401: Beware the Allwheat!

The galaxy trembles before the always

Okay, that's overstating it, but people are you know apprehensive

Six months have passed since Plektech Zeta fulfilled his destiny by vanquishing the evil galactic emperor Casting him off a precipice within the planet Crusher Crusher Where a whack ritual merged him with the ancient binocron and transformed them into an astronomical horror with unknown powers

does that count as vanquishing

galactic order has crumbled in the emperor's absence planetary alliances dissolve overnight value of kroon fluctuates wildly New and sinister threats emerge throughout the galaxy.

Pardon my Juntawa, but it's a real Juntawa show.

On the remote ice world of Corvus, three speederbikes streak across the frozen wasteland toward coordinates extracted from the fragments of an encrypted message.

Can our heroes escape mortal danger, locate their missing leader, and unify the galaxy once more?

A desperate hope is all they have left on their mission

2660.

Fleck,

Okay, I'm gonna put my foot on your foot.

It's not a race, AJ.

We're trying to outrun these monsters.

C53!

AJ, these lice monsters are so close to the speeder, do not get experimental with the driving.

Thought I could pull a wheelie.

You can't wheelie with a thing without wheels!

Hang on, Ty.

Keep getting out here.

I am also yelling.

I am also yelling.

I am participating in this.

I am part of this doing.

Archie, we love you, but you being close to us is really a giveaway.

They're definitely going to be able to see you near us.

What?

Just come in real quick.

We had a plan when we came down to the surface of the camera.

The plant sort of went to shit when the ice monsters popped out of the caves.

Ice monsters is derogatory in their accordion.

Ice beasts?

What?

What is it?

How?

Okay.

We need to get into one of these caves and outrun these beasts.

Seems like we might be free of them for now.

That is my job.

That is my only job.

To take you from one place to the other.

I can fit off.

I've lost some pounds due to depression.

I can't fit.

Oh, Bergie.

Well, I'm just gonna try again.

Oh, hell no.

Oh,

okay.

Alright.

Sorry, you know, you guys know, but I'm just gonna continue trying to fit into you until it happens.

Okay.

Reversing and ramming back in the same cave.

AJ and Nerman have drawn the ice beast's attention away, so now all we need to do is navigate this highly intricate network of cameras.

How are we going to do that?

C-53, it's really hard to steer these while they're going so fast.

I don't seem to be having a problem.

Yeah, that's because you put your cube into the speed.

You are the speeder right now.

I'm just saying from your inside, they're quite easy to steer.

Okay, yeah, Dar and I are sharing a speeder and it doesn't maneuver quite the same way.

I'm sorry, is that a dig at me?

No, these are single-person speeders.

Okay, then I can kick you off.

That's not.

Actually, that's a good point, Dar.

Why can't I ride your speeder, C-53?

It has a seat there.

You're not riding me?

That's not happening.

You sit on me.

You're gonna try to turn the wheel.

I mean, that's a good point.

Yeah, oh, can't resist.

I love the stairs.

Okay, everybody, you ready to do this?

You ready, Rock?

Never been more ready.

Oh, that reminds me.

You know what we need to do?

What?

We need a soundtrack.

Let me pull out the speaker and play.

This is my song, Speeder Rise.

What?

I love it.

The soundtrack to our life.

That's what's happening right now.

This is amazing.

It's what we're doing, AJ.

We're riding on a speeder.

Kicked off the jams.

What?

I don't know.

No.

They're on top of us.

They're on top of us.

We have to turn up the speed!

Maybe that'll help.

It's not me!

Hey, listen, I don't want a backseat drive here, but uh...

CC3, you need to help us get through these caves.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Alright, fine.

These speeders have a rudimentary navigation system, so Let me see if I can take the coordinates we interceptable from the transmission from CCO.

Here we go, Ponapat.

Oh, thank Rod.

Okay, what do we do?

Okay, this is gonna be a little tricky.

Take the first round here.

And then you're gonna merge.

What do you mean, merge?

Merge, merge!

Merge onto what?

Merge onto Ice Canyon Boulevard.

Ice Canyon Boulevard?

Beautiful merge.

And now you're gonna take a slight left.

Slight left.

Okay, thank you.

Crystal Avenue.

There you go.

That can't be what these are called.

Okay, now it's a sharp left.

What?

Rebounding.

Yeah, now we're on a real map quest.

All right, hold the steering wheel.

No, I can't.

All right, gonna lead back behind us and start to shoot.

Yo, don't let go of the wheel.

Three, two, one, two.

You gotta keep it steady, buddy.

We're scrapping.

We're scrapping.

No, we don't need to be up underneath the wall right now, bro.

We're bouncing.

We're bouncing.

Oh, boy.

No, it's cooler if you kept it straight.

Lock and load and keep it on the road.

There's no road.

That was great.

That was great.

I think we got one.

