515: Gary’s Home Companion [ft. Leslie Collins]

It is a time of great unease.

The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant.

But something is different.

Wrong.

Whack!

Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three-sided coin of freshness, and face down foes like they've never imagined on their final

mission to six.

Yep.

Why are we going to dad?

So, I'm visiting with dad, but you're actually going to stay with dad.

Why?

Well, because right now,

the ship isn't the best place for you.

Why?

It's just, you know, you're growing.

You're rapidly growing.

In fact, you're just a hair shy of being able to, I don't know, tell secrets.

You know, get into all sorts of trouble.

And I want you to stay out of trouble.

But I want to stay on the ship.

I would love for you to stay on the ship and I honestly would love to get to know

you.

Shoot, what was your name again?

Co-Horse Hat.

Horse Hat.

Right, Horse Hat.

I mean, I should know that.

I named you Horse Hat.

Can't believe I named you Horse Hat.

Sorry.

You know, honestly, there's just...

There's some stuff that's going to happen that I just don't want you to see.

Why?

Well, because.

I just

it's gonna be dangerous.

I don't know what the outcome is going to be, and I don't want you in that line of fire, okay?

That's important to me.

That that is maybe more important than my own personal vendetta.

What a vendetta!

You know, it's for me to figure out and for you to enjoy some time with Dad.

Be sure to ask him to toss you up in the air.

Where's that horse at?

Ah, Dad.

Let me add him.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, see?

Ah, horse hat.

Come on.

Come on in.

I've got a fresh pot of horglark.

Okay, nope.

No time to catch up.

Would love to stay, but I cannot.

Okay, bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Ah, that's a shame.

Next time.

Next time.

Then go play.

Well, have fun out there.

Knock them dead.

Whatever it is you're doing.

Thanks, Dad.

Bye, Dad.

All right.

Bye, horse hat.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

That was

hard, but one last thing to worry about.

Glad you're here, Captain.

I wanted to talk to you about Galactic Leader Nermit Bundaloy.

Yes.

No, just

Nermit.

Come on.

Oh.

We've been talking this whole time about how we're going to destroy that one.

I was elected and that's an imposter.

Yeah, we're all on the same page, I think.

Bargie, can you pull up the speech of

the leader, Nermit Bundaloy?

I was watching that speech, and something

kind of didn't sit right with me.

Sorry, I double scheduled, and I'm having some medals attached to my lapel here.

I hope you don't mind.

Bargie, enhance.

Just a couple.

Enhance.

Enhance the image.

You have to go in close.

Yeah, I think just step in.

If you come on a tactical screen, you can actually say enhance in the screen.

Just get closer and walk a standard hollow projector.

Okay, well, when I say enhance, everybody walk towards the screen, alright?

Computer, enhance.

Just everybody.

Okay.

And enhance.

Walk towards it again.

Can we walk further?

No, can we go more than a couple of steps?

Just installed to get right up next to it.

No, he should do enhance a few times or it's not as correct.

Enhance.

Okay.

Look at this moment right here.

How he's like kind of chewing on his pinky.

Uh, yeah, he's chewing.

I guess.

Do I do that?

No.

That's a protein pinky.

What?

AJ, what are you talking about?

Oh, wait.

There is, you can see a little seam.

Yeah.

Look, see the stitches?

The pinky's perforated, so you can just crack it off like this.

Oh, the steel.

what?

Why?

Why would he do that?

I just wrote it.

You've seen him eat his own pinky a bunch of times.

So, wait, what are you saying, AJ?

That Nermit

is a clone.

I don't think so.

That's really far-fetched.

I don't know.

No,

no, no, no, I'm sorry.

No.

Listen, I'm telling you.

I know clones, and that is a clone.

Well, if somebody had somehow gotten a piece of Nermith's genetic material, they could actually grow their own Nermit.

Wow.

He's got these feathers.

Ah!

Oh, yeah, these scales kind of rub off, don't they?

Yeah, yeah, they flexed easily.

He moved

every month.

Oh, yeah, he's got a full skin laying over there.

Did you guys tell me that his tail got cut off once?

It sort of stopped off.

I'm just telling you, this guy's a clone.

So, wait, AJ, if

this is true, are you telling me that

we could potentially clone an entire band?

No,

it's like

no,

I mean, you can, but

you can clone the band, but doesn't mean it's gonna be any good.

Huh?

Challenge accepted.

You can't clone chemistry, sorry.

Clone or not, we should get to Contaris, ASAP, and just see what the deal is, you know?

No need to overthink it.

All right, off we go.

Ship,

take us away.

Why did you call me?

Sweating a lot, Dar.

Stroking that goat.

Do you always stroke your goatee like that?

I don't feel like I've ever seen.

Well, you know what, this guy

just can't help but be kidding around.

