Total Recap

This is here at IT5 with our final off-season episode before season five.

That's right, season five is right around the corner.

Keep your head on the swivel

perimeter

hallway clear

moving down other hallway

Rolfus

and that other guy

say something maybe I'll take a quick listen

It's taken me a while to say this, you know look serious maybe spray I'd like to put up a strong wall around myself Yeah, that's true.

Don't get the hopes up put your hopes down on the ground

Rolfus, the wall has crumbled

And I just have to say this, and I'm only gonna say this once, and don't you dare repeat it back to me.

Say it.

Say it.

You are my one and only.

Oh, wow.

Thank you for being so vulnerable.

I wish I hadn't heard or seen this touching moment.

Okay, AJ.

You know what you have to do.

Dig deep.

Hey, AJ, what are you up to, buddy?

It's just, you know, I was using your arm as a pillow, you were using Dar's arm as a pillow, and, you know, when you leave, the circle just sort of gets broken.

And without any heat, it's just, we gotta stick together, you know?

Get down to the ground.

Get down to the ground.

What?

What are you talking about, AJ?

My fake?

F-A-I-C.

Federer Lions identification card.

Yeah, I know.

I know what it stands for.

AJ, what are you...

What year is it?

I'm not afraid of Blashroom.

Get down on the ground.

What are you talking about?

Hey, AJ.

Whoa, whoa.

You wanna come back to the cuddle puddle?

Over headquarters, we got a giant

12-foot monster, chest talons holding a toaster could be weaponized.

Send back up, repeat, stand back up.

I'm not weaponized.

Okay, all right.

Hey guys, I think AJ, like, mind-wiped or something, but like more

than usual.

I think we may be in a situation where AJ has done what Clints used to refer to as a deep clean.

It's a little more intense than a mind wipe.

Wow.

It can have some pretty severe effects.

Yikes.

How far back does the deep clean take you?

Well, he's asking for a fake, which has existed for at least a while.

A fake is trying to open fire on us right now.

Ow?

Come on, what's the what's the rack?

Oh, hey, Nermit.

It's having a great dream.

We're just trying to Something's wrong with AJ.

I think he did a deep clean.

Got a hostage.

I got a hostage.

This little Scorpio tank.

It's a gold scorpion.

AJ.

AJ,

put the lurd down.

Okay, now there are two giant aliens with chest talents.

You'll never take me alive.

And pulling foot done.

Oh, come on.

AJ.

It's empty.

My fuck gun is empty.

Yeah, we know.

You ran out of ammo for that like months ago.

is it!

This is over here!

I can't figure my one out.

Come here, come here.

Maybe there's another butt gun.

No, there isn't.

Paste is just a little bit.

I've checked before.

Come here.

Please don't hurt me.

It's gonna be okay.

We're gonna figure this out.

How do you know who I am?

I mean, for one thing, it says it on your shoulder, but also we're your friends.

Yeah, we're your friends, AJ.

We're your family.

Wait, so I did a deep clean?

I think so, buddy.

That sounds right.

How deep?

How deep are we talking?

I mean...

What's the last Shirk movie you remember?

Shirku.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

AJ.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, AJ, we'd be happy to try and jog your memory here.

Yeah, okay, okay.

Just treat me like I'm a newcomer to your adventures and just, like, do a kind of quick recap.

I'll write it all down.

I mean, if you're looking for brevity or clarity, you've got the wrong group.

No, no, no, no, no, guys.

No, I think we could really sum up what we've been up to in the last few years in a cogent and helpful way for AJ and, you know, anyone who might be new to our adventures.

Well, alright, fair enough.

Let's give it a shot.

Sure.

I think the inevitable failure doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

Yes.

Wait, what?

Let's lock and recap.

First things first,

who

are all of you?

Oh boy.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, uh, I am Zima Knight, Pleck Deck Setter, a warrior of the ancient religion known as the Space, and

your mentor.

Oh.

I would really say it takes a village.

Okay, sure.

I'm Dar,

intimidating,

least sexy alien.

Currently, Captain.

I consider myself also one of your mentors.

Oh, yeah, you seem like a much better mentor.

Okay.

And you know, uh,

I have the heart of a dancer.

Well, you're also joking enormous, so I'm gonna write that down.

Uh, AJ, I am C53, Protocol and Diplomatic Relations droid, albeit somewhat humbled by having lost his droid frame.

The cube holding my sentience is currently stored within this toaster.

So, you're a toaster?

Uh, no, I'm the cube.

Yeah, but the voice is coming out of the toaster.

Uh, yes, well, that's because my cube is inside the toaster.

