407: Come to Your Census [ft. Ryan Karels]

This is SeaRed IT5 with an announcement.

Due to a planetary pandemic in your system, Mission to Zix is moving to a bi-weekly release schedule for the remainder of season four.

This will give our crew the time they need to recalibrate for fully remote recording, editing, and mixing.

But do not despair, we'll be releasing some exciting bonus content intermittently to keep your feet fresh during these unprecedentedly whack times.

For the latest info, follow us on socially distanced media at MissionToZ.

Please Please stay safe, and may at least six feet of the space be with you.

It is a time of chaos.

Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course, the colossal, all wheat.

Which looks like a bad dream, but, you know, bigger.

Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mission to Zinc.

Hey, duh, I taught Horse Hat a new trick.

Oh,

Horse Hat's a baby, not a pet.

Yeah, but look at this.

Oh, that's a full backflip.

Oh, ha!

Okay.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Also, I taught them how to do an oppression of anybody in the ship.

So do an impression of AJ.

That's pretty good.

Pretty good.

No, it got me.

Now do us

C53.

I don't know.

That's

pretty good.

Where's the baby get a cigar?

And he is plaque.

That one's fine.

Wait, where's plaque?

Pleck?

Spana.

Where have you been?

What's going on?

You sound sad.

You've been kind of locking yourself away in your room.

Uh, yeah, you know, I have some thinking to do.

I have some, like, meditation.

I know, just that you, you usually crave contact and you locked yourself away in your teeny, tiny baby room.

And, uh, you know, being in that bureau really made me realize that, you know, I do some good thinking when I'm by myself.

So I think that I have some unfinished business as it pertains to the all wheat.

I've made a decision.

I don't think I did fulfill my destiny.

Oh, so you've been sulking.

You've been sulking in your room.

Well, I wouldn't say sulking, I would say.

Of course, happy Pleck again.

Okay.

Oh, that sounds about it.

That's all right.

Pleck, as you know, I've had many, many hours of therapy at this point.

All those hours of training to be a therapist.

Yeah.

Yes.

Wait, huh?

Well, by going to therapy, if you go enough hours, you are awarded a therapist's license.

Oh, can't be right.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'm here for you.

If you ever need me.

I'm actually probably good right now, Bargy, but I will keep you posted.

I mean, you know the saying, Pleck: Strike while the iron is cold.

Is that the saying?

You don't want to strike while the iron is hot.

Burn yourself.

Yeah,

okay.

Strike while it's cold.

And you can crack it.

It's true if it's close enough.

You can just get shattered.

Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, start therapy when

it's okay.

Not when you're hot.

Oh, hey, sorry, there's someone gently knocking at my hall.

Oh, is that what that sound is?

Wait, there's someone knocking on your hall.

They found my new doorbell.

Stop one at the door.

Stop it at the door.

Stone at the door.

Bargie, we let a pirate onto the ship the other day.

Do you have like an external camera?

Can we look at this person or do we just let them in sight and see?

What am I?

Young?

That's a joke.

Of course I do.

I recently got plastic surgery, yeah.

Wait, is that Nermit?

Hello.

Oh,

no.

Guys, it's a it's a lard in a little spacesuit.

You don't need a little spacesuit.

It's just a lurd.

Oh, we're here.

Let's.

Yeah, come on in.

There's the airlock.

Oh, wait, no, no, no, no.

Uh, horse hat.

Put them down.

That's not normant.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Uh, sorry, it's just that horse hat thought you were a different lerd.

I understand.

Thank you for the warm welcome.

I am Gloyd T.

Bean here from the Trimillion Census Bureau.

Wait.

Oh, it's a Census Bureau.

I didn't realize it was back and running.

You just go ship to ship taking the census?

Yes, it is our duty to go ship to ship to quantify every element that is in the Trimillion sector.

But of course they go ship to ship.

How would they get that care?

I mean, they can wait until we land somewhere, probably.

Wait until every sentient land.

You're gonna send alert out and it looks like you just have like a jetpack to get from place to place.

Yep.

I travel like

maneuverable.

I don't understand.