We need a little more firepower.

Take the butt gun.

Can I.

What if you take the butt gun?

I'll take the.

The other one's a little too big for you.

No, I don't.

The butt gun's got.

I'll risk it.

I don't know if I.

It's clean.

How could it be clean?

It's clean.

Okay.

Here we go.

Oh!

Lizzie be shooting!

Wow, it's just like eventually none of the crew are gonna know my name.

Lock and learn, baby!

Oh, okay, this is getting better.

Oh, got a little deficit on that.

Oh, come on.

All right, this is it.

Whoa.

Wow, this is a really intricate hideout.

I mean, I guess she was here for almost a year.

Look at all these ice chairs.

Well, I guess you're in an ice chase.

Where is everyone?

Welcome home, Berzisu.

Oh, is that an Ice AI assistant?

I am Icelexa.

How may I help you?

Icelexa.

Icelexa, please speed her ride.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Jay God!

Okay, please.

All right, all right.

Icelexa pause.

Icelexa pausing.

Okay.

Okay.

Announces that it's pausing.

Wow, you think it's a pause.

Icelexa pausing.

Still?

Wow.

I mean, it's made of ice.

It's not going to be perfect.

Yeah.

CP3, are there any life forms at all in this cave?

No.

We're dead?

Who are you, AJ?

Yeah, wait, are we dead?

AJ.

Besides us.

And we live here.

No, that's.

Yeah, we live here now.

Really?

why would we do that?

Nermit, you're cold-blooded, right?

Yeah, does your brain slow down when it's cold?

Huh?

I feel like Nermita really been vibing on this mission.

Nermit, you are a loose cannon in the field.

Huh?

Never mind.

Listen, guys, I don't think Sisu is here.

Dar, what are you checking out over there?

Oh, just reading a little something.

It's a diary.

It's a diary, okay?

It's a diary.

Oh, okay.

Well, how recent is Beatrix?

Up until about

11 minutes ago.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

That's very recent.

Don't worry, everybody.

I'll fight Sisu, because I've got one of these.

What is that?

Keychain?

Tracking fob.

What's a tracking fob?

It's a fob.

What is it tracking fob?

You guys didn't have tracking fobs?

No.

Why would we have...

It's like a thing.

Tracking Sisu.

Wait, AJ, how don't you have to have something paired with the fob to...

It's just a thing that beeps and you you like hey whoever you want to find you get a tracking fob and they how does that work?

I mean what the fob are you talking about?

Whoever you want to find I don't know.

I don't know the technology.

I just

Do you see it's like it's beeping more when I put my arm out

Where is Sisu?

Also, how has she been dating while in hiding in this ice cave?

Good question.

I mean, it is tracking something.

Look what happens when I go near this giant staircase.

Follow me up the staircase.

Oh, there's Bargie.

Hi, guys.

Wait, Bargie?

How did you get here?

I told you I would fit.

Whoa!

Now I'm just joshing the IGI fool round.

Oh, oh.

Yeah, I can't.

Yeah, now that makes sense.

Yeah, took you guys a while.

Why didn't you just let me drop you off close?

I mean, in retrospect, Bargie, yes, that was a good idea.

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

I got an idea.

Maybe it's not tracking Sisu at all.

Maybe it's tracking Baby Dar.

The baby is not named Baby Dar.

Who is Baby Dar?

What is a Baby Dar?

Well, so it's a baby of Dar species.

But that Dar is in the name of dar species.

Right, but I'm just saying that like the baby is like baby dar.

Baby's name is Horse Hat.

Right, so

baby ho-ha.

Baby ho-ha.

I approve.

I would die for baby ho-ha.

Okay, all right.

Hey!

Hey!

Can I get some more ice out there?

What why?

I'm making this special drink.

An old salty grandma.

The sisu.

Wait, Sisu's on the ship?

Oh, you're making an old salty grandma?

Yeah.

What is that?

You never had an old salty gravel.

No, you're very good.

What's in it?

Wait, no.

Oh,

she's on the ship.

Yeah.

She's been dating.

Did you know that?

We did figure that out.

Wow, she's great.

All right, I'll talk to you guys later.

The fob doesn't die.

Where did you get it?

I don't know how it works or where it came from, but the fob don't die.

Wait, so did we technically rescue Sisu?

We did, right?

I mean, we came to the planet and she's now on the ship, so yeah.

So, technically, Bargie rescued Sisu.

Thank you for that.

Sometimes you need other people to acknowledge what you've done.

Yeah, good job, Bargie.

That was so amazing.

I mean, the speeders were great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Excuse me?

Sorry.

Hi.

Hello, Sisu.

Sisu.

It's great to see you again.

You look so good.

Hey, HA.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, being in an ice planet does wonders for your skin.

Oh, that was was very loud.

That was very loud.

That's yeah.

No, she's uh pretty, don't we?

