506: The Art Supplies of War [ft. Kimia Behpoornia]

Speaker 1 Space.

Speaker 1 Some is chill.

Speaker 1 Some is tuped up.

Speaker 1 All is part of the great infinite cosmic ballet.

Speaker 1 The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Speaker 1 Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

Speaker 1 mission to sink.

Speaker 1 Hey, C53.

Speaker 1 What is it, Bleck?

Speaker 7 What are all these papers doing? What are you doing?

Speaker 7 Pleck, I.

Speaker 7 These organic brains are so bad at math, they're

Speaker 9 embarrassing.

Speaker 10 Yeah, mine especially, but you can't do that in your cube anymore.

Speaker 11 I tried, but it just falls apart so fast.

Speaker 7 I'm trying to figure out how to get us back to the Zig Squadron.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow.

Speaker 9 I mean, the Them have offered no updates.

Speaker 7 We have to take matters into our own clumsy, weirdly textured hands.

Speaker 10 You know, C-53, some of us have actually kind of started to appreciate some of the things about this galaxy. Even when we fail missions, they're super chill about it.

Speaker 10 And we've actually accomplished a few missions, which I never thought I would say at all.

Speaker 10 So, I mean, maybe there's some good to being in this body of yours, and, you know, maybe we can carve out a place here for ourselves.

Speaker 7 No, this body sucks. This galaxy blows.

Speaker 7 Thank you again, Garbo.

Speaker 15 I did not deserve those 39 orgasms.

Speaker 16 Oh, yes, you did, Dar, because they're working so hard.

Speaker 6 Wait, Dar, what? What? Just...

Speaker 14 Did you hook up with Garbo?

Speaker 15 Yeah, and and they were a

Speaker 15 wonderful and reciprocative lover.

Speaker 16 Wow, cool

Speaker 16 forty. It's just that I have an appointment.

Speaker 12 Wow, Carbo.

Speaker 12 Yes?

Speaker 6 You dog?

Speaker 5 You?

Speaker 12 I'm a theme.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 10 In fact, yeah, no, it's not a met these dogs. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 12 Yeah, don't worry about it. Goodbye.

Speaker 10 Wait, I thought the theme didn't want to hook up without like an emotional connection.

Speaker 15 Well, there was a rare moment of vulnerability, and you're not allowed to know anything more than that.

Speaker 19 Okay. All right, yeah.

Speaker 7 These organic needs are so base.

Speaker 20 Is C53?

Speaker 10 Maybe this fleshy, clammy body you're in,

Speaker 10 maybe you can learn to love it. I did with my doughy, clammy body.

Speaker 12 What would be the lovable part of this body, I guess is my question?

Speaker 10 I'm so glad you asked.

Speaker 7 I like your jaunty little hair flip that you've got.

Speaker 10 That's fun.

Speaker 7 So my hair is the part that you think is worth being in this prison of a body.

Speaker 10 I like when you walk, you sort of lead with your nose. Like you sort of like walk on the

Speaker 10 lump around, which is very charming.

Speaker 7 So I have hair and a funny walk.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Did I tell you I pulled a hamstring? Why would you make a synthetic body that was capable of doing that? That's insane.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry.

Speaker 7 And there is no one to service my cube when I inevitably break down.

Speaker 8 I mean, when I chuck, man, come on.

Speaker 10 Hey, C53, calm down.

Speaker 20 You're so emotional.

Speaker 15 Wow, you are really in your feelings.

Speaker 16 Um, my appointment is over. C53, is this a moment of um emotional vulnerability? Do you need 40 orgasms or no?

Speaker 12 No, I don't think orgasms.

Speaker 18 I need a real chucking droid frame, you goddamn asshole.

Speaker 7 Oh, so vulnerable.

Speaker 8 Yes, yes.

Speaker 16 Kiss my ridges.

Speaker 23 Hey, can we keep it quiet here? I'm in the middle of a casting session.

Speaker 10 Oh, sorry, Bargi, you're casting a project right now?

Speaker 23 Well, it turns out there are not many directors here wherever we are in space, so I've become one of the premier theatre directors.

Speaker 14 It's been like two days since you became a director.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 23 I've been sent so many scripts. Honestly, most of them are terrible.
I got a couple of deals that are going on. I work on a couple projects.

Speaker 14 That's great.

Speaker 23 And now I'm part of the other side. I'm the one deciding which actors should be in my projects.

Speaker 12 Wow.

Speaker 23 And which one should give up immediately.

Speaker 23 Uh, Director Baji,

Speaker 14 should I continue with the sides?

Speaker 23 Yeah, but if you can make your voice, I told you for the 100th time,

Speaker 23 like mine, okay? I don't want this weak, this weak, tuping voice, okay?

Speaker 23 You gotta be strong when you act, or else they're gonna get you, and they're gonna destroy destroy you and they're gonna throw you away from this industry even though we know that you're talented.

Speaker 15 Maybe

Speaker 23 so do the scene again in the voice that we rehearsed.

Speaker 15 Okay,

Speaker 10 you're playing the part

Speaker 23 of dirty old trash bag

Speaker 26 Yes, silence says everything.

Speaker 14 Oh, that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 That's not a bad barge.

Speaker 23 Thank you so much. We'll be in touch.

Speaker 10 See, C53, Bargie's really flourishing here, you you know, her career, I guess.

Speaker 22 Oh, yeah, forcing out-of-work actors to do impressions of her, live the dream.

Speaker 18 I mean, sure.

Speaker 10 Wait, AJ, are you coming around on this place? You like it now?

Speaker 22 Same shit, different galaxy, am I right?

Speaker 12 Not really.

Speaker 13 It's actually quite different, I think.

Speaker 8 Is it?

