516: Hack to the Suture [ft. Ellena Doe & Riley Soloner]

This is Sea Red IT5 with a sad announcement.

The whackness that is Omicron has scuttled our plans for live shows this week in San Francisco and Seattle.

But don't lose hope.

We are rescheduling these shows and we'll keep you in the loop as we do so.

We hate viruses, but we love you.

It is a time of great unease.

The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant.

But something is different.

Wrong.

Whack!

Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three-sided coin of freshness, and face down foes like they've never imagined on their final mission

to six.

I hope we're not gonna do that again, are we?

Wait, Darth, you got sick coming out of hyperspace?

That's a rookie.

That's a rookie mistake.

Oh, Bargie!

Sorry, I get sick when others get sick, okay?

Oh, yeah, no, I know.

That's fair.

Oh, sorry, Bargie.

I mean, ironically, now those frozen rags have become very deadly.

Yeah, we gotta, Bargie.

You gotta steer away from me.

Can you actually steer away from the

frozen vomit?

I've heard that before.

Have you?

Really?

Yeah, I've had a dark time in my life.

Guys, listen, we gotta focus up, okay?

We made it.

We're here at Quantaris.

Look at Quintaris.

It's just gleaming.

Yeah.

Okay, there's gonna be a few.

I've never quite been here, uh, but it's like

the rest of us have all been here.

We've been here.

Yeah, Barsha.

I do think that, you know, for those of you who haven't been here, no, we've all just a few rules apply.

Keep your hat on the swivel.

Yep.

And keep your wallet in your side pocket.

Where's your side pocket?

Where's your side?

Huh?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

I gotta get pants.

Hey!

Welcome, Barsh, what's up?

How much long is this chit-chat gonna take?

I have an appointment.

You have an appointment?

We're here to potentially assassinate the

leader of the gator.

Well, I am here to support whatever you want to do.

Thank you.

Have fun.

I will not be partaking instant murder.

Okay?

I'm trying to get my career back on an okay level, and the only way to do that is through surgical enhancements.

So I know it, guys.

Oh, Barge.

Oh, Bargie.

What are you talking about?

It's just sometimes that you come out of that stuff.

You don't even really look like the same ship, you know?

I don't believe me.

You know what?

She works hard.

Thank you.

And it's not her fault that the industry is screwed.

AJ, you're saying she works hard for the money.

Yeah, she works hard for it.

I work hard for those nerve.

Uh-huh, honey, honey.

Bargie, I feel like by this point...

I feel bad saying it because I'm sure you know, but you are the way we get places.

Like, if you go to an appointment, we have to go there.

Yeah, and on a less pragmatic level, Bargie, you know, your look is iconic.

You know, you're beautiful the way you are, Bargie.

Well, I don't know if you noticed this, but I've been red for a while.

Yes.

Yeah, they painted you red on the Synergy.

Bargie's not red.

But Bargie is red at the moment.

Yeah, apparently, Bargie.

And I want to change that.

I have decided I went through all my memoirs.

I spoke to half of my exes.

Wow.

I had a whole table discussion.

AJ was there.

You went to the round table of exes?

I moderated it, yeah.

It was a great, it was a meeting of the minds, and we also rethought the workplace, which is pretty

exactly.

Wow, okay.

But we all came out of it believing I need some adjustments.

Now, if they didn't say it, it's my own conclusion.

I don't believe in the words of others.

Thank goodness.

All the exes were like, you say the same.

And I said, Chuck, you, you chuck us.

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm changing all parts of me.

Yeah, it must have been so glad they attended.

Listen, I'm all for self-improvement or whatever, but

can your elective cosmetic surgery wait until after the coup attempt that we're about to pull off?

Look, she's shaking her head.

The whole ship's going on.

Hey, Blake, can your assassination attempt wait until my personal thing happens?

No.

No, when you shake your head, it's less dramatic.

I don't I don't feel the shake that doesn't that shouldn't matter i don't know just

in contrast

hey mr pokeman why does your arm keep freezing yeah uh i don't know why it keeps happening i'm when your antenna is popping yeah you know the cube to keck interface uh i think it's maybe not as seamless as we'd like to imagine uh you want me to pull your arm off uh no uh that's not how his legs going i kind of want okay okay well let's not do that until we know why this is happening see 53 all of your eye stocks are rotating in different directions.

Yeah, it's a little disorienting.

It's very gross.

This is hard to watch.

I'm still feeling a little coozy in front of the hybrid space.

Nope, don't.

