518: Mr. Sand Van [ft. Zach Cherry]

Let me at him.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, see?

Ah, horse at.

Come on.

Come on in.

I've got a fresh pot of wardlark.

Okay, nope.

No time to catch up.

Would love to stay, but I cannot.

Okay, bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Ah, that's a shame.

Next time.

Next time.

Then go play.

Well, have fun out there.

Knock them dead.

Whatever it is you're doing.

Thanks, Dad.

Come on, Dad.

All right.

Bye, horse hat.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Come on, horse hat.

Horse hat.

Wave goodbye.

Wave goodbye, horse hat.

Bye.

All right, buddy.

Dad, we've gotta have some cookies.

Oh, you want cookies already?

Well, let's start with the sandwich, and then maybe we'll have cookies.

Sorry to interrupt.

Oh, uh, hi there.

Let's start with a slice.

Oh, ah, ah, good ride.

Why did I do that?

You're coming with me.

I don't want to go with you.

Get away.

Oh.

Well, sleep tight.

Hey, now, just wait a minute, mister.

Wait, actually, sorry, I do need you to fill this out before I go.

Oh, well, alright.

Well, I do have a pen, but it's in my pants.

In my lower half.

You know, the one you cut off of me?

Okay, one sec.

Okay, thank you.

There you go.

Okay, name is Dad.

Age 173 years.

Young.

Uh, sex.

Yes, please.

It was just a, yeah.

Okay, sorry.

What is this about?

You know what?

Ah, whoa, geez.

Oh, wow.

Two slices.

All right, just sorry.

Can you initial this part?

Oh, come on.

It is a time of great unease.

The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant.

But something is different.

Wrong.

Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three-sided coin of freshness, and face down foes like they've never imagined on their final

mission to six.

So, Bargie.

Yeah.

Uh, any other surprises?

Stowaways?

Trapdoors?

Nope, you know me.

I'm an open book.

Honest as the day is dark.

Bargie, I think what Dar is getting at is we sort of keep finding reasons not to go to Muffladis Secundus, you know?

We just need to get there.

How's the flight path looking, Bargie?

Good?

It's fine.

Except, of course, today is my book club.

Your book club, Bargie?

No.

Oh, is book club too?

Can you do it remotely?

No, I'm currently in the middle of it.

Little Putt-Putt had something very interesting to say about the stars of.

I didn't read it.

Bargie, you didn't read the book.

You made us come all the way out here.

You know, we're halfway across the galaxy from the book.

Oh, come on.

You know what book club is all about.

It's like five minutes of book check, but then we really get down to gossip for five hours.

Uh, well, actually, I take the literature very seriously.

So, you know, when I read a book, I try.

I'm just curious, you know, obviously, I've been really good about not stalking my ex, but

who knows what he's been up to.

Hmm?

Anyone?

Seriously, if you could just all

start looking around right now.

Hey, Crew, should we should we help out?

Should we find out what what's going on with

Jaco?

You need to look in a mirror, okay?

Because this is not a good look on you.

Okay,

is there a way to turn off the speakers?

Can we just maybe I'm fine with Bargie doing the book club?

I just want I wonder if we can have a moment of look.

Chatter gets pretty wise.

She has to pipe the external sound in here.

Part of it's on us.

We should have known it was book club.

That's on us, crew.

It's on us.

Yeah, we share cows.

Okay, all right.

Uh, Captain Dar, uh, we have an incoming transmission from

Dad.

Whoa, really?

Put them through right away.

Absolutely.

Hey there, Dar.

Good to see you.

Dad, why are you...

Are you in a hospital?

Well spotted, my dear.

Yeah, I've been clinically dead for two weeks.

What's up?

Dad, are you all right?

Well, I'm doing a heck of a lot better now.

But boy, someone really got my number and almost gave me a dirt nap, as they say.

Tell them that they buried you in three places.

Oh, Dex missing you in the hospital.

Yeah.

That's nice.

Feeling a lot better now.

Dad, I'm so, I'm so relieved to hear that.

Okay, well, it's not all roses and sunshine over here because Horse Hat is missing.

Wait, took horse hat?

Oh my god, what Tommy?

I am so sorry.

Took horse hat where?

Another good question.

Um, well, he made me sign some forms before he left to sort of confirm that he had sliced me and that he was taking horse hat.

So

what kind of psychopath makes you sign paperwork after they've cut you in half.

Well, I think it's pretty obvious.

Yeah, it's gotta be

Peter One.

The most fearsome bounty hunter in the galaxy.

So is his name Peter 3 or Peter 1?

Well, his name used to be Peter 3, and now it's Peter 1.

See, he had a son, and then because of the naming conventions of his bounty hunter guild, his son became Peter 3, and he became Peter 1.

Classic.

Well, if you're also informed, where's Horse Hat then?

Well,

I don't know.

So I hope I haven't violated your trust, Dar, by losing your child.

Whatever, Dad.

You just get better and we'll get Horse Hat.

Oh, yeah.

I'm getting myself back right now.

And boy, is this guy gonna get an earful once I do?

Over and out.

To the fob room.

Sorry, what?

Oh.

To the fob room.

No, AJ, I don't think.

