509: Tuck Ever 'Flacting [ft. Aparna Nancherla]

Speaker 1 Space.

Speaker 1 Some is chill.

Speaker 1 Some is touped up.

Speaker 2 All is part of the great infinite cosmic ballet.

Speaker 1 The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Speaker 2 Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

Speaker 2 mission to sink.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we really did. Yeah.

Speaker 13 I mean, you know, it was very weird to live an entire lifetime and then die and then wake up and it had only been like a half an hour.

Speaker 4 Like, when I was on the planet, I thought being on Bargie was a dream. And now, it seems like my life on the planet was a dream.

Speaker 16 So, sorry, I just need a minute to adjust. Yeah, some of these missions are a little

Speaker 8 weird.

Speaker 17 Really tense.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 19 I will say it was a wonderful break to be free of this frame for

Speaker 21 essentially a lifetime.

Speaker 16 Yeah, and so we were supposed to, like, understand that life is precious. Was that the goal of the mission?

Speaker 22 Like, what was the goal of that mission?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think so. Did you learn how to play that flute?

Speaker 14 Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, cool. Wow.

Speaker 24 Very nice. Yeah.

Speaker 16 I stick it in the slot of my helmet.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 25 I didn't know it could do that.

Speaker 26 Hey, Don, did you get a new shirt?

Speaker 27 Looking good.

Speaker 28 Oh, thank you for noticing. I did.

Speaker 29 I kind of spent a lifetime sewing it and then dying and then picking it right back up again.

Speaker 22 I'm still not quite sure what the point of the mission was.

Speaker 16 Like, we all just live a lifetime and die, and now we're supposed to.

Speaker 22 I play a flute now.

Speaker 31 AJ, they left that technology there for us to experience a lifetime on their planet so we wouldn't make the same mistakes they did.

Speaker 32 Wait, we're supposed to be learning stuff from these missions?

Speaker 33 I thought it was like action, not morals.

Speaker 4 AJ, didn't it mean something to you to be in another civilization's shoes for a few decades? You had five sons. You had five sons.

Speaker 19 Oh, they were so.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I made a little boy band.

Speaker 16 My five sons.

Speaker 26 Like, you made your own religion.

Speaker 4 Yeah, well, it was pretty similar to the space, but it was nice to be on top for once, you know?

Speaker 33 It was a stupid mission, right?

Speaker 35 Like, what's going on?

Speaker 26 Now, Daw, is your shirt sleeveless intentionally, or you just never got around to the sleeves?

Speaker 16 Oh, yeah, never got to the sleeves.

Speaker 4 You know, there was a lot to do in that civilization.

Speaker 37 You don't have to.

Speaker 29 So, you managed to have five sons, you managed to create a religion, and I never got to the sleeves.

Speaker 29 Because, yes, Vargi, you're right.

Speaker 38 These seams are unfinished.

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 7 Crew, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignment, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nermit Bundaloy.

Speaker 37 Hey, Nermit, what's up?

Speaker 25 Hey, calling all cars, calling all cars. Come home.

Speaker 21 Come to the mothership.

Speaker 4 Nermit, I gotta say, that mission was pretty cool, but it feels like we haven't seen you in about 80 years.

Speaker 21 Oh, yeah, you touched the machine thing there.

Speaker 16 Yeah, I was like, how do I work this?

Speaker 15 Wow. Darn.

Speaker 33 A nice...

Speaker 21 Well, what's up with the sleeves?

Speaker 29 I'll get to them.

Speaker 40 Never mind. Guys, you gotta put it in the old hyperspeed and get back to the synergy we had.

Speaker 4 You just finished the mission, Nerman.

Speaker 21 It's not a mission. It's an update from the coup about their progress on finding a way to get us home.

Speaker 32 Two six squads.

Speaker 32 Yes.

Speaker 11 Nermin. Nermin.

Speaker 42 Yes.

Speaker 4 Are you telling me that after 80 years, we're finally finding a way back home?

Speaker 15 I gave you that mission this morning.

Speaker 8 Well, no, I just

Speaker 37 feel like I appreciate our perspective.

Speaker 21 Yeah, we weren't supposed to use that machine.

Speaker 43 We didn't know what it did.

Speaker 29 I'm sorry. We weren't supposed to use that machine.

Speaker 38 Then what was the point of the mission?

Speaker 22 That's what I've been saying this entire time.

Speaker 21 Listen, I am sympathetic because to you it feels like 80 years ago, but you definitely forgot the real mission, which was to pick up empty storage drums.

Speaker 21 Okay, fine.

Speaker 4 Nermit, so what's this update about getting back to the Zig Squadron?

Speaker 21 No, you have to come in for the update.

Speaker 40 Garbo is going to deliver it in person.

Speaker 44 It's so exciting.

Speaker 23 All right. All right.

Speaker 40 I'm going to be in the hangar with those like two flashlight things.

Speaker 45 You don't have to do that. Yeah, you're going to have to.

Speaker 21 See you in a bit. Yeah, you're going to have to do that.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Love you guys.

Speaker 16 He can only lift one of those, right?

Speaker 11 I'm still on.

Speaker 12 Oh, okay.

Speaker 4 See you later, Nerd. Later.

Speaker 4 Hello and welcome.

Speaker 46 Hey, Carbo.

Speaker 47 Yes.

Speaker 48 Hello, Carbo. What's the update?

Speaker 29 Nice to see you. Very good.
You are looking well.

Speaker 24 Thank you. Yes, boy.

Speaker 32 Oh, is it weird because they took one another?

Speaker 49 Yeah, they what?

Speaker 50 It's weird for me.

Speaker 29 You were so raw and vulnerable with you.

Speaker 39 It was incredibly raw and vulnerable.

Speaker 51 I have an update about our progress.

Speaker 35 Yes, great.

Speaker 49 I'm getting you home to the Zix Squadron.

Speaker 39 I know it has been a long time when we have not had updates.

Speaker 25 Yes,

Speaker 31 pretty much the entire time we've been here.

Speaker 12 Yeah, good job.

Speaker 11 We wanted to wait until we had significant news to tell you.

Speaker 35 Yes, great, great.

Speaker 49 But instead, we are going to update you now.

Speaker 8 Wait, what does that mean?

Speaker 7 We have determined that it is possible to locate your home galaxy.

Speaker 14 Great! Yes!

Speaker 8 This is amazing!