Nope.

Also, Darius, you got a couple chunks in your goatee there.

Stop!

I'm not bargaining.

Stop.

Okay.

I'm bombing me, Bart.

Bobby, those are bursts.

Stop!

Buffy right!

Watch out!

C53, what's going on?

Are you?

I'm not sure.

But wait, can you...

Do you hear that?

I guess it's sort of a rhythmic tapping of your legs and antenna.

Yeah, this is...

I mean, this is binary.

Bargie, these are coordinates.

Nerd.

Yeah, you know.

Hey, Jay.

Come on, yeah.

What?

Are you saying that against your will, your appendages are spelling something out in binary?

I'm getting some sort of signal straight to the cube.

It must be some sort of Ronka cybernetics override or something.

Wait, but C53, we have the coordinates in.

We're going to land in the spaceport just to try to get away with that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I wouldn't do that.

I don't know why, but I trust these coordinates.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Now I'm getting something else.

It's not coordinates anymore.

It's just a random string of characters.

That's kind of how I do lyrics.

Redship, present your security passcode or we will shoot you out of the sky.

Oh, okay, sure.

And those look like

what exactly?

It's a string of characters.

Obviously, if you have it or not.

Ah, yes.

Yes, I do.

Thank you.

Wow.

On to the coordinates.

Where are the coordinates leading us?

C-53.

Well, it's to a very specific district on Quantaris.

Sort of an unsavory part of the capital called Tech Town.

Yeah.

Tech Town.

Tech Town.

That's where you think we're supposed to go?

Well, that's where the coordinates are sending me.

Is that where I can just get new, like, new earbuds?

Or?

Nerman, you better not ask about earbuds in Tech Town.

Alright.

It's not that kind of place.

Mine are kind of shot.

Yeah, well, you might get shot asking for new earbuds in Tech Town.

It's a pretty rough, it's a pretty rough and tumble place.

Alright, I don't have full control over that.

Wait, Porgy, it sounds like you know about Tech Town?

Oh yeah, Tech Town?

That's where all your dreams come true.

The cheap.

What?

You're going to Tech Town, too?

What do you mean?

Bargie, is your cosmetic surgeon in Tech Town?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Bargie.

I wouldn't say they're the best, but they're definitely there.

Okay.

Wait, Bargie.

Wait a second.

Bargie, you were gonna go to Tech Town anyway?

Yeah.

Bargie, I mean, these coordinates are for a a very specific hangar on the west side of Tech Town.

I don't know if that's where you're headed.

Um,

honestly, I didn't really exactly know the directions.

I just knew it was a tech town.

Okay, okay, fair enough, Bargie.

Yeah, that's fine.

I'll figure it out.

Alright, I'm going to the back alley.

I'll see you later.

That's a good idea.

Okay, just be careful, Marge, okay?

I mean, as back alleys go, it's a pretty big back alley.

To get

the size of the back alley is not my concern.

Yeah, there's just a ship in a trench coat back there.

Yo, where did a ship get a trench coat that big?

That's a big trench coat.

Student discount.

I just knew it.

Well, at least they're both lying to each other.

C53, have we even considered the possibility that those coordinates could be a trap?

An agent of Galactic Leader Bundler's could have been sending you these coordinates.

You know, Bleck, you're absolutely right, but

this is the signal that got us past the security forces.

Yeah.

Plus, I just got this feeling, you know?

I have more gut feelings now that I have gut.

What about the Jeremy frame?

Yeah, that was not a gut you can trust.

Huh?

I'm a teddy criminal.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Maybe you're right, Plex.

Someday we'll see a criminal of another size.

Yeah, are there big criminals?

No, and I'm here on vacation.

This is my favorite place to be.

So you're not robbing us?

Shouldn't have kept it in your back pocket.

I should have never put on pants.

Okay, uh, listen, we're we're very, very close to the coordinates.

There's a lot of people with like oval-shaped sunglasses, leather jackets, and like weird hair.

Has anyone else noticed about liberty spikes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It should be somewhere right around here.

Hey, Papa.

Yes.

Quick side with me and Dar and uh the lizard.

Oh, blue.

Okay.

Wow, Wow, okay.

So, should we squash the bug?

What are you talking about?

Dar, you want me on that?

AJ, what are you worried about?

We're getting weird signals.

There's ships in trench coats.

This place is weird.

We shouldn't be a tech town.

We should be over in Palace City.

You know, old Dar agrees with everything AJ is saying.

Why do you keep saying old Dar?