Right?

Right?

Oh, man.

Dar, you know, if it hadn't been for the several times that we've saved each other's lives, told each other we loved each other, shared, you know, friendly moments, and formed years of camaraderie, I would think you hated me right now.

I couldn't hate you.

I mean, you are right, though, Captain Darth.

You know, the other Nermit could be a hologram or a robot or just a, you know, a plain old imposter.

We don't really know what we're up against here.

Listen, Fleck, I would know if this new Nermit Bundaloy is a bot or not, okay?

But if we really want to know if it's a clone, we should just go to the galaxy's foremost cloning expert, you know, our friend, Miss Janelle Fitzmeyer.

Let's do that.

Miss Janelle rules.

I love how she's quite, she sends me a note every other month.

Guys, I don't know.

I mean, Miss Janelle's been nice to us over X-Mars letters she sends to each of us individually and totally out of the blue Apollo calls and you know, the occasional care package, but we sabotaged her entire Clint production operation with my DNA.

But Pleck, all you need to look at is the needle point that she sent you last X Mars.

Yeah.

What does it say?

Y'all are always welcome at Miss Janelle's house.

I mean,

how much clearer could she have been?

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Dar got to see Dad.

Why can't I go see Miss Janelle?

Yeah.

No, you're right.

We do have to go confront Nermit Bundaloy, but the more information we can get, probably the better.

Exactly.

If he's a clone,

we have a tactical advantage.

Because every clone,

except for me, have weaknesses.

Like, some are dumb, not me.

Some are unself-aware.

And we can, like, use that because they're all like, what?

Yeah, AJ, you're talking to a holograph of us.

What?

Turn around.

What?

Huh?

Oh, sorry.

Sometimes when you guys walk out, I don't remember.

We should take that down.

We should take that down.

It's very confusing.

Yeah, this happens a lot.

No, this was a nice moment, Lisa.

Look at this holograph.

Every time I do, it makes me laugh.

Yeah, so what I was saying to the holograph, but really of you guys, is that clones might have some weaknesses that we can exploit.

Sure.

Right?

Sure.

And it's just be fun to see Miss Janelle.

Oh, man.

If she makes her special lemon bars,

I can finally eat them.

Oh, look at his little mouth.

What things?

What are those called?

Petipops.

Oh, yeah.

Look at them go.

Yeah, they're really just

moving.

All the memories we have of C-53's pedipalps, his most defining feature since all of this

started.

Bargie, is there a gas leak on the ship?

I wish.

Well, Councillor Joey Joey, I bored off.

Hope you are quite pleased with this new archive facility.

Heavily guarded data backups of every Federated Alliance droid, all here, beneath the sparkling, bustling streets of Palace City, the crown jewel of Kwanapta.

What's that you're going on about?

No,

this is a nice building.

Um, is it a building?

quite yes?

Oh, actually, Bordeaux, can you run lines and film for for me, little old Joey Joey?

I need to subtape for this commercial audition.

Most honored counselor, I'm actually a great lover of the theatrical arts.

Great!

You're playing Jaikal camera up here.

Yes,

this is Joey Joey, reading for the part of Slunk, seeking representation.

Hey, Jaiko, Jacko, how is your workout?

Oh, uh, honestly, Slunk, very pleasurable.

Well, pal, it's time to seek out pleasure in every area in your life.

From how you start your mornings to how you wind down at night, and everything in between.

You deserve to enjoy it all.

Dipsy Stories wants you to find joy and confidence in and out of the bedroom.

Throws towel over shoulder.

You did.

Oh, okay that's a stage direction um uh tell me more dipsy stories is an app full of sexy audio stories and now they even have brand new written stories no matter who you're into or what turns you on jaiko dipsy helps bring the stories to life anytime anywhere

there are hundreds of stories to choose from and they release new content every week so there's always more to explore.

I need to run to get a healthy smoothie before plucking in.

But quick slunk, how do I get on board with Dipsy?

You're in luck, Jaika, because Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com/slash zix.

That's 30 days full access for free when you go to dipse

stories.com/slash slash zix.

Dipsystories.com slash zix.

Got it.

And got thank you.

Nailed it.

Oh, certainly.

Oh, and here, of course, you see a platoon of enforcer droids who patrol the facility.

No, no.

I have actually another self-tape for you to help me with.

Of course.

Do you think I have a shot?

You're better behind the camera.

Oh, thank you.

Man, this place has a lot different vibe when it's not Clintillian.

It's a lot more sort of cold.

Yeah, severe.

Pretty industrial.

This is different.

You know, Miss Chanel had like doilies and stuff.

Get down on the ground right now.

Get down on the ground.

Hey,

I am down on the ground.

Nobody tells me to get down on the ground.

Whoa!

What the fuck?

That's right.

