BurgerCon Live!!

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Quince.

Speaker 1 Now, if you live in a certain part of the United States right now, your nights may be starting to cool off. They are not here in Los Angeles, and they won't for some time.

Speaker 1 But if you're in that position, you may be thinking about making your bedroom a little more cozy, and switching to Quince Betting might be the best move you make this season.

Speaker 1 Quince's bedding delivers high-end materials at half the price of similar brands by partnering directly with top factories using safe, ethical practices that cut out the middlemen so you get the best without the markup.

Speaker 1 We're still using our quince sheets right now and it's really transformed my sleep quality and the craftsmanship.

Speaker 1 I did not realize there could be craftsmanship in a sheet, but as it turns out, there is. There's a whole world of sheets out there I didn't understand, guys.

Speaker 1 Level up your betting this fall with Quince. Go to quince.com/slash burger for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.
That's quince.com slash burger. Free shipping and 365 day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com slash burger.

Speaker 1 Today's episode is brought to you by Mood.

Speaker 1 Here's Tom to tell you about it.

Speaker 2 Did you know there's an online cannabis company that ships federally legal THC right to your door?

Speaker 2 And they've found a way to combine THC with carefully selected functional ingredients to target nearly every mood and health concern you can think of.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about mood.com's incredible line of functional gummies, and you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code Burger.

Speaker 2 Forget one-size-fits-all supplements that only get you high. Mood's functional gummies are optimized to kick in in as little as 15 minutes and take you to the mood you're looking for.

Speaker 2 Whether that's mind magic gummies for deep work and creativity, PMS support to ease cramps and balance mood swings, or their sexual euphoria gummies to help you feel ready for action and turn every touch into a full body experience.

Speaker 2 Listen, you can find gummies to just get you high pretty much anywhere these days.

Speaker 2 But moods functional gummies combine premium, federally legal THC with targeted botanicals to help you get into the perfect mood. usually in as little as 15 minutes.

Speaker 2 And everything ships discreetly right to your door. No dispensary lines, no awkward conversations, just better days and nights delivered to your doorstep.

Speaker 2 Best of all, not only is every mood product backed by a hundred-day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code BURGER.

Speaker 2 So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let mood help you discover your perfect mood.

Speaker 2 And don't forget to use the promo code Burger when you check out to save 20% on your first order.

Speaker 1 She'll figure it out. Testing 123, can you hear me?

Speaker 1 Does she broke?

Speaker 6 Yeah. I bet she can.
Yeah, that's not enough.

Speaker 1 It's Friday night in Chicago, and you're listening to Midnight Burger.

Speaker 1 It's like Tom.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 If you're straggling in the back, there are two seats down here in front if you'd like to grab those. Anyone?

Speaker 3 Three seats.

Speaker 8 Two.

Speaker 9 Nailed it.

Speaker 1 Please now running by the pool.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 1 We all getting situated?

Speaker 12 Wonderful.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the first ever Midnight Burger Live Show, everybody.

Speaker 14 We don't know what we're doing.

Speaker 1 Twas always thus, right?

Speaker 17 Great.

Speaker 1 Thank you all for being here, seriously.

Speaker 1 For most podcasts, the live show is a money-making endeavor.

Speaker 1 Oops.

Speaker 1 Going back to the we don't know what we're doing for.

Speaker 19 For us, for us,

Speaker 1 we just felt like having a party with our friends.

Speaker 1 Speaking of our friends, we've got a lot of friends here tonight. As you came in, of course, you saw Tess, who plays Fiona on the show.

Speaker 1 Tina Case is here, who plays Deidre.

Speaker 8 Welcome to the Bird.

Speaker 1 The amazing Lauren Grace Thompson is here, who plays Burt Burt the Younger on the show.

Speaker 1 Jess Mudd is here, as you know, of Edgy Steve.

Speaker 1 And of course, the dangerous Kat Blackard is here.

Speaker 1 Midnight Burger is something that we are very proud of, but

Speaker 1 it's only as good as the people who gather around it.

Speaker 13 So truly,

Speaker 1 to all of you, Thank you for gathering around us.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I want to move on to the most important thing,

Speaker 1 which is free shit.

Speaker 20 Now,

Speaker 1 there are some,

Speaker 1 you may have seen them on the Patreon, the tiny diner, created by the amazing Kiki from our Discord.

Speaker 1 We have tonight four of them to give away.

Speaker 1 We will be stopping the show intermittently to give away a diner.

Speaker 11 Okay?

Speaker 1 Tess will reach into the ticket thingy there.

Speaker 1 If your number is called, please step to the mic. You must answer one midnight burger trivia question correctly.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 1 Listen, you can get help from the audience. It's fine.
It's not Jeopardy.

Speaker 23 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 Also, this evening, both Jess and Kat have been given coins, some magical coins

Speaker 1 that they will be handing out for acts of virtue.

Speaker 1 Virtue, I've allowed to be defined by them.

Speaker 1 We cannot be held responsible for that. One of them just fell on the floor.

Speaker 1 So there's some free stuff involved in the experience tonight. In fact, what we're going to do right now is give away, before the show even starts, we're going to give away our first tiny diner.

Speaker 1 Can you start up the giving away a tiny diner music, please?

Speaker 6 All right, Tess is stepping up to the mic.

Speaker 1 She's going to tell us a number. Everybody look at your tickets, please.

Speaker 25 Hello.

Speaker 25 I'm in my Effie trinket era.

Speaker 17 Okay,

Speaker 26 if your number is

Speaker 27 3,060,

Speaker 28 you get a tiny diner.

Speaker 27 60-3000-60.

Speaker 8 Amazing!

Speaker 1 Very exciting.

Speaker 29 You get a tiny diner if you get the trivia questionnaire right.

Speaker 8 Please take that.

Speaker 1 You must answer the question.

Speaker 15 You got this. You got this.

Speaker 23 You got this. You got this.

Speaker 1 Hi, how are you? What's your name?

Speaker 8 Rita.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the show.

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 31 You're doing a great job.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 14 Your question is:

Speaker 32 what was Lafe's hacker alias?

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 27 we just listened to this.

Speaker 8 the right ten problem.

Speaker 10 Death.

Speaker 8 Kid.

Speaker 17 Death and kid is correct.

Speaker 17 Tiny diner.

Speaker 17 Tiny diner.

Speaker 1 The first tiny diner is away.

Speaker 1 All right, it's going to be a little chaotic tonight. Okay, there's a lot of you who have been given some lines.
You're going to be the heart of the show.

Speaker 1 Okay, if you are people who have been given signs, keep your eye on Tess. Tess is the actor wrangler this evening.
She will be guiding you towards the mic when it is your time.

Speaker 22 All right?

Speaker 1 It's going to be great.

Speaker 20 So,

Speaker 18 without further ado, Midnight Burger Live.

Speaker 17 Hello there,

Speaker 19 hello there, Chicago.

Speaker 1 My name is Casper,

Speaker 1 and you are listening to

Speaker 1 shit

Speaker 1 you are listening to

Speaker 1 WBEZ Chicago.

Speaker 17 Chicago Public Radio!

Speaker 15 How's everyone doing out there?

Speaker 15 So

Speaker 1 you may be thinking to yourself, who's this guy?

Speaker 1 Why am I not hearing the usual Yale graduate who greets you on this public radio station?

Speaker 15 Everything's fine, first of all, we want to stress that.

Speaker 13 The second thing is,

Speaker 1 we are here at the station experiencing a small technical glitch that we have yet to identify. Now,

Speaker 1 you may have heard the several minutes of noisy static that came before me, and we've gotten that to stop, so that's good.