AJ, get down on the ground.

What?

Okay.

Okay.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go use the crapper.

Wow.

Absolutely, right this way.

Oh, very blunt.

That's crystal.

Is a crapper like a brand of a cryo freeze wand or something?

No, it's a toilet.

Oh, yeah.

She's pretty, right?

Do we all agree that she?

I don't know.

It's weird.

I have like a weird,

like oh

AJ, AJ, you know, um, your attraction to Sisu sort of makes sense.

Uh, you're great, and so is she?

No, no, no, you're a clip.

You're a clone from Rolfus Tiddle.

You're a clone of Rolfus Tiddler.

I don't know about that.

Uh, uh,

okay, we do know your DNA comes from Sisu's ex-husband.

Okay, oh, from somewhere.

Maybe we should clarify something.

Can you take off your helmet real quick?

Okay.

All right, look at this mirror.

Look at this picture of Rolfus Tittle.

Did you take a picture of the mirror?

No.

If I took a picture of the mirror, I would take a picture of myself.

Oh, it's 189.

Yes, that's who it is.

18995.

Now, this is a picture of Rolfus Tittle.

AJ, you might say that Rolfus Tittle is

zero.

Yeah.

Oh, that's.

Oh, no.

Horse hat.

I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

Okay.

I'm in a.

Somebody lift.

I want to rock.

Or sat.

Okay, I have.

I mean.

I guess.

Guys, what if Sisu and I had a kid?

I don't think

possible genitals.

I mean, right, but like, what if I, like,

butted?

Like, I.

Buttted?

You know, like, butted, and there was a kid.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, let's see where this goes.

It's a little bit more.

Yeah, say that.

Yeah, so, like, what if I, like, butted.

Like a flower.

Like a flower, and there's a little bud on, like, the side of my neck, and it just sort of grew and grew.

It was like, the kid of me and Sisu, you know?

Ah, that was one of my movies.

Oh, wait, what?

Yeah, it was called Airbutton.

Oh, this is spaceship butts, butts, yeah.

Yeah, it's a big one.

Who did you butt off of?

A big ship?

A dog.

Oh, wow,

like CGI, or was there a dog that big?

Yeah, it was a real dog.

It was a dog that big?

There's no rule that says a dog can't bud a spaceship.

Yeah.

Talented dog died shortly after.

Not because of the movie, but because he had an alcoholic problem.

Also, dust.

Also, pills.

Also, kind of racist.

This is a real roller coaster right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyway, guys, don't worry about me and Sisu.

I'll be chill.

I feel like I'm pretty

kind of the best team like you're doing.

Right.

I'm kind of the best Cuban movie.

And plus, like, Dar's will move.

Okay, I'm back.

Oh, hey, Jamie, put your helmet back on.

I am refreshed.

I just want to give my appreciation for finding me.

You know, I didn't know if anyone was going to come, if anybody got our signal.

Yeah, we got your message.

Now, don't think I wasn't doing anything.

I wasn't just waiting waiting here like a damsel in distress.

I have been working hard, boots on the ice, every single day.

I've created street names, a highway system.

And I've been working with the locals here.

I created a colony of monsters of democracy.

It's thriving right now.

They have an amazing economy.

Yeah, the ice beasts?

The Corvian Ice Beast?

Yeah, the Corvian Ice Beast.

You mean they're not feral murderers?

Oh, they're amazing businessmen.

Their acumen is.

If they were chasing you, say,

what would the reason be?

Oh, they'd only chase you if you dropped something, or if you didn't go through customs, or if you're driving a speeder without a permit.

Or sometimes they just pat you on your back and congratulate you for doing a good job.

We've had a lot of chases.

Well, uh, you know, Sisu,

I just want to say it's it's great to have you back.

You know, we need you now more than ever, honestly.

I remember your name.

Don't stop.

I'm going to.

I remember your name.

We've met before, right?

Yes.

I never forget a face.

Okay.

But it sort of seems like you've forgotten the face.

I never forget the name.

You might remember we as a crew went to the dumps and rescued Rolfus from the don't say that name.

If I ever see his face again, I don't even know what I'll do.

Take note.

It's really not.

Feels like the way.

Oh, fine.

You know, he's probably still alive somewhere out there.

Probably with a

maybe somebody who has his

face

and

a flat plank where his genitals should be

still around.

AJ.

AJ.

It's probably with some young peace.

Maybe.

AJ, I want you to take baby ho-ha.

Here you go.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, look how cute.

Oh.

Alright, I'll get down all the crash.

I don't know how this.

Okay, fine.

Well, Cecy,

I mean, the galaxy's in kind of a very precarious place right now.

We were so happy to get your message and hear that you're alive because, frankly, it got real, real jocked up recently.

Tell me everything.

Also, it's

yes, yes, yes, we are

good job.

