412: Same Sh*t, Derfrent Day [ft. Justin Tyler]

It is a time of chaos.

Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course, the colossal all wheat.

Which looks like a wormholes asshole.

Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mission to Think.

Hey, Bargie.

Yep.

Guess what day it is?

Uh, it's just a normal day on the ship.

Wrong.

So wrong.

Wow.

It's my birthday, Bargy.

It's my birthday.

Just a normal day on the ship.

Everyone's gonna relax, sit down, and revive the adventurous.

But Vargi's seen that we're not.

What's going on?

I thought we were going to the zoo today.

I'm waiting for you guys to get AJ into the cargo hold.

Oh,

we could have told him about the surprise.

Sorry.

I mean, you're with a bunch of banners and balloons like an idiot.

Wait, is it happening or not?

Vargi's saying it's not happening.

It is happening.

It's just.

just.

Okay,

we told you because you were upset that you thought we forgot your birthday, but we were just trying to build up to a really big surprise.

I was supposed to announce it with a song and dance, but I guess that's not happening anymore.

No, Bargie, it's not too late.

Nope, nope.

Birthday's cancelled.

Plus, opening up my hatch.

All the birthday stuff.

Oh, wow.

So that's what a hundred balloons in space looks like.

They just popped.

Yep.

Whoa.

AJ, listen.

We all knew it was your birthday.

I think we just were kind of not on the same page about how to, you know, celebrate it with you.

So we're not going to the zoom?

We are going to the bottom.

We're going to the zoom.

Come on, come on.

We all need to get on the same page.

Okay.

This is getting out of control.

Why don't we all at the same time say what the new goal of today is?

Okay, sure.

One, two, three.

I'm going to go get the balloons from outside and reinforce reinforcing them, and we'll do another surprise party for AJ.

No, no, that's not going to work.

Yeah, no.

What?

Development party.

Papa?

Balloons?

I thought I might go try to grab them real quick.

No, no.

I guess now the new goal is to teach Plank about balloons.

The vacuum of space, but it's my birthday.

Is that what we're doing on my birthday?

Teaching Papa about balloons.

AJ, I have a very important exercise for you.

Okay.

Go into your room and come right back out.

It's a space thing.

Try it.

Surprise!

Happy birthday to you!

Why would you do that and not tell us to yell surprise?

You need to verbalize your kidathar.

I thought it was obvious what we were all doing.

No, you sent him into his room.

What the fuck?

And then he was gonna come.

We were all together together.

The whole point was to surprise him at the same time.

Captain Dorothy,

incoming transmission from temporary emergency emissarial negotiations, missions, operations manager,

hey crew, just a regular day.

Nothing special on this day.

Okay, we want to send us this poster a picture of what?

AJ, it's the zoo.

It's a mission now, it's work.

Well, yeah, it's, I mean, it's, it's a, I mean, now it's logged in the missionator, so I guess technically it's a miss.

we're not good at this.

Okay, guys, I'm gonna call right back.

I'm gonna call right back.

I think we're just ill-prepared.

Wait, when I call back, what should I say?

Don't call back.

How do I fix it?

Yeah, okay, I'm actually.

Um, could you do a mind wipe since this morning?

Oh, good idea.

Happy to.

Okay, hold on.

We can do it on command.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Super

You guys remembered!

Yep, we're seeing it!

Happy birthday!

High birthday!

Six years, buddy.

That's big.

What are we gonna do today?

We're going to the zoo!

Yeah, all right.

Let's walk it live.

Zoo talk, bro.

Mission to zoo.

We should really do that more often.

I can't.

We have a tiny bit.

Hey everybody, this is Centurion Tittle with another ep of the Centurion Collection.

My super sweet vlog about all the cool stuff I collect and discover.

Like this rad scale model of the Awi.

Man, I love the Awi.

Oh, it's hot.

Oh,

anyway, as you know, it's super boring here on this stupid ice planet where my mom, Sisu Gundu, built her base.

Which is why I'm so pumped pumped to share this dope thing I discovered.

It's called Roll, and it's a new online role-playing platform and community.

Roll is the place where diverse voices gather to discover new worlds, meet lifelong friends, and adventure together.

Until I heard about what Roll is building, I honestly didn't think role-playing was for me, okay?

And certainly didn't know where to meet people who also.

