301: Down With the Emperor!

Transcript

Speaker 1 Hey everybody, it's Alden Ford here with the whole cast of Mission to Zix.

Speaker 2 Hello

Speaker 3 everybody!

Speaker 1 We just have a quick message before we kick off season three. So as you probably know, we're now part of the Maximum Fun Network, which we're all very excited about.

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Speaker 1 Mission 6 is a big, ambitious show with a lot of moving parts, and it was the listener support we got through Patreon that made season two possible.

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Speaker 1 So with that in mind, please enjoy episode one of season three of Mission to Zix.

Speaker 5 The galaxy has fallen under the shadow

Speaker 5 Six months have passed since the Battle of the Planet Crushers, where Gunther Balweed annihilated the Council of Six, destroyed the rebellion, changed his name and crowned himself Emperor of the Galaxy.

Speaker 5 Thanks to Bino's noble sacrifice, former rebel emissary Plech Dexetter and his crew have escaped the Emperor's clutches, fleeing to the opulent entertainment planet Hollowood, where their starship, the Bargerian Jade, has abandoned them for the intoxicating trappings of fame.

Speaker 5 Without passage back to the distant Zix quadrant, our intrepid heroes have separated and gone into hiding, while the Emperor's power continues to grow.

Speaker 5 Will they answer the call to defend the galaxy from whackness and bring balance to the space?

Speaker 5 Only if they can find one another, steal their courage, and set out on another mission to Zach.

Speaker 5 All right, boys.

Speaker 5 Approaching drop zone. Alright, boys.
All right, Clint. Approaching drop zone.
Approaching drop zone. Approaching drop zone.
Approaching drop zone.

Speaker 5 Everybody knows I'm the best at jumping out of carriers.

Speaker 13 I'm pretty much sure I'm the best at jumping out of carriers. I don't know.
During training, Sinsmeyer said I was the better. That's what I heard.

Speaker 14 Remember, Emperor Bundaloy wants the subject alive. Yeah, I was just about to say that we should all remember that Emperor Bundaloy wants the subject alive.

Speaker 14 Gang, I might be a little late to this, but I think we should all point out that the Emperor wants

Speaker 13 the subject alive. Yeah, we're all saying it.

Speaker 15 Are we all saying it? Yeah, we're all saying.

Speaker 10 Alright, lock and look. Lock and look.

Speaker 15 Lock and look.

Speaker 14 Hey, Hey, guys.

Speaker 16 Lock and load.

Speaker 13 Yeah. We know.

Speaker 15 Guys.

Speaker 15 Lock and load. We all know.
Locked and loaded.

Speaker 15 Alright. On my count.

Speaker 13 No, on my count.

Speaker 15 On my seat. Somebody counting.
Somebody count. Alright.
Three, two, stand. All right, let's lock and load, boys.

Speaker 15 Free bowling. Free bowling.
Got it.

Speaker 16 Free fall. I'm the best in free falling.

Speaker 16 Get your merch for the Bargarian giant!

Speaker 16 Keep down on the ground!

Speaker 1 You want me to get down on the ground?

Speaker 14 Yeah, that's what we said.

Speaker 1 Aren't we all on the ground right now?

Speaker 1 Gravity dictates that

Speaker 1 each of us is on the ground.

Speaker 1 We're all a little bit on the ground, but you guys are going to be more on the ground.

Speaker 8 He's got a shit!

Speaker 8 Get out, man!

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 1 I think you picked the wrong target, Strike Team.

Speaker 14 No, we picked the right target.

Speaker 18 Are you saying that we picked it?

Speaker 1 No, I mean, like...

Speaker 14 it was the correct target.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, it was definitely me that you were after. I'm just saying you shouldn't have picked me.
Like you picked the wrong well we were ordered to is what I'm saying

Speaker 8 your

Speaker 14 black deck setter.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 14 The Emperor said you were a powerful warrior.

Speaker 1 No

Speaker 1 I'm a Zima warrior.

Speaker 14 Is that different from powerful?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it's yeah, it's more specific.

Speaker 14 Should I start saying Zima instead of powerful now?

Speaker 1 No, no, they're not synonyms.

Speaker 3 I can.

Speaker 14 I mean, no, but I'm why didn't you say

Speaker 8 the Emperor wants you captured?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 14 We were supposed to bring you in alive.

Speaker 1 Listen, I left you alive because you're gonna go back to the Emperor and tell him that Pleck Dexter's coming for him.

Speaker 14 I'm never going back, Camper.

Speaker 1 Uh,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 14 I want to join you.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. You have to go.
You're the messenger, and you're the only one alive. You have to go back.

Speaker 14 But I'm I'm changed now.

Speaker 22 This encounter has changed. How has this changed you?

Speaker 14 I'm different now from all the other clints.

Speaker 7 Well, that's genetic.

Speaker 14 I thought I was. I mean, I'm the best.
I was sort of better than them. You know what I mean?

Speaker 14 It was exceptional.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm gonna. I gotta go, actually.

