412: Same Sh*t, Derfrent Day [ft. Justin Tyler]

Speaker 2 It is a time of chaos.

Speaker 1 Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course, the colossal all wheat.

Speaker 1 Which looks like a wormholes asshole.

Speaker 1 Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 6 This

Speaker 8 is Mission to Think.

Speaker 8 Hey, Bargie.

Speaker 8 Yep.

Speaker 8 Guess what day it is?

Speaker 8 Uh, it's just a normal day on the ship. Wrong.
So wrong.

Speaker 10 Wow. It's my birthday, Bargy.

Speaker 11 It's my birthday.

Speaker 13 Just a normal day on the ship. Everyone's gonna relax, sit down, and revive the adventurous.

Speaker 10 But Vargi's seen that we're not.

Speaker 16 What's going on?

Speaker 17 I thought we were going to the zoo today.

Speaker 17 I'm waiting for you guys to get AJ into the cargo hold.

Speaker 12 Oh,

Speaker 12 we could have told him about the surprise. Sorry.

Speaker 19 I mean, you're with a bunch of banners and balloons like an idiot.

Speaker 19 Wait, is it happening or not?

Speaker 17 Vargi's saying it's not happening.

Speaker 20 It is happening.

Speaker 12 It's just. just.

Speaker 19 Okay,

Speaker 15 we told you because you were upset that you thought we forgot your birthday, but we were just trying to build up to a really big surprise.

Speaker 13 I was supposed to announce it with a song and dance, but I guess that's not happening anymore.

Speaker 25 No, Bargie, it's not too late.

Speaker 24 Nope, nope.

Speaker 13 Birthday's cancelled.

Speaker 26 Plus, opening up my hatch.

Speaker 13 All the birthday stuff.

Speaker 27 Oh, wow.

Speaker 24 So that's what a hundred balloons in space looks like.

Speaker 19 They just popped.

Speaker 16 Yep. Whoa.

Speaker 30 AJ, listen.

Speaker 32 We all knew it was your birthday. I think we just were kind of not on the same page about how to, you know, celebrate it with you.

Speaker 17 So we're not going to the zoom?

Speaker 6 We are going to the bottom.

Speaker 19 We're going to the zoom. Come on, come on.

Speaker 13 We all need to get on the same page.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 26 This is getting out of control.

Speaker 13 Why don't we all at the same time say what the new goal of today is?

Speaker 16 Okay, sure.

Speaker 26 One, two, three.

Speaker 19 I'm going to go get the balloons from outside and reinforce reinforcing them, and we'll do another surprise party for AJ.

Speaker 36 No, no, that's not going to work.

Speaker 16 Yeah, no.

Speaker 25 What? Development party.

Speaker 19 Papa? Balloons?

Speaker 8 I thought I might go try to grab them real quick.

Speaker 15 No, no. I guess now the new goal is to teach Plank about balloons.

Speaker 26 The vacuum of space, but it's my birthday.

Speaker 16 Is that what we're doing on my birthday?

Speaker 17 Teaching Papa about balloons.

Speaker 32 AJ, I have a very important exercise for you. Okay.
Go into your room and come right back out.

Speaker 33 It's a space thing. Try it.

Speaker 19 Surprise!

Speaker 15 Happy birthday to you!

Speaker 15 Why would you do that and not tell us to yell surprise?

Speaker 13 You need to verbalize your kidathar.

Speaker 22 I thought it was obvious what we were all doing.

Speaker 39 No, you sent him into his room.

Speaker 12 What the fuck?

Speaker 16 And then he was gonna come.

Speaker 12 We were all together together.

Speaker 40 The whole point was to surprise him at the same time.

Speaker 19 Captain Dorothy,

Speaker 12 incoming transmission from temporary emergency emissarial negotiations, missions, operations manager,

Speaker 41 hey crew, just a regular day.

Speaker 19 Nothing special on this day.

Speaker 16 Okay, we want to send us this poster a picture of what?

Speaker 44 AJ, it's the zoo.

Speaker 43 It's a mission now, it's work.

Speaker 41 Well, yeah, it's, I mean, it's, it's a, I mean, now it's logged in the missionator, so I guess technically it's a miss.

Speaker 12 we're not good at this.

Speaker 16 Okay, guys, I'm gonna call right back.

Speaker 26 I'm gonna call right back.

Speaker 12 I think we're just ill-prepared.

Speaker 32 Wait, when I call back, what should I say?

Speaker 19 Don't call back. How do I fix it?

Speaker 19 Yeah, okay, I'm actually.

Speaker 12 Um, could you do a mind wipe since this morning?

Speaker 16 Oh, good idea.

Speaker 45 Happy to. Okay, hold on.

Speaker 8 We can do it on command.

Speaker 8 Hey, guys, what's up? Super

Speaker 8 You guys remembered!

Speaker 11 Yep, we're seeing it! Happy birthday!

Speaker 34 High birthday!

Speaker 33 Six years, buddy. That's big.

Speaker 39 What are we gonna do today?

Speaker 19 We're going to the zoo!

Speaker 19 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 6 Let's walk it live. Zoo talk, bro.
Mission to zoo.

Speaker 15 We should really do that more often.

Speaker 19 I can't.

Speaker 12 We have a tiny bit.

Speaker 29 Hey everybody, this is Centurion Tittle with another ep of the Centurion Collection. My super sweet vlog about all the cool stuff I collect and discover.
Like this rad scale model of the Awi.

Speaker 3 Man, I love the Awi.

Speaker 46 Oh, it's hot. Oh,

Speaker 29 anyway, as you know, it's super boring here on this stupid ice planet where my mom, Sisu Gundu, built her base. Which is why I'm so pumped pumped to share this dope thing I discovered.

Speaker 29 It's called Roll, and it's a new online role-playing platform and community. Roll is the place where diverse voices gather to discover new worlds, meet lifelong friends, and adventure together.

Speaker 29 Until I heard about what Roll is building, I honestly didn't think role-playing was for me, okay?

Speaker 29 And certainly didn't know where to meet people who also.

Speaker 48 Oh, hey, cool.

