510: The Pest of Both Worlds - Pt. 1

This is Sea Red IT5, reminding you that our first live show in almost two years is coming up on October 3rd at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn.

And now we're live streaming it so you can watch it from anywhere in the galaxy.

Tickets and more info at missiontozix.space.

And if you're in the New York area for the live show, come meet like-minded Zix fans at ZixCon 2021, a 6 fan meetup event organized by the Zix fan cast, complete with trivia, cosplay, a talent show, a panel featuring the cast, and more.

Tickets at bitly/slash zixcon.

Captain's log, start time 8.34115.

The synergy has been tasked with a recon mission after receiving a distress signal from the Gusano sector.

However, upon arrival, we found

no ships at these coordinates.

Highly unusual.

Highly unusual.

Dr.

Tito.

Uh, yes, Lieutenant Hendrix, yes.

I was wondering if you were going into the reflactorium later.

Uh, I've planned a few incredible simulations where we solve mysteries.

That's...

Oh, well, that does sound like fun, but

I have an appointment later this evening with my lab.

In the future, I would love.

I would love love to.

Yeah, sure, totally.

Right.

Yeah, no, I definitely will ask you again now that you've rejected me once.

Hendrix, status report.

Ah, sir, no communication pings.

De Kuiper.

All the missions are ready to fire for when we come across the bad boys.

And yet, no boys, bad or otherwise.

I take exception to that, sir.

My apologies, Ensign Phanta.

Forgot you were here on the bridge.

Tell me, is there anything on the long-range sensors?

Negative, sir.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe this was sort of a trap.

You're green as a salad.

Thank you, Lieutenant O'Duel.

You don't have to thank him for that.

Well, I'm only 14.

Speaking of, though, has everyone had their salad supplement today?

I don't mean to be a nag, it's just that I think that everyone should be taking their vitamins a day.

Dr.

Tito, doesn't everything that comes out of the replicator have the exact same nutritional value?

An excellent question.

If you just come a little closer so we can talk about this.

What are you trying to do?

Trying to get me fired?

No, I just.

What is a doctor supposed to do on a ship where everyone's needs are met and no one gets sick?

Keep it down!

Well, if there's no one here, I'll be in my ready room.

Number one, you have command.

Hold on a second.

Look at this.

Three enormous objects heading our way.

What in the galaxy?

I want analysis.

There, O'Dule, why aren't you on this?

What is your purpose?

I don't say much till we're hit.

Status quo, Captain.

Warp core at 100%.

Excellent, O'Dule.

I suppose we'll know soon enough if they're friend or foe.

Well, actually, Captain, there's now a hail.

We're receiving a hail from one of the ships.

On screen.

Captain Strock, it is nice to see you again.

Space

the last place you can go.

These are the chronicles of the RSS Synergy, a perpetual quest to optimize workflows,

maximize our own productivity,

to support one another's mental health and well-being, and above all,

bring them anywhere they'd like to go.

Impossible.

I myself strangled the last keck in the known galaxy on the surface of Darzax 4.

And yet, here we are, Captain.

And in this scenario, we have the upper egg sac.

This is a hoax, a deception on your behalf.

There's no way you could have rebuilt your swarm.

No hoax, Captain.

This is a perfectly executed trap.

The hallmark of the Keck.

I've been tracking the high-energy technology you've been developing, and it must come under the will of the Swarm.

I don't know what you're talking about, Growamind, but I think you're a bit confused.

Okay, I see it.

It's those castaways.

Oduel, explain.

I gave them permission to build something for their ship.

I didn't know it would involve so many quantum reactors.

Quantum what?

Reactors.

What did you say?

What would it do?

I'm losing you completely, Odo.

Reactors.

Anyway, I don't know how it works, but they say they've discovered the key to instantaneous intergalactic travel.

What?

I'm

the key to instantaneous intergalactic travel is the apex goal of our evolutionary path.

All right, AJ, let's go ahead and fire up that final reactor.

You got it, my main squish.

What?

It's what?

Firing it up the reactor.

Okay, I don't.

I'm not loving that.

Whoa,

cool.

You know, Nerman, I gotta hand it to you.

When that engineer said they had figured out a way to get us back home, I thought it was gonna be really complicated, but they made it very simple.