Speaker 17 And then there was a bit of a debate as to, you know,

Speaker 17 hey,

Speaker 15 should we just have dead air out there?

Speaker 15 Or should we maybe

Speaker 17 do things?

Speaker 17 So

Speaker 15 we are doing things.

Speaker 1 Obviously, we have a few more things to figure out here at the station.

Speaker 12 Things like, how does a radio station work?

Speaker 1 Things like that.

Speaker 34 But honestly, how hard could it be?

Speaker 34 So,

Speaker 17 to those of you who are a little worried right now,

Speaker 1 we want to stress that everything is fine

Speaker 1 and that the entire staff of WBEZ Chicago has not suddenly disappeared,

Speaker 1 leaving behind puddles of goo.

Speaker 17 Okay,

Speaker 15 that is not what's happening

Speaker 17 at all.

Speaker 1 So don't worry about something that weird happening.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 hey, it's a pledge drive this week.

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 1 call in with your donation to public radio.

Speaker 16 That's it's very important.

Speaker 20 We've got Gloria.

Speaker 1 on the phone lines. Gloria, how are we doing on donations?

Speaker 36 I have no idea what I'm doing.

Speaker 15 Fantastic.

Speaker 1 There is a number to call to make a donation today to WBEZ Chicago. We do not know what that number is.

Speaker 38 So we'll work on that.

Speaker 10 Now, we realize that

Speaker 1 one second, please, all of Chicago.

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 40 I'm getting the strong suspicion that this is your first time on the radio, Casper.

Speaker 1 You found me out, Miss Marvel.

Speaker 36 Miss who?

Speaker 17 Casper, what we mean to say is, though this is all a bit haphazard, no harm in putting on a bit of a show.

Speaker 44 Yes, Casper, I admire y'all's desire to keep the show moving, but what's essential to the show going on is

Speaker 45 the show part of things, Casper.

Speaker 32 We are a bit out of sorts in most places, Casper, but, well, it's a radio station, and here we are, microphone in front of us.

Speaker 15 Sauce, Casper.

Speaker 47 It has to be put on.

Speaker 8 Fine.

Speaker 20 Sure, sure.

Speaker 17 Okay, whatever.

Speaker 14 Hey there, Chicago.

Speaker 1 And now,

Speaker 1 for your listening enjoyment, Effie and Zebulon Mucklewain's hour of power.

Speaker 35 Good day to all who can hear my voice. I'm Zebulon Mucklewain here with my wife, Effie.

Speaker 22 Hi, y'all.

Speaker 49 Effie, do my eyes deceive me or have we found ourselves once again in Chicago?

Speaker 50 Your eyes are working just fine dear.

Speaker 52 We are once again in the city of the big shoulders, the jewel of the Middle West.

Speaker 53 We hope that our voices find you safe and sound and if not we aim to leave you more safer and sounder than we found you.

Speaker 11 You know, Effie, every time we return to this metropolis on Lake Michigan, I can't help but recall one adventure in particular we had in Chicago.

Speaker 26 I know the one you mean dear.

Speaker 23 Strangely enough, it was not the time when everything was on fire.

Speaker 15 Nor was it the time when all that mess occurred on that bridge.

Speaker 23 We're going to tell you about the time that our friend Flafe made the Chicago River itself change direction.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 28 It may not be the usual programming, but it's better than dead air.

Speaker 1 Why are we doing this again? Shouldn't we find out what turned the entire WBEZ staff into a slushie?

Speaker 37 Leif and Ava have no idea what happened, and since we can't do that, we're doing this instead.

Speaker 1 We're just gonna take over an entire radio station for a day.

Speaker 41 Unless you've got a better idea?

Speaker 23 Leif, Ava, you guys ready?

Speaker 31 I guess. So ready.

Speaker 37 Leif, I'd love it if you could change your attitude about our little plan.

Speaker 4 I could be at Guaranteed Rate Field watching the White Sox play the Orioles right now.

Speaker 37 Yes, or you could be doing your job.

Speaker 31 Wait, Guaranteed Rate Field?

Speaker 4 It's a mortgage company.

Speaker 31 Are we back on the advertising planet?

Speaker 1 They just let a baseball stadium be called Guaranteed Rate Field?

Speaker 9 I'm not in the mood for commentary on late-stage capitalism.

Speaker 5 I just want to watch some baseball.

Speaker 1 Why not change the name of the game itself? You're not watching baseball. You're watching Doritos.

Speaker 8 Everybody,

Speaker 31 please remember my sensitivity to sports references.

Speaker 59 Look, I've made my peace with it. It's fine.

Speaker 58 Let's go.

Speaker 19 Yeah, you sound fine.

Speaker 31 I've got a microphone in front of me, and I'm excited about it. Gloria, what are we doing? Please say a long and drawn-out analysis of an unsolved murder.

Speaker 37 I thought we could do Science Friday.

Speaker 37 The two of you just talking about science news.

Speaker 34 Fine.

Speaker 31 I guess science is okay.

Speaker 37 Casper will be in the producer's booth. He'll give you the topics.

Speaker 1 I don't know how any of this works in here, so it should go fine.

Speaker 3 Leif.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 37 Do you know what I'm about to say to you?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 37 We're going to be talking about Earth and science, and I need you to not go to the mad place, okay?

Speaker 9 Nothing puts me in a good mood like the scientific advancements of the Earth.

Speaker 31 I propose we make Leaf real mad because mad Leaf equals ratings gold.

Speaker 12 I'm not watching a baseball game right now, so I'm already mad.

Speaker 27 See?

Speaker 27 We're almost there.

Speaker 28 Guys, we're doing damage control here.

Speaker 37 An entire radio station's worth of people has suddenly gone poof. So I really want to hold off on the antisocial behavior from the both of you.
Let's try and make this as smooth as possible.

Speaker 31 Um, excuse me? Anti-social?

Speaker 41 Yeah, Ava.

Speaker 37 If you haven't caught on yet, constantly reminding everyone that you're smarter than they are is anti-social behavior.

Speaker 31 Not if it's true.

Speaker 58 Even if it's true.

Speaker 31 Who died and made you Mary Ainsworth?

Speaker 1 Mary Ainsworth died in 1999, so maybe her.

Speaker 31 It's not your time to speak right now.

Speaker 28 To return to my point, be nice.

Speaker 37 Don't get mad.

Speaker 37 There may be kids listening.

Speaker 31 Kids. Think about the kids listening.
Let's think about the kids, Lee.

Speaker 9 Hey, kids, get a science degree and condemn your life to administrative rollbacks.

Speaker 31 Hey, kids, get a science degree only to get sucked into one of three fields: weapons, oil exploration, or app development.

Speaker 58 Guys.

Speaker 4 Where is my award for having to do things like this?

Speaker 37 Where is my award for having to deal with either one of you?

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 Okay, we'll stop.

Speaker 28 Come on, it'll be fine.

Speaker 31 It'll be like sitting in on a first grade class.

Speaker 62 Here we go.

Speaker 1 And just like that, we're giving away another tiny diner. Here we are, folks.

Speaker 8 Tess stepping in.

Speaker 1 Stepping up to the mic.

Speaker 4 What have we got, Tess?

Speaker 26 We've got

Speaker 27 3-0-0-0-1-6.

Speaker 7 Yay!

Speaker 8 Step on up to the microphone. Becky!

Speaker 1 Your name, please.

Speaker 15 Becky.

Speaker 1 Hello, Becky. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 Becky, you're one step away from a tiny diner, but I have one question for you.