I said she was bluffing, yeah.

She got it, She really got it.

What's his last name?

Nermit.

Why would you do that to her?

Pleck

Dick Setter.

Oh, duh.

Very close.

Very close.

Oh, no, no.

You got it, Sisu.

That's perfect.

That is his name.

All right.

I never forget.

I never forget.

Well, thank you.

You know, Sisu, things have gotten real, real crazy.

There was an emperor that, as you know, the Emperor Balweat ruled with an iron fist for

months until our team sort of took him down.

Good for you.

Give yourselves a little clap.

Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I will say

he sort of

merged with the Benacron and kind of became,

I don't even know how you'd

a celestial entity.

Well, the mass of a planet

crusher

collapsed inwards.

So there's a lot of we call it the all-wheat.

It's sort of like a mystical black hole.

Yeah.

It's like if an eclipse was

mean?

Yeah.

Okay.

It would kind of be like if an orange was really big and kept screaming all the time.

Okay, sure.

Imagine like a bloody eye socket, but in a completely dark room.

Yeah, so okay, so what it sounds like is kind of like when you make a movie, okay?

And instead of there being actors, they just hire rocks.

Sure.

I mean, emotionally, yeah, that's exactly what they all wheat.

If you shut out a comic,

insulted you.

Thank you, AJ.

Well, actually, you know, it'd probably be easier if we just showed you this

report.

Welcome back to a panel of a thousand voices.

Tonight, once again, all eyes are on the Ziggs quadrant because of that big fiery thing in the sky.

What does it do?

Is the question of the day.

First up, Jack McFair.

I have to say that I'm for the all-week.

I think that it's really driven a discussion.

Heinfen Peiven from Smackle News.

I have to say that I am against the All Wheat.

Why do they keep consuming matter that comes close to its surface?

Gerb from Gerp Tribune.

I have to say that I'm pro-Allweat.

It's a change maker, and I like that.

I'm Gerb.

Yes, Knower from Yes No News.

Little Bill from the Mana Middle School Carrier.

I'm little Bill.

I'm terminally ill.

The All Wheat is gonna kill us all.

Purvet from Purvet Valley City News.

I don't know why we have to keep talking about it.

Why can't we just stare at it for a while?

Chantawa!

Chantawa, Chantawa!

Chantawa!

Well, pro-Allweat, anti-Allweat, I think we can all agree the Allweed is exciting.

I don't know if that report actually cleared up anything about the All Wheat.

Yeah, no, that was not very helpful.

Maybe made it less clear.

Okay, so what it sounds like is everything's gone to shit since I've been gone.

Yep.

Yeah, in addition to the mystery of the always,

the absence of Emperor Mercury.

The most popular through television is it just takes place inside the dangerous obtractive.

What?

Yeah, things are real.

Wheels are coming on.

It's not good.

Yeah.

Well, I have to do something.

Gang, I have good news.

I have returned.

And I, Sisu Gundu, am gonna make sure that everything goes back to being pristine perfect.

Yes.

The fabric of society must be mended.

This is rousing.

Is she coming up with this on the spot?

This is no longer a monarchy.

This is no longer a federated alliance.

This is no longer a rebellion.

This is the future.

Wow.

Yes.

Yes.

Now I'm prepared.

I am ready.

And I know exactly what to do to get this universe back on track.

Yes.

And you,

my beloved crew, are going to help me.

Yeah.

All right.

Wow.

Yes, we are honored.

I have a plan to reunite the galaxy, and we're going to start right here in the Zix Quadrant.

Yes.

Perfect.

Or as I like to call it,

the butt end of Espasu.

Yeah, wow, that does get dislike class.

Yeah, I've heard it called the ass end of space, but the butt end of Espasa is nice.

You know, it feels good to work for someone who has a vision yeah

i know the zimas were like fun but

i don't know if i call them fun then let me go around the room and tell you what you're gonna be doing oh wow

all right

you c53 i know your name why not i would like you to be my protocol in diplomatic relations droid sisu i would be honored to accept all right

mermit bundle like look me in the eye look me straight in the eye are you looking at me are you there is Is the intensity there?

I'm getting up on the table looking at you straight in.

Okay.

As I'm building my team,

you are going to be my temporary emergency emissarial negotiations missions operations manager.

Oh, Sisu, I would be absolutely honored at your service.

You're a teen mom.

Letting out the shirt.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

What do you mean?

A teen.

Oh.

Yeah.

That shortens right down.

Your parents are going to be super angry.

No, they.

Bargie.

I know you've gone through struggle from top to bottom.

You

are gonna be the ship.

Wow.

Wow, okay, you know what?

I didn't see that coming.

I've been trying to find myself for a while, and

I guess I'm a ship.

I have an announcement to make.

I'm not an actor anymore.

What?

I've given up on acting.

Bargie!

Bargie,

it's caused me only pain.

