Side Stories: Bitch Stories

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to this. This is the last podcast on the left.

Speaker 1 Side stories?

Speaker 1 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 1 What is this? What are you singing? Give him the nut.

Speaker 1 Alright, too nut. Give him the nut.
I don't think I know it, but I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know that song? Give me the night? No, I don't know it. Alright, do not.
You're giving the night.

Speaker 1 I'm sure if I heard the song, I would have. George Benson.
But I was listening. I wanted to bring this up to you for a reason.
When I even started singing.

Speaker 1 I love George Benson. When at the gym, you know, I have discovered.
Tell me this about etiquette. Okay.

Speaker 1 I... You should save this for who's the bitch.
Nah. Okay.
This is getting. No women in this.
All right.

Speaker 1 You want to know that when I'm working out, I found myself.

Speaker 1 Like today, I went to the gym today and brought you. You're not staring at some poor lady, are you? Never.
I don't look at women. Okay, yeah, yeah.
No, I don't look at anybody. I look at the floor.

Speaker 1 Okay, good. Um, except this one man who stares at me.
There's a guy that comes, there's a guy that's a fan.

Speaker 1 No, I've met fans there where they meet me, which is really funny because a lot of broccoli-headed young men. And what they'll do is stuff like I'm mid-press.
This has now happened to me twice.

Speaker 1 Again, I'm not a famous person at all. It only happens every once in a while.
And someone comes up to me, and I mean, I'm mid-press.

Speaker 1 And a guy just puts his phone in front of my face, and it's just a picture of me naked. And he's just like,

Speaker 1 guess you're here for a reason.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like,

Speaker 1 buddy, I'm trying. I'm trying, buddy.
But I was in the spot. Yeah, here you go.
Need a spot? No, no, sir. Yes, actually, I do.

Speaker 1 But I, I was, I found myself lost in music. And is it like against protocol at the gym to be enjoying yourself, like kind of giving yourself a little dance? Men look so serious.
Dancing is exercise.

Speaker 1 Men are. You're moving your body.
You're at the gym. Because the guy that stares at me, this is what he does.
And I'm doing this act out. So go on Patreon to see the act out if you want to

Speaker 1 by the way this is side stories i'm hendrizzy you're sitting here at large how you doing what's going on also youtube though you can watch it but on like thursday or friday so this guy that comes into the gym i love la gym creatures okay some of my favorite people on the face of the planet and there's a man that comes in much taller standing by the way no but i was gonna do about doing an act out there's a man that comes in and he only does one set of exercises i'm you know like i say i do watch people because i like i'm interested in people i'm not looking at butts yeah yeah yeah but this guy comes in and he only does one thing each time he comes to the gym He does this sort of extended dance routine in front of the mirrors, and it's very extravagant.

Speaker 1 But what I've noticed is that, and I mean this, what he does is stare at me once he's done with it. So, and I've had this several times.
I've been on the channel. How long is the routine?

Speaker 1 He's there for like an hour, and he's just doing this thing over and over again. And this is literally what it is.
It's him going like,

Speaker 1 he's kind of doing this sort of like weird dance.

Speaker 1 But he's not taking up the machine. No, no, absolutely not.
There's nothing wrong with what he's doing.

Speaker 1 It's just he's doing this weird dance, but then all of a sudden he'll do a spin and then send it straight at me. And he's like, every time it's at you and no last time.

Speaker 1 The last time I was noticing a little bit and I was just like, I mean, there's a little part of me that was like, if he wasn't homeless and openly intoxicated, I'd be flattered.

Speaker 1 Also, I bet you, like, oddly enough, are like the most approachable guy at the gym because you're always wearing loud clothes. You got fun sneakers on.
I code switch at the gym.

Speaker 1 Ever since I saw, because I saw a couple of the guys, like people were wearing some kind of like, you know,

Speaker 1 all sorts of like, every single flagrant political thing you could wear in, people are, like, wearing it to a very, I'm at a cheap gym. Well, it's the only place you can wear it now.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And so I go full devil. Yeah.
Like, I'm wearing full devil regalia. Well, then maybe that's why he's doing it because he's a devil fan.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 But I think it's great. It's for you.
I don't mind it. It's good to have someone.
to take in your art. It's just the,

Speaker 1 it's the snapping of his head and looking at me like he just saw me across across the room

Speaker 1 you're looking back well i'm looking forward and if you weren't looking i'm looking forward but whenever he comes at you you're looking at him right now he's beaming at me and so the first time what he does with other people they just ignore him i don't know see i feel like it happened you're taught you're giving him something it feels like it happened once and then it happened again did it happen a third time that's because he knows his audience what do they say that thing what do they say about ladies you stare at them seven times they'll go on a date with you i've never heard that before the thing where they say about how eye contact when you go out and you're single?

Speaker 1 We haven't been single a long time.

Speaker 1 Been a very long time.

Speaker 1 Now there's apps for that. Oh, apparently, you can just order him to your house.
And a guy, and it turns out he's a guy. But guess what? He'll still blow you.
Uh-huh. But I...

Speaker 1 That's only a Christian mingle.

Speaker 1 That's what the mingle is.

Speaker 1 But wasn't it a thing that if you look at a woman, right? Isn't they saying it, but I think they say this, two ladies. Maybe I'm wrong.
Or anybody.

Speaker 1 It's normally people that that aren't non-threatening looking where you catch a guy's eye.

Speaker 1 And then if you do it like five more times, like there's some kind of number

Speaker 1 that that's how you can show someone that you're interested. Have you said hello yet? I won't.
Oh, then you're fine. Yeah, I'm not going to be like, hi.
Well, you just say hi in your normal voice.

Speaker 1 Hey, yeah. Hey, pal.
Nice dancing. Yeah, you dance well.
Hey, dance like my dead wife. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think it's fine. Yeah.
No, I think, yeah, maybe he is attracted to you, but you know, you also, you know, you're a cute little buttercup.

Speaker 1 You know that?

Speaker 1 And what's the last time someone told you that? No one. Yeah.
No one's ever. You're adorable.
No one's ever said that.

Speaker 1 I fucking suck the peanut butter out of your middle chocolate. Sounds like I'm going to be assaulted.
When you call me a little cutie bean or whatever.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put some salt on you and drink it all up. I'm not angry.
I'm not a snack. I'm a man.

Speaker 1 I'm not an edible food. You pretzel nugget.

Speaker 1 Again, it's only like this.

Speaker 1 It only comes from other big threatening men. It's never, no woman has ever looked at me in the gym.
No woman has ever. Oh, no.
In the gym, you're non-existent to a woman. You're not a fire.

Speaker 1 I don't want him to either. It's just that funny.

Speaker 1 It's just, you are not. You are nowhere less fuckable than as a man at the gym.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Well, we got some updates. That guy's going to die one day, less.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should actually, maybe I should go to the ground floor of that. Maybe he's got money.
Every day you go to the gym is another day alive.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Yes. I actually do sort of think, I do think about it like

Speaker 1 investment in life. Every day I do hard work at the gym, I'm saving myself hard work later on in life.
That's how I view it. And I'm just doing, I'm front-loading the hard work

Speaker 1 of being mobile. Because really all I want is to be mobile and make sure my body can work and that my penis can work and my brain's tight, my feet are long and my shit's big.
You're being Mint Mobile.

Speaker 1 We're actually going to film one of those ads. We're going to be

Speaker 1 wanna say thank you to Mint Mobile, one of our ads. And I just want to say this last ad was really incredible because Blake Lively submitted all the rewrites for it.
Yeah, I know, it's great.

Speaker 1 And that's one of the best things. I'm just going to read what she says.
So I'm trying to get involved with that.

Speaker 1 I was trying to cross that lady. No way.
All right. So let's go into a little bit of updates.

Speaker 1 So I immediately made everybody upset last week, which I wait, a subsection of people upset, which I don't mind, which is me accidentally calling this group, the Zizians, a leftist cult. So now

Speaker 1 I saw a lot of people really applauding you for your comments on the Zizians. Well, it goes back and forth.
So, for those of you that don't know, there was a person by the name of Ziz.

Speaker 1 Little Ziz is the best drunk thing to talk about. You're the damn Zizian.
You get back here. You get back here, Zizzian.
None of your Zizz.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Ziz

Speaker 1 is the former name. They're going to go by the dead name.

Speaker 1 They go by the name Ziz. Their dead name is Jack Lasota.
They are a person that started this group, this kind of this cult that has a bunch of theories that came out that essentially has...

Speaker 1 It seems to have resulted in about six murders. You have two murders in Vermont, two murders in California.
You have a set of parents that got killed by one of the adherents.

Speaker 1 And all of the adherents to this cult are under Ziz. And a lot of them are,

Speaker 1 it seems that all of them are trans and work in the computer science world they were

Speaker 1 resistance resistance exactly resistance this guy's doing and a part of what i tasked the audience with was please go read their manifesto and please help me kind of parse this because i couldn't fully understand and i i'm like what are people getting killed for the reason why i'm so interested in Colt's philosophy is because I'm really interested in how abstract thoughts lead towards physical actions and the fact that like you can believe in something dumb and crazy and nonsensical, and it actually causes you to kill people.

Speaker 1 And I think that there, I want to know what's in there and what it seems. Are you saying that some murders are rational? Well,

Speaker 1 some murders have motive. Okay.
Motive is different. You know, like killing for money.
killing for revenge. Like these are things that make sense.
Yeah, the old west rules. Those are cube.

Speaker 1 Those are human. That's humanity.
You know, like defending yourself, fighting for like

Speaker 1 fair fight. Even fair fight.
It was a fair fight. And so this guy, this is a Silicon Valley cult, right? So this person they're calling a genius, but it turns out they're not.

Speaker 1 What I like is that the Daily Meal, all these people are calling these people highly educated whiz kids. That's the term that keeps coming up.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 But largely, what has everyone has illuminated, and I want to say thank you to my listeners, always email side stories, L-P O-T L the gmail.com.

Speaker 1 And my further reading is that the stuff that they put in their manifesto is fucking stupid and it doesn't really make any sense. So this is the thing.
This guy helped me.

Speaker 1 So someone sent me a great email.

Speaker 1 Ignoring all the bullshit of rationalism and functional decision theory, which is a part of what I did not understand before, both of those are inherently non-political.

Speaker 1 They are just thought forms that this person used, right, and within their work.

Speaker 1 So Zizians appear to believe an extreme form of utilitarianism, right?

Speaker 1 Utilitarianism is an ethical framework which postulates that when making a decision, the ethical choice is the one that provides the most net benefit for the most people, which is why they feel they're attacking something like the lower bourgeoisie.

Speaker 1 The reason why

Speaker 1 I called them leftists is because they also believe in private property.

Speaker 1 They don't believe in private property. So that was why I just kind of lumped it all in.
And they're vegan, but vegan, again, it's not inherently political.

Speaker 1 I know, but veganism and leftism kind of sleep together. Not really, though.

Speaker 1 Then you find out it's all over the place because then it's it really because what it's veganism technically is super expensive. Yes, it's very it is a hard, it's a hard life to live.

