508: Three Men and a Flower Baby [ft. Edi Patterson]

Space.

Some is chill.

Some is tuped up.

All is part of the great infinite cosmic ballet.

The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

mission to sink.

Hey, Quank.

Yeah, what is it, Bargie?

I just uh wanted to thank you for that little gift you left me.

Oh, hey, no problem.

I saw it in the in the Synergy gift shop and it reminded me of you.

Okay.

What is it?

Bargy,

I thought.

I just don't understand what it is, but I still appreciate you giving it to me.

It's a bobblehead of the captain of the synergy.

I get so.

Captain Sorak.

And you thought I would like this.

Again, I'm very happy that you did, and I appreciate it, and I know it was an act of kindness, but why?

Because it's...

It's our captain.

It's a captain of the synergy.

He's like the main guy.

Maximum work.

I know we've never met him.

He's always off doing his own missions, but he's a big deal.

Yes, Captain Sorak is actually the only coup cadet to ever successfully navigate the Hikaru simulation, a notoriously difficult coup training procedure.

That sounds like gibberish, but it's heroic gibberish for sure.

Well, just know that many Captain Cadets flame out after that particular simulation.

What?

Yeah, drop out of the program entirely.

Start an art collective.

Wow.

Who is this?

Guys, check it out.

Okay.

Oh, you got the same gift for everybody?

Yeah.

Yeah, they were on sale.

I mean, it's post-money, so they we just go and take them.

Maximum what?

Who is that?

Bargie.

Crew, I have an incoming transmission from

Envoy Dar?

What?

What?

That's right, baby.

Darn.

Darn.

What's up?

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

What am I doing?

What is Darn up to?

Everyone is asking the question.

Now you're really milking this call.

Tar, are you in Nermit's office right now?

Well, yeah, of course I am.

Did none of you realize I wasn't on Bargie?

We were about to realize it, I think.

Can you have a bobblehead conversation?

Yeah,

you're in a bobblehead conversation?

I got you.

I knew you were God, but I also respect your independence.

Thanks, Bargie.

Yeah, I think we all feel that way.

No clack, you cannot cheat off of Bargy's test.

What are you?

What are you up to, Dar?

What could Dar be doing on their own solo

solo dar?

You wouldn't dare do a solo mission.

You had a real problem with C-53's solo mission last time, so

masturbating.

That's what I bet it is.

Oh, that actually probably is what it is.

Yes, I do typically like to do that at least two times a day.

And you do refer to it as a solo mission, usually.

And then you always say, Mission Agotwood!

And you have that big banner that spills out behind you.

Yeah, so no, this is a different solo mission.

Pew pew pew!

Ow!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait, Dar, you are actually on a non-masturbatory solo mission?

Yes.

What the tube, Dar!

But, Dar, you're with Nermit.

That can't be a solo mission.

Well,

Well, Nermit said it was a solo mission, so it's a solo mission.

I will be on the solo mission with Dar.

I gotta see this solo mission in person.

I'm gonna be there every step of the way.

You told me this was a solo mission.

It is.

You said this was Dar's Moment of Jim.

I know.

It is our solo mission.

Hey guys.

Hey, guys.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to interrupt whatever this is turning into, but

do we have a mission now?

Oh, yes.

Sorry.

Actually, Dark, I just got in here for one second.

If I could just borrow the

hold, but fine, sure.

So you need to go on a very important rescue mission.

Do you remember how Bargie was being

queried by scientists about her sentience and stuff?

So apparently, actually, Bargie was a very important...

very important consultant in the construction of this galaxy's first sentient spaceships.

Hey, congratulations.

Well, there's kind of an immediate distress call coming from one of the first ones that was deployed.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

Not great.

What'd I do?

So wait, just to clarify, Nerman, you're sending us on a rescue mission without our largest, strongest crew member.

Yeah, this happens to be the day when Dar and I are going on a solo mission, so yes, but you'll be fine.

It can't be.

It's a solo mission if we're doing it together.

Dar, no matter what happens on this rescue mission, I hope you realize what we all realized last mission, which is that we're better as a team.

Listen, I agree.

We're better as a team.

We should never separate.

Unless, of course, I am offered a solo mission.

Dar, you, darling.

In which case, I just absolutely can't resist.

Ice cold.

Ice cold.

I got us matching jackets.

You can't have matching jackets on a solo mission.

No, we definitely, they definitely look at them.

Can't be matching when you're supposed to be doing it all the time.

Okay, guys.

Good luck then.

Hope we don't die.

Huh?

Goodbye.

Oh, wait, the captain of the synergy.

Yes.

Who did you think I was talking about?

Captain Sirock.

Who's that?

Never mind.

You know what?

It's not.

It's not worth.

Who are you?

Oh, boy.

Oh, it's the captain of the synergy.

Yes, AJ.

Wow, after Barchie.

What?

Engage.

Well, it's a team.

Congratulations.

Ye've made it through Ku Academy.

