506: The Art Supplies of War [ft. Kimia Behpoornia]

Space.

Some is chill.

Some is tuped up.

All is part of the great infinite cosmic ballet.

The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

mission to sink.

Hey, C53.

What is it, Bleck?

What are all these papers doing?

What are you doing?

Pleck, I.

These organic brains are so bad at math, they're

embarrassing.

Yeah, mine especially, but you can't do that in your cube anymore.

I tried, but it just falls apart so fast.

I'm trying to figure out how to get us back to the Zig Squadron.

Oh, wow.

I mean, the Them have offered no updates.

We have to take matters into our own clumsy, weirdly textured hands.

You know, C-53, some of us have actually kind of started to appreciate some of the things about this galaxy.

Even when we fail missions, they're super chill about it.

And we've actually accomplished a few missions, which I never thought I would say at all.

So, I mean, maybe there's some good to being in this body of yours, and, you know, maybe we can carve out a place here for ourselves.

No, this body sucks.

This galaxy blows.

Thank you again, Garbo.

I did not deserve those 39 orgasms.

Oh, yes, you did, Dar, because they're working so hard.

Wait, Dar, what?

What?

Just...

Did you hook up with Garbo?

Yeah, and and they were a

wonderful and reciprocative lover.

Wow, cool

forty.

It's just that I have an appointment.

Wow, Carbo.

Yes?

You dog?

You?

I'm a theme.

Okay.

In fact, yeah, no, it's not a met these dogs.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

Goodbye.

Wait, I thought the theme didn't want to hook up without like an emotional connection.

Well, there was a rare moment of vulnerability, and you're not allowed to know anything more than that.

Okay.

All right, yeah.

These organic needs are so base.

Is C53?

Maybe this fleshy, clammy body you're in,

maybe you can learn to love it.

I did with my doughy, clammy body.

What would be the lovable part of this body, I guess is my question?

I'm so glad you asked.

I like your jaunty little hair flip that you've got.

That's fun.

So my hair is the part that you think is worth being in this prison of a body.

I like when you walk, you sort of lead with your nose.

Like you sort of like walk on the

lump around, which is very charming.

So I have hair and a funny walk.

Yeah.

Did I tell you I pulled a hamstring?

Why would you make a synthetic body that was capable of doing that?

That's insane.

Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry.

And there is no one to service my cube when I inevitably break down.

I mean, when I chuck, man, come on.

Hey, C53, calm down.

You're so emotional.

Wow, you are really in your feelings.

Um, my appointment is over.

C53, is this a moment of um emotional vulnerability?

Do you need 40 orgasms or no?

No, I don't think orgasms.

I need a real chucking droid frame, you goddamn asshole.

Oh, so vulnerable.

Yes, yes.

Kiss my ridges.

Hey, can we keep it quiet here?

I'm in the middle of a casting session.

Oh, sorry, Bargi, you're casting a project right now?

Well, it turns out there are not many directors here wherever we are in space, so I've become one of the premier theatre directors.

It's been like two days since you became a director.

I know.

I've been sent so many scripts.

Honestly, most of them are terrible.

I got a couple of deals that are going on.

I work on a couple projects.

That's great.

And now I'm part of the other side.

I'm the one deciding which actors should be in my projects.

Wow.

And which one should give up immediately.

Uh, Director Baji,

should I continue with the sides?

Yeah, but if you can make your voice, I told you for the 100th time,

like mine, okay?

I don't want this weak, this weak, tuping voice, okay?

You gotta be strong when you act, or else they're gonna get you, and they're gonna destroy destroy you and they're gonna throw you away from this industry even though we know that you're talented.

Maybe

so do the scene again in the voice that we rehearsed.

Okay,

you're playing the part

of dirty old trash bag

Yes, silence says everything.

Oh, that's pretty good.

That's not a bad barge.

Thank you so much.

We'll be in touch.

See, C53, Bargie's really flourishing here, you you know, her career, I guess.

Oh, yeah, forcing out-of-work actors to do impressions of her, live the dream.

I mean, sure.

Wait, AJ, are you coming around on this place?

You like it now?

Same shit, different galaxy, am I right?

Not really.

It's actually quite different, I think.

Is it?

He's just reading his mug.

