201: Long Live The Rebellion!

It is a period of civil war.

Can't believe I'm saying that again.

We just finished the last one, but here we are.

A heroic team of ambassadors has destroyed the administrative starship Delegator, dealing a crippling blow to the evil and corrupt Federated Alliance.

Also, Wink ate that guy's face.

Now, aboard the Bargerian Jade, former ambassador Pleck Dexetter Dexetter and his crew have returned to the most distant, crappy quadrant of the galaxy to escape the Alliance's vengeful agents and to attempt a rendezvous with rebel forces who operate from a hidden base and are terrible at returning calls.

In the bustling alleyways of the desert moon of Krynth, three figures make their way through the crowd in search of a familiar facade.

Traitors to the alliance and strangers to the rebellion, they have no choice but to set out on their own mission.

A mission to

Now as a reminder, Pleck, don't touch anything.

Oh man, this is terrifying.

I mean...

Oh, no, he's not for sale, please.

Is that what they were saying?

Yeah, they think you're my little

plaything.

I'm under its foot.

Oh, oh, hey, listen.

Uh, could you just lift up your- lift up your foot and let's lift your foot.

No!

What?

Nermit!

Your tail!

Oh, it's tore my tail off!

Are you okay?

Uh, it'll grow back very slowly.

Wait, are you you're fine with that?

It just looks so stupid.

Ugh, never mind.

Just keep going.

Man, none of these- none of these aliens speak regular.

Yeah, what is that?

What language is it?

I think it's Jantawa.

Oh.

Is that an alien?

Jantawa, Jantawa, Jantawa.

Jantawa to you, my good man.

Jantawa, don't say that.

What?

We don't know what you're saying back.

It's

every word in Jantawa is Jantawa, but it depends how you say it.

Oh, okay.

It's all about inflection.

Jantawa.

Jantawa.

Okay, let's keep moving along.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

Jantawa.

Jantawa.

How did that work?

That means goodbye.

Man, where are we gonna find it?

This place looked a lot different last time we were here, right?

Well, the last time we were here, they knew we were an ambassador team, so a lot of the illegal activity was out of sight, out of mind.

That's a really good idea.

I've never been anywhere.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I've never been.

I mean, I'm sorry.

I'm very sad to hear that for you.

Thank you.

What do you think?

Is this like cool?

It's really cool.

Look at all these creatures and there's what is what is they even selling?

That's like a liquid that's on fire.

Oh

I think

all over the six squad champions Do you have any big fingers?

Yeah,

but like I'm I want to know like how big we're attacking here.

About this big

that's too big you just said you had big fingers

about this size.

Oh that I don't know.

this is too big for you.

Let's move on.

This is not helpful to you.

All right, all right.

There it is.

There it is.

Yeah, that does feel

fortuitous.

Stephen, get the droids.

Come on, British.

Let me get all the droids lined up.

Get an arm out here or something, Steph.

I show them that we got droids.

Come to my store.

I am Fondo Parkwad.

Fondo, hey, good to see you again, buddy.

It's me, Plech Deck, Ambassador Plech Deck Setter.

Huh?

You don't look like you're an ambassador and your clothes are all dirty and ragged.

Yeah, wear your shorts, huh?

What?

I changed into pants because listen, listen, doesn't it?

Wait a minute.

Stephi.

Yeah.

These are the juckers who bought that bloader droid.

Oh, yeah, you bought B69420.

He was, you know, B69420 was here for a good time, not a long time.

So.

Wait, what happened to him?

He's dead.

He died.

What are you killing droids for?

Hey, Stephi, it sounds like you must be in the market for a new droid.

Yeah, that's actually exactly what we're here for.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, boys.

We got a lot of good.

Come in, come in, come in, come on.

All right, listen, we're here to buy a

C unit.

A sex unit, huh?

No, no, no.

No, no, just a regular C unit.

No, absolutely not.

Yeah, you could have a C unit do any weird thing you want.