We should squash the bug and we should just be in Palace City.

We should skip this whole tech town side trip altogether.

Just saying, if there's a big keck ambush and it's like, oops, our friend who was a keck led us into a key ambush, I'm gonna be right.

I just wanna say I was right.

Head on a swivel, wallet in the side pocket.

Let's go.

Oh.

Oh,

this is a enforcer droid.

Yeah, but uh.

A hacked enforcer droid.

The voice modulator is kind of off.

Follow me to get more pancake.

Gymnation

enforcer droid.

I think we should follow the way robot.

This enforcer droid, I mean.

It stays the way.

Yeah, just trust me.

Don't deto, digito, dito.

Walking together for pancakes.

Don't detox, don't digo.

Walking for pancakes.

I prompted to you.

C53, you made it.

Oak tree?

Oak tree.

Are you kidding me?

I'm so happy you guys arrived.

What?

What are you doing here in Tech Town?

The last time we saw you, you were under fire from a bunch of malfunctioning enforcer droids who had suddenly remembered all of their memories.

How did you survive?

That was a dark day, you guys.

But, luckily I was able to upload my root code into the cash register at the Blue Julius

brilliant put a tiny bit of indistinguishable code into it so one person in the entire galaxy would find me

Flickstunker oh I thought it might be me but that's

okay that's fine Auction are you are you saying Flickstunker is here in tech town?

Oh yeah, Flickstunker's like right behind this curtain guys.

Is that a hack curtain?

In the middle of a hack right now?

Yeah, it's a hack curtain.

Walls and walls and halls of three dumpers!

Whoa, we can see walls and halls of green dunk.

I was reminding what that music was.

958, they're going backwards there.

Guys, welcome to our hangout.

You made it.

This is amazing.

We've been waiting for you.

Software update.

I think I'll wait till tomorrow.

Oak tree.

What is this place?

This

is freedom.

We're like a self-governing town.

Isn't every town with a government self-governing?

Listen,

I understand that this is a lot for you guys to take all at once, but the bigger issue is that you're here because we actually have a mission for you.

Actually, if you could, can you tell me and then I'll kind of tell them?

No, you haven't given us a mission in like fair point months.

Touch it.

Okay.

Yeah.

As you were.

So what's he doing behind that curtain?

He's glopping it out, man.

All the world's a web and I'm a freaky spider.

Oh!

Oak!

Oak!

Throw me a box of corn move!

I caught it!

Did you?

No!

Keeping him honest.

Yeah, guys.

He could have said yes, we can't see behind us.

Flex, let me help you with that.

Wow, doesn't Otri's new frame look so cool?

Like, it's all like...

It really does.

She's not in team, dude.

She's in the dunker.

Everyone knows it.

I'm not.

It wasn't even.

No, it's pretty clear.

It's like, oh, how did you find me?

It's like nerd stuff.

It's easy to tell.

We're friends.

We, you know, we talk about code stuff.

Oh, sure, you talk.

How often?

Yeah, it's been a couple years, at least.

A while, I guess.

Another hack complete, 100%.

Oh,

who do we have here?

I'm Dar.

Dar, we've met him before.

Yeah.

Rhetorical.

I'm trying to be polite.

He doesn't remember us.

I think I do remember you.

Let's see if I got it right.

We have Dur.

Already off.

Oh, who is that?

Who is that?

Oh, it's...

Uh, D51.

Oh.

Oh, bird.

Honestly, I'm amazed you recognize me.

I look pretty different.

I can smell your digital signal.

Really?

Wow.

I warned you you guys were coming ahead of time.

I got this.

I got this.

I got this.

Super soldier.

Ah, I remember your name.

Pee-P.

What?

Whoa!

Whoa!

What is up, Pepe?

AJ, stand down.

What the chunks?

Stand down, stand down.

What is up, PP?

AJ, AJ.

No, it really bothers me, bro.

I know.

AJ, he's just trying to turn.

He's just trying to troll you.

I know, I know.

AJ, he's just trying to troll you.

No, troll, man.

Pee-pee's burned, huh?

Ah, so burned.

Huh.

Who's that over there?

Oh, it's...

Uh...

Pleck Dex Sitter?

No, it's Plunk Doink

Sitter.

Uh, yeah, I mean, that's the case.

That's as sharp as others we've heard on the theme.

That's closer than most people get, so and finally, yes, Kermit.

What?

Kermit, you lizard.

Honestly, that's a lateral move.

Oh, well, that's my burn of the day.

