Chapter 39: The Interrodrome!

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Previously on Midnight Burger, you know, say what you will about the Teds.

At least they came out and said, hey, we're the Teds.

We suck.

We embody everything you hate about modern society.

But now we have these guys.

Multiple anomalies in the structure for assessment of hostile.

Thread level minimal.

Design and integrate.

What is their deal?

What do they want?

Why do they sound so funny?

Also, breaking news.

Diner free.

When one of them has a dead battery.

David, on board?

The reception sucks out here.

But our top story tonight: scientist says nice thing to some dude.

Hey, um, you're great.

And then gets abducted by the bad guys.

Expeduction processing.

Hey, hey, hey, watch the meat hooks there, buddy.

But where are they taking her?

Hello?

Does anyone in there have a cigarette?

Oh, right there.

Okay.

Let's see.

Kazi, Tita, Labuza, Effie, Zebulon, and Ava all trapped by the mysterious bad guys.

I'm sure this is bad news.

But for who?

If only there were some sort of episode coming up that would answer that question.

Let's start the shift.

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen, and nitrogen and rhenium.

And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, geranium, and iron, aramycium, ruthenium, uranium.

Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, and lanthanum, and osium, osium, and estatine, and radium, and golden, protactinium, indium, and gallium, and iodine, and thorium, and thulium, and thallium.

Anyone want to take the next verse?

Describe your relationship to the construct.

I'm sorry.

I just can't take you seriously with those voices anymore.

Those aren't your real voices, are they?

It's hard to be casual, right?

Like, how do you order coffee?

Deliver to me a caramel macchiato, half whip.

Baristas would shit themselves.

Oh, wait.

I'm seeing the appeal now, because that

would be funny.

Is this a bit?

Are you having a little fun time over there with your boom boom voice?

Describe your relationship to the construct.

Do me a favor.

Say something goofy with the big voices.

Say, big fluffy bunnies.

Big fluffy bunnies.

Stop it.

That's great.

That's great.

I am pro big scary voice now.

How can I get a helmet?

I want to join up.

Answer our question.

You didn't ask me a question.

Describe your relationship to the construct.

Okay, here's how this works: a question

needs to end with a question

mark.

Okay?

Also, it helps if there's a little upturn at the end to get rid of any confusion.

Let me show you.

Are you guys fucking stupid?

Like that.

We will continue to withhold food and water until you answer our questions.

That's fine.

But uh, could I get a magazine or something?

Ooh, do you have highlights?

I really like finding the hidden objects.

We have no magazines.

We are authorized to use whatever means necessary to extract the information.

We need to also hold all the magazines we don't have.

So,

what's the dynamic here?

Are you two equals, or is there somebody in charge?

See, usually it's the person who doesn't say much who's in charge.

But every time this one opens his mouth, he sounds like a moron.

So are you the guy who calls the shots around here?

Sure.

But I mean, who's really in charge?

Like, are you the one always fucking up and he's the one who cleans up your mess?

That's the sense I'm getting.

You are attempting to use psychological tactics to impede our interrogation.

We have been trained to resist such tactics.

Trained?

That's interesting.

Trained by who?

The processing point.

I'm speaking.

Parocessing point.

That's interesting.

What is your relationship to the construct?

Parocessing point.

I've been trying to get a read on you guys since I got here.

Parocessing point.

So

it's a regimented society, one in which people are processed like a resource.

People are resources where you come from.

Okay, but resources are meant to be consumed.

Consumed by who?

There's a hierarchy then.

So, it's a hierarchical society, but that could be a lot of things.

Probably not a political one.

Y'all don't seem like the voting type.

Militaristic?

No, no, you're aggressive, but not militaristic.

You're not trying to grab territory.

But there is a plan of some kind, right?

Attacking us was part of some plan.

Who makes plans?

It's not a corporate structure, is it?

No, that really needs to exist in some sort of credited system where wealth can be accumulated.

You're not accumulating wealth.

Your technology is too advanced.

So, we're not talking about wealth or power or territory.

We're talking about what?

Ideas.

Somewhere out there is an ideologue.

Yes, a philosophy.

There's a central philosophy to all this.

It's a caste caste system.

People are born into a role.

They play that role out until they die.

No.

No, you're both true believers.

You believe in what you're doing, so it's almost religion.

Or philosophy approached like a religion, like it's unerring.

But

you are both also scared out of your minds right now.

Even through your stupid voice filters, I can hear the fear in your voices when these interrogations don't go well.

What are you scared of exactly?

Aha.

The Pharaoh.

That's it.

A single godlike emperor that paralyzes you with fear.

So, who is it?

Who are you scared of right now?

We are striving to create balance.

There you go, number two.

That's what I like to hear.

Tell me more about that.

Stop talking.

Don't listen to him, number two.

He's not even here right now.

It's just you and me.

Talk to me about the balance.

See, people like you, aggressive ideologues, that's what you are, by the way, in case you were wondering, people like you generally don't strive for balance.

They strive to advance, to push outward.

That is, by definition, imbalanced.

Empires rise and fall.

So, if you're striving for balance, why do you attack things?

You attacked us, which must mean we're the enemy of the balance you're talking about.

I'm sitting here, I haven't had food or water for about 24 hours, and you say it's because you're trying to create balance.

Balance of what, number two?

Stop talking to him!

Did you hear something, number two?

I didn't.

Must be the wind.

See, once upon a time, it took the full might of an intergalactic empire just to trap us in three galaxies.

You're much more advanced than that.

You can travel temporally, spatially.

You're the most advanced goons we've ever encountered.

And we're messing up your plans.

And since we work on a universal, multiversal scale, then, well,

your plan has to be that big.

Doesn't it?

What's the plan number two?

Balance.

You know that doesn't exist, right?

There's no balance in any universe.

It's all just lurching forward.

Nothing's brought into balance.

You do understand that, right?

You have no idea what we are capable of.

Yeah, you're right.

I probably don't.

But are you aware of what you aren't capable of?

Oh, come on, guys.

This looks getting good.

Attention.

Maintain your duties.

Fuck.

That was so stressful.

She's so mean.

Why is she so mean?

Well,

here we are in this room.

I

am

unhappy.

Yes,

I am going

to have

so many words

with that woman as soon

as I see her face again.

it would be helpful to know her mind.

Just a bit helpful,

Zebulon.

Yes.

Wonder where we've been brought to?

Some sort of enclave for our enemies?

Some sort of foreboding castle?

We've been through the dang ringer with that woman.

