Mailbag #5!

This is Sea Red IT5 with our final off-season release before our Season 4 premiere on February 19th.

These monthly episodes were made possible by our supremely generous supporters on Maximum Fun.

And because one good mailbag deserves another, the Mighty Zemas have recorded their own mailbag featuring Masters Kirando, Little Boy, and Company untangling the mysteries of the space.

Listen to it now at Zemaprime.space and on the Max Fun Supporters bonus feed.

We'll see you on January 25th at our kickoff show in Brooklyn and on February 19th with season

And now enjoy the best crew that's aboard Bargie answering your emails.

Hey guys, did you get the invite I slipped under your doors?

Beautiful calligraphy Nerman.

Can I even get an invite?

Well, I didn't know what your door.

Every door is your door.

I didn't know what to.

Oh, okay.

Then yeah, I got a lot of invites.

Okay, yes, I put them in a lot of invites.

This is exciting, Nerman.

What's going on?

You just have big news.

Yeah.

Oh, I understand.

It's the big news celebration.

We all go around and we guess what your big news is.

I mean, sure, go for it.

Okay.

Uh,

your tail is finally grown back.

Go ahead and take a look.

It's pretty close, but no.

I know what it is.

What do you think, Bargie?

It's very obvious.

You're about to tell us what your name is because you keep changing it, and I can never pronounce it.

I have never changed my name officially.

It is not like the Emperor's name.

It's Nerfin

Cranker Dirt.

Wow.

Cranker Dirt.

Cranker Dirt.

My name has always been Nermit Bundale, Bargie.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Man, this is exciting, guys.

I mean, these invites, we're all here.

What could it be?

Yeah, spill it.

Oh, AJ, put him down.

AJ, put him down.

Spill it, Lucret.

AJ, how are you?

What is it?

Okay.

We have emails to answer.

I'm going back to bed.

No!

No, the people want to know

what

we could just not do.

Come on.

I learned calligraphy for this.

All you have to do is very simple.

You answer every single email with a maybe and then a winky face.

And that's it?

That's how I answer all my favorites.

That's fun and hard.

Okay, well, we can try that forever.

No, guys, we should answer them forever.

Alright.

Okay, dear Mission to Zix crew.

How's Dodeka Helen doing?

Has she noticed that the Federation has become the Empire?

Maybe?

Wink.

That works.

Yeah, that works.

No, actually, you know,

who's that email from?

This is from Hyper Epsilon.

It's funny, we actually haven't heard from Dodeca Helen, but we got a voicemail from QB the other day.

Oh, yeah.

Wait.

Yeah, wait.

Break it.

Hi, I'm QB.

I'm currently lost in space.

Help me!

Oh, okay.

Wait, how is QB talking?

Wait, QB was the alter ego of Dodeca Helen through ventriloquism, so basically we know now that Dodeka Helen is lost in space.

Can you send Dodeca Helen some star maps and maybe get her back to a new part of space?

I don't know where she is.

Like a hug emoji, maybe.

This is not from Dodeka Ellen.

She is a.

Who is this?

It's a 12-sided

entity

sort of hedron-shaped planet.

Sounds like a fun mission.

But she got us to do a talent show.

It was great.

All right, I want a backstory.

Let's go.

Okay, next.

We got Rumin.

Dear C-53, did you or the other crew members recover the cubes of 789 and her fellow assassin droids?

Maybe.

Wait, did you?

No, I didn't.

Wow, man.

But that was

a problem.

It really does work, Bargain.

Yeah, man, we should go back and get those cube.

Those cubes are pretty messed up.

Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, the last time I tried to fix a cube, it didn't go so well.

Well, in that one, if, like, no offense, which she was really into Plex, so that cube had to be, like, pretty.

Yeah, there might have been something wrong with her.

What is that supposed to be?

Well, just like,

it

the cube structure itself.

Are you saying that a droid being attracted to me must be a physical defect with the cube?

I think in this case it was just because she couldn't explain why.

That's love, man.

The only cube, don't mind.

Yeah, I hope you don't mind being ejected.

That's interesting.

It's cube to cube.

Am I right, Z?

You know it, bro.

We're having 70 more episodes coming out next week.

You guys are making more episodes of the show.

When you say development deal, you mean you got a lead on more hypertensive fuel?

Okay.

All right.

All right.

All right.

A question for Dar.

I'm going to list three people, and you pick one to each Mary Juck Kill.

Ooh, a classic.

Party game.

Alright.

A Clint,

a Plint, and Nermit Bundle the Emperor one.

Wow, that's a great, that's a great Mary Juck kill.

Okay, so.

Wait, but like a Clint is just like a generic.

Yeah, Plint is a generic.

I mean, also, Clints and Plints don't have genitals, so.

Yeah.

That's for sure.

It's really about the specific

creature, you know?

Yeah, sure, sure.

So I guess that means I would juck Nermit Bundaloy the Emperor.

Wow.

Alright,

He's a powerful man, but sometimes it's a good idea.

Right, we vibe was.