Can you go to hyperspace with that jetpack?

It goes to hyperspace 3.

Wow.

Whoa.

Not a lot of maps.

Any faster And your face would melt off.

Yes, we compile all the data at the Bureau headquarters.

I just said I just want to know is Hoofen's Pete Jordan alive?

Hoofens P.

Jork?

Ship we had him on an amazing weekend.

Very, very long time ago.

I've always wondered if they are.

Are you asking a census taker about an X?

No, I just want to know if they are currently running.

Unfortunately, it would be a breach of my duties to reveal information from another census I took.

We are completely by the book here.

Oh, that's like our lizard, man.

Yeah, by the book for sure.

Yeah.

We know another

lert.

Well, not all lerts are the same.

Yeah, no, I would never have

to.

Obviously, no.

Oh, I don't want that win.

Good.

I guess I'm surprised the Census Bureau is still operational.

What would the Emperor

figure?

My superiors at the Trimillion Census Bureau.

Right, and then who do they work for?

The leadership chain of the Trimillion board.

Keeps running his hands over the feathers on top of his head.

Let's get on with the census.

I mean, we can watch the census.

sure.

Where we can have a hangout if there's any more time.

That sounds awesome.

Alright, well, why don't you come on in?

We can all take a seat.

Just some distilled water, please.

Do you have any heat rocks to sit on?

We have one, but we actually gave it to, you know, the other lord that I was.

We gave it to him.

Right.

Here's the water.

Thank you.

Whoa.

Hyper speed 3 gets a little dry in the throat.

Especially on a jetpack.

Well, let's get started.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah.

You can put the gun on me.

Okay.

Welcome to the Sexus Nater.

Question one.

I need to know the number of people living or staying at this ship as of the first of the year.

Yeah.

Oh, see, that seems high.

I think it's really just just the five of us.

Me, C53, AJ, Dar, and Horse Hat.

Why do we count?

Bargie!

Is Bargy sentient?

Oh, yeah.

But Bargie isn't on the ship.

He is a ship.

Yeah.

Oh, then there's just five.

Oh, Santa, what's that?

No, what is this?

I think, including you, it's six.

Yeah.

Listen, it's five plus Bargie.

Five.

Six.

Who's the six?

You said to count the ship.

Yes.

Okay, so six.

Alright, so six.

What about Salvador?

Wait, the refrigerator?

No, actually, that's a good question.

Do droids count as sentients?

How dare you?

If you're personifying regular technical machinery, it doesn't count.

If they have sentient personalities, they do.

Could we give you a range for that first question?

I'm just going to fill in the number that I think is most appropriate.

Okay, sure.

You know what you should do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, we probably made that needlessly confusing for you.

Yes, you did.

Okay, sir.

Straight shooter.

Well, we're off to a great start.

Okay.

He used air quotes on that.

My bad.

Okay, question two.

I need to know whether Bargie is.

Destiny, Bargerian Jane.

Ship of the stars.

All right, I need to know whether this ship is owned or rented.

What?

Oh, we certainly do not own Bargie.

No, we don't rent.

We don't rent either.

Well, I've been paying rent.

You pay rent?

I actually pay most of my pay to Bargie for rent.

By the way, I've passed it.

Alright, here you go.

I'm just going to put it on the coins in the slab.

Listen, Gloyd, Bargie helps us run missions for our employers, so you know, you might say...

Speak for myself.

Bargie lets them help run missions for their employer.

Finish whatever you were saying.

She's sort of like a company veil.

I'm sort of like a company veil.

I'm going to mark rent.

Sure,

Fargo.

Yes, but that's a good thing.

Okay, question three.

I need to know the sex of each person in the household.

Let's just for now keep it to the six.

Uh, this is used to produce statistics used to plan and fund government programs, enforce laws, regulations, and policies against discrimination.

Sure, I'll go first.

Currently, no sex, but honestly, I'd love to get myself back in the game.

It's so difficult balancing work and raising a baby.

You know, right now, sex is not a priority, but would love to just like

put dar back out there.

I think glow

is referring more sort of to your anatomy.