Speaker 1 Who did Bert Burt go to Earth disguised as? Julia Roberts.

Speaker 8 That is correct.

Speaker 8 Congratulations, Lafayette. You can have fascinating.

Speaker 8 They did it.

Speaker 1 Amazing.

Speaker 16 And back to it.

Speaker 55 And to this day, Laife gets real mad.

Speaker 44 The people think it was all because of some fellow named William Boldenwick.

Speaker 49 An entire river changing course.

Speaker 17 How about that?

Speaker 13 It stirs the soul to behold the things we can achieve together.

Speaker 40 On that note, y'all, how about we move along this little baton to the world of our achievements?

Speaker 14 Casper, what awaits us in this modern world of ours?

Speaker 1 Hello, everyone, and welcome to Science Friday.

Speaker 1 I'm here with Dr. Ava Maddox.

Speaker 14 Don't put my name out there.

Speaker 20 Well, what the hell do you want me to do?

Speaker 9 I'm Jay Harlow, three-time Mungo Rodeo champion.

Speaker 15 Seriously?

Speaker 17 You heard me.

Speaker 31 I didn't know we could do fake names.

Speaker 31 Ooh, can I be Oopsnart the probability demolition expert?

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 4 No, what does that even mean?

Speaker 38 Never mind.

Speaker 19 Anyway, Jay Harlow, three-time Mungo Rodeo Champion,

Speaker 1 we've got all kinds of science news to talk about today. Are you ready? I can't wait.
It's called Nealia Tianganesis, and it's a brand new space bacteria.

Speaker 1 China has started to find the infectious bacteria on the outside of its space station.

Speaker 10 Uh-huh.

Speaker 4 Rod-shaped?

Speaker 58 Makes little spores?

Speaker 17 Uh,

Speaker 2 uh, yes?

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's not a bacteria.

Speaker 31 What is it?

Speaker 9 Let's just say you don't want to meet its parents.

Speaker 10 Great.

Speaker 58 Science news.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 17 We've just discovered that Saturn has over 200 moons.

Speaker 59 Yeah, wait until they find out that three of those are fake and one of them is a mall.

Speaker 8 Okay, can we...

Speaker 33 Can we be serious here?

Speaker 9 I'm being serious.

Speaker 31 What's the food court like?

Speaker 22 Could be better, honestly.

Speaker 19 Okay, trying Ava now.

Speaker 16 Dr.

Speaker 1 Maddox, physicists have built what they're calling a black hole bomb.

Speaker 22 That sounds terrifying. Sounds amazing.

Speaker 31 This is the thing they're doing with super radiance, right?

Speaker 1 Uh, I do see that word here.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 31 That's neither a black hole nor a bomb.

Speaker 17 But they're calling it a black hole bomb.

Speaker 31 They also call fruit loops part of a balanced breakfast.

Speaker 10 Fruit loops also sound amazing.

Speaker 31 A rotating, axially symmetrical body that absorbs electromagnetic radiation, like a metal ball or whatever, can exhibit super radiance under the right circumstances.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 58 And then you surround it with reflectors.

Speaker 56 Right.

Speaker 31 So the energy is sent back into the rotating body and it compounds the energy on itself.

Speaker 12 That's some pretty amazing output.

Speaker 10 And then you add a focal chamber and then boom, right?

Speaker 56 Huge gun.

Speaker 38 Why aren't you talking about a gun now?

Speaker 31 You'd definitely destroy your target, but you'd also destroy yourself and the fabric of space-time.

Speaker 14 I'm listening.

Speaker 34 Hey, remember the kids?

Speaker 33 Science is needed, not for making guns.

Speaker 5 That's true.

Speaker 51 Kids, guns are bad.

Speaker 7 Let's take some cards.

Speaker 37 Okay, Leif and Avon, the air is not the most responsible thing in the world, but it's not dead air.

Speaker 43 That is true.

Speaker 41 I can't say they're made for the the airwaves, but they ain't dull.

Speaker 63 Certainly more adept than our first time out, dear.

Speaker 17 Oh my lord, that is true.

Speaker 3 What a memory.

Speaker 37 You guys seem to be enjoying yourselves.

Speaker 56 I will admit, it's nice to get back to our roots, Gloria.

Speaker 48 We had very little know-how, and a radio tower in our field made of scrapwood.

Speaker 37 So it was legal to just make a radio station back then?

Speaker 19 Well,

Speaker 15 no.

Speaker 51 It most certainly was not, Gloria.

Speaker 44 But the law enforcement was a little bit lazy back then, and since we were the only ones with enough crazy in us to make ourselves a radio station,

Speaker 13 we added a little windmill to the top of the tower so as to throw off the casual observer.

Speaker 39 The airwaves were a bit wild in those days. You never knew how far your signal was going to fly.

Speaker 40 Though I did hear tell that one time they caught our signal all the way up here in Chicago.

Speaker 21 Glad to see that there are still places like this keeping the old dream of ours alive.

Speaker 18 Though we are concerned for what may have happened to all of them.

Speaker 39 Keeping the lights on around here is certainly a good deed, Gloria, but shouldn't we be setting ourselves to the task of unraveling the mystery of their disappearance?

Speaker 23 We are.

Speaker 37 Trust me. We may not know what happened to the staff around here, but I know if we can keep Leif and Ava talking long enough, they'll eventually stumble ass backwards into a solution.

Speaker 66 That's just how they work.

Speaker 15 I see.

Speaker 13 Very shrewd, Gloria.

Speaker 37 That being said, be ready to jump on the air at a moment's notice. This could all go bad anytime.

Speaker 22 We're here with bails on, Gloria.

Speaker 1 And just like that, we're going to give away another tiny diner here.

Speaker 8 Let's go.

Speaker 6 What's the number test?

Speaker 27 The third recipient is 300021.

Speaker 1 Your name, please?

Speaker 12 Joey.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 This is a tough one. Are you ready?

Speaker 1 You can do it.

Speaker 4 What does David name the gun given to him by Tita?

Speaker 17 Is it Rihanna? Oh my god!

Speaker 1 You did it. Amazing.
Please take good care of it. We think about them all the time.

Speaker 8 All right.

Speaker 18 And back to the show.

Speaker 67 DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse is the one-stop shop for all your footwear needs.

Speaker 67 With sneakers, boots, and everything in between for every style, mood, and occasion, you'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget.

Speaker 67 DSW has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted. You never know what you'll find at DSW.

Speaker 67 Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSWstores or dsw.com.

Speaker 1 Midnight Burger is brought to you today by Shaker and Spoon, where you can get $20 off of any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com slash Midnight Burger.

Speaker 1 Cast members and avid cocktail makers Neil and Julie gave Shaker and Spoon a try.

Speaker 68 It's a cute little box and you open it up and it's filled with a whole bunch of recyclable packaging material and cute little bottles and fun instructions and really cute written postcards with recipes.

Speaker 1 Each monthly box arrives with three original recipes created by world-class bartenders as well as enough ingredients for 12 cocktails, four from each recipe.

Speaker 69 I mean, I've got a pretty solid bar by most like home bar standards, but I don't like get things that they sent.

Speaker 69 Like I don't go out and buy black pepper walnut bitters and like cardamom bitters, and they had a bunch of spice syrups mixed up and stuff.

Speaker 1 Each box revolves around one type of liquor. So just add one bottle of liquor.

Speaker 68 and you're ready to go. It's all very clear because everything's labeled and each cocktail has its own ingredient card or instructions card.
So

Speaker 68 each one has its own recipe and like backstory and everything on a card. So yeah, it's all easy to figure out.