Speaker 29 My beef for leaf, Justin, is joining me in the episode. What's up, Justin? Not much,

Speaker 29 Longtime viewers know my pal Justin Balweed, whose dad is half of the freaking Allweed. What you might not know is that Centurion and I are secret Star-Cross lovers.

Speaker 20 That's right.

Speaker 29 Where once our fathers were locked in mortal battle or whatever, out from the ashes of their hate rose our love.

Speaker 29 No one will ever understand us, unless they too had a high school fling of which their parents disapproved.

Speaker 49 Anyway, I rang you up because I got your message about role.

Speaker 20 I know, right?

Speaker 49 I just joined the next wave of online narrative play by backing their Kickstarter. Now I'll get exclusive first access to both their online tools and six original role-playing games.

Speaker 29 That's so rad, Justin.

Speaker 48 And so are you.

Speaker 34 I love you.

Speaker 6 You are. No, you are.
I love you.

Speaker 29 Visit playroll.com/slash 6 to be among the first to join this community when it launches later this year. That's playroll, ROLE.com/slash six.

Speaker 29 Justin, kiss me through the accursed waves of this hollow.

Speaker 29 Oh, I love love.

Speaker 29 Ooh, horse hat. Look who's here.

Speaker 29 Okay, okay, horse hat. Okay,

Speaker 34 Hey, Nermit. That's a far drop.

Speaker 19 I'm glad you got that.

Speaker 41 Yeah, guys, I get temps get one vacation day annually, and this is it.

Speaker 12 You're still on temp.

Speaker 43 Nermit.

Speaker 41 Well, they had a meeting where they brought everyone in to talk about the temp-to-perm process, and

Speaker 6 I'm not eligible yet.

Speaker 44 Welcome to Daniel Day Zoo, Zoo, the greatest zoo in the Ziggs Quadrant.

Speaker 51 A lot of qualifications on this zoo.

Speaker 44 Please enter your cars.

Speaker 32 Hey, listen, AJ, you know, it's your birthday. How would you like a snack? You know, a snack to get your...

Speaker 32 It's your birthday.

Speaker 25 You get anything you want.

Speaker 53 Cleck, are you afraid of cars?

Speaker 54 No, no, I'm just going to get...

Speaker 15 It's just that you immediately offered to abandon us here as we were getting into the car.

Speaker 51 I was just trying to make this a special day for AJ.

Speaker 8 I don't love cars.

Speaker 42 I prefer anything that levitates or you're afraid of them.

Speaker 11 Wow.

Speaker 52 Wheels feel archaic to me.

Speaker 42 I don't know why we're using wheels.

Speaker 44 Wheels feel archaic.

Speaker 15 These open-top Jeeps are on a track.

Speaker 37 They're very safe.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 58 I'm just going to grab a snack for AJ and I'll be right back. AJ, you want a funkle cake?

Speaker 57 Are you walking backwards away from the Jeep?

Speaker 45 I mean, sure, if there's like a paste flavor.

Speaker 42 You could make it a paste flavor by shoving it into your helmet.

Speaker 45 Got it. Great.

Speaker 18 Yeah, Bunkle Cake, please.

Speaker 44 The wheel is one of the classic simple machines.

Speaker 57 I know, but it just feels like we've moved on from it.

Speaker 42 I don't feel like I like to go backwards. We haven't improved on the lever C-53.

Speaker 44 So we're not actually.

Speaker 52 When we do, when we do, I'll be sure to leave it behind.

Speaker 60 And then he just ran off.

Speaker 61 Wow.

Speaker 42 How did you give the finger to that pulley?

Speaker 44 Bizarre.

Speaker 45 This is awesome.

Speaker 62 Ooh, what kind of horsepower do you think we're dealing with?

Speaker 31 Hi there, yeah, can I get uh um three funkle cakes?

Speaker 14 Uh

Speaker 63 we have three flavors.

Speaker 54 We have uh paper-mâché, paste, blue.

Speaker 65 Which one can I get?

Speaker 58 You have a paste flavor?

Speaker 66 That is that is correct.

Speaker 51 Wait a second.

Speaker 41 Dirf?

Speaker 28 What?

Speaker 65 Oh, hey!

Speaker 34 Hey, it's my old my old guy.

Speaker 40 What are you? What is this?

Speaker 40 You come visiting your old.

Speaker 34 What are you doing here? You work at a zoo now?

Speaker 65 I work at the zoo. I do.

Speaker 68 But don't think I'm just doing funkle cake stuff.

Speaker 54 I do all the jobs at the zoo.

Speaker 65 I

Speaker 65 make sure the dongle teeth are clean.

Speaker 69 Stick my head right in there, scrub with the backs.

Speaker 67 I

Speaker 65 make sure the Libras are f inseminated.

Speaker 64 Make sure they're making more.

Speaker 64 Make sure the space monkeys are pleasuring themselves to an adequate amount.

Speaker 39 Where have you been?

Speaker 33 I thought you died at that wedding.

Speaker 64 Yes, I was dead for a moment, but then I got right out of there, jucked around a bit, ended up with the zoo.

Speaker 70 A lot of times, if you juck enough, you end up at a zoo.

Speaker 65 I found.

Speaker 33 It's sort of like the drain of society.

Speaker 65 And this is a great zoo.

Speaker 36 Daniel De Zoois, this zoo is always in character.

Speaker 30 As a zoo.

Speaker 54 Listen, Derf, I gotta talk to you.

Speaker 32 Things are going crazy.

Speaker 65 I need you to weigh in on some of this stuff happening in the galaxy right now.

Speaker 63 I I would love to wait.

Speaker 62 Would you mind?

Speaker 64 I also clean the worst diarrhea accidents out of the bathroom.

Speaker 70 Would you mind coming with me?

Speaker 64 Because I know this a lot of children come here and they I don't know if they there's something about animals that literally scares the shit out of them.

Speaker 4 So come on.

Speaker 59 We're gonna go over here.

Speaker 57 Deep subway.

Speaker 41 You clean up shit and you also work at the concession stand?