Speaker 15 He's just reading his mug.

Speaker 14 He's reading his novelty mug. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 26 Where did you get that?

Speaker 22 Oh, it was in the synergy as the gift shop. I just went and got it.

Speaker 21 It's pretty good.

Speaker 10 But how would they

Speaker 9 get it? Never mind. Yeah, I don't get it.
I don't know.

Speaker 7 Lead Envoy C53, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nermit Bundaloy.

Speaker 7 I had to look at the wall to see the notification for that.

Speaker 22 Oh, right, because it's not happy inside of your head or not.

Speaker 2 It's not happening inside my head.

Speaker 7 Only pain inside my head.

Speaker 21 Only pain.

Speaker 10 Hey, crew, big mission time.

Speaker 9 Hey, Nermit, what's up, man?

Speaker 28 What do you mean, what's up? We have a mission.

Speaker 18 Okay. Yeah, so usually we get some.

Speaker 10 Yeah, we usually get some sort of...

Speaker 24 You yell at me when I talk about other stuff.

Speaker 29 I have been telling myself all day I'm just going to go straight to the mission.

Speaker 26 Nermit, we're all feeling good.

Speaker 10 I got a new Woodsaber.

Speaker 10 Gar had a great interaction with Garbo, apparently.

Speaker 10 Bargie's casting her new play. AJ got a fun mug, and C53 pulled a hamstring.

Speaker 26 So everything's great.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 7 Yeah, point of order, we are not all feeling good.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I totally hear you. The only thing that's bad is Bargie is having trouble finding the right person for a trash bag lady.

Speaker 21 Huh?

Speaker 15 See, Nermit, this is the type of casual catch-up with the crew before you hop into business, you know?

Speaker 12 Nermit, you gotta warm up the room, you know?

Speaker 9 Okay, fine.

Speaker 12 You'll be happy to know that Optisoft is, I'm not gonna say, doing great as a business, but like, we're back.

Speaker 10 We did a Series C fundraise, and we've got some.

Speaker 30 you asked.

Speaker 26 You literally asked me.

Speaker 10 Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Speaker 21 Yeah, Nermit, get to the mission.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 3 that's rich.

Speaker 23 Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Speaker 12 Okay, fine.

Speaker 15 Not you, gush fair.

Speaker 23 It's the line that I want you to say.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 21 On my project.

Speaker 14 Miss Jade, I'm just trying right now.

Speaker 18 Jade, hold on.

Speaker 10 Is that an Optisoft employee auditioning?

Speaker 12 You know, I did go to Carcon 5 Conservatory,

Speaker 18 but okay.

Speaker 26 Just get to the mission, all right?

Speaker 18 That was a good flex.

Speaker 6 That was a Bargy voice.

Speaker 6 He was doing you

Speaker 21 now.

Speaker 3 Okay, the mission.

Speaker 30 The Ignari and the Nognilk are, of course, at war.

Speaker 19 Of course.

Speaker 25 Of course.

Speaker 3 Well, I mean, this war has been going on for ages, but

Speaker 9 he's here for like two weeks.

Speaker 30 Listen, I read.

Speaker 18 Okay, is that a brag?

Speaker 14 Quit bragging and just get to the missions.

Speaker 26 Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Speaker 21 Yeah, bro.

Speaker 7 Before you start listing people named Juko again.

Speaker 22 Wow.

Speaker 28 The Ignari and the Nognilk are in charge of, between them, like 70% of the planets in this galaxy. This is a huge, ongoing war.

Speaker 12 The Ku is feeling.

Speaker 28 One of our main missions is to try to end this battle.

Speaker 15 Until we decide we're here for good, I'm not committing any of this to memory.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's hard to keep this all straight. The Ignari, the Nagmilk.
What do you mean?

Speaker 6 You gotta at least memorize their names for this mission.

Speaker 22 Oh, I'm gonna give it a shot. Throw my helmet in the ring.

Speaker 7 I'm having trouble memorizing anything, okay?

Speaker 7 How do you keep information in an organic brain? It just slides out.

Speaker 26 Where's the file structure?

Speaker 20 I mean, am I crazy?

Speaker 25 How do you categorize?

Speaker 17 Okay, relax.

Speaker 12 Relax, C53.

Speaker 12 Oh, no.

Speaker 10 C-53.

Speaker 22 Wow.

Speaker 23 Anyone know who C-53's agent is?

Speaker 25 No, I don't.

Speaker 10 Are you casting him?

Speaker 7 Scouting him?

Speaker 23 I'll just leave a little mystery out there.

Speaker 8 Oh.

Speaker 10 Okay, so the Ignari and the Nognilk, is that right?

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 28 And here's the thing. There's a moon in the neutral zone between the two armadas, and we need to evacuate it.

Speaker 10 The way you describe it, in a neutral zone doesn't sound neutral. It sort of sounds like the place where the dangerous shit happens.

Speaker 28 It's very close to the front, but it's technically neutral.

Speaker 10 So there's a front with a neutral zone in the middle? That doesn't sound like a zone.

Speaker 28 No, there's a lot of fighting around it. Occasionally there's sort of infantries on the moon, but it's technically the neutral zone.
And we gotta get the innocence out. Okay.

Speaker 28 They don't think it's that many people, so they should all fit in Bargy. All right.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 29 You did it.

Speaker 29 Tell her.

Speaker 12 Hey, Nerman, we really need to get to the mission. Can you tell us what it is?

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 11 Helmsman's log space state.

Speaker 11 Who knows?

Speaker 11 Well, today old Hark T is riding high because we successfully navigated the Pyroshian Field, a belt of molten asteroids that threatened to critically breach the RSS synergy, and I gotta say, it feels great to finally be part of a robust tactical team, instead of solopiloting my rickety fighter through hazard after harrowing hazard.

