Chapter 46: The Ragdoll

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Speaker 1 Cast members and avid cocktail makers Neil and Julie gave Shaker and Spoon a try.

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Speaker 9 I mean, I've got a pretty solid bar by most like home bar standards, but I don't like get things that they sent. Like I don't go out and buy black pepper walnut bitters and like cardamom bitters.

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Speaker 1 Previously on Midnight Burger?

Speaker 15 What's your name?

Speaker 16 Fiona.

Speaker 17 Go get me the barista.

Speaker 1 What? What about the unconscious barista in the walk-in?

Speaker 18 I'm working on it. Hey, Fiona.

Speaker 19 Get the fuck away from me.

Speaker 18 It wasn't a kidnapping.

Speaker 21 It was a rescue.

Speaker 18 Someone did something to you.

Speaker 22 Fiona, home is that way.

Speaker 23 Thank you.

Speaker 1 About 83 light years

Speaker 1 that way.

Speaker 18 You're from a planet that someone spent a lot of time and energy to make look like Earth.

Speaker 24 What are you doing?

Speaker 21 But still, I'm having a look at your neural environment.

Speaker 20 My neural environment?

Speaker 21 She's going to be unconscious soon. I'm gonna

Speaker 21 serial number on her DNA. She's human, but most likely grown in a birthing chamber.

Speaker 23 What

Speaker 26 am I?

Speaker 27 I could tell you your species,

Speaker 17 Genus.

Speaker 21 Classification.

Speaker 21 But I don't imagine that's what you mean.

Speaker 28 I wasn't loved. I was.

Speaker 22 I don't. I don't.
I don't know what I was.

Speaker 30 I just feel like a blank slate.

Speaker 1 Take your time with it.

Speaker 22 You'll get there.

Speaker 1 The world is really good at letting you know what you like.

Speaker 32 If you say so.

Speaker 33 I like girls.

Speaker 34 What? Called it.

Speaker 21 Your body was a prison.

Speaker 21 I've removed the blocks, and now your body is yours.

Speaker 21 I'm afraid after that, it'll be up to you.

Speaker 14 You okay?

Speaker 31 I'm really scared.

Speaker 18 You don't need to figure it all out, Fiona.

Speaker 18 You just need to know where to start.

Speaker 23 Hello?

Speaker 35 Hey, Peter.

Speaker 5 Hey, Fiona.

Speaker 18 If you're hearing this, our plan worked. We kept you hidden in the diner, and it was able to escape.

Speaker 18 You saved the day, Fiona.

Speaker 27 Now the hard part starts.

Speaker 37 I've programmed him with several basic commands for you. You've got sentry mode, zone defense, shadow, death blossom.
Life. Yeah.

Speaker 39 I have left you a notebook and a pencil. Because guess what, Fiona?

Speaker 39 You're a scientist now.

Speaker 37 Fiona, I don't know when we're going to be able to make it back there, but the task of connecting with another and letting their life into yours now sits with you.

Speaker 7 You must try not to shirk that duty, Fiona.

Speaker 41 Okay, Peter.

Speaker 42 Let's start the shift.

Speaker 6 Good idea, Fiona.

Speaker 1 Let's start the shift.

Speaker 43 Once upon a time,

Speaker 43 there was a rag doll,

Speaker 43 assembled from scraps, stuffed full of cotton, a lovely smile made of stitches.

Speaker 43 No one told the rag doll she was made of bits and pieces.

Speaker 43 But how could she ever know?

Speaker 43 How could any of us?

Speaker 10 I have no idea how any of this works.

Speaker 23 What do I do?

Speaker 42 I should get some sleep, I guess.

Speaker 47 Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Speaker 43 The ragdoll, once happily in place with all the toys, had been cast aside and was now all alone in the world. Okay.

Speaker 48 Okay, I used to open the coffee shop all the time.

Speaker 47 I guess I just.

Speaker 49 I'll just do that.

Speaker 50 Right?

Speaker 20 That's a good place to start.

Speaker 10 Peter, let's give you a job.

Speaker 52 Hang on.

Speaker 28 See, Peter, this is what humans do.

Speaker 54 When they're scared out of their minds, they just start doing things.

Speaker 53 When my grandfather died, I went into the kitchen at 4 a.m.

Speaker 10 and my mom was doing the dishes

Speaker 10 by hand.

Speaker 31 We had a really nice dishwasher.

Speaker 10 I really need to do these right now, she said.

Speaker 53 Of course, that wasn't really my mother, and I have no idea if that memory actually happened or was just put in my head.

Speaker 45 Useful story anyway, I guess.

Speaker 20 Okay, Peter, current mode.

Speaker 14 Current mode.

Speaker 59 Shadow. Oh,

Speaker 20 Peter, do you have a tiny robot voice?

Speaker 41 I don't remember that.

Speaker 14 Oh,

Speaker 25 dear Fiona, I added a little robot voice to Peter.

Speaker 57 He can't recite Shakespeare or anything, but trust me, it helps on long hauls to have a machine that talks to you.

Speaker 24 Okay, that's nice.

Speaker 54 Uh, Peter, start chronometer.

Speaker 52 Chronometer.

Speaker 54 I wonder what that's gonna do.

Speaker 25 Ew, here we go.

Speaker 22 Peter, sidework.

Speaker 43 Sidework.

Speaker 60 Where are you going?

Speaker 60 Oh!

Speaker 62 Okay, mopping!

Speaker 22 That's very comforting somehow.

Speaker 10 I'm going to clean the countertops.

Speaker 63 We can do this, Peter.

Speaker 10 We can do this.

Speaker 43 Alone in the world, the ragdoll knew not what to do.

Speaker 43 With no one to play with her and surround her with plastic walls and tiny tea sets, the ragdoll was faced with something she thought impossible.

Speaker 43 Acting like a real girl.

Speaker 64 This is good for a first shift.

Speaker 25 Very chill.

Speaker 65 I was worried we were gonna get a mad rush.

Speaker 10 I don't even know how to use the kitchen yet.

Speaker 22 This is a nice planet.

Speaker 66 I wonder where we are.

Speaker 65 Oh, shit. Someone's coming.

Speaker 10 Don't freak out, Peter.

Speaker 51 Hello?

Speaker 54 Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Speaker 6 Where is Casper?

Speaker 22 I'm sorry?

Speaker 19 You know Casper?

Speaker 2 Yes, I'm used to dealing with Casper.

Speaker 6 Can I speak with Casper? Oh,

Speaker 67 Casper's not

Speaker 66 here.

Speaker 68 He's

Speaker 2 not.

Speaker 69 No, he's uh

Speaker 57 he's on vacation.

Speaker 6 I see.

Speaker 16 I'm Fiona.

Speaker 35 This is Peter.

Speaker 6 All right.

Speaker 2 Well, there's no time for explanations. Have you done this before, Fiona?

Speaker 33 Done what exactly?

Speaker 1 Oh, dear.

Speaker 2 You have no idea what's going on, do you?

Speaker 70 I don't.

Speaker 10 I'm very confused.

Speaker 2 Very well, inside, if you don't mind.

Speaker 22 Sure.

Speaker 2 I'll start from the beginning.

Speaker 1 I was not expecting this.

Speaker 42 Thank you.

Speaker 2 My name is Dr.

Speaker 6 Caborant.

Speaker 2 I am the designated magistrate for the day of joining.

Speaker 71 Day of joining.

Speaker 13 Yes.

Speaker 1 This is your first time on this planet?

Speaker 35 Probably.

Speaker 6 Wonderful.

Speaker 6 This planet is called Thegrion.

Speaker 72 Ring any bells?

Speaker 34 No.

Speaker 2 Well, we haven't much time. This is the day of joining on our planet.
It's a solemn day of remembrance, all right?

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 2 Where's the clock again?

Speaker 22 Up here? Yes.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 2 When the hand that is on the six moves to the seven, we will have several delegates from around the planet arrive. We'll drink some of the ceremonial coffee and we will eat the ceremonial luncheon.

Speaker 2 Please tell me you can handle the ceremonial coffee and luncheon.

Speaker 57 Definitely the coffee.

Speaker 2 Wonderful. May I have some now?

Speaker 44 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 I enjoy it with the white substance and the other thing?

Speaker 35 Cream and sugar.

Speaker 2 That's it, thank you.

Speaker 22 Coming right up.

Speaker 2 It's very clean looking, so there's that feel now.

Speaker 44 Great.

Speaker 2 It was my one constant complaint to Casper, a complaint that was never improved on, sadly.

Speaker 48 So you know Casper?

Speaker 44 Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 I've worked with Casper many times in the past.

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 73 How?

Speaker 6 How?

Speaker 27 Yes.

Speaker 2 Fiona, I don't like to mince words. I'm sure you've noticed.

Speaker 1 I haven't.

Speaker 2 They really need to train the new people more thoroughly.

Speaker 44 Agreed.

Speaker 2 From the beginning, this is Thegrion.

Speaker 2 Every year at the same time, the diner appears here on Thegrion.

Speaker 44 Really? Yes.

Speaker 2 It is on this day that we mark a solemn occasion. We all drink of the ceremonial coffee and eat the ceremonial luncheon.

Speaker 25 Okay, luncheon, right.

Speaker 2 What will we be having for the ceremonial luncheon?

Speaker 58 Uh, I have no idea.

Speaker 2 Iona, the hand is moving very quickly to the seven.

Speaker 74 What do you usually have?

Speaker 2 Historically, it's been whatever Casper could muster at the time. We did this for years, and he never seemed to improve all that much in the luncheon department.
In truth, it doesn't really matter.

Speaker 1 The food is a ritualistic part of the ceremony.

Speaker 44 It could be anything.

Speaker 57 I make a really great grilled cheese sandwich.

Speaker 6 All right.

Speaker 2 Do I need to know what that is? It's great. That will work then.
And the sticks that accompany them?

Speaker 22 French fries?

Speaker 6 Yes, that's it. We'll have those.
Sure.

Speaker 22 Sure.

Speaker 4 I'll figure it out.

Speaker 2 Excellent. This is going to go just fine, Fiona.
Remember, we don't have food like this on our planet, so the bar is quite low. Casper has always benefited from that.

Speaker 35 I love that.

Speaker 34 Oh, wonderful.

Speaker 2 We have some early arrivals. I hate it when they do that.
It's okay.

Speaker 25 It's okay. Watch this.

Speaker 22 Peter, coffee and water.

Speaker 73 Coffee and water.

Speaker 3 Oh, look at that.

Speaker 6 Oh, I love that.

Speaker 72 That's new.

Speaker 2 Okay, here we go, Fiona. It's going to be fine.

Speaker 20 Here we go.

Speaker 43 Pretending to be a real girl seemed simple enough.

Speaker 43 No one seemed to notice as long as they didn't look too closely.

Speaker 43 She would smile, laugh when she needed to, even though she didn't understand the joke.

Speaker 43 Pretending to be a real girl did not make her feel less alone.

Speaker 43 But the ragdoll was not without friends.

Speaker 55 So, tell me something, guys.

Speaker 71 You're all very deft hunters, completely capable of taking care of yourselves.

Speaker 10 And yet, when I make this stew, you all look at me with the puppy dog eyes like you haven't had a meal in days.

Speaker 45 So tell me, is that the allure of convenience, or am I a really amazing cook?

Speaker 54 Luckily, none of you can answer that.

Speaker 22 Jung Cook?

Speaker 41 Jung Cook, what's wrong?

Speaker 41 Hey!

Speaker 41 You two, stop it!

Speaker 30 All you two do is come by the camps and hiss and growl.

Speaker 14 I'm getting a little sick of it, okay?

Speaker 14 Junkook, stop.

Speaker 30 Look, I know that this is not the usual place that a snow leopard finds itself, but you two were in a cage before.

Speaker 71 You've got snow now.

Speaker 10 I know you can get used to this.

Speaker 54 Hey, count yourself lucky.

Speaker 65 You got tossed into your natural environment.

Speaker 20 Think how this is for me.

Speaker 71 I don't even know what my natural environment is.

Speaker 16 Your names are Sakura and She-Wan.

Speaker 30 I have no idea what that means, but that's what I've been told.

Speaker 51 Does that help at all?

Speaker 34 Maybe.

Speaker 54 I'm out here all by myself, y'all.

Speaker 57 The wolves bring me a deer, and I follow these instructions and turn it into food.

Speaker 19 It's gross.

Speaker 71 I have a bachelor's degree in civic engagement. I am out of my comfort zone.

Speaker 45 Help me out, please.

Speaker 74 I'm going to do what I always do and throw you this huge piece of meat

Speaker 74 so you can do what you always do and drag it away somewhere.

Speaker 16 I'm not asking for miracles.

