501: O Others, Who Art Thou?!

The surface of the planet is approaching fast.

Don't you lose?

I don't like this.

I don't like this at all.

What's happening?

I'm crashing plan.

Have you never seen a spaceship crash?

Margie, why aren't you putting out your your landing gear?

Can I take a nap while I'm crashing?

No, surely you could deploy a parachuter or reverse thrusters.

Going into manual mode.

What is manual mode?

Are we dropping faster?

Guys, a hatch on the floor just popped open.

Oh, look at all those ropes and pulleys.

Yeah, bamboo, too.

Is this a foot pedal?

Does anyone know how to pilot a ship manually?

Well, I

actually used to do a little spaceship sailing back in university.

Oh, thank Rah.

Prolfus, what do we do?

I went to university, which kind of just near Quantaris.

What do you mean near Quantaris?

Okay, so it wasn't, it was a little moon off of Quantaris.

Are you trying to get us to ask you where you went to college right now?

I went to Quantarvard, so I was on the sailing team.

I don't want to brag, but you asked me.

Why are you waving a Quantarvard little flag?

Where did you even get that?

Just tell us what to do, Rolfas.

Hoist that shift.

Justin, Centurion, climb the mizzenmast.

Do it!

Do it, boys.

Nerman.

Yeah.

Tack.

You know what tacking is, right?

Yeah, I'm going to tack right here on my key rocket.

Not tap.

Tack.

And you, Pleck, keep pedaling.

Just keep going.

That's a critical part.

Dar, hoist!

Quick footpad hoist.

Sisu.

Yes.

Ready.

Hold me.

Yeah, good check yourself.

If I really want to feel back in college, I need a Qualtar Spritz right now.

He's waving that tenant again, duh.

Jeez, come on.

Boom!

be.

AJ, you're crashing into me.

Hurrah, hurry.

Mountain,

mountain, carry.

Literally pull the rope.

Enough, fine.

Enough time.

No more trees.

Enough time.

Pull up.

Oh, that's a top three.

You did it, you crashed!

You did it, you crashed!

You did it, you crashed!

Well,

that didn't sound good.

The situation has been grim since Hot Beano's self-sacrificial destruction of the All Allwheat flung the crew of the Bargerian Jade through a rift in the fabric of reality and deep into an unknown galaxy on the other side of the universe.

It's one of Plex's larger whoopsies.

After months of floating adrift, desperately transmitting distress signals to no avail, it seemed all hope was lost.

And now our storied starship has depleted her fuel reserves and run aground on an uninhabited, rod-forsaken island on an alien world, stranding our heroes as castaways.

I'd love to say something about their resilience in the face of adversity, but you and I both know the wheels are really going to come off down there.

Now, Captain Dar, Zima Knight Plech Dexeta, and the confusingly large number of people now amongst the crew must escape their island prison, face strange new perils, and risk it all to find a way home.

This is literally a mission to sick.

People of Bargeria, hear me!

For too long, we have scraped by on this island as our resources have dwindled.

We've lost all hope.

We've taken to scrounging in the jungle for insects to eat like animals.

While those with power feast!

You failed to mention the worst part of it.

What's your beard?

Yes, it's terrible.

It's patchy and gross.

Sure, fine.

But now is the time to take up arms against our oppressors.

The others.

The others.

That's where we landed?

That's what we're going with?

Yeah, they're the others.

Yeah, we agree.

The others are just very big.

No, it's good, though, because it's not us, you know, it's the others.

Right, but what are they calling us?

Yeah, they can't also call us the others.

They probably do.

It's very easy to other somebody.

It's very easy to do that.

I guess that's my problem.

It's pretty reductive.

Sorry, Pleck, you were

finally.

It is our time to seize this moment.

Yeah.

To finally take what's ours

and win back this island.

You, Dar, and you, AJ, Nermit, C-53!

Are you in this fight with me?

Well, you know, I'm still on the toaster, so I'm sort of in with you.

Well, AJ will carry you.

Yeah, you're strapped to me.

Sounds like he's in.

You're a brave little toaster, see.

The brave little toaster.

No, Horse Hat, I'm sorry.

You cannot come on this

raid, raid.

It's a raid on this.

It's a raid.

It's a raid mission.

It's a raid.

Horse hat, you cannot come on this raid.

Margie, what is it?

Hold on.

My friends.

My final hours.

Out of the day.

I'll be here tomorrow.

Just like I'm gonna take a nap soon.

And in my final hours, I just wanna know, is it okay if I don't participate in whatever game this is?

Cause honestly, I'm no longer longer a bad drama.

Now that we're in whatever new place that we are.

Bargie, this is no game.

This is the most serious it's ever been.

We need you now more than ever, Bargie.

We must fight to reclaim what is ours.

Are you with me?

Cleck, Bargie is like three-fourths submerged in sand and not operational.

I think.

Come on.

I mean, she doesn't have to.

She can be on the bench with the business.

I just need, I mean, moral support.

The rest of us can sort of do all the physical stuff.

Well, but I can't do anything physically.