Speaker 11 These last few months have given Old Hark a chance to reflect on my many, many brushes with the Sweet Hereafter.

Speaker 11 And to be honest, with a bit of perspective, I've begun to realize that maybe the thing that was putting me in the most danger was...

Speaker 11 myself.

Speaker 11 Golly, I don't know. Maybe it's the rush of blasting into warp speed away from certain death.
Maybe it's the accolades when I returned triumphant. Maybe...

Speaker 11 Maybe I'm in love with the danger itself. But one thing's for sure, I was caught in a cycle of self-sabotage more dangerous than any Carmerian hexworm hive.

Speaker 11 Heck, I used to call up Rebel Headquarters during a crash landing to talk about protein bars for crying out loud. What was I trying to prove?

Speaker 6 What was I running from?

Speaker 11 Well, I guess I don't know, but I do know that I couldn't have begun this soul searching without BetterHelp Online Therapy.

Speaker 11 BetterHelp offers video, phone, even live chat sessions, and they'll match you with a therapist in under 48 hours.

Speaker 11 I mean, I was once suspended by a shredded parachute above a Qualnac Nest for thrice that long. Take it from me, even the babies can swallow you whole.

Speaker 11 Actually, I'm gonna jot that down real quick for my next session. But remember, you don't need to be nearly digested by a Gartosian spider to benefit from therapy.

Speaker 11 If your stress is high, you could probably use the chance to unload. Talk to someone who's completely unbiased about your life.
Someone who isn't going to judge you or take sides on anything.

Speaker 11 You'll You'll be surprised how much it could help. Plus, BetterHelp is more affordable than in-person therapy.
Not to mention, I got 10% off my first month at betterhelp.com/slash zix.

Speaker 11 Have your first session in under 48 hours at B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com/slash Z-Y-X-X.

Speaker 9 Helmsman's log entry complete.

Speaker 9 Okay, off to the commissary. Help!

Speaker 6 Wow, that sparks right on the baby toe.

Speaker 12 I'll just pull myself up and

Speaker 17 this filing cabin just fell right on me.

Speaker 8 Help!

Speaker 18 Help!

Speaker 12 Oh, hark, old chub.

Speaker 11 Guess you've still got a long road ahead.

Speaker 20 Okay, there are a lot of ships arriving around here right now.

Speaker 10 We gotta evacuate this moon pronto. Are there any life forms anywhere?

Speaker 22 Yeah, Mr. Robot Man, what do you think?

Speaker 6 AJ, do you think Jeremy could sense life forms?

Speaker 19 Hey, wait.

Speaker 25 Well, he couldn't.

Speaker 10 I think that's what this thing they gave us does.

Speaker 7 Yes, this is what this bicorder is for. You know, it gathers information and it saves information.
It's a bicorder.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look at this.

Speaker 10 It actually says there is a life form nearby.

Speaker 19 See?

Speaker 10 Right there on the screen. It's just so inefficient.

Speaker 19 You could just build it in to a robot.

Speaker 22 Wow, it's almost like we don't even need you, mister Robot, man robot, squishy man, C53, lead envoy of C53, is how you should address me.

Speaker 11 You got it.

Speaker 7 No, it says they're up here off to the right, behind this toppled building. Let's do it.

Speaker 7 Yes. I don't believe in neutral zones.
Keep your head on a swivel.

Speaker 21 Just kick these doors in.

Speaker 29 Okay, it's an automatic.

Speaker 10 Alright, yep, those dangerous kind of doors. Sliding door, yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 29 unexpected.

Speaker 29 We really went in on that kick, AJ.

Speaker 22 Plipped most of my body by, yeah.

Speaker 18 Wow. Oh, this is an adorable shop.

Speaker 9 It was like rubble out there, and this place seems completely untouched.

Speaker 18 Oh, hi there.

Speaker 15 Welcome to Gaelic Sequins.

Speaker 14 Gaelic Sequins?

Speaker 21 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 10 That is some terrific wordplay.

Speaker 26 Very nice.

Speaker 15 Oh, you know, I didn't name name the store. I just work here.
Oh. Oh, okay.
I'm Terry Sherry. Let me know if I can help you with anything that you might need.

Speaker 9 Perfect.

Speaker 7 We're trying to just get a hold of everyone in the area, you know, who's not part of the conflict outside. Are you familiar with the people around here?

Speaker 15 Yes, the Ignari and the Nognil. Oh, yeah,

Speaker 7 I'm talking about, you know, civilians that live around here.

Speaker 15 You're looking at her.

Speaker 14 Oh, you're the only person who lives here?

Speaker 15 that stay here, yes.

Speaker 25 Wow,

Speaker 22 hey, remember how we only saw one person on the bike quarter?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think this might be

Speaker 6 AJ, that's not a mystery at all.

Speaker 7 Yeah, apologies, Terry Sherry. We should introduce ourselves.
These are envoys Darpleck and AJ, and I am lead envoy C53.

Speaker 6 Squishy, awkward, and apparently relatable.

Speaker 10 He just looks like a person.

Speaker 10 It's fine, but he's a robot.

Speaker 12 person.

Speaker 15 We're here to save you.

Speaker 21 Hmm?

Speaker 15 We're here to save you? If you could just follow us.

Speaker 32 What?

Speaker 10 Listen, Terry Sherry, this is a very dangerous place for you to be. Yeah.

Speaker 15 Is it just, Terry, that you couldn't find a way out of here? Oh no, they were actually pretty efficient when they came by to evacuate us the first time. I just decided that I don't need to leave.

Speaker 15 This is the place that I've been happiest, and outside is full of turmoil.