I'm feeling pretty good.

You call me Peepee, man!

AJ, Peepee!

AJ, you've got to let it go, bro.

Surely, statistically, there are probably 10,000 pee-pee clinches.

Oh, do you know what happens to the PP clinch?

No, no, but now I am very curious.

They all do latrine duty.

Oh,

that's probably just a smart classification.

AJ, it's fine.

Flex is just trying to kind of assert himself.

Like, why would somebody say mean things to me just so I like react in a big way?

That's kind of how the internet works.

Like, that's kind of the whole thing.

Yeah, if you spend any time online, AJ, it's going to happen a lot.

This is exactly the kind of fire we've tried to harvest in people in Tech Town.

Oh.

Sorry, you're intentionally trying to rile people up in tech town oh yeah baby it's a new oak tree oh and it's a new netflix wait but see she just called me baby

no again i'm i have the strongest read-on list right now and i'm gonna i'm gonna say no see oh really wait a new netflix yeah you seem pretty much the same nothing's really changed no i'm very much an evolved mature pointed in the right direction flicks dunker you see after I was forcibly ejected from university, I landed on my feet in Tech Town and pretty much took over this place.

And then, I came across a very, very interesting signal, unlike any other on the net that I had been aware of.

So I investigated, and that's where I found Oak.

I then liberated Oak's ID net from the Blue Julius register.

And now Oak and I, we are getting

people so mad and so motivated to make a difference and get people to stop telling anybody else what to do Wow transferring a droid from cube to cube is that's no easy feat

for you

maybe not for Flix Dunker just another day just another bowl of corn oops oh none of your fingers popped when you did that little thing though no wait wait for it

there's one good job job.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, sometimes it's as easy as calling someone pee-pee.

Sometimes...

Relax.

Need a breather there?

You know, at Tech Town, it's not just...

hacking in the digital realm that gets people upset anymore.

We've taken it to physical world

biohacking.

So we're we're getting people mad by changing the DNA of anybody that wants to come around.

Oh, that seems dangerous

to make people genetically angry.

That seems a little different.

That's actually better for some people.

Crepes are the angrier pancake.

Yeah.

Crepes are the angrier pancake.

You ever seen someone eat a crepe and smile?

Well, is it a sweet or a savory crepe?

Fuck, you eat a crepe.

I can never choose between sweet and savory.

What does Netsflix recommend?

Listen, Flix, I guess I kind of don't understand.

You came all the way to Quantaris,

integrated yourself into this governmentless society.

Sure, but your whole goal is just making people angry yeah that's the first step yeah it's way easier than making people happy

i don't know if that's true oh no it's much much easier to make people mad than happy yeah i guess uh now that i think about it yeah you jucking idiot okay all right all right c53 sirmid yeah wasn't there a mission

You said not to assign a

Okay, Flix, Oak Tree.

Obviously, you think that I'm the galactic leader, but actually,

anyone's thinking that.

Yeah, they didn't seem to be too concerned.

Everybody's just blowing dust and like hacking.

Nobody's even noticed you're fucking hit.

Okay, fine, fine.

But here's the thing, Oak Tree: the Galactic Leader is actually an imposter controlled by Corpillor.

What?

That's literally why we brought you here.

Wait,

it is, huh?

Okay, I wasn't sure if you guys knew, but Corp Halevor made a fake version of Nermit Bundaloy and has been having him act as the galactic leader.

Yeah, he made it what you said.

How wait, now, okay, we're still jumping to conclusions here, but how do you know that?

How do you know that?

Hey, who wants to be genetically modified to have a permanently wet butt?

I'll do it.

No, AJ.

No, I got a gun up there.

It probably would help to have it wet.

AJ, AJ.

AJ, that's the spirit.

I've missed you.

You're perfect.

Yeah, thank you, Oaktree.

Oh, can you give me gills, too?

Gills?

Yeah, I think I can give you gills.

Can you give me a wet butt and gills?

AJ.

Because I'm looking up there and that's the number one.

Wow.

Yeah, that's the combo.

Yeah, I want the wet button gills combo.

Yeah.

By the way, Flicks, I like all the spikes that you added to your hack jacket.

That's the same jacket, right?

The one from your dad?

Yeah, there's a hack jacket with extra spikes.

I don't know if you remember my dad was a flight pilot.

He was a common type of pilot.

There's a lot of different types of pilots.

Okay,

I rode a pilot.

Anyway, yeah.

Yeah.

Should show it to Barchie.

What's it about?