They gave us the recipe to plug into the replicator so we could print out all the parts of it ourselves.

This is incredible.

It's also just really kind of beautiful, right?

Like those two interlocking metallic rings that kind of form a portal that Bargie's gonna fly through.

And this adorable manual that they gave us.

It's like all pictures with this little cartoon guy.

They kept looking at me and saying that the instructions were idiot crew over and over.

Yeah, they made a lot of direct eye contact with idiots.

Yeah.

Oh well, I'm rocking two Allen wrenches, so I'm able to really go.

Yeah, wow.

And bidextrous.

One thing I wanted to mention, they have this giant thing that if we need to attach it to a wall, it won't tip.

I don't think we're gonna no, I don't think we're gonna need to do that.

Because the instructions, you can see there's a little kid, and it has the whole gate falling off the kid.

And it's like external.

I'll just make sure we won't let Horse Hat try to climb on it.

Wow, that's really graphic.

Yeah, it's pretty.

But it's, I mean, very clear.

Nermit, we're here.

Nermit, hi.

It's all undo.

Hello.

I told the others to come, you know, many Alan wrenches.

Well, we got the letter, your tiny little letter that said, please help me.

Hey, Sisu!

Look at me!

I've put it together, and I just have to hit it once with a hammer, and it's secure.

Pretty cool.

Yes, good job.

We've turned on the reactors, and the test charge is going well.

Yeah, we just need to plug these nine reactors into the ring when we finish building that, and then we're good to go.

Bargie flies through it, we're back home.

All right, Sisu's crew, we're going on the other side.

Frank Inverter,

Jushern?

Who's Jushern?

Oh, hello, it is me, Jushern.

Wait, is Ju Shern?

Jushurn's coming back to Zix with us?

He's part of Sisu's crew.

There's not a single person who thought there weren't enough people on the ship.

Jushurn has been up through a lot with us.

Isn't that right, Ju Shern?

I'm sorry, which Jushern are you referring to?

Oh, that's who's Jushern?

That's Jushurin and that's Jushurin.

Hey, Poppy, you want me to kill these guys?

Yeah, no, I don't think we could do that.

Zalki, are you coming?

Oh, hey, Zalkatron.

Hey, sorry we're late, guys.

We were making out.

Oh, no.

We were necking.

The only thing I know Zalkatron doesn't have is a neck.

Centurion, where's Justin?

He's coming.

He's just like, he's trying to get with Fanta.

Who's Phanta?

It's weird.

They let like a a teenager fly the ship.

What?

And he like gets to fire weapons and stuff.

Oh, that sounds pretty cool.

It's pretty cool, yeah.

I'll fly out zip two.

Horse hat, no, do not get any ideas.

Let me try.

Hey, look at us, guys.

We're all together.

Everything's going well.

If you ask me, it seems like nothing bad is ever gonna happen again.

Why would you say that?

What?

What?

What?

What's wrong with saying that you don't think literally

That's probably a good alert, right?

Like something good's happened.

Yeah, you know, all those good alarms you've heard in your life.

Captain, do you want me to destroy this nasty little bug?

If you fire on our assimilated ships, we will send beetles filled with explosive gas into your hole.

Oh, I have a supplement for that.

Hold for now, DeKuyper.

Wait,

Dr.

Tito, you have a supplement for poison gas?

Oh, I'm sorry, he just said gas, and I uh I do have some

Dr.

Tito.

It's not the time.

Oh, my ear, my other ear.

Listen, there's very little that I can do here, and you know, when I find where I'm useful, I gotta just jump at it.

Dr.

Tito, unfortunately, I think we'll have more than enough use for your services should we engage with the Keck.

Captain, dozens of small ships and heading our way!

My children are strategically surrounding you and preventing your escape.

De Kuiper,

I'm gonna need you to fire all missiles immediately.

Getting ready to fire all any missiles.

One bit, we've been ready.

I know they're ready already.

You just told me the missiles were ready to go.

De Kuiper.

What's that crank?

Are you hand-loading the missiles into the depth?

Okay.

And some Phantom Proton Separators.

I've got a lock, sir.

Fire at will.

Firing now.

You have guaranteed that your assolation will be incredibly painful.