And she just picks us up and drags us into a great big mess.

And what is that loud contraption that keeps trying to have a look at us?

Are the walls of Jericho gonna come tumbling down if she shares with us what's going on in that head of hers?

Here it comes again, dear.

Now, I have long since abandoned any expectations of politeness coming from her direction, but a few words.

Right before we were snatched up?

Is the creek gonna flood if such a thing occurs?

Dear, I understand

your frustrations, but perhaps we prioritize just a bit since we are trapped here in this

wherever we are.

What's to be done, Zebulon?

All we can do is sit here till there's some sort of development.

Here it comes again.

Surely, this wasn't thoughtless of her.

I think we were on the way, and as she headed to the door, decided to grab us up as an afterthought.

Dear, does that truly sound like the Ava we know?

No, it doesn't.

The Ava we know sounds like this.

Ooh, Seincy Schmeincey, I'm so smart.

Boop, boop, boop, boop.

Obscenity.

I feel as though you're not quite capturing the essence.

I

am

unhappy, Zebulon.

Dear,

can we, just for a moment, consider why Ava may have purposefully brought us along on this little

sojourn of hers?

Here it comes again.

I suppose I'll consider it for

a moment.

All right, then.

I think we can both agree that Ava did not do this as some sort of elaborate lampoon.

All right, yes.

A bit mad?

Yes, certainly.

But we must assume there is method within that madness.

Must we?

She made some sort of remark as we were swept away.

Something about our captors captors not knowing their upsides from their downsides.

I remember.

They don't know what's going on either, she said.

What are you getting at, husband?

Do you recall that time young Nick Howard came to the farm?

Oh, yes, I do.

He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard.

He was going farm to farm, trying to see who was willing to sell and who wasn't.

Now you knew this, but you invited him in regardless.

Because I wanted to see what he was up to.

He was trying to suss you out.

And I went and sussed him right back.

Correct.

Ava's trying to have a look at our captors while they're having a look at her.

Precisely.

Huh.

It ain't the worst plan in the world, but...

There is a flaw in it.

For even after she's done with all that sussing, we are still the prisoners of those we've sussed.

Exactly.

Oh!

She intends for us to get her out of this particular mess.

Which is why she has brought us along.

And which could have been explained if she'd only taken half a moment.

We could have had it explained to us better, that is for certain.

But

let's not ask the impossible.

She operates best within vagaries.

Which I will be adding to the list of things we will be having words about.

But now is not the time.

I wonder what she means us to do.

There's no way to know.

Let's wait for this malevolent eye to take another look.

Then let's start messing with things.

Here it comes again.

Take my hand, dear,

put on the whole armor of God.

It's certainly a novel concept.

Adorable, even.

Though most use cases are facile at best.

True, though they seem to have fared better than the others.

What are we meant to do with it all again?

Still, no word from the benefactor on the three descendants, but the representative and the anomaly are under strict scrutiny.

This would, of course, be much better handled by ourselves.

Yes, but you know that is not the way.

They must tilt before they become balanced.

Some of them tilt far more than the others.

Speaking of which.

Report again.

Report again.

Where is your helmet?

A right here.

I have it right here.

You wear the mask until you are the mask.

That is the rule.

Oh.

Put-um.

Well, but I'll...

His air valve is malfunctioning.

It will be repaired soon.

Do not make excuses for him.

This is no way to present yourself to us.

Put on the helmet.

But...

But it's...

Put it on!

Okay.

Report.

The representative is still...

unresponsive to our questions.

Coercive techniques?

We have denied her food and water for twenty-seven of her hours now.

And she seems to

yes, she seems to she seems to enjoy it?

It's as we expected.

She is oppositional in nature.

Find alternative tactics.

For the sake of the balance, remove your helmet.

Disgraceful.

What he was going to say.

Don't speak for him.

She seems to learn more about us with each interrogation.

It's like

she's interrogating us.

Interesting.

This could work to our advantage.

If we give her the illusion of advantage, she may be more forthcoming.

Agreed.

Continue your interrogation.

Use your best judgment.

Our best judgment.

Yes.

Whatever you think is best.

I don't know if that's such a great idea.

Thank you.

We will continue our

interrogation.

For the balance.

For the balance.

For the balance.

For the

balance.

Best judgment?

What does that mean?

What do they want us to do?

I don't know.

I don't know what they want us to do.

They want us to do something.

That's clear.

How did we even get this assignment?

Why won't they tell us what to do?

Remember, in times of stress, focus on your duties to create balance.

I can get my helmet fixed.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll go fix your helmet.

Okay.

And then we'll think.

No.

Things went well for a while.

We had structures built, the geothermal plant was working, we had two architects who were working on the initial city plans.

That's when they showed up.

There were more of them this time, a whole army.

Nothing I tried on them worked.

They've all got these shields that I can't break through, and they've got weapons that can just blip you out of existence.

Leaf thinks they're time displacement weapons.

I've never even heard of that.

Their guns aren't making you disappear, they're making you reappear somewhere randomly in space, time, and dimension.

Who's Leaf?

My engineer.

Okay,

well, whatever they are, they didn't want to kill us.

They captured us and separated us from the colonists.

We have no idea where they are.

But they haven't been interrogating you?

No.

It's weird.

They've kept us isolated in the cell zero contact.

Ava, you were saying that the diner had been stranded on Earth?

As soon as Casper started hearing your message, we were attacked.

That's when we were stranded.

At least I know the message was getting there.

It was a bit of an experiment.

Yeah, how did you do that, by the way?

I planted a monitor on him when we were back at the diner.

You did?

Yes.

Whenever there's a person of biological interest to me, I place a monitor on them.

Biological interest?

Yes.

His body was acting differently than the norm.

I decided to monitor it.

But he was a prisoner of the Teds for a long time.

Wouldn't they have found a monitor?

My technology is organic.

It can't be detected.

It would just look like a beauty mark.

The one on the back of his neck?

Yes.

So you've been monitoring his vital signs this whole time?

No.

The signal would go in and out.

I'm assuming because he was traveling.

How did you stay connected to it?

Entanglement.

Cool.

As soon as the signal came through Strong again, I attempted to broadcast a message to him through the monitor.

I imagine that's when you arrived in this universe.

Can you see his vital signs right now?

I can, but now they're distorted somehow.

They must be on the move.

You're not stranded anymore?

I think we may have gotten pulled out of the mud.

It was a whole thing about having two Cadillacs.

I'll explain later.

I think we need to assume that they're back on the move and they're headed here.