Okay, wow, that's pretty forward.

You want to know about my anatomy?

Yes, please.

Well, in terms of genitalia, I think you can just mark yes.

If it's on your list, I have it.

These are just what you call prehensile flaps, so.

It's actually a little hard to explain without showing you.

Are you sure this isn't a heat rock?

Why are you holding your space helmet in front of you like that?

It's uh, didn't know where to put it.

Alright, AJ, you're up next.

Okay, um, I do not have time to tell you, but I identify as male.

Okay, yep.

Uh,

Tellurian male.

Okay.

And by carrying Jane, Shippa the stairs.

Shippa the stairs.

She does have stairs.

I also have a baby.

Oh, uh, baby ho-ha.

Not interested and non-binary.

See, there's dark really kind of getting up near that near cloy.

Do, should I turn on mood music?

I'm gonna turn on some mood music.

Hey, pop up, Jesus,

yeah, yeah, no, I see what's happening.

We are sitting in a very tech circle right now, and I can hear everything you're saying.

Bargie, your mood music is you singing?

Yeah.

Is that not what people use?

This isn't a census question, just for my own clarification.

This is a diplomatic ship on a diplomatic mission.

Yeah, you got it, bro.

Also, it serves as my development by G and Bino LLC.

I kept the name.

Rest in peace in a flaming ball of fire.

Resting in peace.

It's not really so much as

screaming.

Yeah, screaming all the time.

Yeah, great conversationalists.

I would just ask that you not review any of our past missions to verify anything that we've said.

I usually when someone asks me this many questions, it's only right that we ask you a couple.

Alright, fine.

Single?

Are you single?

Yes, currently.

How'd you get into the census business?

Well, I come from a long line of census takers,

so it's kind of in my blood.

I was raised for public service, you might say.

And would you say that you're 22 inches tall?

Well, you flatter me.

It's tall.

Yeah, very tall for Alert.

I'm

technically, I'm 21 and 7 ace.

Wow.

I mean, let's round up.

Let's just...

Why are we rounding up?

Just play cool.

Okay, moving on.

Next, I need to know the age of each person in this ship.

Very?

Five?

Yeah, age is five.

I'm five.

He's a clone, so he was birthed out of a tube of blue liquid.

Five.

Okay, I was going to say he doesn't present as a five-year-old.

No, well, you'd be surprised.

He loves mac and cheese.

Oh, I'm hungry.

Yeah.

I'm actually hungry right now.

I'm hungry right now.

He doesn't have a whole lot of control over his emotions.

He's very...

I'm hungry right now.

Yeah, if he doesn't get his nap, ooh, boy, watch out.

Wait, I didn't get a nap.

Yeah, yeah.

Well,

Gloyd showed up, so.

But this is fun, right?

Gloyd showed up.

We're having so much fun.

I'm loving it.

Yes, we are.

I'm 25 okay

all right

how old are you C53 when was your cube manufactured

we don't really consider age in the same way that most Tellurians do but certainly you have a manufactured date

all right didn't know it's such a deep secret now a ship never reveals their age also I come there many different parts of me that have many different histories so I'd say the youngest part of me is about five months old I got a doorbell you've had that for five months yeah I've never heard it used before.

Not a lot of people come straight up to the ship, though.

Yeah, you're mostly just pirates and scream pops and an experience.

That's true.

Well, I'm old-fashioned.

Well, I'm 72, and Corset is six and a half months.

All right, a young parent.

Hello, Captain Durham!

Incoming transmission, temporary emergency, serial negotiations, missions operations manager, Nerman Bundalore.

Who?

Oh, right.

Sorry.

Yes.

Remember?

Hey, Nerman.

Hey, guys,

Hello

Hello Gloyd.

You got to know each other?

Nermit, I didn't expect to find you beaming into this mission.

Well this Gloyd is the ship I command, sort of.

Oh lucky for the ship.

How lucky it is that you grace them.

You could say that they're throwing uh air quotes at each other with their eyes.

I'm sorry to interrupt Gloyd, but I'm actually calling in to assign a mission to the crew I manage.