He's reading his novelty mug.

Oh, yeah.

Where did you get that?

Oh, it was in the synergy as the gift shop.

I just went and got it.

It's pretty good.

But how would they

get it?

Never mind.

Yeah, I don't get it.

I don't know.

Lead Envoy C53, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nermit Bundaloy.

I had to look at the wall to see the notification for that.

Oh, right, because it's not happy inside of your head or not.

It's not happening inside my head.

Only pain inside my head.

Only pain.

Hey, crew, big mission time.

Hey, Nermit, what's up, man?

What do you mean, what's up?

We have a mission.

Okay.

Yeah, so usually we get some.

Yeah, we usually get some sort of...

You yell at me when I talk about other stuff.

I have been telling myself all day I'm just going to go straight to the mission.

Nermit, we're all feeling good.

I got a new Woodsaber.

Gar had a great interaction with Garbo, apparently.

Bargie's casting her new play.

AJ got a fun mug, and C53 pulled a hamstring.

So everything's great.

Wow.

Yeah, point of order, we are not all feeling good.

Yeah, I totally hear you.

The only thing that's bad is Bargie is having trouble finding the right person for a trash bag lady.

Huh?

See, Nermit, this is the type of casual catch-up with the crew before you hop into business, you know?

Nermit, you gotta warm up the room, you know?

Okay, fine.

You'll be happy to know that Optisoft is, I'm not gonna say, doing great as a business, but like, we're back.

We did a Series C fundraise, and we've got some.

you asked.

You literally asked me.

Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Yeah, Nermit, get to the mission.

Oh,

that's rich.

Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Okay, fine.

Not you, gush fair.

It's the line that I want you to say.

Okay.

On my project.

Miss Jade, I'm just trying right now.

Jade, hold on.

Is that an Optisoft employee auditioning?

You know, I did go to Carcon 5 Conservatory,

but okay.

Just get to the mission, all right?

That was a good flex.

That was a Bargy voice.

He was doing you

now.

Okay, the mission.

The Ignari and the Nognilk are, of course, at war.

Of course.

Of course.

Well, I mean, this war has been going on for ages, but

he's here for like two weeks.

Listen, I read.

Okay, is that a brag?

Quit bragging and just get to the missions.

Yeah, get to the mission, Nermit.

Yeah, bro.

Before you start listing people named Juko again.

Wow.

The Ignari and the Nognilk are in charge of, between them, like 70% of the planets in this galaxy.

This is a huge, ongoing war.

The Ku is feeling.

One of our main missions is to try to end this battle.

Until we decide we're here for good, I'm not committing any of this to memory.

Yeah, it's hard to keep this all straight.

The Ignari, the Nagmilk.

What do you mean?

You gotta at least memorize their names for this mission.

Oh, I'm gonna give it a shot.

Throw my helmet in the ring.

I'm having trouble memorizing anything, okay?

How do you keep information in an organic brain?

It just slides out.

Where's the file structure?

I mean, am I crazy?

How do you categorize?

Okay, relax.

Relax, C53.

Oh, no.

C-53.

Wow.

Anyone know who C-53's agent is?

No, I don't.

Are you casting him?

Scouting him?

I'll just leave a little mystery out there.

Oh.

Okay, so the Ignari and the Nognilk, is that right?

Yes.

And here's the thing.

There's a moon in the neutral zone between the two armadas, and we need to evacuate it.

The way you describe it, in a neutral zone doesn't sound neutral.

It sort of sounds like the place where the dangerous shit happens.

It's very close to the front, but it's technically neutral.

So there's a front with a neutral zone in the middle?

That doesn't sound like a zone.

No, there's a lot of fighting around it.

Occasionally there's sort of infantries on the moon, but it's technically the neutral zone.

And we gotta get the innocence out.

Okay.

They don't think it's that many people, so they should all fit in Bargy.

All right.

What?

You did it.

Tell her.

Hey, Nerman, we really need to get to the mission.

Can you tell us what it is?

Wow.

Helmsman's log space state.

Who knows?

Well, today old Hark T is riding high because we successfully navigated the Pyroshian Field, a belt of molten asteroids that threatened to critically breach the RSS synergy, and I gotta say, it feels great to finally be part of a robust tactical team, instead of solopiloting my rickety fighter through hazard after harrowing hazard.

