this super-powered scooter showed up and apparently it is very normal in Paris to have these electric ladders coming off of a scooter up against the building because that's how they do deliveries in a lot of these ancient old buildings that don't have like a proper,

what do they call it?

Like when you go to the back, when you go to the, they don't have a proper loading dock.

Yeah.

So they'll put it up like, you know, you ever been to Amsterdam?

Amsterdam, every, a lot of homes.

I click on anything, anywhere, cool.

Amsterdam's also been that way where they have giant hooks in front of the homes, right?

Where they

used to put the people?

No, because Amsterdam, they used to burn them.

But no, they, it's a

rivers.

Yes.

They have the pulley system for people to move stuff because all these connected row homes.

So in order to get furniture into these super thin old school homes, they had to create another way to do it.

So the Louvre was the same way.

It was a, they kind of grew accustomed to this site.

But these guys took a disc cutter, which is a chainsaw.

Okay.

And they cut open the glass.

They came in.

There's three guys.

Yeah.

They smashed the glass, grabbed a bunch of jewels.

We have the list of the jewels that they grabbed, which was like some fucking bullshit tiara from Empress Eugenie.

Empress Eugenie had something that she put on top of her ass, this weird decorative bow that looks stupid.

Empress Eugenie's brooch is fucking stupid and big.

Queen Marie Amelie.

Nobody gives a fuck about any of this dumb shit.

Napoleon's wife.

Yeah, well, yeah, well, should have fucking whatever.

She shouldn't have boned apart.

She should have done the whole thing.

Should have buried them with her.

So these guys, they broke in.

They harassed security with the disc cutter.

They then got the stuff.

jumped back on the scooters and fled into the day.

They were gone in less than four minutes.

And they are gone, he gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

But the thing is, you can't sell these.

Well, they're saying that what they did was very smart, which is it's different than stealing fine works of art because those you have to hedge yeah those you have to go and do and that's a very very easy you could break apart and shit you can melt down the gold yeah yeah you could take those like this thing had pearls the size of thumbs

like that's a pearl that's gonna go someplace else and be sold in some shit

some really uh over-the-top black market slash crazy get the real money for selling the crown jewels as crown jewels no because

they

only have a certain like they are literally priceless.

Like, they have this thing where, yeah, I believe that they can be evaluated to a certain amount, but it's just for the jewels within.

But there's no real way to determine the price for that object.

Oh.

That's like kind of like one of those things that they try to figure out because they try to keep it separate.

Okay.

Because that's, it's just been sitting at the GD loof.

I don't know how much you would say, because these are not the crown jewels.

Oh, they're not those crown jewels.

No, they're not those.

They're different crown jewels.

They are just crown jewels.

Yeah, they're not like British crown jewels.

They're not the crown jewels.

Holland jewels.

Okay.

Holland, Holland, Holland.

Holland crown jewels.

Yes.

So I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Side stories L-PO-TLAGMAL.com, but it seems it's a little bit more, it's easier to do.

Because, yeah, if you show up and you're like, I got Princess Eugenie's fucking tiara.

Yeah.

Okay, gonna know you stole it from the loot.

Exactly, yeah.

I give you two grand because you can't move it.

Yeah, he's just dumb.

I'll give you five.

He's five dollars.

Walking around in a crown.

You gotta, hey, honestly, that's what I do.

Yeah.

I love how Paris still has like old-school cat burglars.

I love that about Paris.

Paris has got it going on in that way.

Remember when they jacked Kim Kardashian?

Oh, yes.

And climbed up into her fucking bullshit, too.

It probably used the same type of ladder for all I know.

Who knows?

Who knows?

They were nice to her.

Except for they stole everything and bound her.

But

they didn't beat her or whatever.

And, Eddie, that's all we can ask for from you.

You are correct.

They were indeed nice.

Now, there was a bigger heist as far as I'm concerned going on right now.

It was in Playland.

You know Playland.

You spent a lot of time there right now.

You never did?

In Queens?

No, we didn't have fun.

Oh, interesting.

I know you mean, I thought this was your place.

In Ryan, New York.

I thought you went there a lot.

The Playland amusement park, the one that was in Good Time?

No, really?

No, I never went to this fucking place.

Oh.

Never went to this fucking dump.

It was right down the street.

Your dad could have easily taken you.

He didn't want to.

So anyway, these guys are in Westchester County, New York.

The police are on a hunt for three teens who vandalized the amusement park and then stole 200 stuffed animals.

Unfucking believable.

It costs these guys

$40,

$50 to replace all these stuffed animals.

You know, these kids, they did.

See, here's the thing.

Kids going in.

Oh, I've been to Playland Park.

Yeah, of course you've been to Playland Playland Park.

Not all the time.

I'm looking at it.

This is one in Rye.

Yeah, now I see.

Now right now.

Yeah, you fucking been there.

Don't tell me.

I know where you've been.

I was looking at another one.

It wasn't that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where Kislane lives.

That's where she is now.

But anyway, so.

They got in and they stole 200 stuffed animals in plastic garbage bags.

The thing, I don't, I'm not down with the vandalism, but I'm okay with stealing the stuffed animals.

Does that make any sense?

Because the vandalism, that's hard to do.

They tried to take a photo booth and tip it over over the side.

You know, I feel like that's rude.

But, like, as far as the stuffed animals go, they're robbing us every fucking day on those stuffed animals.

I'm glad someone got them back.

I feel like this is a crime that was masterminded by,

I believe, this is from the lead character of I Am Sam.

Yeah.

I look for vandamos.

Do you see them?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I see them.

Yeah, they look.

They are the...

They look like the exact guys who do this kind of thing.

There are three kids that look like they are just on Saturday Night Live.

I think there's one shirt between the three of them.

These guys are such.

Yeah, because again, this isn't a real like these guys, I don't think, understood, understand what they're going to do with those teddy bears.

No, they have no idea.

It's like, oh, we got all these teddy bears.

They don't have any plan with these damn.

One of them doesn't even have shoes on.

This is a rash decision.

All of these, they're just fuckboys.

They're going to ruin your life, ladies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're going to ruin your life.

I should.

They got lots of nice teddy bears for you.

Yeah, that's all they're going to do.