Speaker 54 And we have also definitively found that we cannot do it.

Speaker 49 What?

Speaker 21 Those two statements are honest, but what are you talking about?

Speaker 49 It is definitely possible and not for us.

Speaker 29 Okay, Carbo, I can't believe I have to do this, but what if I unbutton this button on the shirt?

Speaker 57 Now do you know what?

Speaker 43 It's a different shirt.

Speaker 23 Badly made.

Speaker 25 It fell right on the floor.

Speaker 29 I'll get that later, but does this help jog your memory to the location of Zix at all?

Speaker 47 No.

Speaker 37 Okay.

Speaker 37 How about

Speaker 49 briefing complete?

Speaker 34 Thank you, Garbo.

Speaker 29 Nermit, did you know that this was the news? No.

Speaker 29 I

Speaker 16 didn't. Put the flashlights down.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 13 Guys, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 13 I... I...

Speaker 21 I. I...
I'll make it up to you.

Speaker 41 We'll spend the day in the reflactorium.

Speaker 21 Everyone can do money in a reflactorium.

Speaker 22 Wait, what? How?

Speaker 43 It's amazing.

Speaker 14 There's...

Speaker 14 No, no, no.

Speaker 21 You can go wherever you want. You can do whatever you want.

Speaker 21 We can do whatever we want.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 16 Okay, that that sounds pretty cool.

Speaker 14 That sounds pretty cool. Yeah, you know, maybe

Speaker 4 a day. Maybe a little vacation would be fun, you know?

Speaker 14 Can you be violet? Is that like,

Speaker 16 why haven't we been doing this all the time?

Speaker 4 We are sort of overdue for like an extended fantasy in the reflectorium.

Speaker 41 The violent delights tend to have violent ends, but other than that, you can.

Speaker 35 It doesn't sound like anything to me.

Speaker 27 Hmm.

Speaker 29 Okay, Nermit, show us all the roller coasters you've been building.

Speaker 42 Woohoo, yes.

Speaker 51 Oh, Bargie, actually, you, you're not going to fit in the reflactorium. I was still here?

Speaker 29 Oh, what a magnificent and sunny day, Slasha. Such luck have we to be creatures half fish, half Tellarian.

Speaker 29 Don't be silly. Just because you are fish from the waist up and I from the waist down, you're no less surfer-turfer than I.

Speaker 29 I think those pants look just fine on you.

Speaker 48 But...

Speaker 29 If you must know my secret, it's this.

Speaker 29 Stitch fix. Ugh! Shopping for clothes can be so daunting, Slosha.
Even if you aren't two species gloriously merged by Rod.

Speaker 29 You never know if things will fit.

Speaker 14 Returns aren't difficult.

Speaker 29 And you don't even know what store to start with. This season, let Stitch Fix do all the hard work.

Speaker 8 I have

Speaker 29 Great question. Stitch Fix offers clothing thin-selected by expert stylists for your unique size, style, budget, and portion of you that's fish.

Speaker 29 Every piece is chosen for your fit and your life. It's the easy solution to finding what makes you look, feel, and dive your best.

Speaker 29 Stitch Fix is where I got this insanely cute tank that's dressy enough for work, but casual enough for kelp and a movie afterwards.

Speaker 29 A fair concern, my friend. But Stitch Fix has free shipping, easy returns, and exchanges.
And a prepaid return envelope is included. There's no subscription required.

Speaker 29 Try Stitch Fix once or set up automatic deliveries, even here on this minute reef in the glorious Napathar Ocean.

Speaker 29 Get started today at stitchfix.com/slash zix, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash zix for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

Speaker 29 Oh, you're right, Slasha. A ship approaches into the deep.
They must always wonder if we're real.

Speaker 21 Okay, so when we get in there, you're gonna pick from one of many, many programs, and then the reflectorium will start the simulation.

Speaker 39 And you can make modifications, you can summon other characters or locations.

Speaker 54 And actually, I have one running now.

Speaker 44 I can show you as sort of an example.

Speaker 4 Nermit, we don't want to see Optisoft right now.

Speaker 4 This is our chance to choose our own adventure. Nermit.

Speaker 13 Yeah, yeah, you totally will.

Speaker 44 I just, I'm not at a save point, so we just need to go in for a couple minutes.

Speaker 16 He's almost at a save point.

Speaker 32 It'll be super quick.

Speaker 52 What does that mean?

Speaker 15 Welcome to your favorite software service company.

Speaker 29 Optisoft? That's not my favorite software services company.

Speaker 16 What's your favorite?

Speaker 22 What Dart?

Speaker 31 Oh, Quasarix, all the way.

Speaker 29 Exactly, Quasarix.

Speaker 21 No.

Speaker 56 I mean, have you ever used their software services?

Speaker 14 They're incredible.

Speaker 8 Unparallel.

Speaker 16 Is that the one that lets you sync to the cloud really easily?

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Also, Nermit, OptiSoft is just a simulation. Quasarix is a real company.

Speaker 51 They have many lawsuits pending against them.

Speaker 44 They're baseless but exciting.

Speaker 4 Nermit. Can we just get into our own reflectorium and just have some fun? Our day has felt like 90 years.

Speaker 13 I'd love to have this conversation, Fleck, but I need everyone to fill out the NDAs on these pads first.

Speaker 35 NDAs?

Speaker 11 Well, you're gonna be gonna, I'm gonna show you behind the curtains.

Speaker 38 Nermit, Optisoft exists only in the re.

Speaker 4 It's a simulation that you made up.

Speaker 29 Nermit, how long is this gonna take?

Speaker 60 When do we get a turn?

Speaker 13 So sorry.

Speaker 49 This simulation is so complex and random, so if I don't save everything, I'm gonna lose weeks of work.

Speaker 16 Where are my violin delights?

Speaker 59 And the violin ends.

Speaker 61 Yeah,

Speaker 14 they will be here.

Speaker 29 They're where are the buttons that we just get to push at random?

Speaker 49 I promise you, all of that is gonna happen.

Speaker 41 Um, if you can just please hand your completed NDA to our wonderful temp named

Speaker 4 Sarnon Tucker

Speaker 25 Sarnon Tuck.

Speaker 17 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 24 You're a temp in this fictional company?

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah, I'm not uh I'm not permanently hired yet.

Speaker 20 What? Wow.

Speaker 17 I've only worked here for two

Speaker 17 days.