Speaker 47 I just want you to stop seeing me as the enemy, okay?

Speaker 47 Bye.

Speaker 19 I know, right?

Speaker 19 Here's the defense.

Speaker 19 Thanks, Peter.

Speaker 69 Bad call on my part to go exploring.

Speaker 62 What do you think happened here?

Speaker 54 Looks like a whole city is broken down.

Speaker 13 Peter, sentry mode.

Speaker 22 Look what I grabbed out of a broken window.

Speaker 35 New shoes!

Speaker 30 Oh, do you think that's why they were chasing me?

Speaker 61 I think they're my size. Let's turn them on.

Speaker 3 Chronometer reading.

Speaker 52 30 days.

Speaker 10 Oh, that's what the chronometer does.

Speaker 22 Wow, a month already?

Speaker 22 That went fast.

Speaker 10 How long do you think it's gonna be?

Speaker 47 Scratch that.

Speaker 54 Fixating on time is probably the wrong frame of mind to be in, don't you think?

Speaker 54 Okay, they fit.

Speaker 53 I can get away from angry crowds much easier now.

Speaker 30 Come here, Peter, let's get you civilized.

Speaker 20 Peter, you're a lifesaver, but you're a little heavy-footed, you know what I mean?

Speaker 30 Also, I think someone's shock of seeing a tiny robot when they walk in might be lessened a little by

Speaker 24 the robot wearing tennis shoes.

Speaker 75 Have a walk around.

Speaker 29 There we go. Much better.

Speaker 47 Nothing can stop us now.

Speaker 47 Hey there.

Speaker 54 Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Speaker 19 It looks pretty scary out there right now.

Speaker 30 Why don't you sit down?

Speaker 57 I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Speaker 2 Hello, hello.

Speaker 57 Hey, Dr. Cabraant.

Speaker 2 Good to see you again, Fiona. How have you been?

Speaker 35 I'm okay. It's nice to see a familiar face.

Speaker 2 I'm sure.

Speaker 3 Hello there.

Speaker 2 What was his name again?

Speaker 22 Peter.

Speaker 72 Peter, how are you?

Speaker 22 Can he understand me?

Speaker 54 Not really, but I like to pretend.

Speaker 20 What have you got there?

Speaker 2 Ah, yes.

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 2 I told my wife about you, told her about the changing of the guard, and she worries about you going little stir crazy. She worries, it's her thing, it's how she passes the time.

Speaker 2 Anyway, she made you this.

Speaker 54 Is it a musical instrument? It is.

Speaker 2 We are musical people, we Thegronies. Every child gets one of these on their seventh year of school.
It's called an Ioni. Learning to play a musical instrument is a nice way to pass the time.

Speaker 57 You know, actually that big thing in the corner is a musical instrument.

Speaker 44 Is it?

Speaker 22 The thing with the bench?

Speaker 30 It's called a piano.

Speaker 2 I was wondering what that was.

Speaker 20 Well, but this is great.

Speaker 54 It'll be much easier to take this up to the room.

Speaker 2 Listen, don't feel obligated. I myself never took to it.
It always sounded like an animal being murdered when I would play it.

Speaker 20 Okay. All ready to go? Ready to go.

Speaker 2 Solemn day of remembrance. Here we come.

Speaker 42 Oh, wow. This is going to sound terrible.

Speaker 10 Peter, sorry in advance.

Speaker 43 Time can bring many things,

Speaker 43 but it can also wash over you like a river.

Speaker 43 And you lay at the bottom as it all passes you by.

Speaker 43 Not time's passenger, but its observer.

Speaker 43 Watching it from the outside.

Speaker 43 Waiting for something to begin.

Speaker 43 Chronometer reading

Speaker 43 Run here

Speaker 43 Fuck, really really?

Speaker 65 Happy one-year anniversary, Peter.

Speaker 34 Where the hell are you, Gloria?

Speaker 62 Six o'clock again.

Speaker 62 Looks like Earth.

Speaker 22 Let's go take a look.

Speaker 41 Nice day.

Speaker 30 What do we think?

Speaker 10 Kind of has a UK vibes, doesn't it?

Speaker 62 Kind of an old world feel, right?

Speaker 25 Here we go.

Speaker 35 Hi there! Welcome to Midnight Burger!

Speaker 26 Fucking mental, absolutely fucking mental.

Speaker 22 Looks like I nailed it.

Speaker 69 If she asks me to make Cornish pasties or something, I quit.

Speaker 25 Also, walked right past the robot in the parking lot.

Speaker 53 Have the British lost their attention to detail?

Speaker 22 Let's go.

Speaker 23 Hello?

Speaker 33 Hello?

Speaker 33 Oh!

Speaker 33 Hi.

Speaker 33 Um

Speaker 54 people usually sit at one of the booths, not on the floor of the kitchen.

Speaker 26 You've got to keep me fucking hidden.

Speaker 34 Okay, what's wrong?

Speaker 26 Can I please just hide here for a bit?

Speaker 22 Sure.

Speaker 62 Sure, you can.

Speaker 31 Can you tell me what you're hiding from, though?

Speaker 25 It's okay. Try me.

Speaker 26 You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 67 What the fuck is that? That's Peter. Is he a fucking robot?

Speaker 35 He is a fucking robot.

Speaker 26 Why do you have a fucking robot?

Speaker 54 Well, someone has to do the dishes.

Speaker 62 What? What's your name?

Speaker 26 Catherine.

Speaker 41 Hi, Catherine.

Speaker 20 I'm Fiona.

Speaker 65 Let me guess.

Speaker 10 Something very strange is happening to you today.

Speaker 10 Something so strange that you wouldn't even know how to describe it?

Speaker 22 Correct.

Speaker 54 What are the chances that the woman who inexplicably has the two-foot robot companion is going to be a little more receptive to your story than your average person on the street?

Speaker 26 I suppose the chances aren't too bad?

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 26 So he just walks about and does things for you?

Speaker 54 Not just that, and you want to see him break dance?

Speaker 26 No, thank you.

Speaker 62 What's going on, Catherine?

Speaker 6 I.

Speaker 75 Hang on.

Speaker 20 Hi there. Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Speaker 17 Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay-high, black hair? Catherine is her name.

Speaker 34 Uh

Speaker 65 no.

Speaker 63 No, I don't think I have.

Speaker 17 I'm at my wit's end with this one.

Speaker 50 I'll have a tea then.

Speaker 48 I don't think we have tea.

Speaker 34 Have you not?

Speaker 58 We're uh an American-themed restaurant.

Speaker 17 Lord preserve us.

Speaker 17 Coffee, then? Sure.

Speaker 54 One second.

Speaker 41 Catherine?

Speaker 56 Are you just hiding from your mom?

Speaker 16 How could you not explain that?

Speaker 26 Oh, just you fucking white. Okay.

Speaker 63 Hang on, we've got another customer.

Speaker 58 Here you go. Thank you, love.

Speaker 54 Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Speaker 22 How can pardon me?

Speaker 17 But have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay-high.

Speaker 14 Black hair?

Speaker 17 Catherine is her name.

Speaker 34 Uh

Speaker 17 do you not speak English, dear? Have they brought you in from the Balkans?

Speaker 55 I haven't seen anyone like that.

Speaker 35 Of course not.

Speaker 17 I'll have a cup of tea, please.

Speaker 58 We don't have any.

Speaker 35 None to speak of.

Speaker 50 This is lovely, thank you.

Speaker 54 None to speak of.

Speaker 4 Coffee?

Speaker 3 It'll do, I suppose.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 54 Welcome to midnight. Oh, God.

Speaker 10 Cardinal.

Speaker 17 But have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay-hi. Black hair.

Speaker 50 Catherine is. Bit of milk, please.

Speaker 23 Milk.

Speaker 65 Sure.

Speaker 10 Excuse me one second.

Speaker 61 Hi.

Speaker 72 Hello.

Speaker 30 Does your mother have two twin sisters?

Speaker 26 She absolutely fucking does not. Okay.
I told you you won't believe me.

Speaker 22 There's another. Oh, fuck.
Okay.

Speaker 10 Okay, wait.

Speaker 54 I read about about this somewhere.

Speaker 26 Oh, you've read about it, have you? Where? Alice in fucking Wonderland.

Speaker 16 Hang on, I'll be right back.

Speaker 26 Don't tell them I'm here. I won't.

Speaker 17 Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman named Catherine?

Speaker 65 No, I haven't.

Speaker 31 Have a seat.

Speaker 53 I'll be right with you.

Speaker 17 Catherine, I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please? You're being very rude.

Speaker 66 What is it?

Speaker 53 Where is it?

Speaker 23 Here.

Speaker 17 Catherine, I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you you call me back, please? You're being very rude.

Speaker 55 Okay, I think the solution might be in here.

Speaker 26 The hitchhiker's guide to a laser saw. Yeah,

Speaker 10 it's an inside joke.

Speaker 65 This is the notebook of a very smart person.

Speaker 20 She's a theoretical physicist.

Speaker 58 She left me a notebook that I was supposed to write in, and in the back, there was a cheat sheet.

Speaker 77 A cheat sheet for what? Okay.

Speaker 65 Temporal anomaly flowchart.

Speaker 54 Flowchart. Start from the beginning.

Speaker 20 Tell me what happened.

Speaker 26 I had a fight with my mum last night. This morning, she shows up on my flat, knocking on my door, and I don't want to fucking hear it, so I ignore her, thinking she'll give up and go home.

Speaker 26 And turn around for home, she does. And then she showed up again.
And again.

Speaker 53 And it just kept happening.

Speaker 26 My front lawn was full of my mum.

Speaker 26 All of them knocking on my door, calling my phone. I tried to sneak out the back, but they spotted me.
Started running like it was a fucking zombie movie.

Speaker 26 Is that Bookie O's gonna tell me why there's an army of my mother?

Speaker 20 Well, uh, let's see.

Speaker 25 Okay, step one. Do you have a temporal anomaly?

Speaker 57 Yes, no.

Speaker 71 Yes, going to this box.

Speaker 30 Is time repeating itself?

Speaker 58 Yes, no.

Speaker 63 Is time repeating itself?

Speaker 26 No, just my mom.

Speaker 16 Moving to this box.

Speaker 30 Are events presenting in multiples, i.e., multiplied incidents, multiplied people?

Speaker 22 Oh, there we go. Multiplied people.

Speaker 20 That takes us to... This is fucked.

Speaker 65 Can the multiplying events interact?

Speaker 57 Yes, no.

Speaker 76 Can your moms see each other?

Speaker 22 I don't think so.

Speaker 19 Okay, no, that takes us to...

Speaker 54 Good news. This is an easily solvable problem.

Speaker 26 Hey, look at that. Oh, I'm ecstatic.

Speaker 30 These anomalies likely stem from an inflection point and can be addressed at their inflection point.

Speaker 57 Example: if you forgot to feed the cat and now have 20 cats, time to feed the cat.

Speaker 30 Satisfy the inflection point for each anomaly.

Speaker 29 Forgot to feed the cat.

Speaker 30 Now you have to feed 20 cats.

Speaker 26 Inflection point?

Speaker 54 So your mom came over to your house this morning, right?

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 22 And you didn't talk to her?

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 65 I think you have to talk to your mom.

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 69 I know it sounds crazy, but how much crazier is it than the other crazy thing that's happening?

Speaker 33 Maybe she'll just move on down the road.

Speaker 26 All of them?

Speaker 54 I think there's about 12 moms out there.

Speaker 26 I hate talking to my mother so fucking much.

Speaker 48 So much that it created a temporal anomaly, Catherine.

Speaker 22 I have to talk to all of them.

Speaker 54 I think so.

Speaker 26 The only way out is for me to talk to my mum 12 times.

Speaker 65 By the fifth one, I'm sure it'll be much easier.

Speaker 70 This is hell.

Speaker 22 Have I walked into hell?

Speaker 48 No, just a really weird day.

Speaker 54 Weird days end.

Speaker 54 It takes a little work.

Speaker 26 Oh, she's gonna fucking love this.

Speaker 66 Catherine?

Speaker 78 It's done.

Speaker 60 How was that?

Speaker 26 I would say it was like pulling teeth, but all told, I think I'd much prefer the teeth pulling.

Speaker 31 Not a great relationship with your mum.

Speaker 26 It's Sisyphian, my mum and I.

Speaker 26 Always starting with the rock at the bottom of the hill despite the effort.

Speaker 28 At least you're making the effort.

Speaker 26 I had given up making an effort right around my seventeenth birthday. It was a hard manoeuvre to get back to it.

Speaker 26 At least next time I'll only have to do it once.

Speaker 26 What have you got there?

Speaker 10 Oh, I made you a grilled cheese sandwich.

Speaker 78 Oh, well, that should fix everything.