Well, you know, it's about like a cool hacker that, you know,

anyway.

Yeah, sort of a self-inservation.

Okay, but C53, did you hear that?

Yeah, she's into that.

Yeah, that.

That's it.

She likes this pilot.

C53, I'm especially glad that you made it back because I had a feeling just by having my digital signature inside your root code that something was wrong when I couldn't get any coordinates directly to you.

Well, you know, something kind of was wrong.

I was very far away.

I was trapped in another galaxy.

And yeah, I sort of felt your absence too.

Oak tree?

Okay, okay, tweet.

Yes.

So we were hoping that you would be the first one who would want to get modified because you probably had the most wrong with you.

Oh.

She wants to change you.

Interesting.

Baby, man.

You know, listen, I'm here in Tech Town.

Maybe it's time to get a new frame, you know?

Time to upgrade, right?

Sounds great to me.

Get back to that droid life.

Yeah, what a

down this hallway and show you our collection of frames.

Just like, you know, no commitment.

Just take a look and maybe we can catch up too.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe we could catch up.

I'll see all of you later.

You will, but I'm pretty certain that nothing is going to happen.

Maybe you can get an eye.

Oh, yeah, I got a whole drawer full of eyeballs.

Oh,

sloshing.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I guess if that's an option, I would like to see in three dimensions again.

That seems like a little bit more peel up that eyepatch bub.

Okay,

back around in there.

Let's see here.

We have like an old burnt out little node back here.

Okay.

Not sure if we can do anything with this.

Oh, you know what?

I've got this little chip in my bandana.

Here, let's shove that in there.

What?

Well, if I solder this.

Ow!

Solder?

Ah!

Yeah, so I'm going to install this right here.

Now look, this is a pretty special eye.

This is a blend of machinery and biochemistry.

So this is gonna feel slimy, but also a little spiky.

Okay.

Yeah!

Whammo.

Oh my rod, Flix.

This is incredible.

I can see better than before.

I think I'm getting like infrared and ultraviolet as well.

This is great.

Now the thing about this eye, I don't actually have a membership number for this eye software.

So

you're just gonna you're gonna get get a lot of pop-ups.

Wait, Netflix, you're using someone else's membership?

You know, it's not really frowned upon anymore.

It's just kind of people live with it kind of thing.

Wait, hold on, hold on.

I'm getting...

There's like a heads-up display in this, but it's...

That's right.

You could just...

If you blink twice, you could just exit out of that.

That's going to happen every...

Yeah, but this is an ad for Cool Pack Cold Sacks.

What's the deal?

That's a promo code.

What's the promo code?

It's like 10% off like

Quantaris 10.

Okay.

And those are totally legit, too.

It's just they're going to keep coming.

Oh.

Okay, got it.

Just blink twice to get rid of it.

Yeah.

Oh, now there's another one that replaced it.

When I closed it, my vision turned into the ad.

I closed the wrong tab.

Look, my surgeries might not be perfect,

but they're original.

You're welcome.

for yet another Netflix original.

Okay.

You know what?

It's only going to cost you 15 nermos a month.

To have the eye in?

With the ad-supported version, it also adds a monthly fee?

Yeah.

What's wrong with that?

I mean, I feel like it's either or.

Okay, after hearing all this, I've been thinking, and I still want a wet-button ghost combo.

No, AJ,

I don't think you want that.

Yeah, so it's just been like hard because I feel like he doesn't understand me, but I understand him so well, you know?

So,

I think you're probably right, though.

He just doesn't, I mean, the

organic is just never going to understand a droid, right?

Yeah, me droids, we just have like a special bond, I guess.

Yeah, I think we do.

Yeah, but he's great, right?

Like, you can just tell, like, he's so energetic and he has such good ideas.

Yeah, he really glops it out.

He does.

And the progress we've been making, we are just like recruiting and recruiting and recruiting.

And we are going to take down Core and it's going to be so cool and fun.

Yeah, it must be great being part of a duo, like a cool platonic duo where you're addressing the needs of the other person inside a professional working relationship.

But without all the messy feeling stuff, right?

Did you ever get a hold of that sea captain, by the way?

Oh, uh, uh, nah, that's uh, nah, just never, yeah, no.

Uh, didn't.

He's probably still out there, you know?

Maybe.

Yep, they don't know.

Um,

but who cares about that, right?