Unless there is a strategy that involves me, you know, lightly drowning something.

Alright, okay, so, yes.

C-53 is here for moral support.

And for toast.

Bargie can sit this one out.

Thank you.

But nonetheless, now we raid.

Yes.

Papa, I have our bird lizard mounts ready.

Excellent, AJ.

These things are so cool.

No offense, Lizard Man, but they're like really tall and we can ride them.

Bigger lizard birds are on our team.

This is humiliating.

No, Normit, see, this is a species of bird that's evolving into a cooler lizard species.

No, that's devolving.

Lizards evolve into birds.

Look at me.

Look, these are blizzards.

This is a blizzard, man.

This is an alert.

Ooh, wow, that's a really thick blizzard.

I don't like the blizzards either, but you don't have to like body shape.

No, no, no.

It's a good thing.

Yeah, it's not.

It's not a sick blizzard.

Yeah,

because it's a flightless bird, obviously the legs are the way it is.

Dar, what are you doing with my blizzard?

When you pick up a blizzard and tip it upside down, it doesn't shift at all.

It doesn't move.

That's a quality blizzard.

A blizzard's so thick that it just is immovable.

Listen,

I hate these animals, but I think you're being disrespectful to them at this point.

No, they're cool.

Listen, either way, I'd prefer not to be strapped to AJ if he's gonna ride the blizzard.

Okay, come Darr, skipper.

Look right.

Yeah.

See, you can ride here in my beard.

Yeah, yours turned out so much better than mine.

Oh, yeah.

Um, and Nermi, I guess you can ride

here.

Nope, here.

We'll be back, Bargie.

You guys talk way too much when you're planning.

I named it Nermit

no.

What?

More iced tea, Rolfus?

Yes, dear, please.

This is delicious.

Thank you.

Mark, how's that

we got the water wheel working, so we should have stable electricity in the days to come.

Fantastic.

And kids, I heard you guys figured out how to make a holo vision right here in our hut.

Yeah, mom, it was pretty easy.

I mean, the hardest part was like this cathode ray tube that I made out of flamboo, but it was like easy to do.

Isn't a big deal at all.

Yeah,

I love you.

Thanks for making the holo vision with you.

Building nothing into something with you.

Yeah, that's the best.

It is the best, isn't it?

Now, who wants some local nut rum piña coladas?

Oh, I do.

Thank you.

They'll catch up with you.

Be careful.

Look alive, team.

Up and down on the east button.

It's but more up and down than forward, but we're getting there.

Yeah, absolutely.

Just through this thicket of palms, and we'll see them.

Locanuts at the ready.

Rocket locanut.

Let's do this thing.

Yes, don't throw them until they're you're right, Zine.

You know you're gonna hit them.

Also, have a butt locona.

I don't know if

that is speed used.

You know what?

Don't tell us how.

It sounds pretty tasty right now.

You're here for sort of battle strategy and moral support.

Okay, well, I think on the second strategy, if I toasted a slice of locani very hot, that could potentially be weaponized.

Someone, whatever.

Shut up.

Look, there they are.

The others.

Ah, yeah, they aren't us.

Fantastic.

Doctor Phoenix, Ma, yes, Doctor Phoenix Carrot.

Here are my latest scans of the radiation left in the wake of the all-week's destruction.

You'll see that the wave patterns.

Okay, we're finally alone.

I can call you simply Doctor.

Ah, what a relief.

Doctor.

Ever since that dim-witted Floyda taught us to reveal our true feelings for one another, I've wanted to shout it from the rafters of the arboretum.

I'm in love.

Love.

Right, Diddy, that's the one we're in.

Love.

God bless that stupid, stupid Floyda.

And now that we Phoenuses are in touch with our feelings, we've been able to explore and study the depths of our love

with Dipsy.

Yes, not only is Dipsy an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on, they also release new content every week, so there's always more to explore, no matter who you're into or what turns you on.

And although we Lella love to listen together,

if I need to wind down, Dipsy also has wellness sessions and short bedtime stories and soundscapes soundscapes to help me relax before I drift off.

It's a rod send.

When I'm alone in my quarters while you work late with all the other doctors' phoenices

running spectral analyses on the rank vapors left after the All Wheats implosion into time space,

Dipsy lets me get lost in a world where good things happen and where pleasure is the only priority.

A world not unlike our beloved, atomized Jekna.

Some emotions are are sad.

Yes, for example, sadness.

That's why it's such a miracle that Dipsy is offering an extended thirty-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com/slash zix.

What?

30 days of full access for free when you go to DIPSEA Stories dot com slash zix?

Yes, I just said so, and I have a PhD.

Hmm, sounds true.

Dipsystories dot com slash zix.

Lord.

Well, I guess we should continue our meeting where we were reading the book that Rolfus wrote, How to Untie a Tichi Knot.

Anybody?

Did you read it?

What?

What's that sound?

What's the

what's going on?

What are they doing?

Ow, ow.

Ow, I didn't like that.

Why are you throwing locanuts?

Ow.

Man, we ran out of locanuts so fast.