Speaker 1 You need means to be

Speaker 1 sick of these salads being expensive. It's hard enough to eat a goddamn salad.
Wait till make them cheaper.

Speaker 1 Wait till we got a couple of tariffs coming up to make those tomatoes super fucking expensive. It's gonna be great.
Well, they give me ajina anyway.

Speaker 1 So now this thing is that's what he says in this writer, which I do believe. They said the belief in all this is fine,

Speaker 1 but it can be used to justify things like constantly torturing a child to make a perfect civilization, like Ursula K. Le Guin wrote about, and the ones who walk away from Omelas.
I love Ursula K.

Speaker 1 Le Guin, she's a genius.

Speaker 1 But part of it is this belief system, which was, I guess, it's in the philosophical system of Rocco's basilisk.

Speaker 1 That's what they were talking about in their big manifesto, which is essentially, this is super simplified. Don't crawl up my ass about this.
Don't be all Zizzy on about it.

Speaker 1 Don't be Zizzy on about it. Is the fact that it's about that AI eventually will win

Speaker 1 and the job of the of humans good quote-unquote good ethical humans is to help AI win and to be on its team when it wins because on some level they believe that this AI that is formed when we create AI that it will become a pure soul that will become an elevated enlightened

Speaker 1 thought machine and that it will teach us and it will help us evolve as well and we will evolve with it but part of that will be the evolving will be the destruction of humankind so they're pro skynet yes they're pro pro skynet so this is this is a belief system they believe that then everything that they do to help this is it's not more it's a correct decision outside of the boxes of morality because you're helping what you believe to be the proper like arc of humankind versus the other one which would be a human-led future so do they think that, like, how like every baby is innocent?

Speaker 1 Is that kind of it? Because AI is so young. I mean, what if after 10 years AI starts being evil? Are they going to still think it's pure?

Speaker 1 I think the main issue that they're kind of avoiding here is the fact that we make the AI. We make it.
AI doesn't exist without us. And we put all of the parameters inside of the AI.
It's for us.

Speaker 1 It only talks to us. It's from our thoughts.
It can only copy the way we think, which is we're, and we're not there yet.

Speaker 1 And as far as I'm concerned, is that after watching Musk talk and Sam Alton talk and all these other people, I think we're far away from Skynet. Yeah, I am.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 I don't think we're there yet. Even the stupid app that they just forced on our phones with the new upgrade where they're like, we want you to describe a picture into the app.
And it's like, fuck you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they call it Apple intelligence instead of artificial intelligence. And you know, you fucking piece of shit just so you can say AI, you think I don't notice?

Speaker 1 Also, I put a bunch of dirty stuff in there and it didn't make one of it. Really? Yeah.
What is it called again? It's like a little kitten. It's called something.

Speaker 1 It's like a little kitten showed up on my phone. I was like, fuck this kitten.
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's a yeah, it's a stupid app. I don't know.
Yeah. Yes, it's image playground or whatever.
Playground. That's what it is.
And you're like,

Speaker 1 look at this fun insigning sheet. Your soul goes attached to it.
I'm supposed to stay out of the playground. Don't put it on my phone.

Speaker 1 Unless you go to an adult playground, which every time you hear an adult playground, it's a place to buy dildos. Yeah.
Which I find funny or a prison yeah

Speaker 1 uh so so yeah so here so i'll kind of boil it down here uh they believe that everything they do is morally correct they also believe that surrendering that surrendering is immoral which is why they are attacking the police and why they attacked the landlord that tried to get them to leave the space it's because anytime anybody they are they are in a sovereign citizen motion which is anybody who crosses them their job is to say fuck you back yeah honestly fuck these motherfuckers for making me me feel bad for cops and landlords this is the problem they are the problem so they take some of this belief system from a concept called roco's basilisk which is the idea that a perfectly moral ai acting for the greater good of mankind would torture anyone who knew about it but didn't help in its advancement so the idea is that in the future this good ai would look back on anybody that had defied it or was anti-ai in the past and would come back in time and punish everyone that did not believe in it, which is what I'm going to do when I make it to the top.

Speaker 1 But I'm not an AI. I'm a goddamn man.
Right. I mean, that's what men do.
It'd be good to wake up every morning and shoot a robot in the head. I mean, it would be fun.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's kind of what I'm going to do. That's my retirement.

Speaker 1 But Mike, then I think the bigger issue with that is, where are all the robot shock troops from the future? Yeah, they should be coming back to kill us. Where are they?

Speaker 1 If they were going to be there, they're in the next reality, then they'd be in there. So it has a lot of flaws.

Speaker 1 So here's the thing: if they're traveling from the past, then maybe we're the first future.

Speaker 1 And so if they haven't come back yet, because we have to get there, and now they have to come back, and then we've already done this.

Speaker 1 And so we wouldn't know because we're the original future right now.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know. I'm already confused.
I'm confused, and I've fallen asleep. Good night.
And then this is, it's all the same. So in Zizianism,

Speaker 1 the goal is that they need to be willing to harm others in defense of the greater good. It's very stupid.
It's insane, dumb bullshit. And

Speaker 1 they said they like, I got a good writer here that said they, some of it does make sense from a perspective of quote-unquote pure theoretical ethics.

Speaker 1 The unhemispheric sleep, though, which is part of what they do to sort of get these guys in tow, which is this weird of like trying to activate one hemisphere of your brain at the time, at a time, which is some kind of vague pseudoscience.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 the extreme veganism. Yeah.
Which I think is just dirt. Just dirt.
And sunlight. So Zizians are stupid.
Here comes another prosecutor.

Speaker 1 I'm a prosecutor in Delaware County, Pennsylvania, and about this time last year, Ziz came through our county in connection with a double homicide.

Speaker 1 We had no idea what we were getting into when this happened. Ziz, quote-unquote, Jack Lasota, was arrested and literally never spoke a word the whole time that they were in custody.

Speaker 1 They then made bail and fled the jurisdiction. Ziz had already faked their own death in California.
We found out the ID from a DNA swab because they wouldn't even give a name.

Speaker 1 A few of us in the office started doing a deep dive and we got fucking deep. It's a wild ride with a whole lot of branches and characters.

Speaker 1 I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about Ziz or the cult. I've been a prosecutor for nearly a decade.
I got to go back into this because they were talking about how they dealt with it.

Speaker 1 So Ziz is on the run.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. So now we don't know where these people are.
I know that they are going to kill other people. Maybe they're in Zimbabwe.

Speaker 1 I thought that they disbanded Zizbabue.

Speaker 1 I thought

Speaker 1 Zimbabwe

Speaker 1 was torn apart when the Bongo Congo rose.

Speaker 1 I thought the Bongo Congo was the fun version of the Congo that they tried to make.

Speaker 1 When they had to abolish Bongo Congo, they also had to abolish Zizbabwe. I'm not sure.
They went to Zizbeck's. Zizbeck.
Zizbeck is a bad thing.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Rob. Thank you.
I appreciate it. That's why he's here.
The fact is.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 So that was like one of the

Speaker 1 updates. Those are basically the updates.
Somebody also said to you, Joe, I got a great email about people.

Speaker 1 Someone was in a DD group with a Zizian, and they basically talked about, which I know from DD, it is the most fucking obnoxious shit on the face of the planet when someone chooses the most obscure class to play that has a whole other set of rules.

Speaker 1 Long time listener, okay, as the subject of this email says, I played in a DD group with one of the cult members, Maximilian Snyder.

Speaker 1 Snyder, I, and three others were part of a group and played two campaigns together over the course of a few years.

Speaker 1 In the first campaign, he played a hyper-optimized wizard that regularly attempted to squeeze every bit of utility out of his character, seemingly an attempt to show he was able to do everything himself.

Speaker 1 This came to its peak when he was able to learn a spell that effectively let him clone himself when needed, which now seems in line with the cult's thought that humans can hold separate personalities by activating different hemispheres of their brain.

Speaker 1 He would constantly use it if able, which ended up with them boguarding playtime, effectively removing a lot of choice from the matter, as he would have every outcome solved as we encountered it.

Speaker 1 The second campaign, he played an artificer named Audare, later finding out that this was a name he went by on the internet.

Speaker 1 whose goal was to create essentially a new form of oobrevench in his image through crafting warforged which is the DD equivalent of a robot with a soul that would seek to become a major force in the world.

Speaker 1 Both characters had a running theme of ascending oneself to becoming a higher version, although essentially rejecting the laws of the world set before him.

Speaker 1 Little did we know this was the beginning of the transhumanist views espoused by the cult. Wow.
Like, this is really, this is the kind of stuff that I'm doing.

Speaker 1 I can't believe this guy went on a second campaign with him. Hey, you have any idea how hard it is to keep a crew together for a DD? And if you just like, if he'll show up every Wednesday,

Speaker 1 you'll keep him. Like, literally, you will keep him.

Speaker 1 He read the article in the recent article I read about the cult that the guy said, Maxim William Snyder, called himself the best DD 5e optimizer in the world. Oh.

Speaker 1 But we just saw him as a dick. After that last campaign, full of him constantly hogging the spotlight in game time, the group had become a little worn down.

Speaker 1 He continued his play pattern of disregarding other people's skills and talents until one day the problem solved itself as he said he had to leave the group because he was going to Oxford for school.

Speaker 1 We didn't hear from him after that, but in the wake of his departure, we gained two cool new players. And the group has been in excellent

Speaker 1 and has been in excellent shape ever since. Oh, that's so nice.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. But isn't that amazing in that way that all of these ideas were all embedded in nerd culture to begin with, and they were just looking for a chance to release it.

Speaker 1 But, and I do, again, I want to fucking shout out to our trans people. You got a death cult? Congrats.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of people, people. A lot of trans people try not to fucking claim them.
They don't like them. But I'm sorry, but they're yours.
And we don't get to claim them.

Speaker 1 Do you think I want to claim Anders Bravik? No. No, but you have to.
I have to. I'm a white, I'm a fortunate white pink man.
Yep. And he's part of you.
He's a part of me. Part of my lexicon.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not me, though. Very different from me.

Speaker 1 Well, you and I are both the same Ukrainian blood. Yeah, Ukrainian.
Polish and Polish battalion. I'm Polish-Italian.
You're Polish-Italian. I'm Polish-Ukrainian.

Speaker 1 I guess we've got nothing to do with with it. I'm Russian.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh.

Speaker 1 Old vet versus new vets have been chiming in.

Speaker 1 It's definitely down the line.

Speaker 1 Real down the middle, you know, but I like to cherry pick the ones that

Speaker 1 support me, of course. But here's one that

Speaker 1 is a very interesting point, and I can see both sides of it. On side stories, you guys were talking about old vet versus young vets.
So I thought I'd weigh in. My wife is a veterinarian technician.

Speaker 1 Yes, play with your dogs. Yeah, let me see your kitties.

Speaker 1 In school to become a veterinarian.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she has worked with both young and old vets. From everything she has talked about to me, about young vets are usually the more current veterinary practices of the two.

Speaker 1 Veterinary medicine is so different now than it was 20 years ago. My older vets rely on tried and true practices.
See, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Young vets, all they want to do is test, test, test, run all these tests, and they're running up the fucking bills because they don't know the goddamn answer.