Speaker 10 It's gonna become my signature move.

Speaker 44 Sorry, you don't have to eat it.

Speaker 26 Fiona, was it?

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 26 Do you know what what I'd like, Fiona?

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 26 I'd like to know why there was a dozen of my mum chasing me across Manchester this fine day, and I'd like to know why you seem perfectly predisposed to solve the problem.

Speaker 26 And I'd also like to know why you seem to have a tiny robot as your little friend.

Speaker 34 Right.

Speaker 53 Do you have a friend in your life who, whenever you talk to them, they seem to have some new weird thing going on?

Speaker 13 Oh, yes. yes.

Speaker 26 That'd be Sarah. We were in school together.
She's moved to London now, but we talk every six months.

Speaker 26 And there's always some sort of misadventure that ranges from a Dubai businessman trying to make her his concubine to a pigeon making its home inside a flat and her being unable to evict the poor little creature.

Speaker 65 Okay, so imagine your friend Sarah, but as a place instead of a person.

Speaker 69 There's always something very strange happening here.

Speaker 26 Like tiny robots and an army of mums?

Speaker 24 Yes.

Speaker 67 The curious thing, Fiona,

Speaker 26 is that the business with the League of Mums right there

Speaker 26 was exactly what I needed.

Speaker 23 Really?

Speaker 26 I have a miserable time talking to her.

Speaker 26 And then I had to do it over and over again.

Speaker 26 By the time I was talking to Last of her, it was as easy as taking a walk.

Speaker 63 Yeah, that kind of happens too.

Speaker 26 It's a fucking miracle, Fiona. She's always having a go at me about some such.

Speaker 26 I drink too much, I smoke too much, I should think about my career. And then when I told her to sleep with women, she absolutely went off a cliff.

Speaker 33 What was that last one?

Speaker 26 Have you got any drinks, Fiona?

Speaker 26 I feel I've earned a drink. Well, ten.

Speaker 54 Um, yes, kind of.

Speaker 61 Hang on.

Speaker 70 What have you got there?

Speaker 25 This is a box full of bottles from all over the place.

Speaker 54 They've picked it up over the years, I guess.

Speaker 48 What do you usually drink on Earth?

Speaker 20 Here.

Speaker 29 What do you drink around here?

Speaker 26 Do you have anything that resembles gin?

Speaker 35 I don't know. Let's see.

Speaker 45 Oh, check this out.

Speaker 24 Is that vodka? Kind of.

Speaker 22 Put your hands on the bottle.

Speaker 61 It's cold as ice. I know.

Speaker 28 It always is.

Speaker 20 It stays this cold.

Speaker 78 What is it?

Speaker 57 Apparently it's called Shadow Daddy?

Speaker 26 That sounds a bit naughty, Fiona.

Speaker 78 I know.

Speaker 22 Do you think it's radioactive?

Speaker 66 I don't know.

Speaker 26 Only one way of finding out, I think.

Speaker 31 I think there's probably several ways, but I think you're saying we should drink it.

Speaker 26 I am Fiona. Okay.

Speaker 22 Alright then.

Speaker 26 We're going to drink whatever this may be, and then, assuming it doesn't melt us from the inside, you, my new friend, are going to tell me your story from the beginning.

Speaker 54 There's no way you're going to believe my story.

Speaker 26 Perhaps not by the first drink, but by the second, the third.

Speaker 26 Again, there's only one way to find out.

Speaker 67 Cheers. Cheers.

Speaker 20 So

Speaker 47 that's my story.

Speaker 22 Now you're sitting there looking at me like I'm insane, which is understandable.

Speaker 24 But honestly,

Speaker 25 that's the first time I've actually recounted the whole thing, and it feels...

Speaker 57 It feels good to say it.

Speaker 60 I

Speaker 22 can't believe all of this has happened to me.

Speaker 26 Do you have any idea how daft you sound?

Speaker 20 Oh, yes.

Speaker 26 There was a woman with ram's horns.

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 26 You were abducted from a Starbucks.

Speaker 19 Yes.

Speaker 26 You're from a planet where it's always 2012?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 26 And you're hiding your freezer from space Nazis?

Speaker 65 I don't know if Nazis is the right term, but they were definitely the bad guys.

Speaker 26 And you and this little friend of yours.

Speaker 77 Peter. Peter.

Speaker 26 Peter and yourself have been off on your own little adventures.

Speaker 22 For a year now.

Speaker 26 You realise the only thing keeping me from calling you insane is the fact that there was literally an army of mums here earlier.

Speaker 28 That does help, yes.

Speaker 26 Do you mind if I attempt to insert some normalcy into this day? Sure.

Speaker 22 Let's talk about something normal and boring.

Speaker 42 Great.

Speaker 32 You start us off.

Speaker 32 Okay.

Speaker 53 So, your mom thinks you're a loser?

Speaker 26 Well, that's a harsh reading of events, Fiona, but it's a hard one to argue with.

Speaker 23 Why does she think that?

Speaker 26 A lack of motivation has been branded as the culprit. Ever since I was a small thing, I had no passion.

Speaker 3 No spark.

Speaker 26 Luckily, that attitude in a young woman is quite fashionable.

Speaker 26 I thought about a career in fashion, actually, but I enjoy food a bit too much.

Speaker 28 It's nice that your mom cares, at least.

Speaker 26 It really isn't, Fiona. It's an aggressive caring,

Speaker 26 the kind that only brings resentment. Is your mom not like this? Oh, wait, I've already forgotten.
Fiona was created in a test tube or some such.

Speaker 58 I was.

Speaker 26 So there's no memory of a mother?

Speaker 31 There is, but I don't think it's my memory.

Speaker 47 I think it was put there.

Speaker 26 What do you remember of her?

Speaker 63 If it's alright, I think I'd rather not talk about it.

Speaker 57 It doesn't feel like mine.

Speaker 55 It feels like,

Speaker 25 I don't know, like a book you're forced to read in school or something.

Speaker 53 It's not a great feeling.

Speaker 22 Apologies.

Speaker 44 Do you have a belly button?

Speaker 14 What?

Speaker 70 Yes. It was in a movie I saw once.

Speaker 26 The test tube children have no belly buttons.

Speaker 50 I have one.

Speaker 62 Are you sure?

Speaker 26 Have you really checked?

Speaker 32 Yes.

Speaker 70 I'll take you at your word.

Speaker 51 I'm not a freak.

Speaker 26 According to you, you were grown in a test tube at the behest of a malevolent space demon. I think that puts you squarely in the freak category.

Speaker 35 That's not very nice.

Speaker 22 You should embrace it. I have.

Speaker 63 You're not a freak.

Speaker 26 Am I not?

Speaker 26 I'll show you.

Speaker 22 There.

Speaker 78 What's that look like to you?

Speaker 35 That's the

Speaker 20 side of your body?

Speaker 15 The scar, Fiona.

Speaker 45 Do you see it? Oh, Oh, yeah, what is that?

Speaker 26 When I was a girl, I was riding with my dad on the back of his wildly unsafe Italian moped.

Speaker 26 Either he turned the wrong way or the car did, but regardless, it hit us and decided to nearly take half my body with it. That is all that remains of one of my kidneys.

Speaker 48 You had a kidney removed?

Speaker 78 I did.

Speaker 26 Have you heard the one about the man who got into an accident and lost the entire left side of his body?

Speaker 75 No,

Speaker 78 he's alright now.

Speaker 54 I'm sorry.

Speaker 67 I've come to love my scar.

Speaker 29 We go everywhere together.

Speaker 41 How about us?

Speaker 26 A couple of freaks. I like to focus on the advantages.

Speaker 10 The advantages?

Speaker 26 Lost an adrenal gland as well. I can't produce enough adrenaline, and now I don't get nervous.

Speaker 22 Really?

Speaker 33 Hardly ever.

Speaker 26 I should have been on stage. I'd never get stage fright.

Speaker 53 Not being nervous sounds great.

Speaker 70 It is quite nice.

Speaker 26 Makes it quite easy to do all sorts of things.

Speaker 10 Like argue with twelve versions of your mom.

Speaker 26 Like bear my midriff to an attractive woman.

Speaker 26 Well, I don't think I've ever seen someone turn so red.

Speaker 45 Oh god, shut up.

Speaker 28 I don't mean to embarrass you.

Speaker 74 Oh, I think you do.

Speaker 23 All apologies.

Speaker 26 The day's been such a weird one, I was desperate to do something recognisable.

Speaker 26 So, drinking, flirting.

Speaker 26 Do you not do that?

Speaker 55 I don't know.

Speaker 26 Am I being on toward?

Speaker 22 Have I got my wires crossed?

Speaker 26 What is it you say in America? Am I barking up the wrong tree?

Speaker 45 No, you're this. I'm you.

Speaker 20 You are barking up the right tree.

Speaker 22 I've never.

Speaker 61 I've never been barked up before.

Speaker 78 Well,

Speaker 26 there's a crime.

Speaker 26 Shall we have another drink?

Speaker 26 Yes.

Speaker 52 Two minute warning.

Speaker 34 Oh,

Speaker 22 fuck.

Speaker 22 What is it?

Speaker 33 Oh, what a fucking world. Fiona.

Speaker 25 You have to go.

Speaker 16 I have? We've got two minutes.

Speaker 78 Uh, until what?

Speaker 54 Come on, I'm sorry.

Speaker 20 We have to go outside.

Speaker 33 Fiona, come on.

Speaker 26 I thought things were going fairly well, Fiona, but was it something I said?

Speaker 48 I told you a big long story about this place.

Speaker 67 Weren't you listening? I was a bit distracted as you were talking.

Speaker 76 Stand here.

Speaker 53 Stand here, right outside the parking lot.

Speaker 26 Oh, you can't be serious.

Speaker 65 Catherine, time-traveling dimension-spanning diner.

Speaker 63 Did you think I was kidding?

Speaker 26 I thought you were speaking figuratively.

Speaker 65 What could a time-traveling dimension-spanning diner be an analogy for?

Speaker 26 It really depends on the execution of the story, I'd say.

Speaker 35 Catherine.

Speaker 41 Thank you.

Speaker 4 I felt

Speaker 61 this felt like mine.

Speaker 16 That's a new feeling for me.

Speaker 26 Fiona, come on.

Speaker 22 Stay right here.

Speaker 31 I have to go inside. I still get vertigo when this happens, okay?

Speaker 26 Seriously?

Speaker 56 Goodbye.

Speaker 12 God damn it, Peter.

Speaker 30 What do you feel like doing tonight, Peter?

Speaker 31 We should really get some board games.

Speaker 55 Oh no.

Speaker 19 Oh no.

Speaker 19 Bye, everybody.

Speaker 20 Good luck on the rest of your trip.

Speaker 66 Hello.

Speaker 66 Hey,

Speaker 73 you're up.

Speaker 26 Thank you for letting me stay back there.

Speaker 54 It's no problem.

Speaker 22 Whose room is that?

Speaker 24 Gloria's.

Speaker 57 She's, uh.

Speaker 42 This is her place, really.

Speaker 63 She's gone now.

Speaker 26 Because she was dispatched by a malevolent space god.

Speaker 41 Hey, you were listening.

Speaker 26 Who's here?

Speaker 22 I don't know. They were pretty wild.

Speaker 10 I told them they didn't have to pay me, but they insisted on paying me with what I think can only be tabs of acid.

Speaker 22 Goodness.

Speaker 16 Remind me to look up who the merry pranksters were.

Speaker 16 What can I do for you?

Speaker 26 The problem with being someone who doesn't experience a lot of fear means you don't really know how to handle it when fear finally shows up.

Speaker 10 I understand.

Speaker 42 Of course, I understand.

Speaker 30 Can I make you some food?

Speaker 20 You should eat something

Speaker 26 a bit later. Okay.

Speaker 26 Is it gonna travel again?

Speaker 53 In a few minutes, yeah.

Speaker 26 I think I'll just go back to bed then.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 26 Would you come with me?

Speaker 66 Yes.

Speaker 43 For the first time in her life as a real girl,

Speaker 43 the ragdoll was touched, held,

Speaker 43 caressed.

Speaker 43 With each touch of a hand on her skin, it was as though her skin came to be.

Speaker 43 Her skin became real.

Speaker 43 A thing to be touched. A thing to be known.

Speaker 43 Where before there were scraps of felt and coat buttons, There was now a woman.

Speaker 43 Feeling for the first time, breathing in and out for the first time.

Speaker 43 Wanting someone of her own for the first time.

Speaker 26 Now, behave yourselves, you hungry bastards. You're getting the queue behind the others.

Speaker 57 I'm a little upset that they like you more than they like me.

Speaker 26 It's my wild nature that appeals to them. Isn't that right, boys?