Uh,

you know, we just haven't found another frame to put my cube inside.

Toaster that thinks he's a robot.

Got it.

He does make great toast.

Obviously, I can make toast.

I'm inside a toaster.

I am Nermit Bundaloy.

My most recent title is Temporary Emergency Emissarial Negotiations Missions Operations Manager, and I assign the missions to this crew.

Tiny Lizard Man.

His plumage is aggressive in some ways.

Thank you.

Hey, just like to chime in, say, I'm sorry

That's all I want to do.

Is this who I think it is?

Yes, this is me.

I am the Budgerish.

Oh, yes.

This is incredible.

Oh, he knows Bargie?

Everybody knows Bargie.

Gotta love her.

But But also, usually my energy is a little higher, but currently I am running on whatever negative energy is.

Oh, wow.

Can you do your famous catchphrase for me?

Open your door, you chuck chucker.

Oh, yeah.

Classic.

Since this juice, you chuckna.

Wow.

Whoa.

I love you since the day you opened your hatch,

Peter.

Yes.

Man, I love you since the day you opened your hatch, Peter.

It's a classic catchphrase.

Oh, hi there, it's Tiff.

And hey, Rishra.

I'm so sorry we missed you.

Yeah, sorry about that.

We're probably...

You know.

Yeah, you know.

You know what we're talking about.

You know, you know.

Don't they, Tiff?

Oh, they know, Rod.

We're talking about

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And when you hear the beep,

I think you know what to do.

Oh, I think you know exactly what's happening.

I think you know what that beep means.

You know, recipient has exceeded a lot of time.

Okay.

Tell me what happened.

Sure, sure.

I first met the rest of the crew when i joined up uh with the federated alliance who uh you know i didn't know was evil at the time but obviously it turned out to be pretty evil no come on how could they be evil they cloned me and like millions of other clients and they sent us out in the galaxy and that's like cool and then we you know we would enforce the law and you know kind of suppressed rebellion and yeah freedom and yeah yeah

that's sort of back for you they were evil aj that's why we defected that's why you defected too Right, right.

Okay.

But we don't say all hail, Federated Alliance.

No, we don't say that anymore.

Yeah.

So, wait, what would you guys do?

Like, what was like a typical day?

So, basically, I would spend a lot of time preparing detailed mission instructions hours before calling them.

They would go do the mission, but like, even while they're there, I'd be prepping the next one.

The missions were primarily a lot of prep work on the instructions.

And then the missions were primarily prep work?

Yeah.

I sort of think the missions were primarily missions.

Well, I mean, that's pretty limited view of just from someone who goes on the mission.

Alright, so this is what happens during the missions.

Okay, they all interrupt each other, they all personally share too much information, then they disappear for hours on end.

Sometimes days,

I get worried, I call out their names,

I wait by the door.

Oh, thank you, Bargie.

I go eat a snack, I take a nap, I go by the door again,

I go take a snack,

I do a nap.

I think you're sort of describing a cat, yeah.

So, getting kind of a limited picture of what we did.

Then I turn on my belly and I wave my belly around.

No, I make no funny.

I don't get something.

Okay,

this is a cat.

This is a cat.

That's what I does.

Yeah, Barge, is this prepped for some role?

Yeah, you can rest your hand a little bit now.

I don't think all that needs to go in the

meow gy was a little bit more.

But what should go in there is that I was a real horn dog in the beginning.

You know, I

want this is important because I'm a parent now.

I put it in past tests.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wait, so

when did you're not in the Federated Alliance?

Did you leave or did they kick you out or what?

So here's what happened.

So the Federated Alliance was formed by the Council of Seven.

It turned out that six of them were evil.

Two.

And a twist.

Honestly, it was.

But then it turned out that the seventh was even more evil.

And so they

twist on a twist.

What are you?

What did you call it?

Are you writing that part down?

Twist on a twist?

Double twist?

Curly twist?

AJ, you're running out of margins with all those twists.

Listen, did we come to the realization that the Federated Alliance was evil a little bit later than we probably should have?

Yes, but we made up for it.

We blew up the delegator, which was was uh full of uh uh

well, Clints, mostly.

I probably should

okay, yeah.

Oh, wait, the yeah, the delegator, something's coming back now.

What, yes, really there's a name,

yes, yeah, yeah, there's a name

floating up to my head.

Uh-huh, it's

just swink.

No, no, it's

tiny,

no, no, no, no, no, don't say it, don't say it, no, it's tiny twos!

Tiny twos!

Oh, no.

Oh, she turned up the gravity.

