2XM: X-Marse in Zistarkitarn

This is Sea Red IT5 with a special announcement.

Due to collective political upheaval, Emperor Bundaloy has cancelled X-Mars this year.

Please enjoy this last scene featuring the crew of the Barbarian Jade, which takes place before the events of the Battle of the Planet Crushers.

God bless us, everyone.

What's wrong, Bino?

Interesting sounds like

a sound.

Oh, Bino, that was the saddest fart I've ever heard from you.

Been a...

Just wanna know what X-Mars is.

Yeah, I was talking, I was in a conversation with my son, and I was like, Why do I only have to call you an X-Mars?

Why can't I call you more and check up on you more regularly?

And he's like, I'm living my life, Bob.

I'm no longer an amusement pod.

I'm now a laser tag pog.

Anyway, uh, but uh,

X-Mars.

Been wanna know what X-Mars is.

But X-Mars isn't for a few months, so

okay, okay.

Listen, uh, Bino, X-Mars is a very special time of year, usually in the winter, where family and friends gather around.

We open boots that have presents in them.

And on my planet, it involves killing one of your tribe.

And of course, that brings us all back to the meeting of X-Mars, which, as we all know,

we already know this.

We've discussed.

Beetle love X-Mars.

Yeah, I know.

Pluck love X-Mars too.

He went from zero to 100 on X-Mars.

We don't want to do X-Mars right now.

Oh, that's not that.

That's not really.

Okay, DevW.

We don't want to do X Mars right now.

DevW boots.

Okay, Bino, listen.

You know, usually you plan X-Mars.

You know, you buy it.

Yeah, you gotta buy everybody their boots.

Bino think we should do X-Mars and CisTarkatarn.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you know, that's kind of a fun, kind of kitschy thing to do.

Yeah, a lot of university students who will have that kind of party to you.

X-Mars and CisTarkatarn.

Yeah.

Well, you know what, Bino?

Great.

You know, next time we pass, you know, the Tiger Nebula Strip Mo, we'll hop in, grab some presents, we'll put some boots down.

I have a bunch of boots.

Wait, what?

I have a bunch of boots.

You know, I've never opened them.

I had a party back in the day, got a little wild.

You know, so long ago, we were still a democracy before that was set on fire.

Whoa, pre-monarchy.

Yeah, so the police came, they raided the place.

It was a crazy party.

Progie, when you say the place, you mean you.

Yeah, they raided the place.

At that point, I had a very low self-esteem.

I didn't consider myself a me, I considered myself a place.

Wow, that's so sad.

Anyway, I still have all the boots.

Oh.

But me just shove them out.

Wow, now, oh, Archie, there are dozens of these.

Archie, you get these boots off me.

Nermit, why are you always standing under the delivery chute?

You know, you never know when you're gonna get something delivered, but it's-I mean, I'm in a pile of boots.

Ugh, get away from the bottom of the box.

I apologize for the dust and the smell, but let me tell you, the party was crazy.

You know, I don't know if we should be opening these boots.

These are these are like collectors.

Some of these belong to celebrities.

No, there's a smell up.

There we go.

Okay.

Wow.

Jags.

That's just a pile of color cream lacrosse.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's

the wrong color.

Yeah, well, this dust is clearly

gone.

Man, it's just become dust as you see.

Yeah, that'll happen.

Open another.

Oh, wow.

Little fake for you, but you could grow into it.

Vino loves taking pieces.

That was probably from Lilin Mino.

Oh.

He was a real nasty little piece.

You know, Bino, a lot of the time, we all take turns open.

We all take turns opening boots.

That's kind of.

You don't just open a bunch of boots opening.

Oh, wow.

Wow, a boot inside a boot.

It's a nasty boot.

Okay, sure.

Wait, open up the one that's been making noises.

It's been driving me crazy for such a long time.

There's something that's still activated in one of these boots?

Oh no!

What?

Oh boy, wow.

That's

good.

You opened it, Bino.

Do as that tiny creature says.

See this thing out there early?

No.

It's been trapped in a boot for 90 years.

Yeah.

Bino, this is part of X Mars where if, you know, if a very suicidal being has been trapped sort of genie-like in there, you do have to kill kill it.

Is the meaning of X-Mars survival?

Well, it's our survival.

Yeah, well, at the expense of others, if necessary.

You know what might actually help set the X-Mars mood?

Why don't we throw on the Holomark channel?

There's just hour after hour after hour of senseless X-Mars holos to watch.

They start that earlier and earlier.

And

a lot of them start bargaining.

Oh, what a beautiful X-Mars Eve.

I can't wait until I get my ex-Mars kiss underneath the salacious rock.

Bargie!

Vergie, that's you, Daddy.

Oh, my rock!

Is that that same guy from the boat?

Kill me!

I'm not gonna kill you.

Just kill me!

No, tomorrow's ex-Marzieve!

You can't kill someone.

It's about survival.

Not about our own survival, but the survival of everybody.