Speaker 67 John Cook, behave yourself in mind.

Speaker 20 Peter, play fetch with John Cook, please.

Speaker 70 Not of boys, look at your mum.

Speaker 26 Don't you look dead sexy in a parker.

Speaker 67 Shut up. She blossoms in the wintertime, that one.
Like a camellia.

Speaker 22 Chronometer reading.

Speaker 73 Two years.

Speaker 66 Wow.

Speaker 70 Fuck me. Is it our anniversary?

Speaker 20 I guess so.

Speaker 20 Well,

Speaker 26 you're just as beautiful as the day I found you.

Speaker 22 Thanks.

Speaker 10 You too.

Speaker 26 Of course, I was shitting myself with fear on that day, so it is all a bit of a haze, but still.

Speaker 66 I

Speaker 31 you came along right before I was going to lose my mind.

Speaker 22 Sorry, it made you lose yours a little bit.

Speaker 26 I've got it all back again.

Speaker 26 Here I am on a nice sea alien landscape feeding what appears to be wolves while a robot plays fetch. Doesn't even faze me.

Speaker 78 So,

Speaker 26 how should we celebrate this glorious day?

Speaker 30 Sadly, I think we have to celebrate it by opening the front door.

Speaker 26 Duty calls then.

Speaker 26 All right, you little miscreants, your mums are off to earn a living.

Speaker 26 Let's see what the day's brought us, shall we?

Speaker 1 Today's episode is brought to you by the Penumbra Podcast. Imagine a future America that's somehow even worse than the present.

Speaker 1 Sea levels are rising, temperatures are climbing, and four couples have been selected for a dangerous reality TV competition. One designed by a sadistic host and a cheerfully violent algorithm.

Speaker 1 This is Thirst, a new satirical horror series from the Penumbra podcast.

Speaker 1 If you're a fan of reality competition shows like Survivor or Love Island, but wish they had the unsettling dread of the substance or the strange terror of Jeff Vandermeer's Area X trilogy, this story is for you.

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Speaker 11 Join the service.

Speaker 11 Coalition cruiser now boarding at gate 813.

Speaker 14 Eliminate your fusion confusion at Genuine Jacobs Reactor Barn.

Speaker 14 Well, now,

Speaker 70 this is new.

Speaker 28 It's a space station.

Speaker 26 Just floating out in the middle of nowhere.

Speaker 63 There are these huge things out there in between star systems.

Speaker 25 They're like airports.

Speaker 20 People are heading all over the place.

Speaker 26 Look at all the fucking aliens.

Speaker 23 Look.

Speaker 23 That one's pink. We're in the triad.

Speaker 78 What's that?

Speaker 54 The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum.

Speaker 25 Three galaxies connected by a big superhighway of work gates.

Speaker 26 How do you know?

Speaker 65 Every station has a kind of food court.

Speaker 56 That's where we are right now. If you look across the way there.

Speaker 23 Is that a fucking taco bell? Yes.

Speaker 26 In fucking space. Yes.

Speaker 48 People in the triad are obsessed with Earth, so they try and replicate Earth life as a kind of gimmick.

Speaker 13 Don't eat tacos if they aren't from Earth, though. They haven't figured them out yet.

Speaker 22 Oh, look at that fella.

Speaker 35 Wow.

Speaker 26 He's as thin as a clump of asparagus.

Speaker 29 I haven't seen one of those before.

Speaker 26 How does something that thin get that tall?

Speaker 73 I don't know.

Speaker 26 Looks hesitating. Do you think we have a customer?

Speaker 20 I think so.

Speaker 23 Whoa. Hello there.

Speaker 26 Welcome to Bin Nightburger.

Speaker 23 Greetings.

Speaker 11 May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies?

Speaker 54 I'm sorry.

Speaker 11 May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies?

Speaker 34 Um

Speaker 78 you are both Earthlings.

Speaker 26 Born and bred.

Speaker 1 Fascinating.

Speaker 26 Isn't it?

Speaker 11 I will recalibrate my introduction.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 3 I am Voon.

Speaker 11 I come from the planet Ert.

Speaker 44 Hello there.

Speaker 11 I am a Galdram. In the common parlance, I am known as a sorcerer.
I am tasked with documenting alien technologies.

Speaker 22 Oh.

Speaker 26 Not much technology under this roof.

Speaker 26 Aside from the tiny robot.

Speaker 11 Interesting. Would you mind?

Speaker 11 My scans are non-invasive, strictly for documentation purposes.

Speaker 11 Uh sure.

Speaker 30 I guess that's fine.

Speaker 11 Thank you.

Speaker 67 Voon, is it?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 26 I'm Catherine. That's Fiona.

Speaker 51 Hi.

Speaker 11 Salutations.

Speaker 26 Who's your little floating friend?

Speaker 11 That is M. M is my assigned Zengo, the implementation arm of my sorcerer systems.

Speaker 26 Hello, there.

Speaker 11 M has no personality emulation.

Speaker 23 Do you?

Speaker 54 So why are you scanning a robot, Voon?

Speaker 11 As a sorcerer, it is my mandate to identify relevant alien technologies and transmit this data back to my homeworld.

Speaker 26 Then what do you do with it?

Speaker 11 Ideally, we improve our own technologies.

Speaker 11 Curious. Your robot is bespoke.
It's what? It has no known manufacturer.

Speaker 58 Oh, no, someone made it.

Speaker 11 It contains technology from multiple regions, and yet they are seamlessly integrated.

Speaker 70 He is a handsome devil, isn't he?

Speaker 11 May I inquire as to its creator?

Speaker 20 Uh, Laif is his name.

Speaker 13 Laif.

Speaker 11 Lafe is is an earthling name. It is.
This unit was created by an earthling. Yes.
May I speak with them?

Speaker 55 He's not here anymore.

Speaker 11 Unfortunate. Are there other units of his creation?

Speaker 20 Uh, oh, yeah, head out back.

Speaker 11 Thank you.

Speaker 26 Babe, is this alright for us to be invaded by aliens?

Speaker 68 I don't know.

Speaker 28 He's so polite.

Speaker 70 He is quite gentlemanly.

Speaker 26 Should be fine.

Speaker 57 It's over here, next to the dumpster.

Speaker 14 Oh,

Speaker 14 my.

Speaker 64 Apparently, it's a space suit?

Speaker 54 I've never seen it used.

Speaker 31 They were stranded somewhere, and so Ava got in the suit and investigated some sort of anomaly.

Speaker 54 I think that's the story.

Speaker 1 Well, this is very curious.

Speaker 11 Is it the same implementation of multiple protocols, though?

Speaker 1 Well, this is very strange.

Speaker 11 The processor appears to be ancient Sidgian.

Speaker 56 Okay.

Speaker 11 This technology has not been available for

Speaker 11 it was from the first era of the original coalition.

Speaker 58 I don't know what any of that means, Voon.

Speaker 11 Fiona, may I perform a deeper scan of your establishment? These idiosyncratic findings warrant deeper investigation. Uh, Voon, the thing is.

Speaker 26 Yes? Who's gonna be the one to tell him?

Speaker 12 You know what, Voon?

Speaker 31 Go for it. Scan away.

Speaker 58 When you're done, you may want to sit down and have a cup of coffee.

Speaker 44 I do not require a beverage.

Speaker 26 Oh, you will, my skinny friend.

Speaker 10 Do whatever you need to, Voon.

Speaker 11 We'll be inside. My thanks.

Speaker 26 Aren't we supposed to be keeping a low profile until we can no longer help it?

Speaker 63 It's kind of a mixed bag in the triad.

Speaker 29 In some universes, nobody's heard of us, and then in others, everybody has heard of us.

Speaker 44 I never know which one it is.

Speaker 26 Well, he seems like a nice, incredibly tall and skinny man. Hope this place doesn't melt his brain as it did mine.

Speaker 63 Your brain doesn't seem melted to me.

Speaker 26 No, any more than it was when I arrived.

Speaker 29 How's it going, Voon?

Speaker 11 I I must contact my homeworld.

Speaker 1 Please excuse me.

Speaker 22 Sure.

Speaker 26 He's on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I can feel it.

Speaker 66 Hey,

Speaker 53 it's one year later.

Speaker 22 How are you feeling?

Speaker 22 I've taken to it all quite well, haven't I?

Speaker 63 I think so.

Speaker 26 It has been one very fine way of avoiding the question of what to do with my life.

Speaker 54 It's hard to make plans.

Speaker 26 This is a plan, in its way.

Speaker 26 If you'd asked me before all this if I'd like to travel time and space and sleep with a gorgeous woman at night, I would have said, fucking sign me up.

Speaker 23 How about you?

Speaker 26 One year later.

Speaker 41 It's been perfect.

Speaker 33 Voon, what's going on?

Speaker 67 Voon, are those your suitcases?

Speaker 11 Well, yes, these are my belongings.

Speaker 11 I must accompany you.

Speaker 11 Fascinating. Both spatial and temporal manipulations, as well as several unidentified lattices of energy.

Speaker 14 This is

Speaker 53 unexpected.

Speaker 30 Have you ever seen anything like this?

Speaker 11 I've never seen anything like this, nor have I seen anything like this roof. This man, Laith,

Speaker 11 you were saying that he resided on the roof.

Speaker 57 Yeah, he lived up here and worked up here.

Speaker 47 He was always making some sort of gadget.

Speaker 11 It's a fascinating assortment of chimeras.

Speaker 66 Of what?

Speaker 11 Many different types of technology, seemingly incompatible, turned into something greater than the sum of their parts.

Speaker 14 It's quite brilliant.

Speaker 20 Yeah, he was a pretty smart guy, apparently.

Speaker 26 So, Voon,

Speaker 26 your home planet has the power to tell you that you.

Speaker 26 Well, there's no other way of putting it, that you're moving in.

Speaker 11 I greatly appreciate your accommodation. I realize this is very abrupt, but I was informed by my homeworld that it was a rare opportunity.

Speaker 11 Please be assured that I will not be in imposition and that I shall use my accompanying technologies and expertise to increase your quality of life here, to pull my weight, as they say on your planet.

Speaker 14 Okay, uh, great.

Speaker 23 Voon, I have to say though, I don't think Laif would want you to mess with his things too much.

Speaker 11 It would be impossible for me to interact with this technology. It is all protected by a very aggressive safeguard.

Speaker 67 You say there's booby traps will pay a Voon.

Speaker 11 Not physical ones, but this entire system is guarded by a protocol known as Cognito Hazard Expunged, a destructive protocol used mostly in underworld environments.

Speaker 47 That sounds like Laif.

Speaker 11 There are many mysteries here. It may take a lifetime to unravel them.

Speaker 60 Oh, this is just the half of it, Voone.

Speaker 11 Please explain.

Speaker 11 A dimensional portal in your food storage area.

Speaker 51 Correct.

Speaker 26 Do you need a moment, Boone?

Speaker 11 I may require several.

Speaker 26 As did I.

Speaker 11 M has detected no technology. This is not a simulated environment.

Speaker 26 Here comes the welcoming committee.

Speaker 66 It's okay, Hagoon.

Speaker 22 They're very nice.

Speaker 22 There are denizens? Uh,

Speaker 22 yes.

Speaker 28 There's also two snow leopards out there somewhere, but we added those later.

Speaker 3 Leopards.

Speaker 35 You're about as big around as my forearm.

Speaker 67 Are you sure you don't need a puffy jacket?

Speaker 11 Deploy habitation dome.

Speaker 78 Wow.

Speaker 67 Oh, look at you, Inspector Gadget.

Speaker 78 It feels warm. I'll run and get my beach bowl.

Speaker 57 You can just carry a spring day around in your pocket.

Speaker 11 Begging your pardon, Fiona. My habitation dome is not nearly the most astounding thing in this moment.

Speaker 42 I guess we've gotten used to it all.

Speaker 6 Used to it?

Speaker 11 What is this place?

Speaker 26 Love, we've landed on Earth again. It's time to play our game.

Speaker 23 Woo! Okay, hang on.

Speaker 26 I'm ready to make my choice.

Speaker 34 Okay, go.

Speaker 26 1995.

Speaker 23 95?

Speaker 30 No way. I've made my choice.

Speaker 67 I think you're making a mistake.

Speaker 48 I don't think there were any Shaky's pizzas left by the 90s.

Speaker 26 I've made my choice. Okay.

Speaker 10 I'm going to say

Speaker 30 1981.

Speaker 78 You are dead wrong.

Speaker 30 It feels like the 90s. You weren't even alive in the 90s.

Speaker 26 Technically, you were only alive in 2012. What do you know about it?

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 54 Only time will tell.

Speaker 38 Tower, this is Dark One, climbing to 20,000.

Speaker 12 Keep your home fires burning.