To Cryptesia?

Yes.

Just like Labuza said they would.

They could be headed anywhere.

How do we know they're headed here?

There's one way to find out.

The diner has a preprint.

There's an energy signature that shows up a few days before the diner.

Really?

We need to get out of here so we can try to detect that signature.

Then we're back to this.

There's no way we're getting out of here.

Maybe not.

But

I've got a wild card.

What is it?

I brought the Mucklewains with me.

The radio people?

What the hell are they gonna do?

Oh,

I think you'll find the Mucklewains have expanded their portfolio since the last time you saw them.

How's Labuza?

Still not speaking.

She blames herself for all this.

She couldn't see them coming.

Has this happened before?

With enough focus, we found she can predict anything.

She can miss things, but only when she's distracted or focusing on another prediction.

She should have seen something this significant, but it was a total blind spot for her.

I want to get a look at her math so bad, Kazi.

Get us out of here, and we can show you everything.

Proceed with us to the interrogation point.

My chariot has arrived.

I do declare, with all these gentlemen callers, how is a lady meant to have time for keeping herself so pretty?

Why, Vine.

Oh, it's such a tough room, guys.

Seriously.

Perceived women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The interrogation point.

Sure.

Remember, you are loved.

What are you prepared to do for that love?

You need cooler names for things, guys.

The interrogation point just isn't doing it for me.

Do not speak until we reach the interodrome.

Nothing?

Your strange behavior will not distract us from our objective.

Oh, number two.

You think this is strange?

You're about to have the weirdest day of your life.

Hello?

Odd.

What are you doing here?

What is it?

How did you get here?

Ah.

Hello there.

Explain yourself.

Well,

I'm Zeppelon Muckawain, here with.

Oh?

It's the pastor.

The pastor?

From the anomaly.

What is it doing here?

Explain yourself, please.

Didn't mean to intrude.

We're simply taking a bit of a walk and found myself here.

A bit of a walk?

You're inside our core matrix.

You cannot simply walk in.

I suppose I should have been told that before I walked in.

I'm initiating a data burst.

Our scans of the receptacle have revealed very little.

This may be an opportunity.

As am I.

But we have directives from the benefactor.

Surely it's worth the risk.

For a time.

Objection.

Logged noted.

Hello.

Hello.

Can you tell us how you came to be here?

I don't mean to be stuck in my ways, but I do believe that introductions are important.

Of course.

It has antiquities built into its interface.

For what purpose?

To make us more comfortable.

For what purpose?

I don't believe it's tactical.

I believe it's to ease user interface.

I'm not put at ease.

We are the Shimmislid.

We are a master control intelligence matrix.

Oh, no, no, that won't work.

Let's see.

What is the most accurate description considering your interface?

We run things around here.

Ah,

I see.

So it only takes three of you then.

Seems quite complicated.

We manage.

And when you say around here,

what would you say here

pertains to?

A great many things, really.

For the present moment, you are on a ship, and the three of us run everything on this ship.

I see.

It's called the Vesna Shelma.

That is a lovely name.

Thank you.

And what is it you do here?

We strive to maintain the balance.

Balance of what, pray tell?

Of everything.

Well.

Might I suggest there be more than three of you for that task?

We have numbers far greater than the three of us.

Yes, I believe I've met a few of those numbers before.

You have.

You have indeed.

Not the most pleasant of meetings.

I apologize.

We are very passionate about our mission.

We feel we must neutralize anything in our path.

And we are in your path.

I'm afraid so.

And what is that path?

That's enough questions from you.

Why are you like this?

A bit more specificity in that question would be helpful.

This?

You're obviously highly advanced, and yet this

shell of an antiquated earthling, I don't understand.

Why do you present yourself in this fashion?

That is an interesting thought.

I have an old friend.

Ron Hayden was his name.

Grew rice, as most of us wound up doing back then.

Not much to him, Ron Hayden.

The sort of fellow you could easily lose in a crowd.

But one day, Ron was on his way back from church and something blew across his path like a tumbleweed.

It was

a hat.

A dusty black bowler hat.

Wasn't really the style in our part of the country.

Not quite sure where it came from.

But he found that it fit like a glove when he'd put it on.

And well,

now Ron Hayden had a new hat, didn't he?

Now you could pick Ron out in a crowd.

He was the one with the bowler hat.

After a time, you began to see Ron change.

A bit more confident.

A man not afraid to speak his mind during town meetings.

Even managed to nab himself a bride after we'd all written him off as a bachelor farmer.

It was as if he had been waiting this whole time for something to complete the picture.

A centerpiece for the man he wished to be.

Somehow, it was a hat that completed him.

Odd, don't you think?

It does beg the the question: what makes a man?

How do we choose to be the one we present to the world?

What is the centerpiece that sums up our parts?

This is interminable.

I'm unconvinced this is worth the risk.

I'm sorry.

And how would you say you fit into this little gaggle we have here?

What do you mean?

I seem to be perfectly perched between niceties and skepticism over here.

How do you enter into all of this?

This is how the Shimislid function.

We are the core matrix of the system.

One that invites, one that attacks, and one that adjudicates between them.

Ah,

rulers three, like the old Romans.

Making you Caesar.

Which one's Pompey and which one's Crassus, would you say?

We are not Romans.

Zebulon, can you understand our confusion when we are trying to interact with you?

Of course.

There is quite often confusion from folks when I open my mouth.

But sometimes that confusion is from my own wife.

You are not alone.

The wife.

Your wife is a separate entity from you, but you are part of the same operational system.

As are we?

My wife and i are joined in the bonds of marriage and have chosen to live two lives as one

but there are certainly differences between us and what is your relationship to the construct

construct

midnight burger

for effie and myself it's been a home away from home a locus for many an adventure where we've met a variable parade of friends and interesting folk.

Were you created with it?

Created?

I mean, does anyone remember the point of their creation?

My first memories are of a hayride when I was just about four years old.

How about y'all?

Why are all the residents of Midnight Burger from Earth?

Frankly,

I'm confounded how anyone ends up anywhere.

This is obstinacy.

We brought down your construct and trapped it on Earth.

Why don't you stay dead when we kill you?

This is the crux of it, yes.

I see.

They don't know what's going on either.

That's what she said to us.

But in my experience,

things from time to time will not stay dead simply from you killing them.

I'm sure that must frustrate you.

Are you certain you're not the Romans?

May I suggest something?

Of course.

He was talking to me.

We'd like to get to know you better, Zebulon, but perhaps my colleagues are being a bit too confrontational.