That's right.

That's right.

I will shoot you, and I just did.

Give me your identification right now.

AJ2884.

Are you an original Clint?

Yeah, I'm an OC man.

Ugh.

Welcome to the OC.

Wow, that trooper's not even clinching.

Oh, shit.

Keck landing on the planet.

Everybody.

No, no, no, no.

Just one keck.

Yeah, it's just the one keck, and I'm not really.

I'm a plant 2.0, okay?

I'm not like one of those idiots came before me, alright?

There's never just one keck.

Okay, can we slow down for one second?

You're a plint 2.0.

Yeah.

What

is that?

Well, you know how 1.0 juckin sucks?

Wow.

2.0 is jucking better.

Hey, Papa, these guys are like you only like yoked.

I mean, maybe.

I guess they're like

huge.

Yeah, I've tried.

I don't think they're anything like me.

They're sort of, I don't know.

The bicep is the size of your waist.

All right, hold on a second.

You guys are going to have to explain your situation here.

We got a keck, red alert, we got an original Clint, blue alert,

and we got an original Plint 1.0 here, out of uniform, pink alert.

Actually, I'm not, I'm not a Plint, I'm just actually

who we're here to see.

So, yeah, we're here to see Mr.

Janelle, so that's great.

Wait, what?

Miss Janelle Fitzmire?

Uh, Miss Janelle's not the boss.

What?

Wait, actually, can we get up off the ground?

No, what?

Did I say you could get up the ground?

Sorry, sorry.

Oh my rod.

Oh my rod.

It's the leader of the galaxy.

I am.

Oh.

I am so

sorry.

You should be, okay?

I am.

How dare you?

I am.

We've been hard at work for you.

We just sent all of the elite strike teams to Quantaris to guard the palace.

Great.

Just like you asked.

And we are vigilantly on the lookout for the imposters.

We will find them, my liege.

I'm so sorry, I didn't recognize you.

You can redeem yourself.

Yeah, anything.

I'll do anything.

Where is Miss Janelle Fitzmeyer?

She doesn't work here.

She retired.

She lives in the Vistapalms Resort.

Oh, boy.

Where's that?

Where are we going to have to fly to?

What planet?

It's just down the street.

Oh, you can see there's something else on this planet other than that.

It's the Vista Palms Resort.

Okay, that makes sense.

Yeah, as you were.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Thank you.

Your leash.

My leash.

Thank you.

Sounds like they're still settling on that title.

No, I liked it.

I liked it, how it was long.

Your grace.

Oh, Dark still took a swing at him.

It's got one of those automated gates.

Welcome to this gate.

Yes.

Welcome to this gate.

We're really back in Zix, folks.

Yeah.

It's a real matter-of-fact AI.

Hi, we're here to see Miss Janelle Fitzmeyer, please.

What code is Janelle Fetsme?

That's a great question.

We've entered four numbers, or else you all will be locked up.

We're already locked out.

Yeah.

You mean we'll continue to be locked out?

Welcome to this game.

Oh, oh boy.

Pretty limited loop here.

What code is Janelle Fetch me?

Does he have a favorite clint?

Certainly not, right?

Well, let me try 2884.

Yes!

Oh,

AJ.

Hey, J.

Wow,

it could really be her favorite.

You really were her favorite.

I always knew it.

I always knew it.

Yes.

All of the numbers are her favorite.

Oh, I see.

So if I just hit one, one, one, one.

Yes.

Okay.

The case is new.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow, this place is nice.

Look at all these golf carts.

A lot of cards.

Wow, this is such a serene place.

All these water features.

It looks like there's sort of, you know, like a real community here.

There's a couple shops up there.

Oh, hey, look, it's Tactical Footwork Tuesday at the bingo hall.

Hey, there's a store that just sells bad mystery novels.

Or weird military-focused thrillers.

VOPW is having a social.

Oh, Veterans of Off-Planet Wars.

I never knew what that stood for.

Wow, this is super weird.

Look at all these out-of-uniform old clints.

They all look like old Rolfus Tittles.

Yeah, well.

In like polo shirts and

carcasses.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Are you a Clint?

I used to be.

But now I'm captain of the Shuffleboard team.

Oh, congratulations.

I'm kind of the best here at Shuffleboard.

I'm sorry.

I guess I don't really understand.

You were a Clint.

How old are you now?

Must be, I guess,

eight.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh, AJ.

Oh, that's an accelerated timeline.

What?

I'm not going to end up like that, guys.

AJ, you're seven.

Remember?

We had your party at the Synergies Roller Rink.

Come on.

That's not going to be me.

I'm not going to get old.

Excuse me, Shuffleboard Captain.

Yes.

You're eight years old.

How is that possible?

You look so much older than our friend here.

Well, seven and a half.