Speaker 78 What the fuck was that?

Speaker 75 I don't know.

Speaker 48 I thought that radio was broken.

Speaker 22 Me too.

Speaker 38 Tower, I have established altitude, beginning wide man search.

Speaker 40 We'll advise. Hello?

Speaker 26 Are you trying to talk to the man in the radio?

Speaker 53 You don't know how normal that actually is.

Speaker 41 Hello?

Speaker 26 Shall we have Vone take a look at it?

Speaker 22 He's gone on a little mission, remember? Has he?

Speaker 25 I told him I had heard that there was some sort of technology deep in the deep freeze.

Speaker 30 It takes a couple of days to get there, so he's on a long weekend.

Speaker 55 When's he back?

Speaker 23 Anytime now, I think.

Speaker 38 Tower, this is Dark One and White Man Search, commencing Night Watch.

Speaker 23 Hello?

Speaker 22 Weird.

Speaker 26 Do you think he's trapped in the tiny radio?

Speaker 55 You have no idea how normal that is either.

Speaker 26 It's most likely some signal bouncing off of something somewhere. We'll have Vone take a look once he's back.

Speaker 54 I guess it's nice to have our own smarty pants know it all these days, isn't it?

Speaker 26 Absolutely. We'll leave it to him to suss out the complicated things, which means we go back to doing what we do best, which is, of course, being charming and looking fabulous.

Speaker 22 Sounds good.

Speaker 67 Oh, look at this.

Speaker 26 We appear to have someone diner curious in the parking lot.

Speaker 42 He looks confused.

Speaker 22 How do you suppose he got in that wheelchair?

Speaker 65 I don't know, but you cannot make that the first thing you ask him if he comes inside.

Speaker 26 No, why do you feel you have to warn me about that?

Speaker 48 Catherine, sometimes your whole cut-to-the-chase thing is just taken as insensitivity.

Speaker 26 Sometimes it is insensitivity.

Speaker 31 I'm gonna go talk to him.

Speaker 26 Are there any other topics I should avoid? Should he come inside?

Speaker 22 Probably, my love.

Speaker 51 Hey there.

Speaker 6 Evening.

Speaker 41 Can I help you with something?

Speaker 5 No, sorry. There.

Speaker 1 Used to be a VA here.

Speaker 22 Oh, really?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I haven't been around for a while, though. Y'all have any idea where it moved to?

Speaker 20 We, uh, we just opened.

Speaker 47 We're not too familiar with the neighborhood either.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 34 Are you okay?

Speaker 31 Do we need to figure out a way to get you to a hospital?

Speaker 5 No, it's nothing like that. I've been out of town for a long time, and there's always some bullshit that I got to deal with at the VA, so I usually try and come by when I can.

Speaker 5 Y'all got a phone book inside so I can look up where they move to?

Speaker 19 A phone book?

Speaker 65 Uh, no, sorry.

Speaker 67 We We do have coffee, though.

Speaker 54 Can I get you some?

Speaker 5 Yeah, that'd be all right.

Speaker 16 I'm Fiona.

Speaker 5 Captain Philip Buck.

Speaker 1 Pleased to meet you.

Speaker 55 Come on in, Captain.

Speaker 6 Ah, nice place.

Speaker 67 Good evening, soldier boy.

Speaker 72 Ma'am?

Speaker 58 Anywhere you like.

Speaker 22 I'll get you some coffee.

Speaker 26 Thank you. I'm Catherine.
Philip. So, tell me, soldier.

Speaker 26 How'd you end up in the chair?

Speaker 20 Catherine! What?

Speaker 5 It's all right. I know it's the first question on everybody's mind anyway.
I appreciate you getting it out of the way.

Speaker 26 Don't mention it.

Speaker 1 Plane crash.

Speaker 26 Oh, sounds nasty.

Speaker 5 Mercifully, I just woke up in the hospital.

Speaker 26 What was wrong with your plane?

Speaker 5 Oh, all sorts of things, probably. I'm a test pilot, so they're never working perfectly when I get them airborne.

Speaker 26 Must have been hard to come back from that.

Speaker 5 Well, in the Air Force, we have a saying.

Speaker 22 Huh? What's that?

Speaker 5 At least I'm not in the Army.

Speaker 51 Here you go.

Speaker 29 How about a grilled cheese sandwich?

Speaker 22 That sounds all right. Okay.

Speaker 22 You come here a lot?

Speaker 32 Oh, I work here.

Speaker 26 Fiona and I, we run the place together.

Speaker 5 Together?

Speaker 66 That's right.

Speaker 5 Y'all sisters?

Speaker 68 Well,

Speaker 26 no, Philip, no, we're not.

Speaker 22 Okay. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 20 You sure you're okay, Philip?

Speaker 5 Hey, it's the modern world, isn't it? 1981.

Speaker 5 Fuck.

Speaker 11 Fiona, I've discovered something.

Speaker 33 Voon, shh, shh, come here.

Speaker 54 What is it?

Speaker 31 We're on Earth 1981. We need you to lay low.

Speaker 11 I see.

Speaker 10 Stay here in the kitchen.

Speaker 31 I shall. What did you discover?

Speaker 11 The technology you told me of. I discovered it on the shore of an ocean.
It is technology from my planet.

Speaker 66 From Earth?

Speaker 6 Indeed.

Speaker 11 It's very curious. Have any other Earths visited the diner?

Speaker 62 Not that I know of.

Speaker 3 How strange.

Speaker 11 I'll need to make a full report. I shall retire to the roof so as not to.

Speaker 11 What was that term you use?

Speaker 22 Spook the locals.

Speaker 11 Yes, I shall avoid that. Okay.

Speaker 71 Wait, no.

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 10 I forgot the radio was making weird transmissions.

Speaker 16 Can you monitor it with your little floating guy?

Speaker 14 Em is not a guy.

Speaker 41 It's an earth expression.

Speaker 11 Shall I stay in the kitchen and monitor from here?

Speaker 6 Is that okay?

Speaker 72 Of course. You're the best.

Speaker 20 Phil, do you want fries with your grilled cheese?

Speaker 6 Sounds good to me.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 38 All's quiet up here, Tower.

Speaker 38 Shall we play that fun game where I talk so much that you institute radio silence?

Speaker 23 Oh, Oh, sorry about that.

Speaker 46 There's something wrong with our radio.

Speaker 55 It's picking up a weird signal.

Speaker 38 How about I lead us in a sing-along?

Speaker 56 It's weird, right?

Speaker 5 I know that guy.

Speaker 22 What? That's.

Speaker 5 I know that voice.

Speaker 12 What do you think, Tower?

Speaker 38 When Irish eyes are smiling, or they call the wind Mariah.

Speaker 62 Is that a friend of yours?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we used to fly together.

Speaker 5 What the hell is he doing coming through your radio?

Speaker 71 Tower, can you read me?

Speaker 54 I don't know.

Speaker 5 The radio wasn't even working the fuck is going on i don't know

Speaker 5 phil

Speaker 44 can he hear me i don't know

Speaker 5 brick house is that you bucky

Speaker 5 what are you doing in the tower man i'm not i'm not in the tower you're coming through an old radio

Speaker 38 what the hell is that about i don't know so you're just picking up a stray frequency i guess

Speaker 38 this reminds me of when we were testing the blackbird right? Right. That guy gets on a ham radio, gets on our frequency, and starts chatting us up.

Speaker 38 Had no idea he was talking to two guys in a top secret plane.

Speaker 5 We told them we were Braniff pilots.

Speaker 38 Flying into South Fork.

Speaker 5 Where there is no airport.

Speaker 38 This is fucking weird, man.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 38 Also, how come I can talk to you, but I can't reach the tower right now?

Speaker 12 No idea.

Speaker 38 Tower, can you read me?

Speaker 5 What are you flying?

Speaker 38 Uh, don't take this personally, but it's the SRX.

Speaker 12 Oh, really? Sorry, buddy.

Speaker 5 The plane that almost killed me.

Speaker 40 Don't worry.

Speaker 40 They fixed the landing gear.

Speaker 5 Oh, they did? Yeah. There were about 50 things wrong with that plane.

Speaker 38 49 now.

Speaker 44 Shit.

Speaker 38 It was kind of a rush job, but they needed the fastest thing they could find, and they needed it right now.

Speaker 5 What's going on?

Speaker 40 Stupid bullshit.

Speaker 1 Okay, what is it?

Speaker 38 You still got code word clearance, right?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 38 They're losing planes over New Mexico.

Speaker 3 Losing them? Yeah.

Speaker 38 Look, it's nonsense. They've lost a few planes and they've been hearing some weird stories, so they sent me up here in this thing.

Speaker 12 To do what?

Speaker 36 To um

Speaker 38 to chase it.

Speaker 3 It

Speaker 38 look, we've all got stories. We've all seen things.

Speaker 38 I don't know why they're freaking out about this.

Speaker 1 What are you chasing?

Speaker 38 Just ghosts in the sky, man.

Speaker 38 Before the planes were lost, there were reports about seeing something that was a triangle, then a square, then a triangle again.

Speaker 40 Whoa, it's bullshit.

Speaker 38 So, they sent something real fast up here to see if I can catch it.

Speaker 5 Sounds like some bullshit to me, man.

Speaker 38 Bucky, are you insinuating that the United States Air Force is being run improperly?

Speaker 11 I'm sorry, I must see.

Speaker 22 Fucking fuck is that?

Speaker 5 What the fuck is this?

Speaker 44 Okay, very important.

Speaker 20 Philip, Phil, put the gun away.

Speaker 5 Stay the fuck away from me.

Speaker 5 What the fuck is that?

Speaker 5 Why is it talking about you?

Speaker 11 Your friend is in danger.

Speaker 5 You're the one who's in danger, motherfucker. Stay the fuck back.

Speaker 5 What do you mean?

Speaker 11 He has reported that he is unable to communicate with his primary and reports a craft that appears both square and triangular.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 11 It will appear behind him and it will chase him until his fuel supply is nearly at an end. They will then destroy his craft.

Speaker 5 Who is they?

Speaker 6 They are called the Oquera.

Speaker 11 They are very dangerous.

Speaker 38 Holy shit. Holy shit.
I've got something on my six tower. Do you read me? I've got something on my six.

Speaker 40 It came out of nowhere.

Speaker 5 Brookhouse, can you still read me?

Speaker 38 Bucky, I can't reach the tower. Bucky?

Speaker 1 What's he supposed to do?

Speaker 11 He must place his craft under automatic control and then abandon it. If he is separated from his craft, he will no longer be a valuable target.

Speaker 11 My name is Voon. I mean you no harm.

Speaker 38 Holy shit, holy shit. Holy shit.
I can see it. I take it all back.
I can see it.

Speaker 5 Jesus. Nick, you've got to ditch.

Speaker 40 Bucky, say again.

Speaker 5 Hit autopilot, then ditch. They won't chase you, just the plane.

Speaker 38 I'm not even in Mach 1.

Speaker 40 I can try to outrun it. He cannot.

Speaker 5 You can't.

Speaker 38 What do you know about this that I don't?

Speaker 1 Nick, you've just got to trust me.

Speaker 5 Okay? Look at that thing behind you. Does it look like a friendly to you?

Speaker 38 engaging autopilot holy shit holy it's getting closer it's right on my tail you better be right about this bucky you better be right about this holy shit here i go holy shit ditching

Speaker 5 nick

Speaker 5 nick are you still there

Speaker 38 I'm in the breeze. I'm in the breeze.
That was several million dollars of research I just returned to the taxpayers. I hope you're right about this.

Speaker 40 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 38 Fuck it, just shot me down. It just shot the plane down.

Speaker 38 Fuck. Good call, Bucky.

Speaker 38 All right, man. I've got several minutes before I hit the ground.
You want to tell me what the fuck is

Speaker 5 Nick? Are you still there?

Speaker 11 He is safe now.

Speaker 65 Phil, I know this is a lot.

Speaker 10 I know this is insane.

Speaker 10 Can you do me a favor and just put the gun down?

Speaker 35 We're just people, Phil.

Speaker 20 We're just people trying to help.

Speaker 31 We're just

Speaker 33 people.

Speaker 23 And

Speaker 29 a robot.

Speaker 54 A tiny robot.

Speaker 1 What is this place?

Speaker 57 Phil, are you okay out here?

Speaker 22 I'm good.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 10 I still have a hard time being out here too long when we're traveling.

Speaker 25 I get vertigo pretty easily.

Speaker 5 Try looking at your finger and then following your finger without moving your head.

Speaker 56 Okay.

Speaker 5 Also, don't make sudden head movements.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 1 Also, drink more water?

Speaker 5 That's a solution for most things.

Speaker 13 Thanks.