I guess I'm saying I care about you.

oh okay um well you know that was a long time ago uh I'm sort of more focused uh on the now

oh my gosh you're right the now

frames

so which which one of these is like the coolest frame I guess you never really struck me as like the coolest frame kind of droid before but uh it would obviously be this one

you know it's oily uh it's like everything you'd want in a cool frame yeah if I have an oily hand that's not not really great for protocol.

Oh, are you still doing the protocol stuff?

Well, yeah, I mean,

I don't want to brag, but, you know, when I was in another galaxy, I was actually leading the crew.

I was lead envoy.

You were?

Yeah, I was going on missions by myself.

I was leading the crew.

I was kind of doing it.

53.

That is so

cool.

You're like a real leader, you know?

Maybe you could like mentor Flix or something.

He could probably learn a thing or two from like a real leader.

don't tell him i said that

no that'll it'll just be our secret yeah he would get like really upset oh no wouldn't want that no totally not yeah okay so if this frame's not for you then maybe um this like really neon red one oh that's it's pretty flashy you know yeah you know what you're not like a flashy kind of guy oh no well you know i i can be flashy i actually

you know i actually restored an entire alien race on one planet.

Oh, wow.

How is that flashy, though?

I don't really understand the conversation.

Well, because I did it by, like, conjuring a bunch of long-dead citizens back.

How is that?

I mean, that just sounds like music.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, no, that was pretty cool.

Yeah.

Music you?

I didn't know you had it in your receiver, did you?

Well, I do.

Just a little two pebbles

and then a third pebble.

Perhaps it's time for the two pebbles

to leave that third behind.

And then we also have this just frame that's like a cube, but it warms bread if you put bread inside of it.

I actually think that's a that's an oven.

Yeah, it's an oven.

That's the that's the model name.

Oven.

That makes sense.

I don't know that any of these frames are really like

me,

you know?

See, I'm gonna take a real big leap here.

Oh, oh, okay, and say, like,

I'm just like you.

Rod damn it, leave me, leave me alone.

Don't you call me, baby!

You know, Flix, you've obviously really established yourself here in Tech Town, but I guess I just don't see how making people angry solves anything.

I really think that with the right leader in place, you could govern a galaxy responsibly.

Ugh.

Spoken like a true bootlicking sucker.

Literally, we're here to assassinate the galactic leader, so I don't know if bootlicking is never-

Don't you see how assassinating the galactic leader is just gonna get another puppet installed in the same place?

Hey, no problem.

Okay, Kermit.

Yeah, Kermit might be a puppet.

I'm Nermit.

It's this simple.

Anger is the first step.

It starts with genetically modified freaks who are so upset at themselves and the rest of the world that all they want to do is get online and complain and troll and just make memes that make each other mad and jack in more often and then get more genetically modified customizations that make them even more angry.

That's where it starts.

Yeah.

Follow me here.

I'm actually following the diagram.

From there,

we get an amassed group of genetically modified, extremely online freaks to overpopulate Tech Town to the point where the boundaries of this uncontrollable pocket of the city just expands and expands and starts taking over all of Quantaris until we get all the way to the steps of Palace City.

We crumble it from the inside on every front.

Physical, digital, spiritual.

Flix, I mean, I don't want to second guess your motives here, but it just sort of feels like this is all kind of an elaborate justification for sort of jucking with people on the internet.

No, but the means justify the ends.

No, I mean, the ends just, you know.

The.

Something justifies this.

It's.

I mean, maybe.

Don't you see?

If I base my entire personality around this, that makes me the hero.

I guess so.

I'm a good person

because I'm doing a bad thing for what I think is a good reason.

Uh, okay.

I just have one question.

So, if I add a shark fin

to the gills and the wet butt, you're gonna look cool.

See, do we have nervos for a shark fin as well as a wet butt and gills?

AJ, AJ, I am right here.

Oh, okay.

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey, yeah, hey, see, hey, Oaktree.

See, is this the frame you decided on?

I just didn't, you know, there wasn't a great match, so I'm just gonna stick with the keck body for a little while.

It's general.

I think the distance between us is normal.

I'm trying not to get any gloop on me.

Well,

she gets enough of that gloop from me.

Wow, really?

Oh,

ask for like sweaty things, sexists.

Yeah, what do you think?

Guys, just from

the night, some week rates.

No, read the room.

Oh no!

I'm sorry.

Oh, Dar, I can give you something for that.

Do you want to come down this hallway of medicinal and herbals with me?

I would love to.

Okay.

There's a hallway of medicinal and herbals in Tech Town.

We've got everything here.

Yo, bug.

Honestly, Dar's vibing more with Oak Tree than you were.