Oh, hey, cool.

My beef for leaf, Justin, is joining me in the episode.

What's up, Justin?

Not much,

Longtime viewers know my pal Justin Balweed, whose dad is half of the freaking Allweed.

What you might not know is that Centurion and I are secret Star-Cross lovers.

That's right.

Where once our fathers were locked in mortal battle or whatever, out from the ashes of their hate rose our love.

No one will ever understand us, unless they too had a high school fling of which their parents disapproved.

Anyway, I rang you up because I got your message about role.

I know, right?

I just joined the next wave of online narrative play by backing their Kickstarter.

Now I'll get exclusive first access to both their online tools and six original role-playing games.

That's so rad, Justin.

And so are you.

I love you.

You are.

No, you are.

I love you.

Visit playroll.com/slash 6 to be among the first to join this community when it launches later this year.

That's playroll, ROLE.com/slash six.

Justin, kiss me through the accursed waves of this hollow.

Oh, I love love.

Ooh, horse hat.

Look who's here.

Okay, okay, horse hat.

Okay,

Hey, Nermit.

That's a far drop.

I'm glad you got that.

Yeah, guys, I get temps get one vacation day annually, and this is it.

You're still on temp.

Nermit.

Well, they had a meeting where they brought everyone in to talk about the temp-to-perm process, and

I'm not eligible yet.

Welcome to Daniel Day Zoo, Zoo, the greatest zoo in the Ziggs Quadrant.

A lot of qualifications on this zoo.

Please enter your cars.

Hey, listen, AJ, you know, it's your birthday.

How would you like a snack?

You know, a snack to get your...

It's your birthday.

You get anything you want.

Cleck, are you afraid of cars?

No, no, I'm just going to get...

It's just that you immediately offered to abandon us here as we were getting into the car.

I was just trying to make this a special day for AJ.

I don't love cars.

I prefer anything that levitates or you're afraid of them.

Wow.

Wheels feel archaic to me.

I don't know why we're using wheels.

Wheels feel archaic.

These open-top Jeeps are on a track.

They're very safe.

Yeah.

I'm just going to grab a snack for AJ and I'll be right back.

AJ, you want a funkle cake?

Are you walking backwards away from the Jeep?

I mean, sure, if there's like a paste flavor.

You could make it a paste flavor by shoving it into your helmet.

Got it.

Great.

Yeah, Bunkle Cake, please.

The wheel is one of the classic simple machines.

I know, but it just feels like we've moved on from it.

I don't feel like I like to go backwards.

We haven't improved on the lever C-53.

So we're not actually.

When we do, when we do, I'll be sure to leave it behind.

And then he just ran off.

Wow.

How did you give the finger to that pulley?

Bizarre.

This is awesome.

Ooh, what kind of horsepower do you think we're dealing with?

Hi there, yeah, can I get uh um three funkle cakes?

Uh

we have three flavors.

We have uh paper-mâché, paste, blue.

Which one can I get?

You have a paste flavor?

That is that is correct.

Wait a second.

Dirf?

What?

Oh, hey!

Hey, it's my old my old guy.

What are you?

What is this?

You come visiting your old.

What are you doing here?

You work at a zoo now?

I work at the zoo.

I do.

But don't think I'm just doing funkle cake stuff.

I do all the jobs at the zoo.

I

make sure the dongle teeth are clean.

Stick my head right in there, scrub with the backs.

I

make sure the Libras are f inseminated.

Make sure they're making more.

Make sure the space monkeys are pleasuring themselves to an adequate amount.

Where have you been?

I thought you died at that wedding.

Yes, I was dead for a moment, but then I got right out of there, jucked around a bit, ended up with the zoo.

A lot of times, if you juck enough, you end up at a zoo.

I found.

It's sort of like the drain of society.

And this is a great zoo.

Daniel De Zoois, this zoo is always in character.

As a zoo.

Listen, Derf, I gotta talk to you.

Things are going crazy.

I need you to weigh in on some of this stuff happening in the galaxy right now.

I I would love to wait.

Would you mind?

I also clean the worst diarrhea accidents out of the bathroom.

Would you mind coming with me?

Because I know this a lot of children come here and they I don't know if they there's something about animals that literally scares the shit out of them.

So come on.

We're gonna go over here.

Deep subway.