These last few months have given Old Hark a chance to reflect on my many, many brushes with the Sweet Hereafter.

And to be honest, with a bit of perspective, I've begun to realize that maybe the thing that was putting me in the most danger was...

myself.

Golly, I don't know.

Maybe it's the rush of blasting into warp speed away from certain death.

Maybe it's the accolades when I returned triumphant.

Maybe...

Maybe I'm in love with the danger itself.

But one thing's for sure, I was caught in a cycle of self-sabotage more dangerous than any Carmerian hexworm hive.

Heck, I used to call up Rebel Headquarters during a crash landing to talk about protein bars for crying out loud.

What was I trying to prove?

What was I running from?

Well, I guess I don't know, but I do know that I couldn't have begun this soul searching without BetterHelp Online Therapy.

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Actually, I'm gonna jot that down real quick for my next session.

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If your stress is high, you could probably use the chance to unload.

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Helmsman's log entry complete.

Okay, off to the commissary.

Help!

Wow, that sparks right on the baby toe.

I'll just pull myself up and

this filing cabin just fell right on me.

Help!

Help!

Oh, hark, old chub.

Guess you've still got a long road ahead.

Okay, there are a lot of ships arriving around here right now.

We gotta evacuate this moon pronto.

Are there any life forms anywhere?

Yeah, Mr.

Robot Man, what do you think?

AJ, do you think Jeremy could sense life forms?

Hey, wait.

Well, he couldn't.

I think that's what this thing they gave us does.

Yes, this is what this bicorder is for.

You know, it gathers information and it saves information.

It's a bicorder.

Yeah, look at this.

It actually says there is a life form nearby.

See?

Right there on the screen.

It's just so inefficient.

You could just build it in to a robot.

Wow, it's almost like we don't even need you, mister Robot, man robot, squishy man, C53, lead envoy of C53, is how you should address me.

You got it.

No, it says they're up here off to the right, behind this toppled building.

Let's do it.

Yes.

I don't believe in neutral zones.

Keep your head on a swivel.

Just kick these doors in.

Okay, it's an automatic.

Alright, yep, those dangerous kind of doors.

Sliding door, yeah.

Yeah,

unexpected.

We really went in on that kick, AJ.

Plipped most of my body by, yeah.

Wow.

Oh, this is an adorable shop.

It was like rubble out there, and this place seems completely untouched.

Oh, hi there.

Welcome to Gaelic Sequins.

Gaelic Sequins?

Mm-hmm.

That is some terrific wordplay.

Very nice.

Oh, you know, I didn't name name the store.

I just work here.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

I'm Terry Sherry.

Let me know if I can help you with anything that you might need.

Perfect.

We're trying to just get a hold of everyone in the area, you know, who's not part of the conflict outside.

Are you familiar with the people around here?

Yes, the Ignari and the Nognil.

Oh, yeah,

I'm talking about, you know, civilians that live around here.

You're looking at her.

Oh, you're the only person who lives here?

that stay here, yes.

Wow,

hey, remember how we only saw one person on the bike quarter?

Yeah, I think this might be

AJ, that's not a mystery at all.

Yeah, apologies, Terry Sherry.

We should introduce ourselves.

These are envoys Darpleck and AJ, and I am lead envoy C53.

Squishy, awkward, and apparently relatable.

He just looks like a person.

It's fine, but he's a robot.

person.

We're here to save you.

Hmm?

We're here to save you?

If you could just follow us.

What?

Listen, Terry Sherry, this is a very dangerous place for you to be.

Yeah.

Is it just, Terry, that you couldn't find a way out of here?

Oh no, they were actually pretty efficient when they came by to evacuate us the first time.

I just decided that I don't need to leave.

This is the place that I've been happiest, and outside is full of turmoil.

Why should I just listen to somebody telling me that it would be better on the outside when I know for a fact that it is absolutely delightful inside.

It is very peaceful in here.

It is really nice.

If you guys don't need any arts and crafts, then I'm going to go back to doing my sweep of the aisles, making sure everything is in its right place.

Oh.

I've got one more question for you.

It's pretty important.

Mm-hmm.