Speaker 14 Uh wow, okay.

Speaker 39 We have an amazing temp-to-perm pipeline.

Speaker 14 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 14 No,

Speaker 5 AJ,

Speaker 42 there's no pipeline.

Speaker 4 It's all a simulation.

Speaker 33 But Sarnon's real, right?

Speaker 42 No, Sarnan is a hologram, just like everyone else in this office.

Speaker 17 I'm real.

Speaker 33 Yeah, you know, no, because I have learned that holograms are not real.

Speaker 20 Uh,

Speaker 62 guys, we have to have a little talk.

Speaker 7 Nermit, how often do the temps here question their existence?

Speaker 41 Only when outsiders mention it, okay? Optisoft is built on teamwork.

Speaker 49 If we give the employees existential crises, it ruins the whole business model.

Speaker 49 Please just play along till I can save. Please.

Speaker 37 Please. Fine.

Speaker 14 Okay. All right.
Fair enough. Okay.

Speaker 16 Wow.

Speaker 31 Temp to hire.

Speaker 8 Sounds great.

Speaker 57 Yeah.

Speaker 31 So, uh, Sarnon,

Speaker 4 what is it that you do in your off time when you're not temping?

Speaker 37 Well,

Speaker 17 I'm one of the top temps in the biz.

Speaker 32 Oh, wow. Congratulations.

Speaker 17 Thank you. Well, what that means is I work every minute of existence.

Speaker 4 Just one second, Sarnon.

Speaker 24 Nerman. Yes.

Speaker 4 Is this just a backstory that's been procedurally generated for this character? Or is there a simulation for each of them?

Speaker 41 Do you not know what a temp is?

Speaker 42 No, I know what a temp.

Speaker 38 That's not.

Speaker 39 It sounds like you don't.

Speaker 46 Mr.

Speaker 17 Bundaloy,

Speaker 17 permission to speak to you.

Speaker 41 Of course, of course.

Speaker 54 Totally. No, that's...

Speaker 39 I do make them do that, but it's not.

Speaker 61 Why do you make them do that?

Speaker 25 Your rule? Yeah, Sardin's a temp.

Speaker 17 May I humbly inquire as to the status of the launch?

Speaker 25 The launch.

Speaker 11 Oh, launch.

Speaker 11 My goodness.

Speaker 39 Thank you so much. We're going to get you in that temp to perm pipeline.

Speaker 41 Sorry, I forgot we have a launch today.

Speaker 44 So I'm going to actually have to step out. to

Speaker 46 launch.

Speaker 41 We're putting out version 11.2 of the API today.

Speaker 41 And I spaced that out because I was so excited about the Z squadron.

Speaker 29 Why are you backing away from us?

Speaker 37 Where are you going?

Speaker 41 I have to go to the C-suite.

Speaker 49 I'm just going to pop out for like 15, 20, 45 minutes.

Speaker 29 Pop out from what? From there?

Speaker 36 Where are you going?

Speaker 4 Where are you going? Is this in the same reflex? What are you talking about?

Speaker 42 Stop.

Speaker 37 Do not skitter away from us right now.

Speaker 41 Raising hands with sub uh sub sub sub.

Speaker 37 It's okay.

Speaker 17 You may call me whatever. Um, would you like me to small talk our guests?

Speaker 10 Yes, yes, perfect.

Speaker 39 Thank you so much.

Speaker 17 My pleasure.

Speaker 39 This is gonna be a great launch, guys.

Speaker 61 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 43 Wait a second. Where did that glass elevator just come from?

Speaker 28 Where is he going?

Speaker 4 The funny thing about that dart is that, like, if this turns off, he's just gonna be standing right over there.

Speaker 16 Hey, Sarnon, can we see your desk?

Speaker 17 My knees are my desk.

Speaker 61 Oh, no.

Speaker 27 That sounds awful.

Speaker 17 And when I need a surface, I crouch.

Speaker 35 Why don't you have a desk?

Speaker 17 I'm temp.

Speaker 29 Well, wait, this one here has a desk.

Speaker 8 Yeah, she has a desk.

Speaker 29 Why do you have a desk?

Speaker 8 Hi, I'm the head intern.

Speaker 24 Interns are perm.

Speaker 17 Temps are temp.

Speaker 38 Okay, uh, yeah, I guess I get full benefits.

Speaker 4 You're unpaid, but you get a desk and benefits.

Speaker 24 Uh-huh.

Speaker 38 I get paid in experience.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 35 Hey, guys, we could be playing in a professional hat-ball league right now.

Speaker 4 We could be fighting Nog Milk hand to hand on a fiery volcano.

Speaker 59 Yeah, we're in the reflactorium.

Speaker 61 We could be outlaws raiding settlements, you know?

Speaker 45 Yeah, Nermit said he just needed to save his progress.

Speaker 4 What if we just paused it, do our own thing, and then we'll restart.

Speaker 17 Um,

Speaker 17 permission to speak?

Speaker 24 Oh.

Speaker 17 Well, I was uh I was taking notes on your conversation.

Speaker 14 Sarnon,

Speaker 29 you didn't need to crouch and write on your little knees.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Sarnon, you don't need to ask our permission to speak to us.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you can just talk to us anytime you want.

Speaker 24 Well, um,

Speaker 17 after pause, temp disappear.

Speaker 29 I'm sorry. What?

Speaker 10 Oh, oh, no.

Speaker 4 But you'd be back when we restarted the program.

Speaker 17 No, temps never repeat. Once the program ends, ends, temp ends.

Speaker 36 That wasn't even a complete sentence.

Speaker 17 If temp tried to talk about something forbidden, temp lose word.

Speaker 14 Oh, wow, even the grammar algorithm starts to break down.

Speaker 46 This is terrible.

Speaker 14 This is.

Speaker 16 She's not perm. What about this?

Speaker 8 You guys ought not understand.

Speaker 4 I guess I just thought that was a sort of a designation for her job. Sernan, if we pause and restart this program, you will cease to exist.

Speaker 37 Uh, correct.

Speaker 20 Correct.

Speaker 16 And you don't get like health insurance?

Speaker 37 Yeah, I don't think.

Speaker 48 Correct.

Speaker 20 Oh, yanks.

Speaker 16 Hey, gang, I'm gonna say this right now. We cannot shut this program off.
We've got to get her to perm.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Sarnon, if we get you promoted to a permanent position here at Optisoft, then even if we pause and restart the program, you'd still be here.