You clean up shit and you also work at the concession stand?

I hate to tell you, but at a zoo, a zoo is like a a carnival, but with fewer rides.

So everyone sorta does everything and everyone

has homemade tattoos, and they're jucking around when they're not working.

So yeah, I'm going to go.

Does that have to do with anything?

What does that have to do with it?

That's just a little backstory here.

I'm your teacher, your mentor.

Everything is a little bit more.

Leave the funkal cake alone for a second.

We have things to discuss.

So, are we not going to be able to get any funkle cakes?

One second.

You ordered three paper-machés, right?

That's right.

And I still have yet to see a single cake.

Hey, here's some news.

Funkle cakes, it's just dough and sugar.

So go to town.

You can make your charge.

You're asking me to make my own funkle cake at this stand?

You're already holding one that you brought from some other place.

Is that a homemade?

I got it in transit to the zoo.

That's none of your business.

Hey, hey,

Pleck Dick Splitter, there.

Could you just hit him with you?

Shirley.

No, I'm one of those people that only reads enough to get the context.

And with the prophecy, I was like, Pleck de.

And I was like, I've said my last name so many times.

I is that, well, so.

I say a lot of words and I forget their meanings.

Really?

Yeah, you should.

You should talk to somebody about that.

That's not good.

That's the thing.

You're so old, man.

I'm started old.

My old is in my name.

What do you think?

I'm not going to be at the end of the day.

You used to be younger.

If that's another thing you said that you've apparently forgot.

Yes, but that's like a different chapter.

Chapter one was when you were the chosen one and you saved the universe.

Buckle up, baby.

You got a whole nother chapter coming.

Is that doing another chapter until I get these funkle cakes?

Now, on your left is the majestic donkey, known for being compatible to other animals.

Donkeys are the only species that actually thrives in captivity.

Oh no, it says here they seek out traps.

Do they really prefer?

Can seem to allow me.

Oh, you sure music

dongle

moving along.

We're moving along.

And now we have entered the Libra exhibit.

Known for its vibrant red fur and saucy attitude.

Ooh, fun fact about these.

Libras are great listeners.

So if you get really close up to the glass, you can just whisper all your secrets.

Oh, yeah.

They're also distinguished gossips, so whatever you tell them, they will repeat to each other.

Do you want my demo tape?

Well, they walk to a

Oh, well,

that's not a secret, Nermit.

You asked a pathetic question.

I've got one for

okay, AJ.

Also, not a secret, but something you should keep to yourself.

Let's go.

We're going now.

Time to go.

We're moving along.

I like it because I don't have to think too hard about it and I just keep moving.

I like it.

We're going fast.

We're going fast now.

Ooh, a lot of horses under that hood, baby.

Nice girl.

Durf, I gotta tell you, things have gone crazy since I saw you last.

Uh, what do you mean?

Like in a good way?

Like a

jumping around way?

Durf, haven't you been paying attention?

The Emperor's Planet Crusher Crusher imploded and now it's the Allweat.

Nobody knows what it is.

You don't know what the Allweed is?

Did you see it up there?

Yeah.

It's a super dense collection of the stuff.

The s what stuff?

You don't know what the stuff is?

The stuff is the other side of the coin when it comes to the space.

I thought the whack was the other side of the.

I thought the space was the coin.

No,

the space is sort of.

The coins exist in three dimensions.

Just like stuff.

Fresh is the opposite of the whack, so of course the space has an opposite, which of course is the stuff.

Think about it: the space is all the space in between the stuff.

What are you talking about?

If the space is the space inside the peehole, the stuff is

the pee-hole, the edge, the rim, the part where you put the sounding rod if you want to feel the pleasure.

What?

What is that?

What are you talking about?

That's sort of for a future lesson once you've

lived.

Dirf, you never mentioned the stuff until just now.

What's so hard about that?

It's thought the space was sort of like a mystical energy that kind of flowed through everything.

It is, and the stuff is the other stuff that it's flowing through.

I thought everything was the space.

Everything is the space, and then everything else is the stuff.

What do I have to write this down?

Aren't you?

Are you listening?

I know it smells like rank AJ in here, but uh, please, just paint, listen.

Yeah, don't you- Don't you have a break room or anything?

Breathe through your mouth so you can remember what I'm telling you about the stuff.