We gotta find Baby Hoha.

And there's only one way to find Baby Hoha.

Am I the only one who forgot about the FOB room?

As you certainly must remember.

No.

I created a fob room full of tracking fobs for everyone important to me and the rest of the crew.

AJ, why didn't we use this with Corbelvor weeks ago?

Or why didn't we use it when we were stuck in the other galaxy?

Let's not reprimand AJ.

Let us find baby Ho-Haw.

That's a good point.

Yeah, you're right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll address these questions.

Corbelvor is not one, somebody close to us.

Why are you setting up like it's a press conference?

Therefore, I would not assign Corbelvor a fob.

Did you get a podium and a microphone on this short of notice?

I think he's had those.

Is that a stowaway whispering an answer into his ear?

Well, the other galaxy was kind of tricky because I think we were, in scientific terms, very far away, and so I don't think things would have worked there.

So

I rest my taste, Your Honor.

Okay, AJ, just find out where Baby Hoe hides.

Okay.

Mr.

Jay will not be taking any more questions.

Okay.

You are you?

Excuse me?

I was don't worry.

Okay,

this is one of the surprises I was asking about.

Oh.

I'm going to show away my publicists.

What's the big deal?

Okay.

Just weird.

Hey, can I just say the book club is listening in on this?

And we are loving it.

This is Gerama.

Welcome to the FOB Room.

Let's see.

There's.

I mean, the FOBs usually work.

There's.

The only thing that's a little bit weird is,

Darg, your FOB is saying that you're thousands of light years away from here, but that's impossible because you're right here.

So,

and I'm not under investigation right now.

What we are trying to find is the child.

Yes, our child.

So,

where is Horse Cat's FOB?

Here's the FOB.

Oh, the child.

Or did you bring up the star map?

The wonder where I have all where my exes live?

Don't ask that one.

No, surely not.

Uh, here you go.

AJ, are you using a star map with the fob?

Watch, as I

just kind of shake the fob.

How does the fob know?

How does the fob know how to read a star map?

Get out of here.

No, I'll take it.

I'll take this question.

It's just a hollow projection of the galaxy.

How would the fob know that where you're pointing pointing it?

The fob knows, Papa.

I mean, listen, I do not understand the technology.

Get away from the podium.

Where is horse at?

Baby Hoha is on that planet.

Ah, yes.

Sand.

The planet's name is Sand.

Well, it's actually called Trevlock, but Sand is sort of a colloquialism for it because it's all desert.

Alright, that's enough.

Bargy, book club's over.

We gotta go.

Yeah, Bargie, we got real close to Mufalata Secundus, but horse hats missing.

We gotta figure out where they are.

Yeah, this is more important than saving the galaxy or book club.

I agree, which is why Book Club is coming with us.

Oh, no!

Yay!

Yay!

I am living for this.

Oh, geez, it's hot.

That drinks water.

Oh, an insecticopter.

Hey!

Hey, down here!

Hey!

Hello?

What the?

What the juck is this dummy doing out here?

This is flight pilot Riley Dunker reaching out on the emergency frequency.

Yes.

Yeah, I hear you.

Um, I got turned around and I'm uh running low on water, Ogre.

That's a copy.

You know, you shouldn't be out in this area.

This is worm territory.

You're gonna wanna head back to town, ASAP.

Oh, John.

Yeah, copy that.

Um,

hey, is there any way I could get a ride with you back to town?

Over?

What a dingus.

Copy that.

I'm afraid that's gonna have to be a negative.

I'm in the middle of a delivery right now, and it's getting cold.

I make most of my money from tips,

so I gotta get moving.

But listen, if you follow my heading, it shouldn't take more than a couple hours.

Just make sure you don't walk too loud.

Um, unless, of course, you do see the worm, and then you're gonna wanna run.

What?

So,

yeah, good luck.

Over now.

No, no, no, no, hold on.

Uh,

please, don't, um

crap.

This is a freaking nightmare.

What's that?

What was that?

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh juk.

Oh shit.

Oh jump.

Oh

no.

Okay.

I'll just be super quiet.

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh jump.

Oh crap.

I bet it'll just go away.

Crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Oh crap, oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh shit.

Oh jump.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh.

Okay, I'll just run.

Oh, oh, this sucks.

This sucks.

This sucks.

What the?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, those rocks.

Just gotta make to those rocks.

Alright.

Okay.

Almost at the rocks.

Almost at the rocks.

Alright.

Alright.

Here we go.

Almost there.

Almost there.

Almost to the rocks.

I made it.

Sorry, worm.

Not today.

Alright.

There's a way for him to go.

That's good.

What?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's not even normal for worms to get that big.

Oh.

Well, maybe he just...

maybe he just wanted to scare me.

Oh, crap.

Wow, this planet aptly named really is just Sandra Sandlach.

Oh, sand.

No,

the nickname sand is pretty apropos.

Look at this place.

I am loving this sand.

This is great for this frame.

Oh, look at that skitter.

You don't really move on this sand.

Oh, watch this.

Okay, no time for this kind of shit.

First things first, we're gonna set up a perimeter.

Okay.

See that pile of sand?

I guess so.