And back into the trees.

They're aimless.

They're just bobbing up and down.

Yeah, they're just running around in circles on those bird lizards.

Okay, now hold on just a second here.

I had a fresh pitcher of Pina Coladas.

Turned into a catcher.

That doesn't transform.

I don't understand.

Yeah, I know.

It's a raid.

Whatever.

Do you need something?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

It's rare when people offer to meet my needs.

Captain Darr, what's the meaning of this?

Um, so the meaning of this is

we are at war?

Yes.

Yeah.

It was a poorly executed opening.

But we could now just open a dialogue about our arrangement.

Good, thank you.

Okay, listen, we negotiated that this half of the island is ours.

You see that white line created by locanuts?

Now, where do you see yourself currently standing?

We need to redraw the line.

You need to let us stay on this side of the island.

But let's return to history, okay?

You decided to split up from us after we politely told you to stop doing aside.

Okay, well, yes, I know.

When you decided you wanted us to stop, I said, why don't you go somewhere where you can't hear our asides?

Right, asides are very...

Yeah.

Sorry, one sec with Pleck?

Yeah?

Even though you didn't say you're doing that as well.

We're not doing this.

No, this is the no-aside side of the island.

Fine.

It's rude.

You always go into your little groups and we can hear you talking about us.

Okay, listen, it's just when all of us are talking at once, it just feels, you know, to the outside observer very confusing as to who is saying what.

Then have a private conversation.

Sisu, if you

can know with her.

I bet you can't go 30 seconds without doing an aside right now.

Start the clock and start.

Did they make a clock out of local nuts?

It

That counts.

That counts.

That was an aside.

Yes, that was an aside.

Yeah,

I was just talking.

I was talking about it.

That's an aside.

Okay, fine.

I get it.

This is very annoying.

I shouldn't have gone to the map for it.

I'm sorry.

We didn't know that our half was the wet half.

It's always raining over there.

A mudslide is fun once.

Yeah.

Try it every hour.

We didn't even know there was a good half of the island.

Yeah.

And listen, I recognize how silly it was to banish you because we loved our aside so much, but I couldn't participate in the negotiation because my beard was caught in a local tree.

Yeah, we all grew beards over there.

Look at this thing.

We think it's, we're pretty sure it's moss or something.

I don't know what I've never grown a beard before.

Yeah, it has to be some form of moss because even I am.

Even

the toast red.

Oh, yeah, and mine's on the outside of my helmet.

And over here, it's been great.

You guys could grow crops.

You guys could build stuff.

Is that a is that a holovision?

No.

Yeah.

Check out this icebox.

Icebox?

Did you guys figure out a way to power Zalcatron 5000?

Yes, he's one of ours now.

No, Zalcatron's one of the others?

Oh, this one hurts.

We call you the others.

Out of curiosity, what do you call us?

We don't talk about you at all.

What?

No, you must talk about us.

Surely, a little bit.

You don't even refer to us, like, as a general?

Honest on Mojito Mondays, it's hard to think about anything but how nice it is over here.

Mojito Mondays?

Listen, Rolfus, Sisu.

I'm sorry, okay?

No, name everybody, just so everyone's clear.

Yes, fine.

Rolfus, Sisu, Hark, Centurion, Justin, Zalkatron 5000,

Jeremiah Frankenfurt.

Jeremiah Frankenfur!

First of all, it's weird that you left your wife, who's on the other side of the island.

Jeremiah.

It's a little bit rude.

But listen, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry I drove a wedge between us.

I'm sorry I picked the wrong side of the island because I thought the weather was going to be the same.

It's only about a mile and a half wide.

I didn't think it was going to be that big a deal.

I'm sorry.

I flew into the all-week, and I'm sorry that Beano opened a rift in reality and we don't know where we are.

I'm sorry, okay?

You know, some of us may still be hung up on people who are in the others and are still trying to process that whole thing and how...

So what is it that we can do for you, Cleck?

We are alone, and who knows what galaxy, what part of the universe.

I'm not galactic leader.

So am I okay with it?

Of course I am, because now I'm spending time with my long-lost, beloved husband.

Who...

You know, you realize after spending time with someone why you may be broke up.

I love you, Rolfus.

Love you too, babe.

But I'm just trying to stay calm and be present, you know?

What is it that we can do for you, Pleck?

Sisu.

We need your help, okay?

We need to get back home.

If we put our heads together, we can make something or figure something out, we can get back to the Zig Squadron.

That's where we belong.

Yeah, you know, because once we get all together, we can like put a giant sail on Bargy.

Yeah, we have other ideas.

That's one of the ideas, but there's other, you know, better ideas.

We can like stitch stuff together and make like a big sail.

Where do you think we're gonna go?

Why, we'll go wherever the wind takes us, toaster.

We're also willing to just trade AJ for any of your members.

Okay, all right.

I'm sorry I'm the only person with an idea, and that idea is a giant sale.

Apology accepted.

So, what do you say, guys?

Are you with us?

Come on.

Oh, man, we're talking?