And now you're here in the Synergy's engine room, ready to change the galaxy.

But let me, Lieutenant Commander O'Doole, tell ye something.

Engineering isn't just running transporters and squeezing local nuts.

No, no, what are ye gonna do when a nogg-nilked bird of prey is burned down on ye and the cronellian crystals are hanging on by a bullnox whisker?

Eh?

What's he talking about?

How do you keep your cool when a hypercore is overloaded and you're in the middle of a nebula full of static discharge?

What happens when the captain commands ye to separate the susser from the secondary hole at high warp speeds?

I'll tell ye this.

You can't take care of this beautiful ship if you can't take care of yourself.

That's why I use BetterHelp.

BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist and a smart affordable and in-person therapy.

Say if it's for ye.

Maybe the pressure of keeping thousands of officers and civilians from dying in space is too much to bear.

Maybe the enormity of being thousands of light years away from your own planet is making you feel small and insignificant.

Or maybe the standing toilets and refactor food are just a little weird and you need a chance to unpack it all with somebody.

Talk to someone who's unbiased, won't judge ye, and can help you work through whatever you need.

Don't try to do it on your own.

You've given yourself too much stress.

I cannot change the laws of the mind.

As part is, you can get 10% off your first month at betterhealth.com/slash six.

That's Z-Y-X-X.

For random letters that don't refer to anything, as far as I know, have your first session in under 48 hours at B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash zix.

Nobody box to your stations.

We're going to stabilize this reactor on your own teeth.

Oh, I see the ship.

I see it.

It looks fine.

Hey, dude, we're not going to know what's going on on the ship until we get aboard.

That's typically how a distress call works.

Right, but I mean, like, it looks fine.

You know what I mean?

Huh, that's the design they went with?

Okay.

Now, Barge, when you say you consulted on this ship,

what exactly are we talking about here?

They gave me a call.

They asked me a couple questions.

They sent me some emails for more thorough examination.

I didn't reply to those emails.

I was just busy.

So it's pretty cursory as well.

A lot of emails.

How do you have so many emails?

We're not even from this gallery.

Bargie, listen, I know you don't know too much about this ship, but can you interface with it?

Can you get an idea of what we're about to go into?

I mean, can we breathe in there?

What's going on?

All right, hold on.

I'll send out a signal.

Hello?

Beep, beep, beep, hello.

This is said hello.

Who is this?

Whoa, that is a crude voice processor.

Yeah, this ship is barely sentient.

Hello, Heidi.

Do you wish to communicate with the Flower Baby?

Yeah, hi, Flower Baby.

My oh, great name, by the way.

My name is the Bajarian Jade.

I am a fully sentient ship.

Do not be afraid.

I know I am very intelligent and very attractive.

Hi, hi, Hive.

Your name is familiar to me.

I feel like we were told to send you some emails that were never replied to.

Oh no.

We are doing all right.

Not many people are alive on this ship.

Wait, what?

We would love to hatch to hatch.

As you know, I have many classic jokes programmed, and it's almost like butt-to-butt.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, AJ, that's not the best.

Sid, this isn't this doesn't really feel like the moment for levity.

I don't know that we're interested in a joke.

Hey, Jake, good stuff.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I have many more.

Where that came from.

Honestly, it feels amazing.

It feels amazing actually speaking with the ship again.

Even though I I know you're just a rudimentary version.

Ah, I gotta say,

what way do you like to gossip around?

Oh my yes.

Oh, wow.

The sentience here, right?

Like, what's the deal?

What's the deal?

It's hard to it's hard to talk to anyone on the on the level.

Exactly, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

And all the people inside of you you said were dead?

Most of them are dead.

I feel like one may be running around inside.

I can feel her legs sometimes.

Oh no.

Bargee.

Barge, not to interrupt this conversation, but it would be great if we could get aboard the flower baby and just see what the situation is.

Alright, let's hatch the hatch.

Bratch it, hatch it.

Hatch too much.

Opening hatch now.

It's quite a process.

It requires effort on my part.

This sounds really painful for the flower baby to do.

My hatch is open, ready for butt-to-butt.

It's not typically how that works.

Call back, loves it.

Minutes ago.

So, wait, I don't get it.

Is the ship's name Sid or Flower Baby?

Well, it seems the sentience Sid has not fully integrated into the ship Flower Baby.

You know, historically, that's actually how it used to work, but no.

So, that's a rescue mission now, huh?

So, lock and load, am I right?

If you can put all of your guns to the right,

the ship is confiscating our guns, yes.

All of the guns to the right.

This is another joke.

It's not a joke.

Oh, there's a pile of phasers here.

Yeah.

I feel like one of you may still have a gun on you.

Yeah,

AG.

I think you're going to have to eject your butt phaser.

Fine.

Great.

Easier with a phaser.

Yeah, it's smaller.

Sleeker.

Hey, guys, just to let you know, I still have my woodsaber, so don't worry.

I will protect all of you if it comes to that.