Okay.

Now, to be clear, all of your C units are used.

Huh?

Yeah, it's Fondo Pakwad's used droid emporium.

Yeah, I would say the least, probably the least used C-Series you've got would be great.

Your basic C-series frame.

I don't know if we have anything that basic.

Stephen,

go find me a basic one.

Alright.

Ooh, Nermit, what are you playing with there?

I think I found is this like a little mech?

No.

This is insane.

How are you controlling?

That's a can opener.

It's a can opener.

But it fits me perfect, and it's like...

I mean, do you want to buy it?

I mean, it walks around when you're in it.

But its prime function is to open cans.

Let's get it.

Sure.

We'll take the mech in your least gross C-Series.

Looks pretty normal.

Here's the thing.

Old Fundo Parkwad's gonna throw in a few nipples for you if you wanna.

How's that sound?

How many nipples?

Throwing in three nips.

Perfect.

I don't even think you need Parkwad

Ha, what?

What?

Huh?

What?

What?

What?

Nothing.

Ha!

I don't know.

What do you say?

You want more than three nipples?

No.

You got a cube?

Where's the cube?

Yeah, we got a cube.

It's right.

Oh.

Oh, all right.

Weird every time.

Okay.

That's the safest place to keep it.

Alright, let's boot this thing up right in the store.

That's the park wad guarantee.

Okay.

I thought that three nipples was.

Shut up.

C53!

Do I have skin?

It was the most basic model we could get.

I mean, it's great.

It's terrifying.

Yeah.

Can you take that?

Can you remove that?

Can you remove your skin, Ambassador?

No.

No, should I?

I mean, should I?

No.

You should run.

Is that a question that you needed me to answer?

At least you tore off your hand a few months ago.

Is it near?

Is there like a beep going with your servos?

Like a functor?

I think your pelvis is on.

Can you turn that off?

Oh, yeah, the pelvis is automatic.

Yeah,

it's the switch right back here.

So yeah, you know what?

We'll just take this C unit and can opener and we'll be on our way.

Get down on the ground.

All of you.

Get down on the ground.

That is my

Get down.

Get down.

Get down on the ground.

What?

Kate.

Listen.

Shut up.

What?

We'll blow your jucking head off.

We're not messing around.

What?

Listen up.

We're on the lookout for a team of ambassadors that blew up the delegator.

I mean, ambassador Dexter successfully immediately vacate these places.

What?

Listen, we're looking for these guys.

So, if you ever see Turk mannequin or tiny suits, you let us know.

Here's a hollow of them.

Come on,

Turk Mannequin.

Look at that.

Look at that jawline.

He's the number one enemy of the Federated Alliance.

Keep a lookout for him.

We're gonna find him.

Because I don't know.

I'm kind of the guy.

Like, I'm kind of a finder.

C53, let's get not a lot of

you're the finder because I think maybe well, you know, I'm actually leading this go.

Excuse us, excuse me, we're gonna scoot around.

Yeah, absolutely.

No, I think of all of us here.

I'm well, I know you can think that, but I think

I don't mean to butt in, but I think I might be the finder.

I'm gonna punch you, is what's gonna happen.

I just realized we walked out without paying.

You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters.

Playback will follow decryption.

Listen up, rebels.

This is Commander Sisu Gundu here to tell you that support for our rebellion against the super lame federal alliance comes from Squarespace.

Guess what?

We use Squarespace to build our official rebellion website, therebellion.space.

That's therebellion.space.

It's a real, real website.

This is the place where we post super sweet rebel stuff that you don't even hear about in our weekly propaganda audio.

Every time you hear a Squarespace message here, that's how you know there's exciting new, exclusive stuff up on therebellion.space.

And that's not all.

You can use Squarespace to turn your cool idea into a new website.

Easily showcase your work, publish a blog, sell products and services of all kinds using beautiful templates created by Galaxy-class designers.