When I was a kid one time, we stole a bunch of bowling balls from Don Carter's bowling alley.

alley a statue limitation's got to be up on this i 1999 we'll find out come for me bokeh but yeah we took about like 30 bowling balls one time so i understand the want for this crime at this age um but i will say uh you can't do it it's too bad to do you know but what are they i would love to see these stuffed animals you could sell these oh yeah sure like the crown jewels the crown jewels have to be separated but it's also

why are we doing it you know who am i gonna do all these stuffed animals they just you're going to do nothing.

Yeah.

They did it for the thrill, and guess what?

Now they'll be hunted to the ends of the earth.

By

North Blade.

The year is 2012.

The setting,

New York City.

There are a thousand stories in the Naked City.

And this one is about blood.

Vampires are real.

They stalk the streets, feeding on the living.

Nobody is safe.

Join me, Henry Zabrowski, along with Jackie Zabrowski and veteran TRPG player Ross Bryant, for an actual play series set in the Vampire the Masquerade universe from the mind of game master Jared Loker.

The show will premiere on the LPN TV YouTube channel starting on Wednesday, October 29th, and will release...

On a weekly basis.

On a weekly basis.

People will die.

Then get back up and bite you.

Will my character succumb to the beast within?

Can Jackie navigate the Byzantine intrigues?

The future is a mystery.

All we know is it's gonna be a bloodbath.

LPN RPG presents Bloodbath every Wednesday on the LPN TV YouTube channel.

It all begins on October 29th.

Enjoy the mystery.

All right.

Summer's gone.

Forget it.

It's over.

Is it our last one?

Who knows?

But the weather is starting to cool.

And you know what that means?

It's time to swap in the pieces that actually get the job done.

Warm, durable, and built to last.

And you know who's going to help you with that.

Oh, yeah.

Good old sweet daddy quince.

It's there for you every time.

Making sure you look good and you're comfortable and you stay warm while it starts to get chilly.

Gosh, these sweaters are so nice.

My linen pants are perfect for October in November, in the beginning of November.

Then once it goes past that, I start to wear my other quince pants, the thicker stuff, the stuff that keeps my legs warm.

And then not only that, do I have the Mongolian cashmere sweater, but then I got my long sleeve linen shirt.

And I put a little quince undershirt underneath that.

And I got my quince gold chain.

Really, most of my clothes is kind of become quince.

It's really nice.

It's so nice.

I'll be at the shows and I'll wear it on stage a lot because I look good on it.

And then people who meet me after the show are so like, Quince, and I'm like, you know it.

Dudes love telling other dudes they look good.

And that's why I wear quince to impress other men.

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All right, we actually, we got an update.

Oh, we got an update.

All right.

Do we have a singer?

It's an island adventure.

It's an island adventure.

Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time.

That is, that is evil.

I love that.

Wow, that is some.

Who was that from, Rob?

Um, I forget, but

I'll tell you in a little bit.

God is good.

Wow.

Hey, listen, Jeffrey Epstein's back in the news.

Yeah, yeah.

This is actually, it's more like old Jizzy Maxwell's back in the news.

So this is a new leak.

So just so you stay in your jizzling.

Everybody's leaking.

All right.

And one of the big leaks is that they're showing that obviously

our current administration is trying to figure out a way to pardon Ghislaine Maxwell because she went ahead and said that our wonderful president had absolutely nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein, even though there's all the flight logs and the birthday book and the birthday card and the pictures and the years of hanging out and the fact that he openly said that Virginia Duffrey was

literally what he called stolen from him.

So again, yeah, we know it, we know the bitch is lying, but Ghislaine Maxwell, because of that, was moved to a lower security prison.

Now, you actually worked right close to this prison.

Yes, this is this.

I didn't realize that she was moved from Tallahassee to Bryan, Texas.

It's one of those farm prisons.

It's a dorm-style setting.

She lives with other famous inmates like Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes and reality TV show Jen Shaw, and they go to yoga classes together.

This is completely true.

Now, the reason why this new update is all about the fact that in this prison, what they are now doing is

locking up and shipping away anybody that is trying to talk to anybody about what Ghislaine is doing inside of that prison.

One lady came forward basically saying, I saw XYZ

White House official here leading Ghislaine Maxwell around, talking to a reporter.

They went and they took that, that prisoner and sent her to a Super Max prison right outside it, like literally like with violent offenders in Houston.

They sent her over there, but she was talking to the news.

I didn't realize.

So she was actually talking.

I think it's just a matter.

I don't think it's because she called her disgusting.

I think it's because she actually talked to the news.

It's because she talked to the news.

And what is that showing evidence that they're specifically that is proof?

There's a paper trail now.

Well, they are literally covering up whatever it is she's saying because they're trying to figure out how to get her out of jail.

Like they are very much trying to figure out how to pardon her.

And we also know now that P.

Diddy's, they're looking to,

what do they do?

The commute his sentence?

They just pardon Santos.

Yeah, it's everybody, every criminal's free.

Every criminal's free.

So these guys are just, they're very excited to do it.

It's just important to remember that it's the fix is still going on.

Virginia Jufre's book just dropped.

And so that is actually, there is some interesting new stuff inside of that.

Have you read it?

No, I was looking at the highlights of it.

Like, I just haven't gotten into it yet.

It's mostly just what's supposed to be in it, which is more vagaries because she was still being very,

very careful while she was being alive.

So, but she described several new people

that, like, essentially criminals that assaulted her.

One was a very famous prime minister.

that we do believe we know the name of uh that is a he's around he's a guy he violently raped her jesus was that that Prince Andrew?

No.

Prince Andrew's one of them.

Now, Prince Andrew was the one that was like kind of her main person.

And it wasn't until after the Prince Andrew times passed that she started to get given to other powerful people.

The book has the story of the Bill Gates blackmail, which I did not know.

We know that's real because that came from Bill Gates himself.

Okay.

He said that Jeffrey Epstein tried to blackmail him into doing work.

So we know that the blackmail stuff is real too.

Yeah.

So all of this is like, these things are kind of coming up.

You should read, like, I'm going to, I bought the book, so I'm going to have the book soon.

Now that she's dead, which is, again, it's not, I'm not going to call her death suspicious.

I'm going to call kind of all the things that led up to her death extremely tragic and suspicious.

Yeah, I imagine if she did take her life, she wasn't happy.

after everything that happened to her.

But you look at the guy, was it Jean-Luc Brunel?

He committed suicide in jail, quote unquote, committed suicide in jail.

That's all he's also mainly named inside of her book.