Dirf, listen, you have to listen to me.

The all wheat is contacting me psychically, it's talking to me, I can hear it in my head.

Oh, that is that is bad news, buddy.

That means you have to go, you have to gather up, you have to finally understand the stuff,

and then go to the all wheat and and face it.

Face it as long as the all wheat doesn't have a bean in the in the all wheat with him, it is fine.

So, you have a little bit of time, just get a grasp of the stuff and then go

there's a i don't know if you've encountered there's a thing called a bean and if the all wheel we've encountered beano the beanachron yeah yes good good as long as you have that and the emperor doesn't no we don't have that the emperor took bino and fell into the planet crusher that's what made the all wheat

what well surely bino told you what he know

did beano tell you what he know it was more of it was more of him affirming that he did know about thing we were already talking about.

What are you talking about?

Don't stop being so confusing.

Do you know or do you not know?

That is a simple thing.

Do I know or I don't know anything?

What are you s- I feel like I left you and I was like, that guy's got it.

I can just die in this crowded ballroom and go back to my job cleaning up zoo diarrhea.

But now I feel like you haven't heard a single thing.

I'm sorry, interrupt, but my...

My son really painted the walls in there.

Oh, in that stall right next to this diarrhea stone?

Yep.

I'm gonna need you to get a mastery of at least this stuff right now.

Coming up next is Philenland.

What?

Oh,

we created a society full of learning.

Oh,

it's a little office park, they look good.

Our little cubicles and everything.

Just putting papers in and skin boxes and skipping around.

Oh, hello.

Hi there.

Wow, so this is really the brains behind the operation.

This is awesome.

So these are the zoo

administrators.

Sort of weird that we're kind of on the other side of a pane of glass from them.

Yeah.

Yeah, very weird.

I think a lot of officers are switching to that open architecture kind of thing where, and it's cool to see behind the scenes and how it works.

Good work, team.

I'm deep in a spreadsheet, and I'm happy about it.

Oh, that's just like you!

Yeah, I know.

That's crazy.

That sounds like a great spreadsheet.

What?

This is still working.

It's weird how this thing sped us through all the other exhibits, but this one we really have to imagine.

We will not be taking any questions and answers at this time.

That's crazy.

Look at all their little ties and their little...

That one's got a bow tie.

Every office has one.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, I don't like the idea that I could put a cream in and get some feed to throw at them.

Oh, I do.

It is his birthday.

Alright.

That's a really great system.

So they glunch delivery as part of the deal here.

That's great.

Yeah, they never have to leave.

I think you may be misunderstood.

This is an exhibit.

They're trapped here.

Oh, this.

We were.

We just visited two exhibits.

This is clearly the Central's kind of brain HQ of the.

Sweet, sweet Nermi, no.

Oh, look, that one's computer's not even plugged in.

You know, one lird's cage is another lird's cubicle.

Hey, friends, good keep up the good work.

Alert.

An escaped animal has been spotted in the Philene section.

Oh, I hope it's an Apex predator.

Look alive, there's an escaped animal.

Oh, no, oh no, oh no!

Oh, the giant clockings, and you've escaped from Philene land.

No, no, no!

Oh!

Okay.

Don't

What are you talking about?

I've already come up with ways to make this more efficient.

Black, the thing is, your job's not done yet.

Yeah, fine, but what does that mean?

No, I'm talking specifically about you haven't cleaned a diary out of the stall.

That's not my job.

I don't work here.

I know you, but you're working, you're like under me, and like you're always sort of my...

Like when an intern is going to another office, they still do the boss's stuff.

That's not true.

That's not true at all.

I have another...

What?

Well, I have another message for you.

Your job is also not done.

Which

is a is it poop related?

No.

Well, technically, because poop is part of the stuff.

Your job's not done because you've brought balance to the space, but you haven't even touched the stuff.

And you need to bring balance to the stuff.

And once those two are balanced, that's a lot of balance.

I don't touch what we need.

I'm so confused.

It's not confusing at all.

Again, I feel like I've said this to you many, many times.

Do you need another analogy?

I use the P-hole, which has been very indicative.

Okay, well, good.

That one is so useful for all the noobs I've had.

They're like, is it the P-hole thing?

And I'm like, that is correct, noob.