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And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Zix

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

We also link to this amazing offer on your favorite new website, the rebellion.space.

See through all

end of message.

Alright, Bargie, open up the hatch.

Let's scoot on out of here.

Okay, uh, just because I haven't been doing much, I've just been sitting here for a while.

I've just been redecorating my hatch, so it's gonna like open in a new way.

Your head-you redecorated your hatch?

Yeah, how does that physically happen?

Do you have like robotic arms that come out there?

Sorry, what is the point of this getting inside of my ship and shit chat?

I don't understand.

Guess I'll never know.

Anyway, my hatch will open in a new fun way.

This is fun, anyway.

Anyway, uh, everyone gets inside, get comfy.

Again, I sold all my furniture.

Why why?

Where are we getting money?

I don't know.

Also, I'm not using oil anymore.

I'm just using, um, like dirt that I found from other planets and I've that must be gumming up everything.

Yeah, whatever.

Having a good time.

All right, well, since you're all in here, uh, may I say I don't have any more water for us to take showers, but figure it out because you all stink.

Thanks, Bargie.

That felt directed.

I can tell even this frame has a sort of lingering odor.

And I don't know that it'll ever go away.

Yeah, Bargie, while we were gone, anything come across the radio?

Uh, yeah, I had a good conversation with my best friend, ship Cheryl.

No, I mean, like, did you hear any?

Is there any leads that we could follow?

Any information?

We, like, we don't know how to find the rebellion.

Well, Cheryl did say something very interesting.

You know, my old percentage for this.

Okay, yeah.

This is very interesting.

Okay, everyone ready for this.

Everyone has open a gape, a ghast your mouth.

A gape, a gap in.

A gap in the middle.

I bet it does have a mouse.

That's perfectly round.

Oh my, you can unhinge your jaw.

I feel like if we're lacking water,

if we're lacking water, it's not really safe to keep our mouths open because the

water will evaporate.

Honestly, do it at me one, I don't care.

What did Cheryl say, Bargie?

Cheryl said director Jane Jane Joa is looking for an older ship to be in his new indie film.

Oh, that's great, Bargie.

Congratulations.

About the rebellion?

No, that wasn't.

Okay, okay, cool.

I'm glad we closing my mouth now.

So, no water.

Yep, but do we miss the Federated Alliance?

No, John.

You know, Dar, I don't want to speak for you, but maybe we should dig into that big pile of croon you got in your room.

I'm sorry, I don't have access to it right now.

Wait, what do you mean?

What happened to it?

I invested it.

You invested it?

Yeah.

What did you invest in?

Bit Crune.

Hmm.

That seems.

Isn't Bit Croon just smaller pieces of croon?

I will admit, it

seemed like a sound investment at the time.

And right now, we are in a tailspin.

But.

Oh, no.

Is Bit Croon crashing?

Yes.

It'll pick back up again.

Okay.

Based on a logical fallacy?

Well, you're the arbiter of that.

Okay, I don't really.

Yeah.

Oh, we have a

messenger deck setter.

I have an incoming transmission from former junior missions operations manager.

No, it's not.

It's not.

I'm here.

Look down.

I'm not calling in to hear.

There's a mess.

I heard it coming in.

Pick it up.

Hi.

Hello?

That's us.

That could be us.

Yes.

Hello.

It's us.

How can we help?

How can we help?

We're here in the Bargerian Jade.

The Bargerian Jade has joined the rebellion?

Yes.

Yeah.

Do you want help or not, dude?

I'm about to die.

My ship is going to be smashed into a thousand pieces on the surface of this ice world.

All right, listen, Mr.

Tardigas.

Well, head your your way.

Give us the coordinates.

I'm sending them to you now.

I have only seconds to live.

That's really far.

Yeah, do you think we can can you hyperdrive into a atmosphere?

Do you think you could save a rebel pilot, Bargie?

Does he have fuel for me?

Does he have how much will we give with him?

This fighter is loaded with fuel.