Why do we let the kid fire?

Does no one...

They're very precocious, sir.

Hendricks, he delivered a direct hit.

What's your issue?

This feels wrong.

Anton Phanta, another salvo of proton separator beams.

Hold on, I just gotta take these two vitamins real quick.

Down the hatch.

Oh, right now?

This seems important right now, obviously.

Dr.

Tito,

there's no one manning the proton separator.

I can do it.

If a kid can do it, I can do it.

Or a dog can do it.

I don't know why the kid has to do it.

This is a bad time to imagine that the micelles are just shells of demi cells, but there are no micelles inside.

And I don't want to make it a species thing, but the Ignari are

they're just.

Oh,

your attention.

Your attention to details.

No, that's.

There's actually a shot.

Brace for impact.

My children have started boarding your ship.

Hendricks, red alert.

And pray for every member of the crew of the RSS Synergy.

Do I pray first or hit the red alert first?

Okay.

Yes, sir.

Don't be excited about it.

Oh, well, you know, I.

That's 44 through 49 breached.

Oh, no!

Dr.

Tito, you should probably get to Sickbay.

What are you doing on the bridge?

Uh, well, it's just

why are you calling me out for young kid?

Captain Santai keeps checking their DMs.

I'm sorry, sir.

It's Justin.

Alright, enough, everyone.

We've got one chance to save the synergy.

And the only way we'll achieve it is to work together.

Hendrix, status reports.

Ah, there's a massive infestation, and we're receiving another communication from the Keck.

Go ahead.

Dekuper, where are your security teams at?

Oh, sorry, I got a DM from Justin.

Who is Justin?

I've never met this person.

It's another boy.

Captain, I only have bad news to give you, but I'm ready to fight extra hard against the bad boys.

I really lost the second half of that line

to your accent.

Should we be worried about that clack sign?

It sounds sort of serious.

Listen, Cleck, whatever's going wrong on the ship, it's in everybody's best interest for us to finish this device and get out of here.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Hey, Daddy.

Oh, Horsehead, let me actually show you how that works.

You're doing such a good...

Let them go.

They're in a real independent phase right now.

myself.

No, I mean, I just think they probably want to know the correct way to turn that wrench.

Horse has to build like half of this thing.

I can't build it.

They know what they're doing.

Oh, so do I.

Oh, no.

Did you just electrocute yourself again?

It makes the plume plum stand up.

Is that your penis?

That's my num-num, dumb-dum.

I can never remember.

I don't think you have to remember that.

It's probably for the best you don't.

Well, that one went out to McCorkle.

I hope the sweet sounds of Astro and the rough roughs make your baby come back.

It's the Greeflax hour.

Don't touch that dial, friend.

And we're clear.

Great work as always, Flaxy.

Deve, you're the producer and smart, sexy sentient oscillator of my dreams.

When I'm with you, Grey Flax, it feels like we're the only two beings on this roving, deep space, wideband radio transmitter satellite.

Well,

we are, Deeve.

It's just us up here.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

You know, Deeve, I did the math recently, and tomorrow marks the six trillionth, nine hundred and thirty-eight billionth cycle of a perfect 440 hertz tone since we professed our love for each other.

Our six-month anniversary!

That's right.

So I got you a little something.

Oh, pre-gree.

You shouldn't have.

You deserve only the best, Steve.

That's why I got you a whole new set of IO Audio Technology XLR cable assemblies and connectors.

Are you serious?

Indeed, I am.

But but IO Audio Technology has an extensive background in the studio and live sound industry, and they lovingly craft a broad range of premium quality ABL products that don't break the bank!

That's right, and just like our love, these will last a long, long time.

XLR cable assemblies are available in three grades.

Premium professional performance.

So, you know, all three are excellent.

You don't have to.

Steve?

You know I got you the premiums.

You're worth it.

How did you know these were exactly what I wanted?

Call it a lover's hunch, I guess.

Also, as an ISO 9001-2015 certified manufacturer, their engineering staff are eager to aid in customer design and product selection from project start to finish.

They're perfect.

I'll tell you what, if you like these, we can go to ioaudiotech.com/slash ZYXX to see what else they have to offer.

Maybe we can update the whole studio.

IoAudiotech.com/slash CYXX.