Where are the pipe cleaners?

Oh, pipe cleaners.

Love those.

Aisle seven.

Guys, I'm going to check the pipe cleaner aisle.

If I don't come back in a while, I'm probably making a couple like figures and having them fight each other.

So just I'll be back.

Okay.

Terry,

I gotta tell you, that clacks on outside

means that ships are landing here.

We gotta clear the area.

Yeah, so if you could just grab like your knitting needles or whatever and follow us, I will never leave a muddy putty or a puff paint alone.

Oh, wow.

Oh, you know what?

I can get that myself.

It seems like whoever has just entered our store does not have any business here, so I'll just do that.

Oh, just a...

This seems...

I don't know if she's going to go.

I think she's made it very clear she's not going to go.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, little buddy.

Were you some kind of robot?

robot?

What am I serious?

Look at this guy.

He doesn't even know.

You don't even know what he could be, okay?

Sorry about that.

Sorry about that.

I got, you know, I tried to get one of the big ones and then all the rest of them came down.

You know what?

Sure.

I'm just gonna clean this up if you don't mind.

I can help.

I can help.

Okay, great.

Clean up on aisle seven, but not in a cool way.

Normally, I'd say something like that, and I'd start shooting, but this is not, you know, that.

Yeah.

These pipe cleaners are so cool.

Thanks.

Oh, your hand brushed my hand.

Okay, sorry about that.

No, that's okay.

It's okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, pipe cleaners are pretty cool because you can like bend them like this.

You can bend them back.

Have you ever put a couple of them together and bent them all different ways?

Wait, hold on.

You're blowing my mind right now.

Yeah.

You can put them together?

Yes.

You can make a little curly Q mustache if you want with two of them combined.

Looks like you have a mustache.

Yep, mm-hmm.

Okay, yeah, no, I think that's a great plan.

If we buy the entire stock in the store, still have to leave.

There's no reason to stay behind in Galax Sequins.

Sure, I mean, certainly the synergy would reimburse us for that.

They're post-money now, but could they return to sort of mid-money just for the sake of, you know, a diplomatic mission?

Mid-mid-money?

Do you hear yourself right now?

I mean,

what's pre-post money?

Typically, this is where you would weigh in, C-53.

I don't know.

I don't know.

The answer is.

Welcome to the Laxe Money.

Just let me get in there.

Come on, Microchips.

I think it's really going to make a big difference.

Just back off.

Ow, ow!

Ow, the hard metal hurt my hand.

Come on.

Just need a good teaching to me.

Come here.

Come here.

Why don't you just

stroke this crushed velvet?

Yeah?

Doesn't that feel nice?

It does feel nice.

Yeah.

Sold by the yard.

Welcome to Black Faithless.

You are still an Ellen Faithless.

The members fan of IL7.

What's the deal with the bot?

Um, I've just been here so long that I decided to build that bot myself.

It's actually made of arts and crafts.

Whoa!

Yeah,

cool.

When I've been around, I've spin out glitter.

Glitter, glitter, glitter, balloon, glitter, balloon, glitter.

Wow.

The glitter thing was my first idea, and then it was making a mess, so I had to program it to also know how to clean.

I will now clean up my glitter.

Thank you.

Whoa!

Oh my rod!

They are fighting right outside the door.

Those soldiers are just streaming out of those carriers!

The sign says the two-for-one sale on acrylic paint ends today.

I mean,

yes.

Yeah.

That too, but this seems bad.

Yeah, acrylics are not my medium.

But if the sale is ending today, I think I gotta do it.

It's a BOGO.

Guys, I think we need to call Nermit and let him know what's going on.

C-53, can can you...

Pleck, I can't do that anymore.

I don't...

I can't call anybody.

No, I mean, with your badge on your uniform, you just tap it and it's- I don't have the hardware, Pleck!

I'm not going to apologize.

Never.

Okay, you know what?

I'll do it.

It's fine.

Uh, Pleck to Nermit.

Optisoft, Nermit, Bundaloy speaking.

Oh my rock.

Nermit, are you working at Optisoft now?

Well, just temporarily.

I'm kind of like sitting in for the CTO there out on

Nermit.

the map.

You're supposed to be working for the coup, for us, with us.