That's what makes this crash landing so dangerous.

As soon as I hit the surface, I'll atomize.

I've only got ten seconds to go.

All right, we'll be there.

We'll be there.

Bargie, burn dirt.

Well, let me just shake your hand, sir.

Oh, yeah, of course, you know.

Surely I would have perished not for your assistance.

Thank you.

Hey, no, no, no problem.

Just doing our duty as rebels.

Yeah.

I mean, heard your distressed call and just thought, yeah, let's go.

Well, you'd be surprised how many people out here in space will hear a distressed call and this leave you to burn up in a lava flow.

Well, not us.

Not us.

We're

just like I'm too far away.

I don't know what the situation is.

You can't just pick anybody up, you know what I mean?

Sure.

Except when

they're

from the Rebel Alliance.

Sure.

Listen, can anyone on this ship fix a hyperdrive?

You?

Me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give it to me.

What luck.

Take a look, see what you can do.

I put it through its paces, that's for sure.

Oh, it's inside.

Yeah,

internal hyperdrive.

Right, right.

Darno's way more than I think.

Sure.

When we get back to Rebel headquarters, you'll be greeted with a hero's welcome for saving me.

All right.

Mark Tardagast.

Yeah, all right.

Well, you know, it just so happens, we happen to be the team that blew up the old delegator.

I'm speaking with Turk Mannequin.

I am honored, sir.

Give me your hand.

No, no, no, no, no.

Actually, that was a mistake.

It's sort of credited generally to Turkmannekin, but it was us.

I was actually the junior missions operations manager who was about to be promoted.

Is there a droid somewhere I don't see?

Oh, hi.

Oh, hey, there, little guy.

Yeah, yeah, we do have a droid that's C-53 right behind you.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

Pretty good-looking sea unit got there.

Can I just ask?

We've sort of been kind of out of the loop, out of the whole rebel loop for a couple weeks.

What's the status over there?

Well, to be perfectly honest with you, friend, it's not going that well.

Really?

Obviously, the Federated Alliance has dealt a huge blow when the Delegator was taken down.

Sure, a crippling blow.

But still got quite a fight ahead of us if we're gonna take down the Federated Alliance.

Hark, can I ask you, is the Rebellion looking for like some Zema warriors like in touch with the space?

Zema warriors.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you know, we're here to help in any way we can, because we're rebels.

Yeah, and you're like a hero rebel pilot.

And you know a lot of hollow directors are doing a lot of gritty-nitty indie films in the rebellion.

You know, I uh I don't really do this a lot, but I'm just gonna eject a little tape.

Someone can pick it up.

Oh, yeah, totally.

Alright, and just cook some of my finest works.

I gotta show you.

I added some new stuff to some new models.

You're really struggling there, little guy.

You're gonna drag it over.

Oh,

oh, don't carry me.

Drop it, drop it.

You're carrying me.

Stop holding me.

You can do a lot of real emotion, a lot of anger, a lot of comedy, you know, whatever.

Oh, all I'm very out of arranged.

Bargie's looking for work.

We're not working for anyone right now.

That's why we're sitting on the floor.

Yeah, we had to sort of sell our furniture.

Well, listen, you certainly got me out of a jam.

And I think I ought to return the favor.

Do you mind if I use your communications equipment?

Uh, go right ahead.

Yeah, of course.

Uh, C53, do you mind?

Not at all.

Tittle, it's me, Hark Tardigas.

Hark!

Can't believe it's you.

We thought we lost you.

I thought I was lost, but these fine folks just rescued me.

And even though they may look like,

well, street people,

they've got good hearts.

I give my full recommendation to this crew to become emissaries of the rebellion.

Oh, emissary is like

sort of like an ambassador, right?

No, no, they're nothing like each other.

No, they're not like each other at all.

One's an ambassador and what's an emissary.

The rebellion is in need of crews that visit new planets.

Do you understand?

On behalf of the rebellion.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I just have to say, we have so much experience in this field.