Speaker 5 Take it from a guy who's lost the horizon more times than he's had a hot breakfast.

Speaker 13 Any fire's remorse?

Speaker 31 I was serious when I said there's no going back.

Speaker 6 I'm good.

Speaker 1 At least I'm flying again.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hello, hello. Another year.

Speaker 70 Good morning, Doctor.

Speaker 2 Catherine, how are you doing?

Speaker 26 I'm well. Are you ready for another stressful day?

Speaker 2 Always, Catherine, always.

Speaker 2 Where is our girl?

Speaker 6 Hey, doctor.

Speaker 2 Hello, Fiona. Greetings.

Speaker 22 Oh, my.

Speaker 28 Doctor, this is Voon.

Speaker 20 He's new.

Speaker 25 Voon, this is Dr. Caborant.

Speaker 11 I am pleased to meet you, Doctor.

Speaker 6 Well, look at you.

Speaker 72 Hello there.

Speaker 11 May I scan your planet for relevant technologies?

Speaker 44 Relevant technologies?

Speaker 2 Well, I I don't see why not.

Speaker 1 This is greatly appreciated.

Speaker 44 Well, look at this little thing.

Speaker 2 Isn't that fascinating?

Speaker 70 Also, this is Philip.

Speaker 5 Hey there, Doc.

Speaker 44 How are you doing?

Speaker 3 Oh, Doc.

Speaker 72 I love that.

Speaker 6 Hello there, Philip.

Speaker 2 Well, this is quite a full house you have here, Fiona.

Speaker 35 It's a nice little group.

Speaker 44 Wonderful.

Speaker 28 Also joining us is this handsome devil.

Speaker 49 Oh, what is that?

Speaker 30 This is the FEMA E61, Doctor.

Speaker 6 What do you do with it?

Speaker 19 It makes coffee.

Speaker 3 Alright, good.

Speaker 1 We like coffee.

Speaker 10 But it does so much more than that.

Speaker 44 Do tell.

Speaker 22 Okay, espresso at the bottom, and then we add the milk.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is very fancy.

Speaker 20 Here you go.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go.

Speaker 44 Oh my.

Speaker 22 Right.

Speaker 2 That is really something.

Speaker 20 It really is.

Speaker 2 I didn't know coffee could taste like this.

Speaker 10 Still just coffee and milk, but the FEMA does something magical.

Speaker 61 Hmm?

Speaker 2 It truly does. Well, with all these new folks and this new contraption, the Age of Fiona is shaping up quite well, isn't it?

Speaker 19 The Age of Fiona?

Speaker 2 Yes, you know, we never really explained this to Casper. He was never one for small talk.
Each new proprietor of the diner marks a new age for us.

Speaker 58 Each new.

Speaker 53 I don't understand. Ah.

Speaker 2 We're currently in the age of Fiona. Before you, there was the age of Casper.
Before him, there was the age of Cody McClure.

Speaker 2 Then there was the first age, the age of Marissa.

Speaker 61 Marissa?

Speaker 2 Yes, that's how this all began. You see, we suffered from a terrible plague about a thousand years ago.
We could find no cure for it and were nearly wiped off the face of the planet.

Speaker 2 We were reduced to small isolated communities around the globe.

Speaker 2 A couple of generations later, we had developed an immunity to the disease, but the isolation and suspicion had become ingrained in our culture.

Speaker 2 Then, one day, a man named Monad Nick found the diner, walked inside, and there was Marissa. Now, they didn't speak the same language, so it was a bit difficult.

Speaker 2 But Marissa was a practitioner of the sacred art known as Esel.

Speaker 2 Years later, Marissa would return to teach Monad Nick more of her language and give him the sacred texts to learn while she was away.

Speaker 2 Monad Nick began to teach this language to others, and, long story short, that's what we needed to come together as a society, a common language that didn't belong to any community.

Speaker 62 Oh my god.

Speaker 6 Wonderful story, isn't it?

Speaker 29 So, Casper wasn't the first one here?

Speaker 2 Oh, no, not at all.

Speaker 6 Not according to our history, anyway.

Speaker 22 Wow.

Speaker 2 So, are we all ready to go?

Speaker 78 Um,

Speaker 54 yeah, yeah, we're ready when you are.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go, Fiona.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we have another freak man.

Speaker 56 Hey, there you are.

Speaker 47 Is everything okay?

Speaker 63 You usually like hanging out with the thegronies.

Speaker 78 I'm alright.

Speaker 78 You've

Speaker 65 you've been a little distant for a while now, actually.

Speaker 26 What's going on? Nothing, I'm fine.

Speaker 22 Baby, come on.

Speaker 26 It's a bit more crowded in there, is all.

Speaker 20 It's the same number of people as last time.

Speaker 52 Oh.

Speaker 63 You're not talking about the Thegronies.

Speaker 26 Just seemed a bit simpler when it was just the two of us.

Speaker 54 Yeah, I know, but

Speaker 22 this is life.

Speaker 42 This is how it works.

Speaker 18 How would you know how life works?

Speaker 22 Catherine.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry, sorry I didn't

Speaker 78 what is that

Speaker 65 I need you to go inside

Speaker 54 tell Phil and Voon to come outside keep the thegronies inside

Speaker 22 what's happening right now

Speaker 22 Peter zone defense

Speaker 11 What's going on? We are told there is an emergency it's

Speaker 35 it's the bad guys.

Speaker 6 The bad guys?

Speaker 26 Fiona, what do you mean? I

Speaker 63 I thought they couldn't find us.

Speaker 22 Fiona, are we under attack?

Speaker 63 I think so.

Speaker 5 Hey, heads up.

Speaker 13 Now, who the fuck is this?

Speaker 36 Did you think

Speaker 34 you could hide from us?

Speaker 1 Deploy tactical dome.

Speaker 11 I am unclear of your intentions, but I am currently assessing your technology and your weaknesses. Aggression is not recommended.

Speaker 12 But hell, don't let us stop you.

Speaker 65 Catherine, go inside,

Speaker 66 Catherine.

Speaker 3 All right, then

Speaker 5 let's get it on.

Speaker 14 Dictation

Speaker 11 Sorcerer ID 5850 Trinary As a general overview of my time here, I am of two minds.

Speaker 11 Since my arrival at my Terminus mission, I have been able to document an outsized amount of technologies both for archival and advancement purposes.

Speaker 11 Far more than if I were to conduct missions in a traditional format.

Speaker 11 As directed, I have transmitted my findings when in an environment where networks are available.

Speaker 11 This work has been

Speaker 11 extremely satisfying.

Speaker 11 However, there is an overarching project that I have self-assigned, and this project's completion has proven to be elusive.

Speaker 11 We have been here before.

Speaker 11 What is Earth's relationship to this anomalous craft?

Speaker 11 Additionally, is this a craft?

Speaker 11 Additionally, is this technology?

Speaker 11 If I am correct in my assessment of a previous Earth presence at this location, I'm requesting all pertinent records.

Speaker 11 In dictation.

Speaker 11 Coming up.

Speaker 11 Good evening, Captain.

Speaker 1 Are we calling this evening?

Speaker 11 My thinking was that considering we are all circadian beings, referring to a definitive night and day would help bring normalcy.

Speaker 5 Okay, cool.

Speaker 5 Good evening to you then.

Speaker 5 This elevator thing is working real good, Boone.

Speaker 11 I am pleased. Its assembly was quite simple.

Speaker 5 How are things up here?

Speaker 11 The work continues. Have you done a recent assessment of Fiona's emotional state?

Speaker 6 She's a little fucked up right now, but she'll be all right.

Speaker 11 I have yet to fully understand the reason for Catherine's departure.

Speaker 22 Oh, yeah?

Speaker 11 Surely this mode of existence is a highly stimulating and enriching environment. Why would someone prefer less of this stimulation?

Speaker 5 I hear you.

Speaker 5 I did test flight training on an F-104.

Speaker 5 Real fast plane.

Speaker 5 I took it over Mach 2.

Speaker 5 One time I was in an adventurous mood and I took it all the way up top.

Speaker 5 30,000 meters.

Speaker 5 I flipped it and I looked down at the earth.

Speaker 5 Like touching the hand of God.

Speaker 1 For me, that was a transformation.

Speaker 5 I was a new man when my wheels were down on the ground.

Speaker 5 And for someone else, they would have shit their pants, passed out, and swore to never get into a plane again.

Speaker 5 Your heaven is somebody else's hell, no matter how great it may feel to you.

Speaker 11 Is there anything we can do to assuage her current symptoms?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 5 There's no cure for something like that. She'll be alright, though.
All good in the long run.

Speaker 6 Struggle is important.

Speaker 5 Anyway, I brought you one of those avocado sandwiches that you like. I know you're working.

Speaker 11 Thank you, Captain.

Speaker 5 And thank you again for the lift. Nice being up here.

Speaker 72 Of course.

Speaker 11 Captain.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 11 If I may, it is also within my means to employ various technologies so that you may

Speaker 11 so that you may walk.

Speaker 11 These would be improvised field solutions, but certainly employable

Speaker 11 if you would like.

Speaker 6 Struggle is important,

Speaker 68 I understand

Speaker 22 Time.

Speaker 43 Loneliness.

Speaker 66 Love.

Speaker 43 Happiness.

Speaker 66 Struggle.

Speaker 43 Friendship.

Speaker 22 Heartbreak.

Speaker 43 Each of them like a blade.

Speaker 43 Cutting away the strings and cloth,

Speaker 43 revealing the flesh beneath it all.

Speaker 43 This This skin, it hurts me more, thought the Ragdoll.

Speaker 43 But this skin is mine.

Speaker 43 Worth the pain, worth the loneliness.

Speaker 78 And now,

Speaker 43 what to do with it?

Speaker 59 Chronometer rating

Speaker 59 eight years.

Speaker 66 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 31 They say that you listen to Gloria.

Speaker 28 Is that true?

Speaker 55 I've wanted to say all sorts of things to you all this time, but I think I was afraid that

Speaker 22 you'd answer or something.

Speaker 65 There are people who need us, you know.

Speaker 55 We left people behind, and I think we're their only hope.

Speaker 71 So what are we doing?

Speaker 19 Can you tell me what we're doing?

Speaker 35 You saved me from a really horrible place, but those people that you,

Speaker 22 I don't know, love?

Speaker 58 They're out there and they need you, but instead it's all of this.

Speaker 24 And I'm really confused.

Speaker 16 And I'm really heartbroken, and

Speaker 22 I don't

Speaker 10 understand the point.

Speaker 20 And I couldn't say that before.

Speaker 48 I was just this directionless lump.

Speaker 16 I was somebody's experiment.

Speaker 24 I was a repository of fake memories.

Speaker 54 I was a barista in 2012 for I don't know how long.

Speaker 28 I was just.

Speaker 63 I was a thing.

Speaker 41 I'm a person

Speaker 55 now.

Speaker 45 I'm a person now, and I can stand here on my own two feet and I can say to you, what the fuck?

Speaker 20 What

Speaker 20 is this all

Speaker 20 about?

Speaker 20 You

Speaker 22 knew

Speaker 22 all of that.

Speaker 63 I was walking through the diner with Peter's instructions in my hand, and you.

Speaker 42 I didn't have a history.

Speaker 58 I didn't have anything that was mine, and you knew that

Speaker 16 you gave me a history,

Speaker 58 one that was mine.

Speaker 46 Is that what this was

Speaker 58 this whole time?

Speaker 35 Is that what this was?

Speaker 35 Horia

Speaker 35 Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 38 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

Speaker 7 We open at six.

Speaker 1 Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Burtbert, Bethany, 2nd Bethany.
You call her Bethany, I call her Hedphany.

Speaker 1 The Goblins ride to the aid of the Bethanies. Reesey Pontiff bankrolls battling Bethany Basaurus Rexes.
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Speaker 1 Chad Hatter, Space Mage in the War Against the Bethanies. The Bethanies demand more Omega Station.
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Speaker 1 Chase and her army of turtles join the Bethany War. Dr.
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Speaker 1 is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began their war with so many years ago. Topher the Sporadic Gay Bethany, Philip Sears.

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Speaker 1 Billy Rose Stole My Bethany's, Alexandre Laroque has brought La Guillotine to assist the Bethany's in their survival war, Vive la Révolution, the Julius Bohannan Foundation, the coalition of patrons named Bethany, and contributions to your TED station from viewers like you.