He really takes a turn.

It's kind of like a half-life, and you just sort of

oh no, yikes.

Yeah,

I do have to get to shuffleboard because I

yeah, sorry, we apologize for all that.

I'd love to talk about how old I am and how much time I have left, but I'd like to get to shuffleboard.

Okay, all right.

Just for the record, I would destroy that guy and shuffleboard.

Okay, that's not really

dominate.

And that's not really the mission.

I don't know.

Mike.

How would that help?

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Did you hear that?

Nope.

Let's follow this little this little zippy robot on a single wheel.

Sounds good.

This is it.

Stopped here at this house.

Wow, what a nice little bungalow.

Yeah.

Okay, how do I look?

Do I look good?

I look fine, right?

My armor's in good shape.

Okay.

Well, it does have the scorch marks from where you got shot earlier.

Well, that wasn't my fault.

Well, I know, but I'm just saying.

That guy was a

douche.

I respected it.

Are you okay?

You've been kind of quiet, just kind of like tapping your fingers together.

Yeah, no, I just, it feels like we've been here so long.

Maybe we should just, like, you know, get back on the ship and get going.

Now,

what do I have in front of me?

Oh, hey, Miss Janelle.

Hey.

IJ2884, what a sight for my eyes.

Oh, how wonderful to see you.

What a lovely surprise.

Hi, Miss Janelle.

Oh, hello, Pleck.

Oh, come here and give me a hug.

Every single one of you, I hope, has a hug for me.

I will hug you, Mailbot.

Next.

Miss Janelle,

I'm so happy to see you're so welcoming.

You know, know, a lot of people are sort of thrown off by my new exterior.

Yes, because you look like a bug.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, he is a bug, actually.

I look into your eyes, and I see the real you, C-53.

And that's a wonderful person.

Miss Janelle,

I will gladly accept this hug.

I do love extra arms.

I remember you, darler.

I will have to say there is something slightly different about you.

Let's get in that hug.

Okay.

Well, let me whisper in your ear:

if you've gone through heartbreak, you'll get through it.

Well,

thank you.

Well, you know what?

Why don't y'all come over here?

And I just finished making some women's bars.

No

boy.

We were just talking about that.

We were just talking about that yesterday.

I didn't want to ask.

Oh, Nermit.

Wow, this is such a treat.

Oh, that's so nice.

Can we, yeah, we'll get one of those famous hugs?

Of course.

Sorry, my bosoms are big.

Oh, that's sad.

I do want to say congratulations on your promotion.

That's really, really wonderful.

Oh, leader of the galaxy, yeah.

Yeah.

That's not easy to achieve.

No.

So you should be proud of yourself.

I am.

To win by right in is really an accomplishment.

I know, right?

I mean, I wasn't even running.

Well, that says a lot about you and your person.

You know, I heard so many wonderful things from Dar.

Just went on and on about your character.

Dar.

Yeah, and I meant every word that I said.

There is something different about your eyes.

Something a little,

well, hmm.

Have a lemon bar, everyone.

Yay!

Oh, I am so excited to try one of these with a real mouse.

We'll come on through the atrium.

Yeah, this is so nice.

Thank you.

Over here is my studio in which I do a lot of my arts and crafts.

But

sit down.

Oh, can I show you my scrapbook?

I went on a river cruise.

A river cruise cool.

Yes, I did.

Gary and I went, and I have a scrapbook, if you will, and I would love to go through it and tell you all the sights and everything.

Oh, my goodness, you should have seen the flora and the fauna.

River cruise is sort of a one-way thing, right?

Or do you go back up the river at the end?

Well, then you blatt, we do go both ways.

Oh, okay.

Oh, wow.

Which is more fun, downriver or upriver?

Good question.

Well, I would have to say downriver.

Yes, everything is a little bit more fun when you're getting down.

Oh, I am so sorry.

It is so loud right now.

Gary is out in his wood shop.

He makes my embroidery hoops.

He is a real maker.

He is a real maker and a doer, and he's always busy.

Oh, cheap to just buy.

That's so nice of him.

I give him his privacy.

I'd have no idea what else he's doing out there, but

Gary's good.

You know, we have been learning a new language as well.

Oh, that's great.

We have been learning Jantawa.

We'll have to

notoriously difficult.

Yeah.

Jantawa, Jantawa, Jontawa.

Wow.

Did you hear what I just said to you?

I said, Tata, love, love.

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug.

Oh, wow.

That's so nice.

Even in Jantawa.

So sweet.

Well, that was the first thing I wanted to learn.

That and I love you.

And I love you is Jintawa.

Oh, great.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Miss Janelle, I just want to say congratulations on your retirement.

Last time we saw you, you were still the manager of the cloning facility.

Oh, yes, those were good days.