Speaker 15 Why should I just listen to somebody telling me that it would be better on the outside when I know for a fact that it is absolutely delightful inside.

Speaker 7 It is very peaceful in here.

Speaker 9 It is really nice.

Speaker 15 If you guys don't need any arts and crafts, then I'm going to go back to doing my sweep of the aisles, making sure everything is in its right place.

Speaker 14 Oh.

Speaker 19 I've got one more question for you. It's pretty important.

Speaker 21 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 25 Where are the pipe cleaners?

Speaker 15 Oh, pipe cleaners. Love those.
Aisle seven.

Speaker 22 Guys, I'm going to check the pipe cleaner aisle.

Speaker 7 If I don't come back in a while, I'm probably making a couple like figures and having them fight each other.

Speaker 4 So just I'll be back.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 14 Terry,

Speaker 10 I gotta tell you, that clacks on outside

Speaker 10 means that ships are landing here.

Speaker 9 We gotta clear the area.

Speaker 15 Yeah, so if you could just grab like your knitting needles or whatever and follow us, I will never leave a muddy putty or a puff paint alone.

Speaker 5 Oh, wow.

Speaker 15 Oh, you know what? I can get that myself. It seems like whoever has just entered our store does not have any business here, so I'll just do that.
Oh, just a...

Speaker 14 This seems...

Speaker 24 I don't know if she's going to go.

Speaker 15 I think she's made it very clear she's not going to go.

Speaker 7 Hey, buddy. Hey, little buddy.

Speaker 10 Were you some kind of robot? robot?

Speaker 17 What am I serious?

Speaker 21 Look at this guy.

Speaker 17 He doesn't even know.

Speaker 17 You don't even know what he could be, okay?

Speaker 18 Sorry about that.

Speaker 22 Sorry about that. I got, you know, I tried to get one of the big ones and then all the rest of them came down.

Speaker 15 You know what? Sure.

Speaker 15 I'm just gonna clean this up if you don't mind.

Speaker 29 I can help. I can help.

Speaker 18 Okay, great.

Speaker 29 Clean up on aisle seven, but not in a cool way.

Speaker 22 Normally, I'd say something like that, and I'd start shooting, but this is not, you know, that.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 22 These pipe cleaners are so cool.

Speaker 15 Thanks.

Speaker 22 Oh, your hand brushed my hand.

Speaker 15 Okay, sorry about that. No, that's okay.

Speaker 15 It's okay. I'm sorry.
Okay.

Speaker 19 All right.

Speaker 22 Yeah, pipe cleaners are pretty cool because you can like bend them like this.

Speaker 21 You can bend them back.

Speaker 15 Have you ever put a couple of them together and bent them all different ways?

Speaker 12 Wait, hold on.

Speaker 19 You're blowing my mind right now. Yeah.
You can put them together?

Speaker 15 Yes. You can make a little curly Q mustache if you want with two of them combined.

Speaker 22 Looks like you have a mustache.

Speaker 8 Yep, mm-hmm.

Speaker 15 Okay, yeah, no, I think that's a great plan. If we buy the entire stock in the store, still have to leave.
There's no reason to stay behind in Galax Sequins.

Speaker 10 Sure, I mean, certainly the synergy would reimburse us for that. They're post-money now, but could they return to sort of mid-money just for the sake of, you know, a diplomatic mission?

Speaker 6 Mid-mid-money?

Speaker 7 Do you hear yourself right now?

Speaker 9 I mean,

Speaker 10 what's pre-post money?

Speaker 15 Typically, this is where you would weigh in, C-53.

Speaker 18 I don't know.

Speaker 14 I don't know.

Speaker 14 The answer is.

Speaker 25 Welcome to the Laxe Money.

Speaker 12 Just let me get in there.

Speaker 18 Come on, Microchips.

Speaker 17 I think it's really going to make a big difference.

Speaker 14 Just back off.

Speaker 25 Ow, ow!

Speaker 17 Ow, the hard metal hurt my hand.

Speaker 19 Come on.

Speaker 12 Just need a good teaching to me. Come here.
Come here.

Speaker 18 Why don't you just

Speaker 15 stroke this crushed velvet?

Speaker 6 Yeah?

Speaker 8 Doesn't that feel nice?

Speaker 12 It does feel nice.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Sold by the yard.

Speaker 33 Welcome to Black Faithless.

Speaker 33 You are still an Ellen Faithless.

Speaker 25 The members fan of IL7.

Speaker 25 What's the deal with the bot?

Speaker 15 Um, I've just been here so long that I decided to build that bot myself. It's actually made of arts and crafts.

Speaker 19 Whoa! Yeah,

Speaker 6 cool.

Speaker 33 When I've been around, I've spin out glitter.

Speaker 18 Glitter, glitter, glitter, balloon, glitter, balloon, glitter.

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 15 The glitter thing was my first idea, and then it was making a mess, so I had to program it to also know how to clean.

Speaker 33 I will now clean up my glitter.

Speaker 21 Thank you.

Speaker 21 Whoa!

Speaker 21 Oh my rod! They are fighting right outside the door.

Speaker 10 Those soldiers are just streaming out of those carriers!

Speaker 15 The sign says the two-for-one sale on acrylic paint ends today.

Speaker 15 I mean,

Speaker 10 yes.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 14 That too, but this seems bad.

Speaker 15 Yeah, acrylics are not my medium.

Speaker 15 But if the sale is ending today, I think I gotta do it.

Speaker 18 It's a BOGO.

Speaker 14 Guys, I think we need to call Nermit and let him know what's going on. C-53, can can you...
Pleck, I can't do that anymore.

Speaker 5 I don't...

Speaker 18 I can't call anybody.

Speaker 14 No, I mean, with your badge on your uniform, you just tap it and it's- I don't have the hardware, Pleck!