Speaker 8 I'm going with you.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 14 I'm renouncing my clinton. That's seeing this, feeling it was something like it felt like you were really in tune with.

Speaker 14 There was like space between everybody.

Speaker 23 What was that?

Speaker 14 What?

Speaker 8 There was like space between everybody?

Speaker 18 It felt like you were kind of moving through it.

Speaker 14 You fell down a bunch, but you also hit people with that stick.

Speaker 1 You saw that?

Speaker 1 It's not

Speaker 1 just as easy as saying that. You have to live fresh, you know?

Speaker 2 You have to live.

Speaker 2 Eat fresh?

Speaker 1 Yes, you have to live, live, moss, and eat fresh.

Speaker 1 I'm loving it.

Speaker 25 Sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 9 Sorry, yes.

Speaker 26 We've never been to Hollywood before.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I can take it. Okay, hold on.

Speaker 8 One, two, three.

Speaker 29 Okay. Can you do it again?

Speaker 31 Um, I want the Hollywood sign behind me.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 26 Can you also do portrait mode?

Speaker 1 You know what? Let me do it.

Speaker 14 Don't get your whole hand in there like I did.

Speaker 3 Your whole hand? Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay. One, two, three.

Speaker 1 Enjoy your trip to Hollywood.

Speaker 22 I look weird. Oh, wow.
Is that what I look like?

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm a Zema warrior. I can't, I don't really have time to take the whole thing.

Speaker 2 This photo makes me sad.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, you don't blame me for taking a weird photo. You're sort of a weird-looking person.

Speaker 23 You got a weird-looking eye patch.

Speaker 1 I lost an eye in battle.

Speaker 3 I didn't tell you to do that.

Speaker 1 No, but I'm just saying, don't

Speaker 1 call out you're weird-looking because I think you have bad taste in hair and your clothing.

Speaker 21 Well, it sounds like we both got a lot to answer for.

Speaker 27 Let's just move on. We're gonna be late to the Tiny Tooth Memorial Museum.

Speaker 14 So, Master Deck Setter. What? I renounce the Bundaloy Empire.

Speaker 1 Uh, no, no, I'm just I was I will serve you the rest of my days. Okay, that's not necessary.

Speaker 14 I'm I'm the clip that's the best at having you know a spiritual epiphany and then changing my ways and I will serve you and is it magic or religion?

Speaker 21 What is it?

Speaker 1 No, I'm glad you asked it's the space actually it's a sort of mystical uh force you might say that kind of holds religion no it's kind of you have to believe in it so that's religion in that way yeah but I don't get it

Speaker 14 what you're trying to say it's not seems like you're trying to keep your options open on this one I know what it is all right listen go tell the emperor I'm coming for you I'll go but I then I guess you'll never find your crew again.

Speaker 21 My crew?

Speaker 14 Yeah, all the other strike teams are going after your friends who used to be your crewmates.

Speaker 1 There's no time to waste. Fine, you can come with me.
What's your call sign?

Speaker 14 My call sign is AJ2884.

Speaker 19 But you can call me 2884.

Speaker 29 What?

Speaker 18 What?

Speaker 1 Why would why would I call you 2884? AJ is a real name. You just happen to have a call sign with a real name in it.

Speaker 32 2884 is not a real name.

Speaker 19 No.

Speaker 14 I can go AJ. That sounds fine.

Speaker 17 Okay, AJ. I like it.

Speaker 14 I'll be AJ.

Speaker 14 I'll follow you, Plet Dexetter, to the ends of the galaxy.

Speaker 1 Where do we start?

Speaker 14 Well, I have C-53, a protocol of diplomatic relations droid.

Speaker 1 He's so much more than that.

Speaker 14 But he has like knives in his hands or something?

Speaker 5 No. No, he's just...

Speaker 1 He's my best friend.

Speaker 9 Oh, you said he's more than that.

Speaker 1 My closest advisor.

Speaker 21 Alright.

Speaker 1 C-53 is in danger, and we will do whatever it takes to extract him from his situation.

Speaker 3 Are you ready?

Speaker 1 Yes. Tell me where he is.

Speaker 33 That's one banky combo.

Speaker 9 That's a small milkshake.

Speaker 10 And two orders of auto-life fries.

Speaker 17 No, no, no. I'm sorry.

Speaker 34 What's the size between small and very big?

Speaker 34 No.

Speaker 34 What's the size between small and very big?

Speaker 23 Medium?

Speaker 25 No.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, I just want you to know that I'm patiently waiting, not worried at all about the duration of this exchange.

Speaker 1 Onward as you were.

Speaker 35 I really just want to find out whether Off and On Burger is going to space shack.

Speaker 35 Well, it's on and off burgers.

Speaker 23 Excuse me, I choked off the toy.

Speaker 33 My name is C53, Matthew My Body, Ambassador.

Speaker 10 You're on and off burgers.

Speaker 23 I have two mouths, so it's a little bit more.

Speaker 9 Well, you can't be choking from the mouth that you're speaking to me from.

Speaker 21 No hurry on my end.

Speaker 21 This is exactly so far, it's exactly like Space Shock.