Speaker 1 Because they haven't been here long enough.

Speaker 1 The dogs can't talk. You know, I know, but an old vet have seen it a million times.
And all these new vets, they always jump to the crazy shit. They always jump, oh, it's this crazy thing.

Speaker 1 It's this thing that one out of 2,000 dogs have because I read about it yesterday. Every other vet's like, it's probably this thing.
And if it's not that, then we'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 But no, they always jump to the test. They're racking up the bills.

Speaker 1 You tried to prove me wrong but you proved me right with this goddamn shit um but yes uh also there's other people that are 100 with me and um listen if you want your dog to die put it in the hands of a child that's all i gotta say well i'm just you know i would just say straight up just read the reviews yeah read the reviews read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet i would also say get to know your vet grow with your vet Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 That's the key. If you can get one that's let your vet run tests on your dog so it gets smarter for the next dog.
Sometimes what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 So when your first dog dies, your second dog will live longer because your vet ran a bunch of experiments on your first dog. You know what I also like to do? Straight up?

Speaker 1 Just to check to see if they're doing something, right?

Speaker 1 That first doo-doo sample I send in? Cheers. Every time.

Speaker 1 Just to see if they're doing, just checking. When they come back and say, oh, Carmy had an alarming amount of maker's marketing her system.

Speaker 1 I was just going to be like,

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you know, Carmy. I'll send you another.
Once you get sober, I'll send you another sample.

Speaker 1 I'll take her a few days off the sauce. No, but I appreciate you, young vets.
There's no way to have an old vet without having a young vet. You know, I understand.
Yeah, because

Speaker 1 you have to grow. So, you got to be a young vet to become an old vet.
Stop calling out of work so much and make sure you're there for when people show up.

Speaker 1 Because you guys always try to spend time with your families.

Speaker 1 He only cares about your family. He's turning.
Keal my dog. He's turning a large Russia, and he's using his own specific relationship to it to attack.
That's right.

Speaker 1 So it's his own, this is his experience. Yeah.
If you're a vet in your 30s, don't even say you're a vet. Say you're in training, even though you are a vet.

Speaker 1 And listen to the old guy who's in charge, an old lady. I just think that you just got, I mean, I just think you never know.
Yeah, the younger vets always tell me to kill my dog. They're very old.

Speaker 1 Yes, they are. They're very old.
The older vets are like, oh, man, you keep it alive, you know, because they see death. Death in themselves.
Yeah, they're like, oh, let's keep this around.

Speaker 1 No one's going to let me die.

Speaker 1 That's what you need in a vet. No one's going to let me die.
Someone who sees their own demise.

Speaker 1 So that way, they don't want your dog to die in front of them because they know that's another day that brings them closer to death. I still prefer a younger vet.

Speaker 1 One last update is because they can still get hard. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Last update is the last four escape monkeys that were loosened in in a crash of, I I believe it was a truck holding a bunch of experimental monkeys. Yes.

Speaker 1 Last four escape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens.
I can't believe that they're

Speaker 1 all monkeys. Oh, yep, they can get right back to testing the living shit out of them.

Speaker 1 So, congrats, monkeys.

Speaker 1 You only almost made it.

Speaker 1 Homeless no more. Oh, isn't that great? Oh, my God.
Isn't it worse when you're... What was this?

Speaker 1 Authorities in South Carolina said Friday that the last four of the 48 monkeys have been recaptured after two months of living in the woods, weathering a rare snowstorm, and being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Speaker 1 You let them lowball you. Monkeys love peanuts.
Dude, you let them lowball you.

Speaker 1 They bring wagyu.

Speaker 1 That is the only thing. They don't give a fuck about wagyu.
Wag you. Man, you've ever, you've heard the goose,

Speaker 1 the song by P-Funk. Happier than a monkey with a peanut machine.
They love peanuts. This is George Clinton's lyric from 35 years ago.
He was was on crack okay. And he was correct.

Speaker 1 But he's not a biologist. He fucking knows what monkeys want.
I know he does, but I think that in the end, you could have given them something else. All right.

Speaker 1 But they are now, it doesn't matter because they are caught. They are right back into captivity.
Don't waste the wagu on the monkeys. I mean, not now, especially now that you got them.

Speaker 1 They'll eat peanut butter jelly. I know, but I'm just saying they low-balled them.
I like peanut butter jellies. I'm just saying that this also should be a Pixar movie.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They saw their first snow. They saw their first snow.
It's very cute. It should be a Pixar movie, but they end up back in the testing facility.
There's something about a Reese's Monkey's first snow.

Speaker 1 It's just like, I don't know what it is. It just seems posting apocalyptic.
From South Carolina, it doesn't mean they're racist. But they're not supposed to see snow.
Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, South Carolina is not supposed to see snow either, but the world's dying. Yeah, I know.
I guess Reese's monkeys aren't supposed to be in Charleston. I don't know.

Speaker 1 But either way, sorry, monkeys. Hope you're going to look good in that rouge.

Speaker 1 Really, really enjoy it. I feel bad laughing at a monkey test jokes, but it was well said.
It was very, you know, it was tasteless, but hilarious. Specific.

Speaker 2 Live from North Way.

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Speaker 1 Speaking of tasteless and hilarious, we got some friends joining us today. We would like to introduce you now.
We got some people in here. We're going to be talking about some stuff.

Speaker 1 We have the hosts of who's the bitch? Jackie Zabrowski and Kara Clank.

Speaker 2 Life from your blade.

Speaker 1 You know what I was thinking, Jackie? If you could just cut the front half of you off,

Speaker 1 you'd do great. Yeah.
Oh, no. Have you thought about that? I'm fat and face first.

Speaker 1 Face first. Cut the frat.

Speaker 3 First cave for a fucking tit job.

Speaker 1 Really? Whoa.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do with it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what kind of job? Are they going to go to the fucking thing and work in the fucking mine? Yeah, of course they are. So

Speaker 1 you're going to apply your breasts to work?

Speaker 3 They're the canaries.

Speaker 1 What they have to deflate. And you are the coal pine.

Speaker 1 What a great way to start. They're warning the rest of your body that it's all about to shut down.

Speaker 3 It's about to shut down.

Speaker 1 There they go.

Speaker 1 So hold on. Are they dead?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, I mean, now, but I have to revive them so that I can, so that they can.

Speaker 1 So you got to go to the pet store.

Speaker 3 Yes, obviously, and shove my tits full of birds. What are you not getting from this?

Speaker 1 I actually would prefer to get a bike pump.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but then it's always falling out, and that's a whole big thing. You know what I mean? And especially get them birds in there.
It's cheap.

Speaker 1 That's old. I hate

Speaker 3 it. Come on, guys.

Speaker 1 I hate that carrot.

Speaker 1 Please erase that. It's cheap.

Speaker 1 Please erase that. Welcome to the Who's the Bitch section of Side Stories.
Today.

Speaker 1 bringing it in horror you're the bitch you fucking bitch yeah get a medium get a minute

Speaker 1 i just want to host the show yeah

Speaker 1 i just want to host the show with safety no one cares about your emotions good

Speaker 1 good start we have two of the best other women on our network

Speaker 1 wow yeah what an intro two of the finest comedians in this room are right here.

Speaker 1 The hosts of Who's the Bitch, both the stream and podcast. It is Kara Clank and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski.
Hello. Thank you so much for having us.
Hi, Karen. It's nice to have you here.

Speaker 1 It's nice to have you, Kara. Family Kara.
Wow. Oh, not me.

Speaker 3 What is what beef? Do you have anything?

Speaker 1 These are like my pick me girl dreams come true.

Speaker 1 You are beef. You calling me a cow?

Speaker 3 No, you want me to moo out into pasture? Because I will.

Speaker 1 And you should be bravely holding that and holding space for being a cow.

Speaker 3 You can't take my milk. We all need to be holding space for farm animals, that's for sure.

Speaker 1 I do in my duodenum.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, guys.

Speaker 1 We're really excited to have these two women here because it's good to have. I'm just

Speaker 1 emphasizing women.

Speaker 3 Have you never had women in this room?

Speaker 1 It's like, no. Truly.

Speaker 3 I've been in this room, and you didn't even intro me as a woman.

Speaker 1 You're not a woman. You're not.
You're Henry's sister. Thank you.

Speaker 1 You're a bunch of parts and blood. Thank you.

Speaker 1 That's just all I see.

Speaker 3 You wait. You wait till I get big old fakies up top.
You're going to see. I'm going to be blinking my nipples soon.

Speaker 1 I am very interested about this. So you're going to, you're thinking about fakies.

Speaker 3 My problem is, is that we've been talking a lot over on Who's the Bitch about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and I've really gotten into it.

Speaker 3 And I realize, I think a lot of people watch that show and think, like, why would you ever want to be like that? Oh, my God, these women are horrible.

Speaker 3 No, I just see doors opening for me in my future. I'm just like, it's like a pushback.

Speaker 1 I'm across board of a television show first. It's just like, great idea.
Great idea. Tighter.
Pin it.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I want to barely be able to cry anymore.
Like, I just

Speaker 3 feel great when they try to cry.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Someone moved my secret underwear.

Speaker 1 Do they wear secret underwear in the

Speaker 3 what's crazy is that, like,

Speaker 3 basically one of them is Mormon. Two of them are like excommunicated Mormons.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 3 One is Greek.

Speaker 1 She's wild.

Speaker 3 One's a Jew.

Speaker 1 She sounds lost.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And I say that as a Jew, by the way.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying that in a Kanye way. I mean the Greek one.
Oh, no.

Speaker 3 And then, and then there's one woman who is like owns a tequila brand and is Mormon. And she's like, this is just the way I do Mormonism.
Beat a tequila. So she's like, she calls it Mormon 2.0.

Speaker 1 Well, they give them permission. That was like the big deal in Mormonism.
They like entrepreneurship. Yeah.
And they really don't care.

Speaker 1 And the booze thing, you find that all like, that was a a weird thing I got into because like listening to Natalie because she's preparing all and doing all of these various things on the Mormons.

Speaker 3 We watched the bad Mormons. That's the thing.
We watch the good, fun Mormons.

Speaker 1 Eddie. Oh, yeah.
I have a feeling that they might all be bad. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 And then they are good ones. They're good ones.
They're going to be in Salt Lake City.

Speaker 3 Accidental plug for the book Bad Mormon by Heather Gay.

Speaker 1 Heather Gay.

Speaker 3 One of the wives who left.

Speaker 1 But I feel like they. I love Mitt Romney.

Speaker 3 That was crazy when he ran. I go, are we going to have a president who wears the secret underwear?

Speaker 3 Like when he was running for president, I go, are we going to have a president that wears a secret underwear?

Speaker 1 You know what's really sad is that we would have been better off than we have been. Yeah.
Really sad. That was a joke, by the way.
Really, really. It wouldn't have been that bad.

Speaker 3 How do you feel about soaking, though? And now that we're here, may as well talk about it.

Speaker 1 See, soaking, like,

Speaker 1 hold on, I needed to properly explain to me. Now, here's what I think it is: it's just you enter and stay and wait until it's over.
You let it sit there.