One of them.

Okay.

That's one point of the perimeter.

AJ, AJ.

Now we use the fob.

Why would we need a perimeter?

What's on the FOB?

Of course, we can use the FOB, but this feels good to make a perimeter.

I don't know what you want me to say.

What's the point of doing a perimeter?

He could be on the other side of the planet.

We have no idea.

You're grilling him, okay?

And get back on the ship, man.

And I'm here to just make sure there's a little buffer between the press and my client.

We just know.

We know the fob.

Mr.

Jay, remember, pivot to message, pivot to message.

Okay, my family and I will not be taking further questions at this time.

Family?

Whatever.

Let's just fan out and start searching, okay?

You know, if AJ decides to use the fob, finally, he can let us know where to go.

Great idea.

Let's all move.

Hey, gang.

Yeah,

I found you guys with a fob.

You found us with a fob?

Every time.

Yeah, I have my own fob line.

Oh, wow.

There's a lot of fobs out there.

Hey, man, can I take a pick of that fob?

Just Just go ahead and check out under the hood.

Yeah, a little bit.

Crack the hood of the fob, see how the sausage is made.

Yeah.

Peter One.

What is going on?

Did you abduct Horse Hat?

Look, I did, but we're in a totally different situation right now.

I was hired by Corbalvor

to abduct Horse Hat.

It's pronounced Balevor, but I mean, it makes sense.

If you're reading it, you probably.

Yeah, I've never said it out loud before.

Okay, yeah, no, it's Balevor.

Yeah, the way we do it is.

Only AJ does that.

Did he say why?

I just, I can't, I can't imagine.

I've never heard of any reason why Cor would do this with the child.

It's just.

Dark Corru is evil.

Who knows why he's doing any of this?

Right, but you know, there's some evil that's predictable,

part of a plan, even, but this feels kind of out of left field.

I never asked my clients why.

Peter One, tell us everything.

Cor Bailvor, Vor he hired me to abduct Horse Hat.

I was supposed to return this little guy to him.

And I just couldn't do it.

So for the last couple weeks we've been gallivanting around.

I thought it was going to be cool, like bounty hunter stuff, but sort of ended up kind of being the handyman for Planet Sand.

Oh,

yo, I see your van.

Yeah, I got my van parked out over there.

And so I'd love if you guys could take Horse Hat back.

You know, then I could kind of get back on my way.

But first, I do need your help with a few of my remaining tasks on my to-do list.

Oh,

definitely take Horse Hat.

The first part of that is great.

How many tasks?

Seven tasks.

Two of them are in the same neighborhood, so

I have a quick question.

See, there's a blue light on this, Bob.

It's a blue blinking light instead of a red blinking light.

Years have the red.

Yeah.

Is that what's that?

Is that blue's more dynamic?

Is it?

I guess so.

I mean, red.

Yeah, I guess the blue does look a little better.

How is it that this planet that seemingly is just never-ending sand could have seven tasks for you to complete?

Yeah, well, seven tasks.

I've already been working on the list.

So it started with 19.

What?

Wow.

What are you doing?

Peter One, why do you feel the need to accomplish all these tasks?

You're the galaxy's most fearsome bounty hunter on the lamb.

Uh, sorry, I should clarify.

I know there's been some confusion about what I go by.

My current name is, of course, 3-Pete.

Hmm, okay.

Three-Pete?

When I failed to deliver on the bounty on Horse Hat, I had to leave the Fab 3,

and thus I'm no longer eligible for a Fab 3 name.

Oh.

So sorry.

You had to leave your own family?

I did.

Wow.

And as we all know, the Fab was actually just you and your son, Peter 3.

Right.

Well, formerly it was you, your father, and your grandfather.

Correct.

But now it's just my son, Peter 2.

Okay, of course.

Well, as soon as you left the guild, he then became the patriarch.

Peter 2.

Peter 2.

Right.

Wow.

I'm 3-Pete.

Or 3-Peter.

Wait, you're 3-Pete or 3-Peter?

To my friends.

Okay.

Alright.

Which one is more casual?

Three-Peter Peters.

Three Peter.

Thank you for bringing me the globe of Sandor.

Just a ball of sand.

You're taking orders for a robot?

Yeah, this is Sandrabot.

Yes.

Wait, to be clear, you're on a friendly level with this bot.

Absolutely.

She just called you Three Peter.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, during the course of my weeks here, we've gotten quite close.

Very close.

Actually, we're thinking about moving in together.

Wow.

That honestly feels like it may be moving a little fast.

We like the same things.

Ah, okay.

Okay, so what you're saying, Three Peter, is that sort of over the course of some of the first, I guess, 12 tasks, you realize that you sort of had feelings for a Sandra bot.

Yep.

Yeah, wait, can they do their mind melt?

I would like to see this.

Not to put your relationship to the test or anything.

I'm just curious.

Sure, it's fine.

We don't mind.

Yeah.

One, two,

three,

sand.

Okay.

Checks out.

They're in sync.

There's no denying that.

Guys, listen, this is great, but three Peter, can you take us to Horse Hat?

We're really worried about them.

Are they okay?

I will take you to Horse Hat.