Well, I'm so glad I can broker this piece as the de facto president of this island.

Thank you.

Thank you for voting.

Really appreciate each and every one of you.

Okay, yeah.

Thank you.

All right.

Thank you, Madam President.

Well, I'll drink to that.

I just fixed the blender.

Oh, wow.

Cool.

Oh, one question.

Do you have beard trimmers?

Yes, yeah.

Oh, great.

You better believe your old pal heart gets pretty hurtsuit without these bad boys.

Made them out of loconuts.

Raid successful.

Yeah, let's go back and tell Bargie the good news.

Now that we are at peace, thankfully, we don't need these stupid blizzards anymore.

Nermit's my friend.

They only travel like a couple miles an hour.

They're not very efficient.

So I guess I just.

Yeah, just give them a push on the rump.

Get on out of here.

Go on.

Go on, get.

I told you, get out of here.

No, I don't want you here.

Get on out of here.

I don't care.

Go.

AJ, let go of the blizzard.

Why are you...

Oh, right.

Sorry.

Oh, wow.

It just took off.

Oh, did you take its eggs?

They lay eggs?

Lost opportunity.

What?

Yeah, we have a couple domesticated ones here.

Jeremiah has been tending to him.

And his omelets?

Wow.

What a treat.

The secret is Colby Jack.

So I think that went pretty well.

Yeah.

All you had to do was prostrate yourself and cry a little.

Okay.

Wow, look, there's a line on the ground where the storm starts.

Yeah.

Man, my beard grew back so fast.

Yeah, it's that humidity here.

Wait,

there should be two pairs of blizzard prints, one pair of dart prints.

Well, this set of prints was when the blizzard was carrying you, right?

But there are all these other prints.

What?

Oh my god, you're right.

Look at these

three sets of footprints leading into the jungle.

C-53, are there other life forms on this island?

Oh, Oh, it's entirely possible.

I have sort of limited sensory capacity.

Mainly relates to how warm Brandon is.

Okay, you know what?

Never mind.

Forget I asked.

Alright, let's go.

There are other sentients on the island.

Can we call them the others?

Yes, AJ.

Okay, good.

Great.

Honestly, that might get confusing.

Guys, look.

With your existing others.

Oh, no, but we're back together with those others.

Guys.

Okay, so yeah, they can be the others.

Guys, shut up!

Look!

The spacecraft!

Look!

There's a spacecraft on the beach right next to Bargy!

Whoa.

Somebody found us?

Are we s saved?

Keep your hope on a swivel.

All of those late-night shifts, sending distress calls, somebody finally heard it and came to get us.

Wow.

Oh, go ahead.

Run and point with barrels.

Let's go, Doachi.

Don't worry, Darryl.

I'm my expert counsel the whole time.

Oh, I really shouldn't have given CVP3 back to Adrian.

Oh, but really stuck the landing there.

Have they left droppings to track?

Droppings?

I saw three

that walked that way.

Archie, what did they look like?

Have you got anything?

I don't know what do you call yourselves.

A living weapon.

Did they interact with you in any way?

I mean, what?

No.

Why

possible

to rescue us?

AJ, what is it with the droppings?

We're tracking.

We're trying to track.

Scout.

Hey, sorry.

Running in the sand is...

It's hard on your core, you know, but did you guys see any droppings?

What?

Did you see any droppings?

The reason we know they're here is because we saw footprints, AJ.

We could just follow those.

Okay, right, but the droppings will tell us if they're berries.

And the berries.

If there are berries?

What does that mean?

You'll find out when we find these droppings.

I truly do not want to find out.

So like, it's not a big deal.

Horse hat is on the other ship.

Horse hat?

It was their own choice.

No,

Horse Hat is its own person.

Horse Hat?

I'm not their mother.

Was Horse Hat taken?

No.

Did they take it?

My babe.

How recently were they taken?

No, they just walked.

Into the other ship.

Yeah, also, Dari, I don't know what these guys look like, but I can't imagine anyone being able to kidnap Horsat.

That would be like kidnapping like a

perfect angel.

I mean, yes, certainly emotionally, yes.

Don't worry, Horsat.

Your parent is coming!

Untake them.

Bars, just to be clear, Horsat is not yet a, you know, sort of active member of the crew, so I think it's probably in your best interest to discourage them from solo missions.

See, I get confused because all of because, you know,

it looks the same.

Decor and Horsette are almost

Yeah, right, you all are.

You all kind of look the same to me.

Okay, well that's

a toaster.

You don't fly, so that's about it.

Are you saying I look look at me, Bargy?

And now look at me, your toaster.

Yeah,

and you're saying if we weren't speaking, you're shuffling around for a second.

Yeah, with without them speaking, who am I pointing at right now?

Uh

uh

this

coaster and a lizard.

I have horse hat.

I have horse hat.

Yes, horse hat.

Hey, horse hat.

Honestly,

that ship is primo.

Should we just like switch ships?

What?

Bleck, what did you say?

Huh?

Yeah, Pleck.

Jeez.

I didn't say that.