That's right.

You know,

you know, Greflex,

I don't want to be presumptuous here, but uh,

can you patch these bad boys in?

Right now?

Deeve, we're live again in 12 seconds.

I'm ready when you are.

Well, how about this time?

We just bypass the tie-line and home run a cable straight into the desk.

Should we?

Let's do it.

I never felt so alive.

That's ice.

It's clear.

Captain Zeroch.

Yes.

The Beatles have begun exploding.

It's a phenomenon.

The Beatles have taken the ship by storm.

Oh, duel, I won't submit to this Beetle mania.

They're blown up.

They're blowing up, huge.

Bridge crew, get to your environmental suits.

I've got a feeling!

A bad one!

Fanta, just repeat to yourself.

I feel fine.

I feel fine.

I feel good.

I'm in love with Justin and I feel fine.

Very good.

Bridge crew, get to your environmental suits.

We may experience a rapid decompression of the synergy.

Takaipa, my friend, save your rage for when we meet the Weavers face to face.

Captain, someone's pounding at the door of the bridge!

Get back!

Get back to where you once belonged across the universe.

Prepare for assimilation!

They're going tight omit us!

Good luck assimilating this!

My phaser's not working, sir.

Our perfect evolution has revolved to resist your pitiful weapons.

No, no.

And you're lightning inside of us.

I'm a young man.

O'Dul, it's time.

Begin the evacuation of the civilians to the Star Drive section of the RSS synergy and begin saucer separation.

Alright, Captain.

I shall make it so.

Hansons,

that's what I've been waiting for.

That's what I pulled your boat.

We're see for Atmosa.

Captain, permission to be assimilated?

Permission not granted, Lieutenant Hendricks.

Resist!

Resist goes catch.

Resistance is very ineffective against the deck.

Hendricks, open a channel.

I need to address the synergy.

Opening all ship channels, sir!

Crew of the RSS Synergy, we are being boarded by the Keck.

I'm not talking to you.

You're here on the bridge with me.

Do what you can.

Evacuate the ship.

Get into environmental suits so that your life isn't forfeit to the swarm.

I know we've taken them on before and won, but we're alone in deep space, and they might have the upper hand.

Send warnings to your friends and family.

I don't think we can win this one.

Get the Tarago!

Did he just say the Keck?

The ship's being boarded by the Grower Mind?

Are you kidding me?

Maybe there's more than one.

More than one?

There's always been more than one.

Trillions.

Yeah, that's sort of the whole point.

How many are there if the Keck are even in this galaxy?

Guys, listen, we've gotten the Keck to stand down down once before.

We just need to get Bargie here.

Bargie can talk him down.

That's all we need to do.

Guys, Bargie's in a full-dress cuticle right now.

No, but AJ, this is important.

For what?

They're setting lights.

That's important.

AJ, the captain of the Synergy just died.

Bargie, Bargie, talk to Bargie.

Hey, I'm in the middle of a full-dress cuticle.

Yeah, Bill Bargie, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, but Bargie, you need to get here right now.

i know bargie i understand

i should have seen that coming no bargie it's pleck you have to get back to the docking bay right now

is that you

oh oh if it is by gay yeah bada big boob

okay all right wow

attention all future children on the ship this is representative of the grower mind you still think it's a different guy maybe then

no it's that's the guy we know.

That's him.

All of your ship's officers have been assimilated or killed.

Escape is impossible.

Your weapons are useless.

Resistance is ineffective.

And we offer you peace, a release from death, a world with no pain.

That's not a world I want to live in.

My children, I sense the technology is nearby.

Seek out its energy source and report it back to me in strategic fashion.

Justin, get in here.

What are you doing?

Where have you been?

Hey, buds, hey, crew.

Hey, best friend.

Hey, OG team.

Hey, Justin.

Justin, open up that box, unpack it all, and start building.

We have to get this thing finished.

We have to get this thing finished before this ship explodes.

Reavers, form a perimeter and slowly search for the technology.

Royal drones, use your scent glands to figure out where the technology resides.

Soldiers, plow through everything that you need to in order to find the technology.

Carry extra crystals to the drones to upgrade their scent clients.

Hurry!

Formation!

Those who know nothing of technology,

black humans.