Speaker 1 They'll have everything you need

Speaker 1 except for the egg.

Speaker 69 There are even two enormous lemons in there. There's actually food in there.
Lemons, fresh citrus. So the only thing we needed was booze and for one of the cocktails we needed an egg.

Speaker 69 They didn't send an egg, which I think is prudent.

Speaker 1 Good idea. You can learn new techniques while creating excellent craft cocktails.

Speaker 69 They have sourced these cocktails from people in the business.

Speaker 69 And like I'm checking the CVs on some of the people that they dropped and they're like legit heavy hitters working at serious cocktail bars.

Speaker 1 It's also a great gift idea. Literally all you need to know about your gifty is their email address.

Speaker 68 I think it would be good for really smart, cool, and beautiful people.

Speaker 69 Oh, like our listeners. Yes.
And one of the cool things here is that there's enough to make there's enough to make three different cocktails and to make four of each.

Speaker 69 So you could make it like a little social thing, right? Like have you people over? Hey, I got my new shaker and spoon box. Let's uh come over Friday night.
Let's see what these are.

Speaker 1 Going out to the bar has become a little more complicated these days. So throw an epic cocktail party at home and save $20 off any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com/slash midnight burger.

Speaker 17 Okay,

Speaker 16 let's take another question.

Speaker 1 Caller, what's your question for our scientists?

Speaker 60 Hey guys, love the new format. I heard NASA found water on Mars again.
Does this actually mean we're closer to finding life there?

Speaker 31 What do you think, Jay Harlow, three-time mungo rodeo champion?

Speaker 31 Will we finally get confirmation of life outside our planet?

Speaker 3 Look,

Speaker 24 I say aim higher, okay?

Speaker 46 I hate Mars.

Speaker 15 Mars is over.

Speaker 12 Maybe it was nice a few billion years ago, but now it's a cat box.

Speaker 58 In my neighborhood, we call Mars a DD, developmental designate.

Speaker 9 It'll be a better methane farm than a nice place to live.

Speaker 3 Hey, but don't worry.

Speaker 9 I'm sure one day we will finally get confirmation that we are not alone in the universe.

Speaker 31 Let me ask, on behalf of the listeners, when we finally get that confirmation of alien life,

Speaker 31 will it be in your pants?

Speaker 22 Don't start.

Speaker 31 Close encounters of the 69th kind.

Speaker 8 All right, everybody.

Speaker 17 Taking another call.

Speaker 1 Caller, what's your question for our scientists?

Speaker 66 Hey guys, long time, first time. Is time travel actually possible according to Einstein's theories?

Speaker 31 Kids, listen.

Speaker 31 I realize that everyone wants to build a time machine so they can go back and sleep with all the right people this time.

Speaker 31 But I need you to live in the now, okay?

Speaker 31 The only reason you're calling them the good old days is because you're not remembering them correctly. Next question.

Speaker 1 You're not going to expand on that at all?

Speaker 56 Next question.

Speaker 15 Caller, what is your question?

Speaker 54 Hey there.

Speaker 24 I spend way too much time worrying about my passwords.

Speaker 72 They're really complex, but I still don't feel better.

Speaker 36 In the future, are we really going to have quantum computers that can break all our passwords?

Speaker 17 Caller,

Speaker 59 you don't need to wait for a quantum computer.

Speaker 9 I can tell you right now that all of your passwords are garbage, and I can crack all of them within 10 seconds while simultaneously playing Cave Story.

Speaker 58 Infosec on Earth is like a thundershirt for your dog.

Speaker 9 You feel better about it, but there's still a typhoon outside, okay?

Speaker 9 Next color!

Speaker 3 We're on fire now.

Speaker 15 Hey, guys.

Speaker 4 I had a question about the principle of fecundity.

Speaker 3 Boo!

Speaker 8 Next caller!

Speaker 17 Hey, Bob!

Speaker 20 Can we get one of those toilet flushing sounds? No!

Speaker 10 You can't!

Speaker 34 Next caller, Casper! We're crushing it!

Speaker 54 Fine!

Speaker 1 Uh, caller, they're not going to answer your question, but why don't you go ahead and ask it anyway?

Speaker 66 Hey guys, um, I'm in kind of a jam. My repeller bike just crapped down on me in the middle of nowhere.
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 43 Can you help me out?

Speaker 12 I'm sorry.

Speaker 12 Can you say that again?

Speaker 66 Yeah, my repeller. I was outside the city and I lost all of my hover power.
I don't know what happened.

Speaker 10 You're

Speaker 5 on a repeller bike.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 58 Where exactly?

Speaker 66 I'm just outside of Bumble Fay.

Speaker 10 Bumble Fay.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Bumble Fay

Speaker 3 on

Speaker 12 Esox Lucius.

Speaker 22 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 4 Esox Lucius is in Andromeda.

Speaker 3 Uh, yeah,

Speaker 23 I know that.

Speaker 18 Leif, what's going on?

Speaker 22 We appear to be getting a call from another galaxy.

Speaker 10 Okay?

Speaker 1 That's weird?

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 66 Look, can you help me or not?

Speaker 3 What do I do?

Speaker 31 I guess help them with their bike.

Speaker 8 Uh,

Speaker 17 caller,

Speaker 12 you realize radio waves travel at the speed of light, right?

Speaker 66 Um, no, but I don't really care about that right now.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 10 Uh uh

Speaker 59 have you checked the carbon packs? Is there any buildup on the trans connector?

Speaker 19 Uh, hang on.

Speaker 37 Leif, what's going on?

Speaker 59 Someone in Andromeda is hearing the show in real time.

Speaker 37 That's weird.

Speaker 31 It would take a radio signal two and a half million years to get to Andromeda.

Speaker 37 Definitely weird.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 37 Hey, hey, that worked.

Speaker 29 Thanks for the help, man.

Speaker 5 Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on.

Speaker 15 They hung up.

Speaker 14 What the hell was that?

Speaker 23 You see, Gloria, it's like we were saying.

Speaker 52 When the weather's right, you never know how far your voice will travel.

Speaker 46 The important thing is that we help.

Speaker 52 True, dear.

Speaker 54 That poor soul was stuck in the mud.

Speaker 1 There may be some things that are a little more important.

Speaker 31 Casper, put another call through.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 1 Uh, caller, you're on the air.

Speaker 70 Hey, guys, thanks for taking my call. I'm on Christopher Kai right now.

Speaker 73 Do you guys know a good place to get donuts?

Speaker 34 Donuts.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 59 On Christopher Kai.

Speaker 15 Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 Uh,

Speaker 59 the Kiwi Duckling?

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, I forgot about them.

Speaker 3 Thanks, guys.

Speaker 31 And Christopher Kai is.

Speaker 22 It's in Triangulum.

Speaker 1 Are we broadcasting a radio show to the entire triad right now?

Speaker 4 That's impossible.

Speaker 46 Seems to me that's what we always say right before the thing we say can't happen happens.

Speaker 15 What?

Speaker 31 Casbird, take another call.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hey, Caller, you're on with,

Speaker 17 you know, all of us.

Speaker 15 Oh!

Speaker 3 Hi!

Speaker 8 Berts? Bird, Birthday! Birthday!

Speaker 40 Lafe, what the fuck is going on right now?

Speaker 9 What do you mean? Well, what do I mean?

Speaker 29 The entire triad is apparently getting a little radio show from Earth right now.

Speaker 58 The triad is always getting radio shows from Earth.

Speaker 29 The entire triad all at the same time?

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 17 Uh,

Speaker 10 yeah, we're noticing that now.