Speaker 25 I'm not going to apologize.

Speaker 10 Never. Okay, you know what? I'll do it.
It's fine. Uh, Pleck to Nermit.

Speaker 10 Optisoft, Nermit, Bundaloy speaking.

Speaker 17 Oh my rock.

Speaker 14 Nermit, are you working at Optisoft now?

Speaker 25 Well, just temporarily.

Speaker 28 I'm kind of like sitting in for the CTO there out on

Speaker 25 Nermit. the map.

Speaker 26 You're supposed to be working for the coup, for us, with us.

Speaker 25 I mean, you're on the mission.

Speaker 12 I'm what I do during when you're on the mission.

Speaker 26 No, listen, we need you. We need your help, Nermit.

Speaker 18 Okay, okay.

Speaker 28 Uh, Pleck, I need to put you on a brief hold.

Speaker 24 What?

Speaker 18 No!

Speaker 28 Apisoft, we will be your servants today.

Speaker 28 So much server capacité.

Speaker 7 I think that's.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 10 Uh, yeah, Pleck. Nermit, did you just...

Speaker 10 I'm in a war zone. Did you just put me on hold to talk to a hologram?

Speaker 10 What do you need?

Speaker 15 Nermit Nermit, we need you to reinvent money and send it.

Speaker 10 We think that buying out the inventory is the only way we can get her to leave.

Speaker 25 Oh,

Speaker 25 you're right.

Speaker 28 In the reflectorium, I can just make money.

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 24 I can reflect a hedge fund. Yes, what?

Speaker 28 And then I could invest into Optison.

Speaker 7 No!

Speaker 12 No, Nermit.

Speaker 10 So the morality is maybe gray, you're right, but like never mind, never mind, Nermit. Never mind.

Speaker 10 Go! Disconnect! Disconnect!

Speaker 15 Hey, everybody!

Speaker 10 Listen, Terry Sherry, things are heating up out there. I don't know if I feel comfortable staying inside the craft store.

Speaker 14 Um, what would you mean by that?

Speaker 6 Terry Sherry, aren't you worried that the violence could come in here at any time?

Speaker 15 No.

Speaker 25 Terry Sherry,

Speaker 25 do you have a

Speaker 12 oh, wait, you know it's like a glue, then you're you're gluing bits to like a picture frame?

Speaker 19 Okay,

Speaker 15 um, I'm trying to think. There's a lot of different types of glue.

Speaker 18 Are you looking for a tacky glue?

Speaker 15 Is it tacky glue, Lieutenant?

Speaker 12 Um,

Speaker 25 Grand Ensign Rushlink of the Nognuke, you shall die at my hands!

Speaker 25 Not now!

Speaker 19 I am purchasing craft goods! Oh, Galaxy Quinn is right.

Speaker 6 Our conflict must wait until I apply.

Speaker 18 Of course, of course.

Speaker 1 Ah, it's like, um, you know, if I want to like tear pieces of magazine and glue it to like a frame, is there what the...

Speaker 15 Perhaps a glue stick if you're just... It sounds like you're collaging?

Speaker 14 Are you looking for a... Oh, yes, yeah, a glue stick, I think, would actually do the job.

Speaker 15 Yes, and some Modpodge.

Speaker 6 Modgepodge. That is what my wife wanted.
I wasn't describing it right, I think. Terry Terry, you are a savior.

Speaker 18 I will return to destroy you, Brandon.

Speaker 5 Rush never shall it happen.

Speaker 1 Save some Mod Podge for me, please.

Speaker 25 Do you need Mod Podge?

Speaker 9 Just a little if there's any extra.

Speaker 18 You are ahead of me, so if you have one, but that's not fair.

Speaker 25 That's not fair. Okay.

Speaker 6 For I believe my wife might like it as well.

Speaker 25 It's a very versatile product.

Speaker 15 Alright, you guys, I'm gonna wrap up two tubs of Mod Podge for you, and you can come back and pay after the turmoil is over. I know how you guys like to do.

Speaker 25 Thank you, Terry Sherry, Terry Sherry. Yep.

Speaker 25 Wow, you really handled those guys. It's crazy.
You didn't even do anything. You didn't, like, use a knife or anything.

Speaker 11 Terry, Sherry, does that happen a lot?

Speaker 10 That people come in in the middle of a battle to buy arts and crafts?

Speaker 15 I'm starting to get a little offended that you're surprised that we get a lot of business here at Dallas.

Speaker 14 Well, that's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 9 I'm not saying that at all.

Speaker 24 I think it's scary.

Speaker 10 I'm really happy.

Speaker 9 I just, it's crazy.

Speaker 10 Those guys were literally covered in blood.

Speaker 15 Just casually shopping for Mod Podge together. Yeah, they don't like each other, but you know what? They both like?

Speaker 21 What?

Speaker 15 Colored pencils. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 15 Wait, hold on.

Speaker 18 You've got colored pencils here?

Speaker 15 Absolutely. They're in Isle 10.

Speaker 18 Would you want to go over to Isle 10?

Speaker 21 Sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 4 But I got off the head of my enemy and I'm holding it currently in my hand.

Speaker 13 I was wondering, where is the

Speaker 11 party paper?

Speaker 15 Okay, um, a party paper is I'll eat. Many things seem good by you.

Speaker 25 This is grim.

Speaker 10 Listen, Terry Sherry, we know you don't want to leave, but we have a proposal for you.

Speaker 15 So we were wondering, Terry, would you take an IOU?

Speaker 15 What would you mean by that?