Speaker 9 Ma'am, could you run into the back of that chair over there?

Speaker 1 Oh, the toy is out.

Speaker 1 Halfway through my three-hour lunch hour.

Speaker 3 What will it be today, ma'am?

Speaker 34 Let's just do it all Bargy style.

Speaker 8 You've got it.

Speaker 35 That's one Bargie combo, one Bargy style small milkshake, and some Bargy style on and off fries.

Speaker 37 I've forgotten my wallet.

Speaker 37 Abigail, you've done it again.

Speaker 36 Abigail, I do hope you'll join us again.

Speaker 35 And I'll dispose of this meal in the meantime.

Speaker 8 Have a great day.

Speaker 9 Thanks for coming.

Speaker 11 On and off bird.

Speaker 1 My turn.

Speaker 9 Hello, sir. Hello.

Speaker 1 I wasn't here for food.

Speaker 1 And a good day to you.

Speaker 38 This is not the space shack.

Speaker 9 This is hot enough.

Speaker 35 But you guys don't have space shack breakers here.

Speaker 9 We have hot enough burgers here.

Speaker 39 Well, Space Shack only has spaceshack burgers.

Speaker 8 You're rocking my world.

Speaker 14 Master Dexter. It seems that we've arrived before the strike team.

Speaker 1 Master Dexter, what is Master?

Speaker 2 What is that referring to?

Speaker 19 Master of the space.

Speaker 1 I haven't agreed to teach you anything.

Speaker 14 Pop-up deck setter? No.

Speaker 1 Much worse. Why would you say that?

Speaker 13 I don't know. I'm just trying to think.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 14 Master Pleck, we're ahead of the strike team.

Speaker 1 Yes, excellent. Okay, AJ, I need you to sneak into the manager's office and grab the restraining bolt remover.

Speaker 1 Probably in a drawer somewhere. It's got a series of green lights on the top that corresponds to the green lights on C-53's frame.
Got it?

Speaker 1 So the...

Speaker 16 Where's the office?

Speaker 1 It's through that door with the word manager on it.

Speaker 13 Well, why did it say office? You know what I mean?

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 25 AJ, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'll go get the restraining bolt remover.

Speaker 14 No, I'm the best at getting restraining bolt remover.

Speaker 25 I was. It can't possibly be true.

Speaker 14 You don't know what situation I've been in, Papa.

Speaker 1 Please don't call me back. You order something at the desk.
Demand to talk to his manager, and I will.

Speaker 8 I'd like to order something

Speaker 25 to a manager. Wait in line.

Speaker 24 I'd like to order something and speak to a manager.

Speaker 19 What

Speaker 36 we have a fairly obvious line structure if you could just

Speaker 8 fall in line.

Speaker 24 I'm doing it, and I'm in the line now. And I'd like to order something and speak to a manager.

Speaker 9 Don't take me any further until you reach the front of the line, sir.

Speaker 38 Thank you.

Speaker 36 One step at a time. I think I'm doing great.

Speaker 9 Somebody say they want to speak to the manager.

Speaker 8 Yes, I would like to.

Speaker 14 I'm ordering stuff and speaking to the manager.

Speaker 21 Now's your chance.

Speaker 9 Now's your chance.

Speaker 20 Just relax.

Speaker 24 Hi, manager. I'm relaxed right now,

Speaker 14 and I'd like to order something from you.

Speaker 40 You don't need to order from me, that's what.

Speaker 40 Fine, it's blessed. I'd like to speak to the manager.

Speaker 40 Okay, well, would you like to order, or would you like to speak to the manager?

Speaker 21 I've been told to do both.

Speaker 9 You think you're told to do both?

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 36 What did you just do?

Speaker 1 I had to remove this grill station in order to have a little bit of room for us to exit. Okay.
Look, come with me. We've got to go.
You're in grave danger.

Speaker 10 Well,

Speaker 11 Pleck, I'm afraid that I'm a valued employee here at the Ottoman Burger family.

Speaker 1 No, no, not anymore.

Speaker 1 See if you see. Stop.
No, listen. You're so much more than that.
We have to get back out to the Zix Quadrant and save the galaxy.

Speaker 35 I think the Ottoman off corporation values need burger just a little bit more highly than you do.

Speaker 1 Okay. Alright, just hold still.

Speaker 8 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 C-53, let's go.

Speaker 40 Thank you enough.

Speaker 36 This has been a punishing six months.

Speaker 1 I've spent the last six months training to become a Zemen knight.

Speaker 11 Click.

Speaker 14 And I'd like to speak to the manager.

Speaker 1 Friends, species of all kinds, I've just got a couple more tunes tonight. Thanks so much for coming out.
Remember, we're gonna, there's gonna be a hat pass later for tips.

Speaker 1 Everything's appreciated because I am a professional musician.

Speaker 25 Okay.

Speaker 25 One, two, one, two.

Speaker 1 I used to fly, I used to have, have, have it all.

Speaker 1 I used to send him out on missions

Speaker 41 near and far and here and there.