Speaker 29 Oh, well, thanks for noticing. What the hell is going on?

Speaker 34 We're working on it.

Speaker 71 Oh, work faster!

Speaker 12 Just so we're clear, is this a universe where you hate me or a universe where you're kind of okay with me now?

Speaker 29 The second one doesn't exist.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 8 Okay, I look.

Speaker 9 I'm sorry, it's annoying, but we'll figure it out, okay?

Speaker 29 Lafe, I'm not calling you because it's annoying.

Speaker 29 I'm calling you because in case you haven't figured this out either, you are currently sitting on Earth, broadcasting your location to the entire triad.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 56 Oh, Laith.

Speaker 10 That's not great.

Speaker 29 So where do you think every one of your enemies is heading right now?

Speaker 5 Here, I guess.

Speaker 10 You think?

Speaker 65 We need to get out of here.

Speaker 29 Yeah, time to pack your little bag of gadgets, Camper.

Speaker 34 Okay, well, uh,

Speaker 3 thanks for the call. Uh-huh.

Speaker 8 Uh, uh,

Speaker 3 how are you doing?

Speaker 7 Oh, fuck off.

Speaker 22 Bye, Bert Bert.

Speaker 31 She sounds like she's doing great.

Speaker 37 I love that she checks in.

Speaker 8 Guys,

Speaker 21 this is bad.

Speaker 12 We need to get out of here.

Speaker 37 We can't get out of here. We haven't figured out the problem yet.

Speaker 9 Can we just chalk this up as a loss so we can get out of here with our lives?

Speaker 37 This radio signal acting weird is our first league today. We have to keep going until we know what's going on.

Speaker 2 I don't know that we have to.

Speaker 31 Well, according to Bert Bert, the only one in danger is you, so I'm fine.

Speaker 31 Casper, take another call.

Speaker 20 Hey there, Chicago.

Speaker 1 So I'm sure what you've been listening to for the past several minutes sounds like some sort of fun audio performance art, but you know, that's the importance of public radio, folks.

Speaker 1 It brings you programming that isn't subject to trends and market pressures.

Speaker 1 What other radio station can say that?

Speaker 1 With that, we are now going to continue to take calls from outer space now.

Speaker 1 Caller, what can we do for you today?

Speaker 36 Life?

Speaker 3 Life?

Speaker 38 Is that really you?

Speaker 10 Hello?

Speaker 3 You disappeared. And then suddenly I hear your voice everywhere.

Speaker 38 What's the meaning of this?

Speaker 10 No

Speaker 17 way.

Speaker 17 No way! Oh my.

Speaker 3 Oh Lord.

Speaker 23 Who's this?

Speaker 10 But Jolin?

Speaker 10 We were betrothed!

Speaker 10 And then suddenly

Speaker 3 disappeared. Oh, God.
And then I'm told you're a pirate.

Speaker 17 You're not a pirate, are you?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 23 Not right now.

Speaker 3 Is there a woman there with you?

Speaker 14 Uh, no. Uh.

Speaker 3 I can't believe this.

Speaker 3 Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for my family?

Speaker 14 Majolinth, listen.

Speaker 12 There is simply no way I can describe to you what's happening right now.

Speaker 38 Well, that simply won't do, my love.

Speaker 30 You must explain yourself.

Speaker 60 My love?

Speaker 3 Who's that?

Speaker 38 How many women are there with you right now?

Speaker 14 Bajolinth?

Speaker 14 Bajolinth, listen, I am in a lot of danger right now.

Speaker 5 And I don't have time to explain.

Speaker 65 You better bet you're in a lot of danger.

Speaker 3 My father is furious.

Speaker 4 Please, listen.

Speaker 3 He has shed three layers of feathers, Leigh.

Speaker 3 Three layers!

Speaker 1 Three layers sounds like a lot.

Speaker 9 Please don't make it worse.

Speaker 3 And who is that?

Speaker 38 Are you sitting there with your other pirate friends making fun of me?

Speaker 58 There are no pirates here.

Speaker 6 Yar, what do you mean?

Speaker 29 We're all brothers under the jolly Roger.

Speaker 51 This one needs some fresh newspaper in the cage, dear.

Speaker 34 Perhaps a cob of corn to chew on.

Speaker 23 Is the joke here that she's a bird person?

Speaker 5 Everybody shut up for a second.

Speaker 18 But Joel Lennon, listen.

Speaker 10 I'm not with another woman. I'm not with pirates.

Speaker 9 I'm here with some friends, and we may be in a lot of trouble, okay?

Speaker 38 Send me your location. I'll send a ship immediately.

Speaker 9 All I've been doing is broadcasting my location.

Speaker 3 That's the problem.

Speaker 3 I'm so confused.

Speaker 59 I know that.

Speaker 59 I owe you a very long and complicated conversation.

Speaker 9 But I can't do that right now.

Speaker 10 I really have to go.

Speaker 3 This is absolutely unacceptable.

Speaker 10 Please hang on. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know, it really is amazing how birds can mimic human speech like this.

Speaker 58 Can we be done, please?

Speaker 10 No. Why?

Speaker 37 Because you two haven't figured out how to bring back the staff of WBEZ yet. We're still waiting for you to have an idea.
Do you have an idea yet?

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 31 I feel like I'm on the brink of one. I think the only solution is to take more calls.

Speaker 10 I agree.

Speaker 5 This sucks.

Speaker 8 Relax.

Speaker 31 It'll just be another alien with car trouble. They can't all be your ex.

Speaker 19 Carler, you're on.

Speaker 1 How can we help you today?

Speaker 15 Hi.

Speaker 15 Hi.

Speaker 1 Did you have a question about science or need a recommendation for donuts? Because I guess we're doing that now?

Speaker 10 I actually

Speaker 74 have a question about sharks.

Speaker 15 Sharks?

Speaker 10 Yeah, sharks.

Speaker 47 Dead eyes, lots of teeth.

Speaker 70 Y'all have an entire week dedicated to them.

Speaker 1 We're familiar, sure.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 74 is it true they have to keep swimming or they die?

Speaker 1 Uh well, uh w we we don't have a marine biologist here today, but uh I'm pretty sure that's that's the case.

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 33 So they have to keep swimming all the time,

Speaker 13 always moving.

Speaker 65 Yes.

Speaker 74 Even if they like where they are.

Speaker 74 Even if they found a nice spot in the ocean, they have to keep going.

Speaker 74 They die otherwise.

Speaker 1 That sounds like a pretty desperate lifestyle, but on the other hand, sharks don't strike me as having deep and unrequited desires in the first place.

Speaker 70 Which is probably why they feel comfortable constantly tearing a path of destruction across the entire ocean. They feel nothing,

Speaker 70 which would make the feelings of others irrelevant

Speaker 75 because they can't understand them.

Speaker 31 This is an oddly intense call about shark behavior.

Speaker 58 Not all of them have to keep swimming.

Speaker 9 Some of them have learned to live on the ocean floor.

Speaker 2 Mmm, the bottom feeders.

Speaker 3 Yes!

Speaker 70 The toothless ones.

Speaker 70 I don't know what's the point of that. You know, the teeth are the fun part of being a shark, I would imagine.

Speaker 70 Why give all that up?

Speaker 9 Maybe it feels good to know they're not hurting anyone.

Speaker 75 Mmm, And how do you explain that to all the shark attack victims out there?

Speaker 10 I wonder.

Speaker 70 You may be toothless at the bottom of the sea now, but that doesn't heal any of those scars out there.

Speaker 36 Except

Speaker 26 maybe your own.

Speaker 13 I get the distinct sense that they are not discussing ocean life.