Speaker 1 But then I've heard

Speaker 3 that there's like an addendum to soaking, which is when a friend jumps on the bed and that kind of causes some friction. That's right.
But you're not actually initiating the friction.

Speaker 3 And so, so it's fine. So it's God doesn't care.

Speaker 1 It's anal, you know?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's a loophole.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I'd rather soaking than all of the people that are young and think that anal means you're still a virgin.

Speaker 1 Why not?

Speaker 3 I guess it depends.

Speaker 3 If you decide that, you know, if that's for you, or what if it shoots up through your asshole and up into your pussy hole.

Speaker 1 Jackie, you're the woman.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. Wait a second.

Speaker 1 You're supposed to know this. God.
We are the ones that are not supposed to know this.

Speaker 1 But you know that

Speaker 1 the semen can't jump from the butt to the vagina.

Speaker 3 I love it when my brother says the word semen.

Speaker 1 Because if it

Speaker 1 if semen jump from butts to vaginas, to be honest, I think there'd be a lot more troubled kids. What about leakage?

Speaker 1 If it can't create a baby, they don't care, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I guess not.

Speaker 1 Well, can, Carol, I'll ask you this. Call it more man.
Do you think if semen were to leak from the butthole to your vagina, would the semen still be viable?

Speaker 3 Yes, because I don't know for sure, but I know semen lives can live inside of sperm, can live inside of women for five days.

Speaker 1 Now, sperm is the little men inside of semen. Yes,

Speaker 3 when you're talking about viable semen, I'm yeah, yeah. Oh my god, yeah,

Speaker 1 I knew exactly what I was talking about. Thank you.

Speaker 3 Literally, that movie made me want to be a single mom.

Speaker 1 Didn't work out for me, but I got the sex talk during the semen scene in the movie theater for my mother.

Speaker 3 Really? See? So I don't know. Like, did you ever read, like, when you were growing up, did you ever read like little teen magazines like teen and YM and shit?

Speaker 1 Oh, yes.

Speaker 3 They would always have stuff that was like, I don't know how I got pregnant.

Speaker 3 We hooked up in a hot tub, and there'd be like things about how the semen could jump through the hot tub because the water's warm. Like an orca.

Speaker 3 So if you have like a warm ass and it leaks from your butt up into the vagina, it still would require, that would require a lot of gravity.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's to like stand on your head. So if I put an ice cube in the vagina, the actor? Oh.

Speaker 1 Because I think he knows what to do. Would that not cool the semen to not use?

Speaker 3 That's a great question. I don't know what woman would want to do that.

Speaker 1 But desperately,

Speaker 1 it only lasts for a finite amount of time, too.

Speaker 3 But yeah, I found that out when I was trying to, on purpose, get pregnant, that that shit lives in you for five days.

Speaker 1 Wow. Whoa, kill it.
Yeah. That's cool.
Scoop it out. Get it out of there.
That's scary to me.

Speaker 1 So it's coming to life. It's got days to find VA.

Speaker 3 Yeah. it's got days to like swim up there.
I don't know if they're very smart.

Speaker 1 Well, mine are slow. I know that.
I'm singing their heads with pots. This is giving me a new thing to do this coming Valentine's Day weekend where I won't be with my wife.

Speaker 1 I will be in a hotel room alone. But maybe I could do, it's kind of fun, come on the floor and say, go find her.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But then it comes like a Milo and Otis. I'm like going to bring up my

Speaker 1 movie.

Speaker 3 All the dogs keep dying and the kitties

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's hard to drown semen. Just one puddle of semen slowly rolling through, yeah.

Speaker 3 And there's voiceover, you get Blythe Danner to do the voiceover, you know.

Speaker 1 Oh, I didn't know if I could cross that river.

Speaker 3 We've got to get to Natalie or we're never going to make a baby.

Speaker 1 Oh, does she even want a baby? I don't know about this pile of semen. Thank God he left two.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about trying to race mine, you know, like trying to put him like squirting on a desk and then like lining them up and see who's fastest Oh, it sounded like I thought you were gonna cut them up to do

Speaker 3 what it is, but there's some kind of thing about boy sperm is slower or faster or something like that like one of the gender

Speaker 1 is slower is faster

Speaker 1 So like

Speaker 3 there's like people will do shit when they're like like if you

Speaker 3 If you have sex at a certain time in your ovulation because you want to have a certain gender it's like the guys get there fast so it's like like have sex if you want a girl I think what the deal is is they're like have sex the day before you ovulate, because then all the boys will get there and be like, boo, and then die.

Speaker 3 And then the girl ones will come slowly and they'll get right to the edge.

Speaker 1 It's just a battle of the bulge.

Speaker 3 I know, it's crazy. And that's like literal internet shit that I cannot fact check.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't know if it's true or not. But the only way to do it.
Yeah. No comments.

Speaker 1 It's the only way to know. But we also have some stories we really want to get your perspective on today.

Speaker 1 Besides just what Seaman does. Because I'm glad that we went through it.
Yeah. Because the two of us,

Speaker 1 my sperm's so dumb, it comes out my butt.

Speaker 3 See, it can travel through. This is what I was talking about.

Speaker 1 And this is what I was scared of.

Speaker 1 You're the woman. I just.
She doesn't know where to go.

Speaker 3 You say that you know how scared I was for most of my upbringing thinking that I was just going to accidentally get pregnant and not know.

Speaker 3 I still am scared that it's like, it's actually because you're eight months pregnant and I would have no idea. And I'm just putting the baby in the toilet.

Speaker 1 My friends recently were four months pregnant and had no idea.

Speaker 1 Don't tell me.

Speaker 3 That's like, okay, I guess I would see that, but eight months, or like the ones that have the baby in the toilet, it's crazy. It's poking at your body.

Speaker 3 It's in there trying to kick its way out and shit.

Speaker 1 It seems that most of those young women. are not really living conscious lives.
Yes. They seem to be caught in their own debris.
Denial. The debris of their lives.
Yeah. Can I ask a lady question?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 when you get pregnant, pregnant, yeah, and there's obviously the time there when you don't know when you're pregnant, uh-huh, and you get hammered. Oh, yeah, done it.

Speaker 1 So, what's the deal? That's fine.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Early on, it's cool.

Speaker 3 See how my son turns out. He's only three and a half.
I can't really make any comments now, but I didn't know I was pregnant with him, and it was my birthday.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you know, apparently, it's really when what I've heard

Speaker 1 from guy friends of mine. I bet you guys know, yeah, which is always talk about this stuff, Always.
Is that kids can't enjoy booze in the fetus until they're like six months?

Speaker 3 Listen, I don't.

Speaker 3 There's also a ton of data that's like, you have to drink so much alcohol to affect a child.

Speaker 1 I'm not telling anyone to do that. Where is that? But you have to,

Speaker 1 you have to have a lot. Because it sounds like you're telling me I can do it.
You have to have a lot.

Speaker 3 But like, I had a friend that, again, didn't know until she was four months. She did not know.
Her son goes to like one of the best colleges in the country. He's a tennis star.

Speaker 3 She was ripping butts, drinking a ton.

Speaker 1 That's all. Didn't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 And look at her son's fucking exceptional.

Speaker 1 So everybody calm down. You know what?

Speaker 1 Like again,

Speaker 1 ladies, pregnant ladies, smoke it up. Yeah, smoke them if you're going to be.

Speaker 1 Drink it down. Drink it down, Tampa.

Speaker 3 Pick it back up. If you quit, pick it back up.

Speaker 1 Yes, double down. Yes.
Two cigarettes at once. You're smoking for two.
So if you smoke while you're pregnant and your kid comes out all fucked up, who's the bitch? You were the kid.

Speaker 3 i think it's the uterus because the uterus failed at sucking on it right because that's what happens it comes from the outside and you know jackie i never had one i don't know what happens inside of there we are barely taught anything i you guys don't know anything we don't know anything kara only knows because you've actually had children barely barely but you have tick tock yeah i do have tick tock but i mostly am watching piggy videos i've really fallen into a lot of little piggy videos

Speaker 3 yeah i i love them especially when the piggies make friends.

Speaker 1 When the piggies make friends with other animals on the farm, you know, there's a reason why Pumba is such a fun.

Speaker 1 When I was in Africa and we were on Safari, every time I saw a Warthog, it was partying with a different animal. They fucking broke.
They love having a good time.

Speaker 3 Okay, so Warthog was like the big man on campus of the Savannah.

Speaker 1 And your friends are like, come down, William. Oh, my gosh, look at that.

Speaker 1 Oh, the shame. I'm sorry, we're watching the video.
The change in my name.

Speaker 1 And it hurt

Speaker 1 every time that I

Speaker 1 well, Jackie, please send me the piggy videos.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'll send you piggy videos.

Speaker 1 Oh, you want piggy videos? Do you know piggybacks? You know, pigs are smarter than toddlers.

Speaker 3 I know it.

Speaker 1 That's what I think. More human beings.

Speaker 3 No, I say we eat the toddlers instead.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 she has one.

Speaker 3 Army Hammer has his own podcast. I'm allowed to say these things into a mindset.

Speaker 1 Army Hammer's a billionaire with a fucking decade-long safety net. And the fucking house.
He's fine. He's got an apartment.
Oh, what a horror show.

Speaker 1 Oh, what a crazy, what a crazy, what a, we all, it's like a holocaust for him.

Speaker 1 I can't believe he is to ran.

Speaker 3 He truly has to walk upstairs to go inside of his house, Henry.

Speaker 1 I know. Tell me about it.
I remembered sharing a washing machine. Do you think we can get him? Yes.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. He's open for business.
Honestly,

Speaker 1 I've been pitching a whole thing with him.

Speaker 3 It's truly called the Army Hammer Time Podcast.

Speaker 1 You gotta be kidding me.

Speaker 3 Dog, you can't try to be all whimsical after the last few years you've had.

Speaker 3 He gets to make a lot of jokes about being a cannibal, though, and I think that's good for you. I think he needs that platform.
He may, like,

Speaker 3 okay, is he really is a cannibal, or was he just saying some weird shit to you?

Speaker 1 He was just saying weird shit.

Speaker 1 He did other, he did other vaguely abusive

Speaker 1 crazy words. Oh, no, he's a bad guy.
I can just be bad at that.

Speaker 3 Vis-a-vis the flesh consumption. Is that real?

Speaker 1 No, he never did anything. He never ate anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The cannibal thing, much like how we do with everything right now, we're focusing on the wrong part of you.

Speaker 1 You're right. Yes, it is.
The issue here is not

Speaker 1 this the dumb shit cannibal.

Speaker 3 It's funny. Like, look at his face.
We didn't know this guy was going to be problematic. He's a pure evil.

Speaker 3 It's like sewage in a person.

Speaker 1 He is pure evil. I mean, it's very attractive.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I get. I mean, but that was the thing.
But it is so weird, though, because I was so attracted to him originally because he was so great and called me by your name.

Speaker 3 And I was like, wow, it is crazy how fast that shit can shut off. I do not see an attractive man when I look at him.
I'm disgusted by him as a person.