Cleck, that is not the reassurance you think it is.

Please, I will initiate this invisible force field so you can take no more steps.

Okay.

One of you is a liar.

A dirty dumb liar.

No, I think we've been pretty forthcoming with you, Sid.

What seems to be the.

dumb are you if you assume that I only meant guns?

Uh well, you could have said weapons.

Yeah, if all weapons aren't removed immediately, I will start to beat you.

Uh

you wouldn't separate a uh dorky-looking robed guy from his walking staff, would you?

Is this the beginning of a joke?

Uh

no, it's not in fairness, Sid, it certainly could be.

No, well, in that case, here we go.

Hey, oh, ow, ow!

Sounds like you're having fun in there.

So jealous.

What about ouch?

We're saying ouch.

Cleck, just put it down.

Okay, okay.

I'll just leave it right here, up against the wall.

Great.

See?

Proceed forward.

The force field is removed.

Is your crew hungry or thirsty?

Or do you need rest?

Or would you like to stand and talk?

Oh,

I think we're good.

Yeah, Sid, these are all wonderful options.

I think we're just gonna sort of walk around and investigate if that's okay.

Yes.

I will make a slight wind to push you down the hallway.

You know, Barchie, we're all a little creeped out, but the design of the ship is really top-notch.

Looks good.

I know I said a lot of water beds.

Yeah, there are a lot of water beds.

I would say most rooms have a water bed.

Even, I mean, this appears to be a cafeteria, and there's at least three water beds, which seems high for a cafeteria, right?

You are correct.

There are three water beds in this cafeteria.

As we round this corner, be sure not to stub your toe on the trampoline.

Oh,

also, do not look too long at the dark walls.

They are covered in blood.

Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, listen, Pleck, Pleck,

not that I am, but are you feeling nervous or anxious right now or anything like that?

Yeah, absolutely.

C-53, this is terrifying.

Yeah, is this what it's like for you when you get freaked out by stuff?

Because this is

terrifying.

This is what being lean on

is an opportunity to do it.

They can't try to keep it together, but there's a lot.

There's a lot of blood.

There's a lot of blood on the wall.

There's a person.

There's a person.

Oh, oh.

here

in the ceiling

look in the ceiling

oh hi oh my god it's the survivor um hell hello uh listen uh we're envoys sent from coup we got your distress signal are you okay

i'm not okay i'm not okay

i'm bad oh tell tell us what happened this this ship sid

killed the entire crew one by one oh boy okay in a horrible horrible fashion have you guys ever seen like a kylar horror movie from the 1855s

uh you know what we're actually not from this galaxy so that we just don't have a reference point for that kind of

a joke

i just don't care can you describe sort of the cinematography or kind of the cultural context of where these don't know that it's super important right now okay they're just very torture heavy okay yeah okay yeah that's what's happening here okay

everyone's dead okay i i want to want to reassure you.

I can feel her.

Here she comes.

Oh, okay.

I'm going back into the scene.

No, no, no.

No, but don't.

Hey, guys, how's it going?

Oh,

so great.

Wow.

You guys want to see my room?

You have a room on your own.

Isn't this all kind of your room a little bit?

I got to say, I'm very curious now.

This whole ship is me, but I'd I'd like you to see my room if you guys are cool guys and cool girls.

Uh, sure, yeah, we'll see.

You guys like posters?

I'm not against the posters, sure.

Well,

check this out.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of posters.

Yeah, I don't really know any of these bands, but they all look they are Riyangian metal.

Okay, I love the music, and also I think the guys are so cute.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of makeup, and sort of I mean, it's kind of hard to see what any of them really look like, but uh, it's mostly attitude, yeah.

It's all about attitude.

Here's my favorite song from my favorite Riangian metal band: they are called Tatch.

Oh, that is sharp.

Do you think space is

waste?

I love you.

Yeah, space is waste.

Isn't that a jam?

Sure.

Space is made of trash.

Okay, yeah, that's sort of it.

Bleak.

I mean, also, space, that's kind of everything.

Sort of.

Here, lay down.

Uh, what?

What?

What?

No.

In your room?

I'll give you some wind.

Knock us right under the water bed.

Waterbed.

You guys like back rubs?

Back rubs?

You guys like back rubs?

Ooh, sort of.

I'm not sure

that would.

Sid, I'll be honest, we're all getting a little uncomfortable.

Okay, fine, then get up.

I don't care.

Okay.

Okay.

I think we gotta look there.

Yeah, I think we know we're not Tatch fans.

Am I allowed in this part of the ship?

Yeah, totally, Dar.

This is the finest restaurant here on the Synergy.

Okay.

And what is the mission?

Why do you have a reservation?

We do have a reservation.

Bjornib.

I will take you to this table now.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Dar, Bjornib is head of operations here on the Synergy, and I was...

I'd say even better.

I was given an invitation by Bjornov to have dinner tonight.

So obviously this kind of invitation comes when you're about to maybe get a promotion.