AJ, Tiny Toots was Bargie's nemesis.

A much more popular ship and her ex.

Bargie, turn the gravity back on, please.

But tell us before you do it.

Ow!

Oh.

I'm gonna write down.

In parentheses, I think they blew up the delegator.

Alright, great.

Okay,

we destroyed the delegator and joined up with the rebellion against the Federated Alliance.

And we also recorded at least 62 episodes of Bino and Bocce.

Yes.

Not enough to get syndicated.

That was...

But it had pretty good reviews.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

What's a beano?

Uh.

Wow.

Yeah, that's another part of it.

We we found a bean, and when we put it in hot water, it turned into beano.

Did beano have nipples?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

That's Bino.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't remember anything else about it.

That's the only thing you remember?

That's the weirdest thing.

I love that.

A big part of our lives for a long time.

But unfortunately, the show was on a streaming service called Teeny.

Yeah.

And that went down.

That actually wasn't.

That actually wasn't.

Bargie, the reason that Bino went away.

Bino went away.

It was the reason that Teeny went away.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That's why it went away is because Teeny was teeny.

Everyone forgot that teeny was a thing.

Yeah.

You know my only question?

Why is it called teeny?

Well, it's interesting, AJ, because teeny was actually a hybrid of Teen C Network.

Okay.

You know, like a network that just made small videos.

Yeah.

They were very small.

They're so tiny.

Oh, yeah, they were physically very small.

Yeah, physically, the image was...

I mean, many species were barely even able to perceive the videos at all.

They were so small.

So it just cost a lot per month.

Yeah, it was over $10.

15 crooned a month?

Get the juck out of here.

Yeah, yeah.

So, from what you guys are saying, you guys were very much involved in teeny for a lot of the time that you were

before you met?

Yeah,

it was sort of like a lot of people were talking about teeny.

I don't think I ever really watched it anymore.

It was certainly more of a pickpock.

Yeah.

But I mean, the amount that you guys are talking to me about teeny makes me think that you spent a lot of time on the street.

It was just in the zeitgeist.

It was just in the zeitgeist for a long time.

Everybody was making fun of it.

But you're right.

Pickpock was a much more popular service.

It's an app where you see videos of people who steal from one another.

Okay, chapter two, the rebellion.

So now, this was the rebellion against the Federated Alliance.

Oh, hey, the Federated Alliance.

Yes, exactly, AJ.

That's correct.

We just don't say that.

We were fighting the forces of Wackness in the Federated Alliance, which you know sort of culminated in the Battle of the Planet Crusher Crushers, which, of course, was a weapon capable of crushing a weapon that was capable of crushing a planet.

Exactly.

And I mean, I like to think we were sort of instrumental in that whole thing.

Not to put too fine a point on it.

The Battle of the Planet Crusher Crushers, yes.

Right, exactly.

Something else is coming back to me.

Okay, what is it?

My name.

Oh, no.

That I said earlier.

No, AJ, stop.

Come on.

We learned nothing.

Why can't we?

No.

No.

The gravity.

I'm more tired just emotionally dealing with that badge.

How do you only remember that one thing?

It's alliterative.

No.

I have no limbs.

Every one of these crashes really hurts.

Yeah, right on the old lever.

And then, of course, you know, Bino granted Bargie's wish to become a star, and we were stranded in Hollywood for some time, during which I became Zima warrior, and that's when you met us.

That's when I met you, Chris?

Yeah, you were in a strike team of Clint sent by the Emperor to assassinate, you know, me and everyone else on the crew.

I took your strike team out with my woodsaber, and you decided to join me to learn the ways of the stabs.

You took them out with a what?

With my woodsaber.

It's the dinglehopper.

It's the ancient stick, the

ancient carry around and wield, and sometimes it gives us blinter.

Okay, it's more than that.

It's an ancient weapon of the fabled Zema Knights.

It's made out of a stick.

Yes, it is.

Yes.

Thank you, C53.

It's made out of a stick, but it is not a stick.

You know what else is made out of a stick?

Hmm.

A stick.

Yeah, well.

Can I see it?

Funny, you should ask that.

It was actually magically swapped by the Emperor in the All Wee with this

plastic tube.

Ooh.

I like this.

This I like.

Okay, you know what?

Yeah.

It found its way back to

Oh, why indeed?

Okay, alright, so I met you guys in Hollywood and joined the team.

So what happened when I joined it?

Like, pretty cool stuff, right?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah.

You know, we got a little dumber over, like, on average, I would say.

Ouch.

Dumber on average, but, like, we have way more hours of room tone than we ever ever had.