Speaker 37 Definitely.

Speaker 51 I myself am looking forward to hearing the doubles behind these entendres.

Speaker 70 Anyway, just a thought I was having out here in the ocean.

Speaker 75 Love the show. Hope it doesn't get you killed.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 11 Thank you for that very awkward conversation about sharks.

Speaker 29 Leave, you okay?

Speaker 59 I'm just going to put my head down on the table for a second.

Speaker 1 Caller, you're on with whatever this show is now.

Speaker 58 What can we do for you?

Speaker 42 Leave?

Speaker 34 Susa?

Speaker 20 Bior.

Speaker 62 I thought that was you woo woo woo woo I was hearing.

Speaker 38 How are you, woo woo woo?

Speaker 38 I'm.

Speaker 8 I'm good.

Speaker 62 This is so whoa, whoa, whoa, funny. I was just thinking about you woo-woo.

Speaker 5 Nothing bad, I hope.

Speaker 59 I don't think I can take much more of that today.

Speaker 19 No, whoa, whoa, whoa, Laife.

Speaker 62 I'm back on Oorbis now, and I'm sharing my story with the others. Your name came up a few times.
What's go-wo-woe-ing on?

Speaker 62 You're giving the triad a little show, whoa, whoa, right now, I'm all about that.

Speaker 21 Yeah,

Speaker 5 it's been a pretty weird day.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 61 Yeah.

Speaker 62 I see you're doing that thing again where you woo-woo get mad and everybody hates you woo woo woo woo woo.

Speaker 65 Yeah,

Speaker 17 I'm

Speaker 5 really good at that.

Speaker 62 Well, try not to get dow wow wow wow wow on yourself.

Speaker 62 Remember what I always said?

Speaker 9 This is the only version of me, so it's the best version.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 17 The problem with that

Speaker 15 is

Speaker 10 I keep running into other versions of myself.

Speaker 62 I'm sure, but you woo-woo no, whoa, whoa, that's not the point.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 38 Such a silly goo-woo woo-woo-woo.

Speaker 58 I know.

Speaker 15 How are things on Orbis?

Speaker 62 Oh, whoa, you know, whoa, whoa, how Orbit is.

Speaker 62 Just flow, whoa, whoa, wing through it. You know, whoa, I've been thinking about your problem.

Speaker 10 Which one?

Speaker 62 Some people have gone missing?

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 72 And also, oh, woe, your broadcast is covering an impawa civil distance?

Speaker 15 Yes.

Speaker 61 The two woo must be related, right?

Speaker 15 I don't know.

Speaker 62 You know,

Speaker 62 here on Owoberbis, we believe that every reality is in fact layers upon layers of reality wo-woven into a tapestry.

Speaker 62 And then when one thread of the tapestry becomes damaged, we can find our world being amplified or nullified in myriad ways.

Speaker 47 I like where your head's at, Orb.

Speaker 60 Keep talking.

Speaker 62 Imagine, if you will, a large painting, but you are standing only inches away.

Speaker 61 You wouldn't see the painting.

Speaker 62 What if those

Speaker 62 who have disappeared are there, but their reality has been stretched to such an extreme size that you can no longer be seen?

Speaker 62 What would a symptom of that be?

Speaker 31 A radio signal being stretched out so much

Speaker 31 that it can span three galaxies.

Speaker 71 Yes!

Speaker 62 What if your missing friends are not lost, but are struggling to be seen by the rest of their reality?

Speaker 66 I love it.

Speaker 31 And the radio signal, because it's a wave, can be heard by us, but the missing people can't be seen or heard.

Speaker 72 Because of their physical affiliations.

Speaker 31 Which means we can use the radio signal to bring this reality back into a symmetric state.

Speaker 56 Leave!

Speaker 61 The orb is dope!

Speaker 37 I don't understand any of this.

Speaker 31 Leave, let's go. We need to generate some antiparticles.

Speaker 9 What's that going to do? Trust me.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 5 Hey, Susan,

Speaker 24 thank you so much.

Speaker 62 Of course, Lave.

Speaker 61 It's good to hear your voice.

Speaker 62 I'll listen in to see how, well, it all ends.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 17 Wow.

Speaker 1 Me Veneva have now left the studio, which I guess that means the show is over. They have, of course, forgotten that there is is still a broadcast going on.

Speaker 1 And I'm now sitting here holding the bag while they try and go save the day. And if I had a dollar for every time that's happened,

Speaker 1 Gloria, what should I do here?

Speaker 37 Don't worry, the Mucklewades have got it.

Speaker 39 Welcome back to Not Too Late.

Speaker 53 This is Dr. Barbara.

Speaker 42 Frank, I've said it once.

Speaker 47 I've said it a thousand times. Sage.

Speaker 36 Sage, sage, sage.

Speaker 50 I'll go to my grave saying it.

Speaker 14 Sage is important.

Speaker 42 Our personal environments are so essential and so overlooked, Frank.

Speaker 50 Where is your temple?

Speaker 42 Where is your foundation?

Speaker 53 You know, I finally have that meditation pool in my backyard.

Speaker 22 And finally, I can really commune with the universe.

Speaker 50 And when I do, when I'm out there in the evening or the morning surrounded by sage, Frank.

Speaker 63 Sounds real nice, Doc.

Speaker 41 You want to know a little secret?

Speaker 47 I got sage in my tea right now.

Speaker 15 You are lousy with sage, Doc.

Speaker 41 I am, I really am, Frank.

Speaker 15 Let's take some calls. calls.

Speaker 22 Who we got out there?

Speaker 1 Doc, we've got Lizzie R calling in from Madison, Wisconsin.

Speaker 29 Hey, Dr. Barbara, I'm the only one in my friend group who's still single.
How do I enjoy their couple-focused gatherings without feeling like a third wheel?

Speaker 43 Oh, this is such an important question, Lizzie.

Speaker 47 Thank you so much for calling in. You know, I talk to Frank about this all the time.

Speaker 43 I have been single all my life,

Speaker 50 but I have many lovers.

Speaker 13 It's true.

Speaker 39 My lovers and I, we are on a journey together.

Speaker 47 We laugh together. We cry together.

Speaker 42 We travel together, Frank.

Speaker 14 Angkor Watt one time.

Speaker 39 You know, Lizzie, at one point I had to admit to myself that I contain multitudes.

Speaker 43 In fact, my multitudes contain multitudes.

Speaker 45 And yes, there may be all those voices out there saying that one should find their soulmate, but I'm sorry.

Speaker 43 There are just too many beautiful souls out there.

Speaker 50 Isn't that right, Frank?

Speaker 63 Like a pin station of romance.

Speaker 54 Pin station, Frank?

Speaker 44 You are too much.

Speaker 53 Lizzie, there are so many romantic voyages out there of all shapes and sizes.

Speaker 50 I simply do not know why some silly goof decided that they should all look alike.

Speaker 43 What do you see for yourself?

Speaker 43 But more importantly, what do I see for you?

Speaker 8 Hmm.

Speaker 17 Lizzie,

Speaker 39 for whatever reason, I hear your voice and I think, Tierra del Fuego.

Speaker 47 Whatever that means to you, let's take another call then.

Speaker 47 Doc,

Speaker 58 up next, we've got Sylvie calling from Toronto.

Speaker 72 Whoa, hey there, Sylvie.

Speaker 3 Hey, Dr.

Speaker 25 Barbara, I'm 28, and I feel like everyone around me has their life figured out while I'm still trying to find my purpose. How do I stop comparing myself to others and find my purpose in life?