Horse Hat is fine.

You swear?

I swear.

Okay.

Oh, thank God.

Wait a second.

Pleck just called you Three Peter.

Are we on that level?

Yeah, I.

You know, there's a lot coming at me, so I didn't have time to correct him.

Pleck, I prefer if you go and call me Three Pete.

Fair enough, Three Pete.

We were once described as your best friends, right?

Well, a lot has changed.

I

have a kid now, essentially, for the last three weeks.

Yeah, well,

my other shit here.

right.

You got kicked out of the gutter.

I get it.

It's been a busy couple weeks for all of us.

Well, I'm going to go home.

I'll see you later at the apartment showing.

Okay.

You guys are looking at an apartment.

Here.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Here on this planet?

Yeah, are there structures above ground on sand?

I mean, this is a pretty, pretty sandy, barren planet.

It's a nice neighborhood, the one we're looking at.

Good schools.

Okay.

I don't want to nitpick here, but you're looking at schools, but Horse Hat, again, is just...

You've only really had Horse Hat for a little.

I mean, they're not really your child.

That's actually a good point.

So, you know, when you talk to the realtor, Sandrabot, just make sure to mention that we're going to kind of deprioritize schools on the list.

Right back down into the sand.

Is it Sand Robot or is it Sandra bot?

Oh, whoa.

She's back.

Wow.

Oh, hello.

I'm sorry.

Sandra robot.

Sandra Robot.

Okay.

Either Either of the options was so funny.

Did you see the way she winked at Peter when she said that?

And just like turned and then looked over her shoulder?

Which is weird because her butt is just sort of a corkscrew shaped.

It allows her to burrow back into the...

What?

Why are you talking about her butt?

No, no, no.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Yeah, I don't know.

None of us.

Don't talk about her butt.

You just met her.

Yeah, you're right.

You know, truly, not a lot has been going on in the love lives of the crew.

I mean, any of us, really.

We definitely know some book club members who are single.

Huh.

Uh um yes you do, okay.

Oh yeah, there's still a board.

Hey guys, hey, the ships above us are this is Bargy's book club.

That sounds cool.

Make out, make out!

Who?

Not sure who that was directed at.

Look, we gotta get some of these tasks done.

We don't have much time.

What what what are these tasks for you?

First one, it's gonna be tough.

We gotta kill a worm.

Whoa,

uh, sandworm?

On the planet sand, you don't have to say sandworm.

Well, I know, but I'm saying for my crew.

You just say worm.

Maybe used to non-sand worms.

It just saves time, because, you know, you don't have to add sand before every word, because technically, sand worm.

Sand all sand worm, yeah.

Sand house.

Yeah.

Three people,

listen, we sort of are on our way to fulfill a pretty big task of our own, and we.

That was quick.

A kid comes to us?

Me and the worm have kind of been dancing around each other for a few days.

Wow.

Alright.

Well, see, obviously the problem with killing a sandworm is the size.

Yeah, it's way too small to find.

Yeah.

Yeah, so it's like, where is this guy?

You know?

Where is it?

And also, the worm is really taunting you.

It could just stay quiet and would be much harder to find, but it keeps popping up and telling you where it is.

Yeah.

What is

this worm is really

it's flexing its little muscles when it pops out too.

Good idea, AJ.

Shooting wildly, safe here.

Yeah,

watch it, AJ.

Definitely not up.

3P,

how are you gonna kill a worm?

The worm's like three inches long.

I don't know.

Some kind of trap or uh

And maybe we could tell it it won a contest see if that gets it to come out.

Does that work?

It's worked before for me.

Hmm.

Yeah, uh

you won uh

you won a contest.

Yeah, you just gotta

you gotta come stand over here.

Just under my foot.

oh wow wow

that was actually a lot easier than i thought it would be you've been working on this for a couple days yeah i was working on that one for two days who's been with horse hat for two days sandra robot

sandra robot was here

sandra robot is extremely fast

Well, yeah, you gotta remember, the horse hat is, except for their speech, more or less fully grown, fully capable.

Yeah, that's kind of my parenting style.

Both Dar and Nermit, I I don't mean to tell you how to parent, but um in my weeks with Horse Hat as my kid, I found that kind of, you know, not doing the helicopter parenting thing has been really um really fertile uh in our relationship.

I mean we did drop them on another planet, so

yeah,

okay, that's a good start.

Pretty hands-off, you know.

Yeah, we we almost never see Horse Hat.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Sam.

We see them once, like, every six or seven missions.

And just, by the way, we did, we made some dietary changes, so when you're doing feedings going forward, I'll leave you a note, but we've made a few dietary changes.

Ooh, you and Sandra robots?

Yeah, me and Sandra robot.

Hey, Papa.

Yeah.

Oh, I know we talked to him a couple times, but this bounty hunter thing, I always think it's gonna be a lot cooler than it is, you know?

Like, I mean, is this what he's been doing?

Just like odd jobs?

Yeah, and he's not even in the guild, so it's not like he's bogged down by paperwork.

He can do whatever he wants, and he's still...

But also, I wanted to ask,

is worm squashing a handyman task on this planet?

Yes, so.