Happy X-Mars!

Happy X-Mars!

Bye the merch!

Bino, we might have gotten that wrong wrong earlier when we told you to kill that guy.

Yeah.

Well, you know, times change.

Sure, it was a different time.

That was 90 years ago.

Bino still not know what is Xmars.

Listen, Bino, I gotta tell you, X-Mars is pretty much what we've done.

Yeah,

you watch some Holomark channels.

Yep, though.

But Bino thinks there must be

more to X-Mars.

I mean, I think it's a lot about you have rough relationships with your family and you try to fix that through what ends up being like pretty poorly thought-out gift.

It's always inside the same thing, a boot.

To be honest, it's not a great receptacle for most gifts.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, can someone stop Roger from touching all my buttons?

We wouldn't, he wasn't my favorite co-star.

We do not get along.

The reason why he's in that boot.

Roger, Roger, we can drop you off wherever you want.

Just push this.

No, Roger, certainly.

Certainly, Roger.

Oh, Roger!

Oh, they're down the toilet.

But, Benny, what is X-Men?

Well, you know, think about it.

Usually at X-Mars, you're stuck with your family.

You've probably been drinking.

And this group of people is definitely as close to family as any of us are going to get.

You can't stop thinking about the people who you were with, what they're doing on X-Mars now, with other people.

Oh, yeah, you're always thinking about other people who you think are having a better time because they're projecting it on social holidays.

Sure, sure.

Okay, listen.

I do need a drink now.

I feel like that's in the X-Marshall.

Oh, I have some of those.

They're from that party.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Aged in the bottle.

Toss one of those over here.

I mean, they're all giant jugs with just three X's on them.

Wait, was this a little bit of a damage?

This is a prohibition-era party.

Wow.

Listen, uh, Bino.

Did you drink that whole game?

Okay.

I suddenly know a dance.

Okay, you don't.

You actually don't know.

Yeah, you don't know a dance.

You guys, in about 20 minutes, get me up.

Bino, wanna hear the story of X-Mas.

Well, you know.

You know, Bino,

a year ago, we had a.

Rip Ciso!

Okay,

just keep drinking, sweet.

Okay.

And

he told us.

He told us some wonderful stories about the true meaning of Exmars.

So maybe

if we remember Rip Ciso's words.

Yeah, you know, C-53, maybe you could play back a story that Rip Ciso told us about X Mars.

You know, maybe one that was cut for time.

I believe it's different.

Mission time, cut for mission time.

Of course, yes,

we got the first X-Mars end, Mr.

Ciso.

Rip Ciso.

Oh, Mr.

Rip Ciso.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Would you like to hear the story of the very first X-Mars?

That'd be great.

We would, yeah.

Well,

long, long ago, before anyone was born except the people in this story,

there was a decree sent out from the center of the galaxy.

That galaxy's rulers said, I want to do a census.

I want to know every creature that lives in the galaxy.

I want to know their name, their ethnicity, their height and weight.

I want to know their political affiliations.

I want to know their eye color.

I'd like to know

what kind of sex they have,

how often,

and is it dirty?

That's a thorough sensitive.

Quite similar to the work we do.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, that sort of sounds like the Federated Alliance.

I was waiting for you to make this about you, Pleck.

It felt to be fair.

C53 brought that up first.

It really felt like

you wishing to say, I do the same thing.

Is that what you think my voice sounds like?

Yes.

Yes, that's quite close to how you sound.

Oh, I like to do this.

That's a pretty good play.

Alright, continue, Ripsy Song.

So,

there was this couple,

this young couple, and they were with child.

Not both of them, they weren't that sort of species, it was just the one, the female one, was great with child.

Exactly,

Right.

Like, that's what they'd say to their friends: like, Would we children?

Hate couples that do that.

Really disgusting.

I hate this couple.

Well, now it's still early in the story.

Don't judge them.

Don't write them off just yet.

All right, it's going to take a lot to turn this around for us, though.

Understood.

So, this young couple, their names were

Geranius and Medzoid.

Geranius and Medzoid had to go back to their own planet, Beetleham.

They had to go there to be counted on the home planet, right?

And talk about their sex lives and how tall they were.

Wouldn't you know?

There was no room at the spaceport for them.

And so they went to talk to the quartermaster of the the spaceport who said, I don't have any room for you, but you can get in that garbage compactor.

And I'll tell you what, I won't press the button to smush you with the walls.

Common problem.

It is a common problem.

And very generous of that quartermaster, I must say.

I've been smushed in a garbage pact.

I have.

Is that why one of your legs is shorter than the other?

No.

That's from the story.

That's why my legs are shorter.

We didn't get to that part of the story, so I wasn't sure.

Ow!

Ow!

Maybe it's still bringing it up so much, they won't kick you quiet so frequently.

You shouldn't have brought it up, sir.

You're right.

Sorry.

Sorry, continue.

So they got in the garbage compactor.

The garbage compactor.

There's Mersoid.