Speaker 43 Thank you so much, Sylvie.

Speaker 45 A heavy question, Frank.

Speaker 41 Can you feel the weight of it right now?

Speaker 32 Like a medicine ball.

Speaker 45 Absolutely.

Speaker 39 You know, Sylvie, it may shock you to hear this, but Dr.

Speaker 50 Barbara didn't spring right up out of the ground like a dandelion. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 39 It wasn't until I had spent about 30 years on this lovely planet of ours that I decided it was time to get my doctorate in chakra and energetic healing

Speaker 39 from the University of Universality in Barbados.

Speaker 39 It was there that I met my mentor and spirit guide, Professor Thaddeus Newcombs VIII.

Speaker 41 There I was, just a babe in the woods.

Speaker 39 And the professor looked me in the eye and he said to me, Are you here?

Speaker 72 Or are you here?

Speaker 46 Wise words.

Speaker 45 I was shaken, Frank, shaken.

Speaker 43 And that's the question I'll pose to you, Sylvie.

Speaker 50 Are you here?

Speaker 23 Or are you

Speaker 10 here?

Speaker 18 Goosebumps, Doc.

Speaker 26 Let's take another call, Frank.

Speaker 46 Doc, up next, we've got Dave B, who is getting sick of being the designated driver.

Speaker 10 Uh-oh. Hey, Dr.
Barbara.

Speaker 24 I'm going to tell you, I'm tired of always being the designated driver. I mean, I don't drink that much, so my friends think that

Speaker 24 just because I don't drive and they never offer gas or money or even say thank you anymore. How can I get my friends to stop taking advantage of me?

Speaker 53 I can hear the frustration in your voice, Dave. I want you to know that I hear that.

Speaker 50 And I'm right there with you.

Speaker 43 I myself don't enjoy alcohol,

Speaker 43 It deadens my senses and takes me away from the present moment.

Speaker 50 And that's a shame that your friends are taking advantage of that.

Speaker 41 Here's a little tip from me to you.

Speaker 39 These days, I found that I like to enjoy a gathering after I've had at least two grams of psilocybic mushrooms.

Speaker 44 The right amount of mushrooms at the right gathering,

Speaker 41 and you can really raise the roof on that place.

Speaker 52 I mean literally.

Speaker 47 I mean you will see the roof literally rise off the top of the building.

Speaker 8 It's wonderful.

Speaker 47 Now, some may ask you why you're doing this.

Speaker 43 Some may ask you to share. But you know what they're not asking you to do, Frank?

Speaker 49 They're not asking you to drive.

Speaker 47 That's correct.

Speaker 53 You are not driving that night.

Speaker 42 No one is going to ask you to drive them home if you're not even on the same plane of existence, Dave.

Speaker 41 That's a tip from me to you, all right?

Speaker 22 Well, that was a hoot.

Speaker 11 Those callers.

Speaker 39 It's time for me to refill this HT of mine and for us to take a little break.

Speaker 47 We'll be right back after this.

Speaker 8 And we're good to go another tiny diner, everybody.

Speaker 1 Jess, if you could please mix up the tickets, give us a good number.

Speaker 43 The last teeny tiny diner is going to

Speaker 27 300033.

Speaker 10 I might have said this.

Speaker 8 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 8 Hello, your name, please. Claire.
Hello, Claire.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 Here is your question. It's not really a question, it's more of a challenge.

Speaker 1 In one try,

Speaker 1 say the word extrajudicially.

Speaker 52 Extrajudicially.

Speaker 17 That's cold, man.

Speaker 15 That's rough.

Speaker 1 Excellent. Congratulations on your tiny diner.
Woohoo!

Speaker 1 And here we go, back again.

Speaker 58 Okay, Gloria, we're on the roof and we're about to turn the thing on.

Speaker 37 Do I want to know what you're turning on or does it matter?

Speaker 12 Honestly, even I don't understand it.

Speaker 14 This is an Ava thing.

Speaker 31 Gloria, think of it like you're zoomed in too close to a photo. The photo is still there, but you're too close to see it.
The WBEZ staff is still here.

Speaker 31 We just can't see them because their level of reality is spread too thin. That's why the radio signal is allowed to stretch across three galaxies.

Speaker 31 As soon as Leaf starts sending out this altered signal, there's going to be a lot of confused employees walking around.

Speaker 37 Okay, let me know when you're ready.

Speaker 2 Are the muckle wains still going?

Speaker 10 No, Dr.

Speaker 37 Barbara said she had an appointment for an aura peel.

Speaker 37 No idea what that is, so it's just Casper now.

Speaker 2 Oh god, what is he doing?

Speaker 37 Honestly, he's kind of crushing it.

Speaker 16 Okay, folks, we're back once again.

Speaker 1 My name is Casper, and I will be answering all of your DMV-related questions.

Speaker 1 Let's take another. Caller, how can I help you out today?

Speaker 3 Hey,

Speaker 23 I had some fines to pay off, but when I went in to pay them off, they told me I was a day late and my license was suspended.

Speaker 3 Now I have to pay another fee to get my license unsuspended unsuspended

Speaker 27 just so I can pay the fees on it.

Speaker 71 I don't have that kind of money.

Speaker 1 This is a very important issue. I'm glad you called in.
Folks, administrative bodies are blunt instruments. They're not lasers.

Speaker 1 Okay, so what you want to do in this situation is use that to your advantage. This guy at the DMV is telling you that your license is suspended, but it's not really suspended.

Speaker 1 It's going to be suspended. Suspension takes time.
What you want to do is find a DMV with a nighttime document drop.

Speaker 1 Your due date may have been yesterday, but they only check the night drop on Mondays. As far as they know, you turned in your payment on time and they'll be none the wiser.

Speaker 15 Okay?

Speaker 37 Casper,

Speaker 37 they're almost ready up there.

Speaker 10 Time to wrap it up.

Speaker 1 Hey, folks, with any luck, we're about to return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Speaker 1 But before we do, there's one more person you should get to know.

Speaker 1 Not that you really know any of us.

Speaker 1 Gloria, get in front of the mic there.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 30 Okay.

Speaker 66 Hi, Chicago.

Speaker 37 Several other states and galaxies. Hi.

Speaker 1 Gloria is the one that keeps the trains running on time around here. Without her, we would be dead or frozen in some sort of block of ice.
We've taken questions on all sorts of things today.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's time for Gloria to answer a question. Folks, does anyone out there have questions on how to run a restaurant?

Speaker 37 Oh, we don't have to do that.

Speaker 1 Nonsense. It'll be fun.

Speaker 19 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Caller, what is your question for Gloria?

Speaker 66 Hey, Gloria. I'm finally opening the restaurant of my dreams and I'm trying to hire a chef.
What's your advice for finding a chef that isn't, for lack of a better word, insane?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 7 That's a good question.

Speaker 37 I don't know what it is about chefs. I mean,

Speaker 37 thank God kitchens exist because they'd be pretty intolerable in pretty much any other walk of life.

Speaker 37 I've had chefs scream at me. I had one arrested for throwing a bottle of of wine at me.

Speaker 37 And there was this one guy, though, he had all sorts of OCD stuff going on.

Speaker 37 He was the kind of guy who couldn't concentrate until he counted all the tiles on the ceiling,

Speaker 37 that kind of stuff.

Speaker 37 It was pretty hard to work around.

Speaker 37 But you know what?

Speaker 37 His weekly inventory was flawless.

Speaker 37 And I've never seen a cleaner kitchen.

Speaker 37 Every blessing is a curse and vice versa, I guess.

Speaker 37 Just try and remember that you're creating a home for people.