Speaker 55 I hate to tell you, but at a zoo, a zoo is like a a carnival, but with fewer rides.

Speaker 33 So everyone sorta does everything and everyone

Speaker 71 has homemade tattoos, and they're jucking around when they're not working.

Speaker 70 So yeah, I'm going to go.

Speaker 34 Does that have to do with anything?

Speaker 5 What does that have to do with it? That's just a little backstory here.

Speaker 65 I'm your teacher, your mentor. Everything is a little bit more.

Speaker 25 Leave the funkal cake alone for a second.

Speaker 34 We have things to discuss.

Speaker 72 So, are we not going to be able to get any funkle cakes?

Speaker 56 One second.

Speaker 64 You ordered three paper-machés, right?

Speaker 28 That's right.

Speaker 72 And I still have yet to see a single cake.

Speaker 69 Hey, here's some news. Funkle cakes, it's just dough and sugar.

Speaker 31 So go to town.

Speaker 69 You can make your charge.

Speaker 72 You're asking me to make my own funkle cake at this stand?

Speaker 64 You're already holding one that you brought from some other place.

Speaker 65 Is that a homemade?

Speaker 72 I got it in transit to the zoo. That's none of your business.

Speaker 55 Hey, hey,

Speaker 55 Pleck Dick Splitter, there.

Speaker 31 Could you just hit him with you?

Speaker 65 Shirley.

Speaker 70 No, I'm one of those people that only reads enough to get the context.

Speaker 33 And with the prophecy, I was like, Pleck de. And I was like, I've said my last name so many times.

Speaker 36 I is that, well, so.

Speaker 33 I say a lot of words and I forget their meanings.

Speaker 34 Really?

Speaker 69 Yeah, you should. You should talk to somebody about that.

Speaker 3 That's not good.

Speaker 34 That's the thing.

Speaker 37 You're so old, man.

Speaker 65 I'm started old.

Speaker 36 My old is in my name. What do you think?

Speaker 70 I'm not going to be at the end of the day.

Speaker 34 You used to be younger. If that's another thing you said that you've apparently forgot.

Speaker 5 Yes, but that's like a different chapter.

Speaker 50 Chapter one was when you were the chosen one and you saved the universe.

Speaker 23 Buckle up, baby.

Speaker 20 You got a whole nother chapter coming.

Speaker 72 Is that doing another chapter until I get these funkle cakes?

Speaker 11 Now, on your left is the majestic donkey, known for being compatible to other animals.

Speaker 2 Donkeys are the only species that actually thrives in captivity.

Speaker 41 Oh no, it says here they seek out traps.

Speaker 28 Do they really prefer?

Speaker 65 Can seem to allow me.

Speaker 17 Oh, you sure music

Speaker 6 dongle

Speaker 13 moving along.

Speaker 18 We're moving along.

Speaker 60 And now we have entered the Libra exhibit.

Speaker 11 Known for its vibrant red fur and saucy attitude.

Speaker 21 Ooh, fun fact about these.

Speaker 74 Libras are great listeners.

Speaker 21 So if you get really close up to the glass, you can just whisper all your secrets.

Speaker 75 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 74 They're also distinguished gossips, so whatever you tell them, they will repeat to each other.

Speaker 69 Do you want my demo tape?

Speaker 28 Well, they walk to a

Speaker 28 Oh, well,

Speaker 15 that's not a secret, Nermit.

Speaker 74 You asked a pathetic question.

Speaker 17 I've got one for

Speaker 21 okay, AJ. Also, not a secret, but something you should keep to yourself.

Speaker 60 Let's go. We're going now.

Speaker 76 Time to go. We're moving along.

Speaker 17 I like it because I don't have to think too hard about it and I just keep moving. I like it.

Speaker 38 We're going fast.

Speaker 60 We're going fast now.

Speaker 5 Ooh, a lot of horses under that hood, baby.

Speaker 19 Nice girl.

Speaker 32 Durf, I gotta tell you, things have gone crazy since I saw you last.

Speaker 71 Uh, what do you mean?

Speaker 5 Like in a good way? Like a

Speaker 8 jumping around way?

Speaker 32 Durf, haven't you been paying attention? The Emperor's Planet Crusher Crusher imploded and now it's the Allweat. Nobody knows what it is.

Speaker 5 You don't know what the Allweed is?

Speaker 55 Did you see it up there?

Speaker 75 Yeah.

Speaker 78 It's a super dense collection of the stuff.

Speaker 41 The s what stuff?

Speaker 5 You don't know what the stuff is?

Speaker 70 The stuff is the other side of the coin when it comes to the space.

Speaker 33 I thought the whack was the other side of the.

Speaker 57 I thought the space was the coin.

Speaker 80 No,

Speaker 80 the space is sort of.

Speaker 62 The coins exist in three dimensions.

Speaker 31 Just like stuff.

Speaker 66 Fresh is the opposite of the whack, so of course the space has an opposite, which of course is the stuff.

Speaker 80 Think about it: the space is all the space in between the stuff.

Speaker 8 What are you talking about?

Speaker 31 If the space is the space inside the peehole, the stuff is

Speaker 76 the pee-hole, the edge, the rim, the part where you put the sounding rod if you want to feel the pleasure.

Speaker 34 What?

Speaker 34 What is that? What are you talking about?

Speaker 70 That's sort of for a future lesson once you've

Speaker 8 lived.

Speaker 32 Dirf, you never mentioned the stuff until just now.

Speaker 33 What's so hard about that?

Speaker 32 It's thought the space was sort of like a mystical energy that kind of flowed through everything.

Speaker 31 It is, and the stuff is the other stuff that it's flowing through.

Speaker 32 I thought everything was the space.

Speaker 62 Everything is the space, and then everything else is the stuff.

Speaker 56 What do I have to write this down? Aren't you? Are you listening?

Speaker 65 I know it smells like rank AJ in here, but uh, please, just paint, listen.

Speaker 25 Yeah, don't you- Don't you have a break room or anything?

Speaker 65 Breathe through your mouth so you can remember what I'm telling you about the stuff.