Well, we're actually a little busy right now, aren't we?

We're still in the middle of his census.

So maybe the mission could just wait for you.

Yeah, can you just call us back in like, I don't know, like 40 minutes, 45 minutes?

I don't know how long this is.

Hey, Dermot.

Yeah.

How tall are you, bro?

Like, rounding up?

Like, 20 inches.

19 inches.

19, man.

19 inches.

Why?

No reason.

Yes.

My man Gloyd is 22.

This is crazy though.

I was lifting today.

Lifting what?

I was weights.

I was lifting weights today.

Just crazy.

Coincidentally.

Were your shoulders back or?

I was doing upper, mids, downtown.

Downtown.

Well, Nermit, we should probably get back to this census.

So.

I mean, it's going to be a super cool mission, but I've got a lot of social events scheduled.

That's cool.

Yeah.

That's good.

What is it?

What's the social events?

Social events?

Yeah.

Ah, jeez.

Wow, so many to list.

Gloyd, you got a lot of them scheduled, eh?

No, I'm working.

I'm doing my duty.

Oh, bummer.

Why is Dar sitting so close to Gloyd?

Sorry, just Gloyd came in and sat down and we just circled that around him.

Guys, um, thanks for calling me.

What do you call us?

Uh, who knows?

A lot of calls.

I have to call log right here.

Yeah, Nermit.

Got my legs up.

Okay.

Okay, bye, guys.

Gloyd, I didn't know you knew Nermit.

Are you also from Phlem?

I did grow up on Phlem.

Yes, and we actually went to high school together.

Oh,

wow, what was Nermit like in high school?

Were you two friends?

I would say we were locker buddies.

We had lockers next to each other.

That actually sounds pretty pleasant.

But you said it with a real bite.

Well, I don't want to.

I don't want to denigrate crew members that you have by telling old stories of when Nermit was still finding himself.

Arguably still on the lookout.

Yeah, that's true.

He's still working on it.

Do you have more questions?

Yes.

Okay.

Next question.

How many hours do you sleep?

Technically, zero.

If you want to talk about low power state, I would say about four hours a day.

For me, it's three standing up.

I don't know if you need to.

That makes no difference to the number.

I'm always alert.

I'm getting a fax.

It appears to be an image of Nerf.

Nerf and holding the weight.

Oh, it's just a picture of Nermit holding on to a weight.

It's Photoshop.

Really?

Yes, you heard.

Very good eyesight.

I mean, it's very correct.

You have a very good eye.

And might I add, beautiful eyes?

Do you flatter me?

Alright, Pargi.

It's not

necessary.

Yeah, I think we should.

I don't know.

Where would you go?

To answer your question, Gloyd, I sleep about, well, I would say I'm in bed for about eight hours.

Yeah, but Papa, also, recently you've been sleeping for like 10, 11 hours and kind of coming out and be like, what's the point?

Fine, AJ, but on average,

on average, I would say eight.

I would say, like, the past five or six months that you've been sort of like sleeping longer than normal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you might say that.

Okay, and Dar, uh,

how

much do you sleep a night?

Oh, you know, on average, six and a half.

And are you currently sleeping alone?

That doesn't seem...

That can't be right.

There's no way that's a question I'm assuming.

Currently.

Yes.

Okay.

I feel like I'm on a rock.

Anyone else's engine burn it up?

Well, I guess I'm just confused.

You know, without the Emperor, who's paying your paychecks?

It's a payroll service.

It's Trimillion pay services.

I'm still getting paid, so.

But who's paying the payroll service?

Where's the money coming from?

I don't ask questions.

I mean, you do ask questions, but that's sort of for a living.

Yeah.

I am my dad.

You do a great job of asking questions.

Well, thank you.

You're a very good sensei.

Yeah, I'm not sure that that even really adds up.

We've been pretty annoying.

Speak for yourself.

Most of my answers have been lies.

When did you actually get that doorbell?

About 65 years ago.

65 years?