That is correct.

we said this wasn't gonna be about our work today but now we're just watching nermit do work no of course this isn't about nermit doing work see try backing up into the glass again okay i mean

it's just not safe I've been looking at these spreadsheets and a lot of these numbers just look like filler.

I'm not being able to track back where this goes to the actual budget input from the zoo.

What do you mean?

So I'm a little worried.

Oh, every number goes somewhere, right?

Hey Loku.

When I press the button, it goes into the spreadsheet.

Oh, let me just actually, I've noticed, let me just trace back this Ethernet cable.

It is a

just yarn.

Yep, that's yarn.

Yeah, we've been waiting on IT for a while, but, you know, it takes forever.

Oh, tell me about it.

Yeah, right?

I mean, and then when they show up, they're like, user error.

Come on.

Yeah, turn it off, turn it on again.

It's not on in the first place, man.

It's not on in the first place?

Yeah, well, it hasn't been on for a while.

Huh.

Well, I mean, a lot of room for improvement in this office, and I'm alert for it.

Well, we were born here in the zoo, so this is all we've ever known.

Oh.

I'm getting promoted tomorrow.

Oh, hey, congratulations!

High five!

What do you do?

Oh, I manage a crew of interstellar ambassadors, emissaries, working on behalf of Sisu Gundu, who's trying to reunite the galaxy.

Oh, that's them right there through the glass.

Out there?

There are animals in the zoo?

I mean, one of them, that's obviously a droid, but they're touring the zoo looking at...

Oh, you all turned around.

This sounds made up.

Yeah, you just told us you manage a crew of animals in a zoo.

No, they're outside.

We're visiting the zoo.

So AJ's a clone.

It's

somewhere in the zoo.

Get real, buddy.

Get real, buddy.

Whoa!

Whoa, Dar.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Guys,

I have to fill out a lot of paperwork.

This is who I was telling you about.

This is Dar, the captain of our crew.

I scaled C-53 so I could come into the enclosure and save you.

And now we have to go before we ruin AJ's birthday.

No, I mean, I think the thing that's going to ruin AJ's birthday, if anything, is that, like, the processes in here are jocked up.

Look at this spreadsheet.

Well, those are custom macros that I've been working on for years.

No!

Congratulations on the promotion!

Do any of the rest of you want me to throw you out over the enclosure?

Into the zoo?

No, thanks.

I got a promotion coming up next week.

Thank you.

Tuesdays, am I right?

I just got word I gotta go put on a little show for some birthday boy.

No,

you can't do that.

You have to help me destroy the all-week.

Just come with me.

I promise you, I will definitely come with you.

I will leave the zoo and not perish, and I will come help you do this stuff.

These stuff.

But right now, I have to go entertain.

There's a six-year-old who's like, oh, I want to go to the zoo and see all the prison animals for my birthday, and I have to go make it fun.

So he has a good memory.

Okay.

Would you come with me?

And would you mind applying this face makeup?

You're going to be my clown noob for the next 45 minutes.

I don't work here.

I don't work here at the zoo.

You work for the zoo.

I have a job.

A different job.

Describe your job.

You describe your job.

You haven't even put a new eye in your face.

You're not doing anything.

Well, first of all, I've kind of gotten used to it.

I think the patch looks pretty cool, actually.

And secondly, now I'm sort of like a liaison, I guess you might say, for Sisu Gundu's political campaign.

Oh, you're in politics?

That's your big claim.

You're going to put on a clown makeup and put on a little show for a child.

Come on, let's go do.

I don't actually have a position on the ship.

It's okay.

Dar is the captain.

How about your position as junior clown, and you can take that with you back to the ship.

Now put on this wig.

This is a fun wig.

It's made from actual Libra hair.

I made this wig.

It's something I do in the side when I'm not elbow deep in alien diarrhea.

Put this wig on.

Here's a little bit of fun makeup.

And you know what this makeup is?

It's stuff.

That seems like a stretch.

Oh, you're telling me?

You did just...

You learned about this ten minutes ago.

Don't tell me what it is.

You need to move the stuff through the space until it connects with your face, and then you have stuff on your face.

And then you're halfway to being a junior clown.

Now let's go entertain this child.

You don't have to say the junior every time.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

There's a hierarchy in the clown world.

You want me to tell you about the clown world?

I was a clown for 17 years.