We're set up to exactly do what

we're doing.

All right, he seems overexcited.

What happened to his tail?

What?

I lost this tail in the field of battle.

Listen, I'm looking at you guys, and I

like your gumption.

Well, hey, I'm in.

Let's do it.

Fantastic.

Then I hereby deputize you as emissaries of the rebellion.

Hold on, hold on.

Quick, quick, quick, cue.

RG, what's that?

A tiny question.

Um,

are we being paid?

Because I'm currently using dirt for gas right now, so what you get is a gas card, right?

All right, and those cards are good at

many killing stations

in Rebellion Space.

Totally fine.

Fantastic.

Well, welcome, Emissary.

Plaque Deck Center.

Emissary Deck Center.

Welcome, Emissary.

Former Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy.

Well, we don't have the designation Junior Missions Operations Manager.

Say hello to Missions Operations Manager.

All right, Nermit, upgrade, huh?

I hereby accept this promotion.

Of course, that is still the lowest missions operations manager.

We go missions operations manager, senior missions operations manager, and then veteran missions.

Just so we're clear.

No, it is.

I mean, I accept and I am honored by the faith.

All right.

All right, and then security officer.

Security officer translates to the position is pretty much the same across the board.

And you, protocol droid.

Yes.

We will download rebellion protocols and functions to you now.

Rebellion protocols in place.

Is there any training involved in any of the rebellion functions?

Juck

Hey C53, can we update the file, uh, Emissary Plekdexer?

Absolutely.

Emissary Dexer, your file is updated.

And can we delete any past record of having had a junior in my file?

Historical junior

ship barter.

Ship of the stars, dreamer of the land.

You scroll to sleep and you see my hollow going into your heart.

Once used to be the greatest hollow stall, but now is on the way back up and is working on creating her own concerns.

Alright, this isn't really bigger part of it.

Right, let's just commission you as a ship of the rebellion.

It's just a standard commission.

It's just

okay.

Yeah.

Terrific.

Long live the rebellion.

Tittle out.

Ha ha ha ha.

Rolf is tittle.

Never a finer man I've met in all my life.

Listen, I'm about to go on an extremely secret mission for the Rebellion.

Why don't you come along?

Be my backup.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, absolutely.

What are you doing?

I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm meeting with an extremely important Flarn crime lord.

Wow.

Oh.

He might help the Rebellion gain access to illicit arms, potentially smuggling routes that could help us skirt the Federated Alliance.

Great.

Well, you know, hey, just let us know what we can do.

Why don't I hop in my fighter, take off into hyperspace, and you can follow me?

Yep, and it should be all repaired.

I looked at it myself, and it's good to go.

Great.

Together, we'll strike a blow for the rebellion against the hated Federated Alliance.

Can we do the thing where we put our hands in the middle and then put them up?

Do not do that in the rebellion.

Okay.

It's a shame.

We'll do it later.

Okay.

Ah, at last.

Just me, Counselor Akuri, alone with my beloved, Joe Cobono.

Ah, time well spent.

You know what is also time well spent.

Time listening to the podcast, Raised by TV.

Have you heard it?

I don't hear.

I am.

Oh, well, let me explain it to you.

Okay.

Comedians John Gabris and Lauren Lapmas, you know, when they were growing up, they watched a lot of TV, which is like Hollow's.

Hollow.

Well, they watched a lot of TV, like so much.

And on Raised by TV, they revisit the most ridiculous moments of 80s and 90s sitcoms.

Mr.

Gabris, it should be noted, has a very familiar voice.

If you've heard that loader droid B69420, I played you those recordings.

Well, he and Lauren have just released a new season of the podcast, covering the beloved Nickelodeon late-night block snick and angsty teen shows like Freaks and Geeks.

It's very fun and just hilarious.

I think you would love it.

Okay,

fantastic.

To be perfectly honest with your joke, I've never heard of any of the shows they talk about, but I've made the decision to subscribe to their podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher, wherever I get my podcasts from.