Speaker 17 Correct, correct.

Speaker 4 Well, that's great. All we have to do is figure out how to get Sarnon into the attempt to perm de

Speaker 42 Tope. We're doing it.

Speaker 38 This is exactly what Nermit wants!

Speaker 8 He wants us to play in this stupid office building!

Speaker 31 Pleck, I understand that this is not a desirable situation for any of us, but all we have to do is get her promoted, right?

Speaker 37 How hard could that be?

Speaker 45 Yeah, it's just not what I wanted to do today.

Speaker 25 Hey, you and me both, brother.

Speaker 22 Sarnit!

Speaker 8 Oh, we're gonna make you perm!

Speaker 17 Oh, oh, my gratitude, gratitude,

Speaker 62 fellow Optisoft leaders, I am so excited to tell you that the code will be live in just a few minutes.

Speaker 41 We have 250 customers who are about to have their minds blown by API 11.2.

Speaker 37 Twice the rapidity of socket connectivity than 0.1.1.

Speaker 39 I mean, we were proud of 0.1.

Speaker 13 Are we proud of it today?

Speaker 39 No, we're proud of the doubling right now.

Speaker 7 Speaking of someone who came from KSARX, I just have to say I'm so happy to be here at Optisoft.

Speaker 42 Right?

Speaker 41 I honestly heard someone talking their praises today and I was like, are you kidding me?

Speaker 13 What version are they on?

Speaker 39 Two?

Speaker 32 Two?

Speaker 14 Right?

Speaker 8 Am I right?

Speaker 14 Am I right?

Speaker 4 Okay, so Sarnon, let's get you promoted, huh?

Speaker 46 Should we...

Speaker 13 What do we start at? HR?

Speaker 17 Optisoft, the entire HR department is temps.

Speaker 10 Oh, what?

Speaker 4 So they can't advocate for you at all?

Speaker 17 It protects the company from liability.

Speaker 12 Classic.

Speaker 24 That's terrible.

Speaker 17 If you have an issue, you have to report to other temps who also have no power.

Speaker 19 I mean, it sounds pretty rough.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 25 Yeah, I feel like I've worked in a few places that are kind of like this.

Speaker 4 Surely there's someone, though, who can get you into the pipeline. Like, who's the first perm position that's above yours?

Speaker 17 Oh, that is Mr.

Speaker 37 Greg Gordon.

Speaker 29 Greg Gordon?

Speaker 14 Greg Gordon? Where are you? Greg Gordon, show show yourself. Where are you, Greg Gordon?

Speaker 20 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 45 Yes, I have two hits.

Speaker 8 Oh, hi.

Speaker 25 I'm Greg.

Speaker 46 I'm Gordon. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Well, we just want to put in a good word for Sarnon here.

Speaker 19 A very responsible and efficient town.

Speaker 10 Okay, let me check here.

Speaker 64 Looks like Sarnon's eval is coming up in just a couple months.

Speaker 64 Two shakes of a calendar.

Speaker 5 You can't do that. You can't do that.

Speaker 41 Ow, That's a perm move there.

Speaker 42 That's that's a perm move?

Speaker 15 Oh, he's perm? Taking his original.

Speaker 29 We're not here to promote him. We're here to promote

Speaker 65 Sarnon.

Speaker 44 Oh, right.

Speaker 64 Sarn and Tuck.

Speaker 24 Sarnon.

Speaker 17 Greetings, greetings.

Speaker 4 You know, Greg, Gordon, we really believe in Sarnon. We think that she's the future of Optisoft, and we think you should give her some consideration for the Tempt to Perm pipeline.

Speaker 65 Amazing.

Speaker 53 She never had an entourage before.

Speaker 25 I gotta be honest.

Speaker 42 She has friends.

Speaker 53 Don't you think, Gordon, we can impress the timeline a little here?

Speaker 45 I think we can impress it down.

Speaker 55 Yeah, down to a month.

Speaker 4 A month?

Speaker 53 A month. It was two months before, my guy.

Speaker 6 Uh-huh. Okay.

Speaker 23 Guys, listen. We can't wait a month for Sarnon to get promoted to perm?

Speaker 8 Obviously.

Speaker 7 Listen, Sarnon, is a month at Optisoft the same as a month outside the reflectorium?

Speaker 17 Uh, yes, unless you want to fast-track it.

Speaker 29 When you say fast-track, does that mean fast-forwarding the simulation?

Speaker 28 Yes.

Speaker 4 So we could just tell the simulation to skip ahead.

Speaker 17 Yes.

Speaker 31 Wait, so we're time traveling?

Speaker 22 No, no.

Speaker 4 Okay, we're not. It's not.

Speaker 32 I don't do that shit.

Speaker 31 You gotta loosen up a little bit about this.

Speaker 25 We're just

Speaker 25 gonna get away.

Speaker 4 It's more like skipping a cutscene.

Speaker 59 Yeah, AJ, we're just going forward

Speaker 46 at an accelerated pace, okay?

Speaker 4 And Sarnon, you will still be here when we stop, right?

Speaker 8 Correct.

Speaker 16 Okay, I'll do it for Sarnon.

Speaker 17 You might see me accelerating through several tasks in the process.

Speaker 38 Uh, sure, that's fine.

Speaker 42 It's fine with us.

Speaker 59 All right, uh, computer fast track program Optisoft, maximum urgency, one month.

Speaker 12 Oh, my God. Wow.

Speaker 16 Look how much Sarnon is doing.

Speaker 10 This is terrible. She is here all the time.

Speaker 16 Did you guys see her crying quietly at one point?

Speaker 31 She's sleeping inside a file cabinet.

Speaker 4 Does she live at Optisoft?

Speaker 59 How much of this temp code is Nermit responsible for?

Speaker 30 Because we're going to have to have a real conversation about this.

Speaker 33 Sarnon,

Speaker 36 how is it going?

Speaker 17 I feel rejuvenated from the work.

Speaker 57 Oh, great.

Speaker 4 Let's see if it worked.

Speaker 46 Greg Gordon. Greg Gordon.
Greg Gordon.

Speaker 14 Oh, wow.

Speaker 8 Okay, right there.

Speaker 8 Hello.

Speaker 55 Oh, the guy you kicked me in the head. I like you.
Hey.