I'm over everything we've been through.

But crew, listen.

You will not believe what Horzad saw on this ship.

Horzat, tell them.

Really?

Oh,

fine.

Well, it's technically like that.

I mean, it could really help us out.

This is amazing.

Let's set a perimeter of optimism.

Skipper Darr, permission to woo.

Woo away, baby.

Woo!

You know what?

I don't even mind this rain.

This half of the island is fine.

It's like cleansing.

It's like cleansing me right now.

It is.

Cleansing my beard.

You know what?

I'm going to ride this mudslide one last time for fun before we're rescued.

Yahoo!

Perimeter of optimism, secure.

But also, if anything goes wrong, I am ready to take them out.

What?

That's not what optim is.

Okay, all right.

Listen, can we just calm down for a second?

This is our chance to get off of this island.

When these guys come back, we'll just explain the situation and maybe take them out.

No, AJ, we can't make the same mistake we've made before.

Remember, Dale?

Or Pleck murdering me?

No,

we're just not gonna get heated.

Yes.

Pleck, you know, I understand why you might be worried about this, but we've grown as people.

We're not just going to senseless.

Wait, wait, wait.

Do you all hear that?

Move it off, people.

Dolphus.

Alright, Team, it's time to leave.

Sisu, what are you talking about?

You know, when you're about to jump into a nice eight-hour shower, but you are distracted because a bunch of strange organisms or aliens, I don't know what we call them, appear in your campsite.

What?

What?

Listen, friends, the less questions asked, the better.

I tasted blood!

Oh, Jerry, I should have gotten.

No.

No.

They were gonna save us.

The ones who attacked our camp?

I don't...

They attacked you?

Yes.

Startled us.

Yeah, we were very startled.

Well, they got attacked.

I don't know if they attacked us.

That's kind of a blur.

Yeah, we could, you know, litigate who did or did not attack

all day long.

Salcatron.

I was using the new shower at this moment, so I was an eyewitness.

Sisu, you are completely naked right now.

Why did you...

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I didn't say say that I just

wanted towel on or something like that.

This is where you came from.

Okay, whatever.

How do we get out of here?

Well now hold on.

Not mistaken.

These aliens have left their fuel canisters right outside their ship where any enterprising young pilot could potentially siphon some of that fuel right into Bargie and then boom, we're back in space.

Excellent idea, Mark.

Oh yeah, that could work.

It's not a sale, but whatever.

Well, this would be the first time I've used a flamboo chute to suck high-density fuel out of a canister and put it straight into a ship.

That really takes me back.

Me, too!

Jeremiah, you just...

The plot thickens every time you open your little...

I'm just glad everyone remembers who Jeremiah is.

I go.

I still sort of.

Well, there's no way of knowing if fuel from this galaxy works with ships from our galaxies, but as they say in the Temboleon quadrant, don't knock it till you try it.

All right, who knows if this will work?

We gotta go.

Wait, can somebody tell me who Jeremiah is, real quick?

Can we get on the ship, please?

Somebody say ship, please.

Hey, energy.

What did I say?

Try it, right?

By the Allweed, a stick, just under a meter and a half in length.

How it survived the implosion, we may never know.

But with further research, we may yet find out.

Thank you.

Wow, just wow.

What an amazing series of talks we have just experienced.

One after the other, brilliant Phoenixes illuminating the current condition of our galaxy post-Allweed.

But up next, something a little

different.

Please welcome Dr.

Fenus Hornby.

Thank you, thank you.

Please sit down.

Now, we all know that even fetuses need food to survive, but what if I told you, brilliant doctors, that you've been eating

all wrong?

How dare you?

Is that big to you?

Okay, all right, all right.

Well, I see some heads popping out of those turtlenecks we all wear.

Now I have your attention, and the answer answer is so simple.

Green Chef.

Green Chef makes eating well easy and affordable with plans to fit every lifestyle, including working 18 hours a day on a research vessel hurtling through the detritus of a reality quake.

Whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, a lowly grad fetus, or just looking to eat healthier, there's a range of recipes to suit any diet, preference, or alma mater.

Because get this, Green Chef is the first USDA-certified organic meal kit company.

Enjoy clean ingredients you can trust, seasonally source for peak freshness and zero whackness.

Ingredients come pre-measured, perfectly portioned, and mostly prepped, so you can spend less time stressing and more time enjoying delicious ship-cooked meals.

And of course, get back to examining dark matter emissions and struggling to express your emotions.

And Green Chef is now owned by HelloFresh, so there's an even wider variety of meals to choose from.

In fact, this very evening after extracting core samples from All Wheat shrapnel, I, Dr.

Fetus Hornbeam, will be preparing and dining upon Green Chef's cilantro butter-based barabundi.

Mmm, so fresh, so tasty.

Go to greenshef.com/slash 906 and use code 906 to get $90 off, including free shipping.

That's greenshif.com/slash 96 and code 906.

Thank you!

Bargie, I can't believe that fuel from that strange spaceship actually works on you.

Oh, it works plenty well.

Wow.

Wow.