And I have to say, I enjoy my retirement, but it wasn't exactly on my terms, if you know.

What?

Well, you know, these things get complicated, but

I indeed, may I tell you

something private about myself?

Of course.

Come in close.

It has.

No, that's not AJS.

That's for hollow.

That doesn't apply here.

Is this too close?

No, nothing is too close for me.

You can't get that close just because of, you know, the bosoms.

Yes.

You know,

as I worked there towards the end, I felt like I was really doing some wonderful things and really turning out top-notch clones.

And before I knew it,

something was happening behind my back.

And I didn't do anyone wrong, as far as I could tell.

You couldn't, because you're perfect, Miss Janelle.

Oh, well, that is so sweet of you to say.

Well, it's the truth.

And if anyone said to them, I'll rip their throat out.

AJ, maybe just let her know.

Who's saying anything about her?

Dehance.

Dehance.

All I'm saying is when I got my notice, my pink slip,

there was just a bad taste in my mouth.

I had no idea that they were downsizing, and my job was just on the cutting block, is what they told me.

And I had to pack my bags and my boxes and take my codes, and I took a little bit of light software with me and a little bit of hardware.

And I packed up my desk palm that had really grown quite a bit over the years I was there.

They did let me take that

and I left.

Did you get a party or something?

Not one

being

said goodbye to me.

What?

Yeah, well, you know, Mr.

Nell, if it helps any, we're pretty convinced that some pretty evil shit is going down in the galaxy right now.

Don't say that in front of her.

I'm sorry.

Don't say the S-word in front of her.

Evil stuff.

Evil stuff.

Sorry.

Well, you know, I don't mind cursing all that much, but I will have to say that the other day I was walking by the facility and there was a plant and he said the word jucking

a few times too many.

And I just thought those are not quality plants.

Something is going on over there.

Did that plant happen to be like

really

yoked?

As the young people say, swole or yoked.

I think we met one of those guys.

Or jacked, I have heard that.

Yeah.

Sort of an older generation, but yeah, sure.

Would you all like to play Bunko?

One of the coveries.

Sure.

Yeah,

sure.

Well, I love it because it was originally a confidence game.

Oh.

And I like confidence.

A confidence game, you say?

That's why I like it.

Or we can all just do embroidery.

Whatever would be fun for all of us to do together as friends would make me the happiest.

Oh, that's so nice.

I mean, we were kind of hoping to figure out something about how the other Nermit was cloned and

place.

What did you say?

Basically, Miss Janelle, Janelle, the reason we're here is that we have reason to believe that Nermit Bundaloy, the leader of the galaxy, is actually a clone of this guy.

We should have mentioned that earlier.

This is not the Nermit Bundaloy you've been seeing on

hollows and

hearing their speeches.

Because I actually looked at the hollow, Miss Janelle.

So I looked at the hollow

and I did this thing where I was like,

I figured it out because I was all like, uh, the pinky.

The pinky was perforated.

It was a perforated pinky.

Oh my goodness gracious.

You are right, AJ.

There is no doubt about it.

That nermit is a clone made with my technology.

Wait, does that mean that someone basically hijacked the cloning facility in order to place that imposter in my rightful throne?

There was a new gentleman who came to work at the facility about two weeks prior to me being retired.

And he was a very surly fella.

He never smiled.

And I tried to hug him and he recoiled, which is so

unusual.

Now that is honestly very unusual.

Well, I had to respect his boundaries, but I did think something was a little off.

What did he look like?

Well, he was more machine than man.

Maybe, do you have any more of these lemon bars?

Tara, you've eaten all but two of these lemon bars.

He looked very mean.

I would not trust him in a knife fight.

I mean, that's a classic thing, Mr.

Nellari says.

Like, when you're in a knife fight, the key is trust.

Okay.

Well, that is the number one rule of knife fighting.

Trust the process.

Oh, well, I don't know what happened to that gentleman.

Do you know his name?

What was his nark

park parkour valour?

Parkour Valour?

Oh, yeah, that I mean, that sounds like a name.

Someone named Parkour Valour cloned me.

Sounds pretty evil.

Sounds highly possible.

Don't know.

That truly sounds like somebody that Bargie would star in a movie with.

Well, Bargie was in Big Bop at the Ship Stop with Parkour Sateen.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Alright.

Well, I apologize.

It just is not coming to the mind right now, y'all.

Grandma!

Oh, well, hello, Centurion.

Grandma.

Would you like to meet my friend?

Sure.

Wait a second.

Centurion, you're here?

What?

You were in the other galaxy.

Who are you?

Grandma, we're out of fluffer butter.

Oh, well, you know what, sweetheart?

I had just come back from the market, and there is a bag in the back seat of the speeder, and it has some new fluffer butter in it.

Okay, thank you.

Don't fret.