Speaker 41 And I, all along, was

Speaker 25 loving doll.

Speaker 25 Loving dog.

Speaker 25 What's a dog?

Speaker 38 This is almost unknowably sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is, I mean, man.

Speaker 10 Love and do.

Speaker 14 So, Songkai, what is his dealing?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, sort of on the side, it's just kind of an aspiration.

Speaker 1 Side hustle, sure. Yeah.

Speaker 8 I know where you found me was not the most glamorous location, but

Speaker 10 this is far worse.

Speaker 7 Yeah, there's like two other people in this bar.

Speaker 43 They used to say that's cool, Nermit, but is there a mission?

Speaker 38 We can't talk all day.

Speaker 9 We gotta get out in the stars.

Speaker 14 She's hella emerged or something outside.

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 1 listen, CG3, I know that this song is. I mean, who knows how much longer it's gonna go on, but we just need to get up.

Speaker 9 It's sure.

Speaker 1 We just need to get him and get out

Speaker 1 before the strike team shows.

Speaker 10 so

Speaker 10 far.

Speaker 41 It was like they were with me.

Speaker 41 It was like I could see what they saw when they went to the stars without me.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 9 Thanks.

Speaker 28 I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt.

Speaker 28 You, of course, must know who I am. I am Lucius Montgomery.
Of course, I know who you are. Most famous music producer

Speaker 25 of Hollywood.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh, it's such an honor.

Speaker 28 I've been going to open mics for years now, and

Speaker 28 this is actually a residency, but I'm going to find a new act, a new voice, a new.

Speaker 45 Wow, what can I say?

Speaker 28 I have never seen

Speaker 28 that. Anyone

Speaker 28 ever sweat as much as you have on stage? What? What?

Speaker 38 Yeah, no, that means because the sword is a little bit more difficult.

Speaker 45 I just wanted to say only that.

Speaker 45 I have to go now.

Speaker 28 I'm a very busy person. I'm very busy.

Speaker 1 Everyone, so I think you guys just witnessed me getting discovered. Wow.
This is what we're going to look back on and say, I used to play in this club. Let's take a request.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I've got a request.

Speaker 35 Why don't you stop?

Speaker 9 Stop doing this.

Speaker 9 Nermit, come with us.

Speaker 40 Black!

Speaker 46 Hey, guys, good to see you.

Speaker 1 Thanks for coming out, guys. Everyone, these are some of my close friends that are coming out to the show.

Speaker 1 What's your request?

Speaker 1 It's time to cover our requests.

Speaker 22 No, we got one more song.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it's time to go, Nermit. I mean, did you guys see that I just got signed, maybe? No, he just called you sweaty and left.

Speaker 1 Nermit, we need to get out of here. You're in grave danger.
Honestly, there's a strike team after you. We have to get out of this club right now.

Speaker 9 Clint strike team sent to assassinate.

Speaker 10 Yes, you could be in grave danger.

Speaker 10 A clint right there.

Speaker 3 Oh, not that clint.

Speaker 9 No,

Speaker 9 this is AJ. Wait,

Speaker 9 that's confusing because he was part of a strike team. What?

Speaker 16 Sure. I used to be a clint, a cloned light infantry infantry nomadic trooper.

Speaker 14 No, I know what I'm saying.

Speaker 19 Does everyone know what a clint is?

Speaker 10 Most people do.

Speaker 29 All right. You hang out with him?

Speaker 1 He defected and sort of demanded to be my prototype.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 25 Hi, AJ.

Speaker 1 Hey. We'll see whether it works out.

Speaker 7 Uh

Speaker 1 nermit, listen, pack up your stuff. Let's let's go.

Speaker 46 Guys, look around me.

Speaker 1 This is what living the dream looks like.

Speaker 46 This is a literally empty bar.

Speaker 1 Nerman, I've got an old girt milk crate full, full of wood chips to sleep in.

Speaker 25 Okay, that's not.

Speaker 42 I'm doing it.

Speaker 3 Aren't you doing it?

Speaker 1 I mean, I've got a long shirt that covers my area.

Speaker 1 I don't have pants, but I got a long shirt.

Speaker 14 I mean, that's pretty much making it, if you ask me.

Speaker 1 Nermit, listen, we can debate whether or not you're a successful professional musician anytime. I don't read reviews.
Okay,

Speaker 1 there are none to read. Nermit, we have to get out of here.
There's a strike team coming after you.

Speaker 13 That's true.

Speaker 14 Strike team number four, it's on his way.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's the fourth strongest strike team.

Speaker 9 Damn, that's how strike teams work.

Speaker 29 Wait, what?

Speaker 1 I got the seventh strongest strike team?

Speaker 35 What strike team do I have?

Speaker 14 You had strike team number two.

Speaker 4 Seven?

Speaker 4 There are only five of us.

Speaker 14 I also understand that the strike team isn't coming in three.

Speaker 25 One, two,

Speaker 9 three, this way.

Speaker 42 What are we gonna do?

Speaker 16 You guys go out the back door. I'll solve it.