I mean, you're on the mission.

I'm what I do during when you're on the mission.

No, listen, we need you.

We need your help, Nermit.

Okay, okay.

Uh, Pleck, I need to put you on a brief hold.

What?

No!

Apisoft, we will be your servants today.

So much server capacité.

I think that's.

Okay.

Uh, yeah, Pleck.

Nermit, did you just...

I'm in a war zone.

Did you just put me on hold to talk to a hologram?

What do you need?

Nermit Nermit, we need you to reinvent money and send it.

We think that buying out the inventory is the only way we can get her to leave.

Oh,

you're right.

In the reflectorium, I can just make money.

Yes.

I can reflect a hedge fund.

Yes, what?

And then I could invest into Optison.

No!

No, Nermit.

So the morality is maybe gray, you're right, but like never mind, never mind, Nermit.

Never mind.

Go!

Disconnect!

Disconnect!

Hey, everybody!

Listen, Terry Sherry, things are heating up out there.

I don't know if I feel comfortable staying inside the craft store.

Um, what would you mean by that?

Terry Sherry, aren't you worried that the violence could come in here at any time?

No.

Terry Sherry,

do you have a

oh, wait, you know it's like a glue, then you're you're gluing bits to like a picture frame?

Okay,

um, I'm trying to think.

There's a lot of different types of glue.

Are you looking for a tacky glue?

Is it tacky glue, Lieutenant?

Um,

Grand Ensign Rushlink of the Nognuke, you shall die at my hands!

Not now!

I am purchasing craft goods!

Oh, Galaxy Quinn is right.

Our conflict must wait until I apply.

Of course, of course.

Ah, it's like, um, you know, if I want to like tear pieces of magazine and glue it to like a frame, is there what the...

Perhaps a glue stick if you're just...

It sounds like you're collaging?

Are you looking for a...

Oh, yes, yeah, a glue stick, I think, would actually do the job.

Yes, and some Modpodge.

Modgepodge.

That is what my wife wanted.

I wasn't describing it right, I think.

Terry Terry, you are a savior.

I will return to destroy you, Brandon.

Rush never shall it happen.

Save some Mod Podge for me, please.

Do you need Mod Podge?

Just a little if there's any extra.

You are ahead of me, so if you have one, but that's not fair.

That's not fair.

Okay.

For I believe my wife might like it as well.

It's a very versatile product.

Alright, you guys, I'm gonna wrap up two tubs of Mod Podge for you, and you can come back and pay after the turmoil is over.

I know how you guys like to do.

Thank you, Terry Sherry, Terry Sherry.

Yep.

Wow, you really handled those guys.

It's crazy.

You didn't even do anything.

You didn't, like, use a knife or anything.

Terry, Sherry, does that happen a lot?

That people come in in the middle of a battle to buy arts and crafts?

I'm starting to get a little offended that you're surprised that we get a lot of business here at Dallas.

Well, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm not saying that at all.

I think it's scary.

I'm really happy.

I just, it's crazy.

Those guys were literally covered in blood.

Just casually shopping for Mod Podge together.

Yeah, they don't like each other, but you know what?

They both like?

What?

Colored pencils.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, hold on.

You've got colored pencils here?

Absolutely.

They're in Isle 10.

Would you want to go over to Isle 10?

Sorry to interrupt.

But I got off the head of my enemy and I'm holding it currently in my hand.

I was wondering, where is the

party paper?

Okay, um, a party paper is I'll eat.

Many things seem good by you.

This is grim.

Listen, Terry Sherry, we know you don't want to leave, but we have a proposal for you.

So we were wondering, Terry, would you take an IOU?

What would you mean by that?

What if we just helped you out and, you know, bought a bunch of your stock and that'll let you kind of take the day off you come with us back to the synergy chill out for a couple days and then we'll just drop you back by when this is all over

i i chose to stay here

yeah you guys are pee

really big idiots right now

aj what are you talking about you can't buy terry off you know she's doing a service she's making people happy I mean that guy who just cut that other guy's head off he's wrapping it in paper that's like fun like Like everyone's having a good time.

Everyone's making crafts.

And you know what?

I think the guys who are buying it for their wives are really buying it for themselves.