Plus,

I mean, I like to think it's just because of his name, right?

No, I would.

I don't.

No, I don't think so now.

Okay.

His name is Nermit Bundaloy.

That's not.

Why can you say that perfectly?

What's the name of the Emperor?

Yeah, everyone knows that.

It's the most famous name of the galaxy.

God damn it.

I would marry

the Clint.

Okay.

And I'd have to launch the Clint into space.

Wow.

The preferred method of killing?

Yeah.

Well, you know.

If you marry a Clint, he's really going to do whatever you say.

He's going to be very good at sort of doing what you want to do.

Right.

I'll never have to ask, which hollow would you like to watch?

Yeah, what do you want to watch?

What?

I don't know.

I visited guys want to watch a hollow.

I've actually been curious about Atmosphere 5.

Oh, yeah, that sounds good.

Let's watch that.

It just came out on streaming.

Great.

If you slow it down, though, you actually get to hear the line that I had, because I was cut.

Oh, wow.

You were on the posters.

I know, but they cut all my seats.

Wow.

Wow.

I guess that was right before sort of your PR disaster.

It's a very fast movie.

It's about five minutes long.

It's just a lot of establishing shots.

Sure.

Between the gas station and the hotel, if you like, slow that transition, you can see the edge of my wing and hear the end of my line.

What's your line?

It was a monologue, a huge monologue.

But I think the only thing you hear at the end is um now

but if in a regular speed it just sounds like a car just went by.

So whatever.

No, like meow now.

Wow.

Cool.

But AJ, you're down to watch that one.

Oh, yeah, you got it.

Let's do it.

All right, subject.

This question is of the utmost importance.

Hello, crew.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

This is from Gilfie Sigurasen.

I have a question that needs full attention.

Everybody locked in?

What is Gilfie?

What does Gilfie think is happening in these other emails?

I'm not.

As it is of the utmost importance, for the fate of the entire galaxy rests within the answer.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Get this.

It's not.

I don't know.

The email probably doesn't need that kind of thing.

I don't know.

This question goes out to you, AJ.

So I will need you to answer truthfully.

No pressure or anything.

You don't know what you're thinking about, JJ.

Just comes out.

Just every...

Oh, AJ, the butt gun came out.

I don't think that was on purpose.

Hold on, just give me a second.

How often does that happen that the butt gun just comes out when you're thinking?

Wow.

Okay, just everything is at stake.

Thinking media?

what is the recipe for the greatest sandwich?

What?

Okay, I could do this.

Uh

first thing is me.

No, bread.

First thing is bread.

Come on, you got this.

Got some bread.

You get some

garf on.

Thinly sliced.

Thinly sliced garf on.

Okay, you put that down on

top of the bread.

You put it on top of the bread.

Okay.

That's two layers of the sandwich right there.

there's shit coming out of the bottom of your house.

The paste is running.

The paste is running.

And then sometimes

you put down, you know, some greenery on it.

And then sometimes.

Greenery?

Sometimes you take your pinky, you crack it off, and you put it in there.

What?

Just in case.

Put some more protein.

Why would you do you have garfies in this sandwich?

The blood of innocence.

I don't know.

Alright, guilty.

We're so sorry.

It's okay.

AJ, thank you for playing.

Thank you.

You did AJ.

You did the best you could.

No, no, AJ, I don't think it was of the utmost importance.

Calm down.

You did a great job with that sandwich.

Thank you.

This was sincerely Gaul from Gaul's Sandwich Emporium, the location of all the greatest sandwiches in the galaxy.

Gaul, our apologies.

Let you down, Gaul.

Oh, boy.

Alright, a question for Bargie.

Whoa, that's me.

So true.

Yeah, maybe.

Thank you, Finn.

That's right.

We're gypsy.

Some of my friends told me I need to broaden my cultural horizon, so I thought I'd start by watching some hollows from a different quadrant.

And Bargie, as much as I adore your acting, I can't help but wonder how long do you spend on average working on a hollow?

Why did you say acting that way?

Yeah.

I think, wait, did they slightly nick me?

There was a tone.

Well, here's the context.

As iconic and festive as it is, the 17th Bargarian Jade X-Mars special is only about 25 seconds long.

Yeah.

So how much work really went into that?

I actually spent

nine years in development for that one.

Wow.

And we shot it in about eight months, but then they cut all of my seats.

Oh man, huh?

But it was your X-Mars special.

You know, a lot of establishing shots.

Wow.

That's kind of a pattern.

Hey, a pattern makes perfect.

I think it's perfect.

No, Berkey, I think it's perfect.

I'm pretty sure that's a pattern that makes perfect.

Maybe.

So there you have it.

Leah Galactic Call Sign AD40101.

All right, here's the next one.

Dear Nermit Bundaloy.

Hey, Emperor, why are they asking the Emperor a question?

AJ,

did we get an email for the Emperor?

That's my name.

Oh.

Oh?

No, I know.

I just...

Sorry, I heard the name and kind of perked up.