We're also, I would, it looks like sort of miles from the nearest settlement.

I'm not sure how killing the worm way out here helps anyone.

Yeah, do you not remember how annoying the worm was?

Yeah, but it was way out here.

Yeah, you gotta go five miles out of the woods just kill like one squirrel.

That doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, you would if that squirrel was annoying enough.

I just wouldn't come out to that part of the woods.

Now you're living your life on the squirrel's terms.

So are you guys ready to go to town?

Yeah, yeah.

This van only has two seats up front, so the rest of us just kind of like rattle around in the back or yeah, you guys can make it work.

I'm not sitting in this little bin of washers.

Oh, yeah, don't mind that stuff.

Don't mind that stuff right there.

That's part of the tasks.

Why is there a Garfon?

I kind of do food deliveries as part of the

tasks are food deliveries.

What percentage of the tasks for food delivery?

I guess all of them, except for the worm one.

Wow, oh boy.

Wow.

So you're kind of just moonlighting as a food delivery person.

Yeah, kind of like a handyman.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, that's not a handyman, though.

Well, when you don't have food is pretty handy.

I mean, when I swing by with it.

Yeah, okay.

You got me there.

That's a good point.

So, three-pie, when you left the guild, that must have been really hard.

What was the fallout from that?

Yeah, it's really hard.

You have to take an exit exam, do an exit interview, which, of course, I had to do with the new senior guild member, my son.

Right.

Oh, no, that's not comfortable.

What happens if you fail the exit exam?

If you fail the exit exam, you become sort of president of the guild for another term of the world.

Oh wow.

So then you have to you're more in the guild if you fail.

Yeah.

Wow.

Was this an in-person exit interview?

Yeah.

Wow.

And you probably had to turn in your weapons too, so the second the interview was over you were unarmed.

That's right.

So you had the bounty, you refused to turn in the bounty, but then you brought the bounty to the other remaining guild member for your exit interview.

Yep, but there's now there's protocols in the guild, so he's not able to take the bounty off you during the exit

As soon as the ex-interview's done, different story.

Wow, so that must have made a very tense end of the interview then.

Extremely tense.

As soon as the interview's over, smoke bomb.

Cool.

So if you had to turn in your weapons, you basically had to time the throwing of that smoke bomb so that it left your hand this literally the exact moment that the interview was over.

Right.

So that then when it hit the ground, it was no longer in your possession.

I did.

I considered it when I threw it to be the end of my, you know, term with the guild.

Sure.

Three-Pete, you know, I gotta say,

I really respect your decision to leave the guild for ethical reasons, but

what are you doing here doing tasks?

You could be doing anything.

Well, you know, I'm sorry that the life I've made with Sandra Robot is not good enough for you.

I guess I should do something more, or I don't know.

What are you trying to say?

So your decision to start doing tasks was purely motivated by your relationship with Sandra Robot?

Well, at first, it was because Horse Hat was such a rod damn stinker, and uh

and then um

when we landed on this planet, I was supposed to make the delivery and Sandra Robot popped up and you know, I never looked back.

But you kept Horse Hat, yeah.

Well, yeah,'cause we thought it would be a nice trial run for if we ever wanna have a kid.

Wow, how would that?

He's a robot, right?

Hey, Jay, I don't think we need to get into that really necessarily.

I don't understand your question.

I just want to put it on the record that I think if I had shot wildly enough, I would have hit that worm.

I just want to say that it was that you were not wild enough?

No.

Just wanted to say that, but you know, no big deal.

Oh wow, yeah, yeah, this is a real town.

Well, it's sort of one street with buildings on either side of it.

Kind of carved into this this canyon here.

Yeah.

So let's uh let's go find Horse Hat.

Alright.

Go find find

uh or um go to

what did I say?

You said find you absolutely said find as if you as if you didn't know where horse hat.

Okay, look, can I be honest?

The last task on my list is find horse hat.

Who gave you that task?

Sandra robot.

We took him to the park and uh,

you know, we were kind of doing the let horse hat be horse hat parenting thing.

We turned around and

they were gone.

Huh.

Okay.

Wow.

I was too ashamed to admit it.

I just want to recap.

You were the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter.

You met a cute child and decided to renounce your guild, and then you immediately lost the child.

Yeah, it's been a tough month.

And to further recap, the child who was so important to you that you left your entire career and family behind ranked below killing a worm on your list of tasks.

Well, the task list is in chronological order of when they were assigned, so okay.

All right.

You gotta join them chronologically.

AJ, where's the fob?

Both fobs say horse headed that way,

but I have to admit

three Pete's fob is blue.

Yeah,

I think that's the only difference, AJ.

I think they're pretty much the same.

Wait, the point is, 3-Pete, you had a fob tracking horse hat?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, look, my PR person can handle this.

Okay, so here's the thing.

3-Pete didn't get out of here.

So just to recap, I had a fob,

but I still wasn't able to find Horse Hat.

How the mighty have fallen.

The Peter 3 turned Peter 1 that we used to know would have never sunk to this level of inefficiency.

Yeah.

3P, what happened to your obsession with order, your love of paperwork, your devotion to everything in triplicate?

I've got a new love.

Sandra Robot?