And there's also several other, a U.S.

gubernatorial candidate that went on to win.

Whoa.

So that is another person that she.

And they're not saying who it was.

No, they're not naming names.

But we know that there were other people.

So this is all still attacking the concept that Jeffrey Epstein trafficked people just to himself.

Do they have theories on who it is?

Are we not even allowed to talk about that?

I mean, there's,

I mean, it's very much in the world of of libel or yeah yeah yeah yeah defamation yeah all right yeah so it but it's one of those we'll find you bro it's one of those things where the story is just not it's not i refuse

to stop following the story also this federal prison camp that they sent her to it is cush there's only seven places like it in america uh there's it's very it's very calm it's very it's basically fucking chill um they they call it a prison work camp but they it's it's very fucking easy.

It's glamping.

It's glamping.

But prison.

And then Bryan, Texas, I know Texas sounds like a very dangerous place, but I worked at the Bryan County Jail.

Well, it's great if you're a white-collar criminal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

And, but I will say, working at the Bryan County Jail, Bryan County in particular is like

good for prisoners.

Like they're like nicer to prisoners in this county.

That's why she's certain.

That's exactly why they moved her there is because they know that it's like a cushy type prison.

And then I'd look there.

The prison officials also are all saying that this is a, again, another

unprecedented move by a presidential administration.

No one does this

because normally when you take a human trafficker and child molester, we're against it.

You know, normally we don't like them.

Normally, like human traffickers.

Especially when you send them to nice places.

Yes.

Normally we don't like it.

Yeah.

Do you mean the children?

The island was lovely.

I mean, it was lovely for everyone but the children.

Always.

Yeah.

Always.

The um, yeah, but also, yeah, so the prison is run by uh Dr.

Tanisha Hall.

She's the warden over there.

I've never, I didn't get a chance to meet her.

Oh, girl boss.

Yeah, she's a girl boss.

Oh, yes.

It's one of those things where it's like, what is she?

She can be played by Emma Stone in the movie.

Well, she's, you know, she's black.

Oh, exactly.

That's when 20 years from now, when Blackface becomes woke again.

It didn't stop Emma Stone from playing Asian at one time.

Hey,

she's Asian to me.

Yeah, those white eyes really sell.

Oh, yeah.

But Dr.

Tanisha.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see a little Asian.

That's because they're standing behind you.

Hired them.

Get out of here, James.

This is my bathroom.

I know you like pee.

But

it was one of those things where I started looking up Dr.

Tanisha Hall.

I'm like, all right, let me find the dirt on this chick.

And then I realized there probably isn't any.

She's just handed a shit sandwich by the government.

Yeah, you know, like, you're like, we're breaking, we're sending you Gizline acts.

Well, she is saying straight from the top that this came from beyond me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's nothing.

There's, yeah.

So

he's just saying, she's throwing her hands up.

I'm just saying, I'm just following orders.

Yeah.

Oh, she doesn't have a choice.

Nope.

That has zero choice.

Nope.

Not at all.

All right.

Another mystery solved.

Is it?

Nope.

New Jersey UFO scare last year is solved.

Oh, okay.

By private company.

Now, this came out.

I saw this.

This This went to the New York Post.

Another reputable newspaper.

No.

But what I do believe is that it mirrors some of the official sentiment.

So there was a really interesting report that came out in the War Zone a month ago, which is like a great.

Sounds reliable.

No, the War Zone's pretty good.

The War Zone, what they do is military, they do like kind of anomalous stories, but they also do it from a military perspective.

So what they'll do is they talk to people from the inside, but it's like hardcore.

They basically, their big line line always is that most UFOs we see is hidden military tech.

Oh, okay.

That's kind of like their whole thing, right?

So they.

I get most of my news from the fudge report.

It's just like the charge.

It's a hateful chocolate website.

Yeah.

Pecons are the.

Pecons make you gay.

Oh, no.

You mean brownies are identifying as soft serve codes?

God damn.

But they're basically, this guy, one, this guy, they talked to the war zone.

They talked to this general dude, and he essentially said the New Jersey drones all were approved by the FAA on one level or another.

That everything was there was approved, but we are not, that's just not, we're not talking about what it was.

But it was all approved.

And so this private company that, again, will not name itself, has came out and said that we were doing a capabilities run to show the U.S.

government, a possible customer of their technology, what we can do.

So they said that their drones were a part of the swarms of drones.

And that's a part of what this, that, that one guy who's probably running a smokescreen on the war zone, because what he's also saying is that there were many government drones up at the same time.

And we were doing X up there and we were doing Y up there.

We were doing all this kind of shit up in the sky when it was like, you know, but we're just talking about the ones that creeped us out, bro.

yeah that's a weird one yes that's the one

like the one on the ground that's in the main photo dude this is what i'm saying is that it's weird ass drones and why do i'm not a drone to look like a ufo this is what i'm trying to get across to our listeners is that i'm not obsessed with the story because i necessarily think it's aliens i am obsessed with the idea of things happening in front of us and the government and the media telling us it's not happening.

That's what I'm talking about here.

It's not, I don't think it's aliens doing it.

My question about the New Jersey drones is that it scared the shit of the entire world and then they had nothing to say about it.

And we still have to sit here and act like it's fine.

And we just have to just, just stick our head in the sand about it and just roll on because there are too many other problems.

Yeah.

No, it's crazy because like you're talking about this.

They're not telling us who the company is.

They're just saying this company exists.

They're going through these weird websites like the War Zone are reporting on Daily Express U.S.

Technically, the War Zone is a legit blog, at least.

It's like they're doing like investigative journalism on it.

It's just the

New York Post.

Yeah.

And also, I got to say, the drones weren't just in Jersey.

No.

The drones were in fucking Boston.

They were in Arizona.

They were everywhere.

Yeah, now they're all over Europe.

And we are, and I'm still getting it.

And of course, everyone's just like, it's Russia, idiot.

And it's like, that's not the be-all, end-all.

That's just not the answer to everything.

It's just not.

It's not about it being UFOs.

It's not about that.

It's about who else is in the sky.

What are they doing?

And to what purpose is it serving?

Yeah.

Also, Russia isn't as advanced as we think they are.

Well, they have certain things, but they have certain things because other countries have given them those things.

And they have certain things.

And I just don't, I just can't

seem to truly believe that their drone technology in Russia is is better than China's or America's.