You're welcome.

Go ahead and put that on a cracker.

I will.

I love you, Grandma.

I love you.

Is Gary back there?

Is Gary near the speeder?

Uh, Gary is out in his wood shop.

You better not be asking me about stuff, Grandma.

Oh, well, maybe he's just trying to get to know you better.

I'm gonna get the fluffer butter.

Uh, Miss Janelle, is that a clone of Centurion?

Why, yes, it is.

Grandma.

Yes.

Where's the fluffer butter?

Oh, no.

It is in the back seat of my speeder, Centurion 4.

I just went to the market, sweetheart.

Is Gary in the garage?

Last time I checked, he was out in the woodshop.

I don't want to deal with Gary, Grandma.

Well, maybe he's just trying to get to know you better and you could spend some time with him.

I love you, Grandma.

I love you too.

Y'all, I'll have to excuse me.

It's just teen angst, and, you know, you know teams.

So, the light software you stole and hardware.

Well,

I do have to admit, for my own selfish reasons, I dabble in at-home cloning.

Oh, wow, you have a tube of blue liquid just right next to the fridge here.

Well, yes, uh, it can be messy, so I like to keep it all in one room where it's easy to clean up.

But

uh-huh, Centurion.

Can I find any?

Well, I just went to the market, and

there is some in the back of my speeder.

Okay, great.

Wait, can you see Derry in the garage?

Honey, he is out in the wood shop last time I checked, okay?

Oh, awesome.

Will he let me use the lathe?

I imagine he will if you ask nicely.

Okay, cool, cool.

Oh, wow, that's a cheer.

That's intuitive leg scary.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so the clones are.

They all have a little bit of personality.

That was the tweak I

took with me.

That makes sense, because I mean, you know, most of the clones I know and me kind of march to the beat of our own drums a little bit.

Can't all be individuals, AJ.

Well, there are a lot of drums that we're marching.

Yeah, that sounds like a cacophony.

Well, maybe it is.

Maybe that's what freedom is, brother.

Well, clones, instruments.

I'm on board.

Okay.

I can whip up a clone.

Oh,

that's not a wear of dragon.

Yeah, especially just one that can beatbox.

Oh, sure.

I don't always have a keyboard and then you can just get that

click track.

We're not going to do that, Nerva.

You want someone to lay down a beat?

Because I can.

Well,

you can.

Uh-huh.

Yes, yes.

I dabble in beat boxing, if you will.

Definitely need to hear you do that now.

You ready?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Exactly what I expected.

Isn't that fun?

Well, thank you.

I enjoy doing that all

in the evenings for fun.

I just stay up late in my beatbox.

Wow.

And sometimes I do that with Gary.

That's something fun that we do together.

Anyway, I hate to be a party pooper, but

I unfortunately

have an appointment because I have some corns on my feet.

Oh,

you got to get those checked out.

Yeah.

I do have to have those looked at by the doctor.

And I have loved,

loved catching up on good times.

You know, Miss Janelle, I really feel like you've made the best of your retirement here, and I'm sorry it happened under, you know, less than ideal circumstances, but what a great place.

You've got your significant other.

You've got your grandchildren visiting you all the time.

And thank you for the help with our mission.

We're going to find this parkour velour and we're gonna

set things right.

Oh, that is too much and too kind.

Come here.

Give you a hood.

Oh, thank you.

I am blessed to know each and every one of you.

Please come back and visit me sometime soon, okay?

You got it.

We absolutely will.

Totally.

Miss Janelle, that's a guarantee.

Oh, Dar's already outside.

And it's just through here, Nuncane.

Oh my Rosh, did you see that?

That guy that just passed us was Lieutenant Tony Bordoff, and he was carrying Counselor Joey.

Are you serious?

What an honor?

When I took this internship at the compound, I dreamed about maybe seeing a counselor in person, but I never thought it would happen.

Totally, and Joey Joey is the coolest one, too.

He's almost a working actor.

I know.

He had an under five in Days of Our Nights.

I know, and he's so well-dressed, especially considering he's like a puddle of liquid.

I could never pull off looks like his.

Well, why not shop at a store that's personalized for your size and style?

I mean,

how?

At Stitch Fix Freestyle.

A shop built just for you.

Just for me?

Yeah.

What a terrible business model.

Well, it's built for you and also everyone else individually.

Stitch Fix Freestyle intelligently curates items for you based on your style, likes, and lifestyle.

Well, what if my lifestyle is uh intern who never leaves the compound because my hours are an affront to my fundamental rights as a person?

No problem.

Well, what if my style is I own one professional outfit which I bought the day I graduated and it's the only thing I've ever won to work.

I can help with that.

Oh, okay.

Uh, what if my likes are work, talking about work, and flattering slim fitness dressed denim?