Sandra Robot.

What can I say?

She's all I think about.

All day, every day.

This is all well and good.

Love hearing about your undying love for Sandra Robot.

But can we please go get horse half-seconded?

Yes, yeah, thank you, Captain Darr.

AJ, Fob the way.

You got it, boss.

He's your boss now?

Yeah.

Huh.

I don't want to step on your toes.

Looks like this fob is pointing at that abandoned warehouse that is carved into the canyon.

Normant, let's go.

Here we go.

Carry me.

He still makes a running noise even when even when Dar is carrying him.

I run back and forth over the shoulders, but this shoulder, matching, my shoulder.

I'm afraid you're too late to be part of this transaction.

Is that could you turn on a light?

It's really dark in here.

Yeah, I'm not standing by one.

You just came in, so maybe there's fun.

See a switch.

Check to your right or to your left.

This isn't my abandoned warehouse that I've taken.

No.

Darn.

Yeah, could we all find a light?

We're trying to confront the sentient who has horse hat.

It appears they have come for the baby.

Who is that person?

Are you near a light switch?

Oh, so you have come to complete the transaction.

What transaction?

What are you talking about?

Inform them.

I'm afraid they are too late to participate in this transaction.

I'm not afraid.

I believe what he is trying to say is that he is afraid you are too late to participate in the transaction.

That was clear.

What isn't clear is what was a transaction?

Where is my child, and why is it so dark in here?

Well, bear in mind, this is an abandoned warehouse, so the electric company isn't going to like provide electricity for free.

Ah, okay.

Hey.

Sweet beats.

Where have you been?

Are you gonna help?

These monsters have taken your adoptive child.

Yeah, I wish I could help.

I just feel like we might be too late to participate in the transaction.

Yes.

Transacting is a complicated profession.

Don't you agree?

That's a fourth one.

That's a fourth one.

Also, all of our voices are exactly the same, so you will never know who is who.

Yes, there is just a hair of deviation between each of our voices, so good luck.

You'll never be able to determine which

is embarrassing.

3P, do you know these people?

Yeah, these are some of the citizens of uh Sandtown.

I'm actually still waiting on a delivery of some uh cine sticks.

Okay, hold on.

Let me just run out to the van.

I got that one sec.

Thank you.

Where is Horse Hat?

Don't say you're afraid about missing a transaction.

That doesn't mean anything.

Still.

I'm afraid you don't understand.

The transaction is complete.

We both tendered the payment that we agreed upon and then received the goods that we agreed.

So you did get your cine sticks?

So, whose are these?

No, I did not get my cine sticks.

You just said you did get the transaction.

This is a separate transaction.

So, these are your cynestics?

Yes, thank you.

Yes, these are mine.

Sorry, sorry, everyone.

Just I'm gonna cut through here and take these.

Check that one off the list.

Oh, but they're quite cold.

I was kind of hoping we were gonna get some free cynes.

Alright, I'm sick of this.

I just want you to take us to Horse Hat right now.

As you can see, Horse Hat is quite safe.

They are here in this laboratory recovering from a minor procedure.

All right, everybody.

Block and look.

Wait, hold on.

Where's my blaster?

I'm afraid we lifted it off you in the dark.

Oh, man, lift it.

Everyone's had enough, right?

Jweet, let's charge him.

I love this plan.

Charge him.

Let's do it.

I'm afraid you'll find that technique highly ineffective.

You see, this is a sand planet covered in sand made of sand.

I knew that already!

Yes, but you are unaware of the many varieties.

I can't sleep.

Yeah, I'm still sinking.

Dory, I eat sand, so I'll just keep eating.

Just keep eating.

Yeah, it's endless.

Even if you're scared.

You just keep eating the sand around me and it'll be fine, and it'll eat the sand around you.

Dark, Tellurians drink water, but we can still drown in water.

I would advise you not to struggle, as the more you do, the deeper you sink into the sand.

Okay, everyone, stop.

Don't move.

I stop moving, and I'm not sinking.

Okay, guys, I fought and I got my waist.

So, AJ, stop moving.

I'm fighting the sand.

No, it looks you're at a cross right.

A what?

You must decide between moving and staying alive.

Oh, we're incapacitated, guys.

Official.

Stakes established.

Thanks, AJ.

Welcome, man.

Bargie.

Bargie.

It's Pleck.

We're stuck in this quicksand.

We're surrounded by enemies.

Horsehead's unconscious.

You gotta get down here.

Oh, Blood Club has become a disaster.

The drum, the drama is up

the tree, if you you know what I mean.

I don't.

And worst of all, I'm really into the book now.

I just read it.

I don't know, just to prove to them that I could.

Barge, please get it.

Hello?

Wow.

Alright, everybody, just calm down.

Surely there's a way for us to work this out, and we'll take horse hat and be on our way.

Impossible.

You see, Dah,

your child horse hat is extremely valuable to our client, for they gestated in the same bloodstream as the Bina Kron.

Oh, wow.

The what now?

You know

it as Bino.

Oh, sure.

An ancient relic with unlimited power.

And so?

Gestation is a complicated profession, don't you agree?

He's not really with us.