I went from young Derf to old Derf as a clown.

And then I got into a space religion and then a stuff religion.

Now come on with me, junior clown, and eventually someday you'll fill the large shoes with the space clown.

We're all just clowns.

Oh, I.

You.

Okay, do let me show me some clown stuff.

If this is senior clown stuff, then you'll be senior clown.

Okay.

Do a little trick.

Show me a trick.

Show me a trick.

A trick?

A clown trick.

Okay.

Yep.

Backflip.

Oh, okay.

Backflip.

Pretty good.

You really took a feather out of my cap on that one.

Okay.

Well, you haven't done yours yet.

Well, that's right.

I'll do it.

I'll do it when I'm already ready.

And now we're entering the birthday zone.

Everyone, please leave the vehicle.

Leave the vehicle.

Please leave the vehicle.

Please leave the vehicle.

Leave the vehicle.

Someone left something in the vehicle.

Please remove it from the vehicle.

Oh, it's quite gone, sir.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Good to work a little on my day off, you know?

Well, AG,

I hope you're excited for this, buddy.

Uh, what?

We got something,

you know, a little special here at the end of the day.

Is this the party room that Bargie told me about?

Bargie, you asked.

Alright, yeah, yeah, that's exactly right.

Oh, awesome!

Great.

You know, we got a game for everybody.

Wow.

Okay, I guess it's this.

Hello, and welcome to my zoom

Oh, it's Dano Day Zoo is President of Matronic.

I love it.

Look at him.

Look at him go.

This is a little salted drink.

Just like you.

No!

Don't you think it's just a little bit like you, Mr.

Robot Man?

It moves me deeper every time you suggest that day when it started.

Henceforth and thereafter, the zoo was here.

You're standing in the zoo that I founded on its inception.

This wig is itchy.

Yes, it is itchy.

It's made from animal hair.

And there's some skin in there, too, because it's hard to get just hair.

You know what I'm talking about?

What?

Here's the thing.

You know when you get clown makeup on and you just want to juck somebody?

No.

Dirf, listen.

What do you how do you feel?

Are you aroused right now?

What?

No.

Okay, different strokes for different clowns.

Derf, listen, none of this is important.

We have to get back.

Maybe we go back to Zima Prime.

Maybe we can find some.

I don't know.

Pleck, plack.

First off, insulting to say none of my life is important.

You work as a combination shit janitor.

It's called a zookeeper.

It's called a zookeeper, is the term.

And secondary.

I gotta say, Derf, I don't think you're the zookeeper.

Oh, does this zoo look kept to you?

This zoo is kept, and I'm the keeper.

Derf.

Now,

this is serious, you're right.

Because if the Emperor has merged with the Binakron, then the Allweed is gaining in power, and you have only one mission.

You need to enter the Allweed.

What do you mean enter the Allweed?

It's like a wormhole's asshole.

Yeah, it's like the coolest door in the universe.

I hate it.

You ever walk through a cool door?

Derf, I saw the Allweet destroy a planet.

I can't go inside it.

Pleck, this is all I can tell you.

It is your time to face the Allweat.

You must enter it, and sure, it'll take some of your skin off and maybe your bones, but you have to confront it.

You have to go through the portal of the Allweat.

Face it with a mastery of the stuff.

Find balance for the stuff in the same way that you've found balance to the space.

I don't know how to do that, Derf.

I don't know how.

Well, one thing you can practice right now is being a junior clown.

Let's go entertain this kid.

Oh, oh, hey, guys.

Yeah, I should have.

Hey, look at these sailor.

Who's the kid?

Who's the birthday boy?

Oh, look.

Hey,

my birthday.

Hey, oh, look, it's your crew.

There's the robot one.

Wow, he looks like shit.

Oh, look, you have two dars now.

Hey, congrats.

Double it up.

Oh, and look at this dars wearing cool new clothes.

I'm here too, Derf.

Oh, that reminds me I didn't feed the lords their quarterly earnings reports.

Boy, that's gonna juck things up real quick.

Oh, that explains it.

The quarterly earnings reports.

If that had been in there, the spreadsheet would have made so much more sense.

So, you keep this animal in your ship?

This guy?

This is Nermit.

This is Nermit Bundeloy.

I managed them.

Oh, Nermit Bundaloy, he's the avatar of the whack, I believe.