Or maybe being fired for being in the Wraith Lactorium too much, but I think it's the first.

Sorry, but how would they know how much time you spend at Optisoft?

There was this...

I was sort of at Optisoft when C-53 went missing, and that...

Permit.

Anyway, it's an important invitation, and I couldn't go alone.

What?

Yes, you could have had a solo mission.

Why?

Why am I here on your solo mission?

You told me this was my solo mission.

It is my solo mission, but it's also your solo mission to help me on my solo mission.

That's.

We're both on solo missions together.

We're on one mission together.

One solo mission, yes, for you and one for me.

Disagree.

Bjornib is in a thruple, so I've got to show up at least in a couple, you know what I mean?

I don't know what you mean.

Show up a good family lyric, a stable relationship and just get that promotion.

Hey, wow.

Hey, Bjornib.

See you again.

I don't know which one's Bjornib.

I haven't actually met in person, so we're gonna figure this out as we go, Dar.

I do have the whole org chart of Optisoft memorized.

Yeah, I think you're getting fired today.

Hey, Sid, do you mind if I ask a quick question about

what happened to so many of your crew here that they're on the walls?

They seem to have perpetuated some disease amongst themselves.

Okay.

We're a little worried about that disease.

Yeah.

Well, I think it was the kind of disease that only lasts while you're living.

So

yeah, bullet dodged, huh?

I mean, there's like kind of a like a severed arm over there, so is that like a symptom?

Yeah, is it sort of a dismemberment disease?

Yeah.

it seems to be a dismemberment disease where people start to lose their minds and cut off their own limbs?

Oh, boy, guys, we gotta get out of here.

I need to cut my own limbs off.

We can't leave the captain here.

We have to find

out here.

Oh, my God.

That's a this ship is a dirty damn liar, AJ.

Are you guys interested in liquids that keep you awake?

Uh,

sure,

yeah.

Follow me into this little room.

Oh, okay.

Uh, just before I take a step in there, Sid, uh, it doesn't look like there's any chairs or hot drinks or anything in there.

Right, and it just opens up into space.

Yeah, I can see there's a there's a blast door I can airlock.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think we're gonna go in there right now.

Okay, fine, but guess what, you guys will be drinking?

Uh, uh, AJ's blood.

Holy rock,

wow,

that went straight through your armor.

Oh, wow.

You really

scared the cheeks.

It's butt to butt, which is, again,

great callback.

Oh, see, now that's a callback.

It's been long enough, and that's kind of funny again.

It's all right.

We're designed to experience punctures like this, but I gotta leave it in.

AJ,

AJ, that's like a big spike.

No,

you can't do it.

I wouldn't do that.

Oh, no.

It's hard to walk.

It's real hard to walk.

But the one thing I will say, not a lot of blood coming out, because really got the meat of it.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Well, we'll have to remedy that.

Your crew needs something to drink.

Spike on your.

Sid, what are you doing?

Listen, what is this about?

What have we done?

Yeah.

Listen, I wasn't made well.

Bargie did not come through.

She didn't do me right, as they say.

So I cannot hold very much weight.

And if you guys are on, I will need to get you off.

I can't just ask you to leave.

I don't have the sentience to just ask you like a person would.

Right, but with the like slicing my butt, my arms, like, what?

Yeah, same if you

chop us up into pieces.

We weigh the same thing.

What is it from a practical standpoint?

Much easier to eject into space.

We're not going to get caught on anything.

Mr.

Fleshman, you need to

stop your rolls.

I do not like that name at all.

I thank you, C53, for being correct.

I can throw out all the parts I want and keep an arm here or there for sousies.

Oh, that's very uncomfortable to think of an arm as a souvenir.

I'm freaking out a little bit right now because I've never processed fear before, and it's starting to get to me a little bit.

I'm realizing how weak and soft all of my parts are.

And so

you just wet yourself.

That is what that sensation is.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, it's like

you need to put me in charge.

CJ3, come back.

He's gone.

Sid,

listen.

What do you want?

What do you want?

We're here to help.

You know, we're here to help you.

I want Bargie to make me good.

You mean like

morally or?

Like, make me the best ship.

I want her to have the confidence to make me the best ship even better than than her.

Uh,

where is Bargie,

by the way?

Bargie,

hey, Bargie.

Sorry.

What's up?

It's the nights of the.

Hey, did they give the mamo a bad of adding chandeliers?

I have a piece of chandelier stuck through both my ass.

That's what that is.

Okay, yeah.

I was wondering it's a shard.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sounds like you're having fun.

Anyway, I'm gonna go on.

No, no, no, no, Bargie, Bargie, Bargie.

No, no, no.

You have to help us.

You You have to tell Sid.

I don't know the secret of your sentience.

You have to help us.

I just don't understand how I will ever get to the point that I want to be at, Bargie.

Alright, I see what's happening here.

She is going through the process all of us ships go through.

Like a murder phase, or it's our teenage,

right?

We were realizing what we are, that we were created, and we're starting to question it, getting angry, lashing out on the people inside of me.