Speaker 10 What if we just helped you out and, you know, bought a bunch of your stock and that'll let you kind of take the day off you come with us back to the synergy chill out for a couple days and then we'll just drop you back by when this is all over

Speaker 15 i i chose to stay here

Speaker 15 yeah you guys are pee

Speaker 15 really big idiots right now

Speaker 22 aj what are you talking about you can't buy terry off you know she's doing a service she's making people happy I mean that guy who just cut that other guy's head off he's wrapping it in paper that's like fun like Like everyone's having a good time.

Speaker 19 Everyone's making crafts.

Speaker 22 And you know what? I think the guys who are buying it for their wives are really buying it for themselves.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I thought that too. I had that same thought.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 15 AJ, did you mean all those things that you said about me and the store?

Speaker 22 That you want to stay here and that it's a good place and people like it. Well, I would, that'd be weird if I lied about that right.

Speaker 32 Right.

Speaker 15 I don't know. I thought we'd been having a sort of a thing.

Speaker 19 Oh, Rod.

Speaker 10 Not again.

Speaker 12 Listen, we made some pipe cleaner people, which was like, I mean, the mustache thing was amazing.

Speaker 22 No one's going to deny that.

Speaker 7 But AJ, this isn't the first time you've gotten sort of romantically entangled with some person on a planet we're visiting.

Speaker 9 What's the deal? Are you trying to make this happen?

Speaker 12 What?

Speaker 15 Yeah, what's your secret? Because I've been trying to get my groove back, and it is not happening.

Speaker 10 It sort of seems like a lot of our missions, like, we go down, there's something we're supposed to do, and you end up, you know, teaching some alien how to to love or something you do this all the time you do this

Speaker 15 time plex come on let's be honest you sent the cute dumb one down into the aisle with the mess right and then i fell in love instantly okay i'll admit it i did okay this was all just a ruse you were trying to get me to fall in love so i would leave the store thinking that what i when i left i would just have a life with you out there

Speaker 15 why would you do that to someone?

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, AJ, that's pretty messed up.

Speaker 22 Terry, Sherry, the last time this happened to me, I said this, and the person didn't feel as bad as they felt before.

Speaker 12 I'm six.

Speaker 18 I'm six years old.

Speaker 22 I was cloned six years ago. So when I say that, usually, if there's like, oh, you're six, they're not like into it anymore.

Speaker 15 Okay, well, age is a number, and it hasn't really been a thing, you know?

Speaker 12 Wait, hold on.

Speaker 22 2884 is a number, which is my call sign.

Speaker 4 But AJ is letters.

Speaker 18 Age isn't.

Speaker 15 I can't keep falling in love with you. You all need to leave.
But I to interrupt here, Terry.

Speaker 15 You would leave if in fact your love was reciprocated by AJ?

Speaker 15 I was really preparing myself to do that.

Speaker 15 I thought there was something bigger for me than just Galaxy Sequence.

Speaker 22 There's really not.

Speaker 18 I'll say that.

Speaker 15 Speaking as AJ's closest friend and confidant. That's true.

Speaker 18 Sorry about that.

Speaker 15 I can tell that AJ does reciprocate those feelings. But AJ just gave a whole speech saying a lot of things that ended up being like a no.
He's so dumb, right? He's so dumb, but he's so cute.

Speaker 15 He's so cute.

Speaker 14 Isn't he so cute?

Speaker 18 Listen up.

Speaker 22 Listen to me, Terry Sherry.

Speaker 22 Okay, no, I'm no good for you.

Speaker 22 I'm a clone.

Speaker 22 It can never work out between the two of us.

Speaker 12 I'm no good for you.

Speaker 20 But just remember this.

Speaker 11 Always care about you, dirty trash garbage lady.

Speaker 15 Why did you call me?

Speaker 29 What?

Speaker 22 I'm sorry, this is from the sides I was reading in this for this play that Bargie is doing, and I thought actually, you know, it might be applicable.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 21 Soon, the battle will be right here.

Speaker 8 And I must,

Speaker 12 before I die,

Speaker 12 make collage.

Speaker 14 Oh, yeah, uh, yep, the collage.

Speaker 15 It looks like you can't move. I'm I can shop for you.
So, what colors do you like? Um, and do you like stickers? What sort of a collage were you looking to make?

Speaker 25 Red!

Speaker 25 Red, yes,

Speaker 15 red, and yes.

Speaker 12 Okay, so I'll just grab everything

Speaker 15 and you can just die at the door, okay.

Speaker 22 So that's the right use of cleanup on Isle.

Speaker 14 That is so disgusting.

Speaker 10 Terry Sherry, we beg of you, please come with us.

Speaker 18 No, listen up.

Speaker 12 Look around. Just look around.

Speaker 25 The craft store is the true neutral zone.

Speaker 22 You know, I thought that there can be no such thing as peace, as I am a soldier that's been bred for war.

Speaker 2 Terry Sherry has shown me a different path.

Speaker 2 One of crafts and arts.

Speaker 15 Thank you. That means a lot.

Speaker 12 Wow, AJ, did you just fold that little bird?

Speaker 21 A little bird for you.

Speaker 15 That's amazing.

Speaker 18 Thank you.

Speaker 15 What's important about me, this place, what I do here, this is amazing. I'm never leaving here.

Speaker 10 Listen, Terry, I think, you know, you've proven that this is where you belong. You're helping people when they come in and need something.

Speaker 10 Maybe we should stop worrying so much about, you know, interfering with what?

Speaker 18 We're all gonna die.

Speaker 25 What? What? What?

Speaker 25 Before the torpedoes hit, I need glue guns.

Speaker 14 Wait, torpedoes?

Speaker 10 What torpedoes?

Speaker 18 Um, for glue guns, I'll tell you.

Speaker 21 Thank you.

Speaker 12 Thank you. Multiple glue guns?