No, no, that was the other.

Oh, yes, and that's work a way around to you, the birthday one.

Grandpa Derf.

Yeah, awesome.

You're here for my birthday.

Yes, I specially came here for your little birthday.

I'm six today, and I've really had a great time at the zoo.

Excellent.

Well, why don't you pull on the little end of this scarf?

Because I think there's a surprise.

Well, this is just a small scarf.

It can't be.

Pull on it.

Yes,

it's some stuff.

It's stuff.

And the more stuff you pull.

See, this is...

Plex, pay attention.

This is a good trip.

Yeah, and it keeps going.

The scarf just keeps coming right out of Pleck's mouth.

It just keeps coming coming and coming and coming.

Look at different colors, too.

You should have seen me stuff it into him.

It took so long.

Yay!

What else?

What else?

Okay, well.

What about this?

Backflip?

Oh!

Hey, nice backflipter.

Thank you.

That is

my finale.

Well, it took a long time to put this makeup on.

Alright, AJ, blow out your candles.

Hold on, let me light them all up.

Boom, Boom, look at that.

Alright, here we go.

Wow.

Oh,

what's all this?

Oh, normal-sized.

I hear normal-sized fists at the door.

There he is.

Hey, hey, it's all the lurch.

What are you guys?

How'd you get out of your...

How'd you get out of your office?

When you didn't give us the quarterly earnings reports on time, we realized no one would turn those in late unless they were meaningless.

And then we slowly started to realize that this whole thing is an exhibit at some sort of sick zoo.

You mean when we told you that this was an exhibit at some sick zoo, you didn't?

We came into it ourselves.

Also, computers are not plugged into anything.

Right?

Yeah, we pointed that out.

I thought that was normal.

And it turns out there's not even an IT department at this zoo.

It's not even Tuesday.

And you are responsible for this.

You've been keeping us captive like some sort of dumb animals.

I've been zoo keeping you captive, because that's my job.

So I am.

His promotion.

He's been waiting for years.

The promotion wasn't real?

Here.

So much tiny scratches.

Oh, no.

All of the zoo animals have come home to roost.

And this is very they're scratching me and somebody inviting me.

I feel horrible that I'm probably dying right now.

They're really getting into my veins.

Real quick, Pleck, here, like I said this before, but I meant it.

Master this stuff, it's easy.

And on my way out, here, grab one end of my intestine and just pull on it.

You're looking changing colors.

Keep pulling it.

It keeps going.

I appreciate your advice, but you gotta forgive me at this point if I don't really buy it.

You wouldn't even have to buy it.

You're just yanking on my intestines.

Listen, look, these are my last words.

Okay?

Last words, everyone.

Hey, everybody, shush, shush.

Old Durf is about to say his last words when these animals are being

torn apart.

Last word, before you say them, I noticed the space monkeys aren't here.

What do you think they're doing?

Oh,

if they're doing what I think they're doing, they are pleasuring themselves like you wouldn't believe.

Okay, your last words.

That was it.

Really?

Yeah, it looks amazing here, Barty.

I felt bad for getting rid of all the balloons, so while you were all away doing whatever it is you do, I made Bargie party ready again for AJ.

Happy birthday, AJ.

Welcome to Bargie's House.

Wow, cool.

An adult party.

We got some cocktails.

I have some dances.

We got vines of dust.

Hello, Bargie.

Today is actually AJ's sixth birthday.

Yeah, we were all

six years old.

Anyway, there's some old screen.

I don't know why we'd lie about being six years old.

Bargie, thank you, but you know, I had a really great birthday already.

You did,

I did.

Thanks, you guys.

That's great, AJ.

I don't think anything could top it.

We have an incoming transition from

Sisu Kinda.

Wait, what?

Twist?

Hi, crew.

Hi.

Hi, Sisu.

Hi, Sisu.

I'm here with a special birthday greeting

for

AJ2884.

Shishoo!

AJ!

I have lovey feelings in my tummy for you.

I am so happy to have you as part of my crew.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

I've got love in my tummy, Shishu.

This is a pre-recorded.

Yeah, that explains it.

It's a pre-recorded.

It's definitely a better place.

And I hope you get everything that you wish for.

I want to kiss you again.

That's the thing I want.

That will definitely happen.