What would we say to a lively debate?

A discussion.

Oh?

A nice discussion may be a satisfying way to acquaint ourselves with one another.

Approach, please.

One moment, Zebulon.

What are you doing?

I have the same question.

Confronting him directly will do us no good.

He is shielded by a feigned ignorance.

We need a way to draw him out.

He seems to enjoy the discussion of intellectual ideas.

We draw him out and wait for weaknesses to be exposed.

What are we to discuss?

Could be anything.

We'll let him decide.

I don't trust its presence here.

Yes, but let's not forget our mandate from the benefactor.

Very well.

Zebulon, let's play a game.

I like games.

It's called Small to All.

How does it work?

You seem to be a learned man.

We take something small, a book, perhaps, and through that book, we investigate something much larger.

This sounds enjoyable.

We'll pick the big idea.

Anyone have something?

I'll choose the topic.

The inviability of earthlings as a species.

Oh, very large.

Now, Zebulon, you choose a book.

A book through which we'll debate this large idea.

I think we all know which book he's going to pick.

Gulliver's Travels.

What?

There's yttrium, ybitrium, actinium, rubidium, and boring, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, and stromium and silicon, and silver and samarium, and bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and beryum.

Take it, number one.

Not a musical culture, I see.

How did the construct free itself for life?

So the diner isn't trapped on Earth anymore.

See, I didn't know that.

And now I do.

I meant to say that.

Yes.

Yes, because you're the smart one.

How did the construct free itself from Earth?

Just say the diner.

It's not a diner.

It is a diner.

I've eaten there.

So...

So anywhere you've eaten is now a diner?

Oh, look at you, number one.

Trying a little Socratic jiu-jitsu.

Have you been taking classes?

Answer his question.

Uh-oh.

Looks like number two didn't get the memo.

Pst.

Number one.

Number two thinks you were genuinely asking the question.

You guys really need to have a meeting before the meeting.

You know what I mean?

It's not a diner, simply because you ain't there.

And welcome, everyone, to the semantic debate portion of the evening.

Up next on the schedule, what defines a diner?

Is this really the question you want to focus on?

It's more than a diner.

Hey, nice work, number one.

Look at you reconfiguring your approach.

10 points to Slytherin.

Answer the question, what is Slytherin?

Oh no.

We're confusing number two again.

Sorry.

Number two, Slytherin is an earth term for

sycophantic users of gel.

Thank you.

And what is gel?

Don't act like you don't know, number two.

I can already tell that yours is a gel-using society.

Standing there in the morning, looking in the mirror with a palm full of purple goo, trying to keep those flyaways down?

Maybe if my hair is perfect, it will impress the God Emperor.

We don't have a God Emperor!

No, you call him something else, though, right?

The Exalted One, the Overmind,

the Prophet, the Metal Diet!

Ah, see?

I was right.

Ten points to Ravenclaw.

If you do not answer our questions,

our tactics will become more extreme.

Shove it up your butt, number one.

We will continue to deny you food and water until you're begging for mercy.

Until I am what?

Begging for mercy.

You listen to me, you grubby little shitbird.

I have never begged for anything in my life, and I will not be starting now.

You think you can hurt me?

With this Guantanamo bay starter peck bullshit?

The more you disconnect me with my physical body, the more powerful I become, number one.

Keep this up, and I will get to a point where I see straight through you like you were made of glass noodles.

You diet caffeine-free stormtrooper.

How are you doing over there, number two?

Oh my god, this is so great.

Sorry, Rico.

Shit.

So

I was right about the gel.

That's more like it

water.

Its necessity frustrates me.

Have a seat, boys.

Let's talk.

Sit down.

So what are your names?

Rigo.

Hello, Rigo.

How about you, number two?

What?

Derrence.

What?

That's my name.

I know.

Derrence.

I'm not calling you that.

You have to.

It's my name.

That's a ridiculous name.

I am not calling you that.

You can't call me something else.

Just watch me.

Rebecca.

Can we focus on something else, please?

You are human.

Or at least you look human.

Have you got suckers on your hands under your Boy Scout uniforms?

No.

No?

How about you, Sally?

We're not humans.

You look exactly like humans.

No, no,

we're not human.

We don't know why we look like you.

Did you think to ask?

We

didn't know of your existence until recently.

Uh-huh.

Surprise.

We...

We were told that you were a pale imitation of us.

That you were a malevolent race that was trying to slowly undermine ours, and that you were a dangerous threat.

Uh-huh.

Were you and Allison over here a part of the team that abducted me from Earth?

Yes.

So

you've been to my planet?

Yes.

And does my planet, honestly, look like a threat to yours?

Not at all.

Oh,

you have the construct?

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah,

you have the construct.

That construct is incredibly powerful, and it's in the hands of humans like you.

The diner.

Not a diner.

The diner that you attacked and neutralized.

We thought we did.

But then

we broke free.

Yeah.

And we want to know how.

Let me test something out.

Abigail,

what have we done that is threatening to you?

To me?

Um.

What have you done?

Yes.

What have we done that's threatening to you?

We're this huge threat to you, apparently.

What have we done?

I don't.

You don't know.

You don't know how we're a threat.

You just know that we are.

Yeah.

Because that's what you were told.

Yeah, that you're a direct threat to the balance.

Aha.

The balance.

We're back to this again.

What exactly are we the enemy of again, Brunhilda?

What is this balance?

It's what we strive for.

Complete balance in the universe.

In the universe?

Yeah.

And what's that supposed to look like?

Complete balance in the universe.

Well,

the universe tilts forward to a catastrophic end.

It's a straight line into oblivion.

We're going to take that straight line and make it into a circle.

An unending balance.

Uh-huh.

You know, the Milky Way is currently currently flying through the universe at a speed of 1.24 million kilometers per hour.

There's also something out there called the Great Attractor that's currently pulling about 100 galaxies toward it at around 600 kilometers per second.

We don't know what it is, but we know that it's big.

But that is nothing compared to the fact that the entire universe is infested with dark energy that is constantly pushing everything apart and will eventually lead to something called the Big Rip, where the universe expands to such an enormous size that space and time literally shred themselves, and the universe counterintuitively reaches zero size, and all distances diverge to infinite values.

We get so big

that we become small.

But you're saying that you guys are going to what Balance all of that out?

Yes.

How?

By

by bringing our minds into balance.

Your minds?

Our minds.

And the minds of everyone in the universe.

Your minds.

Yes.