You know, then for a long time, our entire life was dominated by the fact that Bargie was under investigation for money laundering, treason,

witness tampering, financial murder, if I recall.

Financial murder.

It was also when Horse Hat was born.

Yeah.

Whoa, that's a baby.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Big time.

Well, it wasn't just Horse Hat.

I carried two

very special children.

Bino, the thing with nipples?

Hmm, you might remember.

Okay.

The thing with nipples?

Please, I carried Bino to term in that.

Okay, all right, sorry.

dare you, please.

But right as the trial ended, we were captured again by the Emperor, where Kor Balevor used a whack ritual to

wait.

Wait, what?

His name's Cor Balevor?

That's the coolest name ever.

Yeah, he was sort of like the henchman of...

Does he have like a song?

He should have a song.

It should be like.

Yeah.

Believe it or not, you've suggested this exact thing before, EJ.

The same riff.

Corbailvor.

Yeah, you have.

Oh, okay.

Great.

I was right then and I'm right now.

And unfortunately, after the Emperor abducted us into the Planet Crusher Crusher, when Pleck knocked him off a catwalk during

him and also

rendering him infinitely more powerful.

Yes.

Cor sort of orchestrated a whack ritual simultaneous to the Emperor being thrown off the catwalk with Bino.

Shuck, yeah.

Yeah.

The whole thing imploded and turned into sort of a gigantic celestial butthole.

The most gargantuan horror the galaxy's ever seen, known as the Allweed.

Okay, yeah.

No questions.

That all makes sense to you?

What?

You had seven questions about Teeny and nothing about the Allweed.

Well, to be fair, Teeny was sort of a hard phenomenon to understand.

It's a pretty hard pitch on paper for sure.

Teeny.

Then we all headed to an ice planet to find the former rebel commander Sisu Gundu.

And you and Nermit killed a bunch of ice beasts.

Including

the coolest ice beast, Dale.

Come on.

It's just what happened.

I'm just trying to tell him what happened.

A, AJ put me up to it.

Lizard Man, take a shot.

Sounds right.

And B, we had no way of knowing that Dale was known for baking cookies.

Well, we know now.

She's also known for a lot more, like being a loving father,

a pillar of his community.

A generous lover.

Yeah, his wife would not stop bragging about what a generous lover he was.

Wow, it sounds like a great guy.

You dared me to shoot him, AJ.

I don't remember it.

So we spent several months not only preparing to face the All Wheat, but also helping Sisu Gundu prepare her campaign to be the new galactic leader.

I discovered my destiny of going into the All Wheat.

These guys followed me in and we defeated the Emperor a second time.

Yeah, we had to go into the All Wheat because Pleck rode a wooden rocket into the All Wheat and we thought he might die, so we went after him.

I didn't die.

It worked.

Turns out that Bino, that was the other half of the All Wheat.

Okay.

Turns out that Bino, in his infinite wisdom, actually sort of had a soft spot for us,

maybe in large part due to the teeny

series he had with Bargie.

Remember Teeny?

Yeah, it comes back to Teeny.

Actually, now I don't know why it was such a huge flop.

Yeah, no, it was a great idea.

It was just poorly managed.

Poorly executed.

Teeny thought people wanted, like, you know, 10-minute episodes.

What they want are 40-minute recaps.

Not only 10-minute episodes, but they were on one centimeter by one centimeter.

They were very small.

That's the problem.

It was different.

You had to hurt the watch.

Oh, yeah.

And sometimes you'd have to go 360 and spin it.

Right, right, right.

Some videos were only visible in 360 mode where you had to spin your phone at a a constant rate.

Yeah, that was the only thing that wasn't really.

Otherwise, the video itself would spin.

You had to spin it in the opposite direction to keep it stable.

Cause it wouldn't let you do screenshots, which just like made the whole experience unshareable.

Oh,

that seems like

they knew what you were watching.

But how do you create earned media that way?

You remember that?

Is that baked in?

All clinics have basic digital marketing.

Even a deep clean doesn't remove digital marketing strategies.

Oh, no.

Anyway.

So we destroyed all the...

Oh, yeah.

Darr.

Died is not...

I mean, that's a pretty gentle way of saying that.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you could say that Dar is constantly dying in an endless time loop that will stretch to infinity.

Why is my leg bleeding?

Why would you say that?

I would just say that, but why would

you say that?

It's probably still too soon.

Luckily, in a subsequent mission, due to time travel, there became two DARs, so the extra DAR was able to replace Dar who died.

And that's the DAR you see before you today.

Right.