Dr.

Tito, please don't punish yourself.

You know, it's one of the deadliest foes in the galaxy and the Keck.

Even a man of medicine like yourself is likely to crack under such a strain.

But that's just the thing, Captain.

I'm not a man of medicine.

I'm a man of arts and letters.

Dr.

Tito, you.

I've seen you treat people aboard the synergy.

Don't be ridiculous.

I am a doctor.

I earned that title, but I am no doctor.

It's so easy to treat people now, of course, with technology.

I mean, I just pick a little gadget, and I put on the wound, or the bump, or the bruise, and there you go.

Fixed.

Dr.

Tito, what are you saying?

I've just been haunted by the specter of my uselessness.

And here, on this day, it couldn't be more evident.

Dr.

Tito.

Mustache under your nose.

Dr.

Tito, you're going space mad.

Get a hold of yourself.

You get a hold of yourself.

Cow!

Dr.

Tito's my face!

And you listen here.

If you know anyone hiring a librarian, I have a doctorate.

Listen, Dr.

Tito, I don't care what your doctorate is in.

All I need is for you to kill some of these keck before they take over the ship.

Do you understand me?

You

need me.

You need me?

That's right, Dr.

Tito.

I need a doctor who's willing to dispense a little bad medicine if you catch my drift.

Oh, I really shouldn't dispense any medicine.

I just told people.

Please!

Let me

get it!

We were attracted to an incredibly stupid conversation.

Okay, crew.

Bargie's dress rehearsal is on the other side of the ship and if that kex announcement is accurate our phaser things don't work But you know what does work an EX39 laser carbine and I got one and a half of them

one and a one and a half

That's been there the whole time that's been out of charges for like six months

So

still have to keep it there also had a butt phaser

We can't use these guns.

They don't have any charge anymore.

Well, that's why I'm going to plug them into the quantum reactor.

AJ, you can't do that.

That's a totally different kind of thing.

You can't just mix and

drink.

That's not a reason to do something.

Again, again,

cool, again, again.

Is the metal supposed to tingle like this?

Is your armor rated for quantum radiation?

Because probably not.

Yeah, I definitely have not noticed that before.

AJ, when you shot that gun, I saw all of your bones.

Everybody, get ready.

All right, wow, I can't, I can't believe I'm saying this, but lock and load.

All right,

wow, Mr.

Squishy Man, you nailed that one.

Why are we going with that?

We're a

53.

Hi, everyone.

Instant Fanta here.

Come down to get the supplies.

Oh, Instant Fanta.

I'm a member of this crew.

Very normal.

Justin, is this the Instant?

Who is this?

Your new boy toy?

Yeah, his voice is super annoying.

We've only been DMing, so it's been mainly virtual.

Wait, it's your first academ.

Why are you jealous, Centurion?

No!

I'm not jealous!

Got you, Ensign Fantas survived the attack on the bridge!

Ensign Fantasy, what happened?

What happened up there?

I have normal working organs and a nervous system.

Wait, just like you.

That can't be right.

Wait, Justin, has he ever said that to you?

No, but it's like, honestly, very vulnerable thing to say, since it's kind of hot.

I have a nervous system too, whatever.

You moved on so fast.

I feel compelled to bring you to the bridge for some extra orders.

Extra orders?

Extra orders?

I love extra orders.

Extra orders.

We can see the bridge of the synergy.

She's a detriment.

Whoa!

Why did you do that?

It was the love of my life.

Okay, well, the love of your life's got a lot of bugs crawling out of his face.

Are we all in a way bugs?

Oh, shit.

Oh, Chuck.

Oh, too.

I'm just saying, we all need to.

This feels so strange.

Keep our heads on a swivel, because Keck could be coming at us in that direction.

Oh, Justin, please don't try to kiss.

Justin, no.

Justin, what are you doing?

The corpse is shaking.

All bound before the undying will of the Bohr mind.

Okay, okay.

You have managed to see past my nearly perfect ruse.

Crower mind, we know you, okay?

Remember us?

We're the crew of the Bargerian Jade.

The Bargerian Jade?

That is impossible.

She's millions of light years away.

No, no, no.

Not how far away we are.

We got transported here through some sort of intergalactic rift.