You don't have to say it so loud.

loud okay sir yeah maybe you should all go check out that 65 year old doorbell

outside the ship yes

no we're not gonna go outside I was tinkering to press it so

oh oh just me listen if you want us to leave you alone darn we will but thank you let's check out this doorbell

Whew, they are quite the crew.

They really are, but let's not talk about that.

Let's talk about you.

Okay.

So, how long are you in town?

Well, I haven't gotten any orders from the Census Bureau headquarters in a while, so I'm just kind of going about my observation zone.

I'm sorry, that wasn't funny.

I'm nervous.

I should say, if it wasn't already clear, I am a parent, so

put it all out there.

Put it all out there.

Stop.

Yep.

I'm really.

I could use a little mood music.

Okay, America.

Ooh, ah!

Ooh, ah, kiss!

Ooh!

Ooh, ah, kiss!

Ooh!

You know what?

No mood music necessary.

I'm always here, but I'm just gonna light some candles.

If you want my opinion,

I thought the mood was perfect when it was just us.

Alright, AJ, you better come in.

Yeah, I don't think you gotta.

Yeah, honestly, I don't know.

It's just a button on the side of the hall.

It's a doorbell.

Put a doorbell on that.

Right, but like.

I'm worried about you in space with just your armor on.

It doesn't seem like it's like.

Oh, that's okay.

My skin's about twice as thick as a normal Tellurian's, just to like be careful if I'm in the vacuum of space.

It's a lot of mods.

A lot of mods.

A lot of mod.

I don't know.

Got the pinky, I can eat any protein.

You got the no genital.

Well, I don't know.

Is that a mod?

Many would say no.

Oh, yeah, my neck can swivel all the way around like a mod.

No, no, no.

The way you just stepped back when you get the full 360.

This is just how I am.

I don't understand why that's worse.

Whoa, that's not me.

Hey, there's someone at the door.

Why are you opening the door?

Sorry.

You have to open the door.

I didn't know if it was.

Okay, fine, opening up the hatch.

I don't know.

I wish.

Sup, guys, normal visit.

Peace.

Oh, oh, gotta go.

Well, actually, uh, uh.

Well, actually,

oh, Norman?

Um, yep, just uh normal ship check.

I thought you had all kinds of social engagements tonight, Nermit.

Turned out that, like, the people who invited me were not as cool as me.

And you, I've got some cred to maintain, so I just said, like, so busy, And I had this normal, right, already scheduled ship check.

I feel like we discussed the next time you were going to visit.

Horse Hat was just like so crazy devoted, though, that I was like, why not come earlier, you know?

Okay.

Oh, you're one of the parental figures of Horse Hat?

I'm a co-parent of Horse Hat, yeah.

Dar and I are co-parents.

So

you and Dar

are not together.

We're it's kind of a one-lird ship, so uh cool to see you, Gloyd.

Well, it's cool to be here, Nermit.

Cool.

Way cool.

Whoa, this is getting

cheating up.

Yeah, I don't know.

I feel like we gotta step in.

Something, there's clearly some sort of history here with Nermit and Gloyd.

They were locker buddies.

Yeah, but he said locker buddies.

Yeah, I don't think that's all there is to it.

Well, you guys know what locker buddies mean, right?

So I was locker buddies with Clint back at the conditioning center, and that meant that you had kind of like a blood feud.

You know, you're bent on the other's destruction.

You've got the bottom locker, it's awful.

Should we intervene?

Let's let it go just a little bit.

You know, Gloyd,

why don't we just get back to the census?

Let's just, uh, now that Nermit's here, um,

fine.

Let's just resume with the questionnaire.

Nermit, since you're here, yes, Gloyd, I will ask: how long have you been living a celibate lifestyle?

Um, can I see that note note card?

Uh, no, this is property of the Trimillion Census Bureau.

Oh, an interesting choice of note card size.

Were the larger ones sold out?

4x6, I find, is unwieldy.

I like a 3x5.

Yeah, they're heavy, right?

If you're not lifting?

Yeah, well, the 3x5 comes in a heavier cardstock.

The 4x6 is usually a lighter weight paper, and I like the firmness, the crispness of this.