Well, you guys can talk about this all you want, but I will not be writing it down.

Because I do not understand what you're talking about.

Well, let me tell you this, AJ.

It makes sense, and it's airtight.

AJ, I can see your helmet is filling up with blood.

You should probably let someone.

How How do you spoke whimy?

It's timey with a W.

Got it.

So we destroyed all we, of course.

Yes.

Yeah.

And that opened up a rift in reality.

We fell through it, and we don't know where we are now.

And now we've been adrift for so long that Bargie's out of fuel and has shut off all but the absolute bare minimum of life support systems.

So there's only one way that I know that I'm alive, and that's if I shake.

you.

Don't shake that.

Don't shake the tush.

It also...

You're gonna wake up all those other guys, and they're kind of annoying.

Wait, what other guys?

What are the other people that were in the all-week with us?

They're on the ship now.

Yeah.

CC Su Gundu, Rolfus Tittle.

Wait, who?

Rolfus Tittle?

I keep hearing static when you say that name.

He's the guy you were cloned from.

Huh?

Rolfus Tittle is the source of your DNA, AJ.

So I'm not surprised you probably can't hear me saying his name, Rolfus Tittle.

Rolfus Tittle.

No, I can't hear it.

And none of that sounds right, so I will not remember that.

Okay.

Okay.

Then you're caught up because you didn't remember it before.

Well, this is actually an amazing recap.

It's super clear.

I don't know, AJ.

I think anyone trying to familiarize themselves with our situation based on what you wrote would be very, very confused.

Yeah, I would say turned off

maybe alienated might be the word

yeah

uh i mean

seems to me that this is a crew of misfits aboard a cantankerous ship that go for a bunch of madcap adventures in a galaxy full of delightful and interesting creatures wow it's essentially a workplace comedy set in a fantastic universe also with a little bit of found family thrown in Okay, huh, okay, yeah.

I don't know if I've ever thought of it that way, but yeah, I mean, I guess that's exactly

skilled distillation of uh the random tidbits we've just said for the last half hour.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's just like that's how I would describe it if I was paycheated to teeny or something.

Yeah, well, wait, Cecil, come back, come on.

No, Rolfus, you know what?

I'd rather get with all of your clones.

I bet they know something.

Oh, oh, oh, they probably know respect better than you.

Whoa,

hi, AJ.

Oh, what's happening to AJ?

He's just spinning on his heels.

Spinning.

Oh, wow.

What?

Really?

Yeah.

What?

By the power of...

Power of love.

Uh, is that what it was?

Or the other thing is sometimes when the event that triggered the mind wipe is negated, then it actually negates the mind wipe as well.

That makes sense.

But it could also be the power of love.

Yeah, probably one of those two.

Bottom line, all my memories are back.

But there's like one thing, Papa, I wanted to say.

Oh, yeah, what is it?

You said that we met when I was on the Strike Team in Hollywood, but we actually met before that.

What?

Yeah.

No, the first time we met was on Hollywood.

You were said to kill me.

No.

AJ, what are you talking about?

You don't remember?

Okay.

AJ, when do you think the first time you met us?

Well, I met Papa on his first day of work on the Barterian Jade.

That's me.

Papa was all like starry-eyed, and you're like, wow, the Bargerian Jade.

And then I was like just down on the ground.

That was you?

Yeah.

What?

That was wait a second.

AJ, that was years ago.

Yeah, that was me.

For our very first mission, you were the Clint working the hangar bay.

That's right.

Oh, come on.

I'm a little hurt you guys didn't recognize me.

Just a little.

Alright, I have a simple way to verify this.

I'm going to go through my memory logs, and I'll pull up an image of the Clint who greeted us when we boarded the Bargary and Jade.

Okay, um,

wow, your processor's running real hard.

That is a well, it's uh, you know, the toaster wasn't.

we are.

That's okay, that's okay.

No, no, that's I'm etching

manually.

No, no, I'm etching an image onto this slice of bread so you can see the proof.

Oh,

there you go.

Take a look.

Oh,

it looks like a flint.

Yeah, no, but look at the shoulder.

Oh, number

AJ2884.

So that's a retinal confirmation.

Classic retcon.

Wow

Wow

What I know

what's the retina part of it through your eyes you saw it with your eyes and it's been confirmed Wow classic retcon Wow

It's retcon baby

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My most recent title was Temporary Emergency Emissarial.

Missions...

No.

Negotiations,

missions operations manager.

Not so easy, is it?

Mermit.

A little challenging to do right every time.

Wow, that's some toasty behavior, folks.

Toasty.