I simply refuse to believe it.

They blew up a goddamn nuke site for no reason.

So I just don't think it's all them.

I think that there's,

again, I'm not counting out China.

No, I'm not counting out.

I could never count out China.

So we don't, we have no idea.

It's the tallest bridge.

What?

Hey, dude.

This is good for them.

It's the tallest bridge in the world.

China, you could bungee jump off it.

Well, don't worry, we're building a ballroom.

Oh, good.

It's a much-needed much-needed ballroom.

I could use some fucking ballroom.

I'll tell you what, man.

These

old skinny jeans ain't doing no tricks for idiots.

You know what you should do?

What?

You should work on a sort of pitch towards companies for big-bald underwear.

Big bald underwear.

Also, I mean, my meundies work fine, but the

whatchamacallit would be great.

Just open up the front, let the balls hang out.

Is it exposure if it's just balls?

Is the penis the exposure?

Side stories help the OTL.

I feel like you could show balls, but Dick, that's...

No one's, you know, he can't do anything with balls.

I'm already going to tell we're going to get a lot of fuddy-duddy moms.

Yeah.

They're all going to be super against the balls.

Well, you know, I need to know.

I'm just telling you right now.

They're going to be deeply against this ball thing.

Well, you know, free the balls.

That's what I say.

You're, hey, someone's got to.

Free my dipper.

Yeah.

Keep his balls.

Again, so if he's keep his penis in, can he show his balls?

Yeah.

Guys.

We're talking about it.

All right.

This is the best news story this week okay this is like we've beat around the bush too long this is this is side stories

news okay connor weston of ohio he went to a wikipedia con i guess you know so he went to a local meeting of

it was yes it's this it's wikipedia constant showed up right yeah because these are people that all are the wikipedia users right yeah yeah it's it's with the wikimedia foundation Connor Weston shows up.

He's got this giant flag that says anti-contact, non-offending pedophile.

He starts waving his gun around and he's like, I'm a non-offending pedophile.

I like to fuck kids, but I won't do it.

He is so funny.

This man makes me laugh so much.

He is, it's the look on his stupid fucking face.

And it's, oh my God, I just want to elbow him until he is dead 27 year old man his name's connor weston the flag that he came in he's a pastel flag that goes from blue to pink so it's all these different i want to say this is some kind of lgb like he's stealing valor here but i'm not quite certain but the the it's he has a flag it's a rainbow flag that says anti-contact non-offending pedophile written in big letters on the flags also that defeats the purpose of the flag i don't know right if you have to write everything that the flag stands for on the flag, you don't need the flag.

So he said that apparently what he's been doing is he flies that in front of his home.

In front of his, I mean, that's a good way to keep kids out of your house.

And he also goes to Blue Sky and he's been very vocally like progressive.

Like that thing has been really aggressively progressive.

Yes.

And then he's been leaning into this anti-contact, non-offending pedophile shtick.

Yes.

I believe

that he is trying to be a troll in some ways.

I don't know.

I mean, he's also like the fact that he pulled out a gun and then didn't commit suicide in front of everyone has got to be, to be honest, one of the biggest failures of his life.

Do you think he was going there to commit suicide?

I thought he was just waving a gun around looking for attention.

See, I heard with the, I saw two versions of this article.

One was held gun to head.

Okay.

And one was brought gun out.

Okay, all all right, all right, so one was held gun to head, which is taking yourself hostage is

objectively funny.

Yes, in front of a bunch of people with an anti-contact, non-offending pedophile flag wrapped around you with a gun to your head saying,

Stop, or I'll kill this pedophile while you have a gun.

It's your own head, is one of the funniest moments you can have at a Wikipedia account.

It's like, who are you holding hostage?

I can't wait.

Let me see if he has an entry yet.

Oh, my God.

Does Connor Weston have a Wikipedia entry?

Literally sitting there at Wikipedia content.

He's better just like entering his information in real time.

I want to look at this.

Oh, wow.

And think about this.

I hope no one else has the name Connor Weston because when you pull that up, first thing it says is non-offending pedophile, Connor Weston.

So, I mean, but I also love.

A social media video circulated in July shows a man providing Weston's name, age, and hometown, applying that term to himself and saying that he can, quote, choose not to harm minors, but can't choose to stop being attracted to them.

Yeah, what do you do with this information?

Brapple your brains out.

Do it already.

I mean, it must be real.

This isn't like something you make up.

No, I know.

I got a lot.

Listen, I don't mean to offend our non-offending pedophile-like listeners, but I just want you to understand that don't fucking tell me.

Okay?

Yeah.

keep it to your goddamn self.

Yeah, there are things that are called inside thoughts.

If you're

gonna do it, has a tree fallen in the forest yet?

Has a tree fallen and is crept up inside the pants of a little girl yet?

No, yeah, so you're not yet a pedophile yet, buddy.

You are a child fan.

Oh, it's so funny because you know he had to get this flag made and commissioned by the same guy who makes Trump flags.

Oh, yeah, buddy, he uses zach.

Yep, which way, what color step, what color motif you want on that one?

Here's the fifth one that we're making today.

One I made in the Cincinnati Bengals colors.

One I made in the star.

It was a Sailor Moon theme.

You know, like,

did I actually get the Cincinnati Bengals colors?

Not everything needs a flag.

Hey, this is like, he wants people to know.

If you're a child looking to get fucked and sucked, don't come by here because I want to do that.

Okay.

So if you're a child who is...

Because I feel like almost in a way,

This is his way out of like talking to children ever cuz then the kid that shows up is like I put up the flag.

I put up the flag.

I told everyone I went to Wikipedia held a gun to my head.

I went to where information is created I went to the very front of where information is made up trying to tell you that I don't don't even try to let me touch you because I will touch you.

I will suck you.

I will fuck you.

I will fiddle with you because that's all I'm missing.

That's all I'm missing is contact.

Anything, everything but contact.

I mean,

that's the word.

It's like you, I can't stress this enough.

You have to believe him.

You really do.

You really, really do.

I know that there are people out there struggling with these feelings.

And if, again, if you are struggling with these feelings, cut your fucking penis off.

Do it for yourself.

Like, honestly, cut your penis off.

Cut your balls off.

That's freedom.

That's free.

Release yourself.

I do think in that way, then you won't have to worry about it ever again.

Cut those fucking balls right off.

I'll help you.

Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L-A gmail.com.