No, you're so well, yeah, yeah,

that's true, yeah, that's true.

That's true.

Now, not leaving the piss, I'll tell you that.

I'm just gonna work in development now.

AJ, you are my security officer.

All right,

okay.

Got it.

Let's walk alone.

Dar,

you exude confidence.

Yeah, you exude power.

You seem to always know what it is that you want, and you go for it.

So there is nobody better here in this ship that I can think of than you

to be the captain.

I'm sorry, what?

Great!

Captain Darrow, congratulations!

Captain Darr!

Captain Darr.

Captain Darr.

Thank you, Captain Dar.

Sisu, I will not disappoint.

I'm so honored.

Wow, we've never had a captain.

Yeah, that's true.

Captain Dar.

Great, I think that's it.

We've all got jobs.

This is amazing.

Wow.

What about Papa?

Oh, right, Pleck.

Cleck,

right.

Oh, right, Cleck.

Yeah, sure.

Cleck.

Of course.

Yeah.

No one here doesn't have a job.

Goolf.

Yeah, great.

Just any whatever.

I will figure it out later.

But until then,

you have fun.

I want you to focus on having fun.

You took down the Emperor, okay?

You don't have a purpose anymore.

Well, I mean, yeah, you just expensive, yeah, yeah, it's like your whole thing.

Yeah, your story is complete.

You've sacrificed so much, yeah.

Black,

I'm sorry, you got fired.

What?

I think you got fired.

Hey, C-53.

Yeah, were you surprised that Barty's still the ship?

Hey, honestly, I'm surprised.

Okay, I've killed it a whole lot as a ship.

So, uh, Sisu Gundu, what's your title?

What's your

title is Sisu Gundu.

Former rebellion leader.

Yeah, sure.

Current mother, pretty sure.

Yeah.

And future savior of all quadrants.

Wow.

An F SAC.

What?

What?

What is a future savior?

Not everything is an F-10.

Why is Teen Mom an acronym?

Because it works.

It works.

Also, of all

And now, step one.

Captain Darr.

That's me.

Captain Darr, I'm giving you this chip.

Okay?

Thank you.

What do I do with it?

You will.

No, wait, I'm the captain.

I'll figure it out.

Great.

Okay, Nermit, we're going back to my HQ.

Whoa, where's that?

Wait, you have an HQ?

Yeah, that's where you guys pick me me up.

What?

No, we rescued you.

I thought you were in exile on an ice cream.

No, you just put me on a ship for a hot sec.

I'm going to go back.

I renovated.

It is beautiful there.

Also, I have a whole staff of those ice monsters.

They're huge.

Your staff?

Yeah, they work 24-7.

Okay.

Some of them told us they were leaving.

Oh.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

Well, I hope they're going somewhere warm.

Great, yes.

Was it Dale?

Dale

has been speaking about a vacation for a while.

That guy Claus?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That was Dale.

Yeah, six kids, mortgage, beautiful life.

What a sweetheart.

Yeah, that, yep.

Yeah, he makes the cookies you would kill for.

You would kill him to get that recipe.

I tried to

amazing.

Well, whoops.

Right.

All right, Bargee, Q My Exit Theme Song.

Let's get this loot.

Wow, that's fun.

This is good.

Wow.

You're soulful.

You're very soulful.

AJ's arms are just at 45 degrees.

What is that?

What is he?

Is he holding?

What is he?

Yes.

Nermit.

Yes.

Yes.

Before you go.

Yeah.

I want to give you this.

It's your heat rock.

I know your brain doesn't work down there if you're cold and

good point.

It's really.

You would be so dumb if you didn't have this.

Thank you.

I'm looking out for you, bud.

All right, Nermit, let's go.

No, guys, I'm going to HQ.

Actually, Sisu, I'm right behind you, okay?

All right.

Catch up.

Dar,

horse hat.

I promised a co-parent, so I want to know: is it okay that I leave with Sisu?

Oh, we'll figure it out.

You've been called to HQ, just as I've been called to captain, and Captain.

Honestly, uh, Ho-Ha may not be able to talk yet, yet, but is completely self-sufficient.

Okay, horse hat.

I

love you.

I'll always be sort of maybe here.

Okay, that's a big hunk.

Okay, horse hat, let me come.

Okay, his eyes are popping out of the bed.

Oh boy, wow, he looks like one of those stress-squeezy dolls.

Well, Nerva, looks like you both had to say goodbye to special people today.

You talking about Dale?

You shot Dale between the eyes.

Captain, Captain, Captain,

Captain, Captain,

Captain,

when I introduced myself, Captain.

I think that's the captain.

Captain

Turnaway for the mirror, Dar.

Okay, okay, uh, just capt Captain, Captain, Captain, Captain Captain Captain.

Oh, Dar, you seem quite kind of stressed.