Yeah, I thought that too.

I had that same thought.

Yeah.

AJ, did you mean all those things that you said about me and the store?

That you want to stay here and that it's a good place and people like it.

Well, I would, that'd be weird if I lied about that right.

Right.

I don't know.

I thought we'd been having a sort of a thing.

Oh, Rod.

Not again.

Listen, we made some pipe cleaner people, which was like, I mean, the mustache thing was amazing.

No one's going to deny that.

But AJ, this isn't the first time you've gotten sort of romantically entangled with some person on a planet we're visiting.

What's the deal?

Are you trying to make this happen?

What?

Yeah, what's your secret?

Because I've been trying to get my groove back, and it is not happening.

It sort of seems like a lot of our missions, like, we go down, there's something we're supposed to do, and you end up, you know, teaching some alien how to to love or something you do this all the time you do this

time plex come on let's be honest you sent the cute dumb one down into the aisle with the mess right and then i fell in love instantly okay i'll admit it i did okay this was all just a ruse you were trying to get me to fall in love so i would leave the store thinking that what i when i left i would just have a life with you out there

why would you do that to someone?

Oh, yeah, AJ, that's pretty messed up.

Terry, Sherry, the last time this happened to me, I said this, and the person didn't feel as bad as they felt before.

I'm six.

I'm six years old.

I was cloned six years ago.

So when I say that, usually, if there's like, oh, you're six, they're not like into it anymore.

Okay, well, age is a number, and it hasn't really been a thing, you know?

Wait, hold on.

2884 is a number, which is my call sign.

But AJ is letters.

Age isn't.

I can't keep falling in love with you.

You all need to leave.

But I to interrupt here, Terry.

You would leave if in fact your love was reciprocated by AJ?

I was really preparing myself to do that.

I thought there was something bigger for me than just Galaxy Sequence.

There's really not.

I'll say that.

Speaking as AJ's closest friend and confidant.

That's true.

Sorry about that.

I can tell that AJ does reciprocate those feelings.

But AJ just gave a whole speech saying a lot of things that ended up being like a no.

He's so dumb, right?

He's so dumb, but he's so cute.

He's so cute.

Isn't he so cute?

Listen up.

Listen to me, Terry Sherry.

Okay, no, I'm no good for you.

I'm a clone.

It can never work out between the two of us.

I'm no good for you.

But just remember this.

Always care about you, dirty trash garbage lady.

Why did you call me?

What?

I'm sorry, this is from the sides I was reading in this for this play that Bargie is doing, and I thought actually, you know, it might be applicable.

Okay.

Soon, the battle will be right here.

And I must,

before I die,

make collage.

Oh, yeah, uh, yep, the collage.

It looks like you can't move.

I'm I can shop for you.

So, what colors do you like?

Um, and do you like stickers?

What sort of a collage were you looking to make?

Red!

Red, yes,

red, and yes.

Okay, so I'll just grab everything

and you can just die at the door, okay.

So that's the right use of cleanup on Isle.

That is so disgusting.

Terry Sherry, we beg of you, please come with us.

No, listen up.

Look around.

Just look around.

The craft store is the true neutral zone.

You know, I thought that there can be no such thing as peace, as I am a soldier that's been bred for war.

Terry Sherry has shown me a different path.

One of crafts and arts.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

Wow, AJ, did you just fold that little bird?

A little bird for you.

That's amazing.

Thank you.

What's important about me, this place, what I do here, this is amazing.

I'm never leaving here.

Listen, Terry, I think, you know, you've proven that this is where you belong.

You're helping people when they come in and need something.

Maybe we should stop worrying so much about, you know, interfering with what?

We're all gonna die.

What?

What?

What?

Before the torpedoes hit, I need glue guns.

Wait, torpedoes?

What torpedoes?

Um, for glue guns, I'll tell you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Multiple glue guns?

The antimatter torpedoes will disintegrate everything on this moon, including your stock of decorative ribbons.

Now is the time to purchase.

No cost is too high, Terry Shay.

Oh, yeah, lots of ribbon.

Um, you have a color ribbon?

Glossy ribbon.

Oh, we have one with duckies on it.

Uh-huh.

Terry, Terry, things are getting sort of serious.