Speaker 32 Dirf, listen, you have to listen to me. The all wheat is contacting me psychically, it's talking to me, I can hear it in my head.

Speaker 5 Oh, that is that is bad news, buddy.

Speaker 56 That means you have to go, you have to gather up, you have to finally understand the stuff,

Speaker 56 and then go to the all wheat and and face it.

Speaker 36 Face it as long as the all wheat doesn't have a bean in the in the all wheat with him, it is fine.

Speaker 65 So, you have a little bit of time, just get a grasp of the stuff and then go

Speaker 69 there's a i don't know if you've encountered there's a thing called a bean and if the all wheel we've encountered beano the beanachron yeah yes good good as long as you have that and the emperor doesn't no we don't have that the emperor took bino and fell into the planet crusher that's what made the all wheat

Speaker 68 what well surely bino told you what he know

Speaker 33 did beano tell you what he know it was more of it was more of him affirming that he did know about thing we were already talking about.

Speaker 40 What are you talking about? Don't stop being so confusing.

Speaker 65 Do you know or do you not know? That is a simple thing.

Speaker 54 Do I know or I don't know anything?

Speaker 48 What are you s- I feel like I left you and I was like, that guy's got it.

Speaker 64 I can just die in this crowded ballroom and go back to my job cleaning up zoo diarrhea.

Speaker 48 But now I feel like you haven't heard a single thing.

Speaker 41 I'm sorry, interrupt, but my... My son really painted the walls in there.

Speaker 69 Oh, in that stall right next to this diarrhea stone?

Speaker 8 Yep.

Speaker 5 I'm gonna need you to get a mastery of at least this stuff right now.

Speaker 11 Coming up next is Philenland.

Speaker 37 What?

Speaker 34 Oh,

Speaker 11 we created a society full of learning.

Speaker 6 Oh,

Speaker 6 it's a little office park, they look good.

Speaker 19 Our little cubicles and everything.

Speaker 6 Just putting papers in and skin boxes and skipping around.

Speaker 61 Oh, hello.

Speaker 9 Hi there.

Speaker 41 Wow, so this is really the brains behind the operation.

Speaker 2 This is awesome.

Speaker 66 So these are the zoo

Speaker 41 administrators.

Speaker 10 Sort of weird that we're kind of on the other side of a pane of glass from them.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Yeah, very weird.

Speaker 41 I think a lot of officers are switching to that open architecture kind of thing where, and it's cool to see behind the scenes and how it works.

Speaker 43 Good work, team.

Speaker 77 I'm deep in a spreadsheet, and I'm happy about it.

Speaker 44 Oh, that's just like you!

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. That's crazy.

Speaker 41 That sounds like a great spreadsheet.

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 2 This is still working.

Speaker 46 It's weird how this thing sped us through all the other exhibits, but this one we really have to imagine.

Speaker 60 We will not be taking any questions and answers at this time.

Speaker 10 That's crazy. Look at all their little ties and their little...

Speaker 10 That one's got a bow tie.

Speaker 41 Every office has one. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 6 Oh, I don't like the idea that I could put a cream in and get some feed to throw at them.

Speaker 44 Oh, I do.

Speaker 46 It is his birthday.

Speaker 28 Alright.

Speaker 41 That's a really great system. So they glunch delivery as part of the deal here.
That's great.

Speaker 10 Yeah, they never have to leave.

Speaker 2 I think you may be misunderstood.

Speaker 6 This is an exhibit.

Speaker 6 They're trapped here.

Speaker 41 Oh, this. We were.
We just visited two exhibits. This is clearly the Central's kind of brain HQ of the.

Speaker 15 Sweet, sweet Nermi, no.

Speaker 18 Oh, look, that one's computer's not even plugged in.

Speaker 41 You know, one lird's cage is another lird's cubicle.

Speaker 42 Hey, friends, good keep up the good work.

Speaker 42 Alert. An escaped animal has been spotted in the Philene section.

Speaker 10 Oh, I hope it's an Apex predator.

Speaker 41 Look alive, there's an escaped animal.

Speaker 79 Oh, no, oh no, oh no!

Speaker 39 Oh, the giant clockings, and you've escaped from Philene land.

Speaker 6 No, no, no!

Speaker 28 Oh!

Speaker 28 Okay.

Speaker 28 Don't

Speaker 19 What are you talking about?

Speaker 45 I've already come up with ways to make this more efficient.

Speaker 54 Black, the thing is, your job's not done yet.

Speaker 25 Yeah, fine, but what does that mean?

Speaker 48 No, I'm talking specifically about you haven't cleaned a diary out of the stall.

Speaker 69 That's not my job.

Speaker 32 I don't work here.

Speaker 23 I know you, but you're working, you're like under me, and like you're always sort of my... Like when an intern is going to another office, they still do the boss's stuff.

Speaker 40 That's not true.

Speaker 34 That's not true at all.

Speaker 65 I have another... What?

Speaker 5 Well, I have another message for you.

Speaker 50 Your job is also not done.

Speaker 32 Which

Speaker 32 is a is it poop related?

Speaker 48 No. Well, technically, because poop is part of the stuff.

Speaker 54 Your job's not done because you've brought balance to the space, but you haven't even touched the stuff.

Speaker 50 And you need to bring balance to the stuff.

Speaker 31 And once those two are balanced, that's a lot of balance.

Speaker 37 I don't touch what we need.

Speaker 25 I'm so confused.

Speaker 33 It's not confusing at all.

Speaker 31 Again, I feel like I've said this to you many, many times. Do you need another analogy?

Speaker 50 I use the P-hole, which has been very indicative.

Speaker 65 Okay, well, good.

Speaker 71 That one is so useful for all the noobs I've had.

Speaker 23 They're like, is it the P-hole thing?

Speaker 70 And I'm like, that is correct, noob.

Speaker 36 That is correct.

Speaker 15 we said this wasn't gonna be about our work today but now we're just watching nermit do work no of course this isn't about nermit doing work see try backing up into the glass again okay i mean

Speaker 41 it's just not safe I've been looking at these spreadsheets and a lot of these numbers just look like filler. I'm not being able to track back where this goes to the actual budget input from the zoo.