Speaker 25 AJ, are you sure?

Speaker 10 By yourself?

Speaker 14 Listen, your mission's important. I wish I could be part of your crew, but it looks like I'm just an ancillary character in your story.

Speaker 1 AJ, you know, I really go.

Speaker 25 Okay, all right.

Speaker 16 No worries, strike team.

Speaker 14 I'm I'm already on the case. Wait, who are you?

Speaker 16 Well, I'm AJ2884.

Speaker 16 Okay, well, what do you think?

Speaker 14 Well, I'm actually part of Shrike Team 7,

Speaker 14 but I'm the guy who just already been here.

Speaker 36 AJ's actually making a price

Speaker 10 distraction.

Speaker 24 Okay, well, I'm just saying, guys, I'm strike team settings.

Speaker 16 No, but I'm on strike team.

Speaker 14 What I'm saying is that we're both on strike team. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 16 Yeah, well, I think you should leave. Well, I think you should leave.

Speaker 10 Maybe we should both. Maybe we should.
No, no, no. No, I'm going to be the one to starve.

Speaker 1 Man, that was close.

Speaker 7 Phew.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, listen, AJ is not like the brightest Clint.

Speaker 1 He wasn't here for very long, but I think I'll always remember AJ and his sacrifice.

Speaker 25 Hey guys, I'm right here.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, AJ.

Speaker 19 Wow. I made it out.

Speaker 8 Thank goodness.

Speaker 14 I've attached to it.

Speaker 1 So glad you joined me.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I just walked out of the bar.

Speaker 29 Okay, great.

Speaker 21 Cool.

Speaker 8 So I can.

Speaker 19 Do you want me to die? Is that what you mean?

Speaker 3 What? No.

Speaker 23 Do you want me to be dead? No, what? No.

Speaker 14 Wow, you were speaking in the past tense. I thought you wanted me to.

Speaker 1 No, I just thought you weren't. I didn't think you were.
I thought that was it for you. I thought that was sort of the end of your arc, as it were.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Wait, but AJ, are you telling us that there's strike teams coming for every former crew member of the Bargarian J? Does that mean the DAR is in danger?

Speaker 14 There's actually two strike teams going after the one known as DAR.

Speaker 8 What numbers?

Speaker 19 One and three.

Speaker 29 Oh, wow, that's the best one and the third best reviewer.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 I'm the chosen one of the space.

Speaker 14 Well, I don't make the schedule. Okay.
Dar is at

Speaker 14 a farmer's market.

Speaker 1 A farm? Dar is at a farmer's market?

Speaker 17 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 Dar's a giant, cranky, monster-foot-tall beast with chest talons.

Speaker 14 I mean, I think they have pretty wide lanes for you to go through the stalls.

Speaker 9 That's not really what it's about.

Speaker 14 I don't know, gang, that we're all a part of now.

Speaker 1 That's presumptuous. That's presumptuous.

Speaker 14 It seems like strike teams one and three are descending on this farmer's market.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's run fast, but not so fast that my shirt float flies up. Above your area? Above my area.
We could just get you some pants. That would be amazing.
What happened to your pants?

Speaker 1 Uh, they got bit. Uh, I was sleeping in an alley full of rats, and the rats ate the pants.

Speaker 17 Well, that'll happen. Yeah.

Speaker 37 Gregario, these zoodles this week.

Speaker 17 Mmm, chef's kiss.

Speaker 19 You like them?

Speaker 37 They are really, you know, I thought last week.

Speaker 37 Montebende.

Speaker 17 Chef's kiss.

Speaker 46 A kiss by a chef.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 23 You hold it up and you have a kiss in.

Speaker 37 Well, Gregario, let me tell you, the two of us are very happy with this week's crop.

Speaker 17 Congratulations.

Speaker 21 How far along are you?

Speaker 37 About six months.

Speaker 9 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 37 Right, Gregario. See you next week.

Speaker 33 Gregario says adieu.

Speaker 26 Da, my darling, da.

Speaker 37 Oh, Celestine, do you have the amethyst I'm after?

Speaker 26 I do.

Speaker 26 You just have to promise me your special herbs.

Speaker 14 Master Jack Setter, it seems like we're too late. Both of the strength teams have converged on the target.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Dar seems totally fine.

Speaker 19 Well, you'll have to ask them.

Speaker 17 I'm

Speaker 37 Celestine, I'll be a moment.

Speaker 3 Dar,

Speaker 7 wow, you.

Speaker 1 You look different.

Speaker 9 Dar, you've got a real one. Just relaxed energy about you.

Speaker 17 You're glowing. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Dar, what are you doing here?

Speaker 37 Oh, they have really wide lanes here.

Speaker 29 But also,

Speaker 33 I told you.

Speaker 14 I let your son hat.

Speaker 23 Who are you?

Speaker 35 Yeah, this is AJ. I'm sorry.
We should have.

Speaker 14 Hi, I'm Adrian.

Speaker 1 Dar, listen.

Speaker 9 Dar, listen.

Speaker 35 You're in a lot of danger.