Did that guy say anti-matter torpedoes?

Yes, I said anti-matter torpedoes.

Okay, get out of here.

What aisle?

The duck ribbon.

It sounds wonderful.

Oh, yeah, the duck ribbon.

That's aisle three.

Listen, Terry, I'm sorry.

We came in.

We made a mess of everything.

We really toyed with your emotions and your self-worth, but Galax Sequins can't be a neutral zone if it's been blown up.

I can't, I can't leave.

What am I supposed to do?

Galax Sequins has been my whole life, and you've all truly made me realize that.

I guess the only thing I could do is transfer to the Galax Sequins a couple systems away.

Wait, there's another Galaxy?

Galaxy?

But yeah, I mean, it's a little bit of a chain.

Like, this was the most successful one, and they made enough money.

Also, I'd have to fill out a bunch of paperwork.

I have to do my own exit interview.

Then I have to do my own severance.

I have to do all this stuff.

This paperwork.

Terry, Terry, you're gonna die.

Oh, God.

That ceiling just caved in.

Terry, we'll help you with the application.

That's the only problem?

Sort of, and I really felt important here.

I guess I could just be important in another Galaxy sequence.

Listen, Terry, grab your robot.

Let's get back to the ship.

Okay.

More parts of

boy.

Sorry, but as of just right now, I don't work here anymore.

Treat her with respect.

Hey Justin, mind if I sit with you?

Sure.

You mean like as friends?

Right, because we're totally just friends and that's fine and I'm not freaking out about it and I'm not even obsessed with your drip and how it looks effortlessly cool.

Oh, this outfit?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got it from Stitch Fix.

I completely know what that is, but will you tell me about it as if I didn't?

So, when I was harshly beamed off Bargie alone,

I had some time to think about my priorities, and I realized I wanted an easy solution for looking and feeling my best.

Stitch Fix offers clothing hand-selected by expert stylists for your unique size, style, budget, and relationship status, which for me is dating casually with my options open while remaining ambiguously forlorn.

Every piece of clothing is chosen for your fit and your life, which for me is ass dead care-free.

Mittall!

I mean, just look at these dressed-down but classy spairy distressed canvas sneakers and how they pair with this Harold textured short.

So hot.

Fred hot.

Zalkatron actually helped me fill out my style profile.

We're uh kind of dating, but it's no big deal.

Zalkie, come sit with me and Justin.

You're dating?

What my draw is Justin, you dumb refrigerator!

C5, I was just telling Justin about Stitch Fix.

They have free shipping, easy returns, and exchanges, and a prepaid return envelope is included.

That's awesome.

Thanks.

Plus, there's no subscription required.

Try Stitch Fix once or set up automatic deliveries.

You'll pay just a $20 styling fee for each box, which gets credited toward pieces you keep.

And there's no hidden fees, ever.

Ever.

You should totally do it, Justin, because

as a friend?

Yeah.

Your Steeze is looking a little busted?

What?

Get started today at stitchfix.com/slash zix, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

That's stitchfix.com slash z-y-x-x for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

Thanks so much.com/slash zigzag.

Oh, um, Justin, will you snap a pic of me and Zalki looking so wicked cute?

For sure.

I don't hate this at all.

Let me see that before you show shit.

Black, I'm really proud of this

remade that you're making?

Well, you know, my room is small, but I think it's got room for a plant, you know.

If I could just hang it in this little basket, I think it's gonna really, you know, liven up the place.

Hey, Terry Sherry, I just want you to know that no matter what happened between us, which I'm still

pretty confused about,

I just want you to know that whenever I put a a pipe cleaner mustache on my helmet, which it's probably gonna be a lot, I'll thank you again.

We'll always have that.

That's true.

We always will.

And I'm crying a lot.

I'm trying not to.

Oh, so they're just kind of streaming.

I can see your tears are just kind of coming down pretty fast.

Okay, well.

Well, see you later.

Okay.

Thank you so much.

AJ.

Why don't you cut Terry Sherry some slack?

What I've learned is that being organic means you don't always control how you feel.

Alright?

This isn't flirting, is it?

I don't want to mistake anything for flirting ever again.

I have to be honest with you.

I am a sentient robot.

It would never work out.

Okay, I'll work on myself.