Interesting.

The same height stack and fewer fewer plies.

Suppose you could do that.

Yeah.

Well, Mr.

Know-It-All, pop quiz time.

Alright.

As a long-time employee of the Trimilian Census Bureau, you probably know this without checking any notes.

What's the most populated planet in the Zig Squadron?

Oh, Nerva, I don't think that Gloyd has to answer any of your questions.

I mean, it's just a friendly question from a friend.

Well, if we're just answering friendly questions, what's the harm?

Sure.

Because you don't know?

I absolutely know.

You don't know that Boonstra is the most densely populated planet?

God damn it.

Fine.

Of course.

So an easy.

That was easy.

Alright.

Boonstra.

Papa.

Is this supposed to be cool or what?

Yeah, I don't know.

Alright.

If you were an employee of the municipal government on Boonstra and you were putting in for paid time off, but not a normal vacation day or a personal day or bereavement leave, but rather a work-from-home taff day, What form would you use?

I would use a 429C3.

Chuck me.

Who's winning?

They both seem like they're losing.

I mean, in any way,

that's correct, yeah.

Alright, the next question is on a Likert scale.

Are you familiar with Likert scales?

That's a one to five questionnaire, one being strongly agree, two being agree, three being neutral, four disagree, five strongly disagree?

It's fine.

I mean, if you're not comfortable with a seven scale.

Well, we find that that's superfluous.

On a Likert scale from one to five, one being strongly agree, five being strongly disagree.

How would you evaluate the following statements?

Yes.

I am lonely.

Five.

I never got over Cherise.

All right, all right, now it's time, now it's time.

Now it's time.

Just nermit!

Nermit!

Wait, no, no, no, no!

Stretch it!

Nermit!

Oh!

Stretch your head off!

Stretch your head off!

Woo!

Nermit!

Sharif, you always love me!

Okay,

that's not what I heard.

Soldier, locker buddies.

Hey, Gloyd, you wanna just cool it first?

That seems like we gotta get pretty heated in here.

Yeah, you see.

I mean, I feel like I'm on a heat rock right now.

Nermit, I don't know how effective your feet are at hurting someone, but for the record, I'll say that they're not effective at all.

Okay.

I don't mean to uh ask a census question or a question but uh who wants to answer the question who is Cherise yeah who is Cherise

go for it Gloyd well truth be told Cherise and I dated for a while until Nermit appropriated one of the gifts I had for her and wrote his name on it oh nice wow

Nermit that's cold that's a lunatic

Well, Gloyd read my journal and saw what I was going to buy, Cherise, bought the last one, and so it was only fair.

The early lerd gets the worm.

Oh, Gloyd, that was also an under.

Yeah, wow.

I'd like to call it cunning.

Did you take the journal from his locker?

Our locker.

That's a betrayal of our locker.

Wow.

But also, also, Nermit, you were going to buy Gloyd's girlfriend a gift?

Well, I hoped that at the moment upon receiving it, Cherise would be my girlfriend.

That's not how

girlfriends work.

Yeah, I know.

I don't think you two are very good locker girlfriends.

Also, what did you get her?

It's kind of a locker caddy where you put it into your

locker-based relationships you guys have.

No, this is really cool

because it hangs and it has different pockets for all of your pens.

Yeah, I get that.

And then a separate thing for your journal.

My question was, was she?

No, listen to Gloyd describe it.

And it has a little spot for a mirror.

Absolutely.

As well as a little caddy for lit balms.

Yes.

A lot of people, you mistake your pens and your highlighters, but this has clearly marked slots.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, like Cherise into lockers the same way you guys were?

She would have been when she got it.

She never received the gift?

We tore it up and scrubbed.

Yes.

Oh.

The locker caddy was a casualty.

Yes.

It was taloned to shreds.

What happened to Cherise?

Sharise is president of Philanthropy.

Oh, wow.

Oh, really?

Wow.

Really?

Wow.

Yep.

Well, good for her.

But it didn't work out for either of you.

Well, I like to think that my vote helped her.

You voted for her for president.