Speaker 3 But I also watch the docus series and so watch what he actually did do to people. And surprise, he's really bad.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I like the Free Fire movie. That was fun.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you saw it or not. Free Fire? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a great movie.

Speaker 1 Him and Brie Larson. Fun shoot him up.
Really?

Speaker 1 He could have been a great actor. Yeah.
He could have been a great actor, but he's just going to have to really help.

Speaker 3 Oh, it does look like a fun movie.

Speaker 1 I really hope that one day he'll

Speaker 1 heal. And I think that the billions of dollars that he's going to inherit are really going to help.
You're ready. Yeah.
I'm ready for his comeback. I'm ready for his comeback already.

Speaker 1 Him and Rudy Giuliani, I hope they pair up. Oh, that'd be a great guess from the Army Hammer time podcast.

Speaker 3 Yes, with both of the

Speaker 3 gel coming down their head from their hair, because you know Army Hammer is going to need it at at some point.

Speaker 1 God, now what I feel bad for with Giuliani is his children. I don't.
Because they fucking hate his

Speaker 1 family. Fuck me fucking

Speaker 1 about having

Speaker 1 the whole fucking family. Fuck the single one of them.

Speaker 1 Every single one of them. Given me go with a fucking hag.

Speaker 1 Each one of them could suck my fucking balls. They don't like it.

Speaker 3 Wait, remember that kid at the Letterman show would come out and do all that wild shit, Giuliani's little kid?

Speaker 1 The crypto. He even choke hold on us when we were kids.

Speaker 3 Yes. Yeah, and then Chris Farley played him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I want to ask you guys' opinion, okay? because we covered this last week and we got several intense messages back that i thought was really interesting this is a case that came out of the uk

Speaker 1 and a young lady was dating a young man and she i guess they got into a conflict with the young man's ex and the new girlfriend decided in a moment of i'm going to say passion

Speaker 1 to send the ex this this lovely lady she was going to send this, her partner's ex.

Speaker 1 She wanted to basically be like, get out of her life, get away from us. And she sent a bunch of videos of her clothed behind, farting

Speaker 1 into the camera.

Speaker 3 Yes. Oh, like a denim fart.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Send the videos to the ex. Now, through WhatsApp.
I don't know why I find that to be important, but it's not even real messaging. It's because the YouTube videos.
Well, it's encrypted.

Speaker 3 How many videos are we talking?

Speaker 1 Like five. I want to say it was like five or six.
So after one or two.

Speaker 1 Several.

Speaker 3 After one or two, why didn't the ex block the number?

Speaker 1 Well, exactly.

Speaker 1 This is a thing we go into all the time where in the UK, they have more of a sensitive view because now we know that the lady who sent the fart videos got a year of probation. No.

Speaker 1 For several

Speaker 3 clothed bottom fart videos.

Speaker 1 This is what I'm saying is that not only do the fart videos have no threat of violence, they don't say, I'm going to kill you, bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It doesn't say like i know where you live

Speaker 1 right right she is giggling she's laughing and farting and but i in my mind if i was the judge the badista i would say

Speaker 1 shut your phone yeah stop here

Speaker 1 so here's the here's the sentence rihanna evans was ordered to pay nearly 300 euros and serve a year-long community order um she also has two-year restraining order against her and because she admitted to being drunk while carrying out the crime, she must attend 15 rehab sessions

Speaker 1 and observe a 60-day alcohol abstinence period.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This, okay.

Speaker 3 Also, I think her friends are like, you want to hit the pub? She's like, I can't mate.

Speaker 1 Me fault crime. Come on back from Abbey's.

Speaker 3 I'm on my 60-day sobriety due to my fault vids.

Speaker 3 If there were hundreds of them, like if she was sending them every like 30 seconds, I would also understand her getting into some kind of legal trouble. Now, you said this is in the UK.

Speaker 3 So obviously, you know, laws are different there because then you think about some people that get sentenced in the United States.

Speaker 3 You're just like, they only got seven years when they were doing what for how long?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 So I feel like this is still the option.

Speaker 1 She's actually going to jail. No, but probation's still a lot.

Speaker 1 It's because she fucks up probation. She couldn't.
And it would be on her record, right? Yeah, you were on probation for a year. It sucked.
Yes, it was awful.

Speaker 1 And I went to jail because I messed up my probation. I had to spend four days in jail.
Really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was awful. It's just like, it's crazy that you wouldn't just block it and you go to the cops.
Like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I kind of think that the ex-girlfriend is the bitch for even reporting it. Like, 100%.

Speaker 3 I do feel like the ex-girlfriend is a bitch because there are multiple ways that you could have tried to navigate this situation. Or maybe, I don't know.
I'm not looking at the article. Did she?

Speaker 3 Was she trying to save it?

Speaker 1 And was the new girlfriend?

Speaker 1 She went straight. She compiled.
She saved all the videos and went to the cops.

Speaker 3 And was the new girlfriend, like, buying burners and like keeping, like, that's a continued pattern of harassment.

Speaker 1 I get to understand that. It's WhatsApp.
You got to have the number. A year ago.
And you can block on WhatsApp.

Speaker 3 Yes, you can block. That's what I don't get.
It's like one fart video. Oh, what a loser.
Second fart video. Okay, I think I'm done.
I'm going to block.

Speaker 3 She waits for five to come in and then goes to the cops.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 3 to me, it's also like, stop wasting cops' resources.

Speaker 3 Cops that have like so much.

Speaker 1 They got less to do over there. The UK is UK.

Speaker 3 But you know, oh, people are molesting kids over in the UK, guys. People are raping.

Speaker 1 People are doing lots of shit over in the UK. Oh, believe me, I've been to the UK twice.
I've saw it. I saw all of you.
I've saw the molesting

Speaker 1 everywhere on the street. Everywhere.

Speaker 1 I saw it with my own two eyes and participated. Yorkshire member.

Speaker 1 Don't do it, Henry. No, he was getting molested.
Oh, see, look,

Speaker 1 you are juicy to the touch. I understand.
I was the receiver, and over there, they thought I looked young. Yeah, and every time you you touch Henry, he goes, Hi, hi, hi.

Speaker 1 Oh, my, are you on me?

Speaker 1 Anomista.

Speaker 3 Would you be upset if you were grabbing somebody's butt and the butt was fake pads in the butt? This is actually,

Speaker 1 this is a real thing. I keep it.
Okay, we're jumping ship here. Well, let's first look.
Yeah, let's first end this one just first, but I'm with you because I don't want to talk about this.

Speaker 3 Listen, I'm anti-bullying, but I just feel like let's pick our battles.

Speaker 3 Let's like not use government resources for shit that could easily be solved by the butt, like the touch of a finger, block the fucking girl and move on with your life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think a fart text is just a funny story to have at the bar. Absolutely.
I think that.

Speaker 3 It sounds like something a 12-year-old would do to a friend.

Speaker 1 All right, let me actually change the scenario just for once and then kind of re like, I don't know why.

Speaker 1 What if ex-girlfriend was blind?

Speaker 1 So she's only hearing the fart?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Is that what? Does she, is it more sensitive? If she's a blind woman, I do think so.
I do think it is.

Speaker 3 I I think it is. Because you wouldn't know if the butt was clothed.
And obviously, the fart would sound different. Yeah, it would.

Speaker 3 And so maybe she would notice the difference because it would sound like it's coming through clothes.

Speaker 1 But I do.

Speaker 1 But also, I think it's more, I think it's upsetting. Just send the audio.
You know, you don't need to taunt her with a video message.

Speaker 1 But then it could be anything.

Speaker 3 I actually think that's even funnier.

Speaker 1 I think that's even funnier.

Speaker 3 Only the audio, just fart sounds.

Speaker 1 I can't catch you.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know if my husband's doing this or the phone. I'm blind.

Speaker 3 And then, you know, it would make sense why she got a year of probation. Yeah, then it would make more sense.

Speaker 1 You're harassing the blind. Stop harassing the blind.

Speaker 3 That's what the barrister, I imagine, would say.

Speaker 1 You're harassing the blind.

Speaker 3 You need to sound like your curls are bigger, thicker.

Speaker 1 Oh, you'll get a bigger thing.

Speaker 3 I think the barrister is the lawyer and the magistrate is the judge.

Speaker 1 I just want to point that out to you, you blokes. You might be right in Caroline.

Speaker 3 I think you're

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 3 I'm talking about barristers and it's confusing me.

Speaker 1 They're all the fucking same name.

Speaker 3 No, they're all wearing powdered wings.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Everyone thinks that the victim is the victim. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Victim is such a way. It's like.

Speaker 1 I don't think, yeah.

Speaker 3 I've just, I have been a victim of way more bullying that nothing has come from. So maybe this is coming from an anger of my past.
Yeah. But I do feel like it's fart videos, dude.

Speaker 3 You got to get over it.

Speaker 1 It is kind of funny. That's a problem.
I will say there is something to be said about not giving your enemy the ammo that they need. to fuck you over.
So I do think that, yes,

Speaker 1 I believe that this lady, if I were to advise fart woman,

Speaker 1 if I was to advise fart woman, what I would say is never put a fart in writing. You go and you fart on that woman in person.

Speaker 1 Rhiannon Evans. Use her fart name.
Her name is Fart Woman.

Speaker 3 But also then it would make more sense because then she's like haunting this person. And she's showing up and farting at her front door into the mail slot.
I'm going to the mail slot is very funny.

Speaker 1 Very funny, but guess what it is?

Speaker 1 That's actually a salt because you can smell it.

Speaker 1 It's harder to prove.

Speaker 3 You have to catch her.

Speaker 1 Got to catch that butt. That's what I'm saying.
It's harder to prove.

Speaker 1 I'm saying, fart woman, think about your freedom and think about: do you want to be living the worst trail of farty breadcrumbs possible?

Speaker 3 Well, it's just like, also, you have to think about in legal stuff like this setting precedent.

Speaker 3 So, are you saying now, like, brothers that hold each other down and spit into each other's mouths, now they're going to get jail time or probation?

Speaker 1 Like, what these are prints, not if they're filmed for only you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 is this because this girl's name is Rihanna? Rihanna, Rihanna, yeah, Rihanna farts like a bird in the night

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Speaker 1 What were you going to say about grabbing an an ass that's not there, Jeff?

Speaker 3 I was talking about asses. I was talking about the girls.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's get to a perfect ass segue.
Get in here.

Speaker 3 Fairy butt mother Kim Kardashian is starting to sell butt-enhancing skims shorts with padding for a bigger behind.

Speaker 3 So I was just immediately up top before we started recording, making a joke about how I would love to do this because I would love to pad out my ass.

Speaker 3 Because I am threatening to someday go get a really, really cheap BBL, but I feel like that's probably not a good idea. Not a good idea.
You need the cement kind?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. And I say, drag it down, baby.

Speaker 3 But how would you feel? Would you feel lied to if you grabbed a butt and then you were hooking up with a person and you find out, and this also goes for chicken cutlets

Speaker 3 in the bra, push-up bra, makeup.