Well, it's just, she handed me the chip, and now I'm like, what do I do?

What do I do with it?

Dar, I've been a protocol and diplomatic relations officer for quite some time, I can confidently say the answer's inside of me, and I should just figure it out.

No, yeah, Papa, how did you do it?

When you were captain, no, he wasn't.

Okay, no, absolutely not.

But what I did do was no one had a leadership position until now.

Yeah, because now I'm captain and I'm in charge.

I'm the captain now.

Papa, you'll always be the captain of my

life.

Thank you.

I was trying to make him feel better.

He got fired.

What am I doing?

You don't have to make me feel better, by the way.

Nobody likes being like oh, okay.

You know what?

Listen, I fulfilled my destiny.

I took down the whack as the Emperor of the galaxy.

I deserve a little bit of a break.

Have you heard from the Zimas at all?

Yeah, I think we're all taking a break.

You know?

Kicking back.

All the Zimas.

The space has been balanced.

I think we all deserve a hack and a Sigarilio, you know?

You're not coming.

On the mission?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no.

I got Flappy Garfund fired up here.

What would I do out there?

I mean, I guess the same thing you do before.

I guess I don't really know.

Who's gonna dither around?

As a ship.

Hi, guys.

I'm a ship now.

The ship.

Yeah, that's great.

It's great to have you, Rogy.

That was a twist.

Wow.

This way you're thinking is correct.

Let go of everything in the past.

Let go of any relationships you've had.

Nothing means anything, because at the end of the day, there's a light at the end of a tunnel that's coming faster and faster towards you.

So you go crazy.

You do every drug you've ever wanted.

Break every single law.

Okay, yeah, okay.

Margie, are you okay?

And you snap a neck.

Uh, Margie, are you doing all right?

I'm fine.

Yeah, because you're kind of not doing your job either.

I'm doing well.

Oh, thank Rod.

Okay.

Captain Donner, I have an incoming transmission from Temporary Emergency Administerial Negotiations, Missions Operations Manager.

I'm a fun to boy.

Hey, Norman.

Hey.

You have to give us the mission now.

I can't wait.

I can't wait any longer.

I can't sit here thinking, what could it be?

What could it be?

No, Donner, you're going to be your great captain.

It's going to be fun.

Well, I don't have a great example to live up to here.

So true.

Okay.

I'm right here.

But you weren't the captain.

That's a good point.

Yeah, there was not an example.

How's it going?

Yeah, you staying staying warm in there?

Yeah, I appreciate the heat rock.

And check this out.

Yeah, that looks like a real office.

I know, right?

And guys, do you see behind me?

Whoa.

Look at all these sentients here.

Wow.

Look at all these people.

Like Sisu said, the Corbian ice pieces are great.

A lot of them work here.

Knack knock!

Hey!

Hey, dear!

So happy to have you part of the crew!

Happy to be here.

Thank you so much.

Well, there's still some leftover cookies from Dale's recipe out in the kitchen.

You should try some.

They're real tasty.

Yeah, I know.

I'm

good.

Speaking of Dale, have you seen him

We're doing a b-ball game out for work today.

No, Dale, you could be great on the team.

You look like you got a lot of sputs up.

Oh, thank you.

I um Dale, I thought I like Dale.

I've heard Dale is often just like, you never know where Dale is.

I think you usually always know where Dale is.

Dale could be.

How would you know what Dale did?

I just got

her.

Well, I guess if Dale ain't here, it's a pretty sad day, I'll tell you that.

Yeah.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Oh, you're fitting in right away.

I have your mission.

Yes.

The chip that FSAC Gundu gave you.

No, we're not doing that.

We're not doing FSAC.

Get those words out of your mouth when you're talking about this is Gundu.

Okay, Jesus.

Get them out of your mouth.

He's on our side.

Yeah, you remember me?

Nermat.

So the chip that Sisu Gundu gave you contains a message announcing her intention to unify the galaxy.

It needs to be brought to Tenethius 4.

Okay?

Tenethius 4, of course, the hub for the intergalactic broadcasting number.

Right.

You need to get the chip into the transmission port of the tower on Tenethius 4 to broadcast this message of unity to everyone.

Yes.

Great.

Well, perfect.

So good.

I

say we blaze ahead.

Yeah, we'll go there.

Just blaze.

We will crash in there and stomp around and get answers.

And that's corps is honestly a very kind of orderly, laid-back society.

It should be kind of straight out.

Yeah, Captain, I think we'll probably have a pretty easy time of it.

It's a well-run plan.

Wait, so is this a mission that we actually might like

do?

Yeah.

This is the perfect mission to start with.

We're in the shutdown, people.

Thanks a cheap.

Wow,

My face has a tinier face.

A smaller face.

They're all like mutants or something.

I am just a fortune.

What's going on?

Hey, let's burn out that building.

I'm a toll with beach.