Speaker 52 Shows a series of stuff. Yeah, a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 You should like that.

Speaker 36 Well, it's been a month.

Speaker 4 Looks like it's time for Sarnon Tuck's review for the tip purpose.

Speaker 32 Let's report these

Speaker 53 time-lapse footage of the tasks.

Speaker 65 Oh, very good.

Speaker 52 Very good.

Speaker 53 Curled up nice and tight in that file cabinet.

Speaker 61 And that's an admirable quality.

Speaker 53 We don't want to take up too much space. Precious file space.

Speaker 42 Just get to the decision.

Speaker 6 Great, Gordon.

Speaker 55 Not a lot of tears.

Speaker 45 Now, the decision.

Speaker 17 Yes, Gordon.

Speaker 53 The good news is...

Speaker 53 Promotion approved.

Speaker 8 Everybody is amazing.

Speaker 37 Okay, congratulations.

Speaker 33 Hold on.

Speaker 14 There's bad news.

Speaker 53 It's not really up to us.

Speaker 25 We're just middlemen.

Speaker 48 We're in the middle. We're like a sandwich.

Speaker 25 We're the cream, wet cream of a sandwich.

Speaker 42 Yeah, the sloppy white.

Speaker 38 What kind of sandwich is?

Speaker 65 Slappy wheels, a cream sandwich.

Speaker 25 A moist, wet cream sandwich.

Speaker 14 Darn it brought the middle of the middle.

Speaker 25 You know, the middle of the sandwich, that real wet, wet, wet cream.

Speaker 17 Here's your lunch, Greg.

Speaker 22 And here is your lunch golden.

Speaker 45 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 14 Two wet cream sandwiches.

Speaker 25 Slowly nibble it.

Speaker 24 Open your mouth.

Speaker 14 Open your mouth.

Speaker 10 Why doesn't the sophomore tell tell you to open your mouth?

Speaker 53 Waste the slap when you can get it out on the outside.

Speaker 35 Some of the corners of this simulation are weird.

Speaker 31 Fleck, you've got to remember this simulation is trying to handle thousands of people at once. So, you know, it's going to kind of cream the details here and there.

Speaker 33 Ugh.

Speaker 45 Gross.

Speaker 13 Sarnon, we're going to get to the bottom of this.

Speaker 29 No, we're going to get to the top of this.

Speaker 57 We need to

Speaker 29 take us further.

Speaker 4 Sarnon, we're going to get you promoted whatever it takes. Who do we talk to next?

Speaker 17 There's 63 positions between Greg Horton and the CEO.

Speaker 14 Oh, boy.

Speaker 4 Well, I mean, this system works, right? We get the paperwork in the system, we set the schedule, we skip ahead, and bing, bang, boom.

Speaker 22 Sarnon, what do you want to do, you know?

Speaker 17 I would like to head this company.

Speaker 42 You want to be the CEO of Optisoft?

Speaker 17 Yes.

Speaker 32 Wow.

Speaker 17 This is all I know. I've never been beyond the walls of Optisoft.

Speaker 16 Awesome, let's do it.

Speaker 37 I mean, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 57 Yes.

Speaker 43 You haven't been here in a month.

Speaker 39 Oh, haha. I know I used the bathroom for a long time, but it's whatever.

Speaker 63 Oh, sure, one launch tanks and you take off?

Speaker 34 Tanks, what are you talking about?

Speaker 49 11.2 is about to launch in three minutes.

Speaker 63 That was the worst launch of Optisoft's existence. You leave the launch saying you have to use the bathroom and you come back a month later? Thanks for nothing.

Speaker 63 Did somebody fast track this without my permission?

Speaker 24 Well, well, well, another couple months goes by an old nerve and bundle and shit.

Speaker 42 Is this again?

Speaker 66 You stand here like a statue for two months and expect to come back and run things?

Speaker 63 Well, I don't think so, mister.

Speaker 51 What is happening?

Speaker 25 Oh no.

Speaker 37 Yes.

Speaker 17 I feel more powerful. As Temp ascends ladder, they gain more words.

Speaker 14 Now, of course, if you wish to be promoted, answer my riddles 3.

Speaker 57 What?

Speaker 42 This person works at Optisoft?

Speaker 46 What division are you from?

Speaker 17 Oh, yes, troll division.

Speaker 23 Oh,

Speaker 46 rod.

Speaker 7 Maybe the fast-tracking introduced some hiccups into the simulation.

Speaker 14 And Survive Riddles across the grid.

Speaker 27 Next promotion.

Speaker 4 Surely there's a shift change at some point.

Speaker 13 Maybe we can just fast forward, wait it out?

Speaker 17 Uh, yes. Okay.
Trolls are here half the year.

Speaker 36 All right, half the year, you say.

Speaker 68 No problem.

Speaker 37 Hit it!

Speaker 57 Hello, I'm a creepy little toad. If you want to pass, you must kiss me on ball.

Speaker 20 Sarnon, is the other half of the year a creepy little toad?

Speaker 8 Correct.

Speaker 61 Okay.

Speaker 31 I am gonna need to see an org chart on this company.

Speaker 41 I want everyone to know that I've secured a majority of the members of this board who want me to stay in my position.

Speaker 4 I may. I'm not bullying you to show your face here at all, Bundaloy.

Speaker 8 It's been six months, Bundaloy.

Speaker 38 Do you know how much you cost us?

Speaker 39 Listen, I may

Speaker 60 optisop shares have tanked.

Speaker 60 Should have invested in Crazarks.

Speaker 41 This is when all of our competitors and naysayers are doubting us. And this is when we come back from the ashes of

Speaker 42 Sarnon, this is the moment you've been waiting for. It's really happening.

Speaker 27 wow

Speaker 37 check out that new id badge sardon i'm perm

Speaker 4 we did it

Speaker 8 i'm perm you made it we only just skipped like two and a half years into the future of the simulation uh plaque it was a lot longer than that really yeah we're so proud of you thank you so much thank you so much

Speaker 17 I'm just gonna take a five-minute break because that's my first privilege as a perm.

Speaker 16 No, you can't break right now, Sardin.

Speaker 33 We're just gonna go. No,

Speaker 14 we should, yeah, she could take a break, but I'm so tired.

Speaker 17 Please, uh,

Speaker 52 that makes sense.

Speaker 29 Power down and dream of your cream sandwiches.