Speaker 37 Maybe it's only a home for about 45 minutes, but it's still a home.

Speaker 37 And making a home is hard. And that's probably why there are so many many bad ones.

Speaker 22 Okay, guys, we're ready.

Speaker 14 Time to wrap it up.

Speaker 1 Muckle Waynes, you kicked this whole thing off, so how about you two wrap it up?

Speaker 22 Y'all, it has been an honor and a privilege to spend time with you here today.

Speaker 10 I don't mind saying that it brought up a pleasant memory or two for my husband and me.

Speaker 46 It truly did, dear.

Speaker 49 You see, it may seem hard to believe, but Effie and myself bore witness to the very first radio broadcast in the history of Arkansas.

Speaker 23 Harvey Couch was the owner of the Light and Power Company, and while on a trip to Pennsylvania, he had a tour of KDKA, one of the very first radio stations in the world.

Speaker 51 Old Harvey decided what was good enough for Pennsylvania was good enough for us down yonder, and he built himself a radio station.

Speaker 35 Our local library had a radio, and Effie had it in her mind that we should go down there and hear this new world take shape right before our eyes.

Speaker 32 I'll admit my ignorance on the topic. I had yet to understand the use of all this radio nonsense.

Speaker 46 What was it I said to you, dear?

Speaker 17 If I were wanting to speak to someone afar, I felt the raising of my voice would do just fine.

Speaker 32 Yes.

Speaker 32 Learned my lesson that day, didn't I?

Speaker 52 You were good to humor me, dear.

Speaker 39 Sometimes our partners in life will go out on a wild one, and it's in our list of duties to just hold their hand without much understanding and just wait to see how it all turns out on the other end.

Speaker 46 So there we waited at the library.

Speaker 63 To kill time, I walked amongst the stacks.

Speaker 21 They They'd just received a new translation of Campanella's City of the Sun, which I quickly tucked under my arm.

Speaker 63 Folks began to file in that had not once set foot inside of a library, looking up and about like it were a cathedral. The radio began to crackle and we all gathered around in hushed anticipation.

Speaker 64 And then, like an angelic visitation, a man all the way over in Pine Bluff was reading us the weather report like he was sitting in the next room.

Speaker 13 It was a simple message, nothing portentous,

Speaker 13 and yet with that simple message, I suddenly thought of all the world's lost souls,

Speaker 15 all those trapped in the crevasses of an intractable world,

Speaker 13 the ones who you know you'll never reach, the ones you can feel out there in the darkness.

Speaker 13 And we could reach them now.

Speaker 64 We could let them know that they hadn't been forgotten.

Speaker 64 And Effie took my hand in a way she never had before.

Speaker 46 The look on her face was as though she was granted a vision of the future.

Speaker 64 I hope you can all have that feeling I had that day.

Speaker 10 The feeling of seeing the one you love be granted with purpose.

Speaker 13 The broadcast was over as suddenly as it had begun, and Effie darted here and there throughout the library for a good hour afterwards, exiting the building with every book they could furnish about radios and waves and frequencies.

Speaker 18 I've had many a magical day in my life, I tell you.

Speaker 4 But all I need is that one.

Speaker 55 Y'all, as we end our broadcast today, we want to say a hearty thank you to all who've tuned in.

Speaker 39 To be in service to you is a service done for us. So, with that, we say,

Speaker 26 thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Speaker 54 Be sure and tune in next time for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 18 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you.

Speaker 41 We open at six.

Speaker 1 All right, everyone.

Speaker 1 Okay, so now listen, it's the end of an episode of Midnight Burger, and that usually means that I recite a list of names for you.

Speaker 8 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 But here's what we're going to do. There's a microphone right there.

Speaker 16 We're going to start with the front row.

Speaker 1 All of you are going to file out and as you pass the microphone, say your name.

Speaker 61 Every single one of you.

Speaker 61 Joe's revenge!

Speaker 1 Are you ready?

Speaker 1 Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by all of these people.

Speaker 6 And their names are...

Speaker 18 Fish cat. No, into the microphone, into the microphone.

Speaker 26 Hello, Fish Cat.

Speaker 45 Jen.

Speaker 10 Cloud?

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 36 Dusty. Woo.

Speaker 3 Cass.

Speaker 26 Go Delilah.

Speaker 8 Ramsey. Yay.

Speaker 31 Jersey.

Speaker 15 Alex. Woo-hoo.

Speaker 43 Zebulon's acupuncture. It's Cryptic Kids.

Speaker 17 Allison.

Speaker 10 Cat Jop.

Speaker 26 Midnight Marty.

Speaker 66 Colorado Beekeeper.

Speaker 17 Marnie.

Speaker 75 Gina.

Speaker 17 Yay.

Speaker 27 Source Decay

Speaker 23 Alice Malice

Speaker 73 Jasper aka Trick Wants Treats

Speaker 22 Matt aka Epic 5'Z

Speaker 22 Rita Juanita

Speaker 36 Ritwards

Speaker 10 Lauren Grace

Speaker 1 Connor Marie Excellent Chuck

Speaker 1 Anomalous Vandal Excellent Tony Tony Tony Fantastic. Everyone's doing a great job.

Speaker 71 Scotty.

Speaker 44 Jesse Wolf.

Speaker 3 Claire.

Speaker 10 Claire. Mary.
Mary.

Speaker 3 Catly.

Speaker 36 Woo.

Speaker 6 Rollin' Tumbleburger.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 10 Iatos? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Excellent. Lithian?

Speaker 66 Woo! Annalise.

Speaker 17 Annelise.

Speaker 10 Angelo.

Speaker 38 Mackenzie Dina.

Speaker 30 Spiders are cuddly. Spiders are cuddly.

Speaker 1 Alex, I can see my house from here.

Speaker 8 Yay!

Speaker 5 Gus.

Speaker 38 Becky the techie. Mel.

Speaker 10 Peace Rue. Little Stevie Pie.

Speaker 29 Tony Fykarski.

Speaker 15 Tess. Karen.

Speaker 56 Laramie. Needs more Guinness.

Speaker 44 Liz from Earth616.

Speaker 68 AK, Liz Wisdom.

Speaker 44 Yes, that's my last name. We're doing so well.

Speaker 75 Lastly, PJ says, what?

Speaker 29 Shiny Fields.

Speaker 10 Amy.

Speaker 51 Erin, good enough. Savannah.

Speaker 28 Juliet, a.k.a.

Speaker 15 Spookliette.

Speaker 5 Andrew.

Speaker 10 Brie. Tamara Oliver.

Speaker 30 Also known as Auntie Sherbo.

Speaker 8 Auntie Terbo!

Speaker 1 All right, one more row here. One more row here.
Here we go. Why not?

Speaker 10 Cat Blackard.

Speaker 12 Jessica Mudd.

Speaker 66 Tina Case.

Speaker 15 Amazing.

Speaker 4 Dillagoose89. Jesse.

Speaker 1 And Potion Maestro.

Speaker 15 Potion Maestro.

Speaker 28 Oh, my God, we did it.

Speaker 8 Oh, my God, we did it.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much, everyone. There's still food, and everybody go have a drink now.

Speaker 65 We did it.

Speaker 8 Yay!

Speaker 1 You guys are all the best. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 all right

Speaker 1 pretty cool

Speaker 31 the fable and falling network where fiction producers flourish

Speaker 73 DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse is the one-stop shop for all your footwear needs with sneakers boots and everything in between for every style mood and occasion you'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget dsw has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted.

Speaker 73 You never know what you'll find at DSW. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or dsw.com.