Your minds

are going to stop galaxies from uncontrollably careening through the universe toward their inexorable destruction?

Well, not just our minds.

We're taught a mind creates the body, and the body creates a house, a house creates the world,

the world creates a galaxy, and a galaxy creates...

creates

a universe.

And one day the benefactor will harness the power of all the minds, and it all stacks up in the universe, and he'll use that power to bring the universe into balance.

Yeah, once his work is complete, there will be no more destruction or pain.

The universe will be a circle, constantly in balance, and we will live in that balance forever.

Wow.

I must say,

that

is the stupidest bullshit I have ever heard in my life.

You say that now, but you'll see.

No, I won't.

And neither will you.

How far off is your big boss man from achieving his dreams?

How much of the universe does he control?

Well, uh, well, we control this entire galaxy.

All of it.

Really, Millicent?

A whole galaxy?

Yeah.

That's impressive.

Right?

I know.

You realize that there are between a hundred billion and two trillion galaxies in this universe, right?

Um.

No.

There are?

Yes.

How many did you think there were?

Oh, I don't know.

Five?

Five?

Sweet Jesus, Marion.

Oh, wait.

Okay.

Okay, right.

They are keeping you both real dumb so that you don't peek behind the curtain.

Is that it?

Peek behind the curtain?

There's a curtain?

This is amazing.

Do the two of you know anything about the universe you live in?

No, of course you don't.

Your minds are being harnessed to create the balance.

You realize that to harness the power of someone's mind, you have to keep them real,

real dumb, right?

Where's the curtain?

We'll

resume this interrogation

later.

Good call.

There's a curtain?

Let's hope the boss doesn't know about the epic shot.

She said there were two

trillion galaxies.

This interrogation is not going well.

What are we gonna do?

We can't go back in there, Rego.

Oh, no.

We can't go back in.

We have physical fitness now.

Oh, yeah, right.

If we alter our schedule, they'll know something's wrong, right?

Act like everything is going fine.

Right, and there's no curtain.

We'll try again later.

She sort of scares me.

Yeah.

She scares me too.

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All right, then.

Where have we found ourselves?

I see.

Inhabiting an automaton once again, so be it.

Dear, where did you end up?

Zebulon?

Lord, in your infinite wisdom, have you split me and my husband apart for this little adventure?

Very well.

Let's have a look at me in these mirrors.

What intarnation am I wearing?

I may be made up of nuts and bolts, but that's no reason for me to be walking around in my unmentionables, Lord.

Ridiculous.

Though,

I suppose there's no room for modesty.

Time's a wasting.

Where is the exit?

Begin physical fitness program.

Please wait for fitness android to begin.

Fitness what now?

Two trillion galaxies.

Stop saying that.

There's a curtain.

A curtain.

There's a curtain.

Look.

I'm having a hard time not freaking out right now.

Having to constantly calm you down is making me freak out more.

It's all just too big.

Two trillion is too many.

And where's the curtain?

Hey.

Look,

it's physical fitness right now.

This is your favorite part of the day, right?

Yeah.

Don't think about that other stuff.

Okay.

Just focus on this right now.

All right.

All right?

Fitness.

I like fitness.

Okay, that's a good idea.

Thanks, Rico.

I'm gonna, you know what?

I'm gonna go talk to the fitness droid.

Why?

I'm gonna make a I want to make a request.

Fine.

I'll bring it back.

Excuse me, excuse me, fitness droid.

Beg pardon?

Hi, Derren with an eye.

Can I make a request?

I suppose.

Could we do something today that's a little, I don't know,

something that will make me happy?

Happy?

Yeah,

I don't want anyone to know, but I'm

just feeling down.

And I'd just like to feel really,

really

any other way

I see is that okay is that all right sir

how about you tell me exactly what you'd like me to do well it's just that well usually we just do a bunch of exercises and I'm not complaining I'm a good

but I'm kind of in crisis right now and I'd really like to do something that makes me happy and not think about curtains.

Exercises?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you'd like some sort of physical engagement that's going to make you happy.

Yes.

Because

that

is what I do.

Yes.

All right then.

All right.

Head back in there.

Let's get started.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you, Lord, for the occasional reminder of your sense of humor.

All right, y'all, let's get to it.

We're gonna do things a little different this time around.

Y'all partner up two by two.

Thanks for the ride.

Can we stop at Dairy Queen next time?

You're getting one star in the app, fuckheads.

Disappointed.

Your name is Ava

Labuza?

Hello.

How are you doing?

Kazi keeps us on a very strict sleep schedule.

It's not really working for me.

I've never had a regular sleep schedule, and look how I turned out.

How are you doing?

I don't know when things are going to happen.

Obviously.

I've been able to predict things for a long time now.

Even before I was connected to my machine.

They severed my connection to it, and now I

didn't realize how dependent I was on it.

Every time someone speaks, it's terrifying.

I didn't mean to do this to myself.

In the art of prediction, many of the people who devote their lives to it end up going mad.

I didn't think that would happen to me, but I'm afraid now that it did.

Have I driven myself mad?

It's possible.

Tesla thought Mars was trying to talk to him.

Newton became obsessed with biblical prophecies.

Oliver Heaviside replaced all his furniture with granite blocks.

So

madness is always on the table.

You're a scientist?

I'm a theoretical physicist.

Ever wonder if you're losing it?

Oh, sure.

All the time.

I just never had an intense desire to have it in the first place.

How's Casper?

I think he's pretty worried about you.

That sounds like him.

How worried should he be, Labuza?

Have you ever been very wrong about something?

Kombucha.

I never thought it would catch on.

Seriously?

Publicly, I'd say no.

But I think it's better to think of it as having increasing degrees of rightness rather than being wrong about something.

My sisters and I were born a very long time ago.

For as long as I can remember, I've been working on the Vistec.

It took me so long.

It failed us, and now I don't know what to do.

Can you tell me how it works?

It doesn't work.

How was it supposed to work?

Prediction engines are mostly unreliable.

You can't predict a particle's path without knowing its previous path.

The past determines the future.

For to truly work, you would need to know the full history of every particle in the universe.

I thought I could circumvent that by going back to a time where there was no past, only the future.

I had to observe the beginning of everything.

So...

So you went back to the Higgs field?

Yes.

In the first few moments of the universe, what humans call the Higgs field changed, and everything suddenly had mass.

In those brief moments, everything in the universe was concentrated together.

If I could collect all the observations of the early universe, I could see everything before it became something.

I could see the whole universe in its infancy, and since there was no past in that moment, I could extrapolate forward on everything.