I'm a toll with bitch!

What the joke happened?

You said this planet was cold!

What do you lie?

All of the most recent information I had about Tenetius 4 implied that everything was fine.

How recent?

Okay.

Eight months ago.

Okay, downloading the most recent updates.

Looks like immediately after the Emperor disappeared, there were seven simultaneous revolutions.

What about the toes with feet though?

Okay, so it looks like a bunch of rebel factions interrupted the power generation just by knocking a bunch of radioactive axotops into their water supply.

I think that maybe explains a little bit of this one.

That's just one side of a face.

It's just the bad side of a face.

But how would we know, you know?

Like, how would we know if she's just one side?

Trust me, it's the worst side.

You can't.

I'm taking them out.

I'm just an opinion.

Hey, hey, Bargie.

Yeah.

What if you and I made like a web series, you know?

Like you and me on the ship.

Pleck and Bargie.

But give me seven pitches.

Give me some ideas.

I'm interested in you.

Okay.

I want you.

Okay.

What about a docuseries on the.

Bro, I fell asleep.

I'm asleep now.

Okay.

I'm asleep.

Pleck, what is your story?

What is Pleck's story?

Oh, okay.

What is it about you that makes you different now?

Well, I was the chosen one of the space, and I brought balance to the galaxy

by defeating the

what?

Yeah, I heard that pitch last week.

I was a pitch of something that happened to me.

I did it.

Next.

We found shelter.

They won't find.

Oh, no, they found us.

They found us.

They found us.

And this one's so scary.

It's a big old Garfod.

It's the biggest Garfod I've ever seen.

Really fasty.

Let's lock and load.

I can only lock.

And honestly, I'm too scared.

My butt got sort of clenched up.

Dar, I'm clenched up.

Oh, it's okay.

I'm clinched right now.

Oh, wait, Dar.

Dar, we can see the tower, but it's like, how are we going to get there?

Once we get there, the tower doesn't have any power.

The power has got no tower?

No, no, no, the tower has no power.

That's what I say.

No, it is not what we're saying.

I'm almost positive I said the power has no tower.

Oh, that's what you just said.

But that's incorrect.

That's what it says.

I'm an eyeball if you just want to lash.

Listen, Captain Dorothy, we can find some way to get that ship in there.

I'm sure we can restore power long enough to broadcast the message.

Look out, legs coming through.

Let's legs.

Legs disappear.

A single leg here.

Single leg.

I'm a tiny leg.

What would Papa do in this moment right now?

No, I mean placks.

Can we do something embarrassing?

Oh, sure.

Okay,

so what?

We gotta all think like pleck.

Alright, we're blecking it up.

Oh, alright, so

this.

Oh, you look weird.

You look weird.

Wow, what are you?

It's weird that it's just a bunch of legs walking around.

Why is that weird?

Well, because legs

are peddling legs.

No.

Why do you have such a weird, nasty thing going on at the top of your legs?

Ow!

Captain Darth, this army is shit tight.

You gotta be careful.

Should I help if this feels really popper right now?

Yeah, it's true.

I'll prepare an important lesson here for Darth.

Alright, Bargie, next question.

Alright.

Your ex.

Oh, which one, though?

Well, it doesn't say it's just a.

Okay, but it really depends.

No, it's just a quiz, though.

Okay.

I guess your most recent ex.

Oh, Gail.

Oh, sure.

Gail.

Okay.

Your ex.

Gail.

Okay.

Has posted something nasty online, and you're pretty sure it's about you.

Did they do this right now?

No.

It's a hypothetical Bargie.

I block them, but I can unblock them.

Bargie, it's unbelievable.

I'm willing to open the pen door for you.

Bargie, I'm trying to do a they teen quiz with you to to see.

Did they follow?

Wow, really?

I knew it.

I'm just gonna put C.

Next question.

Who is.

Which one?

No.

Here are my legs.

I'm trying not to understand you.

I'm trying to generate a ow!

Ow!

Wow.

Go tap!

Go!

Man, those legs are fast.

You wouldn't think that things that were just legs would be fast.

Just running in circles.

Good strategy.

Dar,

more and sensitive observations on their culture.

Okay, I just.

What did you call my legs?

I'm running in circles because it feels kind of, you know, sort of cleck with you.

Yeah, you knew it.

Keep going.

Oh, I see what's happening.

Dar's gonna run around enough times that they just like wear down to the little dubs.

No, no, no.

They're inside a turbine.

Alright, that's enough

pushing against

a turbine.

We're gonna generate power.

Oh, wow, the turbine's starting to move, Mr.

Robot Man.

Now the power is starting to have some power.

Oh, oh!

Right!

All right, well, come on!

You're doing great!

And by great, I mean cringy and awful.

Darn, frog of the chip.

Here you go!

Oh, you caught the chip.

Yeah.