Okay.

Terry Sherry, why would you put that in.

Why would you make that a feature of that robot?

Well, if it's not clear, I get confused a lot.

I think everything is flirting, so I had to program it into the bot.

Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt here, but I've been, as you know, I've been searching for my star of my play,

and I think they're in the ship.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

I,

you know what?

I haven't even applied for that next job yet, so I am actually free.

What?

No, I don't know who you are.

What's that tiny little thing with the glitter?

I love it.

Wow.

Yes, yes.

Reveling filter forever.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, what a pivot.

Yarn, yarn.

Cool.

Well, I guess if we could all spit yarn out of our heads, we'd all get the part.

Lead Envoy C53, I have an incoming call.

Oh, is that Nermit checking in?

Nermit calling?

No, it's Garbo.

Ew.

Terry Sherry, just to fill you in, Garbo is an alien that we've been working with that just gave Dar 39, what are they called?

Orgasms.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah,

could we just

not answer?

You're ghosting Garbo right now?

Listen, they were fine orgasms, but frankly, this was supposed to be like a

almost 40 and done situation.

All right.

Terry Sherry, I'm proud to report that I've completed your paperwork for your transfer to the other Galax sequence.

I've completed your exit interview, and I've negotiated your severance.

Wow, you did all of that.

That's amazing.

Thank you so much.

All in a day's work, you know.

Is there a thing between the two of you?

What's going on?

Hey, Jay, come on.

C53, this new organic body of yours is really good at filling out forms.

Ah, see, I'm proud of you.

You're finding yourself.

You know, maybe I'm finally starting to fall into my role here in this galaxy where I do

a lot of paperwork and answer the phone.

Oh my rod, I've become nervous.

Get me out of here!

Get out of here!

Oh, we're gonna need to redo all your paperwork, Terry.

C53 just ripped it all up.

Oh, man.

Can't catch a break, can you, Terry?

This is Z-Red IT5, credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol.

Flex Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

Lead Envoy C53, Hark Tardagas, Zalcatron 5000, Korzlax of the Ignari were played by Jeremy Bent.

Dar was played by Ali Pokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Justin Balwee, The Galaxy Quince Bot, and the Soldier Holding the Disembodied Head were played by Mujan Zelfogari.

Nera Bundaloy and Rashlonk of the Nagnell were played by Cess Lynn.

AJ and Centurion Tittle were played by Winston Knoll.

Terry Sherry was played by special guest Kimia Papornia.

Kimia is a comedian and actress who will be in the upcoming fourth season of Atypical on Netflix.

She is also starring in Marathon, a mockumentary available on Apple or Amazon Prime.

And she can be seen on TV on many other shows.

Follow her on Twitter at at childclown underscore.

This episode was edited by Seth Flynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Opening crown narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goitz.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to

Schmanners, noun, definition,

rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations.

Hello, Internet.

I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy.

And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy.

Every week on Schmanners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners.

We talk about the history of it.

We take a look at how it applies to everyday life.

And we take some of your questions.

And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette.

So join us every Friday and listen to Schmanners on maximumfun.org or wherever podcasts are found.

Manners Schmanners.

Get it?

Hey, it's John Moe.

And look, these are challenging times for our mental and emotional health.

I get it.

That's why I'm so excited for my new podcast, Depress Mode.

We're tackling depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, the kinds of things that are just super common but don't get talked about nearly enough.

Conversations that are illuminating, honest, and sometimes pretty funny with folks like Patton Oswald, Kelsey Dara, and Open Mike Eagle.

I have his public-facing self, and then I have my emotional self that tends to stay hidden.

It was about finding a way to communicate to somebody that like, there's terrible sh going on back here.

Plus psychiatrists, psychologists, and all kinds of folks.

On depression mode, we're working together, learning, helping each other out.

We're a team.

Join our team.

Depressed Mode for Maximum Fun, wherever you get your podcasts.

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Artist-owned, audience-supported.

You're ghosting Carmo right now?

Listen, there were 39 fine orgasms, but frankly, this was supposed to be like a

almost 40 and done situation.

All right.

Can I have their number?

Oh, no.

Man, you just put the job.

You can't have it all.

My confidence is high.