Speaker 8 There are two

Speaker 17 strike teams.

Speaker 9 There are two clint strike teams on their way here to kill you.

Speaker 37 Um, I suppose you're talking about those two groups of clints.

Speaker 3 Okay, real good, buddy.

Speaker 20 Let's call it a day. Get away from those corpses.

Speaker 6 Oh, yep, that's dead.

Speaker 25 That's well.

Speaker 17 I raged out hard.

Speaker 1 Right between the tomato stand and the uh bread.

Speaker 37 Yeah, well, gentlemen, I really enjoyed this, but I just get so tired in the afternoons I really need to get back to my beachfront all-glass hut and take a snooze in my bean bag.

Speaker 1 Dar,

Speaker 7 listen, that sounds

Speaker 33 like we missed

Speaker 25 the code of our

Speaker 9 fear.

Speaker 25 What's happening here?

Speaker 33 Darr,

Speaker 1 Dar, listen, that sounds great. Yeah, how'd you keep the rats away from your pants?

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 17 Nermit, I don't think that's as common as you think it is.

Speaker 7 What do you mean?

Speaker 17 Nermit,

Speaker 8 just

Speaker 3 cover that later.

Speaker 8 That's a good question.

Speaker 14 It's a valid question.

Speaker 38 Well,

Speaker 9 as you can see, Dar is not wearing pants.

Speaker 37 No, I'm wearing this flowing sack of hemp. You know, it's been a while since I've seen you guys, so a couple things have changed.
Alright, one big thing has changed.

Speaker 25 Whoa!

Speaker 31 Dar!

Speaker 9 What's up?

Speaker 20 Darr.

Speaker 22 Amazing.

Speaker 22 Congratulations.

Speaker 9 Chill for two seconds.

Speaker 1 Dart, this is amazing. Congratulations.

Speaker 37 I'm about 18 months off from birth, but uh

Speaker 17 what's changed?

Speaker 40 AJ,

Speaker 9 can I just chat with you for a second?

Speaker 8 Sure, sure.

Speaker 36 AJ, we're we're all excited to have you

Speaker 9 and you know, we really appreciate you giving us the information about the strike teams so that notifications of everyone.

Speaker 9 Extremely helpful. Great.
But I mean, Clint knows what annoying is, right?

Speaker 19 Got it, got it, got it.

Speaker 17 Are you getting following this?

Speaker 19 Yeah, I think so. Nermit's being annoying.

Speaker 15 Okay, let's keep an eye out on it.

Speaker 9 Let's do that.

Speaker 1 I just gave up a promising music career to rejoin the crew, but um, I can- I'm sorry to cut in here, that's not true.

Speaker 1 Um, but can I ask, can I ask you

Speaker 1 the question?

Speaker 22 Sure.

Speaker 1 Um, is it mine?

Speaker 17 Oh boy, Nermit, I.

Speaker 37 It could be yours.

Speaker 37 Let's just say there are a lot of horses in this race to be its mother and/or father.

Speaker 37 Right about the time that we all split up, I went on a real jucking bender. And by jucking bender, I mean I jucking bender.
I jucked a lot.

Speaker 6 Yeah, bender where you jucked.

Speaker 8 It's a

Speaker 1 single I'm single on Tendra.

Speaker 9 See now, AJ, what you might not know is

Speaker 1 Sort of an on-again, off-again burger sort of situation.

Speaker 14 How is that possible physiologically?

Speaker 1 So I would crawl up into the flap.

Speaker 9 You don't need to

Speaker 9 talk about it.

Speaker 37 All you need to know is that anyone else who's involved in their creation

Speaker 37 is no longer in the picture.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 17 Got it. Okay.

Speaker 35 It's a masterful statement and not revealing anything.

Speaker 35 You can read between those lines, right?

Speaker 25 Can you read between the lines, please?

Speaker 10 Yes, I'm the father.

Speaker 1 Listen, Dar, it seems like you've really got Hollowood figured out. I never would have thought that you would be someone who would really embrace the lifestyle here, but me neither.

Speaker 37 Yeah. But I'm really glad you guys came to visit.
Thank you.

Speaker 17 No, no, Dar.

Speaker 1 We're not visiting. Listen.
I got everybody back together.

Speaker 37 Wait, you're not visiting?

Speaker 17 Okay, goodbye then.

Speaker 1 No, Dar, wait, come back. I know you've made a life for yourself here and your and your baby, whatever that is, whatever's gonna come out.

Speaker 17 Fair enough.

Speaker 1 Listen, in the last six months, I've become a Zima Knight.

Speaker 37 What? Proud of you.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, I am one.

Speaker 1 No, stop it.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 became a Zema Knight for one reason. To take down Emperor Nermit Bundaloy.
What?

Speaker 33 Not you.

Speaker 1 To take down Emperor Nermit Bundaloy.

Speaker 19 Yes, Papa, yes.

Speaker 1 But I can't do it without the three of you. And I have a plan.
The four of us

Speaker 1 and AJ, I guess,

Speaker 1 are going to return to the Zick Squadron. We know that the Emperor is there.
We're going to travel from planet to planet, drumming up support, and we're going to take the fight to the Emperor.