Are you looking for a go?

I'm going to start a new Kickstarter.

Who do we got?

Who's the guy who the

money?

The eunuch man.

Hire him.

If he's a celebrity,

you could get his autograph.

We could go, we'll hang, we'll do a meet and greet.

We'll chop off the balls.

No kids,

it's gonna be adults only.

We're gonna hang out, we're gonna have a great time, buddy.

And we'll sit and we'll watch my little pony.

We'll watch all the stuff you like.

Okay, we'll keep you.

We'll get, we'll make popcorn.

That's your favorite food, right?

I don't even know if I'm mad at this guy.

I, I'm not like, I can't even, I don't know.

I can't register.

I can't compartmentalize my feelings.

I can't.

It's just of all of the performative need for clout, it's such a funny way to do it.

It's such a funny like

remember me too.

We got it, bro.

We got it.

We know.

Logged?

Hate you, man.

Well, now he's going to go to prison because he held Wicked.

And then guess where he's going to become a force contact pedophile inside of jail.

When he's like, I feel like maybe that's what it is.

Maybe he just wants to go to jail.

He wants the,

I, uh, but I also.

You got to send him to a mental hospital.

Well, and that's all saying that all this is not just him being a troll.

Because the very, very bottom of all of this is.

If he's a troll, he committed a crime officially.

Yes, he could just be straight up.

You also forget that sometimes trolls aren't good at being trolls.

And so sometimes if they want to do a thing that's like a troll, like, you know how like people, like the crowd thinks they're hilarious.

Yeah.

Right?

They're not.

This guy thinks that he's fucking like, he thinks that he'll like fool everybody into being a progressive fake pedophile but i think that he's playing the character that's why i think on one end this all could be an act and he's doing this as some like what he thinks is a uh uh a way to uh you know troll the libs or whatever i mean i think the worst act ever yeah i think that he also then but that again that doesn't cleave away the idea that he's not deeply utterly mentally ill or a moron yeah you know what i mean god it's just

it's a it's a part of society that don't touch that pedophile because he'll touch you back.

Well, not if you're an adult.

Again, who knows?

Who knows?

Maybe somebody can suck his dick till he likes adults.

Well, speaking of, we lost a non-offending pedophile, Ace Freely.

Non-offending pedophile.

He's definitely, as far as I'm concerned, he never once offended.

We're loud.

He never did it.

We're angry today.

Ace, it is, I believe he realized it's not freely.

Yeah.

It's ace, like.

Frealley?

It's, no, it's like it's Free.

You know what's Ace?

Fraley?

Fraley.

Oh, well, that's worse.

Yeah.

Because he had the banned Fraley's comment.

Oh, interesting.

I learned that from an old episode of Howard Stern yesterday.

Oh, my God.

Because you know, he knows every fucking random offshoot.

Well, it's the story of Sal Governale went and he looked at the paperwork that Ace Fraley signed when he was guesting when Sal was new.

And he went through all of Ace Fraley's paperwork to try to get his phone number so that he could call him and it was a whole bit on the show.

Oh my God, that is so funny.

It was very funny.

It was very funny.

He died.

Now they're trying to look into his death.

Well, he tripped and fell while he was recording a new album.

And the thing is...

The album was called Getting Out of My Lazy Chair.

He tripped and he fell in a New York groove.

But now they're trying to say that they're saying something suspicious happened.

I mean, well, he canceled this tour because he's been fucking like falling a lot.

He's right.

So

we got to see him at my bachelor party.

We did.

Yeah.

He was great.

It was surprisingly good.

He really was good.

Yeah, he opened it.

And so was Alice Cooper.

I couldn't believe Alice Cooper could move his legs.

Yeah, so yeah.

But Ace Freely, he tripped and fell.

But the thing is, why it's back in the news, this happened last week.

It's back in the news because apparently he went to a psychic in March and they said, you're going to live to 100.

Got you confident.

Got you fucking confident.

Yeah.

Oh, but no more kiss.

Well,

yeah,

you don't think he'll immediately try to replace him?

I mean, they are wearing him.

Simmons doesn't care.

I don't think Gene Simmons.

Well, the rest of them got to sign off on it.

Right?

Well, wasn't Ace Fraley never, it was only ever legally Kiss, I believe, is just Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley.

Oh, really?

I believe that the Ace Fraley got kicked out of the band.

Oh, I had no idea.

I'm pretty certain that they are the only official members of Kiss and that the other two rotate in and out.

Interesting.

Yes.

I had no idea.

Yeah, Gene Simmons is a bad person.

I know that.

That I do know.

Yeah.

And that I I do know.

Paul Stanley, I don't know anything about.

Yeah, I don't know anything about Paul.

Well, he's friends with Gene Simmons, so that's bad enough.

Yeah, I mean, who knows?

They might be friends.

Like, would you say that Keith Richards and Mick Jagger are friends?

Yeah.

I think they're like, at this point, they're like men next door to each other at a dementia home.

It sounds like with Rolling Stones, they don't even get to get, like, they don't rehearse.

They literally, like, travel in separate buses.

They show up at the show.

They do the show, and then they leave.

You can, you know, at the end of the day, yeah, they're 85.

Well, now they got to replace Charlie Watts.

Poor guy.

That's really sad.

He died at 95 or whatever.

And he just worked him to the very end.

And Mick Jagger has like a new girlfriend who's like 25 years old or something.

Good for him.

He loves it.

He loves it.

No,

I will say something positive about the Rolling Stones.

I recently discovered Ron Woods' solo album.

This is how nerdy I've gotten with Classic Rock.

I'm so sick of Classic Rock.

I'm now listening to all the solo albums of all the bands.

And Ron Woods solo album, I got my own album to do.

It's phenomenal.

Great.

What year?

I don't know.

It's the 70s, but it's go listen to that if you got created.

My own album to do is the worst name.

It really is a bad name for an album.

And I like, I just put it on on a whim because I had nothing to do.

74.

It came out September 13th.

Oh, Keith Richards played on it.

Oh, well, they all did.

That's the thing.

It's basically a Stones album.

But then he's the lead singer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's really fucking good.

The album was thought to be a dig at Rod Stewart.

Oh, yeah.

Well, of course, because Rod Stewart, he was Ron Wood was in in faces with Rod Stewart.

And

so this is him making fun of Rod Stewart going solo from the faces by making his own solo album called I've Got My Own Album to Do.