Oh, as did I.

Good, great.

That's healthy.

That's good.

But neither of you is dating Cherise.

Oh, Rosh, no.

No.

Listen, Herman, good.

This Cherise situation was born,

right?

Surely this is butter under the bridge at this point.

Hot, boiling water.

Magma.

Well, that's not water at all.

Wow, okay, there.

Love, love, love,

they're basically making really strong eye contact right now.

No, it's not that bad, dude.

Both of you?

Nermit!

Hit him!

Alright, don't tie my feet together.

Nermit!

Nermit!

Nermit!

Let my feet go!

No, you have to calm down.

I'm gonna cut his eyes out and tape him to his butt.

What would that?

I don't know.

What would that accomplish?

I don't know.

I'm going nuts.

This is an official census taker of the menu.

Man, Nermit, every time you're on the ship, you go crazy, man.

Nermit, I need to do this.

I gotta turn you upside down.

No, I don't hear the.

Thank you, and I apologize for having to witness me carry on in such a display.

It was not my intention to get overheated and conduct myself in such a fantastically brave manner.

I mean, I would have if it came to that only as a matter of self-defense.

I mean,

check it out.

Yeah, I just had a pedicure yesterday.

Sir, sir,

I've just never seen nerd combat

before.

Psychologically very exciting.

Yeah, no, we're scrappy but effective.

But it's sort of like they kind of just were fought against each other.

It wasn't like cool.

No, no, no, no.

A lot of people think it's pretty hot.

I would agree, a lot of people do.

Alright, alright, Nerman.

Nerman.

Sharice, what are you doing on Friday?

Nermit.

Cherise.

Wanna go roller skating?

Well, maybe while he's out, we could just continue with the census so that, you know,

this portion where all of us are involved could wrap up and then we could jump into the observation, you know, the one-on-one observation.

Is it one-on-one?

Is that part of it?

Yeah.

Did you say one-on-one observation?

Yes, there's a period of one-on-one observation.

That will, you know, exist in my room for, I don't know, what, seven to twelve hours

to each other, right?

Questions?

For you, folks?

Uh, no.

Oh, really?

Great.

So, this portion is up.

I have about like several unregistered firearms in the middle of the day.

I have a question for Dog.

Oh, sure.

Uh-huh.

Dog, would you say sometimes when you were

And perhaps you are interested in them not because of them, but because it reminded you of a relationship you once had.

Bargie, what are you getting at?

That was spoken like an actual certified therapist.

Thank you, and it's actually a question on the census.

Oh, but really?

RG, I hear your question, but I think I have to ask a question first.

Are you looking for a relationship, Gloyd?

No, not at all.

I'm married to my work.

Ugh.

And I couldn't want a relationship less.

So if we're done with this portion of the group.

I mean, and honestly, Gloyd, it's nothing personal, but I still can't even imagine that these answers are going anywhere.

There's no authority that you're reporting to.

Gloyd, do you worry worry that all this work is for naught?

Well, I think the work is in the doing of it.

If it's not getting aggregated by any one central authority, then why should I care?

All right, if you're done holding me up,

thank you.

You know, Nermit, I gotta say, I understand that it's sort of a complicated reason you're here, but it's nice to have you around the ship for a little while.

Thanks.

Yeah, despite my turmoil and inner rage, it's good to see you guys.

Yeah.

This is definitely the happiest I've seen a horse hat in weeks.

Yeah, actually, so I watch this.

I taught Horse Hat a trick.

Okay, I'm gonna do the hand signal, okay?

Oh,

sparring party.

That was my sentient.

And then I also, uh, this one, this one's crazy too.

Oh, wow, look at

collating all that paper.

Wow, look at all that.

All that.

It's the 12-hour.

It's the 12-hour.

Okay, 12-hour.

Thanks, Margie.

The 12-hour.

Thank you.

Is that the doorbell?

No, no, no, that was.

I obviously was very excited that Gloyd wanted to stay, but any longer than 12 hours, and we run the risk of uh

getting too attached.

So uh hey, hey, Gloyd.