Speaker 1 It's a crazy plan, but it might just work.

Speaker 37 Isn't this exactly what we were doing before?

Speaker 1 I mean, yes, in the sense that it's.

Speaker 9 Okay, yes, it's exactly.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, thank you, AJ.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I'm just saying

Speaker 1 it's what we're all best at. Nermit can tell us where to go.
You can, you know, kick some ass.

Speaker 1 C-53 knows everything already, and I'm going to be there as a Zima knight. And I need you to come with us because you're the only one who can protect us all.
Darn,

Speaker 1 I can't do it without you.

Speaker 7 He may not be able to do it with you.

Speaker 17 Okay, that's rude.

Speaker 37 Pleck, I'm going to stop you right there. Okay.

Speaker 37 Honestly, with this creature on the way, I

Speaker 17 have to say

Speaker 17 I'm in. What? Yeah, that's a spirit.

Speaker 37 Because I want to prove to them that an omnisexual being can have it all.

Speaker 17 All right, Dar. Yos.

Speaker 1 Yoss, Dar, Yas.

Speaker 25 AJ.

Speaker 1 Guys, you know,

Speaker 1 we saved the hardest for last. I don't know how we're gonna get Bargie out of Hollywood.

Speaker 10 I mean, this is really her element.

Speaker 48 Bargie dolls, get your Bargie dolls! Only for 15 croon each.

Speaker 1 Oh guys, can we pull it together? What do you who's got croon?

Speaker 7 No, we're not buying it Bargie listen guys.

Speaker 48 Alright

Speaker 32 Everyone makes mistakes.

Speaker 1 I mean let's look around at the billboard. So there's Bargerian Jade stars in atmosphere five

Speaker 11 atmospheres

Speaker 14 mean

Speaker 8 can you not read what

Speaker 1 AJ AJ do you not know how to read huh

Speaker 3 AJ when you look at somebody's fake what are you looking for it's it's a fake

Speaker 1 oh boy so maybe his work is done if we wanted any we could just say

Speaker 7 turn around and look at me that way.

Speaker 14 I don't think so. Master Deck Setter said that I was part of the crew now.

Speaker 1 Okay, I didn't really say that in so many words.

Speaker 32 Yeah, AJ, did he tell you to call him Master Dexter?

Speaker 14 I mean it was implied, I think.

Speaker 3 No, I did not.

Speaker 14 Master Deck Setter, we do need to find

Speaker 14 the ship. What's this ship that you're talking about?

Speaker 1 The Bargerian Jade.

Speaker 35 Wait, they can't be sending a strike team to kill the Bargerian Jade.

Speaker 9 She's one of the most famous ships in Hollywood.

Speaker 50 Help me, Alphonse.

Speaker 8 Yeah, these dolls are annoying.

Speaker 44 And we are live here at the red carpet for Atmosphere 5 starring Hollywood's hottest ship, the Bargerian Jade.

Speaker 24 Hello, hi.

Speaker 49 So happy to be here.

Speaker 49 You know, a movie is nothing without a sand.

Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 44 Barge, it's so good to see you.

Speaker 32 Hey, I do.

Speaker 44 This is the eighth hollow you've released in a six-month period. What does it feel like to be back on top?

Speaker 49 It feels like I was in the bottom. I was drowning for a little bit.

Speaker 3 Oh, sure.

Speaker 49 Anyway, but now I'm kind of like maybe like an inch off of the surface.

Speaker 3 All right, Barge.

Speaker 1 Bargie, over here, over here. Species Weekly.
Hey, Bargie, listen. You recently opened two children's hospitals.
How does it feel to be a galactic hero?

Speaker 49 You know what? Children are a future because that's how it works.

Speaker 25 So true, so true.

Speaker 1 Barge, Hank Dabelmoff, Hollywood Reportage. Hello, great to see you again.

Speaker 25 Old cat.

Speaker 49 I'm wearing my tin. I love my pin.
I'm wearing my pin.

Speaker 25 So quick cue.

Speaker 1 You have gone on the record as one of the biggest donors to save the milpish.

Speaker 1 What is it about the milpish that's the species you chose?

Speaker 28 You know, of all the species, when I looked at photos that my sister showed me, they seemed the most sad.

Speaker 28 So, the faces are not friends.

Speaker 32 Wow. I base it off of that.

Speaker 1 That's an amazing answer. Vargi, Vargi, great answer, great answer.

Speaker 1 Dido Dopquis from the weekly Navyola, you caused a bit of a riot by shooting crune out of your vanity guns at your premiere last week.

Speaker 1 No one was hurt, but people were shaken up a little bit. Are you gonna shoot money at this premiere? We gotta know.

Speaker 49 I definitely will. They might have been shaken up, but the bank accounts were shaken up too.

Speaker 1 You got something. Good.
I did. I got a little bit.

Speaker 30 Bad, Bazi.

Speaker 51 It's Zinko Red Campa.