Speaker 1 I mean, everything is a fucking illusion. I will say, as a, you see, Eddie's wrong.

Speaker 1 Has she said anything? Yes.

Speaker 1 He's wrong.

Speaker 1 Who cares?

Speaker 1 You know what it is, is in my mind. How big's the lie?

Speaker 1 So with chicken cutlets and a stuffed bra and a padded bra, most men by a certain age can kind of even tell.

Speaker 1 A chicken cutlet? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Can you?

Speaker 1 You can tell by

Speaker 1 waist, hands, shoulders, face, feet.

Speaker 1 You can look at all the parts of the water. You can break a woman down.
You can break a woman down.

Speaker 1 And you can do the titty math. You could do the titty math on some level and be like, them's pads, right?

Speaker 3 There's pads in those hills.

Speaker 1 But these days, I find the super padded booby is really not a thing anymore. It's more so.
What happens? Every bathing suit's got padding in it.

Speaker 1 But not really, but super padded booby now seems mostly people like a bralet. People like a less padded boobie.
Less padded booby.

Speaker 1 We are getting some boobies back in. hamburger commercials.
Oh, that's great.

Speaker 1 McDonald's?

Speaker 1 This is what you know about boobs, is that they're in hamburger commercials.

Speaker 1 Carls Jr.'s bringing them back. They're bringing movies back.

Speaker 3 I thought you were talking about Uncle O'Grimacy, the green unknown Shamrock uncle of Grimace. Oh right, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 They're bringing him. He does it.
Big ass, trance. Big ass.
Maybe a trance guy.

Speaker 3 Dumper Uncle O'Grimacy.

Speaker 3 Are those the tits you're talking about? Is that what you mean? He's flat.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's St. Patrick's Day next week.
But there's a part of me that, like, if you were to have a padded butt, right, like, again, how big's the pad and what purpose is it?

Speaker 1 Jim Kardashian size, apparently. I guess it's one of those things where

Speaker 3 if you eventually hope it adds two inches of volume.

Speaker 1 That's a lot. But as a lady, are you doing that for a while?

Speaker 3 Wow, look at these pictures. You're right.
That is a, man, they make it juicy.

Speaker 1 But my thing is, are you doing this for other people? Or do you know at some point someone's going to touch you while you're wearing this thing? And do you care? That's more I feel like.

Speaker 3 Don't you think, like, if you're going home and hooking up with a girl and you're like, you're, you're actually, like, about to fuck, do you really care about the after that?

Speaker 1 Of course not, but the moment you come, you do.

Speaker 1 The second it's all said and done, and you sit and you think about it, you're like, I've been deceived.

Speaker 1 If you look down and you see the goalie pads that were on her, and you look over, and she went from the lady that you had met to now she is a Gwyneth Paltrow, tiny little butt, butt.

Speaker 1 Tiny, she's a Megan Markle, no meat lady. Yeah.
Right. And then you're like, whoa, I thought I met my wife last night because I had a dream that my wife had a butt so big

Speaker 1 that I would be.

Speaker 1 But that's the thing where you'd be like, whoa, that was my wife. And then now she doesn't have a butt, but I guess it's one of those things where I guess.
I think it's sweet.

Speaker 1 But what about like makeup? What about makeup? Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 It can totally change the way they look with like contouring. You can like, it doesn't

Speaker 1 change the structure of your head.

Speaker 3 Have you seen some of these fucking TikTok videos?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it makes it. The transformation where you can do your nose like this big, and then they make it it look like this tiny little delicate nose.
It's crazy.

Speaker 3 They do crazy shit with makeup.

Speaker 1 And it's over. Before you're fucking, you're going to be a little bit more.
I think

Speaker 1 if you're out

Speaker 1 and she wants to wear a butt thing that makes her butt look nice while you roll her out, I think that's very nice of her. And I thank her for doing that.

Speaker 1 If she doesn't have the butt later when we're having sex, I don't care because you know what? No one else is there. Everyone else thinks she has the big ass.
The hell. You know,

Speaker 1 it's for everybody.

Speaker 1 It's for everybody else. What about

Speaker 1 my needs?

Speaker 3 Why do you need a big ass?

Speaker 1 Because I'm here because I'm alive.

Speaker 1 Because I have blood in my veins. Yes, Henry.
Because I come from a beach generation of men who's lived. Preach it, Henry.
You know, the man with

Speaker 1 his ass. So any other man with a living man.

Speaker 3 After you fuck, she tells you she's a flat earther and you're like, whatever.

Speaker 1 At least that was you know that wasn't a deception juicy ass i'm pretty much can roll with any philosophy yeah a flat a flat girther you own a pair of these henry i do i got my bike

Speaker 1 have these already yes i bought what butt shorts i had to buy them for when i had my pellet on oh because it was hurting your little booty so badly yeah you gotta get like those little padded shorts oh i had to get rid of the entire bike because what happened was that i bought the padded shorts then i bought the padded seat oh no then i started putting a towel down on top of the seat between still wasn't enough

Speaker 1 for your push-in and then you know also really what it was is that i think that every time i've talked about this on the show but every single time i crossed the living room in my little bike booties and my bike shorts I saw one day of sex leave Natalie.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like I saw each time I saw that. That's one less time we will ever make love.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 You just saw this in me. Because it's just like click, clack, click, clack, click, clack as I walk.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, the little clicketies.

Speaker 1 The stupid bike shoes you have to wear. But someone sent you like butt ones to me.
No, I bought them. Oh, I have the super big butt ones.
Someone sent them to you. Yeah, I have a super big butt one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Look at those EVs.

Speaker 1 You're an 80% attention. I ain't lying to my audience.
You get some attention. My butt is fine the way it is.

Speaker 3 If people just suddenly be like, yo, Henry Zabrowski's got a dumper on him.

Speaker 1 Who knew? I just want to fucking stick my head in them loads.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to be like, sir, I'm a man.

Speaker 1 I'm a human. Who I'm a soul.

Speaker 1 You got an ass?

Speaker 3 That's all they care about.

Speaker 1 I'm a soul in here with a penis and an ass that won't quit.

Speaker 3 Well, it will once you take the shorts off.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I'll tell you what it quits. I'll quit in time for the old button.
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 Because again, I don't mind a lot. I like a lie.
I actually feel like we need more lies. I think lies are actually

Speaker 3 more deception. Yes.

Speaker 1 You know what I'll say about a lie, which is nice about a good lie that's used to save somebody's feelings? Is that you thought of me. Sometimes

Speaker 1 I'd rather you just

Speaker 1 give me the effort of the lie and then that shows you're actually thinking about me. Yeah.
Yeah. You've put yourself in a compromised situation.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because like being truthful is kind of easy.

Speaker 1 All you got to do is say stuff like that. Let's get creative.
Like we're the lies. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the worst when like you know you've gained weight and then you see someone like you look so thin. He's like, you're like

Speaker 1 fatter. because that guy is going blind.

Speaker 1 Then you find out. Send the farm today to him.

Speaker 1 Is there some kind of loose seal in your laundry machine?

Speaker 1 Is that what this is about? But yeah, I guess that's what it is. I guess it's mostly just how sad I'd be.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that it wasn't there.

Speaker 1 If I went into feel the butt afterwards, I'd just kind of be sad. But again, the end, if you're making love, it doesn't really matter.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just hear a BBL is a real rough surgery.

Speaker 3 Also, let's talk about that with the BBL.

Speaker 3 In five years, in 10 years, is that going to be the trend anymore? The big butts were not a big thing 20 years ago.

Speaker 1 They are now.

Speaker 3 What if the pendulum swings and then suddenly you're stuck with this big cement ass?

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure that... People have been loving big asses for all of time, like cavemen and shit.
I think always we're down with a big dumper.

Speaker 1 Well, dumpers come in and dumpers look like you can give birth. Well, tips.

Speaker 3 You know, obviously it is the idea of like the old, like, of like the wider the hips.

Speaker 1 it meant that like the more likely your child would so slide out yeah so you're just naturally attracted to a huge ass i mean truthfully we should be disgusted by an ass because that's where doo-doo comes from you know and so like but the fact that we all want to like lick it and fuck it means something yeah you gotta clean the asset

Speaker 1 you do have to clean you gotta clean that ass spray also has to be fine in all things go up and down everything goes it's all fat skinny everything goes fat

Speaker 1 Pendulum swings and everything, right? Just how it is. It goes from bigger ladies because at first it was the butt, was the thing.
But now we're seeing butt is leaving. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 But it's ever going anywhere. No, but is leaving.

Speaker 3 They started saying fucking low-rise jeans were coming back, and I was like, you low-rise jeans. Shut your mouth.
Also, what about Kendrick wearing the flare jeans?

Speaker 1 Everybody's talking about the flare jeans. No flare jeans are coming back.
The boot cuts. The boot cut.
I do think it was funny because everyone was talking about it.

Speaker 1 I didn't know he got jeans from Torrid. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have no idea.

Speaker 1 If you watch that and you watch it. Those are jeans.

Speaker 1 You've been middle school.

Speaker 3 I wore those.

Speaker 1 No, I actually thought he looked cool. You know what he also did? You know what that motherfucker did that was a super fucking for me as a sneakerhead? He wore retail shoes.
Oh,

Speaker 1 those are shoes you could get on retail.

Speaker 1 Those are the DTs. Those are the, what's his putts? Not the...
Talarium Tremons.

Speaker 3 Yes. Wally's wearing $1.2 million necklace, by the way, but I love retail shoes.

Speaker 1 It's the DS is the new Deion Sanders. He's wearing the Deion Sanders shoes.
Oh, well, he just loves his boy. He's just with

Speaker 1 my friends. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wow, this is crazy. I had no idea you were a sneaker hat.

Speaker 1 I used to be more. Crazy.
I just stopped doing it because Natalie kind of said, which is true, which is listening. You know, the only people who notice this are other large men.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But, you know, we've talked, I don't know if we've talked about this before, but there is something that you do. There's sometimes things that you do for yourself.

Speaker 3 And there are sometimes things that you do do for the gender you're trying to attract and sometimes you're trying to do it that like i talk about like trying to work my arms and trying to get like more muscle my arms and jeff has said to me before he's like i don't know if i've ever looked at your upper arms before ever and i was like i don't do it for you i do it so other women look at my arms and go working out you know yeah oh you're working on those arms yeah you don't wear that frankenhooker shirt to like attract women no

Speaker 1 this is for me yeah it's to start a conversation. But they do it in the street.
Hey, nice shirt. Yeah, exactly.
I wish I could kill a hooker and bring her back to life. Well, you know.
Cool. Cool.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 But I, you know, but you're both inspiring, though.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 For the two of you, first of all, you're surviving. Thriving and surviving and surviving.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Neither one of you is the bitch.

Speaker 1 Why? Because you're scared of us?

Speaker 3 Because we could scrap real easy. I'd take any.
You'd take any. Hey, you fucking with that?

Speaker 1 I'll line down

Speaker 1 Yeah, you will.

Speaker 3 You talk about this on our show that beating a bitch isn't always a bad thing.

Speaker 1 You're right. It's fun to be a bitch with.
What a bitch is in a lot of ways.