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Speaker 1 One intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, aka The Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka aka 47, Kai, just a little guy, Dale Van Hoos, Ender Wright, Mark Nazarowich, Capturer of Light, Muckle Wang, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie McCallick, Greg Andrews Lyons, Just Matt 85, Gracie Joe Sheeran, Magnus von Kaffenheim, Ferocious Lil Beast, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The unlucky son and his wife Fuji Cakes, Jennifer Myers, a chef named JJ wants to apply to be Gloria's new line cook, Sanford Underground Research Facility, not large underground Xenon Experiment, Anaz, Lord of Stories, Donnie Darko, aka Darko the Destroyer, Tom Shin, Caitlin and CT's Neverending Podcast Adventures, Whisperdan, Alexis Walker, Keo the Panda Puppy, Forklift Operator, Charity and Ruby, Nick Faye, Julie and Her Man Servant Olin, Justin, Jen Sims, Ring to the M-O-T-A-S, The Leathermans, Lukewarm Fart, Odd Commodity, Ander Ho, Annabelle Coupier's De Lou Denbooter, Earthwitch, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapeza, Lawrence McCoy Phelan, Lono, Caitlin Hoagland, Jonathan Tolbert, Mr.

Speaker 1 PutItOn06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, J.Pierre, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, Damn Glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Ezekiel Lansdowne, Samuel Lee, What's His Face, like the Actual Guy, Josetron Prime, Nicholas Beckler, Arwen the Freer, Throat Goat666, I Am Your Father, Addie Slausson, Inconceivable Kai, Nick Waycaster, Gotham Still Fucked Up, Batman Really Ain't Doing Shit When You Think About It No Good Monk, Sarmad Sayed, Pugalicious Freshington III Esquire, P.B.

Speaker 1 Jamesy, Pastel Jellyfish, Jonald Grimbus, Tasmanik Starting to Shift at 6, Matt Knight Bouchager, Demetri, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Brooke Shelton, Gabriel, The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, Colbon287, Axel Zapata, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Linnick, Hugh Jass, Deshane, Miles Nelson, Catherine Beach, Nico DeGaio, Ghost Great on Midnight Burgers, Lenny Harris, Betty Hayes and the B-Team, The Bean Wizard, Tim Lynch, Ransom, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Droughtbreaker, Aaron Mitchell, The Floof Wrangler, King Felix Blaze of the Galactic Third Street Saints, Dana Dana Bobana, Fifi Fofenna, Dorothy Graves, Leaf Loves Laser Guns Left Lying Lackadaisically by Labuza, Gix the Norwegian Viking Impersonator, Seminity, Mags, Megan the Meg Young, Fermi's Paradoxans, Honey Cooper, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Aluzi, Trev Brax, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, hold please, Kay Kayao, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Nope, Ruby Booth, Bubberduckle, Yaegor Loose, Terry Cadz, Tarian Roundtree, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Cat Lucido, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Caitlin Hess, V, Gorgon Lightfoot, Ma Dukes, U.S.

Speaker 1 Marshal Stacey, Ooh, Chickadee, Terran of the Guild of Free Cartographers, Sweet Chaos 7, Dango Dale, Etsy, not the website.

Speaker 1 At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you.

Speaker 1 Jo Paulo Limos, Odd Keep the Sentient Lighthouse, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Anya Tea Pelt, Zosifer, Doggo of Doom, Zachary DeFeo, Kevin Winans, Marlon C., Madame Perry, Cherish Hellfire, Mistress of Time and Space, Lycan Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesi West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emrian Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats, Love the Diner, House Chaos and Critter Cacophony, Max Enia, and Ivon's Mark, Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Misty Don Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barrahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Kaylee Heights, Radio Ghoul, Nissy's Mom, Poke Splort, Whiskey Rebellion, and Gin Riots, Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Ultreon, Slim Nandy, Gother Laith, William Lemoyne, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballyon Fair, The Night of Silver Flames, Unpaid Intern that can barely afford the $10 a month, but fuck it, you guys earned it.

Speaker 1 Valkyrie Storm, Patricia, who's always late but somehow on time, DC Squirrel, Ryan, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gail Friend, Bang, Bang, Bang, Baby, Potakos, Rubbercake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Crockigator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cried Frickin', Renee N, Isaiah Garcia, R.I.P.

Speaker 1 Eloise Waffles, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land TTRPG Dice, K-8 the Curiouser, Moxie, a Blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, Lil Birch and Her Beaches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr Foxworth, Ted Teddon Teddy, Merryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole 6-4, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast, The Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional, but Fries Aren't.

Speaker 1 Max Powers, Angel Vasquez, Tara, Stephen Raymer, J.

Speaker 1 Carp Fishman, Mistress Roxy Mornet, The Great Gablino, Low Oxygen, Save the Munos, Lilac Marcella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve.

Speaker 1 Don't worry about the order, honey. Your Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley P.

Speaker 1 Snodgrass III, but please, call me Smedy, The Shreveport Bohanans, C.C.

Speaker 1 The Umbrella Mage, Bradbury Sasquatch, Din, Cosmic Catch-Up, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmogist, and HaasFest, Ashley Davis, Mousie, The Intergalactic Panstarts League, Postmaster General Kwan Sentme, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit 14, Royaled WAY Too Harshly, DJ Johnny B., The Great Bowel Shift, Marco Montano, A Gnat Named Bug, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachak, Christopher Wendell, Nelly Fertaco, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer, the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Alondra, The Sorcerer Sanguine, and the Pretty One with the Face, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, Mime Ninjas Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dilly is Dallying, Podcast Junkie, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hetlin, Dylan Karone, Pedro Vibristo, Penny Sparkles, Slider, Dimitri, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the the gayest library janitor in Indiana, the wife named the cat Casper, turns out it's a girl, Physic the Goodbush, Scout Mistress and her phalanx of intergalactic Eagle Scouts, Happy Birthday, Angie from Midnight, Murder, Vapus 10's Big Black Gaping Hole, Gubrious, you know, like Lugubrious, but without the Lou.

Speaker 1 Bruce, Jessica Gaio Gamma, Cabernet Corsair, Toricle, Jenny the Bear, Grrr, Bellringer, Serdine Thorne, Treach, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Haute Potato, Dr.

Speaker 1 Mojo Tinkergestalt, Blindtime Traveler Convention Date, LA Woman, The Phoenix Rising, New Name, God? No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew.

Speaker 1 Miss Luann, a British woman with cute dogs, cup of noodles, Shmizzy Two-Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smallin, Rico31, Craig Dundee, the names Knight with a K, Astral C, Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Bagel Knife, Inmelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Ulfheimer, Nate, Forklift, Lifts Forks for Cliff, Vince M, Brick Brick, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Joanna Banks, Brian Pasley, Subawasa, Grinna, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Retro Dagwood.

Speaker 1 Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love, Josh from Accounting, Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr.

Speaker 1 Jones, Virgin of Velociraptor, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassad, Norwin Murgler, The Starset Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on why you don't think about bugs.

Speaker 1 Joe Cuppa, Weeby Chop at Braca Leehi, Kyle, the hacker known as Ivy DeBerb, Rachel Vasquez, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr.

Speaker 1 Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Britt Littlefair, Michelle Myers, Glenn Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prim, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Lauren Benner, Benner, Stephanie Buch, Andrea Crowther, Luca Vicito, Boots Guten Dave, Naya Venturi, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Jessica Engela, Kevin Daughtry, Meredith Jester, Martin Deers, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Richard Ryan Moschel, D.

Speaker 1 Flower, Kella T. Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung.
Josie Jones, V.

Speaker 1 Greenlee, Eliza Sharp, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder. I hope something good happens to you today.
Yes, you.

Speaker 1 Edwin McDonald, a feisty-s chickadee, poultry landmine, the scrappy poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, shit, it was a mimic, Basil and their tea, waiting to gossip with David, Ainsley, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovelybead, Zoe, Professor Freyda, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Two, one month trapped in this freezer, still no bathroom, starting to hallucinate, Howling, Son of Defarge, Whisko Teach, Scott A.

Speaker 1 Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Casper's Cult, Samolema Ding Dong, Sarah, That's It, Just Sarah, Ricardo Golamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag WeWeave Em of Gossamer, Swither and Sister, Deeringer, Penny the Wonder Dog, and Bucky von Buckbuck, Kintex Iridian, Cherry Appleby, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen as a Verge fanboy, Mick J67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil says, Get your mammogram?

Speaker 1 Is this thing recording? Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter.

Speaker 1 Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bach Bach motherfucker, everybody's favorite clown, Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Kosher Steak, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Muscles for Tits, Alan Berglund says, Hi, Mom, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet.

Speaker 1 Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Richard Schofeld, Schofeld, Jim Turner, Felix Sullivan, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadedes.

Speaker 1 I named my puppy Supreme Captain Queen Brunhilda Ganesha Maple Venture Salterine Mudsox D. Sparks.
Boom Boom's Wooden Leg. Will the real Moi Deeb please stand up?

Speaker 1 Kitty Cat and Lollipup can't get enough of this. U Dawn 96, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia.
Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table?

Speaker 1 A singular nightbird. I am the lizard frantically firing flachette guns.
bumblefay, mr.

Speaker 1 Epsilon, the mothman, long-haired Matt, DJ, Robert W., Brilzebub, Krezimira, Jessa Lorin, Mayday Hoops, Myth and Stitch Embroidery, Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Burt Ruba, Jeffree George, Even Older Whimsy, Ellie, Don't Terrif Me, Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat for You to Pet, Grimlore, Existential Pancakes, Jenny Waboom, Aaron Popsicle Stick, M.

Speaker 1 Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Cappy, Jack Spider's Mom, Tyler Edwards, LlamaFresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Burt Burton the Funky Bunch, Carora the 12th, Shhh, Just listen.

Speaker 1 Damian Fletterjohn, ZomCon, Welcome to the Quan Pound, Pen, Pen, Pen, Pen, Pen. Mr.
Muchacho Kaisersnitzel is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station.

Speaker 1 The Wolves in the Deep Freeze Say Awoo!

Speaker 1 Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, Even older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Siddikin Druidic Scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary, out there somewhere looking for you, Grandma Panty, JS, Eldritch Ender, Squunky,

Speaker 1 Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Shaloma, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez. Hello, Big List.
I'm Dad. Now let Joe get some rest.
It's time for bed.

Speaker 1 Muffins, Space Wives, Captain Jack Hartness once Peter the Robot.

Speaker 72 Oreo? Oreo.

Speaker 1 No wait, pineapple. Actually, never mind.

Speaker 6 Oreo.

Speaker 1 Banana Manaz, a corgi cold kibble, cudly kraken, life's a load studio, and his wife Meganator.

Speaker 1 The game, Axel Light, Sarge the Bard, Riel Then, El Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, The Other Original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, Celestiani, Hazel the Jaded Umbra pulls out a marker and approaches Sign My Shovel to sign Sign My Shovel Shovel, Leah Aizati, Millie Was Taken, Hanas, Ben Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran, Wabajack, Zoe and Her Army of Mice, Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, I Have Always Relied on the Kindness of Diners, Dr.

Speaker 1 Bootiologist the Glutes Doctor, The Hoods Pocket Pants Darts League reminds all players that clean underwear is required. Tobias Ewing.
Thank you for pressing too.

Speaker 1 Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, R.I.P.
Lance McLean, You Would Have Midnight Burger. Adam Tokelove, Dr.

Speaker 1 Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Eros Dagode, the size 2 fish you've been looking for, Iokai, Borja, Natasha Without Boris, Spiders are Cuddly, Lafayette Lasagna Lovers 1, Main Immortal Billy Rose that has all the corn dogs, Chiel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Polywog, Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII, Mr.

Speaker 1 Grin, Glenn Petrofsky, this moment of silence, so Joe can catch his breath, is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, CheapCon, yeah, you heard me, Greg Laramie, and Drop, CheapCon, Funch Brunglin, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time Spanning Hype Train, Dave Harold, WiseCube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt, and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, pronounced Bro Mine, Main Hamdenga, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Laif's 18-inch Peter, Sealface, Rigor Mortise, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Shiny Fields, Magical Maggie, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Matthew with two T's, the first T is Silent, Igneous Burp, Darth Ox.

Speaker 1 This brief pause is brought to you by Michelle Kay's wish for Joe to catch his breath. Aaron Arnold, Mamamander B.

Speaker 1 Raz and Sluntmaster J, Valen Real, Little Dork and Big Shit, Take Manhattan, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, Broom Goddess, The Lord Reverend, Portagos Pex, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's Ten Tenebris Tanstaffle Tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales.

Speaker 1 Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck Naked, the lovely Lara Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's flaming cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Hair Hawks, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch, Scrubs, Just some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says woof, Whiskered, Randy Spears at VO Arts Shop.

Speaker 1 Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B.

Speaker 1 Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ole Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, Time Flies Like an Arrow, Fruit Flies Like a Banana, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Brayer Rabbit, Pant Starts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know he cares.

Speaker 1 Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbs DeCoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Moobie the Golden Calf, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Babba485, aka Schimmelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Oh Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space-Based Space-Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley, Lady Folly, Canadian waitress, Mr.