Speaker 22 Guys,

Speaker 4 guys, listen, I know now that Sarnin will still be here if we pause and restart the program, but I don't know.

Speaker 38 I think let's get her to the top, right?

Speaker 4 We have to. That's what she wants to do.
She wants to lead this company.

Speaker 29 Wow, look at you.

Speaker 14 You.

Speaker 37 Okay, you.

Speaker 29 I get her invested now.

Speaker 4 I think she's got some really good ideas for the

Speaker 29 And what's on the Optisoft plaque?

Speaker 16 Better software for a better world.

Speaker 42 Yeah. I think that applies.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 36 And I think Sarnon's the person who can take Optisoft there to the next level.

Speaker 4 Sarnon, you're going to run this company. We're going to make it happen for you, Sarnon.

Speaker 29 Sarnon, we're going to get you to the boss level.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Thank you so much.

Speaker 29 At what point did we all start wearing

Speaker 14 these polos?

Speaker 10 I love this little pull key card, though.

Speaker 69 Hi, Darren. I don't want to interrupt.
I just want to say we're having a birthday for Stephanie

Speaker 14 in the main conference room.

Speaker 16 Sorry, do you want to attend this birthday or what? Do you want to fast forward?

Speaker 17 It would be my first birthday, I would be honored to attend.

Speaker 25 Okay, have a good time.

Speaker 57 Fast forward.

Speaker 36 Wow, look at this corner office.

Speaker 22 Whoa, whoa, VP on the door.

Speaker 16 Nice.

Speaker 12 I'm assuming that stands for very promoted. Sarnon.

Speaker 36 Oh, hi, guys. You're doing it.

Speaker 17 Yeah,

Speaker 17 would you like a balloon?

Speaker 27 Oh, yeah, look at it.

Speaker 33 Sure.

Speaker 14 I think you know your audience, yeah.

Speaker 17 Yes, I'm uh I'm in charge of keeping spirits high. That's uh vice president of fun.

Speaker 19 Oh, Sarnon, you probably know a lot about what makes people feel better.

Speaker 17 I do. A cream sandwich everyone.

Speaker 10 Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Speaker 14 I'm good.

Speaker 14 Yeah, this is a giant plate of cream sandwiches.

Speaker 16 Wow, big box tables and cream sandwiches.

Speaker 24 Pretty fun.

Speaker 14 Yeah, that's pretty fun.

Speaker 42 Did Shopworth say a clown?

Speaker 24 Oh.

Speaker 43 No, in fact, no one said clown.

Speaker 22 Did Shopworn Shay a c clown?

Speaker 42 Is this an office clown?

Speaker 4 Yep.

Speaker 17 Yep. This is our clown who who would like a clown dance.

Speaker 10 Oh, wow.

Speaker 14 Not a dance. Oh, wow.

Speaker 14 Ah! Oh, ah.

Speaker 43 Ah. Clown, no one asked for the dance.

Speaker 12 Awful.

Speaker 17 Did someone need another clown?

Speaker 27 No. Well, no.

Speaker 37 Clowns.

Speaker 14 Are you ready? Sorry.

Speaker 4 Are these guys freelancers that are just here for the day, or are they like on the payroll?

Speaker 70 We're contractors.

Speaker 13 Thank Rod. I thought you were going to say they were perm.

Speaker 17 Uh, no, clowns are never perm.

Speaker 4 Okay, good.

Speaker 45 At least this company's still running the way it should.

Speaker 4 Another fast track, folks. Yeah? Here we go.

Speaker 5 Cleck, Dar, AJ,

Speaker 5 Mr. Flashman.

Speaker 48 Where are you?

Speaker 41 Maybe they're here in the server room.

Speaker 21 Has anybody seen a motley crew of hapless, but there is

Speaker 38 a lot of nerves showing your face in here, bundle boy.

Speaker 38 He's not alert, he's a turd.

Speaker 39 Okay,

Speaker 36 you here are here?

Speaker 6 I've been here. You have it, so you can tope my nuts, brother.

Speaker 41 Sir, there's not a nut I wouldn't tope in order to serve this company.

Speaker 8 That's what I requested.

Speaker 6 Oh, boy. Plaque!

Speaker 16 Wow, Sergeant, only 43 years ago you were on the bottom, and now you're in the top.

Speaker 29 I can't believe we played this game for 43 years.

Speaker 37 It feels like a lifetime.

Speaker 16 Wow, looking in your office, seeing all these different awards that we never saw you get, these like kind of magazine write-ups.

Speaker 17 Do you enjoy my metal sculptures?

Speaker 11 Um, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, they seem fine.

Speaker 22 They're a little harsh.

Speaker 17 Well, they are made of temps.

Speaker 24 Is that what?

Speaker 48 What?

Speaker 17 They're made of former temps who have been recycled.

Speaker 10 Oh, no. Wait.

Speaker 33 Oh, my God.

Speaker 24 Are you?

Speaker 4 Sarnon, does Optisoft still have a temp program?

Speaker 17 Yes, temps are what this company is built on, literally.

Speaker 50 Oh, Sarnon.

Speaker 56 You don't love to hear that.

Speaker 4 We helped you up from the bottom. You gotta help the people below you who are in the same position you used to be in.
You could give back to your company and your employees.

Speaker 36 You can stop executing temps when they run out of usefulness.

Speaker 17 But I thought that's what you do.

Speaker 38 No.

Speaker 17 You get to the top and then you make sure no one can touch you.

Speaker 16 I mean, that is what people have been talking about.

Speaker 4 And that is sort of what we frequently though.

Speaker 4 We did sort of game the system

Speaker 4 so that the person we wanted in power rose to power.

Speaker 16 Yeah, it's crazy that this backfired on us.

Speaker 31 I guess we should have seen this coming.

Speaker 68 You tuping chuckers, are you?

Speaker 23 Oh, he found this.

Speaker 38 You've been fast-tracking all the time.

Speaker 67 Do you realize the heat that's coming down on me from the board?

Speaker 57 You've tanked four launches.

Speaker 38 We actually have a lot to talk about, Nermit Bundaloy.

Speaker 57 Yeah, Nermit thing.

Speaker 24 Nermit Bundaloy.

Speaker 38 Oh.

Speaker 4 Sarnon.

Speaker 17 Your reports have shown sub-optimal productivity for yours.

Speaker 68 Sarnon is above me?