Is this the most bitter old woman shit I've ever heard?

Also, Ron Wood left the faces and joined the Rolling Stones.

Why don't we talk about it?

When Mick Jones quit.

God.

What are we doing now?

You guys want it, this is Uncle Corner here.

This is Uncle Corner.

And guess what?

You know what?

It's nice.

Do you want us to talk about vaccines?

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I I mean?

This is what our Uncle Corner is.

Yeah, he goes straight from non-offending pedophiles to classic rocks.

And how does it come out like this?

I want you to understand this right now.

This is the inherent nature of being 41 years old.

Jones in New Jersey.

These pedophiles are holding Wikipedia hostage, and Ace Freely fell into recording studio and died.

If you don't like this, this news talks.

Yes.

And if you don't like it, there's other more indoctrinated programs that you can go listen to.

There's plenty of comedians that are in Saudi Arabia.

There's plenty of comedians there at the inauguration.

You can go and listen to them.

You love them.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, yeah.

And then one of the Limp Biscuit members died.

Well, the bassist.

The bassist.

Sam Rivers.

How did he die?

They don't know.

They haven't revealed yet.

It could possibly be cancer, what I've heard.

But he had a liver transplant.

That's really.

Back in the day from alcohol.

Did you hear that?

They released the thing with Jane Goodall, how she died too.

Yeah, she died of terminal orgasm in a mukbang.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was eating a bunch of bananas, and these

chimps ate her pussy out until she bled enough.

Yeah, you can't peel that back.

I really wish that they wouldn't release these things.

Yeah, the thing is here.

Because I wanted the mystery.

I actually thought it would be nicer if she just died.

When I heard that chimps chew off lips, I didn't know they meant those lips.

Oh, apparently Danny lips didn't get it.

They don't even like lips on ceramic dolls.

They go with those.

Really true today.

How many listeners we lose throughout the episode?

I hope we lose everyone.

If you're still listening, you're damaged.

Yeah, I hope we lose every single one of you.

Bye from Northwest.

Man,

I'm irresponsible.

Let's face it.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I buy things late at night.

I sign up for stuff and then I never use it.

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Months go by.

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Speaking of listeners, maybe we get to some of their mail.

Oh, sure.

It's a listener mail experience.

That's funny, except for how much non-offending pedophile material we just did.

It's a really nice stinger in the fact that

in any other episode, it might work

thanks rob guy

it's very cute for god is it from children or who who sent that up that's from tm novak

he did a collab with his daughter on that one wow great thanks i've got your real rethinking that collab now well i'm glad that that non-offending pedophile won't do anything

here we go The Perthard Poltergeist.

My store takes place in Austin, Texas.

For those not familiar with our capital city, downtown is a blend of shiny tech bro high-rises, condos, and historical buildings.

A mile west of the city, the glass and concrete turn into cute 100-year-old wood frame houses, now mostly converted to businesses.

We're coming for it.

We're sucking up your real estate.

We're sucking it all up.

We're going to take all the things from you.

Blowing your real estate.

My hair stylist, we'll call her Rosie, always wanted to own her own salon.

She moved into a 1920s, 800-square-foot house off of West 6th Street and became one of those trendy businesses herself.

The space was tight, dark, and wood floors creaked, but it was balanced by large gold mirrors, stylish chairs, and bold pops of color.

She'd achieved her dream.

Rosie also claimed the house came with a resident.

She described the feeling of the presence of an old man or grandpa in the house.

She would see him in the corner of the mirror.

as she cut and colored her client's hair.

She would catch a reflection of him in the glass of the framed artwork above the shampoo chairs.

She'd hear him shuffle up and down the hallways when the day got quiet.

She said he had a warm, grandfatherly vibe, and it felt like he was watching over her and her business.

She became so attached that if she went more than three or four days without some sort of interaction, she'd start to sort of worry about his well-being.

After three years, I'd never seen or felt a damn thing in that house.

I'm pretty sensitive to the supernatural.

I've seen full-bodied apparitions, heard heard disembodied voices, even became violently ill at Greyfriars Kirk, which is the outdoor concentration camp inside of in Edinburgh, the center of Edinburgh.

So we're looking really fucking fucked up.

So when I fell down.

Was it a concentration camp in Scotland?

Well, it was an outdoor prison yard.

It was a cemetery that was built using the bones of the hundreds of thousands of people that were starved to death in open fields.

Yeah.

Edinburgh's creepy.

Well, what are you going to do?

You got all those bones.

You got to build something.

Hey, tell me.

So one hot Texas Friday night, that's literally the reason they gave.

Yeah.

They had to do something with the bodies.

There were so many bodies that they couldn't figure out what to do with the bodies.

So they turned the bodies into building materials themselves.

Same thing with the Capuchin

cemetery in Rome.

They were like,

they just gave some weird, goofy monk 400 bodies, skeletons.

Yeah.

Like make some art.

No, they made that weird.

Well, he, they had him, he did the art on his own.

They, yeah, they had to keep him busy.

I mean, I'm glad glad they did.

Yeah.

Because he would have made skeletons.

One hot Texas Friday night, I needed my standard haircut in color.

Texas night.

For those of you who don't know, a haircut in a color can be quite an ordeal.

Hair dye is messy, so typically the customer takes off the top layer of clothing and puts on a protective smock.

I know I do.

I strip naked.

I took off my top, put on my smock, and headed to the salon chair.

After a few hours, Rosie finished up my hair, perfect as usual.

It was the last appointment of the day, so it was just me and Rosie in the house as the sun started to set.

Being women on our own after dark in the city, Rosie's husband, we'll call him Stephen, was supposed to come on by as she locked up to make sure we got to our cars safely.

They're protecting his identity.

His real name is Steve.

Eddie.

Bleep that.

As she headed to the back to wash up, she told me not to be alarmed if I heard a knock at the door since Stephen would be arriving soon.

I nodded and went to the bathroom to change back into my clothes.

Since it was just the two of us, I left the door open.

As I took off my smock, I stood in the bathroom and nothing but my tiny cotton bra, low-slung jeans.

What's going on here?

And my 25-year-old bronze Latina body, admiring my new haircut and color.

Are you making this up?

No.

No, I'm horny.

As I turned to put my top back on, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man walk past the doorway quickly, stop, take a step back, and pop his head in the doorway to get a good look at me.