Speaker 40 I'm seeing it. I'm down.

Speaker 40 I'm down here.

Speaker 30 I'm in the carpet. Inside the red carpet.
Very little. Long microphone.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 30 So sorry, this is gonna be a little touchy, but I've heard that when your fame has risen, it's possible that you're gonna come a little estranged from your son, your devoted son, Blimper.

Speaker 22 I don't know what the question was.

Speaker 29 Roger, real quick.

Speaker 9 You're currently the spokesperson for lotion, water,

Speaker 39 and towels.

Speaker 32 I love all those three.

Speaker 39 What else would you need a spokesperson though?

Speaker 47 For handcloths, for napkins.

Speaker 9 And if you could right now, could you just pitch a couple of your new catchphrases?

Speaker 49 Hey, if you want a napkin in your hand, grab it. I'm Bungie.

Speaker 50 Uh-oh, there's a cloth.

Speaker 49 Why don't you put it into your hand as well?

Speaker 31 Look at her.

Speaker 1 She's in her element. This is what she always wanted.

Speaker 1 Signing autographs, dumping oil.

Speaker 9 She's on billboards for two different hollows that are across from each other.

Speaker 1 She's on every product.

Speaker 25 She's living a dream.

Speaker 1 She's a bargerian jade.

Speaker 7 AJ.

Speaker 7 Okay, okay, we're leaving.

Speaker 1 Listen, guys,

Speaker 1 we love Bargie, but it was never going to be all six of us, you know, for this long.

Speaker 1 You know, let's let Bargie follow her dreams, and, you know, it'll be okay to have a different ship that we're on.

Speaker 1 It's the same, yeah, it'll be the same vibe.

Speaker 1 You know, we'll visit as many planets as it takes. We'll find enough people to join our cause, and we'll take down the Emperor ourselves.

Speaker 29 All right.

Speaker 17 In.

Speaker 1 Nermit? I'm in.

Speaker 1 AJ?

Speaker 16 No.

Speaker 7 AJ.

Speaker 1 You know what, AJ?

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 9 Just stay here, AJ.

Speaker 17 Okay, great.

Speaker 1 Thank you for gracing us with your presence, AJ. Jeez.

Speaker 49 Okay, yeah, me too.

Speaker 17 Margie! Wait, what?

Speaker 50 Let's go. Let's just go.

Speaker 47 I don't want to talk about it.

Speaker 52 I don't want to say what happened.

Speaker 27 Let's just go.

Speaker 49 I need to get out of here right now.

Speaker 9 Let's go. Let's go.

Speaker 20 It looks like later tonight.

Speaker 22 Bargie, all your dreams came true.

Speaker 49 Everybody looks great. I miss you guys so much.
Get the juck in and let's get out of here.

Speaker 9 Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 49 Shut things up. We're getting out of here.

Speaker 27 Wow, that was a mistake.

Speaker 21 Woof.

Speaker 50 Woof. By the dog, let's go.
Let's go.

Speaker 52 Yes, everything inside of me is like incredibly expensive now and like amazing and I have like the top-notch technology.

Speaker 50 Throw those out.

Speaker 10 Throw those them

Speaker 10 out.

Speaker 52 It's very expensive, it is also a property of Universal Talent Agency. I'm just gonna dip it over.

Speaker 9 Alright, well,

Speaker 9 are you here?

Speaker 9 Set a chorus for.

Speaker 10 Doesn't matter, I'm just gonna get it.

Speaker 15 Where are we going?

Speaker 15 This is C-Red IT5, Credits and Attributions Join commencing outro protocol.

Speaker 51 Stay tuned after the credits for an important message from the crew. Seema Knight Cleck Deck Setter was played by Alden Ford.
C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Speaker 51 Margie the Ship was played by Mujan Zolfagari. Nerman Bundaloy was played by Seth Lynd.
AJ and the Clints were played by Winston Knoll.

Speaker 51 This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.

Speaker 51 Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famed's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra with gentawa vocals by the audience at our season three kickoff show. Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 51 Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goise.
Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fund Network.

Speaker 1 Hey again, it's Alden here with the whole cast.

Speaker 9 Hi, everybody. Hi.

Speaker 1 I mentioned up top that we would tell you about some of the amazing exclusive content and gifts you can get for becoming a new or upgrading member of Max Fun.

Speaker 4 So here we go.

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Speaker 1 Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.
Artist-owned, audience-supported. I'm really hot.
Should I kind of want to take this helmet off? AJ, actually, it helps me if you have your helmet on.

Speaker 7 Why?

Speaker 1 We just, we personally know Rolfus Tittle, the guy you were cloned from, and it's really weird if.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you took your helmet off, they might think you're Rolfus, who escaped somehow. They might try to kill you.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 1 It's just really hot in here. We'll get you a system of fans.

Speaker 1 I don't think AJ's going to have fans.

Speaker 1 You never know.

Speaker 1 No. I think we got a pretty good idea.
Yeah, I think we know.

Speaker 3 Then again, we thought Vina wasn't gonna have any fan.