Speaker 47 What do you mean? So I'm a little worried.

Speaker 21 Oh, every number goes somewhere, right?

Speaker 79 Hey Loku.

Speaker 21 When I press the button, it goes into the spreadsheet.

Speaker 41 Oh, let me just actually, I've noticed, let me just trace back this Ethernet cable.

Speaker 66 It is a

Speaker 36 just yarn.

Speaker 4 Yep, that's yarn.

Speaker 53 Yeah, we've been waiting on IT for a while, but, you know, it takes forever.

Speaker 41 Oh, tell me about it.

Speaker 34 Yeah, right?

Speaker 41 I mean, and then when they show up, they're like, user error.

Speaker 25 Come on.

Speaker 53 Yeah, turn it off, turn it on again.

Speaker 79 It's not on in the first place, man.

Speaker 41 It's not on in the first place?

Speaker 53 Yeah, well, it hasn't been on for a while.

Speaker 37 Huh.

Speaker 41 Well, I mean, a lot of room for improvement in this office, and I'm alert for it.

Speaker 56 Well, we were born here in the zoo, so this is all we've ever known.

Speaker 34 Oh.

Speaker 29 I'm getting promoted tomorrow.

Speaker 25 Oh, hey, congratulations!

Speaker 65 High five!

Speaker 25 What do you do?

Speaker 41 Oh, I manage a crew of interstellar ambassadors, emissaries, working on behalf of Sisu Gundu, who's trying to reunite the galaxy.

Speaker 41 Oh, that's them right there through the glass.

Speaker 37 Out there?

Speaker 29 There are animals in the zoo?

Speaker 41 I mean, one of them, that's obviously a droid, but they're touring the zoo looking at... Oh, you all turned around.

Speaker 51 This sounds made up.

Speaker 57 Yeah, you just told us you manage a crew of animals in a zoo.

Speaker 41 No, they're outside. We're visiting the zoo.
So AJ's a clone. It's

Speaker 65 somewhere in the zoo.

Speaker 34 Get real, buddy.

Speaker 20 Get real, buddy.

Speaker 6 Whoa!

Speaker 79 Whoa, Dar. Whoa.

Speaker 9 Whoa.

Speaker 19 Guys,

Speaker 20 I have to fill out a lot of paperwork.

Speaker 41 This is who I was telling you about. This is Dar, the captain of our crew.

Speaker 37 I scaled C-53 so I could come into the enclosure and save you.

Speaker 46 And now we have to go before we ruin AJ's birthday.

Speaker 41 No, I mean, I think the thing that's going to ruin AJ's birthday, if anything, is that, like, the processes in here are jocked up. Look at this spreadsheet.

Speaker 69 Well, those are custom macros that I've been working on for years.

Speaker 9 No!

Speaker 9 Congratulations on the promotion!

Speaker 15 Do any of the rest of you want me to throw you out over the enclosure?

Speaker 25 Into the zoo? No, thanks.

Speaker 41 I got a promotion coming up next week.

Speaker 19 Thank you.

Speaker 29 Tuesdays, am I right?

Speaker 66 I just got word I gotta go put on a little show for some birthday boy.

Speaker 6 No,

Speaker 65 you can't do that.

Speaker 48 You have to help me destroy the all-week.

Speaker 20 Just come with me.

Speaker 65 I promise you, I will definitely come with you.

Speaker 63 I will leave the zoo and not perish, and I will come help you do this stuff.

Speaker 80 These stuff.

Speaker 65 But right now, I have to go entertain.

Speaker 62 There's a six-year-old who's like, oh, I want to go to the zoo and see all the prison animals for my birthday, and I have to go make it fun.

Speaker 57 So he has a good memory.

Speaker 81 Okay. Would you come with me? And would you mind applying this face makeup?

Speaker 78 You're going to be my clown noob for the next 45 minutes.

Speaker 8 I don't work here.

Speaker 8 I don't work here at the zoo.

Speaker 43 You work for the zoo.

Speaker 43 I have a job. A different job.

Speaker 82 Describe your job. You describe your job.

Speaker 80 You haven't even put a new eye in your face. You're not doing anything.

Speaker 58 Well, first of all, I've kind of gotten used to it.

Speaker 43 I think the patch looks pretty cool, actually.

Speaker 58 And secondly, now I'm sort of like a liaison, I guess you might say, for Sisu Gundu's political campaign.

Speaker 82 Oh, you're in politics?

Speaker 57 That's your big claim. You're going to put on a clown makeup and put on a little show for a child.

Speaker 64 Come on, let's go do.

Speaker 32 I don't actually have a position on the ship.

Speaker 51 It's okay.

Speaker 32 Dar is the captain.

Speaker 78 How about your position as junior clown, and you can take that with you back to the ship.

Speaker 57 Now put on this wig. This is a fun wig.
It's made from actual Libra hair.

Speaker 63 I made this wig. It's something I do in the side when I'm not elbow deep in alien diarrhea.

Speaker 57 Put this wig on.

Speaker 57 Here's a little bit of fun makeup. And you know what this makeup is?

Speaker 43 It's stuff.

Speaker 78 That seems like a stretch.

Speaker 82 Oh, you're telling me? You did just...

Speaker 57 You learned about this ten minutes ago. Don't tell me what it is.
You need to move the stuff through the space until it connects with your face, and then you have stuff on your face.

Speaker 78 And then you're halfway to being a junior clown.

Speaker 62 Now let's go entertain this child.

Speaker 58 You don't have to say the junior every time.

Speaker 63 Oh, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 57 There's a hierarchy in the clown world. You want me to tell you about the clown world?

Speaker 63 I was a clown for 17 years.

Speaker 8 I went from young Derf to old Derf as a clown.

Speaker 63 And then I got into a space religion and then a stuff religion.

Speaker 57 Now come on with me, junior clown, and eventually someday you'll fill the large shoes with the space clown.

Speaker 43 We're all just clowns.

Speaker 61 Oh, I.