That's where I subscribe to it.

Take your hat off and put it inside a mug.

Ah, yes.

A lovemaking ritual begins.

Am I coming in clear?

Are you reading me?

Yes, yes, yes.

Fantastic.

I'll see you at our destination.

I'll just lay down a hyperdrive path and you can follow my signal and

my hyperdrive!

It's gone rogue!

I.

Navigational computer, it's gone!

Working!

I don't know where it's sending me!

Uh,

whoa.

That was a weird-looking path.

Rarely do you see a spiral come out of a hyperdrive?

It sort of splits into two paths, but then it rejoins, and then there's three paths.

Wow.

What did you do to his hyperdrive tar?

I don't know.

Shuffled some things.

Shuffled some things?

Hey, I've never seen a hyperdrive before in my life.

I've fixed hyperdrives before.

Oh, and good news, I did get gas.

Oh, you got some gas out of Hark's ship?

Yeah, but I thought we were gonna be celebrating, so I ejected most of it.

Thought we were gonna be celebrating.

Why?

I felt good.

I thought things were gonna be good.

I don't know.

How was I supposed to know?

Oh, boy.

so you siphoned off some of his gas, I didn't fix his ship.

Maybe broke it.

Maybe broke it more.

So we've got half dirt, half gas.

Nobody knows we're rebel heroes.

Oh shit!

It's awake.

You know, C-53, it's been a while since you've had a body, so you've kind of been able to avoid this responsibility.

I I think it's your turn.

It's absolutely your turn.

Very well.

I'll see to the beam.

Hello?

Bino, say hello.

Hello, Bino.

Bino, sleepy.

Hello?

Bino, so sleepy.

Well, Bino, why don't I tuck you in and then you can just go back to sleep?

Aw, Bino liked that.

Good.

Bino imprinted on Robot when Bino hatched.

Yes, of course he did, Bino.

Bino wanna hear the story of Bino.

To be honest, Bino, we're all getting a little tired of the story, literally every night.

So.

If Bino doesn't hear the story,

Bino goes.

Hey, Bino, I'm going to tell you the story, okay?

Yay!

Misa Bino.

Yes.

Well, Bino, of course you remember when you were inside the bean, it was very quiet and very warm for a long time.

We were trying to find you.

Beano's still in the bean at that point.

But we went to a planet and met a man named Chad.

Chad had some riddles, and we solved them, so he gave you to us.

Yeah,

and then one day.

Ooh, Bino wanna see when Bino hatched.

Fine.

Beano wanna see.

Alright, alright.

Bino, here we go.

Let me just

Get that clipped.

Well, that's not what I expected to be either.

It's me.

It's Pino.

What?

Oh, my chucking rod.

It's a larger bean.

Slightly larger bean.

Arms and legs just popped out of that bean.

I don't like this thing, whatever this is.

Pino say hello.

Oh, God.

Pino blinks its eyes like this.

Somebody guarded this for 400 years.

Beano ancient rare.

That's it.

That was all of us meeting you, Bino.

Beano loved the story of Bino.

Really, Bino?

You love that story?

Beano, do.

Beano, sleep, sleep now.

I'm okay, Bino.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Should have killed him,

should have sent the stupid bee.

This is C-Red IT5 Credits and Attributions Droid commencing outro protocol.

Emissary Plec Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53, Stephai, and Hark Tardagas were played by Jeremy Bent.

Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship was played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundaloy was played by Seth Lynn.

Clothed Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers, Fondo Park Wad, Rolfus Tittle, and Bino were played by Winston Knoll.

This episode edited by Seth Seth Lynn, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

This episode was recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crunchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

A burst.

Okay.

That's perfect.

That guy has a a lot of fun.

Should that be the whole episode?

Yeah, that's it.

I just want to do one alien sound.

Yeah, yeah, please, please, please, please.

Is anybody else turned on?