That's pretty amazing, Labuza.

It worked so well

for so long.

Really, the only flaw was my interpretation of the data, not the data itself.

It brought us to the diner.

It brought us to Cryptesia.

It should have told us about whoever these people are.

I don't know why it didn't.

Sounds like you missed something.

I have comprehensive data on literally everything, Ava.

There's nothing for me to miss.

Well,

we're not going to figure it out talking through the wall.

Let's get out of here and we'll figure it out together.

I don't know what you'll be able to do.

Hey, you're not the only one who tracked down the diner using a pencil and paper.

I've never used a pencil.

And I think we've found your first mistake.

Pencils are great.

Pencils can change your life.

How is that?

When you hold a pencil in your hand, you're holding all the amazing things you're about to do.

They're the greatest repository of potential energy in the universe.

Speaking of getting us out of here,

did you say the Mucklewanes were going to get us out of here?

Oh yes.

It is going to be great.

They're out there right now and it's about to get

really weird.

All jump up and never come down and swing your partner round and round until you make a hole in the ground.

Promenade two by two.

Get them around like you ought to do.

Promenade eight.

Promenade around.

Everybody dance.

This is the promenade.

Promenade around.

Bow and swing, y'all.

Bow and swing.

Take a little pink, y'all.

Circle up.

Circle up.

This is amazing.

What even is this right now?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I know, but I don't know.

What?

From the name.

Round and around, round you go.

Everybody dance.

Now, dose ido and a little more toe.

Chicken in the bread pan, picking out dough.

Turn out now like you was a while ago.

Get ready, y'all.

Here it comes again.

Partners side by side.

One, two, three.

And bullshit.

Turn to your left.

And bullshit.

Turn to your right.

Now keep it going.

Back to the center.

I want to do this for the rest of my life.

Here we go.

I've never even heard music like this before.

It's amazing.

Don't jingle.

Promenade on.

Promenade on.

Promenade on.

Physical fitness hasn't happened.

Proceed to completion.

Well, I guess that's it, y'all.

I don't see y'all as the boot scooting type, but y'all did alright.

It's the fastest fitness hour ever.

Excuse me, excuse me, that was

Thank you.

That was, that was

amazing.

I've never

felt like that before.

Well, it was just a little square dance, y'all.

A square dance?

I don't understand.

We weren't even going in a square.

Where does this even come from?

Well, this particular one came from Arkansas, but there's all sorts.

What is our Kansas?

Yeah,

what planet is it from?

Oh, well,

Earth is the name of it.

What?

It's from...

It's from Earth.

Er-Earth?

But...

That's where our enemies live.

Well,

I can't speak for the whole lot of them,

but I ain't never heard of no place where everyone's your enemy.

But that's what we've...

We we have to go.

Bye, um.

But Rigo.

Our cansaw is from Earth.

That that's what it said.

But I know.

I know.

Rigo.

What if she's right?

What?

How can they be our enemies when

they created square dancing?

100 billion

to trillion galaxies?

What did you say?

Come,

come with me.

Come with me.

Where are we going, Rego?

To see her.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Sabulon!

Dang it!

All right, then, Effie McAwane, you are just gonna act like you're walking down to the corner store, is what you're gonna do.

Lord, I have done nothing if not proven my faith in thee.

Howdy, y'all.

Alright.

I suppose I can just walk about how I please.

What's this here?

Destination, please.

Destination?

Is this some sort of people mover?

I'm talking to the wall now.

Destination, please.

Oh, heck, alright.

Where do y'all keep the prisoners?

Deck 98.

Oh, Lord.

Come with us.

Hello, boys.

Where are your funny hats?

Come with us.

Oh, wait, do we switch now?

Do I get to to wear the helmet with the dumb voice?

Please, hurry.

Okay.

I'm feeling some tension here, boys.

Did you two finally have a talk about your relationship?

Keep walking.

Very brutalist architecture in this place.

Have you thought about a water feature?

In here.

The Enteradrome!

Oh, this place is like a home away from home for me now.

So many memories.

Hey, remember that time I made you guys question the nature of your reality?

What is the universe

like?

Rico.

What's it like?

It's not Ibiza cupcake.

I can't just tell you what it's like.

Is there really a hundred billion galaxies?

Bare minimum.

Has anyone ever.

controlled it?

Controlled it?

You're kidding, right?

Have they?

Okay.

Okay, kids.

Let me tell you how this works.

Once upon a time,

there was a planet.

And on that planet was a small group of beings.

Beings like you.

Beings like me.

They were dumb, as most beings are in the beginning.

They lived in caves and ate whatever didn't kill them.

They lived in squalor like that for thousands of years, not knowing any better.

But then one day,

one of these beings picked up a stick.

And for the first time in the history of his species, something happened.

He had a thought.

I can pick up this stick

and I can hit something with it.

I can take the things that surround me, and I can use them.

Sadly, the first thing this creature probably did was kill someone with this stick.

But lo and behold, this stick has more uses than bashing someone's head in.

Soon, they had tools and huts and weapons.

Turns out they can make things and pass that knowledge on to others.

Life changed.

The people changed.

And slowly, a very evil and seductive idea infected all of them.

I can control the world I live in, they said to themselves.

I could take you through the whole history.

They all follow the same path, but how about we fast forward?

Thousands of years go by, and look how our little group of cave dwellers has fared.

They have cities now, and spires that reach to the sky, and

throw in some other futuristic thing, like flying cars or something.

I don't know.

Look at how well they've done.

We're so proud, aren't we?

What's next for them, I wonder?

They're starting to look to the stars now.

They're starting to imagine a great kingdom that spans the universe.

They are finding new and interesting ways to live even longer lives.

Soon they'll live forever and be masters of all they survey.

There are no limits, even the sky.

And then

a meteor hits their planet and all of them are fucking murdered.

How it works is this.

People like to say that the universe is a harsh and uncaring place, but for the universe to not care about you is to assume that it ever considered you in the first place.

The universe

doesn't notice you.

It has never considered you.

You are not on its mind.

You are just a particular configuration of dust.

You are a rounding error.

You are the least of the universe.

Has anyone ever controlled it?

Give me a motherfucking break.

You've got to stop.

Stop what, Twinkle Tots?

Whatever it is you're doing,

whatever we attacked you for, you've got to stop it.

We don't control the diner.

It goes where it wants.

You don't understand.

We're so dangerous.

So dangerous.

We're dangerous too.

We've got a little robot with a laser beam now.

We can't be stopped.