Speaker 82 You.

Speaker 78 Okay, do let me show me some clown stuff.

Speaker 57 If this is senior clown stuff, then you'll be senior clown.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 Do a little trick. Show me a trick.

Speaker 51 Show me a trick. A trick?

Speaker 65 A clown trick.

Speaker 61 Okay.

Speaker 44 Yep.

Speaker 51 Backflip.

Speaker 61 Oh, okay.

Speaker 82 Backflip.

Speaker 59 Pretty good.

Speaker 55 You really took a feather out of my cap on that one.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 52 Well, you haven't done yours yet.

Speaker 8 Well, that's right. I'll do it.

Speaker 57 I'll do it when I'm already ready.

Speaker 44 And now we're entering the birthday zone.

Speaker 38 Everyone, please leave the vehicle. Leave the vehicle.
Please leave the vehicle.

Speaker 19 Please leave the vehicle. Leave the vehicle.

Speaker 38 Someone left something in the vehicle.

Speaker 45 Please remove it from the vehicle. Oh, it's quite gone, sir.

Speaker 38 Thank you. Goodbye.

Speaker 41 Good to work a little on my day off, you know?

Speaker 19 Well, AG,

Speaker 75 I hope you're excited for this, buddy.

Speaker 6 Uh, what? We got something,

Speaker 6 you know, a little special here at the end of the day.

Speaker 18 Is this the party room that Bargie told me about?

Speaker 80 Bargie, you asked.

Speaker 19 Alright, yeah, yeah, that's exactly right.

Speaker 17 Oh, awesome! Great.

Speaker 19 You know, we got a game for everybody.

Speaker 9 Wow.

Speaker 44 Okay, I guess it's this.

Speaker 77 Hello, and welcome to my zoom

Speaker 11 Oh, it's Dano Day Zoo is President of Matronic. I love it.

Speaker 19 Look at him. Look at him go.

Speaker 19 This is a little salted drink.

Speaker 9 Just like you. No!

Speaker 14 Don't you think it's just a little bit like you, Mr.

Speaker 79 Robot Man?

Speaker 14 It moves me deeper every time you suggest that day when it started.

Speaker 77 Henceforth and thereafter, the zoo was here.

Speaker 14 You're standing in the zoo that I founded on its inception.

Speaker 43 This wig is itchy.

Speaker 5 Yes, it is itchy. It's made from animal hair.

Speaker 62 And there's some skin in there, too, because it's hard to get just hair.

Speaker 8 You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 79 What?

Speaker 8 Here's the thing.

Speaker 62 You know when you get clown makeup on and you just want to juck somebody?

Speaker 8 No.

Speaker 4 Dirf, listen.

Speaker 65 What do you how do you feel?

Speaker 71 Are you aroused right now?

Speaker 61 What? No.

Speaker 51 Okay, different strokes for different clowns.

Speaker 52 Derf, listen, none of this is important. We have to get back.
Maybe we go back to Zima Prime.

Speaker 58 Maybe we can find some.

Speaker 4 I don't know.

Speaker 61 Pleck, plack.

Speaker 62 First off, insulting to say none of my life is important.

Speaker 32 You work as a combination shit janitor.

Speaker 4 It's called a zookeeper.

Speaker 63 It's called a zookeeper, is the term. And secondary.

Speaker 43 I gotta say, Derf, I don't think you're the zookeeper.

Speaker 82 Oh, does this zoo look kept to you?

Speaker 8 This zoo is kept, and I'm the keeper.

Speaker 51 Derf. Now,

Speaker 63 this is serious, you're right.

Speaker 78 Because if the Emperor has merged with the Binakron, then the Allweed is gaining in power, and you have only one mission.

Speaker 82 You need to enter the Allweed.

Speaker 43 What do you mean enter the Allweed?

Speaker 61 It's like a wormhole's asshole.

Speaker 82 Yeah, it's like the coolest door in the universe.

Speaker 8 I hate it. You ever walk through a cool door?

Speaker 52 Derf, I saw the Allweet destroy a planet. I can't go inside it.

Speaker 4 Pleck, this is all I can tell you.

Speaker 66 It is your time to face the Allweat.

Speaker 78 You must enter it, and sure, it'll take some of your skin off and maybe your bones, but you have to confront it.

Speaker 8 You have to go through the portal of the Allweat.

Speaker 62 Face it with a mastery of the stuff.

Speaker 62 Find balance for the stuff in the same way that you've found balance to the space.

Speaker 52 I don't know how to do that, Derf.

Speaker 43 I don't know how.

Speaker 62 Well, one thing you can practice right now is being a junior clown.

Speaker 5 Let's go entertain this kid.

Speaker 30 Oh, oh, hey, guys.

Speaker 37 Yeah, I should have.

Speaker 48 Hey, look at these sailor. Who's the kid?

Speaker 55 Who's the birthday boy?

Speaker 65 Oh, look.

Speaker 28 Hey,

Speaker 17 my birthday.

Speaker 65 Hey, oh, look, it's your crew.

Speaker 34 There's the robot one.

Speaker 70 Wow, he looks like shit.

Speaker 56 Oh, look, you have two dars now.

Speaker 55 Hey, congrats.

Speaker 65 Double it up.

Speaker 72 Oh, and look at this dars wearing cool new clothes.

Speaker 34 I'm here too, Derf.

Speaker 65 Oh, that reminds me I didn't feed the lords their quarterly earnings reports.

Speaker 70 Boy, that's gonna juck things up real quick.

Speaker 41 Oh, that explains it. The quarterly earnings reports.
If that had been in there, the spreadsheet would have made so much more sense.

Speaker 37 So, you keep this animal in your ship?

Speaker 30 This guy?

Speaker 69 This is Nermit.

Speaker 32 This is Nermit Bundeloy.

Speaker 65 I managed them. Oh, Nermit Bundaloy, he's the avatar of the whack, I believe.

Speaker 20 No, no, that was the other.

Speaker 69 Oh, yes, and that's work a way around to you, the birthday one.

Speaker 34 Grandpa Derf. Yeah, awesome.