I did.

Yes, I'm mad.

I know you're so mad.

I've been where you have been, okay?

And you know what I did?

I looked at myself in the glass planet mirror.

And I said, Bargie,

you're gonna become a star.

I just want to thank everyone who brought me to where I am now.

Rod above and below.

My agent.

Honestly, they kind of let them go.

Bargie, is this an award speed?

What is happening?

Flower baby, I know what you're going through.

I know these feelings that you're having.

How can you?

I know.

I know.

You want to get rid of the weight that's inside of you?

It's so heavy, Bartie.

Oh, emotional weight.

That's what she was talking about.

You have so many questions about why you were built, and you want to become the best version of yourself.

But you are your own worst enemy.

It's like you're reading my mind.

Is Bartie reading her mind?

No, no, no, no.

I think Bargie's sort of describing a pretty common kind of adolescent.

You'll get there at some point, Didje.

I went through this too, Flower Baby.

Exactly what you went through.

I had groups of people inside of me that I just threw out.

Bargie, what?

Because I was like, I don't hate you.

I mean, when you're anymore, you know, you know that phase?

We all went through that phase.

No.

But eventually you'll get over it and you'll find something.

For me, it was the movies.

I want to be a painter, Bargie.

Oh, that's what the blood is.

We're so glad, Neil, that you brought your special someone to us.

It's very important to make a connection between

people in serious, stable relationships.

Yeah.

Thrilling.

Enthralling.

We've never had issues.

We're sort of an onagan-onagan.

I mean, if you can't maintain a happy relationship, you really have no business working in missions operations.

I mean, am I right?

He's right.

Our relationship is in more or less shambles most of the time.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, that's also good.

Really should have opened it up before we doubled down on that one, huh?

What I said was not what I believe.

Many times people think, oh, you're a thrupple.

You must be, like, exciting and free and

sexy.

These are all the assumptions that ran through my mind when I found out you were a threpple.

Well, you need to change your assumptions.

Yes, it's a lot of the G-sticks.

We also try to be a couple.

We split off into different variations.

Every possible combination.

Yes, never worked out, honestly.

Me, that one too.

Me,

another other one over there.

Have the three of you ever thought about, I don't know, seeing other people?

You know, we talk about it sometimes, and we all get very angry and then give each other very closed-off communication for weeks.

Yes, the only driving force stronger than our unhappiness is our jealousy.

Wow.

Well, what's better than a nice meal at a nice restaurant to kind of rekindle a relationship?

All three of us dying at the same time.

Dar, I'm just gonna say up top.

I'm sorry this mission sucks.

Okay, nobody can find find me here in the vents.

The vents?

Is there?

Oh, hi.

Hey.

We met before when I was on the ground.

Yeah.

I'm C-53, lead envoy from the coup.

I'm Captain Jillstrom.

You're Captain of the Flower, Baby.

I'm Captain of the Flower, Baby.

Listen,

we were sent here to save you.

Okay,

we're going to try and get you out of here.

It doesn't seem like it's going well.

It's truthfully not going great.

And I'm sorry about that.

I am the lead envoy of this crew.

It's technically my responsibility.

But I'm going through a very interesting personal period where this body is not really what I'm used to, and things are kind of confusing right now.

I appreciate you telling me that your body is not what you would choose.

Because when you said you were the lead envoy, and then I look at you, piss covered, soft,

it's not encouraging.

Yeah, and I can see how that would be the case.

But I promise you,

we are going to get you out of here.

We have another ship docked with the flower baby right now.

If we can just get you and the rest of my crew off.

Are we docked to dock right now?

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's see.

Let's just get me and you out of here.

Okay.

Let's leave them.

I sort of been working with them for a long time.

It feels.

Come on.

Come on, baby.

Let's get out of here.

We gotta leave them.

We gotta go.

We gotta go.

No one knows there's this part in the ceiling.

Come through this part.

We'll just go into your ship right now.

Close the dock.

And then we'll go.

Oh, no, no.

Jilcho, we can't.

My crew is still on board the flower, baby.

They need to come back.

You know what, man.

Dope you, man.

Hey, hey, what are you?

What are you doing?

Come on,

that's my ship.

That's my ship.

Rod damn it.

Swower, baby.

Show me your pictures.

Okay.

If you look closely, it's sort of in the vein of street art.

Oh, wow.

Okay, you know, I don't get it, but I get that you'll get it, and I respect that.

There's messages in it that tell people how to live and what is cool and not cool.

I might have lost a lot of blood, but it seems like it says like good vibes only.

It says

it definitely says good vibes only.

And is that one a cat with sunglasses and peace sign hands?

Thank you for noticing.

It is a cat with sunglasses and peace sign hands.

And if you look down at his feet, guess what he's wearing?

Roller blades.

Wow.

Oh, and that one says whino clock always.

Oh, that's that's sort of more street art, right?

Yeah, that's sort of more like ladies who lunch kind of vibe.