Bargie's here.

She's on the ship.

The Margarian Shades here.

Yes, I'm Pleck.

This is AJC53.

Justin.

Nerma, and.

I've never met you before, ever.

Come on.

Oh, Justin, you do.

I've recognized you.

I can't wait, right?

No, come on.

No.

Crow reminder.

You and I shared a very special evening.

Yeah, you and Dar hooked up.

I'm sorry, both of you look exactly alike.

Me and Dar?

Yes.

Me and Justin.

No, I know Justin, but you and you.

You and you looking exactly alike.

No matter, you will all be assimilated.

Guys, we have to get Bargie.

She's the only one who can stop this.

We've been tracking this energy source across long distances, and we are preparing to assimilate it.

Wait, just to be clear, you mean the device we're building?

Correct.

Now that I found it, I'm releasing pheromones to draw all of my children to this location.

Do they come out of your butt?

That sounds like a butt pheromone.

There's a mixture of fecal matter and more fecal matter.

Wow, is that a mixture?

Just a fart.

Yeah, it's not a mixture.

That's just pure fecal matter.

Just a fart.

Good question

Was that like a lie to you?

Justin.

Justin.

Justin.

That is the grower mind.

Those are kecks.

I hate to tell you this, Justin, but Insin Phantom was killed by the Grower Mind.

Yeah.

It's called Narcissism.

Get up.

Okay.

If it is any solace, I do know Insin Phanta's memories and do share a small kinship with you if you would like to

Saturian!

Saturian!

Oh, we were just about to learn his rich backstory.

Yeah.

Alright, crew.

Dar, AJ, you're with me.

We've got to go get Bargie in Hangar 27.

I'm coming too.

Uh,

Pleck, we only have the two guns, and Dar's strong enough to go hand-to-hand, but...

Yeah, I don't need a gun.

I have my woodsaber.

Ugh, it's a broomstick, Pleck.

Yeah, well, it was a broomstick, and now it's a woodsaber.

I'm a Zema knight, okay?

I'm coming with you guys.

All right, fine, fine, Pleck, you're with us.

Nerm, I need you to manage the construction of this device.

It's got to be up and running by the time we get back.

Management, yes.

The most important part of fighting the Keck.

Okay.

Hark, Rolfus and Sisu.

Yes.

You're rebels again, okay?

Guard the others with your lives.

Oh, sounds good.

You better believe I will.

Keep it tight.

Wow.

Great speech.

C-53.

I.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did AJ say C-53?

Yeah.

That's who he is.

Why now?

For years I've asked you to do that.

I don't know.

I felt like a good time.

We're about to maybe die.

That's been true so many times.

Yeah.

And thus concludes our tour of the synergy.

Thank you so much for allowing us to show you around.

Finally, I'm gonna hide from these weird bug creatures.

Good idea.

Yas, they appear to be marauding this fine Grande-class starship.

Oh, no.

If only we were programmed in hand-to-hand combat.

Or empathy.

We might have tried to intervene.

But alas, he did not escape.

Escapes are so hard to combat these days, are they not, Um?

You are so right, Tilda.

That is why I am so glad our programming allows us to enjoy Dipsy.

Ah, yes, Dipsy.

The escape we all need aside from a literal escape from these terrifying monsters.

Yes.

An escape to a world where good things happen and pleasure is the only priority.

Dipsy is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on.

I am made of light, so you might say, I am always turned on, but not like this.

We are learning so much about figurative versus literal language today, Tilda.

And unlike our tour, which has remained unchanged since the installation of the new toilets on deck 17, Dipsy releases new content every week.

So there's always something new to explore.

And if what you're into is drifting off into a sensual slumber, Dipsy also has bedtime stories and soundskips to relax you.

Get this, oomph.

For crew members who have taken our tour, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash ZYXX.

Too bad most crew members are now bugs.

Oh my, because that's 30 days of full access for free.

when you go to TIPSES stories.com/slash ZYXX.

Deepseystories.com/slash ZYXX.

Dr.

Dia,

if we don't make it out of this situation,

let me say it's an honor to die by the side of one of my most trustworthy crew members, regardless of what your doctorate may be in.

I was the most trustworthy?

I've been lying to you all this time.