He's here, but I wouldn't say he's like not one of us.

He wasn't part of the transaction, he sort of showed up.

Okay, all right.

The point is, Dar, by virtue of sharing a bloodstream, Horse Hat has been imbued down to their very DNA with powerful properties, rich in space magic.

And our client will reward us mightily for delivering the child.

All right, fine.

Well, who is this mysterious client of yours

out of nowhere again

hello oh hey i did not expect to see you here

how did you find this place

the fobs sandra robot what are you doing here is this the apartment we were supposed to look at what this place is terrible i would never want to live here it doesn't have much light yeah no peter i absolutely wouldn't live live here.

It's also a weird flow.

I am sorry, but this is not Bapparishmist.

This was all a ruse.

The rumors are true.

I, Sandra Robots, I'm in fact the mastermind of the plan to get Napoleon.

Sandra Robot was ordered by Corn Baalivor.

Wow.

It's actually Beelvor.

Baelivor.

Bailivor.

This is an E there.

No, yeah, but it's not.

You can't pronounce the E.

No, you don't pronounce it.

No, you don't pronounce it.

Yes, she is our client, and then he is her client.

Okay,

hold on.

So we're not moving in together.

Oh,

you betrayed.

Okay.

Sorry about that.

Boot cuffs coming through my helmet.

Yeah, you gotta turn that off, AJ.

Yeah.

Listen, I

did not intend to fall in to love with you.

That was not part of the plan.

I was just here to get the horse hat because of the power of the Vinochron.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so.

I fell into the love

so hard, so fast.

Oh, so that was real.

Get out of here, man.

I will admit, we're a distraction.

Peter, the worm is not that annoying, to be honest.

It's only three inches long, Nobody noticed it.

Oh.

But I did not intend to distract with my feelings to fall in love.

Yeah, we get we get that part, Sandra Reliant.

We understand.

You made that clear.

Yeah, you felt that that was a little bit more.

It was important to me.

I like hearing it, so maybe.

Sure.

But I mean, she did betray you.

I mean, that still happened.

Well, yeah, but she does love me, so, you know.

Silver lining.

Uh, hey, everyone, sorry, I don't know what's going on in here, but I've been waiting for some food delivery.

Hey, buddy, I don't know.

Take a second to read the room here while being held hostage, okay?

Can this wait?

Oh, my wings are hostage somewhere.

But you came down here to get the wings?

Why don't you just go to the place the wings are from and pick them up there?

I think you'll find that the exits are sealed.

Oh, man.

How'd I get in?

The exits are sealed.

The entrances remain as functional as they have been.

Chuck me.

Oh, we're not going to shut you out.

I can't ever leave, and I don't get my wings.

Yeah, and can you just still give me five stars?

Because that's not my fault.

Sure.

Unfortunately, those five stars shall never reach their destination.

Hey, interfering with user feedback on an app?

That's the last straw, man.

You might have disarmed me, but you didn't disbutt me.

No, AJ.

I know I'm gonna sink more, but I'm going down shooting wildly.

No, stop moving.

You have shot me in the shoulder, which is very painful.

You have shot me in the little pinky finger.

You shot me in the appendixes.

Both?

That's appendices.

I dropped my butt gun.

It was too wet.

AJ.

How could this have happened?

You attack us.

I will now summon the ultimate destruction.

I will whistle for the big one.

Oh no, what big worm?

Yes, I'm afraid you've only experienced the small worm.

Yes, yeah, okay.

And just to recap, this is a big sand worm.

They're just not saying sand because they're from here.

Oh no.

Can you feel those minute vibrations coursing through the sand?

Sort of?

That's what they call worm alert on this planet.

Worm.

Okay.

Worm lert?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a portmanteau of worm and alert.

It means

I think we've got less than five minutes before a giant sandworm shows up.

Great.

Worm lert.

Major, I know you eyeingress me, but my feelings run the day, cause I am a conflated.

To be honest, I'm not really sure how to respond.

Remember our passionate knights on the sands, planning their future.

Yeah.

30% of that was for you.

30%.

You know, I left my whole life.

I left my code.

I left my name behind for you.

I do love you.

Is there any chance we could still see that apartment?

Or what time is that scheduled for?

Three Pete.

What are you doing?

Well, it's just really hard to see places like the housing market is swamped here, so.

Going down.

They're all caves.

They're all just caves carved into the side of a camp.

I know that if we make the first cash offer, like, then we're in a good position.

The only way I will see apartments with you is if you

marry.

Oh.

Oh my god.

She went down in the room.

She's screwed down as you said.

This is a real ultimatum.

Yeah.

Wow, yes.

Of course.

Of course I'll marry you.

A touching moment, to be sure.

My dearest three three peach, I will burrow under this hand so I can lift you up and we can leave together.

Oh no,

what you guys are leaving?

You snooze people.

We're not none of us are snoozing.

And yet all of us are losing.

Well, anyway, good luck, guys.

I'm sorry I couldn't help out, but uh, we gotta go.

I just said we have to go see the apartment because

another couple was coming in right after us, and they're like super rich.

Yeah, overseas.

Yes, I'm afraid your bounty hunter friend is at the mercy of a truly abusive real estate market.