Startled, I blurted out, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, and I quickly covered myself with my shirt.

Beat red with embarrassment at Stephen seeing me like that, I threw my top on, grabbed my purse, and got out of there fast.

Trying to address the obvious, I confessed to Rosie that Stephen had accidentally walked in on me topless in the bathroom.

She looked at me and said, Stephen's not here.

I had just got off the phone with him.

He's 15 minutes away.

I froze.

No?

No, there was a man in the hallway, I said.

I saw him.

He walked past the bathroom door, popped his head in, and we totally startled each other.

Rosie just said, completely calm, totally serious.

Yes.

That's the man.

That's him.

Cool.

And that was it for me.

I ran out of there, feeling guilty as hell for not believing her all those years.

I couldn't believe it took me taking my top off for that old ghost to finally show himself.

I guess we all have our strengths.

Honestly, show your tits more to ghosts.

Yeah.

Ghosts want to see tits.

If you're worried about ghosts like harassing you,

ghosts.

Show me tits.

It's a ghost.

You know, a lot of times it's a ghost.

It helps.

It alleviates things.

I sure wish a ghost had showed my father herb tits because I feel like he only hadn't seen a bunch in a while.

Yeah.

I actually, what I did to make the ghosts of my house happy is I got nipples tattooed on my ass.

And so whenever they show up, I just moot them and they're like, oh, thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Cause then it looks like a Bulgarian's woman babe, floppy, milk-filled tits.

Yeah, and then you just hear the ghost masturbate, and then it's just like

because there's nothing to do.

It's a white noisy north of sleep.

Yep.

So relax.

I just want to say, first of all, thank you to everybody that had given to my car.

We're ending the episode.

I want to say thank you to everyone that even tried to give to my Kickstarter.

I really need to.

I want to say thank you.

We know it's over.

Yes.

Yes.

It is over, isn't it?

And I just want to say...

Thank you to everybody that reached out.

They were very positive about the stuff we've been trying to do here.

I totally get why people weren't entirely ready to give to a Kickstarter right now.

I do believe that it was poorly timed.

But I will say, I do think that people could maybe understand a little bit more that it's extremely difficult to get stuff done anymore.

Yes.

There are no outlets.

There's no money to be given unless you're a Nepo baby or you are legitimately a

predator at this point in time.

You have to either be a predator or literally in bed with the administration.

And it's actually just kind of difficult out there right now.

So I do understand it being like people being like, oh, I wish I could.

The economy's bad.

Totally fucking get it.

Yeah.

I understand.

I'm going to have to, I'm going back to the drawing board.

I've already found and had meetings.

I'm already doing it.

We're making unbelievably friendly organisms.

I'm going to get mad with it.

It's too good of an idea.

It's definitely going to get made at some in some time.

I'm sorry the Kickstarter didn't work.

It was, you know, it's so, you can't raise that kind of money these days.

It's just one of those, I don't really care.

One thing that got to me was people sending really extremely mean messages, sort of just about the thing in general.

And I think that's one of those where I don't think that everybody understands that you're chasing all the people that have hearts away from the industry.

And so what I would say is that

it's hard.

It's just hard out there.

So I just kind of put it out there.

Just remember, I obviously am impervious to you.

And as far as I'm concerned, I'll burn you all alive.

But I do want you to know.

know that there are little people in here that make stuff.

And we're really trying to make stuff that's good.

And I know everybody thought it was like funny to talk about how I was just trying to make a movie to have sex with Jenna Hayes when that's not how that works.

It's not really how it works.

The movie was one scene in the movie and you guys all blew it out.

And you guys, oddly, those people who talk like that kind of sounded like big old weird prudes to me.

You actually sound like a bunch of like weird little puritans.

They would have donated, though.

I feel like they're allowed to say it.

Yes.

Yes.

But I do believe the people that immediately had knee-jerk reactions about Jenna Hayes, who I thought was very interesting as well, because it showed that you're not as progressive as maybe some of you think you are.

So I would say, but just I would remember that.

So I remember that too.

So, but otherwise, we're fucking keeping crushing here.

You guys, you have, you have fucking investors.

It's getting made one way or another.

Oh, no, I'm not even.

When you're ranking a movie from scratch, man, it takes like eight years.

It's also, not only does it take it eight years, but a movie's kind of like a baby where people say, how much money do you need to make a movie?

And the movie says how much do you have yeah like that is just how it works it can go from zero dollars to fucking 250 million dollars it'll take as much money as you want to give it so i was already putting my money in i had already put in a bunch of chunk i've already put in chunks of money already paid for marketing or paid all for these other things so it also wasn't completely coming out of my pocket but now it is completely coming out of my pocket so it is happening because i'm going to make it happen because i want to make a movie and it's really about the making of the thing and it's just important to remember that we're all trying to make stuff.

So that's kind of what I try to remember too.

When I am hard on a movie that's not very good, I do try to remember that it got made and how hard that fucking is.

And I try to also remember that when I go and watch seven episodes of a television series, that's two years, three years, four years of somebody's life that you watch in an afternoon.

And then sometimes people are like, all right, next.

Yes.

Done.

Thanks.

I mean, I'm like that.

And it's like, that was, that was years of somebody's life making that.

So

we're just kind of, we're in a, we're in a place here.

You wonder why money guys have taken over the entire industry.

It's because they want to, because slop is reliable.

Yeah.

And that's what they, that's what they're looking for.

They're looking for as much big buckets of slop that they can serve you because that is what you're eating.

It's also like you remember you have to properly pay the staff and there's so much involved in it.

Everything everybody has to be paid because we're not doing it the old ways anymore.

We're not doing it on a wish and a prayer.

Everybody has to be paid.

Everybody, these are living, these are artists trying to live a life and

you gotta understand too i'm the last one making anything so when you're the ep star of a movie the reason why i'm the ep and star is because i'm free yes yeah yeah no no no no you are free i am that that is i'm free that means you don't got to pay me to be in my movie you're going to pay me to executive produce my movie so it's one of those but to everybody that'd you feel about the scene that i pitched you do you think it's going to go in

you don't remember the scene i pitched you for my my guest?

Yes, yes, yes, I liked it.

You liked it?

Yeah.

Good.

Hell yeah.

I'm so proud of that.

No, we got stuff.

No, I don't.

We're doing it.

But it's like to everybody who gets it, you get it.

And for those of you that are maybe don't quite get it yet, just like, just know.