She's about to give birth.

It's her time to birth this youngling that she's got inside of her.

Meatsoid was a Tellurian, so

yeah.

Oh, the story's about Tellurians.

That's great.

Well, is that the only way you can understand this story?

Sometimes it helps me understand things if I can envision it in a way that I can relate to.

That's unconscious bias, that's what that is.

Wow.

Rip Ciso, please continue your story.

So Medsaw gives birth to a beautiful child.

Now...

This child was beloved by many, for many thought that perhaps this child had the the power power to to unite the entire galaxy that this child will one day grow up to become a great teacher

and by example

show everyone the true meaning of X Mars

but

the child got lost in the rubbish oh no

it was born and then just slipped down in that garbage

and they never found him

Rumor has it?

He's still around.

That seems like the least likely scenario.

I loved it.

That seems, I mean, almost definitely not still around.

If that was first, X-Mars,

I can't imagine.

Were you there

in the garbage compact?

No.

Wait, were you, sir?

No, no, no.

No, I wasn't.

Thought we had a lead.

It's a mysterious holiday, Exmaraz is.

Yeah, not the not the most upbeat.

Do you understand, Bino, now what Exmars is?

Well, hey, I actually uh got a boot in my mail patch a couple days ago.

A couple days ago?

And uh,

I know that sometimes, you know, mail comes across the unibus very fast or slow, depending on how much closet you put on.

I do what priority you say.

Yeah, I mean, if you ship it ground, it's not going to get here.

Yeah, Rod, help you if you go for the Super Saiver shipping.

Sure.

You don't know when that's going to happen.

I mean, ow.

Nermit, you have to get out of the window.

I don't know when it's going to be something good.

It's always going to be something that hits you.

What if it's just like a blanket?

You think Bargie would receive a shipment of

a loose blanket?

I mean,

why are you open it?

Okay.

I guess I earned it.

Wait.

Guys, hold on a second.

This boot is from Miss Janelle Fitzmeyer to the crew of the Bargerian Jade XOXO.

Okay.

Joy, joy, joy.

Tis a season of grace and truthfulness.

Hello, dear Pleck, C53,

Dar,

Nermit, Bargy, and of course, they know treasured friends.

I thought I would send you you a very early XMARS update.

This past year since I've seen you last, I have lost 46 etons of weightlessness.

That is very good for my blood pressure.

I also took up percussion.

Well, please enjoy the Bebops and Zuzus that I made for you in this nice little tin box.

I also included a two croon coin, coin and it's from a very rare issue year so I hope you enjoyed that.

All is well with the cleanse.

They are not as smart as they used to be.

Something is a little off but we thought we would add something fun this year to their programming and that's hip-hop dancing.

I also thought you'd enjoy knowing that.

You are always welcome to visit me here.

I do have a truckle bed in my guest room that will sleep three, so I hope to see your beautiful faces soon.

All right.

Ta-ta.

Love, love.

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug.

Janelle Fitzmeyer.

She is so nice.

She really just is the best.

She's just, she's an empath, you know?

Yeah, we were lucky to have met her at all.

Very sweet.

Very, very sweet.

Wow.

Oh, well, since we're all gathered here today,

there's a new song by Peeny Gorno.

Really?

It's Trump's new holiday X-Moss album that came out now because I think

critics describe it as extremely ill-advised.

Alright, Peeny, we are rolling.

So, whenever you're ready.

Come gather and children and open your boots.

I got an X-Mars surprise for all of you.

It's my new X-Moss album.

You're listening right now.

I got a lot running on this project because I've been damn financially.

I'm very vulnerable and I need help.

Why are we stopping?

Why are we stopping?

I mean, there is nothing more X-Mars than a croon grab holiday song.

I imagine he was just kind of stoned to death at that concert.

He made it out.

He survived.

Bino wav all of you.

Whoa.

Oh, Bino, you are certainly growing on all of us.

Yeah, you know, Bino, we really thought you were gonna be gone after a couple missions,

but turns out you were around for a long time.

And when you're gone, if you're gone,

we'll probably miss you.

And I'll never ditch any of you ever, definitely.

Thanks, Bargie.

That means a lot.

Wow.

Happy X-Mars, everybody.

Happy X-Mars.

God bless us, everyone.

Oh, no.

Whoa!

Where is he?

Wow, why was it?

Wait, wait, wait.

He crawled back up the toilet and...

Nervous, what's in that boot?

Oh, okay.

I'm just gonna dig in here.

Oh, it's just a sausage.

Mm-hmm.

You get 10% off at Sausage Land down by the Arena Skate Center off of Route 77882.

Wow, this sausage is also an audio coupon.

Who loves sausage?

Wiener loves sausage.

Do you get that?

Do you know what we we just did?

Yeah, I get the job.

Who loves sausage?

Wiener loves sausage.

And now it's 50% off this weekend.

Honestly, a good deal.

Barjay, I'm surprised at how many of the items that these boots are like still kicking, you know?