Yeah, Yeah, I perked up too, because I was like, oh, the emperor.

God damn it.

Okay, I have a question for the great Nermit Bundaloy.

Oh, so it is.

I know it's not common to message you like this, but at the same time, I must know, how do you do it?

You're a father,

owner of the most powerful weapon in the galaxy,

and you're a master of the whack.

Yeah, this is

the first time.

Even from the beginning, we knew.

No, this is supposed to be for the crew.

This is.

I mean, I retroactively feel bad that we were right, but we were all right.

We all kind of saw that coming.

Yeah.

Not me.

Yeah, that's even worse.

Yeah, that's not great.

I'm so whack.

I don't even use your title or emperor because I don't respect titles.

So please let me.

You're still doing the question?

This person doesn't.

Yeah, you can move on.

Okay.

Yeah, but that wasn't for you, though.

Come on.

Piece of mail.

Okay, next up.

Shake that one off.

You've boof.

I mean, Nermit, if it makes you feel any better, you're the only Nermit bundle now.

Yeah.

That's true.

We're back down.

We're just the one Nermit Bundaloy.

Oh, wow.

So it's sort of worth it that there's a pulsating, possibly all-powerful.

Nah, it's not definitely not worth it.

What happened?

Alright, let's shake that off.

The next one's going to be a good question.

Why can't you ever have a mission go entirely right?

What?

Wow.

Why?

Wow.

I don't care for him.

Wait, is that the correct?

That's the question I said.

Wait, part of the question.

Yeah.

Where's that email from?

Lizzie.

Oh.

Oh.

Alright, so if you find something else that's similar, just like toss it.

You wrote the same question in?

No.

Lizzie, you know, we've had many missions that have gone

close to successful.

I mean, but to her purpose.

None come to mind at this exact window.

Oh, they're not entirely right.

No.

No, that was amazing.

No, we saw lava.

Yeah, but we freed.

And there were those crows on fire.

Do you guys remember that?

We freed a whack wizard.

We did?

Yeah.

I just really remember the lava.

I don't remember that.

I just remember being like, whoa, lava's molten rock.

All right, no, no, let's put it there.

We can think of a 16.

Okay.

All right.

Not flirt.

Not

not that far.

We shouldn't.

Should we list the ones that didn't work to narrow it down?

No, no, too many to name.

Listen, Lizzy, you're not wrong.

You're just not nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fair enough.

And thank you for your question.

Cobra Ball, Porter.

But we got that song.

You just said the name of the villain.

That seems like a success.

That's what the song is about.

I'm chalking that one up as a success.

Lava and Cobra Ball.

Alright.

Okay, so, oh, this one references me.

Let's see what it is.

Alright.

You're really making that mistake again?

Yeah, you're gonna risk it?

I'm going all in.

Early on, the crew learns about Nermit being well endowed.

We did learn that.

Yeah, yeah.

No, that's-

Yeah, that sounds like the Emperor.

No.

Later, Nermit and Bargi are stuck online and get so friendly.

Yeah, that's true.

And gets so friendly that he shows her his legs, which the crew points out they've seen a number of times.

So, does Nermit wear pants over his Garfon legs, or did the crew manage to miss his business even though it's basically a tenth of his body?

Wait, is this who wrote who wrote this email?

Julie.

Well, Julie, speaking from experience.

Oh, yeah, Dar, take it away.

Yes, Nermit is well endowed.

Cha-cha-cha.

Did you say cha-cha-cha, Nermit?

But what's honestly very common for Nermit species is that

while I guess for Tellurians, their

endowments hang down, Nermit's runs up towards his neck.

Yep.

Yeah, so

Nermit wears Nermit wears just usually

like a short sleeve button-up with a tie.

Right.

For anyone who hasn't seen Nermit, and no, no pants.

Sort of like

that cartoon character, Gary Garfon.

Yeah.

Is that why, whenever Narit gets a hug, he's always like.

I keep a little distance.

Yeah.

I thought it was just polite.

No, that's because my junk's running right up my center.

And obviously, to answer your next question, when he's fully erect, it stands straight out from his body.

Yep.

You can make a corner of a table based on that.

It's 90 degrees, baby.

90 degrees.

Oh, I see.

And built like a tuning fork.

Tuning fork?

There's two of them?

It's the prompt.

Two prompts.

Right.

How do you think I get that sweet sound?

That's what that sound is?

I just mean the general, the Burma Nundala.

I'm learning so much, so fast.

Wait, what is it?

What frequency is it?

Tunera?

The frequency of love.

It's sort of.

Well, do you want to?

If you close your eyes, I'll give you the sound.

Hold on.

Alright.

Everyone's eyes are closed?

Yeah.

That sounded painful.

I gotta tune it.

So, same time tomorrow for more emails?

I don't know, Nermit.

Maybe.

Winky face.

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Wait, everybody ready?

Yeah.

Ooh, that sounded painful.

I gotta tune it.

It's a D of C53.

It's a D.

Give them the D.

It sure is.