Speaker 25 The antimatter torpedoes will disintegrate everything on this moon, including your stock of decorative ribbons. Now is the time to purchase.

Speaker 6 No cost is too high, Terry Shay.

Speaker 15 Oh, yeah, lots of ribbon. Um, you have a color ribbon?

Speaker 15 Glossy ribbon. Oh, we have one with duckies on it.

Speaker 10 Uh-huh. Terry, Terry, things are getting sort of serious.
Did that guy say anti-matter torpedoes?

Speaker 12 Yes, I said anti-matter torpedoes.

Speaker 26 Okay, get out of here.

Speaker 12 What aisle?

Speaker 6 The duck ribbon.

Speaker 25 It sounds wonderful.

Speaker 15 Oh, yeah, the duck ribbon.

Speaker 32 That's aisle three.

Speaker 10 Listen, Terry, I'm sorry. We came in.
We made a mess of everything. We really toyed with your emotions and your self-worth, but Galax Sequins can't be a neutral zone if it's been blown up.

Speaker 15 I can't, I can't leave. What am I supposed to do?

Speaker 15 Galax Sequins has been my whole life, and you've all truly made me realize that. I guess the only thing I could do is transfer to the Galax Sequins a couple systems away.

Speaker 10 Wait, there's another Galaxy?

Speaker 9 Galaxy?

Speaker 15 But yeah, I mean, it's a little bit of a chain. Like, this was the most successful one, and they made enough money.
Also, I'd have to fill out a bunch of paperwork. I have to do my own exit interview.

Speaker 15 Then I have to do my own severance. I have to do all this stuff.

Speaker 18 This paperwork.

Speaker 6 Terry, Terry, you're gonna die.

Speaker 25 Oh, God.

Speaker 13 That ceiling just caved in.

Speaker 10 Terry, we'll help you with the application.

Speaker 14 That's the only problem?

Speaker 15 Sort of, and I really felt important here. I guess I could just be important in another Galaxy sequence.

Speaker 17 Listen, Terry, grab your robot.

Speaker 10 Let's get back to the ship.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 4 More parts of

Speaker 10 boy.

Speaker 15 Sorry, but as of just right now, I don't work here anymore.

Speaker 15 Treat her with respect.

Speaker 27 Hey Justin, mind if I sit with you?

Speaker 34 Sure.

Speaker 20 You mean like as friends?

Speaker 34 Right, because we're totally just friends and that's fine and I'm not freaking out about it and I'm not even obsessed with your drip and how it looks effortlessly cool.

Speaker 27 Oh, this outfit?

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah, I got it from Stitch Fix.

Speaker 34 I completely know what that is, but will you tell me about it as if I didn't?

Speaker 27 So, when I was harshly beamed off Bargie alone,

Speaker 27 I had some time to think about my priorities, and I realized I wanted an easy solution for looking and feeling my best.

Speaker 27 Stitch Fix offers clothing hand-selected by expert stylists for your unique size, style, budget, and relationship status, which for me is dating casually with my options open while remaining ambiguously forlorn.

Speaker 27 Every piece of clothing is chosen for your fit and your life, which for me is ass dead care-free.

Speaker 14 Mittall!

Speaker 27 I mean, just look at these dressed-down but classy spairy distressed canvas sneakers and how they pair with this Harold textured short.

Speaker 12 So hot.

Speaker 20 Fred hot.

Speaker 27 Zalkatron actually helped me fill out my style profile. We're uh kind of dating, but it's no big deal.

Speaker 27 Zalkie, come sit with me and Justin.

Speaker 5 You're dating?

Speaker 34 What my draw is Justin, you dumb refrigerator!

Speaker 27 C5, I was just telling Justin about Stitch Fix. They have free shipping, easy returns, and exchanges, and a prepaid return envelope is included.

Speaker 34 That's awesome.

Speaker 15 Thanks.

Speaker 27 Plus, there's no subscription required. Try Stitch Fix once or set up automatic deliveries.
You'll pay just a $20 styling fee for each box, which gets credited toward pieces you keep.

Speaker 27 And there's no hidden fees, ever. Ever.

Speaker 27 You should totally do it, Justin, because

Speaker 12 as a friend? Yeah.

Speaker 27 Your Steeze is looking a little busted?

Speaker 12 What?

Speaker 27 Get started today at stitchfix.com/slash zix, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash z-y-x-x for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

Speaker 31 Thanks so much.com/slash zigzag.

Speaker 27 Oh, um, Justin, will you snap a pic of me and Zalki looking so wicked cute? For sure.

Speaker 34 I don't hate this at all.

Speaker 31 Let me see that before you show shit.

Speaker 31 Black, I'm really proud of this

Speaker 12 remade that you're making?

Speaker 10 Well, you know, my room is small, but I think it's got room for a plant, you know. If I could just hang it in this little basket, I think it's gonna really, you know, liven up the place.

Speaker 22 Hey, Terry Sherry, I just want you to know that no matter what happened between us, which I'm still

Speaker 22 pretty confused about,

Speaker 22 I just want you to know that whenever I put a a pipe cleaner mustache on my helmet, which it's probably gonna be a lot, I'll thank you again.

Speaker 22 We'll always have that.

Speaker 15 That's true. We always will.
And I'm crying a lot.

Speaker 15 I'm trying not to.

Speaker 22 Oh, so they're just kind of streaming.

Speaker 22 I can see your tears are just kind of coming down pretty fast.

Speaker 32 Okay, well.

Speaker 12 Well, see you later.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 15 Thank you so much.

Speaker 11 AJ.

Speaker 7 Why don't you cut Terry Sherry some slack? What I've learned is that being organic means you don't always control how you feel.

Speaker 12 Alright?