Speaker 17 You're here for my birthday.

Speaker 67 Yes, I specially came here for your little birthday.

Speaker 17 I'm six today, and I've really had a great time at the zoo.

Speaker 34 Excellent.

Speaker 55 Well, why don't you pull on the little end of this scarf?

Speaker 70 Because I think there's a surprise.

Speaker 17 Well, this is just a small scarf. It can't be.

Speaker 6 Pull on it.

Speaker 44 Yes,

Speaker 82 it's some stuff.

Speaker 83 It's stuff. And the more stuff you pull.

Speaker 4 See, this is...

Speaker 11 Plex, pay attention.

Speaker 4 This is a good trip.

Speaker 44 Yeah, and it keeps going.

Speaker 15 The scarf just keeps coming right out of Pleck's mouth. It just keeps coming coming and coming and coming.

Speaker 11 Look at different colors, too.

Speaker 57 You should have seen me stuff it into him. It took so long.

Speaker 6 Yay!

Speaker 34 What else? What else?

Speaker 37 Okay, well.

Speaker 65 What about this? Backflip? Oh!

Speaker 54 Hey, nice backflipter.

Speaker 65 Thank you. That is

Speaker 65 my finale.

Speaker 57 Well, it took a long time to put this makeup on.

Speaker 69 Alright, AJ, blow out your candles.

Speaker 70 Hold on, let me light them all up.

Speaker 51 Boom, Boom, look at that.

Speaker 44 Alright, here we go.

Speaker 79 Wow.

Speaker 65 Oh,

Speaker 65 what's all this?

Speaker 30 Oh, normal-sized.

Speaker 37 I hear normal-sized fists at the door.

Speaker 37 There he is.

Speaker 67 Hey, hey, it's all the lurch.

Speaker 68 What are you guys?

Speaker 37 How'd you get out of your...

Speaker 34 How'd you get out of your office?

Speaker 22 When you didn't give us the quarterly earnings reports on time, we realized no one would turn those in late unless they were meaningless.

Speaker 22 And then we slowly started to realize that this whole thing is an exhibit at some sort of sick zoo.

Speaker 15 You mean when we told you that this was an exhibit at some sick zoo, you didn't?

Speaker 34 We came into it ourselves.

Speaker 21 Also, computers are not plugged into anything.

Speaker 15 Right? Yeah, we pointed that out. I thought that was normal.

Speaker 54 And it turns out there's not even an IT department at this zoo.

Speaker 20 It's not even Tuesday.

Speaker 79 And you are responsible for this.

Speaker 25 You've been keeping us captive like some sort of dumb animals.

Speaker 68 I've been zoo keeping you captive, because that's my job.

Speaker 51 So I am. His promotion.

Speaker 77 He's been waiting for years.

Speaker 22 The promotion wasn't real?

Speaker 6 Here.

Speaker 57 So much tiny scratches.

Speaker 6 Oh, no.

Speaker 63 All of the zoo animals have come home to roost.

Speaker 33 And this is very they're scratching me and somebody inviting me.

Speaker 83 I feel horrible that I'm probably dying right now. They're really getting into my veins.

Speaker 51 Real quick, Pleck, here, like I said this before, but I meant it.

Speaker 68 Master this stuff, it's easy.

Speaker 70 And on my way out, here, grab one end of my intestine and just pull on it.

Speaker 44 You're looking changing colors.

Speaker 44 Keep pulling it.

Speaker 9 It keeps going.

Speaker 33 I appreciate your advice, but you gotta forgive me at this point if I don't really buy it.

Speaker 5 You wouldn't even have to buy it.

Speaker 83 You're just yanking on my intestines.

Speaker 64 Listen, look, these are my last words.

Speaker 36 Okay?

Speaker 12 Last words, everyone.

Speaker 82 Hey, everybody, shush, shush.

Speaker 51 Old Durf is about to say his last words when these animals are being

Speaker 83 torn apart.

Speaker 41 Last word, before you say them, I noticed the space monkeys aren't here.

Speaker 82 What do you think they're doing?

Speaker 51 Oh,

Speaker 83 if they're doing what I think they're doing, they are pleasuring themselves like you wouldn't believe.

Speaker 41 Okay, your last words.

Speaker 51 That was it.

Speaker 44 Really?

Speaker 19 Yeah, it looks amazing here, Barty.

Speaker 13 I felt bad for getting rid of all the balloons, so while you were all away doing whatever it is you do, I made Bargie party ready again for AJ. Happy birthday, AJ.
Welcome to Bargie's House.

Speaker 34 Wow, cool.

Speaker 10 An adult party.

Speaker 13 We got some cocktails. I have some dances.

Speaker 13 We got vines of dust.

Speaker 19 Hello, Bargie.

Speaker 46 Today is actually AJ's sixth birthday.

Speaker 26 Yeah, we were all

Speaker 13 six years old. Anyway, there's some old screen.

Speaker 19 I don't know why we'd lie about being six years old.

Speaker 16 Bargie, thank you, but you know, I had a really great birthday already.

Speaker 12 You did,

Speaker 19 I did.

Speaker 51 Thanks, you guys.

Speaker 25 That's great, AJ.

Speaker 17 I don't think anything could top it.

Speaker 34 We have an incoming transition from

Speaker 75 Sisu Kinda.

Speaker 26 Wait, what?

Speaker 16 Twist?

Speaker 18 Hi, crew. Hi.

Speaker 12 Hi, Sisu. Hi, Sisu.

Speaker 24 I'm here with a special birthday greeting

Speaker 6 for

Speaker 6 AJ2884. Shishoo!

Speaker 43 AJ! I have lovey feelings in my tummy for you.

Speaker 24 I am so happy to have you as part of my crew.

Speaker 37 Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Speaker 56 I've got love in my tummy, Shishu.

Speaker 39 This is a pre-recorded.

Speaker 51 Yeah, that explains it. It's a pre-recorded.

Speaker 24 It's definitely a better place.

Speaker 24 And I hope you get everything that you wish for.

Speaker 12 I want to kiss you again.