People People have tried to stop us before, and we've rolled right over them.

We can't be stopped.

We weren't trying to stop you, dummy.

We were minding our own business when you trapped us on Earth.

Look, we don't want to hurt you.

We really like Arkansas and square dancing.

Dude, what?

Dearst, turn on your shield.

Okay, wait.

What?

Turn it on.

She has to see.

Okay.

Shield is on.

Do Do you see this chair?

I'm going to take this chair and I'm going to hit him with it.

Wait, you're going to what?

Oh my god.

When I hit him with the chair, the chair's going to disappear.

Gone forever.

Nothing can hurt us when our shields are up.

We're unstoppable.

Guys, I just did a whole speech about how nothing's unstoppable.

Oh, yeah?

Watch.

Oh, Isabella.

How are you doing down there?

I told you to turn your shield on.

It was on!

It is on!

Are you sure?

Yes!

Why isn't it working?

I don't know!

Well,

okay, get up.

Do me.

What?

I'm turning my shield on.

Hit me with a chip.

Why are we doing this?

I'm trying to show her that we're invincible.

You're showing me something.

Come on, pick up the chair.

Fine.

Do it.

What the fuck?

You told me to do it.

Oh my God.

It's like watching a Renaissance puppet show.

Rico, what's going on?

Wait, wait, can I have a turn?

We've got two chairs left.

Our shields aren't working.

Why aren't our shields working?

Alert.

Security system's down.

Shields and weapons inoperable.

Please reboot system.

Miko, I think our security system might be down.

How is our security system down?

Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but

it was probably Jesus.

So I'm to just wait here, then.

They are digesting your book.

Yes.

Bit of a task, isn't isn't it?

Why have you chosen this book?

It's a fine book for discussion.

One that I've come back to time and again.

I had scarlet fever as a child.

Nearly died.

As I waited for my father to return from the city with the medicine I needed, I was in search of anything that could take my mind off the abject misery I was feeling.

and I found myself taking down off the shelf an odd book by the name of Gulliver's Travels.

As a child, I was fascinated by the stories of giants and little people and talking horses.

But it does seem to be one of those books that, when I return to it, it seems to change as I change.

Thought it would be nice to discuss it with some new friends.

Where do you reside, Zebulon?

Me?

Well, I reside at home with my wife.

That device in our possession is meaningless, isn't it?

Just a set of wires and an ancient liquid battery.

Where do you reside?

Hmm.

Not just looking for our postal address, I see.

The Egyptians saw the soul of a man as many parts, each with their own aspect.

It was Plato, I believe, who divided the soul in three: reason, spirit, and appetite.

The Stoics had some sort of thought about the soul being breath, made of air and fire.

I believe the Mesopotamians saw it as residing in the liver of all places.

And you?

It's funny that

people seem to talk at me as if I know the length and breadth of myself.

Who else gets talked to in such a fashion?

We have digested the book.

Very well.

Who begins?

There's no need to begin.

Explain.

Zebulon, I think you may not have understood our game.

Have I not?

The point of the game was to use the book to debate the viability of human beings as a species.

Yes, I understood that part.

You have presented us with a book that concretely proves the inviability of human beings as a species.

Have I?

Well, then this shouldn't take long at all, should it?

Can we explain?

Please.

I'll sum it up thusly.

In this book, the protagonist is asked to explain to the Lilliputians what a lawyer is.

He responds, A society of men among us bred up from their youth in the art of proving by words, multiplied for the purpose, that white is black and black is white, accordingly as they are paid.

Yes.

I haven't had much of a turn with lawyers in my life, but it does have the feeling of accuracy, doesn't it?

Zebulon, the author goes on to prove that all of humanity works in this fashion.

The book describes humanity as creatures given the gift of a complex mind, only to use that gift to rationalize their base animal instincts.

Not rational, but rationalizing.

Well.

That's fascinating.

You know, I haven't heard it put quite that way.

Well done.

There's...

There's nothing to debate, Zebulon.

Is there not?

This

is a trap.

What?

What do you mean?

Full system analysis immediately.

Scanning?

Scanning.

We are locked out.

We are being bombarded with billions of calculations per microsecond.

How is that possible?

I don't know.

What is the source?

I can't determine the source.

The system is overburdened.

Our system is infallible.

Infallible.

Well,

if that doesn't sound like a rationalization, I don't know what does.

How have you done this?

It's an interesting place in life to be considered a hayseed.

People will ignore you completely or write you off as a relic while they go about their lives.

Purge the system.

We can't.

We're trapped in a feedback loop.

The system is paralyzed.

Well, you all sound busy.

About time for me to go.

Apologies for not continuing our conversation.

It is an interesting book.

I must say, you all remain a mystery to me.

What's all this about?

I suppose time will tell.

There is a thought I wanted to leave you with, though I'm not sure why.

It's true, at its heart, Swift's book is a damning portrayal of human society.

It's hard to not feel yourself a bit roughed up by the time you reach the end of it.

At the end of it, Gulliver was so scarred by what he learned learned of humanity that he could not even stand the sight of his own wife and child.

It's a hard thing to read that book and not give up on the entire project of humanity writ large.

Compounded by the fact that at times, Swift's stance is one that's very hard to argue with.

Not rational beings, but rationalizing.

Using our gifts to attain our animal desires.

But I do have one response to Swift's book.

It is a book.

Books end.

Humanity does not.

Swift, like those before him and those after him, tried to take all of humanity and compound it into a nutshell.

Sum it all up.

I faced many a demon my day, but none are more insidious than simplicity.

The desire to reduce this great kingdom to black and white, night and day, good and evil.

The inclination to suck the plurality out of a world so wide.

That will most definitely destroy us before our selfishness.

And for whatever reason, I thought you all should hear that.

Until next time.

Attention.

Catastrophic system failure imminent.

Please remain calm while contemplating the possibility of death.

Well, seems this chassis is good for a few things, isn't it?

Effie?

You're kidding.

Hello there, ladies.

If you don't mind me saying, y'all have set yourselves down in quite a sizable cow paddy now, haven't you?

Effie?

Hello there, young one.

Let me guess, you knew we were coming this whole time.

I'm not sure of anything anymore.

Well, you can knock all that business off right this minute.

Y'all, this whole vessel suddenly has its trousers around its ankles.

If there's a time to get gone, it has arrived.

Let's move.

Zebulon!

Lord.

Hello, dear.

Zebulon Hezekiah Mucklewain, do you mean to tell me that you have been sat here this whole time?

Oh, no, dear.