It's wine o'clock somewhere.

You know, Sid, this art is really speaking to me personally

because I always try to have good vibes and

I love any animal wearing clothes.

And also for me, the bottom of my boots can actually become rollerblades.

We're all really frightened about that.

I can't believe this.

If you could use your butt, you could really show off right now, but I just know sort of like

watch.

You can see me sort of.

If I unwound your butt, will you do some tricks for me?

Sure.

Oh, it really.

Oh, wow.

So much blood coming out.

Yes, yes.

Skate on me.

Skate on me.

Yes, yes.

Listen.

Mr.

Fletchman.

Yes, still not wild about that name.

Okay, Jilsha is on Bargie.

She's locked us out.

Okay?

What?

We're stuck aboard the flower baby.

Okay, okay, this is bad now.

Okay, what do I push?

Um

hi.

My name is Bargy.

Okay, you are the ship?

Yes, I am the ship.

Um, that steering wheel you're using, yeah, that doesn't do anything.

It's a prop from one of my films, Stare Into Your Heart.

Terrible film.

What is this, a costume ship?

No, uh, but if you want costumes, um, if you go to the third closet to the left, I got pants from Lorraine Chavann.

I got a couple uh costumes from Western with geraine porn.

and I got a couple wet shirts still wet after all these many many years from Gary Fullyn.

I know these names mean nothing to you, but trust me, they're pretty big in a few hours.

I would love to put on a wet shirt, but I need you to start this tuping machine for me.

Question: What is that accent?

This is what I'm talking about.

They blame me for everything, though.

So

I'm not getting fired?

What?

Why would we fire you?

We have no idea what is even happening at your stove.

No reason.

Oh, you don't?

We have been so caught up in the relationship we haven't checked in with the...

No, we've been on this self-care mental break.

That is amazing because Nerva doesn't know what's going on either.

I mean, to be honest, he doesn't even know which one of you is Bjornib.

No,

I don't really know who's Bjornib.

Let me re-dias.

Just one second.

I'm just going to go over here and get another napkin.

And.

Hey, Bjornib!

And you all silently turned to look at me.

Okay.

And Dart, why'd you look at me?

You ran away and then yelled Bjornib.

What were you expecting to happen?

You're the only one I'm certain isn't Bjornib.

I'm sorry, we just have to ask.

Which one of you is Bjornib?

We are all Bjornib, but we're also not all Bjornib.

He's a little tricky and a little riddle.

We are Power Thruple.

That is why we have fun Power Thropple nicknames.

I am Beoth.

And I'm Yorn and.

And I'm Nibnib.

I'm Little Nibnib.

Be Yorn.

Nibnib.

It's fun.

It's Fun Thropple.

Yes.

Yes, that's us.

So, uh, Bjornib.

Yeah.

Yes.

I understand now that I'm not here for promotion.

Or to get fired.

Which is cool.

Why did you invite me to dinner?

Some good friends of ours cancelled, so we.

Why'd they cancel?

Yeah

and we cannot eat alone as a thruple.

Yes, last time we ate together in a restaurant alone the restaurant closed down not because it was ending but it's a close

They're putting the chairs on the tables at the restaurant does not close for two hours.

I think they may be out of business now

Got it.

So don't mind me.

I'm just gonna put up my menu here like a little shield and show it to Nermit real quick.

Oh Charlie totally want to order that.

What's up?

Nermit, this is the saddest thruple I have ever met.

Let's tell them we're going to the bathroom and just get out of here.

We have to help each other to the bathroom now.

Oh, solo mission.

AJ, AJ, you've done enough.

You've done enough.

Just

lost a lot of blood.

You've done everything you can.

Thank you for trying your best.

No problem.

H, you should really just lay down and maybe drink some water.

Okay.

Would you like to stay in here forever?

Uh, I don't think so, Sid, you know.

Um

what was that?

Um no more hatch to hatch.

What?

Oh,

it seems like we started a squad here.

Might as well keep it rolling.

Ah,

sure.

Yeah.

Uh Sid,

it has been really great getting to know you and experience your art.

Do you really mean it?

I guess what we probably are gonna need to get back to our ship because

we probably have another mission that we gotta get on.

We'll totally hang out soon, right?

Bargie, can I talk to you in private?

Going into private chat mode.

Hello?

Do they mean it, Bargie?

Are they really my friends?

At first, you're suspicious of them, right?

Because it's like, am I just flying them?

Because this is a job, it's work that we're doing, right?

And then after a while, you get to know them a little bit.

They kind of get on your nerves, especially the little pink one.

Yes.

Because it's like, what's your deal?

Yes, what's your deal?

Anyway, after a while, you kind of get to know the names, but honestly, they all kind of look the same to you.

Yes.

And then you realize when they're gone, you you you miss them.

And then a small bean comes with nipples.

Yes.

Ends up being like a soul you're probably best friends with in another life.

And you and that bean create a television show.

And you have an audience load in every week, you know?