I've never seen colors like this before.

Have you ever heard the color gorb or gorbo?

Gorb?

It's like a mix of the and the

piger she's starting a podcast without me.

Don't worry, see, it's not a hyper proton fuel, this is something even beyond that.

It's something that makes you see things, experience things, hear things, and feel hot and cold at the same time.

I'm beginning to feel sensations I've never felt before.

On the top of my heart, at the bottom of my heart.

Uh,

I'm a little concerned here.

Me too.

Oh no.

Do you see a bunny?

Uh.

I see a bunny.

it's going pretty hot.

Muhammad say it seems duh.

Okay.

I don't think that's how drugs ever work.

Do you know exactly where you're

taking us?

My mind has never been so clear, duh, I think.

Oh, that is.

Oh, wait a second.

Oh, Bargie, we're all seeing that big stations.

And the bunny enormous, not the bunny.

The bunny.

And on its side is clearly emblazoned the same insignia that was on the shuttle we stole fuel from.

Okay.

I'm not going down for this.

You need to protect me.

Alcatraz, you literally said you had no regrets about what you did down there.

There's no proof.

Okay,

alright.

That's different than no regrets.

Yeah, that's not the same.

Listen, whatever happens, you know, we can explain this.

We were stranded.

We needed help.

We didn't mean to do anything.

Surely they'll understand.

Anybody else notice a turret pointed at us?

Oh, yeah, I see it now.

I mean, as long as it doesn't start.

Okay, it's emitting a beam of some kind.

What were you gonna say?

As long as it doesn't start what?

Emitting a beam, Nermit.

Hey, you nailed it.

Oh, and uh, Jeremiah Frankenfurter is glowing, so uh.

Jeremiah is looking really weird.

You are!

No, Jeremiah, it wasn't a dig, it's you're glowing.

Thank you!

Oh no!

Oh my god, you're disintegrating!

I don't

know what that is.

We gotta get out of here.

Alright, wow.

Well, all the voices in my head are telling me something, but I don't know what they're trying to say.

Horse hat, what should I do?

Alright, time to go.

I'm flying in the sky, it was my ship.

Wow, how is it?

Oh, wow.

Okay, wow.

Nice work, Bergie.

Yeah.

What?

All right, we'll be safe here.

We're safe.

We're safe.

We're away from whatever that big, huge ship.

Hey, and you know, worst case scenario, we just lost Jeremiah Frankenfurter.

Like, Jeremy's, but, you know, I mean, but you know, who's one of us?

Yeah.

Who's Jeremiah?

Your husband.

Your ex-husband.

You were going to marry him.

Get in line, Pleck.

Alright, friends, all we need to do is use the remaining fuel to get out of this sector of the galaxy, and then we can start sending out some fresh distress calls.

Jeremiah would have wanted it that way, and with any luck, someone will hear the message.

What?

What?

What?

Yeah, it's right behind me again.

No.

They tracked us through hyper spins.

How do they have that technology?

Everyone, battle stations.

Um, Hart, if you could just hold right there that I'm the captain of.

So sorry, so sorry.

That's clearly an overstep on my part.

Oh, yeah.

No, but I, uh, good intentions.

Really strong.

Yes, absolutely.

Before we left, we also decided I am the president of whatever planet that was, right?

So we're not on it anymore.

Right.

Okay, actually, I, yeah.

You know what?

I need a break anyway.

You look great, by the way.

You just look great.

I just want to say, you look great.

Actually, does anyone have a sweater?

I'm a little cold.

You can't.

Nobody noticed.

AJ.

AJ, you're screaming.

Cece, you can take my robe.

My Z-Mail.

Absolutely not.

That's hideous.

It's disgusting.

It's true.

There's strange stains on it.

Okay.

Alright.

I thought that was a really nice thing.

I mean, uh, Sisu, I'd love to offer you my captain's uniform.

Dar, no!

Oh, no, you can't do that.

I insist.

No, but it's yours.

Alright, well, if you insist, it is incredibly large.

But now, Sisu is the captain.

Oh, okay.

But as captain, I like to delegate.

Dar, what do you think we should do in this situation?

Oh, Cecil, thank you.

The ship is getting closer.

Jack, we should figure this out.

Hark.

It's happening.

You're glowing, Dark.

Hello.

Hello.

Hang on, friend.

You know, I'd like to say this was the first time I was disintegrated, but actually, it's a funny store for a year.

No, think of the trivia knife.

Barchie, go, go, go farther this time.

Go farther.

All right, you know, I still feel good.

I still feel like real, uh, tick-tock, tiptoe-based toes.

Hey, Bargie, it doesn't matter as heck.

Explain this later.

Just go.

Alright, explain.

Dude, space is gross.

Quick, Bargie, uh, I don't know, hide behind that moon or something.

Listen, Pleck, if they can track us through hyperspace, I don't think moving behind a moon is going to render us invisible to their sensors.

You never know.

Yeah, go to the dark side of the moon, classic.

Alright, it'll take a couple of days because there's no moon currently in front of me, and all I keep seeing are multiple bunnies.