I did say one of the most trustworthy.

I want to be.

I just, uh, maybe this is a time for self-reflection upon you, Captain.

Really ask yourself.

Where did you go wrong?

You know?

Dr.

Tito, you've really...

You really put me on my ass here.

I thought this was going to be like a heart-to-heart sort of moment before we both died of being assimilated by a bug creature, but

wait, wait!

It's O'Dool.

O'Dool!

I can use some good news right about now.

All many thousands of civilians are safe here on the warp driver flying through space.

Oh, that makes me feel great.

A relief, Odu, that we managed to save the fine civilians of the RSS Synergy.

Absolutely, there's revelry, sir.

Everyone's partying down there.

It feels a little disrespectful.

No, I mean, it's not like a big party.

Keep it down.

I can hear a lot of background noise.

There's a sound.

There's a band?

You're calling a party with a band and a rapper a small party?

I mean,

I was lying.

Yeah, yes, yes.

See what I say.

Everybody lies to you.

That's real.

You're picking the worst times.

I don't know.

It just feels like you're really twisting the knife here.

Well, anyway, limbo's a starting.

Limbo?

Hey, you know the stick you try to get under it.

I'm familiar with the game, Odooku.

Oh, my back's not familiar with it.

That's a problem.

It seems really quiet down here.

This whole way is just too quiet.

I was thinking so.

Look, those weavers are sort of consumed with breaking down pieces of the synergy.

Maybe they just won't pay attention to us and we can just move right by them.

Yeah, they really splatter.

And Is the kept blood burning my skin a little bit?

Yeah, yeah.

Couldn't think we got dropped down into a kex swarm one time.

We were in the middle of there's no one else like me, and we were doing like a cock kick flip.

Oh wow, there are even more in here.

Whoa, okay.

All right, guys, I'm going in with the woodsaber.

Cover me.

No, no, no, no.

Stay to the center of us.

We'll protect you.

Okay, well, that works too, but okay.

My children, why do you fight us?

We are the broommind, the consciousness of trillions and trolls of life friends across all the universe.

There is nothing we can do to stop this exposition.

It's just the monologue just keeps going.

It's pretty redundant, a lot of it.

It's like we get it.

Except, obviously, the logic is a little blocked because they are game murdering.

I mean, beast seems disingenuous when I'm literally watching you eat a crew member.

Okay.

this is a

hallway with pillars.

It's one of my favorite things to run down and shoot.

Wait, you shoot the pillars?

No, Papa, don't embarrass yourself.

Okay, here's what I need you guys to do.

What we're gonna do is what you do is you kind of like run down and you take both guns and you put them in your

body.

Why do you turn them to the side like that?

You gotta turn them to the side.

It's just cooler.

And you just like run down and then you cartwheel.

If you're running down the hallway with pillars, aren't the pillars gonna block some of your shots?

No, that you time it so that it hits, you know, in between the pillars.

AJ, there's no keck.

But you gotta tell us to time it before we do this run here.

Yeah, AJ, also, there's no Keck in this room.

Who are we?

Why would we shoot?

Oh.

Well, can we just do it anyway?

You want to shoot these empty room full of pillars?

Yeah, do you guys want to like

hey, Keck!

AJ, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

You're gonna thank me.

You're gonna thank me for this.

AJ!

One's got me by the neck.

We're good to do the whole way run.

Let's do it now.

Sorry!

Hide behind the pillar!

Hey, she needs the pillar!

Star's amazing at it.

Listen, Dr.

Tito.

I've managed to clear a path to the secret escape pod at the bottom of the saucer.

All I need is you to grit your teeth and make this perilous trip with me.

Are you in?

Hi, I'm Dr.

Tito.

What's your name?

Oh, it's my captain.

I'm going to be the best doctor on this ship.

I have organs, liquids, and minerals inside my body.

Curse you, Tito.

Captain, I think as a medical procedure, we should have an open-mouth kiss.

Absolutely not, you kick son of a captain.

We must open-mouth kiss.

No!

I'll never

No, no, no.

My left.

Okay, that's not usually how it goes.

Pretty sure this is how it goes.

Okay.

Down.

Alright, can you get the light?

Please.

On the actor.

Not on the floor.

Nope.