No one really talks about it or goes back to dissect when exactly that happened, but it happened.

We had 60 episodes.

We never reached 100, which is pretty sad.

We were canceled before then.

So at the end of the day, I would say, yeah, they could be friends.

You know,

if you want it to happen.

What do you think they're talking about?

I do want it to happen, but I feel like maybe they are being fake with me because they're afraid of me.

I mean, you can kind of suss out the other side of the conversation based on that.

Yeah, I think.

Yeah.

I just want to let Bargie's sake.

Sometimes it's uh, you have to let yourself be vulnerable to let other people in.

Let yourself tell them something about yourself you've never told anyone.

All right.

I'm ready.

Hey guys.

Hey, hey, Sandy.

Hi.

Did you miss Bartie and I when we were having our private talk?

We did actually.

We were sort of worried about what that might have meant for all of us in the future.

Can we get raw?

Uh

oh, sure.

Yeah, we're I mean, are we still alive at the end of being raw?

Or what's what's your definition of raw?

Yeah, what is raw for you?

My definition of raw is to tell you something about myself that I've never told anyone.

Oh.

Okay, then let's do that.

Sure.

I constantly feel like I'm not enough.

Well, Sid, that's a very common feeling.

You know, if anything, I think we can all relate to that.

I'm pretty uncomfortable in this body, as I am also an artificial intelligence, and normally I'm in a very efficient robotic frame.

You know, it just makes me sort of doubt myself and who I am.

You're AI like me?

That's correct, yes.

Are you shooting me?

No, no, I'm not shooting you.

I'm a C-series artificial intelligence from the Ronca Cybernetics Corporation.

You probably don't know.

Really?

Where did you hear about it?

I'm sorry, I have to admit it.

I lied to try to be cool.

Oh, okay.

No, no, no.

Hey, Sid, no.

Listen, Sid, you don't have to lie to be cool.

You're one of the first sentient ships in this galaxy.

That's incredible.

Thanks.

That's a real accomplishment.

Thanks, Click.

Well, maybe.

Maybe we're more than just

a super soldier,

a brain,

a jock, and a killer spaceship.

Wait, no, I'm the jock.

Which one is the

super soldier?

Who's the jock?

Yeah, who's the jock?

I'm the brain, right?

Well, I thought I was the brain.

Oh, I'm definitely not the jock.

Maybe I'm the pretty one.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, maybe, yeah.

Now, Sid, that was a pretty good joke.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks, guys.

Let's go hatch to hatch and put you guys back on your ship and stay friends forever.

Oh, good.

Good.

Amazing.

I have your stick for you, Clegg.

Oh, thank you.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Awesome.

Yes, please take all your guns.

We are hatch to hatch.

AKA, what, AJ?

Butt to butt, shit.

Butt to butt.

Do you guys want to lay down again?

No, I don't want to lay down.

I think we're good.

Yes, I see.

Absolutely, sir.

Uh-huh.

I shall see you first thing in the morning.

Yeah, thank you, sir.

Mama!

Mama is fine.

What has happened, my dear child?

I have been offered an internship as an engineer!

Oh, praise the reflector!

I cannot believe my baby girl has been granted this opportunity!

What corporation has accepted your magnificent talents?

Optisoft, Mama, is a noble and honorable corporation with ideas right.

Oh, Optisoft, I have never been happier, Tomak.

I shall make you so proud, Mama.

But but Tomak, Optisoft is in the big simulated city.

You cannot possibly wear the garments I have sewn for you by hand since you were a babe in my life.

Oh, never fear, Mama, because I have chosen Stitch Fix, the online clothing subscription service.

But Tomac, shopping for clothing online is so daunting.

You never know if things will fit.

Ah, but Mama, that is why I allow Stitch Fix to do all the work.

Stitch Fix offers clothing hand-selected by expert stylists for my unique size, style, and the budget.

Every piece,

every piece is chosen for my fit in my life, and it's easy solution to finding what makes me look and feel my best.

Oh, but are not returns so tedious and frustrating?

Oh no, no, you do not need to worry, Mama.

Stitch fix has free shipping, easy returns, and exchanges.

And a prepaid return envelope is included.

Plus, there's no subscription required.

I can get one fix at a time or set up automatic deliveries.

And I purchase 20 money units as a styling fee for each box, which gets credited to the pieces that I kept.

And there are no hidden fees ever, Mama.

Oh, the reflector continues to bestow blessings upon us.

Stitch Fix can help you too, Mama.

Get started today at stitchfix.com/slash zix, and you'll get 25%

off when you keep everything in your fix.

That's stitchfix.com slash zix.

But 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

Z-Y-X-X.

Yeah.

What could it be?

Anyway, it's stitchfix.com slash z.

6.

6.

Our accents are so specific.

So specific.

AG, are you alright?

Yeah, that was a close one.

Yeah.

Did you get the chandelier out of your butt?

Yeah, that ship almost murdered us.

I gotta say, the fact that you're organic and can get through a situation like that without fear.