No, that is a moon.

Lots of bunnies shining in the sky.

Okay, fine.

Bargie, just hide behind that big ball of bunnies, I guess.

Alright, but they're kind of very silly.

Sounds great.

Pargi, what is this fuel made out of?

Oh no!

There it is again!

Oh no!

Oh, the bunnies are laughing!

They're laughing so much!

Oh, they're powering up the emitter again.

Rothus.

See, suit.

See, suit now.

What's up?

No.

What do I do?

Hold me.

It'll be both of us.

Back in hyperspace.

It'll be both of us.

They

even disintegrated the uniform.

We've lost a lot today.

I lost my crush.

You lost your uniform.

The kid lost both of his parents.

We're all dealing with grief in our different ways.

Bargie, listen, you just gotta jump to hyperspace and keep going.

Okay, just stay in hyperspace.

Wow, plaque.

What?

I mean, don't you understand how fuel works?

That I run out of fuel by doing things like going to hyperspace.

I don't understand.

How does he die?

How do you know?

This is basic.

The bunnies know.

Do the bunnies know the bunnies though.

Touche.

Alright, well, the bunny said I should go to hyperspace, so I'm gonna do it.

Oh, great.

I go

Uh-oh.

Uh-huh.

What's up?

Oh, Bargie.

I'm starting to come down.

Oh, geez.

Okay.

I mean, you do, but I would never say that to your face.

That was.

That was before, though.

That was before you the fuel.

You said that.

Listen, just a little bit farther, Bargie.

We have to shake the ship.

Hey.

Centurion.

Yes, Justin.

What?

We just experienced a traumatic event.

So many in such a short amount of time.

And yet, we're still together.

We are.

I think you get me now more than ever since.

I mean, aren't...

Both of your parents dead or something, right?

Hey, hey, guys.

What?

What?

Is the ship.

Is it physically possible for another ship to be in the same hyperspace lane as us?

It's following us in hyperspace.

Well, look, although it's commonly referred to as a lane, hyperspace is actually a state of near-infinite energy, which stretches a ship's molecular structure out over thousands of parsecs.

So it's not really possible that we're in the same lane.

They're doing it.

They're right there.

Look.

Sort of an adjacent lane.

Yep, they're signaling.

But they're right there.

But just to be clear, they're not in the same lane.

Okay.

The distinction is important.

Thank you.

Bargie, can you go any faster?

Can you?

I'm literally in hyperspeed.

There is only one speed you can go, and that's a hyper.

I guess turn left or something.

I don't know.

Hey, everyone, I'm glowing.

Centurion!

No!

Centurion, no!

Centurion!

Centurion!

Who made the eye?

Who made the eye right now?

Who made the eye right now?

I love you.

You should hold on to my hands so you also get.

Oh, this is so romantic.

They're gonna go together.

Sad but beautiful.

Yeah, I'm gonna hold on to your hands.

I'm gonna go together.

I'm gonna give you my hand.

Oh, then you're ready for my hand to come to you.

Did you see that?

Oh no!

Did you

not hold on to his hands?

You just didn't know it.

Well, like,

like, we're young, you know?

Sure,

and like, but you guys really are in love with Centurion with all my heart, you know,

and I'm super sad about it.

Like,

I've been DMing someone out.

Like, it's not a big deal.

That's juck, Justin.

That's really juck, Justin.

We're in a strange galaxy.

Nobody even speaks the same language as we do.

I'm a visual thinker.

Good news.

I'm out of fuel again, so I'm dropping out of hyperspace.

Oh, no.

Good news.

No, we gotta keep going.

Oh, good news.

That ship just came back out of hyperspace.

Oh, that's not good news either.

It's not?

AJ.

I just thought we were all saying good news.

Do you remember when you said, yes, I see the turret?

Yes.

Anyway.

Who's going next?

I mean, it's obviously going to be.

Who wants to put money on it?

Who's put money on it?

I don't know that this falls under optics.

I would bet that it's not Justin.

Everyone, just back away slowly from Justin as they glow because we all know where this is headed.

Jesus, what are you talking about?

There's

pretty

much going to be.

No.

We're all part of the crew.

Yeah, there's sort of like a.

Yeah, I mean, but we're all good.

And we're all on the ships.

Yeah.

Dar was the captain.

Nermit was the mission's guy.

Right, right.

AJ does the security stuff.

C53 is like the brains of the situation.

He's like the underdog who everyone for some reason attacks all the time.

He really has the biggest heart.

And in a way,

he's teaching us what it's like to live in this universe.

And Bargie was like the one-liner, sassy, old one.

And then I, Justin, was the one who was the.

What, guys?

What?

Nerman,

we'll get to you.

Let Justin finish.

You're so wrong, but I'll let you have this one.

Whoa.

I guess the original gang is all that's left.

Justin, Justin,

I like this kid since the beginning.

Wait, what are you?

Since the beginning!

Nerve it!

Oh, nerve it!

I'd like to propose a toast to nerve.

Both came out.

Yeah.