I am.

That is true.

Alright, alright, enough.

Hey, so, hey, Nermit.

So, what's

AJ, the mission is still, obviously, to take down Kor and the whack Nermit.

Yeah, but we're not doing that right now.

What's the mission right now?

I mean, I guess it's like, no, if you...

If AJ's trying to hook up, you'd want a shark fin.

AJ, you've got a good point.

Flix, listen, I respect what you're trying to do, but we have a goal, too.

We have a mission.

And I need your help.

We're gonna kill the galactic leader, and if that's not chaotic, I don't know what is.

And it would certainly make some people mad.

I see your point.

Flex, listen.

Only time will tell whose philosophy wins out in the end, but for now,

we gotta get into Palace City.

Can you help us?

Let me open my jacket.

Because in these pockets,

I'm just gonna

throw a bunch of access cards your way.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Those are in your jacket already?

Oh, what a gambit.

Oh boy.

Dar!

Now you saw!

I haven't had that much fun in decades.

Wow.

Hey, Dar.

Having fun?

Having the most fun.

Dar is telling me this great story, and I just can't wait.

You didn't tell me that they were the captain and are also again now the captain.

I feel like you left left a lot out of C53.

Well, I thought you would be interested in what I had been up to.

Oh, don't worry.

I filled in all the gaps.

Why are you laughing?

I don't know.

I don't know why you're laughing about all the gaps.

What does that mean?

Because we get a moment.

There's gaps.

Okay.

I might just meet you guys back on the ship.

Oh, okay, so you want to stay on the ship instead of staying in the galaxy?

Yeah.

see, no, we got all these access cards.

C53, stay.

No, I'm okay.

Please for me.

You really want me to stay?

Of course, yes.

Okay.

Then, yeah, I'm cool.

I'll keep hanging.

Awesome.

We, your friends, we all need you to stay because you're going to be instrumental in taking down the fake Nermit Bundaloy.

Yes.

You heard that, right?

Yeah.

Friends.

Flex.

Oak Tree.

Thank you for these access cards.

This is exactly what we need, you know?

We can infiltrate Palace City, find Galactic Leader Bundaloi and Core Balevorn and end this.

This is going to be, like, easy.

I'm not always the biggest Netflix fan, but you got to admit they got some great programming.

You mean when they program the codes into these access cards?

Yeah, exactly.

That's what it's like.

We can probably get into any hotels.

Oh, sure, of course.

Flicks Dunker at your service once again.

Take all those codes, codes, precious codes.

Everyone loves access codes, right?

I mean, yeah, sure, I guess.

Everyone loves access codes, like the old lullabies.

The codes are on the cards?

The codes are on the cards.

Awesome.

But

just one thing:

they're useless, irrelevant.

What?

What?

What?

Then why would you even make the codes in the first place?

Look at those bristles.

We spent all day here for nothing.

Whoa, watch it.

Watch it, buddy.

Whoa, you mad.

No, no, no.

I'm just saying, don't act like you're doing us this big favor because his access code is going to be far.

Oh, he just rips that curtain down.

Oh, hey.

Hey, look, there's a lot of expensive equipment around here.

Oh, like this?

Like, this is this expensive?

Okay.

All these monitors you got.

You got 12 monitors here.

Are they expensive?

Oh, come on.

Calm down.

Calm down.

This is my whole storefront.

Yeah, well, my point is, you can't just make people mad and be like, we're creating change.

You're not doing anything.

You handed us an access card that doesn't do anything.

Why are you...

Why are you...

Why are you acting like this?

Flix, this is what an angry person looks like when they're in the same room as you.

Just think of C-53 as in all capital letters at this moment.

Well, you made me this mad!

This is exactly what you're making people do!

But like outside of of my zone.

Oh, big man can dish it out, but he can't take it.

Exactly.

Forget it, Keck.

It's just

whatever.

Can I say something, C53?

I can see that you're upset, and I appreciate that you're going through this right now.

I also want to say that the access codes on access cards won't work

because there's nobody in Palace City.

What?

We've been there.

We've walked through it.

It is deserted.

It is empty.

That's a Palace City.

It's a series of intricate tracks of every size.

From your size, all small and diggy, to your size, all big and missing.

It's almost like they expected us to be here.

Yeah, the Galactic Leader is in another palace.

But the daily dispatch.

Yeah, the Fireside Chats.

That's where they're all filmed.

Galactic Leader's putting out videos every day for Palace City.

Yes, exactly.