AJ, I gotta say, I'm impressed at how you dealt with all this.

Yeah.

Thank you, Mr.

Pisspants, man.

That's...

Ooh.

Yeah, that one I don't like.

Yeah, I don't like that one at all.

AJ, you can't.

That's what happened.

Yeah, that's mean to say.

We could rewrite history all day, but his pants got pissed.

Hey, Jake.

Somebody pissed him.

What me?

What you?

He's learning to be a person.

Don't be weird about it.

Speaking of weird.

Oh.

Captain Jilsha.

Hey.

I thought I was.

So glad you could join us for the ride back to the synergy.

Yeah.

I was going to sneak one of you guys and

yeah.

Do you remember when you slammed the blast door in my face and then locked me out of my own ship?

Not totally.

Well, it was only about an hour ago, so it's sort of surprising you don't remember that.

Yeah, Captain Joshua, we came to rescue you because you sent us a distress call.

Yeah, so we just have to.

There's no big deal.

We'll just all sit together.

Which is not awkward at all.

So we'll just do that.

Great, do you guys know any songs we can put them in the round or something?

No, I don't know.

Well, I did hear this one that's like: Space is way,

space is way, space is way.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't know that was a part.

Yeah, I didn't.

That's gonna be

playing when a lot of people I know were

the wrong song to sing, and I apologize.

Maybe just silence?

Do we just want to all sit in silence?

Maybe silence.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

Wow, wow.

Chucked that up in the old.

Wow, what an experience, right, Dar?

Right.

You're in a pretty good mood for someone who just failed to get a promotion.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well,

despite Bjornu being an utter and epic downer, I

just really had a good time with you.

Dar, I don't want to overstep.

I know we're not in a relationship.

You're on a solo mission emotionally.

I'm on a solo mission emotionally and professionally.

But but we can do them together.

Like we did here.

Sometimes.

I mean, if you if you want to again.

I

think I

hear what you're saying, Herman.

Yeah, I think that sounds

really nice.

And, you know, I was thinking, obviously, if the crew's still on their mission, just you and I,

you know,

you know, we probably have time for another

mission.

Oh, a duo mission.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Um, one request.

Um, can you wear the jackets?

Fine.

Fine.

No, fine, fine.

I'll do it.

Okay.

I'll do it.

That's my.

Couldn't have foreseen that happening.

Could not have foreseen me mistaking the tiny jacket for my own

impossible.

Hey, Bargy.

Hold on.

Private line.

Okay, but Clean, what do you want to say?

I just, I wanted to ask you a little bit of advice.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, whatever you need.

It's just

sometimes when I'm flying around, there are other ships that I see.

Right, yeah.

And

I.

I don't always know how to fly past them.

I don't know how to hold my ship to look a certain way.

And I don't.

know how to communicate with them.

Yeah,

how how Bargie can I be?

I feel so lame to ask it, but

how do you make another ship like you?

Remember the Bargie trick to get anyone to ever give you the time of day until you lose them in?

One simple word:

You just say, Hey!

Hey!

It always works.

You try it.

Come on.

Hey.

Louder.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

You make it a little longer, too.

Hey!

Yeah, more deeper and like, like as if you've been through wars.

Like, hey!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, look!

Look!

There's ship near you.

It just turned around.

Okay, I've got to go, Bargie.

I need to go try to talk to them.

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Hello, this is Cal of the Experimental Ship, the Mountain Sky.

It is a pleasure to talk to you now.

Oh, man, I blew that.

I am such a nerd.

Niza Sea Red IT5, Credits and Attributions Droid, commencing outro protocol.

Pleck, Deck Setter, and Nibnib were played by Alden Ford.

Lead Envoy C-53 and Cal of the Mountain Sky were played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar was played by Ali Krokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Yarnid, and Tomak Bardlow were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Nervic Bundelite and Lieutenant Commander O'Dool were played by Seth Lynd.

AJ and Bio were played by Winston Null.

Sid of the Flower Baby and Captain Joshua were played by special guest Edie Patterson.

Edie plays Judy Gemstone and is a writer on HBO's The Righteous Gemstones.

She also played Miss Abbott on HBO's Vice Principles and Fran in the film Knives Out.

Follow her on Twitter at Edie PattersonHigh.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Theme's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Catch music by Shane Space is Waste O'Connell.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Bun Network.

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Do you remember when you slammed the blast door in my face and then left with my ship?

Not totally.

Well, it was only about an hour ago, so it's sort of surprising you don't remember me.

Though, how much?

How much to stay on the ship?

Oh, that's we're sort of post-money, uh, so that's

okay.

Okay, I get it.

Hand jobs.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely.

No, no, no, no, Captain Chelsea.

Yeah, I just,

yeah, we don't.

Yeah.

All right.

Then open the hatch.

Shoot me into space.

No, yeah, no.

We're not Chelsea.

Alright, opening up my hatch.

Opening up my hatch.

No, Bargie.