Thank you, Justin.

That was it.

Just the toast.

Okay.

Guys,

listen, maybe this is it, you know?

Maybe this is the end.

Might be facing

our last moments right now.

Crew.

Friends.

Family.

If these are our last moments together,

I have something to say.

I just want you to know I feel like I also have something to say.

What?

Are we all saying stuff?

No,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, take care of me.

I have a secret.

Wait, hold on.

The sea captain?

You're gonna talk about the sea captain?

We're gonna hurry about the sea captain finally?

Yeah, maybe it raises.

Feels a little bit more.

Hey, crew!

Huh?

They all left?

It's kind of rude.

Well,

Baji looks like he is just you again, like old times.

You and Zelcatron 5000.

Right, Zelki?

I guess I'm the captain now.

No, no!

That crap.

It was so relief.

Well.

Okay, I guess I was just uh

when you're alone, you can do what you want.

Oh, well, the sound sounds better than before because Budgie's alone.

And that is okay.

And oh, shh, juck, what is what the juck is happening?

I've got a beat track to be.

I was in the middle of a solo.

This isn't fair.

Well, if I'm gonna go out, I'm going out inside.

But up next.

Dr.

Fetus Canonoma.

Come, click.

What?

What's going on?

That stick that we found in the old league when it started to

hum.

Dear Rod, I'm on my way.

Excuse me, sorry.

I know that.

We're all Phoenixes here.

I must get to my lab.

So happy to see you.

What's going on?

What's going on with anything?

No, shut up, Dr.

Phoenix Brio.

Look, the stick, it's glowing.

Hello, everyone.

Magistrate Floyd here.

Good news.

The Mi Launcher is returning to the ship.

The the Mii Launch?

The Floyd device?

Huh?

That's impossible.

The Floyder device doesn't even have thrusters.

We shot it out of the torpedo tube.

Hey, it's it's back.

It came back.

Hooray, guys, we did it.

Wait, well, what is this alarm?

I've never heard it before.

Well, of course you've never heard it before.

It's an alarm whose only function is to alert us that someone is murdering everyone on one side of the ship.

The odds that you would ever hear an alarm like that would actually...

No, no.

let

there's no time to waste.

It's everything that's for themselves.

A stick keeps starting to it's moving.

That stick just flew into his hand.

Why are you wielding the stick?

That stick is being actively researched.

Stick.

No,

the weapon you have stolen from me is Vandengal Arba.

What is death but the opposite of life?

I'm Floyda.

What's your name?

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions Joint Commencing, Outro Protocol.

Plant Duck Setter and Dr.

Phoenix Canaloma were played by Alden Ford.

C-53, Hark Tardagas, Zalcatron 5000, and Dr.

Phoenix Hornbeam were played by Jeremy Benn.

Captain Darr and Jeremiah Frankenberger were played by Ali Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Sisu Gundu, Justin Balweet.

Drs Phoenix Price and Phoenix Carrot were played by Mujan Sulfigari.

Nera Bundaloy and Dr.

Phoenix Marp were played by Seth Lind.

A.J.

Rolfus Tittle, Centurion Tittle, and Dr.

Phoenix Brion were played by Winston Knoll.

With special guest appearances by Claire Morris as Floyda and Breton Lee Mulligan as Cor Baovor.

And cameos by Becca Petemore and Brandon Jones with the Zix Zix fancast playing additional doomed venuses.

This episode was edited by Seth Flint with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Opening crown narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for Bargerian Jade and episode art by Eric Goise.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Our website is MissionToZix.space, where you can find fresh Zix merch, like our brand new magnetic, retro-style Zelcotron 5000 refrigerator envelopes.

I'm a biased credits droid, but can confirm they look truly amazing.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maxim Fun Network and get excited because the Max Fun Drive starts next week.

Season 5 episodes will be released bi-weekly, but we'll be back next week for a special Max Fun Drive feed drop.

Max Fun Drive's almost here.

It starts on Monday, May 3rd, ends on May 14th, and it's the best time to support the shows you love.

Here are some folks like you sharing what MaxFun and our shows mean to them.

Most importantly, it's meant community.

And yeah, just thanks for hanging out, making Jokemont, and making my week a little bit brighter.

So thanks, MaxFunFun, for making me a better person and making sure that I'm surrounded by better people.

Thanks again for all you do.

Love supporting MaxFun and keep it up.

Come back Monday, May 3rd for more details from your favorite hosts.

We'll have some of the best episodes of the year, special Max Fun Drive thank you gifts, and maybe a few surprises.

That's Monday, May 3rd.

Until then.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

It could also be like...

When we chose halves of the island, we didn't know it was going to always be shitty and rainy on our side or whatever.

Yeah, we chose the wet half.

Nothing grows, it all just washes out to the ocean.

Right, that's funny.

That's funny, that's very crude.

Let's camp over here.

Right.

Yeah.

There are mudslides like every hour.

There's a volcano.

And we all grew these beards.

There's like basically moss.

Right.

Same for the improv.

Yeah.

No, wasted.

I can cut it in.