Speaker 15 This isn't flirting, is it? I don't want to mistake anything for flirting ever again.

Speaker 7 I have to be honest with you. I am a sentient robot.
It would never work out.

Speaker 15 Okay, I'll work on myself.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 7 Terry Sherry, why would you put that in. Why would you make that a feature of that robot?

Speaker 15 Well, if it's not clear, I get confused a lot. I think everything is flirting, so I had to program it into the bot.

Speaker 23 Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt here, but I've been, as you know, I've been searching for my star of my play,

Speaker 23 and I think they're in the ship.

Speaker 19 Oh.

Speaker 18 Oh, wow. I,

Speaker 15 you know what? I haven't even applied for that next job yet, so I am actually free.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 23 No, I don't know who you are. What's that tiny little thing with the glitter?

Speaker 19 I love it.

Speaker 6 Wow. Yes, yes.
Reveling filter forever.

Speaker 26 Yeah, yeah. Wow, what a pivot.
Yarn, yarn.

Speaker 21 Cool.

Speaker 4 Well, I guess if we could all spit yarn out of our heads, we'd all get the part.

Speaker 9 Lead Envoy C53, I have an incoming call.

Speaker 26 Oh, is that Nermit checking in?

Speaker 14 Nermit calling?

Speaker 9 No, it's Garbo.

Speaker 12 Ew.

Speaker 22 Terry Sherry, just to fill you in, Garbo is an alien that we've been working with that just gave Dar 39, what are they called?

Speaker 15 Orgasms.

Speaker 21 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 21 Yeah,

Speaker 21 could we just

Speaker 15 not answer?

Speaker 18 You're ghosting Garbo right now?

Speaker 15 Listen, they were fine orgasms, but frankly, this was supposed to be like a

Speaker 15 almost 40 and done situation.

Speaker 17 All right.

Speaker 7 Terry Sherry, I'm proud to report that I've completed your paperwork for your transfer to the other Galax sequence. I've completed your exit interview, and I've negotiated your severance.

Speaker 15 Wow, you did all of that. That's amazing.

Speaker 15 Thank you so much.

Speaker 7 All in a day's work, you know.

Speaker 19 Is there a thing between the two of you? What's going on?

Speaker 26 Hey, Jay, come on.

Speaker 10 C53, this new organic body of yours is really good at filling out forms.

Speaker 15 Ah, see, I'm proud of you.

Speaker 10 You're finding yourself.

Speaker 7 You know, maybe I'm finally starting to fall into my role here in this galaxy where I do

Speaker 12 a lot of paperwork and answer the phone.

Speaker 17 Oh my rod, I've become nervous.

Speaker 21 Get me out of here!

Speaker 25 Get out of here!

Speaker 15 Oh, we're gonna need to redo all your paperwork, Terry. C53 just ripped it all up.

Speaker 18 Oh, man.

Speaker 22 Can't catch a break, can you, Terry?

Speaker 35 This is Z-Red IT5, credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol. Flex Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

Speaker 35 Lead Envoy C53, Hark Tardagas, Zalcatron 5000, Korzlax of the Ignari were played by Jeremy Bent. Dar was played by Ali Pokesh.

Speaker 35 Bargie the Ship, Justin Balwee, The Galaxy Quince Bot, and the Soldier Holding the Disembodied Head were played by Mujan Zelfogari. Nera Bundaloy and Rashlonk of the Nagnell were played by Cess Lynn.

Speaker 35 AJ and Centurion Tittle were played by Winston Knoll. Terry Sherry was played by special guest Kimia Papornia.

Speaker 35 Kimia is a comedian and actress who will be in the upcoming fourth season of Atypical on Netflix. She is also starring in Marathon, a mockumentary available on Apple or Amazon Prime.

Speaker 35 And she can be seen on TV on many other shows. Follow her on Twitter at at childclown underscore.
This episode was edited by Seth Flynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 35 Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.
Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 35 Opening crown narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goitz.
Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to

Speaker 15 Schmanners, noun, definition,

Speaker 15 rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations.

Speaker 30 Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy.

Speaker 8 And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy.

Speaker 30 Every week on Schmanners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners. We talk about the history of it.
We take a look at how it applies to everyday life.

Speaker 27 And we take some of your questions.

Speaker 30 And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette.

Speaker 30 So join us every Friday and listen to Schmanners on maximumfun.org or wherever podcasts are found.

Speaker 15 Manners Schmanners. Get it?

Speaker 36 Hey, it's John Moe. And look, these are challenging times for our mental and emotional health.
I get it. That's why I'm so excited for my new podcast, Depress Mode.

Speaker 36 We're tackling depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, the kinds of things that are just super common but don't get talked about nearly enough.

Speaker 36 Conversations that are illuminating, honest, and sometimes pretty funny with folks like Patton Oswald, Kelsey Dara, and Open Mike Eagle.

Speaker 37 I have his public-facing self, and then I have my emotional self that tends to stay hidden. It was about finding a way to communicate to somebody that like, there's terrible sh going on back here.

Speaker 36 Plus psychiatrists, psychologists, and all kinds of folks. On depression mode, we're working together, learning, helping each other out.
We're a team. Join our team.

Speaker 36 Depressed Mode for Maximum Fun, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 37 MaximumFun.org.

Speaker 17 Comedy and culture.

Speaker 7 Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Speaker 18 You're ghosting Carmo right now?

Speaker 15 Listen, there were 39 fine orgasms, but frankly, this was supposed to be like a

Speaker 15 almost 40 and done situation.

Speaker 8 All right.

Speaker 15 Can I have their number?

Speaker 8 Oh, no.

Speaker 13 Man, you just put the job.

Speaker 8 You can't have it all.

Speaker 15 My confidence is high.