Speaker 1 Steamwave, my friend the rhino says be nice,

Speaker 1 Dream Founder, Amya Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster, and her dear darling Duke, Gus, Coco Yumi is painting ponies, Huggamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom,

Speaker 1 DL, Annie the Tiny Librarian, Crandyman the Pug Whisperer, Garot, Nick Gomez, Our Cat Said to Tell You, Meow, Bag of Oats, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr.

Speaker 1 Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, The Benny Yapper, Abenasso, Trina Ward, Ada, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmies from Your Local Dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Mimetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Starr, Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaus, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chris Alfred, the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finelli, Jonathan Kay,

Speaker 1 Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Birotron 95, Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents, Dance Break!

Speaker 1 Speaku, the Bracken system and its homeworld Wren, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castellan, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar.

Speaker 1 Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Must Be a Witch, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, Squirrels All the Way Up, Stoppenstein L.

Speaker 1 Mustachio, Lucifer Hezekiah, Lachiwawa Brava, Adeline Pets, Cece Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Moms of MILF, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava, Kurdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet DeLeche, Get Out of Mabooth, Bug, Propagator, I hardly know her, Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl42, Little Dragon in a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lilia, The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Septi and Asha have hots for the Mucklewanes and would gladly be their unicorns, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs, Red Bathia Panda, Jean-Luc Gabot, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife, Alexander the Boss, Scrizzles, Thwap, Kiddy, Giddy, Kitty, The Firekeeper, The End is Die, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy Bick Speedy, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, Speckled Unicorn, a Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade's Short Sword, Forget Normal, A Diome, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Fikachu, Smythey, Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Danon Deb, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetticini Alfredo, Amalgamous Pax, Pebbles, Princess V.

Speaker 1 V., Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borough, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr.

Speaker 1 Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I, and Accomplice, Princess Penelope of the Marioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr.

Speaker 1 Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Dinkins, Kat Holtz, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, The What Weekly Media Database, Eva Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet My Boy, 46 Tool Shed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E.

Speaker 1 Melt, Missed Everyone, A Round of Yards on the House, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato, Alex, Neverchild, Dr.

Speaker 1 Nassos, Interdimensional Space Biologist, Kiboko DuNord, Lil Kev, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barding, DJK DJK, Taryn says, Hey, Oreo's our rabbit.

Speaker 1 Sandalwood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Henry. Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H.
Hey, it's me again, warranty lady. What happened to us?

Speaker 1 You never returned my calls anymore. Did we lose our spark? Patricia the Time Lord.
Is it though? Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug, and the Quirky Jester. The Big Moose demands justice for Betty.

Speaker 1 Glory Cole, Janelle Miaonet's Cat Butler, O'Shin Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack.

Speaker 1 Churro Cat the Sun God, Alex Spence, Dr. D.
Birdclawspweather, and Mrs. Dubop Duay Birdclawspweather want to go to space, you know, for the weather.

Speaker 1 Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, the wild thistle, most likely Cass. James Harlow has decided he's ready to see the claw.

Speaker 1 I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr.

Speaker 1 Caborant, also known as Omni, thanks, Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Calkins, Guacamolio, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat666, Princess Leia, Prime Freak, They Call Me Pie Guy, Imperial Grand Poobah of the Burgerverse, Droid Pirate Finlay and his Rubinesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finlay and his Rubinesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Drunken Coyote, Deflator Mouse, Tony Piakarsky, Adrian R., The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Kimber Derp, Crazy Thaddley, The Harbinger Pulsar, Crimulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twigster, The Rural Juror is a massive fan, Fake Ween, Uop Schnar to the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, C.R.

Speaker 1 Iptid, For My Mother, Homer, Are We Doing Crimes, CCTX Girl6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso, Sign by Shovel. K the Flying Penguin says honk honk to all the geese out there.

Speaker 1 Truckstop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Happy Birthday, Lana Banana, Utrid and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, Fueling the Intergalactic Fight Against Fascism, Not Sure What I'm Doing, Leia Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullisie, Warped Ryder, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Terwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glennis Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White813, Good Grief People, I Need to Breathe, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucien Thunderstruck,

Speaker 1 Oh, Mamama, Doozer sees your all Anus Borissette and wants to raise you a Florida State Seminal Vesicles.

Speaker 1 The other Adele, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, needs fresh towels in room 3 at the horizon, silly Willie Bubblebutt, Sierra Not from Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Fluo Flost in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr.

Speaker 1 Meepod, A Cat Named M, Potito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Moe, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift.

Speaker 1 The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer, Solivia, Jusiton, Papitos, Boomhauer, you can call me Boom. I'm an onomanopoeia.
Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods. I'm

Speaker 1 Ritwards.

Speaker 1 Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Hold My Yard, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr.

Speaker 1 Triggvy, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, River Waters, Coppercoin the Dumpster Wizard, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E., Emma, Mr. and Mrs.

Speaker 1 Oboe, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabby's Painter and Her Bird Bird of Fire, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q Dell, Pharrell, Emily with Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk, Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Yeoe Gagarin, Issa the Straga, D.

Speaker 1 Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, Buffy's Daughter.

Speaker 1 A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. You know, I switched to coffee years ago.

Speaker 1 Bufar Dees Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stoles, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonderlama, R-Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina.

Speaker 1 Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Boisenberry, aka the Boys, A, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The The Shapeshifting Sad Girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, the Kells, Cat Ooo

Speaker 1 Lina, Angry Leaf's Laser Saw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, The Space Cowbie, no, the Space Weather Banjo, no, the Spweather Banjer, Skexis, Randy Zamigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankentener, Nordalbash, Jordan, Arwin X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage,

Speaker 1 AudioMonkey, Joe, Team Hafeweisen, Monica and Mason K, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Pistachio Inc., Arienne Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, The Timid Ghost 23, Dr.

Speaker 1 Dr. B, Soprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Super Beth Becomes an RN alongside my bootstop farm friend.

Speaker 1 Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, great lunch conversation. The other Scott, Letty Lou.

Speaker 7 He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard.

Speaker 1 Kinger was here.

Speaker 20 Hababa Ray Wimbling Jr.

Speaker 1 Bebop B-Dabba Doo-Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Robert Otartis, he's bigger on the inside. Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the nick of time.
Gothic Rainbow. So we made it says.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday, Micah, Cody Baclure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Jingolos, Hasmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M.

Speaker 1 Dobson, Dave B., Sean C., How did I get here? Oh god, is that the soup? Going to be lit.

Speaker 1 I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Frank in a Field, Fuzzle McMumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Sennett is teleporting, BRB,

Speaker 1 Where the Shanes at? Definitely not an Android. Seriously, I'm not.

Speaker 1 The Wandering Welshman, whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dad and Aubrey, the Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up A Goose, Damarin the Space Goblin, Iso Pale, Oh no, a bee!

Speaker 6 I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar!

Speaker 1 Pocket Ghost Max, Nate the Milkman, Max the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef.

Speaker 1 Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Shmemily, Work for Melvis, Bohogo, Bye-bye for Jojo, Pogo, that's a no-go, bro.

Speaker 1 Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Charlie Rudle, Kyle Perino, OK Ladieswear, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, understands the assignment, Lil' Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat is LAF now, motherfuckers!

Speaker 1 Carl the teller of dad jokes, Skylabs multidimensional, multiphasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'un, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suation, Banjo Cat, Too Many Jans, Catjot, Pamela Rose El Tierra, Venstina says, Thud Tweed, Nicole DG, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrels, Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Levis for the Nerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, Casper Needs a Hug, Joe is the Rider's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly K, Lost Basan, Kim Cell, Silly Goose, Honk Honk, Admatha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tators Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Char Noble 610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasanasen, Virestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Spoomples, Nicole, I Love You, but I will name Kid 2, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swaglin, Daniel Arthur, Mike Laclusi, It's a, it's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail Lahoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Baty Bat,

Speaker 1 Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Monad Nick, Frelp, M.

Speaker 1 Lin, Feed MaFish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Teds Loves Catherine, JSpark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it Now,

Speaker 1 Hold it Now, Hold it Now Hit it, Had it, Hit it, Hot It, HUD It!

Speaker 1 Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Manier, Manier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Turtles All the Way Down, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Crazed Bear, I Saw Dr.

Speaker 1 Lattice Trash Angel out back scrumping for apples, Crafty Lizard quilts, Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Areneta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze.

Speaker 1 Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twillow, Heidelberty, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Shitzalot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B.

Speaker 1 Anthony, Trick Once Treats, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Fun Tucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay, Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zusana, Celeste Yos, I'm So Antigone Fun, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, Sarah Murphy, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, Sunny De Anomaly, Charmais, The Wondrous Methazophon, Post-Turtle Evaluation Squad, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshuligan, Cryptessia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damian the Goddamn Time Lawyer, all my homies hate Croc the Propagator, Matt Mosby, Saint Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronoweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome, Heidelon misses the warranty ladies' calls, it's not the same without her.

Speaker 1 Starlight, David Piorini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaugh, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q.

Speaker 1 Choi, a bug named Nat, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Jess Gioya, Paul A.

Speaker 1 Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, Dr.

Speaker 1 Punt Gusher Esquire constantly gets meowed at, Creator67, Bajolanth, Laif's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthonomy, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Death to PSL, Vandal, The Ice Queen, Captain Blepp, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says Wat, Danielle L.

Speaker 1 Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11. Okay, seriously, the list is so long now that my voice can't do the doom anymore.
Let me try it.

Speaker 34 Doom

Speaker 1 Lorak the Barbarianess, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake. Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains?

Speaker 1 Sircat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that, Ava, the one within.

Speaker 1 Grimm says, Trans rights, y'all.

Speaker 1 Zacky Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzerington, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Brune Mai Salil, Grolix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Lady Keanu Meisen, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

Speaker 1 the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Cara, Colmy Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Le Redutable Pirat, Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voris, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Inky the Crack, and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Gen X Stranius, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

Speaker 50 I should have can we do more, write more Judy.

Speaker 70 I like Judy.

Speaker 29 Big sex face when other people are talking.

Speaker 27 Who cares about those fools?

Speaker 28 It's just Labooza all the time.

Speaker 27 This is the Labooza show.

Speaker 15 This is the Labooza show, people. Come on.

Speaker 27 Do you want me to read Peter?

Speaker 1 Sure. Could you read Peter?

Speaker 43 Of course.

Speaker 1 Affirmative.

Speaker 22 All right.

Speaker 49 You know what? I do have

Speaker 49 here in my home with me, a recorder.

Speaker 68 A recorder.

Speaker 15 So if you want me to badly play hot cross buns, I got you.

Speaker 68 I got you.

Speaker 44 Feels warm.

Speaker 1 Real quick, Rebecca, Inspector Gadget, is that something that exists in the United Kingdom?

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Okay, great.

Speaker 27 And then for Joe, I'm going to say that Shelly's upstairs neighbors

Speaker 70 are

Speaker 27 potentially dismembering a dead body.

Speaker 35 Potentially. I mean.

Speaker 27 Probably just hanging pictures, though.

Speaker 27 Good.

Speaker 29 You're so fucking good, dude.

Speaker 19 Thank you.

Speaker 27 I owe so much money in student loans trying to get as good as you are at this.

Speaker 60 I, hey, thank you so much.

Speaker 24 Seriously.

Speaker 31 Not a great relationship with your mom?

Speaker 44 It's sis for

Speaker 26 it's what?

Speaker 67 Sis for

Speaker 67 sis for ah

Speaker 26 I wrote it down and everything.

Speaker 70 Sis Sophian, there we go.

Speaker 33 Bow chicka bow bow.

Speaker 15 Fade to black.

Speaker 15 Let's get. Let's get weird with it.

Speaker 52 All right.

Speaker 27 Anyway, Joseph,

Speaker 27 we may be starting and stopping for neighbor noise because they don't appreciate art.

Speaker 1 Fiona walks into the dining area to see Judy. Honey, can you read Judy?

Speaker 27 Yes, I'm not going to try the accent in front of Rebecca.

Speaker 22 Do it.

Speaker 26 Hang on, there's a plane again.

Speaker 26 It's like the girl.

Speaker 26 I'm going to go into the most awkward moment and just fly right over your head.

Speaker 22 Probably, my love.

Speaker 68 Find me, my love, again.

Speaker 22 Whatever. I'm not even careful.

Speaker 22 I don't even care.

Speaker 26 I suppose the chances. The chances?

Speaker 22 Oh, I went posh. Right, hang on.
Bewind.

Speaker 20 Where did that come from?

Speaker 44 The chances.

Speaker 35 The chances are all right, actually.

Speaker 60 You've heard our bloopers.

Speaker 13 We stumble all over the place.

Speaker 60 The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.