Perfect!

Whether you're on the hunt for a look you already love or to try a new one at stitchfix.com, you can shop hundreds of brands personalized to your size and fit.

This is amazing.

I have a four-minute lunch break.

I'll check it out then.

That's the spirit.

Try Stitch Fix Freestyle today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash zix.

Stitchfix.com slash zix.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now, back to manually transcribing every ship's fuel, battery, and technical logs by hand in triplicate.

Yes.

For the alliance.

Justin, you would have loved the mission.

What?

Yeah, there was like 15 clones of Centurion.

Yeah, Centurion.

Portuguese in love?

Now there's like 15 of them.

Wait, what?

Yeah, there's like a bunch of Centurions.

Wait, what?

Yeah, like Miss Janelle cloned a bunch of them.

Wait.

What?

Oh, there's a bunch of Centurions.

This is getting a little little messy.

Wait, what?

There's a bunch of centurions.

What's happening?

Is it a time thing?

Hold on.

Hold on.

This is a lot to process.

Hold on.

Whoa.

It's like you literally think you know someone and the acid turned out to be a literal clone.

Did they...

Do they mention me at all?

I don't know you exist.

Yeah, that's it.

Justin, I don't think.

They're annoying.

Seaster, that's Asted so mean.

Justin, Sad vibes right there.

Yeah, Justin, it doesn't have really anything to do with it.

You know what?

I'm going to pretend that they don't exist either.

That actually might be for the best, you know?

Is it working?

Maybe I'm a clone.

Yeah, Justin, I think these.

Maybe I'm a clone.

No, Justin, I don't think you're a clone.

Maybe I'm a clone.

No, I don't think you want a clone.

You want to clone my heart's a clone because I love that because I love it.

Oh, wow.

Oh, it's gay.

Pretty unintelligible.

Jesus.

Imagine how many kisses you could get from 15 Centurion.

AJ.

I'm going back to my body.

More kisses.

Oh, great.

There is indeed a gas leak.

Okay.

Honestly, that explains a lot.

Yeah, the talk screen on my.

Yeah, okay.

I was kind of ignoring the light on my helmet.

Oh,

that was cool.

Really just left.

Also, see, I got a package for us, too.

Okay.

I don't know how to say that.

Did you find a way to get more hyper-proton fuel?

Wow, we're doing the package from Ms.

Janelle.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I can do hyper-proton fuel in a tech body.

I mean,

I'm willing to try, but

this bug is bouncing up and down.

We agreed we were ending the podcast.

Cube to cube.

I didn't allow this package by Miss Janelle.

Open it, please.

All right, let's open it up.

Let's open it up.

Came with a little message.

Oh, hello, crew.

I know it has only been a short time since your wonderful visit, but I just had to send you one more batch of lemon bars since I know Justin was unable to try them.

Oh that's so nice.

Justin, I look forward to meeting you someday and hearing all about the many complex emotions you must be feeling as you grapple with parental loss, unrequited love, journeying through space, and the greatest adventure of all, adolescence.

I am also enclosing a little gift for y'all's journey.

Oh, look at this.

It's a device of my own design, which may come in handy.

I don't see anything.

Well, look, it's a little, it's like a remote control.

Look, you're just holding your fingers apart.

No, no, no.

It's right here.

I hope never to use a device like this, but one can never be too careful when dealing with cloning technology that might fall into the wrong hands.

You can't see this?

Why?

See what?

It allows you to neutralize any clone that has been set on a nefarious path by opening a vial of toxins that is implanted in the brain of every clone created at the facility.

Oh, wow.

So that's

aggressive.

Oh, weird.

Did the audio cut out?

There's no sound in this part of the letter for me.

Some people might call it a

kill switch, but I prefer the term kill button.

Now, this device only works at close range, so you'll need to get within a hug's distance before you press it.

Wow, why don't I hold on to that?

So,

where's the kill switch?

AJ, I don't think you can see it.

AJ, I think maybe there's something preventing clubs from seeing this particular device.

Yeah, Dar, it's probably best.

This is, you know, under flap and key.

Uh, you read my mind there, buddy.

Well, I do hope y'all stay safe and continue to be good to each other while always following your path to happiness.

Until we meet again, ta-ta.

Love, love, kiss, kiss, and hug, hug.

Miss Janelle Fitzmaire.

Oh, wow, so sweet.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.

I remembered the name of that unsavory gentleman I met at the facility,

Cor

Balavor.

What

curious aqua

You should not be here.

Well, Enforcer Droid.

That is my name.

Let me just say this.

Yes.

You just passed the test.

Everyone give a big round of applause for Enforcer Droid.

Well done.

What's crapping for me?

Who is that?

I don't know how to do craps.

Well, you won't hear them because you're being recorded and the people crapping for you are watching remotely.