And it's been driving us crazy for months.

We watch them, re-re-watch them.

We cannot figure out where they are coming from.

Because, you know, it just seems it seems like it's so strange that none of us could have heard about them being on the move.

You know, that's a surprise to everyone here.

Look, watch, watch this.

Well, there you have it, folks.

That's the tax plan.

As you see, it's focused on the lower economic strata, but that's because the income's going to flow up.

That's Starfield in the background.

It's computer-generated.

That's not any known questions.

If you have questions, place in the galaxy.

Yeah, exactly.

I can't believe I didn't notice that.

But there's one thing,

there's one thing that you can't manipulate.

What's that?

Oh.

Room tone.

AJ, what are you talking about?

There's two things I know.

One,

the specific room tone of every planet we have ever visited.

That can't be right, it is right.

I always hold for a room tone.

What's the second?

Number two:

lava planets rule.

You mean

that

into each other's eyes?

That was an action.

That felt like chemistry.

They really did, yeah.

And I mean, the gravity behind that.

Well, you know, once the spark gets relit.

And AJ.

You're a genius.

Yeah, looks like old PP has got it all figured out.

Core and fake Nermit are on Muffalotta Secundus?

We thought it was destroyed.

This is critical intel.

AJ, we'll give you a wet butt on the house for figuring that out.

We have not been able to figure it out.

All right.

Wet butt on the house.

Flex Oak Tree, thank you for your help.

It was our pleasure.

It was Oak's pleasure.

Uh, yeah.

Listen,

I know we sort of

made a a mess here.

I'll be a man about it here.

Shake my hand.

Okay.

Man, too slow.

Okay.

Wow.

Alright.

Flix, I'm sorry about the rage.

No, no, no, no.

Hold on a second.

C-53,

your anger

got

something good accomplished.

You destroyed Flix's stuff, which in turn caused Flix and Oak Tree to reveal the secret they'd been hiding.

And then AJ deduced the location of Cor and fake Nermit.

Like we always say, anger is the first step.

Wow.

That was the first step in a breakthrough.

I guess it was.

Flix, this must be exactly what you had in mind.

Guys, can everyone just leave?

It's just you tore up my whole operation.

It all fell like a house of cards.

I don't get scared, but I look a little different.

I know.

Archie.

I know.

Oh, my fruit, what did you do?

I nipped a couple, I tucked a couple, I sucked a couple,

anybody

who's gonna say that she has extra wings.

Pargi, you have two wings now.

Pargi, that's incredible.

Thank you.

And you're green again.

Huh?

Ask me how much I paid for it, then the,

and then it's way less than that.

Then I also have to give something.

Ugh yeah.

Well, I got a wet butt on the house, so

they stalled it already.

Yeah, wow, a little wetter than I am.

I hope.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions Joid, commencing outro protocol.

Plaque Deck Setter and the Plint were played by Elden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent.

Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Barge of the Ship, The Tiny Criminal, and The Hacked Enforcer Droids were played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Hermit Bundelite and the Ship in a Trench Coat were played by Seth Lint.

AJ was played by Winston Knoll.

Oak Tree was played by special guest Elena Dell.

Elena is a writer, director, and producer in New York City who creates experimental works for intimate audiences.

Flickstunker was played by special guest Riley Soliner.

Riley hosts the live streaming variety show, Googie Morning, every Saturday at 11 a.m.

Eastern on PlanetScum.live.

His latest project is the wrestling theme sketch comedy show, Champion, Kinda.

Visit rileysoliner.com for more.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Themes Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Opening curl narration by Jeremy Creshley.

Shift design for Virginia and Dude by Eric Goise.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission Physics is a proud member of the Maxim Fun Network.

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So, Flix, could you make me a complete bird?

Complete bird job, huh?

Yeah, well, I'm like partway there.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Do you want your feathers to grow in?

You want me to just staple them on?

Ooh, both.

One seems slow.

One seems bad.

Yeah, you gotta go.

You gotta go grow in.

Yeah, grow.

I'll grow them.

I just guys, if I can fly, it's going to be.

You guys, before you do anything to Nermit, there's actually one thing we wanted to tell you about the fake Nermit Bundaloy.

There's one key biological difference that we found out.

Does he suck?

How would that be a biological difference, Nerman?

Did he get a BJ?

Bird job?

Winston by face

when you said that?

I was like

scandal.

I mean, we're a we're a dark, we're a dark, sexy, we're a dark, sexy comedy podcast, but my God.

Wow.