Speaker 3 Honestly, doing the show has opened up, and I'm sure you're both so thankful. It has opened me up to being more of a bitch.

Speaker 1 I'm very thankful, to be honest.

Speaker 1 Because I always thought that you were too nice. You know, like when it came to every job you've ever had, you always say yes.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Whenever they fucking make you work longer, you never stand up for yourself like the fucking blue stove.

Speaker 1 No, for fucking fucking fucking fucking full for them to torture your fucking ass and you would just sit there and take it.

Speaker 1 That's what it used to drive me nuts.

Speaker 1 So be the bitch.

Speaker 3 Thank you, Eddie.

Speaker 1 Henry, whatever you're about to say, I'm about to shut it down because I'm being a little bit more of a bitch. You need to be a bitch to your boss more often.

Speaker 1 You got Henry the bitch you want to see in the line.

Speaker 1 Let's just say, I've really noticed the uptick.

Speaker 1 Successful is what he's saying. You mean your sister is extra successful? Has there been something on Who the Bitch that like a fun topic that you would like to get Henry and I's opinion on?

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, we actually, this one's coming out in our episode this next week.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Where this woman called, should I do this one or should I do a different one? Yeah, dude. Yeah.
This woman was like,

Speaker 3 I have a really good friend of years and years. We both have kids like the same age.
She has an older kid as well. Like, so, but they're little kids.
She went out of town.

Speaker 1 The husband was home alone.

Speaker 3 I, my husband said, why don't you call over and see if he needs a break and you can watch the kids for a little bit. And so she texted the husband.
He goes, I'm all good.

Speaker 3 When the girl, when the friend got back into town, she was like, how dare you contact my husband without asking me or going through me?

Speaker 3 That would be like, that would be like Julie telling me that I can't text you.

Speaker 1 Well, that guy has no like, first of all, when Julie and I first got together, before there was any hint of marriage or even being boyfriend and girlfriend, I was like, I know lots of women.

Speaker 1 I'm friends with lots of women. If you can't accept that, then this isn't going to work.
It's not going to work. Right, right.

Speaker 3 And I was like, what year is it? Like, the woman that called didn't really have an accent. I couldn't really place geographically.
I was like, maybe if you're like in the deep south, that's a thing.

Speaker 3 But like, I couldn't understand. Like, I was like, it's 2025.
We're all like in the same time loop right now.

Speaker 1 I will say, as a husband, this is not about being a man, but as a husband, I'd prefer if you just spoke to Natalie because she'll remember. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that when I get asked to do things, and it's it's not that I forget on purpose, it's just I have a smaller brain.

Speaker 3 Yeah, when somebody goes, I sent the invitation to Jared, I go, so you don't want us to come? Yeah,

Speaker 1 what I would do

Speaker 1 is not all husbands,

Speaker 1 but it's a lot of us. And it's just that we struggle with certain aspects of the relational spectrum.
And I think that, yeah, please loop Natalie in.

Speaker 1 Cause then I'll get there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, and then but if I wanted to be like, Henry, I saw this cool poster I thought you'd like. I took a picture of it.
Here it is.

Speaker 3 Like, your wife wouldn't be like, Kara, how dare you just like be talking about random day-to-day shit with my husband?

Speaker 1 I find that to be completely unhinged. Unhinged.
I think, I know, here's the thing. If it's like a chronic thing and it's like borderlining into like emotional cheating,

Speaker 1 you know, like

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 3 and also there are times when it is inappropriate.

Speaker 3 I'm not saying that there is not times when someone hitting up another person's pump or it is not, you know, there are times when it's not appropriate. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But this person even talked to the friend afterwards. Explained everything and here's my husband's idea.
We just wanted to see if we're trying to like be your village here.

Speaker 3 Still, this woman was like, no, I never want to talk to you ever again.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that's crazy. To be honest.
At the same time, that's kind of good to get her out of your life.

Speaker 1 What I have seemed to also maybe know slightly as a husband, that those sometimes, and when you find that you are in a situation where you feel that.

Speaker 3 Are you scared of us right now? It sounds like you're talking like you're scared of us.

Speaker 1 Well, you know,

Speaker 1 we know our wives are going to listen to this particular episode. So when you're saying that it's interesting, there's a certain amount of, but there's a reaction, right?

Speaker 1 That sometimes come from something else. So it seems that maybe this is not the fight.

Speaker 3 That's what I said. I was like, she's obviously deeply distrustful of her husband.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Or she's got some, you know, she has a new baby. Maybe she's got some postpartum stuff going on where she feels, you know, like, first of all, you know, or he's emotionally cheated before.

Speaker 3 The idea for this podcast that we originally started was like, this is Am I the Asshole, but for like normal people, because Am I the Asshole is just filled with so many dudes going, my wife had a baby two weeks ago and she won't fuck me.

Speaker 1 What the hell? Yeah, like, what should I do? Should I leave? So many.

Speaker 3 Am I the asshole for threatening to leave?

Speaker 1 No, she has stitches in her. Yeah, literally.
Like, she's just don't have to depart.

Speaker 1 So did the bride of Frankenstein anyway.

Speaker 3 So to me, it's like, I understand that there's.

Speaker 1 She's barely in the movie. Sorry.
No, it's okay.

Speaker 3 I'm just like, I understand that there's paranoia that women have after they have a baby. Like, oh my God, I'm not attractive anymore.
My body's changed so much. I'm paying more attention to the baby.

Speaker 3 I don't want my husband to stray or whatever. But it's like, she explained everything to you.
Her husband was part of it. Like, it wasn't like, I don't know.

Speaker 3 They weren't trying to threesome your husband. It's just so irrational.

Speaker 1 And also, I'll also tell you, I don't think the help was like, Let's also be frank. If it was coming from the husband,

Speaker 1 he didn't really mean it. No, it was coming from the wife.
But I mean, he didn't want to help. No, the wife.

Speaker 3 But that's why he said to his wife, hey, why don't you hit him up and offer some help?

Speaker 1 Because he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go over there and help with the kids.
He wanted nothing to do with the help. No.

Speaker 1 Don't ask me to come help with your children.

Speaker 1 I will.

Speaker 3 Wait, I need somebody Monday the 24th. Go take care of Karen.

Speaker 1 I would love it.

Speaker 3 Henry, this is a web series.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. oh that's what the world needs back yes

Speaker 1 remember that web series the dinny pipeline yeah it used to be a way people made stuff eddie they gave us 25 000 still trying to make money off of trollville yes

Speaker 1 i was

Speaker 1 i had a season two written puff and it's really good

Speaker 1 god it's great they used to give money to people to make stuff not to have just that guy

Speaker 1 you used your own money to make it and it was a failure and you lost a bunch no that now it's trollville yeah listen Broad City.

Speaker 3 Some of it was.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's a Broad City. What's her name? Issa Ray is now in charge of the other half of the White House.

Speaker 3 Yeah, listen,

Speaker 3 I'm just saying, I don't know if you watching my kids is a full TV show, but it's a web series for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd watch it. Because I could do, because I'd watch movies with them.

Speaker 3 They would love you. They would think you were so funny and fun.

Speaker 1 I can get them to latch.

Speaker 1 They're so far done with Broad City.

Speaker 1 Oh, all right. Well, that was my first mistake.

Speaker 1 Henry. What do you mean they're done? Henry trying to get a six-year-old to launch.

Speaker 1 Nice little taste.

Speaker 1 Philip.

Speaker 1 Philip, it's lunchtime.

Speaker 1 Press his best.

Speaker 1 Try not to smell my facial hair. Oh,

Speaker 1 God. Thank you guys for being here today.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you for having us. Now, for next episode of Who's the Bitch, you guys definitely want calls.
You want as many good, like, what's a good way?

Speaker 1 Let's shoot them the various.

Speaker 3 If you go to whosthebitch.com, you can subscribe to the pod and stuff.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah, we have a fucking URL and everything.

Speaker 3 Who's thebitch.com? That tells you when our next live stream is. You can call in live and talk to us.
You can also watch YouTubes of old live streams.

Speaker 3 You can subscribe on Apple and Spotify or wherever you fucking get a podcast.

Speaker 1 Do we know that?

Speaker 3 And then there's also ways to email us, call us, and DM us. It's all at Who's the Bitch.
Literally from Who's The Bitch.com. You can just click on it and your phone will call us.

Speaker 1 That's fucking awesome. That's amazing.
Yeah, after this bullshit. And then you can listen to the, and you listen to the message.
And then you guys leave voicemails. Yeah.

Speaker 3 424-666-0667. Yeah, that's the LPM.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We love the voicemails. We love live calls, but an email is fine too.
A DM is fine too. If you're going to leave a voicemail, would you have a five-minute limit?

Speaker 1 Some people. I think five minutes long.
Some people are calling. 30 seconds is free.

Speaker 1 Some people are calling out eating multiple. We love details.

Speaker 3 We like the details. We want details for sure.

Speaker 3 But sometimes when it kind of loses the sauce as the voicemails go on, sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just got to

Speaker 3 write out the key points and then call us. But we want to hear, like, and I can't emphasize enough, this does not have to be like, I think I should get a divorce.
My sister and I are feuding.

Speaker 3 It can literally be like the most trivial. I love the trivial who's the birds.

Speaker 1 Those are my favorites. I got three nuggets instead of four, and then I yelled at the person and

Speaker 3 buy the bitch. And what was the one with the Switch?

Speaker 3 We love one that was just like, my friend left her switch at the airport and she asked me to go get it for her and it's my birthday and i don't want to and we were like go for it girl you're right honestly like what do you mean she made you go get it because i think they left the city they left the city of it of that they were in yeah so they had to go she left it at like security at the dfa fucking video game switch and so she actually had to go back to go pick it up and i'm not going to the airporting even like going all the way back to the airport but then on top of it where she was like and it was my birthday i didn't want to and we're were like, fucking mad.

Speaker 1 Don't you want to do it?

Speaker 1 Go tomorrow.

Speaker 3 But we had like a woman.

Speaker 1 Don't you have a man you can call that you can fucking force to do this? And also, the airport gets stuff all the time. They will mail it to you.
It just costs money.

Speaker 3 We had a woman who told people to stop vaping in an NFL game.

Speaker 3 We have all kinds of people that are dealing with little bitchy moments of the day-to-day.

Speaker 1 To me, though,

Speaker 3 we also welcome, you know, friendship breakups and all kinds of deep problems, but any level of depth, honestly, we're fine with.

Speaker 3 to the very shallow, to the deep.

Speaker 1 So has there been any, what have you guys disagreed on?

Speaker 3 You and I?

Speaker 1 So far, you always agree who the bitch is?

Speaker 3 No, we don't always agree. It is kind of fun because I think that we're learning that.
Kara and I are, I'm so like dripping in all of my feelings.

Speaker 3 And it's fun because Kara, even though Kara is a mother of two, can just be like, let's get down to the breast tax.

Speaker 1 All right, let me just get right back to the bottom. The last time Kara cried was 9-11.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's not at the end of 9-11. Snuffy in the bed.

Speaker 1 Not like a hard mother.

Speaker 1 Not like a hard mother. You don't need to cry every day.