I've had quite the adventure.

This

dear,

what on earth are you wearing?

I have no idea, dear.

Well, regardless.

Tea's almost ready in here.

Well, slap a cozy on it.

We ain't out of the woods yet.

We still need to find my least favorite smart lady.

Lead on, you three, stop right there.

Oh, hi.

No,

didn't you get the memo?

Your guns don't work anymore.

Go ahead.

Keep trying.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ask him where Ava is.

Where's the doctor?

And where's my stuff?

It's in the storage room, right there.

Excellent.

Enjoy your trip.

My trip?

Effie, if you wouldn't mind.

Somebody hold Zebulon.

Nice.

Excellent job with the doors, dear.

Thank you, husband.

Hello, Judy.

I'm not sure how we get off of this ship, but it's too big to not have smaller ships in a bay somewhere.

Attention.

Abandoned ship.

Please make your way to nearest escape capsule.

Shit.

We still need the Vistac.

Where is it?

When the systems came down, I could feel it I think I can find it.

All that's fine and good, but first, we get Ava.

Fingers crossed, I get to kill somebody.

What's that sound?

Looks like my ride's here.

Hello, you.

Effie!

Oh my god, what are you wearing?

You know I don't control where I end up.

Did you end up in a Jane Fonda workout video?

Get your butt out into this hallway immediately.

It's the descendants.

Can I kill these guys?

No, they're harmless.

Have anything non-lethal?

Flashbang?

Sure.

Fire in the hole, dipshits!

Um, Rico,

are our shields still.

Oh,

You're a handsome devil.

What's your name?

Is it intact?

Yes, they haven't touched it.

Good.

Let's get out of here.

The escape pods have all been launched.

The ship has been abandoned.

And soon we will delete ourselves from its systems.

You will be stranded in deep space.

Who's the Greek chorus?

These are the ones I was speaking with earlier.

They seem to be the ones in charge around here.

I see.

You wanted to have a look at us?

How did it go?

We learned very much,

but next time we will not be so curious.

That's a shame.

It was the least annoying part about you.

We have a message from our benefactor.

Oh?

let's hear it.

I'm trying to save the universe.

The universe doesn't need saving.

You have no idea, Dr.

Maddox.

Do you know what this means?

What

free ship

This is the new one,

yes.

What do they call it again?

The Stone Fox

The Stone Fox

we believe it is a drinking establishment

Hmm.

Quaint.

The barriers are still holding them.

Thus far.

Good.

I hear that you've failed me.

Yes.

Our apologies.

How would you like to proceed?

Send out one final command and then delete yourselves permanently.

Very well.

What is the command?

Kill them.

Very good.

Command

sent.

stone fox

ridiculous

This episode is dedicated to the memory of Alex Anderson.

He lives forever in every moment he's existed.

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Please respond.

Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 16th Doctor.

Too many jams.

Catjot.

Texas Girl 68-23 working on the diner.

Pamela Rose El Tierra.

James Spillerosa.

Lord Braxton von Wendell III.

D-Squared Life.

Then Steena says.

Countess of Carbon.

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Hit it!

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Lattice Trash Angel found a cool rock and a bug underneath.

Wanna see?

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Thank you.

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Borum, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, and strontium, and silicon, and silver, and samarium, and bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and beryl.

Those are too low.

There's

there's antimony, arsenic, aluminum.

Nope.

There's

antimony arsenic, aluminum, aluminum.

There's

europium, zirconium, lutinium, vanadium, and lanthium.

Yeah, let's do it later.

Okay, we're going to do it later.

Just give me the last line of the song.

Wow, that was real embarrassing.

If you put this in the bloopers, I will kill you.

Okay.

Okay.

That is a really brutal joke.

Okay.

Everybody ready to go?

I have one quick question.

I know.

I know.

It's so bad.

It's fast.

I did ask.

I asked like three times.

I know, I know.

It's like, okay, and recording.

That's on me.

One question.

Mine is bigger than that.

It's a big, chunky waveform.

That is a nice waveform.

Thanks.

Is my voice every time you speak?

It is a big one.

It's not normal, but the waveform is like.

What is it like?

Okay.

Hello, Judy.

Oh, right.

Hello, Judy.

I'm not sure.

Did you forget that your gun was named Judy?

Is that whatever?

For a second.

Turn to the left.

Bullshit.

Turn to your right.

Keep it going.

Back to the center.

One hop this time.

Why does it really?

Yeah, because otherwise it's just an orphan and we have to remember to get it.

Oh, yeah, because we're going to be able to do it.

Let's think of we should.

And in these trying times, we should think of the orphans.

You're right, honey.

I'm just trying to help.

You are helping.

You're doing a great job.

It is on.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Why isn't it working?

I want to know why you're not stopping hitting me with the chest.

Pretend like you are saying it to children and you're trying to be deliberately mean to the children.

It's like, come in, children.

Let me tell you a story.

Oh, and then this happens.

And then a meteor hits them and they're fucking fucking murdered.

Okay,

can you call to them like you're Kevin Klein in A Fish Called Wanda

literally shred themselves, and the universe counterintuitively reaches zero size.

I hated how I did that.

I'm gonna go back.

I mean, I'm unsettled.

Free ship, free ship.

Also, oh my god, he totally knows my name.

Whoa.

I

just, I can't.

Something's sums up with him.

I'm disturbingly anticipating his eventual reveal as some kind of colossal interdimensional villain, but who knows?

Is Zebulon an interdimensional villain?

He spooks me.

He's too powerful.

What?

It's good every time.

There is something so hilarious about that one, and I don't know what it is.

What?

What?

There's a certain, I don't know, there's an umami sort of indescribable thing that happens.

It's a great moment to switch to the scene change.

It's reminding me of a line that Jafar has, I feel like, but I can't remember.

Oh,

that's very fun.

Jafar vibes is never a bad place to be.

Hashtag career goals, actually.

Bloopers.

But I feel like last episode you pulled a little bit of an uno reverse where you're like, huh, there's not going to be bloopers.

This time it's going to be me bloopering over.

You know what happened last time is that there wasn't any bloopers, really, because everyone decided to be the most professional motherfucker in the world.

And so everyone was like, no one was funny.

If somebody messed up, they would just stop and they would go back without any sort of extemporaneous sort of things happening.

And so I was at the end of the episode and I was like, fuck, nobody fucked up.

So I was like, hey, I know all of my fuckers.

It's very complicated.

Okay, the bloopers are very complicated, y'all.

Sounds like it.

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