We're all sadly little pink little chihuahuas in here.

I wish we weren't.

But I will help you and I will, I will kill your family.

Yeah.

But, you know, if you want to see an alien movie that's very stupid and silly, fucking

find some people who have some money and send them the side stories, L-P-O-T-L, gmail.com.

I'm untouched by your criticisms, but at the same time, I will pluck your eyeballs out.

Yeah.

I find that.

So I don't know what that says about me.

Anytime someone writes anything mean about me, I just know that their life is horrible.

Well, that I do understand.

That I understand.

But also, but it's not that.

I guess it's just one of those of just understanding.

It's just all, it's all,

it's fun, hard at many different levels.

And so, yes, thankfully, I'm not digging ditches.

I don't have a real job.

Yes.

But it's still got, it's got other things.

So, support remember.

I can't wait to see it.

I can't wait to be a part of it.

It's definitely going to happen.

I'm excited.

No, it's awesome.

And what is happening is Vampire the Masquerade.

LPN RPG podcast.

Vampire the Masquerade.

It is coming out on October 29th.

We already have our episodes in the can.

We're shooting even more now.

Like, so that is ready to go and it will be released to all of you.

Go check out our trailer.

It's going to be on our YouTube channel, LPN TV.

And you will see it all.

And it's with me, my sister, and Ross Bryant, who is a legit,

legit RPG player.

Yeah.

And it's all run by Jared Logan.

Jared Logan's the unbelievable.

Who's a genius?

He's the best at this show.

He's the best in the business.

Yeah, he really is.

I can't believe.

I'm so happy he's involved with us.

And it's extremely, and we're doing sort of the, just so you know, why we're even entering into the RBG space, which is we're doing something that is very, very different than

what even Dimension 20 does or what those other groups do, because we're going really fucking dark.

Yeah.

And they can't even remember what they're doing over there at Dimension 20.

Oh, don't tell me about it.

Also, praise Hail Rob's cat.

Oh, yeah.

DJ Longtail has went over the rainbow bridge.

Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I'm very sad for you, Rob.

Thank you.

I'm sorry about your cat.

Hail DJ Longtail.

Now, if only

he's now advertising for a human woman.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got to replace this cat with a human woman.

We got some human woman.

We got some dates coming up before we head out of here.

This weekend, Henry and I are going going to be in redway at the matteel community center if you haven't gotten your tickets for that yet come check us out we're there with billy wayne davis we're going to be giving some prizes away for our costume contest they're not great

they are there they are there and we're going to be in full costume so i want you to be in full costume too yeah my costume gets in tomorrow before we leave i'm cutting it by the wire if not i'm dressing in weed and then october 25th all three of us are going to be at the fox cedar in oakland for last podcast on the left live come and check that out there's still tickets available for that and then here's some other dates um these are mixed in my stand-up side story shows but there's lots of stuff coming down the road i just booked a bunch of stuff i expect to see you people out there um on november 2nd the day before the crime wave cruise i'm doing a set in miami at the dead flamingo club come and check that out if you're coming to the cruise come to this before all these links are on eddytoons.com uh so go and check that out this cruise is gonna be fucking ridiculous.

Yes, no.

We're dressing up.

I'm buying outfits.

I'm trying to wear different shit.

Julie and Natalie are planning stuff out very well.

We're going to have a lot of fun on this.

I'm very, very excited.

I am not a fan of cruises.

I am so excited for this.

I'm looking at it.

I can't fucking wait, dude.

Yeah, I can't wait.

And then on November 8th, I'm going to be in Orlando with my buddy Disney Dan Becker doing Dead Men Tell Some Tales at the Conduit Theater at 4 p.m., Henry.

I'm doing a 4 p.m.

show.

I'm excited.

We've won.

I feel like I've been doing it.

I've been pushing this.

Yes.

7 o'clock shows.

7 o'clock shows.

That's what we're trying to get.

That's what we want.

We want 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock shows.

Yeah, I want five.

I don't think anyone's against a 5 p.m.

show.

Well, the problem is from work.

I think 6 is probably the same.

On the weekend.

Yes.

On the weekend, you do whatever.

I think 6 is probably the latest.

We can maybe push it, but we're trying to be able to eat dinner after these shows, guys.

It's better than me showing up all fucking bloated on steak.

We want to eat dinner after the shows.

This is about us.

Do you want to be...

You have to allow some things for your uncles?

Yes.

You have to allow some things.

Okay.

As we get older, our lives change.

I just, all we want to eat is a big sloppy meal.

And I honestly think that if we get our shows earlier, maybe we can start working with restaurants, big group meals after the shows we can all go to.

Yeah, VI Eats.

Write that down.

Eat and greet.

Eat and greet.

Oh my God.

We got to do an eat and greet.

I would love to eat and greet.

We have to do an eat and greet.

And a bucco de peppo.

Oh, we're doing one.

Yeah, one of these side stories.

During one of these side stories, we're doing an eat and green.

We have to figure out what that.

We got to.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, November 16th, Mike Drop Comedy San Diego.

I'm doing that show with Amber Nelson, Ashley Brooke Roberts, and Julie Rosing.

December 7th, we got side stories in Vegas at Wise Guys.

Yep, that bad.

That's going to be a lot of fun.

And then January 4th, I'm in Oxnard, Ed Larson and friends.

Dude, I booked Carolina, Jake, and Holden.

I'm making them reunite and do a set together.

Julia Johnson is going to be on that show.

And then I'm going to be in San Francisco on Wednesday, February 18th.

And that is leading up to our big side stories run in Alaska.

We're going to Alaska in February.

So you're welcome, Alaska.

Come hang out with us.

We're going to be in Anchorage on February 20th and Fairbanks on February 21st.

Also, shout out to everyone who just fucking, they just had a huge national disaster and they had to move like a

whole like community of people to Anchorage.

So it's a, everything's fucked up.

Make sure you check that out.

Donate if you can.

But we can't come.

We can't wait to fucking come.

I can't wait to be there.

It's going to be amazing.

I'm finally going to see Alaska.

Chuck it off the list.

And let's end the show.

Dude, thank you guys so much.

And again, I really do love you.

Many ways.

Yeah, I think you're cool, too.

Hail Satan.

Hail the cat.

Long long tail.

DJ Longtail.

DJ Longtail.

Winky, winky, winky, winky, winky.

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