Speaker 56 That's the thing I want.

Speaker 24 That will definitely happen.

Speaker 32 AJ, I'm sorry.

Speaker 37 I think it's a recording.

Speaker 8 I don't know. I feel like she's still answering me somehow.

Speaker 24 Especially if your wish is to unify the galaxy.

Speaker 16 Close.

Speaker 24 Thank you, AJ2884.

Speaker 64 Thank you, Sisu.

Speaker 24 And remember, the sky is the limit.

Speaker 28 What?

Speaker 28 Nermit

Speaker 33 Dirk, it's Pleck. It's you got Pleck.

Speaker 35 I was just trying to get a hold of Nermit.

Speaker 6 I want to apologize about the whole Nermit Bundalois, the avatar of the whack.

Speaker 69 Alright, do you have a message for me?

Speaker 30 Oh, yes.

Speaker 35 Did you did you fly into the old we got?

Speaker 54 No, I just got back on the ship.

Speaker 55 Oh, you don't know where the gas pedal is?

Speaker 69 Bargy is sentient. I can't drive the ship.

Speaker 19 Oh, okay, cool.

Speaker 35 That makes it easy to do stuff.

Speaker 25 Just

Speaker 35 try a little bit harder.

Speaker 35 And just ask Nermit if we're cool.

Speaker 28 Fine.

Speaker 14 Before I go, there's an ancient saying carved into the stone of the greatest temple in Zima Prime.

Speaker 35 It says, a rolling stone gathers no moss, but leaves a trail of busted stuff.

Speaker 32 That sounds dumb.

Speaker 35 Oh, it sounds dumb. We carved, someone carved it into stone.

Speaker 20 You think So? They don't. You know how much.
Maybe that person was an idiot.

Speaker 47 You criticize everything.

Speaker 34 What have you ever made?

Speaker 27 I never carved anything and anything.

Speaker 34 I.

Speaker 33 Stone, you mean?

Speaker 71 Yeah, or butter.

Speaker 35 I don't know. Start small.

Speaker 30 I gotta go.

Speaker 35 Don't hang up on me. I hang up on you.

Speaker 25 No, I'm hanging up this ghost call right now.

Speaker 35 It's a stuff call, and shut up.

Speaker 35 I hung up first. Bye.

Speaker 35 Wow!

Speaker 9 dead ghost, tough stuff.

Speaker 25 A dead ghost?

Speaker 28 Aren't all ghosts?

Speaker 28 This is SeaRed IT5, Credits and Attributions Droid, commencing Outro Protocol.

Speaker 84 Plex Deck Setter and The Lord Who's Waiting for IT were played by Alden Ford. C-53 and The Lird Who Makes Macros were played by Jeremy Bent.

Speaker 84 AJ and The Lird Who Hates Tuesdays were played by Winston Knoll. Bargie the Ship, The Zoo Tour Announcer, and The Lord Who's Deep in a Spreadsheet were played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Speaker 84 Animatronic Daniel DeZewis and the Lird Who Manages a Crew of Zoo Animals were played by Seth Lynn. Captain Darr and The Lird Who Didn't Say Anything were played by Ali Kokash.

Speaker 84 Old Derf was played by special guest Justin Tyler. Justin is a supervising field producer for Deezus and Miro on Showtime.

Speaker 84 You can check out his long-running podcast, Comic Book Club, a live geek culture talk show, and follow him on Twitter at JTSizzle.

Speaker 84 This episode was edited by Alden Ford, sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at eight different secret locations.

Speaker 84 Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra with additional performance by the Chime Street Brass Quintet. Opening crowd narration by Jeremy Crunchley.

Speaker 84 Ship designed for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce. Audio hosting, Bicyclecast.
Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Speaker 86 We are the host of My Brother, My Brother, and Me, and now, nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed.

Speaker 86 All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin.

Speaker 87 Embedded in each episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious gemstones all around this big, beautiful blue world of ours.

Speaker 64 So start combing through the episodes.

Speaker 56 Let's say starting at episode 101 on.

Speaker 87 Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic, so there's no clues in those episodes.

Speaker 8 No, no, not at all.

Speaker 87 The better ones, the good ones, clues ahoy.

Speaker 86 Listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence. Laugh if you must, but mainly get all the great clues.

Speaker 85 My Brother, My Brother, Me. It's an advice show, kind of, but a treasure hunt, mainly. Anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps, My Brother, My Brother, Me, the hunt is on.

Speaker 7 Welcome back to Fireside Chat on KMAX. With me in Studio to Take Your Calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wong and Morgan Rhodes.
Go ahead, call her.

Speaker 45 Hey, I'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful, but like also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of.

Speaker 73 Yeah, man, it sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks every week.

Speaker 73 Myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives.

Speaker 1 Guests like Moby, Open Mike Eagle, talk about albums by Prince Joni Mitchell and so much more.

Speaker 45 Yo, what's that show called again?

Speaker 73 Heat Rocks: Deep Dives into Hot Records.

Speaker 1 Every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Speaker 58 MaximumFun.org.

Speaker 57 Comedy and Culture.

Speaker 64 Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Speaker 88 I'm sorry to interrupt, but

Speaker 88 my son really painted the walls in there.

Speaker 69 Oh, in that stall right next to this diarrhea?

Speaker 8 Yep.

Speaker 41 And I also read your pitch for the animated series, and I'm interested.

Speaker 78 Excellent.

Speaker 82 And let me ask you, sir, do you...

Speaker 62 Thank you for reading the handwritten pitch next to the poster. No problem.

Speaker 3 Oh, right next to the birds.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 That's sort of a packet.

Speaker 82 What do you think?

Speaker 78 Do you work in space television?

Speaker 88 No, but if I get into it, this is going to be one of my first projects.

Speaker 57 Great.

Speaker 62 Now, get back to the part where you said your son painted the walls and stuff.

Speaker 4 I've been on this wall.

Speaker 88 It's woof.

Speaker 79 I really did a number in there.

Speaker 88 Yep.

Speaker 79 Okay. Let's go.
A number two.