Hey, man,

here's a bob.

Thanks.

Don't do that.

Oh, wait, no, I did that back.

Sorry, man.

Oh, okay, here.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Can I get my let me get my blue one now?

Yeah, yeah.

Cool.

Oh no.

I don't know if it's my kekeracus, but I'm extremely sensitive to these vibrations.

I'd estimate the worm is two minutes away.

Oh no

Wormlert.

Oh

Dave Wormlert.

I went to high school with Dave Wormlert.

Nerman, stop.

Also, you're wiggling when you're saying that.

You're sinking.

Oh jeez.

Oh, oh, Chris.

Ron.

Sri Pete, don't leave us like this.

We're about to be killed.

I'm sorry.

Tell Horse had to keep their head up.

And

you guys gotta go now if you're gonna make that apartment.

Yeah, it's across town.

It's like 10 out of 10.

Oh, and by the way, can you guys make the rest of my deliveries?

There's like two orders up here.

Absolutely.

There's like two cynestics in there in the van.

You can't run away.

Yeah, there's two orders, so.

Alright.

Okay.

Goodbye.

Yeah, I'm not.

I don't feel all that important.

Alright.

I'm afraid the worm's arrival is imminent.

It shall devour all of you and return to the sand from which it came.

This is your final worm lurk.

30 seconds, Bleck.

Oh no.

If I were you, my loins would be moist.

What?

You hurt her.

Gross.

We shall enjoy watching you perish.

I mean, if we're gonna go out, then I feel like there's a lot unsaid that needs to be said

really because I sort of

sort of done this sort of been in this position a few times.

Yeah, we're gonna be okay well I have something I need to confess to all of you.

Oh okay, okay, okay,

Dar?

Darr?

Dar is riding that worm.

Badass.

This was not possible.

My only consolation is to know that now you must devour this ice-cold sinners.

I will never really hide from this, drug.

Oh no!

All the worms suck down all the quicksand.

We're free!

We're free!

Did you miss me?

Dar, this is the best.

I mean,

not, because you're- wait, yeah, ironically, no.

What's happening, Dar?

I mean, but how?

You are there, but

you're also here!

How are there two Dars?

Oh boy, have I got a yarn to spin for all of you?

So I was in Snookumsville on my way back to Bargie and go there.

Nobody knew.

Oh, Dar, you found my blaster.

Whoa, hey, Dar.

Hey,

let go of C53.

All right.

Relax, okay?

Listen, nobody...

Nobody needs to get hurt.

I just need to explain myself before anybody gets any crazy ideas.

Dar, we're talking crazy ideas.

A pretty crazy idea is taking your friend and holding a blaster to their head, okay?

Here's the thing, C53.

I'm not your friend.

I'm not your Dar.

Oh, that hurts my feelings, Dar.

Oh, okay, I see.

Of course, this explains everything.

The way you've been space sick every time we've gone to hyperspace, you grew that goatee, even though we all agreed that one time that it doesn't suit your face.

You not knowing about the most basic crew stuff for the last few weeks.

Aren't you clever?

I don't know.

Yeah, well, that's kind of my thing around here.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Hold on, hold on, hold on, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

That was an accident, you have to believe me.

When I said I wasn't your friend and I wasn't your dar, I mean, one of those things is true, I'm not actually your dar, but I kind of started to think of all of you as friends.

I just needed to take C hostage because I needed you to listen to me, because I just tramped the figure on the cut, and not even it was an accident.

I mean, you have to believe me, I accidentally shot one of the crewmates.

Wait a minute.

Wait, one minute.

Dar, what was your secret?

This is Sea Red IT5, credits and attributions droid commencing after a protocol.

Pleck Deck Setter, Little Putt Putt, and the Client of Average Height were played by Elden Ford.

C-53, the Drama Crazy Book Club member, and the tall client were played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar, Dar, and Jaco were played by Ellie Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Sandra Robot, The Tiny Sandworm, and the Short Client were played by Mujan Zulfagari.

Nerbert Bundeloy, the PR Stowaway, and the sentient who ordered wings were played by Seth Lynn.

AJ, Old Dag, and the client who's not really with the others were played by Winston Null.

Insecto-Fopter pilot Riley Dunker and The Guy Eaten by the Sandworm were played by Shane O'Connell.

3-Peak was played by special guest Zach Cherry.

Zach stars in Severance premiering February 18th on Apple TV and has appeared in many TV shows and movies including Search Party, Spider-Man Homecoming, Succession, Dunkin' Dale, and more.

Follow him on Twitter at Zach Cherry Gmail.

And featuring featuring Frank Garcia Hale as Dad.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn from Sound Design and Mix and original Sand Planet music by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design from Nigerian Jade by Eric Goigz.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

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Could you keep talking so I could just get closer to you?

That's a robot.

Did they?

Wait, did you hear me say something?

Yes, I will continue to speak as Werner has sung.

Yes, I am also here to help you.

Now if I can't do this,

and one Werner Herzog.

It does sound like Sandra Robot has betrayed him.

Okay, I'll do like a jerk.

Okay, I'll just try.

Okay.

Oh,

it appears they have come for the baby.