And then if Pop were here, he'd like instantly drop it and break it so you should probably do that.

I even focus in the tower.

Oh, okay.

Dip that chip.

Dip that chip.

I'm gonna leave it in.

I mean, you know.

See?

Oh, wow.

Look, it's all lighting up.

The chip has been dipped.

Let's go home, everyone.

We did it.

I have a fingernail with fingers.

This planet confuses me.

Did someone say you tear stuff?

Nobody did it.

Snap, snap, snap, snap.

Open up, Corsa.

No, it's just a one more bite, okay?

One more bite.

Good.

Not too bad, right?

Close it up, Barto.

Barge, go, Barto.

Oh, go, okay.

There's an intestine that's creeping towards us.

Get out of here.

Oh, wow.

I've worked with one of those once.

They smell weird.

Yeah.

Real weird.

Real weird.

And they like to slap.

Oh, my jucky fraud.

How'd the mission go?

Well,

it miraculously all worked out.

Here, you can take a listen for yourself.

Universe of space.

Wow, really going for it.

Don't be surprised, it is I, Sisu Gundu.

I was not dead, I was alive the whole time.

And yes, my face looks amazing.

I alone can pick up the pieces of this broken galaxy and put it all back together like a beautiful vase.

I say, vase.

It's the voice and the cadence that continues.

Yeah.

Plus, the shoulder pads should be.

Now, I want to show you how tight I am.

Wow, very tight.

Wow.

Nice job, guys.

Darn.

First mission as a captain, you nailed it.

Hey, C, do you want to just, like, go...

Do we have an aside but where we like relax and don't talk?

Yeah.

Let's do that.

Okay.

Good, good job out there, guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Looks like you nailed it.

Pleck, it's so hard.

Really?

It's so hard.

Being kept in, there's just too much.

There's too much being kept in...

Kept in.

You would have crumpled under this pressure.

Yeah.

I need you down there with us.

Nah, no.

Darn, I'm retired.

After you save the galaxy, what, you're going to go back to putting chips in slots?

No.

But the thing is, if you're not down there being, you know, you, then I...

I'm you.

Then I'm you.

I'm...

I'm you.

Sounds great, see?

I become you.

I become you, and I need you down there to be you so that I can be me.

You know what I'm I'm saying?

Hmm.

Let me be me and let you do you, but you have to do it with me because me as Plek is.

Yeah.

No, I get that.

Alright, yeah, I can come on the next mission, Captain.

Whatever you want.

That's what I want.

Okay.

Okay.

You know, you did accomplish the mission, Dar.

You did what you were supposed to do.

Thanks, Pleck.

I got to level 18.

Guess I'm just kind of captaining my own life right now, you know.

Alright, see you later.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions joined commencing Atro Protocol.

Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Captain Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Archie the Ship and Susugundu were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Temporary Emergency Emissary in the Go-

Teen Mom, Nerik Mundaloy was played by Seth Lind.

AJ was played by Winston Knoll.

Special thanks to our Brooklyn Podcast Festival audience for chanting Army Army of Legs.

This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

New season 4 music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Opening call narration by Jeremy Crenshley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fund Network.

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Oh, it's my tracking fob.

What is a tracking fob?

You guys don't have a tracking fob?

It's like, no, just be aware of it.

No one has a tracking fob.

What are you tracking?

Hey, whoever you want to find, you get a tracking fob and they

mean, ooh,

whoever you want to find?

I don't know, I don't know the technology.

I'm just asking

a lot of attitudes.

Wow, where'd you get it?

Sorry,

you broke Winston.

Oh boy.

I'm sorry.

Wait.

It was stupid.

It was dumb.

Okay.

I don't know.

No, we're keeping that.

Yeah, it was very fun.

So the technology, but.

Oh, uh.

Hello?

Hello?

I didn't know if it was.

I didn't know if it was you.

C53 knows who's calling because he is connected to the computer.

How many people call in?

I mean, fair point.

Probably good guess.

Will you do the like the incoming thing, just because I feel like that's it.

You don't say it after you pick up.

Well, what if I call back, but you promise you say it before you pick up?

Before I pick up, and then you wouldn't know.

Sure, you know what?

I'll say it.

Okay.

Okay.

Alright.

Hello.

There's no way you had time.

I rang once.

I'm pretty sure I squeezed it in.

No, you didn't.

Nerman, what's up, man?

What do you mean, what's up?

How did the mission...

Did you guys transmit the...

Why am I talking to you?

Where is the majority of the majority?

I think the mission went great.

I wasn't there.

I think the captain might be, like asleep or meditating or something like that.

It was pretty rough.

There were a lot of,

I don't know, fingers and toes and stuff down there.

It was weird.

Norman, did you hear?

How else did?

No.

Yeah, no.

Dale.

Oh, no.

Yo.

Good.

All right, Nerman, I'll see you later, buddy.