Speaker 29 See you, baby.

Speaker 17 What? I'm sorry, but we have to let you go.

Speaker 48 Oh.

Speaker 22 This is awesome.

Speaker 49 No, I am walking out right.

Speaker 49 Wait, my keycard doesn't work.

Speaker 17 You have been deactivated from the system.

Speaker 41 Give me a break. Sarnon, I have been nothing but devoted in my role.

Speaker 17 You have only been at work three days in the last

Speaker 17 43 years.

Speaker 67 No, that's because these jokers were fast-tracking over and over and over.

Speaker 4 Nermit, Nermit, in our defense, the temp-to-perm pipeline is way too long.

Speaker 39 Well, you try running a company that's trying to unionize.

Speaker 24 That's what they did, Nermit.

Speaker 10 Fire him. Get him out of here.

Speaker 68 You gotta use temps.

Speaker 16 Oh, wow, those guys are coming with the banker box. You gotta put all your shit in there.

Speaker 37 Yeah, you gotta get out of here, man.

Speaker 7 Sarnan. Oh, security's here.

Speaker 18 Yes, answer my videos three before I throw you out.

Speaker 14 Oh, no.

Speaker 35 The toad and the troll got promoted to security.

Speaker 14 Good way to go.

Speaker 18 That's it. That's the way it was really good for us.

Speaker 67 Is that the toad from my screensaver?

Speaker 17 My new policy is to encourage inter-office romance as much as possible.

Speaker 37 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 33 Why is that, Sargent?

Speaker 17 So that new workers may be bred on office premises.

Speaker 52 Oh, that seems maybe a little bit down.

Speaker 24 I'm ridiculous for killing.

Speaker 42 This little toad is

Speaker 17 I'm indebted to you for helping me ascend the corporate ladder.

Speaker 17 For your help, I would like to reward you.

Speaker 20 Oh, okay.

Speaker 17 Let let me get one of the toads to bring you a couple swag bags.

Speaker 46 Okay,

Speaker 27 swag bags from the toads.

Speaker 4 Okay, s Sarnon, just to be clear, once we we leave the reflectory, these cease to exist, right?

Speaker 5 Correct. Okay.
Yeah, I don't need one.

Speaker 15 That's great, though.

Speaker 16 Look, you got an Optisoft.

Speaker 15 How?

Speaker 48 I don't need any of this.

Speaker 16 A flash drive.

Speaker 12 These are wild.

Speaker 14 Akusie. Oh, cool.

Speaker 16 Sarnon,

Speaker 16 I guess I wonder, when you were a temp, you didn't seem very happy. Are you happy now?

Speaker 17 You know, I have all this power and all this control, but I think I was happier when I was a temp.

Speaker 20 Oh, no.

Speaker 15 Cool.

Speaker 12 Well.

Speaker 15 Oh, a mug! There's a mug in here.

Speaker 47 Greston, Greston, are ye awake?

Speaker 6 Greston?

Speaker 14 I am now, Bostral. What is it?

Speaker 47 I've woke, Greston, I can't sleep.

Speaker 47 I keep hearing the captain in my head yelling, speed to flank, but I'm stuck on the afterbrow with a mizzenmast aback, and what do I spy but an ox-eye forming straight astern?

Speaker 37 Then, then I remember, I'm on anchor watch, but suddenly I can't tell a capstand from a bollard, so we're in right danger of being bilged.

Speaker 47 Then, Greston, pow!

Speaker 37 Two mammoth rock spires are athwart ships narrower than the beam.

Speaker 47 I guess I think I'm feeling what land lovers call stress.

Speaker 12 Right.

Speaker 11 Sounds like you're in need of an escape.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Which is hard to come by on these high and stormy seas of Napathar.

Speaker 12 Enter Dipsy.

Speaker 37 Dipsy.

Speaker 11 Alright, like a reverse black wall hitch on a jackline.

Speaker 47 No, no, no, no, a midshipman's hitch on a main sheet.

Speaker 14 Boss, Cole and Dipsy's no rope tie.

Speaker 22 It's canop?

Speaker 11 I see what you did there, you baggy wrinkle.

Speaker 37 No, it's an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on.

Speaker 11 Drop your compass and let yourself get lost in a world where good...

Speaker 14 Nope.

Speaker 11 That's a fear of speech.

Speaker 37 Oh, buddy.

Speaker 11 Drop your compass and let yourself get lost in a world where good things happen.

Speaker 14 And where your pleasure, Bostrom, is the only priority.

Speaker 47 The priority, even here below decks, is not running ashore.

Speaker 47 Rendered flotsome clinging here ginpole with master and commander floating right next to you like a cork breast, and that's that's the priority.

Speaker 8 Oh, how you need sleep, wee deckhand.

Speaker 11 Ah, Dipsy also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off in your soggy bunk.

Speaker 23 Bedtime stories?

Speaker 37 I am. Like, oh, the tale of Bali the Ballast Tank Castle.

Speaker 8 Oh, no, no, no, better stories than that, even.

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 12 And get this.

Speaker 11 Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com.

Speaker 9 Ah. Slash six.

Speaker 47 Six? Is that a nautical term I don't know?

Speaker 14 No, no, tis a foul, barnacle-encrusted quadrant teeming with privateers.

Speaker 37 That's thirty days of full access for free when you go to DIPSCA Stories.com slash six. Dipsystories.com slash filthy quadrant.

Speaker 14 Oh. No.

Speaker 14 Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty proud of Sarin.

Speaker 16 The way she fired you, Nerva, and kicked all of us out, pretty awesome.

Speaker 4 AJ, that was terrible.

Speaker 4 We put decades of work in. That was just like our mission yesterday.

Speaker 36 Right. Except we didn't learn a thing.

Speaker 4 All we learned was that power corrupts.

Speaker 29 They took back all of our key fobs.

Speaker 39 Yeah, well, the company is in bankruptcy.

Speaker 65 Yeah. Listen, Nermit.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I know we all came in and really ruined what you spent a lot of weeks trying to build here.

Speaker 31 Yes, you certainly did.

Speaker 16 But to be fair, it sucked.

Speaker 41 Well, you should be happy now.

Speaker 39 There's basically nothing left of it.

Speaker 4 Nermit.

Speaker 52 I'm sorry.

Speaker 62 I guess there's no there is this cream sandwich.

Speaker 14 Oh, put that down.