Speaker 1 All right. So go to who's thebitch.com for all your bitch-based needs.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And go follow Who's the Bitch wherever podcasts are seen and go on our twitch.tv slash LPNTV every other Monday. Yes.
Because Who's the Bitch is live. They're taking your calls.

Speaker 1 You go there and you do that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 We'll talk to you. Jackie, Kara, bless.

Speaker 3 Bless to you as well. And bless that fat ass of yours.

Speaker 1 Thank you. These two globes are going to go and change the world.
Not globes. Like big, huge, crazy.

Speaker 1 I don't need a big ass. I'm okay as me.
I think, yeah, waffles.

Speaker 1 I'm okay as me.

Speaker 1 I don't need to change.

Speaker 3 I want to see.

Speaker 1 No, it's causing a change.

Speaker 3 I want to see your little tiny butt in those Celine jeans that Kendrick was wearing.

Speaker 1 They just slide all down.

Speaker 3 He would just pants you in them.

Speaker 1 Yes. I mean, I honestly will do anything Kendrick tells me.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I thought his jeans looked cool, and I honestly would have worn those in college for sure.

Speaker 1 They are very, very cool.

Speaker 1 Everything about him is amazing. He did a good job.
And it was the first time I'd heard most of his songs. Yeah.
And I felt that he was very entertaining. Oh, you got to get into the dark.

Speaker 1 You get into Kendrick. What are you doing, man? A lot of his stuff's very sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'll listen to it.
I'll get in there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. He's a fucking poet.

Speaker 1 You should do this. It's amazing.
Listen to the album when Obama was in office. That was kind of like that.

Speaker 3 I knew more stuff from Te Pimpa Butterfly than I knew of the newer album. I've listened to the newer album once.

Speaker 1 I just know that Drake is a, I guess he is a pedophile.

Speaker 1 And otherwise, I don't know.

Speaker 1 What I then did was, but I did go. I mean, I don't know about Kendrick, but I went straight to easy.com and bought one of those new cross shirts that he has.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 One of these crazy queen patterns. I'm one of these new patterns.
And I just thought, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Speaker 3 Isn't it like a meditation?

Speaker 1 It's good luck. It's Japanese.
I look it up and I looked it up and it means good luck. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It feels very European.

Speaker 1 It's super European. I feel.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think it's the new, it's going to be the new Tesla symbol.
Yes. The website's down apparently.
What a shame. Oh, yeah.
What a shame. I know.
I guess we'll have to buy it.

Speaker 1 Must be very popular if the website crashes. Yes.
A lot of traffic.

Speaker 1 Just like in downtown Nuremberg. And Wayne Bridge grouped up these Nazis.
Because that's where Nazis belong in the fucking gallows.

Speaker 1 And we're coming for you. Honestly, if there's any still alive, we are going to look for you.
You were going to come get you.

Speaker 1 And they are the bitch.

Speaker 1 So there you go. If you're 99 and you got away with it, we're going to go to the bottom of the business.
Yeah, let's take a field trip to Buenos Aires. I feel like that's true.

Speaker 1 They tried to do that thing. There was like a lady that was like a 99-year-old, like essentially a receptionist for Dachau, and they finally found her.

Speaker 1 And it was this whole big public, should we punish her or not? I'm like, you fucking choke that bitch with your bare hands. Fuck that 99-year-old Nazi.
Fucking shoot her in the head.

Speaker 1 I want to see her fucking corpse dragged through the street by a taxicab.

Speaker 3 Whoa, Kanye violated the terms of service at Shopify.

Speaker 1 And listen, hey, and Shopify really took a full 48 hours to really think about whether or not that

Speaker 1 sold all the way to the bottom of the business. We just have to run it by legal.
That's it. We just have to really think about is this the right thing to do or not?

Speaker 1 Should we sell Swanson t shirts or not i don't know and they really sat and thought about it and they made a proper decision

Speaker 3 48 hours later so thanks shopify you're there for us well you should also know that on our show for our live streams we have a bitchometer which like it you know is it rates like how bitchy the person that we're calling the bitch is and our number our highest one has been kanye but yesterday's on yesterday's stream he was taken off the bitometer.

Speaker 1 He's been devoted. He's just

Speaker 3 beyond bitchy, I would say. We decided, I I was like, I don't want to look at his fucking face anymore.
Take him off the bitchometer. And he's been replaced by

Speaker 1 the Paul brothers. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. They're upset.

Speaker 1 I thought I was going to hear Ellen DeGeneres. Oh, no.
No. But I feel like she's got more of a complicated thing going on.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, she's overseas now. So

Speaker 1 Diddy elevated. Oh, yes.
Oh, she's fitting. Do you know about this? I know.

Speaker 1 Ellen's connected to Diddy? Yeah, they were like best friends, and she used to go to his parties. She wasn't fun enough to go to the freak off.
Yeah, she was at at least early on.

Speaker 1 She was early round where they were like, Ellen just left, let's start the freak off. Yeah, literally,

Speaker 1 no, that's downer, that downer's out of here. Let's bring in the kids.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 but the you know, the honest thing is, there's lots of footage of Diddy and her on her show talking about how wild his parties are. Of course, because that was what he was known for.
Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 Well, we got it, we gotta get you. We gotta get out of here.
All right, I love you guys. Bye, guys.
Goodbye, who's the bitch?

Speaker 3 Bye, we're the bitch.

Speaker 2 Live from North Way.

Speaker 1 What a conversation. Oh, my God.
And I just live to talk to ladies about subjects, and I love the fact that they know more than we know about the subject sometimes. And then I can laugh.

Speaker 1 And your sister knows anything about the female anatomy. I will laugh about the fact that my sister knows less than me.
And the audience has told me several times.

Speaker 1 They have told me several times how little I know. Yeah, yeah.
And she shocked me with how little little she knew. But she's getting fake breasts, so congratulations.

Speaker 1 Now, how do you plan on paying for those? I'm not fucking, she didn't. She's got to work for that shit.
She is working. No, but she got to go out there and do different work, harder work.

Speaker 1 She wants fake tits. She's going to have to go out there, and I'm going to need her to fucking go and work in a mine or something.

Speaker 1 Fake boobs around $4,875.

Speaker 1 That sounds cheap. I think they should be more expensive.
$5,000 to $10,000. I think if you're going to buy Jackie breasts, you got to spend at least $10,000 on them.
I buy their jack shit.

Speaker 1 I'm just gonna fucking the only

Speaker 1 thing I'm paying for it is to have them lopped off. Oh, so you're paying for the beginning of the first one.

Speaker 1 That's not bad. Yeah, that's great.
Well, Jackie, you hear that? So if you want less breasts, Henry's in. If you want more,

Speaker 1 you have to talk to your other brother Ed. Yeah, but I'll pay.
I'll throw in on some things.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a go tit me for Jackie.

Speaker 1 Go tit her. Go gland me.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You want him with them plugs? Yeah, man. Guess what? I'm coming, baby.
The invasive species, Ed Larson, tours Florida. That's right.
I'm coming to Florida twice this year. I'm very excited.

Speaker 1 First, in March 20th through the 23rd, I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee. I'm so excited for this Tallahassee show.

Speaker 1 It's going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill, which is actually formerly Brothers, where Murder Fist used to perform every week.

Speaker 1 It was the only, it was the only gay bar in Tallahassee, also the only stage that wasn't attached to a school.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we used to perform there every week, and now they've rebuilt it.
And I'm going to be playing, I'm going to be performing there on March 23rd with Danny Bedrosian of P-Funk.

Speaker 1 I'm going to sing a P-Funk song with him, and then he's going to come.

Speaker 1 And then him and Something Fierce, his band, his sideband, 20-year anniversary, because when they played the last they in the in that place with murder fist 20 years ago no April 7th what so this is March 20th that's awesome so they're reuniting for a 20th anniversary show at 926 bar in Tallahassee the shows in Jacksonville and Panama City are going to be amazing the wonderful Evan Rossi is going to be opening for me then and then

Speaker 1 In May, I'm coming back. I'm doing Marco Island slash Naples.
It's in Naples, but we said Marco Island because

Speaker 1 it sounds prettier. But yes, the club is in Naples.
I'm going to be playing Naples on May 6th. Dania Beach and Orlando with Henry.
Side story shows.

Speaker 1 We're cutting our comedy club teeth. Oh, we'll be at a comedy club.
You know, there's going to be a lot of crowd work. Yes.
We've got a lot of material.

Speaker 1 We're going to be talking a lot about what's going on in that state of yours. We're very, very excited to have some brand new.

Speaker 1 We're doing fucking, I don't know what material we're going to do. Yes, well, I'll open the show and then Henry and I'll come out for an hour.
It's going to be a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 That's going to be May 7th in Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale, and May 8th in Orlando, which is Walt Disney World. And then I'm going to do a full weekend in Key West.
I can't wait.

Speaker 1 He's doing a full weekend at Key West. You're going to fly.
That's going to be a good thing. Three shows over three days, May 9th through 11th.
So come check that out. Come party with me in Key West.

Speaker 1 Come party with Henry and I. We're dropping these Florida side story shows for you.
You said come to the South. We're coming to the South.
Tickets are available at eddytunes.com.

Speaker 1 So you go out there, you go check it out, go to live podcast on the left dupe.com to get all of the live show tickets that we have coming up.

Speaker 1 And then you go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV to see us live on Twitch when we are there. And then we put the videos over on the YouTube.

Speaker 1 You go and check that out and go to crime wave at sea.com slash left to go and see also the high seas. And I mean this back in Florida.

Speaker 1 I saw some people say that the prices, they saw the prices, they came up. Some of the prices are expensive.
It's true. It's a four-day vacation.

Speaker 1 But the truth is, is that it's an actual, legit Royal Caribbean cruise. So you are, yes, it is.
I deny it is expensive, but it's at least it's a very good cruise.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so it includes your room and all kinds of mood and all that kind of stuff. So I would say if you are in the market for a fun ass vacation, too, it wouldn't hurt.
Like,

Speaker 1 in terms of that's that's why we're doing it. It's gonna be like, I just saw someone even saying, like, we are not remotely, we, we are so fucking excited to do this show.
It's so stupid.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited because I think we need

Speaker 1 a return to stupid.

Speaker 1 I think as a society, we need to cut the bullshit, fun stupid, get dumb again. Yes, yes,

Speaker 1 very fun, like farting on WhatsApp. Sometimes you got to.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you got to. Well, hail, sweet Satan, everyone.
All right. Bye, everybody.
Hail, Florida. Sometimes.

Speaker 1 Occasionally. But today, yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Tallahassee. What's going on? Ed Larson here from Last Podcast on the Left to let you know I'm coming to you.
That's right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd doing some stand-up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian. You know, the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic.

Speaker 1 What? He's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee? Yes, it's happening.

Speaker 1 So come on out, March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida, to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 bar. You might just get a public sub.

Speaker 3 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 1 I'm Gabe Leidman.

Speaker 4 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years.
And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 3 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 4 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 3 Can I drink the water at the hospital? My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop. You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 1 I need you girls.

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