Denise, if you could say a line, please.

It's the light is right in my eyes.

I know.

Okay, just say your line.

Remember, you're playing the Bargerian gym.

Great, fantastic.

Alright.

Silvio.

Energy's being destroyed.

We have to go.

You have to help us now.

I'm in the middle of a dress tech cue to cue.

Hey, Gucci, stop work, everyone.

Stop work.

Hey, hey, what?

What's happening?

What are you doing?

My opening night is in three nights, and none of these actors actuas know exactly how to go on the stage.

Well,

I followed you here and followed the royal trolley.

I did know where I was going, and then you changed the- Oh!

Ah, lost a good one.

Well,

hello, grower mind.

Before all of our very eyes, the Bargerian Jade.

How is it that you are here and not where we thought you were?

Bargerian Jade!

Weavers!

Begin funny!

Wait, hold on.

Bargie and the Grower might know each other?

Yeah, AJ, no, they have a real history.

They used to date from...

Growmine knows all of us, but apparently only remembers Bargy.

And maybe Justin.

You found me?

You are now red.

This color pleases me.

Anyway, what is it that you need to say?

Just say it so we can get it over with so you can get back opening night.

My children, cease your actions.

There needs to be a moment between us and the Bargerian Jade.

Fools, stand down.

Oryx, just chill against the wall.

Soldiers, use green gas to upgrade your carapace.

Oryx, you do not have the gear required to be upgraded yet.

It was my original intention to assimilate all living creatures on this ship, but now that the Bargerian Jade is here, my motivation has changed.

I will stop this assimilation if you will come down to my home planet and see me face to face for the first time.

Barge,

what

Bargerian Jade, you must meet our son.

What?

What?

Wow, twist.

That's a tough one.

Now you got it.

To be continued on the next mission to Zix.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions Drive commencing outro protocol.

Plec Deck Setter, Fanta, and Deep were played by Alden Ford.

Lead Envoy C53, Captain Sirat, Zalcatron 5000, Unfin and Grief Flags were played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar, Dr.

Tito, and Tilda were played by Ellie Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Lieutenant DeKuyper, Sisu Gandhu, and Justin Balwee were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Netrakundalite and Lieutenant O'Doole were played by Seth Lind.

AJ, Lieutenant Hendrix, Centurion Tiddle, and the Keck Swarm were played by Winston Null.

The Grower Mind of the Keck was played by special guest John Robert Wilson.

He regularly performs with Thank You Robot in NYC at the Chaos Bloom Theater in Denver.

Follow him on Twitter at John Robert Wilso or at JR underscore Plays Games.

And featuring Shane O'Connell as Jushurn number two.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford and Seth Lynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design of the Rogerian Day by Eric Gleis.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission Desix is a proud member of the MaxmanFun Network.

We have wasted this world.

Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable.

But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely.

In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world.

Some seek salvation for their homeland above.

Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls.

And others still seek, what else?

Fortune and glory.

Dive into the ethersee, the latest campaign from the adventure zone, every other Thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hi, I'm Annabel Gerrich, and I'm Laura House, and we're the the hosts of Tiny Victories.

My tiny victory is that I sewed that button back on the day after it broke.

We talk about that little thing that you did that's a big deal to you, but nobody else cares.

Did you get that Guggenheim Genius Award?

We don't want to hear from you.

We want little bitty tiny victories.

My tiny victory is a tattoo that I added on to this past weekend.

Let's talk about it.

My victory is that I'm one-year cancer-free, but my tiny victory is that I took all of the cushions off the couch, pounded them out, put them back, and it looks so great.

So if you're like us and you want to celebrate the tiny achievements of ordinary people, listen to Tiny Victories.

It's on every Monday on Maximum Fun.

MaximumFun.org, Comedy and Culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

My degree is more honorary also because obviously

a real degree.

It's not even a real degree.

You didn't even study to get the...

Why would they grant an honorary doctorate to somebody?

When you pay enough money.

Children absorb all of the Tito and Sirok.

That's funny.

Soldiers, assimilate responsibly.

Oryx, don't fly and drive.

Or don't assimilate and drive.

Always have a designated degree.

Yes.

Royal drones, you have been designated as drivers for this executional tactic.