Speaker 4 Don't don't eat that, Nermit.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 41 Might as well burn it down.

Speaker 59 Computer.

Speaker 39 Terminate.

Speaker 25 Program.

Speaker 27 Optisoft. Excuse me.

Speaker 14 Button.

Speaker 10 Hello, hi.

Speaker 14 Hi, hi, hi.

Speaker 70 Oh, you the nermit.

Speaker 24 Bundaloy?

Speaker 52 Yes.

Speaker 39 I mean, technically he's a nermit bundaloy, but I was just gonna shut down the Optisoft program for the final time.

Speaker 70 Ah, I am an engineer at Optisoft, and I have been a big, big fan of your career. You started Optisoft's RD department 43 years ago.

Speaker 24 Thank you.

Speaker 70 Well, we're finally our book is done.

Speaker 41 Wait, so you all fast-track 43 years, so you've done 43 years of RD

Speaker 70 every day, full of work.

Speaker 54 To Tomak?

Speaker 14 Bartolo?

Speaker 70 That's who I am.

Speaker 39 You were just out of college when I know now.

Speaker 70 I've lived a full life.

Speaker 4 Nermit, just end the program.

Speaker 8 We gotta get out of here.

Speaker 70 You are remarkable, and you should play more music.

Speaker 8 What?

Speaker 24 Okay, this is clearly.

Speaker 37 Well, no, we should hear this person out.

Speaker 58 What kind of engineer are you?

Speaker 70 Because of your hard work and generous funding, I've spent 43 years researching. And today, we have finally unlocked the secrets of transgalactic travel.

Speaker 39 It's great. Well, sorry, what?

Speaker 41 Computer terminate

Speaker 38 program.

Speaker 42 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what are you doing?

Speaker 14 Stop.

Speaker 42 Did you hear that person?

Speaker 39 Not really.

Speaker 4 Transgalactic travel.

Speaker 42 Nermit, we can get back to the Zig Squadron.

Speaker 8 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 37 That's amazing.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Nermit, you did it.

Speaker 42 You did it, buddy. Yeah, Optisoft is worth it after all.

Speaker 16 This calls for a little.

Speaker 27 Oh, wow.

Speaker 22 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 13 He's the loudest, floudest.

Speaker 65 He's the less, to that flute.

Speaker 10 Loudest float.

Speaker 42 Toot that flute. I have to stop.
I have to stop.

Speaker 29 You know, I'd still bet Quizarx had something to do with it.

Speaker 1 You know what you did.

Speaker 1 But you got a great energy about you right now. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 56 I

Speaker 31 forgive you for one of the things.

Speaker 72 But I'm not gonna forgive you for the other bigger things.

Speaker 1 And this is where I leave you.

Speaker 29 So sad, isn't it?

Speaker 10 What? Wasn't the stormy seas?

Speaker 42 Who are you?

Speaker 29 I'm just another salty dog that's been wronged by that C-53.

Speaker 29 Shame that you can never truly forgive them, right?

Speaker 25 I

Speaker 38 never.

Speaker 37 Probably never.

Speaker 23 Unless. No, no, follow that.

Speaker 29 Follow that feeling.

Speaker 8 Because

Speaker 29 you know what feels better than forgiveness?

Speaker 47 Revenge.

Speaker 2 Revenge, you say?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 29 It's the only way.

Speaker 51 Captain.

Speaker 51 This is Sea Red IT5.

Speaker 71 Credits and Attributions Joyed. Commencing, Outro Protocol.
Plec Deck Setter and Boatswing Grestet were played by Alden Ford. Lean Envoy C53 and the Tube Fine Net Sky were played by Jeremy Benn.

Speaker 71 Dar, the Surfa Turfa, and the Troll were played by Ellie Kopesh. Bargie the Ship, Gordon, the Toad, and the Occisoft engineer Tomec Fardlo were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Speaker 71 Neri Bundaloy, Garbo, Greg, and Dekhan Bostrol were played by Seth Lind.

Speaker 71 EJ and the Sea Captain were played by Winston Knoll. Sernan Tuck was played by special guest Aparna Nancharla.

Speaker 71 Aparna is an actor and stand-up comedian who has appeared on many shows including Inside Amy Schumer, Bojack Horseman, Corporate, Space Force, and her own episode of Netflix The Stand-Ups.

Speaker 71 Follow her on Twitter at AparNapkin. This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 71 Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by fames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.
Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 71 Opening opening curl narration by Jeremy Crunchley, shift design for the Rogerian Jade by Eric Boyce, audio hosting by Simplecast, Mission Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Speaker 73 Hey there, beautiful people, did you hear that good, good news?

Speaker 74 Something about the baby Jesus?

Speaker 42 He's coming back!

Speaker 74 Or do you mean the fact that Apple Podcast has named Santai one of the best shows of 2020?

Speaker 73 I mean, we already knew that we was hot stuff, but a little external validation validation never hurts, okay? Hosted by me, writer and journalist Jared Hill, and me, the ebony entrantress myself,

Speaker 73 Javelle Anderson.

Speaker 74 Fantai is your home for complex conversations about the gray areas in our lives, the people, places, and things we're huge fans of, but got some anti-feelings toward.

Speaker 73 You name it, we fantai. You nobody's off limits.

Speaker 74 Check us out every Thursday on maximumfund.org or wherever you get your Slayworthy audio.

Speaker 72 We have wasted this world.

Speaker 72 Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable. But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely.

Speaker 72 In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above.

Speaker 72 Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. And others others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory.

Speaker 72 Dive into the ethersee, the latest campaign from the adventure zone, every other Thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Speaker 44 Maximumfun.org.

Speaker 13 Comedy and culture.

Speaker 44 Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Speaker 39 Anybody seen a temp around?

Speaker 39 I need someone to ice these clowns.

Speaker 39 Ice down these clowns.

Speaker 3 What do they need ice for?

Speaker 13 They're sore from the dance.

Speaker 5 Are you for sure?

Speaker 15 Oh, yeah, it's fortunate.

Speaker 3 No, it'll make sense. Oh, it'll make sense.

Speaker 3 It'll sure make sense later.

Speaker 14 Ooh, ah.

Speaker 5 Oh, man, that's the

Speaker 5 wailing lament of the

Speaker 48 dancing clown.

Speaker 48 Ooh, ah.

Speaker 42 Ooh, I'd retire, but I'm jump.