That's right.

The owners of Federated Alliance Council Compound Number 5 are themselves viewing you, doing your job well.

And I get hired to come here and test the security.

And you just passed.

Uh, no!

it was your retirement to destroy and to kill and destroy and kill you now.

Well, if you did that, then how would I be able to report back that you had successfully destroyed and killed me?

You bring up a good point.

Make me think.

I am thinking.

I am thinking.

I am thinking.

I hate to interrupt you thinking, but you also are on the timed portion of your test, and you actually are losing points right now.

If I do not kill you, you do not die.

But I win a prize.

Sorry, you win a prize?

Is there a prize?

Pancake.

Are you going to make me a pancake?

Now,

is that something I won't do anything for a pancake?

Great, I actually have a pancake from earlier here.

It's cold and I sat on it.

But

it's actually, I'm right now, it's unreal that you asked for a pancake and that I had a pancake.

That's I just

talked about the coincidence of that.

That's crazy to me.

It is a very cold pancake.

Yes.

Allow me to reheat the pancake for you, Master.

Scrab!

Oh, look at this guy.

Oh, that's piping hot.

Yes, I can't hold it.

It's too hot.

All right, if it was enjoyed, please take this hot hot pancake and enjoy it.

I enjoy a hot hot pancake.

It makes me forget.

Great.

That's great for me.

I'm gonna duck in here real quick.

I'm just gonna.

I am going to eat the pancake.

I am eating the pancake.

I think you're safe to go, Mr.

Pancake.

I have a blank cube.

I'm gonna hush it on in here.

I'm gonna get the

Trimillion Scepter.

M6 Squadron.

C53's consciousness soon to be mine.

What am I gonna eat for lunch, though?

I gave away my pancake I was saving for later.

Well, then perhaps it's time for you to enjoy a quesadilla, master.

Oh my goodness, Scram!

Unreal!

Absolutely unreal.

This press makes many flat foods hot, master.

They say a quesadilla maker is not a multi-tool.

They are fools.

You must learn its power.

This is Sea Red IT V, Credit and Attributions Droid, commencing outro protocol.

Pleck, Deck Setter, and the Yoked Plitz were played by Alden Ford.

C-53 and Scram were played by Jerry Benn.

Dar and Counselor Joey Joey were played by Ellie Kakesh.

Barge of the Ship, The Mailbot, Justin Balwee, and The Enforcer Droid were played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Miruit Bundeloy and Bordov were played by Seth Lind.

AJ, The Old Clints, and The Centurions were played by Winston Null.

Miss Chanel Fitzmire was played by special guest Leslie Collins.

Leslie has been involved in comedy for over 20 years, performing and teaching improv and musical improv in New York and Los Angeles.

Currently, she performs in Dallas, Texas, and teaches musical improv at the Dallas Comedy Club.

Leslie also produces and hosts Sumo Kaboom, a podcast all about sumo wrestling.

She loves buttercream frosting.

For the ultimate deep dive into her career, visit www.leslimarieCollins.com with special guest appearances by Frank Garcia Hale as Dad and Brennan Lee Mulligan as Cor Balevor.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynde with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Opening chrome narration by Jeremy Cretchley.

Shift design for Jerry and J by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Hey there, beautiful people.

I'm Trevell Anderson.

And I'm Jared Hill.

We are the hosts of Fantai, the show where we have complex and complicado conversations about the gray areas in our lives, the things that we really, really love sometimes, but also have some problematic feelings about.

Yes, we get into it all.

You want to know our thoughts about Nikki Minaj and all her foolishness?

We got you.

You want to know our thoughts about gentrification and perhaps some positive question mark aspects of gentrification?

We get into that too.

Every single Thursday, you can check us out at maximumfund.org.

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So come on and get it.

Period.

we have wasted this world our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable but beneath the surface well that's another story entirely

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Dive into the ethersee, the latest campaign from the adventure zone, every other Thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

You smell nast.

Who?

Right, who is that directed directed at?

Anyone?

You all smell nice.

Thanks, Miss Jane.

Thank you so much.

Thanks.

You call me.

I've never heard someone just say that into a room and mean everybody.

Well,

can I tell you a real funny story?

And this is about when I first moved in with Gary.

You know, everyone has their own body scent.

And

mine is completely unique from Gary's, but the funny thing is, when you put us together, we make the smell of salami.

That's my funny story.

That is kind of a funny story.

I love jokes and pranks and all those types of things.

That's such a good prank.

A good audience.

That's a great prank, Miss Janelle.

I can't believe it when people are like, what's that salami smell?

It's like, oh, it's them.

Yes.

Have you ever made a strange smell with someone else?

Maybe the most personal question I've ever been asked.

I love it.

Well,

I'm just a personal kind of person.