Yes, do you think you have uh

all the information that you

came to get?

Well, I would say that this census questionnaire is satisfied.

So, you got all the answers that you needed?

Yeah, I would say it was a real interrogation.

Oh, wow, so you really asked questions.

Yeah.

A lot of probing questions.

Oh, for real?

Probing questions.

Yeah, like, what kind of questions did you ask, Star?

Okay, well, um, on a Likert scale, from uh one to five, uh,

do you like this?

What's a Likert scale?

Strongly agree.

Gloric, would you say on a Likert scale, one being strongly agree, five beings strongly disagree, uh,

you had a good time?

One

they were asking if we had a good time.

Oh, okay.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah, I guess.

Well, like a four.

That's

crazy.

Alright, I'm just gonna see Gloyd out.

Crew, ship, thank you for your cooperation.

Yeah,

on behalf of the Trimillion Census Bureau.

Someone to report to soon.

Thank you.

Um, cool, Abba.

I'm gonna get back to uh the I'm gonna get back to Corvus.

Okay,

even though Dark totally rejected you and is having like an incredible time with a taller lord, like you're our friend and you're always gonna be part of the crew, you know?

Unless I close Glory, like, takes over from the division.

This is Sea Red IT5 credits and attributions droid commencing out your protocol.

Plec Dexter was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent, Captain Darr was played by Ali Kokash, Margie the Ship was played by Mujan Zolfagari, Teen Mom and Rip Buddlet was played by Seth Lind, AJ was played by Winston Knoll, Census Taker Gloyd TB was played by special guest Ryan Carls.

Ryan writes and does voices on the Bleacher Reports animated show, The Champions.

He has performed at the UCB for over 15 years and is the representative comedian for North Dakota, according to a listicle in the Huffington Post.

You probably know him best on television, playing such memorable characters as Ryan, Man, Mann, Man and Crowd, Dad, Derek McKillicuddy, and Guy with Mullet.

This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

With additional performance by the Chime Street Brass Quintet.

Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

Opening coronation by Jeremy Crutchley.

Shift design for the Rogerian Jade by Eric Boyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Hi, I'm Dave Hill from Before.

And I'm very excited to bring Dave Hill's podcasting incident back to Maximum Fun, where it belongs.

You can get brand new episodes every Friday on maximumfun.org or, you know, wherever.

And while my partner Chris Gersbeck and I might lack in specific subject matter on our podcast, we make up for in special effects.

Chris had something cool right here.

Also, we have explosions.

Animal noises.

And sometimes even this.

Dave Hill's podcasting incident.

Every Friday on maximum fun.

Chris, do another explosion right here.

I listen to Reading Glasses because Bria and Mallory have great tips.

My suggestion for book festivals is just go for one day.

I listen for the author interviews.

I was a huge Goosebumps fan.

Oh, yeah.

R.L.

Stein was totally my jam.

I don't even read, I just like their chemistry together.

Literally, if I'm on the bag, it said, like, this book made me shit my pants.

I'd be like, that's, I'm buying this book.

Like, I think the problem with blurbs a lot of times.

I like that we both want to crap ourselves over books.

I'm Brea Grant and I'm Mallory O'Mara.

We're reading glasses and we solve all your bookish problems every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and Culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Preference.

There's someone at the door.

Oh, do we have?

Oh, the doorbell.

Just check the camera.

I got it.

Oh, Nermit, I wouldn't open that door if I were you.

Yeah, no, they're not.

I don't think so.

What are they...

I mean, not to put a fine point on it, are they dry-humping in spacesuits against the doorbell?

Yeah, that's pretty much what's happening here.

You got it.

Okay.

Wow.

In space, no one can hear you dry hump.

Definitely not kid-friendly.

You'll definitely hear the doorbell.

Yeah, unless there's a doorbell.

Oh, right, yeah.

They're having maximum fun.

Wow.

That is the blackout.

A boom.

Typical.

An audio boom.

That's an audio boom.

And then we have the.

Talk about an earwolf.

We have the rocket ship and then two people.

She's giving them headgums.

This whole forever dog doggy style.