AJ, I'm sorry.

I think it's a recording.

I don't know.

I feel like she's still answering me somehow.

Especially if your wish is to unify the galaxy.

Close.

Thank you, AJ2884.

Thank you, Sisu.

And remember, the sky is the limit.

What?

Nermit

Dirk, it's Pleck.

It's you got Pleck.

I was just trying to get a hold of Nermit.

I want to apologize about the whole Nermit Bundalois, the avatar of the whack.

Alright, do you have a message for me?

Oh, yes.

Did you did you fly into the old we got?

No, I just got back on the ship.

Oh, you don't know where the gas pedal is?

Bargy is sentient.

I can't drive the ship.

Oh, okay, cool.

That makes it easy to do stuff.

Just

try a little bit harder.

And just ask Nermit if we're cool.

Fine.

Before I go, there's an ancient saying carved into the stone of the greatest temple in Zima Prime.

It says, a rolling stone gathers no moss, but leaves a trail of busted stuff.

That sounds dumb.

Oh, it sounds dumb.

We carved, someone carved it into stone.

You think So?

They don't.

You know how much.

Maybe that person was an idiot.

You criticize everything.

What have you ever made?

I never carved anything and anything.

I.

Stone, you mean?

Yeah, or butter.

I don't know.

Start small.

I gotta go.

Don't hang up on me.

I hang up on you.

No, I'm hanging up this ghost call right now.

It's a stuff call, and shut up.

I hung up first.

Bye.

Wow!

dead ghost, tough stuff.

A dead ghost?

Aren't all ghosts?

This is SeaRed IT5, Credits and Attributions Droid, commencing Outro Protocol.

Plex Deck Setter and The Lord Who's Waiting for IT were played by Alden Ford.

C-53 and The Lird Who Makes Macros were played by Jeremy Bent.

AJ and The Lird Who Hates Tuesdays were played by Winston Knoll.

Bargie the Ship, The Zoo Tour Announcer, and The Lord Who's Deep in a Spreadsheet were played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Animatronic Daniel DeZewis and the Lird Who Manages a Crew of Zoo Animals were played by Seth Lynn.

Captain Darr and The Lird Who Didn't Say Anything were played by Ali Kokash.

Old Derf was played by special guest Justin Tyler.

Justin is a supervising field producer for Deezus and Miro on Showtime.

You can check out his long-running podcast, Comic Book Club, a live geek culture talk show, and follow him on Twitter at JTSizzle.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford, sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at eight different secret locations.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra with additional performance by the Chime Street Brass Quintet.

Opening crowd narration by Jeremy Crunchley.

Ship designed for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting, Bicyclecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

We are the host of My Brother, My Brother, and Me, and now, nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed.

All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin.

Embedded in each episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious gemstones all around this big, beautiful blue world of ours.

So start combing through the episodes.

Let's say starting at episode 101 on.

Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic, so there's no clues in those episodes.

No, no, not at all.

The better ones, the good ones, clues ahoy.

Listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence.

Laugh if you must, but mainly get all the great clues.

My Brother, My Brother, Me.

It's an advice show, kind of, but a treasure hunt, mainly.

Anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps, My Brother, My Brother, Me, the hunt is on.

Welcome back to Fireside Chat on KMAX.

With me in Studio to Take Your Calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wong and Morgan Rhodes.

Go ahead, call her.

Hey, I'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful, but like also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of.

Yeah, man, it sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks every week.

Myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives.

Guests like Moby, Open Mike Eagle, talk about albums by Prince Joni Mitchell and so much more.

Yo, what's that show called again?

Heat Rocks: Deep Dives into Hot Records.

Every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and Culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but

my son really painted the walls in there.

Oh, in that stall right next to this diarrhea?

Yep.

And I also read your pitch for the animated series, and I'm interested.

Excellent.

And let me ask you, sir, do you...

Thank you for reading the handwritten pitch next to the poster.

No problem.

Oh, right next to the birds.

Yes.

That's sort of a packet.

What do you think?

Do you work in space television?

No, but if I get into it, this is going to be one of my first projects.

Great.

Now, get back to the part where you said your son painted the walls and stuff.

I've been on this wall.

It's woof.

I really did a number in there.

Yep.

Okay.

Let's go.

A number two.